It Only Takes a Moment to Change a Life
by EDSidekick
Summary: My first fanfic. A new nurse joins the team. Set around now in the timeline, but then will span off on its own timeline. Mainly centered around Cal and Ethan, but other characters feature too. I'm a bit nervous posting this, but so far have 15k words written, hope I don't let you all down.
1. Chapter 1

Rita opened the door to the meeting room and shook hands with a dark haired woman as she exited the room. 

"Thank you for attending Miss Jones, it was a pleasure to meet you." Rita smiled widely, a smile that was returned by the interviewee. "You've made quite an impression this afternoon, and I can see you would make a valuable asset to any team. As I've said, we still have a couple more interviews to do, but I will hopefully be in touch by 6 o clock tonight with our decision.

"Thank you so much for your time Sister Freeman. It really was a pleasure." The woman smiled sincerely; a smile that made her eyes shine Rita couldn't help but notice. She turned back into the meeting room to gather the paperwork for the next applicant.

Meanwhile, Samantha Jones walked down the steps back towards the bustling ED. She stopped at the top of the last flight, smiling as she watched the happenings carry on around her. Busy but friendly looking faces scurried around, ferrying patients to and from the various departments and clinical areas. She could really see herself working here, but not only that, she could see herself finally being happy here. Suddenly she heard a shriek and loud clatter beside her. She jumped as she saw an elderly lady tumbling down the stairs. She raced to the bottom and saw the lady had a nasty laceration above her right eye, she didn't seem to have lost consciousness at all but looked shocked by the sudden fall.

"Hello, my name is Sam, what's your name?" Sam spoke kindly to the lady, looking into her eyes and smiling to try and put her at ease.  
"Joan" replied the lady. "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened, I just-I just..." started, but couldn't continue.  
"Just stay still for me Joan, you're OK." Sam soothed. "Does it hurt anywhere?" she noticed a nurse and Porter were making their way over.  
"My hip, and my head." Joan replied shakily indicating her right hip.  
"The cavalry has arrived Joan, you're going to be OK, they will take care of you." Sam reassured the lady.  
A kind faced red haired nurse who identified herself as Robyn, knelt down beside them.  
"This is Joan," Sam said to her, "she took a tumble down this flight of stairs, she's got a laceration above her right eye and complains of pain in her right hip and head, she didn't appear to lose consciousness at all."  
"Thank you, do you know her?" Robyn asked.  
"No, I'm sorry, I was just a bystander, I'd just come out of a job interview."  
"Oh, is that for our Advanced Nurse Practitioner position?" Robyn enquired, her interest in the stranger increased suddenly. Sam smiled shyly and nodded whilst keeping her eye on Joan.  
"Ok Joan, we're going to get you sorted now, we'll get you through and get you some pain relief and see what's going on." Sam watched as Robyn wheeled Joan away, she let out a deep sign and turned to collect her bag. Checking her watch, she realised she had a while to wait until her train, and as it was likely to be still raining outside, she decided to grab a cup of coffee before heading out to find a taxi. She closed her eyes as she cradled the disposable cup in her hands and reflected on her interview. It could have been worse, and she was pleased with her presentation, but just wasn't sure she'd sold herself enough. Always striving to do better, she mentally kicked herself over some of her responses. She really wanted this job, it would give her the chance to get the fresh start she craved, a chance to move away, meet new people and create a new life, as well as the chance to make a difference somewhere where she could be respected for her knowledge and skills.

"Excuse me!" A voice shouted from behind her. "Sorry to keep you but Joan wants to see you, have you got time to pop back?" Robyn called to Sam.  
"Sure, is she OK?" Sam replied sounding worried.  
"She's fine, I think she just wanted to thank you. " Robyn said as she led Sam through to the cubicle.  
As she entered the cubicle she caught the eye of the doctor treating Joan, they smiled in acknowledgement at each other as Sam spoke to Joan and asked how she was.

"I'm fine dear, I just wanted to thank you for being so kind. Anyway, its worth it to have this lovely young man looking after me." Joan laughed.  
"No problem Joan, but you should calm down, or your heart rate will increase and the nice doctor will have more to worry about! Now concentrate on getting better." Sam laughed.

She exited the cubicle and the doctor caught her eye again and smiled at her. He had a cheeky glint in his eyes as he introduced himself; "Hi, I'm doctor Knight, you can call me Cal."  
Sam shook the hand he offered, and replied "Samantha Jones, pleased to meet you."  
"So, do you usually spend your spare time dressed in a suit rescuing old ladies from hospital floors?" Cal smiled at her.  
"Only when it means I get to meet cute doctors, and less of the old, she might hear you!" Sam laughed.  
"Sam had a job interview here," Robyn intervened smiling broadly at Sam, " for our ANP post."  
"Oh, really?" Cal quipped, raising an eyebrow at Sam, "How did it go? Will we be welcoming you into our little team?"  
"Oh, I don't know," Sam laughed lightly, "you can never tell with these things can you? It all rests on Sister Freeman's opinion now."  
"We'll put in a good word!" Robyn laughed excitedly, "I think you'd fit in really well here, don't you Cal?"  
"Definitely." Cal grinned.  
"Never mind if I'd actually be any good eh Robyn?" Sam raised her eyebrows and smiled in amusement. "It was lovely to meet you both, but I should get going, I've got a train to catch, and you have work to do!" she nodded towards Joan's cubicle.  
Robyn headed straight back in but Cal watched as Sam walked away, deep in thought. He didn't even notice as his brother walked up to him.

"Working hard as ever then I see," Ethan said as Cal was snapped from his thoughts.  
"Sorry, did you want something or have you just come across to be annoying,?" Cal replied.  
"Cast your eye over this," Ethan said as he dragged Cal's mind back to work thrusting some notes and blood results under Cal's nose.  
As Cal was discussing the results with Ethan he caught sight of Rita coming down the stairs, he glanced over Ethan's shoulder, and tried to catch her eye, he wanted some insider knowledge about the interviews, although he wasn't exactly sure why. With that thought, Robyn came out of the cubicle as less subtly gestured for Rita to come over.  
"Rita, over here!" she waved. "How are the interviews going? Found anyone good yet?" Cal tried to eavesdrop, annoying Ethan even more.  
"Look Cal, if you're not going to help, I'll go and find Zoe." Ethan sighed and took back the notes.  
"Sorry Ethan, I just needed to speak to Rita, I think you need to trust your instincts, wait for the biochemistry results, and admit to the medics for further investigation."  
"Thanks Cal, insightful as always," Ethan sighed again and went back to his patient.  
Cal hovered as Robyn asked Rita about the interviews, and as she reported her findings about Sam.  
"She was great with Joan, wasn't she Cal?" Robyn said.  
"Hmm? Oh yes, she was." Cal added, pretending not to have been paying much attention.  
"Robyn, you know I can't discuss this yet, not until we've made our decision and informed the candidates."  
"I know," sighed Robyn as she went back to check on Joan.

At that moment, Lofty passed by on his way through with a treatment trolley.  
"Pub tonight Cal? Max, Noel and Big Mac are coming."  
"Sure, why not, when do I ever turn that offer down," Cal laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam was sitting on the train, pretending to read her book with her headphones in, trying to ignore her fellow passengers. She sipped her coffee, while thinking back over the day, and watching as the train trundled along the old tracks. Somehow, she found the motion of the train soothing, almost as if it were rocking her to sleep. She lent her head against the window and closed her eyes. Suddenly the song she was listening to gave way to her ringtone, she looked down at her phone registering that an unknown number was calling her. Hesitantly, she picked up the phone and pulled out her headphones, having a fair idea who it would be, and not really sure if she wanted to hear the news just yet.

"Hello?" Sam answered.  
"Hello, is this Samantha Jones?"  
"Speaking."  
"Hi Samantha, this is Rita, from Holby City Hospital."  
"Hi Rita! You survived the day then?" Sam laughed.  
"Just about!" Rita laughed back.  
"If you lose me Rita, I'm on the train, just in case I suddenly disappear." Sam said, in case her phone cut out.  
"Ok, I'll be quick then. We were very impressed with your interview and your presentation today, you've got some interesting ideas and we would love to have you as part of the team. So pending references and occupational health clearance, we'd like of offer you the position." Rita smiled, her excitement coming through despite trying to remain professional. Sam breathed out, not even realizing she'd been holding her breath.

"Really? Wow, thank you Rita!" Sam exclaimed. "It'd be a pleasure to join your team, I really liked what I saw!"  
"Well, I also hear that as well as making an impression on us in your interview, you also made quite an impression upon leaving the department!" Rita laughed again.  
"Oh, you heard about that?" Sam asked, a blush creeping around her cheeks. "I didn't really do a lot, I didn't like to overstep the mark."  
"Well, I will get things in motion from our end and be in touch about a start date for you. That's assuming you are wanting to accept the position?"  
"Definitely." Sam answered assuredly, "I can't wait!" She hung up, smiling widely to herself, finally feeling relaxed for the first time since getting the call for the interview. This was it, her chance to start again. 

...

Later at the pub, the usual crowd had gathered, and were happily making their way through post shift drinks, chatting and laughing.

"So Rita," Robyn asked bursting with excitement, "when do we get to know who got the job?" Rita laughed at the eagerness of her colleague. "Come on, you know you want to tell us." Robyn practically begged.  
"Yeah, come on Rita, its all Robyn has gone on about all day!" Lofty laughed.  
"OK, OK, yes it was Samantha Jones who got the job, she's lovely and has a lot of knowledge and interest in trauma and emergency medicine. I think she'll be a great addition to our team, and while no one can replace Tess, I think she will add a new dimension to things." Rita smiled at Robyn and Lofty.  
"Amazing!" Robyn cheered, "Cal! Sam got the job!" Robyn hollered across to where Cal was gulping down his pint.  
"Awesome," Cal laughed winking back.  
"Oh no Mr, don't even think about hitting on her and scaring her off!" Robyn chuckled.  
"Who is Cal hitting on now?" Max butted in loud enough for all to hear.  
"No one guys, chill, I'm not getting into anything complicated!" Cal assured them.  
"That's what we're worried about, you don't do complicated, just love 'em and leave em' right!" Max threw back. Ethan, who had been reluctantly dragged for an after work drink, looked up at his brother, knowing how the Taylor thing had cut him up more than he'd ever let on to his mates, just to check he was Ok; but as always, he batted back the humour with the boys usual banter.  
"Yeah, that's right mate, always leave them wanting more!" Cal laughed. Ethan rolled his eyes, and shook his head at his brother.  
"So, what's this Samantha like then?" asked Max.  
"Really nice," Robyn started.  
"Fit." Cal added simply while smirking, causing Max, Lofty and Iain to laugh.  
"She seemed funny, kind and like she might be up for a laugh, although serious about her job, " Rita remarked, passing a look to the boys that said 'enough'. "Lets not judge her character until we get to know her. " Rita added.

"End of conversation then boys I think. " Iain laughed, winking at Rita.


	3. Chapter 3

As Sam got back to her flat that night, she looked around at the mess her flat mates had left and sighed. She gathered some of her things that had been left in the kitchen and living room and put them on her bed. She made herself a cup of tea and some toast and headed to her room. Sliding her suitcase out from under her bed, she started placing her clothes and belongings into the case, and a couple of bags. Finishing the last of her supper, she sat on her single bed, and looked at her bare room, easily packed within an hour, this was what her life had become. She was going to be glad of this fresh start. She opened her laptop, and starting looking at property pages to see what was available in Holby. Book marking the pages of a few of interest, she noted the details and contact numbers so she could book some viewing appointments. She sent the email to her landlord giving notice for her room, and prepared to leave this place behind as soon as possible.

As Ethan walked home from the pub, having left most of his colleagues to continue on with a few more drinks, he breathed in the night air, allowing his nose to fill with the smells of the season, the weather was definitely turning more autumnal now, and as he pulled his coat around him, the chill in the night air sneaking through, he reflected on his summer. Things had initially looked up, the object of his affections had returned to Holby, giving romance a second chance, however, the last few weeks had seen him fail his FCEM exam and the horror that was Zoe and Max's wedding and aftermath, and then his own relationship falling apart, things had really taken a downwards turn. Still, the only way was up, surely, he thought. He turned the keys in the lock and entered his flat, surprisingly tidy still, despite Cal's presence. He was getting better, but Ethan did think at the moment that he would rather have his brother there and messy than not at all. After all, Cal was company, and he knew how to help Ethan forget and move on. It was the one bonus since all of the happenings of the last year, that his and Cal's relationship had improved somewhat. They still irritated each other, but they still had each other which was the important thing. He supposed their mum would be proud of their repair job so far. He smiled sadly at the thought of his mother. He hoped that along the way he'd made her proud.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later, Sam found herself back on the train on her way to Holby with her belongings in tow. She felt apprehensive, but excited at her new start. She wasn't due to start her new job yet, but wanted to get down and settle into her new surrounding as soon as possible. She hadn't found herself a flat yet, as she didn't really know the area, but had been lucky enough to land a 3 month contract of a fully furnished flat while its owners were abroad, so she had until mid December to settle in and find her way around and find somewhere. It also allowed for her to save for some household items and furnishings which she didn't yet have. Once she had arrived in Holby, and lugged her belongings off of the train, she made her way to the estate agents to collect the keys and then onwards to her temporary home. It was a nice, neat little flat, homely enough, better than her old room in a flat share with relative strangers. As she looked around she could feel herself relaxing even more. Yes, she could really see herself being happy here. She grabbed her bag and decided to head out for a wonder around the area, after all, she needed some basic groceries and needed to learn where things were in relation to where she lived. She wondered down along the riverside, across a footbridge and into the town centre again. She found her nearest supermarket, noted pubs and restaurants that looked like places she might go, and generally got a feel for the place. On the way home she bought some food and made her way back to prepare dinner. Enjoying a glass of wine as she cooked and another as she sat down to eat, she felt warm and contented. She was used to her own company, and for tonight, that was enough. When she finally headed to bed, she settled down for a peaceful sleep, probably the best she'd had in months.

Across the river, Cal was slouching on the sofa of Ethan's flat, where he was still staying, and Ethan was cooking some dinner. Cal took a large gulp of the beer from his bottle, and continued watching the TV, a text book resting open on his lap.

"You know, having the text book on your lap doesn't count as revision if you're not actually reading it." Ethan laughed at his brother.

"Very funny little brother, revision comes easy to you, I just can't concentrate tonight. How long till dinner anyway?"

"Its ready now, I've got you another beer on the table."

"Thanks darling," Cal grinned, "You'll make someone a proper little wifey one day!"

"Ha ha! Very funny Caleb!" Ethan remarked. "Come on, sit up you." He flicked Cal's feet with the tea towel, putting on a feminine voice. They tucked into their dinner while discussing the recent events in work.

"So, I hear Lily ruffled some feathers again yesterday, Lofty said she was acting all high and mighty, she's turned into a mini Beauchamp wannabe since she got the registrar post."

"Hmm." Was all Ethan was willing to say on the matter.

"So, honestly, how are you Nibbles?" Cal asked looking at his little brother, noticing how tired he looked.

"I'm fine Cal. And I've told you not to call me that!" Ethan said curtly, cutting off the conversation.

"I know it feels bad now, but trust me it wi-" Cal started.

"I said I'm fine Caleb!" Ethan spoke through gritted teeth. Cal eyed him suspiciously, but decided he should probably change the subject.

"So, I hear the new nurse starts soon. I met her after her interview. She seems nice, like she might be fun." Cal smiled.

"Oh no Cal, not again," Ethan sighed, giving his brother a warning look.

"No, not like that!" Cal started. "I just mean she seems nice, like she will fit into the department well. She's pretty and all, but its not about that for once." Ethan gave Cal another look that said he didn't believe his brother. "Really Ethan, its not about that, I'm not looking for that right now, I'll never get the exam under my belt if I get distracted like that at the moment. Of course, if she threw herself at me then I wouldn't object, that'd be rude!" he laughed as his brother threw a bread roll at him. He ducked out of the way and it landed on the windowsill.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow! I quickly wanted to say a big thank you to those who have followed, favourited, read and reviewed the first few chapters of my fic.**

 **Tato Potato , sweet-as-honey and Tanith Panic, to get your lovely reviews really helped as I was really nervous about posting this, and to get reviews from people who's stories I've enjoyed was an amazing boost. **

**Hope I don't let you down with the following chapters, bare with it, there is some building up to get to events, I've got lots in mind, maybe some brother comfort/fluff/angst if you're extra nice!**

 **Hope you don't get bored before I'm finished with it!**

The start of Sam's first day in the ED passed by in a mixture of introductions and tours. She had already completed the required Trust induction and mandatory training, and was now being orienteered to her team and place of work. Sam worked alongside Rita to allow her time to get used to things. They had been treating an 8 year old with a distal radius fracture after a fall. They were returning the notes to the desk following discharge, when the red phone went off.

"Holby ED." Rita answered. "...OK, right, we'll have a team standing by." She replaced the handset and turned to Sam, "We've got an incoming patient post cardiac arrest, return of spontaneous circulation (ROSC) after 5 cycles of CPR, but still very unstable and critical. I'll get a team together, you in?"

"Definitely, this is what I'm here for" Sam followed Rita. Rita knocked on the door of the clinical lead's office, "Mrs Beauchamp, incoming cardiac arrest, ETA 2 minutes." Rita said efficiently.

"Thank you Rita, I'll be right through, get Dr Knight too, he's covering resus today."

Rita went with Sam to get Dr Knight, and they waited to meet the incoming ambulance. Dixie and Iain appeared moments later pushing the trolley through to resus, giving the patient history on the way. Iain cast a glance over to Rita, who stole a glance back, and flushed slightly, despite remaining professionally focussed. Sam noticed this and smiled inwardly as she listened to Dixie giving the patient handover.

"This is Jack Simmonds, 64 years old, collapsed on the roadside suffering cardiac arrest, bystander CPR commenced immediately with ROSC after approximately 5 cycles. Anterior STEMI on the ECG, heart rate currently 142, BP 90/60, SATS now 95% on 15l of O2 via non rebreathe mask, he's also had 5 of morphine en route. No known medical conditions or allergies. OK, lets get him over on three. One, two, three." They hauled Mr Simmonds over to the trolley in resus and Dixie handed the assessment sheet to Cal. He nodded his thanks as the paramedics wheeled their trolley back out.

"Dr Knight, can you start the primary survey please?" Mrs Beauchamp ordered, "lets get a new 12 lead ECG, a second large gauge cannula and bloods sent for FBC, UE, LFT, Trop T, magnesium, clotting and lets get a group and save sent up too. Let's also get a portable chest X-ray organised in case of CPR induced pneumothorax."  
As the team busied themselves following Mrs Beauchamp's orders, the cardiac monitor alarm went.  
"He's arrested, Lofty, start compressions, lets get him intubated Dr Knight." Connie ordered, keeping her cool. 6 further cycles of CPR and Mr Simmonds was still in asystole, no output for nearly 20 minutes, the team knew things were looking grim, it would be a miracle if he came back from this, and if he did, there was no telling the irreversible damage. Glances passed around the team, they all knew what they were thinking. Connie recapped what they knew, but ultimately they all agreed this resuscitation attempt was fruitless. "Time of death, 13:07." She stated simply, "Thank you team." She said as she turned and left resus to go and speak to Mr Simmonds' next of kin. Sam looked at Rita and Lofty as she peeled her gloves off. Rita followed Cal out of resus calling to him as she needed a second opinion on another patient, leaving Lofty and Sam to the chaos left behind in resus.

"Well, that was a good start for me, hope this doesn't earn me a deadly nurse nightshade nickname!" Sam smiled as she started to help Lofty tidy up.

"It's no worse than Lofty," he rolled his eyes at her!

"You'll have to explain that to me at some point!" Sam giggled. "So, call me incredibly insightful, but I couldn't help but notice the sparks between Rita and that paramedic who brought Mr Simmonds in."

"Who Iain?" Lofty questioned. "Nothing going on that I know of, but they do get on well." Lofty replied truthfully.

"Watch this space," Sam smiled, "I'm not one for gossip, but the eyes don't lie Lofty! There's a spark there, a bit of heat between them." Sam winked.

When Sam went back out to find Rita, she noticed she was stood by reception talking.

"Sam," Rita called, "drinks tonight to welcome you to the team?"

"oh, um, that's nice of you? Um, I guess, um," Sam stuttered.

"We're not taking no for an answer." Robyn stated smiling. "It'll be fun!"

"Of course it will, thank you, who's going?" Sam asked Robyn.

"Well, so far, me, Rita, Lofty, Max, we'll catch Iain and Dixie and ask them. Cal are you coming?" Robyn added as Cal walked past.

"Coming where" Cal raised an eyebrow.

"Pub tonight? Sam's welcome drinks." Robyn replied.

"Count me in," Cal smirked.

"How about Ethan? Should we text him?" Robyn asked.

"He's on the late shift, I doubt he'll come after finishing that late."

"But you'll be there so I'm guessing that more than makes up for it?" Sam smirked cheekily raising an eyebrow.

"Of course it does, I'm the fun one!" Cal replied laughing.

"Well, I look forward to seeing the proof of this later. " Sam replied. Robyn nudged Rita and raised her eyebrows knowingly.


	6. Chapter 6

After the shift, Sam met the others in the pub as agreed. Robyn waited while she finished up her notes and handed her last patient over to the ward, finally dragging her back to the staff room to get changed and go.

"I'll get the drinks in, what are you having?" Robyn chirped, excited at the prospect of learning about her new colleague.

"A glass of white wine please, Sauvignon." Sam replied. "I'm just going to head to the bathroom, top up my lippy," she finished, nervously biting her lip. When she returned, Robyn waved her over to their table where she had saved a seat next to her. Sam took a large gulp of her wine and sighed, "I really needed that!" she laughed.

"So, good first day?" Lofty asked.

"Yeah, I'm still finding my feet, but I have to say I've enjoyed it, you're a very kind and welcoming team."

"Forget work chat, I want to know about you!" Robyn burst out.

"There's not much to know Robyn," Sam laughed. "I'm 29, brunette, blue eyes, degree in nursing, post grad masters in specialising in trauma and emergency medicine. So I guess you could say I'm driven, but really I'm just passionate about emergency medicine, it captivated me when I was a student and I've never looked back. However, as much as I like to work hard, I'm known to like to play hard too – I guess you could say I fit the typical description of an emergency nurse!"

"Cool, so, in playing hard, I'm guessing there's no Mr at home? No secret children hiding away?" Robyn pressed for more personal details.

"Robyn! You're so nosy!" Lofty spluttered.

"Shut up Lofty mate, she's only asking what we all want to know!" Max playfully slapped Lofty's arm.

"No, definitely no Mr, or Mrs before you ask, and no secret illegitimate children either," Sam laughed, "anyway, talking about me is boring, lets get another round in."

Sam made a move to the bar, and started getting the drinks in. She was suddenly aware of a tall presence behind her, she turned to see Cal stood there.

"Hi," she smiled, "another pint?" He nodded and she added it to the order. As she paid, he passed around everyone's drinks. Then he ordered 4 shots, two of which he passed to Sam. She eyed both the shots, and the man on the buying end of them, suspiciously.

"To celebrate your first successful day," he winked. She clinked her first shot glass against his and necked it quickly, feeling the clear liquid burn her throat on the way down. Holding out her next one, she clinked it with Cal and they simultaneously downed their second shots. She shook her head, realizing that quickly drinking a large glass of wine and 2 shots on an empty stomach was not a good idea as the alcohol had already started going to her head. Nerves were clearly making her more of a lightweight than normal, she smiled to herself at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Cal asked, smiling at her.

"Nothing, just thinking how much of a lightweight I'm being tonight, I feel a bit fluffy headed already, must be the nerves!" She said leaning into his ear and steadying herself by clutching his arm.

"Why are you nervous? You're a big hit already, and you've bought a round in – that's always a winner!" Cal laughed.

"Come on, lets be getting back, or they will start gossiping!" Sam motioned back over to the group. They took their seats as the group conversation continued. She got chance to talk to a few more colleagues, and slowly drank her next glass. Once she had finished, she stood up to excuse herself. Deciding to quit while she was ahead tonight, after all turning up to a new job hungover on day two was hardly impressive behaviour was it. She bid good night to the remaining members of the group, promised a proper night out soon, grabbed her bag and wondered out of the pub. She made her way back across the hospital car park, pausing to look at the external doors of the ED. She smiled, thinking to herself how happy she was to be here, but as she turned she wobbled a bit, the effects of the cool night air taking their toll on her alcohol addled mind. She rummaged in her bag trying to locate her phone.

"Tea, toast and bed are needed I think." She muttered to herself, turning around and walking straight into someone.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" she said grabbing at the person, who also apologised. "It was my fault," Sam said, "I wasn't looking where I was going, I'm sorry, are you ok?" she waffled, then realised who it was she was talking to. "Dr Hardy right? We met briefly earlier, I'm Sam. " She held out her hand and he took the polite gesture, shaking her hand as he replied.

"It's Ethan." He eyed the woman standing in front of him, "are you ok?" he asked.

"Oh, yes, I've just been on the obligatory 'getting to know you' drinks session, though I ducked out early as I haven't eaten yet and I'm afraid two large glasses of wine have gone to my head a bit, hence the reason why I'm rambling now." She stopped herself, feeling her cheeks flush under his gaze.

"Oh, I see, sorry I didn't make it, I've been on the late shift, only just finished." He said.

"That's OK, I'm sure there will be other nights." Sam smiled at him. "I guess I shouldn't keep you Ethan, you must be tired, and I need to find my way home and get something to eat."  
"My car is just over there if you want a lift." He said before he really realised what he was saying. "I mean, you don't have to, but if you want, I-I don't mind." Sam looked at Ethan and smiled a bright smile that made her eyes shine.

"That is very kind of you Ethan, I don't want to put you out though?" she questioned.

"It's really no bother." He shrugged shyly, avoiding holding eye contact.

"In that case, that would be lovely, thank you. It'll save me waiting to find a taxi."

"Ethan showed her to his car and they climbed in. Sam explained where she was staying and Ethan started the car.

"I'm still trying to find my bearings, work out where is good to look for a place to live." Sam said. "Any tips welcome!" she laughed.

"Well, I know to avoid the Farmead Estate area, other than that, Holby is your oyster." He smiled awkwardly as she giggled at his humour. "So, did you have a good first day?" he asked politely as they headed further away from the hospital.

"Yes, they seem like a friendly bunch, and I know I'm going to love the work, its all I've ever wanted, since I got hooked on emergency medicine. The adrenaline rush is my drug of choice. It really gets me going you know?" she blushed as she realised she had been babbling again.

"Yeah, I get what you mean," he laughed. "As much as I question myself, I know I like to think things through, make sure I've made the right choices, covered every base as it were, there's nothing like the rush of the fast pace and split second decisions needed in an emergency. I like knowing I've done right for someone, that I've brought them some comfort in a scary time." Now it was hit turn to feel himself blushing.

"Ethan, I know exactly what you mean," Sam sighed. "I love helping people, I love comforting people, that's why I'm a nurse. But I have a desire for knowledge too, you know, being a nurse is great, but it wasn't enough, I felt I never reached my full potential, that's why I went on to do my masters, I always wanted more. I guess I'm trying to prove myself, my worth, I just don't really know who I'm trying to prove it to." Sam sighed as she ran her hand through her hair, and turned to gaze out of the window. Ethan looked across and smiled at her, and in that moment, he got her. It was lightly raining as he stopped the car outside her flat moments later.

"Thank you for the lift Ethan, I'm sorry about my tipsy ramblings." She smiled feeling a little embarrassed.

"It's fine, don't worry, I get where you're coming from, and it was my pleasure to drop you home." They wished each other good night as Sam turned to scurry indoors to avoid the rain. Ethan watched as she unlocked the door and went into the hallway of the flats. He sighed. Started the engine and drove home.

...

Sam flopped down on her bed and let out a huge sigh. She knew it was early days, but she was already feeling happier, much more content in her new surroundings. She undressed, putting on her pj bottoms and vest top, and went into the kitchen and put on the kettle. Making herself her beloved tea and toast combo, she crawled back into bed and snuggled down to enjoy her simple supper. She recovered her phone from her bag, scrolled through her emails, before plugging it in to charge. She took her plate and cup back to the kitchen, got herself a pint of water and went to clean her teeth. Again, she drifted off into a peaceful slumber, and did not wake up until her alarm went off the next morning.

...

Ethan was at home in bed sleeping when he was awoken by his somewhat drunk brother stumbling in the front door. He sighed and rolled over, hearing Cal throw his keys on the side with a clatter. He checked the time on his phone: 01:37. Shaking his head he tried to ignore his brother fumbling around and get back to sleep.

...

Cal was drunk, he hadn't meant to get drunk, but Max was feeling low still and plying themselves with drink seemed to be a good way to deal with it. It had been funny anyway until things had nearly got deep and meaningful. Luckily he had avoided any personal info coming out, instead, delivering his friend back to his old flat and wondering back to his own. He said his own but it wasn't was it? He'd failed, failed to get a girl, a house, and now he'd failed his exam. He cared more than he tried to let on. He glanced at a photo on Ethan's wall of their mother, smiling down at him from the picture, when he saw it, it almost felt like she was there watching. He thought now how much he could do with seeing her, talking to her, hugging her again. True he hadn't been there much in the end, but it didn't mean he didn't care. He just didn't want his memories tainted by death, he saw that too much in his working life, he didn't want to remember his mother like that. He knew Ethan felt let down by him, and it was easier to keep up the bravado than admit his true feelings. He wished right now he could ask his mum for advice though, she'd know what to say, how to guide him in the right direction, because the truth was, he felt lost. That's the real reason he had originally stuck around in Holby, being near Ethan gave him grounding, and a sense of direction again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning - Sensitive issue mentioned (not detailed) and character death**

Ethan snuck out of the house early the following morning, deciding on a walk to work. The rain had cleared, and it was a cool but crisp autumnal morning. He buttoned up his jacket, put on his scarf, grabbed his keys and headed out of the flat. Cal was due in a little later, and Ethan knew he would need all the sleep he could get, particularly if he didn't want a useless colleague shirking off work even more than normal! As he walked down the road he enjoyed the peace and serenity around him. A few people were up and about, also heading off to work, but generally it was quiet. He liked mornings like this, it gave him time to think, time to wake up and get ready for the day ahead, whatever it might hold. As he crossed the footbridge over the river he saw a familiar face looking out over the water. Sam was leaning on the side of the bridge watching the sun rise.

"Good morning." Ethan said, smiling at Sam as she jumped back out of her trance. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"That's OK, I was deep in thought, sorry. Good morning. And thanks again for the lift last night. I'm sorry about my drunken rambling." She said blushing at the memory.

"It's fine, I get worse from Cal anyway!" he laughed. "Are you heading into work?" he gestured the way he had been heading.

"Yes, I am. Care to escort a lady?" she smiled. Ethan looked around in mocked confusion.

"Lady? I don't see a lady." He laughed. Sam laughed back and playfully nudged his arm as they headed off side by side to the hospital.

"I love mornings like this," Sam sighed, "the crisp cold start, it feels fresh, wakes you up, as long as it not raining!"

"Yeah, that's exactly my thinking, and I like being out before the world wakes up and gets going, I find it peaceful." They lapsed into silence for a while, taking in the morning and the sunrise. "So, you don't have a bad head this morning then?" Ethan asked Sam.

"No, not too bad, no thanks to your brother though!" she laughed.

"My brother? What did he do?" Ethan sighed, wondering if he actually wanted to know.

"Oh nothing really, just bought us a couple of shots to 'celebrate' my first successful day. Although, losing Mr Simmonds like that, I'm not sure that was exactly what's considered a success. "

"That's typical of Cal. And I shouldn't beat yourself up over Mr Simmonds, from what I hear it was never going to be a good outcome."

"No, I know, I just feel bad for his family, to lose someone so suddenly."

"Yeah, its tough, but as long as we know we do everything we can."

"I know, you're right, onwards and upwards today though." Sam smiled at him as they walked into the doors of the ED. They arrived early, so headed to the staff room and Sam flicked on the kettle. She looked at Ethan, "coffee?" she questioned.

"Yes please." He replied rubbing his cold hands together. Sam handed him a coffee and lent against the side cradling hers. Rita entered the room cheerfully calling out a good morning greeting.

"Hi Rita! What's the plan for today?" Sam asked.

"I thought you might want to shadow one of the doctors in resus today? Get a feel for it and how things run here? How do you feel about that?"

"Yeah, sounds good to me!" Sam smiled.

"If you do a couple of resus days, then we will get you doing some triage next week. But resus is focused and will allow you to get your teeth into things. I don't want you getting bored this soon." Rita laughed.

"I don't think there's any worry of that happening Rita!" Sam laughed back. She drained the rest of her coffee, nodded at Ethan, and headed out to handover with Rita. Within minutes Dixie and Iain came through the doors wheeling a teenager in on the trolley. Sam put a hand on Rita's shoulder, "I'll take this, you find me a doctor," she said greeting Dixie at the doors to take a handover.

"This is Jason Ryland, 13 years old, found by the old dairies, fell from a height of approximately 10 feet, open fracture of left tibia, possible blunt chest injury, query left distal radius fracture also, says not KO'd. GCS 15 on arrival and remained throughout. BP 110 systolic, pulse 120, SATS reduced at 94%, so we've had him on oxygen, maintaining at 96% currently. I'm afraid it was a bit of a scoop and run, as we needed to get him here. OK guys over on my count. One, two, three."

"Thanks Dixie," Sam said.

Zoe had now entered Resus, and was giving out instructions. Sam was connecting up the monitors, and reassuring the frightened boy, who among his injuries and the equipment looked younger and more fragile.

"Sats are dropping, now 92%, BP 104/67 and pulse increasing, now 134." Sam stated. Ethan, who had been doing the primary survey now mentioned about absent air entry and was asking for an urgent portable Chest X-ray to assess for possible pneumothorax.

"We need to get an urgent drain in," Ethan said. Zoe was on the phone to the surgeons. Sam got the drain kit and prepped the trolley for Ethan. She explained the procedure to Jason, while giving him some more pain relief, and something to relax him. She smiled at Ethan, who was focussed on inserting the drain. Once the drain was in place, Jason's breathing started to settle.

"Sats are coming back up, 95%. Good work." Sam said to Ethan. "How are you feeling Jason?" she asked the boy kindly. He grunted and nodded trying to indicate he was starting to feel a bit more at ease.

"Surgeons will be ready for him shortly," Zoe said. "Is he stabilising?"

"The drain has improved his breathing, we need to repeat the film to check its working, but symptoms are receding so I'd say its doing its job."

"OK Jason, the surgeons are going to sort that leg out for you, alright, and your mum is on her way in." Sam smiled, gently touching the boys arm.

"Thanks," he whispered behind his oxygen mask.

No sooner had Jason been taken to theatre, their next emergency was upon them. A 4 year old girl involved in a pedestrian vs car RTC. This was a hard case to treat, but the team kept their heads and continued on professionally. However, the little girls injuries were too severe and there was nothing they could do to revive her. Zoe had to speak to the distraught parents, a thought that made Sam feel sick to her stomach. She was in the room with the little girl alone, cleaning her up ready for her parents to see her if they wanted to. She couldn't stop the tears from falling, trying to put on the professional front just wouldn't work on this case, it hurt to see such a small innocent life so cruelly taken. Ethan had gone to inform the police of the outcome, as they already had the driver in custody. Who would have ever dreamed waking up on a normal Friday morning would lead to such tragedy. She was used to death, of course she was, but unfortunately, these cases never got easier. Talking to the little girl while she cleaned the blood off of her face, this was just her way, it humanised the process and ensured she always treated them respectfully.

"There you go beautiful girl," she held back a sob, her voice barely above a whisper, "you're all ready for your Mummy and Daddy to see you. Although how they'll say goodbye to such a beautiful little girl is beyond me. I'm so sorry we couldn't save you, sleep peacefully now darling." She tucked her in as if she was tucking in her daughter for the night and wiped away the last of the falling tears. She didn't realise a figure was stood watching in the doorway.

"Are you ok?" Ethan asked quietly, as Sam stepped away from the body of the girl. Sam nodded.

"Sorry, I can cope, its just the young ones you know? Their whole life ahead of them, gone in the blink of an eye." A stray tear fell again, and she wiped it away, embarrassed at her lack of composure in front of a new colleague, and one who seemed to have kept his cool in this emotional case.

"Yeah, I know, we all take it hard, don't worry. Why don't you go and get a coffee or something, Zoe will be back shortly and will likely want to debrief on this one, I'll come and find you."

"Thanks Ethan." Sam forced a tight smile, she was grateful for his words, but couldn't bring a real smile to her face right now. She went and made a coffee, and stood outside the doors of the ED with it for some fresh air.

"You OK Sam? " a concerned voice questioned. Sam turned around to see Cal leaning against the wall, also nursing a coffee.

"Better than you by the looks of it!" Sam tried to joke, though the wobble still present in her voice ruined the effect.

"Yeah, heavier night than planned," he smiled holding up his much needed caffeine boost. "So what's happened?"

"We just lost a 4 year old." Sam said simply, looking down at her feet.

"Ah, I see," Cal said, "Never easy."

"No, it isn't." Sam sighed. "Sorry, I guess I'm not good company at the moment." She managed more of a laugh.

"I wouldn't expect you to be. " Cal smiled back at her.

"Its days like this that make me hate going home alone you know?" Sam said quietly, looking off into the distance.

"Yeah?" Cal looked at her questioningly, not quite sure where she was going with that statement.

"No, I mean, having no one to talk to about the rough side of the job," Sam gave him a look, then realised what he had probably thought. "Behave yourself you!" She laughed, feeling more able to again. "I didn't mean anything rude by it! Just, sometimes quiet reflective time is good, sometimes you need to talk, and sometimes you just need to go out and get drunk!" she laughed.

"Well, why don't we?" Cal asked. Sam looked at him, unsure. "Come on, we can go into town, have a few drinks, you can talk about today if you want to, if not, I'll show you some of the decent bars in the area. Come on, it'll be fun."

"Are you sure you're up for it again?" Sam eyed him suspiciously.

"Of course! I'm always up for it!" he laughed raising his eyebrows.

"Do you know what, you're on! Let's do it! You wanna see if anyone else wants to come? I wouldn't feel comfortable asking yet."

"Sure. I'll ask around and catch you later with the plan?"

"Yeah, sounds good. Thanks Cal. " Sam smiled as she drained the last of her coffee and headed back inside. As she did she ran right into Ethan.

"Oh, sorry Ethan!" Sam said quickly.

"Sorry," Ethan said at the same time. "Zoe is back, we're going to debrief the last case quickly, are you coming?"

"Yes, of course, lead the way." Sam followed him into Zoe's office, where Zoe, Lofty, Connie and Rita were already waiting. They discussed the events surrounding the girls death, and their thoughts and feelings to some extent, they agreed they had done all that was possible, and Connie offered support from occupational health if they felt it necessary. They solemnly left the office to continue with the rest of their shift.

Resus was quiet, thankfully, so Sam headed over towards the reception desk, where Robyn was stood fumbling through some notes looking worried.

"Robyn, are you ok?" Sam asked.

"Yes, um, No actually." Robyn stuttered uncharacteristically.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked soothingly. She placed her hand on Robyn's arm, showing she could trust her for help and guidance.

"This lady I'm treating, things just don't add up, but I'm struggling to work out a way around it."

"Ok, shall we go somewhere private to discuss it properly?" Sam said, guiding her away, sensing there was much more to this than they could discuss by reception.

"Her injuries and the story doesn't add up. Her husband is there all the time, I can't ask her questions, and when you do ask her anything he answers for her. She won't make proper eye contact, she's meek and seems terrified and on edge." Robyn rushed out.

"Ah, I see, you're thinking domestic violence?" Robyn nodded at Sam. "Right, first, is there any known history?"

"Nothing in the notes."

"Old injuries?"

"You name it. Fractured ribs, nose, cheekbone, wrist, clavicle... But if I can't get her alone to bring up such things, what can I do?"

"This is where a bit of creative thinking comes into play. I've used this one before. I don't know if you have a similar scheme here, but in my old hospital we had a poster in the bathroom saying 'if you need help with domestic violence, put a sticker on your sample bottle and give it to your nurse,' then we would know they needed help. Do you have anything like that here?"

"I think maternity do!" Robyn smiled. "I can't believe I didn't think of it, thanks Sam!" she said as she got up to go.

"Let me know how you get on, and if you need any help, come find me." Sam said smiling, glad to have finally felt useful for the first time today.

As she turned to head back towards resus she saw Ethan. She caught him up and they headed into the empty room.

"Ethan, I'm sorry about earlier." Sam said flushing slightly.

"What for?" he asked blinking steadily holding her gaze.

"Being emotional and everything."

"Hey don't worry, we're human, of course things like that affect us. It's really tough, and anyone who says it isn't is lying, or they're completely heartless." He smiled at her.

"But you kept your cool, everyone else seemed to manage." Sam said softly, looking down at her feet.

"Everyone else wasn't left on their own to clean up the body of a young child involved in a massive trauma." Ethan said softly putting his hand on her arm to try and offer comfort.

"I know, but I should have held it in, been more professional." Sam said still feeling ashamed.

"Hey, I was there for the whole thing, and you were professional. I thought you kept calm and level headed, even when it got tough. Then when care and dignity were required you gave her that too, even in death. I saw you, the way you talked to her, tucked her in, ready for her parents, you should be proud, you couldn't have been more professional and caring if you tried."

"Really Ethan, that means a lot coming from someone like you." Sam said, smiling at him. She held his gaze, making him blush.

"Someone like me?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, like you. You're incredibly professional, intelligent and caring; a very talented doctor." Sam said still maintaining the intense stare. It was Ethan who broke the eye contact first, nervously coughing and making his excuses when Lofty popped his head through the doors calling him away.

Sam remained perched on the side of the trolley, gathering her thoughts in a moment of reflection.

The rest of the shift passed without too much further drama. Cal found her before she finished and said to meet by the footbridge into town at 9, and they would head into town. Sam headed home with a smile, although she had forgotten to ask Cal who else was coming.

She made her way home and cooked some pasta, deciding drinking on an empty stomach was not going to be happening tonight. She hungrily devoured her food and poured a large glass of wine while she headed into the shower. She put some music on her phone and let the hot water cascade over her shoulders. She could feel the tension releasing as she washed and sang along to her music. Covering herself in a towel she went back to her room to find something to wear. She selected some skinny dark denim jeans, a floaty top with some heels. Heels were a must for Sam, she spent her days working in sensible shoes so needed to break away with something altogether more glamorous. Sorting her hair and applying a more dramatic evening make up look, she surveyed herself in the full length mirror. She pulled on some simple jewellery and put her things in her clutch bag and headed off. She'd already polished off the majority of the bottle of wine, and was feeling altogether more relaxed and looking forward to a good night out.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam headed towards the footbridge where she was meeting Cal. She expected him to be late, so was pleasantly surprised to see that he was already there waiting for her.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long." She called as she approached.

"Wow! You look great! And those heels!" Cal ended his sentence with a whistle.

"What about them?"

"They'd rival Mrs Beauchamp's killer heels!" he laughed.

"Oh, these are nothing in comparison to Louboutins! These are totally high street! Cheap and cheerful, not expensive and oozing style like hers!" Sam laughed.

"They are equally as killer though." Cal said, still staring at them. "And they make you almost as tall as me, and you're a shortie!"

"I take it I'm not letting the side down then, you're not ashamed to be seen with me for company! " Sam smirked.

"On the contrary, you look great. Shall we go?" he pointed towards town. He held out his arm to her and she slipped hers through his and they headed off towards town together, as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

"So, is anyone else meeting us?" Sam asked as they walked.

"Aren't I good enough company?" Cal pretended to look hurt.

"Yes, of course," Sam spluttered, "I just meant, I mean..."

"Relax, I'm teasing," Cal started, and Sam playfully slapped his arm. "Max, Rita, Iain and Robyn are coming."

Cal held the door open and put his hand on the small of Sam's back to guide her through as they entered the pub. They quickly located the others and Cal went to get them both a drink. Sam took a seat next to Robyn.

"You look great Sam, so different!" Robyn said.

"Thanks, I like to have a different evening look!" Sam laughed, feeling a little embarrassed as everyone stared. The girls broke into compliments and chat about their clothes and accessories, while the lads broke off into their own conversation.

"So Robyn, how did it go with your lady? I never saw you before the end of my shift."

"Great, thanks for your idea. It worked, and steps are carefully being taken, hopefully she can get the help and support she needs. We admitted her so we could take necessary action."

"Fantastic news, well done Robyn, you should really write that down for you next performance review. It was a good spot."

A good many drinks and a couple of pubs later, Robyn had called it a night as she had to work the next day, everyone was feeling very merry and in good spirits, Rita and Sam more so than the boys.

"I want to go dancing!" Sam declared.

"Oh, yes, lets go!" Rita said getting up and grabbing Sam. "Boys, we're heading to CJs for a dance. You coming?"

"We'll come for the drinks, not the dancing!" Cal laughed. They headed across the road, and once inside Sam heard the song playing and grabbed Rita's arm.

"I love this song! Come on!" she shouted excitedly dragging Rita to the dancefloor. The boys exchanged amused glances and headed to the bar. Sam and Rita danced to the next few songs, while the boys leaned on the side watching drinking their pints.

"Lets get another drink." Rita said. Once they'd got their drinks they joined the boys again.

"Nice moves Reets," Iain winked. Sam smiled at the pair, chemistry oozing out of them.

"Where's Max?" Sam asked.

"Gone home, said he wasn't in the mood for it." Cal replied. Rita was dragging Iain to the dancefloor, and Sam laughed at them. Cal gave her a look that said 'don't even think about it' and she leaned in to his ear to speak to him.

"You can feel the chemistry between them can't you?" Sam said as Cal looked at Rita and Iain.

"Alcohol does that though, makes you think you can pull anyone."

"I doubt very much that you need alcohol to believe that!" Sam teased him.

"Well, if you've got it," Cal winked, with a grin on his face. Sam laughed and slapped his arm again.

"Well, I guess there's no denying it!" Sam said still laughing, "What's your secret?"

"What do you mean?"

"Going out oozing confidence, pulling women."

"You want help pulling women?" he smirked raising an eyebrow. She glared at him playfully.

"I'm going back to dance, will you watch my drink?"

"Sure." He said watching her make her make her way to the dance floor. He watched while she danced over to Rita and Iain, whispering something into Rita's ear before sashaying off into the crowd. She was dancing by herself among the crowd when a drunk guy stumbled over and knocked into her. He apologised and she held up her hands as if to say 'no problem' and carried on dancing. The next thing she knew the man had grabbed her and pulled her close to dance. She tried to extract herself saying she wasn't interested, but the man was too drunk to pay attention and carried on pulling her in. She kept trying to protest but among all the dancers she struggled to get away. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him causing her to bump into a couple of girls who threw her a filthy look and moved away. Cal spotted this and realised she wasn't enjoying his attention. He quickly made his way through the crowd and reached Sam in seconds, the relief in her face was evident and he took control. He pulled her towards him away from the man and put his arm protectively around her waist. The drunk man saw this as a threat and tried to square up to Cal.

"What do you think you're doing mate!" he shouted in Cal's face.

"I was going to ask you the same question." Cal replied firmly, not breaking eye contact. "You've got your hands all over my girlfriend. I don't appreciate people touching my girl!" Cal said with a deathly stare.

"Alright mate, chill out, I didn't know." The man held up his hands and retreated.

"Thanks Cal." Sam said. "I think I'm gonna call it a night."

"Wait, you can't go," Cal looked at her.

"It's kinda ruined my mood," Sam forced a sad smile.

"Ok, well I'll come too, come on." Sam let Rita know she was leaving, and Rita shot her a warning look when she realised she was leaving with Cal. Sam shook her head slightly and smiled, communicating with Rita without saying a word. She turned and headed out of the door with Cal in tow.

"Food!" Sam declared, "I need food!"

"Good plan" Cal said taking her hand and guiding her to the nearest food shop. They ordered their food and sat on the window seat together while they waited. Sam lent on Cal's shoulder, and he put his arm around her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to cut your night short." Sam said.

"It's fine. Honest, I'm flagging a bit anyway, but don't let that get out!" he laughed. They collected their food and headed back outside. They walked slowly down the road in silence eating, until Cal asked if she wanted to get a taxi.

"No, I'll walk, but you carry on." She smiled.

"No way, I'm not leaving you to walk alone! I'll walk you home."

"But you'll have to walk past yours to get to mine won't you? That's silly."

"I need to make sure you get home safe, that's what's a gentleman would do right?"

"Yes but Cal, you're forgetting, you're not a gentleman!" Sam laughed.

"Oi cheeky!" he laughed back.

"Seriously, I'll be OK, you don't have to worry about me."

"Sam, I'm walking with you, its fine. Besides I'm not the one in silly shoes!" he smirked nodding at her shoes again.

"Yes, its always this point of the night when you regret it!"

"I don't!" Cal laughed, "I have sensible shoes on."

"Yes, well mine are sexier!"

"Yes they are," he said, holding her gaze.

"Watch it you!" Sam warned playfully and threw her food container in the bin and carried on walking. Cal hung back watching her go. "Are you coming? Its about to rain." she said, trying to hurry him along. "My feet are actually killing me now!" she laughed. Cal looked up at the sky as a flash of lightning lit the sky. The thunder rumbled deep and loud shortly after, closely followed by more lightning.

"Come on, or we're going to get soaked, and you aren't dressed for the rain." Cal said placing his arm on the small of her back again.

"I love thunderstorms!" Sam exclaimed looking at the sky. With that the rain started pouring down. Cal took off his jacket as Sam removed her heels. He held his jacket over their heads.

"I can move quicker without the shoes," Sam said scurrying along in bare feet.

"Come on, my flat is right here, lets get inside before we get any wetter, we can have a drink and wait for the rain to pass." Cal said guiding her towards the door.

"Ah, so that's how you do it!" Sam laughed, allowing herself to be led towards the flat.

They tried to sneak in quietly, Cal had warned her that Ethan would be asleep, but in their drunken state everything seemed more funny and as Cal walked in and stumbled over a side table Sam stifled her giggles behind her hand. Then suddenly the light switched on and Cal and Sam stood in the living room, like teenagers who had been caught sneaking in by their dad. This was all too much and they erupted into giggles looking at Ethan half asleep in his pj bottoms with tussled hair.

"Really Cal, haven't you learnt to be quiet by now." Ethan sighed.

"Sorry Ethan," Sam said, "the thunder started and Cal suggested we take cover until it stops so I didn't get soaked walking home. I'm sorry."

"Its OK, the thunder technically woke me anyway. Who wants a coffee, you two look like you need one!" he said smiling at Sam. They both nodded and Ethan went into the kitchen.

"Sit down," Cal smiled at Sam.

"Sorry, I didn't want to get you into trouble." She smiled back.

"Its fine, Ethan isn't working tomorrow and I'm not on until the nightshift." Cal said.

"I'm not working either tomorrow, thank goodness." Sam replied. Ethan returned with the coffees and sat down with the drunk duo.

"So, good night then?"

"It was, until a drunk man started pawing all over me." Sam said, slightly disgusted at the memory.

"Cal, what have I told you about doing that to women!" Ethan laughed.

"Actually little brother, I was her Knight in shining armour, get it?" he chuckled to himself. Sam rolled her eyes at him.

"Actually he did help me out, although by pretending to be my boyfriend " Sam laughed, "It was good until then. Why didn't you come Ethan?"

"Um, I needed to catch up with some revision, and..."

"He's not one for raucous nights out are you Nibbles?" Cal laughed.

"Probably sensible," Sam nodded, sipping her coffee. "After today though, I needed a blow out." She stared into her coffee cup as if the answers to the universe were in there. Cal and Ethan exchanged a look.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cal asked cautiously.

"No, no its fine. I suppose I'd better get going and let you boys get to sleep." Sam said pensively.

"Sam its nearly 3am, why don't you just stay here tonight?" Cal asked.

"Oh, I couldn't, I don't want to put you out."

"Its fine," Cal said, "you can stay in my room, I'll sleep on the couch." Sam looked towards Ethan.

"Its fine," he smiled, "better than you traipsing back home at this time of night."

"Thanks guys, that's really kind of you." Sam smiled shyly. Ethan drained his coffee and headed back to his room, and Cal went to have a quick tidy of his. Sam made her way into Cal's room and watched him from the doorway.

"Are you sure you don't mind giving up your room, I don't mind taking the sofa."

"Of course I don't mind, see gentleman...!" he smiled.

He took some tracksuit bottoms and a blanket from the airing cupboard, wished Sam goodnight and left her to it. She took her jeans and top off, and climbed into Cal's bed wearing her vest top and knickers. It was clear which was Cal's side of his bed, so she sat on the other side under the duvet, leaning against the headboard with her knees pulled up to her chest. She got out her phone and realised she had a message from Rita about 20 mins ago checking she'd got home OK. She typed a quick reply simply saying she was safe in bed, being careful not to specify who's bed, hoping she didn't wake her, and thanked her for a fun night. She sat hugging her knees and without realising, she started to cry, suddenly she felt all alone again. Her phone buzzed again moments later, she expected it to be a reply from Rita, but it was from Cal. She smiled, wondering what he was playing at as he was only in the other room. He wanted to know if he could come and get a pillow, she replied and seconds later he was back at the door. She was just wiping the last of her tears as he made his way into the room.

"What's wrong Sam?" he whispered, walking towards her and sitting on the bed. Sam shook her head, but she couldn't say anything, she knew she'd start crying again. "It's OK, you can talk to me." He looked at her earnestly.

"It's fine, I'm just being drunk and silly." Sam bit her lip to stop herself from going again.

"Is it still about work?"

"Not just that, honestly, I can cope with death, I think it's just being in a new place, I don't really know anyone, although everyone has been lovely and welcoming, but I guess I still feel a bit lonely. I know its stupid. I just miss having someone to cuddle, to feel close to you know?" she said as the tears started falling again. "And events like today make that all the more obvious." She sniffed. "See, silly." She tried to laugh.

"It's not silly, come here." He said gently, pulling her into a hug. She took a deep breath to stop a sob and returned the hug. They sat like this for a few minutes, then Sam looked up.

"Cal," she asked softly, looking up at him from under her long eyelashes, "will you stay with me?" she whispered. "As a friend I mean, I'm not trying it on with you, I just need to feel close to someone?" she looked at him hopefully.

"Of course" he said. He pulled his jogging bottoms off and climbed into the bed next to Sam. He pulled her into a hug and she rested her head on his shoulder. They lay in silence, until Sam let out a soft giggle.

"What?" Cal questioned.

"I'm sorry, I just realised you're in your pants," she whispered, giggling again.

"Yeah, well so are you!" he whispered back, snapping the waistband of her knickers to prove a point. "Actually, these feel like pretty sexy undies for a work night out, hoping to get lucky were we?" he looked at her with a twinkle in his eye.

"Well, you never know!" she winked. "I'd rather go home alone in sexy undies than end up in that critical moment with my granny pants on!"

"Oh, now that's a sexy thought!" he whispered in the dark, "you in your granny pants, yep that image is going to fill my dreams tonight!"

"Oi!" she nudged him. "Everyone has comfy pants!"

"Yeah, yeah." He smiled, pulling her back in close. "Now go to sleep."

Cal held Sam close, until she drifted off to sleep. He lay awake a bit longer, deep in thought. He wondered what was going on. He hadn't found anyone else since Taylor, the truth was, he was still too burnt from that experience and despite there being a few one night conquests, he hadn't been interested in looking for anyone else. But he didn't think that's what this was. Sure, he liked Sam, she was good fun, she seemed lovely, she was pretty and they seemed to connect quickly, but he wasn't sure he felt for her in any other way, and he was fairly certain she didn't about him. No, he was convinced it was friendship on both parts. That's why lying here in bed with her in his arms felt so comfortable. It felt more like he was comforting his best friend or sister, rather than a girlfriend. Sure they flirted with each other, but it always seemed harmless. But was he giving her the wrong idea, he was sure he wasn't, he hoped he wasn't.

Next door Ethan also lay awake thinking. Things still felt raw for him after his attempt at a relationship with Honey. Sure, they hadn't gone out for long, but they'd danced around their feelings for so long, and he had really liked her, he was sad things turned out that way, but here he was thinking maybe it was for the best after all. Maybe they were too different; he was willing to accept her differences, but it seemed she wasn't fully willing to accept his, and that's what hurt. He'd have given himself willingly, wholly to her, but it wasn't to be. It also stripped him of that tiny shred of confidence he'd felt since their first date. In truth, that was the real reason he was awake when Cal and Sam turned up. His thoughts then went to them. He wondered what was going on there. Surely Sam was too sensible to fall for Cal's ways, and surely she was too nice for him to take advantage of. But there was nothing he could do if that's the way things were heading. That would make for an awkward atmosphere at work. At least Honey had left when they'd split up. Oh, there it was again, the thought of Honey and that feeling that he'd been kicked in the stomach. Thankfully he didn't have work in the morning, so he didn't have to worry about another sleepless night affecting that.


	9. Chapter 9

Ethan woke early the next morning, he'd managed a couple of hours, but was awake and restless again. He really wanted a drink, so he crept into the kitchen, through the front room where he thought Cal was sleeping. He looked at the sofa, the blanket was tossed there, but there was no Cal. Ethan wondered if he'd fallen asleep in the bathroom again, the he looked closer and realised the sofa didn't really look as though it had been slept on. He sighed, 'Not again Cal' he thought to himself as he headed through to the kitchen. Although, as he thought more about it, he was pretty sure he hadn't heard any noises coming from Cal's room, and he had been awake for a while after they all went to bed, maybe Sam left and Cal went to bed, or maybe...'no maybe I'm just putting too much consideration into this' he thought, shaking his head. He sat on the sofa with his coffee and closed his eyes.

"Nibbles." Cal whispered causing Ethan to jolt awake again, nearly spilling his coffee in the process. He thought he might have been asleep for hours, but it was only 5 minutes, and by some miracle he still had a tight hold of his coffee in between his legs. He took a sip.

"What Cal?" Ethan sighed.

"How long have you been here?" Cal asked.

"Maybe I should ask you how long you haven't?" Ethan gave him a knowing stare.

"Relax. It was nothing like that!" Cal continued to whisper. "I went to get a pillow for the sofa, see I even got the blanket out, and Sam was crying, I sat to talk to her-"

"Yeah I know and one thing lead to another, blah, blah, blah, I've heard it all before Cal." Ethan sighed, bored of the same old tale. Honestly, how did his brother do it?

"No, Ethan, honestly, she was crying, so I sat to talk to her, gave her a hug, and she asked me to stay with her so she wasn't alone. Nothing happened I swear, I lay down with her, cuddled her and she fell asleep on my shoulder. I was going to wait until she was in a deeper sleep and come back out but I must have fallen asleep too, I've just woken up and come out here." Ethan eyed him suspiciously. "Honest Ethan, I swear that's the truth."

"I suppose if you had done anything else, you'd have been the first to brag about it" Ethan whispered back draining most of his coffee.

"Exactly." Cal smiled. "Anyway, I don't think I see her like that, its weird, it feels like I've always known her, like we've been friends for years, we had that feeling of being really comfortable with one another, you know?"

"Not really." Ethan answered honestly. Cal got up and made a coffee for himself and handed another to Ethan. He sat beside him on the sofa.

"How are you Ethan, really?" Cal asked earnestly, looking into his eyes, trying to read something, anything of how his little brother was feeling.

"I'm fine."

" I knew you were going to say that."

"Really, I am. I'm OK. Life goes on and all."

"I know it does, but that doesn't stop it hurting. Believe me I know." He shot a sideways glance at his brother and sipped his coffee. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry Ethan."

"What for?"

"For pushing you to ask her out. I feel somehow at least partly responsible."

"Its fine, and what we did have was fun, it just wasn't meant to be I guess." Ethan sighed. "I guess I put her on a pedestal a bit, which didn't help, and ultimately differences are good, but too much obviously isn't, we wanted different things, I wasn't enough for her, not enough to make her happy anyway." He forced a smile, trying not to show how hurt he was still feeling.

"Things will get better Ethan, for both of us, they have to surely!" Cal laughed quietly. The brothers sat in silence finishing their coffee, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Eventually Cal broke the silence.

"Are you sleepy Ethan?"

"Not really, why?"

"Fancy a game?" he nodded towards his console, which had been underused recently. He didn't often play but occasionally like to indulge his younger self on his minimal leisure time. Ethan thought for a minute.

"Go on then." He smiled. Cal handed him and controller and they played for the next 30 minutes. They didn't realise though that the more they got involved in the competition, the louder they became. They also didn't realise that Sam had come out from Cal's bedroom, wearing a pair of his jogging bottoms with her hair tussled and messy from sleep. She had used her compact mirror to sort her smudged eye make up before she left the room, so as to make this encounter less embarrassing than it might be. She stood in the doorway watching the brothers compete for about 5 minutes before making her presence known.

"Sam, sorry, did we wake you?" Ethan asked, momentarily distracted, allowing Cal to gain ground. "You cheat!" he shouted at his brother.

"You snooze you lose I believe the saying goes!" Cal laughed.

"I was thinking 'boys will be boys' was more appropriate!" Sam laughed. Ethan tossed aside the controller and got up.

"Coffee Sam?" he asked.

"Yes please, as long as it doesn't interrupt your game?" Sam smiled. Ethan shook his head and smiled back. Sam took his place on the sofa and grabbed his controller, picking up where he left off in the game. When Ethan returned with 3 steaming mugs of coffee, there was lots of banter coming from Cal and Sam, the latter who had gotten really involved in the competition.

A while later, breakfast and more coffee had been consumed and the three were slouching together on the large sofa half asleep watching TV.

"This reminds me of my early uni days," Sam said, "either when we'd done a run of night shifts or when we'd had a particularly heavy night, my flatmates and I would all lie on the sofa with our duvets and loads of snacks and junk food and veg out all day, it was pretty amazing, except the times when we realised we had assignments due and ended up pulling caffeine induced all-nighters to complete them before our lectures." Sam laughed, pulling the blanket up around her.  
"I think Cal still lives like that now!" Ethan laughed, earning a slap upside the head from Cal, who ended up knocking Sam at the same time. Sam returned the favour and the two ended up have a slapping fight on the sofa, ending when Cal held Sam's wrists against the back of the sofa laughing.

"Quit it you two," Ethan laughed, its like sharing a sofa with an annoyingly cute couple in a rom com."

"More like a brother and sister I'd say." Sam couldn't hide the blush. "I guess I should be getting out of your hair, you've probably got lots to do without me getting in the way." Sam said.

"No, you don't have to leave." Ethan said a bit too quickly.

"Yeah, we don't have any plans, I was thinking we could carry on with your old uni vegging idea, go get some snacks and have a movie afternoon? What do you guys think?" Cal said. Sam looked between him and Ethan.

"Yeah, sounds fine to me." Ethan said. He was tired and not up for doing much today.

"Well if you guys really don't mind me hanging out then that sounds great." Sam smiled.

"Great, I'll go buy some supplies." Said Cal.

A while later, Cal was back with a load of food, drinks and snacks, Ethan and Sam had each freshened up in the shower, and had set things up for a movie afternoon. They put the snacks out on the coffee table and all 3 piled back on the large sofa, Sam in between the two boys, Cal had snagged the corner part and had his feet up. Before long, the late night and lack of sleep had taken its toll and Sam had fallen back to sleep. Ethan put the blanket over her, and carried on watching the movie. As the credits rolled, Ethan got up to go to the loo, and Sam stirred and stretched.

"Oh, sorry, did I fall asleep." Sam said, embarrassed.

"It doesn't matter," Cal said stretching. "I think I'm gonna have a shower." He said getting up.

"Good idea, you stink!" Sam laughed throwing a pillow at him.

"Oi, madam!" he said throwing it back. Ethan came back and sat down next to Sam, and Cal went off for his shower.

"Thanks for letting me stay over Ethan, I really appreciate you guys letting me invade. I really didn't fancy being on my own."

"That's OK, its been nice having you over actually, its taken my mind off things too."

"Oh? What's up?" Sam questioned. Ethan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Sorry, you don't have to say, it comes naturally to me to try and help, sorry." Sam said putting her hand gently on his arm. She smiled at him, and he considered spilling everything for a split second, but couldn't bring himself to.

"Its nothing really, just some personal issues, its fine, its just nice not to dwell on it all." Ethan sighed, and Sam smiled and nodded at him.

"If you want to talk to someone impartial, I'm a good listener Ethan." Sam said giving his hand a squeeze. Something about the way she said his name and the light squeeze on his hand sent a jolt through him, he felt the butterflies in his stomach that he realised he hadn't felt since Honey and him went on their first date. There is was again, that sinking feeling as his mind went back to his ex. He realised Sam was still staring at him, he looked up, right into her eyes, clear, blue, shining eyes. He swallowed hard, as the butterflies started again.

"Shall we get the next film ready?" Ethan said jumping up. He came back to the sofa with a large bag of toffee popcorn, he opened it and offered it to Sam. She slid up towards him.

"My favourite." She said helping herself to a handful. The rain pounded on the window and Sam shivered. Ethan pulled the blanket up around her, and she snuggled down. "You have the most amazing sofa, it feels like it swallows you up." Sam said causing Ethan to laugh.

"Who is swallowing who up?" Cal said coming back into the room, towelling off his hair and tossing the towel in the machine.

"The sofa," Sam laughed, Cal looked at her like she was loopy. "It's so squishy!"

"They settled down to watch the next film, but they were all over taken by comfort and fatigue and all fell asleep curled up on the sofa. They didn't wake until Cal's alarm went off on his phone later that evening.

"Ugh," Cal moaned. "Guess that means I have to go to work, joy! Wonder if the delightful Dr Chao is back!"

"Cal!" Ethan shot a warning look, "play nice!"

"Sorry, but she's really got my back up since this whole passing her registrar training exam."

"Even so." Ethan said. "Go get ready, I'll make you a strong coffee." Cal went to get dressed and freshen up, and Ethan came back with another round of coffees. Cal left for his shift and Sam finished her coffee.

"I'll get out of your hair in a bit Ethan, but thanks again for putting up with me today."

"Its been a pleasure. It's been great getting to know you more and you're really easy to spend time with." Ethan said kindly.

"I'm glad you added the 'to spend time with' at the end of that!" Sam laughed.

"Well, if I was going to accuse anyone of being easy it would be Cal!" He raised his eyebrows and they both laughed. Sam gathered her things together, and Ethan found himself feeling sad at the thought of her leaving. He noticed it was still raining, so he did the gentlemanly thing and offered her a lift home, which she gratefully accepted. Suddenly Sam's phone started ringing from an unknown number.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Sam, its Rita." She sounded hurried and stressed.

"Are you ok Rita?" Sam questioned.

"Look, I hate to ask, but is there any chance you can come in and lend a hand tonight. There's been a major incident, a gas explosion in town, lots of casualties, many minor injuries, but some critical, info still pending on more. We need all the hands we can get."

"Sure thing Rita, no problem, I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up, looking at Ethan who looked concerned. "There's been a gas explosion in town, they need extra hands at work."

"Right, let me get my things together and we'll both go in." Ethan said, grabbing his bag and coat. They stopped by Sam's flat and she quickly darted in to change her clothes and freshen up, then they headed straight into work.


	10. Chapter 10

The first thing Ethan did was look for Cal, he would have already started, and he could give Ethan the low down on what was happening, while Sam headed to find Rita.

"Rita, I'm here, where do you want me."

"Sam, thank you for this. For the moment in cubicles please. I've got some minors in there to finish up, and a couple from the blast who need sutures and wound dressings." Rita answered before heading off to organise other members of the team. Sam set to work, quickly and efficiently processing, treating and discharging patents. She had cleared 3 cubicle spaces and needed a doctor to prescribe some antibiotics for another before they could be discharged. She went off to get this done, deliberately searching out Ethan, as she hadn't seen him or Cal since she started. She found him coming out of another cubicle where he had been removing some glass from a wound.

"Ethan, how are you doing? Where's Cal?" She asked, her voice sounding concerned. Ethan looked strained at the mention of his brother's name.

"He's out there." He said simply.

"What do you mean, out there? He made it to work right?" she asked getting more worried.

"Yes, but they needed a doctor at the scene, he volunteered, typical of Cal, adrenaline junkie!" Ethan tried to joke, by Sam saw right through it.

"Well, I'm sure he'll be OK Ethan, try not to worry yourself too much." She said touching his upper arm gently and giving him a reassuring smile. Then remembering what she had originally needed a doctor for she changed the subject, assuming that keeping Ethan professionally focused was probably for the best until they heard any news.

"Ethan, I need some Flucloxacillin prescribing for a man with a wound infection, would you mind taking a quick look?" She asked. "He's in cubicle 8." Ethan followed her to her patient and agreeing with her assessment, prescribed the necessary antibiotics and they discharged the patient. Ethan then asked Sam to dress the wound on his patient whom he and just removed the glass shards from. They also decided he should probably have a tetanus booster. Sam sorted him out and they discharged him too. By this time Rita had returned with news from the scene. Sam's stomach knotted up as Rita gathered the team together, Ethan went white with fear.

"Ok guys, gather around quickly please. So we have dealt with some of the walking wounded, you're all doing a fantastic job. We now have word that there are only three critical patients to come in, much less than originally anticipated, however, I will stress they really are critical. Two are en route as we speak, ETA 3 minutes, so trauma teams stand by please. However, the third patient is currently still trapped at the scene, and Cal is there working with Iain an Dixie to get him out. There is obviously pressure to get him released but also great risk associated with this, so the team are treading carefully. As soon as I know more details I'll let you know. Keep up the good work guys, and thank you again."

The team dispersed, except for Sam and Ethan. Rita approached them, "Ethan, really, at the moment the guys are fine, _Cal_ is _fine_ , please don't worry." She said emphasising the last part. "Look, Connie, Zoe and Lily have resus in hand, I'll go in too, why don't you two carry on in cubicles for now, I notice you've got it covered, very efficient work going on between you, you make a great team." Rita smiled. "I promise I will find you the moment I hear any more, or Cal returns." Rita headed towards Resus where the first casualty was being wheeled, and Sam turned to Ethan.

"Come on Ethan," she said softly, "Rita's right, we make a great team, and look how efficient things are in cubicles. The A Team!" she laughed, trying to jolly the mood. "OK, next we have Mrs Anderson, 42 year old with ?fractured wrist from fall, or Mr Frederick, 67 year old with chest pain, nil acute on ECG. I'll put Mr Frederick in cubicle 6 for you, and I'll take Mrs Anderson in 7 and then I'll be right next door, OK?"

"Thanks Sam." Ethan smiled touching her arm lightly and holding eye contact. She knew he didn't mean about organising the patients, this was a thank you for being there. She felt a warm glow, and was she crazy or were there butterflies in her stomach. She shook that thought away and went to collect the patients.

...

Meanwhile, at the scene of the incident, Cal was with the final critical patient, who was trapped under a collapsed wall and ironwork, which was preventing the easy release. He was aware that due to the length of time the patient had been trapped, he was at high risk of crush syndrome and therefore had a high risk of reperfusion injury. His legs were trapped and Cal was unable to fully assess his injuries. Cal knew he had to get fluids into his patient, so inserted a large cannula, he gave some IV morphine to help with the pain. Cal thought it was possible he might have to sedate and intubate, but at the moment the patient was maintaining his breathing. He set up the first litre of saline running through quickly, to try and avoid the risk of renal damage. The fire crews were working on cutting the ironworks and removing the rubble and Cal and Iain were standing by to get him into the ED as quickly as possible. Dixie had gone to phone through the information to the ED as the first crews were on their way in with the first two critical patients. All of a sudden there was a loud crash as the upper floor collapsed around them. Debris and dust filled the air, Iain ducked for cover as best as he could and Cal, who was still supporting and monitoring his patient, leaned in to protect him from further injuries.

"Cal! Are you alright mate?" Iain shouted. Cal looked up and realised they had been cut off in the floor collapse.

"What's going on Iain?" Cal asked, coughing as the dust filled his airway.

"The upper floor collapsed around you, you're trapped for the moment by the looks of it. Are you ok?"

"Yeah fine, can you find out what's going on about getting us out. We can't be in here much longer." Iain went out to speak to the fire crews, and as they were discussing issues, there was another explosion from inside, followed by further structural collapse.

"Iain! No!" Dixie shouted as he instinctively headed towards the building, being held back by the chief fire officer.

"Cal's in there!" Iain shouted. "He's in there, we have to get him out, NOW!" He practically screamed.

"Let's try and keep calm." Dixie said firmly. "We can't have you running in and getting injured too."

"But, he's our mate, he's ours..." Iain trailed off, before slamming his fist on the side of the ambulance.

"And damaging that won't help" Dixie said pointedly. "Look Iain, I've been here before, we know how these heroic stunts end up don't we, I can't risk losing you too, just wait for the scene to be cleared yeah?" Dixie said.

"Sorry Dix, yeah, you're right, I know that, its just hard when its a mate."

"I'm gonna ring the ED. Give them an update." Dixie sighed.


	11. Chapter 11

Back at the ED, Rita took the phone call from Dixie, Connie and Zoe were still with their patients in resus, she stared grimly as Dixie relayed the update. Rita hung up and headed off to find Ethan. She turned around and saw Sam and called her over.

"Where's Ethan?" Rita said quickly.

"Cubicle 6 with Mr Frederick. Why?"

"Come with me." Rita said simply. They called Ethan out of the cubicle, and Rita took them both to the staff room.

"What's going on Rita?" Ethan asked, worried.

"There's been another explosion," Rita said quickly, Sam's hand flew to her mouth. "The ceiling of the building collapsed, with Cal still inside."

"Oh my God! Is...is he...is he OK?" Sam said visibly shocked. Ethan stood in silence, the colour now completely drained from his face. Sam instinctively clutched Ethan's hand and gave it a squeeze.

"We don't know, the fire crews are trying to get back inside now. Ethan, Dixie will update us as soon as she knows anything. I'm sorry. Look, you two stay here, Lily and I will cover you in cubicles. The two resus patients are ready for theatre anyway." Sam nodded at Rita, Ethan was still just frozen to the spot. Sam sat him down on the sofa and sat next to him. They stayed in silence for a while, Sam just holding onto his hand. Ethan hadn't even realised she was holding it. His world had come to a halt when Rita had spoken those words. They were spinning around his head, 'explosion', 'collapsed', 'Cal'. Sam got up and got a glass of water and set it in front of him. His breathing got erratic, not that he realised, but as the panic grew, and the room started spinning, he came back to reality, hearing Sam's voice.

"Breathe slowly Ethan, listen to my voice, slow deep breaths, in...and out, in...and out. Focus on me, I'm here, in...and out. That's great." She soothed as his breathing slowed and they got control of the panic.

"Cal, he's...oh god no!" Ethan breathed.

"Ethan, we don't know anything yet. I know its hard but try to stay calm, don't assume anything until we know."

"I should go there, I should-"

"No Ethan," Sam cut him off. "You won't help matters by rushing out in this emotional state, just sit tight and wait for some news."

"Sit tight, SIT TIGHT!" He shouted back. Sam winced. "How can I? My brother, he might-he might be dead, crushed, and you think I can just sit here."

"Ethan." Sam said simply, "Ethan, look at me." She put her hands on his shoulders and turned him to face her. He looked up, staring into her blue eyes. She held his gaze for a moment before speaking again. "Ethan, I'm sure it will be OK, we just have to wait for them to reassess things and they'll let us know. I'm here, OK, I may not be Cal, but I'm staying right here with you. You won't be alone, I won't leave you." She stared into his brown eyes, he looked like a frightened, vulnerable little boy. She grasped his hands in hers and gave them a comforting squeeze. He moved his thumbs around her hands and squeezed back.

"Thank you." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't apologise." She said softly.


	12. Chapter 12

It felt like hours while the fire crews surveyed the building again, but finally they declared it was safe and Iain and Dixie were escorted back to where they had left Cal with the patient.

"Cal! Cal!" Iain shouted as he scrambled through the rubble. "Cal! Can you hear me mate?!" Iain threw a worried glance at Dixie, after what felt like an eternity, they heard a cough.

"I'm here." Cal's voice came, a little quiet and shaky.

"Cal, thank god! What's the situation in there." Dixie asked.

"He's not looking good Dix," Cal breathed out. "I'm heading towards needing to intubate. We need to get him out now, how long will it be?"

"The fire crews are working on it, but what about you?" Dixie added.

"I'm fine Dix, I'm fine, just get us out. We need to scoop and run. Make sure we've got a clear exit ready yeah?" Cal started coughing again.

"It's being sorted, don't worry mate!" Iain shouted back whilst helping the fire crews remove the rubble. Cal, who was not doing as well as he pretended he was, was preparing to intubate. He inserted another cannula, and injected the patient with Ketamine and Sux. He quickly got to work inserting the tube and attaching it to the portable equipment carried by the paramedics. Just as he had secured everything, the fire crews uncovered them from the rubble.

"Cal," Dixie looked concerned at the doctor.

"I'm fine Dix, we need to get him moved. Pass me another litre of saline please." Cal attached another litre of saline, as the fire crews prepared to release the last parts of the patient.

"Right Cal, the minute he's free, we're ready to run. Are you sure you're OK?" Dixie said.

"Yes, I'll get sorted when we get him back to the ED."

"Right, I'll phone through and give them a quick update." Dixie smiled pulling out her phone.

...

Rita picked up the phone, a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. She glanced over towards the staff room where Ethan sat waiting for news.

"Dixie, what's happening?"

"We've got back in. Cal is OK, he's got a laceration on his head, and he's inhaled a lot of dust, but he won't let us examine him properly. He's just intubated the patient and we've got fast fluids running. We're preparing for a scoop and run any minute, so have resus ready in the next 10 minutes. It's gonna be touch and go with this one, things aren't looking good kid."

"But I can tell Ethan that Cal is OK?"

"Yes, I'm sure he'll be fine." Dixie hung up and Rita breathed a sigh of relief and headed towards the staff room. Ethan's stomach hit the floor when he saw Rita walking towards them. She looked somber he was sure she did, it must be bad news, he braced himself as best he could. Rita wasn't looking as somber as Ethan imagined.

"I've just heard from Dixie, Cal's OK, he's got a head wound and inhaled dust, but he's going to be fine Ethan, OK?" Rita smiled. Ethan blinked slowly and nodded at her.

"Thanks Rita." He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. Sam let out a sigh.

"They will be heading in with the patient in the next 10 minutes or so, I'll send Cal straight through to get treatment and I'll let you know when he arrives." Ethan nodded again and Sam smiled at Rita as she turned at left to await their arrival. Sam and Ethan sat in silence for a bit longer, each taking in what they had just been told. Ethan finally broke it.

"Thank you Sam." He said, still speaking softly. "I appreciate everything you've done tonight."

"My pleasure Ethan, it makes up for me invading your space earlier." She smiled as she spoke and nudged him gently sideways with her arm.


	13. Chapter 13

Back at the explosion site, the team had finally managed to release the man, and load him onto a stretcher to carry out of the building. Cal was packing up the last of the equipment. He grabbed a bag and swung it heavily onto his back, and as he did so he counterbalanced himself, wobbled, lost his footing and fell down into the rubble. He swore to himself as he tried to get up to leave, but the pain shooting through both his ankle and shoulder prevented him from continuing. Iain heard him fall and leaving the fire service to help Dixie removed the casualty, he made his way back to Cal.

"You alright mate?" he asked, Cal was looking pale – and not just because of the dust.

"I think I've sprained my ankle," Cal tried to laugh, "and my shoulder doesn't feel too good either." He admitted.

"Do you think you can hobble out if here with my help or do I need to get the carry chair?" Iain asked.

"No! No chair!" Cal said assertively "Just help me up, I'll be fine." He said, suddenly feeling exhausted. Iain grabbed the bag in one arm and Cal slung his good arm around the other, and Iain helped him hobble out to where Dixie was waiting in the ambulance. The climbed in the back, and Dixie sped away on blue lights towards Holby ED.

The trauma team was on standby waiting for the casualty as Iain and Dixie wheeled him through to resus. The earlier two casualties had been stabilised are were now upstairs awaiting their emergency theatre slots. Dixie gave the handover and Iain went back to help Cal, who by now had hobbled out of the back of the truck and was making his way slowly inside.

"Come on you, lets get you seen to." Iain said. He looked up and his heart jumped momentarily as he laid his eyes on Rita. He almost stopped in his tracks, but managed to cover it up and continue, putting his bravado appearance back on.

"Rita." He called, nodding towards Cal. Rita came running over looking relieved, but then more concerned as she got closer and saw the state Cal was in. Wheeling a chair towards him she deftly scooped him up, not allowing him to argue, and took him straight through to cubicles. There she took a full set of obs and sent someone to tell Ethan that Cal was here.

"What have you been playing at Cal?" she smiled while putting on the blood pressure cuff.

"You know me, 'action hero', I like to be in the thick of it." Cal laughed, wincing somewhat as he did.

"Where's the pain?" she asked, arching an eyebrow in a way that told him not to play tough.

"It might be easier to ask where is doesn't hurt." He smiled leaning back slowly on the trolley. Just then Ethan came flying into the cubicle closely followed by Sam, who Cal noticed looked almost as concerned.

"Oh my God Cal! What were you playing at?" Ethan almost screamed at him. Cal looked shocked, and a little confused. "Was this some kind of payback for the car accident last year?"

"Payback? I was working Ethan, calm down, I'm fine."

"But you might not have been, I can just see you, charging in, Mr 'Action Hero', Superman saves the day again!" Cal winced at the sight of his brother getting angry with him, when in reality he had been doing his job. He hadn't rushed in being all 'Action Hero', though he noted how well his brother knew him and the appearances he put on.

"Ethan, it was an accident, honest, the fire crew had cleared us to go in, we'd recovered two casualties and I was working on the third when the explosion went and the ceiling collapsed."

"We all know what you're like Cal, you don't think some-" Ethan started, Sam looked between the brothers.

"We're just so glad you're OK." Sam cut in, hoping to diffuse things before they got more heated than necessary. "Look, Ethan, we know Cal is OK, lets let someone assess him properly, treat him, and you come back afterwards, when you're a little calmer, OK?" she ended softly, starting to guide him out of the cubicle. She was surprised that he made no effort to argue, relief and fatigue getting the better of him. He went outside to get some air and Sam took over from Rita sorting out Cal an X-ray, and some pain relief. She looked at him, having some concerns about his breathing. It seemed to be getting more erratic, taking shorter shallow breaths. He noticed her looking.

"I'm fine, its just the pain, the pain relief will settle it." Cal said.

"Right, well we'll get the x-rays and go from there, OK? You know the drill!" As she said it, she glanced at the monitor and noticed his SATS were dropping. "Cal, what aren't you telling us?" Sam gave him a warning look. "You know how dangerous it is to not give us the full story." She put some oxygen on him pulled out her scissors and started cutting right up the middle of his scrub top.

"What are you doing?" he said breathlessly.

"You know the drill, if you won't tell, I look and see!" She saw the bruising coming out on his right side of his chest and gave him a stern look. "Cal, why didn't you say! Can I get some help in here please!" she shouted out, Zoe came in asking what was happening and Sam explained quickly.

"Let's get him into resus now!" Zoe commanded, and they wheeled him through. Before Cal knew it there were 4 or 5 people all around him, he was feeling a bit woozy with not being able to catch his breath.

"Let's get an urgent portable chest X-ray, I think we're looking at a possible haemothorax, let get a chest drain kit on standby." They busied themselves around Cal, and as they were doing the X-ray the double doors to Resus burst open and Ethan flew through.

"What's happening?" He shouted. "Someone tell me what's going on!"

"Ethan, its OK, we think he might have a haemothorax caused by a possible rib fracture." Zoe said calmly but firmly. "He's in the best place, just let us treat him."

Sam handed Zoe the tablet to view the X-ray results, and continued prepping the trolley for the drain insertion.

"Ethan?" Cal breathed removing his oxygen mask. Ethan hurried over grabbing his brothers hand.

"Shh Caleb." Ethan said, placing his mask back on. "I'm here." Cal blinked away the tears that were starting to form. "Cal, focus on me, Zoe is going to put a drain in, it will all be OK." Ethan soothed his brother."

"Why didn't you spot this sooner?" Ethan shouted and looked at Sam accusingly, Zoe looked up in shock.

"Ethan, Cal didn't tell us about the rib pain, and as soon as his breathing changed, I did spot it, He's getting the right treatment, you're not going to help him by shouting at us." Sam said firmly holding his accusing look. She saw a flicker of shame in his eyes, she knew it was fear and anxiety that was causing him to be like this. She didn't take his words or looks personally.

"Sam helped me, Ethan," Cal said breathlessly, "I was trying to convince myself I was OK, I guess adrenaline kept me going."

"Right Cal, I need you to keep very still for me, and Ethan, I will have to ask you to leave if you keep disrupting things." Zoe said authoritatively.

Once the drain was in place and Cal's breathing settled, Zoe convinced Ethan to leave him to rest and go and get a coffee; despite losing Cal from the numbers, she couldn't risk Ethan working, his head wouldn't be in the right place.

As things were calming down in the ED, Sam took the opportunity to head out for some fresh air. She saw Ethan sitting on a bench and went over to him.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, as Sam sat down on the bench next to him.

"Don't worry about it." She waved him away indicating she hadn't thought any more of it.

"I was just so scared I was going to lose him." Ethan said quietly. Sam just looked at him. "I know we constantly bicker, we irritate each other, he's careless and thoughtless at times, and really messy," he let out a small laugh at the last part, "but he's my brother, and no matter what, I'll always love him. I'll always be there for him." Silence descended on the pair, Sam held his gaze, her stomach flipped as she sat there looking into his eyes. But she pushed it down, he was upset, this wasn't about her. She lightly touched his arm and smiled. She got him, in that moment, she understood. Over his shoulder she spotted Rita, she nodded and silently got up and left Ethan to his thoughts.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam followed Rita into her office and they sat down.

"I just wanted to thank you for coming in tonight. You're really settling in well here, I have to say I'm really impressed." Rita said.

"Thanks." Sam smiled, blushing. "I really love it here, it just felt instantly right you know?" Sam replied.

"Yes, I do. Well anyway. I think things have calmed down enough that you can go home if you want."

"Thanks Rita." Sam hesitated. "Before I do go, I have a question..."

"Yes?" Rita asked, furrowing her brow slightly.

"What happened at the end of last night?" Sam smiled.

"What do you mean?" Rita laughed. "Anyway, shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Ha ha! Don't change the subject."

"Nothing happened, we left shortly after you did."

"Left separately, left together?" Sam prompted.

"Left the club together and then he put me in a taxi home. He was surprisingly gentleman-like." Rita laughed.

"So, if you like each other, what's stopping you?" Sam asked. It was bizarre, here she was in her managers office, yet they were gossiping like lifelong friends, it felt natural.

"I don't know. I just don't know. I can't be certain he feels the same." Rita sighed.

"Oh, he feels the same Rita. It was one of the first things I spotted on my first shift here." Sam winked. "We'll work on it." She smiled.

"Oh, I don't know."

"Don't worry, it'll be subtle, I wont make it obvious."

"Right." Rita said somewhat unsure. "Anyway, you ducked out of the gossip about you!"

"There is no gossip about me!" Sam laughed. Rita gave her a look that screamed 'yeah right, whatever'. "honestly Rita!"

"So, you didn't leave with Cal the other night? So you haven't been flirting with him since you started here?" Rita grinned.

"No! I mean, yes I left with him, but nothing is going on. Yes, we flirt, but its easy flirting, he flirts, I flirt back, its all fun. His reputation is out there and I'm just not his type, we get on really well, there's no denying that. But I'm certain that's as far as it goes."

Rita shot her a look that said 'I don't believe you' but out loud said: "We'll go with that story...for now."

They left the office, Rita to continue her shift and Sam headed to the staff room to get her things to leave. She got changed, grabbed her bag and hesitated. She thought about what Rita had said about her and Cal, there was nothing going on...was there? Surely not, no she was sure they were just friends. She had wanted to go and check on him before she went home, but wasn't sure if she should. Then she decided she wouldn't let being the subject of gossip stop her checking on a friend. Besides, if she didn't see him before she went home, she would only worry. She headed to where he lay resting and saw Ethan sitting beside him. She stopped and watched for a while, and was about to turn and leave when Ethan looked up. He waved her in and she hesitated, but pushed her way through the doors.

"Thanks for what you did Sam." Ethan said. "I'm sorry again I shouted."

"Honestly Ethan, it's ok. You were worried, you wanted your brother to be ok, of course you shouted. You don't work in an ED without getting used to being shouted at anyway." She chuckled. Her eyes twinkled again and Ethan smiled. "How is he doing?" She asked softly.

"He's sleeping. The joy of morphine eh?" He laughed and sniffed at the same time.

"He looks like he's maintaining his sats better now. The drain must have helped." Sam said, for once not really knowing what to say.

"Yeah." Ethan whispered.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to check he was ok before I left."

"Are you going home now?"

"Yeah, I'm not needed here anymore. You should think of getting some rest soon too." Sam said to him. He nodded.

"Yeah, they are getting him to a ward in a bit, I'll go when he's settled."

"Make sure you do Ethan." Sam said putting a hand on his shoulder. "Good night." She smiled as he looked up at her, and she slowly turned and left.

Ethan sat watching Cal sleep peacefully. His breathing now settled, and in a much more stable condition. In a few days he would be as right as rain as they say, but that didn't change how he had felt earlier that evening. That sick to the stomach feeling. The fear. The dread. Alone. Angry. Afraid. Sure looking back now, it was clear Cal would be ok. But in that moment earlier, he felt his world collapsing around him, like the ceiling that could have taken his brother away. He took Cal's hand again. He shook his head, seeing the irony in the situation being reversed to this time last year. Cal taking his hand as he lay in a hospital bed. Now here he was doing the same for his brother.

"You sure know how to get revenge, you know that." Ethan whispered. "I was scared Caleb, I'm not ashamed to admit it, I thought for the first time that I could lose you too, and I couldn't bare the thought of that. You know how to push my buttons and you rub me up the wrong way, but who have I got if I haven't got you. I need you in my life. I _want_ you in my life. You have to stop thinking you're invincible. Look what that did to Jeff. I can't risk you being taken away from me. It feels like I'm losing everyone and everything at the moment, you're the nearest thing I have to stability. There will always be other jobs, other girls, well maybe not in my case, but I'll never have another brother. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you Caleb, I love you, and I need you. Please, don't leave me." He felt Cal's hand give his a little squeeze, although he was still pretty much sleeping, Ethan knew that Cal knew he was there, and he felt comforted by that.


	15. Chapter 15

Just another quick public thanks to anyone still reading this, I've written a couple of later chapters that I can't wait to post, but I need to fill between them, so please, if you can, bare with it.

Also just wanted to give a big public thank you to **Tato Potato** and **sweet-as-honey** who's continued support and reviews are keeping me positive that someone is reading and enjoying this. Thanks guys :)

A few days later, Cal had been discharged and was recovering well at home. Ethan had reluctantly left him to return to work, although he knew Cal didn't need him at home, Ethan felt more assured he would be resting if he was around.

It was also Charlie's first shift back since his heart attack and subsequent cardiac arrest. He was allowed back but on restricted duties, he was under orders to take things easy - like Charlie was going to pay attention to this advice!

He was supporting Sam in Triage, although she seemed to have taken to it fairly well, he was silently impressed with Rita's recent appointment. He saw a lot of himself in her when he was younger and though she would do well, she had come far already and showed no signs of stopping yet from what he could gather from their conversations that morning.

Sam was busy trying to sort the time wasters from those who actually needed help. In front of her was a worried young mother who had brought her 7 month old baby in. At first glance it seemed there wasn't too much wrong with her, maybe a virus with a slight temperature. Sam gave the little girl a stat dose of liquid paracetamol in triage, as the mother hadn't yet given any, to try and get on top of the temperature, and sent her through to minors. She processed the paperwork and put the form out so someone would review her shortly. The little girl was stable at the moment, but Sam knew you could never be too careful with babies, they can deteriorate very rapidly.

Next was a teenage boy with a 'tummy bug', who was otherwise well, he had been eating and drinking still so Sam suggested he saw his GP in a couple of days if things didn't settle.

Then she saw a tricky case, another worried mother with her 3 year old son, who had non specific abdominal pain. it was difficult to get a history, but Sam got the impression that the mother had seen a few different doctors recently, she also regaled a tale of how awful their experience of St James' was last week. As it was the child sat very quietly, his obs were ok, but he did look pale, with sunken eyes. Something didn't sit right in her mind, but she couldn't put her finder on what it was. She questioned the mother about the history of the illness as much as possible, but found her evasive at times, and trying to engage the young boy gave her nothing as he sat looking at the floor. She sent them through to minors, and once she had completed her paperwork, she went to find Charlie to talk to him about her concerns.

"I just think there's more to this than appears on the surface." Sam said. "I don't know what, but something is making me feel uneasy."

"Why don't you go and speak to the doctor in cubicles, I think Ethan is the senior covering with Lily. I'll cover you in Triage for a bit." He smiled at her.

"Charlie, is this you trying to work your way back in?" Sam smiled raising an eyebrow at the senior nurse. She could see why he was well respected and loved in the department, he really did seem like everyone's dad, someone you didn't want to disappoint. Charlie laughed heading off towards Triage. "You'll get me into trouble Mr Fairhead!" Sam called after him.

Sam headed out into cubicles to find Ethan or Lily, the latter of which appeared first.

"Lily, can I have a quick word?" Sam called her over. "I've got a young boy, on the surface there isn't a lot wrong, but there's something about it that sits uneasy, will you take a look keeping an open mind for me?" Sam asked quietly.

"What do you mean 'keep an open mind'?" Lily asked curtly.

"I just mean read between the lines a bit, all might not be what it seems." Sam said softly, noticing Lily's obvious defense on how she'd put things.

"I don't need you telling me how to do my job thank you." Lily responded in a harsh tone. Ethan was coming out of his cubicle and looked up on hearing Lily's tone of voice.

"I know Lily, I was just trying to explain my findings." Sam tried to explain.

"If you've done your job properly and written the notes, _I_ will assess the patient and _I_ will decide what action is taken, that's _my_ job. I am the doctor." Lily continued still being curt and defensive. Sam decided it was pointless, she wasn't getting through to Lily. She held her hands up and turned towards the nurses station with a sigh. Lily turned on her heel and walked off.

Sam stood quietly at the nurses station, she was still thinking about the little boy, and trying to work out why she felt uneasy about it when she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She turned and saw Ethan standing there, holding some notes.

"Are you ok?" He looked at her.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

"Lily, she was a bit, well a bit off with you. In fact a bit out of order if you ask me, do you want me to have a word?" Ethan said kindly.

"No, I'm fine Ethan, honest, that's nothing! I've had doctors and consultants shout at me, throw things at me, trust me, Lily's little hissy fit was nothing. She clearly thinks I overstepped the mark with her and she took offense."

"You've had things thrown at you?" He asked raising his eyebrows. She laughed.

"And you haven't?"

"Um, no!" He laughed.

"I suppose you would have been a 'Golden Boy' junior doctor. Yes, I've had notes thrown at me, a tendon hammer and even a bedpan!" Sam laughed. "The joys of nursing and all!"

"A bedpan - hopefully not a used one?"

"I'll leave that to your imagination." Sam winked. "Anyway, don't worry about Lily, I was just expressing concerns about a young patient, if she doesn't want to hear what I think then, for now, there's nothing I can do." Sam shrugged.

Well, if you need my help to talk to her, or another doctors opinion, you can always come and find me." Ethan said kindly. Sam nodded and smiled widely as she had a sudden flash of inspiration. She picked up the phone and dialed through to the operator.

"Can you put me through to Saint James' Emergency Department please." Sam said whilst picking up the young boys notes. She had an interesting conversation with a doctor at St James' and they had faxed over his notes from there, she noticed he was registered under a different GP on those notes and she managed to track his current GP and the fact that he had been registered with 3 different GP's in the past year. Things were starting to click into place. She further studied the young boys notes and then in another flash of inspiration she asked for the mothers hospital notes. She thought she might have an idea, of course there was no proof but she had to discuss this with Lily. She saw Charlie coming out of Triage and waved him over.

"Charlie, are you ok? I think I'm onto something." Sam said feeling pleased with herself.

"I'm absolutely fine, I promise. You carry on and I'll stay in Triage." Charlie smiled heading back off after picking up some more forms.

She headed off to find Lily again wondering how best to play this. She had already annoyed Lily, she didn't want to risk being completely shut out.

"Lily, how is he." Sam said lightly, nodding towards the cubicle the little boy was in. Lily gave her an icy stare. "I'm just curious" said Sam holding up her hands in defense.

"I'm waiting for blood results, I couldn't see anything on the ultrasound, so if the bloods don't show anything obvious, then I'll likely send him for a CT scan."

"Look, I've done some phoning around, he was seen at St James' last week for similar symptoms, and he's seen numerous GP's over the past 12 months, and I've pulled his um's records, and-"

"I've told you, if I need your input I will ask for it. As it stands you are a nurse, when I ask you to do bloods or obs, you do them. If a patient needs the toilet you take them. I am the doctor, I will diagnose them." Lily snapped and walked off. Sam couldn't help but stand opened mouthed, completely shocked at her dressing down in the middle of cubicles. Ethan emerged again looking cross, he looked at Sam quickly before heading off after Lily.

"Ethan, wait! Its-" Sam shouted, tailing off and the end.

"Lily!" Ethan called. "Can I have a word please." He said nodding towards the empty staff room. He followed her in and closed the door. Sam could only stand and watch in shock.

"What are you playing at Lily?" Ethan asked, trying to keep his cool.

"What do you mean?"

"Shouting at Sam like that, no talking _down_ to her. Everyone heard it Lily!" He said barely containing his temper which was threatening to blow.

"I don't see the problem you have Ethan." Lily snapped.

"The problem I have Lily is that you just can't talk to people like that! If you have a problem, you step aside and discuss it, you don't belittle people in front of their colleagues!"

"But you shouting at me now is ok!" She shouted at him.

"I'm not shouting Lily. Yes I'm annoyed, I think you were out of order, but you'd know it if I was shouting at you. Besides, that would defeat the object in me making my point."

"Well, what do you want me to do. She was interfering. She thinks she's some kind of super nurse and I don't need her telling me how to do my job! I am a Registrar you know!" She ended up shouting again.

"Yes, Lily, you might be a Registrar, but that doesn't give you the right to walk all over people like this." Ethan started, losing his temper at her refusal to be reasonable. "You don't assume you are best placed to tell people what to do because of your position. Its a respect you have to earn! And you need to learn about team work. We all work together to help our patients, and most of the time that involves listening to what your colleagues have to say! Sometimes that will contain the final piece of the puzzle, and without that final piece you can't treat the patient as a whole. Yes you are a good doctor, your brain recalls more than most people could hope for, but our nurses are amazing, and they see things that we don't, they get close to our patients in a way that we don't, patients talk to them, and without this knowledge, even the best brain might miss something!"

"So what do you want me to do?" She said somewhat sulkily after Ethan's outburst.

"I want you to go and there, apologise and become the good doctor we know you are, and work on your teamwork skills, for all of our sakes! Because if this kind of attitude continues I _will_ be going to talk to Mrs Beauchamp, I can promise you that!" Ethan said turning and walking out. Lily stood shell shocked. The normally mild mannered doctor had lost it with her, and she didn't know what to think. All she knew was that she wasn't apologising to that nurse.

Sam watched in stunned silence as the argument in the staff room occurred. It was like she was glued to the spot, unable to move. She couldn't hear the exchange but she could see Lily being stroppy and Ethan fighting to keep his cool, before losing it in what looked like a long rant before walking out. As he headed towards her Sam didn't really know what to do. It was obvious she had seen the exchange, she was still stood in the same spot with her mouth hanging open in shock.

"Sam, I'm sorry, I-" Ethan started.

"Its fine-I, um, it was fine Ethan, you didn't need to do that." Sam said softly, her face flushing red.

"I know, but she was out of order, and she needed to know it."

" Thank you." Sam said quietly.

"Do you want to tell me what it was you were trying to tell Lily?" Ethan replied.

"It was just, well, the young boy in cubicle 4. There was something about him that made me uneasy with I saw him in Triage. I couldn't put my finger on it, but after doing some digging into old notes, and taking into account his mothers notes, I think there's the potential we are looking at munchausens by proxy. I know its a long shot, but its worth looking at." Ethan stared at her, considering the information she had just given. "Here, look at this." Sam said holding out the notes and information she had gathered.

"I think you're right, its a possibility. We can't go jumping to conclusions here, but I'd say there is enough evidence to look further. I think we should go to Mrs Beauchamp with this." He said simply.

They headed to the clinical leads office. When she called them in Ethan presented the evidence to her and she sat quietly while she considered it. They had of course left out the part with Lily.

"So what have you done with the patient so far today Dr Hardy?" Connie asked.

"Well, um, I haven't actually been treating him." Ethan said.

"So who is treating him?" Connie said a slight frown appearing.

"Well, um, Lily is." Ethan said.

"So why are you in here telling me this and not her?" Connie eyed Ethan suspiciously. He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He didn't really know what to say.

"Mrs Beauchamp, there was an incident surrounding this case between myself and Lily, she wouldn't listen to me or take my findings seriously, she seemed to take it as an insult to her skills that I tried to help. Ethan defended me and the nursing team in general, and if he hadn't listened to my opinion then we wouldn't be here. He's still trying to protect us now by not telling you about the issue."

"I see." Mrs Beauchamp said simply, getting up from her desk and making her way back out into the department with Ethan and Sam in tow.


	16. Chapter 16

Mrs Beauchamp headed towards Lily and indicated that she wanted to see the patient in cubicle 4. Lily looked confused but didn't dare question her. When she came back out, she simply said to Lily: "I think you need to get a psych referral."

"For the boy?"

"No, for the mother." Connie said. Lily looked more confused.

"I don't understand? The boy is the patient." She stated.

"Yes, but it seems we potentially have a case of munchausens by proxy, and we cannot take the risk of the boy's safety if the concern is there, which I have assessed it is."

"I don't understand Mrs Beauchamp."

"Well then Lily, perhaps you should go and speak to staff nurse Jones, actually listen to what she has to say, she will be able to enlighten you." Connie said stalking off gracefully, knowing she had made her point, and probably more effectively than shouting at the doctor. Ethan visibly cringed and Sam looked a bit panicked at having been named, so it was obvious she had been to speak to the clinical lead. Lily turned and looked at them both and walked off in the other direction.

"I'll make the referral." Ethan sighed, heading off to the nurses station to phone the on call psych team. Sam followed not really knowing what to do. She couldn't deny, she felt awkward, like she has caused friction in the department.

"Should I apologise to Lily?" She asked Ethan when he got off the phone.

"No, you have nothing to apologise for. Your main concern was, as it should have been, for the safety and well-being of your patient." Ethan said firmly.

"Speaking of, I should probably go to him and check he is ok. If psych think there is a risk we will have to get social services involved." She sighed and made her way to cubicle 4. Ethan thought about speaking to Lily again, but decided against it, it really wouldn't help matters and this shift was already becoming more awkward by the second.

With that thought, Rita sped down the corridor towards him alongside Dixie and Iain bringing a patient towards resus.

"Ethan!" Rita called quickly, "Can you lend a hand?" He fell into step with the others, listening to the patient handover, and was soon safely involved in another case.

He didn't see Sam again until she was heading out of the staff room having got changed to go home. He looked at the clock, he still had 2 hours to go.

"What was the outcome?" He asked. "I saw it getting messy, but Mrs Beauchamp seemed to have it in hand."

"Oh, it turned out she had been overdosing him with various vitamins and supplements, as well as restricting fluids, more so in the last week. His kidneys were struggling and she broke down on psych and admitted it all. She was admitted under the psych team, and the boy to paeds with social services involvement." Sam sighed. "I mean its good we caught his kidney damage in time, but such a shame he will have to at least go into temporary care as there was no one else. Hopefully she will get the help and support she needs to get better."

"Sounds like it was a good spot then." He smiled at her. "Well done."

"Thanks." She said quietly. "Anyway, I never got to ask you how Cal was?" Sam said changing the subject quickly.

"He's ok. He's home now, should be back to work in a few days or so. You can go over an see him if you like?" He questioned her. She smiled.

"Actually, that would be nice. Do you think he'd mind?"

"Not at all." Ethan said, wondering why her reaction felt like a bit of a slap in the face. If he didn't want her to want to see Cal, then why did he suggest it. Was it in the hope that she would still be there when he got home?

Sam made her way over to the boys flat, she wouldn't stay long, just check on Cal, make sure he was resting and not going insane with boredom. As she rang the buzzer for the flat, she felt a bit nervous, after all, he might not want to see her.

"Hello" Came Cal's voice from the intercom.

"Cal its Sam, I wondered if you wanted a quick visit?"

"Sure, come on up." He buzzed her in and was waiting in the doorway when she reached the top of the flight of stairs.

"how are you doing?" She smiled.

"Yeah, I'm ok." He said as he let her in.

"I'm sorry to invade, Ethan said you wouldn't mind."

"No, its fine, its great to see you. Of course, at this point, in comparison to my own company, it would be great to see anyone."

"Even Mrs Beauchamp?" She giggled.

"Mrs Beauchamp in those heels would always be welcome he smirked." Sam slapped his arm!

"Caleb Knight! You never change!" She laughed.

"Would you want me to?" He quipped.

"I guess not, you make me laugh too much."

"I'm glad I serve a purpose in your life!" He laughed. "So, whats the gossip?" Sam proceeded to fill him in on the issues with Lily today, and how Ethan had stood up for her and how Mrs Beauchamp had stepped in and sorted it all.

"So, Nibbles grew a pair and stood up to Lily, amazing!" He laughed.

"It was sweet of him." Sam said in his defense. She tried to hide her blush but couldn't. "It was embarrassing really, the way Lily spoke to me. I felt like a stupid kid at school again." She said blushing more.

"Hey, come here." He said pulling her in for a hug. She returned it gently, making sure not to hurt him. "Lily, well, what do I say about Lily, its like she's so insecure, shes always trying to prove herself. Unfortunately, in doing so, she rubs a lot of people up the wrong way."

"I wasn't too bothered at first, it was the telling off in front of everyone." Sam giggled, "Anyway, now I've had each of you come to my rescue!"

They chatted for a while longer, not realising the time that had passed until Ethan was suddenly appearing through the front door.

"Little brother, come join the party!" Cal laughed.

"I don't want to interrupt." Ethan said quietly.

"Don't be daft, I've been filling Cal in about Lily today."

"Yeah what a bi-"

"Cal!" Sam and Ethan said simultaneously.

"What?" he questioned trying to look innocent. They both shot him a look. "God! You two are so similar at times!" He sulked.

"Don't pout, it ruins your pretty face!" Sam laughed.

"Coffee guys?" Ethan said.

"Here, let me make it, you sit down and take a load off. You've had a busy day." Sam said scurrying to the kitchen.

"Thanks wifey!" Cal yelled!

"In your dreams Caleb!" She shouted back. He grinned at Ethan who rolled his eyes.

She returned with the drinks, and the three sat chatting for a little bit longer.

"Right, I'd better make a move." Sam declared getting up suddenly.

"Do you want a lift?" Ethan asked.

"No, its fine Ethan, I'm more than happy to walk. You need to take it easy. Thank you though." She smiled sweetly at him, making him blush slightly.

She wished them goodnight and headed down the road back to her own flat with a little skip in her step.

...

Cal lay awake that night thinking...He thought about the building collapsing around him. The fear he had felt when he thought he might be stuck there, he might die there. And if he did die, what would he have achieved. It was time he kept his promise of taking things more seriously, but then what was the point of life if you didn't live? And to live is to have fun surely? But what's the point of having fun if you didn't have anyone to share it with. He thought of Sam. She had brought a new spark of fun to his life again. Made him smile in a way he hadn't really since Taylor had disappeared with Ethan's money and his heart. How could he give his heart away to anyone else when _she_ had broken it beyond repair last time. He turned over and looked at his phone, 01:12.

...

Across town, Sam tossed and turned too. She couldn't get today's events out of her head. The way Ethan had come to her defense. The way he shouted at Lily for the way she spoke to her. If he could come to her defense like that against someone who he had been friends with longer...oh, what was she thinking. He was just morally sound, he didn't like people having wrong done to them. It wasn't about her, it was because Lily had been wrong. And if he hadn't come to her defense and he hadn't taken it to Mrs Beauchamp, what would have happened to that poor boy is anyone's guess. She turned over and looked at her phone, 01:12.

...

Ethan struggled to get to sleep that night. He couldn't pin down what was bothering him. For such an intelligent person, this situation had him stumped. He was still feeling a bit hurt about Honey but only when he was alone at night. Was he pining for company regardless of who he got it from? Was he jealous of the connection Sam and Cal shared? Was he jealous because it was Sam, or would he feel that if Cal had it with anyone. Was it how easily they fell into flirting and he just succeeded in feeling awkward? He felt like he was an awkward teenager again with the cool older brother, showing him up, and making his anxieties about girls all the more real. Why couldn't he be cool around girls like his older brother. He turned over and looked at his phone, 01:12.


	17. Chapter 17

The next work night out happened when most of the regulars had a Friday night off, and most weren't in the next morning. They settled on their local as it was familiar and easy, and relaxing surroundings. They were crowded around a couple of tables drinking, chatting and laughing.

Sam was sat with Robyn and Rita and Dixie while Max, Lofty, Cal, Ethan and Iain sat around the next table. They were all a little merry by this point, having been in the pub for a couple of hours since they finished work. Sam with thinking to herself trying, to work out how to help Iain and Rita be honest about their feelings. She got up and went to the bar, and ordered 3 bottles of white wine, she also asked the bartender for a load of shot glasses. She placed them back on the table with a bang and everyone looked at her, curious as to her plan. She poured a shot of wine into each shot glass.

"Right, everyone grab a glass," She said, "we're going to play 'I have never'. Don't groan Max! I still need to get to know some of you a bit more intimately and this is how we are going to do it! Come on, it'll be funny!" Sam smiled. "Everyone knows the rules don't they? We each take in turns to say a statement that we have never done and anyone that has done it has to have a drink. And before anyone says, I know shots of wine are wrong, but I couldn't exactly buy bottles of vodka from here, or a new shot each time, so I'm being resourceful! Right, Lofty, you start!" Sam announced.

"Ok, I'll start easy. I have never dated someone older than me." Lofty said. Everyone except Ethan and obviously Lofty drank their shot.

"At this rate we will need way more wine!" Sam laughed. "Ok, who's next, should we go round clockwise?"

"Ok, I have never streaked." Max said raising his eyebrows. Rita, Sam, Cal and Iain all drank their shots.

"Max I can't believe you haven't streaked!" Rita laughed.

"I don't wanna think about it either way!" Robyn said. "Ok, my turn, I have never slept with a co-worker." Max, Cal, Ethan, Iain and Dixie all drank. "Oh my God! You lot! What are you like!" Robyn laughed.

"I have never been arrested." Sam said. Dixie, Cal and Iain drank. "Dixie, really?" Dixie nodded.

"I got arrested for assault on a night out with Rita, a guy that had attacked a girl, we were trying to help her and he fell and bashed his head."

"Wow. Ok, your turn then Reets, make it a goodun!" Sam giggled.

"I have never given a lap dance to someone." Rita laughed. Sam was the only one to drink. They all looked at her.

"What?" She said shrugging. It wasn't a proper one, but yeah, in my younger days when I used to have a good body, no I'm kidding. I did it for a joke once on a mates birthday. Dixie, your turn." She changed the subject quickly.

"Ok I have never, fantasized about a friends partner." Dixie looked around. Everyone drank their shot. Cal's turn.

"I have never been spanked." Cal smirked. Sam and Rita drank. Then they refilled their glasses, clinked them and drank again, giggling. "Girls, we are going to have to hear about those stories" he smiled. "Ethan?"

"Ok, um, I have never been skinny dipping." He said. Cal, Sam, Iain, Rita, Max and Lofty all drank.

"I'm thinking I've done way too much of this stuff!" Sam laughed. "We need to catch Ethan out, he still too sober!" She winked at Cal.

"Ok," Iain said, "I have never been caught sneaking in." Sam and Cal exchanged a smile, clinked glasses and drank and started laughing.

"I have never aced an exam without revising." Cal said looking right at Ethan. He was the only one to drink.

"I have never been sick after a fair ride." Cal said again, looking at Ethan.

"That' not fair, you've had your go." He said.

"Drink Nibbles." Cal simply said holding his shot glass up. Ethan did as he was told.

The game continued until a few more surprising secrets came out and everyone was distinctly more drunk. But Sam's plan had worked, when Rita went outside for some air and shortly after Iain slipped outside too. No one else noticed, but Sam smiled to herself. She wished she could sneak out and see what was happening, but she couldn't risk them getting caught.

Lofty, Robin and Dixie had called it a night by this point, they had work the following day. Rita and Iain were still outside, leaving Max, Cal, Ethan and Sam still inside, all feeling somewhat worse for wear. Sam had her phone out trying to text Rita, but couldn't really co-ordinate what she was typing, so when Max said he was going out for a smoke, she briefly sneaked out with him.

"You don't smoke!" He said when she appeared behind him.

"No, I'm trying to see what Rita and Iain are up to." Sam giggled. She looked around but couldn't see them anywhere. "They must have left." She went back inside and landed with a bump on her chair next to Cal and Ethan, and laughed.

"So boys, how are things then?" She smiled.

"I was going to ask you the same question." Cal smirked.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked confused.

"Well, we've learnt a lot about naughty Sam tonight." Cal raised his eyebrows at her leaning on the table on his elbows as if he was waiting for an explanation.

"Yeah, and?" She questioned back, "are you jealous?"

"Maybe." he smiled. "One word...handcuffs!" Sam burst out laughing.

"You are jealous! Haha!" She said triumphantly. Ethan looked away somewhat awkwardly, which failed to go unnoticed by drunk Cal.

"Aw, Nibbles! Are you embarrassed!" Cal said ruffling his hair, causing him to duck out of the way. "I bet Ethan here is jealous!" He laughed as he got up to head to the loo.

"I'm not jealous." Ethan said sulkily, looking away.

"Its ok Ethan, ignore him, he's just joking, and drunk!" Sam smiled placing a drunk hand on his arm. She looked at him, even with her mind fogged by alcohol, she couldn't deny he stirred up some feelings in her. Something about him screamed loving, caring, safe and well, simply amazing. But she knew he would never see her like that. She brushed it aside and carried on. "I think I'm a bit too drunk" She said giggling.

"You're not the only one, I think everyone here has had a bit much." Ethan smiled.

"Come to think of it, where is everyone?" Sam asked looking around.

"I guess most have gone home now," he said, trying to look at his phone for the time. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, and Sam sat at the table alone. She looked around and noticed Cal at the bar talking to someone. She squinted, trying to see if she recognised them, no her, it was definitely a woman. She was blonde, Sam could see that much. But she didn't look familiar. As Ethan returned, she motioned over that way, but he didn't recognise her either.

"The old Cal is back then." He sighed. "Great, that means another sleepless night for me listening to their carnal activities." Sam snorted with laughter at Ethan's comment. "Sorry, I didn't mean to rub it in." He said apologetically.

"Hey, don't apologise, it was funny. Shame we can't get our own back." She said without thinking.

They sat watching Cal flirt with ease with the stunning blonde, before he lead her out of the pub without a second glance towards them. Ethan looked back at Sam, noticing she looked a bit forlorn.

"Come on." He said standing up, somewhat wobbly. "Shall we get out of here?" He held his hand out to her and pulled her up to a standing position. Her heart skipped at their contact but again, she brushed it aside. They left the pub and looked around outside, but there was no one to be seen. They automatically started walking home, Sam more unsteadily due to another pair of inappropriate heels. Ethan spotted this, and more than likely due to him having consumed more alcohol than he normally would, he took her arm and guided her along. They walked along past the river, Sam stopping to lean over the side of the bridge to watch the water flow underneath. Before she realised it they were outside her block of flats.

"Oh Ethan, you didn't have to walk me home." Sam slurred.

"Um, I think I did." He laughed. "You're a little bit drunk. Anything could have happened."

"Nah, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." She laughed.

"I'm sure you can." He smiled.

"I am so gonna regret this tomorrow!" Sam laughed.

"I can't imagine you'll be the only one."

"Well, at least Cal did alright out of the night."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about him, he can be a bit of an idiot at times." Ethan looked at her apologetically.

"Nah, he's just enjoying himself, no harm done is there, except for you if he's taken her back to yours." She smiled.

"Oh the joy!" Ethan quipped.

"Well, thank you for walking me home Ethan." Sam stopped and turned to face him directly. He smiled awkwardly at her, not really knowing what to do.

"You're um, you're very welcome." He said quietly. They stared at each other for a moment in silence. "Well, um, I suppose I'd better, um" He pointed back towards his place. She smiled and nodded and watched as he slowly turned with his hands in his pockets and made his way home. She sighed and made her way upstairs to bed.

As she lay there, the room spinning slightly, she was thinking, thinking about him. Never had someone got under her skin so quickly. She was afraid, afraid she was falling deep, and she knew she had to stop herself, before she got into trouble. But when she saw those brown eyes, oh those soft brown eyes, framed by those cute specs, she melted. His awkward (at times) conversation, his funny little jokes, the way he knew just what to say to make her feel better. His intelligence, and compassion. He was, in her eyes, perfect.

Across town, Cal and his conquest continued their party in the privacy of her hotel room. She had been in town for a conference and was going back tomorrow. They continued drinking until the early hours before finally heading off to bed.

Ethan crept into the flat and looked around. It didn't look like Cal had been home yet, and things sounded too quiet, he must have gone somewhere else with her. Ethan shook his head, Cal was a grown up (not that he always acted like it!) and he could do what he liked (which he often did!) He made his way to bed and lay there thinking. Only now he realised his thoughts went to a different girl than had been filling his night time thoughts lately. He couldn't let himself fall for someone else so soon. He knew he would end up looking a fool again, and his pride hadn't fully recovered from the time before. But as he lay there, thinking about those eyes, those perfect blue eyes, he sighed. Too late, he thought, shes got under my skin. But I have to stop this, she wouldn't be interested in someone like me.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam avoided Lily at work for the next few shifts as much as possible. She had tried being nice to her but each time she was met with a harsh toned response, or nothing at all. Sam didn't know why she seemed to offend Lily so much, but decided the best action for the time being was just to avoid antagonising her, or avoid her completely!

All of a sudden she heard Lily shout her name. She cringed hearing how cross Lily sounded and wondered what she had done wrong now, although she had a fairly good idea.

"You discharged my patient?!" Lily shouted.

"Which patient?"

"The young boy with the head injury."

"Actually, I believe Ethan was the lead clinician on that case." Sam stated simply. She knew it would annoy Lily more but she had got Sam's back up now, and her public outburst was not helping Sam keep her temper.

"That is not the point! You knew I wanted to call social services about the mother."

"Lily, it was an accident, pure and simple, anyone could see that. It was a mistake, an error of judgement, it did not warrant a social services referral. It would have caused unnecessary anguish and would have been a complete waste of time and resources.

"Well, you seem to forget that you are _just_ a nurse and its not your call to make." Lily shouted. "And its Dr Chao to you!" She spat out at the end, turning around and walking away. Sam could feel her blood boil. It wasn't often she lost her cool but this did it. She turned around, slammed the notes she had in her hand on the desk and walked out. Rita had seen this happen and watched her leave. She recognised that Sam needed time to cool down, so sent Lofty in with the patient Sam was about to see.

Outside Sam paced angrily up and down, she turned and slammed her hands on the wall and yelled, it didn't really make her feel better, not like she thought it would. Actually, it just hurt and made her feel stupid, which made her even more angry.

Inside, Ethan and Cal were discussing a patient and had heard the last things Lily had said before witnessing Sam throw down some notes and storm outside. They exchanged a look of both surprise and concern. Without hesitating Cal put down his notes and followed Sam outside. Rita watched as he headed out after her, and decided she would leave them to it for a few minutes. Cal reached the doors just in time to see her slam her hands on the wall and shout. He had never seen her like this and wondered what on earth Lily had said now. He stood in shock and just watched before approaching her.

Sam had simply placed her forehead on the wall in frustration, leaning again the cold stone, trying to allow herself to calm down, after all, losing her temper wasn't going to help. Cal approached her with caution.

"Sam? What happened in there?" He asked, his voice full of concern. Sam just stayed silent and eventually shrugged.

"It doesn't matter." She said quietly, trying to brush him off.

"You're not fooling anyone you know." He reached out to touch her shoulder and she shrugged him off and moved away so he couldn't see her face.

"Cal, I've said it doesn't matter." She stated winced inside, but decided not to leave it there just yet.

"Clearly it does, I've never seen you like this."

"Well maybe the real me is coming out!"

"Only because Lily has pushed it out of you."

"Don't you mean Dr Chao." She spat angrily.

"What has she done?"

"It's not so much what she's done as what she said."

"Which was?"

"She said I was wrong to discharge a patient, which to be fair, was actually Ethan's call. She said I was just a nurse Cal, _just_ a nurse!"

"Right." He said simply turning back towards the ED.

"Cal, wait! Don't do anything...stupid." She tailed off at the end as he had already disappeared out of sight. She slumped down onto the bench and put her head in her hands.

Cal came charging back into the ED, Ethan looked up, having remained standing right where he was when Cal left. He had been pretending to look at some notes, but really he had been waiting for Cal to come back inside. He held out his hand and stopped Cal in his tracks.

"Where is she, where's Lily." Cal snapped

"What happened Cal?" Ethan asked worried.

"Lily had a go at Sam about the patient you discharged, then she called her _just_ a nurse. How could she say that?" His voice started to rise and he carried on into the department to seek out Lily. Ethan stood in two minds of what to do. Should he go and intervene between Lily and Cal or should he go and make sure Sam was OK. Then he heard the shouting. He ran round the corner to be faced with Cal and Lily facing each other down and shouting. The next thing he knew Mrs Beauchamp had decended on the chaos and had nipped it in the bud, marching them both to her office, Ethan heard her say: "I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour from my staff in my ED!" Before slamming the door and giving them a thorough telling off Ethan imagined. He turned and went outside to look for Sam, spotting her still slumped on the bench with her head in her hands. As he approached he realised she was crying. He sat down next to her, but didn't say a word. She kept her head in her hands, a few stray tears still falling. She sniffed, wiped her eyes and looked up to see him just staring at her. Silence filled the air between them. Sam looked back down, but from the corner of her eye could see that he was still staring at her.

"You keep catching me in this vulnerable position." She whispered softly. He didn't say a word. "You must think I'm an idiot." She said embarrassed.

"On the contrary, I think you're a very intelligent, very impressive, very special person." He stated simply looking deep into her eyes. Sam didn't know what to say. She stared at him in awe, completely surprised by his words. They seemed so earnest, so honest. She didn't know how to feel, or how to react. Suddenly she realised she was just staring, and felt a little awkward. She said the first thing that came into her head.

"Yeah well Lily doesn't agree." She mentally kicked herself, what a stupid thing to say, Ethan had just complimented her and she made herself sound like a sulky child. 'Good move Sam' she thought.

"Don't let her get to you."

"I know, she just hit a nerve I guess, it doesn't matter," she shrugged standing up to go back in. "Come on, shall we?" She said. Ethan looked at her raising his eyebrows.

"Are you ready to go back in?"

"Of course, there are patients to treat!" She smiled at him determinedly. He followed her in, sighing to himself. That didn't really go the way he thought it would, he was not so much comforting as awkward. Cal would have swooped in and saved the day, made her feel better and probably got a date out of it. He'd just made an idiot of himself.

Sam could have slapped herself, she'd ruined a perfectly good opportunity there, Ethan was kind, appreciative, thoughtful, he seemed to be completely honest, he'd told her she was special and she brushed it off like he'd said she had a nice pair of socks! Idiot!


	19. Chapter 19

As Sam entered the department again, closely followed by Ethan, Rita was waiting for her.

"Connie is waiting for us." She said simply. Ethan looked at Sam but she kept her head down and followed Rita to Connie's office. They took a seat, Cal and Lily were still present.

"I understand there have been some tensions." Connie began. Sam opened her mouth to protest, but Connie continued before she could. "And I want to know I have the best team possible who are performing to standards that I have come to expect of them." She stated. She looked from Sam, to Lily and finally at Cal. "We can't have petty issues getting in the way of patient care. So, is there anything we need to address right now?" Connie looked at Sam.

"No Mrs Beauchamp." She said quietly.

"Are you positive? Because this is your chance to get it out in the open, otherwise you all walk away and start acting like the professionals you are supposed to be. I will not tolerate petty schoolyard squabbles in my ED. Is that clear?"

"It's all fine Mrs Beauchamp." Sam said looking her right in the eye. "You can rest assured you will get nothing but professionalism from me." Sam said, gaining a nod from the clinical lead.

"Dr Knight, Dr Chao? Is that clear?"

"Yes Mrs Beauchamp." They both responded, feeling like scolded school children. They all left the office and Lily stalked off back to her patients. Sam pulled Cal aside.

"What did you do Cal?" She whispered.

"Nothing that wasn't deserved." He shrugged. "I stood up for you. And I'd do it again. Even if it meant facing Mrs Beauchamp every time."

"You don't have to Cal, I can fight my own battles."

"I know but..."

"But nothing, don't you see? This will just make Lily worse?"

"I was just..." He started, but Sam was already walking away. "...Trying to help." He finished even though she was out of sight.

Cal felt wretched for the rest of the shift, something that didn't go unnoticed by his colleagues. Ethan caught the sharp end of more than a few sarcastic comments. Cal knew that he had to make it up to Sam, make amends with her, so he finally caught up with her at the end of the day.

"Sam, wait," he said catching hold of her arm. "I need to apologise."

"No you don't Cal. You were just being a friend, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been mad with you, Lily just hurt my feelings, that's all."

"Even so, I upset you, and I feel really bad about it, come on, lets nip over the road and get a drink together."

"Oh, I don't know Cal," Sam hesitated.

"Come on, we'll have fun, you know we will." He smiled and nudged her.

"Ok then, you twisted my arm," she laughed. She didn't know how Cal did it, she could be in the most uptight mood, but one glance of his cheeky smile, or that glint in his eye and she was putty in his hands.

They got changed and headed over to the pub together, already in fits of laughter about something that Cal had nearly written in a patient's notes. Ethan stood by the doors with his coat on, watching the pair head off to the pub. There was no denying it to himself, he was jealous. He wanted to be the one who was making her laugh. He wanted to be the one taking her for a drink, not his brother. He wanted to be the one she smiled at, the one who looked deep into her eyes, into her soul, the one who could maybe fall in love with her. And there was that familiar feeling, the sinking feeling. He buttoned up his coat, sighed, and walked off into the darkness alone.

Meanwhile, Sam and Cal were sat in the pub with their drinks, and for a change, it was just the two of them. They made small talk about work, and then discussed what had happened between them and Lily. Cal teased Sam and she teased him back. To onlookers in the pub they were like any other cute couple. Sam found herself laughing heartily at Cal, at one point crying with laughter at a story he was telling about his experiences when he was a medical student. She in turn told him about some of her best and worst experiences as a student nurse. Then, as they had a few more drinks, the conversation got a little deeper. Cal shared some background into his life growing up with Ethan, and how different they were, and how Ethan felt let down by him with regards to their mum, but how he didn't feel he could cope with the memories of his mum being like that, being so ill. But he also said he was grateful that despite losing his mother, he had got his brother back which meant the world to him. Sam's heart melted hearing Cal talk so freely and honestly about his brother. They really did love each other, even if they didn't always realise it, and neither it seems really knew how to express these feelings openly to each other.

Sam told him she was jealous of his relationship with Ethan, as she was an only child, her parents had had her quite late, and she was only 7 when her mother died in a car accident, and only 3 years later she lost her dad to liver failure caused by alcoholism, as he had never coped with losing her mother. Sam was brought up by her grandmother, and when Sam talked about her, you could see that she was immensely proud and very much loved her. It was the loss of her parents in such tragic circumstances and the influence of her grandmother who had been a matron in a large hospital in London, that had inspired Sam to become a nurse, and to prove herself at succeeding, if only to hope she would have made her grandmother proud. She smiled at the thought, though it was a smile with sadness in her eyes, as tears shone in them, though she wouldn't let them fall, not tonight.

Cal walked her home, and the conversation had picked up again, they were laughing and joking around again, until Cal stopped at the front of Sam's building and turned to face her. He looked right into her eyes and smiled. He really could see a whole new and beautifully fragile side of her. It made him want to protect her. She realised he was staring at her and she looked down to the floor. He lifted her chin upwards and looked right into her eyes again. Sam felt like she couldn't breathe. Then he simply said: "I know your grandmother will be looking down on you and she will be smiling, she will be so proud of everything you've achieved." Sam bit her lip to stop it wobbling and all she could do was nod. She knew if she tried to speak she would cry. Cal bent down and kissed her forehead gently, then turned her around and guided her towards her front door without saying another word, so as not to spoil the moment. She obediently headed inside and no sooner was the door to her flat closed, she burst into tears.

Ethan climbed into bed, suddenly feeling drained. He didn't bother with dinner, he didn't feel like eating. He laid down on his bed in the dark, feeling more alone and miserable than ever. It was obvious Sam was more interested in Cal, she always had been, so why had he foolishly allowed himself to begin to fall for her. He guessed he hadn't really realised he was. But now he was angry at himself for being so stupid. Why would anyone be interested in him. What did he have to offer someone so beautiful, so clever, and funny, and so, well simply perfect. In his eyes, that's what she was, perfect. He could almost put Honey down to practice, practice at asking someone out, a confidence boost, yet it hadn't seemed to work like that at all, if anything it had left him feeling less able to ask anyone out. Wondering as he was now, just what he had to offer them. Nothing in comparison to Cal that was for sure. He was experienced with women, he knew what to say, what to do, how to play it cool and how to turn on the charm. Ethan was just awkward and shy. He was so angry at himself for being so useless, but still he couldn't cry. He wouldn't allow himself to cry. Hadn't he always been told, big boys don't cry.


	20. Chapter 20

Robyn bounced into the staff room on her next shift waving a flyer. Excited she showed Sam and Rita what it was all about.

"Speed dating!" She announced proudly.

What?" Sam and Rita groaned.

Speed dating! It'll be fun!" Robyn grinned again. Rita looked at the date and smiled inwardly.

"I'm working tomorrow night, what a shame!" Rita said pointing out the rota.

"But you're not Sam are you?" Robyn said hopefully.

Well, um, no, I guess not." Sam said hesitantly.

"Great, I'll sign us up!" Robyn said skipping back out of the room shouting back "it'll be a right laugh!" Rita grinned at Sam and she playfully pushed her away. They were left alone in the staff room and Sam turned to Rita with a twinkle in her eye.

"So, sister Freeman, how's the love life?" Sam smiled, Rita's cheeks pinked slightly, and she couldn't hide her smile. "Ah, that good then?" Sam laughed. "We know that the real reason you don't want to go speed dating."

"Yeah, we are planning on going out for dinner on Friday night." Rita smiled shyly. "Do you think its a mistake?"

What? Why?" Sam asked.

Well you know working together and we'll, you know."

"No! And besides, its not like you're stuck sharing an office with him!" Sam winked. "What harm is it gonna do, its one dinner. Trust me, you'll regret it if you don't, especially if he finds someone else."

"I know, and I am excited." Rita smiled.

"Exactly, and at least you're not stuck going speed dating!"

"But it'll be a right laugh!" Rita giggled echoing Robyn's words.

"Thanks mate!" She laughed sarcastically and headed off to meet Charlie in triage.

...

The following night, Robyn and Sam got ready for their night, they headed to the pub for a 'dutch courage' drink beforehand, Robyn full of excitement, Sam full of trepidation. They Chatted merrily though while they drank their drinks and headed off to the speed dating event. Once checked in they got another drink and took their places. Sam couldn't believe she was actually here, and mentally kicked herself, deciding she needed to learn how to say no. She met a few men who were nice enough but no one lit a spark in her. Another glass of wine and a couple more conversations surrounding favourite foods, places, films and superhero powers and she wished she could go home. Then she met Mark. He was in his mid thirties, had dark hair and had a bit of a rugged look with some stubble. He had intense green eyes, and really took Sam by surprise. They Chatted easily within their allotted time, and Sam was surprised how normal and fun he seemed. Although she decided, among those she had met, it wouldn't take much to seem impressive. As he left sam's table, he took her hand to shake it, and when he released it he left her with his business card.

Sam and Robyn left the speed dating, Robyn was laughing and telling and telling Sam about the men she had been talking to, and the stupid and best answers of the night. As they turned the corner, Mark was standing there waiting. He approached the girls and asked for Sam's number, and Robyn nearly exploded with excitement.

"But I don't know you, do you really think ten minutes is enough to earn my number?" Sam said.

"Well, give me a chance to prove it, and you'll see its more than worth it." Mark said, raising his eyebrows.

"Let me think about it."

"Let me take you out tomorrow?" Mark replied quickly.

"I'm working." Sam said, and Robyn's chin nearly hit the floor in shock, was Sam really turning him down.

"I could meet you after, just one drink?" He looked at her and she didn't know what to say.

"Ok." Sam agreed. They arranged to meet at the pub near the hospital the next night after Sam's shift. Once Mark had left Robyn nearly exploded with excitement.

"Oh my God! You're so lucky!" She yelled laughing as they headed off home.

...

The next day at work, Robyn, Rita and Sam were in the staff room having a coffee and Robyn was giving Rita the gossip from the night before.

"I can't believe Sam, she is so lucky!" Robyn sighed. ," The only eligible bachelor in the whole room and she bags him."

"Well thanks Robyn." A male voice comes from behind her. The girls turn around and see Cal stood there smirking.

"What are you on about?" Said Rita.

"The only eligible bachelor, that's definitely me!" He laughed.

"As if!" Robyn shouted, throwing a tea towel at his head.

"So who's the eligible bachelor then?" He asked.

"Well, Sam and I went speed dating last night-" Robyn started.

"Robyn!" Sam shouted.

"Really?" Cal laughed. "Speed dating? I didn't know you were that desperate!" He looked towards Sam. She started to blush.

"Yes, it was just for a laugh, but Sam pulled the best guy there."

"Of course she did, she learnt from the best!" He said pointing to himself!

"Ha-ha, you're hilarious Cal!" Sam laughed sarcastically.

"So when are you seeing him?" Rita asked seriously.

"They are meeting tonight at the pub!" Robyn said.

"Robyn!" Sam hissed, embarrassed.

"Excellent," Cal grinned, "I feel a post work drink coming on!"

"Cal don't you dare." Sam warned

"What?" He pretended to look innocent, but his cheeky glint shone through.

They headed back out into the department, Sam and Cal were in resus together, and once they had sent their patient for a CT scan, Cal lent on the side and looked right at Sam.

"So who is this guy?"

"He's no one." Sam rolled her eyes.

"He can't be 'no one' if he's scored a date with you." Cal stated simply fixing her with a stare.

"Well, I'm not even sure I want to go." Sam sighed.

"It could be fun?" He questioned.

"Yeah maybe," Sam said quietly, unable to look at Cal.

"Ok, forgive me if I'm wrong, but you don't seem very excited." Cal looked confused.

"No, I guess I'm not."

"Look, its just a drink, you don't have to marry the guy. What harm can it do?"

"I suppose so, there's just something stopping me being excited, and I don't know what." She sighed.

"Is it because you wish you were going for a drink with me instead?" He grinned.

"Yes Cal! That's it!" She pushed him playfully, smiling before heading out of the doors. Cal left to find Ethan.

"Nibbles!" Cal said smiling, "Drink tonight? I think it's about time we had a boys night?" Ethan gave him a suspicious look. "Let's just head over to the pub for a couple after work?" He asked.

"Ok, fine." Ethan said.


	21. Chapter 21

Cal and Ethan finished work before Sam that night and headed over to the pub. Ethan didn't realise that Sam had a date, Cal had kept that quiet, and he seated them hidden away discreetly in a corner but where they could see the door. He wasn't sure why he had decided he had to be there, but something had rang alarm bells in his head, and he wanted to know Sam would be safe. He hadn't realised that subconsciously she had picked this pub in the hope she would feel safe meeting a stranger with the security of her work being nearby.

Cal and Ethan had been there for about half and hour and were half way through their first pints when Sam entered the pub, she had deliberately got there a bit early and ordered a glass of wine. She didn't notice the boys sat in the corner as she stood at the bar sipping her wine. Cal stole a glance and noticed she looked nice, but not overly dressed up for a first date. But then he decided Sam did simple and classic well, it somehow enhanced her natural beauty. He was careful when glancing over Ethan's shoulder that he wasn't caught by either Sam or his brother.

Ten minutes later, Cal saw Sam look up as a dark haired man approached her. Cal stiffened, was this the man who Sam was meeting. He ordered himself a drink, Sam still had most of her wine left, and he guided Sam to a quiet table, placing his hand on the small of her back as they walked. Cal tried to be interested in what Ethan was telling him about a new research study he had been reading papers on, but all he could think of was what Sam and the dark haired man were doing. He glanced over and saw them laughing about something. He sighed, she must be having a good time then, he was pleased, wasn't he? But something couldn't shake the uneasy feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.

Cal was careful when he went to get the next round of drinks for him and Ethan, so he wasn't caught. He returned to Ethan who was wondering what was wrong with his brother tonight, he seemed quiet, too quiet for Cal.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong or are we just going to dance around it all night?" Ethan asked, slightly annoyed, slightly concerned.

"What do you mean." Cal asked taking another gulp of his beer.

"You. You've been strange all night." Ethan looked at him square in the eye.

"No I haven't, I'm fine."

"Cal, you would never normally listen to me talking about clinical trials and related studies for half an hour. Now what is it?" Ethan asked. Cal debated on whether or not to be honest with him, but couldn't bring himself to be. He sat in silence looking at Ethan who eventually stood up. "Well while you decide if you're going to tell me or not, I'm going to the bathroom." Ethan said heading off, to Cal's horror, in the direction of Sam and her date.

Ethan made his way to the bathroom, but stopped in shock when he saw Sam sat at a table having a drink with a man. He didn't know why he was shocked, he guessed it was just because he didn't expect her to be there. He wondered if this was why Cal was acting strange and subdued. He scurried back off to the bathroom and hurried back to Cal hoping he wasn't seen.

"Why didn't you tell me Sam was here, is that why you've been funny tonight? Ethan asked quietly.

"Sam's here?" Cal tried to pretend he didn't know.

"I can see right through you Caleb," Ethan sighed, giving Cal a knowing look.

"Ok, I was worried, we don't know who this guy is, she met him last night at some speed dating thing-"

"Speed dating?" Ethan looked horrified, but not for the same reason Cal was.

"I know right! She doesn't need to do that." Cal shook his head. "Anyway, I found out she was meeting him here tonight, only she didn't seem excited, not like you'd expect of someone going on a date, so I thought I'd come and check it out." Cal looked sheepish, realising how it sounded now he was saying it out loud.

"Oh Cal," Ethan sighed, shaking his head. "You can't do that. Do you realise how bad it would look if she saw us here spying on her?"

"I know, but-"

"No Cal, she's our friend."

"I just wanted to make sure she was safe." Cal said quietly, Ethan sighed, because actually he understood. It was natural to protect those you care about, both Cal and Ethan knew this. Ethan looked back over his shoulder and saw Sam laughing at something the man was saying, he felt like someone punched him in the stomach. He saw as she leaned forward and touched the man's forearm while she laughed and saw the man touch her hand. He couldn't watch any more.

"Well she looks like she's safe, and having fun." He said, trying not to let on how he felt. "But speed dating? I can't imagine anything worse!" Ethan smiled.

"Not even a strip club?" Cal laughed.

"Well I'm not going to find a date there am I?" Ethan laughed back, then realising what he said he looked embarrassed.

"So you've forgotten about her already then?" Cal smiled.

"I guess the drink helps!" Ethan smiled back.

Later, when the boys realised that Sam was leaving with the man, they had to fight the urge to follow her right outside, but as they were both near the end of their drinks, the downed the last bit and gave it a few minutes and left the pub. By the time they got outside, Sam was no where to be seen. They started to head off home, both lost in their own thoughts.

...

When Sam left the pub with Mark, she fully intended on going home to bed as she was tired. However, he had been drinking whiskies through the night and was quite drunk, so he forcefully insisted on escorting her home in a taxi. She reluctantly agreed, thinking he could then carry on in the taxi, however, when the taxi pulled up to drop her off Mark got out too. She felt quite anxious as she didn't want the awkward end of night conversation, it had been fun, but there was nothing in it for Sam, and she found herself feeling very vulnerable now the taxi had pulled away leaving Mark on her doorstep. She tried to say thank you for the drink and turned to make her way inside, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Come on baby, lets not leave it like that." He drunkenly slurred trying to pull her in towards him. She pulled back. "Why are you fighting it, we're good together."

"I'm not that sort of girl." Sam tried to sound confident, but her voice shook.

"Come on, you can see from a mile off you are, you've been giving me the come on all night!" He started to get angry now.

"Look, I have an early shift tomorrow, I-" Sam started, but before she knew it he had pushed her up against the wall. Sam grimmaced as her head made contact with the concrete wall. There was no denying it, she was terrified for her safety now. It felt like her body was paralysed, she didn't know what to do, her head was pounding with both panic and from the blow to the head.

"No, you listen, you can't give guys the runaround like this, all night you have been saying yes, you can't pull away now." Mark hissed in her face. She tried to shove him off her but he was too strong and he pushed her back against the wall again and smacked her around the face. They struggled fighting, Sam trying to get away and Mark trying to pin her down, at which point she caught an elbow to her eye. The next thing she knew, he'd succeeded in holding her up against the wall again, so she did the only thing she could think of, she heavily raised her knee directly making contact with his more delicate parts. He fell to the ground in agony, and she ran. Thankfully she was wearing her boots tonight, as she ran around the corner and away into the night. Luckily he was so drunk and in such pain, she had disappeared long before he could get up and find her. She didn't realise just how far she had run, and had no idea where she was going, she just ran. She found herself near the hospital without realising and she stopped, slumped down onto a bench and burst into tears. She sat sobbing on the bench and didn't realise someone was calling her name.

...

Cal and Ethan were about to walk home from the pub, when Ethan remembered something he had to get from work. He had tomorrow off and wanted some paperwork. He headed back towards the hospital and Cal wet home. As he came out of the hospital clutching his paperwork, having got caught up talking to Zoe about a couple of things, he saw a familiar figure slumping down on a bench and bursting into tears. Ethan called out as he ran across, voice full of worry as he started running towards her calling her name. As he got near her and she looked up at him, he felt sick, not only was she crying but she had a large haematoma starting on her eye, it would evidently be lovely and black by tomorrow morning.

"What on earth happened?" Ethan said sitting next to her, but Sam just started crying again, Ethan surprised himself, but he put his arm around her shoulder, somewhat awkwardly, but instantly she leaned in towards him and sobbed on his shoulder. He could feel her shaking, and pulled her in closer and tried to sooth her. When her tears calmed down, he tried again to find out what happened.

"Oh, I've been so stupid Ethan," she sobbed.

"What happened?" He said again, "you can tell me." He said quietly, still trying to soothe the upset girl.

"He was really drunk, and he, he tried to- I just, I didn't want to." She sobbed before bursting into tears again.

"Shh, its ok, I'm here." He soothed as she cried more on his shoulder. After a while he said: "shall we take you inside and have a look at this eye?" She didn't really want to go in, but he assured her that he would be able to sneak her in and he would have a look. He slowly lead her inside and pulled the curtains of the cubicle around them. As he went to examined her eye, he touched the back of her head and she winced. He looked at her before moving her hair and realising she had a laceration and large haematoma on the back of her head.

"Sam," he looked into her eyes. "W-who did this to you?" He held her gaze and she looked ashamed.

"No one." She whispered, looking away.

"Sam, come on, you can trust me. Please? Let me help you."

"It was someone, a man, I met him yesterday, we went out for a drink tonight, and, and he got drunk, he tried, he tried to, oh god, I can't even say it." She looked ashamed again, looking down at her hands on her lap. "It's all my fault, I'm so stupid." She whispered, tears sliding silently down her cheeks.

"Hey, now come on, you know no one deserves this treatment, especially not you." Sam stayed silent. She felt embarrassed that Ethan of all people knew how stupid she had been. He on the other hand, felt angry and upset that someone could do this to anyone, never mind someone like Sam. The only thing stopping him from storming out demanding to have this man found was knowing that Sam needed him, so he turned on his clinical head and continued to treat her.


	22. Chapter 22

Once Sam's injuries had been treated, Ethan walked Sam outside. It was getting late and she was feeling washed out.

"Shall I walk you home?" Ethan asked her.

"No, its fine." Sam whispered. She had barely spoken since she had half admitted what had happened.

"Please let me, I'd like to make sure you get there safely. You know you really shouldn't be alone, not after such a bang to the head."

"I don't want to go home." She whispered, a fresh few tears falling on her now red cheeks.

"Come on then, come to mine. I insist." He added at the end before she could argue. He guided her towards a waiting taxi and took her back to his. She was on autopilot, so was glad when he took the lead and they headed back to his flat. She loitered in the doorway awkwardly, despite having been there a few times before. Ethan sensed her awkwardness and gently guided her towards the sofa, he went off to make 2 coffees as she perched on the edge of the sofa.

"Sam, I'm worried about you." Ethan said gently. "Look, I have to ask, did he...Did he, you know?" Ethan couldn't bring himself to say it.

"No Ethan, he didn't, I promise. He slammed my head against the wall, trying to kiss me, he hit me and then in the struggle his elbow bashed my eye, and as he pinned me against the wall again, I bashed him in his bits with my knee and ran." Sam said, pptrying to hold back her tears.

"And you know who he was?" Sam nodded at him. "Then you have to report him Sam, you know you do."

"No Ethan, I can't, they'll blame me. No, I won't do it. Nothing happened anyway."

"Sam-" Ethan started.

"Ethan, I said no!" Sam snapped. Suddenly they heard cal mumbling from his room and he stumbled out to see what was going on.

"Sam? What are you doing he-Oh my God! What the hell happened?!" Cal exclaimed seeing the state of her face.

"It's fine Cal, I'm fine, just a bit of an accident."

"It was him wasn't it?" Cal spat out. "I knew it I knew there was a reason I was uneasy about you going out with him."

"You didn't even know him Cal, how could you know he'd do this? Even I didn't know he'd do this."

"I should have stopped you, or stopped him, or, or..."

"Cal, there was nothing you could have done. It's fine anyway. Nothing broken." She tried to lighten the mood. Sam started to yawn and then winced when it hurt.

"Come on, why don't you go to bed," Ethan said, " you can have my bed if you like." Ethan said. He resisted the urge to jokingly suggest she could share Cal's bed again, he couldn't face it if the answer was yes. Cal headed back off to bed reluctantly, and Ethan showed Sam through to his room. He took his pyjamas and a blanket and pillow and wished her a good night. As he went to leave he turned and looked at her.

"I'm so sorry Sam, are you sure you're going to be ok?" He asked softly. His soft dark eyes gazing at her. She nodded and tried to smile at him, but there was sadness in her eyes. He nodded back and left her to sleep.

...

Cal went back to bed but he was angry, he could have prevented that, if he'd followed Sam quicker, or stopped her from going in the first place. If he ever saw him again...no one hurts someone he cares about and gets away with it! Eventually he drifted back off into a deep sleep.

Ethan tossed and turned on the sofa, he could only think of Sam sleeping in his bed, the awful thing that had happened to her, the worse things that could have happened if she hadn't have fought him and got away. He would never be able to understand how any man could do that to a woman.

Sam obviously had a very restless night, she dozed off eventually but woke herself in a panic when she felt him again, pushing on her, she could feel his hands around her throat, she couldn't breathe, as she opened her eyes and sat bolt uptight, Ethan came running into the room, as she was hyperventilating. He calmed her down and held her as she sobbed quietly. She didn't want to go back to sleep so he took her into the front room and made them both a drink. He gave Sam some painkillers for her head which was throbbing. They sat together on the sofa drinking their drinks, Ethan knew Sam needed comfort, so despite his fear of being rejected, he pulled her in close and she rested her head on his chest. She sat in silence watching the rise and fall of his chest and hearing his heartbeat, soothed by the sounds and safe feeling. Eventually she drifted off again, but he couldn't sleep. He held her close watching as she breathed slowly in and out, watching as her eyes flickered as she slept. She was understandably traumatised, but he cursed himself for not being able to do anything to help her.

Cal woke early the next morning for his shift, he stumbled sleepily into the front room, almost ready to leave when he noticed the sleeping pair curled up on the sofa, Sam was curled into Ethan, who looked like her been holding her for most of the night and had only just drifted off. He crept out of the flat making sure not to wake them, deciding he would have to get his caffeine fix at work.

When Sam woke to the sound of her phone buzzing, she momentarily forgot where she was, and as she jumped she woke Ethan too. He looked almost as startled as she did, then when they realised they must have both fallen asleep on the sofa they smiled shyly at each other.

"Thank you for last night Ethan," Sam whispered.

"Oh, um, I really didn't do anything." He said going red.

"You supported me. I really appreciate you being there for me."

"No problem." He said, again wanting to kick himself for not being able to say what he really wanted to. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore." She smiled. Her phone buzzed again and she looked at it and groaned.

"What is it?" Ethan questioned, feeling worried.

"I have some appointments booked to view some flats, I completely forgot." Sam sighed. "I'm not sure I can face bussing around the city to different flats, I thought I was being clever booking a load in one day, but I guess I didn't plan to have a head injury when I did it."

"Let me drive you then? I have the day off." Ethan said smiling.

"Oh, I don't want to put you out."

"It's fine, honest, it'll be fun." He said still smiling at her.

"Only if you're absolutely sure, it would be good to have some company."

Ethan made them some breakfast and he showered and got ready. They went around to Sam's place so she could shower and change, and they set off.

The first flat was nice, but quite far out of town, particularly for commuting to the hospital. But it was nice, and had a lovely shared outside space. The estate agent showed them around, clearly thinking they were a couple, although he could be forgiven for that, and he did his best not to be shocked by Sam's eye. It was when he made reference to the second bedroom being a good sized guest room, or even a nursery that Sam had to fight not to laugh as Ethan looked embarrassed. To his credit, it didn't put the estate agent off his stride, and once they shook hands and left, and Sam and Ethan were safely back in the car she burst into fits of giggles.

"What?" Ethan questioned the cause of the outburst.

"Your face!" She laughed, as tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "When he said about the nursery, it was priceless!" Ethan went red again but started laughing too.

"Well, I didn't know what to say." He laughed. "Maybe next time I'll put my arm around you and say 'oh darling it looks like we've been rumbled'!" He laughed.

"Oh that would have been funny." She looked at him mischievously. "Or next time they assume we're a couple, you tell them you're looking for a flat for your mistress so your wife and girlfriend don't find out. I'd love to see their response then!" They both fell about into hysterics again.

They went to see the next few flats, but never got to act out their scenarios. By the time they completed the viewings, it was nearly 3pm, and they had had such a lovely day so far, secretly neither wanted it to end, so when Sam suggested getting some coffee and cake as her treat to thank him for taking her. They went into the coffee shop and took a seat, Sam went and ordered and came back with 4 different cakes!

"Why so many?" Ethan laughed.

"Well I didn't know what you'd like, so I thought it might be fun to have a variety to share." Sam smiled, and Ethan's heart skipped as the smile reached her eyes and made them sparkle again. After all that had happened in the last few days, it felt like that smile had been distinctly absent lately.

"Great plan." He smiled back.

They drank their coffees and shared the cakes, whilst they chatted and laughed. It was momentarily like Ethan had become someone else, he was more relaxed and at ease in Sam's company, rather more like the day when they had been watching movies at his house. They even fed each other cake at one point, laughing as Sam managed to miss his mouth. Sam also managed to forget about her injuries, and they both just enjoyed a relaxing time with each other. Sam made arrangements to take one of the flats which was fairly near to where she was now, but with a better view over the river which she loved. And when they'd finished their coffees they walked slowly back to the car.

"I've had a great time today Ethan, its really taken my mind off of everything, thank you."

"It was my pleasure." He smiled shyly. "Do you, um, would you like to come back to ours for some dinner?" He asked.

"Really? You're not fed up with me by now?" Sam sounded surprised.

"On the contrary, I love spending time with you and I'm sure Cal won't mind." Ethan smiled innocently.

"Well then, that would be lovely Ethan, thank you."

They drove back to Ethan and Cal's flat and surprised Cal as he was already home from work.

"Where have you two been?" He asked, trying to make out he didn't really care.

"I had some flats to view, so Ethan drove me, and now he's invited me over to join you both for some dinner, I hope that's ok?" She smiled.

"Of course it is, mainly because it means I'm getting dinner cooked for me!" He laughed, prompting him to get a whack on the head with a pillow from Sam. Sam proceeded to fill Cal in about the flats they'd seen that day and the nursery joke, and Ethan's horrified face, and they both fell about laughing. Poor Ethan shook his head wondering when would he ever stop being the butt of the jokes! They sat down to dinner together, and talked endlessly, to anyone watching, these three would have looked like they had known each other for most of their lives. Ethan insisted on driving Sam home so he knew she was there safely, and when he got back he sat down with Cal, who was already slouched on the couch.

"So then buddy," Cal started. "What's going on there?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" Ethan replied.

"With you and Sam?" Cal raised his eyebrows.

"Nothing!" Ethan replied too quickly. Cal gave him a look that said 'yeah right' and Ethan started to blush.

"I can read you like a book little brother" Cal grinned.

"Oh I'm sorry, you can read? Newsflash!" Ethan quipped, hoping to change the subject.

"Ha-Ha! Very good Nibbles! So really nothing is going on?" He pressed.

"Nothing is going on. So anyway, I've noticed your room has been notably absent of the female form lately." Ethan said.

"Yeah, well, I thought you deserved a break from seeing your awesome brother's conquests." He laughed and Ethan rolled his eyes. "Anyway, isn't about time you were looking for your next victim, considering it takes you almost a year to ask them out."

"Ouch, harsh!" Ethan glared at his brother.

"I'm just playing with you." He laughed, although they both knew there was some truth to it.

When Ethan went to bed that night, he couldn't deny he felt so happy after having a good day with Sam, she was good fun, and he was feeling more relaxed in her company when it was just the two of them. But her involvement with Cal was still troubling him. Ethan was convinced she liked Cal, and he convinced himself that she only came to dinner tonight to be able to see Cal, after all, they had been flirting most of the night. And that was obviously why Cal was digging for information wasn't it, he was trying to work out Ethan's intentions before he swooped in and claimed his prize.


	23. Chapter 23

The next day at work, after Sam had explained her fabricated story about an accident when helping her neighbour with a rotary washing line numerous times to explain her black eye, she and Cal had been working cubicles together. They were stood by the nurses station discussing their current workload, and management of their patients. Robyn and Rita were stood by watching and grinning. Sam laughed at what Cal said and playfully slapped him as he walked away.

"Haven't you two got work to do?" Sam said to them without looking up from the notes she was writing in.

"So, you can Cal seem…how do I put this?" Robyn started. Sam rolled her eyes and Rita slid across the nurses station to move in closer with a big smile.

"See, I've told you its obvious Sam." Rita continued to smile at her.

"There's nothing going on." Sam replied somewhat hesitantly.

"Does he know that?" Robyn nodded towards where Cal was standing, holding some notes and talking to a relative, but looking over their shoulder towards the girls. Sam glanced back over her shoulder and he smiled a slight smile and nod, but enough for them to see.

"We're um, we're just friends."

"You don't sound so sure." Robyn laughed.

"Guys honest." Sam started. "Its nothing, we're just friends. We just get on really well." She walked away leaving Robyn and Rita exchanging glances.

She was right wasn't she, they were just friends. Sure they flirted. There were fleeting glances. Small touches. He made her smile, laugh, she felt carefree and light in his company. No, she didn't did she? She would know, yes she would know if she had feelings for him. She tried to busy herself in her work, but she couldn't shake that uneasy feeling. Had she led him on?

…

As Cal was talking to a relative, explaining a treatment plan, he was aware of Robyn, Rita and Sam talking at the nurses station. He wondered what it was about girls that gave them that tendency to flock together and gossip. Suddenly he realised they were looking towards them, he gave them a small smile and a little nod and continued talking to the relative. Once the relative had gone back in with his patient, he turned around and headed in the opposite direction deep in thought. Why had they been staring at him, what had they been saying. Instinctively he rubbed his face in case he had anything on it, and shook his head. Knowing the girls they were probably trying to convince Sam he fancied her and…Oh God, that wasn't it was it? It couldn't be, everyone knew Sam and him were friendly, but that's all it was, wasn't it? Sure they laughed and yes there was a bit of harmless flirting, but it was all for fun, wasn't it? She didn't like him did she? He was sure he didn't like her in that way, wasn't he? Suddenly, he didn't feel so confident in his impartiality.

…

Later that shift Sam was walking around the corner carrying a pile of notes for coding and she was so focused she turned hastily and bumped straight into a tall figure, sending her pile of notes cascading to the floor.

"Oh, sorry." She mumbled, then looking up to see Cal standing in front of her.

"I know you need us to code these, but throwing them at me wont get it done any quicker." He laughed a little more awkwardly than normal. Sam blushed and set about picking up the notes. Cal bent down to help, and when he handed them back, he noticed she could barely look him in the eye. She tried to walk off but he caught her by the wrist and pulled her back.

"What's going on?" He asked, his voice shaking a little. He was far from the cool, cocky Cal that he normally was.

"Nothing, I'm um, I'm just busy." Sam said, looking down and trying to leave again.

"Sam?" He looked questioningly at her.

"I can't Cal, I can't. Just let me go." She shook him off of her and walked away, leaving him watching her walk away and feeling even more confused than before.

It wasn't until he went outside for some air later on again, that he saw her. She was sat on the bench staring into space nursing a coffee. He slowly made his way towards her and silently sat next to her on the bench. She looked at him and sighed, returning her stare back to her lap.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on?" He asked gently.

"I don't know." She mumbled.

"I think you do." He said softly and looked at her. She looked into his eyes, searching for the answers, could she trust him, would this ruin everything if she was honest. She didn't want to risk what they had.

"I wouldn't even know where to begin Cal." She sighed again.

"Try, for me?" He said looking at her, pleadingly. When she remained silent he continued. "Look, you've been acting strange all day. If there's anything I can -"

"It's you." She cut in over him.

"What do you mean me?" He asked nervously.

"Its silly, its people putting things into my head, and I'm just so confused." She let out a slight laugh shaking her head. Cal suspected he knew where this was heading.

"Go on." He said simply.

"The girls have been teasing me, about you, they think there's more going on, and every time I try to convince them we're friends, it seems to do the opposite and convince them we're more than that. Then I started thinking about things, and we do get on, and we do flirt and have fun, but I really thought we were just friends, then when they were implying you felt different, I just, well I panicked, worried that I was leading you on, or maybe I didn't even know how I was feeling, I'm just all confused." She took a deep breath and looked at him. He sat in silence. "Cal, say something."

"I've been a bit confused too, I mean I thought we were friends, but well, you're right, we do get on, and we flirt and all along I've thought it was fun, but maybe it isn't, maybe if others can see it we're denying something so obvious, and for what reason?"

"So what we're saying is we both think we're friends, but we're both a little confused at exactly where we stand." Sam smiled, letting out a small laugh. Cal smiled back at her.

"So, how can we overcome this?" He said.

"We need to know if we actually do feel anything I guess, but how?" She looked at him, still trying to find the answer in his face. He turned towards her and placed his hand on her cheek, he stared into her eyes and leaned in. He placed his lips softly on hers and kissed her gently. As he pulled back slightly, he looked at her again. They leaned in again and kissed each other. This time she kissed him back. He kept his hand on her cheek and placed the other on her leg. She put her hand on the back of his head stroking his hair. To anyone around it looked like a loving, tender kiss, particularly to a certain person who had just come outside to look for someone, in truth, looking for his brother.

Ethan stopped in his tracks and stared open mouthed at the pair kissing on the bench, where they could be seen by anyone. There was no denying it now, no hiding it. He felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach. But there was nothing he could do. Tears pricked his eyes as he stood watching the scene before him. He blinked them away forcefully, he was not going to cry over this. There was no denying their chemistry, and this was the nail in the coffin of his feelings. He turned around and stormed back into the ED angrily. Why did it always end horrible for him? Why him? When would he finally get the girl? He supposed that when it came down to it, all of the girls went for Cal, and by now he should be used to it.

…

Back on the bench, Sam pulled away. She and Cal looked and each other for a moment, then they did something unexpected, they burst out laughing.

"I guess that tells us then." She laughed. "So, you felt what I felt?" She questioned.

"And that was?" He asked her smiling.

"Nothing?" She questioned.

"Nothing." He smiled back. "We have our answer. Panic over right?"

"Panic over." She laughed back, nudging him.

"Although, you are a pretty good kisser," he smirked, "if you ever fancy another session, for fun, well, you know where to find me!" He laughed.

"Caleb!" She said laughing. "You don't give up do you? Look, I'm sorry about all this."

"Its fine, honestly."

"I guess Cher was right then." Sam sighed. Cal looked confused. "Shoop shoop?" She laughed even more as his confusion became more evident. "If you wanna know if he loves you so, its in his kiss?" She smiled at him as she sang and he laughed back.

"You know your jokes are almost as bad as Ethan's!"

"Thanks." She hit him playfully and got up. "Oh and by the way, you're not such a bad kisser yourself." She said smiling as she walked away, feeling lighter and happier again.

Back inside the ED, Cal passed Ethan and smiled at him, Ethan simply glared back at him, Cal noticed his eyes almost looked black. What was wrong with him Cal wondered. He busied himself with treating his patients in cubicles, and managed to avoid seeing his brother for the rest of the shift. He had been treating a young woman with abdominal pain, who was accompanied by her sister. The sister had been eyeing up Cal since he first entered the cubicle, which hadn't escaped his eager eye. She was gorgeous, long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, a trim figure, but with awesome curves shown off in tight jeans, Cal enjoyed the sight when she was leaning over rummaging in her sisters bag for her phone. Away from the patient they had engaged in casual flirting, and once her sister had gone to up to the surgical ward to await further intervention, the sister hung around the ED, knowing that Cal would soon be finishing his shift, seeing as he had mentioned this at least three times in the past hour.

Ethan finished his shift and went to get changed. He saw Cal walking towards the exit about 5 minutes earlier, and was hoping to avoid him as much as possible while he calmed himself down. He walked towards the exit and his heart skipped a beat when from the corner of his eye he spotted Sam. He knew she would be finishing too soon, and he also heard her call his name, but he couldn't face it now, so he pretended not to have heard and carried on out of the external door towards the car park.

Sam had wanted to speak to Ethan, he had been in a strange mood all afternoon and she wanted to check he was ok, and see if there was anything she could do. She spotted him at the end of his shift, changed ready to leave and she thought he had spotted her, but when he carried on walking she called out. He clearly didn't hear her as her kept on walking briskly towards the exit. She was about to follow him, when Rita called her over. She sighed and turned to go and see Rita, and decided if Ethan was still outside when she left in a minute she would try and catch him, if not she would send him a message later.

As Ethan walked out of the doors, the first thing he saw was Cal. But who was he standing with? He was chatting and laughing with a blonde woman. Ethan stood rooted to the spot watching his brother obviously flirting with another woman only hours after he has been in nearly the same spot kissing Sam. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Shock kept him from moving, instead he could do nothing but watch. He watched as Cal put his hand on the woman's hip, as he leered at her suggestively, and as he took her number and kissed her on the cheek as she turned to leave. He saw him watch her every move as she flounced away, emphasising her hips and bottom. Cal was practically salivating on the spot. He couldn't believe his brother would be so insensitive, actually he could. But to do this right in the open, where Sam would probably be walking at any minute, he stood in complete disbelief. He could feel the rage building.

...

Rita was sorting Sam's shifts out, and going through some things, but Sam couldn't really concentrate, all she could think about was what was wrong with Ethan, he really wasn't himself at all, and she was concerned.

"Are you ok? You seem distracted?" Rita asked.

"I'm fine. I'm just worried about Ethan. He's been really weird this afternoon."

"Yeah, I noticed he wasn't really himself, very quiet." Rita agreed.

"I was going to try and catch him to check he was ok, but he didn't hear me call him and walked out." Sam sighed.

"Maybe he's fallen out with Cal again? They have a volatile relationship." Rita said.

"Volatile?" Sam questioned. She knew they didn't always get on, and they had the tendency to rub each other up the wrong way, but she would never have described their relationship as volatile.

"Oh yes," Rita said knowingly. "Until about 18 months ago they were pretty much estranged, it was only when their mother passed away that they saw each other again properly. Then Cal appeared here as a locum much to Ethan's surprise, and its been full of ups and downs since. They've been getting along better lately, but it doesn't take much to get them arguing." Rita explained.

"I had no idea." Sam sighed.

...

Ethan stepped forwards towards his brother, and Cal looked up now the object of his affections was out of sight.

"Nibbles!" He smiled. "Coming home?"

"What do you think you're playing at?" He shouted storming over to where his brother stood.

"What? Oh that?" He said pointing towards where the woman had just been stood.

"Yes." Ethan spat. He couldn't wait to hear this.

"She was pretty fit wasn't she, scrap that, she was gorgeous!" He grinned.

"You are unbelievable!" He shouted, following up with a strange laugh.

"What do you mean?" Cal said genuinely confused. Why did his brother expect any different, he knew he was lead by his libido.

"How can you do this. Sam is in there, she could walk out here at any minute and you're out here drooling all over some other girl."

"What's it got to do with Sam?" He laughed. That was it. Ethan lost it and threw a punch landing his fist right on Cal's face. Cal reached up holding his cheek and eye in shock.

"I saw you Caleb! I saw you kissing her! How could you do this to her! You make me sick!" He yelled walking off shaking his fist. Neither had realised their scene was being played out in front of someone.

...

Sam stared opened mouthed as she stood watching as Cal and Ethan argued, then at the mention of her name she cringed. Rita looked at her. Then all of a sudden there was a loud crack as Ethan punched Cal in the face. Sam and Rita winced, and then it came out. Sam and Cal had kissed, and Ethan had seen them. So that must explain why he had been off with her, he thought she had been unprofessional, she'd let him down, and she'd let herself down.

"You and Cal kissed?" Rita said quietly, in shock. "When?"

"This afternoon." Sam said quietly. "It was an experiment."

"An experiment?" Rita laughed at her explanation.

"Yes, we did it to prove we didn't feel that way about each other." Sam said quietly, embarrassed by it all.

Cal looked up and saw Sam and Rita standing there.

"Sam, I'm sorry, I-" Cal started. Sam held up her hand.

"I can't do this now Cal." She said simply and walked away, tears forming in her eyes.


	24. Chapter 24

Just another public thank you to **Tato Potato** **, sweet-as-honey** and **ETWentHome** for their continued support and reviews, it really does keep me writing. Thank you guys so much :)

Also to apologise now for spelling and grammar mistakes as I am writing most of this on my tablet which does a weird thing in replacing and assuming it knows what I'm trying to type! Good old predictive text! I'm not as ahead as I was, only about 4-5 chapters ahead of what you are reading, so I'm trying to stay ahead therefore using less time checking (I've never been good at proof reading! My English teacher would tell you!)

* * *

Ethan didn't really want to go home. He didn't want to see Cal. He didn't know what to do. He sat on the quayside watching people walking past. It was getting dark now, and turning cold. He pulled his coat around him as he shivered, lost in his own thoughts.

...

Back outside the ED, Rita was dragging Sam off to the pub, deciding they needed a catch up drink after the recent 'excitement'.

Placing a bottle of wine and two glasses on their table, Rita sat down next to Sam and poured the drinks.

"Ok, spill." She said smiling and pushing Sam's full glass towards her. Sam took a grateful gulp of wine and looked at Rita.

"I don't even know where to start." Sam sighed.

"Well, try the beginning."

"Well, ever since I got here Cal and I have always got on well, you know, chatting, joking, and yes even flirting. But it was all easy and friendly, like we both knew there was nothing in it, but when you and Robyn were on at me, it got me thinking, maybe there was more to it than I allowed myself to think. Maybe deep down I did feel more than I lead myself to believe you know. But I really didn't know what I thought or felt. I was so confused."

"I'm sorry, we were only teasing."

"Oh I know, but it was enough to make me question it, then I guess I over thought it all and got in a bit of a state, and when I bumped into him this afternoon, I couldn't even look him in the eye, so it was obvious something was up. He took me outside to talk about it and, well we both confessed to being a bit confused about our feelings. We were pretty sure it was just friendship, but there was that seed of doubt planted. I told him we needed to find a way to work out how we felt, and before I knew it, Cal kissed me. Just a simple kiss at first, then he pulled away but we both moved back in and kissed each other. I guess Ethan must have seen us. Anyway, when we pulled away we just started laughing, and we knew we felt nothing. We were relieved, we didn't have feelings for each other. But then, well you saw what happened, Ethan and Cal had a row, I guess Ethan must have seen him flirting with someone else and after seeing us kiss he assumed something and was concerned I would see Cal with someone else and get upset. I really don't want to cause friction between them. We all get on so well. Oh Rita what have I done?" Sam sighed putting her head in her hands.

"I think you're beating yourself up way too much Sam. At the end of the day, it was just a kiss, and as for Ethan and Cal fighting, it seems to be built in them, and really, if Ethan had kept his cool and talked to Cal about it instead of thinking with his fists, he might have avoided it. It's quite sweet though." Rita smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that he felt so strongly about standing up for you that he hit his own brother."

"That's what concerns me, I don't want to cause trouble between them, I care about them both. They have been good friends to me since I moved down."

"Trust me, it will all blow over."

"Or I'll have to leave, first I caused friction with Lily, now Cal and Ethan. I'm heading to being the most unpopular person in Holby."

"No, that won't be you, there are many more unpopular people!" Rita laughed.

"Anyway, I need some good news. Tell me about dinner with Iain." Sam smiled as Rita's grin spread right across her face. "Oh, it went _that_ well!" She laughed.

"It was lovely, we had a really great evening."

And..." Sam prompted.

"And we're going out again next week."

"I bet he's a good kisser isn't he?" Sam giggled.

"I could say the same about Cal!" Rita winked back.

"Touché!" Sam laughed.

"Yes, he was just lovely." Rita smiled again, clearly zoning off into happy memories about their date. The girls chatted some more whilst finishing off the bottle of wine between them. They chatted about work, life, and work again, and of course Sam got some more details on the date. It sounded like Rita was really smitten. Bless her, Sam thought, feeling a little sorry for herself, although not showing it.

...

Meanwhile, Ethan was still sitting by the riverside, it was now completely dark, very cold, and starting to rain. But he was determined not to go home until he knew Cal would be out of sight. He was probably out with a girl anyway, that one from earlier today he thought to himself. What was Cal's problem? He'd kissed Sam, he'd captured the interest of such a lovely, amazing girl, and then he goes and does that. Ethan didn't know what went on in his head sometimes. What a idiot! If Ethan had Sam, well he'd make sure she knew she was the only girl worth bothering about, he'd treat her like a princess, he'd make her feel wanted and appreciated and...loved. But why was he wasting his time, she wanted Cal and he would only end up hurt...again.

...

Cal had already gone to bed in a bad mood. He was probably going to have a black eye tomorrow, granted it wouldn't rival Sam's, but there would be no hiding how he got it, as the gossip would be all around the department. What did Ethan think he was doing, Cal sulked. Who was Cal kidding, it was all his fault as usual. What a mess he'd gotten into, again. When was he going to sort his life out and get something right. When was he going to stop messing up everything he did.

...

When Sam was walking home, she pulled out her phone and typed a message, her finger hovered over the send button, and taking a deep breath she sent it. She then quickly tapped out another one and sent that too.

...

Suddenly Ethan's phone rang and made him jump. He pulled it out expecting it to be Cal, however, he was pleasantly surprised to see Sam's name on the message.

"I saw what happened earlier between you and Cal, I really hope you're OK. If you need to talk I'm always here x"

He smiled before he remembered exactly what had happened, the memories momentarily overtaken by the happy thoughts of Sam and how he had got butterflies just from seeing her name appear on his phone.

...

When Cal's phone went off he was expecting it to be Ethan, probably still mad with him, he noticed he still hasn't arrived home, but was surprised when he checked his messages and it was from Sam.

"What on earth happened today? Whatever it was I hope you two have sorted it out. Hope you're OK x"

...

Sam's phone buzzed and she looked down at the reply from Cal.

"Boys will be boys eh? I'm sure we will sort it out, only a misunderstanding x"

"I hope so, I hate to think of you two fighting x" she replied. She put her phone back in her pocket and it buzzed again. This time a reply from Ethan. Her heart skipped a little, then she read the reply.

"I'm sorry you saw that, I didn't want you to. I'm OK, I was just angry at him. He can be such a jerk sometimes x"

"Well, I meant what I said, if you need to talk, I'm here to listen x"

"Thank you x"

...

Ethan put his phone back in his pocket and stood up off the bench. He slowly made his way home, relieved to see the flat was in darkness, he crept in and went straight to bed feeling absolutely exhausted all of a sudden.


	25. Chapter 25

The following day at work, Sam was working as the lead nurse in resus, unfortunately Lily was also working resus. Sam hadn't been sleeping well and had had another restless night last night, so was feeling pretty tired. She'd had 3 coffees so far, but trying to make sure she kept up with, or ideally one step ahead of Lily's thought process so she couldn't be caught out, well it was simply exhausting.

So far had been ok, they had dealt with a 35 year old man with a fractured femur from a car accident, luckily he was quite stable and was soon on his way up for emergency surgery.

They still had a 65 year old female under their care who had collapsed in the street with a seizure. Having never had seizures before this was a great concern, and unfortunately she had had another 2 seizures since being at the ED. She had had an urgent CT scan of her head, which they were just waiting to be reported by the radiologist, but it looked clear what they were dealing with, a new diagnosis of a brain tumour. Sam was desperately trying to get hold of her next of kin, who were no doubt at work, and Lily was chasing up the formal CT report before making an oncology referral. Sam had also phoned the oncology ward to see if they had a female bed available for the lady, she explained the likely diagnosis, and provisionally held a bed explaining the doctor was chasing up the formal report but it was unlikely to be anything else. When Sam said to Lily that the patient had a bed on the oncology ward if needed, she went mad. She shouted at Sam for assuming before they knew what they were dealing with, and assuming that would be the plan and again stepping outside of her role as a nurse, and interfering in Lily's role as the doctor. Sam wanted to explain that as a senior nurse, things like this were well within her role, but she decided not to antagonise lily any more that she had already. She simply didnt have the energy. Sam really didn't know what Lily's problem was with her, most of the doctors she had worked with would have been pleased to have a nurse using her initiative, but not Lily when it came to Sam.

While Lily was still discussing the previous case with the oncologist, Sam got word of an incoming cardiac arrest, and luckily Ethan was free so he met Iain and Dixie in the way in with the patient. They got through to resus and Sam took over compressions with Ethan took the handover, she listened to what Iain and Dixie were saying whilst counting compressions, and then followed Ethan's instructions. Things were not looking good. Sam continued with another 2 cycles of CPR, pulse check showed nothing.

"How long was he down at the scene?" Sam asked whilst continuing compressions.

"About ten minutes, continuous CPR given en route, so he's probably been down a total of 40 minutes now." Ethan said not taking his eyes off the monitor.

"You wanna call it?" Sam asked.

"Let's give it 2 more cycles. Let's get another adrenaline in." Ethan instructed. Sam continued compressions as instructed but nothing was working. Ethan did another pulse check and shook his head, he recapped what they had done and checked with the team, they all agreed he had been down too long and all attempts had failed, so he called it.

"Time of death, 11:37. Thank you everyone."

Sam went to call out to Ethan to try and speak to him but before she could even open her mouth he was gone. She continued with her work, determined to catch up with him later.

Within minutes they had a drug overdose in, which Lily took the lead on, and Sam found herself not needed as Lily was instructing Lofty, so she left them to it, as she went to leave resus, Ethan was bringing someone through with the paramedics following another RTC and there were 2 more critical patients to follow. Things went crazy in resus, 3 major traumas with massive injuries, things were hectic. Sam was busy organising scans, blood transfusions, giving pain relief, helping Ethan with an RSI for one of the critical patients, and coordinating surgical beds and theatre slots. On hearing they had another cardiac arrest en route, Sam arranged for Lofty to move the overdose patient into cubicle now she was stabilising, but told him to keep a close eye on her. They managed to move the first trauma patient to theatres before the cardiac arrest arrived. It was a young mother who had just given birth to her first baby in the ambulance, unfortunately she had underlying cardiac issues, but had been avoiding hospital care out of fear of having her baby taken away. She arrested 2 minutes ago and Dixie had intubated her already. Sam took over compressions again, as Ethan took the lead but he could see Sam was tired still as she had barely stopped since the last resus. He asked Lofty to take over compressions as Sam drew up some drugs and saline flushes ready, however, Ethan's trauma patient became more unstable, so Lily took over the cardiac arrest. She stood over Sam and Lofty shouting instructions, but started to go over what they had already done, Sam tried to explain but Lily silenced her. They continued the resuscitation attempt, giving 4 shocks, and finally getting the young mother back, however, she was still losing a lot of blood. They were giving urgent transfusions but unfortunately the mother had a complex blood history as she had had blood transfusions as a child and her blood contained a lot of antibodies from this, so she developed a widespread urticaria rash and wheeze, and was heading for anaphylaxis. Sam prepared the adrenaline dose for anaphylaxis and got it ready to give, Lily however, being in aa rush grabbed the cardiac dose which was still in a syringe from the earlier resus attempts, and went to administer it. Luckily Sam spotted and shouted to her to stop.

"Dr Chao no! That's the cardiac arrest adrenaline dose!" She shouted, stopping Lily in time from a near fatal mistake. Unfortunately, everyone in resus heard so knew the mistake Lily nearly made. Lily faltered and then tried to cover her tracks by shouting at Sam and saying she left the wrong dose out for Lily to give. Sam tried to protest that the correct syringe was in a new clean tray, but Lily wouldn't hear of it and sent her out of resus after shouting at her like a naughty child. Everyone was shocked, but Sam had had enough, she was tired, and could not take any more of Lily's shouting. She peeled off her gloves and apron, threw them down, slammed through the double doors and stormed out. For a moment, resus felt like it was completely still, everyone was shocked, but the nature of the critical patients they had meant business as usual continued until they were stabilised and treated.

Sam got herself a strong coffee and sat outside to get some fresh air. She could really do with a rant at Rita, but she wasn't in today. What was Lily's problem? She couldn't work out where it had started, what she had done to make Lily hate her so much? She closed her eyes and sipped her coffee before realising that someone was sitting down next to her.

"Bad day?" Asked the male voice, which sounded soft and soothing. She looked up to see Charlie sat on the bench next to her.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Sam stifled an ironic laugh. "Help me Charlie, what do I do?"

"Lily again?" He asked, being aware of their frictions.

"She Nearly gave a cardiac dose of adrenaline in an anaphylaxis and is trying to say I drew it up and left it for her, so it was my mistake, but I didn't. I know I drew up a 1 in 1000 dose, ready to give, but Lily picked up a syringe left over from the resus attempt."

"Well you know yourself, before you give a drug you are responsible for checking what you're giving. I'm not sure Lily has a leg to stand on there."

"But Charlie, she spoke to me like an imbecile in front of my colleagues. It was humiliating, again!"

"I think you need to address it properly."

"You mean go to Mrs Beauchamp? I couldn't, it would fee so petty!"

"It's that or continue on with the tension building up until one or other of you completely explode or compromise patient safety and both lose your jobs. And you're a great nurse Sam, you've worked hard, don't let a personal issue ruin everything you've worked so hard to achieve. This department may have only had you forna while, but I hope we won't be losing you soon, you've been an incredible addition from what I've seen, you're a credit to nursing, and I know you'll go far. Don't let something silly like this risk it all."

Sam looked at Charlie, she saw the honesty in his eyes when he spoke those words, she had made a good impression on him, despite everything going on, she glowed inside; Charlie said she was a credit to nursing. This was the living version of hearing her grandmother say she was proud of her.

Charlie went back inside, leaving sam for a few more minutes. She couldn't deny she was also worried about Ethan, well she was worried he was still mad with her. They had been professional and proved they can still work together, but she hadn't yet been able to get him on his own to actually talk to him. She needed to explain, she needed to try to make him forgive her. She sighed as she made a move back inside, where she heard the sound of Mrs Beauchamp's shoes stalking down the corridor.

"Ah, staff nurse Jones, just the person I was looking for, follow me." She said turning around and heading towards her office. Sam sighed slightly and followed her. Connie sat behind her desk and indicated for Sam to sit down.

"I have had a verbal complaint about your conduct in resus this morning." Connie stated simply. "The complaint stated that you were slow and indecisive, you overstepped the mark, and you severely compromised patient safety by drawing up the wrong dose of drug to be administered. What do you have to say?" Sam couldn't help but stare open mouthed at the clinical lead.

"I'm sorry, what? I can't believe this." Sam said.

"So you're saying its not true."

"I'm saying I know exactly who has come to you, I'm shocked she's been in already and that I really don't know what her problem is with me." Sam stated cooly, maintaining eye contact with the clinical lead.

"Enlighten me," Connie smiled slightly, "what was your recollection of the events in resus this morning."

Sam proceeded to calmly explain everything that happened in resus this morning, sticking to the facts, but including the dressing down Lily had given her in front of everyone. When she had finished explaining, Connie continued to look at her, assessing the situation.

"Well, I suggest we get Lily in here and discuss this right now, especially in view of the fact that similar issues have occurred very recently."

"I think that's an excellent idea." Sam said maintaining her calm eye contact with Mrs Beauchamp. Lily was summoned to the office and she took a seat stiffly next to Sam opposite Mrs Beauchamp.

"So, I have heard from both of you, and you both are obviously giving different accounts of what happened this morning. Now, what is going on here, we have already discussed that I cannot have this department put at risk by personal differences. If you cannot work together we will have to take serious action."

"I simply cannot work with a nurse who thinks she is more of a doctor, and constantly interferes and oversteps the mark. She is not trained to make these assessments and she will put the safety of our patients at risk." Lily said angrily.

"Actually Lily, I think you'll find I am trained in making these assessments. I am an advanced nurse with a Masters degree in trauma and emergency medicine, and yes, while that's nothing compared to your medical training, I object to the fact you seem to think I'm 'just' a nurse as you keep referring to me. I think you need to learn to work with me, listen to what I have to say and it will save you a lot of time. I think we could even make a good team." Sam stated matter of factly. Connie looked somewhat impressed with the nurse.

"Do you have anything to say Lily?" Connie asked.

"No Mrs Beauchamp. Except that maybe you should speak to the other staff who were in resus today, and saw Sam's poor performance."

Sam shook her head, she couldn't believe Lily was still trying to prove otherwise, but Sam would let her, the more she tried to prove her version of events happened, the more foolish she would look, and only by her own doing.

"Oh, I plan to Lily. Don't worry. I'll speak to all concerned and we will meet up to discuss this again. You may go."

Lily got up and walked out while Sam nodded calmly at the clinical lead and left with her dignity intact.

Mrs Beauchamp spoke to a couple of the nurses who were in resus this morning, then she went in search of someone who's opinion she knew she could trust to be truthful.

"Dr Hardy." She said smiling at him. "If you've got a minute I would like a word." It was more of an order than a request, so he put down the notes he was holding and followed Mrs Beauchamp to her office.

"Now Dr Hardy, I'm sure it hasn't escaped your notice that there have been tensions within the department lately. Particularly between Dr Chao and Staff Nurse Jones. I understand things came to a head in resus this morning, and I just wanted to hear your version of the events that you were witness to." Ethan proceeded to explain what he had seen happen in resus between Lily and Sam.

"So you do not think Sam overstepped the limitations of her role at all?" Connie asked.

"Absolutely not." He answered truthfully.

"And in your opinion, do you think there is any truth in the accusation of drawing up the wrong dose of drug?"

"No, because Sam was holding the tray with the adrenaline ready to give for the anaphylaxis, and she stopped Lily the minute she realised what she was doing."

"Thank you Dr Hardy."

"And, um, for the record Mrs Beauchamp, I have witnessed a few occasions where, um, well I've seen Lily shouting at Sam and talking down to her in front of people. In fact, just the other day I pulled her aside and spoke to her about it, and said I would be coming to see you if it continued. I think it's fair to say she wasn't best pleased." Ethan said. Connie nodded at him.

"Thank you, Dr Hardy." He smiled awkwardly and shuffled out of the office and back to his patient. Now Connie had to consider how was best to play the situation.

...

Sam saw Ethan leave Mrs Beauchamp's office, curiosity made wonder what had been discussed, she knew it was most likely about what happened in resus this morning, but she wondered what Ethan had told me Beauchamp. She knew she couldn't ask. She had to find a reason to talk to him though.

"Ethan?" She called. He stopped and turned to face her.

"Ethan, um, is everything, well is everything OK?" Sam stammered and Ethan looked a little confused. "Between us, I mean?"

"Yes, its fine." He said simply. His answer didn't really do much to ease her concerns.

"Because I know you saw what happened, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry if you feel I acted unprofessionally, and that I let you down." Sam said quietly.

"No, no, its not that, its fine, really." Ethan said, before turning to where Lofty was calling him over about a change to one of his patients. Sam sighed, she still wasn't convinced. She needed to get him on his own and talk to him properly, explain things properly, if he would listen.


	26. Chapter 26

When Rita returned to work the next day, she was quickly called in Connie's office to discuss the issues. Rita was determined to stand up for her nurse and friend, but it turns out that there really wasn't much need as Connie seemed to agree, but they had decided to keep the two separated for a while to allow the dust to settle. Rita agreed to discus the issues with Sam while Connie would have a serious discussion with Lily about making unnecessary allegations, and how it could hurt both of their careers, for nothing more than a petty personal disagreement. Rita imagined that Connie's discussion with Lily would be more a headmistress telling off a pupil than hers was going with Sam right now.

"So we've agreed to keep you working separately for a while, and Connie is going to have a chat with her about the drug allegation."

"Thanks Rita, I'm so sorry about this." Sam smiled seeing how ridiculous it all was.

"It's OK, I just can't work out where its all come from, I mean I don't know why you've ruffed Lily's feathers."

"Neither do I, but I'm just going to be the bigger person. Anyway, while we've got 5 minutes, how is it going with you and Iain, I need an update!" Sam grinned.

"It's going really well, we've been out for dinner and drinks, and its going really well, we're starting to learn even more about each other, and he's taking me out to a friends birthday dinner in a couple of weeks."

"Oh my God! Meeting the friends, it must be serious!" Sam laughed.

"I know, its scary!" She laughed back. As they walked back out to the nurses station Rita asked: "Anyway, what about you? Any new love dramas?"

"God no! I'm done with the dramas, I think I'm done with love, its only messy, and it hurts!" Sam smiled shaking her head. Unfortunately, Ethan was in earshot, and heard her comment, not realising it was just Sam having a laugh with Rita, and not as he took it. He was still convinced his brother had hurt her, he felt awkward about what had happened and what she had seen him do, and he still hadn't spoken to Cal about it all.

"I do feel a bit sad to be so close to hitting to 30 and still being single though." Sam laughed.

"So close?"

"Yes, very close." Sam smiled walking away to call her next patient.

...

Later that shift Sam managed to catch up with Ethan; she had seen him heading to buy some lunch and was walking towards the staff room. She went to her locker and pulled out her salad. She sat on the opposite side of the counter to him. Ok it was a bit stalker-ish to plan her lunch to co-inside with his, but she needed to get just a little bit of time with him without him having to rush off to his patients.

"Hi Ethan, how are you?" She tried to sound breezy, but wasn't sure it worked.

"Um, I'm fine, how are you?" He replied a little awkwardly.

"I'm not making small talk Ethan, I've been worried about you? I'm checking that you're really OK."

"Oh, um, I'm fine. Why?" He asked. Sam decided she had to get it out there, so bit the bullet and went straight into it.

"Well, after everything that happened the other day. You know I saw you punch Cal, it seemed a little out of character, so he much have really rattled your cage." Ethan shifted awkwardly in his seat, and Sam saw him look embarrassed. "I'm not fishing for information Ethan, I'm genuinely concerned and trying to check you're OK, I care about you, you've been really good to me, and if it were me upset you'd be trying to help me wouldn't you?"

"Well, um, yes, I guess." Sam sensed she wasn't really getting anywhere so decided to leave it there.

"Just as long as you're OK, you can always talk to me you know." She smiled at him.

"Thank you." He smiled.

They sat in silence eating their lunch for a bit, when Sam decided she had to finish explaining everything, or they were never going to get past this.

"Ethan, look, what you saw the other day, wasn't what you thought you saw, well it was, but it wasn't." Sam rushed out, not really making any sense. This was evident from Ethan's confused look on his face. "What I mean is, what happened between Cal and I, it was nothing, it was a mistake, well more of an experiment." He still looked confused. "Look, you know how well Cal and I get on, well everyone has been teasing us, and we got confused about what we did or didn't feel. We were convinced we were friends and kind of kissed to test the theory, and we were right, there was nothing there, but I guess from what happened between you both after, that you saw us kiss, and I'm sorry I let you down, but it really was nothing, the girls had just got me freaking out and I had to make sure it really was nothing. God this is sounding more and more ridiculous!"

"It does a bit." He said quietly. Sam bit her lip as she looked at him nervously. "If Cal had given me a lame excuse like that, well I'd never believe it, but somehow coming from you it seems plausible." Ethan said finally looking at her again.

"What I'm not sure Ethan, is why did you punch Cal?" Sam asked, a little bit of hope lifting inside her.

"Well, I saw you kissing and put two and two together, and then when I left to go home he was right outside flirting with another girl and getting her number. I thought you liked him and he'd led you on and then to risk flirting with someone right where you would be heading any minute, I couldn't believe he'd be such an idiot, I didn't want him to hurt you." Ethan said quietly.

"I see," said Sam thoughtfully. "Well, thank you for defending me anyway, I'm sorry I caused friction between you both, I would never want to, you know that don't you? I care about you both." Sam ended quietly. They fell into silence again, her words hanging in the air between them.

They were both lost in their own thoughts when suddenly Sam let out a gasp. She had been idly scrolling through her phone which was laid flat on the side as she ate her lunch.

"What's up?" He asked.

"I totally forgot this movie came out! I really wanted to see it."

"Which one?" He asked, expecting it to be some awful, plotless, predictable, chick flick.

"Oh, um, its 'Everest' I thought it looked really great."

"Oh yes, that does look good." He said.

"Have you seen it?" She asked as she continued reading the page open on her phone.

"Um, well, no, but the trailer looks great."

"Ooh they've got tickets for the late showing tomorrow night, I might go." She said. He smiled and nodded at her and she looked at him. "Would you, um, do you want to come with me? You don't have to but if you want to see it, it could be fun?"

"Well, um, yes, that would be great!" He smiled feeling slightly shocked not only by her invitation, but the ease of which he accepted the invitation.

"Great, I'll book us seats now." She smiled, blushing ever so slightly under his gaze. "If you're not working, we could always go and get an early dinner?" She asked, feeling a little nervous.

"That would be lovely." He smiled again at her, feeling his heart skip a beat at the thought of spending the evening with her.

"I heard of a lovely little Italian that I'd like to check out if you fancy it?" Sam asked.

"Sounds perfect." His smile was even wider now.

...

Ethan practically skipped through the rest of the shift, and Sam felt like nothing could get her down either. She managed to avoid Lily and she treated the most gorgeous elderly lady who had fractured her wrist in a fall, she was just so pleasant, and Sam had a lovely chat with her while she was sorting her out.

As she was finishing her shift she noticed Rita who had been holed up in her office for most of the shift. She headed towards her.

"Hey Reets, on OK?" Sam smiled.

"Yes, just been catching up today. You look chirpy!" She smiled at Sam.

"It's just been a good shift." Sam replied, unable to lose the smile from her face. "I think we should organise a girls night out in town soon, head off dancing again, if you can fit me in in between your dates!" Sam laughed.

"Sounds good to me, how about next Saturday?" Rita asked sneekily, knowing having looked at Sam's file that it was her 30th birthday next Sunday.

"Yep, sounds like a plan!" Sam smiled. "See you later Rita." She added as she headed off.

Rita, pleased that the first part of her plan had been so easy, got back down to planning with a bit smile on her face.


	27. Chapter 27

The following day was Sam's day off, and Ethan had worked an early shift, so finished by 3pm. He went home for a quick nap, able to avoid Cal, who was again on the opposite shift. Although he knew he needed to speak to Cal and clear the air, he hadnt yet, they hadnt really seen each other, although Ethan knew he could have made more of an effort to try.

Meanwhile Sam had had a lazy morning and headed for a nice long soak in the bath, applying a moisturising face mask she relaxed down into the bubbles and closed her eyes. She had a small glass of wine while getting ready just to calm her nerves a little, and she spent far too long getting ready, trying to perfect the casual 'I've just thrown this on but look great' kind of look. She opted for her skinny jeans with her low heeled knee high leather brown boots and a fitted blouse. She wore her hair loose and put some loose curls in it to give it a softer shape, and put some subtle make up on to highlight her cheeks and eyes. Her black eye had almost gone, but Ethan had seen it a lot worse so she wasn't too stressed by covering it. She put on her jacket and headed out of the house and into town to meet Ethan.

When she got to the Italian he was already there waiting outside for her. He had to fight not to stand and stare open mouthed at her as she walked towards him, she looked amazing he thought, understated but lovely, the perfect girl to have on your arm, or in his mind, _his_ arm. He smiled at her and held the door open for her. They were seated in a quiet corner and given menus. They ordered a bottle of wine and Ethan poured Sam's into her glass.

"Wow, you're like the perfect gentleman." Sam smiled, sipping her wine.

"Oh, um, I, um" Ethan stammered, blushing.

"Ethan, relax, this is me, we've spent time together before, it will be OK." Sam smiled, making her eyes sparkle. His heart skipped a beat.

"Well, um, I wanted to say, well, you look lovely tonight." He said going a little more red.

"Aw, thank you Ethan, that's really sweet of you to say. You're looking very handsome yourself." She winked which did nothing to help his blushing, he was convinced she was teasing him. He gave a nervous laugh and sipped his wine. Sam decided to put him at ease and started the conversation off telling him about her move in date for her new flat and talking about all the things she had to organise still. He soon relaxed and they were back to they way they were on the afternoon when they went to view the flats. They chatted continuously as their food arrived, which they enjoyed, and by the end of the food they were feeling full, satisfied and very happy. Ethan insisted on paying for their dinner, he wouldn't hear of taking any money from Sam, especially as she had already booked and paid for their cinema tickets, although Sam suspected that even if she hadn't done that he would have insisted on paying for dinner, he really was the perfect gentleman, and Sam wasn't used to it.

They walked further into town to the cinema and Ethan bought them a soft drink each and a big box of popcorn to share, and they headed in to take their seats. As they sat down, Sam was feeling a bit tipsy from the wine, and she was excited at being in the cinema, although she couldn't work out if it was coz she had wanted to see this film or because she was in the cinema with Ethan, and that they had a lovely meal together beforehand. She was feeling really happy right now. She had to try and tell herself to calm down, as she didn't want herself getting caught up in feelings and emotions that she wished were but probably weren't reciprocated.

The lights dimmed and they settled down ready to watch the film. Ethan looked across to Sam who subconsciously became aware he was looking and she looked at him, she flashed him a smile and wriggled in her seat to get comfy.

"It's not quite as comfy as watching a movie on your sofa." She leant in and whispered to him. He shook his head and smiled awkwardly, truth being told, feeling her so close that he could feel her breath on his ear made him quivver. He offered her some popcorn and she took a handful. There was something cute about the way she ate the popcorn whilst engrossed in the movie adverts playing in front of them. 2 hours later, the credits were rolling and Sam stretched in her seat. There had only been one awkward moment when she had reached for some popcorn without looking and had touched his thigh instead. She sat completely in awe of what she had just seen, completely blown away. She turned to Ethan who was standing up to stretch his legs.

"Wow," she said, "just wow." Now standing up with his to make their way outside.

"I know," he said, "it was incredible, you could almost imagine yourself being there with them."

"That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm completely blown away." She said, still stunned.

It was now a little after midnight as the strolled away from the cinema discussing the film.

"Do you want to get a taxi?" Ethan said.

"I think I'd quite like to walk if you don't mind. I'm on a late shift tomorrow, so I don't have to be up, but if you want to get one I don't mind."

"I'm happy to walk with you, I'm on the late shift too." He smiled.

They walked the scenic route down by the river, it was a clear night, cold but clear, so once they got away from the centre, they were able to see the stars over the river. Sam stopped by the bridge and stood looking up. Ethan went to stand next to her.

"There's something magical about the stars you know." Sam sighed. "They make me feel small and insignificant, but also they make me feel safe. When I'm feeling lonely, I like to imagine they all represent someone looking down on their loved ones, keeping them safe, reminding them that someone loves them. I know its silly."

"It's not silly, that's beautiful." He said, looking at her as she looked up into the night sky.

"The stars are beautiful." She sighed.

'You're beautiful' he thought, but he couldn't get the nerve to say it out loud. Instead he did what he knew he could do, he pointed out some of the constellations to her.

Sam could feel Ethan right up close as he stood and pointed out some of the constellations, it felt likre such a romantic thing to do, she didn't think she'd ever experienced anything so lovely. He was so close she could feel the heat from his body, and it made her shiver.

"Come on, you're getting cold." He said simply as he put his hand on the small of her back and lead her back off towards her flat.

Ethan walked Sam back to her flat and they thanked each other for a lovely evening. They stood awkwardly, each wondering how to end it, but neither being brave enough to be honest about their feelings. They wished each other a good night and Sam leaned forward and kissed him softly on the cheek and headed into her flat, Ethan turned slowly and headed back to his flat. It was gone 1am by the time he walked in his front door, too elated to sleep. He sat on the sofa with a smile plastered on his face, thinking back over every moment of tonight, savouring the way it felt. Suddenly his phone buzzed, he pulled it out of his pocket and his smile grew when he read it.

"Thank you for a truly wonderful evening, I'm going to bed with the biggest smile on my face. You made me feel really special, more than I have felt in a very long time. Thank you x"

He started to type his reply.

...

Sam got in and took her boots off. She climbed into bed, but was too euphoric to attempt to sleep. She lay thinking about what quite possibly could have been the most perfect evening of her life so far. She remembered the feeling of anticipation, excitement, and how he had treated her like a lady. It had truly been wonderful, just perfect. She lay on her bed, and didn't know whether to laugh, cry or scream, she was just full of so many emotions. She got her phone out of her bag and hovered over her messages to Ethan. She typed, deleted and re-typed messages to him, she was never going to get it perfect, but she went for it, or she would never send it. Then she lay in the dark eagerly anticipating a reply. After what felt like an eternity, but in reality had only been a couple of minutes, her phone beeped. Her stomach filled with butterflies as she prepared to read his response.

"I had a wonderful time too. You deserve to feel special, because you are. Oh, and I'm smiling too. Good night x"

Sam flopped back onto her pillow and was so ecstatic she could have burst. She couldn't help it, but the tears started flowing, but this time they were definitely happy tears.


	28. Chapter 28

Sam was still on cloud 9 when she headed off to work the following afternoon. She felt like she could take whatever the ED could throw at her. As it was, she didn't make it into work before she was involved in an emergency. She was in such a good mood she left for work early and took the scenic route along the river bank, smiling as she remembered standing near here with Ethan pointing out constellations to her only last night. She suddenly heard a scream, and turned around to see a lady hanging on for dear life over the side of the bank where she was in danger of being swept away by the current. Sam shouted to the lady to hold on and that she was going to call for help. She pulled out her mobile and called for the emergency services, explaining the situation to the control room. She then carefully made her way down to the river bank to try and help the woman. She assessed the situation to see where she would be safest approaching, and although everything in her head told her going down and diving in to help wouldn't be the most sensible thing to do, her heart made her run down to do anything she could to get the woman to safety.

She lay down on the bank and reached out for the woman. She managed to grab her wrists and hold on to her, but she couldn't pull her against the current to safety. But she held on for all she could talking to and reassuring the lady. She was trying her best to calm her down but the lady, whose name was Meryl, was panicking and trying to climb out. Unfortunately, despite Sam trying to get her to remain calm and stay still, Meryl slipped on a rock and completely lost her footing and ended up pulling Sam headfirst into the icy cold water too. Sam used this, as she was now stuck in the water herself, she positioned herself behind Meryl and used herself as an anchor to stop Meryl bring pulled out under the current. She tried to calm her down and then tried to lift Meryl up over the side now she could get under her. Sam somehow managed to lift her up over her shoulder and push her up and forwards onto the bank just as she could hear the sound of sirens approaching. She breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Meryl would soon be safe and the fire crew would be able to help her out, when all of a sudden she slipped on a sludgy rock and lost her footing and got swept down stream before she knew what was happening.

As the emergency services approached, they reached Meryl who was lying cold and shocked on the riverbank. Dixie as the duty manager allocated the second crew to assess and take Meryl in to hospital. Dixie was concerned as Meryl just kept shouting about the other woman who had fallen in trying to save her. They weren't sure if she was confused, but control had confirmed it was a female who had reported the incident. If there was another woman still in the water then Dixie decided as the senior she would remain on scene with Iain to deal with her. The fire crews scanned the river from the waters edge, pacing down the way of the current looking for another person, body, anything that might be this other female, or indicate where she was.

Suddenly Dixie saw the fire crew spring into action so she grabbed her equipment, shouted to Iain and they headed further down the bank. The fire crew got work getting the woman out of the water, but it wasn't a quick job due to the dangerous position and the strong currents, and when they finally got her out, she didn't look in a good way. She was clearly approaching severe hypothermia, she was lifeless, cold and barely breathing. The fire crew lay her down and Dixie began her assessment, she managed to detect a very faint pulse, then as she continued her assessment it hit home, and she realised who it was.

"Oh my God Iain, its Sam, its Sam!" She shouted. "Get on the phone to the ED now! Tell the we're bringing her right in with severe hypothermia. Make sure they have a team and bed in resus on standby with warmed blankets, and equipment ready, its serious" she shouted. Turning her attention back to Sam she spoke to her. "Sam, can you hear me lovely, its Dixie, we're here, we're going to get you to hospital, you're gonna be alright darlin'." Dixie spoke kindly as the fire crew helped Dixie load her up while Iain was giving instructions on the phone. Once in the ambulance with the heater on, Dixie removed Sam's wet clothes and started wrapping her up with dry blankets. She apologised to Sam as it was really important to get a body temperature reading, and the best way was a rectal reading. Sam barely reacted to anything Dixie was doing as she was barely maintaining consciousness. Dixie couldn't deny, she was really worried. The temperature read 29°C, it was serious. They rushed her towards Holby ED, knowing she'd get the best care possible, but wondering if it would actually be enough.

* * *

Rita hung up the phone after speaking with Iain, even hearing his voice couldn't soften this blow, she had to quickly gather the team together.

"Right everyone, in addition to the lady that has just been brought in, there is another casualty of this incident, she has severe hypothermia due to prolonged exposure in very cold water and conditions and is in a critical condition. Dixie is en route with her now, the reason I've gathered you all together, is because the casualty is our Sam." There was gasps and mutterings from the group as they became concerned about one of their own. "We need to have everything standing by ready to go with the team in resus. This is serious guys, but lets keep our heads clear OK?" She said trying to rally them around and keep them positive.

As the team dispersed, Robyn's eyes pricked with tears and she looked worried. She blinked them away and Lofty put his arm around her shoulder and they hurried off to set up resus with the equipment they would require, needing to keep busy and focused.

Cal and Ethan both rushed at Rita as the team were leaving, they needed to know more.

"What's going on Rita, you said its serious, but how serious?" Cal asked worried. Ethan stood looking pale, he had only just arrived for his shift, which should have been the same one Sam was working.

"Her core temperature is currently 29°C, she's barely responsive, her pulse is very weak, and she isn't even managing to shiver. It sounds serious." Rita said gravely. She knew both boys really cared about Sam, as did she, so she thought it was best they were prepared that this wasn't going to look good.

"What happened?" Ethan asked. "I mean, how did she end up in this position?"

"It sounds like she was trying to help the lady that was brought in before but she got swept away in the water and it took time to locate her and get her out." Rita said.

"What the hell was she thinking?!" Ethan shouted slamming his fist loudly on the desk. "She should know better!" He turned and walked away leaving Cal and Rita looking shocked watching him leave. Cal glanced at Rita and ran after Ethan.

"Come on Eth, it'll be OK, we can do this, we'll get her better."

But-"

"No, no buts, we are a great team when we work together, we can do this." Cal reassured him firmly patting his shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

At that moment the doors opened and Iain and Dixie appeared wheeling the trolley with Sam on it. Cal and Ethan took a deep breath, readying themselves for the situation and headed towards it. They both stared in shock at the sight of Sam, she looked, well almost dead. Cal snapped to work, but Ethan just stared as he followed them through to resus.

"Ok Ethan you start the primary survey, Robyn, can you get another rectal temp please? Lofty, lets attach the cardiac monitor, get another 12 lead ECG and get some urgent bloods sent off, and get the warmed humidified oxygen on her. I'll get blood gasses, and another IV line in for the warmed saline. We'll also need to arrange an urgent portable chest X-ray." Cal instructed. He looked up and realised Ethan was still just staring at Sam. "Ethan!" He shouted to get his brothers attention. "Primary survey now!" Ethan snapped back to attention and slipped himself into work mode, regaining his professional focus. He knew she was at risk of arresting, and he had to admit, seeing her in this condition terrified him. The team set to work stabilising Sam, although things were still looking serious.

"SATS are dropping, pulse is only 45." Lofty stated solemnly.

"X-ray shows some pulmonary oedema and ECG is showing prolonged PR interval QRS complex and QT interval. She's at very high risk of VF here guys and she's unresponsive, let's prep for an RSI. Lofty, get Zoe now! This really isn't looking good." Cal said, unable to hide his fear and concern.

Cal started off really in control, but he was beginning to lose his cool now, the seriousness of the situation hitting home, which was why he called for Zoe to oversee this, he was feeling too close for comfort all of a sudden, he didn't think he could intubate Sam.

The team looked at each other, their worried faces evident but they were all still hoping and praying for a positive outcome.


	29. Chapter 29

Ethan looked at his brother, he was proud of him, proud of the way he took control of a scary situation without even thinking about it, despite it being too close for comfort, he just took the lead and he lead it well. This why why he was convinced Cal was an amazing doctor. However, now he looked into his brothers eyes he could see the fear, he had got through the initial part and now it had hit him, they were treating a friend, and that was scary enough without it being this serious. His heart plummeted even further, because this really was serious. But he had to get through it, and help Cal through this, for Sam's sake, and for the teams sake.

He stood beside his brother and put his hand on his shoulder, while Rita, who had taken over from Robyn as she was getting too upset, prepped for the RSI. They needed this time to gather their thoughts, that's all it was, just a moment.

"Good job Caleb." He said simply, giving his brothers shoulder a squeeze. Cal looked at him and smiled weakly. He was about to say sorry for shouting, but Rita indicated that they were ready to intubate and time was critical. Cal looked up scanning the area for Zoe, but she wasn't there. Ethan could see the panic in his eyes, and he surprised himself and took control.

"Ok Rita, lets get the Ketamine and sux in and I'll intubate." He nodded at Cal, who looked relieved and smiled. The procedure went without a hitch, and Sam was now hooked up to the ventilator to maintain her breathing. Ethan phoned up to ITU to secure a bed for her. While Cal continued to watch the cardiac monitor. Suddenly Zoe burst through the doors making Cal jump.

"What's happening Cal? I'm sorry, I've only just heard, I was stuck in a meeting of all places!" She sighed. Cal filled her in on the current situation, Rita was just taking another temperature reading.

"We're on the up," Rita smiled slightly, though still knowing they were not out of the woods, things were going in the right direction. "Temp is now 30.5°C, Up 1.5°C since admission."

"Good stuff guys, well done." Zoe said. "Lets keep it slow and steady now." Ethan hung up the phone and moved towards them.

"They will have an ITU bed for her in about 45 minutes." He said simply, looking from Cal to Zoe.

"I still don't like the look of the cardiac monitor though." Cal said worriedly. Zoe looked over it.

"No, its not great. But she's maintaining at the moment, all we can do is wait, and hope she hangs on in there." Zoe sighed. "Have we got initial bloods back yet? We should check her potassium levels, make sure she's not hyperkalaemic."

"No not yet, I'll go chase them up." Ethan said picking up the notes and heading off.

Ethan was on the phone to the lab while they gave him the results they had, it felt like an eternity chasing round and waiting on hold, when he finally headed back towards resus his heart sank further. He saw something he really didn't want to see.

* * *

Whilst Zoe and Cal were discussing the treatment plan, and Rita was tidying up after catheterising Sam so they could monitor her output, Lofty was watching the monitor.

"Guys, changes on the ECG!" He said firmly but not shouting. Almost as soon as he did the all too familiar sound of the cardiac monitor went off.

"She's in VF!" Cal shouted.

Rita jumped up and started compressions and Lofty kept control of the oxygen. Cal charged the defibrillator and stood by to shock Sam, checking everyone was clear he sent the shock through Sam's lifeless body and held his breath hoping.

"Pulse check?" He looked at Zoe, she shook her head. Rita continued with compressions and Lofty reconnected the oxygen. After another cycle, with Sam still in VF Cal prepared to shock again.

"Everyone clear?" They all nodded. "Shocking."

Again Sam's lifeless body reacted to the shock, Cal looked at Zoe with hope, but still she shook her head solemnly. "Damnit!" He cursed to himself. He took a deep breath and watched helplessly as Rita continued the compressions again. At this point Ethan came flying back in through the doors. Zoe held him back, but as he was about to demand to know what was going on, he found he couldn't even speak. Besides, it was clear what was going on. He looked at Zoe, then looked at Cal before stepping forward to Sam's side.

"Come on Sam," he said quietly to her, "come on, fight it, you can do it. Come back to us, we need you, we all need you...I need you." He whispered quietly at the end, none of the others heard this bit they were too swept up in their resus attempt of a friend and colleague.

"Right, ready to shock again?" Cal called. Lofty disconnected the oxygen, Rita watched and stopped compressions and stepped back as Cal shocked Sam for the third time. Zoe checked her pulse, taking a little longer this time.

"Yes, I've got one, its faint but its there." She said sighing. Lofty reconnected the oxygen and the team looked at each other in shock.

"Well done guys." Zoe said smiling at her team. "You did well. Now let's get her stable and up to ITU as quickly as we can. Zoe picked up the phone to find out if they were ready for her yet and to update them. Ethan turned around and headed to Cal while Rita and Lofty organised the equipment ready to transport Sam.

" They can take her now." Zoe said to Rita and Lofty. "Let's get her upstairs." The three moved Sam carefully up to ITU leaving just Cal and Ethan stood together in resus.

"You did well." Ethan smiled. Cal looked exhausted from emotion and his eyes filled with tears which he tried hard to blink away. Ethan moved closer and put his hand on Cal's arm, "I'm so proud of you Caleb." He said simply, looking right into his brothers eyes. Cal couldn't control it and the tears fell. He tried to wipe them away but fresh ones fell before he could even get rid of the old ones. Ethan did the only thing he could think of, he knew what his brother needed and he was the only one who could do it. He pulled him in for a hug, which Cal accepted gratefully, he threw his arms around his little brother and the emotions flowed. They stood in the simple embrace with the bustling ED carrying on around them. Neither spoke a word, but at this moment, they didn't need to, their physical contact spoke more than words ever could.


	30. Chapter 30

As Cal's shift had now finished, while Ethan's was just beginning, Cal went up to ITU first to get an update on Sam. She was more stable now, her temperature had increased now to 32°C, so she was improving slowly, which was best for treating hypothermia. She was still currently on the ventilator, but repeat bloods and heart tracings were looking better, and the pulmonary oedema was not as bad as first thought, so hopefully they would be able to take her off the ventilator soon and attempt to bring her around. Cal was relieved. He sat with her for about 20 minutes, but knew the rest of the team would be waiting anxiously for an update so he headed back down to the ED. They all crowded around him to hear the news, and were all relieved to hear things were looking slightly more positive than earlier.

Cal went to find Ethan, and caught up with him stood in resus staring into space.

"Ethan?" He asked softly. "Are you ok?"

"Cal, how is she?" He breathed looking anxiously at his big brother, hoping for good news.

"She's stable," Cal said, Ethan let out a big sigh of relief. Cal continued: "things are improving slowly, they are hoping to take her off the ventilator in the next few hours or so as her temperature regulates."

"Oh thank goodness." Ethan breathed. "What was she thinking?"

"I guess she wanted to help." Cal said simply shrugging.

"We all do Cal, that's why we do this job, but you don't endanger your own life for someone else."

"I think there are circumstances when you would." He gave Ethan a knowing look. "I seem to recall being told that you wanted to rush out to be with me when you knew I was trapped in an unstable building, and I remember you going off on everyone when I tried to hide how hurt I was."

"Yes but that's different." Ethan said a little sulkily.

"Why?"

"Because you're my brother, I'd do anything for you Caleb." He looked intensely into his brothers eyes. "But Sam didn't know this woman."

"No, but she is someone's family. And thanks to Sam she is at home tonight safe and with her family."

"But at what cost."

"I know Ethan, and I do agree. To some degree, you're right, we are always taught not to sacrifice ourselves, always check for danger first right. But if it were me out there, you'd want to know that someone did all they could, and Sam did that, she did all she could to save someone. Besides, we don't know the full details of what happened, she may not have gone and thrown herself right in the water, it might have been a complete freak accident, we just don't know."

"I know, you're right Cal, I was just so frightened, we were this close to losing her forever."

"I know buddy, I hear you."

"It's all thanks to you that she is still here." Ethan said looking up at his big brother.

"Me? It was a team effort Ethan. We all did it."

"Cal, I nearly lost it, when I first saw her come in, I couldn't get it together, but you, well you lead us like a pro, a general leading his soldiers into battle, I meant what I said, I'm proud of you."

"Well, you saved my skin when I bottled it on the intubation. I think it hit home by then who we were working on."

"But somehow I got that strength from you, from watching you in the beginning, it made me realise I had to step up too. I guess you could say you inspired me." Ethan smiled a little embarrassed at admitting that to his brother.

"We just did our jobs Ethan." Cal shrugged. He didn't really want to make more of it than that as he was already still struggling to process it a bit. Not that he would admit that. They stood in silence again, Ethan building up to say what he really needed to.

"Look Cal, I owe you an apology for the other day."

"No, its alright, it was only a misunderstanding."

"No, I should have talked to you instead of assuming and reacting the way I did."

"I can see why you did, I've never given you any reason to think otherwise have I?" He smiled.

"Well no, but still, it seems I was the one in the wrong this time. I'm really sorry Caleb." Ethan smiled back.

"That's OK, I'm sure somewhere along the way I deserved it." He grinned at his brother.

"Well maybe." Ethan laughed. Silence fell again, this time it was Cal who broke it.

"If you like her why don't you just tell her?"

"I can't, I mean, I don't." Ethan spluttered. Cal just smiled knowingly at him.

"Ethan, I can read you like a book remember. If you're willing to punch me to defend her then there's something there. And by the way, your punches are getting better!" They both laughed gently. "Seriously Ethan, learn from the last time, don't sit on your feelings, tell her."

"I'm scared." He whispered.

"Scared of what?"

"That she doesn't like me, that I'm not good enough, that it's too soon after Honey. That I'll make a complete and utter fool out of myself again." Ethan said sadly.

"Ethan, look at me, I'm your brother, if anything I'm more used to teasing you than being honest, but you're a great guy, any girl would be lucky to have you, but they have to be the right girl, Honey wasn't right, she was nice enough, but it didn't work, that doesn't mean you're not good enough, the fit just wasn't right."

"I guess." Ethan said still looking sad.

"You have to be brave little brother, go out and tell her or you'll always regret it, trust me, if you waste time like before and she won't be around for long, someone else will snap her up, and no before you say it, not me! We tried that; look that's what the kiss was about, we were testing that we didn't have feelings for each other, we were fairly sure we didn't but we were making sure, and we kissed and felt nothing."

"That's what she said."

"See," Cal smiled. "I'm getting good at this honesty thing!" Cal reached out and squeezed his little brothers shoulder. Ethan rolled his eyes at his brother, but felt pleased they had cleared the air again.

"Anyway, who told you I wanted to rush out and see you in the gas explosion, as if I couldn't guess." Ethan gave Cal a look. Cal smirked back at his brother.

"She thought it was sweet."

"Sweet?" Ethan looked horrified.

"She can see right through us you know. She knows we care about each other, even if we don't always realise it."

"She's a smart girl." Ethan sighed.

"That's why she doesn't fancy me!" Cal laughed slinging an arm around his brother's shoulder and winking, causing his brother to smile and let out a laugh too.


	31. Chapter 31

Ethan was due to finish his shift in another hour and a half, and he was relieved because today had dragged by, most likely because of the events that happened at the start of his shift. It had taken all of his efforts to stay on the floor treating the few patients he had, as unusually for the ED, it was a fairly calm afternoon and evening. He had already spoken to the nurse in charge of Sam's care on ITU and arranged that he could go up after hours once his shift had ended. He was concerned that she may wake up alone, and he didn't want that to happen. He knew the consultant had stayed behind to look at removing her from the ventilator and monitor her whilst he was on call, and he was anxious she have support. Zoe had stayed late to get some paperwork done and came out of the office and saw him pacing again.

"Ethan, you're walking around like a caged animal, you've not got long left and its quiet here, why don't you finish and go on up, I'll stick around a while longer." She smiled at him.

"Really Zoe? That's would be great! Are you sure you don't mind?" He said surprised.

"Really." She smiled. "Go!" She laughed as he was practically out of the door already. He started to run straight upstairs then turned and backtracked thinking it would probably be wise to get changed first and get his things out of his locker. Once he'd done that he turned and ran back up the stairs to ITU. He recognised the nurse who he'd spoken to earlier and headed towards her.

"Dr Hardy, you're early." She smiled. "Let me take you through."

"Thanks Helen." He smiled. "Is she OK?" He asked sounding worried.

"She's stable. They looked at taking her off the ventilator, but she still has some rewarming to do, so they decided to keep slowly weaning her off of it overnight, as she seems comfortable, then we can reduce her dependency slowly and remove it tomorrow morning if she continues to improve."

"I guess its for the best, I just hate to think of her alone when she wakes up." He smiled shyly. She nodded at him in understanding still smiling her warm friendly smile. Ethan wondered, as he was being lead to Sam's bed, if that was something all nurses had in common, the ability to support people and put them at ease, often with a simple warm smile or gentle touch. He could think of quite a few medics in his time who could learn a great deal from nurses. He took a seat next to Sam's bed and nodded at Helen as she left. For a moment he was to afraid to look at her face, he watched the ventilator and looked at the monitors, pleased to see her heart rhythm had started to settle. He worked his way through everything until finally his eyes settled on her face. Her lovely face, which still looked pale, and fragile. She reminded him of a china doll, like she might crack if you touched her. But at least she didn't look like she was struggling or anxious. She almost looked relaxed, or as relaxed as you can look when in a forced state of unconsciousness with a tube in your throat. He hesitated and reached out and touched her hand. It still felt very cold to him. However, he was pleased to see they had now dressed her in a gown. He held her hand, and traced his thumb along her delicate fingers and gave her hand a slight squeeze. He wanted her to know she wasn't alone. He couldnt believe that just 24 hours ago they had been sat having dinner in a lovely Italian restaurant, sharing wine and laughing, then seeing the film, looking at the stars and having a wonderful time; now here he was, sat beside her hospital bed having nearly lost her. If this didn't force him into being honest about his feelings then surely nothing would. He jumped suddenly, being jolted from his thoughts as Helen returned to Sam's bedside to record down her next lot of observations, and he watched as she spoke to Sam and explained everything she was doing.

"I find it helps you know?" Helen said as he watched her. "Talking to them."

"Yes, they say it does." He replied simply.

"But it helps me too." She smiled knowingly. Ethan realised what she was getting at. He just wasn't sure he knew what to say out loud. As Helen retreated back to the nurses station, Ethan took Sam's hand again. He looked around, almost as if he was searching for inspiration. Then he looked back to her face.

"You gave us all quite a fright you know." He started. "I never expected when I was walking to work today that I was going to be intubating you, that I'd be watching our colleagues perform CPR on you. I thought I was facing the awkwardness of not know what to say after last night, which I was a bit nervous about, but I'd take that conversation a million times over than to _ever_ see you in that situation again. You have to wake up because I have to know why you did it. I've been driving myself mad trying to work it out. I'm sure you're too sensible to go jumping in cold water like that. Anyway, I also need to tell you that Cal and I have made up again, and that I'm really sorry for the way I reacted to your kiss. A-and well, there's lots I need to tell you, so tomorrow, when they take you off of the ventilator, I'll be here, I'll be right here waiting for you when you wake up, so you're not alone. I don't want you to be scared. I'm here for you Sam, I'm here." He was sure as he said that he felt her fingers close around his hand slightly. He finished and let go of her hand as he saw Helen heading back towards him carrying another bag of warmed fluids.

"I just need to take some more bloods, you don't mind do you?" She asked, although she knew he wouldn't

"Go ahead." He smiled. "I hope the results are settling, I know you can't tell me, so don't worry, I'm not going to ask." She returned his smile and nodded.

"It's annoying isn't it." Helen acknowledged. "But please be assured Dr Hardy, she is slowly improving."

"Please, call me Ethan." He smiled at the kind nurse.


	32. Chapter 32

The next thing Ethan knew, he was opening his eyes still surrounded by equipment beeping and the general din of a hospital ward coming to life. He sat up and looked around, his first thought being 'what had he done to land himself in hospital now', but he soon realised it wasn't him in the bed, and suddenly the memories came flooding back to him. He looked at his watch. Just gone 5am. He realised he had been asleep in the chair next to Sam's hospital bed for most of the night. Suddenly Helen appeared holding a cup of tea for him, still with her trademark smile.

"Here, you probably need this." He took the cup gratefully and took a sip.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep, it was just such a mad, emotional day yesterday, it obviously took it out of me." Ethan said sheepishly.

"Don't worry Ethan, you went so quickly, I didn't have the heart to wake you, so I just got you a pillow and blanket instead, you weren't exactly causing any harm. I just hope you don't have to work now?" Helen said.

"No, its my day off today." He said quickly. "How have things been overnight?" He asked anxiously looking back at Sam.

"Still much the same, she's stable, obs are stable, bloods gradually improving and temperature is coming up."

"Great news."

"The doctors will be around at about 9:30, if you want to stay you can or if you want to go get some breakfast and come back that's fine too?" Helen said.

"My brother will be on shift soon, I might sit here until he comes in then pop downstairs to reassure him I'm OK, then I'll come back." Ethan said.

"No problem." Smiled Helen as she left him to it.

Ethan looked at Sam lying in the bed, she looked a little less deathly pale he thought, her heart rate and rhythm had definitely stabilised, he hoped she was over the worst of it. He finished his cup of tea, feeling a little guilty enjoying it as Sam was still being kept in an induced coma. Then he laughed at himself, like Sam would even know, or care that he was drinking tea.

He sat quietly next to Sam for a while longer, just listening to the sounds around him. Then he made his way downstairs. He thought about it and as it was still only 5:40am, he figured he had time to go home and shower and get something to eat before coming back, and he knew he had to play things carefully if he didn't want anyone getting suspicious of his feelings for Sam. He knew if he kept a bedside vigil it would be obvious. So he headed off home, calling a taxi. He got in before Cal was up for his shift, so he crept into his room and sat on the bed. He felt tired and achy after a night in a chair. So he lay down and closed his eyes for a minute. He didn't hear when Cal knocked quietly and opened the door a crack to check on his little brother, having not heard him come in last night. Cal smiled at the sight of Ethan asleep on top of the bed, fully clothed, he assumed it must have been a heavy shift and he was late home. He pulled a blanket over his brother and left him to sleep while he went to work. The next thing Ethan knew it was 11am. He woke with a start wondering where he was, then looked at the time and cursed himself for falling asleep. He jumped quickly in the shower, grabbed a coffee and a piece of toast and headed out to the car. He was back at the hospital before midday and made his way straight to ITU. He went to the nurses station go make his presence known, and saw another nurse he recognised, she had worked for a while in the ED getting some trauma care experience.

"Dr Hardy! Hello!" Rebecca greeted cheerfully. "Long time!"

"Hello Rebecca," he smiled. "I'm here to see a friend, Sam Jones."

"Yes, Helen said you would be back. Come with me."

"Thanks Rebecca, so all going well in ITU?"

"Oh I love it Ethan, really glad I went for it now, thanks" Rebecca said smiling excitedly.

"So how has Sam been? I guess I missed the doctors." Ethan asked hoping for an update.

"Yes, she's doing well, the doctors were really pleased with her progress and have taken her off ventilation, she's breathing comfortably by herself, with just oxygen support, and only on light sedation, so we are just waiting for her to wake up now. Maybe if you talk to her she'll rouse a bit quicker."

"Thanks Rebecca." Ethan smiled as she left him to it.

Sam looked much more comfortable now without the ventilator tube in, and she was starting to look more like Sam, He sat and just looked at her. He was relieved she hadn't yet woken up. He didn't want her to wake thinking no one cared about her, it was clear the effect she had had on the department in her short time there, everyone was worried. He reached out and touched her hand lightly, but was too afraid to hold it with the chance she could now wake up. He didn't want her to think he was assuming anything, or overstepping any boundaries. It would be scary enough waking up and working out what had gone on without a weird guy holding your hand Ethan thought.

"Hey Sam," he started talking lightly. "So, the nurses say you're doing better, and now they've taken you off the ventilator, you should wake up soon. The whole department has been so worried about you, I think it's safe to say you owe them many drinks!" He laughed. "But I'm sure you'll be up for that challenge anyway." He smiled thinking about her carefree side. "I don't know if you'll find this strange, but I don't want you to wake up alone, I don't want you to be frightened, that's why I'm here. I said before I was here for you, and I'm here again," his voice cracked a bit, so he tried to make another joke, "but you have a _lot_ of questions to answer young lady!"

He was watching her face and saw her eyes flicker slightly when he said that. Instinctively, he reached for her hand.

"Sam?" He questioned, "Sam can you hear me? It's Ethan, I'm here, can you hear me, if you can manage it, squeeze my hand." He waited, but nothing happened. His heart sank a bit but he carried on talking. "So, I wanted to thank you for a lovely time the other night, it was great to spend time with you, getting to know you a little better. I think there's still lots more to you that we don't know yet, you're a very intriguing person. You're also very intelligent and you can read people really well. You seem to have my brother and me sussed anyway!" He laughed, then her eyes flickered again, a bit more obviously this time. He took her hand and squeezed it again, to see if there was a reaction, desperate for some sign she could hear or feel him there. "Sam, its Ethan, can you squeeze my hand, if you can hear me can you try?" He asked again, he waited, still silently searching her face and body for any sign. Then all of a sudden her fingers flinched slightly. He looked down at her hand, and as he did her eyes flickered again, he was still watching her hand, he gave it another squeeze, and asked her to squeeze it back again. A slight pause and then there was a definite slight pressure on his hand. He looked up at her face and saw her eyes flickering again, almost like she was having a nightmare. He kept talking to her soothingly, hoping she would soon wake up.

"Sam, its OK, you're safe, its Ethan here, you're in hospital, but you're going to be OK," he could sense the relief in his own voice as he said this, "you're going to be fine." As he said this her face grimmaced, she looked like she was feeling in pain. He wished he could stop her pain. He carried on talking, trying to coax her awake. "Sam, if you can hear me can you try to open your eyes?" Ethan looked desperately at her face. Desperate to see those blue eyes open again.

* * *

Downstairs, Cal was working, thinking his brother was still at home in bed resting, he had no idea he was sat just upstairs waiting for Sam to wake up. He wondered how Sam was now, although there was a tiny part of him that was too afraid to ask in case things had taken a downwards turn, which was entirely possible. He decided he would phone ITU for an update for the team at the next chance he got. Unfortunately at that moment, 3 critical patients came in from an RTC and it was hours before Cal got anywhere near having a chance to make that phone call.

* * *

Sam felt like she was in a strange dream, she felt like her head was light but there was a heavy feeling on her body, like she had lead weights holding down her limbs. She felt like she could hear a voice that she recognised, but it was distant sounding, it rang around her like an echo. Then suddenly she felt a warm feeling on her hand. She felt like her body tensed, then she heard the voice again, and it was like she knew everything would be OK. The voice sounded like it was getting closer. But she felt weary. Like she could sleep for one hundred years, the exhaustion washed over her body and she let the feeling take over her.


	33. Chapter 33

Ethan sat patiently beside Sam until the late afternoon, after initially looking like she was rousing, she slipped back into a deeper sleep. He was sat back in the chair, just watching, waiting. The nurses on duty took pity on him, and had given him tea and a sandwich. It was now approaching 5pm, and Ethan didn't want to leave but he figured there would come a time when he would have to. He sighed and shifted position, then he stood up and stretched his legs. He walked over to the window and looked out over the carpark and the rest of the hospital site. It was strange to think there was so much going on around him, yet his world seemed to stop at the moment right at Sam's bedside, and anything else he didn't really care about. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye he caught some movement. He turned quickly and looked at Sam, but she didn't appear to have moved. He sighed, feeling a little disheartened, although he knew it could take time, he decided to try talking to her again.

"Sam, its still Ethan here, if you can hear me, please try and open your eyes." Suddenly, her eyes started to flicker again, and her fingers twitched. He instinctively reached out for her hand and carried on calling her. Her eyes fluttered open slightly and then closed again, but Ethan knew they were nearly there. He kept talking to her and squeezing her hand, encouraging her to wake up. A couple of minutes later her eyes opened and she tried to focus. Ethan jumped up to her eyeline and spoke softly again.

"Sam, its Ethan, you're OK, you're going to be alright." Her eyes closed without recognition and he felt his heart sink again. He looked down at her hand that he was still holding, his eyes shone with tears, the fatigue and emotion getting to him now.

"Ethan?" He heard a voice whisper. His head shot up looking at Sam's face. Did he just hear her say his name, or was he so desperate for her to wake that he was hearing things.

* * *

Downstairs Cal was still busy, the last of the RTC patients had been stabilised and sent for surgery, but on the back of those he went straight into a cardiac arrest, followed by a patient with sepsis. He was cursing being in resus today, normally he'd be thriving off of the drama, but today he would give anything to have been hiding in cubicles where he could have snuck off at least a couple of times to get updates on Sam's condition. Just then Rita came along carrying a stack of notes, looking quite stressed.

"Rita!" Cal called her back. "Rita have you heard how Sam is?" He asked.

"No, they won't tell me anything, just the usual 'she's stable'. I might try and head upstairs, well as soon as I can get a minute." She said hurrying off again.

Cal sighed, he wanted desperatly to hear she was awake, making bad jokes and laughing again. How he missed that laugh, it hadn't been long since he heard it but he missed it. He wanted to have her teasing him again, hitting him even, there was something endearing about the way she would always slap his arm, or shove him playfully aside. He loved the way she tried to beat down his cocky side with playful digs. He missed his friend, it had been a long time since he'd found someone he was so comfortable with. He assumed this was why there was no spark, they were just too comfortable, definitely more like brother and sister, without the arguments, or best friends. He sighed, then was brought back to reality with a bump as Zoe shouted to him that the sepsis patients was arresting too. His head fully returned to doctor mode and he got back to the job in hand.

* * *

Sam's body still felt heavy, she still felt like someone was pushing down on her, stopping her from moving, and her eyes wouldn't open. She felt weary, and like she couldn't do anything. What was going on. Her throat felt dry and sore. Did she have the 'flu? Suddenly there was that voice again, that soft voice, she knew it, she could hear it more clearly this time. She knew she recognised it but she couldn't place it. Then suddenly a smell she recognised. What was it? She could feel the warmth on her hand again, but that smell. She had to work it out. It was comforting, she felt safe. 'Come on Sam think', she tried to encourage herself, soft voice, comforting smell, safe feelings where had she felt this before? There was a squeeze to her hand again, it put her off her train of thought, she liked the comfort it provided but she wished it wouldn't distract her from what she was trying to work out. She tried again to open her eyes, she must have managed because there was a flash of brightness, too bright she thought as her heavy eyes closed again. But there was that voice, clearer again, telling her she'd be OK, of course she'd be OK, if she could just keep her eyes open and move, she'd be fine, what were they talking about. Then it hit her, Ethan, it was Ethan she could hear, smell, he was giving her the comfort. But why? She had to find out. More determinedly, she tried to force her eyes open. She tried to speak, she had to call out to Ethan, if he was there, she needed to know. If it was him there, he would give her the answers. But then, why was he in her bedroom. Sam felt more confused than ever, she had to get him to hear her. With all her might she called out.

"Ethan?" But it only came out as a hoarse whisper. She felt like she could cry from frustration. Her eyes closed again. She had to do it. She could do it. She forced her eyes open and she could see someone, but was it Ethan? She tried to call him again.

"Ethan?"

"Sam, yes, its me, its OK, I'm here." Ethan soothed. He gave her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"Where? Why?" She she whispered, hoping he would understand.

"You're in hospital, in ITU, you got severe hypothermia, you got into trouble saving a lady from the river." He explained gently. She closed her eyes again.

"Tired." She managed to mutter before drifting off to sleep again. Ethan was relieved she had briefly woken and spoken. He spoke to the nurses and updated them. Then he went downstairs to find Cal.

"Ethan?" Cal looked surprised. "What are you doing here, you're not working today?" Ethan looked at his brother, he looked tired, as tired as Ethan felt.

"I've been sitting upstairs." Ethan said quietly. "Sam has just woken up slightly, well she opened her eyes and said a couple of words and went back to sleep, but at least she did it." The relief was evident on Cal's face, as he breathed a huge sigh.

"Oh thank god!"

"I just wanted to make sure you knew. She's not really up for visitors yet, but maybe you can tell the team you phoned up and they told you so they don't know I've been up there, I don't want the gossip."

"Sure Ethan, no problem."

"Anyway, are you nearly done? I've got the car in the carpark." Ethan asked.

"Yeah, I'll be about an hour."

"I'll come back and meet you and drive you home then." Ethan said simply.

"Thanks Ethan, and thanks for coming to tell me." Cal smiled.

"No problem." Ethan smiled and slowly made his way back upstairs.

When he got back up to ITU, he was surprised to see 2 nurses fussing around Sam's bed, he hurried over to see what the problem was.

"It's OK Sam, just calm down, its all OK." She heard one saying. Sam looked distressed and to be trying to thrash about but clearly didn't have the strength.

"What's wrong?" Ethan asked worried.

"She's just panicked Ethan, she couldn't work out where she was or why she's here." Rebecca said.

"Let me talk to her." He said moving closer. "Sam, its me, I'm back," he said as he made his way into her eyeline. "It's all OK, please try to calm down." He soothed taking a seat back next to her. When she saw him she visably relaxed.

"Scared." She managed to say, her throat felt really dry.

"It's OK, I'm here, I'll explain everything when you're ready." Ethan smiled at her.

"Drink." She whispered. Ethan lifted a cup of water with a straw up to her mouth and she took a sip.

"Why am I here?" She asked quietly.

"You got severe hypothermia after going into freezing water to save someone, you were in a serious condition, they've kept you sedated for the past 36 hours." Ethan told her gently.

"Oh, sorry."

"You can make your apologies when you feel better." He smiled. "You're going to be OK. You just need to rest."

"I feel exhausted.." She agreed.

You go back to sleep and I'll come see you before my shift tomorrow." He said lightly.

"Thank you." She murdered as she drifted back off again. Ethan sat there for another half an hour watching her sleep then he made his way back to meet Cal.


	34. Chapter 34

The next day, Cal and Ethan headed to work together, and Ethan left Cal while he went to ITU to see Sam before his shift. He was pleasantly surprised to see her sat up trying some breakfast.

"Hello." He smiled walking towards her. "How are you?"

"Ethan," Sam smiled back, able to speak a bit better this morning. "I'm OK, still feel a bit out of it but I'm getting there."

"I'm so relieved." He said sitting down next to her. "It's great to see you eating."

"Well, I've nibbled a bit of toast, its the tea that's going down better." She laughed slightly, and winced.

"Are you still in pain?" He looked concerned.

"Just discomfort in the ribs if I move too quick. I'm fine."

"Do you know what happened?" He asked. "I mean, have they told you everything?"

"No, not really, maybe they will tell me when they come around in a bit."

"Everyone has been really worried about you. They all send their best wishes." Ethan said, suddenly feeling shy.

"Aw, bless them, I should go down to see them."

"How about you recover first." Ethan laughed, although he knew once she felt better she would be feeling as he once did, frustrated and bored.

"They will hopefully be moving me to a normal ward once the docs have been around. I'm sure they need the bed for someone more ill than me."

"Yes, but you definitely needed the bed here the other day."

"Did I? It's all a bit hazy to me." Sam said frowning.

"Sam, why did you do it?" Ethan asked, it was still eating him up.

"Why did I do what?" Sam looked confused.

"Jump into the water?" Ethan looked at her intensely. "Surely you knew you'd put yourself at risk."

"I didn't jump in, I was holding onto her and she slipped and pulled me in."

"Right."

"Ethan what happened?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"Do you really want to know?" Ethan looked at her questioningly.

"Yes, I-I do." She said trying to sound sure, but her voice shook a bit.

"Ok, are you sure?" Ethan asked once more, Sam nodded, looking at him with wide eyes, not sure what she was going to hear. "Well, we got a call saying Dixie and Iain were bringing you in, you'd been trapped in freezing water, we're not sure for how long, but it took them time to get you out from where you'd drifted. Your temp at the scene was 29°C. We got you in and were treating you and then you went into VF. You had to be shocked 3 times, we'd already had to intubate, and when we got your back you were brought up here, they kept you sedated and on a ventilator for 24 hours while they rewarmed you. It was really touch and go."

Sam remained silent with wide eyes, tears formed over the surface, she'd guessed it was serious since she was on ITU, but hearing Ethan tell her, it really hit home how close to dying she had been.

"I'm sorry Sam, you said you wanted to know."

"I'm sorry, I did, its just a bit of a shock." She said, then she brushed it off, "its fine. So I had to be shocked?"

"Yes, 3 shocks before we got a pulse."

"Wow, I'm so sorry I put you through that. I guess it explains why I was gliding up some white stairs into the clouds wearing a white dress."

"Really?"

"I'm teasing you Ethan!" Sam laughed lightly.

"Maybe you were dreaming of getting married." Came a voice from the doorway.

"In your dreams Caleb!" Sam smiled.

"No it sounds like it's in yours!" He laughed. "It's great to see you looking better." He said smiling.

"Ethan's just been filling me in with the excitement that happened."

"Yeah, you gave us some trouble alright." Cal said.

"I'm so sorry." Sam said ruefully.

"Hey, we're just glad you're OK. That's all we wanted." Cal smiled.

"I'm really grateful for all you did." She smiled back. "Now if you could find me a cup of tea, I'd love you both forever." Sam winked.

"I'll get you one." Ethan jumped up, he disappeared out of the room. Cal made his way towards Sam and carefully gathered her in a hug, she returned the hug, grateful for the physical comfort, although she winced a little at the pain in her ribs. Cal then sat down where Ethan had been sitting.

"I'm so glad you're OK." He said looking at Sam and giving her hand a squeeze. "We were all so worried."

"So Ethan said." Sam said sadly, looking down at their hands making contact. She realised this was as much for his comfort as hers, so she clutched his hand back.

"Nothing prepares you for working on one of your own like that." Sam noticed the sad look on his face, she could see the stress and worry and she had been the cause of that, she felt bad, but she knew she had to keep things light for him.

"No, I'm sorry, I guess I owe you all a drink or two!" Sam smiled.

"Maybe you owe Ethan more than anyone." He said lightly.

"Really? Why?" Sam asked suddenly, looking worried.

"Well, he intubated you, and worked tirelessly to save you, he kept me calm, then he's been sat with you for most of the time, to ensure you didn't wake up alone, he thinks I don't know, but one of the nurses told me."

"Really?" Sam sounded surprised, and let go of his hand in shock. She looked at Cal, searching his face to see if he was being honest. He held her gaze, nodding, and at that moment Ethan returned with a cup of tea, so Sam couldn't find out anything else. The boys headed back down to the ED to work and Sam was left with her thoughts.

* * *

Cal caught up with Rita and Robyn downstairs and filled them in on the good news, that Sam was now awake, and looking better.

"Oh that's such good news!" Rita grinned with happiness and relief.

"Amazing news!" Chimed Robyn at the same time.

"Hopefully we will still be able to have her birthday gathering if she improves." Rita said. "Maybe we can just deck out the pub for her, then if she's not up for much there's no pressure. We can give her a proper bash when she's fully recovered."

"Sounds like a plan." Robyn said. "Maybe we could get some karaoke going on?"

"Yeah!" Rita laughed, as Cal groaned. "Come on Cal, its for Sam."

"You girls plan what ever you think she'll like. You know I'll be there." He headed off to work again and the girls carried on making plans.

* * *

Sam was sitting in her bed on the ward, she'd thankfully been moved out of ITU, but was still on bed rest and regular obs. She had been sleeping on and off, but had managed a little soup at supper time, but didn't really have much of an appetite yet. She was sitting looking around wondering what to do, when she heard someone clear their throat, she looked across to the entrance of the bay to see Ethan stood there. She smiled at him and waved him over.

"Trying to track you down has been a bit of a nightmare!" He laughed. "I should have asked Noel to look on the computer to see where you were."

"Yeah, sorry, they were going to send me somewhere else but I came here at the last minute. You know what it's like. Probably some emergency from ED needed the other wards bed!" She laughed.

"Well, they didn't hide you well enough, I got here eventually, though I think I did make some people cross."

"I couldn't even text as my phone battery is completely dead, its like I've lost my right arm!" She laughed.

"Do you have an iPhone, I have my charger in my bag." He said handing it over. She gave him her phone and he plugged it in.

"Thanks Ethan, at least having my phone will give me something to do. Now if I could just get out of this hospital gown!" She laughed.

"If you want me to bring anything in for you, I'm happy to." He smiled at her.

"If it was your brother offering I'd think it was an excuse to rummage in my drawers!" She laughed making Ethan blush.

"Oh gosh, no! I-I didn't mean, I mean-"

"Ethan relax! I'm kidding!" She laughed harder then winced. "I really must remember not to laugh properly." She said a little breathlessly.

"Are you ok, shall I get them to get you something for the pain?"

"I'm fine Ethan, honestly." She smiled, patting his hand.

"Anyway, I need the work gossip. What's going on?"

"Oh, um, I'm not sure I'm best for gossip, you probably need Robyn, she will know." Ethan said awkwardly.

"Oh Ethan," Sam smiled at him. "You're so sweet."

"Yes, speaking of that," he started, "I hear you disclosed that to my brother." She said.

"What do you mean?"

"About the day when he was in the collapsed building, that I wanted to rush out to him, and you thought it was sweet?"

"Oh, yes, right." She looked down. "But it was sweet. Anyway. Have you two sorted things out yet?" She asked, a little worried.

"Yes, we've talked, we are fine, somehow you pulled us back together with your dramas." He laughed at his last remark. She smiled at him.

"So it was worth nearly dying then if it meant you two made up?"

"Well, maybe next time something less dramatic might suffice?"

"Ok, or maybe you could avoid the petty squabble in the first place."

"Maybe if you didn't kiss my brother I wouldn't find a reason to punch him." He grinned.

"Ok, who do you suggest I kiss then?" She asked. Silence fell as they gazed at each other. Just then the HCA arrived to do Sam's obs and ended the conversation. Ethan excused himself to get back downstairs but said she could keep his phone charger overnight as he had a spare at home. Sam sighed once he had gone and she was left alone again. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he didn't feel the same, maybe he was just being friendly and supportive. She knew he was shy, but she couldn't work him out. Sometimes he seemed like he was interested in her, and other times he just seemed like he wanted to be friends, she didn't know where she stood.


	35. Chapter 35

Sam was finally discharged a couple of days later. But had been told she was not to come back to work yet. Rita had suggested at least another week, if not two, to recover. Sam was frustrated but understood.

However, Rita did say they would still go out for drinks on Saturday night but only if Sam felt up to it. Sam said she would definitely be there, she would need to get out by then. Rita had told Sam to get her glad rags on and they'd have a good girlie time.

So, now Saturday was here, and Sam was slowly getting ready. She'd made sure to have a good nap in the afternoon, as she still found she was getting tired. She only had a small glass of wine while getting ready, as she didn't want to peak too early, she needed a good chance to catch up with Rita, she was desperate for some company if truth be told. She put on a black dress and some heels, curled her hair and applied her make up. Then she called for a taxi and headed off to meet Rita.

Rita was standing outside the pub waiting for her when she got there, which initially Sam thought was strange that she wasn't inside, but she shrugged it off. She gave Rita a hug and kiss on the cheek when she got there and Rita held the door open to the pub. As she went inside, she was met by the sight of all of her colleagues cheering and shouting 'surprise', then setting off party poppers and blowing horns! Sam couldn't stop the massive grin spreading across her face, she was so happy and overwhelmed by their act of kindness. She looked around and there were birthday banners balloons and streamers around. Lofty stepped forward with a birthday cake in the shape of '30' with 30 candles placed over it. She laughed and blew out the candles smiling around at the thoughtfulness of her wonderful colleagues. Then Rita appeared over her shoulder with a glass of champagne, which she took gratefully, then everyone raised their glasses in a toast to Sam, and wished her a happy birthday. She thanked them all for coming and then declared they were going to have a great night and drink plenty, at which point Cal shouted "challenge accepted!" And the room laughed. Then the music started and they all broke off into groups. The nurses were the first to gather around Sam to chat.

"We are so missing you!" Declared Robyn, giving Sam a massive hug.

"You look much better." Lofty smiled giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks guys, I feel better for seeing you all, and this is amazing! I can't remember the last time I had such a fuss on my birthday!" Sam grinned.

"You deserve it." Rita smiled giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"I can't believe so many people came." Sam couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. She headed over to say hello to Charlie.

"I'm so pleased to see you looking better." He smiled giving her a hug. "You had us all worried."

"I thought I'd follow in your footsteps Charlie, only I think I might have gone too far! Instead of mimicking your nursing career I've followed your medical dramas too!" She smiled.

"Yeah, well I think we can both say that's not the best way forward." He laughed. "Any way, happy birthday." He smiled raising his glass to hers. She clinked it and they had a drink. She kissed him on the cheek and carried on circulating the room to try and catch up with everyone.

Cal and Ethan were stood at the bar talking to Zoe, Ethan kept trying to sneak glances at Sam, he couldn't believe how amazing she looked tonight, she was glowing, circulating the room, laughing and chatting with everyone. She was like a social butterfly, flitting around the room. Everyone liked her. He tried to concentrate on the conversation, but he was too distracted. Zoe made her excuses when she saw Max heading outside for a cigarette.

"Nibbles, are you with us tonight, you seem like you're off in your own world." Cal said.

"I'm fine, I've just got things on my mind." Ethan sighed.

"Things?" Cal raised his eyebrow.

"Yes things." Ethan shot back.

"I think you mean you have something on your mind, or someone." He smiled.

"Don't Cal, just don't OK?" He pleaded.

"Ok, sorry." He said, picking up his drink and moving towards the action. Ethan sighed and rested his chin on his hands.

"Hey gorgeous." Cal smiled kissing Sam's cheek. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you." She smiled giving him a hug. "I've missed you boys. Where is Ethan? Is he still here?"

"Yeah, he's sulking at the bar." Cal inclined his head in his brothers direction.

"Sulking?" Sam questioned.

"Yeah, he's in a weird mood."

"Should I go speak to him?" She asked.

"You could try." Cal shrugged. As Sam was about to go and talk to him Robyn and Lofty came running back up shouting something inaudible.

"What?" She laughed.

"Karaoke!" They both shouted.

"Come on!" Robyn said dragging her up on stage. Suddenly, with microphones in their hands and Sam squeeling that she didn't know what they were singing, the opening chords started and the song title appeared on the screen and she laughed looking at her friends and nodding. They sang Journey's - 'Don't Stop Believin', finishing to rapturous applause from their colleagues; most likely due to Lofty's air guitar solo which saw him fall to his knees and get lost in the moment. Egged on by the crowd, Robyn and Sam jumped straight back on with Rita and Dixie and sang Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive' again receiving cheers and applause from their colleagues. Sam managed to break away while the others carried on, she searched around the bar looking for Ethan, she still hadn't caught up with him and hoped he hadn't already slipped away. She went to the bar to get another drink, and before she could order, Cal appeared holding a glass of wine for her.

"Take it steady yeah?" He said kindly.

"Yes dad!" Sam smiled, but she knew he was only looking out for her. "Where's Ethan? He hasn't gone has he? I haven't seen him yet." Sam sighed. Cal nodded his head to the corner of the pub where he sat quietly with his drink. She picked up her wine, took a sip, smiled at Cal, took his hand and headed over towards Ethan. They sat down next to him and as he looked up at them Sam gave him a warm smile.

"Hey you." She said still smiling. "I've been trying to find you all night."

"I've been here." He forced a smile.

"But you don't want to be." She said sadly.

"Oh, I do, I want you to have a good time, I just don't want to cramp your style, I thought it was best I stayed out of the way." He said blushing.

"Don't be silly, if I'm going to have a good time then you have to be there celebrating with me." She reached out and squeezed his hand. "Wait here." She instructed the boys. She went to the bar and came back with a tray of shots. Cal's eyes lit up and Ethan looked terrified. Sam laughed. "Don't worry they aren't all for you Ethan." She giggled. "Right, last one to do all three shots has to down this one..." She said producing a jägerbomb. She winked at Cal, both of them knowing it was in the bag that Ethan would have to do the jägerbomb.

"I-I don't know sam, I-" Ethan started.

"Come on, for me?" She pleaded giving him a 'puppy dog eyes' look.

"Ok." He sighed. They lined up their shots, Sam counted to three and they downed them. As predicted, Ethan was last, but not by much, he put up a good fight not to be.

"Sorry Nibbles!" Cal smirked, its all yours he said sliding it over.

"What is it?" Ethan questioned. Cal and Sam looked at each other.

"Jägerbomb!" They both shouted smiling then bursting into laughter. Ethan shook his head at the pair, but he would do anything Sam wanted at this moment in time, so he raised the drink in the air towards Sam and knocked it back. They applauded him and he shook his head as it went down. He slammed the glass on the table in triumph.

"Happy birthday to you." He smiled. Sam leaned over the table and kissed him on the cheek. He almost felt like he was going to stop breathing on the spot. He blushed red, and Cal smirked again to himself.

"Now I just have one more question. Nibbles?" She grinned. "What is that about?"

"Oh, its an old childhood nickname, I just can't shift it." Ethan groaned.

"It suits him doesn't it!" Cal grinned.

"Definitely, its cute." Sam smiled. "One day you will have to explain it to me, but right now you are saved by the song! I love this one!" She squueled, grabbing her wine and zipping off. Ethan watched her go, and Cal watched him.

"Come on Eth, she wants you to have fun with her. Let have fun."

"I know, I just don't want to make a fool of myself, or let her down."

"You won't. I swear. Those shots will do the job soon and loosen you up. Come on." He smiled, getting up and heading over to where the group was laughing and watching the karaoke.


	36. Chapter 36

A few more rounds of drinks and everyone was in a great mood. Rita and Iain were openly flirting now and it looked like it wouldn't be long until they were kissing in front of everyone. Sam smiled. She loved the thought of Rita and Iain as a couple, something always seemed to click with them, she was glad they were trying it out. She also loved how being with Iain seemed to make Rita really happy, almost carefree. It was lovely to see. Now if only she could find something so nice herself one day instead if the idiots she always seemed to end up with. After her last attempt she was definitely better off single!

"Penny for them?" A cheeky voice came from behind her.

"Wouldn't you like to know Caleb!" Sam smiled.

"That's why I'm asking gorgeous." He out his hands around her waist and turned her around to face him. "Did I tell you how good you look tonight."

"No, actually you didn't!" She laughed.

"Well, you do, very sexy." He smirked. "I think I should stick around to protect you from the influx of men who will be fighting for you."

"I wouldn't bother, I don't exactly see a queue of men rushing to get at me!" She laughed again, although there was a hint of sadness behind it.

"Well then they are all crazy, or maybe just too intimidated to approach you." He smiled knowingly.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm getting fed up of waiting. I might just have to take you up on some carefree fun soon!" She winked.

"Really?!" Cal said shocked.

"No Cal!" She laughed and sidled off to find the girls.

The girls sang a few more songs and then Sam, being a little more tipsy now, got up on her own and did a rendition of Ellie Goulding's 'Love me like you do' which perhaps carried more meaning than she realised.

Cal bought himself and Ethan another drink, and wondered back over to him. He was watching Sam on the stage, eyes glued to her as she sang the song.

"She's great isn't she?" Cal said quietly to his brother handing him his pint. Ethan just sighed. "You she's not gonna wait around forever, what are you waiting for?"

"I don't know, I mean look at her, she's everything I'm not, confident, social, beautiful. It's Honey all over again."

"Except this time you have things in common too. Honestly Ethan, sometimes when I talk to her its like talking to the female version of you. You both make bad jokes!" He laughed. "And she's not as confident as you think she is, she's got a vulnerable side too, she's afraid of the same things, failure, making a fool of herself, being hurt. You just have to step up and go along for the ride little brother, or be forever unhappy."

"I know." He sighed, taking a massive gulp of his pint. "Please don't say anything." He hissed as Sam walked towards them again.

"Who knew the girl was a singer too!" Cal laughed at Sam.

"I'm not, but I'm a bit tipsy so who cares!" She laughed. "Are you boys OK, having a good time?" She looked at Ethan hopefully.

"Yes." He smiled.

"It looks too serious over here, don't make me get more shots!" She laughed. Just then Rita came and joined them. "Reets, I wanna go dancing!" Sam said hugging her friend. "Come on, you, me, Robyn, Dixie, is Zoe still about, she'll come dancing." She looked at the boys. "You in? Don't look panicked, you don't have to dance! Come on, please?"

"Ok," Cal laughed, "we're in." Ethan shot him a horrified look and he looked back as if to say 'come on, do it.'

It ended that pretty much everyone who was left piled into taxis and headed into town to go back to CJ's, where Rita had taken Sam when they first went out. The girls were straight out onto the dancefloor leaving the boys to get the drinks in. Rita and Sam were dancing seductively together, with Robyn Dixie and Zoe all having a laugh, dancing and singing. Cal, Ethan, Max, Iain and Lofty were stood at the side watching them all with the drinks. After a couple of songs the girls rejoined them and the all stood around talking and finishing their drinks. Suddenly Sam again announced that she loved the song that had come on, she downed her drink and rushed off, bouncing around on the dancefloor clearly having a great time. Rita took Iain by the arm and pulled him onto the dancefloor, and Robyn and Lofty also joined Sam. Before long, Max and Zoe had headed outside for a cigarette, leaving Ethan and Cal stood watching the others dance. Suddenly Sam appeared back with them, shocking them as they hadn't seen her approach.

"Come on boys, aren't you dancing." She said, swaying beside them.

"Nah," Cal laughed. Just then, the DJ played an old random song. Sam started laughing. "What is it?" Cal asked."

"It's your song Cal!" Sam continued to laugh.

"What song?" He asked still confused. Sam started seductively dancing and the singing at Cal, it just so happened that the song playing was 'Womanizer'. He rolled his eyes then laughed back, and started to respond to her teasingly dancing with him. Ethan's heart sank as they were off again, flirting and looking really into each other. He knew they were only messing but it still hurt to see them playing around and teasing one another, especially when Sam was drunkenly dancing in a seductive manner with him.

"I could be your wingman!" Sam laughed to Cal. "Not that you need help pulling women. Maybe you should be my wingman and help me." Sam said sighing visibly.

"What have I told you, you don't need help pulling women!" He laughed and she slapped him on the arm.

"Hey Cal, guess what?" Sam said loudly.

"What?"

"We did the unthinkable. People thought it was impossible, but we proved them wrong." She nodded towards Ethan and winked. She whispered in Cal's ear and he smiled. They both looked at Ethan and he looked really confused, and a little drunk.

"What?" Ethan asked, trying to focus.

"We got Nibbles in a club!" Cal and Sam said in unison and burst out laughing. He looked embarrassed, and Sam felt guilty, so she leant in and kissed him on the cheek. Then she grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the dancefloor with the others, laughing as she did. He reluctantly followed, because, as with the shots, he would do anything for Sam, especially to keep her happy and having fun on her birthday celebration.

The group danced a bit more, then Sam dragged Rita off to the bathroom. She sat herself up on the side with the sinks while Rita was reapplying her lippy and flicking her hands through her hair. Sam took her heels off and wriggled her toes, then massaged her sore feet.

"So, its all going really well with you and Iain then?" Sam asked with a huge smile on her face.

"Yeah, its great." Rita sighs with an equally big grin. "He's asked me to stay at his tonight." She squeeled like a schoolgirl and Sam giggled, but they were happy, so who cared if they were being silly, they were excited.

"Ooh, amazing!" Sam grinned, hope you've got protection!" She burst out laughing, Rita looked at her.

"I'm not stupid enough to not have that!" She said laughing.

"Do you know, when I was younger, I used to carry condoms out in my bag, and if any of my friends pulled, I would dish them out!" She burst out laughing again, and Rita joined in. "I continued doing it with my uni mates too. You know for student nurses, it was scary how many risks they were willing to take!"

"You're such a mother hen!" Rita laughed.

"Yeah but a mother hen who likes to have her own fun." Sam giggled and winked at Rita.

"Come on, lets go back and dance." Rita smiled, pushing Sam's heels back on and pulling her out.

Meanwhile, Cal was trying to convince a now fairly drunk Ethan that he could go and tell Sam how he felt. If it wouldn't have been a complete betrayal, he would have done it for his brother, but he couldn't, he had got it wrong once and couldn't do that to Ethan again. He was pretty sure of the mutual feelings, but still, it wasn't his place to do it.

"Come on Eth, just tell her you like her. You don't have to ask her to marry you and have babies, but just tell her you fancy her, before someone else does."

"She's not interested." Ethan said, "she's got more interest in you, and she's told us she doesn't fancy you."

"No, she doesn't fancy me, because she wants you." Cal blurted out. Ethan head shot up.

"Has she told you that?" He asked hopefully.

"Well, no, not in so many words." Cal said, and Ethan's shoulders dropped again. "But its obvious."

"Not to me it isn't." He said almost sulkily.

"Look Ethan, just do it, or I will do it for you, and you know how I like to embarrass you. I'll tell her you pretend to kiss her every night and I hear you dreaming naughty dreams about her and-"

"You'll do no such thing!" Ethan said worried. He knew his brother was most likely joking to get a rise out of him, but they'd had a lot to drink and he couldn't be sure.

"Look, she's coming back, just go." Cal said giving Ethan a slight nudge. Ethan hesitated whilst he considered making his move, wondering if he could go in for the kill, when a man approached Sam out of the blue. He was quite a tall good looking man, and he leaned into to talk into Sam's ear. He put his hand on her waist and she didn't remove it. He continued talking and she nodded and smiled. She spoke back and Ethan's shoulders dropped again. He'd missed his chance. Just as Cal had said, someone else had got there first. Ethan headed off to the loo feeling really deflated.

Whilst Ethan was gone, Cal watched Sam. He saw her smile politely, shake her head and say something else to the man and then made her way towards him. He smiled at her, and she approached him with a look that said go with it. She put her arms around him and kissed him, not a full on kiss, but enough so you might believe they were together.

"You need your Knight in shining armour again do you?" He laughed. She nodded and nudged him.

"Wheres Ethan?" She asked breaking away from their pretend embrace.

"Toilet."

"Oh, I was worried he'd left already."

"There he is." Cal nodded to where Ethan was headed towards them. Sam smiled at him.

"I was worried you'd left." She smiled. "You coming back to dance?"

"Oh, um, no I um, well-" Ethan stuttered trying to get out an answer.

"Let me guess, you love this song?" Cal laughed trying to cover up for his brother's awkwardness.

"Come on, its my birthday, and I want you both on the dancefloor!" Sam demanded.

"Well OK, but its a very public place to have us, now I'm OK with it but I'm not sure Nibbles would be!" He laughed as Sam gave him a look and playful punch in the arm. They headed over to the others and danced and laughed and even Ethan let loose and enjoyed himself.


	37. Chapter 37

When they decided to call it a night, they realised Max and Zoe must have already left. Rita and Iain headed straight off in a taxi back to Iain's place, but not before hugging and kissing the birthday girl. Rita promised to text Sam in the morning. Then Sam, Cal, Ethan, Lofty and Robyn headed off to get some food. Robyn was still pretty drunk and nearly fell asleep on the table while waiting, so Lofty bundled her in a taxi with their food and took her back to their flat.

Cal, Sam and Ethan ate their food and chatted and laughed, then went back outside to make their way home.

"I've had such an amazing night." Sam sighed. Thanks guys!" She smiled at them.

"It's been fun." Cal said. "Don't you think Ethan?"

"Definitely, I've actually had a good time, I didn't think I would in the club." He smiled sheepishly.

"You were throwing out some wicked shapes!" Sam laughed, causing Cal to laugh and Ethan to look embarrassed. "Aw, don't go all embarrassed Ethan, it was good, good to see you relax, you didn't make a fool of yourself, well not much!" She winked giggling again.

"And at least you didn't do karaoke!" Cal grinned giving Sam a look.

"Alright, I did karaoke, so sue me!" She laughed giving him a shove. "I'm still impressed we got Ethan in a club! High five!" She shouted to Cal who slapped her hand back." Ethan shook his head at the pair, then proceeded to fall slightly off the kerb, he wobbled but remained upright, but that didn't stop Sam bursting into fits of giggles and Cal raising an eyebrow at his clumsy brother.

"Who put that there!" Ethan exclaimed, like the kerb had never been there before.

"Aw, Ethan's drunk." Sam giggled slinging her arm around his shoulder and giving him a squeeze. "Surely it should be me falling over in these heels." Sam grinned.

Suddenly, Sam stopped walking. Cal and Ethan stopped to look at her. She went very pale, and a sheen of sweat covered her face. She looked panicked.

"Sam? What's wrong?" Ethan questioned, worried and suddenly feeling much more sober.

"I-I" Sam started, "I don't feel right." She flopped onto the floor, too weak to stand upright any more.

Ethan and Cal rushed to Sam's side. They helped her sit comfortably. She was conscious, and while she'd had a fair amount to drink over the night, she wasn't outrageously drunk, in fact she had sobered up a lot since they left the club to get food. Cal ran back down the road to buy a bottle of water while Ethan sat her on a nearby bench keeping her calm.

"I'm fine Ethan, honest. I just came over a bit faint. I probably just over did it that's all."

"Well, that's likely, especially since you seem to be recovering so quickly, but I'm still worried."

"You don't have to worry about little old me."

"But I do." He said seriously.

"I'm not important." She sighed, waving away his concern.

"But you are." He said just as seriously, looking deep into her eyes. She held his gaze and then shivered.

"Are you cold?" He asked, taking off his jacket and slipping it around her shoulders. "I'm sorry, I should have offered this to you earlier."

"Thanks Ethan, you're so kind." She said still gazing at him. She pulled the jacket around her and smiled at him. Just then Cal returned with some water. He handed her the bottle and she took a few gulps.

"Thanks boys, I can't imagine how much I owe you now, you both keep coming to my rescue, and there was me thinking I could look after myself."

"Come on," said Cal, pulling her up off of the bench. "You're coming back to ours, you're not going home alone tonight."

"Oh no, really cant, I don't want to be a burden!" Sam said.

"It's fine, really, its not an offer, you're coming where we can keep an eye on you. It's was only just over a week ago you were in hospital!" Cal said firmly. "You've probably overdone it, but it was a special birthday, so we will let you off." As Cal said that, Sam looked at her watch.

"You mean it is my special birthday." She smiled.

"Now?" Ethan asked. Sam nodded her head smiling.

"Yep, its today."

"Well, you're definitely coming to ours then, we can continue the celebrations." He smiled. "We could take you out for dinner tomorrow, unless you've got other plans?"

"No, I haven't really had time to make plans." Sam admitted.

"That's settled then." Cal said firmly, smiling as he placed her arm in his and all three walked off together towards the boys flat.

When they got in, all three slumped onto the sofa, Sam already having kicked off her heels and now rubbing her aching feet again.

"All that dancing is killer." She groaned.

"Well, you will wear these silly shoes!" Cal smirked.

"Shut it you, we only do it for the men!"

"Not true, you do it for yourselves, to feel good and to get attention from the men to make yourselves feel good!" Cal laughed. Sam thought about this then agreed.

"Ok, fair point smart arse!" She laughed, slapping his leg. "For that you can make the tea! Mines milk and two sugars!"

"Cheeky!" He laughed getting up to make the drinks.

"I'm so glad you stayed out Ethan, I thought we'd lost you a couple of times in the night." Sam sighed leaning back on the sofa.

"I'm glad I stayed, it was more fun than I thought." He admitted. "So, have you had a good birthday so far?"

"It's been amazing, everyone has been so kind."

"They all think a lot of you." Ethan smiled at her.

"Yeah, I've got no idea why!" She laughed.

"Because you're a special person." He said seriously, giving her that look again and she felt another shiver run down her spine. Before either could take in his comment and move on from it Cal came crashing back through carrying the drinks.

"Careful Cal!" Ethan sighed rolling his eyes. Sam took a sip of her tea and cradled it in her hand. She tucked her feet up under her, and tried to curl up on the sofa, but it wasn't easy in her dress.

"So Cal, how does it feel to have been out on a Saturday night and end up at home with your brother and your friend!" She winked at him. "No sexy lady in your bed tonight!" She grinned wickedly.

"Give me time, you're still here." He grinned back

"In your dreams Caleb!" She laughed. "Besides, I'm not sexy."

"You know you are!" Cal smiled.

"Don't be ridiculous! I'm just me, an ordinary girl, besides, if I was sexy, I wouldn't be 30 and single would I?" She gave him an 'I told you so look'.

"You must see it, you're gorgeous, inside and out." Cal said, seemingly shocked that she disagreed. She shook her head.

"I'm not." She smiled.

"Ethan, don't you agree? Sam is gorgeous!" Cal looked at his brother for support.

"Well, I um, well, yes, I um-" Ethan stuttered whilst blushing.

"See, Ethan doesn't know what to say." Sam laughed. "Don't be mean Cal, you put him on the spot." Sam said drinking her tea and smiling behind her cup at his awkwardness. Without realising, she let out a big sigh.

"What's up?" Cal asked.

"Oh, nothing, just birthdays, they're a bit emotional aren't they? They get you thinking. I always think of my parents, my Gran, and what they'd be thinking." Sam smiled sadly.

"I'm sure they'd be looking down on you, immensely proud of everything you've become." Ethan smiled. Cal reached out and took her hand.

"Sam, truly, you are an amazing girl, you don't give yourself nearly enough credit for all you have achieved, I mean it when I say, you are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are amazing, and you have done great things and you will continue to do great things and your family will be so proud of you." Cal said, even surprising himself with his sincere honesty. Before Sam realised, there was a tear trickling down her cheek. She put her cup on the table and wiped it away apologising.

"Sorry, I'm obviously still too drunk for emotions!" She tried to laugh. Cal pulled her sideways into him for a hug and she rested her head on his shoulder. "You guys are so sweet. I don't know what I've done to deserve you both taking me in like this." She sniffed and reached out to squeeze Ethan's hand so he didn't feel excluded. She felt him squeeze back and she got butterflies in her stomach.

"You've been good for us too Sam." Ethan said.

"I've caused you some trouble too!" She laughed and sniffed at the same time.

"It's all been worth it." Cal smiled. With that, Sam let out a huge yawn, suddenly feeling exhausted. She closed her eyes as she was leaning against Cal's shoulder. "Come on you, you need to get to bed." He said nudging her.

"Cal, I know you're desperately trying to get a woman in your bed but I'm not going with you!" She grinned with her eyes still closed. Ethan let out a snort of laughter at her blunt refusal.

"Hey!" Cal pretended to be hurt. "I'm a catch, you'd be lucky to be in my bed." He sulked.

"Remember, I've actually slept in both of your beds, and actually I prefer Ethan's." She grinned.

"Hussy!" He pushed her off of him. "Fine, go with Ethan, see if I care." He laughed pretending to flounce off to his room. He shouted goodnight leaving them both on the sofa, grinning to himself, hoping that he might have just helped them along a bit.

Sam looked at Ethan and mockingly rolled her eyes laughing at Cal. He smiled whilst still staring at her.

"You're very quiet?" she said questioningly. "You OK?"

"Yes," he replied. "I was just thinking."

"About?" Sam asked looking at him. He sighed and got up. Sam was worried she'd upset him "Ethan you don't have to-" she started, but then he reappeared with a little gift bag.

"I-I got you a little present. It's not much. But I didn't want to bring it tonight in case it got lost." He smiled shyly.

"Oh, Ethan, you didn't have to." Sam smiled at him gently taking the bag he held towards her. He sat down next to her again, nervous as she opened the bag. Inside was a little box. Sam looked at him questioningly.

"Go on, open it." He smiled nervously.

She lifted the lid of the little box and inside was a new silver fob watch. Her mouth opened in surprise. And she looked at him.

"It's not much," he said, "but I noticed you broke yours a couple of weeks ago. Turn it over." He instructed. She picked the watch up out of its lined box and turned it over in her hand. Her eyes pricked with tears when she saw he'd had it engraved. It simply said Sam in curly script writing with a small heart underneath it.

"Oh Ethan!" She breathed still in shock.

"It really isn't much, I hope it's OK."

"It's better than OK, its perfect, I love it. Thank you so much." She smiled at him and her voice wobbled with emotion. She turned the watch over in her hands again, smiling down at she put it back in its box, turned around and kissed Ethan softly on the cheek. "You're amazing." She whispered in his ear. He sat in shocked silence, willing himself to take hold of her and kiss her. He silently cursed himself for not having the bottle to do it, when suddenly he felt her put her hand on his cheek. She moved his head so he was looking directly into her eyes, those beautiful, perfect blue eyes, he thought. She searched his face, trying to work out what he wanted, then locked her eyes back on his, he could feel her trembling, or maybe it was him, he didn't know. At this moment, with her so close looking into his eyes, he didn't even know if he was still breathing, he might have even been dreaming. Then suddenly he felt her soft lips connecting with his. His stomach flipped, and in his shock he almost forgot to react to her kiss, but it only took moments for him to get lost in the kiss. He could have been anywhere in the world right now, with anything going on around him, he didn't care, the only thing that mattered was the girl right in front of him. The girl that was kissing him. He kissed her back, placing a hand into her hair as he held her, still kissing her softly and sweetly. She pulled away and looked at him blushing, he smiled shyly at her, but it was written in both of their faces that they wanted more so Ethan did what his brother would have, and pulled her towards him again, placing a more firm kiss on her lips, and she responded by parting his lips with her tongue and slipping it in to meet his. His stomach went mad with butterflies and he could hardly control his senses. Their kiss now had become more passionate, more needing, and Sam leaned herself into him, she let out a small sigh of pleasure as she continued to kiss him. She had wanted this so badly, she could hardly believe she was actually kissing him, and suspected she was going to wake up from this wonderful dream any minute. Her body tingled with excitement and her stomach flipped as she felt him push his tongue in her mouth with a little more force. Finally she could tell he wanted her too, she hoped it wasnt just the drink.


	38. Chapter 38

As Ethan and Sam broke away from their kiss they looked at each other. Both were pink in the cheeks and both suddenly felt a little shy. Sam searched his face, looking for an answer, something to say. But the words wouldn't come. Ethan worried that he had gone too far, and that she didn't want him to do that, but then she had kissed him back, she had been caught up in the moment too. Is this what too much alcohol did? Impair your judgement so you did stupid things, he thought. Not that kissing Sam was stupid, but if she didn't feel the same then he would feel stupid. Now he had more understanding how Cal ended up in situations making stupid mistakes.

"Sam, I'm sorry, I-I didn't, I mean, I just, oh God," he sighed running his hand through his hair and looking away. In that moment Sam felt her heart sink. She'd gone too far, he didn't want to kiss her, effectively she had gotten him drunk and taken advantage. She felt so confused, and hurt, and really embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have, I mean, it wasn't fair."

She looked down at her hands in her lap sadly. They sat in silence for a moment, both lost in thoughts and feelings, both confused. Both thinking the other didn't want the kiss to happen. Sam could feel her eyes filling with tears. She got up.

"Maybe I should just go." She said, and went to walk towards the door.

"No, wait." Ethan said jumping up too, surprising himself. She turned back and he looked at her and saw the tears in her eyes. She looked so fragile, so vulnerable, but still so beautiful. He had to tell her.

"Ethan, I-"

"Sam, wait, I have to say something." Ethan rushed out. He stepped towards her, seeing a stray tear had now fallen on her cheek. "I- I'm not good at this. But I don't want you to think I regret that, far from it, I was just worried you did. I just, I-I'm not, what I mean is, I know I haven't got much to offer someone like you, but, well I-I think you're, well you're perfect. A-and I really like you, I mean I think I have feelings for you." He breathed, almost too scared to look at her.

Sam stood momentarily rooted to the spot with her mouth slightly open, taking in what Ethan had just said. Then she lifted his chin to raise his eyes to hers.

"How could you say you have nothing to offer someone like me. Ethan you're amazing, you make me laugh, you're intelligent, you comfort me when I'm down, you've been there for me, supported me when I needed someone, stood up for me and defended me against others, hell you even saved my life! Ethan, you're the one who's perfect, not me."

They were locked in an intense gaze. Neither daring to move or speak for fear of ruining this moment. This perfect moment, when they finally realised they were both on the same page. Ethan finally found his nerve, and he pulled Sam in towards him close. He took her in his arms and he kissed her. He kissed her like he had never kissed anyone before, he could feel this was different, this was something special.

Sam felt a surge of emotions as Ethan pulled her in close, he embraced her and before she realised what was happening, he was kissing her again, and it was the most intense kiss she thought she had ever had. She could barely stand, she felt dizzy, weak with the feelings that had overcome her. They stood in his front room locked in the most perfect moment, the most perfect kiss.

Then suddenly the heard a loud snore from Cal's room, and they both stopped kissing and looked at each other, laughing lightly. Sam knew she would need to take the lead, so she took Ethan's hand and lead him to his bedroom. She switched on his bedside lamp, sat on his bed and guided him down next to her. He sat awkwardky, unsure of her intentions. She took his hand and looked at him.

"Relax Ethan," she whispered. "I'm not going to make a move on you tonight. But I think we need to talk, and I'm tired, but have you ever noticed how being honest is easier in the dark, talking doesn't seem so scary then. Trust me." She said quietly, planting a small kiss on his cheek. She smiled at him, and looked for his approval. He smiled back and nodded. So she stood up, slipped off her dress and slipped under the covers. She lay on her side, leaning up on her elbow and waited for him to follow suit. He nervously climbed in next to her, and she instructed him to turn off the light.

"See, I'm not so scary now am I?" She whispered.

"You're not scary anyway," he smiled, whispering back.

"Come here," she said pulling him in towards her. "It's my birthday, I want a hug." He put his arms around her and she felt him relax once the initial worry was out of the way. She knew once she got him to realise things like this were OK with her that he would be fine.

"Ethan, can I ask you something?" Sam said softly.

"Of course." He replied, although he was a bit worried what she was going to ask.

"Why do you think so little of yourself? I mean why would you think you had nothing to offer?"

"I don't know, I guess Cal has always been the one to get the girls, I was just the geeky awkward little brother who was largely ignored by most people, nevermind girls."

"It's funny, coz that's one of the things I really like about you, your geeky, awkward side, as you put it. I find it so endearing. You're lovely."

"You're even more lovely." He felt her lips press on his again and they shared another gentle kiss.

"I'm really sorry you know." She said softly as she broke away from the kiss.

"What for?"

"For the accident, for never getting the chance to tell you properly what an amazing night I had with you the night before my accident."

"You don't need to apologise for that, you said it yourself, it was an accident. And for the record, I had an amazing time too."

"At least we didn't have the awkward day after conversation though."

"Yes, I was a bit nervous about that."

"I thought you might be." She smiled to herself.

"So you thought you'd jump in a freezing river to spare me? So _very_ sensible of you." He grinned giving her a nudge.

"I told you, I didn't jump." She giggled. "Anyway, yes, I think it was a pretty big sacrifice, I'd say you owe me."

"I owe you? Was saving your life not enough!" He mocked pretending to be outraged.

"Ok, OK, lets call it even then." She smiled again.

"Oh, I think it's fair to say you owe me young lady!" He smiled.

"Hmm, I wonder how I can make it up to you." She said smiling and pulling him in for another kiss. They fell into a blissful sleep in each others arms.


	39. Chapter 39

The next morning, Cal was up first surprisingly. He stumbled into the kitchen to get a drink, being really dehydrated from the night before. After downing a glass of water while waiting for the kettle to boil, he carried his coffee into the living room and sat on the sofa. He flipped on the TV and was scrolling through the channels looking for something to watch when he suddenly realised something was missing. He looked around towards Ethan's bedroom, he couldn't have could he? Cal grinned to himself. Surely Sam wouldn't have left late last night, so if she didn't then there was only one place they could both be. He really wanted to know, he looked at his watch, just after 8:30am. He finished the rest of his coffee and instead of going back to bed where he had originally intended to go, he went and had a shower and got dressed, and didn't make any effort to keep quiet. On returning to the front room, and still hearing no movement from Ethan's room he did the only thing he could think of that didn't involve him going in and jumping on the bed like an excited kid at Christmas, he turned on the grill and opened a pack of bacon. He pulled out his phone when the bacon sandwiches were nearly ready and text Ethan. He flipped on the kettle and waited.

* * *

Ethan heard his phone vibrate on his bedside table. Groaning and pulling his head off the pillow he picked up his phone to see a message from Cal: "Bacon sarnies and coffee, ETA 5 mins." He put his phone back and lay back down still half asleep and then remembered he wasn't alone. He suddenly felt Sam stirring behind him and remembered last night. He couldn't fight a smile appearing on his face. He rolled over faced with the sight of Sam lying next to him, she slowly opened her eyes, and smiled at him.

"Good morning." He smiled sweetly.

"Good morning." She replied. He bent down and kissed her forehead, aware that his mouth felt like he'd been licking the bottom of a birdcage, so kissing her properly probably wasn't a good idea.

"Cal has made coffee and bacon sandwiches apparently." He said. "But you can stay in bed if you want."

"And miss Cal's attempts at making breakfast, definitely not." Sam grinned. "Plus I could really do with a drink."

They got out of bed, Ethan pulled on some comfy clothes and Sam slipped her dress back on, then they made their way into the front room, met by the smell of coffee and bacon.

"Well, hello you two!" Cal grinned at them. Ethan looked awkward and both of them blushed, though Ethan more than Sam. But Sam changed the subject.

"Something smells good Cal, I was lead to believe anything you cooked should be avoided for fear of poisoning!" She smiled.

"Well, you've not lived until you've tried my 'morning after the night before' bacon butties!" He smiled proudly.

The three of them tucked into breakfast, slipping back into chat about their night out. Sam remembered she was supposed to be hearing from Rita and nipped off to retrieve her phone. As she disappeared Cal gave Ethan a look.

"Well?" He said grinning.

"Well what?" Ethan said blushing.

"You did didn't you?" He grinned nodding his head towards the bedroom, looking almost proud of his little brother. Luckily before Cal could dig anymore, Sam came back out carrying her phone tapping out a text to Rita. She sat back at the table with them and took another sip of her coffee.

"You're right Cal, you do make good bacon butties. Although I guess they don't take much skill." She looked at him and he was still grinning. "What is that face for?" She laughed.

"Nothing." He couldn't stop grinning. Especially when he noticed how uncomfortable Ethan looked, he was convinced they had been up to something last night. You don't take a gorgeous girl to bed after a night out without something happening, even Ethan couldn't mess that up, surely? Sam looked from Cal to Ethan, and she knew what was happening. Cal had been teasing Ethan about them. She thought of a flippant comment, but Ethan already looked a little uncomfortable, so she changed the subject to spare his blushes.

"So, anyone fancy going for a roast today? I really fancy a nice pub roast somewhere? You boys aren't working are you?" She asked.

"I'd love to, I'm not working until tomorrow." Ethan said.

"Yeah count me in, a roast sounds just what is needed today, and it'll make a change for Ethan to not have to cook it!" He laughed.

"Should we see if anyone else wants to come?" Sam asked? "I don't know who is working or not, but we could see?"

"Yeah, do it," Cal smiled. "After all, you are the birthday girl."

Sam texted around and soon, the group had arranged to meet at a pub just out of town at 12:30.

"I'd better get home so I can get a shower and change, it'll be bad enough doing the walk of shame, I can't turn up to a pub lunch with my colleagues in the same outfit I wore last night." She winked.

"I'll drop you off." Ethan said jumping up. "It'll save you walking in those shoes."

* * *

Ethan got back from dropping Sam home and knew he was in for a grilling from his big brother. He wondered if he could just leave Cal guessing rather than admit he and Sam had slept together but actually all that had involved was literally sleeping.

"Nibbles!" Cal called as Ethan came in, tossing his car keys on the table and slumping onto the sofa.

"Yes." He sighed.

"So, Nibbles, how was it?" He asked turned to look right at his brother and grinning. "You look tired, it must have been good." He raised his eyebrows, enjoying his brothers obvious discomfort.

"Yeah." He said noncommittally. "I need a shower." He went to get up.

"No wait Ethan, I'll stop teasing. I have to know." Cal almost pouted at his brother. Ethan gave in and sat back down.

"So come on, what happened after I left you?"

"Well, I gave her a little gift I'd bought her for her birthday, and she seemed to like it, she kissed me on the cheek, and then we got caught in a moment and then she leaned in and kissed me."

"Woo! Go Nibbles!" Cal whooped holding his hand up for Ethan to high five. "Come on mate, don't leave me hanging!" He laughed, Ethan rolled his eyes and high fived his brother. "See, arent I a good brother for getting out of the way. What happened then?"

"Nothing, we talked, and then we went to bed and went to sleep." He said simply, not wanting to go into any more detail yet. He still wasn't certain where he stood. So he didn't want to jinx things or assume anything.

"Really?" Cal looked surprised.

"Really, we're not all like you Cal. Besides, we talked, and we kissed and then we fell asleep together and it was perfect." He smiled.

"Aw, Nibbles is in love." Cal grinned. Ethan shot him a look and he held his hands up, "sorry, sorry!" He laughed. "Really, I'm happy for you both. It was about time!"

"Look, we haven't talked about things properly, so please don't say anything yet will you?"

"You can trust me." Ethan gave him a warning look. "Really Ethan. I won't say a word. Now I won't have to worry about bringing random women home." He winked at Ethan.

"Really?" Ethan looked exasperated.

"Yeah, I suppose you don't want Sam to hear what she's missing do you!" He laughed. Ethan rolled his eyes and headed for a shower.


	40. Chapter 40

Rita, Iain, Robyn and Lofty were meeting up with Cal, Ethan and Sam at the pub. Ethan had driven and picked Sam up on the way.

"I am so looking forward to a massive roast dinner." Sam said grinning. "I'm starving after last night."

"Yeah, you can't beat a roast after a night out, especially not if you don't have to cook it or do the dishes!" Cal said.

"You?" Ethan scoffed, "I'm not sure you've ever cooked a roast since we've lived together, and dishes? Do you even realise the dishwasher fairy doesn't exist?"

"Alright mother!" He laughed.

"Come on boys, play nice!" Sam warned, smiling. "Don't make me put you in the naughty corner!"

"Oh God, I've got two mothers now!" Cal sighed.

Ethan parked the car just as Rita and Iain arrived together. Sam jumped out of the car and ran over to Rita giving her a hug.

"I'm so pleased for you." She whispered in her ear as they hugged.

"Thanks." Rita smiled back.

"We need to catch up soon." Sam smiled. She slipped her arm through Rita's and they walked in to meet the others, with the boys following behind.

When they were all seated with dinner they got back onto chatting about last night.

"Robyn, fell asleep on the doorstep while I was trying to find the keys and unlock the door." Lofty sniggered.

"Yeah, well, you nearly spilt a whole kettle of water over yourself!" Robyn laughed back.

"Yes, but it is Lofty, we wouldn't expect any less would we!" Cal laughed.

"And Max never came home last night." Robyn said.

"I never saw him after he went outside at CJ's for a cigarette." Sam said.

"Yeah, with Zoe," Rita added. "Do you think they...?" She said.

"No. They can't have!" Robyn said.

"They did have quite a few cigarettes together." Lofty concluded. "Who knows. I would like to see them sort things out. They work well together." Robyn snorted with disgust, still angry on behalf of her step brother. Rita saw this and quickly changed the subject.

"So Sam, how are you feeling now?"

"Yeah I'm good Rita, certainly getting there, couldn't you tell last night." She smiled.

"Well, you were certainly up for it." Rita smiled.

"Thank you so much for organising it. I wasn't expecting it at all and you all gave me the best birthday I've had for a long time."

"You can't have had that many good birthdays then." Cal said.

"No, not really if I'm honest." Sam said. "But I'm not here to dwell on that." She smiled. Ethan gave her a sweet smile, which she returned discreetly. They hadn't discussed keeping things quiet, but secretly both knew they weren't at the point of disclosing their kiss, they had more to talk about and work out first.

"So, when are you going to let me come back to work Rita?" Sam grinned. Rita laughed.

"Give it a couple more days then come and see me!" She said smiling at her ambitious workaholic friend.

"Most people would be enjoying the time off!" Iain laughed.

"Well I'm not most people, I'm sad and I love my job!" Sam grinned. "Well, mostly, and I work with a fab bunch of people, well, most of them."

"Yeah, we know there is one person who rubs you up the wrong way!" Robyn said.

"I know, that bloody doctor Knight can be a right pain in the behind!" She laughed. "I don't know how you've all worked with him for so long!"

"Ha-ha!" Cal said dryly.

"Well think about poor Ethan! He deserves a medal for being his brother and growing up with him!" Rita grinned wickedly.

"Hey come on, I'm not that bad." Cal pouted.

"Aw, don't pout, I've told you, it ruins your pretty face." Sam smiled squeezing his cheek.

They finished their food and sat enjoying some drinks. Iain had to leave early as he was on a nightshift, and he dropped Rita home.

"See Lofty, didn't I tell you?" Sam smiled nodding towards the door when they had left.

"What's that?" Ethan asked.

"On one of my first shifts at work, I told Lofty that there was a spark between them two. It seems I might have been right." Sam smiled.

"Ah, I love it when people are all happy and loved up." Robyn sighed then she let out a big yawn. "Come on Lofty, we need to get back. And I need to find out where my daft brother has been!" They headed off leaving Cal, Ethan and Sam together.

"I so enjoyed that." Sam sighed, leaning back on her chair.

"Yeah, I could tell." Cal laughed. "I've never seen a woman polish off so much food!"

"Hey cheeky!" She slapped him as she usually did. "I need to build up my strength you know."

"Ignore him, you didn't eat any more than the rest of us." Ethan came to her defense.

"Is it wrong that I could eat a slice of chocolate cake right now though." Sam said.

"Why don't you." Cal said.

"No, you've just teased me for being greedy!" Sam said raising her eyebrows.

"Right, I'm nipping to the loo." Cal said jumping up.

"Thanks Cal, we needed to know that!" Sam called after him. He turned back and grinned cheekily at her.

Sam turned to Ethan when they were finally alone.

"I'm sorry," she smiled. "It's been a bit tricky this afternoon hasn't it? I just figured it was best to keep quiet about last night until we've worked things out. It's not coz I've changed my mind." She gave his hand a squeeze under the table.

"Yes, no, I agree." He said and smiled at her. "But Cal does know we kissed." He looked apologetically at her.

"Well if he didn't guess something happened I'd think he was a total simpleton, we came out from the same bedroom this morning. He's not completely naïve. In fact he most likely assumed we did more than we did." She smiled.

"Yeah he did. He grilled me about it when I got back from dropping you home. Don't worry, I didn't tell him anything."

"I'm not worried." She smiled. "But I just wasn't ready to go public today, I love Robyn to bits, but if she got wind of it, it would be all over Holby before we even knew what was going on. You don't mind do you."

"No, I'm completely with you. We need time, maybe another date or two before we go public."

"Aw, Ethan, was that your way of asking me on a date?" She smiled. He started blushing again. "Oh, you're so easy to make blush, I was teasing."

"I know " he said going even redder. "But actually yes, I would like to take you on a date." He smiled.

"In that case, I'd love to go on a date with you." She said and she kissed his cheek.

Cal returned with a huge slice of chocolate cake with a candle in it.

"Especially for you birthday girl!." He said placing it in front of her.

"Wow! That's massive!" She laughed, blowing out the candle.

"Tuck in." He smiled. They ended up all sharing the cake as Sam couldn't manage it all, and she would have felt mean scoffing the whole thing in front of them, especially when it tasted so good.

"That was amazing." Sam smiled. "Really lush."

"Are you always this easy to please?" Cal laughed.

"Generally yes." Sam winked.

"Good job eh Ethan?" He nudged his brother, who had been quite quiet today. Ethan shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Will you stop picking on your brother Caleb!" Sam scolded mockingly.

"Ooh, you've got a girl fighting your battles now Nibbles."

"Ignore him Ethan, he's just jealous coz you got the girl!" She smiled, then stuck her tongue out at Cal who laughed.

When Ethan dropped Sam home, he parked the car out on the road and walked to Sam's door, so they could have a moment away from Cal.

"Thank you for this weekend Ethan, I've had a great birthday. And thank you so much for my gift. I really do love it." She smiled sweetly.

"You're welcome. I've had a good weekend too." He smiled back. "Happy birthday." He said leaning forward to kiss her gently. She leant in to him and returned the kiss, holding onto his jacket as they did. Ethan broke away and he looked at her.

"So, Samantha Jones, will you do me the honour of allowing me to take you on a date?"

"Why yes Ethan Hardy, that would be lovely." She giggled, kissing him on the cheek. He watched her walk into her flat and turned and headed back towards the car to go home.

"What are you looking so happy about Nibbles?" Cal smiled knowingly.

"I'm taking Sam out on a date." He smiled as he started the car. Cal just smiled, pleased to see his little brother happy again. Now if only he could find some happiness too.


	41. Chapter 41

Sam returned to work a couple of days later, and she was relieved to get back to some normality. She was on shift with Rita and Charlie, so she felt well supported. She was working in triage which was fairly simple. Today seemed to be filled with lots of ankle and wrist injuries. The weather had got colder and there had been some icy spells, which had seen an influx of soft tissue and bony injuries, along with breathing difficulties and chest infections.

Sam was taking a break and sitting on the desk in Rita's office with a coffee, while she was catching up with some paperwork. She bought Rita in a coffee too and was now swinging her legs off the edge of the desk.

"So, come on then Rita, what's the gossip?"

"Gossip?" Rita said, "I can't imagine what you mean." She winked.

"Ah, don't do this to me, its been killing me having to wait nearly a week to find out what happened last Saturday."

"I knew it would be." Rita smiled at Sam.

"So come on then!" Sam said eagerly.

"Well, after we left the club, we went back to his. We barely got through the front door and we were kissing. It was like nothing else existed, nothing else mattered in that moment, we just needed to be with each other, regardless of what happened after, it didn't matter. It was almost like I turned to jelly, I would have done anything he wanted. He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, and honestly it was so amazing, he just had this assertive power over me but I completely succumbed to it, which is so unlike me, but it was amazing." Rita sighed. Sam smiled at her.

"Rita Freeman, you've got it bad!" She giggled. "It's sounds amazing though." Sam sighed. "I'm really happy for you Rita, I hope it's the start of something special. He still seems keen anyway, so that's good. I could see him glancing at you on Sunday at lunch."

"Yeah, I went back to his with him after." Rita smiled.

"No way! Again? I thought he went home to sleep coz he was working?" Sam gasped.

"He did, that's all we did, we went to bed and had a nap together. It was lovely." She smiled again, her eyes glossing over at the memories.

"Oh God, you have got it bad." Sam smiled. "Right, I'd better get back to it." Sam said draining the rest of her coffee and jumping off the desk.

* * *

Later that day she was grabbing a late lunch break, she'd bundled up in her hoodie and was sitting outside on the bench, it was really cold, but really sunny, so she was enjoying what she felt was the perfect winters day.

"Wasn't hypothermia once enough for you." Came a voice from behind her. A huge smile broke out on her face when she heard him. He sat down next to her with a coffee.

"I've got my hoody on." She said innocently. "Besides, its gorgeous out here today, even if it is cold. I love days like this, when you get to wrap up all warm and enjoy the clear crisp air."

"I seem to recall you telling me that once before." Ethan smiled at her. "So how are the moving preparations going?" He asked.

"Yeah, getting there," most of the house things are packed up, awaiting a few more deliveries, but some things I will have to manage without until I've moved." She smiled. "Getting a sofa is proving difficult at this time of year!" She laughed.

"We'll get you sorted." He smiled. "I've made sure I've got the day off to help you."

"Aw, you didn't have to, but I do appreciate it." She smiled. "I'd give you a kiss now if there wasn't a risk of getting caught." He smiled at her and she looked around. Seeing no one they knew she planted a soft quick kiss on his lips.

"So, what are you doing on Sunday evening?" He asked.

"Nothing at the moment. I'm working until 8pm though. Why?" She smiled.

"I have a surprise. I'll pick you up from yours at 9pm. Wear something warm and comfortable." He smiled, giving her a quick kiss, again checking no one was around. Then he got up and left her to finish her lunch. She was still thinking about what he'd said, wondering what he might have planned. She couldn't hide the smile.

* * *

Back inside, Sam got on with the rest of her shift in triage. Suddenly she heard a commotion in the waiting room. She opened the door to her triage room to see a young couple arguing. The man had hold of the girls hair and he had pushed her against the wall. Sam shouted and went charging up to them.

"Oi! What do you think you're doing? Let go of her!" She said assertively, squaring up to the man with no fear. Adrenaline was already running through her, and the man let go of the woman and turned to face Sam looking even more angry.

"What's it got to do with you?" He snarled at her.

"This is a hospital not a boxing ring, you don't come here to fight, so if that's what's you're going to do I suggest you leave before I call the police."

"My girlfriend needs stitches." He said aggressively in Sam's face.

"I'll be the judge of that! You sit there and wait." She said pointing to the chair and leading the frightened woman into her triage room where she burst into tears. "Hey, its OK, I'm here to help. Just take your time and tell me what happened."

"I can't," the woman sobbed. "I can't."

"Ok, come on, lets get you through to cubicles." She lead the woman through the back door of her triage room straight into cubicles. She deliberately headed to find Cal who was working with Robyn in cubicles. She sat the crying woman down on the bed and told Robyn not to leave her. Then she explained the situation to Cal.

"Do you want me to ring the police now or hang on for a bit?" Sam asked Cal when she explained.

"Let's try and keep him out of the way as long as possible and see what information we can get out of the girl." Cal sighed. Sam nodded and headed back to her triage room. She went back into the triage room looking at some notes and shut the door behind her before looking up. She didn't expect him to be standing by the door waiting for her to return.

"Where is she?" He shouted as she saw him. Sam flinched then regained her composure.

"I told you to wait outside." She said fixing him with a steely stare. She noticed he had locked the door.

"I said where is she?" He said barely holding onto his temper.

"She's getting treatment. You need to wait outside or I will have to have you escorted out." Sam said again firmly.

"Take me to her." He said stalking towards her.

"Please wait outside." Sam wasn't giving in, she held her ground.

"I said take me to her." He growled getting right in her face.

"No. She is getting treatment." Sam said getting angry herself. She couldn't get to her panic button to alert security. The man lunged forward and grabbed her arms twisting it up behind her back and pushing her over the treatment couch.

"No so feisty now are you!" He hissed in her ear. "Now will you take me to her or do I need to really hurt you." He increased the pressure on her arm and she cried out in pain. Sam didn't know whether to call out for help or not, she could make the situation a whole lot worse if she did, but then she didn't want him to be in cubicles where he could cause more trouble and harm. She changed tactics.

"Look, why don't you let go, and we can talk. You can tell me what's going on, I can get you help." She said, wincing at the pain searing through her arm and shoulder.

"Don't try and play nice now, I prefer the feisty version anyway." He said laughing menacingly. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Is everything OK in there?" Noel's voice came through the closed door. "I thought I heard a yell?" The man panicked and reached in his pocket and pulled out a flick knife. Holding it towards Sam he spoke again.

"Tell him its fine." He hissed in her ear.

"All fine Noel, don't worry!" Sam called out, trying to sound calm but her voice now shaking. She now actually feared for her safety. She wished she had a word to use so Noel would know she needed help without alerting the man. Noel walked away but still not convinced. Sam looked around trying to work out if she could get to her panic button, but it was impossible, she felt very vulnerable. The adrenaline had really kicked in now, and she was preparing to fight to get away. Just then Sam heard another voice.

"Sam, have you got anyone in there? I need your help." Came Cal's voice. She was trying to think of the best way of letting him know she was in trouble without calling for help. She didn't answer, the man pushed her further down onto the couch wrenching her arm again as he did so and she cried out again as a reflex. Cal heard and opened the door, shocked by what he saw. He rushed towards them shouting at the man.

"What the hell are you doing?" Then he noticed the knife and stopped so as not to make the situation worse. "Just let her go." Cal said firmly.

"Take me to my girlfriend and I will." He said simply, eyeballing Cal.

"You won't do her any good if you're angry like this. You need to calm down and put down the knife." Cal said. Sam just lay still, her cheek resting against the treatment couch, fear had gripped her now.

"I just want my girlfriend, I want to know what's happening."

"Right, so let go of the nurse and we can find her, I can tell you what we're doing." He said keeping his voice calm. He saw the man loosening his grip on Sam. "That's right, come with me." The man let go of Sam and she moved away, holding her arm protectively as she discreetly reached for the panic button. "Now give me the knife." Cal said softly. The man, as if in a trance half held it out. Cal quickly made a grab for it and disarmed the man. As he did so, security burst through the door and Cal pointed at him. They wrestled him to the ground and radioed in the police. Sam stood still with fear and pale with shock as security dragged the man out of the department.

Cal made his way over to Sam and pulled her into his arms as she started sobbing.

"Hey, shh, its OK, its all going to be OK." He soothed and held her as she sobbed. Just then Ethan came flying through the door having seen the commotion on the other side.

"What happened?" He said worried and making his way towards them. Sam broke away from Cal's hug and looked at Ethan.

"Hold me." She whispered to him, and he pulled her into his arms looking at Cal for answers as to what went on.

"The relative of a patient got angry and physical. He's been taken care of." Cal said keeping it simple.

"Oh my God, did he hurt you?" Ethan asked Sam.

"Not really." She whispered. "Just pulled my arm a bit."

"Come on, lets take you out of here." Ethan said gently guiding her out.


	42. Chapter 42

Ethan sat Sam down in cubicles, she was still very shocked. She had explained that he had pulled her arm up behind her back and Ethan was insisting on examining it properly.

"I'm sure its OK really Ethan, its just a bit sore."

"Well, we'll get it X-rayed just to be sure." He said softly.

"People are going to think I'm a right idiot." She sniffed.

"No they won't, they'll be worried." He said. Just then Cal came back holding a cup of tea.

"Just what the doctor ordered." He smiled putting the cup down beside her.

"Cal, she shouldn't drink before the X-ray in case she needs surgery."

"Relax Ethan, she isn't going to need emergency surgery today, you know that."

"Ok," he sighed, knowing his brother was right. He was just worried.

"Well, Ethan, I never thought I'd meet someone with more bad luck than you, but it seems we underestimated Sam's abilities of getting into a scrape." He smiled, trying to cheer Sam up. She forced a smile knowing he was trying, but she was still too shocked to joke.

"Cal," Ethan gave him a look.

"I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't have come in Cal, thank you." Sam said quietly. "I was scared."

"Don't worry about it, its all over now." He smiled at her. "Anyway, I'm really sorry."

"What for?" Sam asked.

"Well, if I'd given you the go ahead to call the police before it wouldn't have happened." Cal said looking guilty.

"Don't be silly, you don't know that. It could have happened just the same."

"Yes but I feel bad about it."

"Well don't." She smiled at him. "You're right though, I don't know how I manage to get myself in these situations all of the time!"

"Yeah, its a good job you've got your Knight in shining armour around." Cal grinned.

"Caleb!" Ethan hissed giving his brother a glare.

"Alright, alright, I'm going."

"Ignore him." Ethan said when Cal had left the cubicle. "He needs to put humour into most situations. It's his way of dealing with it. If he can't laugh then he runs, or gets very drunk!"

Sam smiled at him, grateful for his kindness. She was still shaking as she sat and drank her tea, Rita had come in and said Mrs Beauchamp would want to see her shortly, and the police wanted a statement from her. Luckily the X-ray had shown there was no damage, just a shoulder sprain, so she had it in a sling to help rest it while she sat in Connie's office giving her statement to the police. Cal was also called to give a statement after Sam had done hers. As she left Mrs Beauchamp's office, Rita was waiting to check she was OK. She told Sam to go home and said she needed another couple of days off to recover. Sam tried to protest, having only just come back, but Rita wouldn't hear of it. Besides, she was injured and her shoulder needed time to recover. When she left the department to walk home, Ethan was waiting for her.

"I knew you wouldn't be long," he said. "Come on." He held out his arm and put it around her shoulder and guided her away from the department. "Do you want to get a taxi?" He asked. She shook her head.

"No, lets walk." She said. It was cold as they walked along towards Sam's flat, but she felt comforted being with Ethan.

"I'm so sorry again Ethan." She said looking sad.

"Hey, you've got nothing to apologise for." He said stopping and looking at her.

"I don't know why you want to be with me, I'm a mess." She sniffed. He took her free hand and looked at her.

"I want to be with you because I think you're amazing." He pulled her chin up so her eyes met his. She felt herself melt into his gaze. He kissed her softly. "I want to be with you, and take care of you, and nothing is going to change that." He said. She searched his face, his gaze never faltered. She shivered and he pulled her into a hug.

"I want to be with you too." She said simply, returning his hug with her good arm. They walked on hand in hand until they reached Sam's flat. "Do you want to come in for a bit?" Sam asked.

"Do you want me to?" He asked, sensing she didn't want to be alone. She nodded looking at him, and leading him by the hand upstairs. He helped her into the flat and made them both coffee, and they curled up together on the sofa. The pain relief Sam was given at the hospital was now wearing off and her shoulder was really starting to hurt. She winced in pain as she tried to get comfortable. As if sensing what she needed, Ethan retrieved her medication from her bag and handed her some.

"Thank you" she smiled and kissed him. He watched her as she took the medication then she leaned back into his arms. "Ethan, there's something I didn't tell you about today." She said. He turned to look at her, concerned about what she was going to say. "The man, when he had me in the room, well, he pulled a knife out on me, I don't know what would have happened if Cal hadn't come when he did, I was so scared."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He said shocked.

"I didn't want you to go mad, or do something silly like go after him, I didn't want you to get hurt." She said quietly, a tear falling down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb and looked into her eyes.

"Hey, its OK." He said soothingly. "It's all over now and I'm here." He said pulling her into him again.

"I was so scared Ethan." She rested her weary head on his chest, soothed by his rhythmic breathing and the sound of his heartbeat as she was once before. Before long she had drifted off to sleep, the pain killers taking their full effect. Ethan carefully laid her back on the sofa and wrapped her up in a blanket. He scribbled a note for her and crept out of the flat hoping that she'd be OK.

When he got back to his, Cal wasn't around, so he went for a shower and headed to bed, feeling tired himself now.


	43. Chapter 43

Meanwhile, Cal had gone to the pub with a few of the team. They were all having a drink and talking about what happened, Cal wasn't really saying a lot, he sat quietly drinking his pint. Heading back to the bar for another one, he was distracted by a beautiful dark haired woman entering the pub. She stood next to him at the bar and he glanced across at her. She smiled at him and ordered a drink. He picked up his pint and turned to face her. He introduced himself and they got chatting, which soon turned into flirting, which soon turned into kissing. And then they left the pub together heading back to Cal's place. He hoped Ethan wouldn't be there, or at the very least that he'd be in bed by now. Either way, this was happening tonight. He stumbled through their front door kissing the woman, slamming the door shut behind them, and guiding her in towards his room, peeling off her jacket and throwing it on his bedroom floor, as they made their way to his bed, barely pausing for breath.

Ethan heard the door slam and woke up with a start. He heard Cal heading towards his bedroom and fall onto the bed, then he heard a female voice and a giggle, and he groaned inwardly and lay back down. Cal had brought another one night stand home. When would he get over this phase? He turned over and tried to ignore the noise coming from the room next door. He made a mental note to ask Dylan where he'd gotten his noise cancelling headphones from. He opened his bedside drawer and pulled his own headphones out and put on some music to drown out the sounds of his brother and his latest conquest in the next room. He wished now he'd stayed at Sam's, even if it had meant an awkward night sitting on her sofa while she slept in his arms, that would be better than this. Then he simply found himself wishing he was with her. Was that what made it worse that Cal was next door doing that, was it because he wished it was him. At that moment his phone beeped with a text message.

Sam had woken up a few hours after falling asleep, she initially woke with a start, forgetting where she was, then she winced at the pain in she shoulder as she tried to get up with her arm still in the sling. She made her way into her bedroom, which once again was all packed up ready for her next move. She smiled remember than Ethan had made sure he'd got the day off to help her, and now with her arm out of action she would be glad of his help. He was so lovely, Sam really didn't know what she'd done to deserve him. She wished he was here now though. She plugged in her phone to charge, but before she went to sleep she typed a message.

"Thank you again for all of your support. I'm so lucky to have found you, it finally feels likes something is going right for me. You're wonderful Ethan, don't let anyone ever tell you any different. Wish you were here now though x"

As Ethan read the message he couldn't help but smile. He couldn't believe his luck, that the geeky brother had finally got his girl. He wished he could shout it from the rooftops, but he also liked that for now it was their secret. He typed a reply still smiling.

"Things are looking up for me too, I've found the most amazing girl who makes me smile, and I just want to make her happy. I wish I was with you too x"

His phone beeped again: "Who is the lucky girl then? x"

He smiled to himself, and simply replied: "You x"

She lay down in bed and drifted back off into a peaceful happy sleep.

* * *

Ethan was up early the next morning, he was desperately hoping to avoid an embarrassing encounter with his brother or his conquest. He quickly showered and got dressed and headed into the industrial park and parked up at the coffee place. He got himself a coffee and sat in the car. He text Sam to say he was up and about and just having a coffee so she could let him know when she wanted to get started with moving things. About 20 mins after he sent it the reply came asking why he was up and out so early and that he could come over now, he simply said he would explain later and that he was on his way. He popped back in the coffee place and bought two more coffees and 2 blueberry muffins and headed over to Sam's flat.

Sam buzzed him in when he arrived. She was up and dressed, with her hair slung back in a ponytail with her fringe framing her face. She had on her tortoiseshell framed glasses which Ethan had yet to see her in.

"Good morning." She smiled sweetly leaning in for a kiss. He kissed her back before smiling and wishing her a good morning too, whilst handing her a large coffee and muffin.

"I thought you could use a pick me up before we get started." He said. They sat down at the small breakfast bar in the kitchen and ate their muffins.

"Thanks for this Ethan, its really sweet of you."

"My pleasure." He smiled. "So, glasses?" He asked.

"My secret is out." She giggled, "I'm queen of the geeks!"

"You're not a geek." He laughed. "And I should know!"

"Not a geek? I like learning, I was mostly a good girl at school and I love science and the solar system, and I watch documentaries on TV. Hell I even read for pleasure when I get the chance!" She laughed.

"And you've just listed some of the reasons why I like you." He smiled. "And anyway, they really suit you, they frame your face nicely."

"Aw, you're so sweet Ethan." Sam smiled at him. "So anyway, come on then, aren't you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" He looked confused.

"Why you were up and about so early!"

"Oh, that. Oh just Cal, another one night conquest brought back to the flat. I just wanted to be up and out before there was an awkward hallway encounter, or worse! Let's just say, I was very grateful for my headphones last night!" He laughed.

"Oh, so naughty boy Cal is well and truly back!" She laughed. "I was worried he might be freaked out after yesterday. But clearly he has his own unique way of coping." She winked.

"How are you feeling today anyway?" Ethan asked gently.

"I'm fine, just a little sore, and dressing was a bit awkward," she laughed. "But I'm not letting it beat me. Besides, we've got work to do today." She smiled at him.

"Well, I'm here, reporting for duty, ready to do what ever you command." He laughed, doing a mock salute.

"Well in that case my first command is another kiss." She smiled leaning over the counter and pulling him towards her.

* * *

Back at the flat, Cal was waking up out of his drunken sleep, he slowly opened his eyes, his head was thumping, how much did he drink last night? He suddenly remembered that he didnt come home alone last night, he inwardly groaned, he didnt feel up to an awkward encounter this morning. He just wanted to be alone. He cautiously rolled over but was relieved to see his conquest, he wasn't even sure he could remember her name, had already gone. He turned back to look at the time on his phone, 08:40. He didn't have to be at work for a bit. He could go back to sleep. But first he needed to get a drink.

* * *

Ethan and Sam got busy organising her few bits and pieces from the flat in Ethan's car, with Ethan doing and Sam supervising, as he insisted she didn't even try to lift anything. A lot of the new things she had got were still in their boxes, and she had arranged a bed delievery for tomorrow, so hopefully she only had one uncomfortable night to get through. They packed up all they could, headed into town to collect the keys from the estate agent and headed to her new flat. Ethan helped her set up her TV, she had a couple of old camping chairs put out until she got her new sofa. He put together some of her furniture, making her giggle as they were completely opposite, as he took out the instructions and read them through before even getting the kit out, whereas Sam would have dived right in trying to fit it together and then referred to the instructions afterwards. When they were done, Ethan looked confused.

"What's up?" Sam asked, hanging up the last of her clothes in the wardrobe.

"Well, um, I was just wondering where your bed is?" He looked at her.

"Well honestly Ethan, I know you're supposed to Christen a new place but give me a chance!" She giggled.

"Oh no! Um, I didn't mean, I mean I just wondered, oh God!" He blushed bright red, realising how it sounded. Sam burst out laughing

"Oh Ethan, you're so easy to get! No wonder Cal has a great time teasing you. Bless you." She said kissing his cheek. "The bed is being delievered tomorrow, I didn't want to risk them turning up today when I wasn't ready."

"So where are you sleeping tonight?" He asked, still confused.

"The floor," she shrugged and turned back to putting her clothes in a drawer.

"You can't sleep on the floor!" He said looking horrified.

"Why? It's only one night."

"But your shoulder, no, you can't do that. Why don't you stay at ours?" He said looking right at her.

"Oh, I don't want to get in the way."

"You don't, besides, now you're my, well um, now we're, you know. You have the right to stay there as much as we want." Sam looked at him and smiled.

"I'm your what?" She said softly, still smiling.

"Well you know," he said shyly. His cheeks turning pink again. Sam walked over to him and took his hand.

"Say it Ethan." She urged him gently smiling sweetly at him.

"My girlfriend." He almost whispered. She leaned in and placing her hand on the back of his head, she pulled him down to her and kissed him deeply.

"I like hearing that." She smiled. "I like it a lot." And she kissed him again. He put his hands around her waist and they stood kissing. When they pulled away, he looked at her.

"So you're staying at my place tonight then, its settled." He smiled.

* * *

They got back to Ethan's flat and Cal was home from work. Sam treated the boys to a take away and they sat on the sofa once they had finished eating, drinking wine and watching TV and talking. Ethan had given Sam the remote and was pleasantly surprised when instead of trashy TV, she flicked onto a documentary on the solar system, and she blushed explaining that she was a bit of a space geek, and loved watching programmes like this. Ethan smiled to himself thinking how lucky he was not to have to be tortured with hours of EastEnders! Cal rolled his eyes at being stuck with two geeks! However, the wine and chat overtook the TV in entertainment purposes anyway.

"So Cal, have fun last night?" Sam smirked at him.

"Yeah I guess." He shrugged.

"She was that good then?" Sam continued probing.

"How did you know?" He asked. She just grinned at him. "It was OK." He shrugged again.

"Cal, are you ok? I'm a bit worried about you." Sam said looking at him.

"I'm fine." She raised her eyebrows as if to say 'really?' "Honestly! I'm good." He laughed. "Get off your soapbox woman!"

"Ok, I was just worried." She said smiling. "Was she hot?" Sam giggled.

"Yeah she was." He smiled. "What is it with you, not getting enough action of your own so you have to probe into my sex life?" He laughed.

"Oh, don't go there Caleb!" She laughed, slapping his arm. "You're not getting any information like that from me." She winked.

"That means no!" He laughed.

"A lady doesn't kiss and tell." She smiled. She took Ethan's hand and gave it a squeeze, smiling at him.


	44. Chapter 44

Sunday night came around, and although Sam hadn't worked as she was still off with her shoulder injury, Ethan was still picking her up after his shift at 9pm. He had kept the whole thing a surprise, and all she knew was what he had originally told her, to wear something comfortable and warm. She she had her jeans and boots on, with her big hoody and a jacket. It wasn't really what you would consider a 'date' outfit, but this didn't sound like a normal 'date'. As it was now mid December she also put her woollen hat on. She was waiting for him to arrive when she heard a car pull up; looking out of the window, she saw Ethan turning the car around and she grabbed her keys and locked up, heading out to meet him. He got out of the car and greeted her with a kiss, then opened the passenger door for her.

"So are you going to tell me yet?" She asked eagerly as he got back in the car. He looked at her, smiled and shook his head and started to drive.

"No, not until we get there."

"You know how to keep a girl guessing." She smiled.

They drove out of the city and into the countryside. Sam got more and more confused. It was about 10:30 when he parked up in the middle of nowhere.

"Ok, now I'm really confused Ethan. If I didn't know you I'd be really worried by now." She laughed nervously.

They got out of the car and Ethan opened the boot and pulled out a blanket and basket, and held out his arm. She linked her arm through his and he led her up the hillside.

"Ok, so I'm assuming a midnight picnic of some description?" She questioned. And he smiled knowingly but still not giving the full plan away. He made small talk to keep her guessing, telling her about the goings on at work over the past few days. Once they reached a flat area at the top of the hill, he placed the blanket on the ground and pulled her down to sit next to him.

"So, you obviously don't know what's happening tonight." He smiled at her.

"No." She said simply, still confused as to what he looked so pleased about. He got out a pair of binoculars.

"Does that give you any ideas?"

"We're bird watching in the dark." She giggled.

"Close," he smiled, "there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight that might be visible from around here. The weather is clear. I thought we could do some star gazing and see if we can see any meteors."

"Oh wow!" She breathed. "Really? That's such a beautiful idea Ethan." She leant over and kissed him.

"Really? I'd hoped you'd like it, but it was a risk not telling you and dragging you all the way out here and then you not wanting to." He breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's fantastic." She said. "You're amazing."

"You're the one who's amazing." He smiled simply, squeezing her hand then pulling her in closer to him. He couldn't believe how natural this felt, but also how quickly he was falling. He knew he should probably be more sensible about this, but this was one occasion when his heart completely ruled his head, and as his brother would say, he was going along for the ride, and he was loving every minute so far.

He pulled out a flask of coffee and poured one for Sam. She cradled it to keep warm as they sat next to each other talking. It was quiet away from the noise of the city, and without fear of interruption, they continued to talk about their past, their hopes and fears, their dreams. Sam felt so content, she had never felt like this before, she couldn't believe how different this was to past relationships, this just felt so right. Part of her wanted to hold off falling so hard so quickly, but she couldn't stop it. But then this was Ethan, he wasn't the most likely candidate to deliberately hurt her.

They lay flat on their backs and Ethan talked more about the constellations, just like they had done before, then she realised that that was where he must have got the idea from, and she smiled. How lovely was he, remembering things like that. Her stomach fluttered with butterflies again. She turned onto her good side and leaned up on her elbow, looking at Ethan, he was looking through the binoculars still talking about the stars. She loved how animated he was when he talked about things with passion. She lay there smiling at him until she realised he had asked her something as was now turning towards her.

"Sam?" He asked.

"Hmm?" She said coming back to reality.

"You weren't listening were you?" He smiled.

"No, I'm sorry, its not coz I wasn't interested, I am, but I was, well um, I was completely distracted." She admitted.

"Oh, OK." He said, suddenly feeling a bit unsure of himself. Sam looked at him and saw his face drop and she felt terrible.

"Ethan, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention, but its because I was watching you talk, I love it when you talk with such passion about things, so I was listening to you, but not taking things in. I was distracted by you." She smiled.

"Oh, um, OK. Sorry." He said. Sam started giggling.

"You're so sweet." She said giving him a quick kiss on the lips. She sat up and picked up the binoculars looking upwards. "Come on then, where were we?" She shivered, and Ethan moved nearer to her.

"Are you really cold?" He asked.

"I'm, OK, this is so lovely, I'm not letting cold air spoil it." She smiled. He nervously put his arms around her and pulled her in close to him. She snuggled in and he relaxed and they carried on looking into the night sky. Suddenly they saw what they had been waiting for. 3 meteors flashed past. "Oh wow!" Sam gasped. "I've never seen one before. This was so amazing Ethan, thank you."

"Thank you for sharing it with me." He smiled, pulling her in for a longer kiss.

When he finally dropped her off at her new flat it was nearly 3am. They shared another kiss on the doorstep and Sam turned in to her flat feeling giddy with emotion. She couldn't believe how happy she was, nothing would wipe the smile off of her face as she crawled into bed, not even how cold she was.

Ethan crept into his flat, trying not to wake Cal. He made his way to his room and got into bed. He took his phone out of his pocket and tapped out a text. Then he snuggled down into the covers unable to stop smiling.

Sam's phone went off. She looked at the screen fairly certain it would be Ethan, but her smile got wider when she read it.

"Thank you for being you, and for sharing this perfect night with me x"

She sent him a reply.

"You made the night perfect, I loved it so much, thank you x"

Both drifted off into blissful sleeps, unable to believe how happy they were.


	45. Chapter 45

Sam went back into work the following afternoon, it was the monthly morbidity and mortality meeting, and she had been involved in some cases as the senior nurse on duty. She had arranged with Rita that she could return to work the following day after reassuring her that she was absolutely fine.

Connie was giving her usual introductory speech and Sam discreetly gave Rita a knowing look. Rita rolled her eyes. Sam liked Connie, she respected her knowledge and authority, but when she went off on one and didn't expect responses, it was easy to get lost in your own thoughts.

She was sitting next to Cal, as they had been going over some notes together to present the case they had worked on, and Ethan was opposite her, next to Rita. Sam noticed Ethan was listening intently to Connie, he was such a golden boy at times, she smiled to herself. She could just imagine him at school, always first to raise his hand, having done above and beyond homework in preparation for the lesson, probably getting teased mercilessly; he was so cute she thought.

Then she found herself feeling like distracting him. She crossed her legs under the table and deliberately knocked his, he momentarily glanced at her and smiled, and this gave her a wicked idea. She slipped her heel off her foot and rubbed her foot along his leg, making sure to slip her toes inside the bottom of his trouser leg so he could feel skin on skin. She didn't really know what came over her, she was just feeling naughty. She saw him react, desperately trying to concentrate on what Connie was saying, as his face turned a little bit pink. She smiled to herself again and stopped for a bit, slipping her shoe back on. She could see he calmed down then right as Connie invited discussion on the first case she started playing footsie with him again. She knew she was mean, but she just loved seeing him desperately trying to concentrate. She nearly burst out laughing when Connie turned directly to him and asked if he had any thoughts on the subject, she was pretty convinced his mind wasn't on the death of a patient right now.

She gave Ethan a bit of a break when she and Cal presented their case for discussion. But once they had moved onto the next one, she ran her foot along the inside of his leg again, going a bit higher this time. She made him jump and he smashed his knee on the table and yelped. Sam sniggered to herself as Connie glared at him and he went really red. Cal gave him a confused look which made Sam want to giggle even more. She picked up her glass of water trying to disguise her giggles. She knew she had to stop now, but she couldn't deny it had made things a bit more interesting. She wouldn't normally act unprofessionally, but something just came over her. Cal eyeballed his brother wondering what had got into him, then he glanced at Sam, he could tell she was desperately trying not to laugh so he knew something was going on. When Connie ended the meeting, she called Ethan over and led him to her office to discuss a project she wanted him to take forward. Sam panicked at first thinking she had got him into trouble, but thankfully heard it was about something else. As she was walking down the stairs Cal ran to catch up with her.

"What on earth was going on in there?" He asked.

"I don't know what you mean." She grinned wickedly at him.

"What did you do?" He grinned back needing to know. She just smiled back, her eyes shining. "Oh, come on!" He pleaded.

"Ooh, I think I like Cal begging." She laughed. They were now stood alone at the side of reception.

"I don't do it to many women, so you should think yourself lucky, now come on."

"You haven't said please." She winked. He sighed, shaking his head at her.

"Fine, please?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Please, because I'm the best girl ever and you can't imagine your life without me?" She grinned.

"Oh really? Hmm, I'm not sure its worth saying that?" He grinned back. She slipped her arm through his and walked him to the staff room.

"I was being a bit mean to your brother, lets say distracting him." She smiled. "Come on. You've finished haven't you, lets go for a drink. You and me. Ethan doesnt finish until late. What do you say?" Cal thought for a minute.

"Ok, lets go." He said heading off to get changed. They walked across to the pub arm in arm. Ethan was already heavily involved in patients so Sam sent him a message to say she had gone for a drink with Cal and she would see him tomorrow.

"Are you going to tell me then?" Cal asked as they sat down with their drinks.

"Oh, its nothing really, I was just being silly."

"You? Never!" He laughed and she slapped his arm.

"I was playing footsie with him under the table, trying to distract him when Connie was taking, and then I slid my foot up the inside of his leg and that's when he smacked his knee on the table." She giggled.

"Really?" He laughed into his pint. Sam nodded grinning.

"I know it was silly, he just looked so cute trying to concentrate and blushing. I couldn't help myself " she smiled. "I hope he's not annoyed with me."

"Nah, he'll forgive you, don't worry."

"I hope so." She smiled.

"So, things are going well then?" Cal asked as he sipped his pint.

"Yeah, I think so." Sam smiled. "I'm really happy, but that frightens the hell out of me." She confessed.

"Yeah, I get that, but you just need to enjoy it."

"I know, but you can't help but question things. You know, sometimes I wonder what he's thinking and feeling. He's so sweet and lovely, but then there are times when I just wonder if I'm enough for him, you know? I don't want him feeling like he's obliged to be with me because he's polite."

"You two are so similar sometimes it's scary!" he laughed.

"Really? Has he said the same?" Sam looked a bit worried.

"No, but I know he'll be worried about not being enough for you."

"How could he?" Sam gasped. "He's amazing. So sweet and loving. I just wish I knew how to take things to the next step without fear of scaring him off?" Sam looked at Cal questioningly, and his gaze made her blush.

"Ah, so there was an ulterior motive here." Cal smiled.

"Please Cal, I can't talk to anyone because no one knows about us yet, and even if they did know, Ethan would hate me talking about it. I just don't want to him things." Cal thought about what she had said, then he smiled at her.

"Leave it with me. I'll talk to him."

"No Cal, you ca-"

"Sam, I mean discreetly. I'm not going to blurt out 'Sam wants to sleep with you, get a move on or she'll move on and get someone else' am I?" He laughed. " I'll just find out what's going on, and see if I can encourage some confidence."

"Thanks Cal. Oh and if you know what I should get him for Christmas that would be a great help too!" She smiled, going a bit red.

"Shall I take him out to dinner too, do all the leg work for you?" He laughed again.

"Anyway Cal, what about you?"

"What do I want for Christmas? Well..fastcars, loose women, lots of-" Cal started, grinning wickedly at her.

"No Cal, seriously. I've been worried about you. You haven't seemed yourself lately, its like you're you but you don't quite put all the effort in, like there's a sadness stopping you to being truly you." Sam stopped and stared intensely at him, trying to read if she had got it right. He just looked back, half shocked, half unsure what to say.

"I just, I don't know." He sighed. They fell into silence again, Sam waited for him to continue. "I guess this time last year I thought I'd met someone special, and she, well she broke my heart, and I guess being alone at this time of year is always depressing, but I'm now comparing it to this time last year when I was happier, and I guess I see you and Ethan really happy, and don't get me wrong, I love that you are, you both, well you fit, you're just right, but I guess I want it too, and I didn't even realise I did. I guess I've never been the sort of relationships or 'settling down' and its not that I want marriage and babies or anything, but I'd like someone bspecial to go home to and talk to, and kiss, and holding my arms." He finished off softly, a tear sliding down his cheek. Sam leaned across and wiped it gently, then pulled him into a tight hug.

"It will happen Cal. I never thought I'd get a 'happy ever after', and I guess I can't assume yet, but I'm happier than I've been in a very long time. I have some bad memories in my past, but when the time comes, you can let go of that and move on, but you have to grieve for what you thought you had, allow yourself to move on, then it will happen. Cal, look at me Cal," she said gently lifting his face. "You are a great guy, you have a bit of a reputation, but the right girl will see past that, and you, well you're funny and you're kind and you're always in the right place at the right time to save the day." She smiled at him. "Cal, you're amazing, and don't let anyone tell you any different, and as soon as you realise you deserve this, it will happen." She hugged him again, then left him to his thoughts as she went to get another round of drinks for them.

Just then Sam heard her name being called out from across the bar. She turned and looked and saw her friend Ella, who she studied at uni with. Sam jumped up and ran to her squeeling. They grabbed each other in a big hug.

"Chicky!" Ella squeeled. "How are you?"

"I'm good, what the hell are you doing here?" Sam smiled.

"I've got a job at the hospital, I start after Christmas. What about you?"

"I've got a job in the ED." Sam grinned, "I can't believe you're here of all places!"

"Am I interrupting something." Ella winked, nodding towards Cal, who was looking at the girls with interest.

"No, I'm just having a drink with Cal, he's a mate." Sam smiled.

"Ohh yeah, I get it, a mate! You never change Samantha Jones!"

"Fanella Huntington-Worth, you assume wrong!" Sam laughed as Ella cringed at the use of her full name. "Come on, let me introduce you." She pulled Ella over and introduced the pair.


	46. Chapter 46

The three sat in the pub talking, Sam and Ella catching up on what they've been up to, but conversation heated up between the two strangers, each laughing and getting to know one another. Sam, seeing that it was getting late, and being back at work tomorrow decided to leave them to it and call it a night. She took Ella's number, said goodbye and left. As she stepped outside she took out her phone and text Cal.

'Don't turn this into a one night thing Cal, you never know where it might lead, remember I'm good at reading these things! x'

His phone went off, and as Ella nipped to the loo, he took it out and read it, he smiled and let out a short laugh, and sent a quick reply.

'Are you my friend or my mother? x'

Her reply: 'both - you need me x'

Cal text back grinning: 'like a hole in the head! x'

'Cheeky! x' Sam replied and walked off home laughing to herself.

Cal smiled and shook his head as he returned his phone to his pocket, and Ella returned. He couldn't deny, she was attractive, so far they had had fun. Was this just too good to be true, he'd confessed to Sam he wanted someone, and Ella comes along, could she be someone he could be serious about. He knew he had to play it cool. They exchanged numbers and left the pub going their separate ways. Cal felt almost proud of himself when he left, as hard as it was not to get them both drunk take her back to his, he had a feeling Sam might be right, and if not, there would be other nights.

Sam got back to her flat and let herself in. She got her things ready for work tomorrow and made herself a hot chocolate, and went and sat on her balcony in her hoody, looking at the night sky, remembering her night with Ethan, and smiling to herself. She hoped he wasn't cross with her. She sipped her hot chocolate, looking at the time, he should be finishing work soon, she wondered whether she should text him and maybe apologise. She went to get her phone and returned to her chair outside. At that moment her phone went off in her hand, she looked down hoping it would be from one person, but was a little disappointed when it wasn't. But the message did raise a smile. It was from Ella, saying it had been great seeing her again and they should catch up properly soon, and ended with a note about how great Cal was. Sam could see the hearts forming in her eyes, could she step in and play cupid here. She tapped a reply to Ella, saying they would definitely meet up again and maybe she could get Cal and Ethan to join them. Ella replied that that would be great and Sam sat deep in thought making plans.

Just then her phone went off again, this time Cal had text her.

'Been good, I'm going home alone x'

'So proud, I knew you could do it! x'

'Mother said I had to! x'

'Does that mean you would have liked to have gone home with her? x'

After a pause Cal replied: 'I wouldn't have said no, she seems great. x'

'I think she thought the same x' Sam couldn't resist adding.

'Really?' Came the reply. Sam knew she had him.

'Yeah, I reckon you might be in there, watch this space! x'

Sam couldn't help but get excited. She knew she had to play it carefully, but this could be the start of something, she was sure of it. Her phone suddenly started ringing, she jumped as she wasn't expecting it, the smiled when she saw Ethan's name on the caller ID.

"Hello?" She answered, smiling.

"You are a very bad girl." He grinned as he spoke. She giggled.

"I know, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I was worried when I thought I got you into trouble though!"

"Well so you should be," he said still smiling.

"I'll make it up to you, how about dinner at mine tomorrow night?"

"I'd love to."

"Come straight over after your shift, I'm on an early so I'll be home first. I'll cook something nice."

"Sounds perfect." Ethan smiled as they ended the call.

* * *

The next day at work was much like normal. Sam was in cubicles as she had told Rita she didn't fancy triage again just yet. Lily was still givng Sam a hard time, but Sam was just ignoring her remarks and getting on with things, she wasn't causing trouble, just very snappy. Normally Sam would have talked to her and asked what was wrong but she didn't dare in this situation, knowing it was sure to make it worse. After chasing around for what felt like the millionth time for a simple prescription from the dotor, she was ready to lose her cool. It was such an inefficient use of time, and frustrating pulling doctors away from poorly patients to write a prescription for simple painkillers or antibiotics. With that in mind she headed to Mrs Beauchamp's office.

"I have a proposal Mrs Beauchamp." Sam said as she sat down.

"I'm listening." Connie said maintaining her composure, but her interest had peaked at the directness of Sam's words.

"I've been in cubicles this morning and I've seen at least 7 patients who I've had to disturb the doctors for a simple prescription of pain killers or antibiotics. So at least 7 times I've pulled them away from more poorly patients for a simple task. Then you add onto that the time spent looking for a doctor, or waiting around for one to be available, and its eating into our target times and treatment times."

"So what do you suggest." Connie said raising a eyebrow.

"Well, I believe there is none of those patients this morning that I couldn't have seen, assessed, treated and discharged without bothering a doctor, if I had my nurse prescribers qualification. Now I'm not saying I'd overstep the mark here, I know my limitations, I know when I need more advice, but if it's a case of a wrist sprain that needs some pain killers, or a wound infection that needs antibiotics, I think things would run smoother and be more efficient if I could just do it. I could then also support the junior nurses with their patients and allow the doctors more time with the complex patients, without worrying about missing our treatment targets."

"It's an interesting proposal, but why are you asking me and not sister Freeman?"

"Well, I know sister Freeman would agree but I wanted to make sure you would agree with the suggestion and you didn't feel it was stepping on the doctor toes and overstepping the mark. I'm just looking at ways we can make the department run more smoothly, and I know you're looking for staff who want to do this."

"Well, I don't see why we can't support you in this." Connie said smiling slightly.

"I would also need the support of a doctor to mentor me while I'm doing the course."

"I don't see why that can't be arranged. I will put the idea forward to sister Freeman in this afternoon's management meeting. I'll let you know."

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp." Sam said nodding and leaving the office.

As she walked out she let out a breath, she didn't see Ethan stood there waiting. He he seen her go into the office and was worried about what as going on.

"Sam, are you ok?" He asked, making her jump.

"Oh Ethan, you made me jump then, I'm fine." She smiled.

"Sorry, I just saw you go in the office, I was worried."

"Oh that? No, I had a little proposal for Mrs Beauchamp." She smiled, then seeing Robyn looking over she said assertively, "come on, time to get back to it." She then whispered, "see you tonight," and winked as she left. Ethan found himself stood blushing, but turned around and headed back towards resus.

* * *

Cal and Ethan were both grabbing the opportunity of a quiet period in the ED by grabbing a coffee, and they'd sat together outside. Initially, Cal had asked Ethan if he wanted to go for a pint after work, but Ethan had apologetically said he'd arranged to go to Sam's for dinner after his shift, and suggested they grab a quick coffee now.

"So, what's up Cal? Ethan asked, sipping his hot coffee.

"Nothing really, how are things going with you and Sam?" He asked his little brother.

"Oh, um, fine, great. Why?" He asked curiously.

"No reason, I just wondered, because you seem happy, you both look happy, and its nice to see."

"Oh, right." Ethan said, he had been concerned Sam might have said something to Cal, maybe indicating things weren't right, he knew Sam and Cal got on well, maybe she wasn't happy, but Cal had said they both looked happy so hopefully that was good.

"So, have you slept with her yet?" He grinned at his awkward brother, who appeared shocked at the thought.

"What? Caleb! No, I mean I-I'm not telling you that!" He spluttered.

"That means no." Cal grinned.

"Well that really is none of your business." Ethan said a bit sulkily.

"Hey, I just wondered if you needed some brotherly advice with, well you know, taking it to the next step?"

"Well," Ethan paused, looking around to check they were still alone. "I-I don't know, I just, well, I guess," he stuttered, not really sure how to say what he worries were.

"Ethan," Cal looked at him seriously, " you can trust me, I'm your brother, I know I'll always be the first to tease you, but I can be here as a big brother too you know, its not often I get to be the one giving out advice, this is something I'm good at, let me help." Ethan looked at his brother, he realised he did seem to be growing up a little at long last, well, he had a few more moments of maturity mixed in with the regular Cal, but it was a start. He sighed, and again looking around to check that no one was within earshot, he decided to confide his fears to Cal.

"I'm just scared. Well, not scared, but concerned, that I-I won't be enough for her. That I'll let her down. I know its stupid but its stops me being able to take things further." Ethan admitted quietly, feeling quite vulnerable saying it out loud. Cal resisted the urge to make a joke about size with Ethan's comment about not being enough, he cursed missing the opportunity but he knew this definitely wasn't the time.

"Ethan, Sam really cares about you, she's not the sort of girl to dump you over one bad night, I'm not saying its going to be bad by the way," he added when he saw Ethan look worried. "You have to take some pressure off of things, its not going to be perfect, you just need to relax and enjoy it for what it is, gradually, over time, you learn what each other likes, what turns you on, what turns her on and what works for you both, then you add things to make it interesting. It's all part of the fun, exploring and learning about each other. I know you want it to be beautiful and romantic, but if you put pressure on finding that perfect moment, you'll get so wrapped up in it you'll forget to enjoy it and that's what it's all about." Cal looked at Ethan, who sat quietly nodding.

"Ok, so, how do I get over the fear that I'll be the worst she's ever had." He said quietly.

"Simple, you have feelings for each other, remember that aside from a physical connection, sex is also about an expression of love and passion, if you have those feelings of love, things feel better physically. The natural spark you have will be ignited in the act. You just have to accept that sometimes there is a bit of awkwardness, but you have to laugh it off, the most important thing is to remember that the only thing that matters at that time is what you both feel, and just try to dig up a tiny bit of inner confidence."

"Thanks Caleb." Ethan said softly. Cal put his hand on his brothers shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"Now go get your girl!" He laughed, getting up and leaving Ethan on the bench in his thoughts.,


	47. Chapter 47

Sam returned home from work and got on with preparing dinner. She dressed the table with candles, and put out her favourite wine glasses. She had some music on the radio and was singing to herself. She headed for a shower and slipped into a nice but understated dress, one which did show a hint of cleavage. She wanted to know that Ethan fancied her, without frightening him off. She wanted the hint that he might want to take things further soon. She spritzed on a bit of perfume and applied some subtle make up. She went to check on the dinner then returned to her room to add a few ringlet curls to her hair. She was back in the kitchen by the time Ethan rang her doorbell. She buzzed him in and waited at the door for him. When he saw her he stopped and stared for a moment. Then he pulled her into a hug and kissed her.

"You look amazing." He breathed.

"Thank you." She smiled. "Come on, come in, you must be tired."

"Something smells good." He said as he entered the flat.

"Thanks, its Armani!" She giggled. He gave her a look, the same look he usually reserved for Cal when he was being 'humourous'.

Sam poured him a glass of wine and they sat on her 'temporary' sofa, a small 2 seater she'd been able to pick up cheaply until she found a nice one she liked.

"I'm sorry, I know its not as comfy as yours, but at least we can get some time alone here." She smiled. "Plus I wanted to treat you and cook for you after your lovely surprise the other night."

"The other night was lovely for me too, its not like I had to suffer through it."

"I know, but it was so thoughtful." She leaned in and kissed him, lingering for a while.

"So did you have a good day at work? I didn't really get to see you much today." Sam said.

"No, I'm sorry, yes, it was, interesting."

"Stop apologising, and interesting how?" Sam said taking a sip of her wine.

"Interesting case with a man who thought he was dying of a brain tumour, but when we questioned him more, he had self diagnosed on the internet."

"Thank you Dr Google!" Sam laughed.

"Indeed. So it turns out he had cysticercosis. Tapeworm infection with a cyst of larvae in his brain, causing his headaches and seizures. It was subtle but we got it and he should be OK."

"Excellent work Dr Hardy!" Sam smiled.

"Well, Cal helped too, turns out he'd seen the same thing when working in the U.S. Anyway, how about you? How was your day?"

"Good, I had an interesting phone call from Mrs Beauchamp earlier."

"Oh yeah, after your meeting?"

"Yes, she phoned me after the management meeting, they are sponsoring me to do my nurse prescribing course." She smiled.

"Oh that's fantastic news, you'll be great! Well done." He smiled, looking proud and giving her a big hug.

Thank you." She smiled. "I might be looking to you for support though."

"Of course, anything I can do to help, you know I will." He smiled proudly.

"I just need to check on dinner, it should be ready if you want to sit at the table." They sat up and Sam served their dinner, Ethan topped up their wine glasses and they toasted each other.

"So, what are you doing for Christmas?" Ethan asked tucking into his dinner.

"Oh, I'm working most of it, curse of the newbie." She laughed, looking apologetic.

"Yeah, I'm working Christmas day this year as I had it off last year."

"Well, we'll see each other on Christmas day then won't we?" She smiled. "We can spend the day with the unfortunate people who end up in hospital, and with each other."

"I can't think of anything better." He winked at her.

"I'm working news years night shift too, that'll be fun won't it?" Sam said her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ah, I'm on the late shift, so I'll be finished before midnight. I think everyone is planning drinks at the pub together to see in the new year."

"Well, I'm sure I'll be spending the new year being thrown up on by those who couldn't pace themselves to midnight." She mockingly rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Oh, I wish you weren't, it would have been nice to see the new year in with you." He sighed.

"I'm sorry, how about I try and get a 10 minute break to run across and see the first minutes in with you?"

"That would be lovely." He smiled, kissing her.

"I'll do my best, especially for you."

"Dinner is lovely by the way."

"Thank you. So have you seen Cal much today?

"A little, why?" There was an edge to his voice, remembering what he and Cal had talked about.

"How did he seem?"

"Fine why? Maybe a little distracted at times, he was on his phone a lot."

"Interesting." She nodded, smiling to herself. Ethan gave her a strange look.

"What? What's going on? What do you know?" He pressed, as her smile grew wider. "Come on, tell me."

"Well, Cal and I were in the pub last night, and I bumped into an old uni friend and they seemed to hit it off." She smiled.

"Uh-oh, I sense you wanting to play cupid?"

"Well, he deserves some happiness doesn't he." Sam grinned, taking another sip of wine. "At least she's a nice girl!"

"Well, I guess that would make a change." He said laughing.

After dinner they cuddled up on the sofa with their wine and watched some TV. Sam looked up at Ethan and smiled, she pulled him down towards her and started kissing him. She was the driving force in making the kiss passionate, trying to see if she could ignite a fire in Ethan, but she still wasn't confident in his attraction. She rested her head back on his chest, she could hear his heart thumping in his chest, but this still didn't mean she had turned him on. It wasn't that she wanted to sleep with him there and then, she just wanted to know he found her attractive in that way. She finished off her glass of wine in one gulp and put her glass down with some force. Ethan looked shocked at her as the glass clinked on the table.

"Are you ok Sam?" He asked somewhat concerned.

"Ethan can I ask you something?" She asked quietly.

"Of course." He said looking right at her with a slightly worried expression on his face.

"Do you fancy me?" Sam said blushing.

"Oh, o-of course I do." He said looking confused. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, I guess I just keep convincing myself you don't find me attractive, that you don't want to, well you know."

"Oh, right, I see." Ethan blushed. Then he pulled himself together, partially helped by the wine, partially remembering his and Cal's chat earlier. "Sam, you are a beautiful girl, and I'm really enjoying getting to know you. I love spending time with you, I love kissing you, and you make me so happy, in a way I never thought possible. When I go to bed at night you are the last thought on my mind, and when I wake, its you that I think of first, and if I could remember my dreams you probably star in those too. I can't believe I've been so lucky to find you, and I want to enjoy every part of you, but I want to savour these moments, I want things to be special, I don't want to rush anything and ruin it. But please, never doubt the fact that you are beautiful to me, inside and out." He leaned in and kissed her deeply, and felt her relax into him. When he pulled away to look at her he saw she had tears in her eyes. He pulled her in close and kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you." She whispered. "Ethan, you're so special, I don't know what I've done to deserve you."


	48. Chapter 48

"Happy Christmas!" Sam said walking into the staff room carrying bags of sweets for everyone. There were hugs and kisses all round and surprisingly everyone on shift seemed in quite good spirits so far. Lofty had a santa hat on, Robyn was wearing Christmas hair clips and both she and Sam were sporting tinsel in their hair. Max was a little grumpy, but probably because he had been out drinking on Christmas eve. Even Connie seemed in a good mood, even though Grace had stayed in America with her dad for Christmas, she was returning for new year, and this seemed to be keeping the clinical lead going.

Ethan and Sam were still keeping things hush as it was still only a few weeks since they first admitted their growing feelings for each other, but as he walked into the staff room, Sam found her heart still skipping a beat. Cal was on the late shift, which Ethan though was a good thing judging by how late he got in last night, and how drunk, judging by the sound of him stumbling around the flat. But soon his head was filled with Sam again, she seemed to be glowing today, a big gleaming smile spread across her face as she animatedly chatted to her colleagues, he felt his breath catch. He wished he could walk over and sweep her off her feet and kiss her right there, but they hadn't yet discussed going public, so he held his feelings in, but he could feel the butterflies swarming in his stomach. He was so lucky and she was so beautiful.

The team got down to business as usual, aided by Christmas tunes on the radio. Lofty was keeping the mood jolly by singing, although he did knock over Max's water bucket and got his leg soaked along with the floor, causing everyone to laugh, except Max who ended up cleaning the mess.

The team went from elated to somber when the paramedics brought in George, a 68 year old man who had collapsed at home with chest pain, he was very ill when he arrived at the ED, and was peri-arrest. Sam quickly put him on the cardiac monitor and Lofty got him on high flow oxygen and was getting an urgent ECG done. Sam inserted another large cannula and took urgent bloods, Ethan started the primary survey, and assessed the situation. Things were not looking good, he was extremely tachycardic and his oxygen saturation was dropping. They all knew where this was headed, and it wasn't looking good. Sam looked worriedly at Ethan, she was trying not to think about her own arrest only a few weeks ago, but this was making things seem real. She'd been dealing with it by pretending it hadn't happened and ignoring the feelings, but this would be her first arrest since coming back to work since her own ordeal, and she could feel her normally calm exterior slipping. But she had to keep it together for her nurses and more importantly for George. Ethan was authoritatively giving instructions to the team, Sam gave the bloods to a HCA to run straight to the lab, and Ethan was preparing to intubate. Suddenly, the cardiac monitor went off, George had arrested, Lofty swiftly started compressions and Sam grabbed the bag, but Ethan stopped her as he was ready to intubate. He asked her to prepare the adrenaline, while he swiftly inserted an ET tube into George. Ethan then took control of the defibrillator while Sam gave the adrenaline. After checking everyone was clear he shocked George, Sam looked anxiously at the monitor, nothing, Lofty continued compressions and the resuscitation attempt continued. They were about to shock for the fourth time, Sam realised she had tears forming in her eyes as things looked more grim. She zoned out, and the tears began to fall, but she was aware of Ethan saying 'shocking' and then Lofty announcing he was back in sinus rhythm, she could sense activity around her as the team continued to try and stabilise George, but she couldn't drag herself out of her trance. She felt a strong pair of hands take hold of her arms and move her aside and she just stood barely feeling able to breathe. She managed to snap herself back to the present when she heard Ethan saying her name.

"Sam? Sam!" He called looking right at her. "Sam, are you ok?"

"Oh, yes, I'm um, I just, I'm-" she stammered.

"Sam, I think you need to go and sit down, you look really pale." Ethan said concerned.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm fine, I'm really sorry about that."

"You don't look fine." Ethan said obviously worried.

"What do you need me to do?" She said making to head towards George.

"I need you to go and take a break before you end up needing treatment too." Ethan said guiding her towards the doors or resus.

"I don't need a break, I just need to do my job." Sam snapped a bit at him and pulled herself out of his grip.

"Sam, I'm telling you, you need to sit down, have a drink, you look really pale." Ethan tried again to reason with her.

"And I've said I'm fine." She snapped worse. Ethan looked hurt and put out by her tone. She realised this and she knew she was being out of order, and she didn't really know why. She let out a sigh and turned and walked out. Robyn, who had arrived to help, and Lofty gave each other a look and prepared to take George up to ITU.

"What was that all about?" Robyn asked Lofty as they entered the lift with George on the bed.

"I don't know," Lofty said, "but Sam lost it in the middle of the resus attempt, she normally keeps her cool but she just drifted away into a trance. It was weird."

"I hope she's OK, its not like her to snap like that, I'll check on her when we get back." Robyn said.

Meanwhile Sam wondered out towards the nurses station, when suddenly she felt Ethan take her wrist and guide her into an empty cubicle. He pulled the curtains around so they had some privacy, and sat her down on the bed.

"Are you ok?" He asked, clearly worried about her. Sam nodded, she couldn't yet speak for fear of crying. "What's going on?" He persisted, Sam just shrugged.

"It doesn't matter." She said quietly.

"But it does, this isn't like you. Come on, this is me, you can trust me." He said gently.

"I don't know, I just lost it Ethan, I never do that, but I just couldn't handle seeing that, it brought it home that that was me a few weeks ago. I just freaked out." She said starting to breathe heavily.

"OK, its OK, calm down for me." He said gently. He stood opposite her and placed his hand gently on her arm.

"I'm so sorry Ethan. I mean I'm sorry I snapped at you. That wasn't fair."

"Hey, its OK, its doesn't matter, I'm just worried about you." He smiled at her reassuringly.

"I'm OK, I'm sorry if I compromised the resus attempt." She said worriedly looking at him.

"You didnt, you did everything as needed, you just zoned out at the end, but there were enough of us there. It's fine."

"I'm sorry." She whispered looking at her feet. He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. They shone with tears.

"I've said you don't need to be sorry. Maybe it was too soon for you to be expected to do that anyway." He said gently.

"I feel I've let you down, or disappointed you." She looked sad.

"You didn't, honestly. You could never disappoint me."

"But-"

"No Sam, you're the most intelligent, conscientious, caring and amazing person I've ever worked with, and the fact that I get to call you my girlfriend is even better. I'm so proud of you." He leaned in and kissed her softly, but the kiss turned more passionate when she returned it. Sam was sat on the bed still with Ethan stood in front of her kissing when someone suddenly pulled back the curtains to what should have been an empty cubicle. Ethan jumped back away from Sam and she tried to compose herself hoping they hadn't been spotted. The curtain quickly shut again but with the person on the inside with them. There stood Cal with his arms folded across his chest grinning.

"Well, well Nibbles, what are you up to?" He grinned, while both Ethan and Sam blushed. "No need to answer, your faces say it all. Good job it was me and not Mrs Beauchamp coming in eh?" He laughed. "She'd expect this from me but not you two!"

"Alright Cal, you've gloated enough, you caught us, lets leave it shall we?" Ethan huffed.

"I just wonder what would have happened if I hadn't walked in!" He grinned, still relishing in the moment when he had the upper hand on Ethan in professionalism at work. "I like your style though, its what people think we do at work, although I'm pretty sure most stories involve sex in the linen cupboard!" Cal laughed and Ethan blushed bright red, luckily Sam had regained her composure and found her humour.

"Um, have you seen our linen cupboard? Besides, we like the thrill of getting caught!" She winked.

"Well be thrilled, because you definitely were caught." He smiled again. He turned to leave them, throwing back one last comment before he did. "Good work little brother, you've bagged a hot nurse, I'm proud of you!" He laughed leaving the cubicle.

"I'm sorry Ethan, you know with Cal its better to laugh back than react."

"I know, its lucky it was Cal I guess, I could have let our secret out, I didn't think, I just got caught up in the moment, sometimes I forget what's going on around me when you're around." He admitted.

"You're so lush Ethan Hardy, I know its probably too soon to admit this, but I'm falling hard for you." She smiled shyly.

"I feel the same about you." He whispered into her ear, kissing her cheek lightly. They fell into another kiss, but cut it short before getting caught again, and left the cubicle to carry on with their shift. Cal assured them both of his discretion; he wouldn't ruin this for his brother, as jealous as he might be at times, he was pleased to see his brother happy finally, and with someone who brought out the best in him, and seemed to understand him. Yes, he decided, Ethan could do a lot worse than Sam, they seemed to be the right fit, and it helped that he and Sam got on really well too.

Robyn caught up with Sam after she got back from handing over George to ITU.

"Sam, are you ok?" She asked.

"I'm fine Robyn, I'm sorry, I lost it for a minute, but I'm fine."

"I was just worried coz that never happens to you." Robyn said sweetly, clearly concerned.

"It just brought back, well not memories, because I don't remember, but it hit home that that was me a few weeks ago. It just shook me up a bit that's all. I'm OK. It was my first resuscitation since I came back." Sam smiled, deciding to be honest with Robyn.

"Oh Sam, I didn't think, I should have gone in first instead of you."

"Robyn, I was the senior nurse here, I was fine, I just had a little wobble, I'm back on track now I promise, don't you worry." Sam smiled.

"As long as you are." Robyn smiled putting her arm around Sam's shoulders.

"I'm still mortified that someone had to cathterise me and most likely take a rectal temperature." Sam cringed knowing what procedures would have been done.

"Don't worry, it was all between me and Rita, and you know we wouldn't hold that against you. Everything was very discreet." She smiled. "Besides we were too worried about getting you better to think about what we were doing."

"Thanks Robyn!" Sam laughed "its good to know you weren't thinking about the treatment!"

"You know what I mean!" Robyn laughed. "Come on, we've got Mrs Richards in cubicle 2 who's sliced her hand when peeling veggies! Typical Christmas injury" Robyn finished as the two nurses carried on with their patients.

Ethan finished his shift and was changed to head home, Cal was on until late that night, so he went to catch Sam.

"What time are you due to finish today?" He asked.

"In about 2 hours, why?" She smiled.

"Why don't you come and stay at mine tonight? It would be nice to spend the rest of Christmas with you. If you'd like to I mean?"

"I'd love to Ethan, thank you."

"Come right over when you're done, Cal doesn't finish until late tonight, so we can get some time to ourselves." He smiled. He had to fight every urge not to lean in and kiss her, but they were still in the middle of the ED and anyone could appear. She smiled and nodded and carried on with her patients. Ethan made his way home.


	49. Chapter 49

Sam headed home quickly after work, she packed a couple of things she would need for overnight in a small bag, and had a quick shower to freshen up. Then she headed off to Ethan's flat. It was cold and getting dark out now, and most people were tucked up inisde, watching cheesy Christmas TV having a drink and stuffing themselves with food. It looked cozy as she walked past all the houses with lights on, seeing families sat around spending time together and she smiled, that's what this season was all about after all.

She reached Ethan's flat and buzzed the buzzer, he let her in and met her on top of the stairs. He pulled her into and tight hug and kissed her.

"Merry Christmas." He smiled as he let go of her. "I've been waiting all day to do that." He sighed.

"Not including the time in the cubicle." She grinned, then added "Merry Christmas." They headed inside to Ethan's nicely warmed flat and Sam squished herself down on her favourite sofa and, with a satisfied smile, she sighed. Ethan brought her in a glass of wine and sat down next to her.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked.

"I'm much better Ethan, honestly, you don't need to worry."

"But I can't help it, I care about you."

"Well I can't argue with that I guess. FYI being greeted by you handing me a glass of wine really helps." She smiled placing her hand gently on his leg and sipping her wine. Ethan stared at her for a moment and then got up. He came back with a little box wrapped up in silver paper and a ribbon tied carefully around it.

"I hope you don't mind but I got you a little Christmas present." He smiled shyly.

"Oh Ethan, you shouldn't have, but why would I mind?" She laughed lightly.

"Well, I don't want you thinking I'd expect anything in return." He said.

"Well it just so happens that I got you a little something too." She smiled, reaching in her bag and presenting him with a wrapped box too.

"Thank you Sam." He smiled.

"You haven't seen it yet, you might hate it!" She laughed a little nervously.

As Sam opened her box she gasped when she saw what was inside. The sparkle of the clear stone caught the light beautifully, and the tears formed in her eyes. She got a lump in her throat, and she looked up at Ethan, who was staring at her, desperately hoping she'd like it.

"Oh, Ethan," she finally managed to breathe, "its beautiful."

"Shall I help you put it on?" He asked, and she just nodded, the tears still glistening in her eyes. She held out her hand and squeezed his as she handed over the box. He smiled at her a took it out, and as he held it up, the light shone through it again, making its brilliance shine out across the room. He removed the teardrop shaped necklace from the box and she lifted her hair so he could do up the delicate clasp behind her neck. She held the stone between her thumb and fore finger and looked down.

"It's absolutely stunning Ethan, thank you so much." She said, still choked up.

"A beautiful necklace fit for a beautiful girl." He said simply, smiling at her with loving eyes. Her stomach was doing somersaults, and she fell that little bit more for him, which she didn't think was possible; she knew she was well on the way to loving him already, and for most part she was sure those feelings were being reciprocated.

"Gosh, your present isn't anywhere near as good as that." She said, embarrassed.

"Well, I wasn't expecting one, so it doesn't matter, I wanted to treat you after all you've been through, and to show you how special you are." He smiled, as he started to unwrap the box she had given him. Inside was a handmade chess set, with beautifully hand carved pieces made of mahogany. Now it was Ethan's turn to gasp.

"That's incredible. I absolutely love it, thank you so much Sam." He kissed her.

"Really? You're not just saying it?" She asked shyly.

"Definitely not." He looked her right in the eye. "It's the best set I've ever had, it must have cost a fortune, you really shouldn't have!" Ethan said, but he couldn't help but smile. He genuinely loved it.

"Well its still nothing compared to the necklace." She smiled.

"It's the best present, thank you."

"Maybe you could teach me sometime?" She asked.

"Really? Don't you know how to play?"

"The basic moves yes, the tactics, no." She admitted.

"Do you want a go now?" He smiled.

"I'd love to." She said, making herself comfortable as he pulled a table up to them and set the board up. He clearly relished in teaching Sam some basic moves and things to look out for, and talked her through some strategies, but as they drank more wine, they got more distracted.

"Do you know, you look really attractive when you're contemplating a move." Sam smiled cheekily at him.

"Well, you look really attractive when you look confused." He smiled back.

"Ok, so I'm not good at chess, but I can make up for it in other ways," she smiled drinking down the last of her wine.

"Such as?" He asked, a little shakily, catching Sam's eye.

"Like this." She said softly, leaning in to kiss him. They kissed with more passion and desire than before, it was clear from the kiss what they both wanted. Fuelled by a mixture of lust and wine, Sam leaned into him and let out a small moan as she continued to kiss him. He ran his hand through her hair as he slipped his tongue in to meet hers. Then he pressed his body up against hers and cupping her face in his hands, he leaned her back down onto the sofa while he continued to kiss her. They continued kissing on the sofa for a while, but soon Ethan found his confidence growing. He pulled her up and without saying a word took her towards the bedroom. They sat on Ethan's bed and started kissing again, he laid her back down onto the bed and they continued kissing, Ethan's hands caressed her cheek then he twisted it gently through her hair. She placed an arm around his waist but the other hand she used to hold the back of his head, stroking his soft hair as their kisses got even more urgent and needing. Finally Ethan broke away from their kiss, breathing heavily.

"Do you want to?" He whispered quietly. Her body language may have been screaming 'yes' at him, but ever the gentleman, he had to be sure. "Because, we don't ha-" he started. Sam was looking at him, but she broke off the second part of his sentence, as his doubts crept in and she kissed him.

"Ethan, I want to." She mumbled in between kisses. Proving her words she began to unbutton his shirt, then she got up off of the bed and pulled him up. She slipped off her dress and stood in her underwear, blushing slightly, but feeling giddy with pleasure she leaned on the wall for support. The next thing she knew Ethan was leaning against her kissing her deeply again, her back pressed up against the cold wall, this was almost too much, she needed him so much. She undid his trousers, never breaking the kiss then, taking control, she led him into bed.

Afterwards, they lay cuddled up in each others arms, Ethan was gently stroking the soft skin on Sam's arms, and he kissed her head.

"Ethan," she whispered, "I love you." She knew it was soon to say it, but she couldn't hide her feelings, especially not now.

"I love you too Sam." He whispered back, without hesitation. He kissed her and they both felt a warm glow of love course through their bodies as they snuggled down and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When Cal returned a little later, he noticed the wine glasses abandoned on the table, along with an unfinished, and very one sided, chess game and Sam's bag left on the floor by the sofa, he looked towards the bedroom and smiled, wondering if Ethan had finally got his girl.

He took a beer from the fridge and sat down, taking out his phone, he typed a message but hastily deleted it again. He sighed and tossed his phone down on the seat next to him. Turning on the TV he sat watching a comedy quiz show Christmas special but not really paying attention. Just then his phone went off. He jumped and then picking it up, he smiled to see a message from Ella saying she hoped he'd had a good Christmas. He typed a reply saying the same back but that he'd been at work and just got home. Just then, Ethan emerged quietly from the bedroom. He sat down next to his brother.

"So, good evening then?" Cal asked grinning as he tossed his phone back down.

"Yes, it was thanks." Ethan said simply.

"Nice chess set." Cal smiled, "shame the game doesn't look too challenging."

"Yeah, it clearly isn't one of her strong points." Ethan smiled.

"But she has many others I'm sure!" Cal smiled back.

"Yes she does." Ethan smiled. "She got me the set for Christmas." He said.

"Very nice. And how did your gift go down?" Cal asked, knowing how Ethan had agonised over the choice.

"She loved it." He smiled.

"See, I told you she would. Of course I think she'd love whatever you gave her." Cal said knowingly.

"Yeah." He sighed.

"What's up Eth?" Cal asked.

"Me? Nothing!" He said suddenly. "Why?"

"Well, you've got a gorgeous girl in your bed and you're sat out here making small talk with me." He fixed his brother with a stare.

"Well, I um-" he started.

"Come on Ethan, is everything OK?"

"Everything's, everything is great." He smiled, "honest."

"So, did you?" Cal raised his eyebrows.

"Cal!" Ethan shot him a look. Cal just grinned.

"I'm sensing a yes." He winked. Ethan didn't confirm or deny it. "So, it was that good you're rendered speechless." Cal continued to grin.

"If I said it was perfect, you wouldn't believe me."

"Normally no, but seeing as its you two, I might have to accept that it probably was!" He laughed. "I'm pleased for you mate." He said squeezing his shoulder.

"Yeah." Ethan sighed. "Cal?"

"Yes?"

"Don't say anything!"

"Fine." Cal laughed as Ethan got up. He headed back towards his bedroom, before he left the front room he paused in front of his Mother's picture, he stopped and sighed and he turned back to Cal.

"Merry Christmas Cal." He smiled at his brother.

"Merry Christmas Ethan."

When Ethan returned to his room, Cal switched off the TV and made his way to bed.


	50. Chapter 50

A few days later, Cal, Ethan and Sam all had the same day off, they decided they needed to get out, and Sam and Ethan wanted to check out a local food market and post Christmas fayre. Cal wasnt so sure, but was reluctantly dragged along with the promise of a drink at the end of it. Sam and Ethan walked hand in hand through the market square, stopping to look at the various craft things and trying different food samples.

"Cal, you have to try this chilli jam!" Sam ethused, trying to get Cal in the spirit. He seemed a little quiet still.

"Oh yeah? Is it good?" He asked, trying to force a smile.

"It's amazing!" She smiled holding out a sample spoon. She spooned it into his mouth. "What do you reckon? I'm gonna get some, I love it."

"Yeah, it is good." He said. Ethan was looking at some locally made cheese a bit further ahead. As Sam put her jam in her bag she slipped her arm into Cal's.

"Come on Cal, what's wrong? You haven't been yourself for days."

"Nothing, I guess I'm just tired." He lied. She gave him a look, she knew he was holding back, but she wasn't going to press it, not yet anyway. They walked on to meet Ethan, and as the boys were talking Sam took out her phone and smiled. She had text Ella earlier to say they were heading here and that she should 'accidentally' bump into them. Ella had just replied saying she was nearly there and would 'act surprised'.

They moved on and were trying some local cider samples when Sam looked at Cal seeing his face react, his eyes flickering in recognition of a pretty face. She looked up and saw Ella making her way through the crowd. She smiled to herself then called out to her.

"Ella!" She ran over and enveloped her old friend in a hug. Ethan looked up, and Cal was already watching as the girls hugged and pulled back and began chatting animatedly. Then Sam pulled Ella over to introduce her to Ethan.

"Ella, this is Ethan, he's Cal's brother, you remember Cal." Ella and Cal shared a smile. And Ethan held out his hand to shake Ella's. "Ethan, Ella is my old friend from uni I was telling you about."

"Nice to meet you Ethan, so you're the one who has swept Sam off of her feet by the sound of things?" She grinned at him.

"Ella!" Sam laughed. "Yes he's the one." She smiled looking back at him.

"So what are you guys up to?" Ella smiled, glancing over at Cal.

"We've been wondering around here for a bit, Cal is getting bored though so we are heading for a drink in a bit, why don't you join us, if you're not busy?" Sam said.

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt." Ella said.

"It's fine, we don't mind, do we boys?" Sam smiled.

"It's fine." Ethan smiled. "The more the merrier as they say!" He inwardly cringed, he was trying to be friendly and just sounded silly. Sam squeezed his hand.

"Yeah," Cal smiled, "it'll stop me feeling like a third wheel!"

"Well, that would be great, thanks." Ella smiled as they headed off to the pub.

Once inside in the warm, and settled with their drinks, Sam asked Ella about her Christmas.

"So did you go home for Christmas El?"

"Yes, Mummy insisted," Ella rolled her eyes. Cal and Ethan shared a look at her use of the term 'Mummy'. "I would never have heard the end of it if I hadn't gone."

"Oh, but it must have been a perfect country Christmas, and guaranteed you went to the hunt on boxing day!"

"Yes, I rode, I didn't kill anything though, you know I can't, but I took Murphy out and he enjoyed it."

Cal and Ethan were suddenly getting an inside veiw into Ella's upbringing, and now understood why she referred to her Mum as 'Mummy'.

"How is great uncle Chester?" Sam grinned.

"Same old randy git!" Ella laughed. Cal and Ethan shared a raised eyebrow look.

"Sorry boys," Sam smiled. "When we were at uni, I spent a couple of Christmases with Ella's family. They were hilarious. It was like a proper posh mad country family." She giggled.

"Yeah, but you can't judge me by them!" Ella laughed.

"No, you are way more normal then some of your bonkers family. But you are a bit posh!" Sam teased.

"I'm not really posh." Ella protested.

"But you have had drinks with Zara Phillips, and Prince Harry!" She laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, but I'm normal too. Don't misrepresent me to your friends."

"You're lovely." Sam smiled hugging her friend.

They continued to talk, the boys learning more about Ella's background and she learnt more bout them, and it looked like four friends who had know each other for years, sitting chatting in the pub. So when Cal suggested they all go back to the boys flat for something to eat, there was no hesitation, they all headed off together into the cold afternoon. Cal and Ella walked ahead still chatting and Ethan and Sam followed behind holding hands.

"See, didn't I tell you there's a spark there?" Sam said quietly to Ethan.

"Yes, but you didn't tell me she was so well brought up." He smiled, "its like watching the lady and the tramp!" He laughed.

"Aw, he's not quite a tramp!" Sam giggled. "And come to think of it, I'm not convinced Ella is a lady! Although one of her aunts might be!" She added winking.

"She does seem nice, and Cal certainly has perked up quite a bit since she arrived." He said. They carried on walking down the street slowly, hand in hand, savouring the moment where they could just relax in each others company.

"I really like this." Sam sighed looking up at Ethan. He looked back at her holding her steady gaze.

"What?" He asked simply.

"Being able to walk down the street, holding your hand, not worrying if we get seen or anything."

"Yeah, it is nice." He smiled.

"Ethan, I think it's about time we go public, you might think its too soon, but I want to be able to speak to you at work without worrying about giving the secret away."

"No, I agree." He smiled.

"I've also been worried that the girls might get cross if I keep it quiet any longer."

" Ahh, so really you just want to be able to gossip with your girls." He grinned.

"Of course, why else!" She laughed as they headed into the courtyard of Ethan's flat. Cal and Ella had already gone upstairs and Ethan and Sam headed up, stopping to share a kiss at the top of the stairs. Went they went in, Cal and Ella were already comfortable on the sofa, already flicking through take away menus choosing food. Ethan rolled his eyes.

"I'll put the kettle on then shall I?" He sighed. Sam followed him into the kitchen as he made some coffee. While they waited for the kettle to boil, she pushed him up against the work surface and kissed him deeply.

"I want you." She whispered in his ear, and he felt like he could have lost control there and then hearing her say that. She could feel his body shake under her touch, and she kissed his cheek and turned and walked back into the living room, knowing she had just left him wanting more. He breathed deeply and tried to gain back control of his senses and make the drinks.

"So, when is your first shift the El?" Sam asked as they finished their food.

"Tomorrow. I can't wait," she smiled.

"What is it you're doing?" Ethan asked.

"I'm the new sister in cardiology, so working between the cardiac ward and co-ordinating the cath lab."

"Sounds great." Ethan smiled.

"I'm looking forward to it, we can't all get jobs in the glamorous world of the ED!" She grinned, knowing she was very out numbered.

"Hey! The ED is anything but glamorous! It's all vomit, blood, excrement and more vomit!" Sam laughed. "Nothing like a safe cardiac ward with hi-tech machinery and cardiac consultants at hand!"

"Are we gonna start nursing wars?" Ella arched her eyebrows at Sam and grinned.

"I vote if you do, you have to do it in your underwear!" Cal grinned, earning a double sided slap from both Sam and Ella. Ethan just laughed.

"Oh Cal, these women are starting to suss you out!"

"Oh, I challenge even you not to enjoy that sight!" Cal laughed.

"I don't objectify women Caleb!" Ethan huffed.

"Maybe you should, women like men to be men you know." Ethan opened his mouth to respond but Sam jumped in.

"Yes Caleb, but women also like to be treated like ladies and be on the arm of a gentleman!" She said.

"But we all know you want a real man behind closed doors." He smirked.

"And maybe those you least expect to be 'real' men behind closed doors can surprise you in many ways." Sam said shooting him a warning look.

Ella watched the exchange with interest.

"Wow, that totally stopped nurse wars in its tracks didn't it." She said filling the gap.

"We can try it another day." Cal grinned at her, Ella smiled back at him, holding his gaze, trying to read him. It was obvious here sat a bad boy with womanising ways, but was that all he saw in her. She knew she would have to play this carefully if she didn't want to get hurt again. However, if a short term thing was all she was after, here was an easy contender. She licked her lips, somewhat seductively, then broke his gaze.

"Well, I guess I'd better be off, got an early start, wouldn't do to be late on my first day." She smiled. She hugged Sam, giving her a kiss on the cheek, bid goodbye to the boys and headed off, telling Sam to be in touch and they'd go out.

"So come on boys," Sam said sitting back down. "Let's crack open a bottle and you can show me how to really play chess."

Before long, a bottle of wine and a fair few beers had been had and the brothers were involved in the competitiveness of their game. Sam had lost interest but happily let them get on with it, it had been funny watching them compete to start with.

"I bet I could strip off and walk around here naked and no one would even notice." Sam mused out loud.

"I would but Nibbles probably wouldn't." Cal smirked, barely looking away from the board.

"I better be heading off." Sam smiled getting up. Ethan jumped up too.

"Are you leaving?" He asked.

"That depends on you?" She said quietly.

"I'm sorry, I've been neglecting you." He smiled apologetically.

"Don't be silly, I don't need your constant attention, I'm not a four year old. It's good that you're having time with your brother, I don't want to interrupt that." She said kindly.

"Will you stay?"

"If you want me to."

"I want you to." He said pulling her in for a kiss.

"Ugh!" Cal groaned at the pair.

"Look, why don't you two carry on your game, I'll head off to bed and you can join me when you've finished." She smiled.

"If you're sure?" Ethan replied, she nodded, kissed him and made her way to bed.

About 45 minutes later, Ethan had beaten Cal and he made his way to his room. He smiled when he saw Sam snuggled up in his bed reading one of his books. He headed over and sat on the edge of the bed by her.

"You planning on becoming a doctor next?" He smiled.

"No chance! I'm far too smart for that!" She winked, and pulled him down for a kiss. "Come on, I've been waiting for you." She smiled holding the duvet up and inviting him in.


	51. Chapter 51

New years eve arrived and the usual crowd headed for the pub after finishing their shifts, leaving Sam, Dylan, Charlie and Zoe holding the fort with a couple of agency staff. Sam was only a few hours into her shift and was on her second pair of scrubs having, as predicted, been vomited on already. She was working with Dylan on another overdose case, the agency nurse had struggled to get an IV line in, so Sam had taken over, it was tough but she persevered and got one in, and gave some naloxone to reverse the heroin that had been taken.

Cubicles were filled with self inflicted injuries and illness and resus had the overdose along with a post ictal seizure patient and a patient who had gone into cardiac arrest already. Sam was desperately trying to keep her cool, but things weren't proving easy to manage. She was phoning the wards and site management to chase up beds and struggling to discharge patients in a timely manner. It felt like everything was clogged up within the system tonight, X-ray couldn't fit patients in quickly, radiologists weren't reporting scans quickly, and it felt like every on call consultant was unreachable.

She managed to discharge 3 from cubicles within 30 minutes, and was trying to catch up with her notes, when Charlie approached her.

"All OK?" He asked.

"Getting there Charlie. I just feel like things aren't going well tonight, it feels like every time we try to move forward we are hitting obstacles."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, but we are getting there, there's only a few left to come through from the waiting room, until the next wave of customers anyway, and we've got some space's cleared in cubicles now. We will get there." He reassured her.

"Then we need to keep on Charlie. Are you ok?" She asked, worried about the health of the senior nurse if he was pushed too far.

"I'm fine." He said assuredly.

"I'm sorry, the agency nurses are a bit, well we probably could have done better on our own rather than babysitting them. But at least they are bodies." She said.

"Come on kid, we can do this." Charlie said as Sam finished her notes and they got back to it. Before she realised, it was 10 minutes to midnight. She glanced around the department, wondering if she would be able to make a break for it and escape to see the only person she wanted to see right now. She headed into the staff room and picked up her phone, there was a message from Ethan saying he hoped he could see her, but as she was reading it Charlie called to her.

"Sam, incoming RTC, 2 majors, ETA 3 minutes." Charlie said. Sam nodded then as he left she sighed. She wasn't going to get away, she couldn't. She sent a quick text to Ethan explaining they had an inbound RTC and she was sorry. She slipped her phone into her pocket and headed out towards resus. She felt her phone vibrate but never got to look at the reply. The first of the majors was on her. She took it with Zoe and Charlie and Dylan the other one. They worked tirelessly on the pair for thr next hour but their injuries were so severe, there was nothing they could do. Both were pronounced dead shortly before 1am. They were a young couple, it seems they had been driving home and were swiped off the road by a drunk driver, who was currently sobering up with minor cuts and bruises in cubicles. Sam ripped off her apron and threw her gloves down and headed back out to reception. Taking a deep breath she grabbed a glass of water and downed it. She looked at her phone to read Ethan's reply.

'Its OK, I understand, I'll be sorry to not see you, but happy new year, somehow I think it will be a happy one x'

She felt bad she hadn't been able to respond, but she knew he would know why. She replied now.

'I'm so sorry, I really wished I could have been there to see in the new year with you. Instead we just lost a young couple. I wish I could see you now x'

She put her phone back in her pocket and headed back into resus.

"Charlie, we need to get some cubicles patients moved upstairs, are you ok here if I co-ordinate that?" Sam asked.

"I'm fine, go ahead." He smiled at the younger nurse.

She headed back out to the nurses station and picked up the phone, she arranged an immediate transfer upstairs to wards for two patients and to surgery for another. As she hung up the phone she turned around to see Ethan standing nearby smiling. She ran to him and hugged him tightly, and he hugged her back.

"I needed that." She smiled breaking away from the hug.

"Is everything Ok? I sensed from your message you might need someone." He said lightly.

"Yes, just a tough one right at midnight, a young couple lost their lives because of a someone who got in their car drunk. They should be looking forward to a new year and that's it, all gone in a second. It just makes me angry you know."

"I know." He nodded.

"Look, give me 5 minutes to get the porters to take these three patients upstairs, they are ready to go, and I'll come outside for 5 minutes."

"I'll get you a coffee." He said. "You could probably use one by now." He smiled.

"Thanks, that would be great."

He got her a coffee and waited outside. A few minutes later Sam joined him. He handed her the coffee and put his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and they sat in silence watching the revellers around them.

"So, did you have fun in the pub?" Sam asked breaking the silence.

"It was OK, I'm driving though so I haven't had a drink, it would have been better if you were there, I wanted to kiss you at midnight." He said, smiling shyly.

"Well, it may not be midnight, but I'm here now." She said reaching up to kiss him.

"Happy new year." She smiled.

"Happy new year." He smiled back kissing her again.

Just then they heard shouting behind them, there was a couple arguing, they had clearly had a bit to drink, but things were getting physical. Sam could see that if it wasn't stopped soon then she'd be inside treating one or both of them shortly. She went to get up and Ethan grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Don't get involved." He said softly but firmly.

"If we don't stop it then they will end up needing treatment, and I've got enough to do without them adding to it."

"But you don't have the best reputation at being a peacemaker do you." He said. She thought about this, and sat back down again.

"Maybe you're right." she smiled. With that they heard a scream, this time Sam jumped up without any more thought and ran over. Ethan followed right behind.

"Hey! What are you playing at!" She shouted at the lad who had just smacked his girlfriend. He had hold of her and was shaking her as she was crying. Sam stormed right up to them. If it was one thing she lost her cool over it was people who beat and abused their partners. The girl looked terrified. Sam tried to wrench the girl from his grasp but the man lunged for her. Ethan grabbed him from behind to protect Sam and the man shoved him and Ethan fell backwards, pulling the man down with him. The man got back up and headed back to his girlfriend. By this time Ethan had got back up and was trying to pull the man off the girl again. The commotion and shouting had gained attention from passers by who just stood and watched the scene play out. The man turned and grabbed Ethan and Sam pushed the girl towards the doors of the ED, as she turned around she heard an almighty thump and saw the man punch Ethan in the face then grab him to carry on the attack. She ran at him and pushed him off of Ethan and the man lost his balance and fell hitting his head on the kerb. Sam stood still looking panicked for a second glancing at Ethan who had blood pouring from his nose. The man hadn't moved. She'd knocked him out. Both Sam and Ethan knelt down by the man and tried to help him, Sam shouted to a porter to bring a spinal board and trolley. Just then the roar of police sirens was heard as blue flashing lights filled the carpark. Someone had obviously already called the police. As Sam and Ethan moved the man onto the spinal board they heard Robyn, Lofty and Cal running over to help. Cal flipped when he saw Ethan with a bloody nose, and tried to get him to go straight inside for treatment, but Ethan was insisting on trying to get the man inside. Just then the police approached Sam. Ethan's view was blocked by people but before he knew it she was being led away in handcuffs into a waiting police car. Charlie and Zoe were stood at the doors having been told about the patient outside and were shocked to see Sam being arrested.

'What on earth had gone on here' was the thought going through everyone's mind at this precise moment.

Ethan ran at the police car shouting and Cal grabbed him to stop him getting arrested too. Sam looked out of the window and looked terrified. Robyn and Lofty exchanged confused glances.

"Ethan, come on, Ethan!" Cal shouted to get his attention as the car drove away. "You need treatment. Inside."

"No! I need to go and help Sam. She didn't do anything wrong! I need to explain it to them. She needs me!" Ethan stressed.

"You won't be able to do anything yet anyway, they will have to interview her first." Cal said trying to calm his brother down, but Ethan flipped at the thought of Sam being kept in a cell, being blamed for something she didn't do.

"She was trying to protect me! And the girl. He punched me and he was going to keep hitting me and she pushed him off me and he stumbled and fell! What kind of man am I if I can't even protect my own girlfriend!" He shouted, getting even more distressed.

"Girlfriend?" Robyn exclaimed. She looked at Lofty. "Did you know?" Lofty shook his head.

"Look, lets gets you inside and sorted. Then we will both go down to the station and try and clear this up. If that's what happened there are lots of witnesses, and there might even be CCTV images that were caught. Come on." Cal guided him indoors and Ethan didn't fight him anymore.


	52. Chapter 52

Down at the station, Sam was sat in a cell with her knees pulled up to her chest. She had never been arrested before and felt alone and terrified. She kept going over and over things in her head, if only she'd listened to Ethan and not gone over, but the girl was getting hurt, there was never any other option than to try and help, was there? Ethan had made a point that she didn't really have the best reputation in preventing trouble. If anything, she really did seem to make things worse. She put her head in her arms and sobbed. Why did Ethan stick around if she was just trouble? Sam was sure he wouldn't be sticking around after this.

* * *

Ethan was sat on a bed in cubicles, luckily x-rays had shown no fractures, and he was just being cleaned up and waiting for the nosebleed to settle. Cal was sat with him, he was relieved his brother was ok, it coukd have been so much worse, Cal dreaded to think about it. Neither had spoken for the last five minutes. Cal didn't know what to say without making Ethan fly off the handle, and Cal needed him to stay calm.

"How are you feeling buddy?" He asked gently, breaking the silence.

"How do you think I'm feeling." He snapped back. Normally Cal would have had to fight the urge to laugh as he sounded funny, but this was no laughing matter. "I'm worried about Sam! I need to get to her."

"How about I find out what's going on with the guy, then we can head to the police station?" He asked getting up and leaving the cubicle not waiting for the answer. He headed over towards Charlie.

"Charlie, how is he?" Cal asked looking worried.

"He's fine, head CT was clear, he's conscious, but they will admit him for observation, but luckily no lasting damage. What on earth happened?"

"I don't know, it sounds like he was arguing with a woman and he got physical, Sam intervened and he hit Ethan so Sam pushed him off and he fell over."

"One of those wrong place, wrong time moments, just bad luck then." Charlie shrugged.

"Is he saying anything about what happened?" Cal asked Charlie, really worried. If the guy pointed the finger at Sam then she could be in big trouble.

"Not really, he just keeps shouting for his girlfriend, but I think she fled the department quite early on." Charlie replied.

"I need to go down and help her Charlie, she shouldn't have been arrested, she won't know he's OK, she'll be scared." Cal said worried, turning back towards Ethan's cubicle. Robyn and Lofty stopped him on the way back.

"Cal," Robyn called. "Is Ethan OK?"

"He'll be fine." Cal said. "Just a bloody nose. We need to get to Sam though." He still looked worried.

"I can't believe they arrested her." Lofty said shaking his head. "It doesn't make sense."

"Is there anything we can do Cal?" Robyn asked touching his arm, also worried.

"No, you guys get home. Thanks though." He forced a slight smile.

"Uh, Cal?" Robyn asked. "Is it true Sam and Ethan are going out?" Cal looked from Robyn to Lofty, he knew the secret was out but he also knew it wasn't really for him to confirm, but he couldn't lie.

"Yes, but its only been a couple of weeks, they wanted to keep it quiet while they worked things out."

"Aww," Robyn smiled. "They will be so sweet together, I can't believe we didn't notice!" She grinned at Lofty.

"Come on," Lofty said. "Let's get home. Cal, let us know when you know what's happening with Sam."

"Will do Lofty mate." He said heading back off to Ethan.

* * *

Sam was still sat in the same position in her cell. The tears had stopped, and she felt exhausted, she had no idea what the time was. All she wanted was to cuddle up with Ethan, and go to sleep. She wasn't sure if she would ever get to do that again, what if the man died, and she was charged with murder, stranger things had happened. She felt sick. Suddenly the door opened and the Sergeant appeared. He took her to an interview room to question her with another officer. They questioned her about what happened. They went over and over things, she felt tested to her limits as she was so tired, but her version of events never changed. Finally they took her back to her cell and locked her in again. She lay down on the hard bed and curled up to try and sleep, but she couldn't.

* * *

Ethan and Cal arrived at the police station, Ethan had to drive as he hadn't been drinking, but Cal had. They were told to take a seat and wait until the Sergeant could see them. Ethan was pacing, he felt so unsettled and stressed. He hated thinking of Sam locked up on her own in a cell. He wanted to be with her, to comfort her and tell her it would all be OK. Finally after about 40 minutes wait, the Sergeant approached them.

"I understand you were involved in the assault outside the hospital earlier?" He asked.

"Yes, can't you see it was me who was assaulted!" Ethan snapped. "You've arrested the wrong person!"

"Ethan. Try to stay calm." Cal said quietly, hearing his brother becoming more enraged.

"I was lead to believe the victim was being kept in hospital overnight?" The Sergeant said surprised.

"He is," Cal said. "But he's not exactly the victim in this."

"Are you both witnesses to the incident." The Sergeant asked, somewhat impatiently.

"I am." Ethan answered.

"Then you'd better follow me." The Sergeant took Ethan into the same interview room Sam had been in earlier. Cal was left to wait in the waiting room. Ethan told the Sergeant exactly what happened, and they went through it in detail. They took phtots to document Ethan's injuries. The Sergeant seemed somewhat satisfied that their stories backed each other up, and he knew they wouldn't have had time to corroborate a story. He was waiting for CCTV footage and for his officer to come back from the hospital having spoken to the other man. However, he wouldn't tell Ethan when Sam would be released. He also didn't let on that the 'victim' had a prior record of domestic violence and had been charged with assault himself in the past. Ethan was taken back out to the waiting room. Cal jumped up when he saw him.

"What's happening?" He asked

"I've given my statement. All we can do is wait." Ethan sighed. "I'm so worried about her Cal, can you imagine how she's feeling in there."

"I know, but what can we do?"

"Why did she do it?" He shook his head and then rubbed his forehead. He was getting a headache.

"There's no point worrying about that now. We just need to get her out and clear up the misunderstanding."

They waited for another hour and a half, an by now it was gone 7am. Ethan had phoned Charlie at the hospital to say he and Cal were still at the police station waiting for news on if Sam would be charged. Ethan wasn't going in for his shift anyway, Zoe had already told him that, and Cal was on the night shift so he should be OK if he got home and got some sleep soon, but Charlie had also said he'd speak to Rita and explain the situation and ensure Sam's shifts were covered for the next 2 days, and longer if needed. Ethan thanked him and went back to where Cal was dozing. He sat down with a frustrated bump and accidently woke Cal up.

"Any news?" He asked.

"Not yet, I've just phoned Charlie. Do you want me to drive you home so you can get some rest." Ethan sighed.

"No way. I'm here with you as long as it takes." Cal said firmly. Ethan went back over to the officer on the desk.

"Excuse me, is there any news on Samantha Jones being released yet?"

"I think the Sergeant is just talking to her now. We've had further evidence I believe, but I can't say any more than that. Hopefully not much longer."

"Ok, thank you." Ethan sighed and walked back over to Cal and sat down.

"They are talking to her again, he said they've got more evidence. What do you think that means? Do you think they will charge her?"

"I don't know mate, I just don't know."

After another hour, the Sergeant reappeared with a pale and tired looking Sam behind him. Ethan jumped up again and Cal followed suit. Ethan held his arms out and she ran to him. He hugged her tightly while she clung onto him and cried. She had to sign out to get her things back, but once that was done she was allowed to leave. It turned out the CCTV had backed up the story, and the police had arrested the man on assault charges, and they were looking to get a statement from the girl and would bring the man in for questioning when he was discharged from the hospital, and Sam was being released without changes being brought against her. When Sam returned to Ethan and Cal after getting her things back she looked at them both. They looked tired and stressed.

"I'm so sorry about all of this." She said quietly, desperately trying not to cry again. "Really, I am." Ethan pulled her into his arms again, and Cal surprised her by hugging her too. She was so worried they'd be angry at the trouble she had caused, she didn't think that they would simply be worried about her.

"Look at your nose Ethan." Sam was shocked. "What have I done to you?"

"You didn't hit me did you?" He said gently.

"No, but its all my fault. I should have listened to you, just, when she screamed, it was like a switch flicked on and I had to do something."

"Hey, come on, lets not worry about it now. I think we all need to get home and get some rest." Ethan said, leading Sam out to the car.


	53. Chapter 53

When they got back to the boys flat, Cal headed straight to bed and Ethan made Sam a cup of tea, she declined his offer of something to eat. She sat in silence on the sofa sipping her tea. She felt terrible for Ethan, what had she done to him, the trouble she had caused him in just a few short weeks. Then her mind went to work, after this would she even have a job to go back to? Then back to Ethan, all he ever did was support her and seemingly pick up the pieces of her shattered life and the trouble she caused within it. She quickly finished her tea and got up.

"I need to go Ethan." She said hurriedly.

"What do you mean?" He said jumping up too, he felt dizzy getting up that fast.

"I need to go. I can't stay, I've caused too much trouble, I'm just a mess." She turned towards the door.

"Sam, wait!" Ethan grabbed her. "Come on, talk to me."

"No, Ethan, I'm not worth it. You're better off without me. You just need to let me go." She said heading towards the door again, barely able to look at him. The guilty pangs stabbing away at her.

"B-but I don't want to." He said sadly, feeling very confused. She stopped and finally made herself look at him. She hated herself for what she had done to him. She ran to him and hugged him, and he returned the hug, feeling even more confused. Suddenly Sam could feel the burn in her stomach, she felt the sick rising and she ran to the bathroom and threw up. Ethan followed to the closed bathroom door.

"Sam, are you ok?" He called through the door. "Sam?"

"M-hmm" she mumbled her voice echoing in the toilet pan, then he heard her retch again. Sam rested her head on her arm, leaning over the toilet bowl. She felt absolutely exhausted. Emotionally and physically drained. The tears fell as she continued to retch, but having already brought up the cup of tea she had nothing left in her having not eaten since yesterday afternoon. She sat back against the wall, and hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed. Ethan, who was waiting patiently outside the door heard her muffled sobs. He knocked on the door.

"Sam? Can I come in." She just continued sobbing, so he tentively opened the door a crack, seeing that she was just sat against the wall he went and sat next to her. "Are you going to tell me what this is all about?" He asked, somewhat afraid he didn't want to hear the answer. He desperately wanted to pull her in for a hug, but he wasn't sure if they were about to break up, or what was going on, because to him, it sounded like that's what Sam was about to do just now.

"I don't know." She said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Well neither do I unless you tell me. I want to help you." He said looking at her.

"That's the problem Ethan, you shouldn't have to help me, I'm a grown woman, I should be able to look after myself."

"But I like being there for you." He said, the feeling in his stomach getting worse.

"But you should have a girlfriend you can enjoy, someone you can have a good time with and not have to rescue, or someone who causes trouble, gets you beaten up, or anything like that. You deserve so much more Ethan."

"But I don't want that, I only want you. I need you." He ended the sentence quietly. This made her cry again.

"I want you too, but I'm just not worth the trouble Ethan, you could do better than me."

"Sam, I've told you before, you're perfect to me, even when you're getting hurt, arrested, or I'm getting punched. I've been there, done it all and I'd do it again for you. I'd do anything for you."

"Oh Ethan, you're too good to be true. I just want to be good for you not causing all this trouble. I'm so sorry about all of this. I don't know why I mess everything up." The tears fell silently down her cheeks. He moved to hug her, though he still felt a little unsure, she didn't flinch away so he pulled her in close. She smelt the familiar scent, and a safe feeling flooded through her and she nestled into him. He relaxed a little and continued to cuddle her while the last of her tears dried up.

"I'm sorry, I must stink of sick." She mumbled into his shoulder.

"I don't care about that. I just want you to feel better."

"I'm so tired Ethan." She whispered.

"Come on, lets go and lie down then." He said getting up and pulling her up too.

"Ok, but I need to clean my teeth first." She smiled slightly, for the first time since they got back.

Once they climbed into bed, both completely exhausted, Ethan pulled her into his arms. He kissed her head as she snuggled into him, finally feeling safe again.

Ethan, I'm so sorry." Sam said again.

"Stop apologising." He whispered into her hair.

"You know I don't want to lose you, I guess I was just giving you a chance to get away from me if that's what you wanted, because I wouldn't blame you if it was."

"Don't be silly, I don't want to lose you, not now I've found you." He sighed. "I was worried you were about to finish with me before things had even got started."

"I'd be crazy to finish with you, you're the most perfect person I've ever met."

"Sam, I meant what I said the other night, I love you. I know there's room for my love to grow even more, but there's no doubt in my mind that you're the one I want to be with. I'm looking forward to being with you, learning everything about you and loving everything about you." Ethan said sincerely. Sam looked at him, his eyes backed up the words he had spoken. She could see it now. She kissed him deeply.

"I love you too Ethan. I really do." They kissed again and snuggled down to sleep, both too exhausted to consider anything more then just being there to comfort one another.

The next thing they knew they were waking up and it was dark. They had slept the whole day away. Cal had already headed off for his night shift. And when Sam checked her phone she had a message from Rita and another from Robyn, and one from Ella.

Rita was obviously checking up on her having got into work and heard about the events the night before. Robyn was also concerned but also wanted to know about her and Ethan, and Ella was just a general how are you/lets meet up text.

As she was typing her replies Ethan rolled over and stretched.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" She said quietly.

"It's OK, what time is it?"

"Seven."

"Oh wow, you must be starving. I'll make us something to eat." Ethan said getting up. Sam got up too and they headed into the kitchen. Ethan started preparing the food and Sam made them both coffee.

"Ethan, can I just say again how sorry I am for everything." Sam said as she handed him his coffee.

"You don't need to, honestly." He smiled at her.

"But I just want you to know I am. And I'm going to try harder to not cause trouble." She smiled. "Here, let me help." She said getting involved in preparing dinner. They slipped back into easy conversation, almost as if nothing had happened. Sam's phone went off again and she laughed when she saw the reply.

"It seems Robyn has got wind of us being together." She smiled. "At least she doesn't seem to have taken it too badly that I didn't tell her."

"Ah, yes well that might be my fault." He admitted. "I kind of shouted about you being my girlfriend when you were being taken away yesterday."

"Hey it doesn't matter, we were about to come out of the closet anyway!" She laughed. ,"I just didn't want to risk upsetting her, but she kind of seems excited, bless her. I think I can control the damage."

* * *

At the ED, Cal was feeling tired, and a bit grumpy, he wished he was at home in bed, it was cold, and he felt like he was coming down with a viral bug. He sipped his coffee and sniffed.

"Wow, you don't look too good." A voice came from behind him. He turned, and couldn't stop a smile forming on his face when he saw Ella standing there smiling at him.

"Well, we can't all look as good as you." He smiled back, turning on his charm.

"Oh, don't try that with me Mr!" She laughed.

"What?" He tried to look all innocent.

"Caleb Knight! You only have to mention your name in the hospital and the horror stories come out."

"Oh, now I'm hurt!" He pretended to be shocked.

"But you're not denying it!" She laughed. Cal laughed too, it was hard not to, he liked Ella's laugh, there was something comforting about it, almost musical. "I'll take your lack of response as confirmation." She said crossing her arms across her chest.

"Well, I may not have always been good." He smiled.

"Let me guess, but you are now?" She smiled back, enjoying the banter.

"I didn't say that either." He laughed.

"Yeah I have heard; 'tends to think he's better than he is', I believe was one of the comments."

"Ouch!" He laughed again. "Maybe you should test it out for yourself?" He asked.

"Oh, you'll have to work harder than that with me Caleb." She smiled at him and turned back towards her ward.

Cal watched her leave and then letting out a sigh he ran his hands through his hair. He laughed to himself then got up and headed back into the ED. He tried to continue with his work, but his mind wasn't really on it.


	54. Chapter 54

When Ethan went to work the next day Sam popped in at the same time to catch up with Rita.

"So then they released me without charge finally. The CCTV backed up what I had told them, and with Ethan going in and giving evidence too, well it all helped. It seems the man might have had prior charges for assault." Sam finished filling Rita in.

"Well, I can't believe it, I'm sorry I wasn't there." Rita said.

"That's ok it was mortifying enough with those that were there." Sam smiled.

"Anyway, speaking of someone who was there..." Rita started and paused for effect looking at Sam with a grin. "A little birdie tells me there might be a certain man in your life now?"

"I'm guessing that little birdie was a little Robyn?" Sam grinned at her joke.

"Ha-ha, don't avoid the subject!" Rita grinned back. "Come on, it must be true, how long?" She gasped.

"Only a few weeks, and most of that has been spent with me ill or at work or in a custody cell!" She laughed. "It's not exactly been the most successful start. I'm just disappointed it came out in this way. I wanted to tell you girls myself. I'd even just discussed it with Ethan a few days before. I'm really sorry about that Rita."

"Hey, if anything, I'm the one who knows why you want to keep these things under wraps to start with." She smiled supporting her friend. Sam smiled at her. "So, its going well then?"

"Yes, ish, there have been a few hiccups caused by me, in the aforementioned events. But other than that, its been lovely." She couldn't hide the smile. Rita squeeled a bit and gave her friend a huge hug.

"I'm so pleased for you." she smiled. "Now just promise me one thing."

"What is it?"

"When you come back to work tomorrow, no heroics, no dramas, just a normal shift, ok?" She smiled.

"I promise Sister Freeman!" Sam giggled holding her hand up. "If you promise we'll do girls night soon?"

"Definitely." Rita smiled. "Oh, and you'll be needing this." She said passing Sam a large envelope.

"What's this?" Sam asked confused.

"Your starter pack and information for your nurse prescribers course." Rita smiled.

"Oh great Rita, thank you."

Sam headed back out into the department, where she looked for Robyn. She found her by the nurses station and dragged her into the empty staff room.

"Robyn, I need to explain."

"You are so in for it." Robyn said trying to be serious but failing miserably.

"I know, I know." She smiled. "Believe me when I say I was about to come clean, until fate took the decision out of my hands."

"I just can't believe you managed to hide it. Normally I'm good at these things. You're a sneaky one."

"It's not been that long anyway Robyn." She smiled guiltily. "Anyway, I've just been talking to Rita, girls night soon? I think it's much needed!"

"Definitely. Sounds great."

"I've got a friend Ella who has just moved here, I might bring her along too if that's OK?"

"Yeah, the more the merrier."

"I'm so glad you're not angry." Sam smiled.

"Well, I can't deny I would have preferred it if you had told me, but at least it's not been going on for months." She smiled.

"Thanks Robyn. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yes, tomorrow." She smiled as they left the staff room.

Sam tried to find Ethan, but he was already busy in resus, so after standing and watching him take control and lead the situation, she smiled to herself and turned and left. Not realising that just as she turned to walk away he happened to look up and see her. He smiled to himself. As she left the department to walk home she pulled out her phone.

'I came to say goodbye but you were in the middle of something in resus. You're cute when you're concentrating. See you later x'

Later on she got a reply: 'You're cute when you think I'm not watching. See you later x'

She spent the rest of her day smiling.

* * *

Over the coming days, Sam kept her head down at work and managed to stay out of trouble. She had bumped into Ella a few times, she noticed she kept finding reasons to pop down the the ED, or be outside on a break, she made a mental note to herself to chase up what the real reason might be, as if she couldn't guess.

She was eating a quick sandwich for lunch when Cal came in the room. He smiled and came and sat down next to her.

"Hey trouble, its been a while since we've had a proper chat." Cal smiled at Sam. She nudged him.

"I'm trying to get rid of my troublesome reputation thank you!" She laughed.

"Well, stop causing trouble and you might." He winked.

"Like you can lecture me about getting rid of reputations!" She laughed.

"Ouch!" He laughed.

"So how are things Cal?" She smiled.

"Yeah getting better. How about you?"

"Very evasive Caleb! Any new love interests?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I just want to see you happy." She smiled and placed her hand gently on his knee.

"No, nothing exciting." He said sadly.

"How about we go out for dinner tonight?"

"Asking me on a date, when you're dating my brother?" He pretended to look shocked.

"Very funny! No come on, it'll be nice, I can pay you back for all you've done for me."

"What will Ethan think?"

"It'll be fine, trust me." She smiled getting up to go back to work.

"Why do I get the feeling those words are going to get me into trouble!" He smiled back. She smiled at him over her shoulder.

* * *

That evening, Cal was on his way to meet Sam, Ethan hadn't been at home, Cal wasn't sure where he was. Sam had arranged to meet Cal outside the restaurant at 8. Cal saw her waiting outside and smiled at her. She gave him a hug.

"You look nice." He said. "Have you dressed up just for me?" He laughed.

"Of course! Just for you!" She laughed.

"What would your boyfriend say?" He winked.

"Let's go and ask him." She said smiling

"He's here? You're not making me play third wheel again?" He sighed.

"No, I've got a surprise for you."

"Sam, what have you done?" He said, sounding unsure as she pulled him in the door of the restaurant.

Unbeknown to Cal, Sam had organised a nice little meal as a foursome, with a special guest for Cal; Ella was sitting there, engrossed in a conversation with Ethan. When he saw her he faltered for a second, but soon regained his confident composure. He approached the table smiling, as if he knew this was the plan all along. He sat down and noticed Sam smiling like the cat who got the cream.

"Evening all, sorry I'm late." He smiled confidently at Ella. "Busy saving lives, you know how it is."

"But you weren't working Cal?" Ethan said confused. Ella smiled to herself.

"Yes, thank you Ethan, I was talking generally." Cal said, a bit annoyed with his brother for making him look stupid.

"You look cute when you sulk Cal," Ella laughed, "but lets not start the evening on a negative."

The four chatted away, enjoying their meal and wine. Cal and Ella flirted with each other, and Sam gave Ethan a heartwarming smile, she really saw something nice between the pair, and she just hoped they saw it too, not only because Ella was an old friend, but because the four of them really got on, and she hoped this would continue to pull the brothers back together. They decided to head to a bar for another drink when they finished their meal. Sam and Ethan walked ahead hand in hand, while Cal and Ella walked side by side behind them.

"So, Cal, are the stories true?" Ella smiled.

"It depends which version you are listening to." He smiled back.

"I've heard the horror versions, but they just don't quite fit."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I can see a part of you that would be all 'love em and leave em' but when I look at you, its like its not really you, just a front you put on, a barrier to stop yourself getting hurt maybe?" She said softly.

"What is it with you women, wanting to read in to our thoughts and feelings?" He tried to laugh off her comment.

"Well, we like a challenge, you know how it is." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"So do we." Cal replied, also raising his brow.

"Well, then we could be in for some fun couldn't we." She smiled as she headed in to the bar.

Cal, who had stopped to hold the door open for her, watched her walk in and head towards Sam and Ethan. He watched the sway of her hips, which he was sure was deliberately exaggerated as she knew he was watching. He breathed out and shook his head and headed inside. Ethan had bought the drinks and Cal leaned on the bar and took a sip of his pint. The girls had gone to the loo together, and Ethan turned to his brother and smiled.

"Why do women do that?" Ethan said. "I'll never understand why they go to the toilet together." He shook his head.

"Women are confusing creatures Ethan, never try to second guess them if you want any success." He laughed.

"So anyway, you and Ella seem to get on well."

"Don't go there Ethan!" Cal said.

"What? Why?" He asked confused.

"You and Sam are so bloody similar!" He laughed. "Trying to set me up!"

"We're not, she's Sam's friend and Sam just thought it'd be nice if we all went out."

"Don't be so naïve Ethan." Cal laughed. "It's not a problem, I like her, she's good fun."

"But?"

"But nothing, she's nice."

"If this is about Ta-"

"Don't mention it, its not." He gave Ethan a warning look. "I think Ella has been put off by my reputation." He sighed.

"So, you've changed, or you can change, prove it to her."

"Ethan, just because you're happy in a relationship, don't assume we all we to be." He laughed.

"No, I don't, I mean I just-" he started but was cut off when he saw the girls returning.

"What are you girls gossiping about?" Sam laughed at the boys.

"Nothing." Ethan said looking guilty, making Sam laugh even more.

"Ethan Hardy, you are a terrible liar, but I love that about you." She smiled, leaning in for a kiss. Cal rolled his eyes and let his ditaste be known.

"Stop being all lovey dovey, some of us want to hold onto our dinner thank you!" Cal said huffily.

"Oh Cal, don't be so cynical. They are sweet." Ella smiled.

"Yeah, sickly sweet!" He rolled his eyes again.

"Aww, someone's jealous." Ella teased.

"I'm not." He huffed.

"Jealous and sulky!" Ella grinned.

"I'm not." He smiled.

"Jealous, sulky, and incredibly cute."

"Cute?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Ok, sexy, good looking, gorgeous. Does that inflate your ego a bit better?" She smiled.

"Much better, thank you." He winked.

They shared a taxi home later, dropping Ella off first then heading back to the boys flat, as Ethan had asked Sam to stay over again. She and Ethan disappeared off to his room very quickly, with Cal yet again rolling his eyes at them. He went to his room and crawled into bed alone. He took out his phone and sighed. He wondered what he should do. The old Cal would take Ella out, get them drunk and sleep with her, but he just couldn't bring himself to. Did this mean he could see more between them than that, or was he just scared, scared that he might get hurt, or that he might just mess everything up. He wasn't even sure if she liked him, sure she teased him, and they flirted, but so did he and Sam, and look how that ended up. No, he couldn't risk it, he decided, it was just Sam putting ideas in his head. With that his phone went off in his hands. He looked down and couldn't stop a smile forming, it was a message from her.

'Hope you're not still sulking, even if you do look good doing it, I'm not there to see it.'

'I wish you were here.'

'I'm sure you do, maybe some day...'

'Maybe...'

'Sweet dreams Cal'

'You too'

They both drifted off to sleep with smiles on their faces, wondering if this was the start of something fun, or something special. Either way, they were happy.


	55. Chapter 55

Sam found herself in Mrs Beauchamp's office a couple of days later, needing to discuss who would mentor her through her prescribing course. They had decided Zoe could suuport her as a very experienced consultant, but that also she could work alongside the junior doctors to gain clinical experience. Before Connie let her go she wanted to ask one more thing.

"How have things been with you and Lily lately?"

"To be honest, I've just kept my distance to avoid any confrontations." Sam admitted.

"Well, I think it's time you both started learning to work together, she must be getting used to you being here now. Maybe you should try again." Connie suggested.

"If you think it will help, I'll give it a go Mrs Beauchamp." Sam said as she got up to leave the office.

She entered the department, and found Rita.

"Where do you want me today boss?" Sam asked.

"We're a bit short handed, so would you mind taking cubicles today with Lofty?"

"Sure sounds good." Sam smiled and headed off.

She was 4 hours into her shift, having treated a variety of things, some she was sure didn't need to be here, but it was the nature of the emergency department. She had just called through a girl in her early 20s who was very withdrawn and quiet having fallen and sustained a wrist injury and some facial lacerations and a bloody nose. Her story wasn't hugely convincing and Sam was highly suspicious. She seemed frightened and panicky and kept looking over her shoulder. Sam pulled the curtains around to give them some privacy and tried to get her to open up. She wasn't really getting anywhere, so she asked Max to escort her to the X-ray department and stay with her. She headed through cubicles and stopped dead when she saw a face she recognised. Ethan was taking a man through to cubicles and seeing him made her blood run cold. It was Mark, the guy she had met when she went speed dating with Robyn. She turned and headed in the other direction and darted in behind a pillar. She stood for a minute to catch her breath and compose herself, when Cal came around the corner and made her jump.

"Are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost?" He said looking concerned.

"I'm fine." She breathed. "Fine, just, need to get something." She mumbled hurrying off. Cal watched her leave, and wondered what on earth was going on. He looked around but couldn't work out what it was that had got her acting so strange. He carried on heading back towards resus when Ethan came out of a cubical backwards and knocked right into him.

"Steady on mate, watch where you're going."

"Oh, erm, sorry." He said hurriedly.

"What is with everyone today, you're all acting weird. Wait! Have you and Sam been at it in a cubical again?" He grinned. "Is that why she was acting weird?"

"What? No! And what do you mean acting weird?"

"Well, I just bumped into her by reception and she was out of breath and looking shocked. But when I asked her she just hurried off. Then I bumped into you. Come on, you have haven't you, you two can't keep your hands off each other." He laughed.

"No Cal, we're not all like you!" Ethan snapped. "Anyway, where did she go?"

"That way." Cal nodded his head towards where Sam had headed and Ethan hurried off. Cal shook his head and carried on towards resus.

Ethan couldn't find Sam, so headed back to his patient. He couldn't shake the feeling that he recognised him from somewhere but couldn't work out where. He assumed he must have treated him before, although he couldn't see anything in his notes, maybe he had been in with a partner or something. Ethan needed to get an ultrasound done on the man, who was complaining of a blunt trauma to his testicles. A strange injury, usually one that men didn't seek help for, or lied about how they did it, which he suspected this man was. Nonetheless, it didn't change the fact that he needed an ultrasound. He sent the man off with a porter to get one done and inspected his notes.

Sam's girl had returned from X-ray, and she had a fractured wrist which needed putting in plaster. Sam was talking to the girl about what happened, and the girl reluctantly admitted that she had been attacked the previous night on a night out. It might have been knowing that Mark was somewhere in the department, but it brought back all the memories to Sam. She asked the girl if she knew who had done it, and the girl looked a bit ashamed. Sam tried to reassure her.

"You know we've all done silly things, it doesn't mean you deserve this" Sam said kindly.

"I thought he liked me." The girl said tearfully.

"Was it your boyfriend?" Sam asked and the girl shook her head.

"I don't really know him. I just met him at an event and he asked me out for a drink. He seemed decent enough but then he got really drunk and tried it on with me, and when I refused he got violent." The girl started to cry and Sam pulled her into a reassuring hug. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand on end though. Surely it couldn't be a co-incidence that Mark was in the department now? Had he done it again? Sam had to find out.

"How did you get away?" Sam asked as the girls tears lessened.

"I fought him off, he pinned me against the wall, so I kicked him in the leg then his, you know." The girl sniffed. "Then I just ran, I was trying to run so fast I fell over my feet and that's how I hurt my wrist."

"You should tell the police." Sam knew this was hypocritical, but she had to give the advice.

"No! No I don't want to." The girl said panicking again.

"I can help you, it will be OK."

"No, I'm not going to, he didn't actually do anything, and they will blame me anyway, and I could get in as much trouble for hurting him."

"But it was self defense."

"Please I don't want to, I just want to get out of here and get home." She started to cry again. Sam put her arm around the girls shoulder and wondered how she could convince her to change her mind. She had to stall things.

"I'm just going to find someone to plaster your wrist then we can get you sorted and home." Sam said soothingly. She left the cubicle and headed for Ethan.

Ethan." She called to him.

"I was looking for you." He said, "are you ok? Cal said you looked strange earlier?"

"Strange? I'm fine, but I have a girl who has been attacked and I think you might be treating the man responsible. What is cubical 4 in for?"

"Blunt trauma to his...um, testicles, why?" He asked.

"It's got to be, that's how she got away. He did it, he must have." Sam muttered to herself.

"Hang on, you can't go making assumptions and accusations like that, you need facts Sam, come on, you know that." He said.

"But I know it was him, I just know it!"

"Has your patient identified him?"

"Well no, but-"

"Well but nothing. Sam you can't go flying about making such accusations without proof."

"Ethan, trust me, it was him."

"Sam, just leave it."

"How can you say that? If it was him then he should be punished."

"Has the girl reported it?" He sighed.

"No, she's too afraid."

"Sam, unless she points him out to the police, then you shouldn't get involved."

"But-"

"No, Sam I mean it! Don't do anything stupid!"

"I'm not going to do anything stupid Ethan!" Sam said getting annoyed. "I just think if it was him then he shouldn't be able to get away with it."

"But you have no proof that it was, so unless the girl points him out and says definitively that it was him then you stay away, right?"

Sam opened her mouth to answer back, but just turned on her heel feeling really annoyed and walked off. She really thought Ethan would be more supportive and would help her, but if he wasn't going to then she would sort it by herself. But how she thought.

She went back to her patient and said she was having trouble locating someone to put on the plaster, but gave her some pain relief.

"Are you sure you don't want to report this? I can help you." Sam said.

"No. There's really nothing to report. Besides he said I'd given him the come-on. The police are sure to think the same."

Sam felt her blood run cold. That's what he had said to her. She got flashbacks, she could hear him hissing in her ear, she could feel his hands on her, she could smell him near her. She took a deep breath.

"But what if he does it to someone else, what if they don't get away?"

"I can't."

"What was his name?"

The girl shook her head. Sam knew she needed to change tact.

"What if I told you it had happened to me? What if I told you I regretted it every day that I didn't report it, thinking he could do the same or worse to someone else, and somehow I'd feel that it was my fault for not reporting it."

"I don't believe you. You're just trying to get me to do it."

"It did happen to me. And I think the man who did it to me might be the same one who did it to you, because he's in here now."

"He's here?!" The girl sat bolt uptight in shock. "I have to get out of here."

"No, you can't, we need to plaster your wrist." Sam said stopping her from getting up. "You're safe, he doesn't know you're here."

"I need to get away." She started to cry again.

"What if I can show you him without you being seen?"

"No! I don't want to see him!" The girl yelled. Just then Ethan called her out of the cubicle.

"Is everything OK in there?" He asked Sam as she exited.

"All fine, she's just upset and in pain." Sam smiled. Ethan looked at her.

"Is that her?"

"Who?"

"The girl you think has been attacked?" He whispered dragging her away from the cubicle by her arm.

"I don't think it, she has been!" Sam said feeling her anger rising again.

"Sam I told you to leave it." He shot her a warning look. "Look, I need a catheter put in my patient, I can't find Robyn and Rita is busy in resus with Cal. Can I trust you to do it?" He asked.

"Of course you can, its only a catheter." She looked affronted.

"Yes, its not the procedure, its who its on."

"You want me to cathterise him? Sam felt herself inwardly shake. She wasn't sure she could face him, let alone do that. Then she found her inner strength rise up. "No problem. I'll do it now." She smiled as she felt a plan forming.

"No funny business though, right?" Ethan sighed.

"I don't know what you're implying." She smiled. "There's only one man I have eyes for." She said trying to get him back on side, she smiled sweetly at him and headed off to get the equipment. She popped in to her patient and the plaster technician was there, so Sam reassured her that she would be back soon.

With that, she headed in to Mark's cubicle.


	56. Chapter 56

"Hello, my name is Sam, the doctor has asked me to come and put a catheter in you." She said stoically.

Mark was visibly shocked to see her, although he had known she worked there, for her to suddenly appear took him by surprise. It seemed she had no recollection of him he thought, she was behaving very oddly though, very robotic and devoid of emotion.

"Have you ever had the procedure done before?" She asked in the same tone.

"O-once." He nodded.

"Ok, so you know it will be uncomfortable, but I will use some special gel to slightly numb the area." She said as she prepared her trolley.

Once she was ready to go she asked him to drop his trousers and pants and she warned him the gel would be cold. She felt a little bit of pleasure when he winced when she put the gel in. The next bit was going to be a whole lot worse. She picked up the catheter and came towards him.

"Think nice thoughts Mark. Maybe about which girl you're going to force yourself onto next. Although if I get my way, the one you attacked last night will report you and that will be the end of it." She said as she put the catheter in, perhaps a little more roughly than she normally would. He jumped and yelled out as the procedure hurt, due to him already being very tender in the area.

"It's no more than you deserve." Sam snapped.

"What's your problem you bitch!" He hissed.

"My problem is people like you who think they can do what they like to innocent girls and get away with it!" She hissed back whilst finishing off the procedure, making him yelp once more. It was very unlike Sam, normally she was very gentle and caring when doing this procedure, but Mark didn't deserve her softer side.

"I'm going to report you, you bloody bitch." Mark hissed at her again.

"Just try it Mark, see if I care! It's what I should have done to you months ago, reported you."

"What for? For kissing you, trying to give you what you wanted?"

"I didn't want it, I said no! That should have been enough to stop you, but it wasn't was it? You pushed yourself on me and you attacked me, and now you've done the same to someone else!" Sam said firmly.

"How the hell do you know?!"

"Because I've been treating her injuries Mark. Someone has to pick up the pieces!" Sam yelled.

By this time the raised voices had gained an audience and Ethan and Robyn had made their way to the cubicle. Ethan slinked his way in behind the curtains.

"What is going on here?" He said firmly, looking from Sam to Mark.

"Nothing. I've just put the catheter in as you asked." Sam said while removing her gloves and apron and tidying up the trolley. She pushed it out of the cubicle. Ethan looked at Mark, who remained silent, then he followed Sam out into the department.

"Sam, what was all that about?" Ethan asked firmly.

"Nothing, I said I just put in the catheter."

"Sam, I heard you, and if I heard you I'd guess other people did too. You were shouting at him."

"No more than he deserved."

"If you didn't feel you could remain professional then you shouldn't have done the procedure."

"How could you say that?" Sam said, shocked.

"Well you didn't, how can you tell me that behaviour was professional."

"I had to get the truth, Ethan. Don't you understand?"

"No! I told you to leave it but you couldn't could you. You had to get involved again! When will you learn." He sighed shaking his head exasperated.

"You don't get it do you?" Sam said, feeling angry and upset.

"Get what? What is there to get?" Ethan said getting louder. By this time a few of their colleagues were glancing up from what they were doing. Robyn had retreated back towards the nurses station, but was obviously watching the scene unfold with shock. Sam just stared at Ethan, as if he should get this, but he didn't. Ethan realised they had an audience and pulled her outside the main doors to carry on away from everyone.

"Why are you so desperate to fight everyone's corner? Why do you have to get involved?" He asked, confused and annoyed. "Is this because of what happened to you that night? You didn't report it so to make yourself feel better you fight for the others?"

"It's not just that!"

"Sam this is stupid! This need to intervene and mend everyone's relationships is ridiculous. I thought you were more sensible than this, but this was completely unprofessional! You risked your safety and more importantly, a patients safety! If he found out she was here!" Ethan shouted, he was really annoyed now, he just couldn't believe that Sam had been so stupid.

"It was him! Don't you realise, he did it to me! And now he's done it to someone else!" Sam cried out, turning back into the department and heading for the staffroom.

Realisation hit Ethan like a smack in the face. That's where he recognised him from. The man in the pub from all those months ago, the one who Sam had been for a drink with, the one who had attacked her. He felt sick. He knew he recognised him, he couldn't believe he didn't remember. How could he not. He looked in the direction Sam had headed with some remorse, now having some understanding why she acted a little crazy. He didn't agree with what she did, but at least he got why she was so desperate to get the truth out.

Robyn, who had caught the end of things outside, followed Sam into the staff room. She was sat on the chair with her head in her hands sobbing. Robyn sat down next to her and put her arm around her and just let her cry. When the sobbing settled Robyn began to talk.

"What on earth was all that about?" Robyn asked.

"I just wanted to help." Sam sniffed.

"I think its more than that. Ethan doesn't often lose it like that, so something must have got to him?" Robyn said. She had heard some of the things, and she was pushing Sam to get her to come clean.

"Oh Robyn, what have I done?" Sam said with her head still in her hands. "He hates me doesn't he?"

"I doubt that very much. But he's probably just frustrated with you."

"I mess everything up!"

"No you don't, you're just headstrong, and sometimes you go into situations without thinking things through fully. Especially when you're trying to help the weak or vulnerable."

"I just wanted him to take responsibility for what he had done"

"And what was that?"

"He attacked that girl, I know he did."

"But how do you know?" Robyn looked confused, she still didn't know it was Mark behind the curtain. Sam looked up and looked Robyn right in the eye.

"Because he did the same to me." She almost whispered.

"What? When?" She asked quickly.

"Robyn, its Mark, the one we met on that speed dating night."

"No way!"

"Yes, it was him, the night we went out for drinks, he got drunk and tried to force himself on me, I got away but not without a crack on the head and a black eye."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Robyn asked, a bit hurt that Sam would hide it from her.

"I was ashamed, embarrassed about it Robyn."

"I would have understood, you know that."

"I know. But no one knew, except Ethan, I swore him to secrecy. I was too ashamed."

"That's silly, its times like that you need friends." Robyn said, still hurt. Sam could see she was upset.

"Robyn, I'm sorry, please understand, I felt so stupid to have gotten myself in such a mess. I wouldn't have told anyone, Ethan only knew because he happened to find me straight afterwards."

"I just wished you had let me help you."

"You'd have tried to convince me to go to the police, and I didn't want that." Sam said, realising this is exactly what she had been doing with her patient, and it was only because of her own guilt that she hadn't done it before. She knew chances are it wouldn't make any difference, but she still felt guilty.

"Even so." Robyn said. "You could have spoken to me, I would have supported you."

"I'm really sorry Robyn, you're a good friend. I know that. Thank you." Sam held out her arms and the girls hugged.

"Now we just need to do some more damage control." Robyn smiled. "I suggest you don't go back to either of those patients. Let me sort them out." Before she left, Robyn made Sam a coffee. "You stay here and drink that, I'll be back in a bit."

"Thank you Robyn." Sam smiled as she left.


	57. Chapter 57

Ethan had gone back to treating patients. He needed time to cool off, and being methodical and getting stuck into his work was his way of dealing with it and regaining a sense of calm. He'd asked Lily to take over with treating Mark, though he didn't explain why, but he felt he couldn't continue to treat him knowing what he knew. Then he quickly discharged the you woman who Sam had been treating so she could get home safely, which was where she wanted to be. Thankfully, Mark was completely distracted by Lily, and didn't mention anything about Sam's behaviour towards him, and he was soon referred to the surgeons for further review.

Ethan knew he needed to speak to Sam, but he wasn't sure what to say. He still felt angry, well, disappointed in her and the way she acted. He still thought she was wrong to do what she did, but he also felt bad that he didn't realise who Mark was and that he asked her to do the procedure. The one thing he knew for sure was that he didn't want another argument.

Sam, on the other hand, did feel remorse, but more about her argument with Ethan. She couldn't help that she felt cross about him not supporting her, but why should he know who Mark was, he wasn't there was he. He wouldn't recognise him. To Ethan, Mark was just another patient who needed treatment. Deep down she knew she was wrong and needed to apologise to Ethan, but with anger still bubbling inside her, she couldn't. She went to find Rita. She was stood with Iain, who had just handed over a patient, and they were sharing a kiss. Sam waited until they realised she was there.

"Sorry Rita, I need a favour."

"What is it?" Rita asked, a little pink in the cheeks.

"Can I switch and work in triage this afternoon? I need to keep out of the way." Sam said quietly. Rita had seen the first part of Ethan and Sam's exchange, so she understood.

"That's fine, if it's what you feel you need to do." Rita said softly. Sam nodded and went to walk away, but Rita caught her arm. "If you need to talk, you know where I am." Sam smiled and headed to the triage room, grateful she could be alone and avoid Ethan here.

Ethan cautiously carried on with the rest of his shift, he was only on a short shift today, it wasn't that he didn't want to see Sam, its just that he didn't want another confrontation. However, he didn't see her again, it was almost like she had disappeared. He went to the staffroom to change out of his scrubs, and checked his phone. He was disappointed to see that there was no message from Sam. He sighed, picked up his bag and headed off home. Cal stopped him on the way out, having been unaware of the earlier incident.

"You alright Nibbles?" He said, noticing that Ethan looked very sullen and hunched over. "Bad day?" Cal had been busy in resus so had hardly seen Ethan.

"You could say that." He said simply.

"Have you got plans with Sam tonight?" Cal asked. Ethan flinched slightly and stiffened at her name.

"No." He said.

"Well, come on, lets you and me go for a drink, just us. It's been a while." Cal smiled. Ethan thought about it. On the one hand he wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed, but on the other, it would be nice to spend some time with his brother.

"Ok," he sighed, "lets do it." Ethan walked off home and Cal watched him as he left, he didn't know what was wrong but he was determined to find out.

Later as Sam was finishing her shift, she was talking to Rita and Robyn.

"Girls, how about we bring girls night forward and go out for some drinks tonight? I feel I need a bit of fun." Sam said.

"Yeah, I'm up for it." Robyn smiled.

"Me too." Agreed Rita.

The girls agreed to meet in town for cocktails, and all headed off home to get ready.

When Cal got home from work, he found Ethan asleep on the sofa with his text book on his lap.

"Ethan? Ethan, wake up." He shook him gently and Ethan jumped.

"You fell asleep. Are you ok?" Cal said, a worried tone in his voice.

"Oh, yes, fine, sorry, what time is it?" Ethan said sleepily rubbing his eyes and stretching.

"It's six thirty." Cal said. "I brought pizza home." He smiled. The boys tucked into their pizza and Cal got them out a couple of bottles of beer, before they got ready and headed into town.

Sam got home and had a long hot shower. She had to try and wash away the stresses of today. She was still thinking over it all. Why had she been so awful to Ethan? It wasn't really like her, but she had lost her temper with him, and he had lost his with her. Were the cracks starting to show in their relationship already, or was this simply a little blip. She knew she would need to apologise, but she was still upset that Ethan had said she was unprofessional. That really hurt.

She had already text Ella to see if she wanted to join them, and had just got a reply saying she would meet them in the cocktail bar later. Sam pulled on her dark skinny jeans and a top, she pulled out her favourite heels and applied her make-up. Curling her hair slightly as always, she grabbed her bag and headed out into town. She needed a blow out with the girls, and she couldn't wait.

Robyn and Rita were already there when Sam arrived, with cocktails ready on the table.

"Hi girls, you look great!" Sam smiled. "Thanks!" She said raising a cocktail to her lips after Robyn pushed one towards her. "Just what I needed!"

"Yes, it was a bit of a day wasn't it?" Robyn said.

"Well, we won't dwell on that, we're here to have fun." Sam said. "Come on Reets, we need the gossip on you and Iain."

"Ooh, yes!" agreed Robyn.

"There's nothing to tell guys, its going great, he's a lovely guy, just what I need right now."

"I never had Iain down as lovely." Robyn said. Then she hurriedly corrected herself. "I mean he's lovely, of course he is, but I thought he'd be more...you know!"

"Sexy?!" Sam added smiling. "Manly, controlling, hot?" She added, a wicked grin spreading on her face. Robyn and Rita laughed.

"Well, yes, he's all of those things," Rita grinned and blushed. "He's perfect."

"Oh, Rita's in love!" Robyn chimed, smiling.

"It's lovely Rita." Sam smiled, feeling a pang of guilt and sadness though. She looked at her phone, she still hadn't heard from Ethan. She wondered if she should text him but she wasn't sure if he had forgiven her. She didn't want to make things worse. She hated that she'd made him angry. They were on their next lot of cocktails when Ella arrived. Sam waved her over and made the introductions.

"So not out with the boyfriend tonight?" Ella asked, not knowing what had happened earlier. Robyn cringed.

"No, its girls night tonight." Sam said coolly, but with sadness in her eyes.

"Yes and its gonna be a good one." Robyn added. "Cheers girls!" She said holding up her cocktail. The girls clinked glasses and knocked back their drinks.

Meanwhile Cal and Ethan were sat in a booth of another pub in town.

"So, come on Ethan, we've done work small talk, are you going to tell me what's up?" Cal asked whilst sipping his pint.

"Nothing, its fine." Ethan said quietly.

"Ethan, you underestimate me. I'm your brother, I know you."

"It really doesn't matter, just an issue at work."

"Not Lily again, honestly I just wish she'd ba-" Cal started.

"It's not Lily. I don't know why you assume it would be." Ethan replied sulkily.

"Well someone has got you all huffy, try talking to me, it might help."

"Sam and I had a fight." He sighed, resting his head in his hands.

"Ah, she finally realised she wanted to be with me instead?" He laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Ethan shot him a look and he knew it hadn't worked. "Sorry. What happened?"

Ethan proceeded to explain the whole story to Cal.

"...and now I just don't know how I feel, or what to do." He sighed.

"Wow, I can't believe he was there, no wonder Sam went a bit mad."

"So are you saying she was right to do what she did?" Ethan asked, his confusion and emotions tearing him apart.

"No, I'm not saying that, the right thing to do would have been to stand aside, and not get involved, but we know our Sam; she likes to stand up for the little guy. I can understand why she acted a bit out of sorts, a girl you are treating is attacked in a similar way to you, probably by the same guy and he appears in the ED too. Well its not normal every day stuff is it?"

"No, I guess not. But then I lost it, I told her she was unprofessional, I shouted at her, I didn't mean to, I was just angry that she would do something so stupid again. I guess I was just scared that she would get hurt."

"It'll be fine Ethan, honestly, you two are great together, so great its sickening!" He laughed. "When you work together, especially in a job like ours, there will always be little tensions, disagreements. You will sort it, just talk to her." Cal said.

"That's the thing, I don't know if she wants to talk to me, I haven't even heard from her." He sighed, checking his phone once more, nothing.

"I guarantee she is at home right now, looking at her phone, probably waiting for you to make the first move. Don't forget she has that stubborn side. In fact I think all women do! She'll want you to make the first move and in this case mate, I don't think you'll be losing anything if you do, in fact, you'll lose more if you don't."

"Thanks Caleb." Ethan said with a small smile. Cal headed off to the bathroom and Ethan looked at his phone. What should he say. Should he say sorry, or that they need to talk or that he loves her. He staredfor ages at the blank message screen, then saw Cal coming back. He sighed and put his phone away.

"Have you messaged her?"

"No, I'll do it when I get home and can think."

Back with the girls, many more cocktails had been drunk and they were feeling rather tipsy, it was turning out to be a good night.

"Ella! That's hilarious!" Robyn laughed as Ella told them of some funny family anecdotes.

"Oh you should see the reality Robyn, its better than the stories!" Sam smiled.

"Ella, you have to come to our next work night out." Robyn laughed. "We'd have a blast!"

"I think that sounds like a plan." Sam said.

"Definitely." Rita agreed grinning.

"Aw, thanks guys!" Ella smiled. "So Sam, how's the lovely boyfriend? You haven't said much about him tonight."

"No, well, we had a little disagreement at work today, then I avoided him for the rest of the shift and we haven't actually spoken since. So I don't know if he is still my boyfriend." She tried to make a joke, but it was clear she was hurt.

"Oh no!" Ella said.

"What exactly happened?" Rita asked.

Sam came clean and explained the whole situation to the girls.

"It'll be OK hun, anyone who has seen you and Ethan together knows you are good, it'll take more then this to break you up." Ella said soothingly.

"But I haven't heard from him. No text, nothing." Sam sighed.

"He's probably waiting for you to make the first move!" Rita said. "And why didn't you come and get me to do the catheter?"

"You were busy in resus."

"Even so, you shouldn't have been put in that position. Why do you end up in these situations Sam? I mean why are you always fighting someone's cause when it comes to cases like this? None of us agree with domestic violence or anything. But it seems to really push your buttons?" Rita said.

"Because I've been there Rita! I've been on the other end, that terrifying feeling that you can't get away, or believing you're so worthless that you don't deserve any better. Being afraid every time he came home drunk, pretending to be asleep in the hope he won't touch you, or start a fight with you. I know how it feels and I hate that anyone feels that scared and alone with no one to turn to. If there's any chance I can stop someone feeling the way I've felt then I'll do it, I'll do what ever I can to make them realise there are options and I will help them."

Everyone stared in stunned silence at Sam's confession. But suddenly they understood. They understood her need to get involved and stop people getting hurt. They didn't always think her methods were right, but they understood why she had to involve herself. She really was just trying to protect people, and give them hope.

"Come on girls, its time we went dancing. Let's go to one more pub, get some shots and go for a dance!" Sam said, trying to get the night back on track. She didn't want to dwell on that part of her life, it was over, even if maybe she realised she wasn't fully over it. She would deal with that another day.


	58. Chapter 58

"Where are we headed girls?" Sam asked.

"You want cheap shots? I reckon we go there." Said Robyn pointing across the road. "It's a bit of an old man pub but they do cheap deals, we could get jägerbombs!"

"Oh my god!" Rita laughed, and Sam and Ella cheered as the girls headed off to get their jägerbombs. When they got in, Sam and Rita headed off to the loo and Robyn and Ella got the drinks in. They were laughing and joking at the bar while waiting for the other two to come back, and didn't realise someone approached them.

"Evening ladies." Came a smooth voice behind them. The girls turned around and came face to face with Cal. Ella smiled at him, as she tried to keep calm. Robyn pulled him into a hug as she was rather tipsy and excitable.

"What are you doing here Cal?" Robyn asked. "Not on a date are you?" She grinned.

"No, no date, unless you count my brother." He laughed, worried Ella would get the wrong idea again.

"Ethan's here?" Robyn said shocked "But so is Sam, she's in the bathroom."

"Well, maybe that's a good thing," Ella said. "Maybe now they can talk."

"Great, I'll just sit by myself then." Cal said pretending to sulk.

"You're doing it again Cal!" Ella said smiling. "And besides, you can come and play with us while they talk, so you won't be by yourself."

Just then Sam and Rita returned, and were surprised to see Cal stood by the bar with Robyn and Ella.

"Cal? What are you doing here?" Sam asked.

"I brought Ethan out for a drink and a chat, he needed cheering up." Cal said looking Sam square in the eye. He saw her look regretful.

"Is he here?" She asked looking around. Cal nodded towards where Ethan was sat looking intently a his phone, having not realised Cal had got distracted. Sam sighed, seeing his forlorn look, knowing she was the cause, she looked back at Cal.

"Should I go and..."She started. " I mean, does he want to talk to me?" She asked, almost afraid of the answer. The girls stared, almost holding their own breath waiting for the answer.

"I think you need to. He thinks you won't want to speak to him."

"I thought he wouldn't want to speak to me!" Sam said, somewhat relieved.

"I've said it before, you two are so similar its unbelievable." Cal smiled.

Sam took her jägerbomb from the bar and necked it, then she took a deep breath and headed off towards Ethan. She sat down at the table before he even looked up. He flinched slightly when he realised it was Sam there and not Cal. He wondered if Cal had set him up, but as he looked across the room he saw Cal at the bar with the others. He looked at Sam, she was just sitting there looking at him, with a half smile on her face. He could tell she wasn't sure of herself, especially once she started to bite her bottom lip. She reached out her hands towards his, but faltered, losing her nerve, she rested her hands on the table.

"Ethan, I need to apologise." She said softly, looking regretful.

"So do I." He replied. He moved his hands onto hers and she grasped at them, clutching his in hers as if it was the only thing she could do.

"But I need to explain, I assumed you should know why I acted the way I did, but why would you, you didn't know him and you don't know why I'm always fighting for these girls." Sam said. "Ethan, you know I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I let you down."

"You didn't, I mean, I got angry because I didn't get it, not until you explained, but I was angry because I was scared, scared you would get yourself in trouble again." He squeezed her hand. "I don't want to see you get hurt." He said looking away, embarrassed all of a sudden, admitting his feelings.

"I'm so sorry Ethan, really, I never wanted to hurt you."

"And I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"Ethan, I deserved it, I was wrong, I should have stepped aside, admitted there was a conflict of interests and let someone else do it. I guess somehow I felt guilty about not reporting him and it meant that he was able to do it to someone else."

"I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding. If I'd have known, I would never have asked you to do it."

"I know you wouldn't Ethan, its not your fault, its all mine. Honest." Sam moved to sit next to him. "Oh Ethan, you have to believe me when I say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." Sam smiled squeezing his hand. He leaned in towards her and then she made the move to kiss him tenderly on the lips.

"I feel the same about you." He smiled as they broke away from their kiss.

Over at the bar, Robyn nodded towards the kissing pair.

"I guess they've made up, and girls night is one person down." She smiled, feeling glad they had made up as everyone had a look.

"Well that's my night done too then." Cal said.

"No it isn't, you can come on girls night!" Ella laughed.

"Well thanks, but I don't think I make a very good girl."

"That's OK, we aren't good girls either." Ella winked. Cal let out a breathy laugh as he felt his stomach knot up. He could have dragged her by the wrist back to his bed and had her there and then, but he didn't. He couldn't, but he didn't know what was stopping him.

"Come on girls, time for us to go and dance the night away." Robyn said as they had their last round of shots. She took out her phone and text Sam and they headed out of the door. Cal stayed by the bar with the last bit of his pint, and watched the girls leave. Ella turned and gave him a smile, he returned it and felt his heart get heavy as she left.

Meanwhile, Sam and Ethan were sharing another kiss, when Sam pulled away.

"Ethan, I need to talk to you, but here isn't the right place." She said looking worried. This in turn made him worry. He felt his stomach plummet, what was she going to say now? He thought they were getting back on track.

"O-ok." He nodded. Sam looked over towards where she had left her friends, but realised they were gone and it was just Cal standing there nursing a nearly empty pint. She looked around but couldn't see them. Taking out her phone she realised she had a message from Robyn.

'You two need time to talk and sort it out. We'll finish girls night another time, but we're taking Ella, she's great fun! Xx'

Sam smiled, she had great friends. She sent a quick reply to say thanks and looked up at Ethan, who still looked worried.

"Do you, um, would you like to stay at mine tonight?" Sam asked nervously.

"Yes, I mean, if you want me to."

"I really want you to Ethan." She said looking deep into his eyes. She loved those eyes so much, they truly were windows to his soul, a way she could try and get inside him, bare his soul and see him for who he truly was.

She got up, holding onto his hand and pulled him towards Cal.

"I'm stealing your brother away." She said to him, hoping he wouldn't mind.

"You two have made up then?" He smiled.

"Yes, but we need to talk away from here." Sam said.

"Yeah I get it, you two just can't keep away from each other." He grinned.

"What can I say." Sam smiled and shrugged. "He's just so damn hot I can't control myself." She winked and pulled Ethan out of the door. Cal shook his head and laughed at the sight, Ethan looked a bit like a lamb being led to slaughter, terrified and confused. He really needed to do something to help boost his brothers confidence. Although he guessed that was really Sam's remit now. He drained the last bit of his pint and headed off home.


	59. Chapter 59

When they arrived back at Sam's flat, Sam was still quite tipsy, but Ethan was a bit more sober, having only had a couple of pints. He decided it was probably safer if he made the coffee, as Sam would probably end up pouring boiling water all over herself. She sat on the counter and watched him as he made the drinks, smiling to herself. He handed her her coffee, and she placed it beside her and pulled him back towards her. She wrapped her legs around his waist so he couldn't get away and she kissed him deeply. After his initial shock, he kissed her back, realising just how much he'd missed her, and longed for her during their fight. He had been worried they'd never kiss again, and he really loved kissing her.

But his mind went back to what she had said earlier. They needed to talk, but what about, he had to know. He was about to stop the kiss when suddenly, he felt Sam slip her tongue in his mouth ever so gently, and it sent a whole new wave of desire through him. Their kiss suddenly became more urgent, needing. Sam slid herself off of the counter, not daring to break the kiss, she pushed him up against the fridge with a bit of force, he was a bit shocked but it made her intentions clear, they weren't going to be talking for a little while. Sam stopped kissing him and looked at him, then she pulled him by his wrist into the bedroom and pushed him onto the bed, kissing him again.

Afterwards, they lay in each others arms. Ethan pulled her into him and was gently stroking her back, she nestled into his chest.

"I really do love you Ethan, I feel it more and more each day."

"I love you too." He sighed, although he was still thinking about what it was she might need to tell him.

"You're so perfect, too good to be true, I don't deserve you."

"I disagree, I'm not perfect and you deserve more."

She sat up slightly and looked at him in shock.

"How could you say that? You don't see just how special you are do you?"

"Well, no." He said quietly.

"Ethan, you're the most amazing man I've ever met, and I can tell you one thing for sure," she said as she snuggled back into him, pulling him in for another close hug. "Your mother will be so proud of you." She felt him tense up at the mention of his mum. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you, you just need to realise just what a great person you are, how kind, thoughtful, intelligent, loving and well, just perfect. Those are just some of the reasons why I love you, and why your mum would be proud of you." She squeezed him tighter and moved to kiss him, when she realised there were tears in his eyes. She felt a lump in her throat, she reached up and smoothed her hand on his cheek and kissed him gently on the lips. "You're perfect Ethan Hardy, and don't let anyone tell you any different." She whispered and kissed him again. He rolled over onto her and looked deep into her eyes as they made love again.

They were still lying in each others arms when Ethan's curiousity got the better of him.

"Sam, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Ethan said, unable to wait any longer.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked sleepily.

"Earlier, in the pub, you said we needed to talk?"

"Oh, yes, that, its fine." Sam said trying to shrug it off.

"Sam, you can't hold back, if we're going to move forward you need to be honest with me. I'm here for you, what's wrong?" Ethan said looking across at her.

"I just wanted to explain why I did what I did, I mean why I fight to stand up for people, I wanted you to understand my position. To see if it would help you cope with my reactions?" Sam said softly.

"So why do you?" Ethan asked, almost holding his breath.

"Because..." Sam faltered as her voice cracked. She knew Ethan would be understanding, but it was still hard to admit. "Because it happened to me Ethan. I used to spend my life living in fear of the one person who should have been there for me. I made stupid choices, because I didn't believe I had the choice, I thought I wasn't worth being loved, that I deserved what I got. I was afraid every day of my life until someone stood up for me and helped me get away. And I guess if I can be that to someone else, then it makes what I went through almost worthwhile, because nobody should ever have to feel fear and shame like that. Nobody." She sniffed as the tears started rolling. Ethan pulled her into him, not knowing what to say. He held her close as she sobbed into him. He whispered soothing noises into her hair, until her sobs died down.

"I'm so sorry, Sam, I-I didn't know." He said.

"Of course you didn't, why are you apologising?" She half laughed through her tears.

"I-I know, I just, I guess I didn't know what to say."

"That you don't blame me for being a bit crazy?" She said softly, looking up at him from under her eyelashes.

"Not now I don't. I guess I understand, but I just wish you wouldn't endanger yourself trying to help others."

"I know Ethan, I'm sorry, I guess I never had anyone else to think of before."

"Well you did, you should think of yourself, but yes, now you have me as well. I really care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt, not again."

"I'm sorry, I will try to take better care of myself." She smiled. He pulled her in tight to him again and kissed her head. "What's that for?" She smiled.

"I just can't believe someone did that to you. Who, when? There's all these questions going around my head."

"Does it really matter? It was years ago." She said. He looked at her, she could tell he needed some details for closure, and why not give it to him, he was right, to move forward he had to know, and maybe talking about it would help her release her demons. "I'd just completed uni, I was working in my first hospital on an elderly rehab ward and he was a physio, we were together for 4 years, happy for one of them. On the outside he seemed perfect, behind closed doors it was another story."

"W-what did he do?"

"The usual, a clever twisted web of deceit. He isolated me from my friends, I had no family. He dragged me down, made me feel like I was nothing without him, completely worthless by the end, then add in the physical to the emotional torment. I lived in constant fear. He was very clever."

"So, h-how did you get away."

"It got a lot worse, a lot. I couldn't see a way out, in the early days the few times I tried to leave went so horribly wrong, and he'd beat me worse when he got me back. In the end I was just to afraid to do anything. Even when I was trying not to annoy him he got angry. He'd get drunk, he'd come home and hit me. If I tried to go out, he'd make me feel like it was wrong, so I'd feel bad for even asking permission, if he really felt my request was out of order, he'd hit me. By the end, I don't think a day went by without me getting hurt in some way." She stopped, trying to hold in the emotion. Ethan looked as though he was going to cry with her.

"Sam, if this is too hard, don't do it for my sake." Ethan said gently.

"I have to, I want to, if you want to hear it." Sam said, Ethan nodded.

"Anyway, things escalated, I was on my 4th admission in as many months, I'd not long had surgery on my arm, which meant I'd been off work. Then I found myself, well, I was pregnant. And I was terrified. I knew I couldn't bring a baby into that world but I didn't know what to do." Sam took a deep breath. Ethan waited, still holding her. "He found out, I was quite sick, he guessed and made me take a test with him there. He seemed excited, and a part of me hoped he would change, I know that's stupid, but I did. Anyway, I was about 4 months gone, and he got drunk, he ended up throwing me down the stairs, I broke my ankle, a-and I lost..." Sam's voice faltered again. The tears started falling. Ethan pulled her into his chest As she sobbed.

"Hey, shh, its OK, you're OK, I'm here. You don't have to carry on." When she calmed a bit she did carry on.

"In the hospital I had a really kind nurse, she was amazing, she helped me, I confessed all and they got me into a secure refuge when I was discharged. I handed in my notice in my job, I explained to my matron why I couldn't work my notice, she was very understanding, it was hard to admit it, but I had to be honest. I moved away from there and never looked back, though it's taken me a long time to not feel the constant need to look over my shoulder. And so that's why I feel the need to intervene, because I know how awful it is to feel so frightened and desperate, but have no one." Sam said, with the last few stray tears falling down her cheeks.

Ethan reached up and gently wiped them away with his thumbs. Holding her face he looked at her, and he saw that beautifully fragile side again, the side that made him want to protect her even more. He kissed her gently on the lips, then whispered in her ear as he hugged her.

"You never have to feel like that again, no one will ever hurt you again, I'm here now."

"I love you so much." She whispered.

"I love you too." He whispered back.

They fell asleep curled up in each others arms. Sam finally felt safe, and Ethan felt loved. They fit each other and it felt perfect.


	60. Chapter 60

Cal got back to the flat and tossed his keys on the side table and sat on the sofa. Threw himself down on the sofa was probably a more accurate description. He looked at the time. 11:50, he couldn't believe he was home so early, and alone. Maybe he should have stayed out, be might not have had to come home alone then. He couldn't have stayed out with the girls though, they'd have dragged him out dancing, though he would have liked to see Ella move, he would bet that she looked good on the dancefloor.

He had one thing to be grateful for though, and that was that Ethan and Sam must have gone back to hers, so at least he didn't have to watch them being all happy again. Though he was glad they sorted things out, the world was a happier place with those two together he thought, well, really what he was thinking was that Ethan was less interested in what Cal was doing. Or wasn't doing, and he didn't seem so fussed about when Cal left things a bit messy!

He picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts, he passed lots of girls names, many he couldn't remember, some he didn't want to. Then his heart sank as he stopped scrolling and saw her name. The one he couldn't bare to think of anymore. Her phone had long stopped working. It had been a long time since he had rung the number just to hear her voice. His hand hovered over the 'delete contact' button, but he couldn't bring himself to. Instead he carried on scrolling. He got to the end and didn't find anyone he could ring to keep him company. He went to the fridge and got out another beer and turned the TV on. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, his phone was ringing beside him. He woke up with a start and picked it up. Ella's name lit up the display and he smiled.

"Hello" he answered, then silently cursed himself for not thinking of something better to say.

"Oh Cal thank god!" Came the hurried voice on the other end.

"Ella? Are you ok?" He asked, sounding worried at her tone.

"Yes, well no, but its not serious. I've fallen over down the road, I think I've sprained my ankle but I can't get up, its really painful and swollen. I'm round the corner from yours, I wondered if you'd mind helping me up and getting me home?" She asked, suddenly feeling really silly. She didn't consider that he might not be alone or might not appreciate being woken up in the early hours to help a clumsy drunken girl.

"Hang on, I'll be right there." He said. He grabbed his jacket and slipped on his shoes, picked up his keys and headed outside. He found her just down the road sat leaning against the wall and he couldn't help but laugh at the sight of her.

"Well, well, look at what we have here." He laughed. She looked at him and giggled too.

"Don't!" She laughed, "I feel like a complete idiot!"

"You look a bit like one too!" He smiled, crouching down beside her. He took his jacket off and put it around her shoulders, as it seemed she hadn't dressed for the winter weather.

"Thanks Cal. It was getting a bit chilly on the floor."

"So what did you do? Need I really ask!" He smiled looking at her shoes. "You're as bad as Sam! Look at those heels!"

"Yes,they're pretty aren't they?" She smiled, avoiding his true meaning. He laughed and shook his head.

"You women!"

"Like the men don't love them!" She scoffed, laughing.

"Love them, yes. Understand them, no chance" He laughed. "Now lets have a look at this ankle.

"You aren't cross that I phoned you, are you?" Ella asked, wincing as Cal examined her ankle.

"No, in fact you probably did me a favour, I'd fallen asleep on the couch, it would have hurt tomorrow if I'd woken up in that position."

"I'm sure you're used to waking up in all kinds of funny positions!" She laughed.

"I don't know what you're implying!" He laughed back. "Does this hurt?" He asked. As she yelped in pain he got his answer.

"A little." She smiled, shivering.

"You're probably OK, but really you ought to get it checked out. There is a chance you've fractured it."

"Oh Cal, I just want to go to bed, I can't go to the ED still drunk! If it's only a slight possibility, can't I just put some ice on it and see how it is tomorrow?"

"Really the sooner you get it looked at the better, but I would say if it is a break, then its only a small one so you might be OK. But its still a risk. But it is your call."

"Then I call bed. I just need help getting there."

"Well, how far awat is your place?" He asked.

"About 30 minutes walk that way." She pointed, back past Cal's flat.

"30 minutes, so in your current state, about 3 hours!" He laughed. "Look, lets get you back to mine, no one else is there. I can have a proper look and get some ice on it, and see what we're dealing with." He said standing up.

"Ahh, so that's your plan!" She laughed. "I'm really grateful Cal, thank you." She said as he helped her up. She removed both shoes and with Cal on the bad side, he helped her hop and hobble along back to Cal's flat. He got her inside and helped her sit on the sofa. He sat on the coffee table opposite, and placed her injured foot on his lap. He examined it again, there was definate swelling, but no obvious signs of a break, hopefully it was just a sprain and if it was a fracture, just a simple one. He went to get some ice and applied it. She winced at its coldness.

"Here, hold this on the area, I'll get us a drink, do you want a coffee?"

"Oh, yes please." she said. She continued holding the ice on her ankle, and he put a coffee on the table for her and sat next to her. "Thanks again Cal, I really appreciate this."

"No problem, I like helping damsels in distress." He smiled.

"Oh don't, I know what you're going to say!" Ella said before he could say any more. "Knight in shining armour!" She laughed loudly. Cal pretended to look hurt.

"That's my best line, you ruined it!" He laughed then. "I know, its cheesy, but its been known to make people smile."

"Ok, it made me smile." She said looking at him. She balanced the ice pack on her ankle and picked up her coffee, warming her cold hands on the cup. "At least it'll be easier for me to get a taxi from here." She said sipping her coffee.

"Don't be silly, its 2:30 in the morning. Ethan isn't home. You might as well stay." Cal said. Ella gave him a look and arched her eyebrow. "You can have my bed and I'll take Ethan's." Cal finished, knowing what she was thinking. Cal would have been lying if he'd said he hadn't considered taking her to bed, she couldn't exactly get up and run, but he wasn't looking for a one night thing with Ella, it would be wasted on her.

They finished their coffee, and Cal helped Ella into his room, and sat her on the bed.

"Cal," Ella said, starting to blush. "I might need help getting my jeans off over my ankle" she said feeling embarrassed.

"Ok, no problem." He smiled, trying to ease her embarrassment. He helped her stand onto her good foot and she undid her jeans and sat down again. He slid them down her legs, trying not to think about it, then carefully peeled them off around her bad ankle. He helped her into bed and propped her foot up on a pillow.

"It'll help reduce the swelling." He told her. She smiled at him. "Of course I don't know why I'm telling you that, you're a nurse, you know this!" He laughed, suddenly feeling awkward. He realised now how Ethan must feel on a daily basis, and made a mental note to not always be so hard on him. It wasn't easy when your brain and mouth wouldn't connect.

"Thank you Cal, I really appreciate this." She smiled. He had brought her in some paracetamol and ibuprofen that he knew Ethan kept in the bathroom cabinet, and she took them gratefully.

"If you need anything, I'm just next door, if you can't get there, youve got my number." He winked. "Goodnight." He said as he turned to leave.

"Goodnight Cal, my Knight in shining armour." She smiled as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Cal made his way into Ethan's neat and organised room. He peeled back the bed covers, as if he was looking to find a stray sock or something hidden in there, 'as if' he thought to himself smiling. He climbed in and fidgeted to get comfortable. He could smell Sam's perfume on the pillow. He smiled. Not just because it was Sam, but because it was quite nice to get into bed and smell a nice feminine scent on the pillow, especially seeing as he was in his brothers bed and he definitely didn't want to go to sleep smelling his brothers cologne. That would just be weird. Still this whole situation was weird to Cal. He was in the flat alone, with a good looking girl in his bed, a girl that he definitely fancied, and he was in his brothers bed. What was wrong with him. This wasn't a Caleb Knight he recognised at all, in fact this wasn't a Caleb Knight anyone he knew would recognise.


	61. Chapter 61

The next morning Ethan woke up first, he looked down at his sleeping girlfriend and couldn't help but smile, though his smile was tinged with sadness from what they had discussed the night before. He hadn't let on, but the pregnancy revelation had been quite a shock to him. He had considered that had events been different, then he may never have met Sam, she may still have been with her abusive ex, with a child, or even if she wasn't with him, she might have a young child. It felt bigger than it should do. He knew of course that she'd been with people before him, he wasn't that naïve, but this somehow hit it home harder. That she had not only been with someone but that she had conceived a baby with him. It didn't bother him in a way that would affect things, but it was on his mind. The loss of a baby was a big thing, and to lose one in such awful circumstances, well, it didn't bare thinking about, and the kind of things had she lived through. It was awful. He never understood how anyone could do those things to someone else, especially not someone they loved. Of course, he had hit Cal before, on a few occasions, but this was different, physically and mentally abusing someone, someone you supposedly loved, well, Ethan couldn't begin to grasp the concept.

He watched her sleep for a while, feeling his heart ache, he wished he could have been there to protect her; but he would do that now, protect her from harm, from anyone that wanted to hurt her. He wanted to kiss her, but he didn't want to wake her. He slipped out of bed and made his way to freshen up in her bathroom. Then he headed back to bed, he was trying to sneak back in without waking her but as he was sliding in, his elbow clicked loudly and he yelped as it gave away underneath him and he landed heavily on the bed. Sam opened her eyes.

"Are you ok?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I was trying not to wake you but my elbow gave way." He whispered. "Go back to sleep, sorry."

"It's ok," she sighed, rolling over towards him. "Cuddle?" She asked. He pulled her in for a morning snuggle and she settled back down and fell back to sleep in his arms. Now, he thought, this was perfect.

* * *

Ella woke up, for a second she didn't know where she was, then the memories of last night came flooding back, as did the pain in her ankle. She winced as it throbbed, and she pulled back the covers to see a lovely purple colour had spread across it. She tried to move it but it felt stiff and painful. She reached for her phone, it was only 8am, she couldn't wake Cal, but she really needed to get to the loo. She carefully swung her legs over the edge of the bed and tentively placed her foot on the floor. She tried to put a tiny bit of weight through her foot but it send a shooting pain through her. She didn't mean to but she cried out, but luckily managed to control it so it wasn't as loud as it could have been. She sat and thought for a second, and realised she would be reduced to crawling to the bathroom, but even that proved somewhat tricky as she soon found out. She was halfway across the landing when the light flicked on and she was mortified to find Cal stood at Ethan's bedroom door, hair stuck up at funny angles, still looking half asleep, but with an amused grin on his face.

"Well, well, what do we have here again." He smiled and stretched.

"Don't Cal!" She half smiled back, still feeling embarrassed, "I needed a wee." She went to carry on crawling, but Cal moved to help her up.

"Come on, I'll help you get there. I'm not helping you onto it though." He laughed.

"I wouldn't want you to." She huffed as he supported her to a standing position. He looked down at her ankle and saw the bruising.

"Well, when you've been to the loo, there is only one place we are headed." He smiled.

"Back to bed?" She said, then inwardly cringed when she realised how it sounded. He raised his eyebrows.

"As great as that sounds not this time. I'm taking you to get this ankle looked at properly."

"Oh, admitting you didn't do a proper job then?" She laughed, then squeeled as the pain shot through again.

"One word: karma!" Cal laughed.

"Two words: shut up!" She laughed back.

Once she'd been to the loo, Cal sat her on the couch while he headed into the bathroom to freshen up. He came back with some jogging bottoms of his for Ella to wear, he didn't fancy trying to get her jeans back on over her ankle this morning. He grabbed his keys and called a taxi, to play it safe in case he was still over the limit. Then he helped her downstairs to wait for the taxi to arrive to take them to the ED.

* * *

Sam was snoozing in Ethan's arms, when suddenly she was aware of a ringing sound. It took a while to register in her brain what it was. Sleepily she grabbed for her phone on the bedside table and answered it.

"Hello?" She croaked. Her voice dry, she needed a drink.

"Oh dear, you don't sound good either?" Came the voice on the other end.

"Rita?" Sam said. "I'm fine, just my throat is a bit dry."

"Ok, well I was ringing on the off chance that you might want to come in and do an extra shift? We're short?"

"Oh, um, yeah, I guess I could. Give me half an hour to get ready and I'll be in."

"Thanks Sam."

"No problem." Sam said as she hung up. She looked at Ethan who was now awake, and before she could say anything, he spoke for her.

"You have to go in to work?" He smiled.

"I'm sorry, you don't mind do you?" She asked regretfully.

"Of course not! I know what it's like. Anyway, I'm in at 10. What time is it now?" He asked.

"Just gone 8."

"Well, you get up and have a shower and we can go in together. I've got my spare scrubs already at work, and I can get some extra study time in before my shift."

They got themselves organised and headed off towards the hospital. They stopped off quickly at the coffee shop and picked up a large coffee and a breakfast muffin each, which Ethan insisted on paying for, and they ate them on the way in. As they got to the hospital they headed into the staff room. Sam dumped her things in her locker and kissed Ethan before heading out into the department. He settled down with his text book to study.

* * *

Cal and Ella arrived at the ED. Cal paid for the taxi and he guided Ella into reception. Once she'd been booked in they sat and waited.

"Come on, I can get you straight in." He said.

"No Cal, that's not fair. It's fine, I don't mind waiting."

"We could be here hours." He sighed.

"Cal, I'd feel bad." She said. He just smiled and got up.

"Wait here."

"I can hardly run off now can I?" She said sarcastically, but smiling.

Cal headed off into cubicles to see who was about, and he walked right into Sam.

"What are you doing here?" Sam looked surprised.

"I've brought Ella in, she's hurt her ankle."

"Ella?" Sam questioned.

"Yes, she fell over on the way home last night and it's got worse this morning, so I've brought her in to-"

"Oh my God! Did you two..?!" Sam whispered in shock.

"No! No nothing like that." He said hurriedly. "She fell over near mine and phoned me to help her. It was easier to get her back to my flat than hers, she stayed, but we didn't sleep together."

"Hmm." Sam smiled, looking skeptical. "Let's get her in, 4 is free."

Sam took a wheelchair through to her friend and wheeled her in to cubicle 4.

"So," Sam started, and folded her arms across her chest. "How did this happen?" She smiled wickedly.

"I was running to catch the bus." Ella replied dryly, grinning too.

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one before." She smiled looking from Ella to Cal and back to Ella. "Right, I'm gonna go and get you an X-ray ordered, then we'll see what's going on here. After that we will sort your ankle " she smiled, leaving the cubicle.

"Ok, so she thinks we've done something, doesn't she?" Ella groaned.

"Well, I did tell her we didn't, I told her what happened, but somehow it seemed to convince her more." He shrugged. Ella gave him a look. "Well, is it so bad? Let her think what she likes." Cal said smiling.

"You're wicked Caleb Knight! It's alright for you, you already have a reputation, I don't want one. I've been very careful to watch mine over the years."

"Oh yeah?" He replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm not saying I'm innocent, just that I don't get caught." She winked.

"Well, call this payback, now you're suspected of the act without actually doing it." He smiled.

"Yeah, its a bit disappointing, I'd rather have it the other way."

"Me too." He held her gaze for a moment longer than was comfortable, and she felt a slight blush coming to her cheeks.

Just then Sam came back in, and they both tore away from the look and looked away.

"So, X-ray are ready for you, Cal can you wheel her down, or do you need me to find a porter?"

"No, I'll take her, its fine." He said clearing his throat awkwardly.

* * *

Sam headed back to the staff room, looking around to make sure no one saw. Ethan looked up from his text book, surprised to see her appear suddenly and close the door.

"Everything OK?" He asked as she sat down next to him.

"Cal brought Ella here."

"What? Why?"

"She's hurt her ankle, apparently she fell over last night and he took her back to yours, they both maintain nothing happened." Sam said hurriedly.

"Right?" Ethan said not quite getting it. "Is she OK?"

"She's gone for an X-ray. Don't you think it says something?"

"Umm, no?" He said, still confused.

"She fell and phoned him for help, he took her back to his."

"It might be innocent. Don't get carried away." He sighed. He couldn't understand why girls got so excited over other peoples love lives.

"Oh Ethan, come on, they like each other, its obvious, they just need a helping hand." She smiled.

"Sam, don't," he sighed. "Just don't get involved."

"Ok, I won't." She smiled, planting a kiss on his cheek. He continued giving her a warning look. "Honestly, I guess I just got excited. I want to see Cal happy." She sighed. "I guess I want everyone to be as happy as I am." She smiled and leaned in to kiss him tenderly. He kissed her back, caressing her cheek. "Oh Ethan." She mumbled. "I wish we were back in bed."

"Naughty." He smiled as he kissed her again.

"Ethan Hardy! I just meant for a cuddle." She grinned at him as he went red.

"No, um, I was just-" he started.

"I'm teasing you." She smiled as she kissed him again. Then she got up and headed back towards the door, flashing him a smile before she left. He shook his head, smiling. He was still no nearer to understanding women. He guessed Cal would tell him that it was impossible to understand them.


	62. Chapter 62

Later that day, Ella had received her X-ray results, thankfully there was no break, just a nasty sprain, so she was discharged home to rest. She was sat outside waiting for a taxi with Cal.

"I guess that means a few days off work." She sighed. "Not a good start."

"There are worse things. It could have been a fracture, then it would have been weeks."

"I needed to go shopping today, I've got no food in." She sighed. "I guess I'll have to try and get a delivery in a few days."

"Why don't we get the taxi back to mine and I can take you to get some things?" He offered.

"Oh, Cal that's lovely but you've done so much for me already, I couldn't ask you to put yourself out any more."

"It's fine really. I didn't have any plans for today anyway." He shrugged.

"If you're sure, it would really help. Thank you." She said, giving him a sweet smile. He looked into her eyes, she had soft brown eyes, they were almost like caramel, he thought, they made him melt. He felt his stomach flip, he hadn't felt this in a long time, he'd thought it almost impossible. But Ella was getting under his skin. Why else would he not have made his move yet.

* * *

Sam had found Ethan having his break outside. She went and sat with him.

"Bit cold for sitting outside isn't it?" She asked as she sat down.

"It is, but I was feeling reflective. Out here seemed the perfect place to sit." He said.

"Is everything OK?" She asked looking worried.

"Everything's fine." He smiled, and pulled her in close to him. They sat on the bench, holding hands and Ethan kept his arm around her shoulder, and she rested her head on him.

"Are you sure you're OK Ethan?"

"Honestly, I'm fine. I guess I'm still thinking about what you told me last night." He said. He felt her stiffen in his arms slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up again. It just upsets me to think of you like that, I guess I feel angry, even though it's over, and I can't change it, I wish I could for you"

"It's OK Ethan, its made me who I am. It is over, and I've moved on, and look at me now. I'm so happy its crazy, I never thought I could ever be this happy."

"Me too." He smiled and squeezed her shoulder, puling her in tighter. She turned to him and pulled his head down for a kiss. They sat on the bench kissing. Suddenly they heard a cough, and Rita was stood there with her arms folded.

"If you can tear yourselves apart, do you think you could actually do some work today?" She grinned.

"Sorry Rita!" Sam smiled. "I'm coming back." She got up and headed back into the department, turning to flash another smile at Ethan. He sighed happily, smiling back.

* * *

Cal and Ella got back to her flat with the shopping. Cal carried it all up the stairs then helped Ella up. He packed it all away, under her watchful eye and instruction.

"See, I can be a gentleman. Ethan would never believe this." He laughed.

"Why wouldn't he? I'm sure he knows you can be kind and thoughtful?"

"Far from it, he'd tell you I was selfish and thoughtless."

"Well, I wouldn't believe him, how could I? Look what you've done for me in the past 12 hours."

Cal shrugged as if to imply it wasn't a big deal, but in truth, he was a little bit embarrassed at her compliment.

"Why don't I make you a drink, you should be resting." Cal said.

"Thanks." Ella smiled as she went to sit down. "You know where everything is now." She laughed.

He made them both a drink and sat down with Ella. They chatted easily and before they knew it, hours had passed.

"I can't believe where the time has gone, I should get out of your way." Cal said getting up.

"It's OK, you haven't been in my way, I've enjoyed your company" Ella smiled at him.

"And I've enjoyed yours." He said simply, maintaining eye contact. He noticed she blushed slightly under his gaze again.

Ella looked at her hands in her lap suddenly feeling unsure of herself. She was usually fairly confident with making a move, but something about Cal had her shaken, she really wasn't sure. She knew she fancied him, there was no arguing with herself there, she found him attractive. She liked him, she got on really well with him; but she couldn't tell how _he_ felt, and she couldn't tell if she could allow herself to trust him, there was just this little niggle in the back of her head that stopped her asking him out on a date. She also considered that he was a confident guy, if he fancied her he would ask her out, right?

* * *

Sam was still at work, Rita had left for the day, Sam had offered to stay on longer as it was fairly calm and Rita had somewhere to be, a date with a certain paramedic Sam suspected. But she didn't mind, if she was at work, she could see the only man in the world she wanted to see. And besides, Robyn and Lofty were now on shift, so things would be more light hearted. However, it did mean that Sam was the senior nurse on duty, not that she minded the responsibility.

She was supporting in resus and had Robyn and Lofty keeping things flowing in cubicles when Joan was admitted, having been sent in by ambulance from the out of hours GP. Sam gasped in recognition when she saw Joan, it was the lady who had fallen down the stairs when she had attended for her job interview although she now had lost weight and looked much frailer, but there was no doubt it was her. Sam doubted Joan would recognise her, besides, she was very poorly. They got her into resus and Sam hooked her up to the monitors and recorded all her vital signs. Ethan was doing the primary survey, and asked Sam to get a large cannula in and take the urgent bloods. They took and ECG and urgent chest X-ray and tried to stabilise Joan.

"Her sats are still dropping Ethan." Sam said hurriedly, as she sent the bloods to the lab urgently with a porter.

"I'm not certain but I'm thinking PE. We need to get an urgent CTPA. But let's get a stat dose of heparin in. Is her current weight in her notes?"

"Last recorded weight is 3 months ago, and I'd say she weighs less now looking at her. I'd estimate 60kg maximum."

"Ok, right, we'll go with that. I'm reluctant to thombolise in case of stroke, she's had TIAs and a bleed in the past." He said.

"Joan, I'm going to give you an injection in your tummy to help dissolve what we think is a blood clot in your lung, OK?" Sam said to the older lady. Joan nodded behind her oxygen mask. She looked frightened. Sam gave her the injection, and while Ethan was on the phone arranging an urgent CTPA, Sam took hold of Joan's hand.

"It's OK Joan, I'm here, I don't know if you remember me, but I remember you, I was there the day you fell down-"

"The stairs here." Joan removed the oxygen mask and finished Sam's sentence, smiling slightly. Sam placed the mask back on gently and smiled at the Joan.

"That's right. It was me." She felt Joan squeeze her hand. "It's OK, I'm going to stay with you Joan. Is there anyone we can call for you?" Sam asked Joan shook her head. Sam continued to sit and hold her hand. "Just keep breathing steadily Joan. I'm here." Sam squeezed her hand back.

"CT can fit her in in about half an hour, lets give her some morphine and some more fluids in the mean time, and keep an eye on her obs. I'll go and chase up the blood results and have another look at the X-ray." He said leaving Sam with Joan.

"He's a nice young man." Joan breathed heavily behind her mask as Sam injected the morphine into her cannula then connected more IV fluids.

"He's a very good doctor Joan, very competent." Sam smiled looking in the direction he had gone.

"Oh I know that look." Joan breathed. "He's your sweetheart isn't he?"

"Joan, I don't know what you mean." Sam laughed.

"I can tell." Joan remained talking behind her oxygen mask, despite being very short of breath. "I saw the way he looked at you, and the way you looked at him."

"You're a very clever lady Joan." Sam smiled, squeezing her hand again.

"I just know true love when I see it. You're meant to be together." Joan tried to laugh, but it made her cough, then she had to try and catch her breath again, but this caused pain.

"Try to keep calm Joan." Sam soothed. "And yes, I think you're right, it is love." Sam smiled.

"It's wonderful, if it's true love, never let it go, and make sure you tell him how much you love him, every day, because you never know when they won't be there anymore." She breathed and then started coughing. Suddenly she coughed up a large amount of blood, and almost instantly she collapsed unconscious in front of Sam's eyes. Sam pulled the emergency call bell and Ethan and Robyn came running in. The three ran on autopilot trying everything they could to save Joan, but sadly, she was gone. Another life disappeared before Sam's eyes. She stopped still, just staring as Robyn continued compressions, looking at Ethan who looked in vain at Joan. He knew there was nothing can could be gained from this resuscitation attempt, and called it.

"Are we all in agreement to stop?" He asked.

"Yes." Robyn said stopping compressions. Sam could only nod.

"Time of death, 19:48." Ethan said simply. Sam switched off the awful sound coming from the monitor. Robyn looked at her.

"It's OK Robyn, you go back to cubicles, I'll sort this." Sam said quietly. Robyn nodded and headed back out. Ethan looked at Sam, who was just staring at Joan sadly.

"Are you ok?" he asked, walking toward her and putting his arm around her waist as they stood looking at Joan.

"I'm fine, I just wish she didn't go like that, she was so lovely, she deserved a more dignified death." Sam said sadly, withholding what Joan had said about them. She planted a small kiss on his cheek. "You best go and cancel the CTPA, I'll tidy up in here and see if I can find a next of kin." She smiled slightly.

"You best leave everything in situ, chances are there will be a post mortem." Ethan said as he left the room.

"Oh Joan. You shouldn't have gone like that. I'm glad you weren't alone, and hopefully it was too quick for you to feel any pain, but I wish it could have been better for you. I'm so sorry Joan. What a lovely woman you were. And very sharp too, you saw through us while you were barely able to breathe, you could see something in us, and I hope the fact that it shone through is a good sign, and that we are meant to be as you said, because I really do love him."

Sam cleaned the blood off of Joan's chin and changed her gown and sheets. Then she went to look through Joan's notes to track down a next of kin.

* * *

Ella was sat in her flat alone. Cal had left earlier, and now she was bored. She'd been taking her regular painkillers, she'd fallen asleep on the sofa, and now she was awake and bored again. She thought about texting Cal but she guessed he might have had enough of her over the last 24 hours. So she text Sam instead.

'Hey Chicky, have you finished work yet? I'm bored on my sofa already, need a gossip or something! xx'

'Just leaving work now. Do you need me to drop by with anything? xx' Sam replied about 20 minutes later.

'Cal took me shopping earlier so I'm OK thanks xx' Ella replied, as if knowing exactly how Sam would react. With that she smiled as her phone burst into life, with 'Sam' showing on the display.

"Oh my God! Tell me all!" Came the excited reply when Ella answered.

"I knew you'd get overexcited!" Ella laughed. "You're so predictable girlie."

"So, come on, what happened, from the beginning?"

"If you want that much detail you will have to come over." Ella smiled.

"Right, in that case, I'll be there in ten!" Sam said hanging up and practically breaking out into a run to get the gossip from her friend.


	63. Chapter 63

True to her word, Sam arrived at Ella's in about ten minutes. Ella hobbled to buzz her in and Sam ran up the stairs. Ella was just laughing.

"Now I know how to get you to come running." She smiled at her friend who was trying to catch her breath. "Come in. Do you want a glass of wine? I've got vodka, gin or Pimms?" Ella asked.

"Coffee will be fine." Sam said, then looking at her ankle she added: "I'll make it."

Sam made the girls a coffee and they settled down on the couch to catch up.

"So, come on, from the beginning, I mean the beginning, where I left you on the night out?"

"It was a good one! Shame you missed it. Rita and Robyn are great fun!" Ella smiled.

"I know that, come on gossip!" Sam ordered.

"Alright Miss bossy boots! Anyway, isn't your part of the story technically first."

"Yeah yeah, but we know how mine went, so come on?"

"Nothing happened honest, don't get all excited." Ella laughed.

"Excited? I'm beyond that! I practically ran all the way here." Sam laughed back.

"Well, I'd left the girls and I was walking home and I stumbled and went over on my ankle, I tried getting up but it was really painful. When I realised where I was, I was only round the corner from Cal's flat, so my drunken mind thought it would be a good idea to phone him for help. So I did, and he came out to help me. I was in a lot of pain, so he helped me up to his flat. He wanted me to go to the ED there and then, but I'm stubborn so I wouldn't, I just wanted to go to bed to be honest."

"Oh yeah?" Sam grinned and Ella gave her a mock warning look. "Sorry, carry on." Sam held her hands up smiling.

"So, I slept in his bed and he took Ethan's. The next morning my ankle was, well, you saw it. Anyway, I needed a wee so I was crawling to the bathroom because I still couldn't put any weight through it, and he came out and caught me on all fours. It was so embarrassing!" Ella said as Sam giggled at the thought. "Anyway, he helped me to get to the bathroom, then took me to the ED. You know that bit, then he took me shopping and brought me home and packed it all away, then he ended up staying all afternoon then he went home. See nothing exciting."

"Oh God! You two! What are you like!" Sam laughed.

"He was lovely, really helpful, I think he enjoyed teasing me about it all to be honest, it kinda gave him an upper hand."

"Yeah, Cal would. So, is anything going on there?" Sam asked.

"I don't think so." Ella sighed.

"Els, talk to me. Don't forget, I've sen you two together. And I know you."

"I don't know Sam. I like him, I mean I think I do, but I'm not convinced he's into me, or if he was, I'm not convinced I'd be any more than another notch on his bedpost, and I don't want that. I'm getting fed up of always being the one nighter you know?"

"Oh Ella, I wish I could give you the answer. It's clear you get on really well. But I know Cal has that reputation, and I don't want to tell you to go for it and you end up getting hurt. I could talk to him bu-"

"No! My God, no. That would be mortifying."

"Well, how about we all go out again?"

"Um, my ankle!" Ella said.

"That wouldn't stop us going out for dinner again? That was fun right?"

"Yeah it was. Ok, can I trust you to subtly arrange it?"

"Easy." Sam smiled. She finished her coffee and after a bit more of a gossip, she left Ella's to head home.

As she got into bed she lay down and she could smell Ethan's scent on the pillow. She inhaled, taking in the smell, and she sighed. She missed him. She looked at her phone, it was 23:10. Ethan should just be finishing his shift. Sam dialed out on her phone and waited for the call to be connected.

"Hello?" Came the familiar voice on the other end."

"I just wanted to say goodnight." Sam smiled.

"Are you ok?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got into bed and I could smell you so I just wanted to speak to you." Sam admitted, feeling a little embarrassed. Ethan let out a small laugh.

"What are you like."

"I'm a soppy girl, I know." She smiled. "Are you heading home?"

"Yeah, just leaving the hospital now."

"How was the end of your shift?"

"Ok, I missed you though." He said quietly.

"Aw, aren't you sweet. I'm missing you now." Sam smiled as she stretched out on her bed.

"Are you working tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm in from 8-6 tomorrow." Sam replied.

"Oh, I've got the day off, why don't you come to mine after work, I'll cook dinner?" He asked.

"That would be lovely Ethan." She smiled, feeling those butterflies coming back.

"You can stay if you like?" He said.

"I'd love to." She smiled.

"Great, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Definitely."

"Sam, are you sure you're OK? After today I mean."

"What Joan? I'm fine. Honest. Thank you Ethan." Sam smiled.

"Ok, if you're sure."

"I promise Ethan."

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then, goodnight."

"Goodnight Ethan." Sam said as they hung up. She looked at her phone. "I love you." She whispered, thinking of what Joan had said to her. She set her alarm and turned over and went to sleep.


	64. Chapter 64

The next evening, Sam finished her shift and headed straight off to Ethan's flat. She rang the bell and Ethan buzzed her in.

"Hey you." He smiled, kissing her when she came in.

"Something smells amazing Ethan. I'm starving!" Sam smiled putting her bag down. She pulled him in for a hug. "Sorry, I probably smell all 'work-like' or something." She laughed.

"You don't, but if you want a shower or something, feel free." He said.

"Are you sure that isn't your way of politely telling me I stink!" She laughed.

"Stop putting words in my mouth." He smiled.

"So kiss me and I'll stop." She said leaning in again.

"Oh God! Do you two ever stop!" Came a whiny voice from the doorway.

"Stop moaning Caleb!" Sam said, barely taking her lips off of Ethan's.

"I will if you stop that." He huffed. Sam looked up as Ethan pulled away and went to check on dinner with a smile on his face.

"I've told you, pouting doesn't suit you." Sam smiled. "Do you feel left out, should I kiss you too." She laughed. Ethan came back with a glass of wine for her. "Thanks." She smiled taking a sip.

"Don't worry that won't be necessary, I'm going now anyway." Cal said as he grabbed his bag and headed off out of the door to work.

"So have you had a good day off?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, mostly filled with studying, so nothing exciting to say." He laughed. "Oh I found you this." He said as he went to his pile of papers and pulled out an article on 'medicines management in emergency medicine' and 'the role of the nurse prescriber in emergency medicine'.

"Oh aren't you sweet. Thanks." She smiled. She put her wine down and sat down to glance over the articles. Ethan sat next to her. "These look great, thanks." She said placing them carefully in her bag.

"You're welcome." He smiled. "So, good day at work?"

"Yeah, it was fairly steady today, very bizarre."

"Bizarre?" He questioned.

"Yeah, it was way too calm. I'm not used to it." She laughed. "Anyway, lets not talk shop all night."

"Ok, sorry," he smiled. "Dinner won't be long."

"Great." She smiled. "I went to see Ella last night after work." Sam took another sip of her wine.

"How's her ankle now?"

"She's OK, she couldn't mobilise still, but hopefully should be on the mend soon. Anyway, we got talking about your wayward brother."

"Oh yeah? What's he done now?"

"Nothing, but that might be the problem. I think Ella is interested, but she's worried she'll be another one night stand to him."

"Hmm, always a problem where Cal is concerned."

"But you've seen how they are together, I can't help but wonder if there might be something there. Surely if Cal only wanted a one night thing he would have done it already?"

"Interesting theory. She is very pretty, and Cal is not known to say no to a pretty girl, if it means he gets something out of it, so I can see where you're coming from; but just be careful before you go trying to set them up." He warned.

"Oh, I'm not going to try and set them up, but I thought maybe the four of us could go out again, just to give them time to spend in each others company, without the pressure of being on a 'date'. Even if nothing happens, we do all have fun together."

"I guess we do, I don't see why not. Come on, lets have dinner." He smiled, picking up her glass and putting it on the table for her. He served dinner and topped up her wine, making her smile.

"What are you smiling at?" He asked as he took his seat.

"You." She smiled. "You're such a perfect gentleman. I've never been treated like this before, especially not at home."

"Well, you'd better get used to it." He smiled back raising his glass.

"I don't think it'll be too much of a chore." She smiled and raised her glass to his.

"To us." He smiled as they clinked glasses.

"To us." She smiled back, feeling a warm glow rush through her. "This looks fantastic Ethan." She smiled as they started to eat.

* * *

Cal was walking to work, hands shoved in his pockets, feeling pretty miserable. He didn't really know why, he just felt a bit grumpy tonight. His mood wasn't helped by walking in on Ethan and Sam kissing. Sure there was nothing wrong with that, and it wasn't that he was jealous of Ethan having a pretty girlfriend, just that it would be easier to handle if he had one himself. It felt like ages since he'd found someone he was interested in. What was wrong with him? Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out and saw a message from Ella. He smiled, wondering what trouble she night have gotten herself into now.

'Hey you. Thanks for your help this weekend. I really appreciate it. I was lucky to have my Knight in shining armour around!'

He couldn't control the smile as he replied.

'No problem, always happy to help a gorgeous damsel in distress. Hope the ankle is getting better?'

'A little bit thanks, I'm just getting bored on my sick bed!'

'Maybe you need some company in your sick bed...!'

'Caleb Knight! Haha, naughty boy!'

'You love it!'

'...maybe...!'

'So you do then?'

'What love it or want some company? ...yes to both! haha'

'I'm working tonight but if you want company tomorrow afternoon I'll come around?'

'That would be lovely Cal'

'I'll text when I wake up tomorrow.'

'Sounds great, have a good shift x'

'Thanks, enjoy your rest x'

He walked into the hospital with a bit more of a spring in his step, though he didn't realise just how much his mood had improved until Robyn stopped him.

"What are you smiling about?" Robyn asked.

"Me?" He asked surprised. "Was I? I guess I'm just happy to be at work." He laughed.

"Yeah right! Who are you and what have you done with our Dr Knight?" She laughed. He gave her a playful glare and went to get changed.

* * *

Ethan and Sam had finished their dinner, and they were sitting at the table involved in a discussion on some research Ethan had found into pain management in emergency medicine which lead onto a discussion about appropriate and inappropriate prescribing in emergency medicine.

"I'm going to pick those amazing brains of yours when I'm struggling on my course." Sam smiled.

"You won't struggle, but by all means you know I will support you."

"Aw, Ethan, you're so sweet."

"So you keep telling me." He smiled, sipping his wine.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm not used to someone being so supportive of me." She said quietly.

"Well you'd better get used to it, because I am, and I'm really proud of you for doing this, so yes, I'll support you all the way."

Sam got up, maintaining eye contact with him, and walked around the table to where Ethan was sitting. She slipped herself onto his lap and kissed him passionately. Initially, he was a bit shocked, but he was getting used to Sam doing things like this. He ran his hand through her hair and let out a moan as she slipped her tongue in his mouth. He loved it when she did that, it sent him into a frenzy. She started to undo the buttons on his shirt and he could feel himself shake with the anticipation of what was to come. She peeled his shirt off and ran her fingertips down his back causing him to shiver. She knew she was in control here so she took his hand and silently led him to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and unzipped his trousers, then she started to undress. Ethan looked a little shy and unsure, but she kissed him again and guided him into the shower with her. They kissed each other passionately whilst they stood under the hot blast of the shower. Ethan soon found his confidence and started taking the lead, and even shocked Sam when he pushed her up against the cold tiles while kissing her. This sent her wild with desire, she needed him now. She turned off the shower, grabbed a big towel and wrapped it around them and carried on kissing him. He led her into the bedroom and they made love to each other, falling asleep curled up in each others arms each with a smile on their face.

* * *

Cal got through a relatively pain free shift in the ED, and headed home. He crept in the front door, trying to keep the noise to a minimum, he put his bag down, then realised there were still dishes on the table, this was so unlike Ethan he thought. Then he saw Ethan's shirt discarded on the floor by the table and a grin spread across his face. He knew exactly what had happened, surely Ethan couldn't have broken his own rule of not using the dining table for anything but dining. He picked up the last of the plates and glasses and loaded them in the dishwasher. Then he realised what he was doing and laughed to himself. What a complete role reversal. Normally he would be the one leaving the mess and being in bed with a girl and Ethan would be tidying up after him, now he was doing the same while his brother was in bed with his girlfriend. How did this happen he thought. He made himself a coffee and went to sit in the living room. He was half way through his coffee and watching TV when Ethan came into the room.

"Morning." Ethan said sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"I didn't wake you did I?" Cal asked, instantly turning the volume down.

"No, I got up to make a drink."

"Too much action last night was it?" He grinned, not able to resist teasing his brother.

"What? No." Ethan said and turned to head into the kitchen before Cal could see him blushing. Cal couldn't let it go though.

"So how come I had to tidy up your dishes this morning then?" He grinned.

"Oh, well, its not like you're perfect in that respect. You can't lecture me about leaving a few plates." He said trying to avoid the topic.

"I draw the line at picking up your discarded clothes though." Cal continued, indicating Ethan's shirt on the floor.

"Oh, well, I um-"

"Just as long as you didn't break your own rule, then it doesn't matter." Cal laughed. Ethan returned with his coffee.

"I hate myself for even asking, what rule?"

"Not using the dining table?" Cal raised his eyebrows at his brother, who was blushing. "Oh my God! You did, didn't you?!" He laughed.

"No Cal, we didn't, we ate our dinner at the table, because that's what normal adults do." He said sitting down and taking a gulp of coffee, then instantly regretting it as it was still very hot.

"So, good shift?" Ethan asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Yeah, not bad, fairly quiet actually."

"What are you doing today?"

"Well, I'm heading for a sleep in a bit, then I said I'd go and see a friend later." Cal started smiling at the thought. Ethan looked at his brother strangely. "What?" Cal asked when he saw how his brother was looking at him.

"The look on your face when you said a friend."

"What do you mean?" Cal said, unable to stop smiling.

"Who is it?" Ethan asked, knowing Cal was hiding something.

"No one." Cal said. Ethan gave him a look. "Alright, if you must know I said I'd drop in on Ella. She's bored being laid up so I said I'd keep her company."

"Really?" Ethan said raising his eyebrows, feeling like he was getting some revenge on his brother.

"See, this is why I wasn't going to say anything." Cal said. "I knew you'd all jump to conclusions."

"No conclusions here." Ethan smiled, raising his coffee cup to try and hide it. "Anyway, what does it matter if she makes you happy, right?"

"Indeed." Cal smiled, not really listening to his brother. His mind was filled with thoughts of Ella. Ethan could tell he wasn't paying attention. It has been a while since he had seen Cal smile like that.

"So how come you haven't slept with her yet?" Ethan said.

"It's not like that. We get on too well, I don't want to compromise that by sleeping with her. Besides, shes Sam's friend, and Sam would kill me if I did that." He laughed.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Ethan laughed.

"So, all is going well with you two again?" Cal said looking at his brother.

"It's amazing." Ethan answered honestly, unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face. Cal smiled at how happy his brother was.

"I'm really pleased for you mate, its about time. And she's definitely well suited to you. You're both great together. Even though I'm always moaning about it, I really am happy for you both." Cal said honestly. Ethan looked a bit taken aback by his brother honesty.

"Thanks Caleb." He smiled. "I do really care about her, she's amazing, like last night, we had dinner and we talked about some things I'd been researching, and she showed a genuine interest, we had a good discussion. But we can also share a joke and well, I love to kiss her." He smiled at the memories of last night.

"Sounds like you were made for each other." Cal said smiling at his little brother. "Mum would have liked to have met her." He said as his smile became a bit sadder.

"Yeah, I think they would have got on well." Ethan said. "Although I think we would have been annoyed, she would have become the daughter mum never had, and we probably would have resented that." He laughed slightly, making Cal smile.

"We'd have stopped fighting with each other over who mums favourite was, because we'd both lose to Sam." Cal laughed.

"I do feel a bit sad that they will never meet." Ethan sighed.

"Mum will show you she approves in some other way." Cal said, placing his arm around his brothers shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

"I can't believe she's been gone for 2 years." Ethan said sadly. "I still miss her."

"Me too Ethan. I know I acted badly at the time. I didn't cope as well as you, and I wasn't as good a son as you, but I did love her, and if there's anything I'm grateful for its getting my little brother back. I'm sad it took everything that's happened in the last 2 years to get me to say this to your face, but I do love you Ethan, I'm so grateful to have my little brother, you're the best brother I could ask for." Cal said, with tears pricking his eyes.

Ethan looked at him in shock. He wasn't really sure where that had come from, but it wasn't an unwelcome confession. Unable to speak from shock, Ethan turned and pulled his brother into a tight hug. Cal's tears fell onto Ethan's shoulder as the brothers sat in their embrace, which held 2 years of fights, frustrations and fears, all being dissolved as though they no longer mattered. All that mattered was that they were brothers again, and they would always have each other. And both knew this from this one hug, without needing to say it.


	65. Chapter 65

Cal headed over to Ella's flat that afternoon after waking up from his post nightshift sleep. He was excited about seeing her. However, when he got there, he was not expecting her to open the door to him dressed in her red tartan winter pyjamas. He couldn't help but laugh.

"What are those?" He spluttered grinning at her.

"What? My jammies? What's wrong with them?" She asked innocently.

"Nothing." He continued to laugh.

"I'm sorry, did you expect me to answer the door in a little baby-doll nightie, or some sexy négligé?" She grinned, knowing full well that's what he'd be picturing right now.

"No!" He coughed, then regained his composure. "Though it wouldn't have been a disappointing sight I'm sure." He winked.

"Yeah yeah, are you coming in?" She said as she hobbled back inside. "Coffee? Tea? Something stronger?" She asked.

"Coffee please, do you want me to make it?" He asked.

"No, it's fine, I need to get moving again." She said. Cal sat down and Ella brought them over the coffee.

"So how is it feeling?" He asked.

"A little better thanks, still sore, but at least I can get a bit of weight on it again."

"Not enough to get dressed for company though?" He smiled again.

"Oh God! Don't! You sound like Mummy, that's exactly what's she'd say!" Ella and Cal laughed. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to hearing her say 'Mummy' but he was starting to find it endearing.

"So, how long have you got off work?"

"Another 5 days, it feels like an eternity."

"Don't tell me you're another Sam? Desperate to be working and only happy when you're there."

"Yes and no. I love my job, but I love other things too. Besides, I think Sam has a new happy place now too." Ella smiled.

"Oh don't remind me, I keep finding them in their happy situations." Cal groaned. "They never stop kissing." He huffed. Ella laughed.

"A little jealous are we?" She smiled.

"No, not at all." He smiled back. They fell into silence, just looking at each other for a moment. Then Ella coughed and looked away, nervously taking a sip of her coffee, feeling herself flush a little.

"It's lovely that they are happy, if anyone deserves some happiness, its Sam." Ella sighed. She knew a little of what went on during Sam's history; they had lost touch, as Ella had been working in Scotland and they had simply lost contact. But Sam had eventually disclosed a little of what went on when they reunited.

"Yeah, she is great." Cal smiled. "I'm really happy for them both, they work well together."

"So what about you Cal? Are you going to be the eternal bachelor?" Ella smiled. Cal laughed.

"I don't know what you mean?"

"You seem too cool and detached to want to settle down."

"Maybe I just haven't met someone who makes me want to." He said, deliberately blocking a certain person out of his memory.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Sam always used to go on at me for bouncing around from one fling to the next and never finding someone to make it last with, but its easier to not let yourself get attached isn't it, you don't get hurt then." Ella sighed. Cal looked at her with interest. Someone who got the reasons to not get involved, and in the female form, this was rare. But he sensed she was getting fed up of the lonely carefree life now.

"It's OK while you're young, but once you start getting older, making excuses to leave and sneaking out of beds and hotel rooms doesn't have quite the same appeal, does it?"

"No not really; don't get me wrong, we need our fun, but for once it'd be nice to meet someone who you could have fun with and something more meaningful." She sighed.

"Yeah, I guess." He said.

"Anyway, I'm not putting a downer on this afternoon, or you might not visit me again." She laughed.

"It'd take more than talking honestly to stop me coming to see you." Cal said gazing at her. He wasn't entirely sure where that came from, but he guessed he did mean it as he said it without thinking.

They sat together watching TV, talking about their experiences at university.

"So why did you choose nursing?" Cal asked, interested.

"Why not?" Ella said.

"I just mean, you could have done anything so why choose nursing?"

"You mean with my upbringing why aren't I running a riding stables or something?" Ella laughed.

"Not exactly, but yes, it seems strange that you would go into nursing."

"My aunt came off her horse in a horrendous fall and fractured her spine. She was very lucky and surgery fixed it, but she had the most amazing team looking after her. I guess somehow that caught my interest. I always thought I wanted to do orthopaedics and surgery, but then I found the medical side much more interesting, but I really love cardiac care."

"You should do emergency medicine." He smiled.

"I've done a little bit, but I like getting a bit more closure on the patients. We send them home fixed or with plans mostly, you guys just refer on, it doesn't give me enough answers." Ella said. "I'm not discrediting what you do, you know that, I just like the closure of knowing the outcome."

"I guess its a valid point." Cal said. "So, pony club is just a side line then?" He smirked.

"Why are you so desperate to get me to admit I'm a pony girl?" Ella laughed. "And yes, I do like to ride. Yes I did have horses growing up, and I still have one now." She smiled.

"I guess I've never really been friendly with many pony girls, I've never really got them, but you're different, there's something more to you than just that."

"Thanks, I think." She laughed.

"No, really though, we do get on well, and we have a lot of commonalities. It's refreshing to meet someone like you."

"Well thanks Cal," she smiled. "I must admit, I love how easy it has been to hang out with you, it feels like we've known each other much longer than we have, its nice."

"Yeah, you're so comfortable around me you are willing to wear your comfy pj's!" He couldn't resist another dig.

"Oh, I'm never going to live this down am I?" She laughed, giving him a playful punch on the arm.

They continued to chat and laugh into the evening, then Ella suggested ordering a pizza, so they did, and watched a movie, and before they knew it, it was nearly 10pm.

"I suppose I'd better make a move." Cal sighed, stretching and yawning once the movie had finished.

"Well, it been lovely having you over. Thanks for keeping me company." Ella smiled.

"It's been fun" Cal said as he got up. "Stay there, I'll let myelf out." He smiled at Ella and headed out of the flat. Ella dragged herself off the sofa and headed to bed, suddenly feeling quite tired. She'd had a good evening with Cal, but she still just wasn't sure. She guessed she'd just been involved with too many men like him before, only wanting a one night thing or an ongoing no-strings kind of deal, and she didn't want that any more. He would have been perfect if she did, but she could see herself getting attached, and she really didn't need that. But he was so lovely she thought sadly as she tried to sleep.

When Cal got home, the flat was quiet, he wasn't sure if Ethan and Sam were there or not. He headed off to bed as he had to be up for the early shift the next day. He couldn't shake the feeling he had, he was confused about his feelings for Ella. He knew he liked her, they really got on well, but he wasn't sure he could trust himself to commit to anyone again, that fear of the hurt and pain it opened you up to prevented him from wanting to get involved. No, he didn't think he could do it. It wasnt that he wanted Taylor back now, more that he had learnt a hard lesson on falling for someone so fast when you knew nothing about them.


	66. Chapter 66

The following day at work, Cal was working with Sam in cubicles, he was amazed at how Sam was flying through assessing the patients, and mostly just catching him when she needed an X-ray ordering or a prescription doing.

Ethan was busy in resus, having just dealt with a child with anaphylaxis. They had just sent him off to paediatrics when he was stabilised, and Cal came in.

"Need any help Ethan?"

"Impeccable timing as always Caleb!"

"Hey, at least I'm offering!" Cal said, feeling wounded.

"True." Ethan agreed. "Why are you offering?"

"Your girlfriend is way too competent and doesn't need me, I'm just signing bits of paper for her."

"I see, so you feel a bit redundant."

"Amongst other things." Cal sighed. Ethan looked around to check they were alone.

"What's wrong Cal? You're looking down again."

"I'm fine Ethan, really, I'm just tired." Cal said. Ethan looked at his brother, he didn't believe him, but he couldn't argue. "Do you want to go for a drink after work?" Cal asked his brother tentively.

"Sure." Ethan replied easily. Something about the way Cal had asked, coupled with his recent behavior, Ethan knew he needed to talk, and a drink would help him get it out.

Just then Sam came in to resus clutching some notes and blood results.

"There you are slacker, I've got a patient for you to see." She said in a friendly tone and smiled.

"Oh, you mean Dr Sam actually needs me now." He smiled.

"Don't be cheeky, I thought you'd enjoy an easy day. Come on, this is a bit of a mystery, but if we put our heads together I reckon we can crack it."

"Challenge accepted, what are the symptoms?" He asked as he walked off with Sam and she explained the initial findings. Ethan smiled watching the pair walk away. Sam had a way with Cal, he could be in the biggest sulk and she knew in an instant how to turn it around and draw him out of it, like a mother with a sulky toddler. There was another thought that made him smile. Then he realised he was getting carried away, he shook his head, then saw his next patient was heading towards him, being wheeled in by the paramedics. He snapped back into doctor mode.

Cal and Sam had a good morning in cubicles together. They were outside having a coffee together during a quiet period, having just been discussing the outcomes of a couple of their patients.

"You know you're a great doctor Cal, when you apply yourself. In fact sometimes you don't even need to think, it just comes naturally. You could really go far you know." Sam smiled.

"Thanks mum." He joked back

"No, really Cal, I'm paying you a compliment here, take it, they don't come often." She smiled. "You need to stop covering your self doubts with jokes and being the playboy. Mrs Beauchamp would see a lot more in you then too. In fact, I'm guessing she already does or she wouldn't have put up with your nonsense."

"You're still sounding like my mum." Cal smiled. "Thanks though."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"About what's getting you so down lately? I've noticed you're just not quite getting back to yourself. There's something on your mind, you smile, but there's sadness behind it too."

"You've got way too much intuition, its frightening."

"I'm a woman, in case you didn't notice, we have a magic powers." She smiled.

"I'm OK, I guess it's just seeing you and Ethan so happy, it makes me miss that feeling, and makes me not want to be alone anymore." He sighed sadly. He didn't even mean to say it, Sam just had a way of pulling the truth out of him without really trying. He just felt safe and comfortable with her.

Sam reached out and took his hand.

"Cal, it will happen, when you least expect it, and I know everyone says that, but its true. There are some things you don't know about me, about my history, and I really never thought I'd be happy, but its happened, and if I can get it, anyone can. I really want to see you happy." She said as she squeezed his hand.

"I'm really pleased you're happy, because you make my brother really happy, and that makes me happy. It's about time he had something good happen to him. I've only brought him grief."

"That's not true Cal, he really loves you. You may not always see eye to eye, but there is a bond there, and it sounds like it's getting stronger all the time."

Silence fell between the pair for a few moments, Sam remained holding Cal's hand in a supportive way. Then Cal, who had been thinking about what Sam said, broke the silence.

"What do you mean by things in your history?" He asked. He felt Sam stiffen beside him and she dropped his hand. Suspicion rose inside of him. An instinct that told him he needed to protect his brother.

"It doesn't matter Cal." Sam said quietly, voice barely above a whisper she looked down into her lap, unable to look him in the eye.

"Sam, what aren't you telling me?" He said almost sternly. He knew he didn't really sound supportive, but he was thinking of his brother, and how he might get hurt, and no one would hurt his brother when he was around. All kinds of thoughts were running through Cal's mind, his own past making him distrust the opposite sex and their deceit.

"Cal," Sam said looking at him, tears pricking her eyes. "Now is not the right time, please." Cal looked at her, searching her face for the answer; he felt confused. Here sat a girl he had bonded easily with who seemed to, no, _did_ make his brother extremely happy, she seemed kind and genuine, but then so did Ta- no, he couldn't do this, he couldn't compare everyone to her he thought to himself. He swallowed his mistrust and judgements and tried to look again, and there it was, that fragile side of her that he had seen before, when she looked younger than her years, timid, and sometimes scared. He couldn't judge her on his past experiences, he had to learn to trust, and if he couldn't trust his friends he would never trust anyone.

"Please, just tell me you won't hurt my brother." He spoke softly, looking at her with hurt in his own eyes.

"Cal, I would never do that, really, I love him" Sam said, grasping his hand again. "I really love him, I know it hasn't been long, it scares me how fast I've fallen, but I would willingly give all of myself to him to make him happy." She sighed.

Cal looked at her, she did seem to be talking the truth, he felt even more torn, but decided to give trust another go.

"Does Ethan know?"

"Know what?"

"Whatever it is you can't tell me?"

"Yes he does." She whispered. Silence fell again for a few moments. "Cal, I will tell you, just not here, not now, please?" Sam pleaded. Cal considered this for a moment.

"If Ethan knows, and he's fine with what ever it might be, then fine, but I really don't want to see him hurt again."

"Cal, I meant what I said, I love him so much, I would never set out to hurt him."

"Ok."

"Look, are you doing anything tonight?" Sam asked.

"Ethan and I are going for a drink, why?"

"Well, that's fine, I was going to suggest we did, then I could explain everything, so you would trust me again, but if you're meeting Ethan, he can explain it all." Sam said.

"It's not that I don't trust you." Cal started, not really sure how he was going to finish the sentence. Luckily Sam finished it for him.

"But you have to look out for your brother, of course you do. Look, if you really want to know, get Ethan to explain it tonight. Tell him I've said you can explain, and if he won't, get him to text me and I'll tell him he can. It's just here and now really isn't the right place." Sam got up to leave, then turned back.

"Cal, if there's anything I can do, or if you want to talk, you know I'm always here don't you? I really mean that." She smiled a small, nervous smile at him. Cal nodded and she turned back and headed towards the department, leaving him with his thoughts for a while longer.

* * *

Later that shift, Ethan caught up with Sam.

"Hey you," he smiled, "have you been avoiding me?"

"Not at all." She smiled back, giving him a quick kiss, not wanting to be caught being unprofessional.

"Cal wants to go out for a drink with me tonight, is that OK?" Ethan asked.

"Ethan, you don't have to ask my permission to go out with your brother." Sam laughed lightly. "Besides, he already told me and I think it's a good idea."

"You do?" Ethan questioned.

"Yes. There's clearly something on his mind, and maybe you two going out for a drink will help him to disclose what is troubling him."

"You think he's troubled too?"

"Yes, he's definitely not himself."

"I thought so too. I'm just not sure how to go about getting it out of him." Ethan sighed.

"Well, he asked you for a drink, right? So maybe he's ready to talk about it, and he just needs you to give him the opportunity. No tricks needed, just listen and be supportive." Sam advised.

"Ok, I'll try." Ethan nodded. He kissed Sam and went to turn to walk away but Sam stopped him.

"Oh, and Ethan, if he asks about me tonight, my past I mean, you can tell him everything." Sam smiled tightly. Ethan didn't really know what to say, so he just nodded and continued walking away feeling slightly confused.


	67. Chapter 67

Later in the pub, Cal and Ethan sat in a quiet corner with a beer each.

"So, do you want to start?" Ethan asked suddenly. Cal looked a bit surprised.

"Start what?" Cal asked.

"I thought you wanted to talk?" Ethan said.

"No, well, yes, I just thought we hadn't been out together just us for a while, so it might be nice to catch up." Cal shrugged noncommittally.

Ethan felt frustrated, how was he going to get to the bottom of what was bothering Cal if he kept clamming up. Maybe he would loosen up after their next drink. Ethan made small talk about work, and exam prep until Cal relaxed a bit more.

"So, things are going well with you and Sam still?" Cal said eventually.

"Yeah, it seems great." He smiled.

"Seems?" Cal questioned.

"It is great, I never thought I could be this happy Cal, its like its too good to be true."

"I'm really glad, but something she said earlier, well it just got me thinking."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we were talking earlier, and she was telling me how happy she was and she never thought it would happen to her especially because of things that happened to her in her past, but she wouldn't explain what, she said to ask you tonight? But it got me worried about what it was, and at first I thought it was something that would affect you, so I wasn't very supportive, but then she told me you knew. But its been driving me crazy wondering what she meant."

Ethan thought about this. Now it kind of made sense what Sam had said to him earlier. She had told Ethan to tell Cal everything, but did she really mean everything he wondered. Some of it was fairly private, he wasn't sure she would want him knowing all of the details, particularly with regard to the pregnancy, maybe she meant tell him about the abuse, but what if she didn't, he really didn't want to put his foot in it. He certainly didn't want to upset Sam.

"Would it help if I said that we had talked about her past and that it doesn't affect me?"

"Well yes, but no. It helps me worry less that she will hurt you, but I still need closure on what the hell you're talking about."

Ethan hesitated still. He wasn't sure what to do. He was pretty sure Sam had given him permission to disclose this, but what if she hadn't and he had got it wrong.

"Ethan, you can trust me, but why don't you text her?" Cal said, getting a little frustrated.

"Ok." Ethan said, sliding his phone out of his jacket pocket. Moments later he had a reply from Sam confirming that she did mean for him to explain to Cal about her abusive past. Ethan sighed.

"What is it." Cal asked.

"I don't really know how to explain it. Basically, Sam has had some pretty awful experiences. She's been a victim of domestic violence. When she left university, she met her ex and was in a four year relationship with him which pretty much consisted of him isolating her from her friends, then controlling her and hurting her, he would make her feel worthless and beat her up, particularly when he got drunk, and she felt she had no one to turn to and no where to go, so she stayed. He made her feel like that's what she deserved." Ethan explained, it hurt him to say it out loud, so goodness knows how Sam had felt explaining it to him that night.

Cal's face was wide with shock and his mouth hung open. He didn't know what to say.

"She was trying to explain to me why domestic violence cases affected her in the way they do, and why she rushes to get involved without thinking." Ethan explained.

"Oh my God! I can't believe it." Cal gasped. "Really?" He said, knowing it must be true, but still recovering from the shock. Ethan nodded at him. "I just can't believe it, why would anyone do that to her?" He muttered.

"I know." Ethan said quietly. "It's what's been going around my head too."

"Oh no, and I just gave her grief thinking she had some dark secret that would mess you up. How terrible am I, what must she think?" Cal grumbled.

"Don't worry about that, its Sam, she'll understand. You know she will." Ethan smiled at him.

"I know, but I just feel awful." Cal sighed.

"You and Sam have a good friendship, it'll take more than you trying to protect me to ruin that."

"I guess so, I really hope so."

"Trust me, it will be fine."

"So, You two are pretty into each other then?" He smiled.

"Definitely. I've never felt this way Cal, she's just perfect." Ethan's big smile light up his face again. "Anyway, what about you? You haven't been up to your usual activities for a while, is something wrong?"

"No, nothing is wrong. Its just, I don't know." He sighed and looked down at his drink, circling the glass around on the table.

"What is it Cal? I've been concerned about you. You've seemed really down lately." Ethan looked towards his big brother, who glanced up with sad and tired looking eyes. "Cal, please, talk to me."

"I don't really know myself Ethan. I guess I'm confused, there's someone I think I'm interested in, but I'm too afraid to make things serious with anyone after what happened last time. I know its crazy to let that change things, but it still feels too painful when I think about giving myself up to someone else."

"What advice would you give if it was me?"

"I know, I'd be telling you to go for it. But, I just don't know."

"You can't judge everyone by _her_ standards, most people are genuine."

"I'm sure they are, but its knocked my confidence a bit, I can't even really tell if this girl is into me or not." Cal laughed slightly, trying to cover up his embarrassment.

"Well, who is it?" Ethan asked gently.

"Oh, you don't know her." Cal lied.

"Don't I? Where did you meet her?" Ethan said somewhat skeptically.

Um, in here." Cal tried to carry on his lie, he sensed Ethan saw through him. He was even losing the ability to lie to his brother, something that normally came easy. What was wrong with him. What was it about Ella that had him so shaken.

"Maybe you should talk to Sam about it if you dont want to talk to me, she's probably better at these things than me anyway. She might have some good advice from the female perspective." Ethan said, sensing he wasn't likely to get anywhere.

"Ok, look, you promise not to say anything?" Cal asked, looking around like he was about to disclose the solution to solving world debt or next weeks lottery numbers. Ethan nodded. "It's Ella. Sams friend, she's got under my skin. I like her, but I don't know if I like her enough to take a chance, and I don't know if she likes me, I'm really confused." He rushed out.

"I see." Ethan said, trying to fight the smile that wanted to come out. Seeing his brother flustered and ruffled by a girl was a new thing for Ethan.

"I dont know what to do. I don't want to lead her on, but I don't want to regret not trying, but she seems to blow hot and cold anyway. One minute she seems into things, and flirts, then I hear nothing from her and its like I'm not on her radar."

"Maybe she thinks the same about you. She knows about your reputation remember. Maybe she's fearful of being just another girl you persue then drop when you get bored." Ethan said knowingly. "And maybe she's waiting for you to make the first move, maybe she's not sure of your intentions?"

"Suddenly the love expert little brother." Cal laughed.

"Why don't we go out again as a group of four? That went well last time. Then the pressure is off, because its not a date, or just the two of you, but you get chance to spend more time together and assess things." Ethan said. Cal considered this for a moment.

"Yeah, that could work. But you _can't_ tell Sam, she will tell her for sure." He said.

"Ok, I won't tell her, we can go out for dinner again or something, yeah?"

"Sounds good Ethan, thanks." Cal smiled.


	68. Chapter 68

Two nights later the foursome found themselves sat in a nice pub for dinner. It had a nice relaxed friendly atmosphere, and was nice enough without being too stiff and formal, so they could have a few drinks with dinner and have a bit of light banter and a chat.

"Oh my God, I think I really fancy a massive steak!" Sam announced while reading the menu, making Ella laugh.

"Massive steak? Don't you mean a salad? Isn't that what you women normally order?" Cal laughed.

"Not this woman!" Sam smiled. "Come on Cal, you've seen me put away a bacon cheeseburger after a night out!"

"I feel bad now, maybe I should order a salad if that's how you judge women, I don't want you thinking I'm greedy!" Ella laughed too.

"No, order what you like, I'm just convinced Sam won't put away a whole steak." Cal said.

"Challenge accepted Mr. What's the prize?" Sam grinned.

"If you manage to eat the whole thing, I will pay for it, and the drinks." Cal said.

"And if I don't?"

"If you don't, you have to run home naked!" Cal laughed.

"Cal!" Ethan's head shot up from behind his menu.

"As if Cal, its freezing out I've already had hypothermia once thank you very much!" Sam said pretending to be outraged.

"Oh, so its not that you wouldn't do it, just that it's too cold right now!" Cal laughed back.

"You'll never know." She winked.

"Ok, if you don't, then you can buy me dessert."

"Accepted." She smiled as they shook hands and Sam placed her menu firmly back on the table.

They all ordered and sat drinking their drinks while waiting for their food to arrive.

"You do realise, I didn't get a lunch break at work today Cal?" Sam smiled.

"I still don't think you'll do it." He grinned.

"Didn't you? Why not?" Ethan asked Sam.

"Oh, I was just busy, its fine, don't worry." Sam said placing her hand in Ethan's. He gave it a little squeeze.

"Don't go overdoing it. You shouldn't skip lunch." He looked worried at her.

"Ethan, really its fine, I was just busy looking after some poorly patients. They were my priority."

"Still, I don't want you getting ill." Ethan smiled at her.

"Oh you two, stop being all sweet." Ella laughed. "Besides, don't worry Ethan, you don't become a nurse without learning how to go without lunch and toilet breaks. We don't learn clinical skills at uni, we just learn how to do without basic human functions."

"Sounds intriguing." Cal smirked.

"You would say that." Ella tutted. "I bet Sam was doing all the grunt work while you swanned around playing the amazing Doctor Knight." She grinned.

"Says the nurse sat at home with her feet up!" He laughed.

"I'm recovering from an injury! Ella huffed, smiling.

"Self inflicted injury!" He laughed. "Anyway, I resent you implying I left Sam to do all the work. I wasn't even there."

"Don't sulk Cal." Sam winked. "I keep telling you this."

"But why would he change the habit of a lifetime." Ethan suddenly quipped.

"Hey don't you start. It's bad enough having two women on my back without my own brother joining in." Cal pouted at his brother.

"Sam, that necklace looks so gorgeous." Ella sighed. Sam instinctively clasped the teardrop stone between her thumb and forefinger.

"Thank you, it was a Christmas present." Sam smiled, catching Ethan's eye.

"I don't need to ask who it was from." Ella smiled. "All you need now is a ring to match." She winked.

"Ella!" Sam said shocked, and a little embarrassed. Ethan started to go red, but kept quiet.

"Well, its true, and you two are perfect together, so what's the problem? Are you saying you wouldn't want to marry Ethan?" Ella smiled. Sam regained her composure, Ethan was blushing even more.

"Oh its nothing to do with Ethan, of course I'd marry him, its the brother in law I would inherit also that might put me off." Sam laughed. "Anyway, stop it El, you're making Ethan uncomfortable." Sam smiled, giving Ethan's knee a reassuring squeeze under the table.

"Sorry Ethan, I was just teasing." Ella said sincerely.

"It's OK." He coughed slightly as he spoke.

Luckily, he was saved from further embarrassment as the food arrived. The group ate their food and carried on chatting. Ethan and Sam were talking about Sam's course which she had now started. Cal and Ella were chatting and openly flirting. Between them, both Sam and Ethan were stealing glances at the pair. It was clear they had a little spark between them.

"So, when are you going back to work?" Cal asked Ella.

"I'm back in on Monday. It was my weekend off anyway, I was going to go riding but I think that's off now." She smiled.

"Well, if you've got nothing planned now, maybe we could do something?" Cal asked.

"That'd be lovely Cal. What were you thinking of?"

"Well, I hadn't actually thought that far ahead, anything you like really."

"Well in that case, shopping followed by a massage and manicure." Ella laughed, seeing Cal's horrified face.

"The massage I could probably do." Cal swooped back in being flirty.

"I'm sure you're very good with your hands." She smiled cheekily.

"Well, I have saved a life or two with these hands." He smiled. Ella laughed loudly at him causing Ethan and Sam to stop talking and look at them.

"Have you used that line before?" She carried on laughing at him.

"Its worked in the past on non medical people, they are usually quite impressed." He grinned. Ethan and Sam smiled between them, shook their heads and carried on talking.

"What are you like." Ella smiled. "You know you don't have to try and impress me Cal, I like you for who you are."

"It's hard to break the habit of a lifetime. I'm used to throwing in the lines when I'm talking to a beautiful girl."

"But you're just talking to me."

"Exactly." He smiled sincerely. "You're very beautiful."

"And you're very funny." Ella joked.

"I mean it." He looked at her intensely. Ella blushed, she didn't know what to say, so she changed the subject back to weekend plans.

"So, this weekend, how about some childish, carefree fun? We could go down to the pier, do some silly things then have a drink, or see what movie is on at the complex? I know it sounds silly but it could be a laugh." Ella asked.

"Yeah, it could be fun, although, I think anything would be fun if I was doing it with you."

They held their gaze for a moment longer than was comfortable, then Ella looked away, feeling the blush creeping further over her cheeks. Cal broke the awkwardness by drawing attention back to Sam and their bet.

"Struggling there Sam?" He grinned.

"No, I'm just having a rest while I talk to Ethan. My Gran taught me it was rude to talk with your mouth full."

"Yeah, yeah! I might just take a browse at the dessert menu, see what I fancy!" He grinned, as Sam defiantly picked up her knife and fork and ate a large piece of steak.

"What are you two like?" Ethan tutted.

"I am going to win this bet!" Sam said, eating another piece of her steak and grinning at Cal.

"You sure you don't feel full?" He grinned back.

"Nope." She smiled taking another forkful. Ethan shook his head at her.

The group carried on chatting and Sam forced the last few forkfuls down and placed her cutlery down with a satisfied smile on her face.

"No way!" Cal said.

"I told you I could do it!" Sam smiled. "Although, you were close to winning, I'm not actually sure I can move right now."

"Well, I'm impressed, that steak is definitely on me."

"Um, and the drinks don't forget!" Sam laughed.

"You sure don't forget do you?" Cal replied.

"It's fine, you don't have to, getting one over on you is good enough for me, I wouldn't expect you to pay for my dinner."

"Does anyone want dessert?" Cal asked looking around the table. Everyone agreed they were too full. Cal headed off to the bar to get another round of drinks and the girls excused themselves to go to the bathroom.

"So," Sam said smiling at Ella.

"What?" She asked as she washed her hands.

"Come on, you need to make a move, its so obvious you and Cal are into each other. Tell him."

"I can't Sam, I know we flirt, I do like him, but I just don't know if he's into me like that. I don't want to make a fool of myself."

"I think he's into you. From what I know about Cal, if he just wanted a one night thing or a casual thing he'd have made a move by now."

"Really?"

"I really do think he's interested."

"He did ask if I wanted to do something with him this weekend." Ella admitted.

"See, he wouldn't do that if he didn't think it was worth spending time with you."

"And he said what ever he did with me would be fun."

"See! I told you!" Sam squeeled.

"Don't get carried away, we will see. I need to try and stay calm in case he doesn't feel the same, I don't want to get swept away in a sea of excitement." She smiled.

"I'd love to see you two together though, I think you'd be good."

"Not as good as you and Ethan though, I mean it, you two are perfect for each other. In all the years I've known you I've never seen you this happy. I'm really pleased for you."

"Aw, thanks Hun. He is pretty special." Sam smiled.

"I wonder if you will get married." Ella smiled.

"Stop it you, I can't believe you said that!" Sam giggled.

"Just planting ideas." Ella smiled. "Come on, or they'll wonder what were up to."

The girls headed back to the table and the boys were drinking their drinks.

"You took your time." Cal said. "I dread to think what you've been doing."

"Talking about you." Ella winked, taking a sip of her wine. "Don't worry it was all good."

"Then I know you're not telling the truth." Cal laughed.

The group finished their drinks and got ready to leave.

"Have they not brought the bill yet?" Sam asked.

"No, lets see if we can make a run for it." Cal smiled.

"Cal! No way!" Sam said horrified.

"I'm joking, its sorted." He laughed. "Do you really think I'd do that?"

"What do you mean its sorted?" Sam asked.

"Ethan and I have sorted it, don't worry." Cal said. "Come on, lets go."

"Thanks guys, but you didn't have to." Sam said.

"It's fine, honest." Ethan smiled, giving her a kiss.

"Thank you guys." Ella smiled, while sliding on her jacket.

Ethan held the door open as the group piled out into the cold carpark and headed towards Ethan's car. As they headed towards Ella's flat, she thanked them all for a lovely evening. She hopped out of the car and headed inside. She sat down on her sofa and sighed. She didn't really know what to do, she knew as much as she tried to fight it, she did like Cal, there was no denying it, she was just still worried. She closed her eyes and sat thinking. Suddenly her phone went off. She expected it to be Sam, but when she looked at her phone and saw a message from Cal, she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face.

'Had a great evening, looking forward to more fun this weekend if you're up for it'

'Definitely up for it - can't wait!'

Ella couldn't wipe the smile off of her face as she heard to bed.

Cal also headed to bed with a smile on his face, having left Ethan and Sam in the front room to avoid any teasing or comments, which he knew would no doubt head his way, especially if he made it obvious he was texting Ella to make plans. He decided, if they continued to have fun at the weekend then he would take things forward. He couldn't let his past experiences ruin everything for him, and he was sure Ella wasn't in the same league as his previous girlfriends.


	69. Chapter 69

Sam was working in cubicles with Zoe the following day, so she could get some prescribing experience for her course. Zoe had been impressed with her so far, finding that she was grasping things fairly well, and seemed fairly confident in diagnosis and treatment, without being overly confident to seem cocky. They were writing up some notes at the nurses station, and discussing antibiotic useage and dosage of pain relief when Ethan came over.

"Dr Hanna, have you got time for a second opinion on my patient?" He asked, holding a set of notes.

"Sure Ethan, what's the problem?"

Ethan explained the situation to Zoe and she headed off to cast an eye over the patient. Sam carried on looking after those she had in cubicles. She looked over towards resus where Ethan was working, and stood watching him, smiling to herself. Then she saw something that seemed odd. Lily was stood with Ethan smiling and laughing at something he said. She seemed very animated, then she touched his forearm softly. That wasn't like Lily at all. Sam shrugged to herself and carried on.

When Zoe returned, Sam went through the updates with their patients, and they were able to discharge two of them and fill the space with new patients. Sam was in need of a coffee fix, so grabbed a coffee from the shop and headed outside for some fresh air to try and wake her up a bit. She didn't know why she was feeling so tired this morning. Suddenly Ethan appeared also holding a coffee, he smiled and sat down next to her. Without saying anything she leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder, and he put his arm around her.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly.

"Oh, nothing, I'm just a bit tired today."

"What time are you due to finish?"

"Not until 7pm. Feels like I will never get there." She sighed.

"Well, why don't you come over tonight, I'll cook you dinner then we can have an early night?" Ethan suggested.

"Ethan Hardy!" Sam said teasingly, pretending to be shocked by his suggestion.

"Oh no, I didn't mean, I just meant that-" Ethan stuttered.

"Oh Ethan, you're still so easy to get." Sam giggled.

"Yes, very funny." He smiled. "So, do you want to?"

"That would be lovely Ethan, thank you."

They sat drinking their coffees, hand in hand on the bench. When Sam finished, she kissed Ethan gently before walking back towards the department. As she went to go through the door, Lily appeared looking for Ethan, Sam pointed across to the bench where he was finishing his drink. Lily headed over and sat down next to him. Sam looked over before heading back inside. A small part of her wondered what Lily was up to, but knowing Lily she just needed to talk about work and got frustrated waiting for Ethan to finish his break.

Sam walked through reception towards cubicles to find Zoe and see if they had blood results back for the patient in cubicle 2 yet, when she felt a little lightheaded. She ignored it and carried on walking when suddenly things started to go black around her, then, unbeknown to her, she hit the ground in a heap and passed out.

Meanwhile, outside Lily and Ethan were talking. It started with talk about work, but Lily started giggling at Ethan again.

"Oh Ethan, you're so funny." Lily smiled.

"Oh, um, thank you." He replied quietly, a little confused by Lily's sudden change of behaviour.

"We make a good team, you and I." She smiled at him.

"Well, um, yes. I guess we do."

Inside, Robyn rushed to Sam's side.

"Sam! Sam! Can you hear me?" Robyn said giving her a gentle shake. Sam's eyes started to flutter open and she groaned. "Stay still Sam, you're OK. It's Robyn, you just fainted."

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled and went to get up, but then she felt dizzy again so laid her head back down. Lofty, Max and Zoe had appeared by now, and they helped her onto a bed in cubicles.

Back outside, Ethan was aware that he should be getting back inside, but he didn't want to seem rude to Lily.

"We should get together, to study, we could help each other." Lily smiled at him.

"Oh, um , well..." Ethan started, but was interrupted when he heard someone shouting his name.

"Ethan! Ethan! You need to come in quick." Robyn said hurrying over. "Its Sam, she's collapsed." Robyn breathed.

"What?!" Ethan shot up off of the bench and ran inside, closely followed by Robyn, leaving Lily sat on her own on the bench. She rolled her eyes and sighed, crossing her arms across her chest. Then she slowly got up and wondered back inside.

Robyn took Ethan to the cubicle where Sam was now recovering. Zoe had checked her over, and it did seem like a simple fainting episode, though they weren't sure why. Sam had insisted she didn't need blood tests or an ECG. Ethan rushed to her side and grabbed her hand.

"Are you ok? What happened?" He asked.

"I'm fine Ethan, just a little fainting episode. Honestly, its nothing."

"Well, we'll wait and see what the results show." Ethan smiled squeezing her hand.

"No need, I haven't had any tests." Sam said.

"Why? We could just do some bloods and an ECG at least, find out why you did it." Ethan said, shocked.

"Ethan, I don't need any tests, honestly, I'm fine, I just fainted." Sam tried to reassure him.

"Well, OK, but if it happens again?"

"If it happens again you can run whatever tests you like, but I promise I'm fine, I'm just tired." Sam squeezed his hand back. "It's lovely that you worry about me Ethan." She smiled, pulling him in for a kiss.

Lily walked past heading for resus and huffed quietly to herself; Sam was really irritating her lately, more so than normal. Why did she always manage to ruin everything and get everyone's attention. She wondered what Ethan even saw in her, he was more suited to someone with whom he had more in common. Sure, Sam was pretty, but pretty didn't work out for him last time did it.

Sam had insisted she was fine, and also insisted that she carry on with her shift. Rita caught up with her, having heard from Robyn what happened while she had been at a management meeting.

"Sam, how are you feeling?" Rita asked kindly.

"I'm fine Rita honest I'm just tired." Sam smiled at her concern.

"You haven't taken on too much doing these extra shifts along with your course?" Rita asked.

"No, I'm fine. I can handle it."

"Well look, why don't you go home early today, we are well staffed for a change, and I've finished my meetings now, so I'm back on the floor."

"Honestly Rita, I'm OK."

"I'm sure you are, but you do look tired, and I need you here on form, if you push it now, you'll get ill. Just go home early, get some rest and come back tomorrow refreshed."

"But-" Sam went to protest.

"Sam, I'm not asking, I'm telling you as your manager, go home, this place will survive one afternoon without you, honest." Rita smiled, guiding her back towards the staffroom.

Sam gave in, she handed over her patients to Rita and sent a text to Ethan, knowing he'd have his phone on him and by the time she returned from getting changed, he was waiting for her in the staffroom.

"I'm glad you're going to rest, you probably need it." Ethan smiled, pulling her in for a hug and kissing the top of her head.

"Really I'm-" Sam started.

"Fine, yes I know, but still, you said you were tired. Look, I'm due my lunch, I'll take you to mine, and you can get some rest. Cal might be home but it doesn't matter. I'll be a couple more hours then I'll be home and I'll make us dinner." He said.

"Ethan you don't have to."

"Shh, I want to." He smiled.

He guided her to his car and took her to his flat. Cal wasn't there, so he got a blanket and tucked her up on the sofa. He kissed her and left her to rest and headed back to work. He promised he would text Cal to let him know Sam was at theirs. Sam curled up on the couch and put the TV on, resting her head back, she closed her eyes. The next thing she knew, she woke with a start as she heard the front door close and footsteps making their way along the hall. Lifting her head off the couch she saw Cal coming in carrying some shopping bags.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"I was only dozing, sorry Cal, don't creep around me, its your house. Ethan is just being protective of me. I'm sorry to invade your space." She said apologetically.

"Hey, its fine, he told me you weren't well. What's wrong?" He said sitting next to her.

"Nothing really, I'm just tired, and I fainted at work, anyone would think it was something serious the way Ethan worried, bless him, its sweet really." Sam smiled.

"He really cares about you." Cal smiled.

"I know. I'm a lucky girl." Sam replied. "Really, I'm just tired, its nothing."

"Well, how about I put this shopping away, I'll make us a drink then we can watch a movie together, yeah?"

"That sounds great Cal." Sam smiled.

He returned 10 minutes later with a cup of tea and some nibbles and sat next to her. They put a film on and Sam lifted her blanket and nodded to Cal to jump under. They curled up on the sofa together, drinking their tea and watching the film. Sam eventually fell asleep again leaning on Cal's chest, so he just left her to sleep, placing his arm protectively around her. He noticed she did look quite pale, and her eyes looked a little dark and strained.


	70. Chapter 70

Ethan tried to get through the last couple of hours of his shift without worrying about Sam, he knew she'd be OK, but he was still concerned why she refused the tests, although she did recover quickly, so maybe they were unnecessary. He quickly got involved in an emergency that was brought in, a man who had fallen from a roof with a suspected spinal injury and head injury. So there wasn't much time to dwell on whether or not Sam was OK. He did however notice that Lily seemed to be sticking to his side a lot today, which was unusual. Still, it was nice to have the support from a competent doctor. As soon as the patient had been stabilised and gone to surgery, he sent a message to Sam to see how she was feeling. When he didn't get a reply he assumed she must be sleeping, although a flash of panic took hold when the thought crossed his mind that she could have passed out again. He took his phone out again and text Cal, in case he was home, then he could keep an eye on her. Minutes later he got a reply from Cal reassuring him that all was fine and Sam was asleep next to him on the couch. He breathed a sigh of relief and continued treating his patients.

Lily appeared again, this time asking for help with another patient, which Ethan of course obliged. He looked through the symptoms and test results and considered options, then he realised Lily had missed something very basic, which was not like her at all. He suggested she run a blood sugar level on the patient as his symptoms may fit with juvenile diabetes. She smiled at him when she realised he was likely correct and went back to her patient.

Ethan carried on treating his patients and when his shift was drawing to a close, he headed to the staff room to get changed and head off to the flat. Suddenly Lily appeared again, this time on the pretence of thanking him for his help earlier. He smiled, telling her is wasn't a problem, then excused himself and headed towards his car. Lily watched him leave and sighed again, she knew he was rushing off to see _her_ and it annoyed her even more. She didn't realise she was being watched by Rita.

Ethan arrived home and let himself into the flat. He was greeted by warmth and something smelling really good. He looked around and saw both Sam and Cal in the kitchen preparing the dinner.

"What's going on here?" He smiled at them.

"Well, we're having a secret affair, and we were feeling guilty after an afternoon of hot sex, so we thought we'd cook you dinner." Cal grinned, earning a swipe with a tea towel from Sam.

"Stop it you!" She laughed and heading over to give Ethan a kiss. "I wanted to thank you for being so kind, so I thought I'd make you dinner, since you're the one who's been working hard today, and I roped in lazy bum here to help me."

"So you're feeling better then?" Ethan smiled.

"Yes, I've been asleep most of the afternoon. I think that's all I needed, a good sleep."

"I'm glad, I was a bit worried." Ethan said.

"I know you were, but I said I was fine didn't I?" She smiled sweetly at him. "Cal, I thought I say lay the table?" She said suddenly.

"I did!"

"Cal, dumping the cutlery and glasses on the table is not the same as laying the table." Sam scolded.

"I won't tell you what it means to me when you say lay the table." He grinned.

"Caleb Knight! Behave! Besides, you know what your brother would say about that." She smiled.

"Yes, he does know what his brother would say." Ethan said firmly, then he leaned in for another kiss. He picked up the bottle of wine that was chilling and took it over to the table where Cal was sorting the cutlery. Sam served up the dinner and Ethan poured them all some wine, and the three of them sat down to eat.

"This is lovely Sam, thank you." Ethan smiled.

"Don't I get some credit?" Cal said.

"Fine, thank you as well Cal." Ethan laughed.

"So, Cal, have you heard from Ella today?" Sam asked.

"No, and if I had I wouldn't tell you mother!" He laughed.

"I'm not going to go on at you, I just think you're both missing out if you don't go for it. There is definitely a spark there." Sam smiled. When Ethan offered her a top up of wine she shook her head. "No thanks Ethan, I shouldn't be drinking really, not after today."

When they had finished their dinner and tidied up, the three of them headed to the sofa to watch some TV. Sam cuddled up with Ethan in the corner and Cal lay across the other side with his legs stretched out. After about the third time of Sam almost drifting off again whilst trying to do some revision, she gave up, tossing her text book on the table where it landed with a thump.

"It's not going in tonight." She sighed rubbing her temples.

"Well maybe you just need to give it a rest, you have been working really hard lately." Ethan said, giving her a worried look.

"Actually, I might just head to bed, I'm feeling really drained again. Do you mind?" Sam said to Ethan.

"No that's fine, I'll be there in a bit." He replied.

"No, you don't have to have an early night just because I am, stay and spend some time with your brother." she smiled and headed off to bed.

"Has she been OK?" Ethan asked Cal when she was out of earshot.

"Yeah, I think so, she did spend most of the afternoon sleeping, I did notice then that she looked quite pale and tired. But since she woke up she seemed perkier until just then." Cal replied honestly.

"Ok, I just can't shake the feeling there's more to it, but maybe I'm just worrying too much."

"It was only one episode, give it time, she might just have simply overdone it. You know how stubborn she can be, and she's been throwing herself into work and her course."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Ethan smiled. "So, have you made any decisions about Ella yet?"

"Oh not you too!" He laughed.

"Sam is right even I could see the spark at dinner."

"I'm meeting her tomorrow afternoon, we're going to hang out and I think if it goes as well as it has been then I will tell her how I feel." Cal admitted. "But don't tell Sam, I don't want Ella getting wind of it before I've assessed things."

"I won't Cal, I promise. But for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing."

"Well, we will see."

"Can I ask you something Cal?" Ethan said suddenly. Cal looked at him, frowning, wondering what made him blurt that out.

"Sure."

"Have you noticed anything odd about Lily lately?"

"Lily? Not really? She seems to be her usual self." He shrugged.

"Ok." Ethan sighed.

"Why do you ask?" Cal continued looking at him with suspicion.

"No reason really. She just seemed different today, and now I think about it, there have been a few things lately."

"Like what?"

"Oh it doesn't matter."

"Ethan?"

"Well, just that she's suddenly laughing at things I'm saying, telling me I'm funny, asking advice with things she should know, using them as excuses to talk to me, its just not like her." Ethan sighed.

"I see." Cal said simply.

"You see what?"

"Come on Ethan, you're a doctor, either Lily has had a brain injury, she's had a personality transplant, or, and if you ask me this is the most likely, she fancies you." He smiled at his brother.

"No. She can't. I mean, its Lily." Ethan said shocked. Cal just raised his eyebrows at his brother knowingly. "No, it must be something else, forget I asked."

"Just keep an eye mate, she and Sam have never seen eye to eye as it is, if she does have the hots for you then you could be in trouble. I thought she was heading that way before you got with Honey, maybe she still fancies her chances."

"I'm sure its not that. Please, just forget I said anything." Ethan sighed as Cal sat smiling at him. He got up, saying goodnight to his brother and headed towards the bathroom. He stood under the shower letting the hot water pound his skin as he considered what Cal had said. He couldn't be right could he? No that was just silly. Ethan rubbed his aching shoulders under the water. He got out and dried and headed towards his bedroom. Sam was laid in bed reading something on her phone and smiling. Ethan stood in the doorway watching her with a smile on his face.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Sam smiled looking up at him.

"Don't tempt me, I just might." He smiled back walking towards her, stopping to grab his T-shirt and a clean pair of boxers. He pulled on the boxers and went to put his towel back in the bathroom. He returned and sat on the side of the bed before putting his T-shirt on. Suddenly he felt Sam behind him, she knelt behind resting her chin on his shoulder and then kissed his cheek, then moved down to kiss his neck, reaching her arms around his stomach she continued kissing him. He let out a small moan which she loved. She leaned across him and turned the bedside light off and pulled him into bed, quickly removing the T-shirt which he had only just put on. They lay kissing in the dark as their eyes adjusted, and Sam traced her finger over his scar absentmindedly. He tensed slightly, so she moved her hand and carried on kissing him, making her intentions clear.

"Are you sure you want to?" Ethan breathed in between kisses. Sam started kissing her way down his chest and stomach, then looked up at him and smiled.

"What do you, think?" She said and kissed a circle around his belly button. He let out a moan as she moved lower.

Cal was sat on the sofa still watching TV. He was considering texting Ella when his phone flashed into life. As if planned, Ella had texted him to ask how he was and to check they were still on for the next day. He typed a reply to say he was still up for it and looking forward to it. Then suddenly he thought he heard a muffled moan coming from Ethan's room. Oh they couldn't be could they? Cal really didn't want to hear that tonight. He turned the tv up then buried his nose back in his phone.

Later, Ethan lay close to Sam, holding her tight in his arms. He breathed deep, taking in the feeling of holding her. He felt unbelievably content, this was the way things should be. He was so lucky he thought as he fell asleep.


	71. Chapter 71

The next day, Cal met Ella down on the waterfront, she was stood waiting for him and as he approached her, he noticed how good she looked. She was casually dressed in some figure hugging jeans and white roll neck top and gilet, yet somehow she made it look effortlessly stylish, along with some brown leather boots and oversized sunglasses to keep out the winter sun, which was shining bright today. She slipped her glasses onto her head as she saw him and broke out into a wide grin.

"Hello you." She smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey. How are you?" He asked, smiling back, giving her a close up once over.

"I'm really good, look, my ankle is much better." She smiled.

"Good, there's no excuses today then, no activities off the table."

"Cal, you talking about activities and tables only makes me think its one thing." Ella winked and smiled.

"Being a bad girl already." He grinned. "I think you're going to lead me astray!" Cal said causing Ella to laugh out loud.

"As if! Come on, lets go." She said slipping her arm into his and leading him along the waterfront.

"So what do you want to do first?" Cal asked.

"I'm thinking we get some serious competition going on. Starting with crazy golf!" She grinned, pulling him towards the attraction.

"Really?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"Come on, childish fun remember? Indulge me." She smiled.

They played crazy golf and by the fourth hole, Cal was seeing the funny side of it, and he had to admit, doing silly things with Ella was fun. He ended up winning the crazy golf, then they went into the arcade and had a laugh and lots of banter playing the games and trying to outdo each other. Cal laughed realising how competitive Ella was, which made him more determined to beat her, causing much more banter and name calling between them. They easily passed a few hours, and Cal was amazed how much fun he could have and how quickly the time passed.

"Shall we go and get something to eat?" He asked her, when they had finally lost count of who was winning.

"Yes, there's a nice Italian restaurant around the corner." Ella said. They headed there and took a seat.

"So, I've had fun so far Ella, thanks, its been nice to let go and be carefree again."

"I've had a great time too." She smiled.

"I didn't realise you were so competitive though."

"Yeah, I think it was growing up with two older brothers that did it." She smiled at him.

"Two older brothers? They must have doted on you?"

"Kind of. There were some disagreements, but if anyone dared tried to hurt me they were there."

"Duly noted, thank you." He smiled at her.

"There's only Charlie, my eldest brother left to worry about now. Francis died 8 years ago, overdose." She said sadly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Cal said, instinctively reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go.

"It's OK, I've dealt with it now, but I was angry for a long time. He was always the mischievous middle child, but he took it too far, he used to go out partying all the time, and used drugs, he was never a full on addict, he still maintained his job and day to day life, but when he went out, he went to town, and one night, he pushed it too far. Stupid boy."

"I'm really sorry Ella, drugs are an awful thing."

"Yeah, they are. I was at university at the time, so I never saw him in the state my brother did, but being a nurse I know what it must have looked like. Thank god I don't have that memory etched on my brain like Charlie does. I've never seen him so cut up. He blamed himself for a long time. He felt like he was the big brother, he should have taken care of him."

"I can kind of relate to that feeling, only thankfully I didn't lose my brother." Cal said, Ella looked at him in shock.

"Ethan? He never did drugs did he?" She gasped.

"Oh, no, sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you. No he was in a car accident, we came close to losing him, but I had to, well, it was close." He said, unable to go into detail. "Ethan do drugs? He'd feel bad taking aspirin!" Cal laughed.

"Bless him." Ella smiled.

"So its just you and Charlie now? Are you close?"

"Yeah, I mean we don't speak all of the time, but we have a good relationship. He's my big brother, you can't replace that. He's 6 years older than me, he's married and settled down now. At one point I thought him and Sam would get together." She smiled.

"Sam, really?"

"Yeah, I think he had a soft spot for her, but she wasn't really interested, he was just my big brother, and that how she saw him. We were busy having fun at uni, and then she stayed in London and met her, well she was in a serious relationship."

"So you two met at uni?"

"Yes. There was an instant connection between us, it was like we'd known each other all of our lives. She became like the sister I never had. But when we finished uni, we went in different directions, I headed up to Scotland for work, we kept in touch for a while, but things got busy and shift work made it tricky. I can't believe we've now ended up in the same hospital. I'm so happy to have been reunited with her." Ella said, skipping over then main reason they lost touch. She couldn't betray Sam's trust about her past, she didn't realise that Cal knew.

"Yeah, you do seem to get on well. Although you are both very easy to get on with."

The pair ate their dinner and carried on chatting, getting to know more about one another. When they finished, an argument almost broke out when Cal insisted on paying for dinner, but Ella assured him he didn't need to, but he'd said he wanted to and went off to do it.

"Shall we go the see what's on at the cinema?" Ella asked when he returned from paying the bill.

"Yeah, come on then. As long as you promise no lame chick flicks!" He laughed.

"I promise." She smiled. "Not this time anyway." She laughed and nudged his arm, then slipped her arm through his. He smiled to himself at how natural this felt. They headed into the cinema, which Ella insisted she pay for, as Cal had paid for dinner, however, Cal bought the snacks. They took their seats, sitting right at the back like naughty teenagers. Ella smiled at Cal, a smile full of meaning and hope. She couldn't help this now, she was falling for him.

She had chosen to watch a scary film, hoping the atmosphere might create opportunity to get close to Cal. There were fleeting glances between the pair, and part way through Ella looked at Cal only to realise that he was watching her and not the film. She smiled at him and felt butterflies in her stomach. What was he doing to her? She was trying to concentrate on the film but all she could think about was wanting to kiss him. He laughed at her when she jumped in the air at part of the film, causing him to earn a dig in the ribs as she laughed too. By then end of the film she was leaned right in towards him with his arm placed around her shoulders as she had used it once or twice to cover her eyes from the scary action. As the credits rolled she looked up and they held each others gaze, there was a moment when they started to lean in for a kiss, but suddenly the lights in the room came on and they broke eye contact, and Ella stood up awkwardly.

"I've got a numb leg." She laughed, trying to get past the awkwardness, while wiggling her leg. They headed back outside towards the waterfront when suddenly Cal reached for Ella's hand and took hold of it. He pulled her around to face him and he moved closer, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, letting his hand slowly caress her cheek. He was going to speak but he didn't want to spoil the intensity of the moment. He looked deep into her brown eyes, they had completely bewitched him. He could feel the excitement, and the desire bubbling in his stomach. He leaned in and kissed her, feeling everything in his world colide as their lips connected. Thoughts, feelings, he didn't know, all he knew was that he needed her, he needed to kiss her, he wanted to tell her how he felt, but wasn't sure the words would come, he hoped this would show her.


	72. Chapter 72

Ella couldn't believe what was happening. She thought she had missed her chance, messed up her opportunity, but here he was, kissing her, and not just any old kiss, this kiss felt different, it felt exciting, she felt light headed, giddy with pleasure. She wanted to melt as she felt Cal's tongue slip into her mouth. She mirrored his action and as their tongues connected, it was like someone ignited fireworks in her body. She needed him, now. She moved herself closer, pressing her body into his as they kissed. She felt him lean in too, their pressure intensified against one another. She had forgotten they were stood in public, in full view of anyone walking past, but she didn't care. She let a small moan escape from her lips, which seemed to stir Cal up even more, making their kissing even more desperate. When finally they pulled apart, Ella's cheeks flushed pink with desire as she looked up at him.

Cal couldn't believe how intense their kiss was, as they finally pulled apart, he looked down at her. He had not felt desire like this in a long time, and when she had let out that small moan, part of him wanted to drag her off to his bed now, but another part wanted to savour every moment with her. He had lost the ability to speak, very nearly unable to think as he looked down on her with desire rising throughout his body. But he didn't want to ruin things. His usual next step would be to take her back to his place, but with Ella he couldn't do that. For one reason, Ethan and Sam were likely to be there, and for another, that wasn't what he wanted out of this. He didn't want this to become a one night thing, or just a physical fling. He wanted this to mean something. At last he had found someone he could see himself with, sharing special moments with, enjoying life with. He couldn't ruin that for something purely physical.

Then Ella broke the silence.

"Cal, I need to know, is this just a one night of fun kind of thing, because I don't want to end up getting hurt here. I just need to know where I stand, because I'm a bit confused." She said, somewhat embarrassed at how she probably came across.

"I don't see this as a one night thing, unless that's what you want?" He asked.

"No, but your reputation would indicate that's where this will probably be headed." She looked at him, her eyes full of worry, and he sighed.

"Please don't judge me by that. I haven't been in a good place, and its what I do, things go wrong, I get drunk and make a fool of myself. I avoided getting hurt by avoiding commitment. But with you, I can finally see a way out of that cycle, you make me want to commit, to try and have something more meaningful. I mean, if that's what you want?"

"Well, when you sell yourself as well as that, how can I resist?" Ella grinned cheekily.

"Stop it, so I'm a bit out of practice at talking feelings, at least I'm trying." He smiled at her.

"So how about we stop talking and go back to the kissing, from what I can tell, we were good at that." She smiled.

"You don't need to tell me twice." He grinned as he leant back in to kiss her again.

* * *

Sam was at work, she was on the late shift so had hoped for a lazy morning, but having stayed at Ethan's the previous night, and with him being on the early shift, she got woken up when he got up, and despite him telling her to sleep, she found she couldn't. Also, with their night time activities keeping them awake longer than planned, she was feeling tired again today. She didn't know why, but she just couldn't shake the need to sleep, it wasn't just feeling a bit tired, at times her body felt heavy and and so weary, like she just couldn't function.

To make matters worse she was working alongside Lily today. Normally Sam could have faced this and managed Lily's cutting remarks but with the way she was feeling, it made it harder to take. With Lily you needed to be at least two steps ahead, or prepared to be ahead of the game, but today, Sam was just muddling through. She was currently seeing to a lady with an infected wound and cellulitis. She needed to clean and dress the wound but was still waiting for Lily to come and see it to prescribe the antibiotics required. She didn't dare attempt to do it or suggest what might be needed. She apologized to the patient and disappeared off to try and find Lily again.

She passed through cubicles and finally saw Lily in resus talking to Ethan. Then suddenly she noticed that smile on Lily's face again, her eyes almost shone as they shared a joke, Ethan was laughing and Lily simply smiled, but for Lily that was as good as throwing her head back laughing. Sam watched them through the glass, she felt like someone punched her in the stomach. She didn't know why she let it affect her, maybe it was because she was tired, things always seemed worse then. She took a deep breath and headed into resus. Ethan stopped laughing and smiled at her as she came in. He went to say hello but Sam never gave him a chance.

"Dr Chao, I'm still waiting for you to review my patient's wound to prescribe antibiotics, I can't dress it until you've done that, and she's 30 minutes from breaching." Sam said simply, trying to sound as polite as possible.

"I told you I would come, can't you see I'm busy." Lily said, sounding annoyed at the interruption.

"I'm sorry, I didn't notice the dying patient in the corner that needs you to be joking with Dr Hardy to make them better!" Sam snapped and turned to walk out. Ok, so she didn't keep her cool after all, but she was cross. She headed towards the nurses station, and Rita was there, changed ready to go home.

"Are you ok Sam? You still look tired and a bit pale."

"I'm fine, just having a frustrating shift with Lily."

"How so?"

"I'm waiting for her to review my patient before I dress the wound, I've got 30 minutes until she breaches, and where do I find her, in resus laughing and joking with Ethan." Sam sighed. "I mean its Lily, when did she get a sense of humour?" Sam added making Rita snort with laughter.

"Lily can do whatever she wants when she has an agenda." Rita said.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Well, if it suits her, and means whatever she has planned will move forward then she will do anything." Rita explained. "It's got worse since she became a registrar."

"I see." Sam sighed. "Right, back to it, more patients to see." Sam wondered back off. Rita watched her. Something wasn't right she thought, she didn't know what, but Sam wasn't herself.

* * *

Cal walked Ella to her front door, and they shared another kiss. As they pulled away she suddenly felt shy and unsure of herself again. Cal smiled at her, and as if sensing her reserve, he lifted her chin to bring her eyes up to meet his.

"I'm not going to push this. I'm going to walk away and let you have time to think. I'll wait until you're ready to know what you want." Cal said softly. He turned to walk away but Ella reached out for his arm.

"I already know what I want." She started. He stopped and turned to look at her. "It's you Cal. It's always been you." She looked into his eyes, she could feel her skin prickle with fear and excitement. He gazed intensely back at her. Before she knew it he was leaning down kissing her passionately. He moved up against her and as he kissed her she found herself pressed up against the door of her flat. She was wild with desire, but she knew she couldn't do this now, she couldn't go all the way now or she would regret it.

* * *

Lily and Sam continued to be stiff with each other for the rest of their shift, one barely tolerating the other, but thankfully there were no major run ins between them. As Sam got changed and gathered her things in the staff room, Lily picked up her coat and walked out without saying a word. Sam sighed and sat heavily down on a stool, resting her head in her hands. Thankfully she was alone, which was what she wanted, she couldn't face company right now. Her head was throbbing, it felt like it was going to explode. She knew had to get out of there. She got up, grabbed her bag and headed for the exit, keeping her head down to avoid anyone. Luckily, it was late and there weren't many people around.

She had got out of the hospital grounds and started to make her way down the road, when a wave of nausea hit her. She stopped and leaned against the wall, taking some deep breaths of cool air, hoping the feeling would pass. She knew she was just getting herself wound up about Lily. Why she let her get under her skin so much, Sam just didn't know, but she did. Once the worst of the nausea settled, she continued on her way home. Just as she was unlocking her door, her mobile started ringing. She pulled it out of her bag and looked at it, it was Ethan, she knew it would be. She put her phone back in her bag and carried on unlocking her front door.

She went inside and dumped her bag on the table, feeling a pang of guilt for ignoring Ethan as she heard her phone start ringing again. She headed into the bathroom and was promptly sick in the toilet. She sat on the floor feeling pretty miserable. Tears rans silently down her cheeks, she didn't have the energy to sob. She felt completely drained. She turned on the shower and climbed under the hot water, wishing she could hide away. She stood just letting everything wash over her for a while, cleaning her teeth twice to try and rid herself of the sicky taste she could still sense. Then when she was almost at collapsing point she headed back to retrieve her bag and headed to the bedroom, crawling into bed with her last ounce of energy.

* * *

Ethan thought it was strange that Sam wasn't picking up her phone, but he assumed she had got caught at work late. He decided against leaving a voice mail, instead, sent a quick text to say he hoped she was OK, and to wish her a good night and that he would see her tomorrow. Cal wasn't yet home, but Ethan wasn't really surprised; hopefully it meant things had gone really well with Ella and they were still having a good time, and not that they were back at Ella's together. Not that it would matter if he was, but Ethan hoped he wouldn't make a mess of this. He climbed into bed with his text books, and sat up reading them, making notes. He looked around the room and sighed. He missed Sam, he wished he could have spoken to her, just to say good night. He knew it was crazy but he hated being apart from her, even though it was good that they had their own space, he missed her. He thought to himself that it was good that he had the chance to miss her though, or they may get fed up with each other. But even so, he wished he was in bed cuddled up with her now, and not sat reading his text books. He checked his phone again, still no message from Sam, he tried not to worry, he knew there would be a good reason.

* * *

Cal managed to walk away from Ella. He wasn't sure how he managed, he'd really wanted her, but he knew if he was going to prove himself to her then he couldn't sleep with her yet. He'd made his desire for her clear, but he'd successfully managed to walk away, and he felt proud. Had it not been so late, he would have text Sam to break the good news that he wasn't making this a one night thing. But he knew it would be fair, especially as she seemed to have been struggling with tiredness lately. He could always break the news and have a joke about being good another day. Though he wasn't sure if he would get to sleep himself tonight. He was on cloud nine, he practically floated home and into bed.


	73. Chapter 73

Sam woke a few hours later having pretty much collapsed in a heap on her bed in pure exhaustion. She checked her phone to see what the time was, and realised she had 3 missed calls and a text from Ethan, and also a text from Ella. It was now nearly 2:30am so not a time that she could contact either of them back. She felt another pang of guilt for not getting back to Ethan, but she was sure he would understand if she explained she had gone home and gone straight to bed exhausted. She very nearly just sent him a text, but decided to wait until the morning. Then she read Ella's text with excitement. She and Cal had been out and they had kissed, now that was gossip she would need asap. She knew she was right about them, oh she was so pleased for them. She lay in bed smiling for the first time that night. Then she felt another pang of longing for Ethan. She had barely spoken to him today, and then when he had been laughing with Lily, she had gotten jealous and made a fool of herself by snapping at Lily. She was cross because normally she could keep a cool head and be the bigger person, but not earlier, no she had completely screwed that one up. Still, Ethan didn't seem to be cross with her, more worried that he hadn't heard from her, so hopefully all would be fine. She tried to get back to sleep, but found she couldn't switch off, so she went to the kitchen to make a drink, taking it back to her room and sitting in bed studying and writing up another assignment for her course. Before she knew it, it was 4:15am, and she was feeling really tired, but she just needed to complete the final parts of this assignemnt, so she pushed on through the fatigue to finish it.

* * *

Ethan headed to work the following morning full of worry. He had woken up at 2am and again at 4am, and by the time his alarm went off this morning, he still hadn't heard from Sam. He hoped she would be in work today so he could make sure that she was OK. She had seemed quite snappy yesterday, maybe he should have waited to speak to her after he'd finished but she was busy.

He was working in cubicles when Sam did arrive, but he wasn't aware she was there until he heard her taking her first patient through. He deliberately loitered until she came back out of the curtains to get some equipment, making her jump as he spoke to her.

"I've been worried about you, are you ok?" He asked gently, his eyes full of concern. He could see that she really didn't look well, she was looking more tired and stressed than ever.

"Ethan, you frightened me." She said, feeling embarrassed. "I'm OK, I'm just tired, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you, I went home from work and was so shattered I pretty much collapsed in a heap in bed and slept for a couple of hours, it was 2:30am when I saw your message, so I couldn't reply. Then I was awake until nearly 5 doing some work. I was nearly late for my shift because I dozed off again." She said.

"Sam, are you sure you're not overdoing it?" Ethan looked really worried now.

"Ethan, I'm OK, I can handle it, I'm just a bit tired. You're so sweet to worry, but don't stress yourself out worrying about little old me." She smiled at him. "I missed you last night though." She admitted quietly.

"I missed you too." He sighed.

"Come here." She smiled pulling him into a hug. He kissed the top of her head and sighed, he felt bettter knowing that she wasn't mad with him or that he'd done something wrong, but she was clearly overdoing things. She was just so stubborn, he thought, how could he get her to relax and take things easy for a while. Then suddenly he had an idea.

At that moment, Lily walked passed and tutted loudly at the pair. Sam broke away from Ethan's hug and looked away.

"Sorry, we probably shouldn't do this here." She said quietly. "I'll see you later, maybe we could try and have lunch together? I need to take my patients bloods." Sam smiled. Ethan nodded and she headed off.

Ethan headed back towards his patient, he was looking at an X-ray result when he walked straight into Cal, who was swaggering down the corridor, with a spring in his step, texting on his phone.

"Oh, sorry." Ethan mumbled before realising that it was Cal.

"Hey little brother." He grinned. "How are you?"

"Oh, um, OK." Ethan said looking a little confused. "Why are you so cheerful this morning?"

"Things are just looking up finally." He smiled as he carried on down the corridor. Ethan watched him leave and shook his head. He needed to give his patient the good news from his X-ray, then he needed to find Rita. He walked off with determination. Once he had discharged the patient, he left the cubicle and headed towards Rita's office to see if she was there. He was intercepted by Lily on the way though.

"Ethan, I was thinking, maybe we could get together and do some revision, maybe one evening in the week?" She asked assertively. Ethan was a bit taken aback by her sudden request of his company, but it seemed innocent enough. They did both have exams coming up.

"Oh, um, OK, if you think it will help."

"I do, when is a good time? Tonight? Tomorrow?"

"Um, well, I'm not sure, I just need to check, um see what I've got to do."

"You're not letting her get in the way of becoming consultant are you? You made that mistake once before Ethan. You can't let this one get in the way too." Lily said harshly.

"No, no I'm not." He said shocked. "And Sam wouldn't get in the way, she supports me." Ethan said, as he headed on towards Rita's office leaving Lily stunned. She thought she was only offering friendly advice, why did he take it so badly?

Ethan made it to Rita's office and knocked on the door. She looked up from the paperwork she was doing and called him in. She smiled when Ethan came in and motioned for him to sit down.

"Ethan, this is a nice surprise, what brings you here?"

"Well, um, I was wondering if you had noticed anything wrong with Sam, or if you knew anything?" He asked.

"What do you mean wrong?" Rita asked a crease forming in her brow.

"Well, she seems to be really struggling, she looks really tired and things don't seem to be getting better after her fainting episode the other day. I just wondered if you had noticed, or if I'm just worrying unnecessarily."

"Well, I haven't seen her a lot, but she is looking more tired. Maybe it's the course, it is a lot of extra work, and she's picked up some extra shifts. She hasn't specifically said anything to me though." Rita said. She could see Ethan was worried. "Ethan, why don't you just try talking to her?"

"I have Rita, she just tells me she is fine and I should stop worrying, but that makes me worry more."

"Well, I've nearly finished this," she said pointing at her work. "I'll be out on the floor in a second, I'll head right out to find her and see what I can see."

"Thanks Rita. Please don't say I've spoken to you though will you?" He said.

"Of course I won't Ethan." She smiled.

"The other thing is, I was thinking of booking a surprise weekend away for Sam, maybe get her away from here and she can get some rest. When is her next weekend off?" He asked. Rita looked at him and smiled softly. What a lovely man he was she thought, he really cared about Sam. Rita consulted the off duty and showed Ethan when she would be off. He headed off to sort his shifts to coincide with hers, smiling to himself as he formed plans in his mind.

* * *

Cal was working in resus, he had just sent a patient upstairs to surgery, and another was about to go to the cath lab. This patient was quite unstable, so Cal thought it was probably best if he escorted the patient upstairs, of course it also helped that Ella was running the cath lab today. He had already phoned her to arrange a slot, and then as he headed upstairs, he felt the excitement bubbling at the anticipation of seeing her. She appeared at the doorway in her navy tunic, a big smile one her face.

"Dr Knight, what a pleasure to see you up here."

"Thank you, its a pleasure to see you too." He grinned back, causing Lofty and Max to snigger at them.

"So this must be Thomas Greene." Ella said. "Don't worry me Greene, you're with the professionals now, we will get you feeling better." She smiled placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. She showed them through to the waiting area and moved Mr Greene to one of their beds. Max and Lofty took their trolley back downstairs while Cal handed over the patient. He was talking to the cardiology registrar and discussing the likely outcomes, when he became aware of Ella watching him. She had settled Mr Greene and was smiling while Cal was talking. He tried to concentrate on what the registrar was explaining to him, but all he really wanted to do was grab Ella and kiss her. When he went back to his other patients, Cal turned and walked uo to Ella smiling.

"You look great today." He whispered to her. "You sure know how to make me want you."

"Me? I haven't done anything." She grinned. "I'm just working Dr Knight." She whispered back softly.

"See, even you calling me that is such a turn on." He whispered and she giggled.

"Well Dr Knight, play your cards right and you may get me calling you a whole lot more." She whispered in his ear, then smiled at him and turned and walked away, leaving him standing in the doorway in shock, not knowing what to do. He smiled to himself and once she had gone from sight and he had recovered, he turned and headed back to the ED.

As he was walking back through the department he saw Sam scurrying down the corridor. He watched her go wondering what she was up to, then he saw her dive into the staff toilet. He shrugged assuming she must have been desperate for the loo. He waited for her for a few minutes, and when she didn't surface, he walked nearer, wondering if she was OK. Suddenly he heard her retching inside the bathroom, and his brow creased as he became concerned. He didn't know what to do for the best, but in the end he decided he would knock.

"Sam? Are you ok in there?" He knew it was a stupid thing to say, clearly she wasn't but he had to open the conversation somehow.

"Mm-hmm." Came the muffled reply.

"I don't think you are. Do you want me to get Rita?" He asked.

"No, I'm fine." She said softly. She pulled the flush and washed her face and mouth, then left the loo. Cal looked at her. She really looked dreadful now.

"You're clearly not fine." He said, worried.

"I'm OK, I just had a pretty nasty smelly wound to deal with, it turned my stomach a bit that's all." She lied. He gave her a doubtful look.

"It's not like you to get affected by something like that."

"Weak stomach this morning obviously." She tried to smile. He looked skeptical.

"Are you sure, you look really tired?"

"Well thanks a bunch Cal, you know how to make a girl feel good. I just had a late night, well not late but I was up between 2:30 and 5 doing my coursework and revision. I'm just tired now that's all."

"What? Why were you up then?"

"I crashed when I got home from work last night, then I couldn't sleep once I woke up, so I thought I'd use the time. I've got an exam soon and I have to get my coursework in." She explained. Cal just looked at her still concerned. She saw his look. "Cal, I'm OK, you're as bad as your brother." She sighed, and headed back towards cubicles. He followed her.

"Come on Sam, you know I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just worried. It goes without saying that Ethan is worried too."

"I'm fine Cal, honest." Sam said turning back towards him. All of a sudden the dizziness started again. The tiny shread of colour soon drained from her face and she went so pale she was practically transparent. His instincts kicked in and he reached out and caught her. He helped her onto a bed in an empty cubicle and laid her down. A sheen of sweat covered her brow as she collapsed onto the bed. Cal was busy taking her pulse as well as listening to her heart with his stethoscope. Sam wasn't even really aware of what he was doing. He peered out from behind the curtain and called out to Rita who was walking along looking for Sam.

"Rita can I get some help? It's Sam." He said looking serious. She scurried in behind the curtains, shocked when she saw her colleague and friend looking so pale and drawn. While Sam was still fairly drowsy, they got an ECG done, before she could attempt to refuse. Her blood pressure was very low and she was tachycardic.

"She's vomited Rita, so lets get a cannula in and get some bloods taken and fluids going, she's probably dehydrated." Cal said.

"Should we get Ethan?" Rita whispered.

"Let's get her stable first, as he will panic and make a fuss." Cal said quietly. He looked at Sam again, trying to work out what could be wrong. She was coming around a bit more and starting to fuss.

"What are you doing?" She slurred.

"Sam, we need to send some blood off and get some fluids going, just keep still for me." Rita instructed.

"No but I don't need-" Sam started, trying to get up.

"Sam, stop be silly and stubborn and let us help you." Cal said firmly, guiding her back onto the bed. She didn't have the energy to fight. She allowed them to put a cannula in and take some bloods. Rita set up a litre of saline and covered her up with a blanket. Cal had taken the bloods off to the lab, and then Rita had left to find Ethan. She caught up with him as he was walking away from the shop with two coffees.

"Ethan, I'm glad I found you, come with me." Rita smiled, guiding him towards cubicles.

"Actually Rita, I was just about to have a break. I wanted to find Sam, have you seen her?"

"Actually, yes. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Don't panic but we've got her hooked up to some fluids in cubicles."

"What? Why? What happened?" He said, instantly worried.

"She's had another funny turn. Cal found her after she'd vomited, and when they were talking she went faint again. We've sent some bloods off, so we've got her on some fluid while we wait as her BP was very low."

"Oh gosh, thank you Rita." Ethan said as he went into the cubicle Rita pointed towards. Rita left them to it, they needed to talk and didn't need a third wheel. Lily, who was stood nearby, heard the exchange between them, she rolled her eyes and walked off.


	74. Chapter 74

Ethan placed the coffee cups on the side and rushed over to Sam's side, taking hold of her hand, being careful not to knock the cannula tube.

"Sam. What on earth happened?" He asked, his voice heavy with worry.

"I just felt a bit funny." She sighed weakly.

"They said you'd vomited?"

"Yes, a couple of times over the past few days. Nothing serious. I've just been tired."

"Sam, there has got to be more to this than a bit of tiredness that you keep claiming it to be? What aren't you telling me?" He said, his voice now wobbling he was so worried. Sam looked at his face, he looked tired with worry and she felt dreadful putting him through this.

"I don't know Ethan, I just don't know." She said quietly, as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I'm scared."

"Hey, shh." He whispered soothingly. "Don't be scared, I'm here with you, we will sort it out, I promise." He squeezed her hand, then perched on the side of the hospital trolley and gently gave her a hug, she leaned on his shoulder, holding his hand. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it together. You've probably just been working too hard." He said trying to reassure them both.

Cal came back in the cubicle looking worried still.

"Bloods are being processed urgently." He said before registering that Ethan was there. "Oh sorry, I didn't know you were here Eth."

"It's OK, what's happening?" He asked as he let go of Sam and walked towards his brother, sounding more like an worried relative than a doctor himself. Before Cal could answer Sam made a funny whimpering sound, they looked across at her and she had a panicked look on her face. She reached out for a vomit bowl and promptly threw up again. Ethan rushed back to her side and Cal watched looking more worried.

"Sam, is it possible you've picked up a bug? Have you eaten something funny? Or been in contact with norovirus or something?" Cal asked. Sam shook her head.

"I don't think so." Sam whispered. "I'm not sick enough for norovirus, and I've not eaten anything dodgy. I'm sorry, I'm so embarrassed you saw me do that."

"Hey, it doesn't matter, we see it all the time." Ethan said. "Come on, you get some rest. I'm sorry, I need to get back to my other patients, but I'll come back to check on you, OK?"

"I'm fine Ethan, you carry on, I'll be fine, I might just have a sleep." She tried to smile. Ethan kissed her head and left Cal and her alone in the cubicle.

"Sam, you know I have to ask this. Could you be pregnant?"

"No, no its not that." Sam said instantly.

"Well, if you're certain, we could give you some anti emetics to help with the nausea?"

"No, I'll be fine Cal, a bit of fluid and sleep will get me back on track." She tried to smile again as she let her head fall back and closed her eyes, exhaustion taking over again. Cal left her to sleep while he waited for the blood results.

Lily caught up with Ethan shortly after he left Sam.

"Ethan, so have you thought about tonight?"

"Tonight?" He asked absentmindedly.

"Yes, studying together."

"Oh, sorry Lily, I can't tonight. Sam's not well."

"Oh dear. I hope she recovers quickly." Lily replied without feeling.

"Thank you Lily, that's kind of you." Ethan said as he left. Lily just stared after him, she couldn't believe this girl had him so wrapped around her fingers. So she was a bit sick and he drops everything. She knew Ethan could be weak when it came to relationships, but she didn't know he was that easily controlled. It would have been fine if she were the one in control, but she wasn't. She turned and walked off, she knew she needed to up her game somehow.

Rita popped in to check on Sam again. She was dozing, but woke up when she heard Rita come in and check her fluids.

"Rita?" Sam said sleepily.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Rita asked softly.

"I'm OK, just tired, I don't know why I'm so exhausted."

"Well you have taken a lot on recently. Maybe you're just overdoing it?" Rita said while rechecking Sam's obs.

"This is a whole new level of exhaustion though." Sam sighed.

"Your blood pressure is still a bit on the low side. These fluids will soon be done. I think I'll go see if Cal has any update on the blood results for you." Rita smiled. Sam watched her leave, she felt nervous, she wasn't sure she wanted to know what the blood results showed, in fact she didn't know what Cal had sent them for.

Moments later Rita returned with Cal clutching the blood results.

"Sam, your bloods aren't really showing too much to be concerned about. You are a bit dehydrated, and very slightly anaemic, but nothing that would concern me. We've tested your thyroid function, that's fine, no infection is showing up."

"Well that's good then." Sam said uncertainly.

"Yes, I think we should give you some more fluids, especially as Rita says your blood pressure is still low. But then I guess, if you're feeling better you should just go home and rest, and I mean rest." He said firmly to her.

"I am feeling better and I will rest, I promise." Sam said, relieved that she would soon be able to go home.

"Ok, Rita, lets give her another litre, then if her BP stabilises she can go. And Sam, I mean this, you go and rest, no coursework or exam prep. I'll go find Ethan for you shall I?"

"Thank you." Sam said quietly as she nodded at him. Cal left and Rita put up the next bag of fluids.

"Those boys really care about you, you know." Rita smiled. "Especially Ethan, he's a good man."

"Yes he is, he deserves better than me doesn't he?" Sam said sadly, looking down at the cannula in her hand.

"What are you talking about? You're great together."

"Oh Rita, I just feel like I keep doing stupid things to ruin it. He should be with someone more suited."

"Someone like who?" Rita asked suspiciously.

"I don't know, maybe Lily would be better?"

"Now don't let her get to you, she's not even on Ethan's radar, he loves you, I don't know why you can't see it."

"I guess feeling this rubbish, and looking this rubbish doesn't help. Lily's everything I'm not, intelligent, well presented, focussed."

"Do you really want to be those things? You're intelligent, funny, friendly, popular, if anything Lily should be aspiring to be like you, not the other way around. No, don't you change anything about yourself, everybody loves you, and Lily is jealous of you, that's why she makes things hell for you."

"Rita, I-" Sam started, but she was interrupted by Ethan coming back in.

"Sam, how are you feeling?" He asked moving towards her.

"I'm feeling better thanks," she smiled at him, her heart skipped again seeing him, she really did have feelings for him. Rita slipped out of the cubicle leaving them to it.

"I'm so relieved" he smiled. "Look, I'm due to finish in a couple of hours anyway, let me take you home, make you some dinner and look after you."

"Oh Ethan, you don't have to, really."

"I want to." He smiled, squeezing her hand.

"You're perfect." She smiled lifting his hand and kissing it. He leaned in and kissed he head and hugged her.

"I love you." He whispered. She looked at him and felt her heart skip again.

"I love you too." She whispered back.

Ethan headed off to finish his shift while Sam had her last bag of fluids, Rita, who had been loitering headed back in to Sam.

"See, he really cares about you." She smiled.

"I know he does, I'm really lucky." She smiled back at Rita. "So, I'm guessing you're not going to let me finish my shift today, how about tomorrow?"

"No chance!" Rita laughed. "I want you to stay off until at least Monday, I can jiggle to rota, and if you're not better on Monday you let me know and we will sort it."

"Rita, I don't need-"

"Sam, this isn't a negotiation, you need to help yourself and you need rest, Monday at the earliest. I'm doing this because I care too." She smiled.

"Ok Rita." Sam said. "Thanks."

Later that afternoon Sam was stood at the doors of the ED waiting for Ethan to come back with the car. He'd insisted on going to get it so she didn't have to walk. Cal came up to her.

"Hey you, make sure you get some rest OK?" He smiled, putting his arm around her.

"Thank you for your help Cal, I really appreciate it."

"Hey, anything for you gorgeous." He smiled at her, squeezing her shoulder. "You know if things are getting to you, you can always talk to me. We're friends too you know." He said softly.

"Honestly, its all fine, I've just not been sleeping well." There was a moment of silence while Cal just looked at her. She opened her mouth to speak then stopped herself and looked at the floor.

"Sam?" He questioned. "What is it?"

"Cal, is Ethan happy with me, I mean, am I good enough for him?" She asked nervously.

"What do you mean? Of course he's happy and you're definitely good enough for him. Can't you see it?"

"Well, I just worry that he deserves more, maybe that he even wants more."

"There's only one person he wants, and that's the person who's stood next to me now. Honestly, I've seen the way he looks at you."

"So you don't think he wants to be with Lily?"

"Lily? No!" Cal laughed. "No chance, he's always seen Lily as a friend. Though I'm not sure why." Cal added quietly at the end.

"I think she's after him, I've seen things over the last few weeks, she's different around him, its got me a bit worried."

"Look, don't worry about her, Ethan isn't interested, he's only got eyes for you, its sickening really." Cal laughed. "Seriously, don't let it get to you. You just need to focus on getting better. I'm missing my substitute mother, who nags me and my friend who teases me and gives me as good as give."

"Oh don't worry, she's still here, she will be back to nag and tease very soon. I already have some ammunition." She grinned and winked. She headed off towards the car which Ethan had pulled up by them, and turned and flashed a grin at Cal. He laughed and headed back into the department. Sam got in the car and smiled at Ethan.

"Thanks for this Ethan, I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem, really, I want to make sure you're looked after."

"You're amazing Ethan, what have I done to deserve you?"

"I could say the same about you." He smiled at her and pulled the car away.

"Ethan, can I stay with you tonight? I don't want to be alone." Sam said quietly. He glanced across at her. She still looked tired and fragile.

"Of course you can, you can stay s long as you need to." He smiled and reached across to squeeze her hand briefly. He drove them back to his flat.


	75. Chapter 75

Ethan ran a deep bubble bath for Sam when they got back to the flat, and once she was settled in it, he made her a cup of tea. He knocked on the bathroom door and took her cup of tea in to her.

"Thank you Ethan, this is lovely." She smiled.

"Oh, its fine." He smiled heading towards the door.

"Ethan." Sam called after him. He turned back to her. "Stay?" She asked. "I'd like some company."

"Ok," he said, taking a seat on the loo. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Now there's a question." She smiled. "Life, careers, the future, how the hell I'm going to pass this course."

"Of course you'll pass, is this what you've been worried about?" He asked.

"Well, its one of the things on my mind."

"Sam you're doing fantastic, I think you've got more potential than some of the junior doctors I've worked with in my time. Some of them could learn a lot from you."

"You're biased, but thanks, that means a lot." She smiled.

"I mean it, you will be fine, you will pass, but you can always let me support you, I don't mind remember."

"But you've got your own prep work for your exams, that's more important than mine. I'm not going to jepordise your career for my course."

"Its fine. Really. I'd like to help you, maybe we can study together?" He smiled sweetly at her. "Anyway, what do you fancy for dinner?"

"Aside from you." She grinned. "Something really bad for me, a nice curry or something."

"I can get us a take away if you want?"

"That sounds fab, then we can spend some time together. You best check and see if Cal wants one too."

"Yeah, he probably will. So, are you really feeling better?"

"Yes, I'm better than I was."

"Did anything show in the bloods?"

"Not really, a bit dehydrated and anaemic, but thyroid and infection markers were all OK."

"Anaemic?"

"Yes, but only very mildly, so nothing to worry about. I guess I have just been overdoing things a bit. This must be my body's way of telling me to slow down." She smiled at him.

"Ok, as long as that's all it is." He sighed. "And as long as you do actually rest."

"I will Ethan, I promise, I hate feeling lousy like this. Anyway, has Cal said anything about his date with Ella?"

"You knew about it?"

"I had another text on my phone as well as yours when I woke up last night, it seems she went out with him and really had a good time, I just wondered if he had said anything to you."

"I knew he was taking her out, and I know he was practically skipping down the corridor this morning but I haven't seen him to talk to."

"Skipping down the corridor? Hmm, marriage and babies next then?" Sam laughed.

"Steady on, this is Cal we're talking about. Besides, what is it with you women, the minute you get a sniff of a guy you're imagining wedding bells and nappies?" He laughed. Sam smiled, but inside she felt the sting of that remark, was that a warning to her?

"We're not all the same. But yeah, if we commit ourselves to someone, we want to know he's worthy of committing to and would be a good husband to us and father to our children."

"Really?" Ethan seemed a bit surprised.

"Yes, don't you ever think about having children?" Sam asked.

"Well, um, I guess it hasn't really crossed my mind, not properly I mean." He confessed. Sam felt a little disappointed, but what did she expect, that he would have picked out the names for the children he hoped they'd have.

"Yeah, I guess it's silly."

"No, its not silly, I've just never thought about it."

"You would like to have children though?" Sam asked, slightly afraid of what he might say.

"Well, um, yes, I guess, I mean, not right now, don't worry, but I guess I always thought that I would eventually have a family." He said. He wasn't sure if that was the right answer, he didn't want Sam to think he was looking for a family now, he knew they hadn't been together long, and she had lots to achieve before she probably wanted to think about children herself. He didn't want to put added pressure on her.

Just then Cal came home from work. Ethan got up and went to see him, leaving Sam alone with her thoughts.

"Cal, we're getting a curry, do you want to join us?" Ethan asked.

"Sure, sounds great. How is the patient now?"

"She's relaxing in the bath. She's seems OK."

"That's good."

The boys ordered the food and when Sam got out of the bath, she joined them on the sofa.

"Can I get you anything Sam?" Ethan fussed.

"I would like a glass of water please, but mostly I just want a cuddle." She smiled and watched as he hurried off to get her some water.

"Oh god, you two are going to be hopelessly loved up tonight aren't you." Cal sighed as Ethan returned and sat back down with Sam. She made a point of snuggling in, wrapping his arms around her and kissing him.

"Yes." She smiled. "We are. Anyway, from what I hear you could soon have company in the same way on this very couch."

"Don't worry, I've already enjoyed _lots_ of company on that couch." He grinned wickedly.

"Caleb!" Sam and Ethan both shouted in unison. Cal just laughed.

"You two are rapidly turning into one person. It's scary. I guess I won't be joking that you're like my mother for much longer, I'll be calling you my sister-in-law." He laughed again watching both of them turn a little pink in the cheek.

"Well, if that's the case then you'd better watch out Cal." Sam grinned, recovering from the awkward moment.

"Nah, I can work you out, I know how to get around you, you love my cheeky side so I can get away with things." He smiled cheekily at her.

"Oh so thats what you think? Well, no more miss nice girl then Caleb Knight. You're in for it now." She smiled.

"Ha! What are you gonna do." He laughed. Sam smiled and pulled her phone out of her bag. She scrolled through her phone book and dialed a number. Holding her phone to her ear she eyeballed Cal and grinned.

Ethan watched their exchange with interest, 6 months ago, this was the kind of behaviour that would upset him thinking they were flirting, and that they liked each other, now he could see it was their similar nature and enjoyment of teasing others that brought this out. He was happy they got on so well, and that he knew Cal would always look out for Sam. He smiled watching the pair, also enjoying that Sam could achieve what he often failed, to put Cal in his place and give as good as he gave.

"Hi El, its me. How are you? ...Yeah, sorry I didn't get back to you after your message, I was asleep and I've just got in from work." She looked across at Cal smiling widely, seeing his cool exterior slip slightly. "Yeah you know me, I need all of the gory details." Sam laughed into the phone.

She stood up and walked across to the window, far enough away so the boys couldn't hear the voice on the other end that actually wasn't there, but still in earshot of her pretend conversation. "...no way! He didn't! Oh my God!" Sam said and started to laugh. She looked back at Cal who was looking a little uncomfortable. Ethan, however, was really enjoying the entertainment.

"...No! Oh my God! I'm never letting him live that one down! Oh that's hilarious!" She laughed again. The pretend conversation continued for a couple of minutes then Sam hung up the phone and sat down smiling while the boys looked at her, Ethan in hopeful silence that she would disclose what was so funny and Cal hoping she wouldn't.

"What time is that food going to arrive, I'm starving." Sam smiled as she picked her book out of her bag.

"What are you doing, I thought I said rest, no studying tonight." Ethan said firmly removing the text book from her lap. "Besides, aren't you going to tell us what's so funny?" He asked desperately. Sam looked across at Cal, who had gone a little quiet. She leaned up and whispered in Ethan's ear. A wide grin broke out on Ethan's face as Sam whispered. She explained she was teasing him but that Ethan should pretend she'd told him something hilarious and embarrassing. Ethan looked across at Cal and sniggered.

"Oh Cal, how could you." He laughed. Cal crossed his arms across his chest in a huff and picked up his phone. He couldn't really work out what had been so funny about the other night, he thought they had had a good time, now he was worried that Ella might not be so interested, but she had seemed so. And she had flirted with him today. But if she wasn't still at work then why hadn't he heard from her. He tossed his phone back down and watched the loved up pair in silence. He felt a bit sad now.

As if perfectly timed by a higher power, the food arrived at that moment. The three of them tucked in hungrily.

"Are you sure you don't want a glass of wine Sam?" Ethan asked bringing in a beer for himself and Cal.

"No, I really shouldn't, this juice will be fine for me, especially as I've been a bit dehydrated. Hey, look at me being good!" She laughed.

"Very good." Ethan smiled. He sat down and switched on his tablet. He was tapping away browsing secretly at something while they were eating.

Suddenly Cal's phone beeped with a text message. A smile appeared on his face as he read it. It was from Ella.

'Nice to receive a visit from a gorgeous man at work today, I'm hoping he will ask me out to dinner soon x'

'Oh yeah? Tell me who and I'll fight him for you, you're mine! x' he replied.

'Ooh, jealous and possessive already, so is he going to invite me out for dinner? x'

'Definitely. He'd be a fool to miss out on that opportunity. But he does have one question first...x'

'Which is? x'

'What were you and Sam laughing about on the phone just now? x'

'I haven't spoken to her today...? x'

'Really? x'

'Really. Why? x'

'No reason, she's obviously been winding me up and I fell for it, damn! x'

'Oops! Haha! Nevermind, you're gorgeous, so it doesn't matter if you're a bit simple sometimes! ;-) x'

'Oi Missy, watch it! I'll sort dinner and let you know x'

'Looking forward to it xx'

Cal put his phone down unable to hide the grin on his face.

"The cat who got the cream or what?" Sam laughed.

"Yeah, double whammy, Ella wants me to take her out for dinner, and it seems someone sitting in this room was telling me little lies earlier." He raised his eyebrows at Sam.

"I don't know what you mean." She grinned back giggling. He just gave her a look. "You fell for it though." She laughed louder.

"Touché. I will get you back though. Just you wait." He smiled at her in triumph. "Nibbles what are you doing over there being so antisocial?"

"Me? Oh um, nothing." He said closing the case of his tablet quickly as Sam looked over.

"Normally with that guilt I'd suspect someone was looking at porn, but as its you, its more likely to be the results of some clinical studies!" Cal laughed.

"Yeah you caught me, reading the results of a study."

"Oh really, anything interesting?" Sam asked.

"Oh um, not really." He lied, wishing the attention would divert away from him. "So when are you taking Ella out for dinner?" He asked Cal, trying to change the subject.

"I don't know yet, when I've made plans."

"So, things are going well then?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, I think so." Cal smiled, and that was all he was willing to give away for now.

The three finished their food and relaxed for a while longer then Sam excused herself to go to bed, with Ethan following soon afterwards. They lay in bed in the dark in each others arms, feeling content.

"Ethan?" Sam whispered. "Are you awake?"

"Yes, why?" He whispered.

"I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"You, me, us."

"What about us?"

"Well, you know I really care about you don't you?"

"Yes?" He replied, unsure where she was headed with this conversation.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm really truly grateful for all you do for me."

"I know, its because I really care about you, I want to know you are looked after, and I want to make you happy."

"I want to make you happy too."

"You do make me happy. Sam, I love you, I mean that, I really do."

"Oh, Ethan, I love you too." She said planting a soft kiss on his lips. She leaned in against him as she kissed him deeper, then ran her hand up the inside of his leg, making him shiver with desire. She straddled on top of him, continuing their passionate kiss.

"Are you sure?" He breathed in between their kisses.

"Don't you want to?" She asked innocently, knowing that deep down he really did.

"Only if you do." He replied. She bent down and kissed him again, making it clear that she did. They made love twice that night, each time drifting off into a blissful sleep.


	76. Chapter 76

Sam had a quiet couple of days, as instructed by Rita, watched over by both Ethan and Cal, who between them ensured that she obeyed orders. She had been out for coffee with Ella to catch up, but she was beginning to feel the effects of being cooped up without any fun. Ethan had allowed her to do some studying but had also insisted he study with her to ensure she wasn't stressing herself out. However, she had really enjoyed their time studying together, and it made her fall for Ethan that little bit more. He was so intelligent and enthusiastic about learning that it brought out her passion too. In fact it was probably the most productive bit of studying she had done since starting the course, and it helped that Ethan was lovingly complimentary about her assignment and abilities, which really boosted her confidence again, even though she believed some of his support and enthusiasm was out of love and not just her abilities.

They were sitting at the dining table studying when Cal returned home from a particularly busy shift at work. He was carrying the post which he had picked up from their box, and tossed Ethan's down on the table in front of him. Ethan and Sam watched as he went to get a beer from the fridge and landed heavily on the sofa with a sigh. When he downed half of the bottle in one go, still not having said a word, Sam and Ethan exchanged a concerned glance. Ethan looked down at the table and realised what the top letter was, not wanting Sam to see he quickly brushed the letters aside and jumbled through them. Sam noticed his odd behaviour but assumed it was because he was worried about Cal. Sam patted Ethan's knee and got up and moved to sit down next to Cal. He barely acknowledged her presence there, but she looked at him. He looked tired, clearly it had been a tough day. She put her hand on his arm gently and continued to look at him. On feeling her touch he looked up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly. He shook his head. She smiled and squeezed his free hand. "That's fine, but you know if you do, I'm here, we both are."

"Thanks, I'm OK, just a busy shift." Cal said quietly.

Ethan looked on with worry, his hand absentmindedly traced the envelope he had just received.

"Isn't tomorrow night your date with Ella?" Sam asked changing the subject.

"Yes, we're going for dinner." He smiled slightly. He was happy, but just too tired to show it at the moment. Thankfully he was off tomorrow so would have plenty of time to catch up on missed sleep.

"Cal, are you sure you're OK?" Sam said, the concern evident in her voice. He looked at her and his face softened.

"Honestly, I'm OK, it was just a hard shift and I'm tired. I just need an early night." He smiled at her, grateful for her concern.

"Can I get you anything?" She asked him.

"No I'm fine, I'm going to head to bed now." He said getting up. As he walked towards his room he turned back to them. "Thanks though." He smiled and continued to his room. Sam went and sat back next to Ethan at the table.

"I hope it is just that he's tired." She said worried.

"He does tend to get quiet and grumpy when he's tired." Ethan said, "I'm sure he will be fine."

"Shall we take a break from this for a while?" Sam said. "I'm feeling a bit tired myself." Sam said.

"Of course, I'll go make us a cup of tea." He smiled jumping up.

Sam tried to peer at the letters that he was trying to hide but couldn't see anything that gave away what it was he was concealing. She wasn't in the habit of snooping so she didn't do any more then peek, she knew Ethan would reveal all if it was necessary. But she couldn't deny she was a little concerned, or curious maybe. There had been a few secret hushed phonecalls lately and some secret internet browsing, and now letters she was convinced he was trying to hide. It was all a bit strange. Her mind wondered, did he have a new job, was he going to leave, if that was the case he probably wouldn't tell her until it was all certain. That had to be it, it was the only plausible explanation, he had been offered a new post, maybe it was a consultant job lined up for when he passed his exam, which he was sure to do because he was so smart. But where would he go? Would it be near enough so she could still see him? It could be the other side of the country, or even the world, who knew. Maybe he was doing it to help him get away from her? No that was silly she thought, he wouldn't need to do that, besides he had told her she made him happy and he loved her the other night, but still, if a good opportunity came up she wouldn't be the one to stand in his way. As Ethan returned with the tea he noticed her sitting staring into space with a frown on her face.

"Honestly, he will be OK." Ethan broke the silence, bringing her back from her thoughts.

"Oh, um, yes I guess." She replied. She took the tea gratefully as he sat back next to her.

"Are you ok?" He looked concerned.

"Yes, I was just thinking."

"Sounds serious." He smiled, slightly nervous.

"No, just going over drug dosages for my assignment, I hope I've done OK."

"You know you're assignment is great." He smiled supportively. "Come on, lets watch some mindless TV for a while to switch off." He said picking up their cups and heading for the couch. Sam joined him and they snuggled up and looked for a film to watch. Ethan was distracted as he wanted to read his letter and check the details, but he knew it would have to wait.

* * *

Cal met Ella outside the restaurant the following night, he had offered to pick her up, but Ella insisted on meeting him there, then they could both have a drink. He had made the effort to look nice, opting for his best navy blue shirt which seemed to make his eyes stand out, but he was annoyed that he had ended up cutting himself shaving. It had now stopped bleeding but had left him with an obvious nick on his chin. He had put a little of his best cologne on, not too much as he had learnt long ago that too much makes you smell like a desperate teenager who had stolen their dads aftershave. He was pleased that he looked good, as he was certain Ella would look fantastic and he didn't want people wondering what she was doing with him. However, he wasn't quite prepared for the reality when he saw her approach, she looked stunning. She took his breath away. The dress she wore showed a glimpse of her perfect legs, her hair shone as it blew slightly in the breeze, and her eyes shone as she smiled at him.

"Hey gorgeous." She smiled as she approached. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, a kiss which he returned. "You smell good too." She added.

"Well, you...you, um, you look beautiful...stunning." He breathed, sounding more like a bumbling Ethan, than a cool Cal.

"Well, thank you." She giggled at his less than cool response. She liked that he briefly let his guard down, that she could have these moments that made him drop his cocky act, and see into the eyes of the real Cal.

"Shall we." He smiled holding the door open for her.

They took their seats at the table, with Cal even holding her chair out for her, making her smile.

"Cal, I had no idea you could be such a gentleman. I thought your brother had taken all of that pot and left you with with the cocky fun personality." She grinned.

"Well, you bring it out in me." He smiled. "Really you do look beautiful tonight." He smiled again. They ordered their food and shared some wine, though Cal also had a beer, just to make sure he looked a little manly. Conversation flowed easily as always, and both Ella and Cal found themselves learning more about each other and falling more for each other. Cal was captivated by her smile and her laugh, and she found herself falling prey to his eyes and cheeky smile. By the end of the meal, Ella was a little tipy and Cal was feeling suitably relaxed. They left the restaurant and Cal was walking Ella back to her flat.

"You really don't have to walk me home Cal."

"I want to, and besides, look what happened the last time you tried to walk home drunk in heels!" He laughed.

"Alright, but I'm not drunk this time am I?" She smiled.

"So you say." He raised his eyebrows at her. She laughed and linked her arm in his as they continued to walk to her flat, talking and laughing all of the way. When they reached her front door she turned to him. She looked at his face, searching his eyes for answers. Then she pulled him down towards her and kissed him. Their kiss continued, becoming more passionate, each needing the other one. Ella guided Cal until he was leaning against the wall then she leaned herself against him, making it very clear what she wanted, and all of him was saying yes too. She broke away from the kiss and he went to speak but she placed her finger on his lips and silenced him. She unlocked the door and pulled him inside, and once they were in the front door to her flat she started kissing him again. She started to unbutton his shirt and guided him towards her bedroom. His instincts took over and he started to undress her, shivering with desire when he had her in her underwear, running his hand through his hair as he looked her up and down, she turned him on so much, he needed her now. He took her face in his hands and he kissed her firmly again. He laid her back down on the bed as he removed his trousers and then lay with her kissing her. They both enjoyed their passionate lust filled session and collapsed in bed asleep after each getting what they needed.


	77. Chapter 77

Ella woke the next morning as memories creeped back from the previous night, she smiled and turned over in bed only to find it empty. Cal had gone. She sat up and looked around, listening in case he was in the bathroom, but she could see and hear nothing. She thought to herself, wondering if she could have dreamt it all, but she knew it had happened. The opened packet of their safety clause was still on the night stand just to add to the evidence, she knew she hadn't dreamed it. So why had he gone? Deep down she knew, she just didn't want to believe it. Reality hit her like a punch in the stomach. It seems her biggest fear had come true, she was just another girl to him, just another one night thing, he'd got what he wanted and now he'd gone. She felt sick, what an idiot she had been. She really thought she had meant something to him. She couldn't help herself when the tears started to fall, she felt so stupid. In vain hope, she went to look at her phone, but the battery had died. Suddenly she saw the time. She had 30 minutes until the start of her shift. She cursed herself and rushed to get in the shower, calling a taxi to be ready.

* * *

Sam was back on shift that day, and she felt OK, not perfect, but she had felt better for a day or so, and while she had felt a bit dodgy first thing, it was beginning to settle. She was working in resus with Robyn, Ethan and Zoe, so no matter how busy it got, it was likely to be a good day. Cal had come in but gone straight out to an RTC with Iain and Dixie, so Sam hadn't had chance to ask him how dinner with Ella had gone, but judging by the fact that he wasn't home when she and Ethan had gone to bed, but he was only just up and in to work on time, it must have gone well. She thought she might text Ella when she got a break. They were experiencing a 'calm before the storm' feeling so Robyn and Sam were gossiping in resus while Ethan was on the phone chasing some scan results. Lily came in and walked right past the two nurses and went and stood behind Ethan, waiting with her arms folded for him to finish on the phone. Robyn and Sam saw and stopped talking and watched, intrigued what Lily wanted.

"Ethan." Lily said firmly as Ethan put down the phone receiver. He jumped and turned around.

"Oh Lily, I didn't know you were there. What do you want?" He asked kindly.

"I would like your opinion on my patient please." She said without a trace of emotion. Robyn and Sam glanced at each other and Robyn raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, um OK Lily, sure." They headed off together into cubicles.

"What's her problem." Robyn said. "She really needs an injection of fun you know."

"Yeah, have you noticed she's been different lately though?" Sam asked.

"What do you mean? Lily is Lily." Robyn shrugged.

"I don't know, she's been very different with Ethan. Maybe I'm just being paranoid." Sam sighed.

"Different how?" Robyn asked, concerned for her friend. It wasn't like Sam to be paranoid, so there must have been something to concern her.

"Well, she's been seeking him out a lot lately, you know asking for his advice and opinions, Ethan even said she wanted to study with him after work. And I've even seen her laughing and joking, I mean Lily, laughing, its not normal right?" Sam said suddenly realising how she sounded. "Sorry Robyn, I know it's daft to worry, but I can't help it."

"Oh I don't think you've got anything to worry about, even if Lily did have the hots for Ethan, he's only got eyes for you, he's always seen Lily as a friend."

"Thanks Robyn." Sam smiled. "Do you really think he's only got eyes for me?"

"Totally. You're the only one he's interested in. Besides, Ethan is definitely a one woman man." Robyn said reassuringly.

"I know you're right." Sam smiled at her friend. "Heads up, looks like we've got an incoming." Sam said nodding towards the doors where Ethan was entering with the paramedics.

* * *

Upstairs, Ella was keeping her head down and throwing herself into her work, but no amount of work coukd take away from how wretched she felt today. She was completely miserable. Being a good nurse, she managed to put on a smile for her patients and perform her duties with cheer, but it was all forced and the forcing made it more exhausting then normal. However, she was in charge today and ran the ward with her usual flair. She had managed to avoid running the cath lab in the hope to avoid any chance of needing to see anyone from the ED, although there was still the risk of them admitting direct to her ward. But still, if she had to then she would be professional. She was angry, she thought she had learnt her lesson and yet she continued to make the same mistakes over and over. Cal had made her believe she was different. But she was nothing to him.

* * *

Cal was busy out at the RTC. They had sent their first patient in and he had just inserted a chest drain into another patient who was rapidly deteriorating with a haemothorax. He was monitoring them for improving vital signs, when he took his mobile out of his pocket to look at it again. Still no message. He couldn't understand; he thought him and Ella had had a good night, but maybe she felt differently since she hadn't responded to the two messages he had sent. He wondered if he should try and ring her when he was clear of the scene. Maybe she was just really busy at work though, but his gut instinct told him that this wasn't right, it was unusual for girls not to be in touch after a good date, and Ella and him had been out before. But then maybe Ella wasn't a usual girl, and that's why she had got under Cal's skin. He was called back from his thoughts when the technician was reading out the patients obs, which seemed to be improving. Cal set back to giving orders to get this patient into the ED as quickly as possible.

* * *

Back in resus having received the handover from the paramedics, Ethan set about doing the primary survey with Zoe overseeing, and Sam and Robyn quickly got to work hooking up the monitors, getting bloods and an ECG.

"Ok, airway clear, equal breath sounds, chest sounds clear, c-spine cleared at the scene, reassessment seems fine. Main complaint is abdominal pain. Sam can we get those bloods off now and start with a litre of saline over 2 hours, make sure you've got a cross match and make sure you include an amylase as well as FBC, U&E, LFT, CRP, Coag, to cover all bases."

"No problem Ethan." Sam smiled, heading off with the bloods.

"Ok lets fast bleep the gynae reg to consult here, in the mean time we can check on the baby and make sure the impact hasn't caused any damage." Zoe said quietly to Ethan, who nodded back and headed for the phone. Zoe moved in the ultrasound machine and prepared the patient, explaining what she was doing. She easily located the baby and found a nice strong heartbeat. At that moment Sam walked back in to resus and stopped still, staring at the screen. She knew the patient was pregnant, but somehow seeing the baby there on the screen had shocked her. She managed to recover quickly and headed over to check on the fluids and record the patients obs. Ethan was stood with Zoe both looking at the monitor going through the checks. Things were looking good. Ethan smiled at the patient and tried to explain that from what they could tell things were looking OK, but the gynae registrar was on his way down to check her and the baby over and then they would likely move them to the antenatal ward for monitoring.

As Ethan handed over the patient and she was moved to the ward, Sam and Robyn tidied up resus. With barely moments to spare, Cal was upon them with the next patient. He was decidedly more agitated now, Cal had inserted a chest drain at the scene which has enabled him to breathe easier, however, he was now stressing about his partner and baby and wanted to be with them. Sam and Robyn tried to calm him down as they were trying to attach the heart monitor and recheck his blood pressure but he wasnt settling. Suddenly Sam realised the man had dislodged his chest drain and was now bleeding out.

"Ethan, quick, here now! Robyn, get that cross-match to the lab now, we need to get a unit of O neg and get an extra 4 units cross-matched. What do you think Ethan, should we go for TXA?"

"Let's see." Ethan said moving closer and taking over from Sam who was trying to stop the bleeding and any more trauma. "Ok, yeah this drain is completely dislodged by the looks of it. Let's get it out and get 1g IV TXA on standby but lets see if we can stem the bleed ourselves first and lets get an urgent chest X-ray here. How are his obs Robyn?" He asked the nurse who had sent the bloods off and returned with the unit of O Negative blood.

"Everything seems stable at the moment."

"Ok, lets hang the unit of O Neg over an hour and keep him on 15 minute obs. Right, are we ready to move in the X-ray? Sam where are you going?" Ethan said, realising Sam was slipping out of the doors as the radiologist moved the portable chest X-ray in.

"I was just going to, um, chase up his notes." Sam said quickly.

"Oh, right, OK then." Ethan nodded and turned back to the patient, slipping a lead vest on. Sam headed out into reception and grabbed a glass of water then headed to the computer on the nurses station and sat down. She took a few deep breaths and sipped her water, then she got up to head towards Noel to see if the patients notes had been located. It was at this point she started to feel dizzy again. However, she managed to control it, taking some deep breaths, she made it over to Noel.

"Noel have we got notes for the man admitted to resus from the RTC?" She asked, not realising her voice was a little shaky.

"Yes they're here." Noel said turning around with the notes in his hand. Then his brow creased. "Are you ok?" He added.

"I'm fine Noel," Sam tried to laugh. "Just busy. Thanks for these." She smiled heading off again. She saw the X-ray machine being taken back out and took another deep breath and headed back into resus.

"Got the notes." She said handing them to Ethan trying to act breezy. "How is he?"

"Thanks." Ethan said taking the notes. "He's stable at the moment but we have him on...are you ok?" He asked suddenly, looking closely at her with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled lightly, in truth feeling anything but fine.

"You don't look it, you've gone very pale again." Ethan said concerned. "Why don't you sit down?"

"I'm fine." She smiled. Robyn looked up from where she was recording the next set of obs.

"Sam, we're fine here, go and have a cuppa, you do look very pale." Robyn said heading over. "Come on " she smiled kindly and took Sam by the arm. She nodded at Ethan as if to say she would sort Sam out and lead her towards the staff room. For once, Sam didn't fight it. On the way they passed Rita who looked over with concern and followed them.

"What's going on?" Rita asked as they reached the staff room. Sam perched on a stool and Robyn put the kettle on.

"I'm just feeling a bit light headed Rita, I probably just need something to eat or drink or something." Sam said. Robyn put a cup of tea and a packet of biscuits in front of her.

"Eat and drink, I'll got look after our man in resus. I don't want to see you back for at least 20 minutes." Robyn said heading back out and leaving Sam with Rita. Sam took a sip of the hot tea and flinched. Rita just stared at her.

"What?" Sam sighed, sensing she was about to get a lecture.

"Come on, what's going on? This dizziness won't settle. Are you still feeling nauseous?"

"A little." Sam admitted.

"So what is it?" Rita looked at her. Sam tried to look at her but guilt forced her to look away. "Sam?" Rita pressed. Sam bent forward putting her head in her hands.

"Oh Rita, I don't know what to do." Sam said, her voice trembling.

"What is it?" Rita tried to coax it out of her. Sam opened her mouth to speak but as she did Cal walked in.

"Sorry guys, I need to get changed." He said heading to his locker. Sam looked away from Rita, having lost her nerve to come clean, she sipped her tea. As Cal headed out of the room Sam decided to speak first.

"Not here Rita, how about we pop to the pub after work?" Sam said.

"Sure." Rita smiled, "lets do it." She got up and left Sam to it. "Oh and I want you to stay there until I come back in 20 minutes to check on you. Don't move from that stool!" She warned, smiling at her stubborn colleague.

* * *

Cal was in the shower in the staff washroom. He was dusty and blood soaked from working out on the RTC. As he stood under the shower he sighed, he couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Ella. He still hadn't heard from her. Part of him wondered if he should pop upstairs to see if she was there and find out what had happened. He was sure there was a simple explanation. But part of him was afraid of what would happen, what she would say. But he had to do something, he had to know.


	78. Chapter 78

Later that shift Cal tried to ring Ella, but her phone went straight to her voice mail. He decided against leaving a message, but he tried to think of a way he could find out if she was in work or not. His opportunity came shortly after, he was working in cubicles treating a patient with an exacerbation of a known heart condition. He needed a cardiac consultant review and probable treatment, so was best placed on the cardiac ward for monitoring. Cal picked up the phone and dialled the ward.

"Cardiology, Sister speaking." Ella answered in a clear confident tone. Cal panicked and hung the phone, feeling instantly stupid. He knew if she was there he would probably end up speaking to her, but when it came to it he wasn't quite ready. Still, at least he now knew she was likely busy at work so was probably unable to answer her phone, chances are it could be locked away in her locker, and be out of signal. He asked Lofty to arrange taking the patient up to the cardiac ward, having consoled himself temporarily that that was the reason she hadn't replied.

* * *

Sam continued with the rest of her shift, but not without being closely watched by her colleagues and fussed around by Ethan, she knew it was because they cared which was sweet, but she didn't think she needed babysitting. As it was the rest of her shift passed without any incidents. She was just finishing up with her last patient, an elderly gentleman who had taken quite a shine to her. She was giving him advice about his new medication and wound care and he was enjoying some friendly banter and flirting with Sam. When she discharged him, she headed off to the staffroom to get changed. Ethan was in there having a drink, she smiled and sat down next to him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm OK Ethan, honest. What time are you finishing."

"Not until ten." He sighed.

"Not too much longer sweet. It'll be OK." She squeezed his knee comfortingly.

"What are you doing this evening, nothing too strenuous I hope."

"No, there's only one person I do strenuous things with and he's working late." she grinned making Ethan blush as he looked around to check they were alone. "Don't worry Ethan, no one heard, though if I were you I'd want everyone to know how good I was in bed." She giggled, kissing him as he went redder. He was lost for words. "Don't worry, I won't tell, I don't want the competition for your affections." She whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek lightly.

"Don't worry. You're the only one I want." He said reassuringly. She smiled, she new she could have taken the joke further, but Ethan was just too nice.

"I'm meeting Rita for a drink in a minute." She said. "We're having a catch up, its been ages since we've had a chat."

"That'll be nice." He smiled. She kissed him goodbye as he went back off to work and she waited for Rita.

* * *

Cal finished his shift without managing to make contact with Ella. He checked his phone again and still nothing, he'd done it so many times his battery was nearly gone. It didn't help that he didn't get much time to charge it this morning. He put on his jacket and grabbed his bag and headed upstairs. His confidence slipped a little as he got outside the doors of the ward. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door and headed in. He spotted her straight away, stood at the nurses station talking to the registrar. He couldn't help himself as he felt a twinge of jealousy when she laughed at something he said, then she turned and her smile dropped when she saw him stood there.

Cal sensed something was up but he still couldn't work it out, he stepped forward and Ella started walking towards him.

"Hey-" he started, offering a smile, but Ella cut him off.

"What can we do for you Dr Knight? I assume this isn't a social call despite you not being in uniform." She said coolly. He was a bit taken aback by her tone, and his confidence slipped a little more.

"I was hoping we could talk quickly." He said.

"Well, it seems there isn't a lot left to talk about is there?" She continued with her icy tone, keeping emotions out of her voice so Cal still really wasn't sure what was going on.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I think you made things perfectly clear this morning." She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. This encounter was hurting her so much, but she refused to be humiliated and be the sobbing girl begging him to take her back, especially not while they were on her ward.

"What?" He snapped, getting annoyed now. "You're ignoring me and then this is how you treat me when I come to see you?"

"I'm ignoring you?" She hissed, getting cross now. She grabbed his arm and pulled him off the wards main corridor into the nearest place they wouldn't have an audience, which happened to be the store room. She could feel her heart racing, this was not the easiest of confrontations seeing as she was still so raw about what had happened, but it hadn't been long enough to convince herself she hated him and was angry at him, she knew her feelings towards him were still very much on the surface. But she also realised that she had meant nothing to him, and now here he was trying to humiliate her again and rub salt in the wound by coming to _talk._ "Please explain how you can get up and leave in the middle of the night after we, after what we did, and then accuse me of ignoring you."

"I had to leave, and it wasn't the middle of the night, I left this morning because I had to work. I explained that in my text, I don't know why you're getting so funny about it. I needed to go home."

"Oh yeah, you explained in a text, newsflash, I didn't get a text." She snapped, then faltered as she remembered her phone was at home with a dead battery. She felt colour rush to her cheeks as she realised.

"I've text you twice, and I've heard nothing from you. I thought we'd had a good time which was why I wanted to come and see you, I was worried as I hadn't heard from you." He was feeling more frustrated now. Ella just stood there, seemingly unable to speak. "I can see how it would look me not being there in the morning, but that's why I text straight away, but clearly I've misunderstood the terms of our relationship, and you aren't interested in being with me." He turned to leave and Ella caught hold of him again.

"Cal! Cal wait!" She said pulling him back.

"What is it?"

"I think there's been a massive misunderstanding here." She said, her tone softening as she realised her probable mistake.

"You're telling me." He huffed, though he still wasn't entirely clear on what it was that had happened.

"My phone is at home, the battery died overnight and I woke up late so I only had half an hour to get here for my shift so I left it behind. I honestly haven't had any texts. I woke up and you were gone and I felt so hurt and humiliated and stupid that I thought I'd fallen for you and that it looked like I meant nothing to you. All day I've been putting myself through hell thinking I was just another one night stand, and that I should have known better, but surely you can see how it looked to me?" She explained, hoping he would be able to see her point although she knew she was wrong to assume and not give him the benefit of the doubt.

Cal stood and considered what she had said. He could see how it would have looked, but he had just assumed she would have seen his text, but seeing as his phone was in a similar situation now he could see how this was possible. However, it hurt him that she still thought she meant nothing to him, that despite him telling her he had changed, she still believed in his past reputation, although could he really blame her for that?

"Cal?" She asked, her voice shaking, feeling scared she had further screwed this up by acting in the heat of the moment and jumping to conclusions.

"I guess we have made a mess of this between us haven't we?" He sighed. She couldn't speak, she just looked at him. "Ella, you have to believe me when I say you're different, you mean more than that to me, I know I'm going to have to do a lot to erase my past reputation for you, but I'm going to try and prove it to you, if you'll let me?" He looked at her sincerely, their eyes locked in an intense stare, then suddenly Ella leaned forward and did the only thing she could think of, she kissed him softly on his lips. For a moment he didn't respond and she felt her stomach plummet. Then she felt him return her kiss, he put more pressure on her lips and held her face in his hands as he made the kiss more intense.

"Oh, Cal." She let out a soft moan and he continued their kiss with more desire and passion coming out. He pushed her against the shelves rather forcefully, unable to control his desire for her. If only he could, he would have had sex with her right there, but it was too risky, they were sure to have been seen going in, but she drove him wild with desire. Besides, he didn't want to risk her thinking it was all about sex. He let out a moan of desire as they kissed and then he pulled away, with both trying to gather themselves and catch their breath.

"I think we need to talk, when do you finish?" He asked, still breathing heavily.

"About half an hour ago." She smiled.

"How about we go for a drink and a chat, sort this out properly?" He asked.

"I think that's sounds like a sensible idea. Let me just get changed."

"I'll wait downstairs for you." He said planting a kiss on her lips and heading towards the door. Before he walked out he turned back to her. "And by the way, you look really sexy when you're angry." He winked and walked out.

* * *

Sam and Rita walked into the pub together, laughing about how sweet Sam's last patient was.

"You grab a seat I'll get the drinks in." Sam said to her. "Vodka and tonic?" She asked Rita nodded and found them a table at the back of the pub. Sam headed over with their drinks and sat down.

"So no Iain tonight?" Sam asked.

"No, he's meeting up with a couple of his old army mates who are back in town." She smiled. "He's taking me out for dinner in a couple of days when we both have the evening off."

"So its all still going well?" Sam smiled.

"Really well."

"Aww, Rita, I love seeing you so happy. You're eyes shine when you talk about him. You are just so lovely together." Sam sighed.

"And how about you and yours?" Rita grinned. Sam looked at her smiling.

"Yeah, he's just perfect."

"Yeah, I would expect nothing else from our Ethan."

"He's too good for someone like me isn't he?" She laughed ironically.

"What do you mean?"

"He should be with someone like Lily."

"What?" Rita almost screeched. "Don't be ridiculous. Sam come on! You two are perfect together. You bring out the best in each other."

"Yeah but this is me, its only so long until I do something to mess it up."

"Like what?" Rita asked, Sam just shrugged. "Thinking like that will make you mess it up. Look, Sam, we may not have known each other for years, but I know there's something going on." Sam looked down at the table, playing with a beer mat. "Sam, talk to me, you can trust me, whatever it is."

"Oh Rita, I think I'm in a bit of a mess." She sighed putting her head in her hands again.

"What is it?" Rita said reaching out and squeezing her arm.

"Rita, you have to promise not to tell anyone?"

"I promise, just tell me, you've got me worried."

"Well, I think...I think I'm...well, I'm late."

"Late?"

"Yes." Sam whispered. Rita just stared in shock, not really sure what to say.

"Late as in you think you might be...?"

"Yes." Sam said simply again, tears forming in her eyes.

"Bloody hell, well have you done a test?" She whispered.

"No, I've been trying to ignore it to be honest. But with the nausea and dizziness its getting harder to hide from it."

"Well you need to find out for sure, you never know you could be worrying about nothing?" Rita said squeezing her hand.

"But what if I am?" Sam said fighting off the tears as her voice wobbled.

"Then you tell Ethan, I'm sure it will all work out."

"No, he doesn't want a family yet."

"He told you that?"

"Well, in a round about sort of way."

"Well that doesn't mean anything. Talking theoretically and this actually happening is very different. I bet if you spoke to all parents, most would say they wouldn't have planned it at the time but they would never change it. Come on Sam, have faith in him, he loves you, and if anyone will support you in this its Ethan."

"But I don't want to hold him back, I don't want to force him into this."

"You wouldn't. Anyway, lets be sensible. You don't know for sure yet, first we need to find out either way. Then we can decide what to do. Come on." Rita said downing the last of her drink and pulling Sam up to her feet by the arm.

"Wait Rita, where we see going."

"Back to work, we're going to do a test." She smiled supportively.


	79. Chapter 79

As Rita was dragging Sam back across the car park towards the hospital, Cal and Ella were heading towards the pub.

"Haven't you two finished? Can't you keep away from the place?" Cal laughed.

"I've forgotten something in my office." Rita called.

"And it needs both of you to go back?" He asked.

"We need to sort some off duty." Rita said easily.

"Ella, I'll call you, I guess not tonight though " Sam smiled, trying to act normal. "I need an update it seems."

"Yeah, we'll catch-up." Ella smiled as she and Cal headed off to the pub. Rita pulled Sam back towards the doors of the ED. Sam faltered just before they went inside and stopped. Rita turned and looked at her. Her face had gone pale and her brow furrowed with worry.

"I don't think I can do it." She whispered, holding on to the wall.

"Sam, its OK, I'm here, I won't leave you." Rita said softly, moving towards her. Sam's breathing got faster as she started to panic. "Ok darling, its OK, come on, we need to get you inside, sit you down." Rita said guiding her in.

"He can't see me." She breathed heavily. "Ethan is working, he can't see me."

"It's OK, we will get you straight to my office." Rita said. She looked around and when the coast was clear she guided Sam to her office. She shut the door and closed the blinds and sat Sam down in her chair. Then she went to get Sam a drink of water. On the way back she sneaked into the treatment room, having picked up a set of keys. She unlocked the cupboard and pulled out a pregnancy test. She slipped it into her pocket and locked the cupboard again. Slipping the keys back she headed to her office, thankfully not being seen by anyone.

"Here." She said placing the water in front of Sam. "We can take as long as you need, but you need to know for sure, one way or the other." She said gently.

"Thanks Rita." Sam whispered, taking a sip of water. Rita just looked at her. She looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. There was only one way to get past this and onto the next step. Rita took the test out of her pocket and slid it across the table. Sam looked up.

"Come on, you can do this. Slip into the loo and bring it back here and we will wait together." Rita instructed her. Sam picked up the box with a shaking hand and headed out. She returned 5 minutes later and put the box down on the desk.

"Have you done it?" Rita asked gently. Sam nodded.

"It's in the box." She whispered, a stray tear falling down her cheek as she took a deep breath. She wiped the tear away quickly.

"Sam, you know it will all be OK don't you? Whatever the result."

"I'm really scared Rita."

"Oh darling." Rita sighed pulling her in for a hug. "I have complete faith that things will all be fine. If you are, I mean, if the test is positive, Ethan might be shocked, but I also think he'll be happy."

"But what about his exams, his career, what if he has an amazing consultant position offered to him and this stops him from doing it, I couldn't live with myself."

"A baby won't affect his exams or his career, everyone manages families and careers, and he's happy with you, between you you'll make it work. You're just panicking and not thinking straight."

"It was going so well, I just don't want to jepordise it." Sam said. At the back of her mind was still Ethan's secret letters and phonecalls, she had convinced herself he was hiding something, and most likely something to do with a new job, at least that's all she could think it might be.

"Well, why don't you take a look and get your answer." Rita urged.

"I can't Rita." Sam whispered, shaking her head. "Will you?" She looked up hopefully. Rita sighed. She picked up the box, and slid the stick out. She looked down as Sam held her breath.

"It's negative." She said.

"Negative?"

"Yes, a negative opinion that I don't need." Ella laughed. Cal laughed too.

"You're weird." He said still laughing.

"But that's why you like me." She smiled.

"True." He winked, taking a drink of his beer.

Cal and Ella had discussed their little misunderstanding from earlier and had both admitted they wanted to give things with each other a go. Each had apologised for their part in the confusion. Cal had sworn that he did not see her as just another casual thing, but they had agreed to take things slowly. He had also managed to show her the message he had sent first thing this morning on his phone before the battery went, so she could see he was being honest about it not being casual. Now they were back to having fun and enjoying each other's company.

"I really did have a great time last night." She smiled. "I'm sorry I was a bit, well you know." She said blushing.

"A bit what?" He smiled.

"Forceful, taking control, you know." She said her face getting hotter.

"Don't be sorry, I loved it." He smiled and leaned towards her. "It was so hot." He muttered in her ear, then kissed her just behind her ear on her neck, making her let out a very soft moan. "You drive me wild when you moan like that too." He whispered. She turned her head and kissed him.

"Oh Cal, I really want you, now." She whispered into his lips in between their kiss. He pulled away and looked at her lustfully.

"I wanted you back in that store room, and I've not stopped thinking about having you since." He admitted leaning in for another kiss. She pulled away and whispered in his ear.

"Let's go then." She stood up, drained her glass of wine and pulled him up. He couldn't believe his luck. They dived outside and managed to flag down a taxi to take them back to Ella's flat. This time they would make sure there were no misunderstandings.

"I feel sick Rita." Sam said as she felt like her whole body was shaking, waiting for the answer. The answer that could potentially change the whole course of her life again. It's funny that Rita was involved in that change again. Rita was the one who had given her the job here, changing the course once, and now she was here for this, possibly an even bigger moment. Rita sat next to Sam and clutched her hand as she read the result on the little white stick.

Rita looked back up at Sam. Sam tried to read her face but she couldn't.

"Well Rita? What does it say?"

"Sam, it's positive, you're pregnant." Rita tried not to, but she couldn't help but smile a little bit when she said it. Sam just sat staring into space. She felt like everything had closed in around her and she couldn't breathe. She could feel her breathing increase and she tried to keep it steady. All of a sudden she felt the sick rising and before she could control it, she was sick in Rita's bin.

"Well, thank goodness that was empty, it will be easier to clean out." She smiled as she rubbed Sam's back. Sam retched again. "Alright darling, its going to be OK. At least you know now. And hey, I'm really happy for you, when you've come to terms with it you'll be excited too I'm sure. It's just the shock." Rita soothed.

"Oh God, what is Ethan going to say? Rita, I'm not ready to tell him yet, you can't tell anyone." Sam started panicking again. Rita had never really seen Sam as fretful as this, she was sure Ethan wouldn't react as badly as Sam seemed to think.

"I'm not going to say a word. I promise." Rita smiled.

"I'm sorry about your bin." Sam said quietly.

"That's OK, you can clean it later" Rita smiled. Sam managed to raise a small smile.

"I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be a drama queen, its just all come as a bit of a shock, even though I had an inkling, I guess I still hoped it might not be the case." Sam admitted.

"When are you going to tell Ethan?"

"I don't know. Soon, when I've had a chance to think about things." Sam said, Rita just looked at her. "I will tell him Rita, I just need to work out when, where and how."

"Honestly, I think he will be OK about it. And you know something else, he will make an amazing dad, and you'll be an amazing mum. Together."

"Thanks Rita." Sam smiled, but she still didn't feel confident about his reaction.


	80. Chapter 80

Sam had a sleepless night the night the pregnancy was confirmed. In a darker moment in the early hours, she even considered getting rid of it, or running away, though she knew neither of these were viable options and she would never do them, she was just scared, and felt very alone and vulnerable. The fact that a lot of old memories resurfaced with her current situation didn't help her anxieties. The last time she had been pregnant had not been a happy experience and the feeling and emotions she felt then had all come back to haunt her.

However, the next few days she did what she usually did when she had things on her mind, she shut off and threw herself into her work. Somehow, by chance, she managed to find herself on opposite shifts to Ethan, and even when they did cross over, they barely got chance to kiss hello and goodbye, nevermind have a proper chat. Besides, she knew work was not the place to break that kind of bombshell. Then finding herself on a run of night shifts helped with hiding the sickness somewhat. However, she was finding as the days were going on the sickness was becoming worse, particularly first thing in the morning and it was lasting longer than before. She knew the time to come clean about her condition was now. She had a peek at the doctors rota and saw that Cal was on a night shift tonight and Ethan was on a study day away from the department. She herself as working an early shift. Tonight was her opportunity, she had to take it. She text Ethan to suggest spending the evening together as their shifts finally would allow them, and he replied almost instantly saying he would love to and she should come over and stay at his flat as Cal was working.

Sam herself struggled through the shift, luckily Rita was there, and could see how rough Sam looked, so had her firstly coding and checking notes and then doing some audit work that Rita was supposed to have been doing, but allowing Sam to do it meant Rita could cover the floor and Sam could shut herself away in Rita's office, where she could quietly plod on, and pop to the loo when required. Sam quietly thanked Rita for her support. In truth, Rita had been amazing since the night they took the test, she had been true to her word and never let on, but had also helped Sam get through the worst times when she was feeling awful, and making sure she got breaks for fresh air and drinks.

"It looks like tonight is the night." Sam said to Rita when she brought her in a cup of tea, a sandwich and a bottle of water.

"Really? Good." She smiled. "It will be OK you know."

"Yeah, I guess I just needed time to accept it was happening. There's no denying it now, I have never felt so lousy." Sam sighed.

"Well get that down you for a start." Rita said. "How's the audit work going? Anything you need me to do?"

"It's going fine, there's some pieces there for you to sign, but so far all is falling into place." Sam said. Rita picked up the pile and started scrawling her signature.

"So, have you thought about what you're going to say?"

"Honestly Rita, I've thought about nothing else. I think I'm prepared for every eventuality though as I'm pretty sure I've imagined every scenario and had every possible conversation in my head." She smiled.

"Yeah, I can imagine." Rita said as she finished signing the paperwork. "I better get back out there, but you'll have to make sure you let me know how it goes yeah? I'll be thinking about you, you know."

"Thanks for everything Rita, I really mean that." Sam smiled as Rita left the office.

Sam finished her shift and sneaked out of the hospital before anyone could stop her. She went home and had a long hot shower. She tried to convince herself that it would all be fine but part of her was still terrified. She packed a few overnight bits into her bag and headed over to Ethan's flat. Taking a deep breath she rang the bell and he buzzed her in. He was waiting for her at the top of the stairs and enveloped her in a big hug. They kissed and Ethan kept hold of her hand as he led her into the flat.

"I've missed you." He smiled. "It feels like its been ages since we've spent time together." He said.

"It has been." She smiled. "I've missed you too." She squeezed his hand.

"I got you something." He smiled coyly, and went into the kitchen. He came back out carrying a massive bouquet of fresh flowers, that he had hand selected at the florist earlier. Taped to the side of the packaging was an envelope.

"Oh Ethan!" Sam gushed. "They are stunning! What have I done to deserve these?"

"You don't need to have done anything, they are just for being you. But I wanted to surprise you. You've been working so hard lately and with your course and everything, and not feeling well, I just wanted to treat you."

"Yeah, Ethan, about that." Sam started.

"Wait, you haven't seen the best bit." He said getting excited. "Open the envelope." He smiled at her. She looked at him unsure as she peeled the envelope off of the flowers, she looked around for somewhere to put the flowers and Ethan sensed this and took them from her and put them back in the kitchen sink. When he returned she was still stood holding the envelope. "Go on." He urged, smiling, excited for her to see.

Carefully she opened the envelope, she knew it could only be good, but she just wondered what on earth it was, and was it going to affect what she was about to tell him. As she pulled out the contents and looked at it her chin almost hit the floor. Inside were two upgraded tickets on the Eurostar to Paris for a long weekend, staying in a luxury hotel.

"Oh my God, Ethan, really?" She almost squealed. "I can't believe it!" She breathed, a huge grin breaking out on her face, she threw herself into his arms and kissed him passionately, momentarily forgetting what she needed to tell him. She couldn't believe he had organised this for her, for them.

"I can't believe you organised this. It's the absolute nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you." She kissed him again.

"You're welcome." He smiled, he was so happy she was happy. "I just thought you needed some cheering up, well no, not cheering up, but something to look forward to and to help you relax."

"It's so thoughtful Ethan. Thank you. I really do love you." She sighed, realising she really needed to come clean now.

"I love you too." He murmered, kissing her again. "Now did you want to tell me something?" He asked.

"Yes, lets go and sit down." She smiled trying to put him at ease, sensing he had already tensed slightly. She was so grateful for his kind surprise, but it kind of made doing this harder. They sat down on the couch next to one another. Sam turned slightly to face him and took a deep breath.

"Ethan, you know how much I care about you, how much I love you." She started, trying to keep her voice calm. He felt his stomach plummet, what was she going to say? Whatever is was it couldn't be good, nothing good came of a talk like this. "And you also know I've not been myself recently, I've been tired and feeling ill and generally struggling?"

He nodded, desperately searching her face trying to work out what she was going to say. He felt clueless, the only thing he could think was that she was going to break up with him, but what did that have to do with her mystery illness. She looked at him and saw the fear and confusion in his eyes, the pain even. She felt dreadful doing this to him, but she was struggling to find the words.

"Ethan, I don't know how to tell you this." She said her eyes filling up with tears.

"Tell me what?" He whispered, barely able to look at her now. He was now thinking maybe she had cheated on him, or that she had never loved him, no wait, she just said she did love him, maybe she loved him but decided it was Cal she wanted as she had more fun with Cal. No, he was being crazy now. But what could it be.

"Ethan, there's a reason I've been feeling so lousy lately, with the dizziness, nausea, headaches and fatigue." Suddenly his head shot up, doctor mode kicked in, something was wrong, something serious, a brain tumour, or a disease of the nervous system, he desperately ran through different diagnosis in his head, what was she about to say. Was it serious as in life threatening. What was wrong? He felt panicked now.

"What is it? You can tell me, together we'll get through it, whatever it is." He said, now having convinced himself she was about to tell him she was dying. Instinctively he clutched her hand. He hadn't even thought about it, but that gesture gave her instant comfort. Here she was about to say this and he was still reaching out to her. Maybe things would work out after all she thought.

"I took a test the other day, Ethan, I'm-I'm pregnant." Stunned silence filled the room. She looked at him, waiting for his reaction. He just sat there, she wondered for a moment if she had actually said the words out loud or just in her head. Then he broke the silence.

"Pregnant?" He whispered confused. "Are you sure?" He looked at her. A tiny part of him wondered if this was a joke, but he knew she wasn't that low with her humour, she wouldn't do that. One look at her face told him she wasn't joking and that she was sure. She nodded slowly, unable to speak. "Is it, I mean how far along are you?" He asked, hoping he'd recovered enough from nearly asking if it was his.

"About 8 or 9 weeks." She whispered. He sat absorbing the information, he'd never been so shocked in his life. He couldn't believe it. Pregnant. Sam was pregnant, pregnant with his child. Then it really hit him. At some point during his shock he had let go of her hand. A gesture he hadn't even noticed, but she had and it made her feel terrible. Suddenly he was aware of Sam moving.

"I'm sorry Ethan, I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen. Maybe I should just go." She said getting up.

"No, wait Sam, we need to talk about this. I'm sorry, I'm just a bit shocked."

"I understand, so was I when I found out."

"H-how long have you known?" His voice was still barely audible.

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks?" He looked at her in surprise.

"I'm sorry, I know I should have told you sooner, but I was scared, I've been coming to terms with it myself."

"Two weeks." He muttered to himself again. "My God." He mumbled, rubbing his temples as if he suddenly had a headache coming on.

"I know Ethan, but please try to understand where I'm coming from here. The last time this happened it wasn't exactly a good time for me. This has brought it all back."

"The last?...Oh, right." He said realising what she meant. "But I'm not _him."_ He felt a bit hurt.

"I know that, but it doesn't stop those memories Ethan, they will be forever in my head."

"What did you think I'd do?"

"I thought you'd be shocked and then angry at me, that maybe you'd think I've ruined your life and career."

"How would it do that?" He asked, looking at her.

"I don't know Ethan, I was scared, I wasn't thinking straight." She admitted, her voice wobbling, the tears threatening to spill.

"I thought we were safe?"

"I know, so did I. That's why I didn't believe I could be at first. I'm really sorry Ethan, this wasn't some cruel deliberate trick to catch you."

"I know, I'm not saying that." He looked at her in shock. "I just meant I didnt think we'd put ourselves in the position where this might happen."

"We didn't, it was a complete unexpected accident. They do happen sometimes." She tried to smile.

"Wow, I guess I just didn't think it would happen to me. Famous last words I guess." He also tried to smile.

"Look, I've had time to think about this, I'm not expecting you to make any decisions now, and I'm not forcing you into anything here."

"I know you wouldn't do that." He said softly. She looked up at him and took hold of his hand, surprised that he didn't push her away.

"Ethan, this isn't something I've planned but its happened, and now the shock is over, I think I'm actually starting to look forward to it. There's a little baby in here." She said placing her hand on her stomach. "And I may not be the best mum, but I'm going to do everything I can to try to be, and make sure he or she has the best life possible, and I know that if it's what you want too, then you will be the best dad, and then this little baby will be so lucky." Her voice cracked at the end and a few tears spilt down her cheeks.

"Little baby." He whispered. "A dad." He repeated the words that were having an impact on him, suddenly he did something Sam didn't expect. A smile broke out on his face as he said: "I'm going to be a dad."


	81. Chapter 81

"I'm going to be a dad." Ethan said smiling.

"And you know you'll be an amazing dad." Sam gave a small smile back, still aware of the massive impact this conversation had on their lives.

"I still can't believe it." He breathed out.

"But you're not angry with me?" Sam asked in a small voice.

"Angry? Sam I'm not angry, I'm just in shock, I need some time to take it in properly."

"Do you want me to go so you can have time? I'll understand if you do."

"No, I want to be with you." He looked at her, Sam could only nod. "You know at first I thought you were going to tell me you didn't want to be with me, then I thought something terrible had happened medically. I really feared the worst."

"And then I delivered an even bigger bombshell." She smiled at him. "I'm really sorry, I guess I'm not good at this sort of thing."

"I guess its not something you get much practice at, no, I mean, saying it, I mean-" Ethan stuttered, realising everything he said was sounding terrible.

"Ethan, relax, I know what you're trying to say."

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to avoid mentioning, well you know, the last time."

"We can talk about it Ethan, just maybe not tonight." Sam smiled reassuringly.

"No, of course, whenever you're ready."

Silence fell between the pair again, each lost in their own thoughts.

* * *

Cal was at work, he was working cubicles and was feeling a bit bored with the non interesting cases that were coming through the doors, he was in the mood for something more adrenaline fuelled. He knew he should be careful what he wished for, and a simple night was a good thing, but he did long for a bit of excitement. After all, that's why he became an ED Doctor, to be involved in the critical moment where life or death hung in the balance, and he could swoop in and be the hero, well, sometimes anyway.

He had discharged a patient and was heading back toward the nurses station with his completed notes, when his mobile buzzed in his pocket. He casually took it out to read the text, smiling when he saw it was from Ella.

'Just finished work, are you about? x'

'Yes, just discharged a patient, meet you by the ED doors? x' he replied.

'Be there in 2 x' came the reply. Cal slipped his phone back in his pocket, smiling to himself. He looked around but knew he could easily slip outside. He headed out and waited by the doors. Sure enough, moments later Ella came down. She smiled as she approached him and before either could say a word she had pulled him in for a kiss, holding onto his stethoscope so he couldn't escape, not that he would have wanted to.

Suddenly they heard the screech of brakes and a loud bang followed by a crunching sound. They both stopped kissing and looked up to see a car ploughing into the wall nearby. Instincts kicked in and as they exchanged a horrified look, they both ran towards the wreck to see what was going on. Inside the female passenger was screaming whilst the male driver was unconscious. Two paramedics came rushing over with their kit. As they approached, Cal and Ella had realised the main reason the woman was screaming, she was in labour, and by the looks of things, the baby's arrival was imminent.

Cal asked the paramedics to bring over a birth kit, while Ella tried to calm the screaming woman, encouraging her to breathe. Cal made his way towards the drivers side of the vehicle, however, this had taken most of the impact on the wall, as was completely compressed. The door was never going to open. Cal took out his phone and called for back up from the fire service, as they were going to require the jaws of life to cut him out. He hoped the woman would be easier to move.

Ella had pulled the passenger side door open, but the woman, who was still hysterical, refused to move from the car. Ella carefully supported her head and moved the seat back all the way and climbed into the footwell. Cal came round and quickly assessed her neck and decided it was unlikely she had any spinal injuries. Ella was still trying to calm her when the paramedic returned with the birth pack. Unfortunately, the paramedics had to leave to head off to a cardiac arrest, so Cal and Ella were left alone at the scene. Cal phoned inside from the car to get some help, while Ella was checking the woman, she looked up shocked.

"Um, Cal, you might want to see this, she's crowning." Ella said. Cal had been hoping to get the woman out of the car so he could access the man from the passenger seat, but it seemed the baby had other ideas.

"Right OK," Cal said after checking things out. He instructed the woman to push when she felt the urge, and Ella stayed down with her, guiding her along. Lofty had appeared and Cal shouted to him.

"Lofty, get a midwife down here now and come back with a wheelchair and blankets." Lofty ran off back inside. "Everything OK down there Ella? Can you carry on there, I'm going to try and get to the man from back here." Cal said as he climbed in the back seat. Ella continued to encourage the woman to push, and before long, the cries of a healthy looking baby boy were heard ringing through the car park. Ella scooped the baby up in the blankets just as a midwife appeared. The midwife helped clamp and cut the cord and finally they were able to move the woman and take her around to maternity.

Cal breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the fire crew arrive, as he needed to get the man out of the wreckage and into the ED. He had a head injury and Cal was sure there would be more going on. He was still unconscious but he was breathing, although this was becoming more laboured. Cal wasn't happy, but being so close to the safety of the ED, Cal just wanted him safely in resus where they could treat him properly.

The fire crew opted for a roof cut, so they were able to extract the man very quickly, and he was soon on a trolley in resus. Ella followed as Cal headed through, giving instructions and leading the case. She smiled watching him take control, impressed with his calm but authoritative manner. Once the man was stabilised, and being taken off for a head CT, Cal came back out, remembering that Ella was there. He took her through to the staff room and made them both a hot drink. He needed to change as he had got bloody when outside. He grabbed some spare scrubs and tossed some towards Ella too, as she had also got bloody during the birth.

"You did well out there." He smiled. "We'll make an ED nurse out of you yet."

"Oh, no chance! I'm happy in cardiology thank you." She laughed. As she pulled her outer top off and slipped on the scrub top.

"Aw, don't you want to work with me?" He pretended to be hurt.

"No, I want to want to see you, not resent that I have to clear up after you and wipe your backside at work!" She laughed.

"In all seriousness though, you were great."

"So were you, it was amazing watching you take control and lead things, you've got a real flair. I was impressed, and a bit turned on." She grinned.

"See I told you, life saving hands." He winked. She laughed.

"Well, then I'm privileged to have the pleasure of being held by those hands then." She winked.

"Oh if I wasn't in the middle of a shift right now you'd be doing more then just being held by them." He grinned wickedly and pulled her in for a kiss. Just then Lofty came rushing in.

"Cal, your patient is back from CT and rapidly deteriorating." He said. "You need to come back now." Cal didn't need telling again, he gave Ella a quick apologetic look and headed back out into resus. True enough, the man was deteriorating, and Cal was fairly sure he had a cardiac tamponade. He set up to do a pericardiocentesis. Ella had followed and realised what they were going to do. She pushed through the double doors.

"Cal, do you want me to monitor the echo for you, save you going blind?"

"Really? That would be great." He smiled as she pulled up the ED's echo machine. Together they successfully performed the procedure with Lofty monitoring the ECG and obs, and the patients condition improved.

"Good work Cal." Lofty smiled. "He's stabilising."

"It's thanks to Ella too." Cal smiled.

"I didn't do anything major." She shrugged.

"You just helped a woman give birth in the carpark and assisted me with a pericardiocentesis, I'd say that's not bad for someone who just worked all day on the ward too." Cal said. Lofty grinned at the pair and headed back towards the patient.

Cal lead Ella out, needing to chase up results and make a plan for the man.

"I'd better get off Cal and leave you to it, before I get you into trouble, or end up working a whole night shift." She smiled. "Besides, I'm knackered now." She kissed him goodnight.

"You were amazing, I think we make a good team." He smiled as she left.

* * *

So, I've got my first midwife appointment on Thursday afternoon if you want to come?" Sam asked, slightly unsure if it was still too early to go there. But she had to give him some warning in case he wanted to and needed to swap a shift. He looked at her, having been drawn back from his thoughts. "I'm sure it will be boring, just lots of questions and paperwork, but if you want to you can, if you don't, that's fine too, I mean it's up to you really." Sam started rambling nervously.

"Sam," Ethan stopped her by placing his hand on hers as she sat tensly upright with her hands on her lap. "I want to come. After all, its my baby too. Stop trying to punish yourself for this, it takes two remember." He smiled kindly.

"I'm sorry, I've just been convincing myself for two weeks that you would be angry and want to leave me that it's hard to think otherwise now." Sam admitted.

"I just wish I'd known sooner, then maybe I could have helped."

"Next time I'll tell you straight away." She smiled.

"Let's get the first time done before we think about number two eh?" He laughed, squeezing her hand.

"Ethan, what do you think Cal will say?" Sam asked quietly.

"I think he'll be shocked, no first he'll think its a joke, then he'll be shocked but then excited I would guess. Why?"

"I don't know, I was just worried what he might think, he's very protective of you."

"He's protective of you too."

"Yes but you would always come first, and rightly so."

"He'll be fine Sam, don't worry. Besides, he'll be an Uncle, that's really exciting, he'll finally have someone to play with of his own mentality for a while!" Ethan laughed. Sam giggled back. She looked at him, finally able to hold his look for longer. He still looked surprised, but he did look happy too. Maybe she hadn't ruined his life after all.

"Ethan, you're sure you want this?" She asked. She couldn't help it, she had to know. "To be a dad I mean?"

"Yes Sam, I'm sure. I love you, and our baby too." He smiled, and as he leaned in to kiss her he sighed: "our baby." He kissed her, and she felt herself relax more again. As she pulled away she looked at him.

"Does this mean I still get to go to Paris?" She smiled.

"Of course it does." He chuckled as he pulled her in for a hug.


	82. Chapter 82

On Thursday afternoon, Ethan and Sam were walking hand in hand to see her midwife for the first time. They had talked a little more since she revealed the pregnancy to Ethan, and he had really come to terms with it, and while Sam was feeling more sick and tired than ever, he was feeling more excited at the prospect of a family, and was slipping into the 'father' role of the family well. Sam was finding herself more and more in love with him each day, especially as he was so caring and understanding about her being ill and looking terrible. Of course, Ethan didnt really think she looked terrible, but Sam knew she wasnt at her best. However, they still hadn't yet talked much about her previous pregnancy or experiences. They also hadn't shared their 'secret' with anyone else yet, it was only Rita that was aware of it, but she was still keeping her lips firmly sealed.

They sat in the waiting room of the clinic holding hands, Ethan gave Sam a warm, comforting smile as she seemed a bit on edge. Suddenly a middle aged, rounded woman with a friendly face called Sam's name. They followed her through to her consulting room, Ethan gave Sam's hand a comforting squeeze as if to help her relax and to reassure her.

"Hello, my name is Fran, I'll be looking after you from now until just after the birth." Fran smiled. "So is this your partner Sam?"

"Yes." Sam nodded.

"And is he the father?" Fran smiled.

"Yes, Ethan Hardy, pleased to meet you." Ethan said, extending his hand and shaking hers.

"What lovely manners, he must be a good one." Fran smiled at Sam. She sensed her nerves and reached her hand out and touched Sam's arm. "Relax, today is just about gathering information and making sure everything is in place to start your care. It will be fine."

Fran took Sam's blood pressure and gathered some information about background and family history. She advised about taking folic acid, healthy eating and the latest pregnancy 'do's and don't's'.

"So, what do you do for work?" Fran asked Sam.

"I'm a nurse." Sam smiled.

"Ah, excellent, so lots of common sense then." Fran smiled. "I'm probably teaching you to suck eggs here."

"Not at all, I work in emergency medicine, so my antenatal experience is minimal." Sam smiled.

"So do you work in the hospital?"

"Yes, Holby ED."

"And how about you Ethan? What do you do?"

"I'm a doctor in the ED."

"Lucky baby, sensible parents who know what to do in an emergency." Fran smiled. "Still, it doesn't take much to throw you when it comes to your own. So have you had any other pregnancies Sam?"

"Um, well, kind of yes." Sam muttered. Fran remained silent, giving Sam the time she needed to talk. She saw Ethan squeeze her hand in support and Fran inwardly smiled. "I was pregnant a few years ago, in a previous relationship, I-I had an accident and lost the baby at 4 months." Sam said, her voice wobbling a bit. Ethan kept hold of her hand in support.

"Ok, I'll just make a note of it so it's in your records, if that's ok?" Fran said soothingly, Sam just nodded. Fran swiftly moved on without making it seem like she was uncomfortable hearing it. "So, we need to book you for your dating scan, do you know roughly how far along you might be?"

"I think between 8-9 weeks." Sam said.

"Right, bare with me while I phone the assessment unit to book your scan." Fran picked up her phone and dialled the hospital. Ethan turned to Sam and smiled.

"Are you ok?" He whispered.

"Fine." She nodded and smiled. "Just feeling a bit queasy."

"You probably need something to eat, shall we go out for something after?"

"Yes, lets." She smiled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Fran turned back around smiling.

"Ok, so here is your scan appointment. It's in 3 weeks. They will, with your consent, test for Down's syndrome with the combined NT scan and blood test, and they will also take some regular screening bloods. Ok?"

"That's fine. Thank you." Sam smiled taking the appointment card.

"So, here are your notes, you should keep these with you. Ok? Is there anything else you want to ask me?" Fran asked kindly.

"No, no its fine thank you." Sam said politely.

"Ethan? Anything you would like to know?"

"No, I think you've been very informative, thank you Fran." He smiled.

Fran gave them a further appointment to see her after the dating scan, and Sam and Ethan left her office. As they headed outside, Sam took a deep breath. Ethan looked at her worried.

"Are you sure you're OK?" He asked, putting his arm around her shoulder for support.

"I'm fine Ethan, honestly, I'd just got myself worked up about that." Sam smiled. "Come on, before it tips it down with rain." She said looking up at the sky. They headed to a little tea shop in town, as Sam didn't fancy eating a meal yet, so they decided a celebratory cup of tea and cake.

Ethan brought their tea over to the table and he took hold of Sam's hand.

"Sam, I'm really excited about this you know." He couldn't hide the grin on his face.

"I know." She smiled. "Me too."

"I love you." He said simply.

"I love you too." Her smile got brighter. "And thank you for everything." She said squeezing his hand.

"To us." Ethan smiled, holding up his teacup jokingly.

"To us." Sam giggled, picking up her cup too. "Ethan, when should we tell people about this?"

"I don't know, when you're ready to, I guess. Most people tend to wait until after the scan don't they?"

"Yes, I guess, I'm just concerned with my sickness getting worse not better, that soon people will guess, they aren't stupid after all."

"Well, its up to you, if you want to come clean then just say, so I don't put my foot in it." He smiled.

"I was just thinking, now we've been to the midwife, we should probably tell Cal. I really don't want him to find out with, or even after the others. I think he'd be really hurt."

"You're right." Ethan nodded. "I'd want to be able to tell him properly before he guessed or someone else told him."

"It's only fair, after all, he is going to be an important part of this baby's life. I want us to be able to start it in the right way." Sam smiled.

"Definitely. Do you want to tell him tonight?" Ethan asked.

"Yes, I think we should. If he's at home." Sam smiled.

They finished their tea and cake and headed back to the flat, Sam was feeling more tired now, the early part of the pregnancy along with the sickness taking its toll. Ethan insisted she rest on the sofa and he made her another cup of tea. By the time he came back and sat down with her, she was fast asleep, a small smile curled on her lips as she slept. Ethan just sat looking at her, he couldn't believe how lucky he was, and how much he loved her. He took out his phone to text Cal and see if he was going to be around tonight.

A while later, Cal walked in the front door. Ethan jumped up to hush him so he didn't wake Sam. Cal looked confused at first, but when he saw Sam on the sofa, sleeping, he understood. He looked at her, she still didn't look right, and he knew she'd not been herself for a couple of weeks now, he wondered if there was anything going on.

"Where did you sneak off to this afternoon? I thought you were working until 5?" Cal said.

"No, I got a short shift, I had an appointment." Ethan said. Cal looked up concerned.

"Anything wrong?"

"No, no. Nothing to worry about." Ethan reassured him.

"How has Sam been?" He asked. He noticed Ethan look uncomfortable. "Ethan, I know she still isn't right. What's going on?"

"N-nothing." Ethan said, trying to sound certain, but stumbling a bit.

"Ethan." Cal said looking at him.

"She's just still tired, she'll be OK." He said.

"Is that the appointment you had to go to? With Sam?" Ethan nodded at Cal's question. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now." Ethan said. "Please Cal, don't worry." He said again. "So, are you staying in tonight?"

"Yeah, I've got no plans, why, did you want me out of the way?"

"No, no, I just wondered if you'd be here. I think Sam's been missing you."

"Missing me?" He laughed.

"Well, you know what I mean." Ethan said. On hearing Cal's laughter, Sam stirred on the sofa.

"Oh, sorry, did I drop off again? I swear I'm getting so old." She said stretching.

"How are you feeling Sam?" Cal asked, still not convinced she was OK.

"I'm OK, just tired." Sam said. She looked across to Ethan who tried to indicate that he hadn't said anything. "Anyway, are you staying in tonight, I think it's about time we had a little chat isn't it?" Sam grinned.

"Oh, you must be feeling better, I think I know what this is about." He smiled. "I'm in for it aren't I?"

"Well that depends on whether or not you play my game." Sam laughed.

"So it is motherly nagging or friendly teasing?" Cal asked.

"A bit of both I reckon." Sam smiled.

"Well that's good, coz I've missed them both." Cal smiled. Sam looked at him, she could see the care and concern in his eyes. She reached for Ethan's hand and gave it a squeeze. He looked at her and she nodded.

"Actually Cal, before we get to that, there's something I've, well _we've_ got to tell you." She said. Cal suddenly sat upright, looking worried again.

"I knew it, what is it?" He said urgently.

"Cal relax, its fine, I've said there's no need to worry." Ethan said smiling, Sam nodded again, indicating he should carry on and tell his brother. "Cal, I guess we should explain why Sam has been ill lately, the truth is, we're expecting a baby, Sam is pregnant." Ethan couldn't help but smile. Cal just stared open mouthed while looking at both of them, they were smiling at each other. No way, he thought to himself, it couldn't be true, could it? Though now he thought about it, it was the most obvious reason for her illness. But he had asked her, she said she wasn't.

"Really?" He asked. But their faces said it all, it must be true.

"Really." Sam smiled, confirming the news.

"H-How far along?" He managed to say.

"About 8 or 9 weeks." Sam said, looking at him, trying to read what he was feeling.

"But, you said, you told me you weren't?" Cal said, still confused.

"I was in denial Cal, I panicked, I'm sorry." Sam said looking at him sincerely.

"Cal?" Ethan said gently. Cal looked at him. "Cal, we're really happy, sure we were shocked at first, but now, we're excited."

"Of course." He smiled. "Of course you are, wow, its great news, I just wasn't expecting it. Does anyone else know?"

"No, just you Cal. We wanted to tell you first." Sam said. "After all, you will be the baby's uncle." She added, beaming at him.

"The baby's uncle." He muttered. Tears sprang to his eyes as he thought more about it. "I'm going to be an uncle." He grinned.

Suddenly he jumped up and pulled Sam up into a tight hug. He looked back down at her and kissed her cheek, and then hugged her tightly again, congratulating her as he did so. She laughed at his reaction, returning the hug, when she found the tears of joy finally spilling. Cal looked at Ethan with tears still in the older brothers eyes, and he pulled him up into a hug too, although he didn't cling onto him in the same way he did with Sam, but he didn't care if Ethan wasn't up for this show of affection, this was news that required a hug between them. Suddenly Cal found that a couple of tears escaped, embarrassed he wiped them away quickly. He put an arm around each of them.

"I'm so happy for you guys. You will be amazing parents. It will be the luckiest baby in the world, mostly because it'll have the coolest uncle!" He laughed, trying to cover up his brief emotional moment with a joke. "I'm so pleased. Let's celebrate. I'll go get some champagne." He said heading off out the front door before Sam and Ethan could say anything. They looked at each other smiling, Sam wiped her tears away, and Ethan pulled her in for a hug. As they broke apart they looked at each other, a feeling of pure love between them as they fell into a passionate kiss, in that moment feeling that everything would be OK.


	83. Chapter 83

Cal returned with a bottle of champagne and a couple of packs of beer for good measure, since he wasn't working the next day. He was even more excited than ever by the time he returned.

"Guys, I've got the good stuff, lets celebrate!" He called as he came back through the front door. He headed straight into the kitchen placing the bag on the counter and pulling out 3 champagne flutes, rolling his eyes thinking how typical of Ethan to have champagne flutes in the cupboard. Ethan and Sam joined him as he popped the cork, all three of them cheering as he did so, and Cal poured 3 glasses.

"Uh, Cal, should Sam really have this?" Ethan asked, trying to peer at the percentage of alcohol on the bottle.

"Ethan!" Sam scoffed, laughing. "I'm not going to drink much, but let's appreciate the gesture Cal is giving here."

"Don't worry Ethan, a tiny sip won't hurt." He smiled. "She's got to do something to toast the good news." He handed her a small amount in a flute and then filled up one for himself and Ethan. Holding his glass in the air he made a little toast.

"Here's to both of you on your good news, wishing you love and happiness, oh no wait, that's the wedding toast." He grinned, winking at Sam who blushed. "Here's to both of you, and little baby Hardy, who's going to be the most loved and spoilt child in the world, simply because he or she has the _best_ uncle in the world! OK, OK and the best parents." He added laughing as Ethan gave him a look. "Congratulations guys." He added. The three clinked glasses and while Sam and Ethan took modest sips of their drink, Cal pretty much downed his.

"So this is my life now, at least 32 weeks without alcohol." Sam sighed. "How will I cope? I guess I'll have to secretly drink behind Ethan's back." She winked at Cal. Ethan looked horrified at the thought.

"No. You can't do that." He said shocked, before realising she was pulling his leg and he'd fallen for it. "Very funny." He rolled his eyes at her.

"Don't worry Sam, I'll drink your share until you can again. I'll take one for the team." Cal laughed.

"Thanks Cal, you're so thoughtful." Sam said as Cal topped up Ethan's glass and refilled his own. Just then Cal's mobile beeped with a text. He pulled it out of his pocket and smiled.

"Oh, Ethan, I think it must be a certain someone by the look on his face." Sam smiled. Cal was almost oblivious as he tapped out a reply, the smile fixed on his face. As he looked up to see Sam and Ethan grinning at him he got a bit bashful.

"What?" He shrugged.

"Come on, bring your drink, I think it's your turn to spill the secrets." Sam smiled, slipping her arm into Cal's and leading him into the front room.

"So, you've been on some dates, and?" Sam started for him.

"Yeah, its going well." Cal smiled sheepishly. "Did I tell you we worked together the other day? She was brilliant. She kept very calm in a situation, even though she's not used to it." He said getting excited.

"When was this?" Ethan asked.

"The other night. She had finished her shift and she'd popped down to say goodnight and suddenly a man crashed his car into the wall outside the hospital."

"Oh, I wondered what happened there." Ethan nodded.

"Yeah, anyway, he was unconscious and his partner was in labour next to him, and Ella helped her give birth in the car, she was brilliant, and then we had to do a pericardiocentesis on the man and she helped too, it was great. I said she should change specialties but she wouldn't." He grinned.

"Oh yeah, coz that would be so good for your productivity, making it even easier for you to sneak off and get some when you think no one's looking." Sam laughed.

"Yeah, like you can lecture me about that, miss 'up-the-duff'!" Cal laughed, nudging Sam.

"Oi! We indulge ourselves at appropriate times." She winked.

"Boring!" Cal pretended to yawn. Sam slapped his arm and they started to play fight, until Ethan got worried about Sam getting hurt.

"Cal, be careful." He scolded.

"Ethan, relax, you know the baby is safe in there." Sam smiled soothingly, it was sweet that he was worried but she wasn't sure she could handle him fussing for the rest of the pregnancy. But she was sure once he settled he wouldn't worry so much.

"So anyway, you and Ella, its good then?" Sam smiled, turning back to Cal.

"Yes, really, its going well. I've got a lot to do towards proving to her that I'm serious about her, she's still a bit skeptical, but I'm going to do it." He smiled. "I really like her. She different to the other girls. She's got more depth, she intrigues me."

"I'm really pleased for you Cal, I so wanted to see you happy." Sam said clutching his hand and squeezing it. "And at least this way I know she's a good one." She added. She sat holding his hand, looking into his eyes, smiling at him. He returned the smile, realising as he looked at Sam just how much she meant to him, and how pleased he was that his brother had found someone like her to love, and now they were having a baby together, well things couldn't get more perfect than that could they.

"Um, I think you've got the wrong brother Sam, aren't you supposed to hold hands with me?" Ethan smiled teasingly at her.

"Oops, yes, silly me." She grinned back, intertwining her fingers with Ethan's.

"Yes careful Sam, we don't want to run the risk of our passionate, lust filled sessions being ruined by getting caught do we?" Cal grinned wickedly. Sam laughed until she realised there was a flicker of uncertainty in Ethan's eyes.

"Ignore him, you know what he's like. Besides, there's only one man I want passionate lust filled sessions with." Sam winked and leaned in and kissed Ethan, making him blush.

"Who is he? I don't want to hear you're cheating on my brother you know?!" Cal grinned. Sam just gave him a playful glare.

"Enough you." She smiled, then stuck her tongue out at him.

A while late, Cal and Ethan had had a few more beers, Cal more than Ethan, and the three were chilling in the front room watching TV like old times. Sam and Ethan were doing a bit of studying, mostly helping Sam prepare for her upcoming OSCEs which was the following week, while Cal threw the odd remark in, often earning him a look or sarcastic comment from either Sam or Ethan.

"I'm never going to get this." Sam stressed, rubbing her temples. "Its like having dyslexia with drugs and dosages instead of letters!" She grumbled.

"Come on, you can do this, you do it all the time, you just don't stress about doing it." Ethan tried to encourage her.

"I know I know it, it just won't come out when I'm being tested, and that's the only way I'm going to pass this stupid course. Why did I put myself forward for it? What was I thinking!" Sam said, slapping her hand against her forehead.

"Look, leave it for tonight, you're getting tired, that's all. Please darling, stop stressing, it won't do you any good." Ethan tried to soothe her. Before Sam could reply, Cal jumped in.

"Sam, we have every faith you can do this, you're just tired, no one can perform properly then. Everyone at work believes in you, just remember that, we are all behind you."

"Thanks guys. Where would I be without your support." Sam said getting teary again. "Sorry, it must be the hormones." She laughed through her tears. Ethan took the book off of her lap and tossed it down on the table and pulled her in for a hug.

"Come on, that's enough for now. Time to rest." He said squeezing her shoulder, pulling her in tighter for a hug.

 **A/N: So I would have been moving on to Ethan and Sam's weekend in Paris, where I had in mind something to happen, but in view of what has happened in Paris tonight, I feel I cannot write it. So unfortunately it will feel like I've really skipped over it, as to say anything but them having had a great time now would feel completely disrespectful. I'm really sorry about this, and hope you understand.**

 **My thoughts and feelings go out to the people of Paris and everyone affected by this terrible event.**


	84. Chapter 84

Cal was woken early the following morning by Sam. She had been overcome by another bout of sickness and was currently huddled on the bathroom floor not daring to move too far.

Cal carefully opened his eyes, his head was throbbing, champagne and beer mixed clearly weren't a good idea. He looked at the time, 05:15, he groaned clutching his head and wondered what had made him wake up so early, then he heard Sam again. She sounded rough he thought. He lay in bed listening to her, feeling great pity, although the way he felt he thought he might be joining her shortly. It really wasn't a good idea to polish off most of the champagne himself followed by some beer, his head was pounding and his stomach churning, in fact the room was still spinning as he had only had a few hours sleep, thank goodness he didn't have work today. He closed his eyes and heard Sam again. His heart sank for her, after all, she hadn't done anything to deserve this sickness, and she really sounded dreadful. He wondered if he should get up to check on her not that he was sure he'd be able to walk straight, but if she needed help, someone should check she was OK.

In the other room Ethan had also stirred. Subconsciously, the sound of Sam vomiting had woken him but it wasn't until he rolled over to cuddle her and realised there was an empty space in the bed that he sat up. He looked at the time, 05:20, then he heard Sam being sick again. He slipped out of bed and made his way along to the bathroom door. Knocking lightly he called out to her softly.

"Sam? Are you ok?" He asked, knowing it was a stupid question, but it was the usual thing to say. He waited for a response unfortunately another wave of nausea hit Sam and before she could reply she was sick again. He waited for her to finish and then gently pushed on the door, as suspected, it was locked.

"Sam," he knocked again, "let me in." He finished gently, getting worried. What if she collapsed in exhaustion, or choked and he couldn't get in. Of course he knew that was unlikely, and he knew if he had to get in then he would find a way, but it worried him to not be able to get in and help. Suddenly he heard the lock being undone, and Sam opened the door a crack. He went in and looked at her. She looked really tired and very pale, as she sat leaning over the toilet bowl. She went to speak but promptly vomited again. When she finally stopped retching, she looked at Ethan, seeing his concerned face.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly. "It's not the most attractive way to find your girlfriend in the morning." She tried to make light of the situation, but just sounded sad as she was so weak. She sat back, leaning against the cold wall and shivered.

"I'm sorry you're having to go through this." He said softly, sitting down with her, placing his arm around her shoulder. He pulled her towards him and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm so tired, I'm not sure I can do this anymore." She sighed. "I don't remember it being this bad last time."

"I'm really sorry, after all, its partly my fault, and I'm getting away without any trouble." He looked at her sadly.

"Yes, it is partly your fault." She smiled lightly. "And don't worry, you'll get yours, I'll make sure of it. Night feeds and dirty nappies, and that's not including my hormonal rages and emotional outbursts." She squeezed his hand.

"I'm looking forward to the night feeds and nappies." He smiled. "I want to be as involved as possible." He squeezed her hand back.

"You're so perfect." Sam smiled. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"I could say the same about you." He smiled back. Suddenly Sam stiffened.

"Hold that thought!" She said in a strained voice before hauling herself over the toilet to be sick again. Ethan watched with a pained expression on his face. He felt truly terrible that he was partly responsible for her feeling so terrible and there was nothing he could do to help.

"Sam, I think we should get you assessed. You're sure to be dehydrated again, and maybe they can help you, you've barely eaten for days, you're weak. Admit it, you need help." He said his voice full of concern.

"I'm fine." She murmered.

"I knew you'd say that, but I don't agree."

"It'll settle in a minute." She assured him. Ethan knew he was fighting a losing battle, but he was worried. He knew the baby would be fine, because they were like little parasites, sucking all of the goodness from their host, but it meant that Sam's body was getting nothing for her, and yet she was trying to function normally and work and study, having nothing to fuel her or keep her strength up.

"Are you working today?" He asked.

"No." She shook her head before retching again. She had nothing left, but her body was still forcing her to be sick.

"Good." He nodded. "Then you're under orders to stay here and rest."

"Aren't you working?"

"Yes, I'm in until 5 today, then I'll come home and make you a nice dinner, try and get something inside you."

"Please, don't talk about food." Sam said as she retched again. Ethan couldn't help but smile, despite his worry. He got up to get her a jug of iced water, and put it beside the bed with a glass, he also got some plain biscuits and crackers from the cupboard and put them beside the bed. Then heading back to the bathroom, he helped her back into bed to rest. It was now nearly 6am, and he was due in for his shift at 7. He had a quick shower, leaving the door open in case Sam needed to come back in. But by the time he went back to get dressed she was fast asleep again. He smiled at her and quietly dressed for work. He had a quick bite to eat and a coffee, grabbed his bag and headed to the hospital for his shift. He sent a text to Sam with instructions to stay at his and rest and try to drink plenty. Then he also text Cal to ask him to keep an eye and let him know if Sam was getting worse.

When Cal finally surfaced with just a bit of a headache at about 11am, he saw his message from Ethan and stumbled out into the front room in just his jogging bottoms, to find Sam curled up on the sofa watching an american sitcom.

"Morning." He mumbled, stretching. Sam turned to him and smiled.

"Morning? It's nearly lunch time?" She smiled.

"Yeah, well I was a bit worse for wear wasn't I?" He grinned sheepishly. "Anyway, how are you feeling now?"

"Did Ethan tell on me?" She asked suspiciously.

"No, actually I heard you." He said guiltily.

"Oh." Sam said looking ashamed. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's not your fault." He said sitting beside her. "You can't help it can you? Have you managed anything to eat or drink this morning?" He asked concerned. Sam nodded towards the water that she was slowly sipping and a half nibbled cracker. "Very nutritious." He grinned. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine Cal, I don't want to be any trouble. Besides, I think it's just about settling, I don't want to push it yet."

"You do look really drained."

"I know, I feel it." She admitted.

"Don't be ashamed to admit you're struggling, no one would think any the less of you. You need to make sure you're getting enough to eat and drink, for both of you." He said kindly.

"I know Cal, I am trying, honestly, I just feel like I'm failing. I'm just so exhausted."

"You're not failing."

"Others manage to be superwomen while they're pregnant, I can't even get through the day at the moment."

"Come on, you know everyone's experiences are different, and yes, some women sail through pregnancy, some don't, its no reflection on you."

"I know, its just frustrating. Every day I say I'm going to get up and be fine and then I have another morning like this morning and then I just can't function."

"Come on, lets you and me have a quiet day until Ethan comes home, and if you want anything, I mean anything, just tell me and I'll sort it." He smiled.

"Thank you Cal." She smiled.

"Anything for my future sister-in-law." He grinned, nudging her gently.

"Stop it you!" Sam couldn't help but smile. "And you've got to stop saying it in front of Ethan, both you and Ella are terrible for doing it, he'll think I'm getting you to do it to drop hints."

"Nah, Ethan wouldn't think that. Anyway, you'd probably have to smack him in the head with a sign that said 'ask me to marry you, you idiot' for him to realise you even wanted to."

"Hmm, maybe." Sam said quietly.

"You do want to then?" Cal asked, raising his eyebrows at her inquisitively.

"Caleb! No!" Sam said blushing red.

"That's the biggest yes I've ever heard." He laughed.

"I'm happy Cal, really happy. I love him, in a way I don't think I've ever loved anyone before, its so different this time. He makes me feel special, like I matter, like I'm loved. He supports me and he respects me. I've never wanted to be with anyone more in my life than I do him. So, I guess if the question came up, I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. But I'm not actively seeking it. I'm just happy to be with him, and that he seems to want to be with me."

"That's lovely." Cal smiled at her and gave her a hug. "And I'm happy my brother has found someone as lovely as you, you two are perfect together."

"Thanks Cal. It means a lot that you think that."

"Well, you know." He shrugged coyly. "Come on, lets watch a film."

Cal went and made both of them a cup of tea, which Sam really enjoyed, despite thinking she wouldn't. They curled up together on the sofa in front of a film and soon both were fast asleep. They didn't wake up until Ethan came back from work.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" He grinned, folding his arms, standing over the sleeping pair. He had been stood watching them with a smile on his face. Sam stirred first, stretching and waking up Cal as she did. Then she jumped realising Ethan was stood there.

"Oh, what time is it?" She stretched.

"Nearly 6." He smiled. "At least I can see you rested today."

"Yeah, I did thanks." Cal grinned.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" Ethan smiled, ignoring Cal.

"Ethan, I've told you about calling me that, I'm your brother, you can't say that." Cal laughed, refusing to be ignored when he was being funny.

"Cal!" Ethan gave him that look that he reserved especially for Cal. Sam giggled.

"I'm OK thanks Ethan, although I feel guilty for sleeping the day away."

"It's what you needed, have you eaten anything?"

"Not really."

"Great, so you must be starving. I'll go and make us some dinner." Ethan smiled.

"Do you want some help?" Sam called after him.

"No, you stay and rest." He called back from the kitchen. With that, Cal got up and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of beer.

"Good day at work?" He asked Ethan casually.

"More productive than yours by the looks of things." Ethan smiled.

"I don't know, I had a good chat with Sam before we fell asleep." He smiled.

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked confused about where his brother was going with this.

"Oh you know, just talking about life, the future, stuff."

"Stuff?" Ethan frowned.

"Yeah, stuff, well, what with the baby, and well, Sam being the best girl you've ever met, not that there are many to compare her to, but you know, she's perfect for you."

"Typical of you, even when you're trying to be nice you throw in a dig."

"Well, you know me." He shrugged, smiling. "But really, she's the best girl for you, perfect, don't screw it up."

"Screw it up?" Ethan said surprised, now wondering if he had done something wrong.

"I mean, do everything you can to keep hold of her. Everything."

"Caleb, do you know something?" Ethan asked still a little unsure.

"No, only that she really loves you, and you love her, and you should both do everything you can to be together, forever, if you get what I mean." He winked.

"Is having a baby not 'forever' enough?" He asked innocently.

"Come on Ethan." Cal sighed. "You know what I mean. I'm talking about making things official. Put a ring on it." He winked still grinning.

"Alright Beyonce, I get you." Ethan replied, then he thought about it. "Really? Do you think?"

"Definitely. You'd be crazy not to snag her while you can."

"And you think she'd say yes?" He asked still thinking.

"Maybe." Cal shrugged. "Don't you think its worth the risk?"

"I-I don't know really, I hadn't thought about it, much."

"Much? So it has crossed your mind?"

"Well," Ethan started. "Maybe." He shrugged. "But I wasn't sure she'd be up for that yet, its not really been that long has it. And with the baby shoc, it might all seem a bit rushed, like a panic reaction."

"Well, I'd just say give it some thought." Cal smiled, heading back into the front room. Ethan stared after him, wondering if he really had just had that conversation with his brother.


	85. Chapter 85

That weekend Sam found herself back on nights, thankfully, most of the team seemed to be working the night shift, so she was in fairly good spirits. Robyn and Lofty were planning a house party, and she was pretending to be enthusiastic about it, even though she knew she wouldn't be able to drink, but they didn't know that, so she continued to talk as if she could.

The nurses were taking the opportunity in a rare calm moment in the night shift to have a gossip, and were gathered at the nurses station. Charlie stood like the father figure watching his kids who were all growing up fast, but still needed that fatherly guidance from time to time. Robyn and Lofty were laughing and Sam was leaning on the side grinning at them acting silly. Lily walked past and rolled her eyes at them and headed towards where Cal and Ethan were talking in an empty resus.

Iain and Dixie came through the doors at that moment with a patient who had overdosed on heroin, having given a stat dose of naloxone, but the patient had not yet responded. Sam nodded at Robyn and Lofty that she would take this one and lead Iain and Dixie into resus. As the came through the doors the three doctors looked up.

"Guys, we've got you one, heroin OD. According to ID in his wallet his name is David Harvey, 20 years old, but obviously we've not spoken! He's had IM naloxone 2 doses of 0.4mg en route, looks like he's taken a heavy dose of heroin. We couldn't get IV access, so brought him straight in. Sorry guys, good luck." Iain sighed giving them a look they recognised as he and Dixie headed back out. Sam hooked him up to the monitors, Cal started the primary survey and Ethan gathered the equipment to try and gain IV access. Lily left having been told by Ethan to go back and cover cubicles.

"Ethan, do you want me to try and get IV access?" Sam asked.

"No." He said hurriedly. "No, I'll do that. Can you draw me up some naloxone, lets start with a 2mg dose."

"No problem." She smiled.

"Ok, everything is good here, looks like just a straight OD, you get that line in Ethan and get the naloxone in." Cal said. Ethan did just that. Finding a vein, he got a cannula in and took some bloods then Sam handed him the naloxone and he put it in. Cal was on the other side of resus on the phone. The patient stirred but didn't quite come round. Sam drew up another dose and handed it to Ethan. He gave it a few minutes and when the patient hadn't come around he gave another dose. With that, he came around, and despite being rather slim he was suddenly very aggressive. He sat bolt upright on the trolley and tried to pull off the leads attaching him to the cardiac monitor. Sam jumped forward to try and convince him to lie down before he could pull the cannula out too.

"Hey, just calm down, steady." Sam said trying to calm him by putting her hands on his arms.

"What are you doing, get off of me!" The young man shouted. Ethan jumped forward too, and Cal stiffened watching while still trying to talk on the phone.

"It's OK, just try to stay calm David. You're in Holby ED, you've had an overdose."

"I know what happened you bitch, I did it on purpose! I wanted to die and you've ruined it!"

"Why would you want to die?" Sam asked in shock, still trying to get him to lie back down.

"Just leave me alone!" He screamed and shoved Sam out of the way to get up. Sam only stumbled backwards, but the panic was evident in Ethan's eyes, and Cal slammed the phone down and ran at the young man to grab him before he could cause any more harm. Ethan headed straight for Sam, reaching for her to check she was OK. She nodded to indicate she was fine, maybe just a little shaken. But she stubbornly headed out to the corridor where Cal had caught David, who was clearly distressed.

"Come on David, come back in and let us treat you you're not well." Sam said as Cal held onto him.

"You should have left me!" The young man cried out.

"Sam, leave it." Ethan said, worried, placing his hand on her arm to stop her getting too near.

"Look, you've got two choices." Cal said to the young man. "You can come back in calmly and let us treat you properly or you can go and probably collapse again within an hour or so once the naloxone wears off. It's your choice."

David stopped struggling but looked like him didn't know what to do. He looked around at the three of them then pointed at Sam.

"You, take this out!" He demanded pointing at his cannula.

"Ok David, come and sit back down in here for me and I will." Sam said calmly. Ethan looked at her, still worried. Cal loosened his grip but guided David back into resus. Sam gathered some equipment slowly, deciding what to say.

"David, sit down here for me please." Sam smiled kindly at him. He did as he was told surprisingly. As she pulled on her gloves she started to talk. "David, why don't you stay, let us monitor you, the naloxone we've given you to reverse the effects of the heroin will wear off soon and you could end up back in a coma. You could die, and I know deep down that's not what you really want, come on let us help you." She looked at him.

"How do you know what I want." He said firmly, his anger threatening to spill out again.

"I don't, but you're 20 years old David, you've got so much of your life to live, I don't know what's happened to make you think you want to die, but it won't be worth missing out on all the good you can experience."

"There's nothing good out there for me, I'm a waste of space." He said sulkily.

"There's time David, you can turn it all around, make your life what you want it to be. Trust me David, I've been there, thinking there's nothing left, no way out but to end it, but there is, and you know the biggest kick in the teeth to everyone who doubts you or stands on you, is to get out and show them you're better than that. And that can start here David, we can help you, let us help you." She said gently. Ethan and Cal watched in awe as she seemed to be talking this young man around. He had calmed down, he was just sat staring into space.

"I'm not strong enough. I can't do it, I can't get away."

"You can David, I wouldn't be wasting my breath if I didn't see it. I'd have just removed the cannula and let you walk out of here, but I know you can do this, will you let us help you?" Sam said. David remained silent, staring at the floor. Then he nodded. Sam helped him to lay down on the trolley, she reattached the monitor. "Now David, we're going to keep you on half hourly obs, but if you feel unwell just tell me OK? Now I'm going to ring for an urgent psych referral, don't be alarmed, its the normal first step, to get a proper assessment by a specialist. Then we can move forward and make a plan. Ok?" Sam said to David soothingly.

She walked back towards a shocked Cal and Ethan and the three went outside the resus doors to talk.

"What are you, like the drug addict whisperer or something?" Cal laughed.

"No Cal, I'm a nurse, I'm here to help people, not write them off." She shrugged. "It's no big deal. Now let's get a psych down here for him urgently." Sam said heading towards reception to see if his notes had been found.

Cal headed back into resus to phone for a psych referral and monitor David, while Ethan followed Sam.

"Are you ok?" He asked as she met him on the way back with David's notes.

"I'm fine Ethan, don't worry." She smiled kissing his cheek.

In that moment their next patient was being brought in by the paramedics.

"Ok this is Roger Clements, 64, Chest pain since 6pm this evening, ST changes on ECG, BP 190/100, he's tachy at 126, SATS 99% on 15l O2. He's had 300 of aspirin, GTN spray and 5 of morphine. Looks like the possibility of a STEMI."

Sam and Ethan jumped into action and Sam called Lofty through to give them a hand. They stabilised the man and got him straight upstairs to the cath lab. By this time the psych was down and dealing with David and Sam headed off to the stock room to get some supplies to top up resus. She looked around the cupboard, not believing how untidy it was, and she started sorting it out.

"Lofty, have you seen where Sam went?" Ethan asked the nurse.

"Erm, I think she went into the store cupboard to get some stock." Lofty replied.

"Ok, thanks Lofty." Ethan smiled, turning to head towards the cupboard.

"Hey Ethan, don't go getting any ideas, we know where you are, we will come find you if you both disappear." Cal laughed. Ethan shot him a look.

"We're not all as lead by our libidos as you Caleb." He replied sarcastically, heading off. Cal and Lofty just laughed.

"Sam! What are you doing?!" Ethan exclaimed as he walked into the room. He was shocked to find Sam balancing on the top of a step ladder while tidying and moving stock around. She jumped slightly and turned to face him.

"Oh, Ethan, you frightened me. What's wrong? Do we have another patient?" She asked, stepping down and reaching for another box.

"No, stop." He said putting his hand on her arm. "What are you doing? You shouldn't be doing this?"

"Why not? Ethan I'm fine. I need to do my job."

"You just need to be careful you don't put yourself at risk, is lugging these heavy boxes and lifting them off shelves really the best idea?"

"Ethan, I promise, its fine, I will be careful." She smiled, pulling him in for a kiss. "I have 7 months to go, I need to be able to do my job."

"I understand that, but please, just remember, there are more people to think about now."

"I know, I really do. I'm not going to do anything to risk this, us and the baby." She whispered. "It's all that matters to me." She looked at him, holding his gaze and then leaned in for another kiss. Just then Cal came in grinning.

"Don't mind me, just came to get, um, this." He said holding up a blood gas syringe with a big grin on his face.

"And you couldn't find one blood gas syringe anywhere else in the department." Ethan said raising his eyebrows.

"No." Cal smiled again. "I told you if you got up to anything we'd find out." He laughed.

"You were too quick Cal, you didn't even give us a chance to get down to anything." Sam laughed.

"See that's normally Ethan's problem, being too quick, I can usually make things last." He grinned wickedly.

"Caleb Knight! Get out!" Sam laughed. "Stop winding your brother up." Cal retreated out of the door laughing. "Ignore him Ethan, he's just trying to get a rise out of you. I think we need to find some more work for him to do, he's obviously not busy enough."

As if like famous last words, within minutes chaos decended on the department with news of a 3 vehicle RTC with at least 3 critical casualties and at the moment 4 minor injuries confirmed. The team all mucked in together, but it took up until the early hours to get everyone assessed, stabilised and referred or discharged. It reached about 5am and things had finally calmed down. Sam headed into the staff room and made a tray of drinks and, tucking a box of chocolates under her arm, she headed out to the nurses station and gathered everyone together.

"Come on guys, lets all grab a drink, and I've dug out a box of choccys. I think after that mammoth exercise we deserve it. That's it guys, tuck in." Sam smiled. When everyone had aa drink in hand Sam spoke again.

"Guys, I just wanted to say well done tonight, everyone really pulled together and even when things got tight and a bit hairy out there, we all played our part and worked really well together, I'm really proud of everyone. We make a really great team, that's one of the best things about being here. Working in such a fabulous team. Good work everyone." Sam smiled, raising her cup of tea in the air towards everyone, and they all cheered and raised their mugs back. Charlie smiled at her nodding and gave her a wink across the group, and she beamed back at him. Ethan came and put his arm around her waist.

"I thought you were going to tell everyone then." He whispered subtly.

"No, not yet." She smiled.

Everyone stood drinking their drink and eating chocolates and chatting for the next ten minutes, there was only one person who didn't join in; Lily rolled her eyes and walked away, still not really able to relate to the "team".


	86. Chapter 86

It was the upcoming weekend that Ethan and Sam were supposed to be travelling to Paris for a long weekend, however, on the day before they were due to travel there was a fire in the channel tunnel, and it was to be closed for at least the next 2 days for repair works. They were disappointed, but also true to their nature, they were just releaved no one was seriously hurt. Ethan promised they would get to Paris, he would take her to see everything that was beautiful about the city. Sam concluded that she really didn't mind where she was and that they still had the same weekend off to spend together and that was what was important. Sam had still been fairly ill with pregnancy related sickness, and was still feeling tired, so Ethan was disappointed that he couldn't treat her. Though when an idea came he did some ringing around and soon had another surprise.

"What are you so jittery about Ethan? Come and sit down."

"I'm just making a tea, do you want a cup?"

"Ooh, yes please." Sam said. Ethan came back in with two mugs of tea and sat down next to her. "Thanks Sweetie." She smiled at him.

"So, I've got a new surprise for this weekend." Ethan smiled proudly. "How about we go to London, do dinner and a show, we can do a bit of shopping or whatever else you like, the whole weekend doing whatever you want to do?" He smiled.

"Really?" Sam said grinning?

"Really. We can leave tomorrow morning, I've booked two nights in a hotel, I just want to spoil you after these past few weeks."

"Oh Ethan." Sam squeeled, throwing herself into his arms. Thankfully neither were holding their mugs or they would have had burning hot tea all over them. They hugged and Ethan kissed the top of her head.

"I just wanted to be able to treat you still." He smiled goofily, feeling all sentimental.

"You're so bloody perfect." Sam grinned kissing him.

"What are you two up to? Oh, you're always all over each other aren't you." Cal said coming in and slumping down in the chair.

"We can't help it that we're totally in love." Sam smiled. "You're just jealous." She winked.

"Ha-ha! As if!"

"Anyway don't worry, we'll be out of your way for the weekend." Sam said still smiling. "Ethan's taking me away to London since we can't go to Paris."

"Very nice." Cal smiled, already making plans in his head. He pulled out his phone and text Ella to see if she was about, she replied that she was working until 6 tomorrow, so Cal said that was perfect and he would cook them dinner so she should come around after she'd finished. He put his phone away still smiling.

The following morning, once Sam's sickness had calmed a bit, they got into Ethan's car to set off for London. Despite feeling a bit grotty still, Sam wasn't letting it spoil her mood, she was really excited, almost like a kid at Christmas. She loved going away, wherever it was and going away with the man she loved was even better.

Once they arrived and had checked into their hotel, Sam dragged Ethan off for some retail therapy. She declared that shopping would help with the sickness. Ethan just laughed, particularly when she pretended to quote some studies that proved this fact. She also promised that if she got the shopping out of her system now then the rest of the weekend would be about things they could both enjoy. Ethan had forgotten how much some women loved to shop, seemingly spending hours deliberating over which colour to buy what etc. But he faithfully followed her around, giving the opinions and enthusiasm when she needed it and insisting on carrying her bags. And when she fell in love with a pair of leather boots but decided against them because of the cost, he sneaked back to secretly buy them, pretending he wanted to go and look for a book, and insisting he'd meet Sam back in the next shop. Finally, the exhaustion got to her and they billed on the tube back to their hotel. Sam sat on a chair, taking her shoes off while Ethan was running her a relaxing bath. Their room was lovely, with a huge king size bed and a stunning bathroom with a large bath. Sam was excitedly rumaging through her bags when she came across the boots in the box. She looked towards where Ethan was still in the bathroom and smiled.

"So, did you find the book you were looking for?" She called to him.

"Oh, um, no, I didn't." He replied.

"Oh, that's a shame. Which one was it?"

"Oh, just a text book for work, nothing interesting, I'll probably have to order it online." He said, coming back into the bedroom.

"Did you find something else instead?" She smiled at him. Ethan realised he had been rumbled, and she knew he had realised. "What are you like?" She smiled lovingly at him, and moved towards him to give him a hug. "I said they were too expensive."

"But you loved them, I could see you did, and they looked lovely on you. I said I wanted to treat you."

"Just when I think you can't be any more perfect, you go and pull a stunt like that and totally surpass yourself." She looked deep into his eyes, smiling, and kissed him meaningfully. "I love you so much, thank you." She sighed.

"I love you too sweetheart." He said pulling her in for another kiss.

Cal meanwhile was preparing for his night with Ella. He cleaned through the flat, not that it was really untidy, and he laid the table, going all out with candles and Ethan's best glassware. He smiled to himself when he finished, proud of his efforts. Before she was due to arrive he showered and had a shave, getting cross when he nicked himself with his razor. He cursed as he placed a small scrap of tissue on the spot of blood.

Before he knew it there was a buzz from the front entrance of the flat. He ran and buzzed Ella in, feeling those excited butterflies in his stomach. When he opened the front door she took his breath away. She looked amazing. If he hadn't have put so much effort into dinner then he would have taken her straight off to the bedroom now, but in Ethan's words, he wanted to 'woo' her a bit first, prove to her it was serious. He considered he might have been living with Ethan for too long now, his brother's habits were clearly starting to rub off on him.

"Hey you." Ella smiled.

"Hey." Cal breathed. "You look amazing."

"Why thank you. You look good yourself, except, here." She said leaning forward and removing the scrap of tissue from his face.

"Thanks." He smiled sheepishly.

"So, do I get a kiss then?" Ella asked. She didn't need to ask twice as Cal scooped her up in his arms and kissed her deeply. She followed him into the flat then laid eyes on the dining table.

"Wow Cal, you've gone all out. If we hadn't already had sex, I'd know that's what you were trying to do, but even after you've had it you're still pulling out all of the stops to impress me."

"I'm trying to open your eyes to see beyond my reputation." He grinned rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "But still, it wouldn't be an unwelcome conclusion to the evening anyway."

"Cal." She laughed. "What are you like."

"Well, I'm not like my brother, that's for sure." He laughed. "I know when I've got a good thing."

"Aw, Ethan knows he's got something good surely? He treats Sam like a princess."

"That's the problem, you're supposed to treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen." Cal laughed, earning a slap on the arm from Ella. "Bloody hell! You two are so similar its frightening."

"Well, you should know to watch what you say then." Ella laughed. "Come on, lets sit and have a drink."

They shared a lovely dinner, Ella was very impressed by Cal's seemingly hidden talents. He didn't tell her that it had mostly consisted of reheating ready prepared things, in his mind he still cooked for her. He also had to bite his tongue a couple of times as he nearly let slip Ethan and Sam's secret, and Sam hadn't told Ella yet. They were sitting cuddled up on the sofa with some music playing in the background, drinks on the table, but the talking had now made way for some passionate kissing, which before long lead to clothes being discarded on the floor. Cal let out a moan as Ella pushed her body up against him. There was no denying what he wanted, what both of them wanted. Finally breaking apart, Ella gave him a look that screamed 'I need you now'. He took her by the hand and lead her towards his bedroom, neither speaking a word.


	87. Chapter 87

Ella spent the weekend at Cal's flat, and when she woke up on Sunday morning, she looked across at Cal and smiled. He was sleeping turned away towards the wall with his back towards her. She could see his muscles moving as he slept, watching the careful rise and fall of his chest. She moved closed and put her arm around him gently, then she started kissing his shoulder and neck, while stroking her hand on his hip and lower abdomen. He stirred at her touch, and opened his eyes smiling. Turning around quickly he pulled her into his arms and started kissing her, soon feeling much more awake. The was certainly the sort of wake up call he could get used to. Following their morning session, they both got up and headed for their long days in work.

"Thanks for a lovely weekend Cal, I'll see you later, yeah?" Ella smiled coyly.

"You definitely will." Cal grinned, still feeling elated from his unexpected wake up call. He leaned in and kissed her just as Max, Lofty and Robyn were all walking in together for their shift.

"Way-hey!" Max and Lofty cheered, pleased to see their old mate getting back to himself. Then they broke out into song, singing 'Love is in the air' in rediculous accents. Cal looked at Ella apologetically, but she just smiled and laughed, rolling her eyes at the boys as she headed upstairs to her ward.

"Alright guys." Cal laughed as he walked into the department with them. "Here we go, another day in the trenches."

"Cal, you can hardly liken working here to being in the trenches!" Robyn said slightly outraged.

"Just a figure of speech dear Robyn." Cal said slinging his arm around her shoulder, smiling and walking through the doors with her.

* * *

Ethan and Sam had had a lovely weekend together. Sam's sickness hadn't been too bad as she had been resting and they had spent time indulging in each others company. They had had dinner out and seen a show, they visited museums and wondered together hand in hand through Hyde park. They had laughed, and talked and felt like they had connected on a whole new level. Ethan had opened up again about his mum, and they both shared memories of their parents, making an already emotional Sam feel even more emotional and she'd shed a few tears when they talked about their past and their future.

They were now in the car heading home. Sam was knackered, thankfully Ethan was driving, so she rested her head against the window and closed her eyes. She smiled to herself as she thought about their amazing weekend and what excitement they had to look forward to.

* * *

In the ED their day ploughed on like any other, the usual ailments filling the department. Then, as they were approaching the end of their shifts, they got the call that there had been a motorway crash involving several cars and many casualties. It was all hands on deck as they expected a massive rush of patients, some with serious injuries and some with more minor injuries. Rita had asked if any of the nurses could stay on and Robyn and Lofty agreed, Charlie had begun his shift later and they were grateful for his experience. Zoe and Dylan were on shift and Connie was staying late to support her team. Cal had hoped to get off to see Ella, but when the call went out for a medic at the scene he jumped at the chance to get in on the action. Grabbing his kit and mobile phone, changing into his outdoor gear, he headed off in the ambulance with Dixie and Iain, who were headed back that way, sending a quick text to Ella to explain he had gone out on a massive shout and would definitely be working late.

* * *

Further along the way home, Sam had her phone out and was absentmindedly singing along to the radio while scrolling through the internet. Ethan looked across at her and smiled. He couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was, and how lucky he was. He let out a sigh.

"What?" She looked up at him and smiled.

"What? He replied confused.

"You just let out a sigh. I just wondered what was wrong."

"Nothing." He smiled.

"Ok, so what were you thinking about?"

"You." Ethan admitted quietly.

"Me?" Sam asked, surprised. "What about me?"

"Well, just how wonderful you are, and how much I love you." He smiled at her.

"Aww, aren't you sweet?" She smiled. "I love you too." She reached out for his hand that was resting on the gear stick and intertwined her fingers into his. He looked across and her and they smiled lovingly at each other, both feeling the warm glow of love beaming around them.

"I've got some bad news though." She smiled regretfully, breaking the silence.

"What is it?" He asked worried.

"There's been an accident a few junctions along, there's some traffic build up."

"What are you like, I thought there was something wrong." He laughed, relieved. "Oh well, we'll have to find something to talk about while we're stuck in traffic."

"Like what?" Sam asked.

"Clinical scenarios that might come up in your OSCE next week?" Ethan grinned as Sam groaned, putting her head in her hands.

"You can't ruin this amazing weekend with exam prep Ethan." Sam laughed.

* * *

Cal was shocked at the carnage when he got on scene, the entire carriageway was blocked off with the police trying to use the hard shoulder to let some traffic flow though but trying to get as many as possible diverted off at the previous junctions. Cal counted 8 cars involved in some way, and some cars barely recognizable as the vehicles they once were. It was mayhem.

For a moment, as the ambulance pulled up, he lost himself in the chaos, not knowing where to start, but his instinctive flair kicked in and he got to work, along with the paramedics, assessing the worst of casualties. There were currently 5 ambulances on scene, 3 fire engines and 3 police vehicles trying to keep things clear and moving. They had also closed off the opposite carriageway to enable the air ambulance to land. The first three casualties were on their way into hospital and one was being flown to another major trauma centre, and there were already two confirmed fatalities. Cal was running on pure adrenaline, assessing the casualties and getting them safely on their way into hospital.

Then suddenly something caught his eye, something he knew couldn't be true, but if he didn't know better he'd have thought that one of the cars among the wreckage looked just like Ethan's car. Thankfully he knew it wasn't, as they would still be in London, but it was the same make, model and colour. He shook his head, knowing he was being silly to even think of it, he knew it was just the memories of the aftermath of last time, but it did give him the chills.

* * *

Ethan and Sam were caught in the tailbacks from the accident. They couldn't see anything ahead, but traffic was very slow and congested. Sam had dozed off again, and Ethan just silently drove along when he could, smiling to himself. Finally the traffic thinned out, and with no signs of the accident ahead they continued on their journey. Sam woke and started fidgeting.

"Are you ok sweet?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, I just need a wee, and I'm a bit uncomfortable, is there a service station soon, I need to stretch my legs." Sam said.

"Yeah, about 3 miles ahead, I'll pull in and we can get a coffee."

"Thanks." Sam smiled.

Soon, they were back on the road, and Sam was reluctantly letting Ethan test her with clinical scenarios and drug dosages and contraindications. Well, she pretended she was reluctant, but really she was greatful for the experience and for his continued support and encouragement.

They were not far from home when the traffic started to build up again. Ethan, ever the sensible driver, slowed down to accommodate this, and gave up testing Sam so that he could concentrate. Suddenly, there was an almighty bang as a car ploughed into the side of Ethan's car, there was absolutely nothing he could do, they were in turn forced into the side of another car who went into the back of another, and before they knew it they had come to a standstill among what could have been about 6 or 7 other cars. The screech of breaks was all around them. Sam thought she remembered screaming, she was sure she must have, but nothing was really clear. When things were still and quieter, she shakily called out for Ethan. But no sound came. She called again, tears of shock and fright starting to fall. Still no response from Ethan. She tried to undo her seat belt to get across to him but it was jammed. She screamed for help but it felt like no one came. She screamed out again and cried, then wrestled with her seatbelt again, determined to get out and help Ethan. If no one else came to help them then she would have to do it.


	88. Chapter 88

Cal was treating a young lady who had a massive trauma to her thigh, with the potential for needing an amputation, and also at risk of bleeding out or at risk of crush syndrome. It was serious and his skills were required. The paramedics were highly skilled around him, so they continued to extract the casualties by need and as they could. The fire crew were busy trying to carefully cut everyone out of their vehicles. The young lady was conscious and had told Cal she was called Jenny. He had given Jenny a high dose of pain relief and a small sedative to keep her calm, and now was running fast fluids through her cannula, to stop her kidneys failing. He was talking to her and trying to keep her calm. She was a lone driver in one of the more seriously hit cars. Just then Iain came over with 2 more bags of fluid.

"How's she doing?" He asked Cal quietly. Cal shook his head and moved away slightly.

"She's still conscious, but getting more confused, and blood loss looks massive, if we don't get her released and into hospital very soon she's not going to make it." Cal whispered to Iain. Iain headed off to call a fire crew over to extract Jenny. Releasing her was a massive task, but when they finally did, Cal ran her to the waiting ambulance on the trolley. He travelled back with her to Holby ED, doing everything he possibly could to keep her stable.

* * *

Sam finally managed to release her belt and went to move, as she did a pain shot around her side and through to her back. She winced and cried out, but was determined to get to Ethan to help him. She carefully turned and the pain was less severe, she decided she must have just moved too quickly. She looked at Ethan, he looked terrible, fear gripped her as she realised she could actually lose him. She had no concept of the time, but it felt like help should be here by now. She leaned over to Ethan and shook him carefully, as if he had any spinal injuries, she couldn't compromise that. She called out to him but he was unresponsive. She felt for a pulse, which due to her adrenaline and panic took a bit longer, but she did locate one, it was weak and thready, and he was definitely tachycardic. She did the only thing she could think of, she struggled to climb into the space behind him, which was now much tighter, and she carefully supported his head and neck to open his airway and avoid c-spine compromise. The only obvious injury she could see was a laceration to his head. Finally, she heard the sirens approaching, and she felt relieved that help would soon be here. She had no idea of the carnage that was all around them.

* * *

Jenny arrested on the way back to hospital, Cal thought it was most likely due to loss of blood, but they managed to get her back and pushed more fluids. He was on the phone to the ED, and told Connie to have O Neg blood standing by and be ready to run the major hemorrhage protocol. This was serious, they had nearly lost her once and he was going to do everything he could not to lose her again. He flew through the doors of the ED with Jenny, telling Connie what had happened. It now looked certain that amputation was her only option, and they needed to stabilise her kidneys to avoid massive failure. To Cal's disappointment Connie sent him off to get cleaned up, he wanted to stay and treat Jenny, he had promised her he would. He quickly got changed and headed back into resus to treat Jenny. Resus was full with patients from the crash and everyone was working hard to stabilise them and get them to surgery or to a relevant ward for further treatment. Extra theatre space had been freed up, and extra staff had been called in. Cal looked back towards Jenny, things were looking grim. Suddenly the undeniable beep of the cardiac monitor went off, jenny had arrested again, she was asystolic, so shocking was not an option. They injected adrenaline and continued compressions and transfusions, but nothing was helping. Connie looked at Cal with a grave expression, she knew there was nothing they could do.

"Cal, we need to stop." She said gently, putting her hand on his arm to stop him doing compressions.

"No! No we keep going!" He said firmly carrying on regardless.

"Cal." She said firmly but kindly.

"No Connie, we all have to agree, and I don't...I don't." Cal said, his voice breaking at the end.

"Cal." She said softer. He looked up at her, pain and sadness in his eyes. She looked at him and shook her head. Reluctantly he stopped doing the compressions.

"But I promised her...I promised." He said, a single tear falling, which he wiped away quickly.

"Cal, we did everything we possibly could. Her injuries were too severe. You did a good job Cal, you gave her every chance." Connie said kindly.

"But it wasn't enough was it." He spat out, not aiming it at anyone but himself. He felt he'd let her down. He tore off his gloves and apron and walked out of resus, needing to clear his head for a moment.

* * *

Sam was frustrated, she wanted to know where the help was. She had heard loads of sirens screaming towards them, but as of yet no one had come. Her head was throbbing and she was in pain, but she held onto Ethan, all the while talking to him and keeping his airway open and neck stable. Suddenly she heard him murmer, he let out a small sigh followed by a groan. She held him still.

"Ethan, its Sam. I'm here darling, just stay still for me. We've been in a car accident, but its fine, we're just waiting for help to get you out, then we'll get you sorted, ok?" She tried to sooth him while stopping him from moving. He groaned at her. "It's alright, I'm here and I'm going to stay with you. I love you baby, just stay with me OK?" She said, her voice breaking. "I love you." She repeated quietly, a silent tear falling down her cheek. Suddenly she heard a noise beside her, and a paramedic appeared. She recognised him but couldn't think of his name, she was too overcome with relief and emotion. She told him what she knew and pleaded with him to get Ethan out and into hospital. The fire crew moved in, carefully removing the roof of the car and bringing a collar and board in to remove Ethan safely. Sam had reluctantly been moved to an awaiting ambulance to be checked over, but she wouldn't go anywhere without Ethan. She insisted she travel to hospital with him. She also insisted that she retrieved her bags from the car. She knew it was stupid to demand it, but deep down she knew it was misplaced worry making her act so crazy and out of character. When finally Ethan was out and safely strapped to a spinal board on the ambulance, she held his hand as they travelled in. He was stable on the journey in, but he was still slipping in and out of consciousness. Sam asked the paramedic which hospital they were headed to, relieved when he told her they were headed to Holby. She needed some familiarity right now, and to see the supportive faces of her team. She desperately tried to hide the pain she was feeling, which was now starting to get worse. She sat, silently praying to herself that Ethan would be OK, she would give anything to ensure he was OK, him and their unborn baby.


	89. Chapter 89

Cal was sat outside with a cup of coffee. He felt selfish knowing that the team were busy inside, but Connie had sent him outside for some air, and he knew she was right to. He had already worked more than 3 hours past his finish time, so it wasn't totally outrageous to stop for a drink, and Connie knew he needed the time out to get over losing Jenny. He sat sipping his coffee wondering if he could have done anything different to improve her outcome; perhaps if he'd amputated at the scene, but he had hoped to save her leg, was that his mistake? Maybe if they'd got her out sooner. No, Charlie had once wisely told Zoe not to listen to the 'what ifs', he'd said: "the 'what ifs' will kill you" - and he was right. They could tear even the best medics apart, if you let them in. Reflecting and learning from experiences was good, all medics should do that, but tearing apart every little detail could mess with your head, as would punishing yourself for something you couldn't change.

Cal took a deep breath and sipped his coffee. He took out his phone and saw he had two texts from Ella. He smiled as he read them and looked at the time. She would probably be at home, safely tucked up in bed by now, and right now he wished he was with her. He typed a reply.

'Still at work, its chaos. Wish I was with you now, could do with a hug x'

'Wish you were here too. Hope you can get away soon. If you need to talk I'm here x' she replied almost instantly.

'Thanks x' he simply replied, putting his phone back in his pocket.

He looked up as another ambulance pulled up by the doors of the ED. He stood up ready to go and help once more, knowing he had to push the memories and regrets of Jenny to the back of his mind and carry on. The paramedics wheeled someone on a trolley through the doors of the ED. Cal walked towards them, then suddenly his blood ran cold. He dropped the cup of coffee, not that he even realised he did, as he saw someone else climbing out of the ambulance, someone he recognised, it was Sam. Cal felt like someone had punched him in the stomach as he ran towards her.

"Sam, what's happened?" He asked hurriedly as he got nearer, struggling to find the words. Sam looked up and saw him there. Relief and emotions flooded through her and she just couldn't help but burst into tears. Cal threw his arms around her, partly to comfort her but also looking for some himself as he had a feeling worse news was coming. He held her briefly then he asked again.

"What happened? Where's Ethan?" The panic was evident in his voice, the look of fear in his eyes.

"He's in there. He needs us." She said simply, still shaking. Cal took her by the hand and they hurried through the department, past the concerned look of colleagues, who by now knew that Ethan was in resus. Cal flew through the doors of resus, leaving Sam standing by them just staring through the glass, too afraid to go inside. She couldn't bare to hear that they might lose him, that they might give up on him.

Connie and Zoe, who were assessing Ethan, looked up as Cal made his entrance.

"No Cal, you can't be in here." Connie said, worried about him.

"Mrs Beauchamp, please." He said, ignoring the clinical lead and heading towards them.

"Cal its not a good idea. Let us treat him and then you can see him." Zoe said kindly. Cal stopped still on the spot, just staring at his little brother, unable to believe they were here again. Tears filled his eyes, he didn't want his seniors to see him cry, so he turned to leave. Then suddenly he stopped and turned back.

"Do everything you can, we can't lose him, we need him." He said, his voice quiet and wobbling. "I need him." He whispered to himself as he left. He walked back through the doors of resus and leant with his back against the wall for support. Sam looked at him, he looked broken. Timidly she headed towards him.

"Cal?" She said softly. He looked up at her but didn't move.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice barely audible.

"I don't know. One minute we were driving along the motorway, the next there was a massive bang, followed by another and another. I remember hearing breaks, and the bangs. Then it went deathly quiet. It was terrifying Cal." She said as tears started to escape again. Cal hit his fists against the wall and then ran his hands through his hair.

"I can't believe this is happening again." He said through gritted teeth.

"I did what I could to help, but I should have done more." She sobbed. He looked at her, the pain in his eyes reflected in hers. When the sobs subsided, she continued. "I crawled into the back of the car and supported his head and neck to open his airway and try to prevent a c-spine injury. But I should have done more."

"You crawled into the back?"

"Yes, Ethan was unconscious. I got myself out and went to help him, I had to, I can't lose him." She said as another wave of pain went through her back and side. Cal looked at her again, in his panic about Ethan, he'd completely failed to think about her, and how she was feeling having been there.

"Are you ok?" He asked, concerned.

"Yes, I'm just scared. Cal, what's going on in there?" She said taking his hand and squeezing it. They both turned to look through the glass. They saw Zoe doing a FAST scan and shaking her head. Connie was listening to his chest again. Both looked solomn. Charlie was on the phone, then Connie walked across and took the receiver from him and looked cross as she shouted some instructions down the phone. The next thing they knew, Ethan was being wheeled out the other door and towards the CT scanner. Cal ran into resus to speak to Connie and Zoe and get an update.

"We think he's got an intra abdominal bleed, possibly caused by a ruptured spleen. The surgeons are on their way down and he's gone for a head CT. Surgery looks like the next option, Connie has just been demanding they come down and clear theatre space for him now." Zoe explained to him. Zoe looked at the doors, her brow furrowing with concern. "Is Sam OK?" She asked heading out towards her. Cal turned and looked in her direction. Sam was doubled over hasitily breathing through gritted teeth.

"Sam what's wrong?" Zoe said as she opened the doors and left resus. Growing more concerned she called Max over with a wheelchair and they took Sam into cubicles with Cal following behind.

"I'm fine Zoe, just some pain after the accident."

Zoe called Rita over and together they got Sam onto the bed, Rita connected the monitors and did her obs and Zoe was listening to her chest and then wanted to examine her abdomen. Sam looked at Cal, with fear in her eyes, Zoe saw her look and turned to Cal. She misinterpreted this as Sam not wanting Cal to be present so she asked him to wait outside. Cal silently did as he was told.

"Sam, you need to tell Zoe." Rita said.

"Tell me what?" Zoe asked. Sam took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant Zoe, about 9 weeks." Sam said quietly. "But no one knows."

"Right, OK, well, let me examine you and then we'll do an ultrasound and see what's going on. Ok?" Zoe said squeezing her shoulder reassuringly.

Outside Cal was beginning to lose it even more. He had been trying to hold things together but with Ethan in having a head CT and now Sam seemingly at risk of losing the baby, this night could barely get any worse. At that moment he looked up and saw Ethan being taken back to resus. He ran over and into Connie.

"Mrs Beauchamp, what's happening?" He asked urgently.

"The surgeons are coming now Cal. Why don't you go and sit with him for a moment." She smiled slightly at the younger man, the concern and anxiety evident in his face. They had been here before and Connie was regretful for him that it was all happening again. Cal nodded at her and went and stood next to Ethan. They had intubated him now due to a decreasing GCS and potential head injury, that coupled with the fact that he would require emergency surgery, it had seemed the best option. Cal hovvered awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say, despite having been here before. Then suddenly it all came out.

"What have I done this time? Why do you keep punishing me with these dramatics? I get it the first time, it brought us together but things have been good. The flat is even fairly tidy for me." He let out a strained smile. "You have to fight this Ethan, and get better, not just for me but for Sam too, and the...well, we all need you, you're the glue that holds us together. You keep me level, I don't know who I'd be if I didn't have you to keep me grounded. And I'm so grateful to have you in my life, so you see, you can't leave me now." Cal reached out and touched Ethan's hand. Connie smiled to herself hearing his words, she had even realised that over the last 6 months Cal seemed to have done some growing up, and while he still had his moments, he had shown more determination, professionalism and maturity, and he had become a central part of the team. She believed Ethan had had a good influence on his older brother, whether he knew it or not. And she also knew Ethan would never take the credit for Cal being more mature, but even Cal recognised it was partly to do with his brother.


	90. Chapter 90

The Surgeons had now reviewed Ethan and were preparing for him to be taken to theatre. Cal, although terrified, knew this was the only option. He needed surgery to stop the bleed, without it, he would die. Cal felt sick watching him being taken away, he knew Ethan was becoming less stable and his body was struggling and getting weaker.

Sam on the other hand had had bloods taken, she had refused pain relief, and she was waiting for an ultrasound scan, but both Zoe and Rita had had to go and see to other less stable patients. Sam was making herself sick with worry, not only about the baby, but not knowing what was going on with Ethan. She slipped off the bed and went to find out what was happening. She headed towards resus, but Ethan wasn't there, and she couldn't see Cal around either. She headed outside, needing some fresh air, she took her phone out of her pocket and tried to ring Cal, but she didn't get an answer. She left a hurried voicemail asking him to ring her asap. Sam knew she needed some support, so she scrolled through her phone and dialled Ella. She needed a comforting voice, she needed her friend.

"Hello? Sam, what's up?" Came a sleepy but concerned voice from the other end.

"Oh, El." Sam sighed hearing her friends voice, then she started crying. Ella sat upright in bed, shocked at hearing her friend so distressed.

"Sam? Tell me what's happened?" Ella said, much more awake now.

"Ella, Ethan and I were in a car accident, the motorway pile up, Ethan's really hurt, and now they've moved him and I don't know what's going on, and Cal's disappeared and, and I just need you, I need someone." Sam rushed out in a panic.

"Where are you?" Ella said simply.

"I'm at the ED."

"Stay there, I'll be there in a bit." She rung off and rushed to get dressed. 20 minutes later, she left her car in the carpark and ran down to the ED. Sam was still outside, now shivering, partly with the cold but mostly with fear and panic. Ella ran towards her and pulled her into her arms. Sam threw her arms around Ella and sobbed onto her shoulder. Ella soothed her, waiting for her to calm down.

"Shall we go and find out what's happening to Ethan?" She said calmly.

"Wait Ella, there's something I should tell you first." Sam said, looking at her friend.

"What is it?" Ella said, concerned.

"Ella, I'm, well, I'm pregnant, at least I think I still am."

"What? Bloody hell."

"I'm waiting to get a scan, I've had some pain since the crash, no bleeding though so hopefully all is OK."

"Oh Sam." She said hugging her friend. "You know I'm really happy for you, but now doesn't seem the right time to really get excited."

"No, it doesn't. Right now it feels like everything is falling apart." Sam said quietly as she let Ella hold her. "El, we need to find Cal. I'm worried about him, and Ethan."

"I'll try and ring him." Ella said. She tried twice but didn't get an answer. She looked at Sam and shook her head. "Come on, lets go inside and I'll look around for him. Maybe one of your colleagues knows where he is."

They headed inside, Ella clutched Sam's hand supportively. Rita walked towards them.

"Sam, where have you been?" She asked.

"I just needed some air. Rita, where's Ethan?"

"He's gone up to surgery." Rita said, her face serious.

"And Cal?" Sam asked.

"I haven't seen him, I assume he went upstairs with Ethan?" Rita said. She put her hand on Sam's arm. We need to get your scan done soon."

"Please Rita, I need to find Cal and see Ethan first." Sam said nearly at breaking point.

"Ok, but just go steady OK?" Rita smiled.

Meanwhile Cal was sitting upstairs with his head in his hands. His eyes were red and bloodshot. He was caught between despair and anger. He didn't know what to do, he felt lost. He had watched them wheel Ethan into surgery, then Mrs Beauchamp had told him that was his shift done, he wasn't in the state to carry on working and he'd already gone above and beyond his shift. He cursed himself again for his work at the crash site. He realised that it must have been Ethan's car that he had seen smashed up, and he was punishing himself for dismissing it, he should have checked. Maybe if he'd gone over there then Ethan's condition might not have been so serious. Maybe he could have changed things. Jenny had died anyway, he thought, so he had made no difference there, and now he had realised that not only did he fail her, but he had failed his own brother. The tears started to fill in his eyes again, but his anger also built up. He got up, kicking the chair across the room and walking out, he needed to get out, but he needed answers. He stalked off down the corridor back towards the ED. As he walked into reception he stopped when he caught sight of Ella with Sam. He couldn't deal with this now, he carried on walking, but Sam saw him and called out to him.

"Cal! Cal please." Sam said heading after him, reaching out and grabbing his arm. He turned around, but as he did he shook her hand off of his arm. "Cal, what's happening?"

"What's happening? My brother is upstairs having emergency surgery, he could die!" Cal said, his anger rising up, tears threatening to spill. Sam stood shocked, not expecting him to be so obviously angry with her.

"Cal please, I honestly did all I could."

"So why is he up there and you're stood here without a scratch on you?" He didn't really know why he was taking it out on Sam, but he just felt so lost and angry. Sam just stood open mouthed. She didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." Was all she could think to mutter. The pain intensified, and her stomach felt like it was cramping.

"Sorry? You're sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it! Sorry won't help him now!" Cal shouted, his voice raising, causing a few looks from people within the department. Ella headed nearer.

"Cal, come on. Calm down, you know Sam would never do anything to risk hurting Ethan." Ella tried to calm him.

"You can stay out of it, you don't understand." Cal spat out at her.

"Cal, attacking us won't help matters, talk to us, let us help you." Ella said.

"Help? How can you help? He could die, don't you understand!"

"Cal, please." Sam said moving towards him, but he pushed her away, turning and walking out, leaving Ella and Sam standing shocked. Ella looked at Sam, she looked anxious, upset and terrified. Ella squeezed her hand and smiled softly.

"Let me go after him. You go and get your scan done." She said gently. Ella walked towards the door and Sam stood rooted to the spot.

Ella caught up with Cal outside. He was leaning against the wall with his hands on his head looking up at the sky.

"Cal." She did gently. "Cal, come on, its understandable that you're feeling scared. But taking it out on those who are trying to help you isn't going to make things any better." He looked down at her.

"Maybe I don't want your help. Maybe I just want my brother."

"And don't you think Sam wants the same. She's scared too. She witnessed it remember. She needs you as much as you need her."

"I don't need her, I don't need anyone, except the one person who I might not ever see again." Cal said. He stood upright and walked off, out of the hospital site, Ella just stood and watched, not sure what to do. She could tell talking to him was pointless, but she was worried about him. She also knew Sam was terrified and needed her, so she turned back into the ED to find her friend. When she saw Sam, she panicked. Sam was stood white faced, clutching her stomach. Ella ran towards her and put her arms around her. Sam looked at her with fear in her eyes, Ella looked down and saw why. Sam was now bleeding, a small patch of blood showing through on her light jeans. Sam was shaking as Ella walked her towards the nurses station. Rita saw them and when she saw what Ella had seen she rushed them both into the cubicle and hurried off to find Zoe.

Cal only knew one thing right now. He needed a drink. He headed to the 24 hour off license and bought a bottle of whiskey. Taking a few large gulps he was soon feeling slightly more able to gather his thoughts, which was fine until he realised what he needed to do was forget. So he carried on drinking until he was suitably drunk enough to forget. He jumped into a taxi and headed into town, doing the one thing he knew he could do in times of crisis. Get drunk and forget. He headed towards an open pub and went inside. He hudled over the bar cradling his pint, when he caught eyes with a blonde woman across the bar. She smiled at him. At first he looked back at his pint, but when he looked up and she smiled again, he returned the smile. She moved towards him and soon they were chatting, Cal using the opportunity to pretend everything back at the hospital wasn't happening. Before he knew it, the blonde woman was leaning in and kissing him, but by now he was so drunk, he went with it, without thinking, he kissed her back. They got a taxi back to the woman's flat, where he slipped back into old habits, removing their clothes and kissing her all the way to her bed.


	91. Chapter 91

"Ella, I'm scared." Sam admitted as she clutched her friend's hand. She had changed into a hospital gown and Zoe was bringing the ultrasound machine in to do the emergency scan. "Ethan should be here." She whispered sadly.

"I know hon, but he will see it next time, OK?" Ella squeezed her hand reassuringly as she tried to keep positive, though deep down she knew there was a good chance there wouldn't be a next time.

"Mr Thompson is on his way down, but I'll get started, ok?" Zoe said as she squeezed some gel onto Sam's abdomen and Sam subconsciously held her breath. She laid her head back and closed her eyes, not daring to look. Zoe moved the probe around and it felt like an age until she spoke.

"You said you thought you were about 9 weeks Sam?" Zoe asked, looking up. Sam could only manage a nod in response. Zoe continued to move the probe around, having a good look.

"It's bad news isn't it Zoe?" Sam eventually said quietly. Before Zoe could answer, a familiar face appeared around the curtain, announcing himself with a verbal "knock knock" and Zoe called him through. It was "Mr T" the gynae consultant. He introduced himself to Sam and Ella, and then peered at the screen.

"So I understand there has been some trauma, and you've had some cramping and pain followed by a bleed?" He asked.

"Yes." Sam said. "When you put it like that, the whole thing sounds like a fruitless exercise to hope for a good outcome."

"You know what they say, it ain't over until Mr T sings." He smiled, trying to put her at ease. Mr T took over from Zoe and they spoke in hushed tones with Zoe pointing out what she had seen on the monitor and Mr T nodding solomnly at her. Sam saw and gripped Ella's hand even tighter as a single tear slipped down her cheek. She knew it was bad news, she could feel it. She had lost their baby. Tonight could be the night she loses everything. Ethan was in theatre fighting for his life, Cal had gone off the rails and she had lost the baby. She couldn't get anything right. Then Mr T spoke.

"Sam, we have a bit of good and bad news. The good news is that baby at the moment seems to be fine, there's a good strong heartbeat, and it looks good. Of course, the scan can only tell us what's happening right now, so that's not to say you're completely out of the woods."

"Right," Sam said letting out a breath. "But what's the bad news?" She asked, confused.

"The bad news is that it seems the other baby wasn't so lucky."

"Other baby? You mean?"

"Yes, it looks like you were carrying twins."

"Twins?" Sam repeated in shock. She looked wide eyed at Ella. "Wow, I-I don't know how to feel, or what to say." Sam admitted. After a short pause she asked: "So what happens now?"

"In view of the trauma, and the bleed, I would like to admit you for monitoring and rest, from what I hear, if I send you home, then you're not likely to rest. Do you want to have a look at baby?"

"No." Sam shook her head, and Mr T looked surprised. "I mean I do, but I want to share it with my partner, I want us to see the baby for the first time together."

"Ok." He smiled, removing the probe and wiping the gel off of Sam's stomach. "Right I will go and organise the bed and we'll get you up our way as soon as we can." He smiled as he left the cubicle.

"Do I need to stay in Zoe? I should be with Ethan." Sam said, worried. "And I need to find Cal."

"Yes you do Sam, and Ethan will be in theatre, so he won't be awake until the early hours anyway, so you wouldn't be able to see him, so you might as well go and get some rest and not risk this little baby. That's what you need to do for Ethan right now, keep that baby safe." She smiled.

"But Cal?"

"I'll go and find Cal." Ella said. "Stop worrying and do as you're told for once!" Ella smiled but gave her a stern look.

"Ok, but Zoe, can you or Mrs Beauchamp find out what's going on with Ethan and get me an update, so far no one has told me anything."

"No problem. You know why he's in theatre though don't you."

"No, I don't know anything."

"Ok, so he had a massive intra abdominal bleed, we think likely caused by a ruptured spleen, so they've taken him to theatre to have a look and to try and stop the bleed though he still might need a splenectomy." Zoe explained.

"Oh my God." Sam breathed, holding back the tears.

"Don't worry, I'll get us an update. You stay in that bed and don't move, OK?" Zoe said firmly, but smiling at her as she headed off to find Connie.

Zoe returned to say that Connie had gone upstairs to get an update as the only thing they could get on the phone was that he was still in surgery. She had also heard that the antenatal ward were ready for Sam.

"Ella, you should get yourself home, you need to rest too." Sam said. "But I'm so grateful for you dropping everything to come and support me." Sam smiled.

"What are friends for." Ella smiled back. "And hey, congratulations by the way!" She finished, leaning in to hug Sam and giving her a kiss on the cheek. Sam clung tightly onto her friend, still feeling very scared and anxious, but she knew she had to be extra strong now, for everyone.

Ella left her friend at the hospital and headed home. She couldn't deny it, she was knackered, but she also had someone else on her mind, someone that she was really worried about. She pulled out her phone and sent a message to Cal.

Across town, Cal was with the woman, they had made it to her bedroom, he was topless and she was in her bra and jeans and they were kissing. She pushed him down onto the bed and he heard his phone go. He pulled it out of his pocket, initially thinking he would turn it off, but then he saw it was a message from Ella and he felt a pang of guilt. It suddenly occurred to him what he was doing, he was going to ruin everything, everything he had worked hard to prove he wasn't anymore, in this moment he was about to do it all over again, all because he didn't have any other way of coping. All his adult life he had run away from his problems, escaping them with alcohol and women, and he was falling back into that trap again. He ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes as he felt the woman kissing his neck, tracing her hands down his torso, heading towards the waistband of his trousers.

Zoe wheeled Sam up to the antenatal ward, and took her via theatres, hoping to bump into Connie to see if there was an update. They found her coming out of theatre and she smiled when she saw them.

"Connie, what's the news?" Zoe asked. Sam sat quietly keeping everything crossed.

"Yes, he's OK. There were two sources of bleeding, they managed to stop one but there was a large splenic rupture causing the worst of it so they did have to perform a splenectomy, but it was a success." Connie explained. "He's being monitored in recovery now, but he's stable."

Both Zoe and Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mrs Beauchamp, is there any possibility that I can see him? Just very briefly?" Sam asked. Connie smiled a her.

"Let's see. Come with me." The three of them went back through the doors and Connie had a quick word with the charge nurse and explained the situation. He agreed if they were very quick and quiet that Sam could see Ethan. Zoe pushed her through towards the bed where he lay recovering. Connie headed back downstairs and Zoe waited just outside. Sam clutched Ethan's hand and placed a small kiss on it.

"Oh Ethan, you've had us so worried." She whispered, still holding his hand. "I just need you to get better darling. This baby and I need you, and Cal needs you; I'm worried about him. I just need you to get better. I was so scared I was going to lose you. I can't ever lose you, you're my world. I love you so much." She squeezed his hand. "And I promise I'll do what I can to look after our baby until you're well enough to nag me again. I nearly lost it, but I won't let you down, and I can't wait for us to see it together for the first time. Now you rest and get better and always remember that I love you." She kissed his hand again and nodded towards Zoe. As Zoe wheeled her out she thanked the nurse for letting her in, and Zoe took her to the antenatal ward. Sam lay awake for a while, thinking things over, she pulled out her phone, still having heard nothing from Cal since he walked off. She sent him a message to say Ethan was out of theatre and things had gone as well as possible, and eventually she drifted off to sleep, completely exhausted by the days events.

Cal woke up. He looked at his watch, 6am, he was still half drunk. Slowly he lifted his head off the pillow as the memories of yesterday came flooding back to him. He remembered the accident, being at the scene, losing Jenny, Ethan going for surgery, he remembered shouting at Sam and Ella, though he didn't know why, or what he had said, and then he had got very drunk and, oh God he didn't did he? He couldn't have cheated on Ella? He looked across at the empty space in his bed and breathed a sigh of relief. He was in his own bed, and it hadn't been slept in by anyone other than him. There were no clothes strewn all over the floor, and he had fallen asleep fully clothed. Groggily, he reached for his phone and looked back at the messages. He had had a message from Ella to check if he was OK, he cringed when he looked and saw a drunken reply to her that didn't really make sense, but he got the gist of what he had been trying to say; that he was sorry and he really liked her, but he wasn't good at coping. Then he realised he had another message late last night, from Sam, to say Ethan was out of surgery and it had gone as well as could be expected. He felt a pang of guilt at what he had put her through, he really wasn't supportive of her having gone through what she did. He would try and speak to her today and apologise.


	92. Chapter 92

Cal felt terrible, physically and mentally. Hungover and emotionally drained. He needed to get back to the hospital for Ethan. He plugged his phone in to charge, then dragged himself to the kitchen and made a coffee; his hand was shaking as he carried it through to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and stood for a while under the hot blast of water while he sipped his coffee and reflected on the previous day's events.

Everything had been going really well, he was in a great mood after a great weekend with Ella, he was efficiently treating patients without too much hassle but then that call came and it had all gone wrong. He headed out to the crash site, remembering being shocked by the chaos and carnage. He remembered looking at the cars, some that were really damaged beyond recognition. Then he remembered that he saw Ethan's car, though he didn't believe it was at the time. Now he thought about it, did he maybe even see Ethan in the car? Slumped over the steering wheel perhaps. He couldn't really recall. Then there was Jenny. If he was truly honest, Jenny had reminded him of an old school girlfriend, it was bizarre how similar they looked. It had affected him as he felt like he was treating a figure from his past. Then he had done everything he could think of to try and save her, and her leg, and he had promised to look after her and that he would do everything he could to keep her safe. He hadn't. She had died anyway. He knew he shouldn't have promised that, but he wanted to reassure her and keep her calm. He remembered seeing the fear in her eyes. But what if he hadn't gone into hospital with her, what if he had stayed at the crash site. He could have found Ethan, and helped get him out. But would that really have changed the outcome. The splenic rupture would have happened on impact, but maybe if they had recognised that quicker, got him out and into hospital quicker, things wouldn't have been so desperate. The truth is, he felt guilty, guilty in the knowledge that he had unknowingly seen Ethan's car and guilty that he had not been there to help his little brother when he needed him.

But then he had thought about Sam, and the baby, how she was struggling too, frightened, in pain and alone. He should have been there to support her, that's what Ethan would have wanted. Instead he'd shouted at her and pushed her away. Of course, he knew it was his fear and panic, his usual knee-jerk reaction, but would she understand that? Would she ever forgive him? And what if something had gone wrong, what if she was more injured than first though, what if she had compromised herself, or the baby, just for Ethan. She had risked so much more for Ethan than Cal had, and he had reacted by shouting at her and telling her she didn't understand. He wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to speak to him again. And he couldn't bare to think about anything happening to the baby, especially if he hadn't been there for her in Ethan's necessary absence. Perhaps that's why she had called Ella in, for support where he had failed.

Oh God, Ella. What had he done there. Stupid, stupid idiot. He had done his usual, turned to alcohol when he couldn't cope, alcohol and ego massaging by women. He'd been trying so hard to prove he had changed, but he hadn't at all. The first signs things had got tough, he'd hit the bottle and gone on the pull. Although, now he thought about it, he didn't actually go out to pull. He just needed to forget. That's what he had been doing, trying to forget how frightened and helpless he felt. She had come onto him, but then he hadn't resisted, so he was just as guilty. Why had he done it? He didn't want to, it was just easy to go along with it. But now he thought about it, he had gone back to her flat, with the intention of having sex, but he didn't. Ella's text came through just at the crucial moment, and he had pulled away. He'd hurried out, making his excuses before he could go any further. Ok, so he wasn't completely innocent, but Ella had stopped him going through with it. If only that would be enough to salvage things, but he wasn't sure. He still felt like his life was spiralling out of control, like the water running down the plughole.

He scrubbed his skin with some minty shower gel to try and wake himself up and make him feel less like death, and drained the last of his coffee. Then, turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist while he cleaned his teeth. His mouth tasted foul, so he cleaned them again and used a load of mouthwash. He quickly dressed, grabbed his phone, wallet and keys and headed straight back to the hospital. First he needed an update on Ethan, then he had some important things to do. He had to try and salvage his relationships with those he cared about and try to sort out his life.


	93. Chapter 93

Cal ran straight up the stairs to find the ward where he was told Ethan was. He pushed his way through the doors and scanned down the list of names on the board to find Ethan's bed. One of the nurses pointed him in the right direction and he headed through. His steps faltered as he saw someone else sat by Ethan's bed. Sam was there, he noticed she looked tired and anxious. Then he realised she was wearing a hospital gown. The guilt kicked in again. Had something happened. He headed forward and as he got nearer she looked up. She had been holding Ethan's hand but as she caught sight of Cal she guiltily dropped it.

"Cal." She said quietly. "I've been worried about you, where have you been?"

"Sam. I'm really sorry." He said, looking ashamed. "Truly, I know I acted like a total..."

"Arse, yes you did. But strangely, I get it." She looked at him. "You look rough. Heavy night was it?" Cal looked at her, guilt written all over his face.

"I know, I didn't deal with it at all well, I wish I could make you see how sorry I am."

"You don't need to apologise to me, I'm just grateful you're here and you're safe."

"Sam, what's happened?"

"Didn't you get my message? The surgery went well, aparently he was awake earlier, but the anaesthetic, painkillers and sedatives are still keeping him drowsy."

"Sam, I mean you." Cal interrupted. "I did get your message, but why are you...you know?" He nodded to indicate the hospital gown.

"I was admitted for observation and rest." Sam said looking back at Ethan. Silence fell between the pair. Cal wanted to ask about the baby, but he was too afraid, he couldn't bare to hear something had happened and he wasn't there. Eventually, he broke the silence.

"I'm really sorry I pushed you away, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"You don't need to worry about me, its Ethan that needs you, but I think you need him just as much, and that's why it frightened you when you thought you could lose him." Sam said kindly. He looked at her, he knew she had him sussed. "Cal, you can trust me you know, I mean it when I say I care about you, you've been a good friend to me, you should let me in, you don't have to put up an act with me, I'd never think bad of you." Cal felt even more guilty with Sam being so kind and understanding.

"I _was_ scared, and angry. I was there, at the crash site, but I didn't see you, I didn't help you." Cal admitted.

"Cal, it wouldn't have changed anything, if the paramedics had felt you were needed then they would have got you. Ethan is safe now, lets just take it from here, you can't change what happened, lets not punish ourselves about it."

"I guess you're right." Cal shrugged.

"You know, Ethan once told me that your coping mechanism was to laugh, and if you couldn't do that then you'd run away and get drunk, and then usually end up making a fool of yourself."

"Yeah, and I thought I'd grown up a bit lately, I guess I proved him right and myself wrong last night."

"Ella was here, and she was worried, she would have supported you too. Cal you need to let people in." Cal felt terrible at the mention of Ella. He changed the subject back to Ethan.

"So have they said any more about Ethan's condition?"

"No, just that he's stable. Technically I'm not family or next of kin so they won't say much more to me." She said sadly. She stroked his hand again and stood up. "I best get back to the ward before they come looking for me. Cal, will you keep me updated please?"

"Of course I will." He smiled. Sam turned to leave and Cal called after her. "Sam, make sure you rest." He said, still too fearful to ask what he wanted to. She smiled slightly but sadly at him and left. Cal sat down next to Ethan and waited. Then, knowing he could be in for a long wait, he went to the canteen get some coffee. When he returned, there was a nurse with Ethan taking his blood pressure, and Ethan was awake. When he saw Cal he smiled.

"Hey Ethan, how are you feeling?" Cal asked as he sat back down, relief washing through him.

"Sore, and tired." Ethan admitted.

"Ethan, I can't believe I nearly lost you again." Cal said when the nurse left.

"There's no need to be so dramatic Cal." Ethan said trying to make light of it.

"Dramatic? Me? Coming from the one who repeatedly needs to throw himself under cars for attention." Cal tried to laugh. Then he realised he was doing it again. Laughing to avoid his feelings. "Sam was here earlier. She's really worried about you too."

"Oh, right." Was all Ethan said. He looked a bit confused. "Did she have to go back to work?"

"No." Cal said frowning. "She's on the ward, they admitted her for observation."

"Observation, OK." He nodded. "Observation for what?"

"Well, she was in the accident too."

"Was she? Is she OK?" He said worried.

"Yes, I think so. Ethan do you not remember what happened?" Cal said worried. Ethan screwed up his face as if he was trying to remember.

"Not really. I guess I'm tired." He brushed aside Cal's worry, but Cal just looked at him. Then the nurse came back with Ethan's medication. He took it and laid back down and closed his eyes. Cal headed across to the nurses station and spoke to the nurse looking after Ethan.

"He seems confused. He doesn't remember what happened." Cal said, obviously worried.

"Yes, he does have some slight amnesia, but the doctor said with his head injury, this is normal and he didn't expect it to last."

"Head injury?" Cal asked, confused. "I thought he had a splenic rupture?"

"He did, but he also took a blow to the head, his CT showed a cerebral contusion."

"A cerebral contusion, why didn't I know this before?"

"You weren't here to tell when they got the scan results. We couldn't tell his girlfriend as technically she isn't next of kin." The nurse said regretfully. "The doctors will be around soon, they can explain it in more detail with you. But we fully expect things to settle over the next 24 to 48 hours."

"Ok, thanks." Cal said quietly, heading back towards Ethan's bed. A cerebral contusion with memory loss Cal thought to himself. He needed Cal's help more then ever. He went and sat back next to his brother and watched him sleep, sighing as he thought of his next move. He needed to speak to Ella. He got out his phone and text her to see if they could talk. He couldn't decide whether he should come clean or just pretend last night didn't happen. He was fairly confident he could get away with not telling her, but he knew if they were going to move forward, then they couldn't base everything on a lie, and if it came out at a later date it would be so much worse. Looking back at Ethan, it was clear he needed his rest, so Cal headed off to find out where Sam was. He needed to tell her what had happened and for Ethan's sake, he needed to find out what was happening.

Sam smiled gratefully when she saw Cal heading towards her. She was back in bed resting as instructed. She sat up slowly, still in a bit of discomfort.

"Hey," he smiled. "Ethan woke up briefly but he went back tomsleep so I thought I'd come and check on you." Cal said sheepishly.

"Sit down, don't be scared." Sam smiled.

"So honestly, how are you feeling?" Cal asked concerned.

"I'm OK Cal, just a bit of bruising and whiplash. Nothing a bit of rest won't sort out."

"And , the baby?" He breather nervously.

"The baby is OK at the moment." She smiled as he breathed out a huge sigh of relief. Sam took his hand. "Cal, its OK, I will be careful. How is Ethan?"

"Well, it turns out he has a cerebral contusion-"

"What?!" Sam exclaimed.

"Apparently the CT scan showed a cerebral contusion, and he has a bit of memory loss and confusion. Don't worry." He hurried out seeing Sam's horrified look. "They expect things to gradually return over the next 24 to 48 hours."

"What doesn't he remember?" Sam asked worried.

"He didn't seem to remember you being in the accident. But I wonder if he's confusing it with his last car accident. He thought you weren't there when he woke because you'd gone back to work."

"Oh God, poor Ethan. I guess at least he remembers who I am. Does he remember the baby?" She asked quietly.

"I honestly don't know, we didn't really talk before he went back to sleep. Please don't worry, I'm sure it will all settle down and come back to him. I'm sorry they didn't tell you."

"I understand Cal, we know what it's like." Suddenly, she looked past his shoulder and smiled. Ella was stood there. She was working but had popped in quickly to check on Sam. Cal turned around and felt his stomach lurch, he wasn't expecting to see her, he jumped up from his chair quickly.

"Hi." She smiled at Sam, "I just wanted to check how you were this morning?"

"I'm OK, just tired and sore." Sam replied.

"And you had us worried, Mr." Ella smiled at Cal.

"Yes I know, I'm really sorry." He said guiltily.

"Well, we can talk about that later can't we." She smiled, squeezing his arm. "Any news on Ethan?"

"He's woken up briefly, but he's tired and a bit confused." Sam said. "I'm sure he'll be fine again soon."

"I've got to run, I'm on the way to collect some drugs from the pharmacy." She smiled. "I'll catch up later, OK?"

"Thanks El." Sam smiled as she headed off again.

"Cal, when you go back to Ethan, will you see if he remembers about me and the baby?" She asked nervously.

"Of course I will, but I'm sure he will remember. Don't worry. I'll let you rest and I'll try and come back later, yeah?" Cal smiled.

"Thanks Cal." Sam smiled. Cal gave her a hug and left her to rest, heading back to Ethan's bedside.


	94. Chapter 94

It was just past supper time when Cal had a message from Ella. She had just finished work, and was texting to see if he was still at the hospital. They arranged to meet outside so Cal could get some fresh air, and Ella brought them down a coffee. She handed his to him and planted a small kiss on his lips.

"So, is there any change with Ethan?" She asked with concern while sipping her coffee.

"He's OK, just quite sleepy and confused still. But things seem to be settling, he's just a bit hazy and confused about the accident." Cal said, evidently still worried about his brother.

"I'm sure he'll be OK." Ella tried to soothe him. She took hold of his hand and stroked her thumb across it as they sat together on the bench in silence for a while.

"Ella, what happened with Sam yesterday?" Cal asked eventually.

"Well, she phoned me in a state because she was scared and in pain, she couldn't find you and she didn't know what was happening with Ethan. She was in a mess. Then after you'd walked off, I went back inside and she looked worse, and that was when we realised she'd had a bleed."

"A bleed?" Cal's head shot up. "But she said the baby was fine."

"Relax, the baby is fine, she just needs to rest and be careful after the accident. It was a close call, but hopefully all will be OK." Ella said, being careful not to reveal too much until Sam was ready. Ethan was the one who needed to hear first. Besides, Cal had enough to worry about.

"Is it my fault? I shouted at her." Cal said, his voice filled with regret.

"No Cal. The stress wouldn't have helped, but she was already under immense pressure before you lost it. This is not your fault."

"I'm sorry Ella, I was wrong to speak to you the way I did, I was just absolutely terrified that I was going to lose him."

"I know you were, I just wish you'd have let me support you."

"I know, I'm sorry." He looked at the floor. Silence fell between them again while he thought about how to go ahead. "Ella, I really wasn't myself yesterday. I'm ashamed of the way I acted, I panicked and I'm aware that my fear didn't bring out the best in me. I was stupid and irresponsible." He looked up at her. She looked wide eyed at him, feeling sorrow and pity for him, a look that made her look vulnerable. He cursed himself for what he had done to her.

"Cal, you're beating yourself up way too much over this." Ella said. He looked sadly at her.

"Ella, I did something stupid."

"What do you mean?" She almost whispered, feeling confused. Her stomach was tied up in knots wondering what he was talking about.

"When I left here yesterday I went and got very drunk, I picked up a small bottle of whiskey and pretty much downed it. Then I went into a pub in town, and I was having a beer at the bar. I just wanted to forget everything, and being drunk helped that. Anyway, this woman approached me and before I knew it we were kissing, I didn't know what I was doing, but I ended up back at hers. We didn't do anything, well we kissed, but then you text me and I came to my senses and I left. I'm so sorry, really, I never wanted to hurt you, I was just being drunk and completely stupid, you have to believe how much I like you and and how much you mean to me." He was almost too scared to stop talking, as it would mean he would have to hear her tell him how much he had let her down and hurt her. He looked at her cautiously out of the corner of his eye, she just sat staring forward into space. Cal looked at her properly. He reached out to touch her hand, but she moved and ran her hands through her hair. "Ella." He said softly. She looked at him, and he could see the tears shining in her eyes, the hurt expression on her face. It tore him up inside.

"I can't believe it." She whispered. "I just can't believe it. I feel so stupid. I was at home worrying about you, and you were with someone else." She muttered in shock.

"But I couldn't go through with it. I was in a mess Ella, you have to believe me." He pleaded.

"I just don't know what to believe Cal." Ella sighed sadly, almost too tired and shocked to really let out her emotions. "Who was she?"

"I really don't know."

"Why, Cal?"

"I was drunk, I don't know, I just completely lost the plot. I know there is no excuse good enough to justify what I've done to you, I just hope you can see it in you to give me another chance to prove how much you mean to me."

"I don't know Cal, I need to think."

"I'm so sorry." He said a look of sadness and desperation in his eyes. "Please forgive me." Ella turned square on to look at him.

"I'm in two minds here Cal, I don't know what to do. One the one hand, I really do care about you and I understand that you really weren't yourself yesterday. But on the other hand, you've hurt me, and made a fool out of me, and I just don't know how I feel about that. You've caught me by surprise here. I think I just need to think about this." She stood up and walked a few paces then she turned back. "Cal, I'm going to go and see Sam and make sure she's OK. Why don't you go and see Ethan, and we can meet up in and hour and talk?"

"Ok." He whispered, nodding. He sat and watched her walk back into the hospital.


	95. Chapter 95

Ella headed up to where Sam was still resting. Her blood pressure had been high and she was still getting cramps so they were keeping her in for longer, she was also getting some IV fluids as her bloods had shown she was still dehydrated, and she had been forced to confess the level of sickness she had been experiencing. She was just nibbling at a sandwich, and finishing a cup of tea, when Ella appeared, looking tired with bloodshot eyes.

"El? What's wrong?" Sam asked, worried, instantly recognising something was wrong with her friend.

"Nothing, I just came to check on you." Ella lied, her voice wobbling.

"Ella, don't lie to me, I can see you're not right. What's happened?" Sam asked kindly, patting the space on the bed beside her. Ella perched on the bed and looked at Sam, seeing her friend's kind and concerned look, coupled with the fact that after a late night and long day at work and the bombshell she had just received, she started to cry. Sam put her arm around her and pulled her onto her shoulder, making soothing noises as her friend cried. It wasn't like Ella to show such raw emotions, she usually held onto them well, so seeing her friend like this worried Sam.

"Come on hon, talk to me." Sam urged.

"Oh Sam, its all gone wrong. I knew I shouldn't have let myself fall for him." She sniffed.

"Tell me what happened." Sam said, fearing the worst already.

* * *

Cal sat on the bench for a few more minutes after Ella had disappeared. He knew he'd screwed up big time, and he hated himself for it. For once his lothario ways had caught up with him and played a negative influence on his future, he was finally having to face the consequences. Taking a deep breath he stood up and headed back towards Ethan. He felt like he needed his brother more than ever now. He was pleased to see Ethan had woken up and was sitting up slightly in bed. Ethan smiled when he saw Cal coming back, although when he saw the look on his big brother's face, he grew concerned.

"How are you doing Ethan?" Cal asked, slumping down in the chair next to his bed.

"I'm OK, feeling a little more back to myself. I'd say I'm better than you by the looks of things."

"Yeah." Cal said distracted.

"Are you ok Cal? Maybe you should go home and rest? You look tired."

"I can't, I have to wait to see if I still have a chance with Ella." He mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked, frowning.

"I went out and got really drunk last night and I ended up kissing someone else." He explained. Ethan sighed and shook his head.

"I'd say you're an idiot, but clearly you know that. Why did you do it Cal?"

"Well I couldn't disappoint you could I? I have to do something to let you down!" Cal snapped, but feeling instantly guilty for taking it out on his brother.

"Cal." Ethan gave him 'that look'.

"I don't know. I was freaked out, worried about you, I just needed to get out and forget everything, but I went too far. I think I really blew it Ethan."

"So what happens now?"

"She's talking to Sam, we're going to talk in an hour. I asked for her to forgive me, but I haven't really got a lot of hope, she was already doubtful because of my reputation. Why am I such a screw up Ethan? When will I get something right?"

"When you learn to deal with things like a normal adult, and not by running away and hiding like a kid." Ethan said honestly. In truth, the comment hit Cal like a bullet to the chest, but he knew his brother was right. It was time to grow up. Whether Ella gave him another chance or not, things really needed to change. He needed to change, and this would be his final wake up call.

* * *

When Ella stopped sniffling, she explained to Sam what Cal had told her.

"...So he assured me that they didn't sleep together, they just kissed, but he went back to hers, so the intention was there. He would have done it if I hadn't text him to see if he was OK. So part of me thinks he really doesn't care about me that much, but then we know what a mess he was in yesterday, so maybe you could excuse some outrageous behaviour in some respects. But then when it comes down to simple facts, he cheated. I'm so confused." Ella finished, arguing the points with herself.

"What an idiot." Sam sighed when Ella had finished. She had listened intently, allowing Ella the time she needed to speak her mind. "He's really into you and he goes and does something so foolish when he was desperately trying to prove he had changed. And you know, I really believed he had. I still believe you would be good together, but you have to be able to trust him, and it sounds like you already had doubts about him."

"But those doubts were only founded on old work gossip, gossip that seemed so out of date compared to the Cal I was getting to know. The Cal I spent this weekend with was so different. Yesterday morning was amazing, and then that night, well he was nearly sleeping with someone else. I just don't get it."

"You don't get it because you're not someone who has a self-sabotage panic button. Cal just doesn't know how to manage his emotions. In his mind he has to come across as strong and independent and that makes him look cocky, but he has a vulnerable side, and when that threatens to show, he panics and throws himself into drink and it always used to go along with girls, and it seems being that drunk made him slip into old bad habits."

"I guess so." Ella sniffed quietly.

"I guess I recognise his behavior because I do something similar, although I usually bury my head in the sand by working and trying to pretend it isn't happening, and I think I've learnt to handle things better then he does, he just needs support and guidance to try and change the behavior."

Ella sat in silence considering what Sam had said. Then, letting out a sigh, she continued.

"I really like him Sam, what do I do?"

"Only you can make that decision."

"Wouldn't it make me look weak if I gave him another chance? If I gave him the benefit of the doubt?"

"Who would know?"

"He would, _we_ would. Would he respect me if he thought I'd take him back after that?"

"If you made it clear that he has one more chance to prove it. If you look at it from an early stage perspective. You've not been seeing each other long, and Cal was still hopping about one night stands until just before he met you, but I don't think he's had one since you came on the scene. That to me speaks volumes. But he might be excused for slipping into that habit with his emotional state yesterday, but he _has_ to know that you won't accept this excuse again. And besides that, if he dares hurt my friend again I'll come down on him so hard he won't know what's hit him." Sam smiled, and Ella let out a small laugh.

"I guess you're right. Maybe. I don't know. I just don't know what I think."

"I guess I'm looking at this in time terms. It's not like he's thrown away a solid 5 year relationship on a one night stand, that's not to say it doesn't hurt, but have you even had the talk about where things are headed?"

"He's made it clear he wanted to be with me, but I guess I was a little unsure at first, but after this weekend I could see it working."

"But did you tell him that?"

"No, I haven't." Ella admitted, realising where Sam was coming from.

"Well do you think maybe he was feeling so vulnerable at the thought of losing his brother, and feeling unsure about how you felt about him that he didn't really know where he stood? Maybe he just felt totally lost?" Sam asked. Ella just looked at her and sighed.

"Maybe. I guess I've got some thinking to do haven't I?"

* * *

Cal was already waiting outside when Ella returned. She was a little late as she had been walking around the carpark thinking. He was concerned that she might not even turn up to see him. He let out a nervous sigh when he saw her coming, and stood up anxiously. She approached him with a heavy heart, she could see the anxiety and pain in his eyes, actually it was written all over his face, even his body language looked like someone downtrodden and defeated. She couldn't help herself, maybe it was the nurse in her, she just wanted to hold him and make it all better for him, but she knew she couldn't. She stood in front of him looking at him in silence.

Cal knew it was going to be bad news, he could feel it coming. He suspected that with her seeking solidarity in Sam that they would have been plotting his demise, girls together bringing down the man. Although he recognised that actually after what he had done he probably didn't deserve a second chance. He looked at her and could see the hurt and pain in her eyes, hurt and pain all caused by him. He couldn't believe he had messed this up in one stupid action, after it had all been going so well.

"Cal." Ella said gently, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Cal, lets sit down." She said guiding him down onto the bench by pulling his arm.

"Ella-" Cal started but she shushed him.

"Cal, you have to let me speak. I need to get this out before you cloud my judgement with more apologies and excuses."

"Ok, sorry." He nodded quietly.

"I-I really care about you Cal, but I can't have you hurting me and making a fool out of me. And if it got out, what you did last night, well it already hurt, and I'd look a fool for taking you back."

"Ella, please, I'm really so-"

"Sorry. Yes I know you are Cal. But when I was just starting to believe that we could really be something, this has really knocked me. But I've had a think Cal, and I know you weren't you last night, I could see how scared you were. And I've had a chat with Sam, and she's put a few things clear in my head."

"I bet she did." He muttered.

"Actually Cal she was on your side." Ella said as Cal's head shot up in surprise.

"On my side?"

"She explained about your coping mechanism, and how you used to bury your problems with drink and women, but that it had all but stopped since I came on the scene. She also made me realise that I hadn't been honest with you about my feelings when you had made it clear you liked me, I tried to keep you at arms distance to avoid getting hurt, only all I did was make you think I didn't care, so that probably left you feeling even more alone and vulnerable."

Cal considered this for a moment; even he hadn't realised his insecurities with Ella clearly not trusting him or letting him in. He was shocked how well Sam could read him.

"You need to learn a new coping mechanism Cal. You need to learn how to deal with your feelings and emotions without running away and without getting drunk and behaving like a child."

"That what Ethan all but said. And I know you're both right."

"You need to realise that it's OK to have emotions and feelings, its OK to admit you're scared, but you have to deal with it properly, this won't work anymore, not if you want to be with me." Cal's head shot up again and he looked at her in the eye. She held his gaze. "If you let me in Cal, I'll help you, I'll be there for you, support you, just as I would have last night if you'd let me."

"So you mean-"

"You have to understand some things though Cal. You need to realise I'm only forgiving you here because I know what a state you were in last night and that you weren't thinking straight. Also the fact that you were honest with me helps your case. I realise you could have easily lied and pretended it didn't happen and I might not have ever found out, but your honesty has done you some credit. However, don't think these are excuses to do it again and that you will get away with it. There will be no third chance." Ella stopped and let her words sink in, waiting for him to speak.

"Ella, I'm really truly sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to. I really care about you, I know I had a funny way of showing it, but I promise if we move on from this I won't do it again. I'll work on my issues and I'll let you in."

"Cal, its going to take a bit of work, a bit of time, but I think you're worth the investment." She smiled slightly at the end and took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "Just don't make me regret my decision."


	96. Chapter 96

Cal and Ella decided they both needed a good rest, so after wishing each other a simple good night, they headed off in separate directions. Cal stopped and secretly watched Ella leave the hospital there as someone else he needed to speak to but he couldn't if Ella was heading there. He sighed as she disappeared off into the distance and then took out his phone and text Sam asking if he could come up and talk. Of course, she replied yes, as she knew they would have had their talk and she wasn't sure which way Ella was going. Also, she had heard nothing from Ethan. She had foolishly tried to message him but assumed it was likely his phone had been lost or broken in the wreckage. But she desperately wanted an update on his condition. Cal quietly headed in and sat down next to Sam's bed. She looked at him trying to work out what had happened, but it wasn't clear.

"So?" She asked him, raising her eyebrows expectantly, then her expression softened. "Cal, what's happened? You look terrible."

"I feel terrible." He said simply. Sam assumed in that moment that Ella had walked away, and told him where to stick his apology probably knowing Ella. "The hangover and lack of sleep on top of the worry and stress, I feel like I could just give up. But then that's the problem isn't it? I don't seem to have the fight to come through these things. I'm too much of a coward." He admitted sadly, tears pricking at his eyes.

"Cal, you're not a coward, and I think with the amount of crap that you just had rain down on you in 24 hours, anyone could excuse you for wanting to run and hide."

"But its got to stop. I know that, everyone I care about has told me that. I guess I just need help to do it."

"I'm here Cal, I'll help you, you know how much you mean to me, I want you to be happy, and you're not going to be until you stop sabotaging every chance you get."

"I know." He nodded sadly.

"So is it over?" Sam asked gently. "With you and Ella?"

"No, somehow she decided to give me another chance, but I really have to work at proving to her how much she is starting to mean to me."

"Oh Cal." Sam smiled. "I'm really pleased, I do believe you two will be good together."

"I guess I have you to thank for her giving me the chance as well." He looked at her with a small smile.

"I didn't tell her to do that, I just talked her through why you might have done what you did. Tried to make her look at the whole picture, beyond how hurt she was."

"Yes, and if you hadn't done that, she probably would have told me where to go. And I know it must have been hard for you to stand up for me when I did something so stupid, and hurt your friend, so I just wanted to say thank you and that I'm really grateful."

"Yes well, just you make sure you treat her right this time, or next time I will kill you in your sleep!" She laughed and he chuckled too.

"Sam, Ella told me about the bleed too." He looked at her and she stiffened, wondering exactly what Ella had revealed.

"It's fine, when they checked after, the baby was fine."

"I know, but I'm really sorry you had to go through that alone, Ethan couldn't be there, so I should have stepped up and been the man instead of running away. I'm really sorry."

"Cal, its OK, we all need to move past the last 24 hours. They've not been easy for any of us."

"But you were alone and scared, and I'm just really sorry I wasn't there for you." A tear escaped and he brushed it aside.

"Cal, come here." Sam said holding her arms out. He sat next to her and she pulled him in for a hug. It was a hug he greatly needed at the moment and she recognised this. "Cal, I love you, you know that?" She whispered into his ear as they embraced. He sniffed again the tears falling more freely now. Then Sam realised she was crying too. He looked at her and wiped her tears away.

"I love you too Sam, you're the best thing to happen to my brother and me in a long time, and I'm so grateful for that." He said as they hugged again, both comfortable in the knowledge that the love they shared in their friendship would get them through this. As they pulled apart and looked at each other, Sam bit her lip nervously. She had to ask.

"Cal, how is Ethan? They wont let me see him while I'm on the drip. And they want me to rest because of my blood pressure. I tried to explain that not letting me see him would make my blood pressure higher but they wouldn't listen." She rushed out.

"Sam, relax, Ethan is OK. He's improving hour by hour. His thoughts are getting clearer and he is getting better. I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner."

"And does he remember about me, and the baby?"

"Yes, he does, he was a little hazy at first, placing things together, but he did remember, once the sedatives and anaesthetic wore off he became clearer about things."

"Ok." She said quietly, still not sure if she believed him.

"Sam, he really cares about you, he loves you. You know he'd be sitting right here right now if he could."

"I guess." She smiled slightly. "It just feels so strange, he's on one ward, I'm on another, and yet we can't see each other or get information. Its just so frustrating."

"I know, but you should be out soon and so should he, and I'm here to run between you. I was preoccupied before and I was selfish but I promise for now its all about you, Ethan, and the baby."

"And Ella." Sam smiled.

"Yes, and Ella."

"Thanks Cal. I just feel like I'm losing the plot. I just want to see him. I miss him so much. The last images I have of him are unconscious in a wrecked car, then lying motionless while our team worked on him, then sedated after surgery. I just want to see him, talk to him. I want my Ethan back." She said sadly. Cal pulled her into his chest carefully again.

"I know you do." He whispered soothingly into her hair.

Across the hospital, Ethan was just being settled down for the night. The nurse had taken his obs and given his his night time pain relief.

"Is there any way you can get a message to someone on another ward for me?" Ethan asked the nurse.

"Sure. That's fine."

"It's a Samantha Jones. She's on the antenatal ward. Can you give her this for me?" He said handing her a piece of paper folded up.

"Of course." The nurse smiled and took the paper. "Now you get some rest, and if you're better tomorrow, we can see about getting you to see her."

"Thank you." Ethan smiled as he carefully shifted to get comfortable, and closed his eyes.


	97. Chapter 97

As Cal was getting ready to leave, a nurse came up to Sam with the note. Sam looked confused but the nurse just smiled and said the author was anxious to make sure she was OK. Sam looked at the handwriting on the note and smiled as she recognised it as Ethan's. She thanked the nurse and looked at Cal.

"See, I told you." He smiled. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, I'll leave you to your love letter."

"Thanks for everything Cal." Sam smiled. He nodded towards her and turned and left. He was in desperate need of his bed right now, he felt like he could sleep for a week.

Sam unfolded the scrap of paper and read the note, smiling.

'My darling Sam,

Please don't think because I haven't been to see you that you are not on my mind.

I'm thinking about you constantly, you and our baby. I'm so sorry about the accident,

I feel terrible that I put you both at such risk. I'm cursing myself and I promise to take

care of you both properly from now on.

Cal told me that you have been admitted for rest, and while it means I can't see you yet,

I'm relieved that you are getting the rest you so desperately needed.

Please take care of yourself and our precious baby, and I'll see you as soon as they will let

me out of this bed!

All my love, darling.

Ethan (Daddy) xx'

Sam couldn't help herself as the tears formed in her eyes and a lump filled her throat. She tried not to cry again. Damn these pregnancy hormones she thought to herself. She couldn't believe Ethan was blaming himself for everything, there was nothing more he could have done, and as soon as she could, she would tell him that. She read the note again, as best as she could with tears in her eyes, and then put it safely in her bedside locker, turned off her light and turned over to go to sleep. Just as she closed her eyes she heard her phone buzz in her locker. Shifting again she pulled it out and saw a message from Ella.

'Hey chick, thanks so much for your support tonight, this is why you were always special to me, even in all the drama surrounding you, you still made time for me and my drama. I'm going to give Cal and me a chance, I'll fill you in properly soon. Now rest gorgeous girl and I'll see you soon xx'

'Thanks hon, I'm glad you are giving it another go. I'm sure you won't regret it. Love you lots xx' Sam replied, then she lay back down and closed her eyes.

* * *

The following morning Sam was recovering from her usual bout of sickness, but had refused anti-emetics, desperately trying to manage without the use of medications if she could avoid it. However, the doctors were keen to keep her on the fluids for a little longer. Then they planned to scan her again that afternoon and if her repeat bloods were better and the scan was ok, she would be allowed home. She was just resting on her bed when Cal came in smiling, looking a little brighter after a better nights sleep.

"Morning gorgeous." He smiled, sitting down.

"Um, I think you need glasses Cal, look at the state of me, there's nothing gorgeous about this at the moment." She pointed at herself, laughing.

"You'll always be to me." He smiled.

"Someone got out of the bed on the right side today." Sam said, smiling at him.

"It's the start of the new me, and I'm feeling more positive. Anyway, I've seen Ethan and he's looking better, he was sat up out of bed already, they are really pleased with his progress."

"He's recovering better than me then, damn, he can't beat me when he's had surgery and I haven't." She laughed. Deep down she was relieved to hear he was doing OK.

"Yes, well you should have got help a while ago when you were really ill." He said, enjoying being the one with the upper hand for a change.

"All right Mr Know-it-all!" Sam laughed. "Anyway, they are hoping to scan me this afternoon, do you think it'd be too much if I asked if Ethan was allowed to come?" Sam asked hopefully. "I want us to see the baby together for the first time, and I've already had to blank out one scan."

"Why don't we see if we can take you to see him a minute, then we can ask."

Fifteen minutes later, a nurse had disconnected Sam's fluids and Cal was pushing her in a wheelchair along the corridors of the hospital. She had insisted she could walk but he wouldn't hear of it, and he had already teased her for worrying about not having any make up to put on. They arrived at Ethan's bedside but he wasn't there. Cal sat in the chair while Sam stayed in the wheelchair, wringing her hands in her lap nervously.

"Hello stranger." Ethan smiled as he walked slowly back to his bed from where he had been in the bathroom. Sam stood up and they embraced each other, filled with emotion. Cal smiled watching them, but as they kissed each other, he stood up.

"I'm going to leave you two for a bit, you have some catching up to do. Sam I'll be back for you in half an hour, no sneaking off to the stock room!" He grinned and headed off to get a coffee. Ethan got back into bed to rest and Sam sat back down in the wheelchair next to his bed. They clutched each others hand as if letting go would mean they lost one another.

"Oh Ethan, I've missed you so much." Sam said.

"I've missed you too." He replied.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here, I was on strict bedrest yesterday." Sam said apologetically. "Anyway how are you feeling?"

"I'm OK, a little sore still, but luckily they were able to remove my spleen laparoscopically, so the recovery is quicker. Apparently Mr Hanssen did it himself personally, Mrs Beauchamp called him in specially." Ethan smiled.

"Ooh, special treatment eh? You must be the bosses favourite." Sam smiled playfully.

"Anyway, how are you? I've been so worried." Ethan asked anxiously.

"I know, I got your lovely note, thank you. I'm OK, I've been resting and having IV fluids. They did a scan yesterday and have been monitoring my bloods."

"You had a scan? So did you see the baby?" Ethan felt a little sad as he hadn't seen it, but also excited at the prospect that Sam had.

"No, I didn't look, I couldn't. I want us to see it together for the first time."

"That must have taken a lot of restraint." He smiled.

"There's another reason I didn't look Ethan." Sam admitted. "I was too scared."

"Scared? Why?"

"Well, you see, after the crash, and all the stress and emotion of getting you out and seeing you so ill, and I was trying to keep Cal on an even keel, well, I was getting lots of pain and cramping, and then I had a bleed. I really thought that was it and that I'd lost the baby."

"Really? Oh my...I'm sorry." Ethan exclaimed, looking horrified.

"You don't need to apologise." Sam smiled. "Anyway, Zoe did an emergency scan and then the gynae consultant came down and they found something."

"What do you mean? Found what?" He asked anxiously.

"Well, Ethan, it turns out that, well that I was originally carrying t-twins but I-I lost one." Sam said, her voice breaking as she stutterd on the word 'twins', despite trying to remain strong. Ethan sat in silence, taking the information in. He was still holding her hand and he gave it a squeeze.

"I'm so sorry, its all my fault."

"No Ethan, it isn't. When I read your note last night I couldn't believe you were blaming yourself for the accident, there was nothing you could have done. And anyway, the consultant said that it may not have been the crash that made me lose...well, that it could have happened any time in the last couple of weeks. it could have just been the stress or the impact that caused the bleed to start then. Or just bad timing. There was nothing you could have done. Please don't punish yourself. If anyone is at fault its me."

"No, no, you mustn't blame yourself."

"Neither must you."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you though."

"I could say the same to you. But I'm here now, and I'm going to do as I'm told, and protect our baby."

"And I'm going to do the same for both of you." Ethan looked intensely at her and she stood and leaned over him to kiss him.

"Ethan, they are re-scanning me this afternoon at 2pm. Do you think you would be allowed to come?"

"We can ask." He smiled at her.

Later that afternoon, Sam was walking down for her scan, when she heard a familiar voice that made her smile.

"Looking good there sexy lady." Cal hollered down the corridor, wolf whistling at her. She turned around with folded arms and a smirk on her face.

"Yes, I put my best dress on especially." Sam laughed, pulling at her gown. Cal was pushing Ethan in a wheelchair and Sam bent down and planted a kiss on his lips. "We'll make a porter of you yet Cal, all this practice of pushing wheelchairs around." Sam smiled at him.

The three of them sat in the waiting room together waiting for Sam's scan, she had agreed to go down to the clinic to make it easier to co-ordinate getting Ethan there. She felt sick with nerves, and since admitting to Ethan what had happened with the second twin, she hadn't been able to get it off of her mind. When Cal had left her back on the ward on her own, she had she'd a few tears, reality starting to hit her. She realised that by not having to say it out loud she had been avoiding the truth, which was made easier by the fact that she was still pregnant, so still had a baby to focus on.

Suddenly, a nurse called Sam's name and Cal wheeled Ethan through with Sam and then went to wait back outside, but not before giving Sam's hand a supportive squeeze along with a comforting smile. He sat nervously waiting for news on his little neice or nephew, desperately hoping it would be OK.

Meanwhile, Ethan clutched Sam's hand as she lay on the examination couch. The sonographer squeezed the gel onto Sam's abdomen, and Sam found herself subconsciously holding her breath again. She looked at Ethan nervously. He tried to give her a comforting smile, but he was just as nervous. After glancing at Sam's file, the sonographer got to work locating the baby, and she was soon smiling and taking down notes. She looked up at Ethan and Sam and smiled as she turned around the screen to show them their baby.

"Here you go mum and dad, here's baby saying hello." She smiled to try and put the obviously nervous couple at ease. Ethan and Sam both tightened their grip on each others hand as they got the first view of their baby. They stared intently at the screen, and Sam's eyes filled with tears, Ethan looked at her and smiled.

"It's amazing." He breathed. "Our baby."

"I know." Was all Sam could say, while she desperately tried to hold back the tears. The sonographer took some more measurements and estimated Sam to be about 10 weeks. Then Sam looked at Ethan. "Ethan, I think Cal should see this too, he's done so much for us, I think he'd like to." Then Sam looked at the sonographer. "Is that OK?" She nodded at them and popped outside to call Cal back in. He jumped up worried at what had happened. He headed into the room, filled with dread but when he saw Sam and Ethan staring into each others eyes with smiles fixed on their faces, he knew everything was OK.

"Cal." Sam smiled, seeing him come in. "We wanted you to see too." She said.

He stood next to Ethan at Sam's bedside as the sonographer brought up the baby again. Cal stared at the screen, hardly able to believe that it was his little neice or nephew right there in front of him. Then quite unexpectedly, his eyes filled with tears too. He looked back at Sam and Ethan, also adopting the goofy smile that seemed to be fixed on their faces.

"That's amazing, wow guys, look at it, I can't believe that's inside you." He said without really thinking. He smiled at them again, and Sam reached out to grab his hand.

"I'm so glad you were able to see Cal, you deserve it, you're going to be a fab uncle. We all love you."

Well, that was all Cal needed to hear, as he looked back at the screen, a small tear slipped down his cheek. And for once, he didn't care who saw.


	98. Chapter 98

Sam was discharged home that afternoon, and under orders to take it easy for a couple more days. But she assured Rita she would be fine to work at the weekend, so Rita reluctantly agreed to have her on 2 day shifts on Saturday and Sunday. Ethan was obviously required to stay in for a bit longer to ensure he recovered from the surgery, and didn't pick up any infections. Sam was just relieved that she could see him more often, especially as Cal was back at work after a couple of days off, and Sam spent as much time as possible with him in hospital. She even bought in his chess set and indulged him in really trying to learn some skills in the game, but while she was improving she was still no match for Ethan.

Cal was also much more settled knowing that Ethan was making good progress and that Sam and the baby were safe. He and Ella had been talking over the past few days, and while they were taking their time to build things up again, they were on good terms, and Cal was relieved that she seemed to be able to get past his mistake, though he knew he had a lot of making up to do.

Sam was walking into work for her first shift back, and as she was walking through the car park, Cal caught up with her.

"Hey." He smiled as he approached.

"Morning Cal. How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you feeling?"

"I'm OK, had a good few days but I'm ready to get back to it. I've missed work. I know, how sad is that!" She laughed.

"Really sad!" He grinned. "But then you have spent a lot of time with Ethan, so you must be craving some fun company by now."

"Cal, you're so mean to him, he is great company."

"Yeah?" Cal grinned, "I'm sure!"

"He is. And I've been working on my chess skills with him, I'm still rubbish though."

"I'll teach you some of my moves, then you can beat him, it'll really annoy him."

"Cal!" She laughed.

"Don't you have your exam soon?"

"Yes, next week. I'm really nervous about it."

"You'll be great." He said supportively.

"I need some more clinical experience though."

"Well, see if you can work with me today and we'll get you some."

"Thanks Cal." Sam smiled as they headed into the staff room.

"Hey, there she is." Smiled Charlie. "Welcome back."

"Thanks Charlie, I'm glad to be back."

"Well, we'll see how long that feeling lasts." Charlie laughed, heading out into the department. Sam locked her bag away in her locker and turned around. She took a deep breath and Cal looked up at her with a worried expression on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing Cal, just suddenly a bit nervous."

"What are you nervous about? Come on, don't be crazy, it'll be fine." He said slinging his arm around her shoulder and guiding her out onto the floor. They worked together in cubicles, which was good for Sam as it gave her a good chance to build up her clinical experience with prescribing, and Cal was really good with her, he was patient and supportive and taught her well. And deep down he impressed her. Sam knew he was a good doctor, but she didn't realise how good he was at mentoring and teaching. She was just writing up some notes when Mrs Beauchamp appeared.

"Staff Nurse Jones, a word please?" Mrs Beauchamp said with an air of professional detachment. Sam smiled inwardly and followed Mrs Beauchamp to her office.

"Sit down." Mrs Beauchamp said motioning to the chair opposite hers. Sam did as instructed wondering what she could have done wrong now.

"Is there a problem Mrs Beauchamp?" Sam asked.

"I've had word from the professor leading your course. He's an old colleague of mine as a matter of fact." Connie gave a small smile.

"Oh?" Sam wondered where she was going with this.

"He's very impressed with you. He thinks you've got great talent."

"Oh right, um, thanks." Sam said, unsure of how to react.

"In fact, he thinks you could have been a great doctor." Connie continued, still smiling. Sam looked shocked. "Don't look surprised, you must know you're a good clinician."

"I'm a good nurse, most of the time, but I'm not perfect by any means. And I'm certainly not a doctor." Sam almost laughed, still in shock. To get a compliment was one thing, to get such a complement handed down from Mrs Beauchamp was quite another.

"Well, we had quite an interesting conversation about you, and your knowledge and skills, and we both agree that you would make an excellent Nurse Consultant."

"A Nurse Consultant? Me?"

"Yes, you. Although I'm having second thoughts if this is the level of conversation you're now reduced to." Connie smirked.

"I'm sorry, I'm just shocked Mrs Beauchamp."

"Well, I'm not suggesting you do it now, you need to complete your prescribing course first, but certainly if you're thinking of your career plan, I think its a worthwhile route to take, and I'd be happy to support you if you would commit to this department."

"Wow, well, thank you Mrs Beauchamp, I'll certainly consider it. And thank you for your kind praise. It's come at a good time."

"It takes a lot to impress me, but you certainly have."

"Thank you." Sam smiled, feeling inwardly proud to hear that from someone she admired professionally.

"How is Ethan?" Connie asked softly.

"He's good, he's recovering well, hopefully they will let him go home in the next day or two."

"That's great news, please send him my best." She smiled. Sam stood up, smiling back at her.

Thank you Mrs Beauchamp." Sam said. Connie nodded and Sam left to head back onto the ward.

"So what did you do now?" Cal grinned.

"Hey, just coz you only get summoned in front of the boss when you've been bad, don't assume we all do."

"Oh, I can just see you in there, teachers pet and all, no wonder you and Ethan get along." Cal teased.

"Shall we grab some lunch quickly? We could both nip up and see Ethan?" Sam suggested. "He might be bored?"

"Sure." Cal smiled. They both grabbed a sandwich and sneaked onto the surgical ward to see Ethan.

"Hey slacker!" Cal grinned, sitting the the chair ready to dive into his sandwich, as Sam perched on Ethan's bed, kissing him gently.

"That's rich coming from you!" Ethan grinned at the cheekiness of his brother.

"I bought you some treats." Sam smiled, hading him a bag of goodies she'd brought up.

"It's from both of us." Cal grinned, causing Ethan to shoot him 'that' look again. "What?" Cal shrugged.

"How are you feeling today?" Sam asked Ethan.

"I'm OK, just getting a bit bored now. How are you? How's our little one treating you?"

"I've been OK, getting a little easier these past few days, I might actually be over the worst." Sam smiled, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

"So we can see." Cal laughed.

"Hey, you've worked me hard this morning, I'm hungry!" Sam laughed back.

"It's the shock of getting hauled in front of Mrs Beauchamp." Cal teased.

"Mrs Beauchamp?" Ethan frowned at her.

"Yes, she called me in the office just now. She sends her best wishes by the way."

"Ooh, her best wishes!" Cal sniggered while eating his sandwich, nearly dropping it in the process, causing Sam and Ethan to laugh at him.

"What did she want?" Ethan asked still curious.

"Yeah, you never told me." Cal said.

"She was complimenting me actually, and talking career plans."

"Since when did she take an interest in your career plans?" Cal asked.

"Since the professor leading my prescribing course is an old colleague of hers, and they were discussing my clinical skills and knowledge, and they decided I'd be a brilliant doctor, so much so I'd wipe the floor with Dr Caleb Knight." Sam winked at Ethan, who had a big smile on his face.

"Ha-ha! You're so funny!" Cal said dryly. "Seriously though, why?"

"Well, they did say that I would have made a great doctor, but they suggested when I've done my prescribers course that I should work towards becoming a Nurse Consultant, and Mrs Beauchamp said she would gladly support me if I would commit to the department."

"Oh wow! Really?" Ethan said, his smile getting bigger. "That's amazing. I'm so proud of you." He gushed, pulling her into a hug, and kissing her.

"No way!" Cal said, laughing in shock. "That is really great, but, what about the baby?"

"What about it? I don't have to do it now, and I can still have a baby and a career right? Besides, with that level of pay I could maybe afford to work a few less hours." She laughed.

"Or Ethan could be a kept man!" Cal laughed. "Better still, you could both work and I could be a kept man! Yeah, I like that idea."

"I don't." Ethan replied.

"So you could look after the baby then Cal." Sam grinned.

"Oh God, even worse." Ethan groaned. "You'd trust him to look after our baby?"

"Hey I'm going to be a great uncle." Cal said slightly wounded.

"Great uncle yes, that doesn't mean I'd trust you to be left with the baby all day every day." Ethan said.

"Anyway guys, you're distracted from the real point, Mrs Beauchamp complimented me!" Sam laughed, before the brothers broke out into an argument.

"I'm really proud of you sweetheart. You work hard and you deserve it." He kissed her sweetly again.

When Sam and Cal made their way back down to the ED, Sam asked Cal about Ella.

"So when are you two going out again?"

"I'm taking her out for dinner tomorrow night. I want to treat her, try and build bridges and start making up for things."

"Good plan." Sam smiled. "So where are you going?"

"I've got a table booked in the new place that opened last month in town."

"Ooh, very swanky." Sam grinned. "But you know you don't have to try and impress her Cal. She liked you for you, not for who you pretend to be. I mean, there's nothing wrong with treating her to make up for your indiscretion, but just remember to be you, and don't try to be smooth Cal, or she might not gain back the trust. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"Cal, you're a great guy, let the real you come out, don't hide behind all the bravado is all I'm saying, Ella likes you, so let her have you."

"Oh she can have me anytime."

"Caleb!"

"Sorry." He smirked, winking. "You're just as easy to wind up as Ethan."

"You're a swine Caleb Knight!" She smiled. "But I haven't half got a soft spot for you." Sam slipped her arm through his as they headed back to work.


	99. Chapter 99

Cal got in a taxi to pick up Ella for their date, and they headed to the restaurant. She was impressed when she saw where he was taking her; almost as impressed as he had been when she came out of the door of her flat looking absolutely incredible. He couldn't believe he'd been so foolish as to nearly let her slip through his fingers, and he also couldn't believe he was lucky enough to be getting a second chance. He'd very nearly asked Ethan for some advice on behaviours to use on his date, he seemed to know the duller things that women seemed to like, but in the end he couldn't bring himself down to the level where he was asking Ethan's advice on girls, no, as long as he lived that would never happen. But then he remembered what Sam had said, that he should be himself.

They sat down, ordered some wine, and Cal just sat there smiling.

"What is it?" She smiled back.

"You." He said simply, raising and eyebrow. Ella laughed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You just blow my mind, you're amazing."

"Yeah, well, just you remember that this time." She raised an eyebrow back. It was said playfully but there was an undertone of warning in her voice.

"I know, you know how grateful I am you gave me another ch-" he started but she stopped him by placing her finger on his lips and shushing him.

"Shh, we can't keep mentioning it, or we'll never get past it."

"You're right, I know, just, well thanks." He smiled.

"So, Caleb, tell me about yourself." Ella smiled.

"One, its Cal, I only get called Caleb when I'm bad, and two, you know about me." He laughed, a little confused.

"Ok, one, you are bad, and two, I'm playing 'first date', covering over the cracks."

"Ok, I get it." He laughed. "I'm Cal, I'm a doctor, I have an annoying brother, who has a great girlfriend who introduced me to the most amazing girl I've ever met."

"Hmm, so a doctor, I bet you use that line all of the time." Ella was playfully pretending to play hard to get.

"Only with worthwhile girls."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"And you've never used your job to impress men?" He laughed.

"You haven't asked me what I do yet so how do you know?" She smirked, determined to get him playing.

"Ok, so what do you do then?" Cal decided to play her game.

"Actually I'm a nurse" she leaned forward over the table and whispered seductively to him.

"Ah, so we're perfect together then." Cal slipped back into his flirting mode.

"So it might seem." She winked. Deep down she was desperate to lean over and kiss him, she didn't know what it was about Caleb Knight that made him so irresistible, but she knew she had to try and control it for a while.

They chatted easily again and the flirting was making things heat up. They enjoyed their dinner together and afterwards, Cal walked Ella home. He really wanted to take her back to his, but she was making it clear that wasn't going to happen tonight, and he respected her decision, as much as it pained him to. He walked her to her front door, and stopped as she rummaged in her bag for her keys. She looked up and caught his eye as he gazed at her. She placed her hand gently on his arm, and he felt great anticipation. It felt like it could be their first kid all over again, only this time he knew how good it would be. He bent down and kissed her gently on the lips, sending a shockwave of desire down her spine. The electricity between them was amazing, and they both felt the intensity as their kiss deepened. Cal pulled her closer to him and without really realising, he gave the impression that he wanted to take things further, but Ella pulled away.

"Cal, not tonight, I need to take things slower, I need to know I can trust you properly before I let myself go to you again." Ella admitted looking down at the floor. Cal lifted her chin up to look at him.

"Ella, you're amazing, I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm serious, and I completely understand your need to wait, and as much as I'd love to take you upstairs right now, I can wait, I will wait, until you're ready again." He kissed her gently on the lips, causing her stomach to flip. Then as he pulled away, he smiled. "Good night Ella." He said simply and turned to walk away. Ella felt light headed with desire, she leaned back against the wall to steady herelf and took a deep breath, then watched him walk away with his hands stuffed in his pockets like a kid. She couldn't help but smile. She knew he had her, but somehow she had to try and keep control.

* * *

Sam was at home in bed, she had taken a cup of tea with her and she was sat quietly doing some studying. At least she was trying to study, but she couldn't concentrate fully. Her mind kept slipping back to her baby, another one lost. She wondered if it was someone trying to tell her she shouldn't be a mother. A mother, her. Sure, she could look after her patients, she cared about their welfare and wellbeing, but a baby, that was different. A little being that relied on her for everything. And yet she had already let two down. This baby deserved better than her. But it had Ethan, he would be amazing. She smiled at the thought of him. She missed him terribly, and even though she had been to see him every day, it wasn't the same, they couldn't talk freely while he was on the ward, and they hadn't really talked about anything to do with their babies. She needed to talk to him, about everything. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she thought again about the two babies she had lost. Even knowing she was still carrying one couldn't ease the pain, and it dredged up the old feeling of loss that she had not properly dealt with from years ago. Her first son.


	100. Chapter 100

**A/N - talk about infant loss later in this chapter** \- **discretion advised as it may trigger upsetting feelings.**

* * *

A few days later Ethan was finally allowed home. He had recovered well physically, and had avoided infection, though he was on a low dose of antibiotics for the time being while his body adjusted to losing his spleen. Sam and Cal had both worked the early shift and so by the time they had finished he was ready to leave. In fact he was so ready that he had already wondered down to the ED just to escape the ward that had been his home for more than a week.

Sam was suddenly aware of the commotion out by the nurses desk, and she wondered over to find everyone crowded around Ethan, asking how he was and expressing how worried they had all been. It made her smile, he really was a valued member of their team, and everyone liked him. She walked over and slipped her arm around his waist and he smiled down at her. She kissed his cheek and whispered 'lets do it now.' In his ear. He nodded at her and waited for her to take the lead.

"Guys, guys, can we have your attention for a minute?" Sam started, and the group gradually stopped talking and looked at her. Sam looked around, ensuring that everyone was there. She caught eyes with Cal and he smiled and nodded slightly and she smiled back.

"As you all know Ethan and I have been seeing each other for a little while." Sam started and the group let our a small cheer along with whoops and whistles. "Yes, thank you." She smiled. "Well, you'll also remember that we didn't exactly break the news to you in the way that we wanted. Well, something else has happened and after the accident, it very nearly happened to us again, you all finding out before we got to tell you all." The group all stared, having all formed an idea of what might be happening but waiting to hear the confirmation. "Guys, Ethan and I are expecting a baby." Sam smiled, and Ethan squeezed her hand, and again the group let out a bigger cheer. They all broke into hugs and kisses for Sam, and the guys clapped Ethan on the back, all celebrating the exciting news.

"I think this calls for a celebration!" Robyn said excitedly.

"Lets go to the pub for drinks after work then." Lofty smiled. And the group agreed to meet back at the pub later.

Cal drove Sam and Ethan back to the flat so they could get changed and later they headed back once they knew everyone would be finished work and in the pub. As they entered, the group let out another big cheer, and Sam and Ethan smiled seeing the fuss their colleagues had gone to, putting up a congratulations sign and balloons and things around.

"Thanks guys." Sam grinned and they headed in for drinks. Robyn approached them with Rita following behind.

"I'm so happy for you guys, its such exciting news! I thought you were going to say you were getting married." Robyn said excitedly.

"Married? No!" Sam laughed nervously, unable to meet Ethan's eye. "No need to buy your hat yet Robyn."

"Ignore her, she's a hopeless romantic." Rita smiled, sensing Sam's discomfort. "Besides, you don't want to be pregnant on your hen night, we will need to let our hair down big style on that one!" Rita laughed once Ethan was out of ear shot, having been lead away by Cal.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" Robyn asked.

"No Robyn, not at all." Sam smiled kindly. "Its just lately there have been lots of things said about weddings, and I just worry that Ethan will think I'm dropping hints by putting everyone up to it. Even Cal has joked about it, and Ella."

"Hey, where is she? You should get her down here." Robyn said.

"I'll send her a text." Sam smiled, taking out her phone. She knew the girls liked Ella, and Sam hadn't had chance to see her since she went out with Cal the other night, although Ella had text her to say it went well. Just then Charlie headed over to the girls.

"I just thought I'd come and say congratulations. " he said giving Sam a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You'll be fantastic parents."

"Oh, I don't know Charlie, nursing I can do, I'm not so sure about motherhood. That seems scary. I'd rather be dealing with a cardiac arrest than a dirty nappy any day." Sam laughed.

"Aw, but babies are so cute." Robyn squeeled, and Rita agreed.

"Well, it looks like you've got a room full of willing babysitters right here." Charlie laughed.

"Oh, you can be sure you'll all get lots of chances for cuddles." Sam smiled. She looked across at Ethan who was laughing with Cal, Lofty and Max, it was lovely to see him looking more relaxed, he'd seemed so stressed lately, largely due to the accident Sam thought. But also probably the stress of worrying about and looking after her.

"Well, out of you two I would have bet everything I owned that it would be Cal who got a woman in the club first!" Max laughed.

"Well, we don't know that he hasn't yet, she just hadn't surfaced!" Lofty added, as the group laughed again.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm always careful." Cal grinned. "Besides, I'm a reformed character now!"

"Yeah right, and I'm going to be the next Pope!" Max laughed.

"Seriously guys, I'm a one woman man now." Cal insisted.

"You have to be, or you'll have a very angry pregnant woman on your back if you mess her friend around." Ethan said causing them all to laugh again.

It was at that moment that the girl in question entered the pub. She smiled and headed towards where Sam was still standing talking to Robyn and Rita. The girls were pleased to see Sam's friend and quickly welcomed her in, all chatting animatedly together.

Sam excused herself a while later when the girls were talking about another night out, and headed over to Ethan.

"How are you feeling?" She asked him, worried that he didn't overdo it.

"I'm OK." He smiled.

"I might have to head off in a bit, I'm knackered." Sam admitted.

"Of course you must be, sorry, I didn't think to ask, you've worked today as well. Come on." He said, putting down the one pint he had been nursing all night. "Let's make our excuses."

"Oh Ethan, I don't want to ruin it for you." Sam said feeling bad.

"No, I should take it easy anyway." He said. "Besides, I want some time with you. Do you want to stay at mine tonight?"

"I'd love to." She smiled, slipping her arm through his as they said their goodbyes to the group.

Once at home, Ethan made them both a cup of tea, despite Sam saying she would make it, and they slouched on the sofa, in each others arms, drinking them.

"I'm so glad you're home safe." Sam sighed.

"Me too." Ethan let out a small laugh.

"It was all so scary, I'm glad you don't remember much, I don't think I'd want you to."

"Cal told me you were worried I'd have forgotten about you and the baby." He said softly. "As if I could."

"I know, I was scared though, and physically, it could have been possible, you did sustain a bang to the head."

"I know, but I didn't forget. I won't ever forget you, both of you. You're the most important things in my life." Ethan admitted.

"You're so lush Ethan Hardy. I love you."

"I love you too, Samantha Jones." He smiled to himself at using her full name. They sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the peace and tranquility of being in each others company. Then Sam broke the silence.

"Ethan, can we talk, about you know, the baby." Sam asked quietly.

"Sure, what do you want to talk about."

"The one I lost. You know I'm so sorry about it, I feel like I should have done more to protect it. I know there was likely nothing I could have done but I still feel guilty."

"Well you mustn't. You're right, there was nothing you could have done."

"Ethan, I've been tearing myself up inside over it."

"I thought you might be." He admitted. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to support you through it."

"But you're here now, that's what's important."

"I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I know I can't."

"Oh God Ethan, I felt like everything was slipping away from me. I thought I was going to lose you, then the baby, another baby. It was awful."

"Come here sweetheart." Ethan said pulling her tighter into his arms. "You won't lose me, and this baby is safe, and very much loved." He kissed the top of her head, trying to reassure her. Then she said something that surprised him.

"I had a little boy. A son. I couldn't keep him safe." He tightened his hold on her, but he didn't speak. "He was so tiny, I could hold him in one hand, he was perfect. A few more weeks and he might have survived. My boy, I named him Zachary. It means remembered by God. I thought it was fitting as I wouldn't be getting to look after him, but I would always make sure I remembered him." Sam said as a single tear dropped down her cheek.

"That's beautiful." Ethan said simply, not really knowing what to say.

"He was beautiful, my beautiful baby boy. I like to hope he is safe now with his grandparents and they are all happy somewhere, playing in a large garden, with a swing, surrounded by love, and having lots of cuddles." Her voice broke at the end and she sobbed quietly. Ethan held onto her tightly, pulling her head in close to his chest and making soothing sounds in her ear. He found his eyes filling with tears too, seeing the true fragility of his girlfriend. The woman he loved, being in so much pain, it hurt him too.


	101. Chapter 101

Back at the pub, Cal had sidled up to Ella while she was at the bar ordering a drink, with a grin on his face.

"What is it Knight?" She said suspiciously.

"Not using my first name now?"

"Not until I know what you're after."

"How do you know I'm after something?"

"You're face says it all Knight." She grinned.

"You've got me all wrong, I just thought I'd come and say hi, see how you are, you know?"

"See what you can get more like." She said, arching her eyebrow suspiciously, then breaking into a smile.

"Are you telling me you don't want me to show an interest now?" He smiled back, maintaining eye contact.

"Are you playing games with me Knight?"

"I think I'm starting to like you calling me that." He grinned, leaning in close to her, avoiding the question deliberately.

"Well, play your cards right and you might get more." She whispered in his ear. He let out a shaky breath as she walked away back to the girls with her drink in hand. He watched her go and then let out a laugh, shaking his head and trying to recover. Max walked up, slapping his hand on Cal's shoulder.

"Striking out again mate?" He laughed.

"No, she's playing hard to get, I like that. it makes it all the more appealing." He grinned. "Besides, she knows she wants it as much as I do." Cal said, watching her intently as she placed her hand on Rita's arm and started laughing.

"I'll hand it to you, she is fit." Max grinned.

"Yeah." Cal nodded back. "Yeah she is."

* * *

Ethan sat holding Sam, she had stopped crying but she hadn't moved or spoken, he was worried he might say the wrong thing, but he knew he had to say something.

"Sweetheart, if you want to talk about it all you know I'm here to listen don't you?" Ethan said gently. Sam nodded but still didn't speak, and silence fell between them again. "I-I want to help you. Let me help." He pleaded, feeling really worried and utterly useless.

"I'm OK, I have to forget the past, move on, don't I?"

"Well...I-I wouldn't say that." Ethan started, still not really knowing what to say.

"No, I do Ethan, the past is the past, its there for a reason, and we have the future to look forward to now. You, me and our baby." Ethan couldn't help but smile when she said that.

"The three of us together." He sighed to himself smiling. Then he looked at her. "But that doesn't mean you have to blank out the past. We can talk about it all if you need to, whenever you want to."

"Thank you Ethan, I'm not sure I'm ready yet, I don't know where that came from just now. Must be my hormones!" She tried to smile.

"I think you're incredibly brave you know." Ethan stated simply, staring at her.

"Brave?"

"Yes, brave, you've been through so much and faced most of it alone, and yet you still fight and carry on. I'd call that amazingly brave."

"It's not bravery, its survival. I had to do it alone, I didn't have anyone else."

"Well, that's not the case anymore. You have me now and I want to be there for you, to support you."

"You're amazing Ethan, I can't believe just how lucky I am."

"I'm the lucky one, you make me so happy." He smiled kissing her forehead. She looked up at him and pulled his chin down to meet his lips, and she kissed him softly.

"Ethan." She whispered as she pulled away slightly. "Let's go to bed." She said, getting up and pulling him up by the hand and leading him to the bedroom with a smile.

* * *

Ella, Rita and Robyn we having such a good time they'd decided to carry on into town. One seductive look from Rita, and Iain was suckered into following, so Max, Lofty and Cal agreed to go too. As they walked into town, Cal and Ella walked together talking.

"So how is Ethan now?" Ella asked.

"He was discharged today, he's gradually getting better."

"I'm really glad. He's obviously very important to you."

"He's my brother, he's all I've got." Cal stated, shrugging slightly.

"Well, family wise yes, but he's not the only person who cares about you." Ella smiled.

"Really?" Cal looked up at her, returning the smile.

"Yes, Sam really cares about you too." Ella said. Cal couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. "I've never seen her so stressed and worried as she was the other night."

"I'm sure that was about Ethan not me." Cal said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Not true." Ella shook her head. "I mean, of course she was terrified of losing Ethan, but she was really worried about you too." Cal looked at her skeptically. "Honestly! You forget, I may not have been in Sam's life in the last few years, but there's a reason we connected. I can read her. She really cares about you, deeply."

"Yeah, I care about her too." He sighed, suddenly feeling guilty at his earlier disappointment.

"Come on." Ella smiled, slipping her arm into his. "Let's go and have a drink." She pulled him towards the door of the pub that the others had gone into and they headed to the group who were already stood at the bar.

* * *

Ethan and Sam were lying cuddled up in bed together, both feeling content to be back in each others arms.

"I really missed this when you were in hospital." Sam whispered to Ethan as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"So did I. The nurses looking after me were nice but they weren't the same as my own favourite nurse." He smiled.

"Steady on, don't even think of demanding a bed bath." Sam giggled.

"Aw, wouldn't you do that for me?" He smiled.

"You know I would." She said leaning over and kissing his cheek.

"Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'm in at 6am tomorrow, that alarm is going to hurt isn't it." She sighed.

"Oh, I was hoping you could stay with me, and we could have a lazy morning."

"Well, you can have one, I'm going to the mad house instead. Sorry sweet."

"Nevermind." He kissed her head. "Do you want to come back here after work?"

"Do you want me to? If you want some peace and quiet time to rest, I'll understand."

"No, I want you here with me." He whispered. Sam noticed he sounded small and more vulnerable, and she was a bit worried.

"Of course I will, if that's what you want, I'm here for you." She kissed him again on the lips and the snuggled down together to sleep.

* * *

Back in the pub, the group were having a great time. Rita, Robyn and Ella were dancing and having a good girlie time while the boys stood talking, and watching the girls, while they drank. As the night headed to a close, Rita made her excuses and dragged Iain back off to her place for the night, and soon after the others decided to call it a night. They headed outside, with Robyn drunkenly chatting to Ella while the boys followed laughing. Before long, Lofty called to Robyn as they needed to head in the other direction to Ella, but Robyn was quite drunk, and probably would have happily walked all the way to Ella's before realising she'd gone the wrong way. Max and Lofty walked either side of Robyn, helping to get her home. Ella giggled watching them, then as they went out of sight she turned to walk home.

"Hey, where are you going." Came a voice behind her. She turned in shock, not realising that Cal was still waiting for her.

"What did you wait for Cal? I thought you'd gone."

"And leave you to walk home on your own, I wouldn't do that." He smiled. She looked at him unsure. "What?" He asked.

"Nothing, I don't know." Ella said, still feeling unsure of his intentions.

"Ella, I just want to make sure you get home safe, I'm not expecting any more." He said, as if reading her mind. "I know I've got to work to prove myself again."

"I'm sorry, its just-"

"Ella, I get it, I told you before I'll wait until you're ready, and that I'll do whatever it takes. Honestly, I just need to know you get home safely." He smiled, and held out his arm for her to take. She smiled back and relaxed a bit and they walked off together. She didn't know why she was being so reserved, she knew she wanted him, but she felt like if she held off and his interest remained then it would prove to her he was serious. He had hurt and humiliated her once, she wasn't prepared for it again. She couldn't take it again, not when she knew how much she liked him.


	102. Chapter 102

Sam initially struggled to get up and motivated the following morning, especially as she didn't want to leave Ethan in bed, she wanted to stay with him. But she made it to work, and she was grateful that she wasn't really sick, she felt a little nauseous, but nothing to how she had been.

She'd had a steady flow of patients through the morning, but by the afternoon things had gotten really busy. She was in cubicles with a young 4 year old girl called Daisy who had fallen and broken her wrist. She had been brought in by her mum, although her mum hadn't seen her fall. They were waiting for a slot in surgery for her, and Sam had gone back to give her some more pain relief. She noticed that Daisy was very quiet and subdued, and looking more drowsy than before. Sam checked that no one else had given her any pain relief or sedation without her knowing. When Daisy's mum had gone back out to try and phone her husband at work, Sam sat with the little girl. She wasn't happy with how sleepy she seemed to be getting. Sam shone her pen torch into Daisy's eyes and noticed one pupil was sluggish in reacting. She stuck her head out of the cubicle and shouted to Cal who was walking past.

"Cal, quick, I need you now." She called. "Something's not right with Daisy. She's more drowsy and her left pupil is sluggish. There was no report of a head injury, but I'd bet everything that she has one."

Cal quickly assessed the girl, and Sam examined her head looking for bruising. She pointed a suspicious area to Cal, and looked really worried.

"Right, we need to move her into resus now." He said assertively. They moved quickly, sedating and intubating Daisy, and while Cal was getting a CT scan and then re-assessing, Sam was on the phone to the paediatric neurosurgeons. She then went to find her mum while Cal remained in resus, continuing monitoring her and waiting for the surgeon to arrive. Suddenly Daisy's mum came bursting through the doors crying, with Sam following closely behind. She stood and watched as Daisy's mum cradled her daughter as best as she could in her arms, and cried. As the surgeons arrived and took Daisy off to theatre, followed closely by her mum, Sam leaned against the wall and sighed. Cal looked over at her with sympathy.

"Did I miss something Cal? Should I have seen that before?" Sam asked as she stared off in the direction that Daisy had been taken.

"Don't do this Sam. She presented with a broken wrist. Her mother didn't see her fall."

"Exactly, I should have been more cautious, I should have considered a possible head injury."

"Sam, its not all down to you, any one of us could have assessed her and not realised. Besides, she must have been seen by a doctor." He looked at her and she nodded slowly. "So who saw her?" Cal asked. Sam looked at him, not wanting to say. "Sam?" Cal questioned, concerned at what she was hiding.

"It was Lily." Sam said quietly. "But she was more concerned with telling the mother off for not paying attention and not seeing what happened. Daisy didn't really open up to her. She seemed to like me, I should have questioned her further."

"Sam-" Cal started.

"I've got to get back to my other patients." Sam said suddenly, cutting him off. Before Cal could say anything else, Sam had turned away and walked out of resus.

She headed back towards Jim, one of their frequent flyers, who was back in with chest pain. She rechecked his obs and explained they were still waiting for blood results to come back. Then she checked on Mary, who was in with a dislocated shoulder, she was just being taken for an X-ray. She saw a couple of other patients and was just assessing a wound on a patient's abdomen when she heard Lily getting irate out by the desk. She excused herself and headed out of the curtains and over towards Lily.

"She was my patient, you should have consulted with me!" Lily shouted.

"Well if she was your patient then you should have assessed her properly, then you wouldn't have had a child undergoing emergency surgery which she may not get through, and a nurse blaming herself for missing it."

"I was never informed of a change in her condition." Lily snapped back.

"That's not the point Lily and you know it." Cal snapped back. Just then Mrs Beauchamp appeared.

"What is this shouting about? I will not have behavior like this in full view of patients. Dr Knight, Dr Chao, my office, now." She turned on her heel and stalked off with Cal and Lily following behind.

"Now, what is going on?" She said sternly as she closed her office door and sat back at her desk.

"Dr Knight is interfering with my patient's treatment without informing me." Lily said, thinking if she got in first then Mrs Beauchamp would see her point of view.

"I had to, she deteriorated rapidly and needed emergency surgery for a subdural haematoma." Cal responded.

"Is that true Lily?" Connie asked.

"I wasn't told of a change in her condition. Her mother never told me she hit her head when she fell."

"How old is the patient?"

"Four." Lily replied.

"Four? And you didn't check her for signs of a head injury?"

"No Mrs Beauchamp, she presented only with a fractured wrist. She was fine when I last saw her. If I had been informed of a change in her condition I could have acted on it appropriately." She said implying she was not to blame. Cal had heard enough and snapped.

"From what I hear you were more interested in telling off the girls mother for not seeing her fall."

"I told her she was irresponsible for not paying attention to her daughter playing, yes." Lily replied folding her arms, still not seeing herself at fault.

"You can't judge Lily, you have no idea what was going on or what it's like to be a parent. Besides, we aren't here to make judgements, we are here to treat people." Cal snapped.

"Yes, and I would have treated my patient if the nurse had informed me of a change instead of running to you."

"Oh don't blame her, she needed help, she would have taken any doctor that was nearby, it just happened to be me. Besides Sam is already blaming herself for not picking up on it sooner, when actually its not her fault and from what I understand, you wouldn't have had any information to go on if Sam hadnt connected with the patient and her mum. You made no effort whatsoever."

"I'm not here to make friends."

"Clearly!" Cal scoffed while Connie watched the exchange with interest.

"Right, that's enough, both of you. For now we need to hope the girl makes it through surgery, then I will review the case myself, if not there will be an inquest, and we best hope the mother doesn't complain. In the meantime, if you two can't work together I suggest you learn to before some staff restructuring takes place. Now get out and get on with it."

Cal left the office first, clearly annoyed at being reprimanded by Mrs Beauchamp when he was just airing his opinion of Lily's actions. He knew she acted wrong and all he wanted her to do was admit she could have handled things better, yet again she seemed to have got away with acting inappropriately and lacking in bedside manner. He went back off to chase up some blood results for another of his patients.

Sam meanwhile was taking a quick break, she hadn't yet had her lunch, so she was taking the opportunity to quickly eat a sandwich and have a cup of tea. She was sat on the sofa in the staff room with her feet up, suddenly feeling really tired. She had her phone out and was texting Ethan to make sure he was OK, she couldn't help but wish that he was back at work. She was trying to hold off telling him she was having a day that seemed to be rapidly going down hill. The case with Daisy had affected her, but she was throwing herself into her other patients, and she hadn't dared ask for news on Daisy's condition. She was just about to reply to him, again, when Cal came in the room carrying a paper cup of coffee, and he sat down next to her.

"You OK Sam?" He asked looking at her.

"Yeah fine, just having a quick drink." She smiled. "Are you ok? I saw Mrs Beauchamp pull you and Lily aside just now."

"Yeah fine, just Lily being Lily. Blaming everyone but herself."

"So she blames me too?"

"No, she's just using you to avoid admitting she might be wrong."

"Is there any news?"

"From surgery? No, not yet." Cal sighed. Sam just nodded and looked down into her mug of tea. "Come on, you know its not your fault." He said putting his arm around her shoulder and giving it a squeeze reassuringly.

"I hope she makes it Cal, she's so young, she's got everything to live for."

"I know." He sighed, holding her closer.

Just then they heard someone shouting for help so they jumped up and headed towards where Lofty was calling. It was Jim, his chest pain had started again and he was becoming more unwell. Sam, Cal and Lofty headed in, and one look between them said they knew where this was headed. They got him into resus quickly and sprung into action treating him. Lofty took an ECG which showed a STEMI, so Sam alerted the cath lab that he would need to be sent up. Just then the all too familiar beep of the cardiac monitor went off, Jim was in VF. The three of them worked on Jim and after 3 shocks they managed to get an output back. Relieved, Sam phoned the cath lab again for an update and was told they would be another 20 minutes until they were ready. She informed Cal, who looked concerned, Jim was very unstable and could go again at any minute. The three of them looked grim. It was then that Dixie brought another patient in to them.

"Hi guys, this is Margaret Greggs, 56, end stage pancreatic cancer, with liver mets, presented with severe jaundice, most likely caused by a blocked bilary stent, which she had inserted 8 weeks ago. She stopped her chemotherapy at the time of the stent insertion. Unfortunately there were no beds on the oncology ward so they said to bring her here. BP 148/98, pulse 108, SATS 95%, resps 28, temp 37.2°C. Pain score of 8/10 so we've given her 5 of morphine and 10 of metoclopramide."

"Thanks Dixie." Sam nodded, smiling at her as she helped to try and make Margaret more comfortable on the trolley. Just then, Jim crashed again. Cal, Sam and Lofty started working on him again, but this time they couldn't bring him back. After 4 shocks and 18 minutes of CPR, he went into asystole, and despite a further 15 minutes of CPR, which deep down they knew wouldn't be any good, Cal called it. Sam turned and leaned on the sink while she washed her hands and let out a long sigh, and then headed back over to Margaret, apologising for leaving her. Margaret was very sweet about it. Sam got Cal to write up some pain relief which she administered. Then she took some bloods and re did her obs. She also phoned back down to the oncology ward to see if there was looking likely to be a bed coming up, but unfortunately there wasn't, but the registrar said he would come down to review Margaret as he knew her well.

Sam got her settled and moved her into the HDU cubicle so she could get some peace. When the oncology registrar came to see Margaret to discuss a management plan, Sam stayed with her. Unfortunately it looked as though Margaret was in her final days, and there really was nothing else they could do for her except make her comfortable. Sam phoned around to see if there was an available bed at the hospice, but unfortunately it looked unlikely until the following afternoon when they had someone lined up for discharge. Sam felt like she was banging her head against a brick wall trying to help Margaret. Luckily she was comfortable and sleeping. Sam prepared a syringe driver for Margaret to administer a continuous stream of pain relief and antisickness medication to keep Margaret comfortable. Margaret had no next of kin, as she had lost her husband suddenly and they had never had children, so she was alone. Sam felt awful for her. Nobody should be alone at this point in their life. Sam stayed with her as her shift came to an end, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. She sat beside Margaret holding her hand as Margaret slipped into unconsciousness. It seemed she was hours away not days as first suspected. Sam sat with her, chatting and offering words of comfort, even though Margaret could no longer respond. And as her breathing got shallower and slower, and she slipped away, Sam still sat holding her hand so she didn't have to be alone. Suddenly she heard the door open behind her. She looked around to see Cal stood there.

"Shouldn't you have finished by now?" He asked. Sam looked at her watch and nodded. She still had hold of Margaret's hand, but she held onto her fob watch with the other one, suddenly reminded of the perfect man who gave it to her, the perfect man she needed so much right now.

"She's gone Cal, she slipped away a couple of minutes ago. I was about to call you." Sam said sadly. "I couldn't leave her alone to die."

Cal headed over and performed the necessary checks to certify the death, and noted it in Margaret's notes.

"Sam, you should get someone else to sort this, you need to go home. I'm finishing in a minute, I'll take you home." Cal said gently, and Sam nodded, getting up. She looked at her phone, she had 3 messages from Ethan, somehow with her phone on silent, she had missed them. She sent a quick text to reassure him she was fine but got held up at work, and would be home soon.

"Cal, was there any news on Daisy?"

"Yes, she made it out of surgery and is in PICU, hopefully she will come around and make a good recovery, but until she wakes up they won't really know, but its a good sign she got through the surgery." He smiled. Sam breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure she could take her third in one shift. "Come on,you go and get changed and lets get you home." He said putting his arm around her shoulder. As they left the room, Charlie came past.

"Shouldn't you have gone 2 hours ago young lady?" He asked Sam.

"Charlie, Margaret's has just passed away, Cal has certified the death, can you sort things out for me please?"

"No problem, leave it to me. Now get yourself home." He smiled, gently patting her shoulder, before Cal lead her away. After this day, she couldn't wait to get back to Ethan and feel safe in his arms.


	103. Chapter 103

Cal took Sam back to their flat, Ethan rushed as quick as he could to see why she was so late. He had clearly been worried and Sam felt guilty that she hadn't let him know sooner.

"Is everything OK?" He asked as he made his way towards Sam. Cal slung his bag down on the dining table.

"Everything is fine. I'm really sorry, it was just a bit of a mammoth day, wasn't it Cal?" Sam said looking for backup. She slumped down on the sofa, feeling absolutely shattered.

"You can say that again, thank goodness I had super-nurse here by my side." Cal smiled as he sat down with a beer.

"What happened?" Ethan asked.

"Death, degradation and doctors happened." Sam gave a small smile.

"Oh, right." Ethan said, feeling a bit confused.

"Anyone fancy a take away? My treat?" Sam said. "I'm starving." She smiled. They ordered some food and when it arrived they took their places on the sofa, falling into their cozy, comfortable routine.

"Wow, I'm stuffed." Sam sighed as she leaned back on the sofa sticking her stomach out feeling bloated and full of food.

"Yes you are." Cal laughed. "I don't think you're pregnant really, I think you've just been eating too many take aways!"

"Oi! Behave you! I may be pregnant but I can still have you." Sam laughed back.

"Just try it." Cal playfully threatened as Ethan shook his head at the childish pair.

"So aren't you going to tell me why today was so awful?" He asked to change the subject.

"Well, we nearly lost a 4 year old because we missed a subdural haematoma, thankfully she made it through surgery. Then we lost Jim, he had a STEMI and then arrested twice."

"Jim?" Ethan asked.

"Yes you know, Jobless Jim, frequent flyer?"

"Oh, Jim, really?"

"Yeah, and right as we lost him, we had a lady admitted who really should have been in the oncology ward, or in the hospice, she had terminal pancreatic cancer, and she was the reason I was late, she deteriorated rapidly, and she had no family, so I sat with her after my shift until she died. I couldn't bare the thought that she might die alone." Sam explained. "I should have let you know, I just wasn't really thinking."

"You know you take too much on sometimes Sam, you need to be careful." Ethan said worried.

"I was only sitting by her bedside, talking to her and holding her hand, that's not too much to ask at the end of life is it. You know she was only 56." Sam said. Ethan looked at Cal who shrugged. Suddenly his phone started ringing. He picked it up off the table and smiled.

"Hello beautiful." He answered smiling. Sam and Ethan exchanged a glance, guessing who must be on the other end. "Yeah, I'm at home, Ethan and Sam are here, we've just had food...yeah come round. Ok see you in a bit." He smiled as he hung up and put his phone back on the table.

"So, Ella's coming around is she?" Sam smiled.

"Yeah, you two don't mind do you?"

"Not at all." Ethan smiled. He took Sam's hand and intertwined his fingers with hers as they relaxed back on the couch. Shortly afterwards Ella arrived. She smiled at Ethan and Sam as she came in.

"Sorry guys, you don't mind me coming over do you?"

"Not at all." Said Sam, jumping up to give her friend a hug, then pulling her down next to her on the sofa.

"You're welcome over anytime." Ethan smiled.

Cal came back in the room with tea and coffee for everyone and sat next to Ella.

"What's happened then?" He asked her.

"Oh its nothing really, just staff problems at work getting me down, people who need to grow up and get on with it instead of always moaning, you know? I just wanted some company so I didn't think about it."

"Well, you can get that here." Cal smiled.

"El, are you working tomorrow?" Sam asked suddenly.

"No, thank god! I've got a couple of days off."

"Me too, why don't we do something? Go somewhere for the day and get out of Holby. Cal are you off? You can come?" Sam said.

"Yeah, I have got tomorrow off actually."

"Great, we can all get out of here, it will do us all good." Sam smiled.

"Where are we gonna go through?" Ella asked.

"I fancy going to the beach, we could pack a nice lunch, walk by the sea, we could go in the amusements and just generally have a relaxing carefree day. Granted it won't be bikini weather, but it is meant to be nice tomorrow. What do you think?"

Everyone agreed that it sounded like a good plan to get out of town and down to the coast. Cal said he would drive them all in his car, as obviously Ethan's car was non existent, he still needed to sort the insurance and look for a new one, but he wasn't ready to do that yet.

"So, did Mrs Beauchamp say anything was going to happen about Daisy?" Sam asked cal suddenly.

"Not really, obviously if she doesn't make it then there will be an inquest. But if she recovers she said she would look into it."

"Oh, right, but she didn't come to speak to me about it."

"Sam, stop worrying, you didn't do anything wrong. You were the one who picked up on it and acted quickly on the changes in her condition." Cal tried to reassure her.

"I know but-" Sam started.

"Really, its not your fault."

"But I bet she tried to blame me didn't she?" Sam asked raising her eyebrows at Cal suspiciously.

"It doesn't matter what she said, Mrs Beauchamp will find out the truth, she will only be interested in the facts. Besides I'm not sure that Mrs Beauchamp was that impressed with her attitude earlier."

"Is this Lily again?" Ella asked suddenly.

"Are you really surprised?" Sam nodded.

"From what you've told me before, no. And from my personal experience."

"Personal experience?"

"Yeah, she was a bit, well, snotty when she sent a patient up the other day, she was handing over and I asked her a question and she snapped and told me to listen, I felt like I was back in school." Ella laughed as she pulled a face, making Sam laugh.

"Lily's really not that bad, I don't know why you two don't get on." Ethan said. Cal gave him a look and Sam and Ella laughed.

"Its just a personality clash Ethan, don't worry." Sam smiled, knowing he never really saw the true extent of Lily's behaviour towards her.

"Yeah, you have one and she doesn't!" Ella laughed, causing Sam and Cal to laugh too.

"Oh Ethan, sorry, I know she's your friend." Sam said stopping laughing. "She and I just don't see eye to eye. But I understand that us laughing about it makes you uncomfortable." She said as she cuddled back into him.

"So anyway, how's baby?" Ella asked, changing the subject.

"Fine, I think." Sam smiled, Ethan gave her a squeeze in his arms, and smiled at her. "We've got the 12 week scan next week."

"Oh, its so exciting, scary but exciting." Ella smiled. "I can't believe my Sammy is having a baby."

"Well, you'd better believe it." Sam laughed. "At least he or she will have the best daddy." Sam smiled at Ethan.

"They will have the best mummy too." Ethan smiled back, kissing her.

"Oh God, you two, stop being impossibly cute." Ella laughed as Cal mockingly rolled his eyes.


	104. Chapter 104

The following morning, Ethan and Sam were up early, Sam had popped down to the shop to buy some things to pack a nice lunch, and they were busy between them preparing it all. Cal was still in bed, but they decided to leave him there to sleep as he and Ella had stayed up later the previous night, and they didn't want a grumpy Cal getting in their way. Besides, they were having a nice bit of time just the two of them working in the kitchen. They had the radio on low, so as not to wake Cal, but Sam was singing along lightly to some old tunes.

"Mmm, come and try this Ethan." Sam said, holding out some humus she was preparing.

"You're supposed to be packing it not eating it." Ethan laughed.

"I've got to make sure it tastes good!" She laughed back as she fed him the taster she was holding. "Good huh?"

"Mmm, yeah it is." He laughed, wiping a bit off his lip that she missed. Sam carried on chopping the crudités to accompany the selection of dips they had, smiling to herself whilst singing to the radio again.

"My mum used to like this song, I remember her singing it when she was cooking breakfast one Sunday morning." Ethan smiled sadly at the memory. Sam stopping chopping the cucumber and looked up.

"Do you want me to turn it off?" She asked quickly, reaching for the switch.

"No, no its fine, its a happy memory." He said. Sam put down the knife and rubbed her hands on a towel and went and put her arms around Ethan, wrapping him into a hug. He breathed in her scent and felt happy. Then she did something that took him by surprise. She rested her head on his chest and sang lightly, finishing the end of the song. Tears pricked his eyes, but he didn't feel sad, he felt content.

"Now you have two different memories linked to that song. One happy one from your past with your mum, and one that leads you into your future with me and our baby." She explained as the song came to an end. He tightened his hold on her, amazed at just how perfect she was.

"I love you." He whispered. "You and our baby."

"We love you too." She whispered back, holding onto him tightly. When she pulled back away and looked at him he rubbed his eyes from underneath his glasses. She gve him a small sweet smile.

"Mum would have loved you." He said, catching Sam by surprise and taking hold of her hand.

"Well, I wish I could have met her. I'm sure she was a remarkable woman." Sam kissed him gently on the lips. It was then that Cal stumbled into the kitchen.

"Morning Caleb." Sam grinned at him.

"Coffee." Was all Cal could mumble, making Sam and Ethan exchange a look and laugh.

"Go sit down, I'll put the kettle on." Sam smiled, guiding the sleepy man towards the living room. "So Ella didn't stay last night then?" Sam asked as she brought in his coffee and handed it to him.

"No, no she didn't." He sighed.

"Well, don't worry, she will let you back in soon, she's just being cautious. You know she's interested, or she wouldn't have bothered giving you a second chance."

"Yeah, I guess." He sighed. Sam squeezed his knee and smiled at him.

"Just be patient." Sam said, heading back towards the kitchen.

Later, the foursome found themselves in Cal's car on the way to the coast. It was a lovely sunny day, with spring in full force, and Ella was taking advantage of this, wearing her denim cut off shorts, much to Sam's jealousy of her amazing legs, which Sam had already pointed out. Not that it had gone unnoticed by Cal. His eyes had popped out of his head as she stepped out of her front door.

They parked up and headed out onto the beach, and set up in a nice spot. Cal and Ella headed off for a walk while Ethan and Sam sat down with their books. Sam had another practical assessment due next week as well as another written assignemnt, and Ethan's next exam was looming too, so they thought they'd relax on the beach but get some study time in too.

Cal and Ella were walking along the waters edge, talking. Ella had slipped her sandals off and was walking barefoot in the sand, the water occasionally reaching her toes. She smiled and sighed, feeling really content, then did something that took Cal by surprise, she reached and and took his hand in hers. He smiled down at her and they carried on walking hand in hand.

"Look at them two, what are they like eh?" Ella laughed, nodding towards Ethan and Sam studying together.

"I know, king and queen of the geeks." Cal laughed. "You can always rely on my brother to do something like that."

"At least they are happy." Ella sighed, watching Ethan lean across and kiss Sam while resting his hand protectively on her stomach.

"Well, we all deserve a bit of that, don't we?" Cal said stopping and looking at her.

"I guess we do." She said quietly, holding his gaze. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, and she felt like she shuddered under his gentle touch as his fingers lightly ran over her cheek. She could feel her heart beating in her chest As the butterflies started, they gazed intensely at each other. He gently lifted her chin upwards, still not breaking eye contact and he leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. He pulled away slightly and looked at her for approval. She slipped her hand around his neck and pulled him back down into a longer kiss, expressing passion and feelings that were currently being suppressed by both of them.

"Oh my God! Look at them!" Sam squeeled to Ethan whilst poking him in the arm. He turned and looked in Cal and Ella's direction whilst rubbing his arm, smiling back at her excitement.

"What are you like. That was inevitable."

"Yes, but its nice to see them getting back on track."

"Yeah, until he screws it up again." Ethan said without thinking.

"Really? You think he will?" Sam asked.

"No, not necessarily, its an old habit, these comments just slip out sometimes. I'm used to Cal self sabotaging things."

"I hope this time proves that theory wrong then." Sam smiled.

"I hope so too." Ethan agreed, wanting to keep Sam's romantic visions alive. "Now come on, back to it, the patient scenario, how would you treat him?" Ethan said, getting her mind off his brothers romantic life and back to study.

"You're a hard task master Ethan Hardy." Sam smiled, kissing him.

"Don't try to distract me with your kisses, answer the question." He laughed.

As Cal and Ella were kissing, his phone started ringing in his pocket. She pulled away, but he pulled her back in and kissed her again, ignoring his phone, he was enjoying this too much. But when his phone starting ringing again a few minutes later she stopped.

"Aren't you going to answer that, who ever it is clearly wants to speak to you." She smiled.

"It'll be Ethan or Sam messing around to putus off." He shrugged, leaning in to kiss her again,but she pulled back.

"Come on, it might be something important." She insisted. He sighed and although the ringing hadstopped again he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked who his missed calls were from. He felt the blood drain from his face when he saw the name showing on the screen: '2 missed calls from Taylor'. He locked his screen and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

"Everything OK?" Ella asked concerned.

"Yeah, unknown number, probably a sales call." He said, a slight shake to his voice.

"Then why do you look like you've seen a ghost?"

"Just annoying that a sales call took me away from kissing you." He said as he started walking again. "Shall we go and interrupt the studying?" He said, trying to recover from the sinking feeling in his stomach.


	105. Chapter 105

The foursome sat and devoured their lunch as they soaked up the suns rays that had come out for them. They chatted easily as always, although Cal was a little more subdued than normal, luckily it went largely unnoticed as Sam and Ella filled most of the conversation with girlie gossiping and joking. After lunch, Sam and Ella headed off, arm in arm, down to the water laughing all the way, and Cal and Ethan stayed sat on the sand.

"You're quiet." Ethan said to Cal, realising he wasn't himself.

"Am I? I'm just watching the girls." He shrugged.

"If you say so." Ethan shrugged back.

"How are you feeling anyway?" Cal asked his brother, looking at him, trying to divert the attention away from himself.

"I'm OK, I feel tired very quickly still. But I'm getting there."

"When are you back at work?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen Mrs Beauchamp yet. Hopefully soon or I'll get bored."

"You don't know how to live it up and enjoy paid time off do you?" Cal laughed at his brother. "How has Sam been, you know with the baby and all."

"She seems to be getting a bit better, not quite so sick the past few days which is good. I hated seeing her so ill, I felt partly responsible for it and there was nothing I could do."

"Yeah, she was pretty ill. I still can't believe you're having a baby."

"Yeah," Ethan laughed slightly "its pretty scary, exciting but scary."

"You'll be great." Cal smiled proudly at his brother. Ethan just looked at him.

"Cal." Ethan started. "You know the night of the crash?"

"Yes?" Cal asked, his brow furrowing, wondering what Ethan was about to tell him. His expression had suddenly gone serious.

"Well, you know Sam had some issues that night?" Cal nodded at him. "Cal, it turns out she was having twins, but we lost one." He finished quietly.

"Really?" Cal breathed. Ethan nodded sadly. "She never told me." Cal said.

"No, I think she's been avoiding it. That's why they rescanned her, to check the bleed had settled, and that the other baby was ok."

"Oh my God, and I was all wrapped up in my own drama again, and I promised her I'd be there for her and she still just carried on coping on her own."

"I think Sam would have coped alone whether your had your own dramas or not Cal, don't worry."

"But I promised I'd be there for her, and she just kept turning it back to me."

"Cal, I-I, well, I don't know how to feel." Ethan admitted shakily.

"Of course you don't. You're shocked."

"I guess. I mean it was Sam that physically went through it, but I still feel a bit sad. I can't tell her that though."

"Why not. You're just as entitled to feel sad."

"Maybe its my fault, she says its not, but if I hadn't crashed the car."

"Don't do this Ethan."

"I know, I know. It won't help, but I still keep wondering."

"Ethan, you're a doctor, you know how these things work, it could have happened crash or no crash, stop beating yourself up about it, that won't help anyone."

"I guess you're right." Ethan sighed.

"Hey, look at me being the responsible voice of reason." Cal laughed slightly, trying to lighten the mood. Ethan smiled at his brother and shook his head. They noticed then that the girls were making their way back towards them.

"Thanks Cal."

"Anytime Ethan." Cal said giving Ethan's shoulder a squeeze. He would have gone in for a hug if he'd thought Ethan would accept it. Besides, they didn't want the girls knowing they were talking about this, and if they'd been caught hugging it would have been very suspicious.

"Look at me, I'm all wet thanks to Sam." Ella laughed. Cal just raised his eyebrows, sexy thoughts slipping through his mind.

"Well, you're not wearing much so it won't take long to dry out." Sam laughed back, taking a sip from her water bottle. "Anyway, what do you two look so serious about?" Sam asked the boys.

"Nothing." They replied simultaneously. They looked at each other awkwardly, realising they sounded even more guilty, but Sam just laughed at them.

"Ok." She laughed.

"Maybe they were planning something, something special, something...engaging!" Ella grinned.

"Ella stop it!" Sam laughed. "Ethan's already got me pregnant, he doesn't need to marry me." Sam laughed, starting to get used to Ella's teasing. Ethan blushed a little at Sam's blunt announcement that he 'got her' pregnant. Cal just sniggered with Ella. Sam noticed his blush and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Poor Ethan, you don't stand a chance with us lot around." She smiled taking his hand and squeezing it. He smiled back, he didn't care if they were teasing him, he loved her so much he would take it forever.

"I'm sorry Ethan." Ella flashed him a smile, which he returned, somewhat awkwardly, still recovering from the blush on his cheeks.

"So what's the plan for later?" Sam asked stretching out her legs and digging her feet into the surrounding sand.

"Oh, can we get fish and chips and sit here and eat them as the sun sets." Ella pleaded. "I've always loved doing that when I go to the beach." She sighed.

"If that's what you want to do, then that's what we'll do." Cal smiled at her. Sam glanced at Ethan with a smile.

"Come on Ethan, lets go for a walk." Sam smiled, getting up and pulling him up. They headed off along the Sandy beach, enjoying the feeling of the warm sand between their toes.

"I always find these places so relaxing when they aren't rammed full of people." Sam sighed, smiling. "I love the feeling of walking barefoot along a beach." Ethan looked at her and smiled, taking her hand as they continued to walk off into the distance. They walked together in silence, enjoying the tranquility, and simply being comfortable in each others company. As they turned around the corner away from the main beach, they sat down on some large, flat rocks. Still holding onto Ethan's hand, Sam turned to look at him.

"Are you ok Ethan?" She asked quietly. He was about to instinctively reply that he was fine, but as he looked at her, he could see the concern in her face, he couldn't lie.

"I've just been thinking about things."

"W-what kind of things?" Sam stuttered, a little anxiously.

"Well, just what has happened, you know, with the baby, well, babies. I just, I don't know how to feel. I mean, how can you miss what you never knew you had?" Sam just looked at him, a sad smile on her face as she understood exactly what he meant.

"You may not have known before, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you found out it was there, and we've had it taken away. If we put our clinical heads on then we could tell ourselves it wasn't even a baby, but you can't switch off the fact that it would have been our baby, and we would have loved it so much."

"But we still have its brother or sister, and I'm really grateful for that."

"But?"

"But what?"

"I sensed a but coming?"

"Well, I was thinking, I don't know how you'd feel about it, but, well it might be nice to do something to mark the other baby's existence, you know, something that when we look at it, it will signify the lost twin. Is that silly?" He asked nervously. Sam just looked at him as tears pooled in her eyes, her hormones getting the better of her. Ethan saw she was getting teary and hurriedly backtracked. "N-no, its OK, w-we don't have to. It was a silly idea." He said shaking his head.

"No its not, its beautiful." Sam sniffed, throwing her arms around him. "That would be lovely."

"Ok, right, well we can think of something then, what ever you like." Ethan said, leaning back and looking at her, taking her hand back in his. She looked intensely at him and took a deep breath.

"Ethan, I have something I want to show you, will you stay at mine tonight?"

"Of course I will sweetheart." He said, planting a small kiss on her forehead.


	106. Chapter 106

As the sun cooled off and night time drew in, the foresome got their fish and chips and sat on the seafront, looking out to the sea as the tide was coming in. Ethan had his arm around Sam and she rested her head on his shoulder as they ate, she was feeling tired after their day out and he wasn't feeling much livelier. Ella was huddled next to Cal with a towel draped over her lap, now regretting the choice of shorts as it was considerably cooler as the sun set. But it was worth it for the perfect setting to end the perfect day with great company Ella thought to herself. As the sun dropped out of sight, Sam leaned into Ethan and kissed him deeply, whispering 'I love you' into his ear. He kissed her back as a response, feeling so incredibly lucky again. Cal and Ella smiled at the sweet pair.

As they drove back to Holby, both Sam and Ethan fell asleep in the back of the car, causing much giggling to come from Cal and Ella.

"All that kissing must have tired them out." Ella smiled.

"Yeah, and the studying." Cal laughed gently, making sure not to wake the tired duo.

"I've had a lovely day. Thanks Cal." Ella smiled at him. He turned and looked at her quickly, flashing her a smile.

"It's been great spending time with you." Cal looked into the rear view mirror to check their travel companions were still asleep. "Do you want to come back to mine tonight?" He asked, somewhat nervously, but trying to sound cool. Ella considered this for a moment, then she reached across, placing her hand on his leg and smiled.

"I'd love to." She said. He placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a squeeze and smiled at her. "I tell you what, you drop me off first, I'll pick up some things, then you can pick me up after you've dropped Ethan and Sam off."

"No problem." He smiled.

As he dropped Ethan and Sam off and drove back towards Ella's flat, he couldn't stop the smile spreading on his face. It wasn't that he thought he would get her into bed, more that he was relieved he seemed to be getting somewhere into proving himself again. For now, he pushed the thought of those phonecalls out of his head. It couldn't have been her anyway, someone probably got hold of her phone he thought. He pulled up outside of Ella's flat to see she was there waiting, having changed into some jeans. She headed towards the car and jumped back in, leaning over and kissing Cal seductively without giving it too much thought, it just felt right.

They got back to Cal's flat and he got them both a drink and they sat down in the front room together. Ella pulled Cal's arm around her shoulder and snuggled into him. For a split second he was taken by surprise, but he relaxed and pulled her in tight, feeling content. He sat looking down at her in his arms, she was beautiful he thought, smiling to himself at how lucky he was, getting another chance with such a beautiful girl. She looked up at him, realising he was staring at her, she smiled shyly and he gently lifted her chin towards him, searching her face, then he locked eyes with her and leaned in and kissed her. Their kiss got more intense, then when Ella pulled away and looked at him, they both knew where this was headed, and Cal took her by the hand and lead her to his bedroom.

* * *

Across town at Sam's flat, she had made them both a cup of tea, then returned to the sofa with a small shoe box sized box, which she placed on the table in front of them.

"Is this what you wanted to show me?" Ethan asked quietly, looking at the box.

"Yes." She whispered quietly nodding. He sat there awkwardly, waiting for her to explain or to show him what was in there, although he had a fair idea what it might be. He looked at her and she was sat staring at the box as if touching it would make it disintegrate.

"Sam?" He asked softly placing his hand gently on her arm.

"Hmm?" She said looking up and realising she was lost in her own thoughts. "Oh sorry. I've just never shown anyone this before, I've never talked about it before."

"If you're not ready, or you don't wa-" Ethan started to reassure her.

"I want to Ethan, I need to." She said, leaning forward and lifting the box onto her lap. She carefully opened the lid. She picked up the small black and white scan picture and held it out to Ethan. He took it, looking at the baby's outline with a smile. He looked up at Sam, but didn't say a word. Together they looked through the box in silence, until Sam picked up a particular photo and a small box. Then she spoke.

"You don't have to look at this photo if you don't want to, it was me holding Zachary, just after he was born." She said, her voice breaking.

"I'd love to see it, if you want me to." He said, taking hold of her other hand and intertwining his fingers with hers, giving her a gentle squeeze in support. She held out the photo and he took it and looked at it. Without realising, tears formed over his eyes when he looked at it, seeing a younger Sam holding a tiny bundle, wrapped up, but you could just make out a small face of a baby that looked like it was sleeping peacefully in her arms. "Beautiful." He breathed quietly. He looked at her to see she was now silently crying. He placed the photo gently back in the box and put his arm around her shoulders. She wiped away her tears still clutching a small secure box.

"This is him. I couldn't let him go anywhere else, so I keep him with me. Then where ever I go in life, my baby boy is with me." She said trying to keep her voice steady, but not really managing, as the tears fell freely. Ethan pulled her in tight, swallowing hard. He wasn't naive in knowing that this would have affected her, but seeing the raw emotion displayed in front of him, it really brought it home. He swallowed hard to stop himself from filling up and letting his emotions show. He needed to be strong for Sam.

"This is beautiful Sam. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. I understand it's very personal, so I feel privileged to have been able to see Zachary. He was a beautiful boy and its so cruel that he was denied his chance at life." With that Sam broke out into sobs and he soothed her.

"I'm sorry Ethan." She eventually apologised when the sobs subsided. "It's just emotions that I've kept locked away for a long time. I've never really shared them with anyone."

"Well, you have me now, and I'll help you through it. Anything you need to do, I'll help you." He whispered into her hair as he hugged her.

"Thank you." She whispered, cuddling back into him. She wiped her tears and looked up at him. She pulled him down and kissed him. Then giving him a lingering look, she kissed him again more deeply. "Come on, lets go to bed." She whispered, taking his hand and guiding him towards the bedroom.


	107. Chapter 107

**I'm sorry, I meant to put a warning before the last chapter about the sensitive subject matter. If I upset anyone then I'm really _really_ sorry! **

**Thank you all for your continued support and amazing reviews and comments on my story. :)**

* * *

When Ella woke the following morning with Cal still curled up behind her she couldn't help but smile. Ideally she would have held out a bit longer, but there was no denying the chemistry between them. They wanted each other and no one else would do. She carefully turned around to face him, causing him to mumble and shift in his sleep, but she wrapped her arms around him and started to kiss him, gentle little kisses carefully placed around his neck, shoulders and chest, as she traced her fingers along his side, he shuddered and then broke out into a smile.

"Now that's a wake up call." He mumbled sleepily, pulling her in for a proper kiss. As his kiss got more urgent and needing, she knew she had him and she pulled him on top of her, giggling as they dived together back under the covers, kissing passionately.

* * *

Sam woke up first, she'd had a pretty restless night, but drifted off again in the early hours. She shifted position, sitting herself up in bed. She looked at Ethan, who was sleeping peacefully, and she couldn't help but smile. Slowly, she reached her hand out and lightly smoothed down his hair. She loved how it looked toussled and stuck out at all funny angles when he woke up. She slowly got up to go to the bathroom and by the time she returned, Ethan had stirred also.

"Morning." He smiled sleepily as she climbed back into bed.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's fine." He smiled as he shifted to a sitting position. "Cup of tea?" He asked.

"Are you making?" Sam grinned.

"Definitely." He smiled. "You stay there." He planted a kiss on her forehead and headed into the kitchen. When he came back carrying two mugs of tea, he slipped back into bed beside Sam and pulled her in for a cuddle while waiting for their drinks to cool. She lay with her head on his shoulder, both feeling content.

"Sam, I was, um, well I was thinking."

"That's dangerous!" Sam laughed.

"Hey!" Ethan laughed back pretending to be hurt.

"Ok, what about?"

"Well, I need a new car, when all the insurance goes through, and obviously we will need something suitable for the baby. But I was thinking we should choose something we both like, and I'll get you insured on it too, if you want to that is?" He asked feeling a little unsure of himself.

"Oh, Ethan, you're so sweet." Sam giggled at his suggestion, and the way he asked it like it was the biggest commitment in the world. She appreciated the sentiment though. "It's a lovely idea, very trusting of you since you've never witnessed my driving. I could be terrible."

"No, you're too sensible to be terrible, besides, eventually you'll be driving our baby around so I know you won't be reckless." He smiled smugly. She leaned in and kissed him, then sat up to drink her tea.

* * *

Cal and Ella had fallen back to sleep when suddenly Cal's phone started ringing loudly on the beside cabinet. He jolted awake, and Ella sat up rubbing her eyes. He grabbed his phone and without really looking he answered.

"Hello?" He said still half asleep.

"Cal mate, its Lofty, where are you? Mrs Beauchamp is on the war path. I told her you'd been called up to paediatrics, but there's only so long she'll believe me." Lofty hurried out.

"What time is it?"

"Half an hour after you should have been here."

"Oh sh...right, I'll be there asap." Cal said ringing off and jumping out of bed. Ella was already stood up and she looked at him.

"So, you're late for work?" She grinned. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it was worth it." He grinned back, moving over and pulling her in for a kiss again.

"Get a move on!" She said pulling away and slapping him on the bum. She pulled on her jeans and top. Cal jumped in the shower and in 10 minutes they were heading out of the door. Ella insisted that she would walk home so he could drive straight in.

"Call me after your shift." She smiled as she kissed him goodbye.

"Definitely." He smiled as he sped off towards the ED.

* * *

"So, what's the plan for today?" Ethan asked Sam as they finished their tea in bed.

"Ugh, studying probably." Sam groaned.

"Want some help?" He asked pulling her in for a cuddle.

"That'd be lovely, but how about we have some fun first though?" She smiled wickedly, pulling the duvet back up over them. He let out a nervous, breathy laugh as they leaned in to kiss, still sometimes taken by surprise at her being so interested in him.

He had fallen asleep and woken up later to an empty bed. He assumed Sam had got up to start studying, so he pulled his clothes on and headed into the front room only to find she wasn't there. He called out as he wondered around the flat but she wasn't there. Feeling confused he went to find his phone to ring her, when he heard the door opening, and Sam coming through carrying a load of shopping bags in the door. He headed towards her.

"What are you doing you shouldn't be carrying all that, let me take them." He said worried.

"No Ethan, you're the one who shouldn't be, you could set your surgery healing back. It's fine, honestly." She said, walking into the kitchen and placing the bags down, closely followed by Ethan.

"Are you ok?" He asked, still worried.

"I'm fine darling, honest. I just realised I'd been too busy to shop properly lately and if you're here I thought I'd cook a nice meal for you later." She smiled, flicking on the kettle. "Tea?" She asked. He nodded. Sam started to pack away the shopping.

"I'll make the tea darling." He smiled, standing behind her and planting a kiss on her cheek. She placed her hand on his cheek and turned to smile at him. They shared a lingering look, not needing to speak, they each knew what the other was thinking.

* * *

Cal had managed to avoid Mrs Beauchamp's wrath, and he ensured he had been seen by her working in cubicles, and acted as if he had been there all along. Luckily for him, she was rushing off to a board meeting and by the time she returned, she was too busy and distracted to call him to task on his lateness that morning.

He was working with Lofty in cubicles when he turned and saw a familiar face. He smiled and headed towards Ella, who was loitering by reception.

"I brought you this." She smiled, holding out some food for him. "You had to rush out without breakfast, I thought you shouldn't do a full shift without something good to eat."

"Thank you." He smiled, touched by her thoughtfulness. He gave her a quick kiss, before he heard Lofty cough and as he looked up, Mrs Beauchamp was stalking past.

"Don't you have some work to do Dr Knight?" She snapped and carried on up the stairs, her heels clicking as she headed off. Cal laughed slightly and looked apologetically at Ella.

"I'd better get on, but thanks for this."

"No problem." She smiled as she turned and headed back outside.

"So, its going well with the future Mrs Knight then?" Lofty grinned when Ella was out of sight.

"Shut up Lofty." Cal laughed, pushing the curly haired nurse away. "And yes it is." He grinned heading off into cubicles.


	108. Chapter 108

The day of Sam's 12 week scan finally came, however, Sam had to get through her practical exam in the morning, so she was desperately trying to remain focused and not get distracted by the excitement and nervousness of the scan. She was also nervous about her exam, finding it hard to know where exam nerves stopped and scan nerves started.

She was waiting outside to go in for her exam when her phone beeped with a text message from Ethan.

'Wishing you lots of luck, you know you can do it. I have every faith in you. Love you xx' she smiled and tapped a quick thank you reply before switching it off just in time for being called through.

Ethan felt nervous for her, and unbeknown to her, he was downstairs in the ED, having organised to go and see Mrs Beauchamp for an update following the accident. He was still signed off work, but was hoping to be able to negotiate going back soon. He missed his job, treating his patients and the team, and he wanted to get back to some normality again, he had too much time to think over things at home.

He didn't know why but Mrs Beauchamp could still make him feel like a nervous school boy, even after all this time. He could feel himself getting nervous as he approached her office door. He knocked and she called him in, and there was a small smile on her lips when she saw the young doctor, which helped him relax a little.

"Doctor Hardy, come in, you're looking well." She said with that smile fixed on her face. He let out a small breath, feeling relieved she seemed to be in a good mood.

"Good morning Mrs Beauchamp." He said as he sat down in the chair she motioned to. "Yes, I'm feeling much better thank you." He replied politely.

"Everything is settling down after the surgery then?" She asked.

"Yes. Yes thank you. I-I'd like to discuss coming back to work." He said nervously. They way he felt you'd think he was telling her he was never going back, not hat he wanted to come back, but Mrs Beauchamp had that air of authority that made Ethan nervous, he didnt dare cross her if he could help it.

"Well, it is rather soon after the surgery, though I can't deny, we've missed having you in the numbers." She smiled that smile again. Ethan couldn't work out if that was a compliment or not, but he smiled nervously back nonetheless. "Are you sure you feel ready?"

"Y-yes, yes I do. I'm rediculously bored at home."

"But think of all that study time." She raised her eyebrows at him, reminding him of his upcoming exam.

"I know, and I have been, but I need the clinical experience to back the study up." He replied.

"Ok, well how about we bring you back at the end of your current sick note, as long as your outpatient appointment goes well, but, and I mean this, you work reduced hours for the first week or two to make sure you can handle it, and you work in cubicles only."

"Oh, thank you Mrs Beauchamp. I really appreciate that. I need to get my brain working again." Ethan smiled, as if he'd been given his life back.

"It's not your brain that I'm worried about doctor Hardy, its your body recovering from the surgery. If you have any problems, you must let me know."

Yes Mrs Beauchamp I will. Thank you." He said jumping up to leave. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled. Ethan left the office, feeling for a moment that she wasn't as scary as he had always imagined. But he knew she could be, he had just caught her in a moment of kindness due to what he had been through. He knew if he crossed her, if anyone crossed her then she could turn at the flip of a switch and she could probably kill someone at ten paces with just her tongue. Ethan walked back through the ED, bumping into Rita who was scurrying around the corner with some notes which went cascading to the floor.

"Oh, Rita, I'm so sorry." Ethan said, crouching down to help her pick them up.

"It's OK Ethan, it was half my fault too, I should have been more careful. I'm just in a rush, I've got to get to Mrs Beauchamp with these reports, and they still aren't sorted. How are you anyway?" She asked as they stood up.

"I'm good thank you Rita. Don't worry, Mrs Beauchamp seems to be in a good mood."

"Well, trust me, she won't be in a minute when I go in there." Rita smiled. "Sam's up in her exam isn't she?"

"Yes, yes she is." Ethan smiled, a pang of nerves hitting him again. He really hoped Sam would do OK. She had been studying so hard, she deserved it, but he also knew she could get distracted with the thought of the scan. Rita realised the time, she apologised and hurried off, leaving Ethan stood on his own. He headed towards the nurses admin desk, and within moments he was surrounded by his colleagues, all asking how he was and giving him advice to stay away as long as he could from the madness. Ethan couldn't help but miss the madness, when you worked in a team like this, who wouldn't.

"What's going on here then? Is this my post exam celebration commitee?" Sam smiled cheekily, standing behind the group with her arms folded.

"Sweetheart, how did it go?" Ethan asked, heading towards her. Robyn inwardly squeeled on hearing him openly call Sam that.

"Um, OK I think, you never can tell. I'm kicking myself over a couple of things, but I can't change it now."

"I'm sure you were brilliant." He said giving her a quick kiss.

"Have you come to meet me for the scan?" Sam asked.

"That, among other things." He smiled.

"Scan?" Robyn asked.

"Yes, its our 12 week scan today." Sam smiled.

"Oh my God! That's so exciting!" Robyn squeeled with a huge grin on her face. "You have to come back after and show us the pictures." She said practically bouncing up and down, making Sam laugh.

"Ok, we will." She smiled. Ethan took hold of her hand, and they walked together towards the waiting area for their scan. Despite the fact that it had only been a couple of weeks since the last scan, they both felt nervous, hoping all would be OK.

"It'll be OK you know." Ethan smiled at Sam, trying to reassure her, and deep down probably himself too. She nodded and he squeezed her hand tighter, waiting until they were finally called.

As it was the scan went really well, Sam had some more blood taken, everything looked as it should, and they left with big smiles on their faces, clutching a couple of printed photographs of the baby, _their_ baby.

Robyn was the first to pounce on them as they walked hand in hand back into the department. She had been eagerly awaiting their return, desperate to find out the news and see the pictures.

"How was it?" She squeeled excitedly.

"It was all good Robyn." Sam smiled as Robyn pulled her in for a hug. "Here's the pics." Sam couldn't hide her excitement too as she handed over the photos, and Robyn being excited made her more so.

"Oh my God! Look, its baby Hardy, aw, its so cute!"

"Robyn how can you tell its cute?" Sam laughed.

"Because it has good genes, its sure to be cute. Lofty! Come and look!" Robyn called Lofty over. Soon everyone was crowded around the couple looking and asking questions.

"Hey, its uncle Cal!" Lofy laughed as Cal approached the group.

"Yeah, cool uncle Cal, that's me." He laughed as he took the photos and had a look, a smile coming to his face as he remembered seeing it for real the first time.

When the group had dispersed, Cal gave the photos back to Sam.

"So, all went well at the scan then?" He asked a little anxiously.

"Everything was fine Cal, don't worry. I should get the results of the bloods soon and then we will have a clearer idea, but all looks good so far."

"Good, I'm glad." He said letting out a small sigh. "Listen, Ella wanted to know if you both wanted to meet up for dinner tonight?"

"I'm up for it if you are." Sam said looking at Ethan.

"Yeah, lets do it, we have a lot to celebrate." He smiled. He took Sam's hand again and they headed off out of the department.


	109. Chapter 109

Ethan's first shift back soon came around. Sam was glad to have him back at work, she'd missed him being around there, she loved getting to see him work, she found it fascinating how his mind worked at times, and she was always reminded of the early days of falling for him.

As Sam got ready for her shift, she checked her in-tray she had two envelopes waiting for her. She picked them up and sat down on the sofa in the staff room to read them. Ethan looked up and sat with her while he had a quick drink before starting.

"That looks official." He said as she slowly opened the first envelope.

"I'm certain its my exam results." She said, looking at him worriedly.

"What are you waiting for then?" He smiled nodding at her to continue. Slowly she pulled out the results slip and looked at it. She read through it again just to be sure what she was reading. "Well?" Ethan asked, anticipation eating him up.

"I-I did it, I passed." She said somewhat surprised. Ethan broke out into a massive smile and scooped her up in a big hug. Once she recovered a bit from the shock she returned the hug.

"I knew you would! I never doubted it for a second." Ethan smiled.

"I can't believe it." Sam said still shocked, then she smiled, then started laughing. "Oh my God! I did it!" She pulled Ethan back into a hug and kissed him with excitement.

"What's the other one?" He asked eventually.

"I don't know." She said peeling back the envelope and pulling out a thank you card. She slowly read it in silence, suddenly feeling a lump in her throat. "It's from Daisy's mum. You know the little girl who had the subdural haematoma."

"What did she say?" Ethan asked.

"Well, she just thanked me for being so understanding and supportive and basically credits me for picking up the changes in Daisy quick enough so she was able to be saved." Sam looked up at Ethan, surprise written all over her face. "Apparently the surgeons told her had we left it too much longer her chance of recovery would have been slim. I can't believe it." Sam said still in shock.

"Well, that's great then isn't it?" He smiled supportively.

"But it wasn't just me, Cal helped too."

"Yes, but you connected with Daisy and her Mum, and you started the ball rolling to get her the right treatment. In Daisy's Mum's mind, you were the one who saved her, and you should be proud, it was good work." He said, squeezing her hand supportively.

"Ethan, you're biased." She smiled. "You would tell me I did a good job even if I didn't."

"I wouldn't, but yes, you're a great nurse, and you work hard and I'm proud of you."

"You're the best." Sam smiled sweetly giving him a peck on the cheek. "Come on, to work we go." She said, standing up and heading towards her locker to put the card and letter away, then out onto the floor, dutily followed by Ethan.

The shift started off normally, however, a couple of hours later Zoe, in Connie's absence, received word that St James' ED was closed to all admissions due to a gas leak on site, so all patients were being diverted to Holby. She gathered the teams together to explain the situation, and asked everyone to be on the ball and keep their heads clear. She hadn't pulled in extra resources yet, as there were no known major incidents, so they didn't know what the workload would be like. They just had to play it by ear.

Rita and Zoe were treating a critical patient in resus, but had stabilised him for the time being, while Ethan and Dylan were covering cubicles with Sam, Lofty and Robyn. Lily was assigned to resus, but was currently covering cubicles too. The team had a good patient flow running, and the radiology team were processing X-ray and scan requests quickly for them. Things were going well, they were busy, but it wasn't chaotic or unmanageable.

"Ethan." Sam said as she caught up with him outside of cubicle four. "Go and sit down for ten minutes, things are fine here."

"I'm fine really, I-" he started but Sam cut him off.

"Ethan, go. I have a few patients who need bloods and obs and things, I don't need a doctor yet, take advantage and go and have a cuppa." Ethan opened his mouth to protest again but Sam wouldn't allow him. She gave him a look and assertively guided him by the arm towards the staff room. "Go! And don't make me get Zoe!" She smiled and turned back to see to her patients. Ethan made himself a coffee and sat on the sofa. He had to admit, he needed to sit down. Although he had been active whilst he was at home to try and prepare for his return to work, it never quite prepared you for the full activity of a shift in the ED. He smiled thinking of Sam, how she was trying to look after him as well as all of her patients. Looking back over the past couple of hours, he hadn't realised, but subtly she had been taking care of him. Just little things, like carrying his notes to and from the desk, calling his patients through, making sure everything was there, that all routine bloods and obs were done, basically doing as much running as she could to save him. She was so lovely he thought as he sat smiling to himself, thinking about how she would make a wonderful mother to their baby. His thoughts were interrupted as he heard the commotion as Dixie arrived wheeling a man in on a trolley with his distraught fiancée running behind, cradling an injured arm. Ethan got up and went out to help.

Between him and Robyn they got the distraught fiancée into cubicles for assessment. Ethan examined her and swiftly ordered an X-ray. As he was coming out of the cubicle, Zoe called him over.

"How are you doing Ethan?"

"I'm OK, fine, yes." He stuttered out, causing Zoe to smile.

"Ok, can you keep things flowing in cubicles, I need to borrow Dylan. We've got an inbound RTC, 6 casualties, 3 trauma and 3 more minor. We've also got several elderly residents from a local care home coming in with suspected carbon monoxide poisoning. I've called Cal, he's on his way in."

"Ok, sure, no problem."

"Ethan, if it gets too much, let me know, ok?" Zoe smiled.

"Sure." Ethan smiled and nodded. He headed back to assess his next patient.

The next few hours went by in a blur of patient after patient, between those that Zoe had mentioned previously, and the steady flow of walking wounded attenders. Sam tried her best to keep things flowing, and make sure Ethan was OK, but they were all running around amid the chaos that had decended. They had had a promising start, but radiology soon got snarled up, and the empty beds on the ward were soon filled, so things backed up in the ED, and without St James' to take some of the brunt, the Holby team were pretty stuffed. But true to form they ploughed on. Ethan was feeling it now, but he refused to give in and tried not to let on. Sam rushed around the corner, heading to the sluice room with some vomit bowls, and she spied Ethan standing with a pile of notes taking a deep breath. She could see he wasn't right. She carried on to get rid of the bowls and then went back to find him.

"Ethan, you need to stop and rest a minute, go and get something to eat." Sam said, clearly worried.

"I'm fine, honestly."

"Ethan, I know you. I can see it. You're knackered, you haven't stopped in hours. You just need to sit down and eat before you collapse."

"Everyone is working hard."

"Yes but everyone hasn't just come back to work after surgery, and sooner then recommended. Ethan please?" She reached out and touched his arm. "I'm saying this for your own good, its not because you can't cope, its because I don't want you to put your recovery back. You're doing great, don't push it." Sam could tell he was coming around. "Come on, you know I'm right, if it were me, you'd be saying the same." She smiled, knowing she'd got him.

"Ok, but just a quick break." He smiled at her and went to the staff room, feeling grateful she was looking out for him, she was right, he did just need to sit and eat. Sam went back to her patients, grabbing Robyn on the way to fill her in on their latest influx of patients. Sam herself was starting to flag, but she refused to back down and carried on battling through the patients.

Suddenly she heard Lily call out for some help behind a cubicle curtain. She ran over and Lily was desperately trying to stop her patient from collapsing on the floor. Sam rushed in and helped lily get her patient back on the trolley. Just then the patient started fitting. Sam stayed and helped Lily stabilise her. While Lily assessed her, Sam quickly and skillfully got a line in and took some urgent bloods. Sending them off to the lab with a porter, she stayed with Lily, assisting her with the patient, who was very unwell. They took her through to resus, and worked together to get her stable enough to go for her scan. Sam arranged for Lofty to go with the lady for her scan to ensure she had someone who could manage if she started fitting again. As Lofty took the lady with another porter, Sam looked up at Lily.

"Good work Lily, that could have gone very wrong, you did well." Sam smiled, and headed towards the doors of resus to make her way back to her patients in cubicles. She didn't see a small smile on Lily's face as she heard her words. Zoe looked up from where she was on the phone, having heard what Sam said, and smiled to herself, seeing the small smile on Lily's face having had some appreciation. However, true to form, the moment flash of a smile was all Lily would allow herself, then she clicked back into work mode and carried on.


	110. Chapter 110

A few hours later, Zoe called the team together again to thank them for their hard work and determination to get through what had been a trying day. She informed them that St James' situation had improved, the leak had been sorted and they were just awaiting clearance from the fire crews and they should be back in operation, which hopefully meant pressure on them would ease off a little. As the team dispersed, Ethan grabbed Sam and pulled her aside.

"Thank you for all you did today." He smiled.

"I didn't do anything." Sam smiled back.

"You know you did. You've been like my guardian angel, looking over my shoulder to make sure things were as easy as they could be for me."

"Well, someone has to look after you."

"You did it well." He said giving her a quick kiss.

"I like taking care of you. I could spend the rest of my life making sure you're happy." Sam smiled shyly, going a little pink at her confession. She knew Ethan probably knew this, but saying it out loud just made her blush. Suddenly Zoe called over.

"Ethan, shouldn't you have finished by now?" She said as she approached the couple.

"Well, um, yes, but I'm OK, I can't abandon you all."

"You best not overdo it, Connie will kill me if I burn you out before she returns!" Zoe smiled as she headed off to assess the situation across the department.

"Ethan, why don't you go home?" Sam asked, worried about him.

"I'm OK, anyway, have you even had a break today?" He asked, turning it back around on her.

"I think, um, I'm sure, OK, no not yet." She reluctantly confessed.

"You hypocrite." He looked at her with a cheeky glint, but also concerned, he continued, "seriously though, you should be careful. Remember you have precious cargo on board." Sam laughed out loud.

"Precious cargo! What are you like Ethan Hardy!" Sam slapped his arm whilst continuing to laugh. "Seriously, I'm OK, it will hit me later I'm sure, but I've been flying on adrenaline today. This is what I live for." She smiled. They headed back into cubicles to continue to treat and discharge their patients. Sam was having a drink of water when Cal came past.

"Hey you." She smiled at him.

"Hey, its been mad hasn't it? I haven't even had chance to say hello yet." Cal smiled.

"That's OK, I still love you." She smiled, snaking her arm around his waist and giving him a squeeze.

"How has ethan been on his first shift back?"

"Well, considering it was so crazy, he's been OK, he's done well. I've been trying to help him pace himself and making him take breaks, but he seems OK, don't worry." Sam smiled.

"I'm glad he had you looking out for him." Cal smiled. "Anyway, how are you?"

"I'm fine Cal, you sound like your brother." She laughed.

"Hey, I'm just checking." He grinned. "You can't blame me for looking out for you." He said as he headed off to his next patient. Sam finished her cup of water and went back to her patients.

She called through the next patient, which happened to be a 12 week old baby girl called Millie. Her mum was quite young and seemed quite timid and clearly very worried. Sam took her through to an empty cubicle and did another set of obs on baby Millie while asking her mum some questions. She noted Millie had a high temperature and did indeed seem quite flat. She headed out to get some help, and found Ethan first. She knew she should probably ask someone else but she needed a doctors assessment now. Ethan came through and started talking to Millie's mum while Sam stripped Millie down to just her nappy and gave her some paracetamol to try and bring her temperature down. Sam held Millie gently while Ethan assessed her, listening to her chest and checking her ears. There was nothing obvious, but he decided it was best if they sent some bloods off quickly. Sam advised Millie's mum to wait outside as some mums found watching this quite stressful, and when the young mum started to cry, Sam handed the young baby to Ethan and went to comfort her. She took her outside and explained what they were doing, whilst trying to reassure the young mum that she had absolutely done the right thing by bringing her in. She showed her where she could get a drink and headed back to the cubicle where Ethan was soothing the upset baby. He was talking to her and swaying her gently, Sam couldn't help but melt at the sight. She knew her hormones were amplifying the feelings, but even if she wasn't pregnant, this was a sight that would have got her teary eyed with admiration and love for her man. As she went right in to the cubicle, Ethan looked up and smiled. He handed Millie back to Sam and prepared to get the bloods. Sam cuddled her into her chest as Ethan put the line in and took the blood, Millie was really good, and Sam keep talking to her and trying to keep her still and calm. While Ethan took the bloods off to be urgently processed, Sam stayed holding Millie, singing to her as she drifted off to sleep in her arms. When Ethan returned, Sam shushed him as he came in, indicating the sleeping baby in her arms. He smiled and carefully crept towards them and peered at the sleeping baby and couldn't hid a smile.

She's lovely isn't she?" He smiled, whispering so he didn't wake the sleeping infant.

"Completely." She whispered back.

"You're really good with her, it suits you." He smiled even wider. "I think I'm falling even more in love with you, if that's possible."

"Oh Ethan Hardy, you are simply amazing, I love you so much." Sam said with a tear in her eye. She carefully leaned in and kissed him. "What do you think is wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing obvious at the moment, I'm waiting on the bloods, but we need to keep a close eye for any deterioration. We know how quickly babies can decline."

"We should try and get some fluids in her too. I'll get mum back in and get her to give her a feed when she wakes. Pass me the thermometer a minute Ethan, I'll just recheck her temp." Sam whispered. "Ok, down a fraction, but we have stripped her off and given paracetamol, I'd have hoped it would have come down a little more. I'll check again in 15 minutes." Sam whispered and Ethan nodded. Sam poked her head out of the cubical and nodded for Millie's mum to come back. Sam handed Millie back to her Mum and explained the plan. She reassured her that Millie was stable at the moment at that she would come back to recheck her obs in 15 minutes. In the mean time, Ethan had phoned the paediatric ward for a bed, and they said they would have one in an hour, but that their on call reg would go to assess Millie shortly.

True to her word, Sam went back to check on Millie in 15 minutes. She re checked her obs, the temperature was still raised, but she seemed more comfortable. Sam suggested that as Millie was now awake that they give her a bottle, and as Millie's mum prepared one, Sam gave Millie another cuddle. Just then Millie's mums mobile went off.

"Oh, its my mum, she'll be worried, would you mind if I speak to her?"

"That's fine." Sam smiled reassuringly. "I'll feed Millie if you like."

"Oh, thank you so much." Millie's mum looked relieved and handed Sam the bottle and rushed out whilst answering the phone. Sam carefully tested the bottle and then popped the bottle into Millie's mouth. She was a little fussy at first but soon started guzzling down her milk.

"You're a hungry little thing aren't you? You are so gorgeous. Look at you, worrying your mummy like this, eh? What's that all about?" Millie stared at Sam with her piercing blue eyes as she continued to guzzle her milk. Then Sam just started to talk without thinking. "It's strange to think, that for as long as you have been in the outside world, my baby has been inside of me. I keep having these moments of panic, when realisation hits me that I'm going to be a mum, and have a little baby completely depending on me for everything, and that terrifies me. But holding you now, well its helping me realise that maybe I can do it. And I'm lucky, because unlike your mummy, I've got the most wonderful man to help me, a man who I love with all of my heart, so if your mummy can do it alone, then I can do it with his help. And do you know Millie, he's going to be the best daddy in the world, I know he is." Sam smiled at the little baby, who had finished her bottle. She carefully lifted he upmonto her shoulder and started gently rubbing and patting her back to bring up any wind. As Sam stood up to walk Millie around she realised Ethan was stood just inside the cubicle, making her jump slightly as she saw him. She continued winding Millie.

"How long have you been there?" She asked, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Long enough." He said, a slight smile on his lips. "And for what it's worth, our baby is going to have the best mummy in the world too, look at you, you're a natural." He gushed, heading towards her, circling his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek. "I love you." He whispered in her ear.

"I love you more." She smiled back.

"I love you the most." He said, kissing her again.


	111. Chapter 111

Ethan and Sam got Millie safely onto the paediatric ward, and Sam was heading back to catch-up with Rita who was just starting for her night shift. Suddenly Zoe came back around the corner talking into her mobile. She looked up realising Ethan was still there and hung up the phone.

"Ethan, what are you still doing here?" She said, not cross, but concerned.

"Oh, um, well I-I"

"It's my fault Zoe, I had a 12 week old baby that I was concerned about, I really needed someone, I know I should have waited for someone else, but I was worried."

"It's fine, but really Ethan, you should go home. You've done well today, but you need your rest."

"I am OK Zoe, honestly." Ethan tried to reassure her.

"Go home." She smiled, heading off, dialling the phone and holding it to her ear again.

"Zoe is right you know, you need to go home." Sam said, her arm wrapped around his waist. "It's been great having you back though." She smiled sweetly.

"It's been great to be back, we make a good team."

"Personally and professionally." Sam smiled at him.

"Are you coming to mine tonight?" He asked.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She replied, planting a kiss on his lips. "Now go home and make it inviting, and we'll see you in a bit."

"We?"

"Yes, we." Sam smiled, indicating the baby, causing Ethan to let out a small laugh. "We want lots of cuddles tonight." Ethan headed home and Sam continued to catch up with Rita to offer some kind of a handover.

"So, hopefully your night will be better than our day." Sam smiled as she filled Rita in on what had happened that day.

"Wow, sounds like I'm on the right end of the shift." Rita smiled.

"I've got to be honest Reets, I'm knackered. I haven't stopped all day. My lunch is still festering in my locker!" Sam laughed. "I'll sleep well tonight, that's for sure." Sam headed back out onto the floor after they had finished talking, trying to wrap up her final few patients, and completing her notes.

"Are you still here?" Came a voice from behind her.

"Yes Cal, I'm still here." She replied. "Talk about stating the obvious." She said, perhaps not quite conveying the humour she meant to, she was just too tired. Cal flinched slightly and went to apologise, but Sam cut in again before he could. "Sorry, that didn't quite come out right, I'm just tired."

"It's OK." He said looking carefully at her. His phone started buzzing in his pocket again, but he chose to ignore it, having already had 2 calls from the same number, a number belonging to someone he wasn't sure he wanted to speak to. "You look tired, have you had a break yet?" Cal asked Sam, placing his hand gently on her ar!m, concerned.

"No, there really hasn't been time."

"Sam, you made sure Ethan got his breaks. Maybe you should think about yourself as much as you do other people, after all, you're no good to us if you're exhausted or flat on your back."

"I thought you liked your girls flat on their backs." Sam winked, nudging him sideways, trying to change the subject.

"Not always, variety is the spice of life you know." He winked back and Sam laughed. From the distance, this exchange was being watched by another pair of blue eyes. She turned and fled the department before she could be spotted.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Caleb Knight, the bad boy."

"Not anymore." He smiled proudly. "Not in the same way anyway."

"Too right, remember its my friend you stand to hurt if you screw up again." Sam playfully said, but with an undertone of warning.

"I'm not going to screw up. Really. I'm trying hard not to." He looked at her earnestly and she smiled. Just then Rita called out for some help and both Sam and Cal ran over. They helped Rita get the woman, who had fitted, onto a trolley and into resus. The three busied themselves stabilising her, Rita hooked her up to the monitors and Sam prepared to get a line in and get bloods sent off while Rita drew up the lorazepam ready to give as soon as the line was in. Cal was doing the primary survey and assessing the lady. The three worked like a well oiled team, and once she stopped fitting and was stable enough, she went off for a head CT. Sam stopped and leant over the side in resus, letting out a deep breath, now over an hour past her shift finish time, and really feeling it.

"Sam, you need to go home." Cal said, worried.

"Yes, Sam you should have gone ages ago, come on. I appreciate all you've done, but you need your rest."

"I know, you're right, I'm even too tired to argue." She said forcing herself to stand upright. "But even the short walk home seems like too big a task. Suddenly the sofa in the staff room is looking appealing." She smiled as she turned towards the door.

"Here." Cal said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out some money. "Take a taxi home, now."

"It's fine Cal, I dont-"

"Sam, its not an offer, its an order." He said kindly but firmly. Rita raised her eyebrows with a grin.

"Thanks Cal, I'll pay you back." She said as she headed out towards the staff room to go home.

"Well well, masterful Cal, there's an interesting side. There's not many people Sam would listen to like that." She laughed, and started to tidy up. Class phone rang again, he sighed and took it out of his pocket, expecting to see her name again, but was pleasantly surprised to see Ella's name on the display. He walked out of resus and answered it, continuing to walk outside the external doors of the department. While he was talking on the phone in the doorway, he said goodnight to Sam as she headed out to wait for her taxi. He was laughing and flirting on the phone, enjoying some easy banter with Ella, whilst they made plans to meet for another date. As Sam waited for her taxi she saw a blonde woman waiting around the corner, she kept looking around the wall towards the door of the ED. Sam stopped to check she was OK.

"Are you ok there?" She asked, making the blonde woman jump.

"Oh, yes, I-I'm fine." She said, seeming a little jumpy, but soon planting an easy smile on her face. "I'm just waiting for someone."

"Are they inside? You know you can wait in there if you want to?" Sam said kindly.

"No, its OK, they won't be long. Thank you." She smiled convincingly. Sam jumped into her waiting taxi and the woman was relieved she had gone. It was the same woman she had seem laughing with Cal earlier that evening. She was also relieved the woman didn't seem to spot the small infant who lay tucked up, sleeping in a car seat at her feet around the corner away from the wind. She watched as Cal continued to laugh down the phone, then he hung up and swiftly went back inside. The woman sighed and picked up the baby and headed back to her car and drove off.

Sam got back to Ethan's flat, he was waiting at the door for her as she had sent a text from the taxi. He kissed her head and lead her inside, where he had already run her a bath so she could unwind while he finished cooking her something to eat.

"Oh Ethan." Sam said getting a little tearful, caused by hormones and fatigue. "You're the best." He put a cup of tea down on the side on the bath, and left her to get in. When they both sat down later to eat, Ethan looked at her with worry.

"Sam, don't you think you pushed things too far today? I know it was busy, but you have to think of yourself too you know."

"I know, I was just worried about looking out for you, and there was just so much to do. I can handle it, but yes, maybe I went too far."

"Just promise me you'll be careful. I don't want you overdoing things." He smiled kindly, and she appreciated the sentiment.

"I hope baby Millie is going to be OK." Sam said. "She was lovely."

"She was doing well when I last saw her on the baby unit."

"You were amazing with her. You looked so, well you know. I think I fell in love with you all over again." She sighed, gazing at him. He put down his fork and took her hand.

"You are going to make a fantastic mother to our little baby, and I'm so proud to call you mine. I promise to look after you both, you will never be alone in this."

"Oh Ethan." Sam smiled, tears forming in her eyes again. She squeezed his hand and whispered "I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart. "


	112. Chapter 112

Cal finished his late shift and headed out of the ED doors. He was on his way to Ella's flat and there was a spring in his step. He couldn't wait to get her in his arms again, to kiss her beautiful lips. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face. He practically skipped down the road to her flat, and the smile she had on her face when she let him in, well, he knew it was going to be worth it. He pulled her in close and kissed her deeply, and before he had barely got in the front door she was peeling his jacket off.

"I know doing this indicates this is a purely physical thing, but I have needs tonight." She breathed heavily in between kisses.

"Hey. You don't see me complaining." He replied, breathing almost as heavily as they made their way to the bedroom and fell onto her bed.

As they lay together afterwards, Ella propped herself up on her elbow, lying on her side facing Cal.

"What?" He asked, half asleep, but smiling.

"Nothing." She replied in a perky voice. "I was just looking at you."

"I know I'm wonderful, but staring won't make another one of me."

"One of you is quite enough to deal with thank you." She smiled, stroking his cheek. He quickly wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled her down into him.

"Go to sleep. I'm tired." He mumbled, still smiling.

"Aw, poor hard working doctor Knight." She giggled, her voice muffled by him pulling her into his chest.

"Yes, a poor hard working doctor Knight who needs to go to sleep." He grinned still holding her into his chest. Before he knew it he could feel her kissing his chest, she moved to kiss him on the lips, slipping her tongue in towards his. Before he knew it he could feel her hand tracing the outline of his body, sending a shiver down his spine, he let out a moan.

"Oh God, what you do to me." He mumbled, kissing her more firmly and leaning into her. Before long he was ready for round 2, despite being tired, he just couldn't control himself when she was around.

Needless to say the following morning, he made it into work by the skin of his teeth, luckily Mrs Beauchamp was still away at a conference, so he escaped any scathing comments. Luckily Zoe thought it was more to do with their hectic day yesterday, rather than carnal activities, and she was still grateful to him for coming in early to help, so she let it slide.

Sam was just making her way out to triage as he walked into the staff room.

"Morning." She smiled looking at her watch and giving him a look. "You look how I feel."

"Yeah, your friend kept me up last night." He grinned.

"I'm sure you didn't complain though." Sam laughed carrying on to her triage room. Cal dumped his bag, pulled on his scrub top and grabbed his stethoscope, as he walked out of the door of the staff room he caught a flash of blonde hair disappearing around the corner. He stopped as his blood ran cold. It couldn't be, could it? Those phone calls were playing on his mind. He shook his head and carried on to find his first patient.

Sam was going through the triage process, she was just writing some notes when there was a knock on the door. Sam opened it and an elderly lady was there.

"Can I help you?" Sam smiled.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I think you should take a look outside. Someone has left a baby out there, on its own, in one of them little car chairs." She explained, pointing out to the front door.

"Did you see who left it?" Sam asked as she left the room, the woman shook her head and Sam quickly scurried outside. She looked around and then saw it, across by the bench. She ran over and looked around, before crouching down and picking up the car seat. The baby looked quite content, but as Sam had no idea how long she had been there, and she couldn't see anyone around, she took her inside. She took the child, who looked to be approximately 6 months old, straight into cubicles, calling Cal through on the way.

"I've just found this little one abandoned outside in her car seat." Sam said lifting her out. "She doesn't appear to be in any distress, she feels a little cold, but otherwise looks fairly well cared for, aside from the obvious." Sam said as she lay the child down on the bed. Cal checked her over, and not finding anything too concerning, Sam left him to run to the baby unit to get a bottle to give her. Cal looked in the seat in the vain hope of finding some information about the baby. Tucked down the side of the seat was a small envelope with one word written in cursive writing on the front. His heart sank and he felt sick when he saw it written there, right in front of his eyes: 'Cal'. He suddenly heard the curtain being pulled back and he quickly shoved the envelope in his pocket and turned to see Sam closing the curtain again with a bottle in her hand.

"Here, this will do her the world of good-are you ok?" She stopped her first line of thought, looking at him with concern. He had suddenly gone quite pale.

"Y-yes, yes I'm fine. Just tired." He shrugged. "I can't find anything obviously wrong, but we will need to contact the police and social services about this."

"And there's nothing to indicate identity?" Sam asked, knowing the chances were slim.

"No." He shook his head and headed out of the cubicle quickly. Sam handed over the infant to Robyn, who was giddy at the prospect of looking after the infant until the social worker could get there, and Sam headed back into triage.


	113. Chapter 113

The envelope in Cal's pocket was driving him insane. He needed to know what it said, but part of him couldn't bare to open it becuase he _knew_ what it was going to say. He couldn't believe it, but he knew. He managed to sneak away, hiding himself in a toilet cubicle as he pulled the small envelope out of his pocket, staring at the writing on the front. Surely it couldn't be a co-incidence that Taylor had been suddenly ringing him, and now a baby was mysteriously abandoned in the car park of the ED where he worked, and in the seat is an envelope with his name on. He took a deep breath and opened it. He read it through twice before the tears and anger came out. Slamming his fist into the side of the cubicle, he yelled in anger as tears fell from his eyes. He couldn't believe it, it couldn't be possible. Taylor was a liar, and she was setting him up again. He was sure.

'Cal, I know this will come as a shock, but you need to know. This is Gracie, she was born on 23/09/15. We need your help Cal. I'm in danger, we're in danger, she needs to be protected, I need you to take care of her. I tried to talk to you, but this is for the best. I'm sorry for everything Cal, you were truly the best man I ever knew, and if she'll be safe with anyone, I know its you. She deserves everything, everything I didn't have. Please take good care of _our_ daughter, and know that I still love you. Taylor x'

After his anger subsided, and the tears stopped, he sat in shock. He shoved the paper back in his pocket and wiped his eyes. Heading out of the cubicle, he splashed cold water on his face. He looked in the mirror in still in utter shock and disbelief. He never imagined when he arrived at work that morning that he would find out that _potentially_ he was the father to a 6 month old baby girl. No, she was lying, she had to be. That's what she did, that's who she was, a liar. But why, why him, why now. He frantically tried to work out dates, but it had been almost a year since he had last seen Taylor, and dates were sketchy before that, he had been through too much in the past 18 months to know what to believe. But if she was born at term in September, then it could be that she was his. What was he going to do.

He wondered out of the toilets, feeling like his legs weren't his own, he felt quite wobbly. He started to walk back towards cubicles, heading past the door to the staff room where Sam happened to be walking out from. She looked at him, concerned as he didn't look right.

"Cal? Cal are you ok?" She said looking at him. He turned but didn't really focus on her properly, and with that he nearly collapsed on the floor. Sam instinctively reached out and grabbed him to stop him falling. "Cal!" She shouted, and Charlie, who was also passing rushed to help. They scooped him in a chair and got him to a cubical bed.

"I'm sorry, I'm fine, I just skipped breakfast." He said shakily.

"Maybe so, but let us just check you out." Sam said as she put the BP cuff on him. "You know Ethan would never forgive me if I didn't check you over properly." She said trying to be light hearted, but Cal didn't even raise a smile. Sam looked worried at Charlie and he nodded as if to say he would talk to him. Sam disappeared out of the cubicle, needing to get back to triage but she was really concerned, Cal wasn't right, and it didn't look like something that happened just because he missed breakfast.

"Cal?" Charlie looked concerned. "Cal what's happened?"

"I don't know Charlie. I-I got this." He said holding the note out to the older nurse still visably shocked. Charlie took the note and read it, then looked at the young doctor.

"And do you think she is yours?" He asked carefully.

"I-I don't know Charlie. I guess its possible." Cal breathed heavily, feeling light headed again. Charlie put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Look at me Charlie, I can't be a dad!" He almost laughed in shock. "What am I going to do?"

"For now, you just need to get over the shock, I'll go and get you a cup of tea, beyond that you don't have to do anything yet." Charlie smiled and headed off as Cal just nodded silently at him. When he returned with the cup of tea for Cal, he cradled it on his lap and sighed.

"Charlie, this could ruin everything. I thought I'd seen the last of her, I was just getting back on track."

"Cal, you don't know for sure that she's yours yet. Before you go running off making plans, just think about things."

"But if she is mine Charlie, I can't just let her go."

"Maybe you should go and see her. Work things out in your head? But you know there is only one way to be sure don't you."

"I know." Cal sighed. "What will Ethan say? I was just starting to prove myself, Taylor nearly tore us apart once, I can't let that happen again."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. It's not like you planned this."

"Exactly Charlie, and my brother thinks you should plan everything."

"Well, now he's been caught out himself by not planning, maybe he'll have more of an understanding?" Charlie smiled, a little glint in his eye. Cal raised a slight smile and sipped his tea.

"No, you know Ethan, Charlie, he'll give me that disapproving look that he's perfected over the years. It always makes me think of our dad; when Ethan looks at me in that way, its really him I'm seeing disapproving of me as he always did." Cal laughed bitterly.

"Well, don't you think you'll have proved him wrong, proved them both wrong. You're considering changing everything in your life for the remote possibility that you might have to step up and be a dad, and you didn't hesitate to say you couldn't let her go if she was yours. That's something to be proud of."

"But I made the mistake in the first place, that's all they would see."

"We all make mistakes, its how we deal with them and learn from them that makes us grow and have something to be proud of." Charlie said wisely, leaving Cal to sit quietly. Cal sat and thought about that as he sipped his tea, then he got up and headed back out to find baby Gracie. Robyn was still cooing over her when Cal went into the cubicle, but she handed the infant over to Cal, and headed off gratefully for her break. This time Cal looked at Gracie with different eyes, he didn't look at her as a doctor, but as a potential father. She stared back at him, seemingly quite content with being held by him. He smiled as she stared and then Gracie let out a little giggle as she reached forward and poked Cal's nose, and Cal found himself being rapidly sucked in by the cute baby. He really didn't know what to think. He got the note out and read it again as he held Gracie in one arm and looked from the note to the child and then back to the note. He tried to look at her to see if he could spot a resemblance, but he was none the wiser. Just then Sam came back in the cubicle.

"Getting some practice in are we?" She smiled, obviously not aware of the potential ties that Cal had to the little baby. He tried to stuff the note back in his pocket without arousing suspicion.

"Yeah, you could say that." He said shifting Gracie's position so he was holding her more comfortably.

"She seems settled. Has anyone contacted the police or social services yet?"

"I don't know, I haven't had chance to check." He admitted.

"Anyway, I came looking for you to find out how you're feeling." Sam asked, looking him up and down.

"Yeah, much better now, Charlie made me a cup of tea. I just must have overdone it a bit, lack of sleep and all." He said noncommittally. He didn't want to lie to Sam, he just wasn't sure how to even start this conversation. Sam would be firmly stuck in the middle between Ethan and Ella, so he didn't think it was fair to drag her into it yet, not before he really know where things stood.

 **A/N - I'm sure you will be disappointed that 'Matilda' isn't called Matilda, but I felt that as I've introduced her in a different way, and later down the line due to the time that has already elapsed in this story, Taylor would have already named her, and while I considered using Matilda imagining that Cal might have mentioned it, I decided against it. In my mind it just didn't sit right. Then I agonised over a name as I couldn't decide on something that Taylor might pick! I know its close to Connie's daughters name but I changed it a couple of times, so in the end had to roll with something. Sorry :)**


	114. Chapter 114

Luckily for Cal, social services hadn't been contacted yet, so Gracie stayed in the ED for a while longer, giving him chance to think. If Gracie was his, how would he find her once he'd given her to social services, would they even let her come back to him? Was that even for the best, he couldn't look after a baby. Why was he getting sucked into Taylor's lies again? How did she do it?! He needed help, someone to confide in, _no_ someone to tell him the right thing to do. He went outside on his break, looking around, not sure what he was hoping to find. He sighed and took his phone out of his pocket, along with the note, and carefully dialled her number. After what felt like an age of ringing the phone was answered.

"Cal?" Said a quiet voice with that distinctive accent, his stomach flipped. It had been so long, but it still brought it all back. "Cal, is that you?"

"Yes its me." He said, rather curtly. "What are you playing at?"

"Cal, I'm sorry, but she's not safe with me, I'm in trouble Cal. I need to get away, quickly."

"No, we need to talk about this. You can just dump this on me like this and expect me to pick up the pieces. Again!"

"Cal, please, you have to understand-"

"No! No I don't!" Cal said getting more angry. "Every time I get back on track, you appear with another story and set me back, well not this time. How do I know the baby is mine, she might not even be yours! This is what you do Taylor, you lie! " He spat out.

"Cal, she is mine."

"But is she mine?" He asked tentively, noticing she hadn't confirmed that yet.

"I-I don't know Cal, I hope so, I really do." She sounded so small and meek, Cal softened slightly.

"But you expect me to look after her in case she is."

"Cal, I meant what I said, you're the best person I know, and I know you can give her all she needs. Please? We need you." Taylor pleaded and Cal sighed, thinking about it all.

"Taylor I-"

"Cal I have to go." She suddenly said hurriedly, and rang off, leaving Cal staring at the phone in shock. She was in trouble, she needed him. He stood staring into space, not really sure what to do. Suddenly, a hand appeared holding out a paper cup of coffee to him. He accepted it grateully and let out a sigh as he was then guided to the bench to sit down.

"So, come on then, spill?" Sam said, supportively placing her hand on Cal's knee and offering a smile.

"What?" He looked at her, trying to imply there was nothing wrong.

"Cal, I know. There's no point in pretending." Sam said softly.

"You know?" He said, visibly shocked.

"Well, no but I know there's something wrong, and your reaction just confirmed it. You can trust me, what's going on?" She looked at him and he looked away, guilt ridden. He wanted to confide in her as his friend, but she was too mixed up in between the other two people this was going to hurt. He didn't know what to do for the best.

"I'm just tired today." He lied. "Have social services arrived for Gr- I mean the little girl?" He said, trying to cover up his near mistake. Sam looked at him.

"No. Not yet." She said, eyeing him suspiciously. Suddenly there was a yell from the doorway, one of Cal's patients was deteriorating, and he jumped up, quickly making his way back inside, relieved for the distraction. He didn't want to lie to Sam, he just knew he couldn't tell her the truth. Sam remained seated on the bench, watching Cal rush inside. She knew he was holding back, but she had no idea what it was; all she knew was that she was worried. Suddenly she realised Cal had left his phone on the bench next to her. She picked it up and the crumpled piece of paper dropped onto the ground. She reached to pick it up and realised there was writing on it. She didn't mean to pry but she caught sight of a couple of words, and before she knew it she was reading the note in shock. She read it through three times before she really was able to take it in, and suddenly Cal's reaction made complete sense. She couldn't believe it, Cal was a dad, he had a daughter, and not only that, but the mother, Cal's ex, was in trouble, but what kind of trouble that she would abandon her baby? She put his phone and note in her pocket and went back inside, she needed to find Charlie. She stopped off by Charlie's office to see if he was about. She was disappointed to find the office empty, Charlie was still busy with patients, so she headed back to continue in triage, deciding that she would go back to see him in a minute. She plodded on through a few more patients, but her heart wasn't in it, she could only think about Cal. Luckily, Cal had been too busy to notice yet that he had left his phone behind, which allowed Sam time to catch-up with Charlie.

"Charlie, I need to talk to you. Can we go in the office please?" Sam said seriously, causing Charlie to look concerned.

"Sure, come through." He smiled supportively, heading towards the office he shared with Rita. They both took a seat and Charlie looked at her. "What's the matter?" He asked softly.

"Oh, Charlie, I don't know where to start!" Sam said running her hands through her hair.

"Take your time." He could see whatever it was, was causing Sam trouble.

"Charlie, what did Cal say to you earlier? When he had his funny turn I mean?" Sam asked, looking up at Charlie.

"I know you're worried but he's going to be OK." Charlie tried to reassure her.

"Charlie, I found something, and I shouldn't have but I know something, and I didn't mean to look, I mean I did, but innocently, I wasn't trying to snoop or anything." Sam started rambling and Charlie just continued to sit quietly looking at her.

"What do you know?" He simply asked as she finally paused for breath.

"About Cal, and the baby I found. I saw this." She said taking the note out of her pocket and handing it to Charlie. Of course Charlie knew what the note said, Cal having already showed it to him, but he took it and looked at it anyway. "Did Cal tell you about it?" Sam asked. Charlie carefully considered his response.

"He did tell me, yes. But you understand why I couldn't tell you?" He asked.

"Yes Charlie, I do. But what am I going to do? I need to talk to him, but I know I can't just go charging over, I'm just so worried about him. No wonder he reacted like he did. Part of me was cross at him for lying about it, but now I've thought about it, I get why he couldn't tell me, what with Ethan, and Ella. Oh God!" Sam said resting her head in her hands again and massaging her temples. "I just don't know what to do." She sighed.

"Maybe you don't need to do anything yet?" Charlie suggested, and Sam looked up at him, confusion written all over her face.

"How can I not?"

"Well, maybe you let him come to you?"

"But I've got his phone, and his note. I can't just go and put it back on the bench. Besides, he's not telling me."

"Because he's not ready. You've said it already, you're too close to those he doesn't want to hurt."

"But, he needs support, guidance, I don't want him to get hurt, or in trouble. And I can't lie to Ethan or Ella. At least I can avoid Ella for a day or two, but Ethan will know something is wrong. How can I hide this?"

"If you want to help Cal, you need to detach yourself from any personal feelings. He's confused, shocked, he doesn't know what to do. He's trying to work out how to do the right thing by everyone, but he hasn't realised that isn't possible. You're right, he needs support to make the right decision, but support to realise that the right decision might not be the obvious choice. If you think you can be there as his friend to support him, by all means do, he needs that, but if you think you're too involved with other parties then let him come to you when he's ready, and forget what you saw for the time being."

Sam sat in silence considering what he had said. She looked at Charlie in awe, he had so much invaluable life experience, he just had the ability to read people, she hoped one day she could be as wise as he was.

"Charlie, he's my friend, he's been a good friend to me, I want to help him, I want him to know I'm there for him, whatever he needs."

"Then that's what you tell him." Charlie smiled. Sam stood up and smiled back, starting to walk towards the door.

"Thanks Charlie. This is just between us for now though, yes?" She asked.

"Of course." He nodded, smiling.


	115. Chapter 115

Sam caught up with Cal about an hour later. He had a break in patients and had realised he had left his phone somewhere, so was outside looking in case by some slim chance it was still there, and she was taking a break, sitting on the bench where they had talked briefly earlier. Cal walked over, needing to know if his phone was there, but he couldn't see it. Looking at Sam he thought she seemed a bit sad, so he sat down with her. Before he could speak Sam looked at him, and something about her look haunted him. Without saying a word, she reached in her pocket and held out his phone to him. He looked at her and took it back, then realisation hit him. His hand instinctively reached into his own pocket for the note, but it was gone. Slowly, Sam put her hand back in her pocket and silently handed the note back to Cal, looking into his eyes in a way she hoped told him that she was on his side. He shakily reached out and took it back, placing it back in his pocket, then looking down at the floor. He didn't know what to say. They sat in silence for a little longer, Sam trying to give Cal time to gather his thoughts, to consider what he might want to say.

"Cal." She said softly, when it seemed his words wouldn't come. "Cal, talk to me." She reached out for his arm, but initially he flinched away. She couldn't help but feel hurt, rejected, even though she knew it wasn't personal. She took a breath and reached out to him again, gently touching his arm. "Cal, I'm here for you. This is me, you can trust me."

"I can't." He breathed out quietly as he fought off the tears that were threatening escape.

"You can't trust me, or you can't talk to me?" Sam still made sure she spoke softly, desperate for him to open up.

"I don't know." He mumbled, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands. Sam looked at him sadly, with tears in her own eyes. He looked broken, fragile, like a lost little boy. She did the only thing she could think of, she reached across and put her arm around his shoulder. Initially he tensed at her touch, then as she felt his shoulders drop a little more, she pulled him into her as his sobs started to come out.

"Oh, Cal." She whispered soothingly as he sobbed. Once they subsided, she simply said, "Cal, I'm on your side. Please? Let me help you."

"She says she might be mine." Cal said quietly, sitting back upright and sniffing.

"Might be yours? But the note said..." Sam tailed off. "Who is she cal?" Sam asked, obviously not knowing the history.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time." She looked at him earnestly. He looked up at her through his bloodshot eyes, she could see the strain, the anxiety, the pain that was behind them.

"I met her here. She came into the ED one day, we exchanged numbers and I really liked her, I fell hard, very quickly, I even thought about pr-, well, I thought I was in love. But it turned out she wasn't quite who she said she was. I did something really stupid, but I wanted to help her. I stole Ethan's inheritance, and gave it to her charity, but her charity didn't exist, and she disappeared with Ethan's money."

"Oh, Cal." Sam sighed sadly, but refusing to judge him.

"She appeared a little while later, having got into trouble, and Ethan and I ended up treating her but Ethan called the police and she was arrested, and the last I knew she was in prison. I haven't heard from her in 12 months, then when we were at the beach I got 2 missed calls from her mobile suddenly. I ignored them, but then the baby was left today, and the note, and, and I phoned her." He stopped, he'd never really spoken about it before, and it hurt, it hurt more than he thought it would. But he could also see how blinded he had been before.

"What did she say Cal?" Sam asked gently, resting her hand back on his arm and giving it a squeeze. She looked towards him and slowly he looked across at her, looking at her face, her eyes, he couldn't believe she wasn't angry, she wasn't judging him, she was just listening.

"Sh-she said that she was in trouble and that she had to get away. She said the baby might be mine, that she hoped she was mine, because I was the best person she knew, and that they needed me." He locked his eyes on hers. "What am I going to do?" He asked.

"I guess only you can really decide that Cal." Sam said. He looked at her, desperate for the answer to come. She sensed he was waiting for more. "Do you want to know my initial feelings?" He nodded, and she couldn't help but smile, he still looked like a little boy, confused and looking for guidance. "I'd be concerned about her suddenly running back to you, she's blinded you and conned you once, can you really trust she isn't doing it again. No, something doesn't sit right with me."

"But what about the baby?"

"What do you think? Is it possible she is yours?"

"Yes, she really could be. And if she is, I don't want to abandon her."

"Ok, well, lets go in and see her, but you know you can't just walk out of here and go home to Ethan with a baby tonight."

"I know." He mumbled.

"Right, well, we need to know where you stand. How about we go and speak to Charlie, get some advice?"

Together they stood up and Sam slipped her arm through Cal's as they walked back into the department and headed straight to find Charlie. Cal was still surprised how supportive Sam was being, it was almost as if she had forgotten she was Ethan's girlfriend and Ella's friend, and was just there with the sole purpose of being his friend, despite how much of an awkward position this put her in. They had a chat with Charlie, who advised that they speak to the duty social worker for advice, and he called them in. In the meantime, Cal and Sam went back to see Gracie, Sam now also looking at her through new eyes, and also looking at Cal in a different light.

"Cal, what are you going to tell Ethan?" She said suddenly as Cal was cooing over Gracie, who was being incredibly cute.

"I don't know." He sighed. "I really don't, he won't understand."

"You get what I mean though, you need to tell him before you turn up on the doorstep with a baby in your arms."

"I know, but-"

"Cal, I think you should let Gracie go with the duty social team, let them place her in emergency care, but we can get a paternity test done, and then you'll know."

"No, Taylor said she needed me, I need to look after Gracie for her."

"Cal, I'm sitting here watching you, you're in danger of getting attached before you know what's hit you. I don't think you're thinking this through." Sam said starting to feel more tense.

"You don't understand." Cal said getting defensive again.

"I understand what you're risking on a 'what if', what you stand to lose."

"I can't let her down."

"Do you still love her?"

"What? No, no, I don't."

"Cal?"

"Sam, its over, but if Gracie is my daughter, then I'm not going to let her down."

"But you're saying it cal, _'if'_ if she's yours, what if she's not?"

"I think she is, I can feel the connection, I know it sounds stupid, but I believe she is mine." He was suddenly very forceful, and Sam let out a sigh, realising she was beaten.

"Then you'd better tell him Cal, soon." She said as she stood up and headed out of the cubicle. She wanted to support him, but she was getting frustrated, she was worried for him. He was getting sucked back in to a potential web of deceit by someone who had already deceived him. Suddenly she felt tired, she felt tense, and she could feel a headache coming on. Luckily she was due to finish, so she went to let Charlie know she was going home, and asked him to keep an eye on Cal. She went to get changed and as she walked out of the doors, she saw Cal still holding baby Gracie. She took out her phone to text Ethan.

'Sorry sweetie, I'm tired and I've got a splitting headache, I'm going to head off home and go straight to bed. Love you xxx'

'OK darling, hope you're OK. Let me know if you need anything. Love you too xxx' came the reply. She felt slightly guilty, as she knew deep down that she was avoiding him, but she was tired, and she did have a bit of a headache. But she knew she couldn't be there tonight with everything that had come out today.

Cal saw her leave, he saw her getting out her phone, and for a moment he wondered if she was going to betray his secret before he could speak to Ethan. But she wouldn't, surely she wouldn't do that. She had originally supported him, but things had been more tense as she left. He sat holding Gracie and tried to think of what he was going to do.


	116. Chapter 116

**(A/N - I realise I said Gracie was 6 months after Cal read Taylor's letter, but that didn't work in terms of other timings so please pretend I said 8! Sorry!)**

* * *

Cal reluctantly agreed to let Gracie go into emergency care that night, mainly because he knew he couldn't provide for her yet. But as he headed home, he was determined he was going to tell Ethan and he would get Gracie back the following day. At least that was his plan. He stopped off at the pub on the way, sinking a double whiskey and a pint for some dutch courage. When he got home, Ethan was sitting on the sofa alone watching tv. Cal was glad he was alone, he hoped it would make things slighty easier. He went and got a couple of beers out of the fridge, and put one down in front of Ethan and took a large gulp from his. Ethan just gave him an odd look.

"What's that in aid of?" He asked.

"I need to talk to you Ethan." Cal said seriously. Ethan sat up straighter, looking concerned at his brother.

"What about?" He asked, furrowing his brow. Cal ran his hands through his hair.

"Something happened at work today, something big." Cal paused, knowing this was going to come as a shock.

"Well?" Ethan said, a little impatiently.

"Ethan, it turns out that I have a daughter." He blurted out, he knew he had to get it out or he never would. Ethan sat in shock, absorbing what he had heard for a moment.

"You what?" He suddenly said.

"I have an 8 month old daughter."

"An 8 month old daughter." Ethan repeated. He considered this for a moment then looked at Cal. "Really?" He eyed him suspiciously, trying to work out if it was some kind of sick joke.

"Really." Cal nodded.

"But who? How? I mean, how do you know?" Ethan struggled to get his words out due to the shock.

Cal explained what had happened, deliberately leaving out the part where Gracie might not actually be his. He figured it would be easier for Ethan to accept if he believed that Gracie was definitely his. Besides, Cal was sure she would be.

"Oh my God! I can't believe it." Ethan exclaimed. "It had to be her didn't it? Where is she now?"

"I don't know, she's disappeared again Ethan. But she left Gracie for me to look after. You should see her, you'll love her." He gushed, trying to fire the positives at his brother to win him over.

"Cal, think about this for a minute, you're going to take on a baby, based on the word of someone who is known for being creative with the truth?"

"Ethan, she's my daughter. I can't let her down. She hasn't done anything to deserve this." Cal protested.

"But how do you know she is telling the truth? How can you trust her after everything?" Ethan said, getting a little more on edge. He couldn't believe his brother was being so trusting and accepting of the situation.

"I have to Ethan. Besides, I've seen Gracie, we had a connection." He said trying to convince Ethan, who just scoffed. "Look, I was shocked Ethan, then I was angry, but after I thought about it, then spent some time with Gracie, I've accepted it. She's my daughter. That means she's your niece, and she deserves to have a family who loves her, regardless of what her mother did to us. She's innocent in all of this. Look, I'm trying to do the right thing here."

"I can see that." He nodded, still looking carefully at his brother. There was something about Taylor that sent his brother crazy and made him do stupid things, Ethan could see right through her and knew she couldn't be trusted, but even without Cal seeing her he had been sucked right back in. She was dangerous, but Cal was right, if little Gracie was his daughter, then he should do right by her.

"Ethan, I need to get her back tomorrow, but I need to prove to the social worker that I can look after her, that'll be easier if I have your support?" He asked tentively.

"Cal, I think you need to sleep on this." Ethan said carefully, seeing his brother was getting a little carried away. "This isn't a decision to make on a whim, you need to be sure about this."

"I am sure Ethan. She's my daughter and I'm going to take care of her." He snapped.

"Ok Cal. Just understand where I'm coming from here. You come home from work, spring this on me and expect me to accept that your conwoman of an ex has landed you with a baby and I'm supposed to be happy."

"Well, when you put it like that." Cal said sulkily.

"I'm just saying sleep on it, think things through."

"Fine. But I think you'll feel different when you see her."

"Maybe so." Ethan said noncommittally, taking a gulp of his own bottle of beer. Then he thought about something. "Cal, who else knows?"

"Charlie knows." Cal said. "He was there just after I read the note, he helped me." Cal said, avoiding mentioning the other person who knew. Ethan nodded, taking another drink.

"So, you're a dad. I have to say, I'm surprised it took this long for a child to come out of the woodwork." He smiled, softening the atmosphere slightly.

"Hey. You're just jealous because I still managed it before you." Cal laughed.

"Very funny!" Ethan said dryly. "So, when are you going to tell Ella?" He said getting serious again.

"Oh God, I don't know. That's not going to be an easy conversation. Yes I know I nearly cheated on you, its great that you've given me a second chance, but now meet my daughter." Cal sighed as Ethan just looked at him. "Well, either way, I guess Gracie has to come first. Anyway, Ella is away at her parents for a few days, some family holiday get together. So I guess that gives me time to think."

"So I have to keep it quiet too for the time being? Ethan asked.

"Yes, just for a few days, until I sort it out." Cal said. Ethan nodded, he was really trying to support Cal in this, after all, he was his brother, and he needed him. And Ethan knew deep down that the innocent child in this didn't deserve it, Cal was right about that. But what an idiot, he thought to himself, trust Cal to get into a mess like this.

When Ethan went to bed shortly afterwards, he lay there thinking. He couldn't deny he felt a little disappointed that this had happened, partly in a selfish way, after all, he and Sam were expecting a baby, and now Cal had jumped the gun and become a dad. He knew it was stupid to fel this way, but he couldn't help it. He was also worried about keeping it a secret from Sam. He deliberately hadn't asked about telling her, and had wondered if she would have seen the baby, after all she was at work today. But she had not once appeared in Cal's story of finding the baby, so maybe she didn't know. He wasn't sure how he'd lie to her though well, withold the truth anyway. Was that the same as lying he wondered. Little did he know he didn't need to worry, as she was already well aware of the whole situation.

Cal couldn't sleep that night, there were too many thoughts and feelings going around in his head. The things he needed to get for Gracie, what he needed to do. The fun things they could do together, father and daughter. Deep down he hoped Ella would be able to understand, after all, this all happened without him knowing and before they met. But he knew he would have to give her time and the choice to walk away. It hurt to think of her walking away, but he realised that it might not be what she wanted, and she had to be allowed to do what was right for her, just as he had to do what was right for Gracie. Then he thought of Taylor, he didn't know how he felt about her landing this on him suddenly, was he still angry, despite the building excitement, and did he trust her that Gracie was most likely his? And what sort of trouble we she in that she felt it necessary to return suddenly and dump Gracie on him.

As Sam lay in bed, she felt guilty for avoiding Ethan, but she knew she had no choice. This had to come from Cal. She knew he planned to go home and tell Ethan, but if Cal had avoided it for any reason, it was going to make things really awkward. Charlie was right, she felt torn in her loyalty. She was sure Ethan would understand why she had to leave it to Cal to tell him but she didn't want Ethan to think she could keep big secrets from him easily, he needed to trust her, she knew he could trust her, but this just wasn't her secret to reveal. But equally, she knew Cal had needed someone today, and it was right that she, with Charlie's help, had supported him, and she wouldn't be made to feel guilty about that.


	117. Chapter 117

The following day, Ethan and Cal were both up early, Ethan heading into work, and Cal preparing for the social worker. Ethan hadn't seen him so focused on something that wasn't completely selfish for a long time. As he arrived at work, he realised something was going on at the nurses admin desk. Rita had gathered the team together. He looked across as he made his way to the staff room. Rita had her arm around Sam's shoulders and both had big smiles on their faces.

"Ok guys, we all know that our lovely Sam here has been working incredibly hard on her work and exams for her prescribing course, so it gives me great pleasure to announce that not only has she passed with flying colours, receiving a distinction no less, but everything has come through officially, so as of today she can begin using all that knowledge and extra skills, so make good use of her everyone." Rita laughed and the group cheered and clapped, and Robyn presented her with a little 'congratulations' cake.

"Aw, thank you guys." Sam beamed, flushing with happiness.

"You deserve it." Robyn smiled. "You worked hard, and you never complained."

"You don't know that half of it Robyn, you never saw me have a tantrum and throw my text books across the room." Sam and Robyn laughed. As the group dispersed to start their shift and Sam carried the cake into the staff room for everyone to share, she was met by Ethan, who had heard the announcement.

"Congratulations." He smiled. "I'm really proud of you, you deserve it."

"Thank you Ethan." She returned the smile. "I couldn't have done it without you. Your support got me through. That, and your amazing brain."

"Oh, well, I didn't really do anything, you would have achieved this with or without me." Ethan shrugged.

"But I'm glad I had you anyway." Sam said kissing him softly, feeling another pang of guilt about the secret. She wondered if Cal had told him, but he didn't seem like someone hiding a secret, or annoyed with his brother.

"Are you feeling better today?" He asked softly, a look of concern on his face.

"I'm OK thank you." She smiled. "I was just tired and had a bit of a headache. Nothing major, I just needed a good nights sleep."

"Ok, I'm glad." He smiled, feeling guilty that he couldn't yet confide in her about it.

"I missed you." She smiled shyly, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Me too."

"This little one is zapping all of my energy, I know I haven't been much fun lately. I'm sorry." She said looking at him seriously.

"Hey, where did that come from?"

"Well, I've not been, with the morning sickness and the course stress and working. It's about time we had some fun again."

"O-ok." Ethan seemed surprised. He held her gaze. "I-is it me?" He asked, worried.

"What do you mean? No." She said soothingly, moving towards him again and placing her hand gently on his arm, surprised by his reaction. "No Ethan, I just mean I've been tired and struggling and not had much time to devote to us, and its about time I made an effort."

"Ok." He smiled shakily. "Well, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know, I'll think of something." She smiled planting a kiss on his lips. "You're amazing. I love you so much." She whispered in his ear, then turned and headed back out into the department. He stood still, surprised by her again, she had the ability to take over every one of his senses without even trying. He shook his head and got ready for his shift.

Cal had had a successful meeting with the social worker. Explaining the situation to her. She was sympathetic to the story, and agreed that he could take responsibility for Gracie. Cal had been and bought a few essential items and then when the social worker had gone he found himself alone in the flat with Gracie. At first he sat a bit shocked, not really sure what to do, but something about Gracie soon made him soften and adapt, and soon he was lying on the floor playing with her as she giggled and cooed at the new man in her life. Cal soon found himself becomming completely smitten with the little girl as they played happily. By the time Ethan returned home from work, Cal had managed to feed Gracie some dinner and had her in a clean nappy and sleepsuit, and they were sitting on the sofa together watching some strange children's TV show which had her absorbed.

"So it went well then?" Ethan said as he put his bag down and walked towards them, unable to stop himself smiling at the picture in front of him.

"Ethan, come and meet Gracie, your niece." Cal smiled. Ethan sat down on the sofa looking at the little girl, seeing just how Cal had easily been taken in by this cute little thing. Gracie looked up at Ethan, staring at him as he smiled at her and spoke to her, she just blinked and looked at him, then she reached out to him and pulled her way onto his lap. Taken by surprise, Ethan pulled her safely onto him and she reached up and took off his glasses, causing the two men to laugh. Gracie seemed perfectly comfortable with the two men, despite the fact that they were stranger to her, in some ways it was surprising at just how easily she slipped into allowing strangers to look after her. As Gracie became more tired, Cal went to make her a bottle to have before bed while Ethan remained cuddling her on the sofa watching TV. Returning to the sofa, smiling at the sight of Ethan cuddling his niece, he took her back and she snuggled into Cal's arms while guzzling her bedtime bottle. Cal then settled her down in the crib that he had placed in his room, and crept back into the front room with Ethan, who had already tidied up the destruction caused by the 8 month old and her new daddy during the day.

"So, good day at work?" Cal asked softly as he sat back down on the sofa next to his brother.

"Yeah, the usual." He shrugged. "So, successful first day with Gracie then?" He asked.

"Yeah, she's been really good."

"I can see why you've fallen for her." Ethan smiled, almost able to forgive him.

"She's gorgeous isn't she, takes after her daddy, she's going to break some hearts for sure." Cal smiled proudly.

"I didn't think I would find her so easy to accept, but she's lovely." Ethan smiled, clearly having also been taken in by the little girl. "Cal, what are you doing about childcare and work?"

"I'll sort it don't worry." Cal shrugged.

"Cal, you need to be organised with things like this."

"Yeah, its fine Ethan, I'll sort it." Cal said again, Ethan sighed, he knew what his brother was like. "So anyway, how is Sam?"

"OK, I think. I didn't really see her today, in fact it almost felt like she was avoiding me."

"Avoiding you? That's silly, she was probably just busy."

"Yeah, maybe, but she apologised for being preoccupied and tired lately, she said she hadn't been much fun."

"Well, she's had a lot on, hasn't she?" Cal came to her defense.

"She got her confirmation of passing her course today." Ethan smiled proudly.

"Well, she's an intelligent girl. Mum definitely would have approved. In fact I think she'd have been sitting you down to have the talk." Cal grinned.

"What talk?" Ethan looked confused at his brother.

"About making an honest woman of her, well, as honest as she can be now she's in the club." He laughed.

"Oh, right, well um-" Ethan started but was cut off by the sound of Gracie crying. Cal jumped up and headed in to his room, making Ethan smile at how she already had him wrapped around her little finger. He went to retrieve his phone from his jacket pocket and realised he had a missed call from Sam. He dialled her number and waited for her to answer.

"Hello lover boy." Sam smiled, knowing Ethan would have been blushing on the other end of the line.

"Um, hello." He smiled awkwardly. "Is everything OK?"

"Everything is fine." Sam giggled. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"I didn't see you much today." Ethan said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I was busy." Sam said regretfully, knowing the truth. Just then Gracie let out a wail. "What's that noise?" Sam asked.

"Oh, um, nothing." Ethan replied awkwardly.

"Funny because it sounded like a baby."

"Its just the TV." Ethan lied.

"Well, whatever you're watching it sounds very realistic."

"Yeah." Ethan sighed, not really knowing what to say. "So I, um, I sent you some information about a couple of cars to look at. I've been researching cars that are economical and good for families."

"What about cars that are fun to drive?" Sam smiled.

"We need reliable though."

"I'm teasing Ethan. Do you think I'm going to skip off to the showroom and come back with a porche?" Sam laughed.

"If you're anything like my brother you would."

"What would I do?" Came a voice behind him.

"Buy a porche instead of a decent reliable family car."

"Well, you know me, I don't want to disappoint." Cal smiled, sitting back down.

"Is Cal there? Can I speak to him Ethan?" Sam asked.

"Sam wants to speak to you." Ethan said handing the phone across to Cal looking confused. He got up to go and make a drink.

"Cal?" Sam said.

"Yeah, its me." He said. "What's up?"

"Have you told him?"

"Yes, yes I have."

"Cal, I'm struggling here, does he know that I know?"

"No." He sighed. "I thought it would be easier that way." He said quietly.

"It's not Cal, I want to support you, but I can't lie to Ethan. Will you tell him I was there. Then I can support you both."

"Ok, I'll tell him." Cal sighed reluctantly, not realising Ethan had returned.

"Tell me what?" He said worriedly, making Cal jump.

"Nothing." Cal said instinctively.

"Tell him now Cal." Sam said firmly. Cal sighed as Ethan still looked worried.

"Ethan, Sam knows about Gracie. She was there, she supported me, she knows." Cal said handing the phone back and heading back to his bedroom to check that Gracie was still sleeping. Ethan stared after him. She knew all along. He'd been feeling guilty about not being able to say anything and all the time she knew.

"Ethan? Ethan!" Sam called on the end of the phone. He looked down at the phone in his hand. Without really thinking he ended the call. He couldn't really think straight. He didn't know if he felt, angry, disappointed or let down. He looked back up towards his brothers room, but it was silent. He sat absentmindedly sipping his tea, so many thoughts and feelings running through his head, but none of them making any sense. His phone rang again, but he ignored it, and after the second missed call he switched it off. It may have seemed unusually cruel but he just couldn't think.

Sam was in her flat alone, tears falling down her cheeks. Ethan had hung up on her, and now he was ignoring her. What had she done? She was only trying to support her friend, but now she had messed up again. Ethan was sure to come around, wouldn't he? When he thought about it. When he realised. She really hoped so.


	118. Chapter 118

Cal and Ethan both had the following day off work, and spent the day getting things for Gracie and sorting out the flat to make it a little bit of a safer environment for her. Well, Ethan spent the day making things safer and Cal spent the day playing with Gracie and annoying Ethan who was a bit more snappy that usual today. Ethan hadn't slept well the previous night, Gracie had been a bit unsettled, and although he hadn't had to get up to sort her out, he had heard it every time and had lay awake until she had settled again, making sure Cal didn't need him, and on top of that he had still been seething over the revelation that Sam had been involved with the situation from the start, but had pretended she knew nothing. Cal on the other hand, was still running off adrenaline, the excitement of Gracie getting him through his first disturbed night. To him, she was so beautiful, he could deal with the fact that she had kept him up, it just meant he got more time with his little girl, fast becoming the apple of his eye.

Sam in the meantime was at work, throwing herself into everything. Rita was in management meetings all day and Charlie was speaking at a conference, so Sam was the senior co-ordinating the nursing team today. Unfortunately, Lofty was also off sick and Sam already had 2 bank nurses instead of her regulars. Things were against her before they started, and it never really improved. She also hadn't slept well the previous night, anxieties with the way things were left with Ethan playing on her mind. The department was particularly busy, and she felt like she just couldn't cope as well as normal. The pressure was intense, but Sam being Sam pushed on through and worked hard to keep everyone going and supported. She had entrusted Robyn to step up and coordinate resus with a bank nurse who had at least had some ED experience, hoping that they could get on and allow her to take cubicles to try and keep patients flowing. She at least had Dylan and Zoe in cubicles with her with Connie and Lily in resus. Sam was currently stuck with another of their frequent flyers, Bryan, an alcoholic with known liver damage. He was, true to form, really drunk, having been brought in found collapsed outside, but unfortunately, his condition had deteriorated, and he was becoming acutely confused along with being inebriated, leading to him becoming more and more aggressive. Sam was essentially nursing him one to one as he was too unsafe to leave alone. She was trying to take some more bloods from him and take another ECG but Bryan was having none of it, lashing out and thrashing around. Sam was trying to calm him, and called out for some help. Unfortunately, a young HCA came in, and couldn't really do anything to stop Bryan, but while she had gone to get more help Bryan had become more frightened and aggressive. He lashed out again, hitting Sam and pushing her back out of the way with all of his strength sending her flying over a trolley and onto the floor. She bashed her head, and lay in shock while Dylan and big Mac tackled Bryan and managed to sedate him.

Ethan was sat with Gracie, giving her a bottle while Cal had gone out to get some supplies. He was looking down at her, taking in her chubby little legs, her little round tummy, her chubby cheeks and her big round eyes. She was just completely lovable. He was falling in love with his little niece without even realising. He realised that the time he spent not talking to Sam, the time he spent avoiding the awkward confrontation of feelings was wasted. All that mattered was their future together, the future that involved him, her and their baby. Nothing else mattered. Their past was all in the past, the here and now and what was to come was all he wanted to focus on. He reached for his phone and sent her a text.

'I'm sorry about last night. I didn't know what to think or feel. But sitting here feeding Gracie, I realise all that matters is you, you and our baby. I love you so much xxx'

He sighed, placing his phone back down on the side, turning his attention back to his niece, who had now finished her bottle. He sat her up on his lap and began making faces at her and she giggled and cooed back at him, gazing up at him in interest. Cal came back through the door, accidentally banging it shut. Gracie jumped and started to cry. Ethan instantly lifted her onto his shoulder and started whispering soothing sounds into his nieces ear.

"Sorry!" Cal called. "I didn't think." He dumped the bags in the kitchen and headed straight to his little girl, pulling her into his arms. He shushed her and then as she calmed he lifted her in the air. Unfortunately, he hadn't realised that Ethan had only just finished giving her a bottle, so wasn't prepared for her to promptly be sick over him. Ethan burst out laughing while Cal just looked annoyed at him, however, a little smile from Gracie soon stopped him being annoying as he pulled her onto his shoulder and grabbed the cloth Ethan was holding out to him, while still chuckling to himself.

Meanwhile, Sam was lying in shock on the floor of the ED. She slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position but was suddenly overcome with a shooting pain around her ribs and abdomen. Robyn hurried over and helped her friend and colleague up off the floor slowly as Sam winced in pain.

"Oh my God. Are you ok? Where does it hurt?" Robyn exclaimed.

"I'm fine Robyn, don't worry." Sam breathed through the pain.

"No you're not you're in pain, we need to make sure you're OK. Let's sit you down."

"I'm fine, I'll just-" Sam started but then clutched her stomach as a wave of pain shot through her.

"Right, sit down." Robyn said assertively, carefully guiding her to the staff room where things were a bit calmer. "Stay still, I'm going to find Zoe."

Robyn returned moments later with Zoe in tow. Zoe assessed things, it appeared that Sam may have fractured a rib, but as they couldn't rule out the potential injury to her abdomen, Zoe wanted to listen in on the baby using the Doppler. As she took Sam back into the ED so she could do this, Robyn went out to the nurses desk to call Ethan.

Back at the flat, Ethan was pacing up and down with Gracie trying to get her to settle for a nap when his phone started buzzing. Cal returned from the bathroom and seeing Ethan had nearly got Gracie settled, he picked up the phone, seeing a withheld number, he answered it.

"Hello?" He said quietly, walking away so as not to disturb Gracie.

"Cal?" Came Robyn's voice.

"Robyn?" Cal said equally confused.

"Cal is Ethan with you?" Robyn said hurriedly.

"Yes, he's um, a bit busy at the moment. What's wrong? He's not supposed to be working is he?"

"No, Cal its Sam. She's been assaulted at work, she's OK, but she received a blow to her abdomen. Zoe is just checking her over. I just thought Ethan should know."

"Oh my God! Is she really OK?" He asked.

"I think so, I don't know, its been a horrible shift for her, then Bryan just went mad and lashed out. If Ethan can, I thin he should get down here, I think she needs him, even if she doesn't realise it."

"Ok Robyn, I'll tell him, thanks." Cal said as he hung up. He walked back into the room with Ethan with a serious look on his face. He reached out and carefully took a now sleeping Gracie from Ethan, carefully placing her in her crib. Then he pulled ethan aside.

"Ethan, you need to get to work, its Sam, she's been assaulted by a patient, she's OK, but Robyn thinks she needs you for support."

"Oh my god!" Ethan hurried out. "What happened?"

It don't know, Zoe is with her, just go." He said. Ethan didn't need to be told again, he grabbed his phone from Cal, and headed towards the door. Cal called him back and tossed him his car keys.

"Just go steady OK? And keep me updated." He said.

"Thanks Cal." Ethan said rushing out of the door.


	119. Chapter 119

Ethan went running through the doors of the ED, flying up to Noel on the reception desk.

"Where is she Noel, where's Sam?"

"Um, I haven't seen her for a while." Noel said, looking confused, he hadn't seen what had gone on. Ethan huffed angrily and ran through to cubicles, looking for someone who would know. Suddenly he heard Robyn calling his name.

"Ethan, Ethan over here." She called. "It's OK, don't panic, Zoe is with her now, through there." Robyn pointed. Ethan nodded and rushed past, before Robyn could mention that Sam didn't know she had called him in.

"Sam, are you ok?" He said, diving behind the curtain making both Sam and Zoe jump.

"Ethan?" Sam said surprised.

"Ethan, a bit of warning wouldn't go amiss before you dive around curtains. I could have been doing an intimate examination here." Zoe scolded.

"Sorry Zoe, I was just worried." He looked apologetically at his senior. "I heard what happened. Are you ok?" He rushed out and made his way towards Sam.

"I'm fine, who told you?"

"Robyn phoned, she was worried. What happened?"

"I only fell over, its nothing really."

"Sam, that's not quite what happened is it?" Zoe gave her a look.

"Ok, Bryan was getting aggressive, he was drunk and confused. I was trying to get some bloods and an ECG and he shoved me out of the way, and I went over the trolley." Sam admitted.

"Why were you treating him if he was drunk?" Ethan asked, shocked at how silly she could be.

"Really Ethan?" She looked at him, exasperated. "It's my job, I can't pick and choose what I do just because I'm pregnant. And we were up against it today, I've got no staff."

"But still, you need to consider things more, think about what you're doing." He said. Sam could feel her temper building, but she swallowed it down. She knew Ethan was just worried, and she knew she was still feeling upset by his reaction last night, and they still hadn't talked about it, but right now, in front of Zoe, was not the place for that conversation. Zoe got out the small Doppler and squeezed some gel out of the bottle. Ethan loitered awkwardly as Sam lay back and shut her eyes, wincing as the movement hurt. Zoe moved the probe around for what felt like ages trying to find a heartbeat.

"How far along are you Sam?" She asked, looking serious.

"Th-thirteen weeks." Sam stammered, opening her eyes and looking at Zoe in a panic. "What's wrong?" She asked, her breathing getting more erratic. She looked at Ethan who had gone pale. "What's wrong?" She said louder.

"Nothing, just lie back and try to relax, I'm just trying to find the heartbeat. Baby must be wriggling about a lot." She smiled trying to reassure the anxious couple. Ethan instinctively took hold of Sam's hand and she squeezed it back. She looked at him feeling absolutely terrified while Zoe continued to move the probe around trying to locate the baby's heartbeat, but she had no joy.

"I'm going to get someone to do an ultrasound scan, this is not telling me what I want to know." Zoe said, switching off the Doppler and exiting the cubicle. Sam and Ethan exchanged a look of panic, fear in both of their eyes, and in that moment, none of their anger mattered, all that mattered was being there for each other and hoping their baby was OK.

"Ethan, I-I don't. What if- oh god." Sam stuttered, tears springing to her eyes.

"Hey, shh, it'll be OK." He soothed her, holding onto her hand as he tried to be strong and reassure her, but he felt it too. What if the baby wasn't OK. Sam looked at him, her eyes wide with fear.

"Ethan, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry if you're angry with me. I was just trying to support Cal. He needed to tell you about the baby, not me. Imagine if I had told you, you'd have been really angry, I couldn't do that. You don't know how much it tore me up knowing that I knew and you didn't."

"None of that matters now. I was just shocked last night, I can see why you couldn't tell me, you're right, it would have been wrong coming from you. I was just hurt thinking that you lied to me easily."

"It wasn't easy at all Ethan, it was awful. I'm just relieved Cal didn't try to hide it or I would have had to completely avoid you."

"Let's just draw a line, move on. Right now we have more important things to worry about."

"Worry? So you're worried too? I thought it was just me being hormonal and irrational. But you're a doctor, if you're worried then it must be bad? What have I done Ethan?" Sam hurried out, getting more hysterical.

"Sam, shh, try to stay calm, you're getting worked up. It will be fine, I'm sure." He went back to reassuring her. "I'm sure." He whispered at the end, his fear creeping back in. He perched on the edge of the bed, putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into him. She winced again, the pain in her rib present again. "Sorry. Are you ok?" He asked, realising her pain.

"Yes, I think I might have bruised a rib, that's all."

"Is it possible youve fractured it?" Ethan asked, concerned for her.

"No, the pain isn't severe enough, remember I have lots of experience of fractured ribs due to trauma." She said sadly, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I'm such a bad luck charm aren't I?" She sniffed.

"No, you're just in a risky job, and you give it your all which puts you in these situations. You didn't ask for this today did you?" Ethan said kindly. Just then his phone started ringing. It was Cal. He looked at the screen and then at Sam.

"Answer it." She said simply.

"Hello?"

"Ethan, what's happening?" Cal said, evidently worried.

"We are waiting for a scan. I'm sure it will be fine, don't worry. As soon as I know I'll tell you." Ethan said.

"Oh, OK." Cal said, still worried. "Is Sam OK otherwise?"

"I think so." Ethan said. "We are just worried. Anyway, how is Gracie? Has she settled?"

"Gracie is fine. It's your baby we need to make sure is OK right now." Cal said. "I'm thinking of you both Ethan."

"Thank you Cal." Ethan said hanging up as Zoe came back in with the ultrasound machine.

"I can't do this Ethan." Sam whispered. "I've been here before, I can't. What if something has happened?" The tears slipped out of her eyes and down her face.

"Shh, sweetheart, its OK. I'm here this time. I'm here, OK?" He looked in her eyes, squeezing her shaking hand.

"You're doing amazing at being the strong one when you're worried too. I really appreciate it." Sam tried to smile through her tears. "Ethan, just know that whatever happens, I love you."

"I love you too." He whispered, blinking away the tears that were threatening to escape. He kissed her forehead, and blushed at the display of raw emotion in front of Zoe.

"Ok?" Zoe asked as she switched on the machine. Sam and Ethan nodded and clutched their hands tight, preparing for the news, good or bad.


	120. Chapter 120

**I just want to take a little time to thank you _all_ for your positive comments and reviews. It really does mean a lot that some of you are still reading my waffle. I'm still enjoying the characters, so I'm not ready to put them to bed yet. I'm sorry for the many typos, I still haven't got used to typing on my tablet and am often typing late at night so my brain isn't always as sharp as it should be when skimming back through, I've always hated checking my work. That, and I blame autocorrect - obviously!**

 **Anyway thank you all! Xx**

* * *

"There's the naughty baby." Zoe smiled, turning the screen around so Ethan and Sam could see. "Fancy worrying your Mummy and Daddy like that." Ethan and Sam both let out a huge sigh of relief, realising that their baby was fine, and seemingly having a whale of a time wriggling about. They looked at each other with tears still in their eyes. "Now, do we need to get those ribs X-rayed?" Zoe said looking at Sam.

"No, its fine Zoe, honestly. I've broken a rib before, this is nothing. It'll just be bruising."

"Well if you're sure. But you should get yourself home and rest." She smiled, wheeling the ultrasound machine back out of the cubicle.

"I'm taking you home with me, no arguments Missy." Ethan smiled at her, the relief evident in his face. "I clearly need to keep an eye on you."

"But Ethan, we're busy, and Charlie hasn't even made it back yet." Sam said.

"Did someone mention my name?" Charlie said appearing behind the curtain. "Zoe said you were here, what have you been up to now?"

"Just an accident with Bryan. It's been the shift from hell Charlie. No Rita, you, Lofty is sick and I have 2 bank nurses, one who's never worked in the ED before. It's been a nightmare!"

"Well, I'm back now, and you're going home." Charlie smiled at her supportively.

"Thank you Charlie." Sam returned the smile, not even attempting to argue.

As Ethan and Sam made their way out of the department towards Cal's car, Ethan had sent a text to say they were on their way back. He stopped and opened the door for Sam and helped her lower herself into the car.

"Thank you for coming to support me this afternoon Ethan." Sam said quietly as Ethan slipped into the drivers seat.

"Hey, I'm here for you. You and our baby are the most important people in my life, and I'll do anything for you."

"Thank you." she whispered, reaching for his hand. "If I could lean across without being in pain, I'd kiss you." She smiled a small smile and he squeezed her hand back.

"Lets get you home. You can come and meet baby Gracie properly now." He smiled, pulling the car out of the carpark.

"About that Ethan. I'm sure Cal being Cal, he didn't really explain what happened that day, about how I found out I mean?"

"No." Ethan said simply.

"It was an accident Ethan, he was never going to tell me. I found out myself."

"How?" His brow furrowed in confusion.

"A lady alerted me to the baby left outside, and-"

"That's typical of Taylor." Ethan scoffed.

"Ethan!" Sam hissed. "Are you going to listen?"

"Sorry." he mumbled like a scolded little boy.

"Besides you don't know how desperate she might have had to be to do that."

"Sam, you don't know Taylor."

"No, but Cal explained to me what she did. But to leave your baby, abandon her like that."

"Sam you're looking at it with your feelings, not hers." He said, giving her a sideways glance. "I'm not convinced she has any." He muttered to himself, causing Sam to shoot another look at him.

"I guess you're right." She sighed. "Anyway, so I found the baby and Cal and I checked her over, and when I left to get a bottle he must have found the note. So, later I was outside talking to him when he was called back inside in a hurry and he left his phone on the bench. As I picked up his phone the note blew out from underneath. I picked it up and saw a couple of words. Curiosity got the better of me and I read it. I think I read it three times actually before I could take it in. This note in my hands told me that he was a dad, to an 8 month old. I was shocked, I couldn't imagine how he felt. I knew he'd been speaking to Charlie, so that's where I headed. I needed help to work things through in my head. I was completely stuck between you both, my loyalty to you coupled with wanting to support a _good_ friend who needed it, even if he didn't realise he needed it. Charlie told me it would be a tough position to be in, but I didn't realise how torn I would feel. Anyway, I don't think he would have told me if I hadn't made him realise that I already knew."

Ethan listened carefully, thinking about what Sam had told him. He chewed his lip as he considered it, and his response.

"Well, you certainly explained it better than he did." He said. "He made me feel like he could have told everyone besides me. And the fact that at first he told me it was only Charlie that knew, it felt like you both had something else you were hiding from me. I guess that was selfish of me though wasn't it?" He sighed.

"No Ethan, you're not selfish. You were hurt to think your own brother confided in other people before you. But you know why he did don't you?"

"No, why?"

"Because he won't admit it but he feels like he has to prove himself to you. He's the older brother, but you're the one who acts like it. You're always there picking up the pieces, sorting out his mess. One look from you and he's right back to being the naughty, disappointing child next to his whizkid brother again, and it hurts him. Surely you can see that?"

"No, no I don't. He just doesn't think about his actions, if he did then I wouldn't have to pick up the pieces." Ethan huffed.

"You're doing it now Ethan, and he's not even here. You know he once told me that without realising you've perfected the disapproving look that your dad used to give him when he'd been a let down."

"Really?" Ethan looked a little surprised.

"Yes. He said the minute you do that look he feels like he's 8 years old again, being told off for being over excitable while being compared to you."

"I didn't know." Ethan said quietly. "Well, still, he doesn't change, and anyway, you've always had a soft spot for him so you would say that." He said, sounding huffy again. Sam smiled to herself, he wasn't going to accept why Cal was the way he was sometimes.

"Well, maybe he'll prove himself to you finally now he he Gracie."

"Hmm, we'll see." Ethan said giving her a sideways glance as he pulled the car into a parking space.

"Go easy on him Ethan, he's been through it a bit lately." Sam said feeling sorry for Cal. "He didn't ask for any of this remember and he's stepping up." She carefully got out of the car and they headed up to the flat.

Cal had Gracie sat on a mat on the floor in just her nappy, covered in food, she had sauce all over her face from the pasta he had made, and yoghurt on her head, but she had the biggest smile on her face, and Cal was laughing at her.

"Oh my...what have you done?" Ethan exclaimed, before breaking out into an amused grin at the sight of the smile on Gracie's face.

"She loves it!" Cal laughed. "I'm encouraging her to be independent. Aren't I Gracie? And you had fun didn't you?" He smiled at his daughter. She giggled and waved her arms around and Sam gushed at how cute she was.

"Oh Cal, she seems so content with you already." She smiled, carefully crouching down to Gracie's level.

"Hello again Gracie." She smiled at her. "You look like you're having the best time with your daddy." With that Gracie held out a piece of pasta to Sam. She laughed and took it. "Is that the dinner that daddy made you? Are you wise to his poor cooking skills already, and trying to get rid. Clever girl." She laughed and Gracie laughed too.

"So everything is OK?" Cal asked looking from Sam to Ethan.

"Everything is fine." Sam smiled as she carefully got up, wincing as her ribs twinged a bit. She grabbed a packet of wet wipes and tossed them at Cal. "I think someone is going to need a dunk in the bath isn't she?" Sam smiled as she sat down next to Ethan.

"Is that you offering?" Cal said grinning, as he wiped Gracie's sticky hands.

"I will if you want me to." She smiled. Once the bath was ready, Sam was kneeling beside it, letting Gracie splash around and have fun while she talked and laughed with her. Ethan had watched for a while, his heart bursting at the sight, but he had retreated to the kitchen to cook some dinner for the adults. While Sam was finishing her bath and getting Gracie ready for bed in her clean sleepsuit, Cal and Ethan were talking quietly in the kitchen.

"So everything really is OK?" Cal asked, still a little worried.

"Yes, everything is fine, Sam might have a couple of bruised ribs, but everything is fine with the baby." He smiled, the relief still evident.

"I'm so glad, I have to admit, I was a bit worried."

"You and me both, it was the worst feeling when Zoe couldn't find the heartbeat to start with. We both thought that was it."

"Scary stuff."

"Yeah, it really was." Ethan sighed.

"Ethan, I've been thinking."

"Oh really? That must have hurt!" He quipped.

"Very funny! No really."

"What about?"

"Well, you know we were talking about you and Sam, and you taking it to the next step?"

"Yes." Ethan said quietly, unsure where Cal was heading with this.

"And we were also saying how much mum would have loved her." He looked at Ethan who nodded back, unable to speak. "Well I think it's only right that she should get mums ring." Ethan just stared at Cal, not knowing how to respond. "Ethan, you know what I'm saying don't you? You should ask her to marry you and give her mums engagement ring. It feels right." Cal smiled sadly.

"Oh Cal. I don't know if I can."

"Ethan, we both love that girl, mum would have adored her. If anyone should have that ring, its her. Honestly." He smiled, tears springing to his eyes. "She's done so much for us in a short space of time, she's special, and I'm sure mum would have wanted that." Ethan chewed his lip as he held Cal's gaze, a lump forming in his throat. Suddenly out of the blue, he threw his arms around his older brother, and once Cal recovered from the shock, he hugged his brother back. Ethan pulled away with tears in his eyes.

"Thank you Cal." He whispered. "That really means a lot."

"She's special. You need to do it, make it special for her."

"I will Cal. I will. I love her so much. Thank you." He said, blinking away the tears as his voice cracked with emotion at the gesture Cal had given.


	121. Chapter 121

When Cal and Ethan returned to the front room, Sam was sitting with baby Gracie cuddled in her arms as she sang softly to her. Gracie watched her intently and for a moment, they were lost in their own little world. Gracie had something captivating about her, the minute you looked into her eyes, you were hooked. Cal and Ethan looked at each other and smiled. They knew Sam had fallen for the little girl as much as they already had begun to. Cal held out the bottle of milk that he had just prepared.

"Do you want to do the honours?" He asked smiling.

"Oh, no, sorry, you carry on." She said getting embarrassed at getting caught.

"No, she's settled with you. You give her the bottle and I'll put her to bed." He smiled, sitting carefully down next to her. Sam took the bottle and Gracie reached for it with her hands as Sam popped it into her waiting mouth, watching her guzzle away as if she'd never been fed.

"Oh Cal, she's so gorgeous." Sam sighed quietly.

"Yeah, I make them good don't I?" he smiled as he stroked Gracie's head. "Maybe you should have had a baby with me instead, it would have been gorgeous and brilliant." He grinned wickedly.

"Caleb!" Sam scolded, but she couldn't help but giggle, knowing this was a typical Cal comment that meant no harm. Ethan on the other hand looked slightly offended.

"Are you saying our baby won't be gorgeous and brilliant Cal?" He said.

"Well, if it takes after Sam you'll be OK." He grinned. Ethan couldn't think of a comeback.

"If this baby has even half of Ethan's intelligence and charm, then it will be fine." Sam smiled. "I just hope it doesn't inherit my bad luck."

"You're not unlucky." Ethan said, sitting carefully on the other side of her.

"No, I was lucky enough to find you." She smiled as he slipped his arm around her. Cal rolled his eyes and Gracie continued to guzzle her milk.

Cal had gone to put Gracie to bed leaving Ethan and Sam having a cuppa on the sofa together, Sam cuddled into Ethan, suddenly feeling exhausted. Ethan was going through the pros and cons of his list of potential cars for him and Sam to get, and Sam was trying to be enthusiastic but she just couldn't muster up the energy.

"I'm sorry hon, its not because I don't care, I'm just knackered. And to be honest, I'll be happy with whatever you decide, I trust you not to choose something rediculous." She smiled placing her cup on the table and cuddling back in under his arm.

"I just want you to feel included in the decision." Ethan said.

"I know, and I appreciate that, but I like all of them on your final list, perhaps that one a little more." She said pointing at the tablet screen. "But honestly, I would be happy driving any of them."

"Ok. I'll sort it then." He smiled at her, putting the tablet down and pulling her in tighter as he kissed her head. She leant her head on his chest and before she realised, she had dozed off. Ethan gently woke her before she slipped into a deep sleep.

"Sweetheart, come on, lets go to bed." He said gently lifting her head. She stretched and sat upright.

"Sorry, did I doze off again? I don't know what's wrong with me. I could sleep anywhere at the moment."

"You obviously need it." He smiled. "Come on." He said standing up and holding out his hand. "I've got an early start anyway, so an early night will do me good too." They headed off to be together and snuggled up before falling asleep content in each others arms.

In the early hours, Cal was up with Gracie who had woken, so he was giving her another bottle. He sat in the darkness of his room, half asleep, but engrossed in watching his beautiful little girl. She had just drifted off to sleep in his arms, but he couldn't bare to put her down yet. He cuddled her close until she fell into a deeper sleep, then kissed her head and placed her gently in her crib. He was just drifting back off to sleep himself when he heard Sam scream out and Ethan make a strange grunting sound. He jumped up, first checking they hadn't disturbed Gracie, thankfully she continued to sleep, fully satisfied from her milk still. He got up and headed into the hall towards Ethan's room.

Ethan had been disturbed in the night by Sam who was having a restless night. She was still asleep but was clearly dreaming as she was thrashing in her sleep and making distressed moaning and whimpering sounds. He half sat up sleepily and tried to calm her without waking her. He put his hand on her shoulder and tried to soothe her, but all of a sudden he felt her fist connect with his cheek. She sat bolt upright, sweat pouring from her face as her breathing had become erratic, she woke in a panic and screamed. Ethan was still stunned by receiving a punch in the face in the middle of the night, but he forced himself tonreciver toncheck sam was OK. She of course had no recollection of hitting Ethan, so when she looked at him and saw him with his hand covering his cheek she looked more concerned.

"What happened?" She asked in shock.

"Are you ok? You were having some sort of dream and you clearly weren't enjoying it."

"I-I don't know? Are you ok? What...?" She said, feeling confused from her sudden wake up.

"I'm fine." He said, removing his hand and looking at her.

"H-he was here, I could feel him, smell him, it was horrible." Sam said, realisation coming to her as to what she had been dreaming. "Oh my God! Did I hit you?" She asked suddenly, also realising what had happened.

"Yes, but its fine, don't worry. I probably shouldn't have touched you when you were still dreaming." Suddenly there was a light knock on the door.

"Cal? Sam said. "Come in." Cal crept around the corner of the door.

"Is everything OK?" He whispered. "I heard a scream and a yell?"

"I was just dreaming Cal. Sorry, I didn't meant to wake you. I didn't disturb Gracie too did I?" She looked worried.

"No, she's still sleeping." He smiled. "Are you ok?"

"I am, Ethan might not be." Sam said sheepishly.

"Why?"

"I tried to comfort Sam and she punched me." Ethan admitted. Cal could help but let out a small laugh.

"Oh Eth, you never did get the hang of being the Knight in shining armour did you?" Cal grinned causing Sam to let out a giggle.

"No, that's why it's your name, not mine!" Ethan said through gritted teeth, not really seeing the humour yet.

"Oh Ethan, I'm so sorry. I've not had a terror like that in a long time." She said running her thumb lightly over his cheek. Cal turned around and left them to it, chuckling to himself as he headed towards his bedroom.

"It's OK, really, it wasn't your fault. No harm done."

"I hope I haven't given you a black eye." She said regretfully.

"I think I should be OK, it was a bit lower down. You've good a good left hook though I will say." He smiled at her, then winced as it hurt his cheek.

"Sorry." She said guiltily.

"It's OK, really. Are you ok? I was worried, you seemed really stressed."

"Yes, I'm fine, it was just a horrible dream, I was back there you know." She sighed quietly. "I guess everything has brought it all back. I'm sorry." She said sadly.

"Hey, its OK." He said pulling her into his arms. "Stop apologising. As long as you're OK, that's all I care about."

"I'm OK." She whispered and they lay down again. She kissed Ethan, apologising again and they went back to sleep. The next thing she knew, she was waking up to an empty bed, Ethan had already got up and left for work. She was shocked that she had slept right through.

Sam worked a nightshift that night, so didn't see Ethan again until the following morning when he was coming back in as she was finishing. She had seen Cal the previous evening before he left work. She had asked him if he'd had a chance to speak to Ella yet, but he'd reminded her that she was away with her family and phone signal was pretty non existent. Cal was secretly relieved, it gave him some time to work out how he was going to tell her the latest news. Sam said they would try and catch up before he had to speak to her, to see if she could help. She'd had a pretty standard nightshift, busy but manageable, she'd kept in good spirits. As she was having a cup of tea whilst writing up a couple of sets of notes, Ethan came in looking really pale.

"You don't look so good sweet, are you ok?" Sam said worried. The only bit of colour he had in his face was the slight blush on his cheek where she had hit him the previous night.

"I'm OK." He said quietly, sounding worse than he looked.

"No you're not. You shouldn't be here. You've got a bug, your body is clearly struggling to fight it, what with the splenectomy. Come on, you know that!" She half scolded, half feeling sorry for him. He looked dreadful.

"I'll be fine, once I get going." He croaked.

"No, Ethan, you need to go back to bed and rest. You know you do."

"But it will leave us short."

"You can't worry about that."

"No, its fine, really." He said as firmly as he could manage, continuing on into the staff room. Sam just looked shaking her head. She would get him home and tucked up into bed if it killed her she thought. She signed off her last set of notes and went to get a thermometer. She stopped Ethan before he could get changed and took hold of his face, popping the probe in his ear.

"See, 38.2, you've got a fever, you need to go home." She said kindly but firmly.

"But-"

"No Ethan, go. I'll phone Mrs Beauchamp if you won't." She gave him a look and he knew he wasn't going to win, he also knew he really did feel rubbish, and the longer he was out of bed, the worse he was beginning to feel.

"Ok." He sighed, picking up his bag and heading back outside. She watched him go, then looked at the time, she was nearly done, and she was ready to get home to her bed. But first she had an errand to run, she decided. She got changed and headed to the supermarket, where she picked up some medicine, some orange juice, some soup and other bits and pieces that she hoped would make Ethan feel better; then she walked over to his flat, hoping he might still be awake. She pressed the buzzer and eventually Ethan answered and let her in, surprised to see her.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd want to keep your distance." He said softly.

"I wanted to make sure you were OK, and I brought you some supplies." She she said holding up the bags. "Isn't Cal home?"

"I don't know, he doesn't seem to be, but its quite early for him to be out. Thank you for this." He smiled taking the bags from Sam and putting them on the kitchen counter. She helped him put it away, then poured him a glass of orange juice, popped out some pills and guided him onto the sofa. He smiled at her and took the juice and pills gratefully.

"So, a duvet day for you then Mr?" Sam smiled. "I'll leave you to it." She said getting up.

"I suppose." He sighed.

"Hey, what's wrong, many would be jealous of you getting to snuggle in your bed all day."

"Well, it'd be more fun if I had some company." He looked at her hopefully.

"Ethan, do you want me to stay and look after you?" Sam asked. He nodded, looking like a little boy. "Oh, sweetheart, of course I will. Come on, you go back to bed and I'll make a cup of tea." By the time she was carrying the tea into the bedroom, he was back under the covers and resting his head. She popped his cup on the bedside table and sat on the other side of the bed next to him. He turned to face her and just looked at her. "What?" She asked smiling as she stroked his head.

"Aren't you getting in? You must be tired after your nightshift?"

"I'm here to look after you though." Sam replied.

"Well, I just need sleep for now, and so do you, come on." He smiled lifting the duvet. She pulled her clothes off and jumped in next to him, snuggling down, stroking his forehead as he fell asleep on her shoulder. Eventually she dozed off too, and they slept peacefully for the next few hours.


	122. Chapter 122

Ethan woke up a few hours later coughing. His throat felt dry and his head was pounding. He sat up coughing while clutching his side, trying to make sure he didn't put too much strain on his surgical site. Sam woke on hearing him coughing and sat up, looking concerned. She went and fetched him a drink and sat on the edge of the bed next to him rubbing his back.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." He said as his coughing eased off.

"Hey, its fine, I'm here for you. Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, I'm OK."

"Ethan, you look terrible." Sam said, looking really concerned.

"I feel it." He muttered.

"You lie down and go back to sleep. When you wake you should be able to take some more medication. Then if you feel up to it, I'll make you a snack." She kissed his forehead and tucked him back in, stroking his head as he fell asleep again. She got dressed and went into the front room just as Cal was coming through the front door with Gracie.

"Morning?" Cal said, somewhat surprised. He didn't expect anyone to be in as Ethan was on shift, so to find Sam there shocked him. "What are you doing here, not that you're not welcome!" He said as he took Gracie's coat off and popped her on the floor.

"Ethan's not well, I made him come home, but I've been staying with him to look after him."

"Not well?" Cal asked concerned.

"Just a bug, but he looks dreadful. He's just gone back to sleep. Anyway, where have you two been?" Sam asked crouching down to little Gracie and tickling her, causing her to giggle.

"Gracie was up early, so we went out to the park on the swings, then to the shops. I should have got a baby before, I never realised how they were amazing at attracting women!" He laughed. "Everyone wanted to talk to me about her, and they all wanted to know if I was a single dad."

"Cal, what are you like, anyway, technically you're not single yet."

"I know, I was honest. I said I wasn't with Gracie's mum but I wasn't single. I was trying to be positive, but even you just said 'yet' so that doesn't fill me with much hope." He said sadly, sitting down on the sofa. "So Ethan isn't going to be able pick Gracie up for me then, he was going to collect her from the crèche after his shift while I'm at work."

"What time are you in?"

"In about an hour, I'm on the late shift."

"Well I'm on nights again tonight, I can watch her for you then I can bring her with me to the hospital and we can change over, if that helps?" Sam offered.

"Really? That would be amazing!"

"Yeah, I'm here looking after Ethan anyway, Gracie will be no problem, will you sweetheart?" She said scooping her up into a cuddle.

"Thanks Sam, I really appreciate it."

"That's OK. So when does Ella get back?"

"Tomorrow."

"So, when are you going to tell her?"

"I guess tomorrow."

"You're not going to invite her around and just say 'hey, come and meet my baby' are you?" She asked, looking at him firmly, as she sat Gracie back down on the floor.

"No, that would be silly." He said sheepishly. "What would you suggest?"

"I don't know, go out for some tea, talk a bit and then have a drink and try to break it to her as gently as possible, so she gives you a chance to fully explain the situation, but not somewhere obviously public where she risks getting embarrassed."

"Right. But, I can't just leave Gracie." He looked at her hopefully.

"Ok." She smiled, rolling her eyes. "I'll stay in and watch Gracie for you."

"Thank you!" He smiled, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"All right, all right. You still owe me." She said crossing her arms across her chest.

"I'll get you a diamond." He grinned back cheekily, causing her to break into a smile, shaking her head.

An hour later, Cal was at work and Sam was just finishing off giving Gracie some lunch, when Ethan stumbled out of the bedroom.

"Hey, what are you doing up? You should have called me." Sam said looking him up and down.

"I needed another drink." He croaked.

"Well sit down, let me get it for you." She said, leaving Gracie with her yoghurt. She came back with some pills and a drink and handed them to him, then rescued the spoon from Gracie which she was happily banging on her tray. "Shh Gracie, Uncle Ethan isn't well." She smiled at the little girl as she wiped the remains of her lunch off her face, hands and head.

"So has Cal abandoned you with Gracie?" Ethan mumbled.

"He had to go to work. I offered." Sam defended him. "I was looking after you anyway, what difference does it make having Gracie too. She's as good as gold." Sam said, handing her a sippy cup of milk.

"I suppose." Ethan sighed, draining the rest of his drink and sniffing.

"Do you feel up to some lunch?" Sam asked Ethan, he shook his head, then regretted the action as it made him dizzy.

"No, no I couldn't face it." He said.

"Come on, you need to go back to bed." Sam smiled kindly, guiding him back towards his bedroom. She refilled his drink and left him to rest; then headed into Cal's room to settle Gracie down for a nap. Once Gracie was sleeping peacefully, she checked on Ethan, who was also now sleeping again, then she made herself a much needed cup of tea and sat down on the sofa, suddenly realising how tired she was. Before she even got to drink her tea, she had dozed off, and was woken an hour later by Gracie crying out for attention. All afternoon she was kept busy between looking after Ethan and Gracie. She made Ethan a little soup, which he curled up in a banket on the sofa carefully eating, it felt too uncomfortable and too much effort to sit at the table. At the same time she gave Gracie some tea, while sipping soup from a cup. She smiled to herself thinking she had never felt more 'wifey' in her life, but it gave her hope that she could manage when their baby arrived. Of course she knew doing it for one day was very different than everyday. Once ethan was fed, medicated and back in bed, she managed a quick shower by placing Gracie on the bathroom floor to play and then got them both ready to head to the hospital. She popped in on a sleeping Ethan and kissed his forehead before bundling Gracie up in her hat and coat and carrying her in one arm and the car seat in the other she headed to the hospital. On reflection, she would have been wiser to call for a taxi, but she thought the fresh air would help Gracie sleep later.

"Thank you so much for that." Cal said, taking Gracie from her.

"That's OK, she was as good as gold. Ethan, on the other hand, still isn't at all well."

"Ok, I'll look in on him." Cal tried to reassure her.

"Right I better get a move on, can't be late."

"Uh, Sam, imon an early shift tomorrow, any chance you could watch Gracie again?"

"Sure, bring her in with you and I'll take her back to yours after my nightshift." Sam smiled. She wasn't sure she had the energy, but she couldn't let Cal down.


	123. Chapter 123

Sam struggled a bit through the last few hours of her nightshift, the tiredness getting to her. But at least she had the next night off, well she wasn't due to work anyway. She met Cal as he was coming in for his shift and she took Gracie from him.

"How's Ethan now?" Sam asked, still worried about him.

"He was still asleep when I left." Cal said. Sam nodded, half thinking Cal probably didn't even check on him as he was probably too wrapped up in Gracie, but she couldn't complain as Gracie was his priority, and at least he was taking his responsibilities seriously.

"Come on Gracie, we need to go and look after Uncle Ethan don't we?" Sam smiled down at the little girl who squeeled back, already getting used to being left with Sam.

"I really appreciate this Sam, thanks." Cal called back, running inside before he was late. Sam walked off heading back towards the boys flat, carrying Gracie on her hip. When she got in, she looked around at the chaos that was around the front room. She placed Gracie on the floor with some toys and had a quick pick up. She collected the dirty clothes and bibs lying around, and piled up the nappies and wet wipes. She couldn't believe that she had left it tidy only 14 hours ago. As Gracie sat happily playing on the floor she peeked around Ethan's bedroom door to check on him. He was indeed still sleeping, but as she peered at him, she noticed he still looked pale with dark eyes. She crept back out and picked Gracie up for a cuddle.

"Oh, Gracie, are you going to be good for Auntie Sam today? Because I'm really tired, work was a bit mad last night, and aside from an hour nap yesterday afternoon, I've not slept in nearly 24 hours. No, I haven't, but I care about your daddy, and he needed my help, so I couldn't let him down, could I?" Gracie looked at her as she chatted, then giggled. Sam tickled her making her squeel with laughter, which in turn caused Sam to laugh. Suddenly Ethan stumbled through to the front room.

"I didn't know you were here." He said looking confused.

"Sorry, did we wake you?" Sam replied guiltily.

"No, you didn't, but weren't you working last night?"

"Yes but I said I'd help Cal out and watch Gracie again." Sam said. "Didn't I Gracie, we're having a girlie day aren't we?" Sam put Gracie back down and headed into the kitchen to make a cup of tea for them both. Ethan followed her, still feeling half asleep and confused. "Go and sit down hon, I'll bring your tea in to you." Ethan did as he was told, slumping down heavily on the sofa as Sam brought him in some tea and medication.

"You look tired." He said to Sam as she sat down next to him.

"Well, thanks." She smiled, "coming from you that's such a compliment."

"No, you know what I mean."

"I know." She said patting his knee.

"You should get some sleep."

"But I've got to look after Gracie, and you" Sam said kindly.

"I'm fine. I'll look after Gracie." He said, suddenly coughing heavily again as if timed perfectly.

"Yeah, you sound it." Sam laughed, shaking her head. "I'm fine, Cal is only on a short shift. I'll nap this afternoon. Besides, I need to get used to surviving on minimal sleep don't I?"

"Well, yes, but when we do it, you will have me helping you too."

"Yes, but you'll also be going to work, so I will have to get used to being alone and getting on with it too."

"If anyone will be able to get on with it then its you." He smiled at her, and she placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Are you coming to the next midwife appointment? It's the day after tomorrow?"

"I'll be there." Ethan smiled.

Ethan headed back off to bed under orders, as Sam took Gracie out for some fresh air. She took Gracie down to the park, knowing that Cal had said she loved the swings and as Sam pushed her to and fro, Gracie kicked and squeeled with excitement, making Sam smile too. She looked closely at the little girl, trying to make out a resemblance to Cal, but she didn't know what her mother looked like, Gracie could be her double for all Sam knew. Ethan had told her more about Taylor and what she had done, and while it was clear Ethan really didn't like Taylor, it was also clear that she was a good manipulator, especially of Cal; Ethan said Cal turned to putty in her hand. The more Sam looked at Gracie, the more concerned she got for her friend. The more Gracie was in their lives, the more they all grew fond of her, but was Cal set for heartbreak? She couldn't help but worry. He was risking everything on the chance that Gracie might be his, but if it turned out she wasn't, he could lose it all, and Sam worried about what that might do to him. She decided she needed to talk to him before he went to see Ella tonight.

When she returned to the flat Ethan was laid on the sofa dozing. Unfortunately, Gracie, excited to see him clambered up before Sam could stop her, and she squeeled and hit him to wake him up, thinking it a hilarious game.

"Oh Gracie, Uncle Ethan was asleep, he's poorly remember, shh." Sam said, but it was too late. Ethan woke with a start, but smiled when he saw it was his little niece wanting attention. He scooped her up onto his lap and cuddled her. Sam smiled at the pair, and headed off to make some lunch for them all.

"How are you feeling?" She asked Ethan as she set down a plate of sandwiches.

"A little better." Ethan said quietly. "What about you? You should really get some rest. Why don't you have something to eat and go to bed for the afternoon?"

"But Gracie-"

"I'm here, I can manage" Ethan cut in. "Anyway, it'll be nap time after lunch then it won't be long until Cal is home."

"But-"

"No, come on, its what you did to me, now I'm being firm with you. You need to sleep." He said giving Sam what he thought was a stern look, causing her to break out into a smile. "What?" He asked fighting a smile too.

"You, being all masterful and manly, its cute."

"Cute?" Ethan looked horrified causing Sam to giggle. "I doubt that's what men are generally going for when they are trying to be firm, I bet you wouldn't think Cal was 'cute', you'd probably be swooning." He finished a little sulkily.

"Swooning? Someone sounds jealous." Sam smiled. "Anyway, if you're aspiring to be Cal, you've succeeded in adopting his sulky temperament."

"Go to bed. That's an order." Ethan said firmly again, then worrying he sounded too harsh he kissed her, adding a gentle, "please?"

"Ok." Sam smiled, kissing him back and heading off to his bedroom, looking back over her shoulder and giving him a smile.

It wasn't until much later when Sam woke, feeling slightly groggy, she opened her eyes slowly, forgetting where she had fallen asleep, but soon realised she was alone in Ethan's bed. She looked at the clock, it was 17:30, then she became aware of strained voices in the other room. She got up and slipped out of the door, catching part of the conversation.

"You can't keep asking that of her Cal, she's working too you know."

"I know, but she offered, I thought she didn't mind."

"She doesn't, that's the problem, you're taking advantage of her good nature."

"Taking advantage? I'm not taking advantage of anything." Cal huffed. "I resent you saying that."

"Well I resent you pushing my girlfriend to the limit when she's working hard and she pregnant too remember!"

"I know that, but she offered, surely she wouldn't offer if she couldn't do it."

"You know she would, she'd do anything for you."

"Is that the problem? You're still jealous?"

"It's nothing to do with jealousy Cal! It's to do with the fact that she's worked the last 2 night shifts, she's looked after me and Gracie and now she's having Gracie tonight as well so you can go out!"

"I have to go out, I need to speak to El-" Cal started but they were interrupted.

"Boys, I think 'she' can speak for herself you know?" Sam said, stepping out into the front room.

"Great, then you can tell him that you offered to help me out and I didn't force you to do it!" Cal snapped.

"I never said you forced her, just that you took advantage of the fact that you knew Sam would help out, regardless of how she felt." Ethan snapped back.

"Boys, boys! That's enough!" Sam said firmly. "Come on, not in front of Gracie." The three of them looked towards the little girl who was sat in her chair eating and creating a mess with food and having great fun, barely noticing the friction between the adults. "Ethan, I told you I offered to help Cal out, I didn't mind, it was only a short term thing, and I was the one who told him to go out to see Ella tonight to fill her in on everything. I appreciate that you're worried about me, but I'm OK, Cal needed my help, I couldn't let him down."

Ethan opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. Cal just glared at him.

"See Ethan. I told you so."

"Caleb, stop winding him up! Honestly, you both sound like 5 year olds." Sam scolded. "Between you two and Gracie, its like having 3 kids to look after." Sam said as she picked up some of the mess they had left lying around again. "Cal, I think we should get Gracie in the bath." Sam said giving him a look and nodding towards the bedroom. "Ethan, you should be resting." Sam smiled at him, seeing he was still rooted to the spot stewing over what had just happened.

"Cal, I need to talk to you." Sam said as they put Gracie in the bath.

"I wondered why we both needed to bath Gracie." Cal said while making faces at his daughter and something water around her. "What's up? Ethan?"

"What? No!" Sam said looking at him strangely. "It's Gracie."

"Why? What's wrong with her?" Cal looked concerned.

"Nothing Cal. I was just thinking, I mean, are you sure she is yours?" Sam asked gently, kneeling down on the floor next to them, knowing this would hurt Cal and he would get defensive.

"Of course." He said curtly, but unable to make eye contact with Sam.

"Cal, how do you know?"

"Because, well because Taylor said." Cal remained short in his tone of voice.

"But from what I hear, she said a lot of things." Sam said gently. Cal glared at her darkly.

"Yes, but you've had your account from Ethan, and he's always hated her."

"With good reason though Cal." Sam raised her eyebrow.

"What is this, everyone gang up on Cal night or something?" He huffed to himself.

"Cal, I'm just worried about you. Look, Gracie is wonderful, and we are all falling in love with her, but if it turns out that she's not yours, or if Taylor comes back to take her back, what then? Where does that leave you? You could lose everything, and I don't want to see this break you. Don't you see, its because I care about you that I'm trying to get you to gain a bit of perspective."

"So what are you saying? You don't think she's mine and I should give her up?"

"No, but I think you should be honest with Ella and tell her she might not be yours and then I think you should look into getting a formal paternity test done."

"I don't need to, I know she is mine."

"Cal?"

"Well, she is, I'm sure." He said, but his voice wobbled slightly.

"The thing is, you're not sure are you? Have you even told Ethan there's a chance she isn't yours?" Cal didn't answer, he just looked at Gracie splashing in the bath, tears forming in his eyes. Sam put her arm around his shoulders. "Come on Cal. I'm on your side, you know I am, I always will be. I'm only trying to get you to see the bigger picture because I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know." He whispered, as Sam squeezed his shoulder.

"Now remember, you need to be honest with Ella, and don't leave it too long or it will get harder. I'll be here when you get back if you need to talk. Ok?" Sam smiled. He looked up at her, looking strained and worried. "It'll be OK Cal." She soothed, hoping desperately that it would.


	124. Chapter 124

Cal carried the drinks over to their table, in a quiet corner of a pub. They kept it low key for their 'date night' tonight. Ella looked really happy, full of stories and anecdotes she wanted to share with Cal. She had missed him, being stuck in a country cabin with her family was manageable, but without a decent phone signal, it meant she had been separated from Cal for longer then she wanted to be.

"So, you had a good time then?" Cal asked, taking a large gulp of his pint, feeling a little nervous.

"It was fun. Well, it was nice to catch up with Charlie and his children. It was the first time I'd met my littlest nephew, Jasper; he's only 8 weeks old, he's gorgeous." Ella gushed, grabbing her phone out to show Cal some pictures.

"He is cute." Cal smiled at her, seeing how her eyes lit up showing pictures of her two nephews.

"Here, look, here's me with Harry and baby Jasper. Harry is nearly 3."

Now would have been a good time for Cal to broach the subject, but he couldn't bring himself to, so he continued to encourage Ella to talk about her family and their break. They had something to eat while chatting and Cal managed to avoid the subject of what had been happening to him. Until suddenly, while having another drink, Ella asked him outright.

"You're quiet tonight Cal, is everything OK?"

"Yes, everything is fine." He said all too quickly. Ella eyed him suspiciously.

"Are you sure? You really don't seem yourself. And you look tired."

"It's fine really." He smiled tightly.

"So what have I missed here while I've been away then? Are Sam and Ethan still being impossibly cute?"

"Rediculously so." Cal nodded. "Although they did have a little tiff the other day, it was funny."

"Funny? Cal what are you like?" Ella smiled.

"I'm completely besotted by you, that's what I'm like."

"Besotted? Oh Cal, you do make me laugh!" Ella replied as she laughed.

"Well, I love your smile, and your laugh, so the more I do, the more I see it." He smiled.

"Oh, Cal." Ella smiled, leaning across and kissing him. "And I love the way you kiss me, I've missed it while I've been away. I missed you." Ella said a little shyly.

"I've missed you too." He said, making her feel a bit better.

"So, come on then, what's the gossip? Don't tell me you've just been working hard, I'll never believe that." Ella smiled widely. Cal took a deep breath.

"Well, um, well, something did change while you were gone." Cal looked at Ella, she was still smiling, but not as widely, and the longer he paused, the more her smile slipped and she looked confused.

"What is it Cal? What do you mean 'changed'?" Ella asked growing more worried.

"Well, something unexpected happened, and I don't really know how to explain it."

"Cal, you're freaking me out here." Ella said, her voice shaking.

"I'm sorry, Sam said that I should break it to you gently, but there isn't a way, but I just need you to hear me out, OK?"

"Sam? Cal, just tell me." Ella stared wide eyed at him.

"Well, I had a surprise package left for me at the hospital. She's 8 months old and goes by the name of Gracie."

"Oh my God! You have a daughter?" Ella stared opened mouthed at him, the shock evident on her face.

"Well, I don't know. She the daughter of an ex, who I've not seen since she was arrested for fraud." Ella looked even more shocked. "I know, its a long story. It seems she might be on the run, I don't know, I haven't seen her, but she left Gracie for me to look after, so that's what's changed since you went away. I wanted to wait to tell you face to face." He looked at her, worried about facing her imminent reaction.

"Oh my God." She muttered to herself, still clearly in shock. "You're a dad."

"Well, I might be, but you have to understand, this all happened before I ever knew you. I didn't ask for this. But if she is mine, well then she needs me. I just hope you can understand that." Cal said softly. They sat in silence for what seemed like ages, but in reality was probably only a couple of minutes.

"Ella, please, say something." Cal pleaded.

"You've got a baby, sh...I mean, a baby Cal?" Ella said still in shock.

"I know." He said quietly. He stole a glance at her, hoping that she could accept this news, but the longer he waited, the more he lost hope.

* * *

Sam had settled Gracie for the evening, and she went and sat on the sofa next to Ethan, who had already made her a cup of tea.

"It might be a bit cold." He mumbled, nodding towards the cup.

"Thanks." She smiled. "Are you still being sulky with me?" She asked looking at him.

"What do you mean?" He asked. "I'm not being sulky."

"You've barely spoken to me since I woke up. It's because you think I took Cal's side isn't it?"

"No." He said curtly.

"Ethan, you don't need to lie to me, just say what you need to say and have done with it. I'm tired, I don't need games."

"Yes, but who's fault is it that you're tired."

"Ok, so I took on too much Ethan, but Cal needed me. I'm worried about him. He could be about to lose everything."

"I was just worried about you. Cal can be selfish, he wouldn't have seen how much he was putting on you, and you're so obliging, you'd do anything for anyone in need."

"I'm not that selfless Ethan." Sam smiled. "You seem to think the sun shines out of my backside, like I'm some Mother Theresa character."

"Well, be honest, you're not far off." He smiled slightly back at her.

"You're biased, if I couldn't do it I wouldn't. I see Cal as family though, and family come first, right?" Sam said, taking his hand in hers. He looked at her.

"You're right, although it's easier for you, you chose him as your family, I'm stuck with him!"

"You don't mean that, you wouldn't be without him really." Sam said, Ethan just gave her a look.

"Sometimes I would." He smiled at his sarcasm. Sam placed his hand to her lips and kissed it.

"Stop worrying about me, I'm fine, I just need to put my feet up now. I've got tomorrow to catch up with sleep before my next nightshift." Sam said putting one leg up across the sofa and stretching out. "Hey, have you seen this?" She smiled at Ethan, lifting her blouse to reveal a small bump under her vest top. "Someone is showing us they are on their way." She said looking up at him. He smiled back and she placed his hand on her stomach.

"I can't wait." He whispered. She placed her hand on top of his and they interlocked fingers, sitting in silence, enjoying the moment. Sam leaned back and closed her eyes and sighed. Suddenly, the silence was broken by Gracie, who woke suddenly and started crying. Sam instantly stood up and smiled at Ethan, heading towards the crying infant. She picked Gracie up and walked her around Cal's room to try and comfort her. As Gracie calmed a little, Sam went to put her back in her crib, but she started crying again, so Sam lay down on Cal's bed with Gracie in her arms, and they cuddled up together. Gracie snuggled in, and they each enjoyed the closeness. Ethan crept around the doorway, smiling when he saw the sight. He stood over the pair, and Sam looked at him smilng at them. She patted the bed and he carefully slid on it next to them, cuddling in to the pair. Gracie settled and fell into a deep sleep, content next to Sam and Ethan, feeling safe and secure.


	125. Chapter 125

Cal sat waiting for Ella to react; shout, cry, slap him, anything would be better than the silence he currently faced. The silence allowed his mind to wonder, trying to predict what she might be thinking or feeling right now, but he could only imagine the worst.

"I think I'd better go." He said standing up abruptly, accidentally knocking the table as he did. Ella reached out and stopped her glass from falling. She looked up at him, suddenly brought back from her thoughts.

"Cal, wait. Don't go." Ella said. He stopped and turned to face her. She could see the shadows under his eyes, the stress in his face, she could see how this was eating him up. He stared as the silence fell again, Ella with her mouth open, ready to talk, but not quite sure what to say. Cal, who had unconsciously been holding his breath, let out a sigh and turned back towards the door, his shoulders slumped. He felt defeated. Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm, pulling him back.

"Cal wait." She said softly. "I'm sorry Cal. You need support and I'm sitting here gawping like a fish without anything intelligent to say."

"I get it, its come as a total shock." He shrugged sadly, starting to turn back towards the door again. She tightened her grip on his arm.

"Not as much as it was for you, I'm sure." She smiled sadly at him. "Cal, why don't you get us another drink? We can talk about this, yeah?" She looked at him, her face softened, and he nodded sadly, still feeling lost.

* * *

Ethan watched as Gracie's breathing settled into a regular rhythm as she fell into a deeper sleep. He watched as Sam's breathing soon did the same he couldn't believe the feeling of love that he felt in that moment. He didn't think it was possible to love that much. He watched Sam closely as she slept, she needed to sleep, she looked tired, no, near exhausted. She really had gone too far having barely slept in the last couple of days, even if she wouldn't agree with him, he knew he was right, but now was not the time to say that, he knew she was too stubborn to ever admit he was right about this. He didn't want to move them but he knew he was going to have to before Cal came home, but they had a little while yet, he was sure. He lay there just watching in silence, smiling to himself. He thought of his own Mum, and the things she used to tell him about love; how when you loved someone you would do anything you could to make them happy, to make them feel loved, and that's what he would do. He would sacrifice anything for Sam, and for their baby, and he could feel his growing protectiveness over his little niece too. He may have an intense disliking for her mother, but that didn't matter, Gracie didn't choose her, in fact, he thought it she had the choice she might not choose Cal as a father, but he was, so that meant she was their responsibility, and he would see to it that she grew up feeling loved and safe too.

* * *

"So, start from the beginning, I know you probably don't want to talk about it, I'm not sure I'm ready to hear, but I think I need to." Ella said as gently as she could, she needed to understand, but she could see how fragile Cal was.

"The beginning, as in?"

"As in when you met this woman, the con- I mean Gracie's mum." Her voice cracked a little as she said the little girls name, but inside she reminded herself that Gracie was the innocent one in all of this, but she had to keep her emotions in check, luckily, she was well practiced at doing this. Cal proceeded to explain the whole story to Ella, he admitted that he found himself easily drawn in by her, how even thought he was in love. Cal had never been so honest, it didn't come easy to him, but he knew if he was going to salvage things with Ella then he had to lay everything bare. He didn't realise how hard it would be, but Ella sat there and listened, she never looked horrified, or angry when he was talking about Taylor, she just let him talk. He told her everything, about how she had suddenly disappeared, to when she had reappeared and Ethan he called the police, and that was the last time he had heard from her, assuming she was in prison. Then he explained when Gracie had been left in the hospital, how Sam had found her then he had found the note. He even explained how Sam came to know without him telling her. When he finished talking, Ella took a slow sip of her drink, considering her response carefully. Cal looked at her, waiting to hear what she was going to say.

"Well, thank you Cal." She said softly. He looked confused. "I mean thank you for being so honest. That can't have been easy, but at least I have some understanding now, it really does help."

"Ok." He nodded, still not certain what she was thinking.

"Cal, what do you want from me?" Ella asked. Cal's head shot up, he caught her eye. She looked so calm, poised, like she felt nothing, it confused him even more, he felt like he was torn inside. On the one hand, he really felt something for Ella, he didn't know that it was love, but he cared about her, he really liked her, he would never have laid everything on the line if he didn't. But on the other hand, Gracie was his daughter, and she needed him, and that had to come first.

"I-I don't know."

"Well, I suggest you think about it." Ella took another gulp from her wine glass.

"I want you Ella, but its not as simple as it was before."

"It can be. We can make it what we want."

"What do you mean?" He looked up, almost to scared to hope she was saying what she might be.

"Cal, I'm not naive to think that things like this don't happen. I knew of your reputation before I got with you, I've joked about it often enough. All things considered I'd be surprised if a skeleton didn't show up somewhere along the line, what matters is the way you deal with it. We've come through one blip, I always knew being with you would be an adventure, and its one I don't think I'm ready to give up on just yet." She looked into his eyes with a small smile. Cal looked shocked, unable to believe what he was hearing. All the mess he'd made of things and yet here she was, standing by him again. He took a large gulp of his drink, his hand shaking.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He asked carefully, still almost too scared to truly believe it.

"I guess so. Look, I'm not suggesting I'll get this right, and I'm not here to act as a stepmother, but as far as you and me go, I don't see why we can't continue to see how things go, and I'll be understanding of Gracie."

"And I'll do my best not to let you down, you and Gracie."

"Cal, there's one thing I need to know." Ella said softly, almost afraid to ask. He looked at her, suddenly she looked more fragile, a crease of worry on her forehead.

"What is it?" He breathed. Ella downed the last of her wine and took a deep breath before asking what she needed to know.

"If she came back, this Taylor, a-and she wanted to make a go of things, well, would that be an option?"

"No. No I don't think it would."

"You don't think?"

"Well, I mean no, that's not what I want."

"But I guess someone like that might always be able to find a way back in."

"Well, she's Gracie's mum. But I don't want to be involved with her. Ella, its you I want, can't you see that?"

"I guess, I just feel a bit vulnerable to getting really hurt here. But I guess if I want you then I have to take the chance." She held his gaze as he held his breath. "And what's life without a little risk once in a while." She said a little lighter. He smiled shakily as he let out his breath. He desperately wanted to kiss her, but he wasn't sure how she'd take it. Instead he went back to the bar and came back with a double shot for each of them.

"To us?" He said holding up his shot. She eyed him then smiled and picked up hers.

"To us." She said as they clinked their shot glasses and drained them. Then Cal found his nerve again, he lent in and gave her a kiss, and when she kissed back, he kissed her more urgently, running his hands through her hair and letting out a small moan.

"Come back with me?" He breathed in between kisses. She stopped kissing him and looked at him.

"No Cal, not tonight. I need time to take all this in. I can't do that if I get swept up in sex with you first." Ella said, then realising he looked hurt, she smiled. "Don't worry, we will, just not tonight, OK? You know I can't resist you." She grinned wickedly.

"Ok." He whispered, leaning in to kiss her again.


	126. Chapter 126

When Cal got home, the flat was quiet, but not in darkness, the light was still on in the front room. He walked in slowly, making sure to keep quiet so he didn't wake Gracie. Ethan and Sam must have gone to bed he thought, they weren't around, but it was unlike them to leave the light on. He forgot himself for a moment and tossed his keys down on the side, then instantly cursed himself, standing glued to the spot waiting, but the silence remained. He breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the sofa. He had a lot to think about. Unable to settle, he got up to go and check on Gracie. He crept into his room, the glow of the front room light illuminated the room enough and the sight he was faced with shocked him initially but then he couldn't help but smile. Seeing his little brother with his arm protectively around his pregnant girlfriend and his other hand carefully placed protectively on his niece, all three sleeping soundly. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at the same time, though, not in an envious way, but in a sad way, as he reflected on things. 'Ethan is twice the man I'll ever be.' He thought to himself sadly. He turned and headed back out of the room, grabbing a beer from the fridge and slumping back on the sofa, taking a large gulp from the bottle. He sat there, staring into space until he realised he wasn't alone anymore.

"Dare I ask?" Sam said, walking slowly towards him, folding her arms.

"If you must." He sighed.

"That bad?" She raised her eyebrows, surveying him, slumped in his seat.

"No, not bad. I just, I don't know." He sighed, taking another drink from the bottle. "I'm sorry if I woke you, you were all sleeping peacefully just now."

"I don't know that you did, so it doesn't matter. So what happened? If you want to talk about it I mean?"

"Well she didn't hit me, and it seems she doesn't hate me." He mumbled.

"Damn. I was hoping for a good story that ended in you getting a good slap." Sam said, trying to lighten the mood. Cal just looked at her. "No? Not the time for teasing, OK." She sighed, sitting down next to him. He continued to stare ahead, stony faced, drinking his beer. Sam slipped her arm carefully behind him, offering some comfort without being too pushy. "Cal?" She whispered softly to him.

"I think we are OK. But I don't really understand why."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she wants to continue as we were, but why?"

"She likes you Cal, she always has, she clearly sees something in you that's worth fighting for."

"But I'm not am I? I just mess everything up."

"Cal, you don't. Everyone is worth something, and yes, you've made mistakes, but show me someone who hasn't. You can't, we all do things we shouldn't, say things we shouldn't. We all mess up, what matters is how we deal with it, what we learn and how we move on. She wants to keep things on track, it seems you shouldn't be questioning why, but instead work out where you go from here. How you move on from this."

Cal thought about what she had said, then he finally looked up at her.

"How do you always know just what to say?" He smiled slightly.

"I'm just brilliant I guess." She giggled, nudging his arm and pulling him in for a proper hug. He laughed too then returned the hug, putting an arm around her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "Ooh, you smell all boozy, its quite nice, I might even say sexy!" Sam laughed.

"What?" Cal laughed back, thinking she was crazy.

"Smelling booze on you, its making you all manly and sexy. Oh God! I miss going to the pub." Sam sighed.

"Alcoholic." Cal teased grinning.

"Pot, kettle, mate." She raised her eyebrows at him and nodding towards his beer bottle.

"Besides, am I not manly anyway?" He pretended to look wounded, and Sam giggled again.

"Aw, of course you are." She said cheekily.

"Well, I'm not convinced your opinion matters anyway, you're actually choosing to go out with Ethan!" He laughed sarcastically.

"Hey, leave him alone, he's lush." Sam came immediately to his defense.

"You don't always have to be so loyal."

"Yes I do, he would for me."

"Yeah, true." He smiled, squeezing her shoulder again.

"Ooh, there's that boozy smell again, stop it Cal or I'll have to jump you in a minute." She grinned.

"What's the matter with you?" He laughed lightly, starting to feel the effects of the drink.

"I think its the hormones, they've got me all wound up. Right now I wish Ethan would walk in here, take me by the wrist and drag me off to bed and completely take control." She sighed and Cal looked slightly shocked, then started laughing. "What?"

"You've got more chance of winning the lottery ten times over." He chuckled.

"Hey, don't be mean. I love the intimacy I have with him, just sometimes I wish- nevermind." She stopped abruptly, realising she was with Cal, not a girl friend.

"You wish he'd man up?"

"No! No, nothing like that. I just...Cal, I can't talk about this with you!" Sam said again suddenly. "Stop trying to fish for details to use against him." She smiled.

"You've got me all wrong." He smiled. "Anyway, how are you feeling?"

"I'm OK. Tired, but OK."

"Look, did I put too much pressure on you to help me out with Gracie?"

"What? No, Cal. I offered to help. I was glad to help."

"But Ethan said-"

"I know what he said, and I understand why he was angry, but he should have been mad at me, not you. I told him that I offered off my own back."

"But he was right, I should have thought about you, working, being pregnant, not sleeping. It was selfish of me, I just didn't think."

"You were in a fix, and I helped. You're as good as family Cal, which means so is Gracie. You know I'd do anything for you, don't you?" Cal looked at her and smiled, and she pulled him in for a hug. "I'm here for you, you know that, right?" She whispered in his ear as they hugged.

"Should I be worried?" Came a voice behind them. Sam and Cal broke apart from their hug.

"Oh, Ethan. Cal and I were just talking." Sam said looking guilty.

"Don't say it like that, you make us look guilty." Cal laughed.

"Have you left Gracie on her own on the bed?" Sam said, suddenly jumping up.

"Don't be daft, I've put her in her crib." Ethan smiled. "You should get back to bed, you must still be tired." He said quietly.

"Yeah, I think I will. Night Cal." Sam said, heading off towards Ethan's room, sensing the boys needed some time. Ethan sat down next to Cal, and Cal glanced across, waiting to see if he was still in his brothers bad books.

"I'm sorry Cal. I shouldn't have had a go at you earlier."

"It's fine." Cal shrugged.

"No, it wasn't fair. Sam is her own person, if she wanted to help you then its nothing to do with me."

"You were just worried, I get it. But I wouldn't take advantage Ethan, you should know that."

"I know. I guess I was too wrapped up in myself to think how you were coping."

"Ethan, you weren't well. Anyway, its fine really. It's all in the past."

"How did it go tonight?" He asked, assuming that's what Cal and Sam had been talking about.

"Ok, Ella knows about Gracie, but she still wants to see me."

"Well that's good then, isn't it?" Ethan smiled at his brother.

"Yeah. Yes it is." He smiled back.

"Cal?"

"What?"

"Gracie is adorable." Ethan smiled causing Cal to let out a breathy laugh, which in turn made Ethan smile more.

"Yeah, she is a bit isn't she?" He replied proudly. Ethan got up and returned to his own room to sleep before his first shift back at work, while Cal finished off the rest of his bottle of beer before making his way quietly to his own room. As he climbed into bed, he plugged his phone in to charge and realised there was a message from Ella, simply saying: 'Thinking of you. Goodnight x'. He smiled and quickly typed a reply.

'You're always on my mind. Thank you for being so understanding, you really are amazing, too good to be true! Goodnight x'


	127. Chapter 127

Ethan returned to work the following day on a double shift. Cal was also in, and Sam was supposed to be on a night but had been asked to swap so was also on a day shift. Cal had just dropped Gracie into the crèche for the day and was just slinging his stethoscope around his neck as he walked onto the floor.

"Did Gracie go off OK?" Sam asked as she turned around the corner, almost bumping into him.

"Yeah, she's fine. It amazing how good she seems to be when she's left with anyone, new people don't seem to faze her much, its like she's used to it."

"Well I guess we don't know what went on before do we?" Sam replied without thinking. She saw Cal flinch and stiffen at the thought.

"No. I guess not." He said stiffly. Luckily, at that moment, Sam was called away, removing her from any awkwardness that might have followed. By the time they caught up later in the shift, it was all but forgotten. They were outside, Cal leaning against the wall having a coffee, and Sam was stood next to him sipping from a bottle of cold water, having just eaten a large banana. Cal couldn't help but smile.

"You needed that didn't you?" He grinned to himself.

"Yes, I was starving all of a sudden." Sam agreed, missing his point.

"It was quite a large one, I'm surprised you could manage it all." He sniggered to himself.

"I can't help it, I didn't get anything this morning before work." Sam said innocently, meaning breakfast, but causing Cal to burst into laughter. "What?" She said before it dawned on her what Cal was thinking about. "You dirty swine, stop it!" She laughed, reaching out and slapping his arm with a little force, causing him to spill some of his coffee, which in turn caused more laughter between the pair.

"I couldn't help myself." He chuckled.

"You're a bad boy Caleb Knight." She grinned.

"So, has he sorted you out yet?"

"What? Cal! I've told you I'm not going to discuss this with you, its wrong on so many levels." Sam smiled.

"So that's a no then." He grinned.

"He's not been well, and I've been tired and busy anyway."

"Not too tired and busy to think about it though."

"Cal! You don't give up do you?" She grinned. "It's just my hormones, I can't help it."

"Ethan is crazy not taking advantage of this, if my girlfriend was this needy, I'd be calling in sick and keeping her busy at home." He grinned wickedly again.

"Oh Cal. I wish we could." She sighed; he looked up suddenly and she realised she'd done it again. "I mean Ethan and I, don't panic!" She laughed.

"Aw, I thought I was in there." He teased.

"Look, why don't I fetch Gracie tonight, and you two go for a drink after work. Maybe you can get a few in him and stir him up a bit." Sam said, causing Cal's smile to spread.

"You really are feeling it aren't you. Ok, I'll get him to the pub, I'll endure that hardship just for you." He said slinging his arm around her shoulder.

"Thanks Cal, I owe you one." She joked, chuckling at his tone as they headed back inside.

"What do you two look so pleased about?" Ethan asked, walking up to the pair.

"Nothing." Sam smiled sweetly, giving him a kiss on the cheek and heading off towards her next patient.

"So, little brother, drink in the pub tonight, just you and me?"

"Oh, um, but what about Gracie?"

"It's sorted, come on? A bit of brother time is needed I think." He smiled easily.

"Oh, well, OK then." Ethan said, a little unsure.

"Try not to look like I've just told you you have something terminal. Is it that awful to spend time with your brother?" Cal pretended to look offended.

"Oh gosh, no! I, um, well, I-I didn't mean to." He stuttered, thinking he'd upset Cal. Cal started chuckling, and Ethan glared at him. "Very funny." He said before leaving Cal stood on his own, still laughing.

"Excuse me? Caleb Knight?" Came a stern male voice behind Cal. He turned around, shocked by the formality of the words. He was even more shocked when he came face to face with a police officer; although it wasn't uncommon to see the police in the ED, someone looking for him by name caught him by surprise.

"Um, yes, that's me." Cal said, looking confused. "What's the problem?"

"Dr Knight, we have reason to believe you've been in contact with a certain Taylor Ashbie recently."

"Um, sort of, why?"

"She absconded whilst on a hospital visit, its important we gather any information we can about her whereabouts. Can we go somewhere private to discuss this?"

"Um, sure." Cal said, looking around, seeing the staffroom empty, he took them in there.

"We know from phone records that Miss Ashbie contacted you, we have two failed calls then a call from your mobile to hers lasting 1 minute and 38 seconds." Said the officer, consulting his notes.

"Well, yes, but she didn't tell me where she was."

"So what was the nature of your conversation." The officer asked. Cal looked uncomfortable. "We can always take this down to the station Dr Knight, but I'm sure you have more pressing things to do with your time, as do I." The offer said curtly.

"Look, I'm the innocent party here, you know my previous relationship with her, she scammed us, me, and my brother. Then I had those two missed calls out of the blue. I ignored them, then the next thing I know, she's left a baby outside the hospital, saying its our daughter, and I have to look after her. So I phoned her to find out what the hell was going on. All she said was that she was in trouble and had to get away and Gracie wasn't safe with her. Then she hung up and that's the last I heard from her."

"And the child?"

"She's still in my care, I'm not going to let my daughter down because her mother is a compulsive liar, and an escaped convict so it seems." Cal said firmly, eyeballing the officer. He scribbled down everything that Cal had said.

"And you're sure she never said anything about where she was or indicated where she might be heading?"

"No. She didn't say and I didn't ask."

"Is there anyone that can corroborate your story?"

"It's not a story, but yes, one of our nurses was with me that day, she didn't hear the phone call, but she was there for the rest of this."

"And what is her name, I'd like to speak to her."

"Sam Jones, she's on shift today, so you're in luck." Cal said, still trying to keep his cool. He couldn't believe that yet again, Taylor had disrupted things. "Am I free to go now, I have patients waiting."

"Of course Dr Knight. But we may need to speak to you again at a later date." The officer nodded at him and Cal scraped back the stool he was perched on and stalked out, feeling annoyed, but not able to take it out on the person he wanted to.

Meanwhile the officer went back to reception to ask about Sam's whereabouts. Noel called her over, wondering what was going on, first Cal, now Sam. The officer nodded back towards the staffroom and they headed in, Sam's brow furrowed as she shut the door behind them.

"How can I help you officer?" Sam said politely, desperately trying to wrack her brains to think what this could be about.

"Dr Knight mentioned that you were on shift when he was left the baby?"

"Um, yes. Yes I was. Why?" Sam proceeded to explain her involvement and what she knew about that day to the police officer, who again wrote everything down. "I've got to be honest, I've never seen this woman, I don't even know what she looks like. I mean I could be stood right next to her and not have a clue." Sam admitted afterwards. The police officer took out a headshot of Taylor and held it out to Sam. She took it and her brow creased again, then suddenly realisation dawned on her and she let out a gasp.

"What is it Miss Jones?" He asked.

"I saw her. Not that day, but the day before, I think it was the day before. I was leaving work late and I was tired, so I was getting in a taxi and she was there, just outside here, loitering in the corner. She said she was waiting for someone and I told her she was welcome to wait inside, but she said they wouldn't be long. I didn't know it was her."

"And did she have the baby?"

"I didn't see. I mean I didn't really look. She was skulking in the corner. Oh my god, that was her." She muttered to herself, in shock. "I'm sorry, that really is all I know."

"Thank you for your help Miss Jones. Please let us know if you see or hear anything else."

"I will do officer." She said, shaking his hand and holding the door open for him to leave. Ethan had seen her go in the staffroom with the police officer and was watching for her to come out.

"Is everything OK?" He asked worried.

"It's fine Ethan, they are just looking for someone."

"And you were helping?"

"Or hindering, I don't know anything. I think Robyn needs you." Sam said, pointing to where Robyn was waving Ethan over. He turned and left, leaving Sam standing, thinking about what the policeman had said. She thought back over seeing that woman. Was Gracie there? Did she see anything unusual? She said she was waiting for someone, did Cal know she was there? Did he meet up with her? Lots of questions were going around her head. Questions that's thanks to a typical busy day at work, she never got time to get answered. Before she knew it, she was rushing down the hospital corridor towards the crèche to fetch Gracie too get her home for the night. Gracie squeeled with excitement when she saw Sam, and Sam scooped her up into a hug and kissed her head.

"Hello gorgeous. Are you coming back with Auntie Sam tonight? Yes? We are going to have a girlie evening aren't we?" Sam smiled. Gracie squeeled again and flapped her hands with excitement.

Meanwhile, Ethan and Cal were getting changed to head over to the pub. Ethan grabbed his bag and loitered in the doorway waiting for Cal who was slinging things into his locker then he grabbed his jacket.

"Come on then, lets get out of here." He said walking past his younger brother.

"So, where is Gracie?" Ethan asked as they sat down with their drinks. Cal gave him a look to say 'do you really need to ask' and Ethan nodded. "Sam." He said simply.

"It was her idea." Cal said a little defensively.

"Ok, I'm not going to fight about it Cal. I just wondered."

"Ok." Cal said taking a sip of his drink and letting out a satisfied sigh.

"Anyway, why was it her idea?"

"I guess she thought we needed some boys time?" He shrugged noncommittally. Ethan just nodded again, also taking a drink. "So anyway, how are plans coming along?"

"Plans?" Ethan questioned.

"Yeah, you know, the big question you want to ask her." Cal grinned.

"I didn't say I wanted to." Ethan said, a little quietly.

"Oh come on Ethan, you're not fooling anyone, least of all me." Cal scoffed.

"I didn't. I simply said the thought had crossed my mind and you suggested I give her Mum's ring."

"I don't know why you're being defensive, I'm sure she'd say yes."

"Cal." Ethan gave him a warning look.

"Ok, ok." Cal said holding his hands up. "I'll stop."

"Thank you. So have you heard from Ella today?"

"Wait, it goes both ways, if I can't ask you about your girlfriend, you can't ask me about mine."

"That's just silly Caleb." Ethan sighed. "Fine, well we might as well go home then."

"No, come on, lets drink up and get another round in." Cal smiled. "You'll need another drink or two in you if you want to know what I heard from Ella today."

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked when Cal returned from the bar with another pint and a whiskey shot for each of them. After downing the shot, he showed Ethan the message and Ethan instantly regretted asking. "Cal, that's personal, you shouldn't have shown me that! And that's not how I should be picturing your girlfriend." Ethan said, somewhat horrified and feeling embarrassed.

"Really, its how I picture your girlfriend!" Cal joked, and Ethan shot him a look.

"Cal! You know what I mean. And don't tell me you imagine doing those kind of things with Sam."

"No, but you should. Don't blush little brother, its perfectly normal. All natural human desires. You should know that, you're the one with the pregnant girlfriend." He laughed. "Unless of course you're claiming another miracle birth!"

"Don't be rediculous Cal!" Ethan huffed. "I just think it's personal and should be kept between two people."

"See that's your problem Ethan, never open to new ideas, sometimes things are more fun with more than two involved." Cal winked and laughed. He headed to get another round and came back with the same again. Ethan gave him an exasperated look.

"Cal, I can't do another whiskey shot."

"Come on Ethan." Cal pleaded, holding the glass towards him. Ethan sighed and downed the shot, wincing as it went down.

"No more now Cal." Ethan said, he was starting to feel quite affected by the alcohol, as he hadn't eaten a lot and still wasn't 100% fit.

"Ok, no more." Cal smiled. "So anyway, how is Sam's pregnancy going?"

"Good, we have our next midwife appointment tomorrow."

"And she's feeling well?"

"Apart from the tiredness, yes. Why?"

"Just wondering." He smiled.

"What?" Ethan asked, half dreading the response judging by Cal's grin.

"Well, isn't this the kind of time when they get a bit more frisky? You could be in for some fun." He winked, smiling at his brother cheekily.

"Cal! What's wrong with you? Your mind is in the gutter more than normal tonight."

"Well, I just think she might be up for some fun."

"Cal, that's enough." Ethan said, getting up to go to the loo. Cal siezed his opportunity and slipped Ethan's phone out of his jacket pocket and typed a quick message to Sam, chuckling to himself as he managed to delete the evidence and return it to Ethan's pocket before he returned. He casually sipped his pint and waited.


	128. Chapter 128

Sam had bathed Gracie and settled her for the night, and was just having a wash in the bath herself when she heard her phone go off. She had it propped up on the shelf listening quietly to some music, so it wasn't until she got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around her that she looked at the message. The surprise was evident from the shocked look on her face. This was not the kind of thing Ethan normally did, what ever Cal had said to him had obviously worked, she just hoped he had been subtle so as not to hurt his feelings. She slowly walked into the bedroom, smiling to herself as she slipped into her silk nightie, which just about still fit her. She popped into Cal's room to check on Gracie, who was still sleeping soundly , then went back to rest on Ethan's bed. She got her phone out and re-read Ethan's message, smiling, she typed a quick reply.

In the pub, Ethan had returned and him and Cal were chatting. Then suddenly his phone went off, Cal shifted in his seat, wondering how this would play out, but he smiled to himself. Ethan read the message, looking slightly bemused, but Cal was sure sure he saw a slight smile on his face.

"Something interesting?" Cal smiled, and Ethan looked up suddenly.

"N-no, no. Just Sam, she's waiting for me."

"Really?" Cal's smile got bigger.

"I should probably get home soon." Ethan said taking another gulp of his pint.

"Oh yeah? On a promise?" Cal grinned and winked.

"Caleb! For goodness sake! I think you need to go and see Ella and work out some of this pent up frustration." Ethan said, sounding somewhat tipsy, making Cal laugh.

"Do you know what?" He said draining the last of his drink. "I think you're right, and I'm going to do just that!" Cal got up, pulling out his phone and dialling Ella's number as he walked outside. He was just hanging up as Ethan came outside with a small stumble. "Come on, we'll get a taxi." He smiled. By the time they got back, Ella was waiting outside for him, leaning against the wall with a smile on her face. Cal walked up to her, leaned his body against hers and kissed her firmly, and she threw her arms around his neck as they stood in the doorway kissing. Ethan shook his head and carried on up the stairs, realising he was perhaps a little more drunk than he first thought. The flat seemed calm and still when he walked in the front door. He placed his bag on the table and hung his jacket on the back of the chair. Then he took a deep breath, feeling quite lightheaded, he walked towards his bedroom. He smiled as he walked into the room, seeing Sam half lying half sitting in his bed reading one of his texts books.

"Do you ever stop studying?" He slurred slightly, smiling at her.

"Youre a fine one to talk!" She smiled, putting aside the text book.

"Touché." He smiled, leaning on the wall for support.

"How much have you had to drink?" She giggled, looking up at him still loitering in the doorway.

"Just a few pints, and some whiskey."

"Whiskey?" Sam looked confused. "That's not like you?"

"I know. Cal." He said rolling his eyes, or at least he tried to roll his eyes, but his coordination wasn't quite right, and he looked funny, and Sam couldn't help but laugh again.

"Are you coming to bed?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Ethan nodded and started to undress, however, his current level of inebriation made this harder than it should be for him to coordinate.

"Do you need to sit down before you fall down?" Sam smiled as Ethan nearly toppled over trying to take his trousers off.

"Maybe you're right." He said, falling onto the bed with a bump. Sam chuckled, saying she was just going to the loo and she'd be back. She kissed his cheek and climbed off the bed. She padded across the landing and into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She surveyed her reflection in the mirror, sighing as she looked at the dark circles under her eyes. Of course, they weren't as bad as she thought they were, but she convinced herself that she looked tired and drawn. She went to the loo then cleaned her teeth and went back across the landing. However, she heard a noise in the front room and headed in that direction first to investigate.

"Oh guys! Really? Don't you have a bedroom to do that in!" Sam grinned seeing Cal and Ella kissing passionately on the sofa.

"We do, but Gracie is sleeping in there." Cal replied, giving Ella a look, showing how much he wanted her. She continued kissing his neck.

"So, you don't care when Ethan and I are in the next room, and we actually understand what's going on." Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Well, you do, I'm not sure Ethan understands!" Cal laughed, then let out a moan as Ella hit a sensitive spot where she was kissing him.

"Cal!" Sam shot him a look.

"We don't want to wake her up."

"Well tell Ella to keep the noise down then!" Sam laughed as she turned to leave them to it.

"Cheers mate, I love you too!" Came Ella's reply as Sam continued down the landing and back to Ethan's bedroom.

"So, where's my naughty boy then?" Sam whispered as she closed the door behind her and headed back to bed. She had been anticipating this since receiving his message, believing that the alcohol must have given him some confidence, and she was looking forward to exploring it more. However it soon became evident that that wasn't going to be happening tonight as Ethan lay in bed gently snoring, having fallen asleep due to the amount of alcohol he had consumed. Sam stopped and stared, disappointment filling her as she moved nearer to him. She tried to poke him but he just grumbled in his sleep and rolled over, and Sam knew it was a pointless exercise. She grabbed his dressing gown and threw it around her, walking back out towards the front room where Cal and Ella were still kissing.

"Guys, if you want to go to bed we can move Gracie in with me. I'll listen out for her tonight, give you two some time?"

"Really?" Cal said looking up.

"I might as well." Sam shrugged. Cal and Ella stopped, looking at Sam as she appeared a little annoyed.

"Why aren't you in bed?"

"Ethan has fallen into a drunken coma, I thought I'd come and have a cup of tea. It'll soon be time for a feed anyway, if I scoop Gracie out then you can move her cot. Ethan won't wake up, don't worry." Sam sighed. She went to get the bottle ready and Cal and Ella exchanged a look, Ella mouthed 'what's wrong' to him and he indicated he'd explain later, as they both looked worried. Sam returned with her tea and a bottle putting them down and going in to retrieve a sleeping Gracie. She lifted her carefully, managing to keep her asleep in her arms and carried her into the front room. She nodded at Cal who quickly managed to shift the crib, with Ella's help, into Ethan's room. Cal headed into the bedroom but Ella crept into the front room, looking at Sam with Gracie.

"So, this is the infamous Gracie? She seems a sweetie, I'll have to meet her properly I guess."

"Oh El's, she is gorgeous, honestly, you'll fall in love instantly, I promise you."

"Maybe." She smiled. "Anyway, are you ok?" She whispered, looking worried at Sam.

"I'm fine, I'll explain later, go on, Cal will be waiting for you. We have a lot of catching up to do anyway." Sam tried to smile, but she couldn't hide her disappointment from her friend. Ella gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Night Sam." Ella smiled.

"Night." She returned the smile, but it still wasn't a proper smile. She changed and fed Gracie and then finished her tea and put Gracie down to sleep in her cot. Ethan was snoring louder now, as Sam slipped in the bed next to him and turned away to try and sleep, hearing the muffled sounds from next door as Cal and Ella continued with their activities.


	129. Chapter 129

Sam was up first the following morning, having had a restless night. She had taken Gracie into the front room after breakfast, and was now sat on the sofa, staring into space, nursing a cup of tea while Gracie played on the floor; Sam had put some cartoons on the TV also to keep her distracted. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Ella crept into the front room, and sat down beside her. Almost instinctively, Sam leaned her head into Ella's shoulder and Ella put her arm around her and carefully pulled her into a hug.

"Oh, I've missed you." Sam said putting her tea down and throwing her arms around her friend as tears formed in her eyes.

"Hey, what's brought this on?" Ella asked softly, surprised at Sam's sudden declaration.

"I just missed you." Sam shrugged, sniffing and pulling herself together again. Ella looked closely at her.

"Come on, what's been happening?"

"Oh El's, I don't know." Sam said, letting out a small sob. Ella squeezed her arm around Sam's shoulders again, pulling her back in for the comfort she obviously needed. "I guess its the hormones, I'm so full of mixed emotions and thoughts and worries, some of them really stupid, but I can't help it. And I've just felt really alone lately, which I know is stupid because I have Ethan, the most perfect man you could ask for, and Cal, he's great too, but I don't know, I guess I just can't tell them what's really going on up here." She said pointing to her temple. Ella hugged her tighter.

"Well, I'm back now, and you can tell me anything; anything you want without fear of being judged." Ella said supportively.

"Look at me, I'm being selfish again. You've just had this massive bombshell thrown at you, and here I am moaning about nothing."

"It's not nothing if it's making you feel like this." Ella said kindly. " And yes, finding out Cal not only had a daughter, but that she was living with him was a shock, but its not something that can't be adapted to. It's not like he's asking me to be her stepmother or anything." At that moment, Gracie stopped being absorbed in the TV, and crawled over to the girls, as if sensing she was being talked about. She went to Sam's feet, whilst looking curiously at Ella, another new person. Sam picked Gracie up and placed her on her lap.

"Gracie, this is Ella, she's daddy's friend."

"Hello Gracie, nice to meet you." Ella laughed, taking Gracie's little hand and pretend shaking it. Gracie giggled, then went a little bit shy, cuddling into Sam.

"You're alright Gracie, Ella is one of us, one of the girls." Sam smiled and Gracie peeked back at Ella who was smiling. She reached out to her and Ella took her hand again, and as Gracie found her confidence again, she reached out to move to Ella. It caught Ella by surprise but before she knew it, she had Gracie on her lap and the little girl was easily drawing her in. Sam went to make them both a cup of tea, and when she returned, Ella and Gracie were absorbed in a seemingly thrilling game of peekaboo, judging by the squeels of laughter coming from Gracie. Sam smiled at them.

"See, I told you it doesn't take long for her to win you over." Sam said as she sat back down.

"She is a cutie. Which reminds me, I must show you the pics of baby Jasper, and Harry."

"And you need to fill me in on the family gossip." Sam smiled. "So, you and Cal, you're OK then?"

"Yeah, I think so." She smiled.

"You have no idea how much he was worried about telling you; I think he was in pieces at the thought of losing you, but he was completely torn by his loyalty to Gracie."

"I was worried about how much of an impact it would have, but I really like him and if Gracie is his daughter then she's part of him, and I realised that I have to accept that, or move on without him. And besides, the sex is too good to stop yet." She giggled.

"Yes, so I heard." Sam said raising her eyebrows at her friend.

"Surely not, I tried to be quiet." Ella laughed lightly.

"The walls aren't that thick here though are they." Sam winked. "Though they'd have needed to have been completely soundproofed for me not to have heard what was going on last night."

"Oh I'm sorry." Ella said guiltily.

"It's ok, I'm only jealous." Sam tried to laugh but it was obvious to Ella there was more behind it.

"Sam? What's going on?"

"Oh nothing, its fine honestly."

"Sam?" Ella gave her a look.

"Well, its just-" Sam started. Just then, Ethan stumbled through heading towards the kitchen.

"Morning Ethan." Ella grinned, seeing he was obviously suffering from the dehydrating effects of the alcohol he had consumed.

"Morning." He mumbled as he filled a glass with cold water and gulped it down along with some paracetamol.

"Oh dear, that bad was it?" Ella smirked.

"Mm-hmm." He said before stumbling back to bed. Ella looked at Sam, unable to hide how funny she thought it was. Sam just sat and shook her head.

"Well, now you see. I thought he might have a couple of drinks with his brother and he'd come home and we could, you know, but he basically collapsed in bed and fell asleep."

"Ah, right."

"Yeah." Sam sighed.

"And how long has it been?"

"It's not so much the length of time, its just that my hormones are driving me mad and I just want, well I want a proper session, you know." Sam admitted, then couldn't hide the blush.

"Samantha Jones! You naughty girl!" Ella laughed.

"That's the problem El's, I want to be but I can't. Ethan is lovely but I want a bit of rough, you know?" Sam said, making Ella laugh, then Sam broke out into a smile too and both girls sat giggling. "Oh its silly isn't it? I'm just really feeling it, and the more I don't get it the more I want it." Sam laughed.

"There are options." Ella smiled.

"If you dare suggest Cal, I swear I will beat you with a stick!"

"I wasn't going to suggest Cal, although judging by some of our sessions, he's exactly what you need!" Ella laughed.

"Thanks mate, just what I needed to hear!" Sam replied sarcastically.

"No, you know, diamonds aren't a girls only best friend, if you get what I mean." Ella winked. "Get a little friend to help."

"At this rate I might have to " Sam giggled. "Please don't say anything. Ethan would be devastated. I don't want to hurt his feelings, he hasn't done anything wrong, its just my pregnancy hormones."

"Why don't you just tell him how you're feeling?"

"I can't El."

"Why not?"

"It's not that simple. He's very sensitive, I mean, he'd think he's done something wrong or that he's let me down and he'd punish himself."

"Well maybe he needs to man up?"

"Ella! No, really, its not that, he's not like that. He would be so anrgy with himself for not giving me what I needed, and he's been through so much lately, I just couldn't do that to him. Please, just keep this as girl talk between us, yeah?"

"Ok. But I do think you should talk to him. Just say you really fancy him and you're craving some physical attention. That wouldn't tell him he's not giving you enough, just that you want to be close to him." Ella said. Sam considered this, realising Ella was probably right, she just really didn't want to hurt Ethan's feelings in any way.

"I'll think about it El." Sam smiled. "I promise."

"Speaking of promises, I'm going back to bed." Ella winked at Sam and Sam grabbed a cushion and threw it at her as she walked across the front room. Gracie watched and giggled and went crawling after the cushion, thinking this was a fun new game. Sam picked up the cushion and tossed it back on the sofa, scooped up Gracie and went back into Ethan's bedroom to check on him. He was dozing again, trying to sleep off the groggy feeling, however, Gracie got excited at seeing her uncle Ethan and had other ideas. She launched herself at him when Sam placed her in bed with them, and she patted his face to wake him up, letting outna squeel, which was sure to have penetrated his delicate head. Sam couldn't help but stifle a giggle as Ethan groaned and slowly opened his eyes.

"Morning sunshine!" Sam smiled, making sure to speak in an annoyingly cheerful tone.

"Oh, does it have to be?" Ethan groaned without opening his eyes. Suddenly he got another poke from Gracie, and he peeked out of one eye. "Oh, morning sweetheart." He smiled at his niece.

"See Gracie, it used to be me that got the smiles and sweethearts but now its all about you." Sam smiled, tickling the little girl, making her giggle.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, my head is pounding. I didn't think I had that much last night."

"Well, if you will go out drinking with your brother." Sam grinned cheekily.

"Alright, no need to act so righteous just because you can't drink." Ethan joked sarcastically, though he ended up sounding more pathetic than he would have liked.

"You were quite drunk when you got in." Sam smiled.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise." Sam said softly, stroking his cheek. Gracie, who was lying between them, tried to copy Sam but only succeeded in hitting Ethan's delicate head again, causing Sam to giggle as he flinched.

"I don't need to apologise, but Gracie is my punishment, right?"

"Well..." Sam shrugged nonchalantly, then laughed again. "No, I just wanted to see you, I wanted a cuddle." Sam said softly.

"Oh, come here." Ethan sighed, pulling both Sam and Gracie in for a cuddle, making Gracie squeal and laugh again. "Oh, Gracie, not so loud." Ethan grumbled. "Hang on, why have we got Gracie anyway?"

"She slept in here last night so Cal and Ella could have some alone time." Sam said. As if on cue, they heard a muffled moan coming from Cal next door. "And some more this morning by the sound of it." Sam raised her eyebrows as Ethan lifted his head slightly. Cal moaned a little louder and Ethan dropped his head back on the pillow, instantly regretting the movement, and he let out an exasperated sigh.

"Cal has got you having her a lot lately, just be careful not to overdo it." Ethan reminded her. Sam went to protest but realised it wasn't worth getting defensive over or risking starting a fight, he was just saying it because he cared.

"Are you coming to the midwife appointment with me later?" Sam swiftly changed the subject.

"Of course. Hopefully this headache will have gone by then."

"Aw, that's no way to talk about Gracie."

"You know what I mean." Ethan replied, not even opening his eyes. "Now let me sleep." He smiled, still keeping his eyes shut. Sam carefully leaned across Gracie and kissed him, and they lay cuddling for a few more minutes until Ethan drifted off again. Sam felt tired, but Gracie was fidgety,so she carefully picked her up and took her back into the front room.

* * *

When Ethan and Sam returned from their appointment, the flat was quiet. Ella had gone, Cal was at work and Gracie at the crèche. They finally had some alone time. Ethan made them both a drink, and they curled up together on the sofa, in the peace and quiet. Sam rested her head on Ethan's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. They sat like this without saying a word for about ten minutes, each lost in their own thoughts, until the silence was broken by Ethans phone ringing. Sam dran her tea while he took the call and chatted next to her. When he hung up he turned to her and smiled.

"That was the garage, the car is in, we can pick it up tomorrow."

"Oh, fantastic." Sam smiled back. She leaned in to kiss him, and as she pulled back she caught his eye, he pulled her in and kissed her again. Sam pulled his lips onto hers more firmly, holing the back of his head as they continued to kiss, then she looked up at him. "Let's go to bed." She said simply, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.

As they lay in bed afterwards, Ethan had his arm around her and was stroking the skin on her arm, while she had her head resting on his shoulder.

"You need to make sure you're not overdoing things you know, the midwife is right; your blood pressure is creeping up and the extra stress isn't good for you. I'm worried you're not getting enough rest."

"I'm fi-"

"Fine, yes, I know. But please, just be careful."

"I will Ethan." Sam whispered gently. "I promise." She looked up at him and he leaned over and kissed her forehead.


	130. Chapter 130

The next shift saw Sam and Cal working together in Resus, while Ethan was covering cubicles. The ED was busy and despite the team pulling together as always, it was a trying day. Ethan was doing his best, but the number of four hour breaches were high and people kept on arriving in the department. Connie had appeared and disappeared almost as quickly. Sam had grabbed a glass of water and was heading to the admin desk to pick up some notes when she saw Ethan throw down the set he had been holding with more force than normal. She looked more closely at him and he looked stressed.

"What have they done to you?" She asked trying to keep it light-hearted. Ethan looked up angrily and then sighed.

"Nothing I guess." He sighed again and turned away, but Sam managed to catch hold of his arm and pull him back to face her.

"Ethan?" She asked giving him a questioning look.

"I'm just fighting a losing battle today, it seems no matter what I do, I can't get anything right, my patients are all breaching and I just feel like I can't manage everything properly."

"Ethan, why didn't you say something? Maybe we could have helped?" Sam looked at him guiltily.

"Everyone is busy, I thought it might just be me having a bad day." He mumbled.

"Look, let me see Lofty, he'll be fine in Resus with Cal and I'll come and help you in cubicles. I can help you get some initial assessments done, it makes sense doesn't it? Maybe I can see some quickies and treat and street them?"

"Really?" He looked at her hopefully. "That would be great, or Mrs Beauchamp is going to skin me alive for all these breaches." He sighed.

"Sure, give me a couple of minutes and we'll get through it together, ok?" She smiled, squeezing his arm supportively.

"Thanks." He smiled, heading back off towards his patients. Before Sam went to help him she stopped off in triage and advised them that the department was really pushed and she didn't want anyone in who wasn't a genuine emergency or in need.

"Right, Ethan, what have we got and where, lets have a quick review." Sam said, ready to get down to business. Ethan explained everything he had going on and Sam jumped right in, helping him co-ordinate and get things moving again. She phoned the wards and put pressure on them to move patients and free up necessary beds and managed to treat and street four patients within an hour, by prescribing necessary medication and sorting out a frequent attenders blocked catheter. She had organised x-rays for patients and taken bloods and obs where needed allowing Ethan breathing space to collect his thoughts and process the more complex patients that he had on the go. By the time she caught up with him again, he was shocked by all she had done.

"Its fine really, I only took the simple patients to clear some room and used my influence to co-ordinate beds, and I had to use the site managers to get some of that done." She said. "You're the one who's had the harder job, sorting the more complex things. Anyway, I've sent Mrs Smith's bloods off urgently and Mr Barry has gone for his scan and the surgeons are on their way for Mr Killerton."

"You're amazing, thank you." Ethan smiled.

"Just doing my job." Sam shrugged, smiling at him. "I just wished you hadn't suffered for so long trying to manage alone. I should have realised how busy you were and come into cubicles earlier."

"Its fine, we're almost on top of it now."

"And Robyn starts in a minute, I'll send her in to help too. I'm just going to repeat the obs on Mrs Smith, then will you review her, she isn't looking too special."

"Sure, is she the one with the oesophageal cancer diagnosis?" He asked, taking the notes Sam was holding out to him.

"That's the one." Sam smiled, heading back behind the curtain.

Their day continued much like this, but at least Ethan felt more supported once he had Sam by his side, and when Cal wasn't busy in Resus, he came out and treated a few minors for Ethan too, and by the time Mrs Beauchamp returned to the department, things were running smoothly and she looked around at the seemingly calm department and felt pleased. As Ethan passed by she stopped him.

"Is everything ok here Dr Hardy?" She asked, gesturing to the calm looking department.

"Everything is fine Mrs Beauchamp." He smiled and nodded at the clinical lead.

"Good job today." She smiled.

"Oh, um, thanks, but it really was a team effort." Ethan said somewhat awkwardly as Connie walked away back towards her office. Ethan let out a breath, relieved to have seemingly escaped crossing her; Sam saw him and smiled to herself. She leaned on the admin desk at the nurses station and sighed, rubbing her lower back which was aching a little.

"Everything ok?" Came a voice behind her. She smiled and turned to come face to face with Cal.

"Everything's fine now, just taking a breather."

"Did I do something to offend you or did you just want more time with Ethan?" He grinned.

"Now come on, you know we work well together, its just that Ethan needed me more than you did today."

"You know sometimes I really do think you're some kind of super nurse. Good job Lily wasn't here today, she wouldn't have liked seeing you play the hero like that." he grinned.

"Stop stirring Cal!" Sam warned, smiling. "Anyway, we haven't been too bad lately."

"Only because you've not really worked together." He teased again. Sam considered this and smiled at him.

"True, I guess you're right."

"I think you have another incoming by the look of it." Sam said, nodding to where the paramedics were bringing in someone on a trolley. Cal snapped back to it and Sam headed back into cubicles.

"Ethan, lets go out for a drive this evening, get out of the city for a bit?" Sam suggested.

"Really? Ok, if you like."

"Well, we don't have to, but I thought it'd be nice. Get some time outside, just the two of us?"

"Yes, you're right, it does sound nice." Ethan smiled and nodded, and the both carried on with the rest of their day.

* * *

Cal was taking a break later in the afternoon and was sat outside in the sunshine. He was idly flicking through his phone when he heard a voice behind him.

"Working hard as always I see." Came the light cheeky tone of Ella.

"Of course." He smiled, shifting up so he could sit next to her on the bench. "Busy saving the lives of everyone who passes through." He grinned.

"Careful or I'll have to start calling you Superman." She laughed.

"Well, if the cape fits." He laughed back. "I was just thinking about you." He smiled.

"Yeah? All bad things I'm sure." She smiled back.

"Of course, what else!" He laughed.

"What else indeed."

"So, do you want to come around mine after work?" Cal asked her.

"Oh, um, I can't tonight. I've got plans with one of the girls from work. Sorry." Ella said.

"Ok." Cal nodded and Ella felt slightly guilty.

"So, how has your day been?" She tried to change the subject.

"Yeah, ok, better than Ethan's by the look of things earlier."

"Oh dear."

"Well, he got a bit stressed anyway. Sam came to his rescue though." He smiled.

"Yeah, well that's a normal nurse requirement, saving the Doctor's arses."

"Oi!"

"Come on, you know its true." She teased, laughing again.

"Enough of the cheek or I'll have to find a way to stop you." He flirted.

"Yeah? I'd like to see you try!" She flirted back, and he leaned in and kissed her. Initially she responded, however she pulled away quite quickly, surprising Cal somewhat.

"I should get going." She said quickly getting up. "I'll see you later." She walked back off towards the door to return to her ward. Cal watched her leave, unsure if he had offended her somehow.

* * *

Sam had gone back to her flat after work to get showered and changed, and before she knew it, Ethan was outside in the car waiting for her. She climbed into the car, leaning over and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Its a nice car Ethan, what is it like to drive?"

"Its great. You can try it if you like?"

"Maybe another day." Sam smiled. "I like you chauffeuring me about."

"Yes, m'lady." He joked, causing her to laugh.

"You do know how to cheer me up Ethan." She smiled as they pulled away from her flat.

"I'm glad I can help." He replied. They drove out to the coast and Ethan parked the car. They walked along the sea front and sat and watched the sunset, taking in the scenery and serenity they felt just simply being in each others company. Ethan looked across at Sam as the last of the sun disappeared off the horizon.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?" She looked up, drawn out of her thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, well about how beautiful and peaceful it is here. I love watching the tide come in as the sun goes down over the bay."

"Very poetic." He smiled.

"Well, you asked."

"What else?"

"Nothing."

"Sam?"

"What?"

"I know you're thinking about something, I can tell by the frown lines on your face." He said looking earnestly at her.

"Oh, its nothing really." She tried to smile and wave his concern away.

"Sam, talk to me. You haven't been yourself for days, you seem to have really closed up again."

"I've just got things on my mind Ethan, its really nothing, just lots of thoughts and feelings swirling about in my head, nothing coherent, or worth sharing."

"Even so, you should let me in."

"Honestly Ethan, there's nothing to worry about."

"I'm sorry Sam but I don't believe you. But if you don't want to share it with me then that's your prerogative." Ethan said somewhat stiffly.

"Oh Ethan, don't be like that."

"Well, if you wont let me in and help, what am I supposed to do?"

"Ethan." Sam sighed softly, but he continued to stare ahead. "Ethan, please. Ok, I'll tell you if you promise not to think any less of me."

"Sam, how could I think bad of you, I love you. I want to be there for you."

"I've been thinking about things, I mean when the baby comes. How things will change, and how we will manage."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I know there's still time but I haven't got anything ready, I need to sort my flat, look at buying a cot, a pram, or at least start considering what we need."

"Well, don't worry we can do that."

"But eventually I'm going to need to look for somewhere bigger. I mean I'm in a one bedroom flat, which will be fine to start with but when the baby needs its own room I'm going to need a bigger place."

"Oh, right." He said quietly.

"I mean I don't want to be trying to look for somewhere and move with a tiny baby, so maybe I should look now?"

"I-if that's what you want." He almost whispered.

"I don't have a choice Ethan." She said, looking across at him. He was sat staring at his hands in his lap.

"No, you're right. I guess, well I guess I just thought that...it doesn't matter." He sighed.

"What, Ethan?" Sam said gently.

"Well, I guess I thought that we would be living together to bring up the baby, not you living in your own flat with the baby and me what, visiting every now and then?" Ethan said, clearly shocked and upset.

"Oh, Ethan I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you, or make you angry. I just, well, I told you they were just incoherent thoughts, but see it from my point. You've never said you wanted to live with me, you've never given me any inkling that it was on the cards, and I didn't want to assume that's what you wanted. Remember I told you I wouldn't force you into anything, well, I'm trying to not be overbearing and push myself onto you."

"Sam, why can't you see? I want to be with you, I want to raise our child together, I don't know why you'd think that you're being overbearing by imagining our life together."

"I guess because I'm not used to being with someone as amazing as you." Sam said quietly, looking sideways at him. He reached out and took her hand.

"I love you so much. I want to do this together, properly. ok?"

"Ok." Sam whispered back, staring back out to the shoreline and watching the waves creep in over the sand.


	131. Chapter 131

When Ethan got home later that evening, having dropped Sam back at her flat, he was met by Cal sitting slumped on the sofa staring blankly at the tv, swigging from a beer bottle. He surveyed the sight, looking concerned when he saw that Cal seemed to be frowning.

"Alright?" He asked as he came into view.

"Oh, I didn't see you there, yeah fine." He said sitting up.

"You were deep in thought."

"Not really, just zoned out. Long day wasn't it?"

"You can say that again."

"Ethan, I'm sorry you felt like you were drowning today. Sometimes its easy to get absorbed in your own work and forget to check on those around you."

"Its ok, I have a voice, I should have asked for help sooner. I just felt like a failure and wanted to manage."

"Ethan, its not about you personally being a failure; that job, the constant onslaught it can drag the best of us down and sometimes the load is completely unmanageable. Its no reflection on you if that happens."

"I guess." He shrugged.

"Honestly Ethan, you know you're a great Doctor. You were born for this job. Any patient should count themselves lucky to be treated by you." Cal said earnestly. Ethan looked up at him, caught by surprise at his brother's sudden declaration, not really sure what to say.

"Oh, right. Well, Thanks." He replied eventually, somewhat awkwardly, causing Cal to smile slightly at his brother's predictability, he was never any good at accepting compliments, especially when they came from Cal. "Cal, are you sure you're ok?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah I'm fine, why?" Cal looked up at his brothers concerned expression.

"Well, you know, you've had a lot to take on recently, what with Gracie and everything, I just wanted to make sure you were coping."

"Yeah, you know me Ethan, I'm fine." He smiled at his brother. And that was the problem, Ethan did know Cal and what he was like. He thought he should have taken advantage the other night when they were out drinking to get him to open up, but instead they just made small talk and talked about work.

"Well, you know you can always talk to me if you need to, I'm here Cal." Ethan said supportively, causing Cal to smile. He looked at his younger brother, after all they had been through that was one thing he knew, he could always rely on Ethan to be there for him. In fact after everything he was surprised he still was, but it seemed no matter what, Ethan _would_ always be there, supporting, caring, picking up the pieces, or waiting to; it seemed no matter what Ethan would love him, and as he thought about it, he knew he felt the same.

* * *

As Sam got home that evening she realised how tired she was. It had been a lovely couple of hours out with Ethan, but she was ready for her bed now. That was the main reason she came home, she was on a late shift the following day and she just really wanted a lie in, a chance to be lazy in bed in the morning, drink a hot cup of tea and potter bout before work. She knew if she stayed at the boys flat, she would be pulled into helping with Gracie, and being woken when Ethan got up for work, and as much as she didn't mind either, she just needed to think of herself for a moment and rest. She made herself a cup of tea and headed straight off to bed. She sat up for a bit reading while drinking her tea, but as she was nearing the end of her cup, he phone started ringing. She wondered if it might be Ethan, ringing to say goodnight, but when she saw Ella's name appear she was slightly surprised.

"Ella? Is everything ok?" Sam asked as she answered the phone.

"Oh Sam, I'm sorry to ring now, I've only just finished work, but I'm freaking out."

"Ok, what's happened?"

"I don't know, nothing I guess but its all this Cal and Gracie stuff. I went home the other day after we were at the flat together and after seeing her it really hit home how real it all is, and I don't know if I can do this." Ella rushed out, barely pausing for breath.

"Ok, Ella. Just calm down." Sam soothed.

"Sam, I know its stupid, but when I saw how Cal was with her, how he loved her, it made me panic. Don't get me wrong, its great, its lovely how they've bonded, but I don't know if I can be part of it all."

"Why not Ella? I hate to say this but this really isn't like you. There's got to be more to it than that." Sam questioned. Ella hesitated. "Ella? Talk to me."

"I just, I don't think I can give him what he wants. Before it was simple, we were having fun, just the two of us, no ties, we could do what we liked, see how things went. But I fell hard, that's why I gave him another chance after his little indiscretion. But now I think he will want more than I can give him, and I can't-I can't do it." Ella started sobbing by the end of her outburst.

"Hey, Els, shh. Its ok. Look, why don't you come around, we can talk properly. I can help you work through it?"

"Oh Sam." Ella sobbed again.

"Come on, Come around now. I'll get the kettle on." Sam soothed her friend.

"Thank you." Ella sniffed.

* * *

Cal and Ethan were sat watching TV together, neither really saying anything. Ethan was also mindlessly flicking through another text book, letting out a sigh every so often.

"Ethan, what's with the sighing?" Cal asked eventually, starting to get annoyed.

"Sorry, I didn't realise I was." Ethan replied. Silence fell again and then Ethan eventually voiced the question that had been on his mind. "Cal, what did the police want with Sam the other day?"

"When?"

"The other day, I went past the staffroom and there was a police officer coming out with Sam. But she never said why."

"Oh that, don't worry, they spoke to me too."

"Did they? What's wrong?"

"Ethan, its nothing, really."

"Cal, don't shut me out." Ethan said looking at his brother. Cal considered making up a story about a patient but he knew he would easily get caught out as Ethan was bound to eventually ask Sam about it. He took a deep breath and prepared his response.

"It was about Taylor. She is on the run, and they realised that we had been in touch. They wanted to know if I knew anything."

"You've been in touch?" Ethan's head snapped up and he was clearly shocked.

"Well, yes, with Gracie being left. They wanted to know if I knew any more."

"So why did they question Sam?"

"Because Sam was the one who found Gracie. They wanted to check my story."

"Cal. You haven't seen her have you?"

"No Ethan, I haven't seen her." He said firmly. Ethan gave him an exasperated look. "Ethan, really, I haven't."

"Just be careful Cal. You know what she's capable of."

"I know Ethan." Cal sighed. Then silence fell again.

"Cal?" Ethan broke the silence again, cautiously.

"What?" Cal said, looking away from the TV.

"Is Gracie definitely yours?"

"What do you mean? Of course she is!"

"Cal, this is Taylor we are talking about. You know how she can draw you in to her twisted lies."

"Ethan, I'm not being drawn in."

"Cal, I just don't want you to get hurt. If there's any chance that Gracie isn't yours, don't you think you should find out sooner rather than later?"

"Ethan. She's mine." Cal snapped, making Ethan wince.

"I know, I know you believe it, and its a credit to you how you've accepted her and taken her in, but I really think you should consider this. You hadn't seen Taylor for what, 12 months or so, then suddenly a baby is left where you work and she has escaped from prison. You don't even know you were the only man she was scamming at the time." Ethan said. He looked at Cal, his eyes had gone dark, he looked angry, but this had been concerning Ethan for a little while, he needed to get it out there.

"Just leave it Ethan." He spat out, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Cal, I just don't want you to get hurt, but I don't like the thought she's taking advantage of you again."

"So, what should I do?"

"I think you should get a formal paternity test done, and sooner rather than later." Ethan said, preparing for Cal to lose it, but surprisingly he didn't He sat quietly considering what Ethan had said.

"Fine." He said shortly. "If it means you'll get off my back, I'll do it, and prove to you that she is mine." He said, standing up and heading towards his bedroom. Ethan watched him leave, then he sighed again and switched off the TV and headed to bed too.


	132. Chapter 132

Ella arrived at Sam's flat, still in a bit of a state. Sam ushered her in and sat her down while she made a drink.

"Sorry, I haven't got any wine in." Sam said apologetically handing Ella a cup of tea.

"Its ok." She shrugged. "Wine might make me feel less in control, and I'm already losing it."

"Come on the Ella, talk to me. What on earth has brought this on?"

"I don't even know where to start." Ella sighed, she paused looking to Sam for inspiration.

"Try the beginning?"

"I don't even know where that would be." Ella put her head in her hands. Sam moved closer and put her arm around Ella.

"Ok, then what is it that is making you think you can't give Cal what he wants? What makes you think you can't be part of it?"

"Oh, Sam. It's complicated, but I guess when I first got with Cal it was fun, and he never really seemed the type to be ready to settle down, and that suited me. We could call the shots, do what we wanted, go where we wanted, you know, free and easy."

"And now he has Gracie that changes?" Sam asked tentatively.

"Well, yes, but it's not just that. He's taken Gracie in, adapted quickly, he loves her, and he seems to be a good Dad to her, and that freaks me out. I know its selfish, but I didn't see him as that, I mean that threat wasn't there."

"What threat?"

"The threat that he wants to settle down, have a family."

"And that's not what you want?"

"No, well not no, but I can't." Ella's breathing started to get quicker again and Sam tried to calm her, rubbing her back.

"Shh, calm down Ella. It's ok, it's all going to be ok."

"I can't do it Sam, I can't!" Ella said as the tears that had been building up started to fall.

"How do you know he wants to settle down and have a family? I mean yes he's got Gracie, but maybe he see's you as his reminder of a carefree life? Just because he has Gracie it doesn't mean he's ready to settle down and add to his family."

"But it will, maybe not now, but eventually he's going to want stability, and maybe more."

"Ella, what's this about?"

"I can't commit to this and put everything of myself into it if it means a year or two down the line I'm going to end up hurt and alone because I can't give him what he wants."

"What are you saying?" Sam asked pulling back and looking at Ella.

"Sam, I can't have children!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean physically, its impossible for me to have children. I thought I'd come to terms with it now, but then this happened and its made me think about it again. That's why Cal was so appealing at first, he didn't seem the marriage and babies type, and that was perfect for me. But now, well my outlook has changed again, and I really like him and it would be devastating to lose him because he wanted something that I couldn't give to him."

"How do you know you can't have children?" Sam asked softly.

"I had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, and I didn't get treatment quick enough, and I ended up with a Tubo-Ovarian abscess which had to be surgically removed. So I only have one ovary and fallopian tube left." Ella sniffed, wiping away the tears.

"Well, that's ok, many women conceive naturally after that, and with only one ovary." Sam tried to reassure her.

"No, you don't understand. The disease has scarred up my other tube so the chances of natural conception is slim, really slim." Ella said, the tears falling again. Sam pulled her in tight and held her friend while she sobbed on her shoulder. Sam didn't really know what to say, so she just let Ella cry, wondering how long she'd been holding onto this secret herself. Eventually, when Ella's sobs calmed, Sam moved the hair out of Ella's eyes and looked at her.

"You don't even know that this will be an issue for him. You're thinking way too far in the future, and even if you can't, well there are other options."

"I know, but it's not the same is it." Ella whispered quietly. Sam thought about it, and considered that she really didn't know how Ella was feeling, especially in her own current situation. "I'm sorry Sam, I'm just tired, I haven't really slept properly since I found out about all this."

"Come on, lets go to bed, you can stay here tonight, you shouldn't be alone."

"No, I've already kept you up late, I don't want to be in the way."

"You wont be, come on, look how close we've always been, if I can't share my bed with you, I can't share it with anyone." Sam smiled, pulling Ella up onto her feet and leading her towards the bedroom. She got out some spare pyjamas and the girls climbed into Sam's bed, both feeling drained, in different ways.

"Thank you Sam. You're the best friend I could hope for. I'm so glad we found each other again." Ella whispered through the darkness.

"Right back at you girl." Sam smiled, nudging her friend. "Now you've found me again, you're stuck with me. Now get some sleep."

* * *

When Sam arrived for work the next day, Cal and Ethan were already there, Lily was back and Sam headed straight for Rita's office for a catch up before her shift as Rita had been on leave.

"Hey stranger!" Sam smiled. "Did you have a good holiday?"

"Hey, it was nice to have a break from here." Rita smiled back.

"Catching up with your admin?" Sam grinned.

"Yeah, emails, paperwork, you name it."

"Well, I tried to keep things ticking over for you, but it has been mad."

"Well, I haven't come back to anyone's resignation on my desk, so that's a good sign." Rita laughed.

"Yeah, about that..." Sam started, holding up an envelope. Rita's mouth dropped open as she stared at Sam.

"No!" She wailed as she continued to gape at Sam as she slid the envelope across Rita's desk. Rita took it and opened it, then glared at Sam. "You..." She broke out into a grin. "You had me worried then!" She laughed, putting the paper work in her in-tray.

"Anything interesting?" Sam smiled.

"Just another load of audit figures to go through." Rita rolled her eyes.

"Right I better get on, where do you want me boss?" Sam asked.

"Can you cover Cubicles today? We're a bit short on the ground again I'm afraid. Give me a shout if you need me, yeah?"

"Will do Reets. Nice to have you back." Sam smiled heading out of the door. As she stepped out she went crashing right into Ethan who was hurrying past.

"Oof, sorry." He said as they collided, then he realised who he had walked into and became immediately concerned. "Sam, I'm sorry, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, sorry Ethan. What's the rush?"

"Just busy again, I need to get these bloods straight to the lab but there's no one around."

"Here, I'll take them up. You get back to your patients."

"Really? Thanks." He smiled, turning back around and disappearing as quickly as he came. Sam smiled to herself as she headed upstairs to the lab.

Sam was back down treating a man in cubicles who had taken a hard tackle in a football training session and hurt his ankle. The man, who's name was Jack, was in his late 20's and seemed quite taken with Sam, easily flirting with her while she examined his ankle and discussed his injury.

"So, how did you do this?" She asked as she cut his sock off his ankle to avoid unnecessary movement.

"Well, Johnny came in hard and instead of taking the ball he took my ankle out instead." He said, wincing a little as Sam examined his ankle.

"Sorry, did that hurt?" She asked kindly.

"Its ok, as its you, you can do what you like to it. I'm sure you have amazing healing hands." He smiled causing Sam to laugh.

"Yeah yeah, easy." She smiled as she continued to look. "Well, there's a lot of swelling and bruising already, we are going to need an X-ray, but lets sort you out some pain relief before you go."

"Thank you." He smiled easily at her. Sam headed off to get him some medication and saw Ethan.

"I'm going to send the guy in Cubicle 2 down for an X-ray of his ankle, will you be able to have a look when he returns?" She asked him.

"No problem, give me a shout when the images are available." Ethan smiled and carried back on to see his patient in Cubicle 4. Sam got the medication and went back to her patient.

"Now, these might make you feel a little sleepy, but they are good for pain, and these will help with the swelling." Sam explained as she held out the medication and a cup of water.

"Well, as long as I have you here, I'm sure I'll be in safe hands, pain or no pain." Jack smiled at her again.

"Well, with those it will definitely be pain free."

"I have someone pretty to distract me too, I'm extra lucky." He grinned.

"Now Jack, don't make me find you a male nurse" Sam grinned back.

"Well I'm sure a nurse as pretty as you gets lots of attention."

"Behave you, do you think I haven't heard all of this before." Sam laughed.

"Probably, but you can't blame a guy for trying. What man hasn't fantasised about a hot nurse to look after him?" Jack laughed and Sam started to giggle too.

"What are you like! Right, I'll go and get a porter to take you down to X-ray."

"Aw, aren't you going to take me?"

"Sorry Jack, I have other patients to see to." Sam smiled as she headed out of the cubicle.

When Jack returned from his X-ray Sam found the images on the computer and had a look, there was an obvious fracture, so Sam headed off to find Ethan to review him.

"Ethan, are you free? Can you review the ankle injury in 2. There is an obvious fracture, but I don't know if it will need surgical intervention or not." Sam smiled.

"Sure, lead the way." He returned her smile.

"You know, we do acting professional at work really well don't we?" Sam laughed as they headed back towards Jack's cubicle.

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked.

"Well, not letting our relationship get in the way of our work."

"Oh, I see, yes, well we are both professional." He said making Sam smile to herself, she loved it when he was all cute and overly sensible like that. She longed to kiss him, but she knew she couldn't, which made her want to even more. She followed him into Jack's cubicle and handed him the tablet with the X-Ray images.

"Ok, Mr Symons."

"Call me Jack Doc" He smiled easily at Ethan, then turned his attention back to Sam who was stood the other side of Ethan.

"Ok, Jack. The X-Ray confirms a fracture, as it looks displaced, it may be that it needs surgical management so we will get the orthopaedic surgeons down to review you. Ok?"

"Sure Doc." Jack grinned. "All this for some footie eh? Who'd have thought it." He winked at Sam.

"How is the pain Jack?" Sam asked. "Are those pain killers working."

"Its ok. Of course it helps that you're here."

"Jack, I've told you." Sam smiled. "Do you need any more pain relief?"

"I'm ok for the moment. I should give you a call if I need more I guess."

"Yes. That's fine Jack."

"Of course, if you give me your number I can call you easier." Jack flirted. Ethan stiffened, unable to believe what he was seeing.

"That wont be necessary Jack, the call bell will do." Sam smiled easily, brushing aside his comments, but Ethan was prickling inside with irritation. Sam leaned across and handed Jack the bell, accidently giving Jack a view down her tunic while she did so, not that he would have seen much, but it was enough for Ethan who noticed exactly where Jack was looking.

"Um, Sam, I need to borrow you please." Ethan said quickly, in a strange tone, causing Sam to give him an odd look of confusion.

"Ok, Dr Hardy. I'll be right out." Sam said as he left; she turned back to Jack. "I'll be back shortly, now behave you." She laughed as she exited the cubicle.

"Is everything ok Ethan?" She asked as she stepped outside the curtain, noticing he had waited right outside for her. They both headed over towards the admin desk where Ethan could phone for the orthopaedic registrar to come down.

"Yes, no. Are you ok?" He said hurriedly.

"Yes, I'm fine, why?" Sam looked confused.

"With him? He's drooling all over you, surely you can see it?" He said clearly annoyed, and suddenly Sam understood, he was jealous.

"Ethan, he's harmless, he's just trying it on to be all macho, he's trying to pretend he's not in pain and trying to flirt is his way of distracting himself. He doesn't mean it." Sam smiled, reassuringly placing her hand on Ethan's arm.

"Well, I think he does mean it, perhaps someone else should treat him." Ethan said sulkily.

"Ethan, I'm not interested in Jack the lad!" Sam stopped him and pulled him around to face her, smiling at him. "There's only one man on my radar, and currently he's making himself look silly getting jealous over another man."

"Well, you didn't see how he was leering at you."

"You're right, I didn't, because I'm not interested. I appreciate knowing that you care though." She smiled sweetly. "Its sweet you getting all jealous and protective."

"You're at it again." He grumbled.

"What?"

"Thinking I'm sweet when I should be being a man." He sulked.

"Aw, now come on, its because I love you that I think you're sweet, and because you're so lovely."

"Yeah, yeah." He said fighting a small smile.

"Besides, it must mean my bump is still slightly disguised in my tunic." Sam smiled, feeling pleased.

"Your bump is cute." Ethan smiled back at her.

"Now who's at it." She smiled, pressing a small kiss on his lips.


	133. Chapter 133

After Ethan finished work that day, he walked the scenic route home. He kept thinking over what he and Sam had talked about the other evening at the beach, about living together when the baby was born. In Ethan's mind it made sense for Sam and him to move in together, after all, they needed to to raise the baby together, and financially it made sense to only be paying one rent between them, and she was probably over at his flat more than her own; but he hadn't considered how it would affect Cal. Of course Cal would eventually have to move out, they would need the second bedroom for the baby and if Gracie was sticking around, living as a family of 5 in a 2 bedroom flat didn't really work. But he couldn't imagine how Cal would take this. Of course common sense would see it coming, but if Cal was burying his head in the sand and ignoring the obvious then he might not have even considered it. And the longer Ethan avoided telling him, the worse it would be when it came to him finding somewhere of his own.

He delayed getting home as much as possible, while he knew he had to talk to Cal, he couldn't face it tonight. He sat down on the bench by the old bridge that reminded him of the early days with Sam. He remembered leaning over the bridge and talking about the stars, and what they meant to her. He looked up to the sky and wondered if his Mum would be looking down now, and if she was, what would she be thinking? Suddenly he heard his phone go off in his jacket pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text from Sam. He smiled as he read it.

'I love you so much, always remember you're the only one for me. I know I shouldn't give it all away but there it is. xxx'

He considered his reply and then typed: 'I love you too sweetheart, you and our baby are the most important people in my life. I'll do anything to take care of you and make you both happy. xxx' He made sure to replicate the number of kisses she had ended with so as not to risk upsetting her if he did less, or to look insincere if he did more. In truth, only Ethan would worry about something so silly, but that was one of the reasons why Sam found him so endearing.

He sat on the bench for a while longer, just watching people pass on their way in and out of the town centre. He considered his future and how quickly things seemed to have changed. Then eventually, sighing to himself he got up and continued the rest of the way back to his flat.

Cal was at home, having settled Gracie for the night, he tried to ring Ella, but she wasn't answering. He assumed she must still be working. He was supposed to be catching up with some studying but couldn't concentrate. Suddenly there was a buzz at the flat door. He looked up in surprise, wondering if Ethan might have forgotten his keys, no that was more like something he would do not Ethan. He answered it and was surprised to find Ella at the other end.

"Ella? I was trying to ring you just now." He smiled.

"I know. Can I come in?" She asked flatly, not returning his smile. His stomach fell flat, this didn't look good.

"Ella? What's wrong?" He said, moving aside so she could enter the flat. Ella didn't respond but instead walked zombie like into the flat. Cal grew really rather concerned about her, this was not like her at all. He guided her down on the sofa and then hurried off into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of Ethan's red wine and two glasses, then returning to the sofa himself, pouring a large glass for Ella. He waited for her to speak, but even after a large gulp of wine, nothing came, he gently asked again. "Ella, what's happened? You're worrying me."

"I don't know Cal." She whispered. "I came over here to talk, but now I'm here I don't know what to say."

"Oh, I see." He said stiffly, thinking he knew what this was about. At that moment Gracie stirred and started crying, and Cal jumped up and went in to soothe his crying daughter, thinking Ella could have the time to think. As he picked up Gracie he noticed she was feeling quite warm to touch. He grabbed the thermometer off his nightstand and took a reading.

"37.9 ok, not a massive fever but you might be brewing something little girl." He whispered to her, trying to soothe her still. He cuddled her in and grabbed her comforter and carried her through to the bathroom to find the paracetamol in the cabinet. As he was trying to rock Gracie and sort out the medicine, Gracie's crying was becoming more fractious and he dropped the bottle, cursing loudly as he did. Ella's instincts kicked in and she put her glass of wine down and went to help him. She picked up the bottle and deftly shook it and drew up a syringe of medicine for Gracie, holding it out to Cal to give.

"Thanks." He said quietly, still feeling unsure, but Ella managed a small smile back. Gracie was beginning to get hysterical now and Cal looked like he was starting to get stressed.

"Here, let me give it to her while you cuddle her." Ella said gently. She took the syringe and teased the end into Gracie's mouth and squeezed a little bit into the side of her cheek, slowly repeating this until Gracie had taken down all of the paracetamol. once it was all swallowed, Gracie started crying again, and Cal looked lost.

"May I?" Ella asked, indicating she would take her, and Cal gladly handed her over. "Dim down the lighting Cal, make it look calmer in here." Ella said as she slowly walked around the front room of the flat whispering and making soothing noises to Gracie who eventually calmed down and snuggled into Ella's arms.

"Wow, you're a natural." Cal smiled at her, finally relaxing now Gracie had settled.

"It's nothing." Ella shrugged, whispering quietly.

"No really, it seems all you women have it built into you to be able to look after babies." Cal smiled again, leaning in to look at Gracie. Ella stiffened.

"We don't Cal. Not all of us have that instinct."

"Well, you clearly do." He said, not realising he was making her feel worse.

"Here, take her Cal, I-I have to go." She said, thrusting the baby back into Cal's arms. Luckily, although Gracie stirred, she recognised the smell and comfort of her dad, and she settled back to sleep after momentarily flicking open her eyes. Cal just stared in shock as Ella fled the apartment, knocking past Ethan on her way out the door.

"What have you done now Cal?" Ethan asked as he put his bag down.

"I honestly don't know." Cal said quietly, feeling really confused. He sat down on the sofa still cuddling Gracie and Ethan came to join him. "One minute she was comforting Gracie then the next she was rushing out."

"Strange." Ethan shrugged. "She looked a bit upset as she rushed past, from what I could see anyway." He said as he peered at the sleeping infant in Cal's arms. "Why isn't she in bed?"

"She woke up crying, she felt warm so we gave her some paracetamol, but she was still crying, Ella has just settled her down." Cal said, watching Gracie as she slept.

"And you really don't know what upset Ella?"

"Not a clue. I'm going to try and put her back down." Cal said, carefully getting up.

Meanwhile, Ella was making her way as quickly as possible away from Cal's flat, unable to stop the tears falling. She didn't know why it had affected her so much, but somehow, Cal saying that had cut her deep. She didn't really know what to think or feel. All she knew was that she felt lost and alone, not knowing where to turn. Stopping in a local off-licence she bought a bottle of Vodka and sat drinking it neat on the rivers edge, while the tears continued to fall down her cheeks. She couldn't help it but she felt like a complete failure. The one thing women were supposed to be able to do and she couldn't do it. She had always got past it by pretending it wasn't what she wanted, but now, with Sam being pregnant and Cal finding Gracie, things just kept knocking her and she didn't know what to feel anymore. As she drained the last of the clear liquid from the bottle, she slowly stumbled upright to throw the empty glass in the bin. Continuing her way down the road, she didn't know where she was going, but she needed to get away.

Sam was in the final hour of her shift when the red phone went off. She picked it up to find Dixie on the other end.

"Holby ED, Sam speaking." She answered.

"Sam darlin' it's Dixie. We've got a serious incoming for you. Car vs pedestrian RTC. This one isn't looking good, have a major trauma team standing by, ETA 4 minutes."

"No problems Dixie." Sam said hanging up and calling Lofty over.

"Lofty, stand by in resus, car vs pedestrian RTC incoming, ETA 4 mins." Sam said coolly. "I'll get Zoe."

The team gathered in time for Dixie to come through the doors to the ED with the patient on the trolley, Zoe took the serious sounding hand over and the team set to work. The patient was in a mess, covered in blood, completely unresponsive, she had been intubated at the scene by a specialist medic and needed urgent surgery, but before that the team needed to stabilize her.

Sam was on the phone to the surgical consultant on call and labelling up the bloods while Zoe and Lily continued to try and stabilize the patient with the help of Lofty. As Sam hung up the phone she rushed outside with the bloods to get them to the lab as soon as possible. On the way back she was stopped by the police who had been sent to her by Noel.

"Excuse me!" The officer called to her. "We have the ID of the victim."

"The RTC patient?" Sam asked, turning back to the police officer.

"Yes." He responded, handing the purse over to Sam and holding out the driving licence to her. The colour drained from Sam's face when she saw the face looking back at her. She dropped the purse and turned around to look through the glass into Resus. It was Ella. Without speaking Sam ran back through the doors taking a proper look at the patient's face for the first time, at least what she could see through the gravel and blood. But she could see it now, there she was, her best friend. Sam felt her world slipping away, her stomach plummeted into the depths and the sounds around her became muffled like she was in some crazy dream. Suddenly things went very dark around her and she knew nothing else.


	134. Chapter 134

When Sam came around again, she was on one of the beds in the small HDU, with Charlie stood beside her. He had obviously come on for his night shift. He was smiling down at her in a kind way as she started to come around. For a moment she couldn't recall what had happened and why she was lying down, then suddenly reality hit her again and she sat bolt upright in a panic. She felt Charlie's hand firmly on her shoulder.

"Hey, hey, steady. You gave us quite a fright then." He said calmly, not realising what had happened. In truth, no one present realised that the woman they were desperately trying to save was Sam's friend.

"Charlie, where's Ella, what's happened?" Sam gasped, starting to breathe heavily again.

"Ella? Who's Ella?" He asked, trying to keep her calm.

"The girl, the pedestrian in the RTC!" Sam almost shouted out.

"Hey, shh." Charlie tried to soothe her, glancing quickly over his shoulder at the team still trying to stabilise the Ella. "They are still working on her. Who is she?" He asked tentatively.

"She's an old friend, the best friend I ever had; you have to save her Charlie, I need her."

"Ok, ok. Well you know we will do everything."

"I need to get to her." Sam said going to get off the bed.

"Woah, woah. No, you need to stay away, you're too emotionally involved to be in there. You know the rules."

"I don't care about the rules! I care about Ella!" Sam shouted again, starting to hyperventilate again as it all started to get too much again.

"Come on, calm down You're no use to her, or anyone in this state." Charlie soothed, helping her to slow her breathing.

"Oh my god, her parents, has anyone contacted her parents?" Sam breathed.

"I believe the police have contacted next of kin, they are on their way."

"What am I going to do Charlie?" Sam asked quietly, looking up at the older nurse.

"You know there's only one thing you can do, just wait." He said, and Sam nodded, unable to speak as she glanced through the window. "Why don't you get a drink and go and sit in the staff room?" Charlie said. "Come on." He guided her off the bed and she allowed herself to be taken to the staff room. Charlie gave her a drink and left her to it. Sam sat staring into space for a few minutes, trying to gather her thoughts, but reality hit her again and she freaked out. She grabbed her phone and dialled the only other person she could.

"Hello?" The comforting voice answered.

"Ethan! Ethan, its Ella!" Sam almost shouted into the phone again in a complete panic.

"Woah, calm down, what do you mean its Ella?" Ethan asked. Cal who was sitting next to him suddenly looked up in shock.

"What's happened?" Cal asked quickly, but Ethan just waved him off to keep him quiet so he could listen to Sam.

"She's been in an accident Ethan, she's been hit by a car, she's in a complete mess!" Sam started sobbing.

"Oh my God." Ethan muttered, looking over towards Cal. This was going to kill him. "What, I mean, how, I mean what's happening."

"I don't know, they are still trying to stabilise her in Resus, they wont let me in." Sam continued sobbing at hearing the comforting voice on the other end of the phone. "Ethan, you need to tell Cal. Oh God, he needs to get here now."

"He's here, he's right here. Sam it's ok, we'll be right there." Ethan said soothingly. He didn't want to hang up but he knew he had to. "Cal, its Ella, she's been in an accident, she's in Resus and its not looking good by the sound of it."

"What the-" was all Cal could mutter.

"Come on, we need to get there, I'll drive." Ethan said, giving his brother's shoulder a supportive squeeze.

While Cal flapped around the front room not really knowing what to do, Ethan got some things together for Gracie then carefully lifted her into her car seat, managing to settle her straight back to sleep again. Then he guided his brother out of the flat and down to the car. As they parked up at the hospital, Cal ran straight inside while Ethan carefully lifted Gracie and her things out of the car and inside. He couldn't be cross with Cal, he wasn't thinking straight, it was concerning, it really didn't sound like there would be a positive outcome, but he hoped deep down that Sam was just being extra emotional due to fatigue and hormones and things weren't as grave as she had made them sound. He headed into the department and went straight to the staff room, seeing Sam sitting on the sofa, nursing a cold looking cup of tea and staring blankly into space. He placed Gracie's car seat on the floor and sat next to Sam, putting his arm around her shoulder. She put down her cup and leaned into Ethan's chest and started crying uncontrollably.

"Hey, shh, I'm here now. It's ok, I'm here." He whispered into her hair as she carried on sobbing on his chest. He assumed they were too late and the worst must have already happened. He held her tightly, whilst trying to look out into the department to see if he could see Cal or hear any commotion. As Sam's sobs subsided he looked down at her.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I don't know." She sniffed. "I didn't even know it was her. She was admitted as a Jane Doe, the others were assessing her and I was on the phone to the consultant surgeon on call, and Lily gave me her bloods to label and send so I did, then I ran them upstairs and when I came back down the police gave me her driving license and I realised it was her. I don't really remember anything else and I haven't been allowed back in." Sam started sobbing again at the end.

"Ok, I'm here, ok? Do you want me to try and find something out?" He asked, also feeling anxious to find Cal. Sam sat back up, wiping the tears off her face and nodding as she sniffed. Ethan kissed her forehead and stood up. He looked down at Gracie, who had miraculously remained asleep and looked back up to Sam.

"You can leave her here." Sam said quietly. "She'll be safe, and she wont be disturbed." She said as if reading Ethan's mind. He nodded and headed out onto the floor towards Resus, to find someone, anyone who could tell him what was happening.

"Charlie!" He called out, seeing the nurse walking through. "Charlie, have you seen Cal?"

"He's um," Charlie started, then nodded and pointed awkwardly towards Resus.

"Is she?" Ethan started, giving Charlie a look. Charlie knew exactly what he was asking.

"Not yet, but its not looking good." He said cautiously. Ethan nodded and half smiled in appreciation of his honesty and made his way to find Cal. His heart sank for his brother when he looked through the glass window of Resus watching Cal standing helplessly watching while Zoe and Lily continued to busy themselves stabilising Ella and Lofty was hanging up another bag of blood and watching the monitors closely. Zoe was examining a scan and shaking her head slightly, frowning. Cal's world was slowly collapsing around him. Ethan slowly walked into Resus, Zoe looked up and gave him a look. She shook his head as if to say he wasn't there to make a scene or get in the way. He headed towards Cal and put his arm around Cal's shoulder awkwardly. Cal just stood staring in shock.

"Cal." Ethan whispered. "Come on, you shouldn't be in here."

"I-I can't leave."

"I know, but you shouldn't see this"

"I know what happens Ethan!" Cal spat out. Zoe came over to them.

"Do you two know her?"

"Yes, she's Sam's friend, and Cal's, well she's a friend of all of ours." Ethan finished. "What's happening Zoe?" He asked cautiously.

"Well, you know I can't really tell you everything, but its obvious that its serious. She's about to be taken upstairs, we've managed all we can down here, its all up to the surgeons now." Zoe said gravely.

"Can I-Can I see her before she goes up?" Cal asked shakily.

"Ok, but you'll have to be quick, they are on their way down." Zoe stepped aside and Cal walked carefully towards Ella. He reached out for her hand, not caring who could see or what they thought. He carefully took hold of her delicate fingers as a tear slipped down his cheek, he looked at her lifeless body, being kept alive by the machines that surrounded her.

"Oh God Ella, what have you done? Why did you leave tonight? You've been strange for a while now. You came to talk, why didn't you just stay and talk instead of running." He whispered, letting out a sob. "Why didn't I go after you, stop you, I could have prevented this from happening. This is all my fault."

That was all Ethan could bare to hear. He stepped forward, putting his arm back around Cal's shoulder and giving it a squeeze. Then as Cal's sobs became more audible, Ethan turned him around and pulled him into a tight hug, and when Cal threw his arms back around his brother, desperately seeking comfort while he sobbed on his shoulder, the team turned away and gave them some privacy.

"This is not your fault Cal, you know that." Ethan said as his big brother pulled away wiping away his tears.

"I should have gone after her, I should have stopped her."

"No, you couldn't have known this would happen."

"What if I never see her again Ethan? What if this is it?" Cal said, turning back to Ella, reaching out for her hand again. Ethan didn't know what to say. What could he say, nothing would make this easier. Just then the surgeons came for Ella and before they knew it she was being whisked upstairs into theatre. Cal looked lost as he watched her go, then before he knew it he was back in Ethan's grasp.

"You're not on your own Cal, I'm here." He said simply as he hugged his brother again.


	135. Chapter 135

Ethan carefully lead Cal to the staffroom where Sam was still sitting waiting for news. Deep down she knew she hadn't gone seeking more information because she was scared of the answers she would get. She looked up as they came through the doorway, and Sam could see Cal's tear-stained face along with the strain and emotion on Ethan's. She immediately feared the worst. She jumped up and hurried over to them, making eye contact with Cal she threw her arms around him and held him tight, both of them needing each other for comfort. Ethan stood by awkwardly while Sam and Cal cried in each other's arms. Once the initial emotions calmed somewhat, Sam looked back at Cal and he finally managed to speak.

"What happened?" He asked quietly as they sat down. Ethan was busy making tea for them all.

"I don't know, all I know is she was involved in an RTC, pedestrian vs car, and she was already intubated when she was brought in. Once I realised who it was I've not been allowed back in and no one has said anything. What do you know?"

"Only that she is critical, things aren't looking good Sam; we could lose her." He said, his voice breaking at the end. Ethan placed the mugs of tea on the table and looked at them both sadly. He hated that the two people he loved most were experiencing such pain and anguish and there was nothing he could do. He opened his mouth to try and offer some comforting words but nothing came. Fortunately, Zoe stepped in the doorway at that moment. She felt bad for them all, and despite the fact that she couldn't really share information, she knew they needed some explanation.

"Zoe, what's happening?" Sam said suddenly.

"Well, she's gone up for surgery, there's a massive intra-abdominal bleed and a numerous fracture's. But possibly most concerning, if she survives the bleed, is the brain injury." Zoe said solemnly. She didn't want to be all doom and gloom but they needed to be prepared.

"Brain injury?" Sam breathed. Cal's head shot up and even Ethan looked concerned at Zoe.

"I'm afraid so. The surgeons are going to aim to stem the bleed and Mr Self is on his way in to surgery now, the senior neuro registrar reviewed the scans but felt Guy was needed. But I'm not going to lie to you, things are incredibly serious." Zoe said sadly.

"Thanks Zoe." Ethan smiled at her, and she left them to absorb the news.

Sam stood up suddenly and chased after Zoe.

"Zoe." She said as she caught up with her outside. "Zoe, has anyone informed Ella's parent's?"

"Yes, I believe they are on the way in."

"If they come here will you let me know? I know them well." Sam said softly, and Zoe smiled and nodded kindly at her.

"Of course, but don't you think you ought to get some rest? It could be a long night before we have any answers."

"I know but I can't Zoe. Not right now. I won't sleep anyway."

"I understand." Zoe said supportively. "But don't put additional strain on yourself." Sam nodded and headed back into the staff room. The silence was deadly, you could feel the tension in the air, none of them daring to speak, all of them fearing the worst. Just then Gracie broke the silence by waking up crying. Cal jumped up instinctively to get her out of her seat, and Ethan grabbed the change bag and rummaged in it for a bottle, then also jumping up to prepare it ready for Cal, while he continued to soothe his crying daughter. Sam watched the pair, unable to fight a slight smile watching them instinctively work together to care for Gracie, like they had been doing it all her life. It was a sweet sight, and despite all the pain she was feeling, it gave her a slight lift to watch them. As Ethan handed Cal the bottle he sat down and placed it gently into Gracie's mouth and she instantly calmed and guzzled her feed. Sam sat next to him and absentmindedly stroked Gracie's head while she drank.

"Cal, you should get her home." Sam said gently.

"No way, I'm not leaving until I know what's happening." Cal said determinedly. Sam looked to Ethan worried, but he shrugged, knowing it was a pointless fight at this present time. He sat down next to Sam and put his arm around her, she suddenly felt tired and leaned onto him, desperately seeking some comfort.

"Maybe you should go home Sam?" Ethan said, looking at her being clearly exhausted.

"Ethan, I can't go home, my best friend may not make it out of surgery, how can I leave? I won't sleep anyway!" Sam protested, and if Ethan was honest, he didn't think he would get her home but he had to try. Silence fell between the three of them again, the only sound to be heard was Gracie sucking on her bottle and the muffled sounds of the department buzzing around them.

As Gracie finished her feed and settled back to sleep, Cal carefully placed her back in her car seat and stood up.

"I need to get some fresh air." He whispered. "Can you watch Gracie for me?" He asked. Sam and Ethan both nodded.

"Are you ok Cal?" Sam looked worried.

"Yeah, I just need to get out of here, I need to be alone." He said as he exited the room. Sam looked up at Ethan and he shrugged, knowing there wasn't a lot they could do but wait, and he knew Cal wasn't very good at that.

"Ethan, what if the worst happens?" Sam asked desperately, curling up into his arms again.

"There's nothing we can do now, we just have to wait, and go with whatever may be." Ethan said sadly, not wanting to give Sam false hope.

"But if she survives the surgery, it could be worse than her not surviving."

"Well-"

"Oh god! I can't believe I just said that!" Sam said suddenly feeling guilty.

"no, you know you're right. To some degree for Ella, waking up with the risk of significant disabilities from a brain injury could be worse than never waking up. To us though, we want her back and all we can do is wait and hope for the best possible outcome. But you know it's a slim chance don't you?" Ethan said gently, pulling Sam in tighter.

"Yes." She whispered simply as the tears started to fall again. "I didn't think it was possible to cry this much, I never used to cry and yet over the past few months it's all I seem to have done." Sam sobbed gently.

"Come on sweetheart, don't beat yourself up over it. It's perfectly natural." Ethan soothed her, still holding onto her tightly.

Shortly after Zoe appeared at the door again, and Ethan looked up, causing Sam to jump up too.

"What is it Zoe?" Sam asked hastily.

"Well, just a small update. The surgeons have successfully stopped the abdominal bleed, but now they are looking at reducing the risks from the brain injury, so even if she makes it out of theatre, there's a long road of recovery ahead and they still won't know the outcome until she starts to come around. And I know I don't need to remind you it's a big _if_." Zoe said.

"We know, thanks Zoe." Sam said quietly.

"You should all get home and get some proper rest. Aren't you on a double shift tomorrow Ethan?" Zoe said. Sam looked up at him.

"Ethan, why didn't you say!" Sam said feeling terrible. Zoe retreated from the room.

"I needed to be here for you."

"Ethan." Sam gave him a knowing look. "Look, we need to tell Cal, you stay with Gracie and get her ready and I'll go speak to him then we will get home. Ok?" Sam said, realising she wasn't going to be able to see Ella tonight, and that Ethan wasn't going to leave until she did, so she had to sacrifice something. Sam headed outside looking around for Cal. It had gone chilly out now and she was still only in her short sleeved work tunic, she wrapped her arms around herself and looked around outside for him. She found him sat slightly away from the department, just staring into space.

"Cal?" She said, sitting down next to him. "Cal." She repeated gently and he looked up. Sam could see clearly that he had been crying.

"Is there any news?" He asked anxiously.

"They've successfully stopped the bleed. They are trying to contain the damage to the brain, but basically we are looking at a lengthy wait while we see if she recovers." Sam said gently, repeating what Zoe had told her and Ethan.

"Ok." Cal nodded barely reacting.

"Cal?"

"What?"

"Talk to me Cal."

"It's my fault Sam, this is all my fault!" He said starting to get angry.

"How Cal? You weren't driving the car."

"No, but she'd come to see me before the accident."

"What happened?" Sam asked shakily, fearing the worst.

"Well, that's the strange thing, nothing. She said we needed to talk, she was acting a bit odd, but then Gracie started crying and we calmed her down together and then she fled the flat and the next I heard you were phoning to say that she'd…Well it's my fault, I should have stopped her, I should have followed her." Cal said as the tears started to fall again.

"Cal, that doesn't make it your fault. Besides, what were you going to do with Gracie, leave her alone in the flat, or run after Ella with her in your arms. No, this was just an accident, a terrible, terrible accident Cal. Please don't do this, don't blame yourself, don't punish yourself for this." Sam said putting her arm around his shoulder as he sobbed. When he started to calm, Sam spoke again.

"Cal, I need to get Ethan to go home, he has a double shift tomorrow, and Gracie should be at home, are you coming with us?" Cal shrugged, not sure what to do. "Come on, come home and go to bed, there's nothing any of us can do tonight, Ella has hours of surgery to go yet and then she'll be taken to ITU, we won't be allowed to see her. Come on, come home." Sam repeated, guiding him gently up to his feet and leading him towards the ED entrance, texting Ethan to say to meet them there.

As they all got home, Ethan went to put Gracie down for Cal and Cal and Sam sat on the sofa together, still clearly in shock. When Cal sniffed, Sam pulled him in for another hug, again both of them drawing on the comfort of the other one, and by the time Ethan had settled Gracie in her cot and tucked her in, he returned to find Sam and Cal had collapsed on the sofa and fallen asleep in each other's arms from the exhaustion. He picked up a blanket and covered them both carefully, although he knew it wasn't ideal, he felt they needed each other tonight. He turned off the side light and headed off to bed, setting his alarm ready for the shift in the morning.


	136. Chapter 136

When Ethan got up for work the following morning he felt drained still. He hadn't had the best night sleep. He got a couple of hours but kept waking up, then eventually Sam came to bed after waking up on the sofa alone and despite trying not to wake him, she was understandably still upset about Ella and he could feel her silently sobbing next to him, so he held her close until she finally drifted off in his arms. He was too worried about both Sam and Cal, to really settle properly himself. So when his alarm went off, he felt worse than before he went to bed. He quietly crept out of the bedroom and got his things ready, having a very quick blast in the shower, then he quietly slipped out of the flat leaving Sam, Cal and Gracie sleeping.

He got to work and Looked for Zoe to take a handover. He found her in her office writing up some notes and sipping a coffee.

"Good Morning Ethan." Zoe smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm ok, is there any more news Zoe?"

"I haven't heard any more I'm afraid, but we've been quite busy here." She replied apologetically.

"Ok." He nodded, heading off to carry on with his shift. "Anything I need to follow up on from the night shift?" He asked, turning back as he reached the door.

"No, it's all tied up, thanks." Zoe smiled. "Ethan?" She called after him as he was almost out of the door. "Are you ok? You look tired?"

"I'm fine." He nodded, walking out of the office to start his shift.

Unfortunately for Ethan, he hit the ground running and his day continued like that. He didn't realise that Cal was on shift today, and it wasn't until he was scurrying through cubicles at about 10am that he bumped into him.

"Cal? What are you doing here?" Ethan said, looking at his brother, who looked pale with dark eyes.

"I'm working Ethan, what do you think?"

"I didn't know you were on shift today."

"Yeah, day shift." He sighed.

"Have you had any sleep?" Ethan asked, worried about his brother.

"Some." Cal said simply, heading behind the curtain to see his patient. Ethan sighed, determined to keep his eye on Cal today in case he needed support. He would never admit to needing help, but Ethan knew he was struggling. He got his phone out of his pocket again, looking at it for the umpteenth time that morning, but he still hadn't heard from Sam. He wanted to text her but was worried she would still be sleeping, but surely now it was 10am he could send her a message. He typed a quick text and slipped his phone back in his pocket and carried on back to his own patients.

Ethan was in the middle of his second cardiac arrest of the morning, whilst he needed to review a head CT from a patient and he had numerous x-rays to review, and some minor patients still waiting for initial assessment and another lady waiting for him to insert a chest drain. He felt like even 10 pairs of hands wouldn't be enough, and he was feeling even more tired. He needed coffee, but there wasn't even time to get one. He needed to get back out and check on Cal as well, but currently was far too busy. Eventually, after calling time on the second cardiac arrest, he left resus and checked his phone. He had a message from Sam, finally, saying she was upstairs waiting for news on Ella. He breathed a sigh of relief having finally heard from her, slipping his phone back in his pocket, he walked around the corner and came face to face with her, standing holding an extra-large coffee ready for him.

"I came down just now to see you, when you didn't manage to reply to my message, and I saw you in the cardiac arrest. Robyn said you hadn't stopped all morning so I thought I'd get you the coffee." She smiled giving him a kiss on the cheek and handing him the coffee. "I'm sorry about last night Ethan. I should have left you to sleep."

"It's fine. Is there any news?"

"Well she made it out of surgery, just. But she's still critical and she's still being kept in an induced coma on ITU to hopefully allow the swelling on her brain to reduce. So really it's as positive as it could be, but still just a long waiting game. Her mum is up with her."

"Well that's good to know. We'd better let Cal know."

"I already have don't worry." Sam smiled slightly. She was still too worried and in too much pain to smile properly. "Ethan, let me cook for you tonight, both of you. You can come home from work, have a relaxing bath and eat and go to bed." Sam looked lovingly at him.

"That would be lovely." He said appreciatively.

"I guess you ought to get on, I know you're busy." She said softly, leaning in and kissing his cheek again, whispering: "I love you." As she turned to head back upstairs.

Ethan checked on his patient's head CT but was still chasing the formal report and by the time he had inserted the chest drain into his lady and left her being monitored by a nurse, he returned to find Cal.

"Hey Cal, have you heard anything from upstairs yet?"

"About Ella?" Cal said flatly. "Yeah."

"Well?" Ethan said impatiently.

"She's out of surgery, but they still don't know anything."

"Are you going to go up to see her? It might help?"

"No, her family are there, and Sam will be there. She doesn't need me." He shrugged and turned to walk away.

"Cal. Don't do this." Ethan sighed.

"Do what?" Cal snapped.

"Push your feelings aside, pretend you don't care."

"I'm not Ethan, she doesn't need me."

"She needs everyone right now."

"She's in a coma Ethan." He spat.

"You'd do it for me." Ethan said simply.

"You're my brother."

"So, she's your girlfriend."

"No she's not Ethan. I think she was about to make that perfectly clear last night before she walked out."

"Cal, you don't know that."

"Yes I do. She doesn't need me Ethan. Just leave it." Cal snapped and walked away, leaving Ethan stood grounded to the spot in shock. He knew what Cal was doing, it was obvious. He was scared and he was pushing her away, pushing away any feelings he might have to avoid what he was really afraid of, losing someone he cared about.

Sam, meanwhile, had returned upstairs walking towards ITU with another coffee for Ella's mum, Caroline. She loitered at the doorway of ITU, reminded of the time that she spent on that very ward herself. She headed back towards where Caroline was sitting next to her daughter, looking tired and anxious. Sam felt for Caroline, she was a lovely woman, a bit bonkers sometimes, but completely endearing and welcoming. She accepted Sam into her home and family many times in the past. Sam silently handed the coffee to Caroline and sat down next to her.

"Thanks darling." Caroline said, somewhat flatly.

"How are you doing Caroline?" Sam asked softly, looking at the older woman. Sam was worried, Caroline had been here before when she lost Francis, and now she was at risk of losing her daughter in tragic circumstances.

"Baring up. Baring up." She nodded, putting on her brave façade. "I starch my upper lip don't you know." She tried to joke.

"Oh Caroline, I wish I could have done something." Sam sighed. "Where is Charles?"

"He's not one for sitting around waiting, he'd just get impatient, demanding answers, so I've sent him back to the hotel." Caroline said, rolling her eyes. "He might have to go back to take care of business anyway. We don't know how long this will take." Caroline half smiled sadly at Sam then turned her attention back to her daughter. Sam stared at Ella too, looking at her so fragile looking, being kept in a coma, ventilated, it was not a way any parent should see their child. It was not a way she wanted to see her friend, who was normally so full of life. Sam's mind returned to Ella's recent confession, was this what caused everything. Ella was clearly affected by everything, what if the accident was a desperate cry for help, or a way out, and Sam didn't help. How could she ever forgive herself?

Ethan carried on with his day, feeling like he had so many plates spinning he was truly overwhelmed, but he kept his promise to himself and ensured that Cal felt supported and discreetly checked up on him, ensured he went to take a break and got some lunch, despite the fact that Ethan didn't get chance to himself. He was grateful for the coffee that Sam brought him as it was the only thing he had consumed by the time Cal came to leave at 5pm to pick up Gracie. He was tired, but he had to continue. He went back to his patients, collecting some blood results on the way, when he heard his name followed by a call for help. He ran behind the curtain of the cubicle where Lofty was with a patient who was having a medication reaction. He swiftly snapped into doctor mode and him and lofty worked well together to stabilise the patient and give them the appropriate treatment. When the patient was comfortable again Ethan went to update the notes and allergy status of the patient. He didn't realise but he let out an audible sigh just as Zoe, who had come in early for her nightshift to get some admin done, was walking past. She looked up at the obviously tired medic with a worried expression.

"Dr Hardy, if you've got a minute?" She smiled, but made it clear it wasn't a request as she gestured towards her office door. Ethan put aside the notes and followed her in. He slumped into the chair opposite Zoe and waited, wondering what he had done wrong now. Even though Zoe was no longer clinical lead, she was a brilliant consultant and mentor and he looked up to her.

"Ethan, is there anything you need to talk about?" Zoe asked kindly.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"I mean you aren't yourself, after last night you're clearly exhausted, I can only imagine it's been busy again today. I want to make sure you aren't pushing yourself too far. You're too good to risk pushing you over the edge, and believe me, I know this job can do that to even the best of us."

"I'm fine Zoe, like you said, just a bit tired."

"Have you had a break today?"

"Well, um, well not exactly, but Sam did bring me down a coffee earlier."

"How much earlier?"

"About…5 or 6 hours ago?" He said, unsure.

"Ethan, you really need to look after yourself, you're no good to us or the patients if you keel over with exhaustion or do something in haste that you later regret. Mistakes are made when people are pushed to their limit and that's why at times like these it's even more important that we pull together as a team." Zoe said and Ethan nodded at her. "You need to go home." She said kindly.

"But Zo-" Ethan started to protest but she cut him off.

"Go home Ethan, we can manage here. Get something to eat and rest."

"Thank you." He sighed, grateful for the concern of someone like Zoe.

He tied together the last of his notes, handed over his patients and gathered his things together, testing Sam, who had taken his keys, to say he was on his way home. By the time he got back to the flat, she had run him a bath, poured him a glass of wine and was half way through preparing dinner. Cal was in his room settling Gracie for the night.

"Hi sweet, are you ok?" Sam asked. Ethan nodded. "How come you left early?"

"Zoe told me to." He said simply. Sam smiled and nodded. "Any news?"

"No, all as it was." Sam replied sadly. "Anyway, you take this and head into that bath and I'll let you know when dinner is nearly ready." She smiled, handing him the wine.

"Thank you." He said softly and did as he was told.

He lay in the bath, trying to relax but thinking over everything. Had he done everything he should, did he remember to hand over to the ward about chasing up the formal report of the scan he though, yes he did, he remembered telling the ward doctor. But what if there was something he missed today. He shook his head; he couldn't do this. It was a dangerous slippery slope to go down. He tried to think of nicer things. Like how supportive Sam was being, despite everything she was going through, she was still fussing over him when really it should be the other way around. He should be looking after her. Little did he consider that this was part of her coping mechanism too, to look after people, to take away from her thoughts and feelings and fears, she got stuck in to being practical and caring for others, leaving less time for her to think.


	137. Chapter 137

Sam cleared up after dinner then she and Ethan went for an early night. They both desperately needed the rest. They were laid in bed and Ethan had his arm around Sam with his other hand resting gently on her small bump. She lay close to him, needing the comfort he provided as she still felt lost.

"Ethan." She whispered into the darkness.

"Yes?" He answered.

"What if I lose her Ethan, I can't imagine her not being there, I've only just got her back, I promised her she was stuck with me now."

"It will be hard, but you've got me, I'll help you through it."

"Ethan, I lose everyone I love, they never stick around for long before they are taken from me. Mum, Dad, Gran, Zachary, our baby." She said as her voice wobbled and her eyes filled with tears.

"Yes, but none of them were your fault."

"But I don't think I could lose Ella too. I know we'd lost touch but she really is special to me."

"I know, I can tell."

"I wish I was stronger; I need to be to help Cal."

"Cal will be fine, don't worry, you don't have to be strong for everyone. Besides, you are stronger than you realise."

"I'm not Ethan."

"You are incredibly strong and very brave. Look at everything you've come through in your life so far; you don't fight through that without strength, bravery and determination." Ethan said admirably.

"Ethan, that's different. That was survival."

"It's the same, you wouldn't have survived without being brave and putting up the fight."

"The trouble is, I'm not sure I have any more fight left in me."

"You do; you can't give up now. You have me, and we have to be strong for Ella, whatever the outcome."

"Oh God Ethan! I don't want her to die. I know its selfish but I don't want to lose her. I couldn't take it." Sam said as the tears started to fall again.

"I know sweetheart. I know." He whispered as he pulled her in tighter.

The next few days passed by for Cal, Sam and Ethan in a blur of working and waiting for news on Ella. None of them really knew how they got through it, but they all just seemed to click onto autopilot. Sam and Ethan were trying to be mindful of each other and support each other where possible, but Cal seemed to completely shut off as much as he could, even offering to work extra shifts, just so he didn't have to think about what was happening.

They all found themselves together on shift when the news came; Ella was showing signs of response. Sam had gone up to see Caroline on her break, taking coffee up with her, and Caroline filled her in as the consultant had just been around. A recent brain scan had shown a reduction in the swelling, so ongoing treatment was looking positive. All now seemed to depend on what damage was already done as to what kind of recovery she might be expected to make. Things were still tense, but at this precise moment it was the best news they could hope for.

Sam gave Caroline a hug and then ran downstairs to find Cal.

"Cal! Cal!" She called across the waiting room, trying to catch up with him. "Cal, its Ella, she's showing positive signs of response."

"Oh, right, good." He said flatly. Sam looked at him strangely. She knew he'd been withdrawn since this all happened but it seemed that he didn't really care right now.

"Cal? It's good news right?" Sam said questioningly.

"Yeah, great." He said, still not mustering up any enthusiasm as he turned and walked away. Sam felt shocked and somewhat hurt by his reaction, but mostly confused. She went to find Ethan.

"Ethan, have you spoken to Cal recently?" Sam asked.

"Why?"

"Well, I've just told him some positive news about Ella and it seemed that he couldn't care less."

"I'm sure he does care, he's just still in shock." Ethan defended his brother.

"Well, we all are Ethan." Sam said a little sharply.

"Yes, I know that. But, well he's not been dealing with this properly like you has he?"

"I guess not. But well, I get the feeling there's more to it." Sam sighed, and noticed that Ethan stiffened and looked away a little awkwardly. "Ethan?" She questioned.

"Yes?" He said quietly.

"Ethan, what do you know?"

"Nothing." He lied. Sam gave him a knowing look. "Well, nothing for sure, but he mentioned that when Ella came around the other night she gave the impression she was going to break up with him."

"Really?" Sam said surprised, although her last conversation with Ella was playing on her mind.

"Yes. She said she needed to talk to him, but Gracie became unsettled before they could. Then she ran out on him, and I was coming in as she left and she looked upset."

"I really don't think she was thinking of breaking up with him." Sam said quietly. Ethan looked at her and it was his turn to know she was withholding something.

"How do you know?"

"Because we talked the night before, she stayed at my house. She _was_ really upset."

"Why?" Ethan asked gently. Sam looked around, trying to make sure they wouldn't be heard. She pulled him into the store cupboard, hoping for some privacy.

"Ethan, I'm telling you this in confidence ok?" Sam said urgently. Ethan looked worried but nodded. "Ella has been struggling since Cal got Gracie, but not for the reasons you might assume. She can see the bond Cal has formed with Gracie and well, I don't really know how to explain this." Sam said looking stressed. Ethan just stood quietly, waiting for her to talk. "Ethan, Ella can't have children, and she got it into her head that Cal would want to settle down and have more children when she saw how much he loved Gracie and she couldn't bear to let him down. She didn't want to lose him, but she was scared she couldn't give him what he wanted."

"Oh, I see." Ethan said quietly, taking this all in.

"Ethan, I know she cares about him, I think she loves him, but how can I convince him?"

"I don't know. I think he's finding it easier to shut it all out than accept it's really happening."

"Should I tell him the truth? I mean Ella didn't tell me to, but he needs to know Ethan. He should know she cared about him."

"Maybe it's not a good idea at the moment, you don't know what's going to happen."

"Oh Ethan, I wish I could get him to open up to us, maybe I should try. Maybe if I take him to the pub after our shift?"

"Sam, just be careful what you reveal."

"I know, I know!"

"Just think about things before you go rushing into blurting it all out."

"Ethan, give me some credit." Sam huffed.

"So, anyway, what's the good news about Ella, are you going to tell me?" Ethan tried to change the subject before things escalated.

"She's showing signs of response." Sam said quietly.

"Well that's great news." Ethan smiled, squeezing her arm, making her smile again slightly.

"I'm sorry Ethan, I don't mean to be snappy."

"I know, it's a tough time for all of us. It's ok." He smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you." She said softly, placing a kiss gently on his lips.

They continued on with their shift and Ethan took Gracie home that evening so Sam could drag a somewhat reluctant Cal out for a drink. If it hadn't been for the temptation of drowning his sorrows with alcohol he would have hidden in his room again, but he was fairly certain his booze supplies at home were running low and he didn't fancy braving the supermarket.

Sam sat down at the table nursing a glass of orange juice while Cal drained a quarter of his pint straight off. She watched him, concern etched on her face.

"Go on say it." He said somewhat gruffly, making Sam flinch slightly. She knew she would have to play things carefully.

"Say what?"

"Whatever it is you think you want to say. That's the reason we're here isn't it?"

"Cal, I'm worried about you. You are bottling everything up and it's not healthy."

"Well we can't all go around bleating out our emotions can we?"

"Cal." Sam looked at him sternly.

"What?" He shrugged, taking another large gulp of his pint. Sam let out a sigh.

"Cal, we were closer than this, please, let's not let this be the thing that tears us apart. We need to be there for each other, no matter what. We are the two here with the deepest connection to Ella."

"You have, Ella and I have nothing." He muttered.

"What do you mean? Cal what happened?"

"I don't know; I just don't know." He sighed, draining the last of his pint and heading back to the bar. She saw him sink a double whiskey before returning with another pint.

"Cal." She said placing her hand on his arm, surprised when he didn't pull away. "Cal, I'm worried about you, please talk to me, get it out in the open."

"Get what out?"

"Whatever it is that's going through your head."

"What's going through my head?! What's going through my head is that I thought we cared about each other, but the truth is she's been pushing me away, only I couldn't see it, then she came around to break up with me. So forgive me when you tell me we have a deep connection and wonder why I don't believe you." Cal spat out at the end.

"Cal, whatever you think, I know for a fact that Ella really cared about you." Sam said as softly as she could. Cal scoffed and looked at her indignantly. "Cal she did, she told me only the night before the accident." She was beginning to lose her cool, with an edge to her voice.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. You know she isn't going to wake up, and if she does she won't remember so you're trying to paint a perfect picture of her now to protect your own feelings."

"Cal! How could you say that!" Sam said, louder than she realised. A few people looked around and Cal shrunk in his seat a bit.

"Very easily, she didn't care, so why should I?"

"Because you do care Cal, there's no point in lying about it. And she cares about you too. There's things going on that you don't know about, she was tearing herself up over and she told me the night before the accident, I would bet my life _that's_ what she wanted to tell you when she came to see you, not that she was breaking up with you." Sam hurried out without really thinking, desperate to get him to see sense. Cal looked up at her suddenly, felling unsure and confused. Sam realised her mistake almost instantly, but it was too late to take it back. She could feel her cheeks going pink and she sipped her orange juice to try to buy time to consider how to move forward.

"What do you mean?" Cal asked.

"I can't really explain Cal." Sam started.

"No, no, you have to. You can't throw something like that at me and then withdraw." He looked both accusingly and pleadingly at her.

"Ok, but remember this really shouldn't have come from me. I'm doing this to help you ok?"

"What is it?" He said impatiently.

"She was freaking out that you wanted more from her than she could give. She saw how in love with Gracie you are and she panicked that you would want to settle down and have a family and she couldn't give you that, but she cared too much to lose you, the thing is she knew it would hurt a lot more if she invested the next few years to then lose you over it."

"What, I-I don't understand."

"She can't have children. And it hurt her to see how wonderful you were with Gracie and knowing she could never give you that, well it made her feel inferior, and she couldn't bare for you both to invest time and energy into something that she assumed would break down over her inability to give you something so natural. I guess that was your initial appeal, what with your playboy side, you weren't a threat in the 'settling down' way, but once she saw you could be, she panicked." Sam explained as best as she could. Cal sat and listened, taking it all in, thinking it all through. He took a deep breath, followed by another long drink of his beer. Sam sipped her orange juice, feeling anxious by the silence but allowing him the time to absorb this.

"But you're still making it sound like she was going to end it." He said after a while.

"I think when she came around to see me she was in a right state and she'd convinced herself that because she cared so much, she couldn't let you down, and it was the only way to be fair to you. But we talked and she knew she had to talk to you, and give you the chance to be involved in that decision. If you'd wanted to walk away, then she would have let you."

"Oh, right." Cal sighed, not really knowing what to say. He nodded to himself and gulped more of his drink down Sam eyed him suspiciously, but remained silent, he needed time, he needed the chance to let things out. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Sam was nursing her orange juice, then Cal took her by surprise and rested his head in his hands and let out a sob. She looked up at him again in shock, as one sob turned into another and before she knew it, there were tears sliding down his cheeks. She quickly moved her chair around and putting her arm around his shoulder she pulled him in for a hug, not caring who may see. He rested his head on her shoulder and he cried. It was clearly what he had needed to do for days now, but he had been holding it all in. She made soothing noises and just let him cry.

"Cal, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But you needed to know how she felt about you. I know you feel it too. Its ok to be scared about this. I'm terrified I'll never get to speak to her again."

"I'm sorry." Cal sniffed, suddenly feeling embarrassed at his show of emotion.

"Cal, you needed to get it out. You know it'll eat you up from inside if you keep holding it in. Cal I'm here for you, both Ethan and I are. You're not alone. We need to pull together more than ever now. But Ella needs you too Cal. You should go and see her, talk to her, let her know you are there. It might help." Sam almost pleaded him.

"But her parents-" Cal started. Sam shook her head.

"It's only her Mum there, she won't mind us going. She could probably do with the chance of a break. We could go tomorrow?" Sam looked hopefully at him and he slowly nodded. Sam pulled him in for a hug again. "Cal, you know I love you. I really hate to see you hurting, but you have to let us in so we can help you, ok? Promise me you will?"

"Ok, I promise." He said quietly, placing his arms carefully around Sam's waist and hugging her back.


	138. Chapter 138

Cal and Sam stayed in the pub for a little while longer, giving Cal the chance to have some time to himself, away from Gracie and work, and a chance to talk about what was happening. Sam realised how lucky she was to have Ethan; of course Cal had him too but he didn't realise that, or wasn't accepting of the support in the same way. Sam looked at him sadly, realising just how much he had been keeping inside, just how alone he had felt. She felt terrible that he felt like he had no one to turn to.

"Cal?" Sam questioned as they started their walk home.

"Hmm?" He said, turning to look at her. She looked up at him and didn't really know how to continue.

"Nothing." She shook her head and they walked on for a bit longer in silence.

"Cal?" She said again after a while.

"What?" He asked, confused, looking down at her again.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Sam said softly. They stopped walking and stood staring at each other. Cal looked into the earnest eyes of Sam, suddenly feeling like she could see right through him. "I mean, if you ever wanted to talk about anything." Sam finished.

"I know." He whispered, as they started walking again.

"So why didn't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been trying to cope with everything alone, and I was selfish and didn't realise when you were shutting us out that you were struggling as much as you were. I mean I've had Ethan to support me, and you would have too but maybe you thought he was too busy with me, and I'm sorry if you felt alone."

"I've just been trying to get on with it and not think about it too much." He shrugged.

"I know, but you should have talked about what you were feeling, you might have avoided all the stress and anguish."

"Maybe I didn't know what I was feeling, its not normal for a bloke to talk about feelings."

"I know, but Cal, I can see it in your eyes, the pain, the stress, with everything, Ella, adjusting to Gracie, all of it, and I just feel terrible, Ethan and I both hate seeing you struggling."

"Don't worry about me, I'll survive." Cal tried to smile.

"But I do Cal, I do worry, because...well because I love you Cal, you know I do." Sam said, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it. He looked closely at her again, seeing the love in her eyes, knowing that she really did care.

"You know, I sometimes think you're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and that's just sad because you're my brother's girlfriend." He smiled at her.

"Hey! Only sometimes?" She laughed, nudging him and slipping her arm in his as they walked on, feeling completely comfortable with each other and knowing the love they shared made them value their special friendship.

As they continued walking along the road Sam suddenly let out a small squeal and clutched her stomach. Cal looked at her in alarm and reached out to hold her.

"What's wrong, what is it?" He rushed out.

"Nothing, sorry, I didn't meant to frighten you, it just took me by surprise."

"What did?" He still looked concerned.

"I just felt the baby move, properly, you know, for the first time." She smiled shyly. Cal expression softened and he smiled back. He tightened his grasp around her waist and gave her a loving squeeze.

"Wow, that's amazing." He smiled. "I thought something was wrong though." He laughed slightly.

"Yeah, sorry about that." She said embarrassed.

"Ethan will be excited." Cal said.

"Yeah, yeah I guess he will." She sighed. He looked at her, she didn't look as happy as she should for such a milestone.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just suddenly feeling tired." Sam shrugged his concern off.

"Come on, lets get you home then." Cal said, guiding her forward again.

Ethan was sat up waiting for them both when they walked in the door to the flat. He whispered to them to keep quiet as Gracie had only just gone back down to sleep.

"How has she been?" Cal said quietly.

"Fine, she's just been up and had another feed. I've changed her too so she should go right through now." Ethan smiled, showing the love he felt for his little niece.

"Ok, well I'm going to head to bed too, early start tomorrow." Cal said, heading towards his room.

"So, you didn't get anywhere then?" Ethan asked Sam as Cal was out of earshot.

"Yeah, we talked it through, he was ok, he's probably just tired." Sam said quietly.

"Are you ok? You don't seem any better than he is?"

"Well thanks a lot." Sam snapped, then instantly regretted it as he looked shocked and hurt. "Sorry Ethan, I'm just tired."

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't put that across right." He said meekly.

"No, its me being crabby. Sorry." She reached out and took his hand in hers and he interlocked his fingers. "Guess what?" She said smiling slightly.

"What?"

"I felt the baby move properly for the first time just now." She said without the excitement you'd expect, more like she was telling him they were having chicken for dinner.

"Really? That's great!" He smiled, then looked at her strangely. "You don't seem that excited?"

"No, it was a bit weird to be honest." Sam sighed.

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter." She shrugged quickly and got up to make a drink. "Coffee?"

"No, wait. Sam talk to me." Ethan said following her to the kitchen.

"Its fine Ethan, I just need a drink."

"Well, let me make it then."

"No, Ethan its fine, I'm perfectly capable of making myself a drink." Sam snapped again, catching Ethan off guard. He visibly flinched and looked upset, turning away to leave her. "Ethan? Ethan, please, I'm so sorry, I don't know what's the matter with me. That was completely out of order, I'm really sorry."

"Its fine." He mumbled as he continued walking back into the front room.

"Ethan." Sam called, following him. She sat down carefully next to him, but he didn't look at her. She could see he was upset, and rightly so, he was just trying to help and support her and she had been a complete cow, for no reason. "Ethan, I'm sorry, really."

"I said its fine." He replied. They sat in silence for a few minutes, then he spoke again. "Why don't you tell me what it really is?" Sam took a deep breath.

"You promise not to think bad of me?" Sam asked fearfully and Ethan nodded. "I'm scared, all I can think about when I'm not thinking about Ella, is the baby and how I got to this point and lost Zachary. How I felt feelings like I felt earlier with him, and instead of enjoying it, it just brings back bad memories, well, not bad memories, because that's a horrible thing to say, but painful memories. I can't believe I'm saying its painful but you know what I mean." Sam started rambling. Ethan placed his hand gently on her arm and shushed her. "I'm a terrible person, I know, because I should be happy, but it scares me Ethan, terrifies me. I'm responsible for this little thing inside me, and if I mess up again, well, that's it isn't it?"

"No, no you mustn't think like that. You can't keep thinking like that. Of course it hurts you to remember last time, and what you missed out on, but you can't keep punishing yourself for it. You have to allow yourself to be happy. The past is the past, it shapes who we are but it isn't all we are, and if you let it become that then he wins doesn't he?" Ethan said looking seriously at her, continuing to stare as she looked down at her hands in her lap.

"I guess so." She whispered.

"Sam, you know I'm right. Come on, you're not a bad person to feel sad about what happened, but equally you're not a bad person to enjoy the happiness in your future either. Loving and enjoying this baby doesn't mean you loved Zachary any less."

"You're right Ethan, I know you are. It's just hard sometimes you know?"

"I know." He soothed, pulling her in for a hug. "I know."

* * *

Sam was sitting by Ella's bedside in ITU, her mum having gone to the hotel to get a little rest then freshen up. Ella had been less stable throughout the night, and had been having seizures each time they tried to bring her around. They had increased her medication and sedation again. Sam was sitting idly by her side, holding her hand and thinking. She thought about their time together at university, the fun times they had had together, the crazy times and even the sad times they had shared. She spoke a few of the memories out loud, and occasionally she would feel a twitch from Ella. She sat there for what felt like hours just staring, talking and holding her hand. Exhaustion took over and she pulled her chair up right alongside Ella's bed and rested her head down next to Ella on the bed and closed her eyes. The next thing she was aware of was an alarming sound as the monitors went off and suddenly she was being forcibly moved out of the way while a team surrounded Ella, moving quickly to try to save her. Sam remained glued to the spot, and despite a nurse trying to remove her from the area, from seeing that sight, she stubbornly stood by watching, in complete shock as the scene unfolded before her eyes. She knew what was happening but she couldn't believe it. It almost felt like it was happening to someone else, not her, as her breathing felt more difficult and the room seemed to close in on her. The chaos continued until the dreadful sounds of the monitors came back into her head, and the grim looks passed around the team when they decided that they had done all they possibly could, and Ella was gone.


	139. Chapter 139

Sam woke up with beads of sweat pouring out of her head. Ethan was already awake, but had learnt his lesson from last time and was waiting for her to come around and wake herself up naturally. She had screamed out and that's what had initially woken Ethan, but now she was sitting bolt upright with tears pouring down her cheeks, in a panic and muttering incoherently.

"Sam, shh, calm down, its ok. I'm here, I'm here." He soothed, finally able to pull her into a hug.

"She's gone, she's gone." Sam just kept sobbing.

"Who's gone darling?" Ethan said softly.

"I want her back." Sam choked out.

"Who?" Ethan asked gently again, knowing her dream had probably confused her.

"Ella. I want Ella." Sam started sobbing uncontrollably again.

"Ok, shh, you can see her later today. Its ok."

"No, you don't understand, she's dead." Sam sobbed louder.

"No, darling, you've been dreaming, it was all a dream."

"No, it can't have been, I was there, I could see it, hear it, I could feel her."

"Sweetheart, I promise. She was probably on your mind because you and Cal must have talked about her at the pub earlier. But I promise you, when we left the hospital earlier, she was still stable."

"But, but it was so real." Sam said, gaining control of her sobs.

"I know, but really it was a dream, you woke me up when you were thrashing about and you were really distressed."

"I'm so sorry." Sam said, feeling guilty.

"It's fine. I was just worried about you."

"But I've disturbed your sleep again."

"It doesn't matter, It'd be worse if you were alone right now wouldn't it?" Ethan said softly, lifting her chin so she was looking at him, to show he wasn't cross. He noticed she flinched slightly at his touch, but pushed his hurt feelings aside.

"You're right, but still." Sam whispered.

"Come on." He said softly, pulling her into his arms again. "You've really been having a rough time of it haven't you." He breathed into her hair. Sam couldn't speak, the tears were threatening to fall again. She clung onto Ethan tightly, as if letting go meant that she would lose him forever too, and he felt her grip tighten. He knew then that she needed him, she needed him to be there, to support her and to help her through it. She was strong, but even strong people needed support every now and again. Even strong people could fall.

"I might go and make a drink." Sam said suddenly, pulling away.

"Let me do it." Ethan said going to get up.

"Honestly Ethan, its fine, I think I just need to get up for a bit, I don't think I can sleep again yet. But you need to, you have work early tomorrow."

"Really I don't mi-"

"Ethan, it's fine." Sam cut in, smiling gently at him. "You need to sleep, I've disturbed you enough already." Sam guided him back down onto the pillow and gently stroked his cheek, smiling at him. "I love you so much." She whispered, kissing him gently and then getting up to make herself a drink.

"I love you too." He whispered after her; then as she left the room he added, "more than you realise."

Sam slipped quietly into the kitchen and flicked on the kettle. She rummaged in the cupboards and pulled out her decaf coffee, then she wrinkled up her nose and found some hot chocolate instead. She made a cup and went to sit quietly in the front room. She sat cradling her cup, staring into space when suddenly a voice broke her thoughts.

"You should have got some biscuits to dunk too." Cal mumbled, sitting down next to her.

"Oh, I didn't see you come in. I didn't wake you too did I?"

"No, I can't sleep. I heard you call out though, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Cal, just more vivid dreams." Sam shrugged. "Do you want me to make you a drink? A milky drink might help?"

"No, its fine, besides I'm not 90." He let out a half breathy laugh.

"Yeah, I guess its the nurse in me. Sorry." She smiled. Silence fell between the pair, each thinking of things to say but neither saying them, until Sam broke the silence. "Cal, can I ask you something?" She said a little shakily.

"Sure." He looked at her with concern, sensing it was serious.

"Is Ethan still happy. I mean with me?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Well, I've just been so awful to him lately, so snappy and tired and not treating him as he does me, he deserves better, and I just wondered if he was feeling that?"

"No, not at all. I mean, he hasn't said anything."

"No, but I guess he wouldn't. I don't mean to hurt him, but I just seem to snap at him without thinking about it. I mean when he's trying to help me and everything. He's only trying to take care of me and I seem to throw it back in his face. There's only so much one person can take."

"Can I be honest?" Cal asked looking at Sam. She looked up at him and bit her bottom lip, suddenly feeling nervous about what Cal was going to say. "I think you're being over emotional and irrational."

"Oh." Sam said, not really knowing what to say.

"It must be the hormones, but you've got to be honest, you're worrying over nothing. With everything that's going on, I'd be more worried if you were happy and cheerful the whole time." Cal smiled at her, hoping he'd got his point across.

"I guess, but that doesn't excuse why I keep snapping at him when he's only trying to help. I just can't seem to control it."

"Really, I'm sure he will be more worried that he can't help you than anything."

"He's just so lovely, and I love him so much, it seems he's the easy target to take things out on, but that's not fair is it." She sighed. "I feel sometimes like I'm one step away from turning into _him_."

"Who?"

"My ex, you know with the emotional side of abuse."

"Sam, you're about as far from that as they come! This is just stress and hormones, they don't mix. Just keep talking to him, don't shut him out..." Cal started and Sam opened her mouth to speak but he stopped her. "And before you say 'that's what I do' or something, you can stop. Ethan and I are different. We're brothers, you two are in love, and you need to make sure it stays that way, so you need to keep talking. Look at the trouble I get myself into when I shut things out, don't be like me; it's not fun."

"But I think I am a bit like you Cal. I do similar things, ok, maybe we deal with it in different ways, but I try to shut things out too. I guess that's why we get on, because we're similar in so many ways."

"Well, you recognise it, so you can change what you want to." Cal said and Sam smiled at him.

"So can you." She said softly. They stared at each other, both with slight smiles on their faces. "I'm always here for you Cal, I mean that, anytime, even if its 3am, like now." She laughed slightly.

"Me too." He said softly, holding out his arms to pull her in for a hug. They sat on the sofa in a tight embrace, one that at that time, they both needed very much.

Sam remained curled up on the sofa when Cal returned to bed, and eventually she drifted back off to sleep for the last hour or so before Ethan got up for work. He'd realised that Sam hadn't made it back to bed but after his shower he went and sat next to her on the sofa, just watching her sleep for a moment. He brushed a piece of hair out of her face and her eyes flickered open.

"Morning sweetheart." He smiled. "Why don't you go back to bed and get some proper rest, you need it."

"Morning, sorry, I must have drifted off before I got back to bed." Sam smiled sheepishly.

"Come on, back to bed." Ethan said kindly but somewhat firmly.

"You're doing it again." Sam smiled at him.

"What?"

"Being all controlling, but in a nice way. I like it." Sam smiled as she stood up.

"Well, I'm just looking out for you."

"Someone has to, I sure can't look after myself can I?"

"You can, you just don't." He smiled kindly, taking her hand and leading her back to the bedroom.

"I wish you could stay with me." Sam sighed as Ethan sat on the edge of the bed after she had got back in.

"I know, I wish I could too. I'll come back later and we'll have an early night."

"Shall I cook us dinner?" Sam asked, keen to make it up to him for being mean.

"If you want to, or we can cook together." Ethan replied, not wanting her to feel obliged.

"Don't you like my cooking?" She grinned at him.

"No, I mean yes, I meant-" Ethan starting looking horrified, until he realised Sam was laughing. "Yeah, yeah, alright." He smiled back, pleased to see the slight sparkle appear in her eyes again, albeit briefly.

"Shall I meet you at the end of your shift, I'm going in to get an update on Ella anyway." Sam said more seriously, her eyes saddening again.

"Yes, but why don't we go out for dinner tonight, have a little treat, some time to ourselves?"

"That would be lovely Ethan." Sam smiled as he bent down to kiss her. He finished getting ready and headed off for his shift, although he felt tired after his disturbed night, he felt good looking forward to taking Sam out for dinner.

* * *

As Sam headed upstairs towards ITU, she saw Caroline outside the doors.

"Caroline? How are things?"

"Sam." Caroline smiled at her, seeing a living link to her daughter. "She's stable, they are trying to bring her around, things look as good as they can expect, but they need her conscious to know the full extent of the damage."

"Oh Caroline, this must be o dreadful for you, after everything." Sam said, resting her hand supportively on Caroline's arm. "Has Charles been back?"

"Once or twice. He wont say it but I don't think he can bear to see his little girl in such a state."

"What about Charlie, has he been able to get down?"

"Briefly yesterday." Caroline nodded. "He's coming back later this afternoon."

"That's good. She needs as many of us around her, she needs to know we are all here and we love her."

"Yes, that's what they've said." Caroline said nodding towards the ITU doors.

"I also have another friend of Ella's who would like to see her, but he might be too overwhelmed if you're all here. I know its a lot to ask, but maybe I could get him in just the two of us for 20 minutes?" Sam asked carefully.

"Of course darling girl. I should be glad of time out of here, I need a proper coffee for a start." She smiled, and Sam returned the smile, knowing Caroline was finding this tough but not showing it.

"Do you mind if I?" Sam started, indicating she was going to go in.

"Go on, go on. I'm just heading out for some fresh air." Caroline turned to leave and Sam headed in the doors and took a seat beside Ella's bed. The nurse in her couldn't help having a nose at the monitors and her obs. Caroline was right, things looked as stable as possible, they just needed Ella to wake up. Sam sat with her, talking through memories again and filling her in on life, talking about her and Ethan, and Cal. She had text Cal to say she was with Ella and he should take a break and pop up. Later on, when she was on her own again, she looked up and saw him loitering outside the main doors.

"Come in Cal, its just me here, Caroline has gone to meet Charlie at the station and they are having lunch before coming back."

"Is she?" He started.

"She's still out, but they are trying to bring her around." Sam nodded to the nurses to indicate Cal was with her and she slipped her hand through his arm and guided him over and into a chair. She looked at him as he stared at Ella, he looked quite pale. "She looks peaceful doesn't she, you can tell she's not in pain can't you?" Sam said, trying to get him talking.

"I guess." He whispered.

"Do you want me to leave you for a bit?"

"No, no don't go." Cal choked out. Sam took a seat next to him and took his hand in hers. They sat in silence, watching and listening; each hoping for the miracle they so desperately wanted. Sam began to chat again, telling Ella that Cal was sat beside her and that they both wanted her to wake up so she could be back teasing them again, when her hand twitched. Sam and Cal looked at each other in shock and hope. Sam carried on talking, then nudged Cal to talk. He spoke and instantly she flinched again. They knew it could still be a while but they were hopeful these were positive signs. Sam then explained to Cal what she had dreamed last night and he put his arm around her to comfort her and this was how they were sat when Caroline returned with Charlie in tow.

"Oh, so is this your young man Sam?" Caroline asked. Sam turned and smiled and Cal jumped up.

"Oh, no this is his brother." Sam said easily as Cal squirmed feeling awkward.

"His brother?" Caroline raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, we're really close though, Cal is actually friends with Ella, he's the one who I said I was going to bring earlier. Cal smiled awkwardly, not knowing what Sam had told her, and also wondering if Ella had ever said anything to her mother, good or bad.

"Ah, well thank you for coming Cal, Ella needs everyone around her right now." Caroline smiled at him and he smiled back, nodding.

"Caroline, Ella has had some motor response while we were talking to her, she's been twitching her hand. I know its not much, but I'm hoping it's a good sign."

"That's great news." Caroline smiled and went to sit back down next to her daughter. Sam turned to Charlie.

"Charlie, great to see you again." She said pulling him into a hug. "Shame its in these circumstances though."

"Its great to see you too little one." Charlie smiled while hugging her. "You're looking great as always."

"I hear son number two is doing well, Ella was full of excited auntie stories when she came home."

"Yeah, they are both doing great." Charlie smiled. "And I can see you'll soon be in the parents club too." Charlie said nodding towards Sam's bump.

"This? No this is just too much chocolate!" Sam grinned, and Charlie gave her a knowing look. "Ok, yes, I'm 19 weeks." Sam smiled, placing her hand protectively on her small bump.

"Well, that's such lovely news, congratulations." He smiled.

"Right, well, we'll leave you to it." Sam said giving him a kiss on the cheek. She took Cal's hand and they headed back downstairs.

"Thank you for making me go." Cal said to Sam.

"That's ok, I'm glad you went. I think you would have regretted it otherwise."

"Yeah, I probably would." Cal smiled as he headed back onto the floor. Sam walked towards Ethan who was in admin rummaging through notes.

"Hey gorgeous." Sam smiled watching him. He looked up and saw Sam and smiled.

"What are you doing down here?"

"I've just been up to see Ella."

"I wouldn't hang around or they'll get you working."

"Are you still up for dinner tonight?"

"Definitely."

"I'm going to go home and get some rest before we go, I'm feeling a bit tired again. Plus I need to try and beautify myself for you." She smiled.

"You always look beautiful to me." He smiled at her.

"Aw, what are you like?" She giggled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll see you later yes?"

"I'll pick you up at 6:30. I've already booked a table."

"Thanks sweet." Sam smiled at him as she headed off to her flat.

* * *

A/N - I know some of you will be disappointed in the dream, I'm sorry if that's the case. Many of you guessed it, or hoped for it, so hopefully not all of you will be annoyed at me! :)


	140. Chapter 140

True to his word, Ethan was at Sam's door to pick her up at 6:30 on the dot. In fact, he was there at 6:25, but had waited until 6:30 to ring her buzzer. If Sam had known this she would have laughed at him, but in his mind he didn't want to catch her out by being early. He couldn't help but feel a bit nervous, he wanted to make sure she had a lovely evening and felt spoilt.

Sam had got a little stressed trying to find something to wear. She managed to find some jeggings with enough stretch to sit under her bump, which although still small, it meant that a lot of her clothes didn't fit right. She managed to slip into a vest top and a blouse that she could get away with doing up a couple of buttons and letting her bump poke out from the bottom. In truth, she actually looked nice, but Sam couldn't see that. She had put some lose curls through her hair to soften the look and her makeup had complimented her glowing complexion nicely.

She heard Ethan buzz and those butterflies from the early days returned. It felt just like it used to when she waited for him to pick her up in the early days. She grabbed her jacket and bag, collected her keys and locked up, almost skipping down the stairs, excited to see Ethan. He smiled as she came down the stairs and opened the door, and he pulled her in for a kiss.

"You look wonderful." He smiled.

"Thank you, so do you." She returned. "Look, these are the boots you bought me in London, I love them so much, they are so comfortable."

"They look lovely on you, I'm glad I bought them."

"I'm glad you did too." She smiled, leaning in to kiss him again. "Shall we?" She pointed to the path, and they walked along the road, hand in hand.

"Are you sure you want to walk? I would have happily driven." Ethan said, realising it was too late really.

"No, I thought the walk would be nice. More quiet time together."

"True." He smiled as they continued into town. "You really do look lovely tonight. Not that you don't normally, but well, you know." He smiled awkwardly, realising he could have got himself in a mess again.

"Thank you Ethan." She smiled at him. "Although I'm fast running out of clothes I can squeeze into."

"Well, maybe you need another shopping trip." He laughed. "Treat yourself."

"Maybe." Sam smiled. "Though I'd probably end up buying more inappropraite shoes." She giggled.

"Speaking of shopping, do you think we should maybe go looking at baby things soon?"

"Really?" Sam asked surprised at his interest.

"Yes, after all, we're nearly half way through now"

"I know, I'm just surprised at a man showing interest."

"Well, you know." He shrugged sheepishly. "I want to be involved."

"And that's exactly why I'm so in love with you." She smiled, squeezing his hand. "Lets go after our scan next week? I'm assuming you're off? I took the day off but you might not have."

"Yes, I have got the day off." He smiled. "It's a date."

They walked happily, hand in hand, to the restaurant and Ethan pulled out all the stops to treat Sam and make her feel special. They enjoyed their dinner, sharing laughter and jokes like the early days, and Sam felt blissfully happy for the first time in a while. She was almost able to forget everything else that was going on around her and just enjoy her time with the man she loved. She felt a little selfish but she needed it, and Ethan deserved to get fun and happy Sam back for a while. She hoped there was enough of the real her coming out to remind him why he fell for her in the first place. Little did she know that he was way beyond being with just the girl he originally met, he wanted to be involved with everything about her, the good and the bad.

"What?" Ethan asked when he caught Sam just staring at him.

"Nothing." She smiled to herself.

"Have I got something on my face?" He said paranoid, wiping at his mouth with his napkin, causing Sam to let out a small giggle.

"No darling, I was just looking at you and thinking."

"Oh? What about?"

"Well, just how wonderful tonight has been, and how amazing you are, and how lucky I am. I know I'm gushing, but its nice to feel like I'm getting away from everything and getting special time with you."

"I could say the same."

"I'm sorry I've been impossible lately. I don't know why you always seem to get my short temper. I don't mean to be horrible."

"I know sweetheart, it's fine. You've been under a lot of pressure lately, I understand."

"Ethan, I love you so much. You know that don't you?" Sam said reaching out for his hands.

"I love you too." He smiled at her, giving her hands a squeeze and feeling his heart skip a beat. They held each others gaze, each getting lost in the loving feelings between them.

"Shall we order dessert?" Ethan asked, breaking the silence. Sam smiled broadly at him.

"You just earned another brownie point Mister." She winked at him.

"And just how do I redeem these points?" He smiled back.

"You'll see." She smiled cheekily at him as he blushed slightly, enjoying the light flirtation with him.

They ordered and ate their dessert and, as expected, Ethan insisted on paying for it. In actual fact, he did his usual trick of excusing himself to use the bathroom and paid before he returned. As they left the restaurant, the sun had set and the stars were shining brighter as the sky grew darker. They walked their normal route out of town, again hand in hand, heading towards Sam's flat. As they walked over the footbridge, Ethan pulled Sam across to look out over the side into the water.

"Do you know, every time I cross this bridge I think of you and smile." Ethan said sweetly.

"Really? Why?" She asked looking at him in surprise.

"Because it was stood right here on that night when we went for dinner together and to the cinema for the first time when we talked about your love of stars and I knew you were the one for me."

"Aw, Ethan, you're so sweet, that's really lovely. I remember you standing so close that night I felt like I could hardly breathe."

"I wanted to tell you that night how beautiful you are but I couldn't get the courage." He admitted shyly.

"Really? I would have melted in your arms if you had." She smiled back.

"Well you are beautiful to me, inside and out. I think you're perfect."

"You're perfect." She smiled, placing herself in his arms and hugging him tightly. He pulled away and looked at her, staring deep into her blue eyes.

"Sam, I'm not good at sweeping gestures, or speeches and declarations of love; in fact public speaking really isn't my forte, if anything I start to stutter and I've even been known to go red and blotchy, anyway, I digress." He said embarrassed at having already starting babbling. "Sam, I love you so much, more than anything or anyone I ever have; and it was right here that I first realised I loved you, so it seemed fitting to be standing here when I asked you if you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with me." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small box, and as he opened it he revealed a simple diamond ring. He looked up at her, desperately hoping he had read the situation correctly. Sam stood in shock, her mouth slightly open, as she realised what he was asking her.

"Oh my...really?" She muttered in shock.

"I want to be with you forever, you and our baby, and any more that come along after. I want to grow old with you, live our lives together, if that's what you want?"

"Ethan, I don't know what to say. You've made this so perfect, simply saying 'yes' doesn't seem enough; but yes, yes a million times over. I want all those things too, I can't imagine my life without you in it."

"So you'll marry me then?" He smiled finally.

"I've never wanted anything more in my life." She smiled back, as he slipped the ring onto her finger and she pulled him in for a long kiss. She had never been as happy in her life as she was right now. When they pulled away from their kiss, she looked down at the little sparkly diamond ring and smiled at him.

"If you don't like it, you can chose another one." He said quietly.

"Ethan, this is perfect." She smiled lovingly.

"It was my Mum's." He replied simply.

"Oh my gosh, really? But surely that's special?"

"Well, yes, but so are you. Mum would have loved you, I know she would approve."

"Wow, I appreciate that, I know how special your Mother is to you." She smiled up at Ethan and he smiled back.

"You know, that night you told me that you imagined the stars represented people looking down on their loved ones reminding them that someone loved them; well this is my star to you so that every time you look down at it you can be reminded of how much I love you and just what you mean to me."

"Oh Ethan." Sam breathed, as tears pricked in her eyes. "That's so beautiful."

"You're so beautiful you bring it out in me." Ethan smiled at her as a single tear slipped down her cheek. He leaned forward and gently wiped it away with his thumb, and she leaned in and kissed him deeply again.

As they reached Sam's flat she turned and looked at him.

"Ethan, this night has been so perfect, I never want it to end."

"It wont, not now we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, there's lots of time to make more special memories together."

"Ethan?"

"Yes."

"Spend the night with me?" Sam said, it was a request but with a hint of insecurity behind it.

"I'd love to." He said simply as they headed inside. Once through Sam's front door she tossed her bag down and turned and caught hold of his jacket and pulled him down for a loving kiss. Before long she had found her inner confidence and was leading him to her bed, kissing him all the way. Their clothes were soon discarded on the floor, with even Ethan not worrying about folding things up for a change, both entirely caught up in the moment and the wonderful feeling of the evening. They fell asleep blissfully happy to be in each others arms knowing that this was how they would spend the rest of their days, together, forever.


	141. Chapter 141

The next morning, Sam woke up before Ethan and when she remembered their perfect evening and she couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. She looked down at her hand taking in the ring, it was simple and classic, in her eyes just perfect. It meant so much because it was so sentimental. But she hoped Cal wouldn't mind Ethan giving it to her, what if he had planned the same for his future wife. Well, if it caused an argument between them then she would give it up, she didn't want to come between them. Little did she realise that it was partly down to Cal that she had the ring, having given Ethan the idea and permission a while ago.

Sam carefully crept out of bed, wrapping her robe around her, and went into the bathroom. Then she padded down the hall to the kitchen to make a coffee for her and for Ethan, as they were both due in work in a while. He was still asleep when she put the cups down on the bedside cabinet and slipped her robe off and crawled back into bed. She snuggled up behind him and kissed his neck and shoulder. He let out a small sigh in his sleep and she couldn't help but smile. He was so cute at times she thought to herself. She carried on kissing him until his eyes fluttered open, and he turned around to her, realising what was going on. Before he could really come around she had pulled him in for a good morning kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth and teasing him with it. He let out another low moan as she managed to get him ready for the occasion and they indulged themselves in a morning session.

They managed to drink their lukewarm coffee and quickly shower before rushing into work, narrowly avoiding being late for their shift; both of them rushing through the doors to the ED didn't go unnoticed by a few colleagues, especially with Ethan's wrinkled shirt which was very unusual for him.

They hadn't discussed going public with their news, there wasn't time this morning to talk much anyway, but Sam knew that as excited as she was, she should wait to reveal their engagement until Ethan was ready. She had left her ring at home anyway, where it would be safe. Both of them quickly threw their things in their lockers, Ethan gave Sam a quick peck on the cheek as he secured his stethoscope around his neck and slipped out of the door. Sam shut her locker and turned around, leaning back against it with a big goofy smile on her face, she let out a big sigh.

"That good eh?" Came a cheeky voice from the side of her. Sam turned to face Rita, who was stood with her arms folded across her chest, grinning at Sam.

"Better." Sam smiled.

"My office, now." Rita smiled back. "Go on, go!" She laughed, pretending to be forceful and managerial like. Sam walked towards Rita's office with Rita following on behind. Ethan looked up from where he was picking up the notes to see his first patient, worrying that Sam might be in trouble for being late, although technically they weren't late he thought. He wondered if he should intercept Rita and tell her it was all his fault, make up some reason, say his car wouldn't start or that he spilt his coffee on himself and had to change. By the time he went through the various scenarios he could use, Sam and Rita were already shut in her office, and he couldn't see what was happening. He hoped he hadn't got her into trouble.

"So?" Rita asked as she sat down at her desk.

"So what?" Sam smiled.

"The goofy, loved up look this morning, the big sigh, the dreamy eyes. I'm not blind you know."

"Oh Rita, he's just so perfect. I love him so much." Sam smiled that smile again.

"I can tell." She smiled back. "So, it didn't go unnoticed that you were almost late this morning, that's not like you two."

"I know you're fishing for details."

"So, can you blame me?"

"The thing is Rita, you're fishing for the wrong details." Sam smiled knowingly.

"Wait, what? What do you mean?" Rita asked confused.

"You're just looking for me to tell you about the sex this morning that nearly made us late, and yes, it was amazing, but what you should be looking for is the reason behind the amazing sex last night and this morning." Sam smiled as Rita waited.

"Well?" Rita said impatiently.

"Oh Rita, I shouldn't be telling anyone but I can't keep it to myself, I'm so excited. Ethan and I got engaged last night." Sam smiled widely. Rita stared open mouthed then let out an excited squeal and jumped up pulling Sam into a huge hug.

"Oh my god! Congratulations! I'm so excited for you both! That's amazing news! Oh I need to hear all about it, how did it happen, what's the ring like?"

"The ring is just perfect. It was his Mum's. How adorable is that. He loved his Mum so much, and to give me her ring, well that just makes it so special."

"And how did it happen?" Rita smiled.

"We'd been out for dinner and when we were walking home he stopped by the bridge where we stopped on our first date to look at the stars, and he said that was the spot where he first realised I was the one, and he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Oh Rita, it was the most amazing moment of my life." Sam sighed.

"Oh, I love it!" Rita squealed again, and Sam let out a small squeal too. "Oh, look at you. I'm so happy for you, for both of you." Rita smiled, hugging her again.

"Rita, you can't tell anyone though." Sam said seriously, breaking away from the hug. "I haven't spoken to Ethan about telling people yet, we didn't have time." She giggled.

"I wont, you know you can trust me. I knew for weeks about the pregnancy before it was public knowledge didn't I?"

"I know. I know I can trust you, and I just had to tell someone or I'd have just burst!" Sam laughed.

"Its such lovely news, really, I'm so pleased. Am I actually going to get any work out of you today though, or are you just going to be dreamy all day?"

"No, I promise, it's out of my system now, I'll get down to work." Sam giggled standing up ready to leave the office.

"Sam, is there any news on Ella?" Rita asked, not wanting to sadden the atmosphere, but needing to know.

"Well, they are just waiting for her to come around, so they can ascertain the extent of the damage. But there have been some positive signs."

"That's good to hear." Rita smiled. "Keep me posted yeah?"

"Will do." Sam smiled as she headed out of the office. Ethan looked up again from where he had deliberately loitered hoping to catch her to check she was ok and hadn't gotten into trouble.

"Is everything ok?" He asked, obviously concerned.

"Yeah, everything is fine Ethan, why?" Sam looked a little confused.

"Well, Rita taking you into the office like that. Was she cross because we were nearly late?" He asked still worried.

"No, we were just having a catch up." Sam giggled. "You're so cute Ethan Hardy." She smiled, squeezing his hand.

"Oh, right." He nodded.

"Come on, patients to see." She smiled, taking his arm and leading him back towards the admin desk. "Lets see, what do we have here? Abdo pain or headache?"

"Hmm, choices, choices." Ethan smiled at her, plucking a card out of her hand without looking. She grinned at him as he looked at it and sighed. "Headache it is." He said walking off towards the cubicle.

"It could be worse, it could be a toothache!" She called after him, laughing to herself.

Sam was happy, she almost felt lighter that day, like she was floating through her shift, even the odd time-waster and frustrating patient couldn't get her down, and when she popped upstairs on her lunch break, things were looking better with Ella, she was finally breathing without the aid of the ventilator, although she was still sedated, it was lighter sedation, and seizures had remained to a minimum. It was still a long road but again, the best news they could hope for. Sam practically ran out of ITU and rushed to phone Cal to tell him the good news. He was pleased but had to go quickly as Gracie was causing mischief and he seemingly couldn't hold a conversation with Sam and watch her at the same time.

Ethan meanwhile was having a frustrating time with his 'headache' patient. Mr Jackson was a semi-frequent flier in the department, often attending with minor ailments, mostly due to loneliness with a hint of hypochondria.

"So Mr Jackson, tell me about the headache."

"Well dear boy, if I need to tell you about a headache, maybe you shouldn't be a doctor." Mr Jackson laughed, showing his missing teeth.

"No, I mean when did it start, what type of pain and where?" Ethan sighed. He didn't mean to be irritated but the department was steadily filling up and he was here on a case which was only ever going to have one outcome.

"Its just here, a sort of dull ache." Mr Jackson said, not very helpfully, whilst laughing again.

"Have you hit your head, or had any vomiting?" Ethan asked.

"No and no."

"Any dizziness, confusion or changes in vision."

"No."

"Right. Well I'll just have a quick look if you don't mind?"

"Whatever you say doc." Mr Jackson laughed again. Ethan carried out an examination, but couldn't see anything to be concerned about. He prescribed Mr Jackson some pain relief and left him with advice of what to look out for and discharged him. He quickly wrote up his notes and moved on.

When Sam returned, she was treating a young woman who was having treatment for breast cancer, she had attended feeling unwell with a temperature and signs of a chest infection. Sam know from a short stint working in oncology that the young woman needed to be treated for sepsis as she may be neutropaenic due to treatment, so following the pathway she ensured she got the stat dose of antibiotics within the first hour and ran off urgent bloods. She went to get Ethan to review her urgently and while he was assessing her chest and sent her for a chest x-ray, Sam phoned the Oncology ward for advice on further management. She spoke to a very helpful registrar who reassured her they were doing the right thing and he would review the patient if needed when the bloods came back and admit her if she was neutropaenic. When Ethan exited the cubicle, Sam explained what the Oncology Reg had said, and Ethan was grateful to her for organising things.

Ethan went back to his patients, knowing he needed to discharge some as they were fast running out of space, but in his haste he forgot he was waiting on blood results for a patient and felt embarrassed when as they were leaving they casually said they were relieved the bloods were ok, and Ethan had to admit they hadn't come through yet. He told the patient to sit down again while he went to check, cursing himself for forgetting. It really wasn't like him. Luckily they were all fine, so the patient was able to go, but not without Ethan feeling completely stupid. Again, he wrote up his notes and carried on. He found he was getting a bit overwhelmed again, but luckily Sam was around, and saw on the board the numbers he had going on, and as if sensing Ethan needed help she kindly offered her assistance in a way that didn't make him feel like he needed it, more that she wasn't busy so could assist him. He handed over three of his patients who needed various tests doing which Sam could do and he got on with discharging a patient who had come in with a suspected fractured ankle but it turned out to be a sprain.

When it got to 3pm, Sam appeared holding him a coffee and a sandwich.

"Go and eat and drink. There is nothing urgent here and nothing is going to breach. You need a break, you haven't stopped all day." Sam said, kindly but firmly.

"Thanks." Ethan smiled, not arguing as he knew he needed 10 minutes just to eat and gather his thoughts again. He went to the staff room and flopped onto a stool with a sigh and ate.

Sam went back to check on the lady with the breast cancer, and noticed her breathing was becoming worse. Her sats had dropped so Sam put her on some oxygen and called for some help. Zoe came in and immediately became concerned. The patient didn't look at all well.

"She was stable about half an hour ago when I last did her obs, but she's rapidly deteriorating." Sam said as Zoe listened to her chest. "There is an x-ray on the system, it should be reported now, let me go and find it." Sam finished, whilst hurrying off to find the tablet for the x-ray and blood results. She rushed back seeing that things didn't look very good from both sets of results, and she cursed herself for not following up sooner. Sam showed Zoe the results and explained the treatment she had already given. Zoe prescribed some more IV antibiotics and as Sam was giving them, Zoe was straight on the phone to the Oncology Reg to secure a bed for the woman. When she was safely on her way to the ward, Sam stopped Zoe.

"I'm sorry Zoe, she really was stable only half an hour previously. I should have checked her sooner, or the results sooner." Sam said regretfully.

"Its not your fault, it was the nature of her body not having the resources to fight the infection. Its amazing how fast a neutropaenic patient with sepsis can go downhill. Your initial suspicion and swift action was correct."

"But if I'd checked sooner?"

"Just be thankful you caught it when you did, and you'd already got one lot of antibiotics into her. No one can say you did anything wrong." Zoe smiled kindly. Just then Ethan came back around the corner.

"Where is the woman with the chest infection?" He asked confused. "Did we get the blood results back yet?"

"She's been moved to the oncology ward Ethan." Sam said quietly.

"Already?" He asked. Sam looked awkwardly at Zoe and Ethan looked between them, feeling more confused. "What's going on?"

"She deteriorated quite rapidly, the infection really took hold." Zoe said, holding out the tablet with the x-ray result to Ethan; he took it, looking concerned at the obvious pneumonia showing. "Her CRP was over 300." Zoe said.

"I'm sorry Zoe, I-I don't know what to say, I should have checked sooner." He said, clearly upset and shocked.

"I've reassured Sam it wasn't her fault, don't make me do the same to you." Zoe smiled. "You both did the right thing. She got the correct tests done and the initial antibiotics, but she just was quite poorly due to the chemotherapy, her immune system was very low. In other words, it could have been you or Cal or Dylan or me treating her and the same would have happened." Zoe tried to reassure him, but deep down he felt partly responsible for not checking the results sooner, and it felt worse that Zoe had to swoop in and sort his mess out.


	142. Chapter 142

Ethan kept his head down for the rest of the shift, trying to remain focused on his patients and making sure he didn't miss anything else. Sam also tried her best to support him without smothering him; as hard as she took the deterioration of the woman, Ethan seemed to take it harder. Luckily, they didn't have long to go before they had tied their lose ends and were on their way back to Ethan's flat. They were walking along in silence, Sam desperately trying to think of something to say that would help, but Ethan seemed completely absorbed in his thoughts.

"So, I was thinking about next week, if you're still up for shopping after the scan, we could go down to the baby shop down on the retail park? They've got a selection of lots of things, furniture, prams, car seats, cots as well as clothes and essentials, what do you think?" Sam asked Ethan, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?" He asked, coming out of his trance but not having taken in what she said.

"Baby shopping?"

"What about it?"

"Do you still want to go after the scan next week?"

"Oh, yes, if you do." He smiled slightly, trying to show he was interested but clearly his mind wasn't there.

"Ethan?" Sam questioned.

"What?" He asked softly.

"Come on, talk to me." She replied equally as softly.

"No, its nothing, I was just thinking about work, wondering if I'd done everything I needed to before I left."

"Ethan, it will be fine. We tied up our loose ends and handed everything over." Sam tried to reassure him.

"I guess." He sighed, not really felling any better. "Sorry, you were saying about shopping?"

"It doesn't matter." Sam shrugged.

"No, come on. I'm sorry, you have my attention now." He said apologetically.

"It's ok, I just thought we could go to the retail park store, they have a little of everything, it might help us work out what we need." Sam finished quietly, feeling a little unsure of herself. She clearly hadn't picked the best time to discuss it, she had hoped it would take his mind off work, but it hadn't helped.

"Yes, that sounds like a plan." He said with a small smile which didn't reach his eyes. Sam looked at him, he looked weary and she felt bad for him.

"Ethan?"

"Yes."

"When are you planning to tell Cal about last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, about the engagement?"

"Oh, um, I don't know, tonight I guess."

"Ethan, do you want me to go home? I mean give you some space?" Sam asked, feeling like he didn't want to be with her tonight. She didn't want to leave him alone, but if he wanted or needed time then she knew she had to respect that.

"No. No I want you to stay. I'm sorry, I've been a little distracted, I just can't shake the feeling I've forgotten something." Ethan admitted. Sam slipped her hand in his and locked her fingers in his.

"Ethan, you can't do this. You know you can't. Nothing went wrong today, and nothing was forgotten. Trust me." She smiled supportively at him. He returned the smile, though again is didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Thanks. I guess I know that." He sighed, though he knew he'd forgotten about the bloods for the patient he nearly discharged without checking, Sam didn't know that. And he thought if he'd managed his time better then Sam wouldn't have had to send him for a break when he should have been reviewing the x-ray and bloods for the woman with the pneumonia. He felt a squeeze on his hand which broke his thoughts and he looked up at Sam to see she was looking at him with sad, wide eyes.

"Ethan?" She spoke softly. "What can I do to help you?"

"Nothing." He forced a smile. "I'm fine darling, honestly. Just fine." He squeezed her hand back and pushed his negative thoughts deep down inside. "Come on, lets get home, we have some news to break to my wayward brother."

"Aw, come on, Cal's not that bad." Sam smiled.

"Yeah, well you've always had a soft spot for him." Ethan raised his eyebrows teasingly.

"Jealous are we?" She giggled, pulling him along the road again, but he stopped and pulled her back again. She turned to look at him, wondering what he was playing at. He looked at her intensely, pulling her close, resting his hand gently on her cheek, he kissed her softly. As he pulled away he smiled and said: "Jealous of what?" flashing a cheeky smile.

"Point taken." Sam smiled back, feeling a bit flushed having been taken by surprise by his sudden public show of affection. They continued their way home Sam hoping that Ethan felt better and Ethan hoping that he had stopped Sam from worrying. They entered the flat quietly in case Cal was settling Gracie for bed; as it was, they needn't have worried, Gracie was sitting on the sofa with Cal, giggling and playing happily. Sam walked closer with a big smile and Gracie lifted her arms up to her and let out a loud squeal.

"Ma!" She squealed with excitement.

"Yes Gracie, Auntie Sam is here!" Sam laughed, picking her up into her arms and giving her a hug. "Aw, I've missed you." She sighed as Gracie snuggled in and both Cal and Ethan smiled at the sight. Sam sat down on the sofa and sat Gracie on her lap. "So what have you and daddy been up to today?" She asked the infant and Gracie babbled back to her, and Sam had a lovely pretend conversation, completely forgetting about the presence of the boys.

"I think we're interrupting girl time." Cal laughed to Ethan. Ethan smiled and nodded as he put down his bag and hung up his jacket. Cal went to the kitchen and came back with two bottles of beer, handing one to Ethan who had sat next to Sam and Gracie and was currently also talking to his niece.

"What do you want to drink Sam?" Cal asked.

"Oh, a cup of tea would be lovely Cal." Sam smiled. "How old am I? It used to be a glass of wine." She laughed.

"You could have a small one if you really wanted." Cal smiled.

"No Cal. Tea will be fine." She smiled back wider. When he returned with Sam's tea and a bottle for Gracie, Sam instinctively took the bottle and cuddled Gracie in to feed her. Sam relaxed back on the sofa and curled her feet up under her while Gracie snuggled in and guzzled her bottle and Sam sat there with a contented smile. "She's so gorgeous." Sam smiled down at her.

"I know." Cal smiled too, watching them. "She loves you."

"So she should, I'm the best Auntie!" Sam laughed.

"You are amazing with her." Ethan smiled, and Sam gazed at him lovingly.

"Oh, you two are off again." Cal sighed, then laughed.

"We're in love Cal, we can't help it." Sam smiled. "Besides, it's not like I'm going anywhere any time soon."

"What do you mean?" Cal looked at them with a confused expression on his face. Sam looked at Ethan and nodded at him to tell Cal.

"Cal, Sam and I, well we're, um, well we got engaged last night." Ethan smiled and let out an awkward breathy laugh.

"Really?" He grinned looking between the two of them. "Well it's about time!" He laughed. "I've only been telling him for months!"

"Yeah, well, I needed to time it right." Ethan huffed, embarrassed that Cal had made it sound like his idea.

"It was perfect Cal, worth the wait." Sam smiled, then she looked down at Gracie who was slowly drifting off while drinking the last of her milk. "He's made me the happiest girl in the world." Sam sighed, smiling at Gracie and stroking her soft hair as she fell asleep in her arms. Sam put down the bottle and continued stroking Gracie's head as she drifted off into a deeper sleep. "I'll just go and put her down." Sam whispered, slowly getting up.

"So, you did it then?" Cal grinned at Ethan as Sam was out of earshot.

"Yes." Ethan said tightly.

"What's wrong Ethan? You've been quiet since you got in."

"Nothing, just another busy day. I'm just tired."

"Ok." Cal shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. "Can you still drop Gracie at the crèche tomorrow? I'm on the early shift." Cal asked.

"Yeah, that's fine." Ethan replied, picking up some papers he'd brought home from work.

"What's that?"

"The report from Mrs Beauchamp about improving waiting targets. She wants us to hit a percentage or two higher, at least." He sighed. "I'm looking into radiology reporting to see if that will help us improve."

"Give us more powers to boot out the time wasters I say." Cal scoffed, and Ethan gave him a look. "What? You know the department is full of them!"

"Even so, sometimes they need treatment too."

"Alright Nibbles, chill out." Cal laughed causing Ethan to shoot a look at him. Cal had hoped using his childhood nickname would make him smile, not madder as it seemed to, especially since he hadn't used it for a long time. Cal sighed and drained the rest of his beer just as Sam came back. She sat back next to Ethan and picked up her tea, taking a large gulp.

"You're quiet boys, something I said?" Sam smiled.

"Ethan's grumpy." Cal said.

"I'm not grumpy." Ethan huffed. "I'm working." Sam and Cal exchanged a look of both surprise and concern. Cal frowned questioningly and Sam shrugged her shoulders slightly as if to say she didn't know what was going on.

"Is that a work report, anything interesting?" Sam said gently, hoping to coax him around.

"Just a report from Mrs Beauchamp. I'm trying to see if I can come up with suggestion to improve the waiting times."

"Oh, I see." Sam said, nodding. "Well, let me know if I can help in any way."

"Thanks." He said, barely looking up from what he was reading.

"Just don't overdo it, you don't want to be overtired tomorrow."

"I'll be fine." He said shortly. Sam looked at Cal for help but he just shrugged back, knowing if Ethan was in a mood then there was probably no point in battling with it, it was best to just let him sulk his way out of it.

"Shall I go and make us all some dinner?" Sam said getting up, she motioned at Cal to come too, and he dutifully followed. Ethan barely noticed that they'd left the room.

"What's wrong with him tonight?" Cal asked in hushed tones when they were in the kitchen.

"I don't know." Sam said looking worried. "He was quiet when we left work, but he's really snappy now, I guess he's just tired. He only had about a 15 minute break today and it was quite busy."

"Even so."

"I hope it isn't something I've done." Sam said trying to think back if she'd said or done something wrong.

"I'm sure it's not, don't worry. He gets these moods from time to time. Anyway, you'll have to get used to that from now on, future Mrs Hardy." He grinned at her, and she couldn't stop a smile forming on her face.

"Cal!" She grinned.

"What? You will be. You love it!" He laughed and she picked up a tea towel and flicked him with it, then started laughing too.

"Moods or no moods, I love him. He's perfect."

"I'm really pleased for you both. I couldn't imagine a better sister-in-law." He smiled at her. She looked at him sincerely.

"Coming from you Cal, that means a lot."

"Come here." He smiled, pulling her in for a hug. She hugged him back, enjoying the closeness and comfort she felt with her future brother-in-law.


	143. Chapter 143

A/N - I updated with ch142 yesterday but my notifications don't seem to be working, so it hasn't shown but it is there, anyway, just in case this gets a notification and you miss a chapter and it doesn't flow right I thought I'd say...

* * *

Cal was in work early the next day, and Ethan arrived after dropping Gracie off at the crèche as planned. The department was already busy, and both Cal and Ethan were thrown straight into the deep end with a multi-vehicle RTC. Sam was working in triage for the day, so didn't get a lot of opportunity to catch up with either of them. She was looking for the relative of a patient outside when she saw a woman lurking in the carpark who she thought looked vaguely familiar. She looked again, but couldn't place it, and she assumed she must have seen her in the department before. That was the thing with the ED, many people passed through, so you never knew when you would run into someone again.

She went back inside, unable to find the person she had been looking for, and Rita called her over.

"Sam, I'm glad I found you. I have a favour to ask."

"Yeah? What is it Rita?" Sam smiled.

"I need someone to give a teaching session on anaphylaxis tomorrow, can you do it for me?"

"Sure, have you got a particular session plan to follow."

"Yes, I'll email you over the presentation. Its in the conference room, the session is from 10 until 11:30. I really appreciate it."

"No problem, its been a while since I've done any teaching so it'll be good." Sam smiled and headed back into triage.

Meanwhile, Ethan was coming back through the doors of resus when his face dropped in a panic, his patient was arresting, but he couldn't understand it, she had been stable only moments ago. He rushed forward to begin compressions as Cal dived across to help. They worked on her for another 30 minutes, but nothing was working. Cal, who had taken over on compressions called to Ethan to call it.

"Come on Ethan, we've tried everything, she's bleeding out quicker than we can put it back in, she's been down for over 30 minutes, this isn't salvageable, you know that."

"No. No we have to keep trying, there has to be something." He said firmly.

"Ethan?" Cal gave him a look.

"No. Another cycle. Lofty, another adrenaline please." Ethan ordered and Lofty picked up another syringe of adrenaline, but not without giving Cal a look. Cal continued with compression for another 3 cycles, just to appease his brother, then he appealed again.

"Come on now Ethan, this is silly, we're not far off 45 minutes here. Its time to stop." Cal ended firmly but kindly. Ethan looked from Cal, to Lofty, then back to Cal and slowly nodded.

"Ok." He said quietly as Cal stopped the compressions. "Time of death 10:42." He let out a large sigh and stood rooted to the spot while Lofty started to tidy up around him. It wasn't until Cal guided him to the side of resus that he came back to earth.

"Ethan, we did everything we could, she suffered a massive trauma, you gave her the best chance, but it wasn't meant to be." Cal tried to soothe his brother.

"But you know yourself, hearing those words 'We did everything we could' doesn't always help."

"I know, but you did. You gave her every chance, and you shouldn't feel bad about that."

"I guess." Ethan sighed as he left the room to see his other patients.

Sam was walking on her way to get a mid-morning snack, when she came across Ethan.

"Hey, where are you rushing off to?" She asked, stopping him.

"Oh, just busy, lots of patients, you know." He smiled.

"Ok. Make sure you take your breaks today." Sam smiled, heading off.

"Doctor Hardy, a word?" Came Mrs Beauchamp's cool voice as Ethan continued on his way. He inwardly sighed, but would never show his feelings on the outside. He followed her to her office and took a seat in the chair opposite her. "Did you compile any more information on those reports I left you?" She asked.

"Yes, well, its not complete, but I've been gathering more information."

"Well, do you think they could be on my desk by 9am tomorrow morning?"

"Oh, um, yes of course." He stumbled out.

"Then I have another little proposal for you to look at." She said handing him another folder filled with paperwork.

"What's this?" He asked.

"The departments figures on ambulance hand over times. I wondered if you could put your meticulous mind to those next, see if you can come up with a plan for improvement." She raised her eyebrow at him.

"Y-yes, yes of course Mrs Beauchamp." He nodded, secretly wondering where he would fit it in among studying and the extra shifts he had been made to pick up. He stood up and made to leave.

"Oh, and I need you to cover the nightshift on Saturday." She said as he was heading out of the door.

"O-ok." He agreed, as he turned and left, not daring to say no to his clinical lead.

"There's the face of a man in trouble." Cal grinned, trying to keep the mood light, as Ethan came out of the office.

"What?" He snapped as he looked up.

"Nothing." Cal shook his head, realising he still wasn't in the mood for jokes. "you ok?"

"I'm fine Cal, just fine." He said picking up another file of notes and calling another patient through. Max was passing by wheeling a patient through to x-ray and raised his eyebrows at Cal.

"Someone's not happy. Maybe he needs a lads night!" Max grinned.

"I don't know about him, but I could do with one." Cal smirked.

"Well, let's so it. You're not working this weekend are you?"

"No. But I'd need to find someone to look after Gracie."

"Surely Sam will."

"If she's not working she might." Cal smiled, "I'll work on it."

"Maybe we should try and get Ethan out, loosen him up a bit."

"It'll take more than that to loosen him up at the moment. He's more hormonal than Sam." Cal laughed.

"No work to do Dr knight?" Came Connie's voice as she strode past and up the stairs, rushing off to yet another meeting.

"I'm just seeing my patient off to x-ray." Cal lied easily, grinning at Max and walking off.

Later that shift Cal caught up with Sam.

"Sam, I've got a favour to ask." Cal smiled.

"Oh yeah? Here we go." She grinned, reading his face.

"Hey, don't be like that." He laughed.

"If you want a favour you need to grovel Cal." She grinned.

"Sam, gorgeous, lovely, wonderful Sam, can you do me a favour?"

"What is it Cal?" She laughed.

"Can you look after Gracie for me this weekend? Maybe Saturday night?"

"Ok, I'm working until 6, but I can come straight around afterwards if you like?"

"Really? That would be amazing." He smiled.

"As long as its not for a hot date?" She looked at him questioningly.

"No." He said sincerely. "No, I just need a night out with the lads. Let loose for a bit."

"Well, as long as you promise me no funny business Cal, I'll look after Gracie."

"Sam, I promise, just drinks, maybe the obligatory visit to a strip club where I can look but not touch." He grinned and she slapped his arm. "Reall, no funny business, I promise." He said and she believed him.

"Ok, you've got yourself a babysitter." Sam smiled at him, giving his arm a squeeze, knowing he had been struggling a bit and a night out, as long as he behaved, would do him good. As Cal moved out of sight, Sam heard a commotion behind the curtains of a cubicle. She poked her head around to be faced by a woman shrieking and Ethan standing at the foot of the bed looking shocked as the woman continued to yell.

"No, I said not you, I said I wanted a female doctor. I'm not seeing a man!" She shrieked. Sam moved closer and tried to calm the woman, but the woman pushed her off.

"Hey, hey, calm down and I can find you a female doctor. It's fine, there's no need to yell and get so upset." Sam tried to calm her, motioning for Ethan to leave. He skulked outside the curtain feeling a little embarrassed and worried as he hadn't done anything but the woman was shrieking like he had. Once the woman had quietened down, Sam left the cubical.

"What happened?" She whispered to Ethan.

"Nothing, I just went in and introduced myself and she started yelling. I didn't know she wanted a female doctor."

"It's ok, I'll go and find Lily and explain, see if she will see her soon." Sam smiled. "Don't worry about it Ethan, some women are funny about discussing personal things with men, you don't know her history or anything." Sam said understandingly.

"I guess, look, I need to get on, will you find Lily?"

"Yes, I promise." Sam smiled, placing her hand on his shoulders and turning him around. "Go." She tapped his bottom with her hand as she pushed him away and giggled as he turned to make sure no one had seen and blushed.

Sam caught up with Lily and explained the situation to her about the woman who only wanted to see a female doctor and Lily agreed she would see her in a moment. Sam popped back in to explain this to the woman who suddenly seemed very grateful and appeared more fragile than when Sam had first been in. Sam hoped that she would get what she needed from Lily as she feared if the woman was hoping for a sympathetic ear, she wouldn't get it from her.

Sam passed Robyn as she was heading back to triage and stopped her.

"Robyn, have you got plans for after work tonight? I was thinking it'd be nice to go to the pub for a few drinks?" Sam asked. Robyn looked down at Sam's growing bump and gave her a look. "Obviously soft drinks only for me." Sam laughed.

"Yeah, lets do it. Rita will come too I'm sure, we can all have a good catch up. Its been ages."

"Looking forward to it." Sam smiled. The word soon spread and a few of the team agreed to head to their usual haunt from some post shift drinks to de-stress.

Later, Sam was eating her lunch, sitting on the sofa in the staff room with her feet up when Ethan came in.

"Well, well, is Doctor Hardy actually taking a break?" Sam smiled, with mock surprise.

"Very funny." He said with a small smile, sitting next to her with his sandwich.

"How are you hon, you look tired?" Sam asked, concern in her eyes.

"I am a bit tired if I'm honest." He replied.

"Maybe you should get an early night tonight?" Sam said kindly, giving his knee a supportive squeeze.

"I can't, I'm on shift until 8, then I need to have that report ready for Mrs Beauchamp for tomorrow morning. Then she's got another one for me to start work on." He sighed.

"Oh Ethan. Well at least you have the weekend off." Sam said, growing more concerned.

"Not anymore." He looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp said she needed me to cover the Saturday night shift."

"Ethan? You need down time too." Sam said.

"I'll be fine." He shrugged, "Honestly, I've done worse." He half smiled, to try and reassure her. She looked at him, he looked pale and tired and she was worried. He would push himself to breaking point if he carried on, but she also knew there was no telling him, he could be stubborn. She had to find another more subtle way to support him.

"Well, I'm babysitting for Cal on Saturday night, so I can do some cleaning and your washing then if you leave it." Sam offered.

"What? No, I can't leave that to you, its not your job to tidy up after me." Ethan said almost horrified.

"More like tidy up after Cal, but yeah I don't mind. You need to have time to rest."

"Well so do you." He responded.

"Fine, well I'll make you a nice breakfast for when you get in on Sunday morning and look after you, then I'll take Gracie out so you can sleep and Cal can get over his hangover." Sam smiled.

"I don't think you realise just how truly amazing you are you know." Ethan smiled at her.

"Its being with someone who is as amazing as you that brings it out in me." She smiled back. She leaned over and kissed him before draining the last of her cup of tea and after washing up her cup, she headed back out to triage. Ethan watched her leave, with a smile back on his face, thinking just how lucky he was.


	144. Chapter 144

A/N - I haven't got around to replying separately to the most recent reviews yet, so I will publically thank all of you for reviewing and following my story, it really means a lot that you are still reading and *hopefully* enjoying it.

Particular thanks to:

sweet-as-honey, Tato Potato, CBloom2, ETWentHome, 20BlueRoses who all regularly review

and to:

beckyboogle, Gillian Kearney Fan and RachelKatie14 who have also recently reviewed chapters.

and anyone else...thank you all so much xx

* * *

Sam, Rita and Robyn all left work at the same time that evening and headed over to the pub together, all chatting excitedly. It felt like ages since they had all been together. As Sam was walking across the carpark her phone beeped with a message. Her face went serious when she saw who it was from. She read it and a smile came to her face.

"Everything ok?" Robyn asked.

"Yes." Sam smiled. "Its Ella, she has woken up briefly a couple of times. She's very confused and disorientated, but things just keep getting better all the time. I hope this means she is through the worst of it." Sam smiled. "I know I still can't get my hopes up, but its a good sign right?" She looked hopefully to the girls for confirmation.

"That's great news." Robyn smiled.

"Its the best you could have hoped for." Rita agreed. "There's obviously still a long road of recovery, but its great."

"Something else to celebrate." Sam smiled. "Come on, the first round is on me."

The girls went inside and found a table and Sam bought the girls a drink, even though she wasn't drinking she insisted. She sat down with them and took off her jacket, revealing her little bump, causing both Rita and Robyn to coo over it, having not seen it so obvious yet, it was still fairly well tucked away in her work tunic.

"Oh, look, its baby Hardy. You have the cutest bump Sam." Robyn chuckled.

"Thanks. But I'm running out of clothes that I can fit into now, its just suddenly popped out in the last week or so." Sam smiled, placing her hand protectively on her bump.

"When is your next scan?" Rita asked.

"Next week, that's why I requested Tuesday off. Ethan and I are going shopping after the scan." Sam smiled.

"Aww, its so exciting." Robyn almost squealed.

"Speaking of exciting, I have something else that's kind of exciting to tell you." Sam said, catching Rita's eye and hoping she would go along with it.

"Oh my god, what?" Robyn burst out, barley able to contain herself.

"Ethan and I are engaged." Sam smiled broadly, as the girls both expressed their excitement. There were hugs and kisses all around, and a few odd looks from the other people in the bar.

"That's so exciting!" Robyn squealed for real this time as congratulations were passed between them.

"Thanks, I'm so happy, but I'm not quite ready for a full public announcement yet, so just between us girls for now yeah?" She smiled, unsure if Robyn's excitement would be able to hold it in. But she had asked Ethan if she could tell the girls, as they deserved to know after her not being able to tell them last time about their relationship, so at least he knew.

"A Wedding and a baby." Robyn grinned. "I love it all so much!"

"You're so funny Robyn." Sam laughed as the girls toasted. "It feels wrong doing this with a glass of orange juice."

"We'll treat you to a proper celebration when baby Hardy arrives." Robyn smiled, getting excited again.

"I have to be honest, its weird when you say baby Hardy, and sort of scary." Sam smiled. "It reminds me it is actually happening."

"Of course its happening." Rita laughed.

"It is quite cute though isn't it?" Robyn grinned. "Baby Hardy."

"Yeah, I guess." Sam couldn't hide the huge grin spreading across her own face.

Meanwhile, Ethan hurried straight home after finishing his shift, annoyed that he'd already wasted time having to go back once when he realised he'd left behind the paperwork he needed. When he arrived back at the flat, Cal was in the front room bouncing Gracie around, so Ethan headed straight into his room to get to work. He sat on his laptop, furiously typing up the report for Mrs Beauchamp. Suddenly he was aware of Cal popping his head around his bedroom door.

"Do you want something to eat?" Cal asked his brother carefully.

"Hmm?" Ethan said, lifting his eyes away from the computer screen for a moment.

"Dinner?" Cal said simply.

"No, I'm fine." Ethan shrugged.

"Ethan, come on, you should eat something." Cal said, looking concerned.

"I'm a bit busy to stop at the moment Cal." Ethan sighed, looking back down and resuming his typing. Cal pulled to door closed again, but returned ten minutes later with a sandwich, a banana and a cup of tea for him, placing it carefully on his bedside cabinet.

"Here, try and eat something." Cal said gently, and Ethan gave him a small smile, realising he was just concerned.

"Thanks Cal." He said as Cal nodded and left him to it.

Cal had already put Gracie down for the night, and returned to his spot on the sofa. He stood up again and went to shuffle through the post on the table. Then he went to look out of the window. He didn't know why but he felt restless. He picked up his phone and stared at the blank screen, then tossed it back down on the seat of the sofa. He was looking forward to his night out tomorrow, it had been a while since he'd been able to go out with the boys and he was looking forward to some drinks. He needed a bit of escape. He loved Gracie, but the responsibility he had suddenly been lumbered with felt a bit stifling at times. He felt guilty for feeling this, but he would challenge anyone not to feel the same. He was broken from his thoughts when his phone beeped with a message. He looked at it hopefully, then felt sad. For a split second he forgot himself and hoped the text might have been from Ella, then he remembered it couldn't be. He considered ignoring it, but curiosity got the better of him and he sat back on the sofa to have a look. Then his lips curled into a small smile. Sam had text to say Ella had briefly woken today and that she was going to pop in to see her tomorrow morning before her teaching session if he wanted to join her. He replied that he would pop up quickly if she let him know when she was going up. He looked up towards Ethan's bedroom door again. He had been shut away in there for a couple of hours now since he got home, and Cal was a bit concerned. He hadn't been himself for a few days or so now, and it seemed to be getting worse. He was tired and short tempered, and Cal didn't know what to do to make things right. Then he surveyed the front room, he didn't normally notice but it was a bit messy, with Gracie's things gradually taking over again. He got up and started tidying up, picking up nappies, bibs and clothes as well as Gracie's toys. Then he went to the bathroom and picked up a load of washing to set it going in the machine. He piled up the few dishes and then popped his head back around Ethan's bedroom door, making sure to knock first.

"Sorry to disturb you again, I'm about to put the dishwasher going, are you finished with your plate?" He asked carefully.

"No, sorry, I'll bring it out later and put it going, don't worry." Ethan said, barely looking up.

"Ethan, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Cal, stop fussing."

"Just don't stay up to late yeah?" Cal said concerned for his little brother.

"Night Cal." Ethan said as softly as he could manage. He knew Cal was worried but he didn't need to, Ethan just knew he needed to finish this report, and he hoped he was nearly done.

Back in the pub, Sam, Rita and Robyn were having a good old girly gossip, and were currently laughing at a story Rita had been telling.

"So then he came down the stairs in just my little silk dressing gown, which barely covered him, and he went outside to pick up the parcel and the door slammed shut behind him; but I was in the shower, so I didn't realise and he was outside banging on the door for a good ten minutes before I realised and let him in again!" She laughed.

"Oh my god! That's hilarious!" Sam laughed, wiping the tears away as Robyn was crying with laughter too.

"Oh, I'd have paid to see that!" Robyn laughed.

"He couldn't understand why I left him so long, but I was washing my hair! He sulked for the rest of the morning." Rita giggled.

"Oh men eh? Who'd have them." Sam giggled as her laughter calmed down.

"I would." Robyn sighed sadly.

"Robyn, you're still young darling. You need to get out and have fun first." Sam said kindly. "You only live once, don't waste your whole life being tied down to one man."

"Says you who's just got engaged and pregnant."

"Exactly, learn from my mistakes." Sam smiled, trying to make a joke of it, she could see Robyn felt a bit sad about being single. "Seriously Robyn, I'm older than you, and being with a man isn't everything, you have so much to see and do before you settle down. Decide what you want before you let someone decide for you." Sam said seriously. Robyn considered this for a moment, then smiled.

"Yeah, I could travel."

"Or climb the career ladder." Sam smiled back.

"Wow, we were about to get too deep then." Rita said smiling. "Too deep for weeknight pub talk."

The girls had a lovely time chatting and catching up, and as Sam got home to bed, although she was tired, she was happy, she had good work colleagues, a job that she loved, even if it frustrated her at times. She also had an amazing boyfriend, no fiancé, and they were expecting a baby. Things were finally looking up for her she thought. She sighed with happiness as she climbed into bed. She picked up her phone and sent a quick message before changing her alarm and settling down into bed.

Ethan's phone buzzed on his bedside table and he looked up. He finished typing the paragraph and then picked it up, smiling to himself as he read the message from Sam, which simply said: 'Good night to my perfect fiancé. Love you loads. Sleep well xxx' He sent his reply and was shocked to realise it was already 11:30, he was due in on a double shift tomorrow, but he still had more work to do. He put down his phone and continued working.

Sam's phone went off and she immediately checked it, certain it would be a reply from Ethan. She felt her heart skip as she read it: 'I love you too sweetheart. I'm the luckiest man alive to be with you. Good night to you and baby H xxx'

She sighed and drifted off into a blissful sleep with a big smile spread across her face.


	145. Chapter 145

Ethan was already in on his double shift, and already on his third coffee of the morning, not that he had really had time for coffee, but he had only managed a few hours of broken sleep and if he was going to get through until 10pm, then he needed the caffeine fix. He had already left the report for Mrs Beauchamp on her desk, as she hadn't been in when he started his shift, and was busy treating patients when he first heard the familiar sound of her heels on the floor. He hoped the report would satisfy her or he would soon hear about it, but he kept his head down and ploughed on. He had just seen Cal arrive with his usual swagger, and Ethan felt annoyed that he seemed to be well rested and looking forward to his weekend off. It wasn't Cal's fault of course that Ethan had lost his weekend off, but it still helped him to have someone to be angry at, as he couldn't very well curse his boss; well he could, but he wouldn't.

Cal had dropped Gracie off and was just slinging his stethoscope around his neck as he walked into the department. He checked his phone again, knowing that Sam was going to see Ella soon and he was hoping to slip away for ten minutes too. He selected his first patient and headed off to work. He was just showing a young boy and his worried mother into a cubical when Ethan came out from another looking cross and Cal could see why, he was covered in someone's vomit. He stalked past, muttering to himself as he went to get changed, and Cal couldn't help but smile to himself. Had his patient not been right there he would have definitely thrown out a sarcastic comment or two, maybe he would be able to make up for it later.

40 minutes later, when Cal had sent the boy to x-ray and taken bloods on two more patients, he got the message he had been waiting for. He snuck out and ran upstairs to ITU and met Sam outside the doors.

"Hey, you're not going to get into trouble are you?" She asked.

"No, no one will miss me for 10 minutes, I'll say I was running an urgent blood sample to the lab." Cal shrugged and Sam sighed knowingly. They headed through the doors together, Sam smiling acknowledgement at the nurse, who she recognised again from her own stay and from her visits to Ella. It also helped them both being in uniform, as staff were less fussed about being in ITU. They sat beside Ella's bedside, Caroline must have popped out as she wasn't there, but Sam thought she would catch up with her later. Sam instinctively reached out and took Ella's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze and started talking. She expected Ella to remain asleep, so as caught by surprise when her eyes flutter open and she mumbled something incoherent.

"Ella?" Sam questioned, and even Cal jumped to attention. They knew she had been awake, but it still took them by surprise, as each had fearer that they would never get to this point in time. Ella made another incoherent sound. "Shh, its ok Ella, its Sam, and Cal's here too." Sam said, looking at Cal to speak."

"Yes, I'm here too El's." He said softly. She mumbled again a little more urgently, like she was really trying to say something, but the sedation as well as the injury was still keeping her confused.

"You're ok Ella, just stay calm. We're right here, we'll be here when you feel better too, so no rush to say anything." Sam said soothingly, trying to calm her a bit.

"Mum." Ella managed to get out.

"She's gone for some fresh air. Don't worry, she'll be back." Sam smiled, squeezing her friend's hand, trying to hold back the tears. She hated admitting how hard it was to see her like this. She felt selfish, but it wasn't how she wanted to see anyone she loved. She wished so much that Ella would just wake up and be Ella again. Ella mumbled something else again, and managed to get the word 'home' out in a recognisable form.

"You will get home, but first you need to rest and recover a bit more. Just stay calm and let your body heal itself." Sam said again, swallowing heavily to stop the tears that were really threatening themselves to appear. Cal heard the wobble in her voice and put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. She looked up at him with a small smile, but he could see the tears in her eyes, and his heart ached for her. IT was horrible for him to see someone he cared so much about like this, he couldn't imagine how Sam felt, having come so close to losing her best friend. Actually he could, it took him right back to that day of the first fateful car crash, the first time he realised how much his brother really meant to him, how much he needed him.

"I need to get back." Cal whispered awkwardly. "Before Mrs B is on the warpath." He looked at Sam as she remained seated, and she nodded at him, but made no movement herself. "Will you be ok here?" He asked.

"I'll be fine Cal. Thank you." She smiled and watched as he left the ward, then she turned back to Ella, who had gone back to sleep. Sam sat holding her hand and looking at her friend, wondering if she would ever get back to how she was. Sam desperately wanted to tell her about the engagement and talk to her properly, but she couldn't, so she sat in silence, just holding Ella's hand until Caroline returned 10 minutes later. Sam stood and gave her a hug and they discussed what had been happening. Sam was pleased to hear the Ella was slowing improving her speech and memories, but she drew a massive blank about the accident and what had occurred before it. But it was a sloe progress and she tired very easily which caused her speech to worsen. But truly the recognised just how lucky she was, the quick action of the ED staff and the surgical teams had saved her life that night. Sam apologised to Caroline, but she had to go and deliver the teaching session for Rita, but said she would pop back after, before she started her late shift.

Ethan had now changed and gone back to his patients. He was actually doing well at getting through them this morning, though he would never have realised that himself. He was just leaving some notes to be filed when he heard Mrs Beauchamp call his name, and it actually sent a chill down his spine. He turned around and came face to face with her.

"Doctor Hardy. Thank you for the report. I haven't had time to read it properly yet but it shows great promise from what I have seen." She smiled at him and he relaxed and let out a breath.

"Thank you." He said simply, waiting to hear if there was more to come, good or bad.

"Well, carry on." She said as she started to walk away, the added: "and watch those breeches."

"Y-yes, of course." He called after her. He let out another breath to gather his thoughts and carried on, relieved that he seemed to have pleased her so far.

When Sam returned from her teaching session and had ben back up to sit with Ella, she headed downstairs to grab her lunch from her locker, and Ethan was again taking a rare break in the staffroom, clutching another cup of coffee. She smiled and went to sit with him.

"How did the report go down?" She said, taking a mouthful of her salad.

"Yes, I was up late last night working on it, but I think she seems happy with it."

"Well, if you've pleased Mrs Beauchamp then it must have been good." She smiled at him.

"Come here." He said, leaning over and wiping off a small bit of mayonnaise which Sam had got on her chin.

"Oh, am I being messy again." She giggled, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry."

"Its fine, it was cute."

"You're getting your own back now with the cute thing." Sam smiled.

"So, are you on until 10 like me?" Ethan asked.

"Yep, for my sins. I've just been and done a teaching session on anaphylaxis for Rita."

"Oh? That's good." He smiled at her. "Do you want to stay at mine tonight?" He asked her.

"I'm working tomorrow though, 8 to 6. You should get some rest."

"You're not on the rota as working." He asked confused.

"No, I swapped to have Tuesday off, I'm working Rita's day shift. Then I'm babysitting for Cal remember?"

"And you think I'm the one who needs rest." He laughed. "Even if you are working, you can come over. I can drop you into work in the morning."

"Ok, since you asked so nicely." Sam giggled, and pinched his coffee cup taking a small sip.

"Hey!" He laughed.

"Oh, I miss real coffee. Decaf isn't the same." She smiled. "See how much I'm sacrificing for your baby. No real coffee, no alcohol and no runny eggs! Its not easy." She laughed at him.

"It may not be easy, but it'll be worthwhile surely?" He asked.

"Definitely." She smiled. "Although maybe not worth the sickness at the beginning." She grimaced at the memory.

"I know, I'm so glad that's over for you. I hated seeing you so ill."

"I know you did." Sam said softly, smiling lovingly at him. Ethan drained the last of his coffee and apologised as he headed back out to his patients, and Sam finished her lunch then headed out on the floor to start treating patients. The rest of the shift went without too much drama, and Ethan and Sam finally got to the end. The dragged themselves into the staffroom to collect their things and Ethan pulled out his car keys from his bag.

"I've never been so glad to have driven to work." He smiled. "Come on." He put his arm around Sam's shoulder and guided her out of the staff room door, then as they walked to the car he slipped his hand into hers.

"I'm glad you drove too." Sam smiled as they got into the car. "I'm absolutely knackered tonight." Sam sighed.

"Straight to bed then?" He said looking at her sincerely, causing Sam to giggle.

"Ethan Hardy, you're so naughty." She smirked, making him roll his eyes mockingly.

"You." He laughed. "You're as bad as Cal."

When they got back to the flat, Cal had already gone to his room, and the front room was lit only by the glow of the lamp which he had left on so they wouldn't return to complete darkness. But Cal had left some dinner ready for them to warm up, which made both of the smile at each other. Cal could be really irresponsible and selfish, but he could also come through with little acts of thoughtfulness and kindness that just made them love him. They warmed up their dinner and sat at the table, eating hungrily and chatting quietly. Suddenly Sam reach out to a pile of paperwork, noticing some details on flats, and she looked at Ethan.

"Are you looking for a new flat?" She asked in surprise?

"What? No?" He wrinkled his brow in confusion. They looked at the brochures and information and then looked back at each other, they must be Cal's.

"Well, I guess he realises things are changing." Sam said quietly. Ethan nodded, but Sam couldn't help but see he looked a little sad. "At least the conversation will be a bit easier if he already realises."

"I hope he doesn't feel pushed out." Ethan replied sadly, feeling guilty about it. "I'm looking forward to our life together, but I do worry about Cal, and what it will do to him."

"Cal will be fine Ethan, I promise, and guarantee he will be visiting all of the time." She smiled. "And anyway, when we get a house together, we'll make sure we get one with a granny annexe, only it'll be Cal's annexe." She winked at him and squeezed his arm, causing him to laugh slightly.

"I hope he isn't too upset."

"I don't think he will be, maybe this is what he needs, to get out on his own and prove to himself he can do it. He has grown up more since getting Gracie, don't you think?"

"Yes, you're right, he has. But I hate not being there for him."

"Ethan, you will always be there for him, not living together doesn't mean you wont have each other. Cal knows he'll always have you, and now me too."

"You're amazing." He smiled, leaning in to kiss her.

"So are you." She smiled, kissing him back.


	146. Chapter 146

Sam finished her shift the next day and headed straight back to the boys flat to take over caring for Gracie, to allow Cal to have his much needed boys night. As she arrived, Ethan was just heading off for his night shift, she kissed him goodnight and headed inside. She heard Gracie grizzling as she walked into the front room.

"Hey, hey little girl. What's all this about?" Sam soothed as she reached out and took Gracie from a tense looking Cal.

"She's got a bit of a temperature. I've given her some paracetamol, but she's quite grizzly still. Maybe I shouldn't go out." He sighed, not knowing what to do.

"She does feel a bit warm still. What time did you give her the medicine?"

"Only half an hour ago." Cal said.

"Look, you go and have a shower and get ready. I'll try and calm her down and we'll see. I'm sure she'll be fine, you should go out and enjoy yourself." Sam smiled kindly. "You need a good night out." Cal nodded gratefully and disappeared into the bathroom. Sam stripped Gracie down to her nappy as the flat wasn't draughty, and she walked around the front room, whispering soothing noises to the unsettled little girl. Gradually Gracie calmed down, as the medication started to do its job and being in Sam's relaxed arms seemed to help settle her, so by the time Cal emerged from his bedroom ready to go, Gracie was dozing in Sam's arms.

"How is she?" He asked anxiously.

"Cal, she's fine. You know it'll be some viral bug she's picked up from another child at the crèche. Don't worry. I'll give her more medication and keep a close eye on her. Go out and don't worry."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"I'm sure. Oh Cal, can you move her cot into Ethan's room for me, then I can keep her close and monitor her easier. And then we don't have to disturb you in the morning." Sam smiled. Cal did as he was told and soon he was heading out to meet the others. Although he was still worried about Gracie, he knew he could trust Sam to care for her.

"Just call me if she gets worse, ok?" He asked as Sam was practically pushing him out of the door.

"Cal, I will. Stop fussing and just go." She smiled kindly. She sat for a while longer with Gracie in her arms. She knew she should put her down, but she just enjoyed the feeling of cuddling her. Gracie was cuddled into Sam's chest and Sam was curled up with her on the sofa, with a light blanket draped around them. Gracie's temperature had come down again, but Sam decided to keep the infant with her until she needed to give her the next dose of medicine and give her a bottle and change her, then she would put her in a short sleeved vest for bed.

She picked up her phone to text Cal to reassure him that Gracie had settled and her temperature was coming down, then she also text Ethan to simply say she was thinking of him. Then she cuddled back into the gorgeous sleeping infant in her arms, smiling to herself as she fell in love a little bit more with her niece. She got a semi-drunk reply shortly after from Cal, who seemed to be having a good time with the boys, and she couldn't resist sending him a humorous warning message to remind him to behave. However, Ethan must have been busy as by the time she put Gracie down and headed to bed herself she still hadn't heard from him. The next thing she knew it was 2 hours later and Gracie had woken again crying. Sam sleepily headed to the kitchen with Gracie in her arms to get a bottle of milk to try and soothe her, but Gracie wasn't after milk, and just fussed at the bottle, she just wanted comfort and cuddles, so Sam sat back down on the sofa and cuddled her and sang to her until she settled again. Finally she got her back down in her cot and went back to sleep herself. She slept lightly then, waking every hour to check on Gracie until Cal stumbled in drunk at 3am. Sam woke with a start, hearing the noise, but immediately worked out who it would be. She looked at the time and shook her head, then peered over Gracie's cot and looked at the sleeping little girl. She seemed a little more settled, and her breathing had settled, so Sam slipped out of bed quietly to check on Cal.

"Ss-orry, did I wake you?" Cal slurred, bouncing off the wall making his way to the kitchen. Sam smiled leaning against the wall with her arms folded watching him.

"Yes, but its fine. I've been sleeping lightly because of Gracie anyway."

"Is she ok?" He continued to slur but looked worried and Sam giggled lightly.

"She's fine Cal, don't worry. She sleeping, she's much more settled now. Here. let me do that." She said walking towards where Cal was trying to make a drink and moving him aside. "So good night?"

"Yeah, we ended up in the strip club down town." Cal grinned, then seeing Sam's disapproving look he added, "it was Max's idea!"

"You boys." Sam tutted. "Still at least there you could get what you needed without pulling."

"I don't know, Ethan did a good enough job pulling there." Cal laughed to himself, not really thinking what he was saying.

"What?" Sam's head snapped up.

"Hmm?" Cal said still being drunk and vague.

"You said Ethan pulled in a strip club?" Sam said, realising how ridiculous it sounded when she said it out loud.

"Oh sh-, did I?" He asked, Sam nodded. "Well don't worry, it was before he met you, and he didn't exactly pull in the strip club, it was just his ex worked there." He tried to salvage the situation, realising Sam was imagining the worst.

"She worked there? As in she was a stripper?" Sam asked in shock.

"Well, um yes, but he didn't know until we dragged him in there one night."

"I can't believe it." Sam almost laughed as she breathed the words out.

"Well, don't worry, it wasn't serious or anything."

"He dated a stripper? Not two words I would have put together, Ethan and stripper. Oh my god, she must have had an amazing body!" Sam almost wailed.

"Well, yeah, but that's not why Ethan was with her." Cal gave Sam an exasperated look, thinking it was so typical of women to start comparing themselves. Why didn't girls realise once an ex is an ex then that's it, no need to compare and dwell on it. If men wanted to be with their ex then they would. Why was there always this competition to prove they were better for you, and anyway, Cal knew Sam would win that argument hands down.

"No, I'm sure it was for her intelligent conversation." Sam huffed slightly, handing Cal his coffee, and realising Cal was laughing at her. "What?" She asked sharply.

"Nothing." He chuckled. Sam gave him a deathly look. "I don't know why you're getting jealous about it, she was nothing compared to you." He smiled, but although Sam stopped glaring at him, she didn't exactly come around as he had hoped. Deep down she knew she was being silly, but she was tired and hormonal, and she didn't know Ethan's ex was, well did that.

"He's obviously more like you than I thought." She said, coming around a little bit more, a slight smile playing on her lips.

"Hey, what do you mean?"

"Well that's the sort of girl I'd have said you would go for."

"She worked at the hospital when he met her. Look, it doesn't matter anyway, she's long gone." Cal sighed, following Sam into the front room and sitting beside her on the sofa.

"Careful Cal, if you spill that Ethan will kill you." Sam said watching him.

"I'm being careful." He said like a huffy teenager.

"I'm sorry Cal." Sam smiled a little more.

"What for."

"For being a silly jealous girl. I'm just feeling a little insecure I guess and hearing that your boyfriend dated a stripper, well its a bit unnerving." Sam explained.

"Don't you mean fiancé?" Cal grinned.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Sam smiled bit more, and Cal knew he was winning her around again.

"Ethan loves you more than anything, you know that." Cal smiled at her. "And I do too." He added and she smiled at him.

"I guess you're right." She said quietly, then stood up. "I'm going back to bed, don't spill that. And don't make a mess!" She said as she walked out of the room. Cal rolled his eyes. "And don't roll your eyes at me." she called back down the hall in hushed tones so as not to wake Gracie. Cal chuckled to himself at how well Sam knew him.

The next morning Gracie woke Sam up early, and Sam took her into the living room. She seemed a little brighter, as Sam let her play on the floor with her toys while she tidied round a bit and prepared Gracie's breakfast. She could still hear Cal snoring as she busied herself in the flat. Once breakfast was done and cleared up a weary Ethan was practically falling through the door to the flat. Sam looked up and Gracie squealed with excitement at her uncle and crawled towards him. Ethan scooped Gracie up into his arms, kissed her head then placed her on the floor and practically fell on the sofa.

"That bad?" Sam asked.

"Worse." Ethan sighed and Sam sat next to him looking really concerned.

"You wanna talk about it?" She said gently.

"No. No its fine really. I'm just tired."

"Let me make you something nice for breakfast then, like I promised."

"No, really you don't need to."

"Tea and Toast?" Sam smiled, catching his eye. "Its one of my comfort favourites, simple but true."

"If it'll stop you nagging." Ethan smiled back as Sam headed off to the kitchen. When she came back and handed him his plate of toast he laughed, she had cut the toast into heart shapes.

"What's this?" He laughed again.

"Love toast." Sam shrugged, trying to stifle her smile.

"Love toast?" Ethan laughed again.

"It made you smile didn't it? Even after a stressful shift. Now eat up and get to bed." She said, picking Gracie up to get her dressed and ready to go out.

"Sam?" Ethan called her back as she walked away. She turned to look at him. "Thanks." He smiled and she smiled back.

So, while Cal slept off the effects of last nights excesses and Ethan slept off the effects of last nights stresses, Sam took Gracie out to the park. They walked down to feed the ducks, they ate some lunch while sitting on the grass, watching people walking their dogs around the park. Gracie liked to watch the older children on their bikes and scooters, zooming around. Then later, Sam was pushing Gracie on the swings and she was laughing and squealing in delight, she loved the swings, and Sam loved watching her enjoyed them. After a swing they sat on the bench and had a snack, and a young woman came and sat next to them. Gracie looked up at her, staring.

"Ba, ma," Gracie said among her babbling.

"Hello beautiful." The woman said smiling at Gracie. Gracie babbled excitedly and tried to climb onto her. Sam pulled Gracie back onto her lap apologetically.

"Sorry, she's very friendly and likes meeting people." Sam said to the woman.

"Its ok, she's gorgeous." The woman smiled. "How old is she?"

"Ten months" Sam smiled.

"And you're expecting another already?" The woman asked.

"Oh, no Gracie isn't mine, she's my niece." Sam said.

"I see." The woman nodded. Gracie started to try to get to the woman again, and was getting frustrated, so Sam stood and popped her back in the swing. The woman followed.

"My daughter would have been about the same age, I imagine she would like the swings too." Said the woman sadly.

"Would have been?" Sam asked, knowing it was none of her business but sensing the woman wanted to talk.

"Sudden infant death syndrome they called it." She said wiping away a tear. "I'm sorry." She said, turning to go, and hurrying away. Gracie called after her and then started crying again. Sam picked her up, feeling confused by what just happened, but she was also concerned that maybe Gracie was feeling unwell again. She picked her up out of the swing and cuddled her close, then started to walk back to the flat.

When she came through the front door, Cal was up and slouched on the couch, looking a little worse for wear.

"Morning." Sam grinned.

"Da!" Gracie squealed as Sam handed her over.

"Hey gorgeous girl." Cal said to Gracie.

"Cal, I've told you not to call me that when Ethan is around." Sam smirked.

"Funny girl!" Cal replied sarcastically with a smile on his face.

"Is Ethan still asleep?" Sam asked.

"Yes, don't worry, there's plenty of time for us to have our liaison." Cal winked.

"Funny boy!" Sam replied with equal humorous sarcasm. "I'll cook you both some dinner tonight if you like?"

"Well, I'm not one to turn down a cooked meal." He smiled as he bounced Gracie on his knee. Sam crept towards Ethan's bedroom and peered around the door. He was sleeping soundly, and she was careful not to wake him, he needed the sleep. She looked at his face, even in sleep he looked pale and stressed.

Later that evening, Sam was in the kitchen cooking and had Gracie in her high chair with her while Cal had a shower. She had the radio on in the background, but not too loud, knowing Ethan was still asleep. Gracie was snacking on bits of fruit and Sam had let her have a pot of jelly which she had tipped out and was squeezing in her hands and laughing. Sam chuckled at the little girl as she sang along to the radio, while wiping off her hands. Suddenly a song came on which sparked memories of her dad, and Sam scooped Gracie up in her arms and turned the radio up very slightly and started singing and swaying around the kitchen with her.

"My Mum used to like this song too." Came Cal's voice as he came in the kitchen and leaned on the side, startling Sam.

"Oh, sorry, shall I turn it off?" Sam said.

"No, I think we should turn it up." Cal said, increasing the volume again.

"What about Ethan?"

"He's got to get up in a minute anyway. We need to educated Gracie on her Grandmothers choice of music."

"My Dad loved it too, we used to sing it when we were in the Garage fixing his bikes."

"Yeah, me and Mum used to sing it in the car." Cal smiled, then he started to sing along making Gracie squeal with laughter.

"So I will follow you wherever you go. If your offered hand is still open to me." Cal sang taking hold of Gracie's hand, then Sam joined in and he both sang along.

"Strangers on this road we are on, we are not two we are one." They sang then smiled at each other, and started laughing, particularly as Gracie was enjoying the entertainment. As they carried on dancing and singing in the kitchen, making Gracie laugh, the heard a cough behind them, as Ethan appeared and cleared his through to get their attention.

"Oh, sorry, did we wake you?" Sam said guiltily.

"Its fine." He said. "Its funny how I always seem to catch you two in these situations in the kitchen." He smiled.

"Could be worse, you could catch us in situations in the bedroom." Cal smirked, gaining him another slap on the arm from Sam.

"Cal!" She said, laughing. "Dinner will be ready soon, go and set the table!" She laughed.

"Thank you for this." Ethan smiled at her when Cal had left the area.

"Its nothing." Sam shrugged. "Someone needs to take care of you."

"Well I'm glad its you." He smiled.

"Do you feel better after a good sleep?"

"Yeah, I definitely needed it." He said. "But I probably slept too long and I wont sleep tonight now."

"There's a bottle of red there which might help." Sam smiled at him. "Go and sit down and I'll bring in shortly."


	147. Chapter 147

Sam and Ethan sat on the sofa alone later that evening while Cal was settling Gracie for bed, Ethan was feeling a little more relaxed thanks to a couple of glasses of red wine.

"Look at this?" Sam said shocked, pointing towards her stomach, which after a full meal seemed to have really popped out. "There's no hiding it now is there?" She laughed.

"It's beautiful." Ethan smiled, carefully reaching out to rest his hand protectively on her growing bump.

"Hopefully it wont be long until you can feel it move too." Sam smiled, resting her hand on top of his and linking her fingers through his.

"Are you feeling it more now?" Ethan asked.

"Yes, its still a bit odd, more fluttery than strong movements, but its definitely baby." She grinned at him, feeling excited, and he gazed lovingly back at her.

"I can't wait." Ethan said while holding her gaze, then leaned in and kissed her.

"Ooh, I can taste the red wine on your lips." Sam smiled. "Kiss me again." She giggled, pulling him back in for another kiss.

"That's a sneaky way to get your alcohol fix." Ethan laughed as he pulled away again.

"Its hardly a fix, it just tasted nice on your lips." Sam grinned. "Anyway, remember the sacrifices I'm making here."

"Yes, yes. I know!" He laughed. "No, alcohol, no caffeine, no runny eggs." He repeated the things she had mentioned missing the other day.

"Yes and no hot tubs either." Sam chuckled. "See, big sacrifices, all for your baby."

"Our baby." He corrected.

"Oh no, when its bad or depriving me of something I want then its your child." Sam laughed.

"Oh I get it, but when its perfect and sweet then its yours?" He grinned, teasing her back.

"Exactly." She smiled. "I'm glad you get it." She leaned in and kissed him deeply again. Their moment was broken hearing Gracie's cries becoming more desperate, and hearing Cal trying to soothe her; both of them looked towards his bedroom, feeling sorry for him as it really didn't sound like Gracie would be settling any time soon.

"How was she today?" Ethan asked, a little concerned.

"She was ok, we had fun in the park, we fed the ducks and played on the swings, the usual really." Sam said, then she thought about it. "Actually, there was something strange, which has played on my mind a bit." She said reluctantly, knowing how silly it would sound if she said it out loud.

"What?" Ethan asked, looking more worried.

"Well, its not really anything, but when we were having a snack on the bench, a woman sat next to us and it was almost as if Gracie knew her."

"Knew her?" Ethan wrinkled his brow.

"Yes. I know its silly, but she got excited and started babbling, like she does when one of us gets home. Then she was desperately trying to get to her. It turns out the woman lost her daughter who would have been about Gracie's age to SIDS, and when she admitted this, she was understandably upset, and hurried off and then Gracie got even more hysterical."

"But that doesn't really mean anything."

"I know, its just weird, like something doesn't sit right. I can't explain it." Sam sighed.

"Did you recognise her?"

"Well, that's the odd thing, part of me feels like I did, but I can't say I knew her, or obviously recognised her, there was just something about her. You know when you get that odd feeling? Like 'Female Intuition'?" Sam asked, and Ethan gave her a strange look.

"Funnily enough, no. I don't often get female intuition." He smirked.

"Ok, you know what I mean." Sam huffed.

"I doubt its worth worrying about." Ethan tried to reassure her. "It was probably just you wanting to help, or maybe you treated her, or someone with a similar story and it all feels a bit familiar. What are the chances of any prior connection? Very slim."

"Yeah, maybe." Sam said, still somewhat unsure. "I guess you're right. I told you it was stupid." She shrugged.

"No, not stupid, just your mind playing tricks. I'm sure." Ethan smiled, as he rubbed his thumb over her hand.

"Do you think I should offer to help Cal?" Sam asked, still hearing Gracie crying?

"No, he'll be fine." Ethan said, wincing as Gracie's scream went a bit higher.

"No, I can't sit and listen to that. I feel bad for him." Sam said, moving Ethan slightly so she could stand up. "I'll take him in some more medicine for her, just in case."

As she crept into the bedroom with a syringe full of medicine ready, Cal was desperately pacing the bedroom with the crying infant.

"I'm sorry, she wont settle." He said, looking desperate.

"Its fine Cal, you're doing fine." Sam said gently. "Here?" She said offering the syringe, which Cal gratefully accepted. Sam picked up the thermometer and popped it in Gracie's ear. She wriggled and kicked but Sam eventually got a reading. "38.4 Cal. She's clearly brewing something. Maybe a little ear infection." Sam said gently as Cal gave her the medicine slowly, so she didn't spit it out.

"What am I doing wrong?" Cal asked, concern showing all over his face.

"Nothing Cal. She's feeling poorly, and crying is her way of telling you that. Think how bad you feel when you're ill, then imagine not being ale to say, 'help me, I feel ill'. That's how Gracie feels. You're doing fantastic."

"It doesn't feel like it." Cal said, partly stressed and partly sulky.

"Let me take her for a minute and you go and prepare another bottle, see if some warm milk will settle her. Have you got clean dummy?" Sam asked as she took the crying infant from Cal's arms.

"No, she spat it out. I'll bring back another one."

Just as Cal was saying this and turning away, Gracie made the funniest sound from her bottom. She stopped crying for a moment, likely shocked by the sudden announcement that came from her, then started crying again. However, Cal and Sam looked at each other with half disgust and half amusement on their faces, then they both burst out laughing.

"Excellent timing Auntie Sam. You can sort that while I sort the bottle." Cal laughed.

"Gee, thanks Daddy!" Sam laughed back, trying to be sarcastic but unable to get the tone out through the giggles. She picked up the change bag and laid Gracie on the floor but as she removed the nappy, she realised this was probably going to take more than a few wet wipes to clear this mess up. Then she thought about it, a little bath might help relax Gracie a little. She scooped Gracie back up and walked through to the bathroom and ran a little bath for her, cleaning her up as best she could before popping her in and calling Cal in.

"I thought a bath might help calm her, plus, she was filthy." Sam grinned. "Obviously takes after her Daddy."

"Thanks." Cal chuckled, relieved at the great timing of the incident. Ethan popped his head around the bathroom door to see what was going on, and When Gracie saw him she stopped Grizzling and smiled and kicked her legs in the bath. Cal looked at Ethan and wondered why he was so special that just simply appearing made Gracie smile.

"Don't look so offended Cal, she obviously likes Uncle Ethan the best, babies always like the ones who can pull the silliest faces." Sam laughed.

"Yeah and Ethan doesn't have to try." Cal chuckled.

"Hey, I was only coming to help, but if all you're going to do is gang up on me, I'm going again."

"No, stay Ethan, she's calmed down since you came in." Sam said, shifting her position on the floor to try and get more comfortable. She had Gracie laying back on her arm in the bath, and she was gently massaging her tummy to try and relax her. Maybe Gracie felt a bit better after the huge nappy explosion, Sam thought to herself, or maybe the medicine was already doing its thing.

45 minutes later, Cal was back in the bedroom with a clean and more relaxed Gracie, giving her a bottle and Ethan and Sam were back in their place on the sofa, curled up with each other, with the tv on in the background.

"So, how's your next report for Mrs Beauchamp coming on?" Sam asked Ethan.

"I haven't really started the second one yet. I guess I should probably do it tonight." He sighed.

"No Ethan, leave it tonight. You need to switch off sometimes. Did she feed back on the other one?"

"I haven't seen her. She was off this weekend."

"Well, if she can have time off, she should expect you to have some down time too. What was the second one on anyway?"

"Ambulance handover times."

"Oh, well I guess its on topic, it was on the news the other day wasn't it, a couple of Trusts were on Black Alert and Ambulances were queueing up outside, some were waiting over an hour to hand over patients weren't they? But we haven't been that bad have we?"

"Well, I don't think we've taken as long as that, but I guess sometimes we could do better. That's what she wants me to look at, see if we can streamline the process and improve things."

"Without spending any more of the budget obviously." Sam smiled knowingly.

"Preferably cutting the budget." Ethan smiled back.

"I'm sure with that amazing brain of yours you'll come up with something that will please her."

"Well, I don't know about that."

"I do. You have the most amazing brain I've ever known, among other amazing qualities too." Sam smiled, and pulled him in for another kiss.


	148. Chapter 148

Monday morning soon came around and Ethan was back at work. Sam had started earlier that morning, and was already standing at the nurses station talking to Charlie and Rita.

"Well, I guess the easiest chop to the budget is one of us three." Sam sighed, "and as last in, I guess it'd be me first out."

"No, Charlie is more expensive than us." Rita pointed out.

"But his experience can't be bought." Sam bounced back.

"But you could get two nurses and probably an auxiliary for the cost of Charlie."

"I am standing here you know." He smiled cheekily. "Besides Rita, its your job to fight for us now, prove you need us."

"Yeah, yeah." Rita rolled her eyes laughing. "Prove to me why I want to fight for you."

"Because I live and breathe this place." He laughed, walking away to collect his first patient.

"Seriously Rita, are we in trouble job wise?" Sam asked, slightly concerned.

"No Sam, we are looking to tighten control of spending, but not cutting jobs. Don't worry." She said, giving Sam's arm a squeeze. Sam smiled weekly in return but wasn't filled with confidence of a secure position, and as she headed off to find her patient, she decided she would need to prove that she was a worthwhile asset to the department, somehow.

At that moment, Ethan hurried past juggling 3 different sets of notes, trying to sort them into some sort of order, but sending them cascading onto the floor in the process. He cursed himself and huffed loudly as he bent down to pick them up. Sam stopped to help him, resting her hand on his arm as they crouched onto the floor collecting the notes.

"Are you ok?" She said standing up with a sigh, resting her hand on her hip.

"Yeah, I just need to get on. I need bloods from Mr Henderson, an ECG and x-ray on Mrs Gregory and Miss Jones here needs a full neuro examination." Ethan hurried out, standing up and shuffling through the notes.

"Would you like some help?" Sam asked kindly.

"Would you? I mean could you?"

"Sure, let me see to Mr Henderson's bloods, then I can do Mrs Gregory's ECG and send her to x-ray." Sam smiled, taking their notes.

"Um, actually, could you do them the other way around?" Ethan asked sheepishly.

"Sure." She smiled, putting him at ease. "Whatever you say, you're the boss." She headed off to do as required, and Ethan headed off to see Miss Jones.

20 minutes later, Sam was back having done the ECG and sent Mrs Gregory off to x-ray with Max, and she'd taken Mr Henderson's bloods and sent them to the lab; she was now taking through another of her patients, Mr Jackson who had seen Ethan the other day was back. Sam recognised him from other visits, but didn't think he wasn't as sparky today as normal.

"Mr Jackson, to what do we owe this pleasure?" She smiled. Although he was classically what would be known as a 'time-waster', Sam had a soft spot for the older man. She knew he meant no harm and was mostly just lonely.

"Dear girl, its these headaches, they are getting me down. Even your beauty and grace don't move them on their way." He smiled. Normally his comments like this would evoke laughter but not today, he didn't seem to be himself.

"Well, lets get a set of obs done and we'll go from there." Sam smiled kindly, helping him on the bed. She wrote down his obs, noting his blood pressure was a little high, then skimmed through his recent notes. "Mr Jackson, it says here you were in with similar symptoms the other day?" She asked, noticing Ethan's unmistakable handwriting in the notes.

"Yes, the brainy doctor saw me but said it was ok, gave me some pills he did, but its still happening."

"What's still happening?"

"Well the headaches dear girl."

"Is there anything else going on? I mean, any other worrying symptoms?" Sam asked. Mr Jackson stared vacantly at her, almost as if he was looking through her. "Mr Jackson?" She asked more firmly, touching his shoulder. He snapped back to attention.

"Hello there dear girl, you're looking well." Mr Jackson smiled slightly, seemingly having forgotten the conversation they had been having.

"Mr Jackson, other than the headaches, have you been experiencing anything else worrying?" Sam asked, building her own picture.

"I don't think so." Mr Jackson shrugged.

"Right, well, I'll get some bloods sent off and I'll go and get a doctor, ok?" Sam smiled reassuringly at the old gentleman.

"You're a peach, dear girl." He smiled back. Sam had a few other patient's on the go, but true to her word she sent Mr Jackson's bloods off urgently and went to see if Ethan had finished with Miss Jones. She caught up with him by the nurses admin desk.

"Ethan?"

"Sam, thanks for seeing to Mrs Gregory and Mr Henderson." He smiled.

"That's ok." She rushed to get onto to the next part. "Ethan, Mr Jackson is back, your patient with the headache the other day. But he doesn't quite seem himself today. His blood pressure is a bit high and I've sent urgent bloods. I can't say what it is but he's not _himself."_

"Female intuition again?" Ethan asked, smiling and teasing her slightly.

"No, well maybe, but I'm serious Ethan." Sam said without raising a smile, which concerned Ethan. He knew that, like Cal, she couldn't resist a good joke or laugh at his expense, so if she couldn't raise a smile then she was really worried about something.

"Well, has he reported anything different in his symptoms?" Ethan asked hurrying off towards Mr Jackson's cubical with Sam.

"No, he says its just still the headaches, despite the medication. But when I was talking to him he went vacant and stared right through me then forgot we had already been talking and greeted me as if we'd only just seen each other."

"Right." Ethan said, taking back the notes and flicking through them looking for something, anything that might help him. Just then Max wheeled Mrs Gregory back from X-ray.

"Sam, Mrs G here is back." Max smiled easily.

"Max, its Mrs Gregory, not Mrs G." Sam scolded the younger porter slightly.

"Hey, Mrs G and I are old friends." Max said unaffected by being corrected by Sam.

"Sorry Mrs Gregory." Sam smiled at the older woman.

"No, its fine really, Max and I are old friends." She laughed. "He went to school with my son."

"Oh I see. Well Max, pop her back to her cubical and we'll be in to review her shortly." Sam said easily, hiding her concern for Mr Jackson. Ethan and Sam headed into Mr Jackson and immediately jumped to attention. He was clearly in the middle of a seizure. Once Mr Jackson started to come to, Sam looked at Ethan, seeing the look of concern and the lines of worry across his face. She felt for him, knowing what he must be thinking. Just as he seemed to be settling Mr Jackson went off again, this time managing to bite his tongue and make it bleed. They managed to get him stabilized and into Resus, where Dylan and Lofty were working together, and they handed Mr Jackson over to them, Ethan asking Dylan to make sure he not only got an urgent CT of his head, but that he also let Ethan know the outcome as soon as he knew. Sam was helping Lofty get Mr Jackson settled, and as he came around a little more, despite being somewhat post ictal, she promised him she would come back and check on him after his scan. She looked at the older man with sadness in her eyes, he looked frightened, and this wasn't something that she was used to seeing in the normally cheerful man. But then she looked at Ethan, who was now heading back towards cubicles with his shoulders slumped, looking disappointed and low, and she felt even sadder. She could tell he felt like this was something he should have picked up before. She smiled slightly at Lofty, and headed back out after Ethan, calling out to him, but he carried on walking, either not hearing or deliberately blocking her out, she didn't know which, but she decided maybe she would give him time, he obviously needed time.

She continued on with her patients, and popped back in to check on Mrs Gregory. Sam recorded another set of obs and checked she was still ok. Mrs Gregory was reporting some more abdominal discomfort, so Sam fetched her some pain relief until Ethan could review her test results. Though she did realise Ethan seemed to have gone awol, she hadn't seen him since he left Resus, but she guessed he must have taken a break, although it wasn't like Ethan to disappear on a break without saying something, or without her needing to nag him, but maybe he recognised he needed time out for a change.

Sam saw Lofty wheeling Mr Jackson back from his scan and she hurried back into Resus, despite Dylan looking a little annoyed at her barging in again, she brushed straight past him towards Lofty.

"So Lofty? What's the verdict?"

"Well," Lofty started, pulling Sam over to the far corner of Resus, away from Mr Jackson. "It looks like there is an abnormal area, a probable tumour the radiologist thought. Obviously its not confirmed yet though." Lofty said in hushed tones.

"What are you two whispering about over there." Dylan said, getting annoyed and standing with his hands on his hips, as he often did when expressing his displeasure or impatience.

"Dylan, please, don't tell Ethan just yet." Sam pleaded.

"Don't tell him what?" Dylan asked.

"About Mr Jackson's probable tumour. Let me find him and tell him." Sam suggested.

"Well, whatever works for you." Dylan shrugged showing his indifference and heading over to look at the scan results in more detail.

"You're really worried about him aren't you? Ethan I mean." Lofty asked.

"I am Lofty. I have a bad feeling he's going to blame himself for this, because he saw Mr Jackson the other day with headaches and discharged him with painkillers."

"Well, if he had no reason to suspect anything, he did nothing wrong."

"You know that, and I know that, but I'm not convinced Ethan will see it that way." Sam sighed.

"Well, I can tell him?" Lofty offered.

"Oh, that's kind Lofty, but it might be best not to say anything for the moment."

"Ok." Lofty smiled, shrugging. "But if you need any help." He offered, making Sam smile, before he turned back to Mr Jackson.


	149. Chapter 149

Sam had just finished catheterising a patient when she heard Max shout. She quickly pulled off her gloves and apron and excused herself from the patient. She ran towards Mrs Gregory's cubical and saw Max in a panic shaking her and shouting her name. She was pale and clammy, she looked grey and clearly was very unwell. Sam shouted to Max to go and find Ethan now as she laid Mrs Gregory flat and felt her pulse. She was just attaching her to the monitor when Ethan came rushing through followed by Max.

"Max, go fetch the defib." Sam ordered and Max rushed off again.

"What's happening?" Ethan asked, wanting a catch-up since the last time he saw Mrs Gregory she was stable.

"I don't know Ethan, her ECG was ok earlier, when I checked her about half an hour, no 45 minutes ago, her obs were stable, but she had abdo pain so I gave her some pain relief, but she seemed ok. I don't know what happened?" Sam said, feeling almost as confused and upset.

"Right." He nodded, whilst listening to her heart and lungs and feeling her abdomen. Sam stood momentarily feeling helpless, then Max reappeared with the defib, so she attached it to Mrs Gregory, feeling fairly certain she was going to arrest by the look of her.

"What's happening?" Max loitered, feeling worried.

"Max, you need to go, let us get on with it, you shouldn't be here. In fact, can you find us some help, get Cal or someone?" Sam said urgently, while Ethan continued his assessment.

"Cal isn't here today." Max said, his eyes glued to Mrs Gregory.

"What do you mean he isn't here?" Sam asked.

"He had to stay home with Gracie or something." Max shrugged.

"Ok, well, help us take her through to resus in a minute to Dylan and Lofty, then you need to go, ok." Sam smiled at him. Once Ethan was satisfied, they moved her quickly into resus. Max did as he was told and disappeared, not wanting to see anything he didn't have to when it came to Mrs Gregory. Sam looked up and saw Mr Jackson, still in resus and still looking quite unwell, then she mentally kicked herself; now Ethan was here, he was sure to ask or find out about his scan.

They worked on stabilising Mrs Gregory, and after further investigation Ethan realised they were looking at a tamponade likely caused by pericarditis. He looked gravely at Sam and then they instinctively set up for a pericardiocentesis. Sam could see Ethan's hand shaking slightly as he picked up the needle to insert, so she gently put her hand on his arm so he would look at her and she nodded and smiled supportively to encourage him. It seemed to help as with a new level of steely determination, he performed the pericardiocentesis without a hitch and drained the fluid that had accumulated. He left the drainage tube insitu while he phoned the cardiac ward for an urgent referral. Sam had been called away to look at a wound for another nurse, they wanted some further management advice, so when Ethan got off the phone and turned around to speak to her she was gone. Suddenly the cardiac monitor went off again, and Mrs Gregory had arrested. Ethan, Dylan and Lofty started working on her, and despite all best efforts, they couldn't bring Mrs Gregory back. She was pronounced dead shortly afterwards. Ethan stood in shock as Dylan said he was going to call it, unable to argue, he had no words. She was stable and talking only an hour ago, and now she was gone. He couldn't understand it.

"Dr Hardy, you will need to move at some point." Dylan said walking around him for the third time.

"Oh, right, um, sorry." Ethan said, coming back to the room and accidently looking straight at Mr Jackson.

"Yes, well, you're in the way here." Dylan said.

"Are, um, are Mr Jackson's scan results back yet?" Ethan asked, almost scared to hear the answer.

"Yes, we are waiting for a neurosurgical consult for him."

"W-why?" Ethan asked, though deep down he knew the answer.

"There's an abnormal growth." Dylan said matter of fact as always.

"A tumour? You mean?" Ethan said in shock.

"Yes, a tumour, likely malignant." Dylan speech style remained the same, despite Ethan's obvious distress over the diagnosis.

"Dr Keogh, why didn't you tell me about the scan?" Ethan asked.

"Well, I thought Sam was going to tell you." Dylan said, standing with his hands on his hips again.

"Sam knew?" He almost whispered.

"Yes, she told Lofty she was going to tell you about it."

"Right." He nodded shakily, as he headed out of Resus.

* * *

Sam was outside, having a break. She hadn't managed to find Ethan after assessing the wound, but she had heard the news about Mrs Gregory. She cursed herself for leaving Resus, not that she would have made a difference to the outcome, she knew that, but then she would have been there for support. She sipped on her tea and breathed in the fresh air then something caught her eye. Cal was hurrying around the corner with Gracie in his arms.

"Cal!" She called, standing up and heading over to him. "Cal, what's wrong?" She saw the concerned look on his face and she hurried over faster.

"It's Gracie." He choked out.

"What's wrong?" She looked panicked.

"She's not right, her temp is up and wont come down, she's not herself at all." He said looking worried.

"Right, lets get her inside then." Sam said ushering Cal through the doors as if he was any other worried parent. "You get her booked in Cal and I'll take her through and get some obs done." Sam smiled reassuringly. She carried Gracie through to an empty cubical and checked her over. Cal came bursting back through, looking worried.

"You're worried aren't you? What's wrong with her?" He asked Sam.

"Cal, calm down, I'm worried because you're worried. You're a doctor, if you think there's something wrong then I'm going to take you seriously."

"Where's Ethan?" Cal asked, suddenly feeling the need to have his brother present.

"Ethan's a bit busy at the moment." Sam lied, not really knowing where he was, but also concerned that he needed some time out, and realising his niece was ill wouldn't necessarily help the situation. "How about I find Charlie and maybe Zoe will be back shortly?" Cal nodded at her, taking Gracie back from Sam and cuddling her. Moments later Charlie was coming through the cubical curtains, followed by Zoe shortly later. By this point, they were having trouble keeping Gracie awake, she was very subdued and her temperature was now 40.1 despite regular medication to bring it down. Zoe was concerned enough to take her through to the HDU cubical area with Charlie; while Cal hurried behind seemingly becoming more panicked as the moments passed. They were trying without success to get a line in to take urgent bloods and to rehydrate her. Sam knew Ethan should be informed, but she was concerned how he would take it, and she hadn't told him about Mr Jackson yet. But her priority was letting him know about Gracie, Cal needed him, and she knew he'd be angry if he thought Cal was in with Gracie and no one told him. She searched around the cubicles and the nurses admin desk but he wasn't there, he wasn't near reception and as she was getting more worried, she finally found him in the staff room.

"Ethan." Sam said, slightly out of breath. "Ethan its Gracie."

"What?" His head snapped up. "What about her?"

"She's not well, she's in HDU with Cal."

"Oh my-" Ethan started as he jumped up and rushed out of the door, closely followed by Sam. He burst through the doors of the HDU just as Zoe was preparing to use the IO Gun to get a line into Gracie. Cal was stood glued to the spot looking worried and Zoe gave Ethan a look that said 'don't interfere and stay quiet', but Ethan just made his way over to Cal and placed his hand carefully on his shoulder.

"Cal?" He asked quietly.

"Oh, Ethan. What if she...what if?" Cal choked out, but he didn't need to say what he feared, Ethan knew. He stood next to his brother, both of them knowing what was coming next, they both flinched as Zoe drilled into Gracie's bone to get the bloods out and fluids in that were required. She had just successfully taken the bloods and was about to start the fluids when Gracie started fitting.

"What is it? What's wrong with her?" Cal shouted, getting even more panicked.

"Hey, hey. Cal calm down." Ethan tried to soothe him while Zoe and Charlie attempted to stop her fitting, but Cal just shrugged him off.

"Calm down?! How can I? My daughter is ill, Ethan, seriously ill. How can I be calm?!" Cal said turning and heading straight back through the doors of the HDU. He needed to get out and clear his head. Ethan looked around, not really sure what to do, Sam wanted to comfort him, but before she could open her mouth, Ethan had walked out too. Sam looked back to Gracie, moving closer to her. She had stopped fitting now, but she looked so fragile, lying in just her nappy, an infusion line running fluids and medication into her. Sam reached out for her little hand, but Gracie barely moved. Charlie put his arm around her shoulder, noticing a tear sliding down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly and sniffed.

"Charlie, she has to be ok." Sam said quietly.

"I'm sure she will, you know we will do everything for her." Charlie said reassuringly.

"And what about them two?" Sam said quietly.

"They'll be fine." Charlie sighed, looking towards the doors where Cal and Ethan had made hasty exits just moments earlier.

"What do you think is wrong Zoe?" Sam asked.

"It's most likely just a viral infection, but we've started antibiotics, just in case its bacterial, she's dehydrated, but hopefully nothing too serious. We might have more of an idea when the bloods are back." Zoe smiled. Sam crouched down so Gracie could see her, and there was a flash of recognition on the little girls eyes, but she didn't have the energy to react. Sam held her little hand and kissed it.

"I'm here Gracie, Auntie Sam is right here for you. And Daddy and Uncle Ethan are just outside, ok? Charlie, I need to find them, make sure they're ok." Sam said.

"Go on, I'll stay here." Charlie smiled supportively.

Sam headed out of HDU and towards the staff room, wondering if Ethan and Cal had headed that way, but it was only Lofty eating his sandwich, who said he hadn't seen them. She wondered through the department, but then headed outside, it was the only option, they had to be out there. She looked around, surveying the ambulance bays and car park, and finally saw Cal sitting on a bench with his head in his hands, but Ethan wasn't there. She hurried over and carefully sat next to him.

"She's settling Cal, she's having fluids and antibiotics." Sam said carefully, also making sure not to promise she was going to be ok.

"She deserves better than me." Cal said quietly.

"No Cal, you love her, and she loves you."

"But it's not enough is it?"

"Yes it is. She needs you Cal."

"I can't do it. I keep getting it wrong."

"Yes you can. And everyone gets it wrong, all parents make mistakes, no one is perfect."

"You and Ethan will be." Cal said somewhat sulkily.

"No we wont Cal, we'll make mistakes, but like you, we'll do our best. The only difference is we will have each other. But you have us too, Ethan and me. We're here for you."

"Ethan thinks I can't do it either." Cal sniffed.

"What? He said that?" Sam looked confused. "Where is he?"

"Haven't seen him." Cal shrugged. Sam looked around, feeling anxious, she hadn't seen him anywhere either. Where had he disappeared, she needed to find him.


	150. Chapter 150

"So what makes you think that Ethan thinks that?" Sam asked.

"He's always looked down on me, he thinks I can't do anything right."

"I'm sure that's not true." Sam said soothingly.

"It is." Cal spat out, making Sam flinch. "He knows I will always let him down, he expects it."

"Cal, Ethan loves you. He may get frustrated with you, but you get frustrated with him too I'm sure. You're brothers, you can't expect to always get along, but ultimately you love each other and you'll always be there for each other. Ethan doesn't look down on you, not like that. If anything, you've made him proud, and he looks up to you as his big brother."

"No he doesn't, he's always been more like the big brother, cleaning up my messes."

"You're still his big brother in the way he needs it, you'll always offer that big brother comfort that no one else can give him."

"He doesn't need me, he has you." Cal said sulkily. Sam shook her head.

"That's different. We are together, and yes he has me, but I'm not his big brother. He'll always need you." Sam said, placing her hand on Cal's knee and making him look at her. He looked so fragile, so pained, and so lost, it hurt her to see him like it. She realised even more, just how much both of them needed the other one. She considered this for a moment, then took a deep breath. "Cal, are you moving out?" She asked softly, looking at him with wide, innocent eyes.

"Well, I have to." Cal shrugged, looking away and avoiding eye contact.

"No you don't." She said softly, realising it wasn't really up to her, but even she could recognise this wasn't the right time.

"I do, you and Ethan, you need your space." He sniffed.

"Cal, there's plenty of time, please, don't make a rash decision."

"I don't have the choice." He said quietly, still unable to look at her.

"Cal you do. You do have the choice. Please, talk to Ethan, just don't go. Not yet." Sam said, almost pleading him herself. Gently she turned his face to look at her, and he could see the tears in her eyes, he realised she looked almost as fragile, but he didn't understand why.

Sam sat outside with Cal for a while longer, letting him take his time to get over his panic at seeing Gracie so poorly and feeling so helpless. She couldn't help but worry about Ethan though, wondering where he might be, and if someone had told him about Mr Jackson yet, he needed to be told, but properly; she knew he would feel partly responsible for not picking it up sooner, and she needed to reassure him it wasn't his fault.

Back inside, Ethan had returned to be with Gracie, having gone back in shortly after Sam had left. He had looked briefly for Cal but didn't want to leave his niece alone, someone had to be there for her, and if it couldn't be her Dad, then her uncle would have to do. But if he was honest, it wasn't only his poorly niece that was on his mind, he was thinking back over the shift so far, losing Mrs Gregory, despite her being stable, he couldn't help but wonder if he had got back to see her sooner he could have prevented the effusion causing a tamponade and hopefully prevented her subsequent cardiac arrest. Then there was Mr Jackson, Ethan sighed heavily when he thought about Mr Jackson and his brain tumour. He had only seen him in the ED the other day, and he had dismissed him as just having tension headaches, Mr Jackson had suffered because Ethan was tired and not in the best frame of mind, and that wasn't fair. But what hurt the most was the thought that Sam knew about Mr Jackson's tumour and hadn't told him about it. They'd worked together, or in close proximity for most of the shift, it couldn't have been that hard to find him and tell him. Even now, she had disappeared again, she could tell him now, but again she was avoiding the truth, she'd made sure no one else was going to tell him and she didn't either, what was she hoping for, the Mr Jackson would be moved on and that would be the end of it.

Just then his thoughts were broken as Gracie let out a small whimper. He moved so she could see he was there and he reached out and stroked her head gently, whispering soothing sounds to her. He didn't realise Cal and Sam were now loitering in the doorway watching. Cal was the first to step forward, making Ethan jump backwards, almost guiltily, moving his hand away from Gracie.

"How is she?" Cal asked.

"Ok, I think. Zoe just went to chase up the blood results."

"Ethan, I'm sorry." Cal said quietly.

"What for."

"For walking out. I couldn't stand to watch it, she was so helpless, and I couldn't do anything, and I was, well it doesn't matter, I'm here now." He said, and Ethan just nodded quietly, not looking at either of them. Before Sam could speak, Zoe came back in.

"Cal, Gracie has a raised white cell count and infection markers, we're going to need to keep her in on antibiotics, and the paediatric consultant wants us to do an x-ray and a lumbar puncture for completeness." Zoe said, Charlie followed her in and nodded at Cal, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Cal, if you don't want to be here we understand, its not an easy thing for any parent to see." Charlie said.

"No, I have to be, Gracie is my daughter, and she needs me." He said. Ethan looked up in surprise and Charlie nodded at him approvingly. At that point, Sam was called away again, and she had to go, she was still working and she was still in the middle of treating patients, and with Robyn off and Rita at meetings, she was needed. Ethan glanced sideways as she left the room, and felt his heart sink again at the thought of her lying to him, but he pushed those feelings aside, his brother and his niece needed him.

Sam was hurrying through reception carrying 3 sets of notes and some specimens to go to the lab when she saw a familiar face; Charlie, Ella's brother was standing at reception asking for her.

"Charlie?" Sam asked, confused. "Are you ok? Is Ella ok?"

"Oh, Sam, I've been trying to get hold of you." Charlie looked relieved to see her. Sam felt like someone had punched her in the stomach, she knew bad news was coming.

"I'm sorry, my phone is in my locker, I've been busy, what's happened?" Sam asked, dreading what she was about to hear, especially as she didn't see Ella yesterday.

"She, um, she was doing really well, but she's started to have more seizures." Charlie started, and Sam's hand flew up to cover her mouth. "She's stable, but they've had to increase some medication, they are scanning her again. But you should come and see her when you get the chance."

"What are you saying? Are you telling me they don't think she'll make it?" Sam asked, her voice shaking.

"No, well that's not what they've told us. But maybe you being there will help her recovery, you two were always close, she needs your stability Sam. I know its a lot to ask, but please?"

"Of course I will Charlie, as soon as I can get a break, or when I finish, whatever comes first. I'll be there Charlie, I promise." Sam said. Charlie smiled and headed back upstairs and Sam hurried off, now having something else to worry about. She asked Max to run the samples up to the lab for her and she hurried off to the bathroom. It was at that point that she couldn't help herself, and she just stopped and cried. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she just couldn't stop the tears. Everything was feeling overwhelming. Ethan, Cal, Gracie, Ella, she felt like she was being pulled in all directions and she didn't know where to start. She had to keep it together for everyone, she knew she did, this crying in the toilets wasn't going to help anyone, and she cursed herself for being so weak when the others needed her. She sniffed hard and carefully splashed water onto her face and wiped her eyes. She tried to make it look like she hadn't been crying, and once she had calmed down, she hurried to her locker to find her concealer, dabbing a little around her eyes to make them look less red. She knew it was vain, but she didn't want anyone to know she had been crying. She headed back out onto the floor, and straight towards HDU to check on Gracie. As she approached the internal glass window, she saw Zoe performing a lumbar puncture, so she stopped outside and waited, knowing not to go barging in at such a crucial time. She watched as Gracie lay sedated, being held by Charlie, and Cal watched on, looking like he could break down at any point. She couldn't see Ethan's face, but the way his shoulders were slumped, she could tell he wasn't in much better a state. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene, and when relief flooded in Cal's eyes and Ethan headed towards him putting his hand on his brother's shoulder, she knew they needed each other more than ever. Carefully and quietly she stepped into HDU as Zoe stood upright, clutching the small samples of Gracie's CSF.

"It still has to be tested, but hopefully signs are good." Zoe smiled at the brothers, then noticing Sam in the doorway, she nodded at her and Cal and Ethan looked over. Cal smiled slightly, but Ethan just looked away again towards Gracie. Sam noticed, but didn't really know what to feel. When Zoe had left the room, Sam moved towards the others.

"How is she?" She asked.

"Hopefully nothing serious." Cal tried to steady his breathing and regain control. "But they are keeping her in."

"I'm glad." Sam smiled weakly, still aware that Ethan hadn't looked at her yet, it was almost as if he was freezing her out; but that was silly, why would he. She thought she was probably being paranoid and Ethan was just worried about his niece. She loitered awkwardly for a bit longer, trying to think of something to say, but the words wouldn't come.

"Thank you." Cal said quietly to Sam, and Ethan looked up at him.

"I didn't do anything." Sam shrugged slightly.

"You did, outside; you were there when I needed to freak out, and you didn't judge me." Cal said carefully, and Ethan couldn't help but feel even more annoyed. He subconsciously curled his fists up into balls, causing his knuckles to crack. Then, taking both Cal and Sam by surprise, he turned and walked out of the room without a word. They stared after him in shock at his sudden departure, glancing at each other looking confused and concerned, before Sam hurried out of the room calling after him.

"Ethan, Ethan wait! Where are you going?" Sam asked hurrying down the corridor after him, but he didn't stop. He headed straight out of the external doors and into the ambulance bay outside the doors. He didn't know where he intended on going, but he needed to get out of there. Tears filled his eyes, tears that could have been relief but mostly seemed to be driven by anger and disappointment. They didn't fall, but they were there, making him feel worse, making him feel weaker, which only served to make him feel even more angry.


	151. Chapter 151

Sam finally caught up with Ethan outside; he had stopped and was just staring angrily into space, and as she got nearer to him and reached out to him, touching his upper arm with her hand, he shrugged her off forcefully. She couldn't understand what she had done to make him so angry to ignore her and reject her like this. She was sure it couldn't just be the concern about Gracie, this reaction was too much, but maybe it was; either way she had to find out.

"Ethan, please? What is it?" Sam asked, worry etched on her face as she attempted to reach out to him again. He moved away from her again, and she felt that familiar sinking feeling in her stomach. "Ethan?" Her voice was now barely above a whisper and she couldn't hide the wobble as she fought back more tears.

"Go away." He spat out at her. "I don't want you." Sam felt dizzy, the words hit her and she could hear them spinning around her head.

"Ethan, I don't understand, what have I done?" Sam asked, her voice raising higher.

"I can't do this now." Ethan sighed, turning away.

"Ethan, you can't leave me wondering what I've done wrong. You have to tell me."

"Oh, I have to tell you do I?" His voice was rising now. "Isn't that what you should have done to me, tell me."

"Ethan what are you talking about? I told you about Gracie as soon as I'd got her settled." Sam said, still confused.

"I'm not talking about Gracie." Ethan said through gritted teeth. Sam knew he was really angry, the vein in his neck was practically bursting.

"So what then?" Sam said, exasperated.

"Mr Jackson." Ethan said, watching as a flash of recognition came to her face.

"You know about that?" Sam said shakily.

"Yes." He said, steely faced.

"Who told you?"

"It doesn't matter who told me, the fact of the matter is, you knew and you didn't!" Ethan spat out angrily again. Sam didn't know what to say, she stood glued to the spot staring at him. "The one person I'm supposed to be able to trust with everything and she lied to me!" Ethan yelled turning away again.

Rita and Iain, who were taking a quick break outside together, stood in shock, realising a scene was unfolding in front of them. Instinctively Rita went to run to her friend, but Iain put his arm around her waist and stopped her.

"Reets, no, just wait." Iain said, holding her close.

"Iain, look at her, I can't stand by and watch." Rita said, looking upset for her friend.

"Trust me, just wait. She's not going anywhere. This needs to come out, then you can swoop in and comfort her." Iain smiled at her supportively as he felt her relax against him.

"Ethan, that's not fair, you know you can trust me. I was going to tell you about Mr Jackson, but I wanted to do it in the right way and there just wasn't a good time."

"Not a good time? We've worked together all day."

"We've been busy, and then with Gracie, you didn't need the added stress."

"I wanted to know, I had a right to know."

"Yes, but I wanted to make sure we talked about it properly. Ethan, I was trying to protect you."

"Protect me? From what?" He spat again.

"From yourself Ethan. I knew you'd take it all on yourself, and on top of everything else going on, I didn't want to add to your pressure. I didn't want this to push you over the edge, but it seems that's what its done anyway. Maybe I should have just blurted it out. It wouldn't have changed the reaction clearly and maybe then you wouldn't be blaming me." Sam said, getting angry herself.

"So you were trying to protect me? By what, lying to me?"

"No Ethan, I didn't lie to you. I just hadn't got around to telling you yet. Do you think I'm that insensitive that I'd tell you Gracie was ill then say by the way, Mr Jackson is dying of a brain tumour and you missed it!"

"So you think it is my fault."

"No Ethan, I was making a point."

"Yes, that its my fault."

"No, that you were going to blame yourself, so I was trying to protect you by making sure you found out properly."

"Oh, and that worked out so well for you didn't it?" He cried out sarcastically.

"Ethan this is ridiculous. I'm not going to get through to you am I?" Sam said, turning back around towards the department.

"That's right, run away. You're just like Cal, leave when the going gets tough. Hide from your problems." He yelled at her.

"Says the man who walked out of the department himself only moments ago." Sam spat back, before she thought about it.

"Maybe I couldn't stand to look at the person who lied to me. Especially not when she'd apparently been so wonderfully supportive to my brother."

"Lied to you? You want to talk about lying? I'm not the one who lied about my ex being a stripper am I?" Sam shouted back, instantly regretting this when she saw Ethan visibly flinch at her shouting this information across the ambulance bay at him. She mentally kicked herself, as this was so irrelevant to what they were fighting about, she was just going for a low blow, and it had worked, but only succeeding in pushing them further apart.

"Ethan, I'm sorry-" She started, making her way back towards him until he cut her off.

"Save it! I don't want to know." He spat, turning away and storming out through the carpark and out of sight.

Sam stood on the spot, watching him go. She knew she'd gone too far, but for some reason she hadn't been able to stop herself. She almost wished he'd lashed out and hit her to stop her mouth spiralling out of control; and with her history, it was a strange thing to wish for, but she had just deliberately hurt the one man she had ever truly loved, and she felt sick for it.

Rita had hurried over, and took Sam in her arms, and she didn't try to hide the tears this time as more and more flooded out, she just couldn't stop herself. Rita held her in her arms, rocking her like a baby until she finally calmed down enough to move aside.

"I've ruined it Rita, I've lost him." Sam sobbed.

"No, its just a fight, every couple has them, it'll all blow over, I'm sure."

"Not this time, I went too far. He's already on the edge, and I've just shoved him right over the side."

"No, he loves you, he's just stressed and upset, he's reacting and not thinking. I'm convinced no one is more perfect together than you two."

"Maybe once Rita, but not now." Sam sniffed and hiccupped at the same time.

"Come on, lets go inside and get a cup of tea." Rita smiled supportively, scooping Sam up, keeping her arm around her and taking her inside. They headed to the staff room to make a cup of tea then headed towards the privacy of Rita's office. They were intercepted on the way by Cal, who saw the state of Sam and came over looking concerned.

"Sam? What's happened?" He asked.

"Nothing Cal, its fine." Sam shrugged, unable to talk, then she considered Ethan might need him. "Cal, you need to find Ethan, make sure he's ok."

"Why wouldn't he be, what's happened? Where is he?" Cal asked.

"I don't know where he is, he walked off, away from the hospital. We've had a massive row. You have to find him, make sure he's ok." Sam said, tears tumbling down her cheeks again. Rita had put the cups down on her desk and returned to Sam, placing her arm around her.

"Come on Sam, Cal will find Ethan, he will be ok once he calms down." Rita said as she nodded at Cal and pulled Sam into the office. Cal was torn, Gracie was stable and still currently sedated, but she needed him, but then so did his brother. He pulled out his phone and frantically dialled Ethan's number. The first two calls rang and then went to voicemail, but on the third time of ringing, Ethan answered.

"What is it Cal?" He asked wearily.

"Ethan, where are you?" Cal hurried out.

"What is it? Is it Gracie?" Ethan asked, suddenly more worried by Cal's urgent tone.

"No, it's you? Where are you? What's happened?"

"Nothing Cal, its fine. Gracie is ok though?" He asked again.

"Yes, well she's sedated but she's going to the ward now."

"Right." Ethan said quietly.

"Ethan where are you, I'm worried about you." Cal said again.

"I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me." He said in a tired voice and hung up the phone. Cal stared as his mobile beeped in his ear, indicating that Ethan had terminated the call. He tried to ring back but Ethan rejected the call and then switched his mobile off. Cal looked around the department, not really sure what to do next. He looked back in on Gracie, seeing her sleeping, still looking so fragile, but Ethan needed him more right now. It was a tough call, but Gracie was on her way to the children's ward where she would be safe in the care of the nurses. Zoe had returned to check on Gracie and he spoke to her.

"Zoe, I um, I have to go. Ethan has gone missing, he sounds distressed and now he's not answering his phone. Gracie is stable, I need to get to Ethan." He said, looking stressed and tired. Zoe looked concerned at him, wondering if he'd had about as much drama as he could take that day. She smiled kindly at him.

"No problem Cal, you do what you have to. Gracie is ok, and I'll let the ward know you've gone home to get some things and you'll be back later ok?"

"Thanks Zoe." He smiled slightly, appreciating her kindness, but still feeling sick with worry about Ethan.

"Cal, if you need any help, let me know. Ok?" She said giving his arm a squeeze. Cal smiled again and nodded, before turning on his heel and rushing out of the department.


	152. Chapter 152

"I'm a horrible person." Sam muttered to herself.

"No. No you're not." Rita soothed.

"What am I going to do Rita?"

"It will be fine, I'm sure it will be."

"I don't think it will, I went too far." Sam said, putting her head in her hands.

"What happened?" Rita asked, she had heard parts of the argument but didn't know the full story. Sam explained and Rita looked confused.

"That's it?" She asked. "The way both of you are carrying on I'd have expected something much bigger."

"It's big enough. He hates me Rita, he hates me." Sam sobbed again.

"I'm sure he doesn't. He just got angry and with all the stress and tiredness, it's all just got on top of him that's all."

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I keep crying." Sam sniffed, wiping away more tears.

"It's ok, its just you and me, you cry all you need to." Rita smiled supportively.

"I want him Rita, I want to talk to him, tell him I'm sorry. I want to hold him in my arms again."

"And you will, just give him some time."

"What if he's done something stupid?" Sam looked horrified.

"Don't be silly, its Ethan, he's not the type to do anything silly. You're panicking over nothing."

"I guess you're right. Oh, why did I sling that last remark about his ex. That was stupid and cruel."

"We all say things in the heat of the moment we don't mean." Rita said, placing her arm around Sam's shoulders again.

"There's only one thing I want to tell him now, how much I love him." Sam said, breaking out into sobs again. Rita looked on helplessly, just hugging her and allowing her the time to cry, ready with the tissues and tea, like any good nurse and friend.

Cal meanwhile, threw on his hoody and jacket and rushed out of the carpark not really knowing where to start. The pub, no Ethan wasn't likely to head there, would he have gone home? Cal considered this was the best place to start, if he wasn't there then Cal could pick up his car and cover more miles if Ethan was still on foot. Cal ran, he didn't know how long he ran for, but when he finally got to the flat he suddenly panicked that he'd left his keys in his locker, then he remembered that he hadn't been in work today, he'd only been there with Gracie. His heart ached for his little girl, but he had to remain focused, for Ethan. He felt in his pocket and found his keys, hurrying up the stairs to the flat. He ran through the door shouting his brother's name, searching every room, even the bathroom and the airing cupboard; ok on reflection that one was stupid, he cursed himself, but he wasn't thinking straight.

He pulled out his phone, trying Ethan's number again, but as before, it went straight to voicemail. Then he did something surprising, he phoned Sam. The call connected, as Sam had now collected her phone from her locker, just in case Ethan was in touch.

"Cal, what's happened?" Sam answered in a panic, fearing the worst.

"Nothing, he's not at home."

"So where is he?"

"If I knew that I'd be going to him wouldn't I?" He replied.

"Sorry Cal, that was stupid. I'm not thinking straight."

"Did he say anything, indicate where he might go?"

"No, nothing, he just walked away."

"What did you fight about?"

"He's angry because he thinks I lied to him because I didn't tell him about Mr Jackson."

"Mr Jackson?"

"Yeah, he has a brain tumour, likely malignant, and Ethan discharged him the other day with painkillers for a headache. I knew he'd blame himself so I wanted to make sure when I told him we could talk about it, but someone else got there first, and he found out that I knew."

"Ok, anything else?" Cal asked.

"He said I was like you Cal, that I ran away and hid from my problems, he said he couldn't stand to look at the person who had lied to him when I'd been so supportive to you. Then, I said something stupid. I threw it back in his face about his ex being a stripper."

"You what?" Cal asked shocked.

"I know, it was ridiculous, but I was angry and upset. I wanted to shock him. Well, I did that alright, when I tried to apologise he told me he wasn't interested and he walked off."

"Right." Cal said quietly, still trying to wrack his brains wondering where his brother might be.

"Cal, find him, please find him, and tell him I love him so much, and I'm in bits thinking that I've hurt him. Please?"

"I'm trying to find him. Look, keep an eye out at the hospital, and look after Gracie for me, I'll phone you if I hear anything, and you do the same for me." Cal said, surprising himself at how responsible he was being and how calm he was remaining.

Ethan was sitting by himself, his anger was receding, but he still felt disappointed, hurt by Sam, and her final comment had felt like the nail in the coffin. He sat and looked out over the bay, watching people walking their dogs, couples enjoying the late afternoon sun, carefree children playing and he sat there wondering what was to become of him, where would he go from here. He couldn't give up on everything could he, everything he had worked for, everything he had known? But he was becoming more disillusioned as time went on. He wasn't sure he believed in himself enough any more. He was due to sit his final exam again soon to enable him to get his consultant post, but how could he, when his confidence was at an all time low. And now he had lost the support of someone who until now had been pretty amazing, and had been good for him, but right now they felt so far apart. But then her thought of their baby, half way through the pregnancy, could he really give up on that, he had been so excited, terrified yes, but excited all the same. A new chapter, a new adventure with the woman he loved. Did he mean loved or loves? He was so confused, he didn't really know any more. Suddenly he was brought out of his thoughts by the screech of brakes and a blood curdling scream.

Cal jump in his car, frantically trying to work out where Ethan might have disappeared to. Before he set off he tried Ethan's phone once more, still no luck. He started the engine, put the car into gear and sped off, not really knowing where he was headed. Suddenly a flash of inspiration hit him and he headed off.

Sam was pacing the staff room. Rita wouldn't let her continue the last couple of hours of her shift, saying she wasn't in the right frame of mind to focus on patients. Sam had wanted to bury her head in work, but deep down she knew Rita was right, and she didn't want to risk making a mistake. She had check on Gracie, but she was being well cared for by the paediatric nurses, who had also all fallen for the little girl, so there was only one place Sam could think she needed to be. She put her zip through top on over her uniform and headed upstairs to Ella's bedside. She reported to the nurses station and then headed through to sit by Ella. No one was with her and she was sleeping, so Sam sat quietly beside her just watching the steady breathing of her friend. Even though her brother Charlie had reported earlier she was having increasing seizures again, Ella still looked a thousand times better than she had done in those first few days. Sam shuddered at the thought. Then with lots of mixed emotions circling around, she felt the tears pricking at her eyes again as she wished she had her old friend to talk to right now. Ella would talk some sense into her. Ella would be able to reassure her, but right now, Ella needed Sam more, and Sam was determined to be there, whatever was needed.

Cal swung his car into a space on the road and headed into the churchyard. It was a random place to look, but if Ethan was feeling low, or needed time to 'talk' to someone who couldn't and wouldn't judge him, then he might have come here. Cal ran around the church and into the plot where his mother plaque was. He scanned the whole place, but Ethan wasn't there, he followed the path down to the garden of remembrance, but there was no sign of his brother. He felt a pang of guilt that he rarely came here to their mother's plaque, but he knew she wasn't there, and talking to a stone wasn't completely his style. He knew if he wanted to speak to their mother, he could close his eyes and she would be there. But regardless, it wasn't about him, it was about Ethan, and he had drawn another blank. If only his brother thought like him in times of crisis, this would be easy, Cal would only have to trawl the pubs and he would soon turn up. Cal wondered again for a moment, could Ethan have gone to a bar? He ran back up to his car and jumped back in, looking for more inspiration.

Ethan instinctively rushed towards where he heard the scream coming from. A Mother was hysterically sobbing at her childs side with onlookers looking shocked and crowing around the little girl. Ethan found an inner assertiveness and confidence and made his way through the crowd that was forming.

"Excuse me, let me through please, I'm a doctor." He said with his assertive air. He took control of the situation, asked a stander by to communicate with the ambulance control, telling them exactly what to say to keep the crew who would be attending updated. It was pure chance that he was still in his uniform and still had his stethoscope and pen torch on him to enable him to make a more detailed initial assessment. He'd asked someone to take the mother aside and sit her down, the screaming and crying was cutting through his already fragile head, and he needed to concentrate. He asked a member of the public, who also happened to be a first aider to support the little girl's head while he assessed her injuries. He was concerned about internal bleeding and shock, but did all he could to keep her stable. He felt a flood of relief when he heard the sirens coming closer and saw the ambulance approaching. He was even more relived to see Iain and Dixie jump out of the truck and run over with more supplies.

"Ethan, what are you doing here mate?" Iain asked, not letting on he'd seen part of the argument earlier.

"I was just getting some air, split shift." He lied.

"So what's going on?" Dixie asked, indicating the little girl. Ethan explained his findings and before long they had further stabilised the little girl, immobilised her and they were en route back to Holby ED, a thought which Ethan hadn't even considered until they were nearly there. He would have to face the things he'd wanted to get away from, but he had to do it for the little girl. And besides, he was just as bad as the part of Cal that made him angry if he ran away and didn't face his problems.


	153. Chapter 153

Cal had desperately driven around the streets where Ethan might have been. He had stopped off at the library, rushing in and out again, gaining funny looks and a loud 'tut' from the librarian. He tried a couple of local pubs in desperation, while Ethan wasn't like him, turning to drink to forget problems, that doesn't mean he never would, or he hadn't stopped in one to give it a try. But he hadn't seen him, all he had seen was the temptation to stop there himself, eyeing up the glass bottles containing the nectar he was beginning to crave. He hastily turned and headed back to his car.

Cal was becoming more frantic with every passing minute that he couldn't locate his brother, his thoughts about where Ethan might be were becoming less sensible. He had to stop and think; Ethan had left straight from work, he hadn't changed, he hadn't picked up his bag, he had just walked. Where was near the hospital that he would have walked to? He started to drive again, it felt like he was driving aimlessly around the roads near the hospital, but it was possible Ethan was just walking. He felt like he had searched everywhere, and all the while he had continued to try to ring Ethan's mobile, but it was still switched off. He had to pull over to allow an ambulance to pass by, so he took the opportunity to park up and dialled Sam again.

"Cal? Have you found him?" Sam answered frantically, in hushed tones as she made a hasty exit from the ward where Ella lay.

"No, haven't you seen him back at work?"

"No." Sam sighed.

"How is Gracie?"

"She's fine, she's being fussed over by the nurses on the ward."

"Are you with her?"

"Not at the moment Cal, I was with Ella, she's not so good."

"Really?" Cal asked, a quiver in his voice.

"It doesn't matter now Cal, we'll talk properly later."

"Is she..." Cal started but couldn't ask what was on his mind.

"No, no Cal, she's just having more seizures."

"Oh."

"Cal, everything is fine here. Please, we have to find Et-" Sam stopped talking, distracted by what she saw out of the window on the staircase.

"Sam?" Cal questioned, hearing her stop and let out a small gasp mid sentence.

"Cal, he's here. He's just come out the back of an ambulance!"

"What?"

"No, I mean he's treating a patient."

"I'm on my way." Cal hurried, hanging up the phone, tossing it on the passenger seat and speeding back off towards the hospital.

Sam loitered on the staircase, looking out of the window, watching Ethan direct the ambulance trolley out of the back with a small child on and he wheeled it assertively through into the department. Sam remained standing, watching where he had been long after he had gone. She couldn't get her legs to work, she couldn't bring herself to go back downstairs. She wasn't ready to accept that they were over, and the sooner she went downstairs, the sooner she would have to face that reality.

She wasn't aware how long she stood on the staircase, but the next thing she saw was Cal rushing across the carpark and into the ED. She knew he would talk to Ethan, talk some sense into him, calm him down maybe, then maybe they could talk. She shakily turned back towards the ward and headed back to sit with Ella.

Cal ran into the department, straight past the reception desk and towards Resus. He could see Ethan working alongside Zoe, Lofty and Rita to try and stabilise the girl who had been brought in. He watched the sight, which made his heart ache for Gracie, knowing how lucky they had been, but Ethan needed him too. Cal stood for a couple more minutes, and when it looked like Ethan wasn't going anywhere he took the opportunity to check on Gracie.

Ethan was concerned about the little girl. He filled Zoe in on what he knew and they went over all the normal checks and procedures, and Ethan ordered a head CT along with a chest, abdo and pelvis scan, he was determined to cover all bases. He had already intubated the girl, but before they could send her for her scans things started to go down hill. Ethan could feel that sinking feeling taking over, but he swallowed his fear, he wasn't losing this one. After further assessment he looked gravely at Zoe, their initial management wasn't working. Zoe was straight on the phone to the surgical team and to the on call consultant.

"They are still in theatre, it will be at least another 20 minutes." Zoe said gravely.

"We don't have 20 minutes here Zoe, if we don't stop the bleed and the accumulation, she will die in minutes. I'm not going to let that happen." Ethan almost shouted.

"I know Ethan."

"Thoracotomy, its our only option." Ethan said assertively.

"But Ethan-"

"No, Zoe, we have to, Rita, set up for a thoracotomy please." He said, then turned back to Zoe, "I'll do it, all on my head." Zoe looked at him, feeling almost proud of how far he had come since the early days of his time in the ED.

"Ethan, we're a team, all together in this. I'm with you." She smiled as they prepped for the procedure. By the time they were ready to start, Cal was back and Connie had also appeared, wondering why Cal was loitering on his day off.

"Dr Knight. To what do we owe this pleasure? If you can hang around Resus on your day off you could don some scrubs and work." She said almost cracking a smile.

"Gracie has just been admitted, she's got an infection." Cal said simply, not taking his eyes off his brother. Connie looked into resus but couldn't see the baby there.

"I'm sorry Dr Knight, I hope she is ok."

"She's on the ward now, she should be fine." He nodded.

"At least that might explain where Dr Hardy disappeared to when I was looking for him."

"Oh, um, yes, probably helping me. Sorry."

"Mmm, its fine." Connie said more airily than normal as she headed off again and Cal turned his attention back to what was happening in Resus. Ethan looked calm and collected, back to the 'unflappable Dr Hardy' that Cal knew and loved as he made the vital incision and prised open the girl's chest. A brutal procedure, but he made it seem effortless, as if it was so easy anyone could walk in off the street and do it. Cal felt a burst of pride watching his little brother, he truly was an incredible doctor and Cal would make sure he told him so.

Upstairs, Sam was sat silently next to Ella, waiting and hoping that she would wake up and just be herself again. Sam found herself talking to her, pleading with Ella to wake up because she needed her, she really needed her friend now, more than ever. Suddenly her phone beeped with a text message, it was Cal asking where she was. She sighed and put her phone away without replying. She didn't know what to say, she couldn't come down, she couldn't face Ethan, she couldn't bare to accept that it was over. When she didn't reply, he rang her and she rejected the call. She wasn't thinking straight. Suddenly she heard a voice.

"That phone is so annoying." Ella murmured.

"Ella?" Sam said, reaching out for her friend.

"It's me." She said, still sounding groggy. "Where have you been?"

"I've been here, I promise, I've been checking in on you regularly, just at the wrong times. How are you feeling?" Sam said still clutching Ella's hand tightly.

"Like I've got the world's worst hangover."

"I wish it was just that, then we could curl up on the sofa together, like we used to with a hangover and watch trashy tv."

"We can soon." Ella said, half smiling.

"Oh Els, I've missed you so much, I've really missed you." Sam said as a few rogue tears slid down her cheeks.

"Oh babe, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." Ella said giving Sam's hand a little squeeze. "You look terrible."

"That's rich coming from you." Sam half laughed through her tears.

"You wanna tell me about it?" Ella said quietly, fatigue starting to grip her again.

"No, you need your rest. Go to sleep, there will be plenty of time to catch up." Sam forced a smile as Ella's eyelids drooped closed again. "I'll come back with Cal, he's been worried about you too." Sam said as Ella drifted off. Sam left the ward and as she got to the top of the stairs she came face to face with Cal.

"What are you doing? Why aren't you downstairs?" He asked her.

"I can't Cal. He doesn't want to see me." Sam said, fighting back the lump in her throat.

"You can't be giving up that easily."

"No, I'm not. But, I mean, I said some horrible things, we both did. Maybe he needs time."

"No, you need to talk."

"Cal, can't you talk to him, see what he's feeling, tell him how upset I am, that I've hurt him I mean?"

"Sam-"

"Cal, I can't, I'll make it worse, I know I will."

"But, Gracie-"

"I'll sit with Gracie, she loves her Auntie S-" Sam stopped before she finished, it hurt to think that she might be about to lose Gracie as well as Ethan.

"She does love her Auntie Sam, that wont change." Cal smiled, almost as if he could read her thoughts.

"I've lost him, I know I have."

"No, no you haven't."

"I want Ethan back." Sam breathed out heavily. "I want him." Cal grasped her in his arms as she lost the strength in her legs, almost falling to the floor in exhaustion.

"Come on, lets get you sat down, I'll take you downstairs, Ethan is still busy in resus, he wont see you. I'll talk to him first. Come on." He said soothingly, guiding her down the stairs, still holding her tight. He sat her down in the staff room and placed a cup of tea in her hands, smiling as he went back off towards Resus to catch his brother.

"That was excellent work Ethan." Zoe smiled as they removed their gowns as the girl was wheeled up to surgery.

"I was just doing my job." He shrugged.

"No, that was above and beyond. You saved that girl's life, you're an asset to this team." Zoe smiled. Ethan just nodded and went to the sink to wash his hands. Cal came through the doors to Resus at that point, and Ethan looked up.

"Is Gracie ok?" He asked quietly, sensing Cal wasn't there about Gracie.

"She's fine. Where have you been? We've been worried?"

"We?" Ethan asked, looking around, not wanting everyone to hear.

"Yes, me and Sam. We didn't know where you'd gone." He looked around too and moved closer. "She's in pieces." He whispered.

"Good." Ethan shrugged, not really meaning it. Cal flinched. This could be harder than he thought.

"Come on. We need to talk." Cal said. "Lets grab a coffee and go outside on our own."

"Fine, but you're buying." Ethan said as he dried his hands.

"Fine." Cal said. He led Ethan to the shop to pick up two coffees, deliberately avoiding the staffroom and they sat outside on the bench. Eventually Cal broke the silence.

"I was proud of you today."

"What?"

"You kept a cool head and made that thoracotomy look as easy as making toast." Cal smiled.

"You always burn the toast." Ethan quipped.

"Touché"

"I did what I had to."

"Yes, but you saved that girls life. You were amazing, unflappable Dr Hardy strikes again."

"I'm glad I bring you amusement."

"Oh, Ethan, learn to take a compliment. You did really well, you're an incredible doctor."

"Yeah, maybe." Ethan said, not sounding at all sure.

"Come on Ethan, spill." Cal said, turning to look at his brother, who was looking down at the coffee cup he was holding between his knees.

"There's nothing to say."

"You walked out today, that's not like you. If anything, that's my trick. What happened?"

"I went for a walk, I needed some space, then I happened upon the accident."

"You know that's not what I mean."

"I'm not one for gossip Cal, you know that."

"I'm not looking for gossip, come on Ethan, I'm your brother."

"I don't know Cal."

"You can trust me."

"I don't mean that. I mean what happened, what is happening. I feel like I'm losing control of everything."

"Such as?"

"Work, I keep making mistakes, missing things, getting things wrong, I can't manage my time."

"I think you're being too hard on yourself."

"Am I? You don't know the half of it."

"I know about Mr Jackson."

"Oh great! So someone else who knew before me."

"No, Sam told me in a panic when we were trying to work out where you'd gone. You know she would have told you, she wanted to do it properly, she knew you'd be upset, and look, she was right wasn't she?" He looked at Ethan knowingly. Ethan squirmed in his seat, still refusing to look at Cal. "She's really upset."

"I suppose that's my fault too." Ethan snapped defensively.

"I'm not saying that. You both probably said things to hurt the other, but that's what she's devastated about, that she's hurt you."

"I didn't mean to hurt her Cal, it just all sort of came out." Ethan said quietly.

"She thinks its over." Cal said quietly.

"What?" Ethan said, looking up suddenly.

"She thinks she's ruined it all and lost you."

"No. But the baby, we're supposed to be engaged."

"Yes, but in her mind, you've pushed her away, rejected her. Why would you want her when you're so angry. She thinks you hate her."

"But, I don't hate her."

"That's not how she sees it." Cal looked at his brother with a serious expression.

"I've really messed up haven't I?" Ethan sighed, dropping his head again.

"Ethan, you know how much I'd love to say you're the screw up for a change. But this can be easily salvaged. You both just need to talk things through." Cal said wisely. Ethan sat quietly considering his brother's advice.

"I'm tired Cal." Ethan said suddenly.

"I know. Things have been hectic lately. Maybe you need a break, a few days away to recharge? You could speak to Mrs Beauchamp, I'm sure she could work something out for you."

"But-"

"It'll all still be here, just the same when you get back Ethan." Cal said, as if knowing what he was going to say.

"And Sam?"

"You both could do with some time out if you ask me. A dirty weekend away, just what the doctor ordered." Cal smirked and winked at his brother.

"Caleb!"

"What?" Cal grinned. "I was always lead to believe at this point in pregnancy woman are hungry for action."

"Caleb, really!" Ethan said, a slight blush creeping on his cheeks.

"Ah-ha! So its true, she wants it doesn't she?" He laughed as Ethan shot him a death stare. "Ok, ok, I give in. But seriously, book a nice little hotel somewhere by the sea, take walks, drink tea, eat cake and whatever else you two like to do together. It'll do you both good."

"Yeah, I think I will Cal. Thanks."

"No problem. There's just one thing you have to do first." Cal looked at his brother with raised eyebrows, as if he was about to make a revelation.

"What's that?" Ethan looked concerned.

 _"Talk_ to her." Cal gave him a look, and Ethan nodded slowly.


	154. Chapter 154

Connie and Zoe were sat in Connie's office, discussing the events of the day.

"So, what happened to Dr Hardy earlier?" Connie asked, raising her eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"I was trying to find him about his report but he was no where to be seen."

"Well, he's been here and working. He took a brief bit of time out when his niece was brought in, but that's understandable. Then he attended the accident." Zoe said, avoiding the truth slightly to cover for him.

"Oh, I see." Connie nodded, not looking too pleased.

"He really stepped up today, with the girl I mean." Zoe came to his defence. "He made the call, a brave call and was prepared to stand by his decision and take it all on his own head."

"Really?"

"Yes, he stood up and proved to me again today that he has the making of a consultant, a good consultant. The kind we should be looking to secure here. He's got his patient's best interests at heart, and he is a good medic, whether he realises it or not."

"But isn't that part of his problem, the doubts, the lack of self confidence." Connie asked, probing Zoe for more information.

"I think Dr Hardy's confidence makes appearances at the right time." Zoe said firmly. "He is someone I would stick by and say we should fight to ensure we keep him."

"Hmm, I'm inclined to agree with you, I just wish he would find a bit of fire."

"Not everyone has to be feisty. Although if Ethan needs to be feisty he can be. He just picks his moments. And I think you terrify him." Zoe smirked.

"Well, one has to keep one step ahead of her staff." Connie returned the smile. "It wont do to have them think I'm a soft touch."

Ethan followed Cal back into the department, feeling the nervous butterflies in his stomach; he never was good at these situations which could almost guarantee some form of confrontation. Cal sensed his brother's nerves and dropped back to walk level with him, placing his hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

"It will be ok you know." Cal smiled supportively, but Ethan could only nod in return. They walked together into the staffroom but it was empty, Sam had disappeared. "She was here when I left to speak to you just now." Cal said confused.

"So, she really wanted to speak to me then didn't she?" Ethan said a little more snappily than perhaps intended.

"She does, she's just scared." Cal said looking out of the other door and checking his phone, but it was blank. "I wonder if she's gone back up to Ella, or maybe to Gracie." Cal finished. He lead Ethan towards the baby unit. As they approached Gracie's room, they could see Sam, her chair pulled right up to the side of Gracie's cot with her hand placed through the cot bars over Gracie's hand but her head resting on her other arm, slumped on the cot-side, having managed to fall asleep like this. Cal slowed down as he approached, looking at Sam sadly, realising just how much she had been trying to hold it together, but how much she had struggled. He looked back to Ethan and could see the look on his face, fear and sadness, but mainly guilt; the guilt that he had caused this.

Cal quietly stepped into the room, peering over the cot a his sleeping daughter, relieved to finally get back to her and to see that she was settled and seemingly doing ok. Ethan moved around the cot, standing awkwardly near Sam, waiting for her to wake up. He was desperately trying to gather his thoughts, trying to work out what he was going to say. Cal stroked Gracie's head, and she wriggled and let out a slight gurgle, causing Sam to stir and wake up. She looked startled to begin with, forgetting where she was and what was going on, but as everything came back to her and she realised Ethan and Cal were there she jumped up, looking as awkward as Ethan did.

"Oh, um, sorry, I must have fallen asleep." She said looking guiltily at Ethan, then looking towards Cal, she continued, "I didn't want Gracie to be on her own."

"Thank you." Cal said simply, offering a small smile as he continued to stroke Gracie's head. Ethan watched Sam, trying to work out how to start the conversation they needed to have. Sam cautiously looked away from Cal and towards Ethan, trying to work out if he was still angry with her or what might be going on. As they made eye contact, both looking guilty, Sam broke the silence.

"I think we need to talk don't we?" She said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes, I think we do." Ethan replied, almost as quietly. Sam looked at him, trying to work out from those short 5 words if he was still angry, if he hated her, if he wanted this to be over, but try as she might, she got nothing.

"Shall we?" Sam pointed towards the door, indicating they should find somewhere more private and Ethan walked towards the door and held it open for her. Cal watched the pair, shaking his head slightly and sighing to himself as they left. Both had stubborn streaks, and both were clearly trying to give the impression that they were in control, and calm, but both looked far from it. They made their way along the corridor in awkward silence, the only words exchanged between them was Sam suggesting they head back outside where no one would see them. They walked away from their department, into a small garden area outside another part of the hospital, finding an empty bench to sit down on. They sat next to each other, Ethan staring down at his hands in his lap and Sam staring forward at a rose bush, neither wanting to, or knowing how to start the conversation. Sam stole a sideways glance at Ethan and took a deep breath, slowly breathing out and taking the bull by the horns, so to speak.

"So are you going to tell me what this is all about?" Sam asked softly, making sure she sounded supportive, not accusing.

"I don't know." Ethan sighed, silence falling between them again.

"Ethan I'm sorry, really I am." Sam said looking at him. He slowly looked up at her, seeing the hurt in her eyes but also the love, covered by the fear of losing him. "I know I went too far, but you hurt me, and I guess I was reacting to that. But that's no excuse, I know."

"I'm sorry too, I don't know what came over me."

"Ethan, you know I would have told you about everything. I just wanted to make sure it was the right time, and I stand by my decision not to blurt it out in the middle of the working day."

"I know, I've thought about it, and I do get it. I just felt like everyone knew and maybe they were all blaming me, and talking about me."

"No Ethan, if anything, when Lofty told me what the scan showed, he said before I could that you couldn't have known, and we all know we can't go about scanning everyone who comes into the department. And you had no reason to the other day, Mr Jackson was clearly vague about his symptoms."

"Don't try to make me feel better."

"Ethan, I'm not, really I don't believe you did anything wrong, and I bet everyone in the department would agree."

"Not everyone." He sighed.

"Who doesn't?"

"Me."

"Well, you wouldn't, because you are your own worst critic, but sometimes you're too hard on yourself."

"Its not just him, I feel like I'm failing at everything at the moment." Ethan sighed, Sam looked at him, allowing him the time he needed. She knew he needed to get this off of his chest. "I can't manage my time anymore, I constantly struggle to multi-task high volumes of patients, I doubt myself when I'm diagnosing them, I question every decision I make, and I'm just tired. I'm getting tired of it all." He finished, looking back to the floor. Sam looked at him, wide-eyed with worry. She knew he was struggling a bit more lately, but she had no idea it was as bad as it was starting to sound. She took a deep breath and pushed her fear of rejection aside and reached out for his hand, taking it gently in hers and clutching it tightly.

"Ethan, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Well, you've had so much to deal with, you've been supporting Cal with Gracie, and everything with Ella, and the pregnancy, I couldn't put this on you too."

"Ethan, we're supposed to be partners, together in everything. Its not a true partnership if you only support me and conceal what you're feeling and going through. You need to let me support you too. It's not a weakness to be supported and talk to people you know."

"I guess." He shrugged as she squeezed his hand.

"Ethan, why don't you speak to Mrs Beauchamp? She needs to know what's going on? You sound like you're in danger of burnout."

"She would just think I'm weak." Ethan said quietly. Sam felt her stomach knot up even tighter, realising the extent of what he had been dealing with.

"Oh, Ethan. No one would think that. You're really highly regarded in the department, everyone likes you."

"It's not about being liked, it's about being a good doctor." Ethan said, his voice tensing again.

"Ethan I could tell you until I'm blue in the face that you're a good doctor, but you're not going to believe me are you?" Sam said desperately trying to get him to see sense. Ethan just shrugged and looked at the floor. Sam let go of his hand and took another deep breath. "Ethan, what about us?" Sam asked eventually, fear gripping her again.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, is there still an 'us'?" Sam asked cautiously, glancing sideways again.

"Of course there is. I mean if you want there to be?"

"Ethan, you're the only thing I'm sure of. I love you. But you need to let me in. Let me be there for you, or it will only drive us further apart."

"I'm sorry. I mess everything up don't I?"

"No Ethan, no you don't." Sam said, placing her arm gently around his back. He looked up at her finally, seeing the shine of tears in her eyes, the hurt, the stress, all caused by him, and he felt terrible. They held each others gaze, both too afraid to speak. Then Sam leaned forward and gently kissed him on the lips. At first he didn't respond, too shocked by everything, but before she lost her nerve and pulled away he kissed her gently back. She stopped and looked at him, both passing a slight smile between them, feeling like shy teenagers sharing their first kiss.

"I'm sorry Sam. I do love you, I'm sorry I pushed you away. It just felt easier than admitting I was failing, I guess I couldn't stand the thought of letting you down, of being a disappointment to you."

"Ethan, how could you think you'd disappoint me?" Sam said, shocked.

"Well, you're so intelligent, and beautiful, and perfect, I feel if I don't come up to scratch then you will lose interest in me." Ethan admitted quietly.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, I feel like if I don't achieve, if I don't succeed, then you wont want me." He said.

"Ethan! Is that what you really think of me? You think I'm that shallow?" Sam said, raising her voice slightly, making Ethan cringe.

"No, I just, well, I mean-"

"Ethan, its you, it's all about you. Not the job, not what you have or don't have, its just you. That's all that matters to me." She looked at Ethan intensely, and he looked back, still feeling insecure. "I wish you could see that." Sam said, standing up off the bench and stepping away. Ethan watched her as she loitered by a nearby tree, putting her hand on the trunk for support as she took in some much needed air. Sam could feel herself getting lightheaded, the start of a headache beginning to pound away. She rubbed her other hand over the back of her neck, feeling the tension gripping her shoulders. Suddenly she was aware of Ethan standing behind her, he placed his hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently.

"Are you ok?" He whispered. "You look pale." He said as he looked at her with concern.

"I'm fine." She forced a smile. "I just hate that you think so low of me that I would only be with you if you're successful."

"I don't think low of you; don't you see? It's me I think low of." Ethan admitted, looking sad.

"How are we going to mend this Ethan?"

"I don't know." He sighed. "I just don't know."


	155. Chapter 155

Silence fell between the pair again, each lost in their thoughts until Ethan looked up and spoke.

"I guess I really should get back inside, you may have finished your shift now but I still have a couple of hours to go. Mrs Beauchamp will go mad if she finds out I've disappeared again."

"Yeah, she might give you more homework and shifts as punishment." Sam commented, half joking half serious. Ethan didn't know how to take this so he just nodded and motioned back towards to department. Sam nodded and obediently followed him back inside.

When inside, they silently went their separate ways; Ethan went back into Resus to see if he could find Dylan for an update and Sam went to the staff room to get her things to go home. She got her bag out of her locker and slumped down onto the sofa, feeling exhausted, and disappointed that she and Ethan didn't really resolve things. She was pleased to know he wasn't still angry with her but things were far from sorted. As she put her bag down beside her she saw the small box in her bag and picked it up, opening it to reveal the small sparkling ring. She looked at it, remembering the night she got it, the promise and excitement it had provided, which at the moment felt a long way off. She closed the box and put it back safely in her bag. She got out her phone and stared blankly at it, then sighed and tossed it back in her bag. Her headache was really starting to take hold, and she was feeling really tired and just wanted to get home to bed. She stood up carefully, and went to find Ethan. She saw him coming out of Resus and caught up with him.

"Ethan, I'm going to go home, if you don't mind. I've got a headache and really need to get to bed." Sam said quietly.

"Oh, ok." Ethan nodded. "You do look pale. Is there anything I can do?" He asked, concerned.

"No, I just need to get some sleep." She forced a smile.

"Ok, well, I'll check on you later." He nodded and smiled back as she turned away to leave. He watched her go, worried that she was still upset with him and his behaviour today. But he couldn't dwell on that, he still had a shift to finish. Just as he picked up some notes and went to call his next patient, he heard the sound of those heels and Connie's icy cool tone calling him.

"Ah, the elusive Doctor Hardy returns." She said, keeping a firm look on the outside but smiling to herself on the inside. Ethan stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. She wasn't sure but she thought she saw him swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat.

"Yes Mrs Beauchamp?" He asked, wondering if she knew and was cross that he had disappeared in the middle of his shift.

"I was looking for you earlier, but you were nowhere to be seen."

"Oh, um, yes, I'm sorry Mrs Beauchamp, I was busy." He said, hoping he wouldn't give too much away, he was never a good liar, he always ended up tripping himself up over his lies, it was definitely the skill that had completely bypassed him and gone solely to his brother.

"So I heard. Dr Hanna informed me of your impressive performance today." She said. Ethan gulped again; what performance did she mean, had someone seen his and Sam's argument outside?

"Performance?" He questioned.

"Yes, the thoracotomy procedure you undertook in Resus on the young girl today. Dr Hanna said you were quite the hero." She smiled slightly.

"Oh, right." He sighed. "Well, I don't know about 'hero', but hopefully it helped the outcome." He said modestly.

"I can safely say it did. Well done." Connie nodded. "And I was most impressed with your report too. Some good ideas which I will be looking into. I look forward to the next one, don't keep me waiting too long." She said raising her eyebrows.

"No, of course not Mrs Beauchamp." He nodded again, watching her turn and head back into her office. He let out a breath and carried on to find his patient.

Sam popped in on Cal and Gracie briefly before she left for home. She wanted to make sure they were both ok, or she knew she wouldn't be able to rest.

"Hey." Cal smiled, looking up as she entered the room. Gracie was sleeping, so Sam crept in quietly.

"Hey." She whispered. "How is she?"

"She's ok, temp has come right down again and she's been much more settled."

"I'm really glad." Sam half smiled.

"Me too." Cal let out a breathy laugh. "Are you ok?" He asked then, really looking at her and creasing his brow with worry.

"I'm fine, just tired, I've got a bit of a headache." She said, shrugging off his concern. "Nothing a nice shower and an early night wont sort."

"Did you and Ethan talk things through?" Cal asked tentatively.

"Kind of. I'm worried about him Cal. I knew he was struggling, but I didn't realise just how much. Maybe you should try talking to him again, see if you can get him to open up a bit more?"

"I doubt he'll talk to me." Cal shrugged.

"Can you try Cal, you never know? I think between us we just need to keep reminding him he has us for support and to keep giving him the opportunity to talk and get things off his chest."

"But, you know what he's like with me."

"Cal, please, for me?" Sam said, giving him that wide-eyed worried and vulnerable look that cut right through him.

"Ok, of course I'll try." He smiled at her, seeing just how much this was affecting her. She rubbed her temples, really starting to lose herself to the headache. Cal stood up and walked towards her, looking more closely at her. "You're not well, let me take you home." Cal said, kindly but assertively.

"Oh, no. Its fine Cal, you need to be here with Gracie."

"No, I need to get you to bed."

"You missed your chance at that." Sam said quietly, letting out a small smile.

"Even when you're feeling ill you can't resist a jibe can you." He smiled back, putting his arm around her waist and giving her a squeeze into his arms. She smiled a little more. "Besides, I need to get some things for overnight."

"Didn't you pick them up earlier?"

"No, I meant to but I forgot, I was too worried about Ethan." Cal admitted.

"Well, if you're sure, that would be great. I just want to get home to bed."

"Come on then." He smiled. He looked over at a sleeping Gracie, then went to let the nurses know he was going to get some things and the pair of them left the hospital, Cal placing his arm protectively around Sam's waist again and guiding her towards his car.

When Sam got back to her flat, she dropped her bag on her bed and headed straight for the shower. She stood under the water, letting it fall down over her face and hair, whilst massaging her neck and shoulders. She washed her hair and tried to wash the stress of the day away. Stepping out and wrapping a soft towel around her, she pulled on some comfy clothes and wrapping a small towel around her hair, she headed back to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She popped some paracetamol, desperately needing to nip the headache in the bud, and took her tea to the bedroom. She didn't even bother to dry her hair, she just plaited it and climbed into her inviting bed, and after finishing her tea she turned off the bedside light and closed her eyes.

Ethan meanwhile dragged himself through the final hours of his shift with an uneasy feeling in his stomach that wouldn't go away. Thankfully there were no more dramas, his final patients included a case of abdominal pain which he referred to the surgeons and a simple wrist fracture which was plastered and discharged. He concluded his shift and even got away on time by some miracle. He got changed and headed towards the children's ward, and despite it being late, he was able to quickly catch up with Cal to get an update on Gracie.

"How is she? What did they say?" Ethan whispered quietly.

"She's ok, much more settled now. Looks like just an infection that took hold. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, just tired." Ethan said, shrugging away Cal's obvious concern.

"I took Sam home earlier, she looked terrible too. Said she had a headache."

"Yeah, she told me that." Ethan replied quietly.

"Did you two sort it out?" Cal asked.

"Kind of. Why are you asking? I'm sure she told you all about it." Ethan said, somewhat accusingly.

"Calm down mate, I was only asking. Anyway, She didn't say, I barely got two words together out of her actually."

"Sorry." Ethan said. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yeah, Gracie needs me. I don't want her waking up all alone being somewhere strange." Cal said and Ethan nodded.

"Ok, well, I'll come see you both tomorrow."

"Thanks Ethan." Cal smiled at his brother, and Ethan returned the smile, though it didn't reach his eyes, Cal knew he appreciated the thanks. Ethan peered at his sleeping niece, feeling his heart ache for her, and he turned and left Cal alone to get some rest too.

Ethan walked home, half wishing he didn't have to as he was tired but half enjoying the peace and quiet and time to be reflective. He stopped on the bridge that always made him think of Sam, leaning on the side and looking out into the water, realising it was a clear night and the stars were coming out in force, blinking away at him. He thought of his Mum and what she would be saying right now, she'd have something comforting and supportive to say no doubt, rather like Sam would when he let her. Then he thought of his Dad, and wondered what he would make of his son, struggling to cope with the demands of the job, no doubt he'd be disappointed and have some 'tough love' remark to throw in, before his Mum would come in with more comfort and tell her husband not to be so harsh with his words. Ethan sighed. He wanted to make sure his child always felt loved and supported and safe, that's what all children deserved. But to do that he had to get himself sorted, pull himself together. He considered that maybe it was the tough love he needed. As he stood staring, his thoughts went back to Sam again, and how he felt he had let her down, and he couldn't even be completely honest with her about how he was feeling. The things he had said earlier had barely scratched the surface of what was going on in his head, and yet he had got annoyed with her for lying. He considered he was a complete hypocrite. Of course, as always, he was being quite hard on himself. He pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and looked at the time. It was probably a bit late, but he had promised he would check in on Sam later, so he dialled her number and waited to see if she would answer.

"Hello? Ethan?" Came Sam's sleepy voice on the other end.

"Oh, sorry, I woke you." Ethan replied regretting phoning.

"Its fine, you said you would check up on me. If I didn't want to hear from anyone I could have switched my phone off." Sam said, waking up a little more.

"But you need your sleep. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, really. Have you finished work now?"

"Yes, I'm just walking home. How is the headache?"

"Its ok. I guess it was just the stress and worry of today. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, just tired." He said, not wanting to drag her into conversation when she needed to sleep. "I just wanted to check you were ok. You should go back to sleep."

"It's fine, really. I'm glad to have heard from you, I'd have been worried if I hadn't. I think you need to get to bed and have a good nights sleep too." Sam said caringly.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you're one hundred percent right." He smiled.

"Of course I am, I'm always right." She smiled back, a slight hint of cheekiness coming through. Silence fell on the line momentarily then she continued. "Ethan, you are coming tomorrow still aren't you?"

"Tomorrow?"

"To the scan?"

"Of course I am. Just you try and stop me." He said, feeling his heart ache for both Sam and his baby right now. He wished desperately that he was with them, all together cuddled up in bed. That was what he really needed right now. He sighed inwardly, thinking of it, but said: "Now get some rest, and I'll pick you up tomorrow."

"Thank you." She almost whispered, and he could hear the mix of uncertainty and relief in her voice.

"Sam, you know I love you don't you?"

"I love you too Ethan." Sam replied softly.

"Sleep well." He sighed.

"You too." She replied before wishing each other goodnight and hanging up the phone. Sam turned over to go back to sleep and Ethan continued on his way home, their minds filled with thoughts of each other.


	156. Chapter 156

The following day, Ethan was at Sam's door early, having text her to say they should go out for lunch before the scan. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful Summer day. Sam had managed to find an old summer dress that was stretchy enough to fit over her small but ever expanding bump, and while she remembered how she had previously looked in the dress, she couldn't help but think it was strange to see it clinging to her baby bump, and as frumpy as she felt at times, she couldn't help but smile. Ethan, on he other hand, broke out into a huge grin when he saw her coming out of the door to her flat, she was smiling and almost looked carefree again, her hair flowing as she locked the door and stood facing him, their baby bump proudly being displayed.

"You look lovely today, and well rested." He smiled at her as she turned towards him from locking the door.

"Thank you. How are you feeling? Did you get some sleep?" Sam asked anxiously.

"Yes, some." He nodded. Sam eyed him suspiciously, noticing the shadows under his eyes. "Come on, lunch awaits." He smiled at her, motioning towards the car. Sam giggled as he held the door open for her, still finding herself taken by surprise by his gentlemanly acts.

"So where are we going?" She smiled.

"I thought I'd take you for a nice picnic lunch by the coast." He smiled across at her.

"Aww, that's lovely. But I haven't packed anything."

"Don't worry. I've got it all sorted." He said, nodding back towards the basket that he had lovingly prepared that morning when he had come up with the idea. He thought it would do both of them good to get away and have some relaxing time just the two of them.

As they parked up, Ethan grabbed the basket from the back seat then hurried round to help Sam out of the car, not that she needed help, but he wanted to make sure she felt spoilt and special today. Sam smiled as she linked her arm through his and they walked to a quiet spot along the coastal path. They laid out the blanket and sat next to each other and ate their lunch.

"This is lovely Ethan, you're so thoughtful." Sam smiled at him, lifting up her oversized sunglasses to look at him properly. He was starting to look more relaxed too, which after recent times was nice to see. "I'm still nervous about later though." Sam admitted.

"Why are you nervous? We have no reason to believe anything will be out of the ordinary."

"I know, but you just never know, do you? We see things all the time, I'm not immune from anything."

"I know sweetheart, but you can't worry about what may not even happen. It will be fine." He smiled supportively and she returned the smile, glowing more at his use of the term 'sweetheart' as it had felt like ages since he had called her that.

"I know you're right, I'm just a bit nervous."

"Wait a minute, are you admitting that I'm actually right?" He laughed.

"Hey!" She smiled, nudging him. "You're right a lot of the time, I just can't let it go to your head, you men are all the same, a little power goes a long way." She laughed.

"Yeah, because that sounds just like me." He quipped smiling.

"You're better than that, I know." Sam gazed at him lovingly. "So, do you want to know?"

"What do you mean?" He looked confused at her.

"The sex of the baby? We could find out today, do you want to?"

"Oh, um, I don't mind, do you want to know?"

"I don't think I do." Sam admitted. "I'd like to wait until the end."

"Then that's what we'll do." He smiled at her, squeezing her hand.

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. Its only a few more weeks to wait isn't it?"

"Yeah. Wow, scary thought."

"You'll be the best mum ever, you've already proved that with Gracie, and she's not even yours."

"It's different this time. I'm responsible for everything, I mean we are responsible for everything."

"Yes, and we're sensible, loving people, we will be fine. We have each other."

"I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes Ethan, you know that."

"You'd be fine, but I'm glad we don't have to find out, because I'm right here, and I always will be." He kissed her and she looked down at the ring on her finger, and felt a rush of love run right through her, and she couldn't help but smile, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. They lay in silence for a while, in each others arms, enjoying the feeling of the warm sun on their skin.

"This is lovely isn't it?" She sighed happily.

"Its nice to get away from things." Ethan agreed. "Which reminds me, I was thinking maybe we should go away for a few days, somewhere quiet, where we can relax and enjoy spending time with each other. I've been wrapped up in work stress lately and I know I haven't been much fun. I thought it might be nice. If you want to that is?"

"Oh, Ethan. That would be lovely. We can book something this evening if you like."

"You can stay at mine if you like. I missed you last night." He admitted shyly.

"I missed you, especially when I woke up alone this morning." She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek. "I'll cook us a special dinner if you like?"

"We can cook together."

"I'm starting to think you hate my cooking, every time I suggest cooking you come up with an alternative." She laughed.

"Oh, no, not at all." He hurried out, then realising she was joking he let out a small laugh. "I'll never get used to your humour will I?"

"Anyway, if I cook, you can book our little get away and surprise me." Sam smiled, kissing him again, this time on the lips.

"I love it when you do that." He smiled at her, getting wrapped up in his feelings for Sam instead of his stresses at work, which felt good. They stayed for a while longer, laying on the blanket in each others arms, kissing in between feeding each other little titbits.

They made it to the hospital with minutes to spare by the time they booked in for their scan appointment. They sat together in the waiting room, holding hands, nerves taking over both of them a little more. So, when they were finally called through and Sam was on the examination couch ready, she clutched his hand, desperately seeking his support. The sonographer talked them through what she was doing and showed them the baby's functioning organs and limbs kicking about. Ethan and Sam stared in awe at the images, of course they'd seen it before but this was different, this was their baby.

"Do you want to know the sex?" The sonographer asked them towards the end of the scan.

"No, no we don't." Sam smiled at Ethan and he smiled back nodding his agreement. "And he's a doctor, so make sure he doesn't get a sneaky peek of anything that might give the game away." Sam chuckled.

"He wont see anything you don't want him too." The sonographer winked at Sam knowingly. "Everything is looking really good here, you have a happy, healthy looking baby as far as we can tell. Now, if you want to get yourselves together and have a seat back in the waiting room, the midwife will want to take some more bloods and do some routine checks."

As Ethan and Sam were about to leave the sonographer passed them a small envelope with a strip of 3 different images of their baby. "We normally only give one, but these were too sweet, and well, if you can't have some staff perks then what's the point of working here." She smiled at them. Ethan and Sam thanked her and then went to sit back outside.

"That was amazing wasn't it." Sam smiled at Ethan, who looked teary eyed too.

"It really was, it's so different when its your own you're seeing on the screen.

"And you definitely didn't see anything you shouldn't?"

"You mean boy or girl?" He smiled. "No, I didn't see anything. I don't know, and you don't know and that how its going to be until baby comes to meet us."

"I can't wait Ethan, it seems even more real now. I can't believe how much its moving around, and soon you'll feel it too, I can't wait for you to feel it."

"Me too." He smiled, kissing her gently on the lips.

"Ethan, why don't you go down and check on Cal and Gracie? I've only got to get my blood done and then I can meet you down there."

"Ok, yeah, that sounds like a good idea, if you're sure?" He asked.

"Definitely. It's only a blood test, I don't need you to hold my hand for that." She laughed. Ethan kissed her then made his way to the children's ward, leaving Sam alone in the waiting room.

Gracie saw him first in the doorway as he arrive and she let out a squeal of excitement and waved her arms about. Ethan hurried in and carefully picked her up.

"Hey sweetheart, you're obviously feeling better." He smiled as Gracie snuggled into him. "How are you?" He asked his brother.

"I'm ok, didn't have a great night's sleep, but she's ok, so that's what matters." Cal replied.

"Do you want to go and get something to eat or coffee or something? I can sit with Gracie for a while."

"Really? I could do with a decent coffee." He agreed.

"Go on, go. Sam will be down when she's finished having her blood done."

"Blood?" Cal looked confused.

"We've just had the 20 week scan." Ethan smiled.

"And it went well?" Cal asked, already knowing the answer judging by Ethan's smile.

"Really well. All on track and as it should be."

"I'm really glad, boy or girl?" He asked.

"We don't know, we didn't find out."

"Really?" Cal asked, surprised. "You mean she can wait? Wow! I thought all women were too impatient these days." He laughed, heading out of the door to find a large coffee. Ethan sat down with Gracie carefully placed on his lap, ensuring he was careful of her line. He sat chatting to her and playing with her, making her giggle and squeal with delight at her funny uncle. Then she took his glasses from him and being naughty she threw them aside, luckily they landed in her cot. Gracie's nurse came in to see what all the noise was about and watched the scene smiling.

"You're very good with her." She said approaching Ethan and handing him back his glasses.

"Thanks." He smiled, taking them back while balancing Gracie, who immediately tried to take them again. "Well, when you've got a niece as gorgeous as this, you can't help but make her laugh." He smiled.

"She is gorgeous isn't she." The nurse smiled. "I'll be back shortly with her next dose of antibiotics. Where has Cal gone?"

"Oh, he's just gone to stretch his legs and get a coffee." Ethan said, bouncing Gracie on his knee. The nurse nodded and headed back to draw up Gracie's medication. When Cal came back with two coffees and Gracie was sitting in her cot playing with some toys while her antibiotics infused, Ethan looked anxiously at his watch again.

"What's wrong? Was I too long?" Cal asked as he handed Ethan a coffee, a bit confused as he'd only been about 20 minutes.

"No, I'm just wondering where Sam has got to, I thought she'd be done by now." Ethan said.

"They probably made her wait, the woman before probably fainted." Cal chuckled.

"Yeah, probably." Ethan said, still slightly distracted. He sipped his coffee, and sat back in the chair. "So when is madam going to be discharged?"

"Probably tomorrow if her bloods have improved enough." Cal said. "You want to get home don't you?" He said to Gracie. "Home with Daddy and Uncle Ethan and Auntie Sam."

"We all want you home too. Its too quiet without you." Ethan smiled, really meaning it. He hadn't realised but he'd not only got used to having Cal around, but he was now used to Gracie being there too. Suddenly his mobile started ringing, he hastily took it out of his pocket and looked at the screen with concern.

"Sam? Where are you?" He rushed out.

"I'm still upstairs Ethan. My blood pressure was really high, so they made me sit quietly but it didn't come down, and they tested my urine and it had protein in it, so they took some urgent bloods and they want me to sit on the monitor until they are back. I'm so sorry." Sam said apologetically.

"Don't be sorry. Are you ok? I'll come back up." He said jumping out of the chair and nearly knocking over his coffee.

"I'm fine, don't worry. Its all precautionary."

"Even so, I'll be right back up." Ethan said hanging up.

"What's happened?" Cal asked looking concerned.

"Sam's got high blood pressure and a protein positive urine dip."

"So they are worried about-"

"Pre-eclampsia, yes." Ethan cut in. "They've taken urgent bloods and got her on the monitor."

"Isn't it a little early for it to be too advanced?" Cal asked.

"Yes, but if the symptoms are starting now then it can only get worse." Ethan said, looking panicked.

"Ethan, calm down. It will be fine. She's in the right place, you've just had a scan that showed everything was ok, it will all be ok. You get back upstairs to her." Cal said, placing his hands on his brothers shoulders to try and help him calm down. Ethan nodded at him, then turned to leave. "And keep me posted yeah?" Cal called after him.

"Thanks Cal." Ethan turned around in the doorway and forced a smile at his brother.

He ran all the way back up to the maternity wing, heading into the assessment waiting room where he had left Sam only a while earlier. He looked around for where she may have been taken, before a smiley receptionist asked him if she could help.

"I, um, I'm looking for Sam Jones, she was here for a scan but she's been taken in for monitoring. I'm her partner." He said while catching his breath.

"Oh yes, she's in cubicle 8, down that corridor on the right." The receptionist smiled, clearly used to seeing panicking Dads-to-be running through.

"Thanks." Ethan said, hurrying off again. As he scurried down the corridor, finding cubicle 8, he peeked around the corner to find Sam laid on a trolley with the monitor attached to her stomach and an obs machine hooked up taking regular readings. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes.

"Sorry hon." She said apologetically again. "Did you run up here?" She asked, noticing he was out of breath.

"Yes, I wanted to be sure you were ok." He said, sitting beside her and taking her hand.

"I'm fine, honestly." She smiled. "You're so sweet to be worried, but this is all precautionary."

"How is your blood pressure now?" He asked.

"Still up a bit. It's probably just stress." She shrugged. "We just need the bloods to come back ok then I can go home."

"Have they said anything else?"

"Not really." Sam sighed. "I'm sorry, we were supposed to be going shopping weren't we, I've ruined that now haven't I?"

"Hey, that's the least of our worries. We can do that another day. We need to make sure you're both ok. Did they say they might keep you in?"

"No, and they'd better not." Sam said horrified at the thought.

"If they want to keep you in then you'll have to stay." Ethan said, looking worried that Sam was going to be stubborn and not listen.

"Lets think about that when the blood results are back." Sam said. "How is our gorgeous girl?"

"Gracie? She's looking much better. Hopefully home tomorrow."

"Oh that's great, I'm so relieved. I miss her."

"I bet she misses you too." Ethan smiled.

Just then the midwife came though.

"Ah, is this Dad?" She asked smiling at Ethan. "Don't worry Dad, they are in safe hands."

"What's happening Cathy?" Sam asked the midwife, who was a rounded woman in her 50's. "Will I be able to go home soon?"

"Well, lets see what these figures are saying." Cathy said looking back at the readings. "Hmm, the blood pressure is still high, but the baby's heartrate is good. At the moment it looks like baby is doing better than you." She smiled.

"Well, that suits me, as long as baby is ok."

"Sam, have you been getting enough rest?"

"I think so." Sam shrugged.

"Probably not." Ethan said afterwards. "We've been very busy at work, and lost of things going on at home, and our niece was taken ill and admitted to hospital with an infection yesterday." Ethan said, looking at the kind face of Cathy.

"Well, good job Dad is here to tell the truth." She said placing her hands on her hips and giving Sam a knowing look. "Where do you work?"

"I'm a nurse in the ED." Sam admitted quietly.

"Ahh, well you clearly need someone to keep an eye on you then. Classic case of 'do as I say and not as I do' with nurses." Cathy smiled knowingly. "We always know best."

"See, Cathy knows, she's got the measure of you already." Ethan smiled at Sam.

"Right, lets see if the blood results are back and then we'll get the consultant to come up with a plan." Cathy smiled, heading out of the cubical again.

An hour later, Sam had been reviewed by the consultant, who was happy that her kidney and liver function were ok, though they suggested she should increase her fluid intake a little. Sam was allowed home on strict instructions to rest and they had arranged that her own midwife visit her for regular blood pressure testing. Sam was relieved as she was starting to feel tired and just wanted to get home. Ethan sent a text to Cal to say they were about to head home and that Sam and the baby were ok, but she needed to rest, then he walked her to the car and they headed home.


	157. Chapter 157

When they got back to his flat, Ethan insisted that Sam rested quietly on the sofa, despite her insistence that she felt ok. She knew his fussing was only because he was worried and trying to look after her, and it was sweet. She sat down and he brought them both in a drink.

"Here." He smiled, placing the juice in front of her. "I'm so glad you're ok."

"Me too. Honestly Ethan, I'm fine and baby is fine." She said, resting her hand on his arm to try and get him to relax. "I guess it explains my headache yesterday though."

"You need to make sure you take it easy now." Ethan said.

"I will." She smiled sweetly at him, appreciative of his concern. "What do you fancy for dinner?" She said, starting to get up.

"Oh no. You're not cooking tonight. You're staying right there on that sofa until bedtime." Ethan said. "I'll make dinner."

"Ethan, you need to rest as much as me. Why don't we get something delivered? Then we can curl up here together. I assume Cal is staying at the hospital with Gracie again."

"Yes he is. That sounds nice actually." Ethan smiled, knowing that he was still feeling tired.

"Come here then." Sam smiled, patting the sofa next to her. Ethan sat down and Sam instinctively snuggled in under his arm and they lay back, taking in the calmness and silence of the flat. Suddenly Ethan looked down and realised that Sam was silently crying.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, tightening his hold on her.

"Nothing, I'm just being silly and hormonal." Sam sniffed.

"Even so, what is it?"

"Is it my fault Ethan? Did I put our baby at risk again?" Sam asked quietly.

"No, of course not. There has been lots going on lately, I haven't exactly helped you over the last couple of days, what with the argument and everything." He finished quietly, feeling guilty too.

"No, its not your fault. I'm just as much to blame there. We've both been under lots of pressure, you more than me. I guess we do need that break don't we?"

"I think we do." He squeezed her in his arms again and kissed the top of her head.

"Ethan you know I love you and our baby more than anything, and I don't want to put anything at risk, but my job is important too, I can't slack off just because I'm pregnant. If they think I can't do my job they'll get rid of me."

"Don't be silly, they wont get rid of you. Besides, legally they'd be in trouble if they tried for that reason. But they've just invested in you and your prescribing course, they aren't looking to get rid of you or they wouldn't have done that."

"But if I can't do my job, the guys will get annoyed having to pick up the slack, and that's not fair; and well, they wont pay me to do nothing."

"We all know you, you'd never be able to do 'nothing' at work." Ethan said, wanting to laugh at the notion of it.

"But they are trying to make cutbacks, that's why Mrs Beauchamp has you working on cost cutting ideas."

"Cost cutting yes, staff cutting, no." Ethan said. "Is this what's been worrying you? Maybe you should talk to Rita."

"Well, its part of it." Sam admitted, suddenly feeling silly. "I know its silly, I guess part of it is worrying about losing my job and my identity when I leave to have the baby."

"Well, you wont. We're in this together, and I'll support you in getting back to work after the baby, whenever you're ready. I know your job is important to you, you've worked hard and you deserve it." Ethan smiled.

"You're perfect Ethan Hardy, did anyone ever tell you that?" Sam said, kissing him.

"Funnily enough, you did." He smiled, kissing her back. He decided that while Sam was on another day off tomorrow, he would go in and speak to Rita, partly to sort out some time away for both of them soon, but also to discreetly discuss his concerns about Sam overdoing it and the problems with her blood pressure. The pair had a lazy evening, Ethan decided he would take a break from working, leaving studying and report writing out of the equation and simply sat on the sofa with Sam in his arms, enjoying some time to relax, while Sam watched tv and snuggled into him. He felt as content as he had for a long time, and wondered why he had spent so long trying to shut her out of his worries.

The next day, Sam stayed under 'flat arrest' as she so eloquently put it, under strict orders to rest, and wait for Fran, her midwife, to visit. Ethan made sure she had plenty to eat and drink available to her so there was no need to leave the flat, all she needed to do was sit and relax. Meanwhile Ethan headed off for his shift, making sure to catch Rita as soon as she got in.

"Rita, could I have a word." Ethan said to the Nurse and pointed towards her office.

"Sure, is everything ok?" Rita asked, looking concerned. After witnessing what she saw the other day and knowing their scan was the previous day, she felt a small sense of dread of what Ethan was going to say.

"What's wrong Ethan?" Rita asked, feeling worried as they shut the door and sat down.

"Well, its Sam. I'm worried about her overdoing it. She was kept on monitoring yesterday after the scan because her blood pressure was too high, and with all the stress she's had lately, well, I just wondered if I could ask you to discreetly keep an eye on her, I mean make sure she isn't overdoing it at work, and takes her breaks."

"But everything is ok with the baby?" Rita asked.

"Everything is fine, but she is at risk of pre-eclampsia, they have warned her that she needs to take it easy, but I know she wont tell you. She's worried if she eases off what she's doing at work that she'll lose her job."

"Well, that's just silly, of course she wont. She needs to put her health first, for her sake and the baby's."

"I know that, and you know that, and deep down she does too, but you know what she's like." Ethan said knowingly.

"Well, of course I'll do what I can Ethan, I'll have a chat with her first thing tomor-"

"No!" Ethan hurried out. "I mean, I think its best if you just discreetly keep an eye on her, or she'll think we've been plotting behind her back." Ethan said, looking embarrassed.

"You mean, she doesn't know you've spoken to me and you'd rather keep it that way." Rita smiled knowingly at him.

"Well, um, yes. Is that bad?"

"No, its sweet, its only because you care." Rita reassured him. "I'll take care of her. I'll get her to cover triage for the next few days, at least she can sit down a bit more then."

"Thanks Rita." Ethan smiled. "Um, there was one more thing."

"Sure, anything."

"I want to book a couple of days away somewhere, as a treat. I think we both need some time to relax and get away."

"Ok, well, lets have a look at the rota." Rita said pulling out a folder. She and Ethan compared shifts and worked out a few days in the next week that they could go away, with Rita swapping her own shifts so Sam would be off at the same time as Ethan.

"Thank you so much for understanding Rita." Ethan said, feeling truly grateful Sam had such an approachable manager.

"It's my pleasure, and if you or Sam have any other worries, please just talk to me, ok?" Rita smiled.

"Thanks." Ethan smiled and nodded as he left the office.

Cal got back to the flat with Gracie that afternoon and Sam was sleeping on the sofa, having dozed off while watching a film. Sam's eyes flickered open as the door shut, and she sat up rubbing her eyes.

"Sorry, did we wake you? I didn't know you'd be sleeping." Cal said feeling guilty.

"No, its fine, I needed to wake up anyway." Sam said, coming around a bit more. "I wouldn't sleep tonight else." She held out her arms to Gracie, who climbed up onto her lap. "Aw, how's my gorgeous little girl doing now? I've missed you." She said kissing Gracie's head. As if Gracie knew, she made an 'aww' sound and rested her head on Sam's chest.

"I don't know if she knows you're ill or if she's still looking for sympathy herself." Cal chuckled.

"I'm not ill Cal, I just have slightly high blood pressure and I'm under orders to rest."

"Ok, well you know what I mean." Cal smiled, raising his hands in defence.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to come across like that." Sam smiled guiltily. "So, little miss is feeling better then, the bloods must have been better if they let her home?"

"Yes, all looking better, but I'm under orders to take her right back if she spikes a temp again in the next day or two. Secretly I think its just because the nurses all fell in love with her." Cal grinned.

"Well, who wouldn't, look at her. You're gorgeous aren't you girlie." Sam laughed, giving Gracie a kiss. "Ethan should be home soon shouldn't he?" Sam asked, yawning again looking at her watch.

"I don't know what shift he was on today, I've lost track a bit in the last few days." Cal admitted.

"Of course you have, you've had enough to worry about." Sam soothed. "Come and sit down." Sam smiled at him, patting the space next to her and Gracie on the sofa. He sat down next to her and let out a huge sigh.

"I'm so relieved to be home." He said.

"I'll bet. Those pop up beds are never comfortable are they?" Sam smiled.

"That, and constantly waking to check on Gracie, or when they came to check on her."

"Oh, you must be knackered." Sam said. "Shall I make us a cuppa?"

"I'd rather have a beer." Cal sighed.

"Me too, lets have one." Sam grinned at him, then added: "Kidding!" when she saw his shocked expression, as she stood up to make a drink. She placed Gracie down on her play mat and went into the kitchen. She came back with a cup of tea for herself and a bottle of beer for Cal, placing it down on the table in front of him.

"Thanks." He smiled at her.

"No getting drunk now, I'm not looking after Gracie when you pass out drunk tonight." Sam winked at him.

"Alright Mother!" Cal replied sarcastically. "Geez!" He laughed.

"More to the point, Ethan will be home so I can't have you sneaking into my bed like last time." Sam smiled to herself.

"What?" Cal looked up in shock, holding the beer bottle halfway to his mouth.

"Don't you remember, last time it was just us here and you were drunk, you crept into my bed in the middle of the night."

"I did not!" Cal spluttered.

"You did. You went to the loo in the night then climbed into bed with me and cuddled in behind me. I can't believe you don't remember." Sam said, completely deadpan.

"No, I wouldn't. I didn't."

"That's not the worst of it Cal, you tried to kiss me, and your body gave the impression it was up for more, if you get what I mean."

"No! Surely not? Really?" He blurted out, still shocked and desperately trying to remember. Sam just nodded. "Christ!" Cal said running his hand through his hair. "I can't believe it!"

"What, is it that repulsive to imagine sleeping with me?" Sam pretended to be offended.

"No, that's not what I mean, but, well you're Ethan's girlfriend. I mean my own brother's fiancée!"

"Its ok, we didn't do anything."

"But we could have. I can't believe it." He repeated again.

"So you'd sleep with me if I wasn't your brother's fiancée?" Sam smiled.

"Yes, I mean no, I mean, I don't know." Cal said, getting more confused, then Sam started giggling, which soon became uncontrollable, that she was almost doubled up laughing. Cal just glared at her. "You, I can't believe you!" He said, a slight smile coming to his lips.

"I'm sorry Cal." Sam laughed, wiping the tears out of her eyes.

"You had me worried then. If I did something like that Ethan would never forgive me, and things have been better with us lately."

"I know, its been nice to see you both getting on." Sam said, still smiling and wiping her eyes. "If anything its been Ethan and me with the friction lately." This statement finally stopped all traces of Sam's laughter.

"Not really, you're just both tired and you've had a lot going on. Speaking of, I did wonder upstairs today, I looked in on Ella. She was resting, but I spoke to the nurses, and they said she is doing really well, they are all impressed with how well she is coming on." Cal smiled, somewhat sadly.

"You went up on your own?"

"Yeah, I don't need hand holding all of the time."

"I know, I'm just surprised you went up. You seem to have been avoiding anything to do with her." Sam eyed him to gauge his reaction, as he squirmed awkwardly.

"Well, I don't know, its been tough." Cal started, and Sam remained silent, he clearly wanted to talk about it or he wouldn't have mentioned her. "We left it that night in such an odd way, and now she doesn't remember much, its really hard to know where I stand. I mean, I'm finding it hard to let go of the feeling that she was going to end things, and I know you've said she wasn't going to, but I can't switch that feeling off. That, and feeling like the whole thing is my fault, every time I see her or think about her, I think about what I could have done, what I _should_ have done to stop her leaving. And that if I had stopped her then none of this would have happened." Cal said, talking completely honestly. Sam looked at him, registering the sadness and desperation in his eyes. Then she realised her own eyes were filling with tears. She reached out for Cal and put her arm behind him and carefully pulled him closer. He was quite stiff to start with but soon they were holding each other, each with tears slipping out of their eyes, feeling a mixture of desperation for Ella to return to normal combined with the relief that she was still with them.

"Cal, you know its not your fault. We talked about that. You can't keep blaming yourself, no more than I or anyone can, it was just a terrible accident. And now we just have to count our blessings that she's getting stronger every day and improving."

"But what if she remembers, what if it becomes clearer that she didn't want to be with me?"

"You have no reason to keep thinking of that right now. We can't live on 'what ifs' Cal, they will haunt us forever. We just have to take it as we can, one step at a time. Its hard, but I'm here, for both of you. You'll never be alone Cal. You have me, and you'll always have Ethan, you know that." She hugged him tight as he sniffed, resting his head wearily onto hers.

"Not if I sleep with his girlfriend." Cal half laughed through his tears.

"No, I guess not then." She smiled. "But it's ok, I hear she's not that special anyway." Cal pulled away from the hug and eyed her.

"Now who's talking crazy!" He exclaimed in shock. "Well, I guess with red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks...no, even then she's still pretty impressive." He smiled lovingly at her. Sam wiped the tears from her cheeks and sniffed too. "If two obstacles weren't in the way then you'd be in great danger right now, in fact, I'd have already made my move."

"Two obstacles?"

"Well, obviously Ethan, and the fact that you both love each other. And then the fact that dating you would be like dating the female version of my brother, granted with more of an easy sense of humour." Cal grinned. "But the fact is, you're special to me, because you're like my sister, a special sister, who means more than just any old girl I've, well you know."

"Yes Cal, I know." She smiled, shaking her head.

"Well, then you also will know that I think you're amazing, and the most perfect person in the world for Ethan, and I love that you make him so happy."

"I just need to work a bit harder at that at the moment." Sam added sadly.

"No, he's just having a tough time, but together we'll get him out of his slump." Cal said, squeezing her again.

"And Ella?" Sam asked, looking up at him.

"I need to fight for her, show her what she means to me, and stop avoiding matters where I risk getting hurt."

"Stop burying your head in the sand?" Sam said raising her eyebrows.

"See, my point exactly." He smiled.

"What?"

"That's exactly what Ethan would tell me."

"I think he'd also be proud of you."

"Why?"

"Because, clearly if you can see it, and you're going to do something about it, then you're growing up Cal."

"Well, when you put it like that." He grinned at her. "You've obviously had a good influence on me; just don't let Ethan know I'm giving you all of the credit." He laughed, giving Sam one last hug before rescuing Gracie from her play mat, ready to give her something to eat.


	158. Chapter 158

Ethan was off the next day, so when he got home from work that evening and the three of them had had dinner (after Cal had put Gracie to bed) he got out the reports and paperwork he had brought home and prepared to get some work done. Sam had gone for a soak in the bath and Cal was relaxing on the sofa, pretending to do some revision, but mainly focusing on his fourth bottle of beer and the rugby match on the television.

"Oh, come on! That should have been a try!" Cal shouted at the tv, causing Ethan to look up from his report. Cal quickly picked up his text book and turned the page, pretending to read it.

"It's no good pretending Cal, I know you've been staring at the same page for at least 20 minutes." Ethan sighed, picking up another report to draw comparison.

"I'm trying; I've just got other things on my mind tonight." Cal said.

"Are you whining there Cal?" Ethan said, not looking up from his papers.

"My God! You sounded just like Dad then!" Cal quipped, causing Ethan to cringe and put down his paperwork.

"Ok, fine, what's wrong? Aside from the Rugby not going your way."

"Nothing major, just haven't got my concentrating head on."

"Have you ever?" Ethan said sarcastically.

"Ethan! That's low, even for you." Cal pretended to be wounded.

"Yes, I guess it was a cheap shot. Come on then, what's wrong?"

"Well, I was talking to Sam earlier, and we were talking about Ella, and saying how she's improving each day."

"Well that's good isn't it?"

"Yes, but I'm still feeling really weird about it all."

"Weird how?" Ethan suddenly took more of an interest, realising that Cal was obviously feeling more than he let on if he wanted to talk about it, of course, the four bottles of beer would have started the ball rolling for him. But even so, if he wanted to talk about it, then Ethan needed to support him and listen.

"Well, I just don't know where I stand. I feel a bit like I'm caught in limbo, you know?"

"How so?"

"Well, I don't know if we're still together, if we're not, what she thinks and feels. I know what I feel, and I know what I'd like, but I can't go barging in and demanding answers, so I just feel stuck. It's really unsettling." Cal said, running his hand through his hair then tossing his text book on the floor. Ethan got up from the table where he was working and went and sat next to his brother.

"It must be tough, but unfortunately you just have to have patience and wait to see it through."

"But you know me, I don't have the patient gene."

"But you don't have any other option Cal."

"I guess." He sighed sadly.

"What did Sam say?" Ethan asked, looking at his brother earnestly.

"Well, that none of it was my fault, so there was no point in blaming myself, and that I just had to support Ella and trust that it would be ok, and that she'd be there for me whatever happens."

"Well, that sounds like pretty good advice to me." Ethan smiled.

"I know, but it's just hard. If I'm honest, I'm scared Ethan. First I was scared I'd lose her, now she's improving but I'm still scared I'm going to lose her. We just left it in such an awful way, I just wish I could take it back, well not take it back because at the time I was too confused by her weird behaviour to do anything, but if I could just change it."

"But you can't, so it's a waste of time thinking that. But, in a strange sort of way, maybe you needed this to happen to truly appreciate what you have got with each other, this has made you realise it's worth fighting for, and it's what you want."

"I guess so, but Ethan, what if she doesn't want me?"

"Is this Cal I hear doubting himself when it comes to women?" Ethan said pretending to be shocked.

"It's not funny Ethan, now I know how you feel." Cal quipped back. "Never feeling like your enough for someone."

"Thanks." Ethan huffed.

"You hit me, you know I'll hit back harder." Cal raised his eyebrow at his brother.

"Isn't that the truth." Ethan sighed. "Anyway, we've side-lined the true nature of this conversation, you're scared Ella is going to recover and then reject you."

"To put it bluntly, yes."

"So, maybe you need to prove your feelings, remind her why she fell for you in the first place." Ethan said. Cal remained silent, considering this for a moment.

"You know; I think that is actually really good advice. Get you Nibbles, giving your big brother advice on women. How things have changed." Cal joked again.

"Seriously though Cal, you can't let your insecurities get in the way, trust me, I know how crippling that can be. You just need to be there for her, be her friend, support her through her recovery, which in itself is going to be tough enough. If you're absent, she'll assume she meant nothing to you, she'll assume you're not interested. But if your there, even if her memories are slightly warped, she will have those reminders and prompts to hopefully remember what you had and how she felt and things may be able to pick up. If that's what you want."

"I want Ella back and for things to be how they were. We were really getting back on track."

"But you know that might not be possible Cal, right?" Ethan said looking worried at his brother.

"What do you mean?" He asked quietly, fearing the answer.

"Well, they still aren't sure the full extent of her injuries are they? I mean I don't really know, I just let Sam talk about what she wants to, and I've not been up myself since she woke up, but things may be different for her, and you have to decide if you can accept that." Ethan said honestly. Cal sat in silence, considering this too.

"I think I was falling in love with her Ethan." Cal said sadly, still speaking softly. "She was the first person in a long time who I could be myself around, and who seemed to get me. I miss her so much." he said, as a small tear escaped from an eye, which he quickly wiped away, not wanting his brother to think he was weak and crying over a girl. But Ethan had seen it, and instinctively he put his arm around his brother to comfort him. It was a move that still, at times, felt alien to him, having gotten used to a life being awkward with physical contact with others, and particularly so with his brother. But things were improving, and being physical with Sam was helping, and he knew that as much as Cal frustrated and annoyed him, he would love him, no matter what; and right now Cal needed physical comfort.

"I want to tell you it will be ok Cal, but I can't, in the same way we can't promise our patients and their loved ones that everything will be ok. But I'm here Cal, whatever happens, whatever the outcome, I'm here. You're not alone in this."

And those words were all Cal needed to hear for the tears to freefall onto his cheeks, and a small sob emitted from his chest as Ethan pulled him in closer, and he found that same comfort that he could always find, being with his brother. He needed Ethan, he had always been too proud to admit it before, but he knew he needed him, and more than that, he wanted him, and now he had him back he never wanted to let him go.


	159. Chapter 159

Ethan had a successful day off, he got up with Sam and dropped her into work, then got back to the flat, making himself a cup of coffee he manage to sit and complete his report for Mrs Beauchamp, and he was actually quite pleased with the completed article. Then he spent the rest of the afternoon sorting out the flat and straightening things up, and by the time Cal returned from work with Gracie, he had dinner cooked and a nice tidy flat, and he was feeling more content.

The following day he was back on shift, and despite his day off being quite full, he did feel ready to take on whatever the day had to throw at him. He had already dropped the report onto Mrs Beauchamp's desk, which took a load off his mind. Even Sam was pleasantly surprised by the spring he had in his step as he headed off into resus with the paramedics, taking the handover for his first patient.

"Come on, stop staring wistfully at him, we've got patient's to see." Said a chirpy voice over Sam's shoulder.

"I wasn't staring wistfully at him." Sam laughed, as she linked her arm through Robyn's and they headed off together.

"So, you're still coming for my birthday drinks tonight aren't you?" Robyn asked excitedly.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Sam smiled. "Though I probably wont make it into town with you all afterwards."

"Aww, I understand, but it'll be such a shame."

"I'll see how I feel, I wont dismiss the idea completely." Sam smiled.

"Besides, we can have a good girlie night out after baby Hardy is here can't we?" Robyn grinned excitedly back.

"Yes Robyn, we can." Sam laughed.

"Is Ethan coming tonight too?"

"I don't know, I'll ask him, he seems happier today so he might, of course he might come along just to make sure I behave myself and am careful with baby Hardy in tow." Sam winked.

The morning passed with the usual flow of patients and injures and illness, some self inflicted, some in the department unnecessarily, but most needing the help they had gone in for, and getting it within a timely manner.

Sam headed for a break, she was only on a short shift today, which she was grateful for as it meant she had time to nip into town to find something to wear for tonight, with her growing bump she was fast running out of clothes. She was just enjoying the peace and quiet with a cup of tea when Robyn came in and threw herself down on the sofa.

"What's wrong Robyn?" Sam asked, wrinkling her brow.

"The outfit I was going to wear tonight, I'd left it out airing ready and Max has text and said that a bird has pooped all over it." Robyn whined.

"Oh Robyn, but you've got lots of options haven't you?" Sam said putting her arm around Robyn to comfort her.

"No, this was what I'd set my heart on, its my birthday, I wanted to feel special." Robyn said sadly.

"You will, Robyn, you've always looked lovely when we've gone out before."

"But I don't know what to wear, my go-to top is in the wash, but I wanted something special."

"Well why don't you come shopping with me. You're finishing early today aren't you, we can drive into town, Ethan said I can borrow the car, he's parked it here, then we can shop and find you something else that's special."

"Really?" Robyn looked more cheerfully at Sam. "Are you sure that's not interrupting your plans?"

"Not at all, I was going shopping after my shift anyway, I need something too, my clothes don't fit anymore." Sam gave Robyn a knowing look.

"That would be great Sam, thanks. We'll find ourselves something fab to wear, we'll look amazing." Robyn grinned, causing Sam to laugh. Draining the last of her tea Sam headed back out into the department, and as she was walking back towards her triage room she caught Ethan's eye and smiled at him. He stopped momentarily and returned the smile, then watched her as she walked back into triage. He couldn't help but continue to smile as he watched her disappear behind the closed door.

"Come on dreamy. Work to do." Cal said, gently pushing Ethan in the direction of Resus.

"What do you mean dreamy?" Ethan tried to laugh him off, embarrassed at being caught.

"I saw you, staring at the love of your life." Cal grinned.

"Well, I could say the same to you, only you'd be looking in a mirror." Ethan raised his eyebrows at his brother, feeling impressed by his swift response.

"Ouch little brother!" Cal laughed, pretending to clutch his chest in pain. "Anyway, are you going to the pub tonight?"

"After work drinks?" Ethan asked.

"Robyn's birthday." Cal nodded.

"Oh right, yes, Sam did mention that." Ethan said, remembering suddenly.

"So, are you coming?"

"Yes, I guess I will be."

"Sam could drive us, we could have a drink." Cal smiled.

"You're going to drink anyway, so I don't know why you're worried."

"Well, yes, but I thought it'd be nice if you could relax and have a drink too."

"Well, yes, but I can't assume, I mean she might be tired."

"Nah, she'll be fine, I'll ask her if you like?"

"Wait, if we're all going out, who's having Gracie?"

"Oh, no! I forgot about that?" Cal said, a smile spreading on his face. "Its fine, one of the girls from the crèche is going to babysit."

"Do they do that?"

"Well, no, but as a favour for the lovely doctor Knight she will." He smiled.

"Cal." Ethan shot him a warning look.

"No, not like that, its nothing like that, well not on my part anyway. Maybe 12 months ago it would have been, but definitely not now." Ethan looked at him as if he didn't believe him, but knew he had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sam was changed and ready to leave and while Robyn was putting on some lipgloss in the staff room Sam went to get the keys from Ethan. He returned to his locker and gave them to her.

"Are you girls off shopping then?" He smiled.

"Yep!" Robyn said excitedly. "Don't worry, we wont break the bank."

"I've shopped with Sam before so I'm not sure I believe that statement." Ethan smiled.

"Hey! I'm not that bad!" Sam replied, giving Ethan a swipe on his upper arm.

Robyn and Sam headed into town and together they found Robyn a lovely outfit that made her feel glamorous, and Sam begrudgingly got some maternity jeans and a top that fitted nicely over her bump that was a little sparkly, (at Robyn's insistence) and she knew she had a kimono at home that she could put on top to stop her feeling quite so self conscious. Then Sam treated Robyn to a cup of tea and a piece of cake, and they chatted and had a good laugh, and Sam felt appreciative of Robyn and that she was so lovely, it made Sam feel better. Sam dropped Robyn home and made her way back to the hospital to meet Ethan and Cal, who were just about to finish their shifts. They were waiting for her as she pulled up in the carpark.

"Look at you going all 'Fast and Furious' on us." Cal laughed as he climbed in the back, slinging his jacket and bag on the seat next to him.

"As if!" Sam laughed, "although you would fancy me more then, but Ethan would crucify me if I drove his car like that!"

"Yes I would, besides its _our_ car."

"I doubt Ethan even knows what we're talking about." Cal scoffed, laughing.

"The clue is in the name, and yes I do, I've had to sit through that film with you before." Ethan huffed.

"But you probably had your nose in a book."

"That doesn't mean I didn't grasp what was going on, lets face it, it doesn't take a genius."

"Well-"

"Boys! Boys!" Sam interjected. "Come on now, play nicely."

"Hark at Mother again." Cal laughed.

"Well, don't think you're too old to go across my knee Caleb Knight." Sam said, eyeing him through the rear view mirror.

"What makes you think that'd be a bad thing." He winked back, smiling.

"Cal!" Ethan said, turning and glaring at him.

"What? She asked for that one." Cal laughed.

"To be fair Ethan, I did hand him that on a plate." Sam smiled as she pulled the car out of the hospital.

"Are you coming back to ours?" Ethan asked.

"No, I need to go home to get ready, I haven't got what I need at yours. I did pick you both up some pizza though so you can grab a quick bite to eat before we go out."

"Thanks sweetheart." Ethan smiled. "You'll come back after though wont you?" He asked quietly.

"Of course I will." She said giving his knee a squeeze.

"So are you dropping us back at our flat then driving to yours?" Cal asked still thinking about his lift.

"I could I suppose. I was going to stop at mine then thought Ethan might want to drive the car back to yours. But I suppose if I keep the car, I can come and pick you both up and drive you to the pub?"

"Sounds like a great plan." Cal smiled and Ethan threw him a look and shook his head. He couldn't believe Cal had managed to not only get his lift, but made it seem like it was Sam's idea.

"Is that ok with you Ethan?" Sam asked, glancing sideways quickly.

"Its fine." He smiled. "You will be careful tonight wont you?" He asked.

"Careful? Ethan its drinks at the pub, not a trip to the middle east." Sam laughed.

"Well, you know what I mean, I just don't want you to put yourself at risk, or the baby."

"Ethan, it will be fine, a night out to relax will do me good, and in terms of real risk, that's greater at work than a night out in the pub. And besides, if I feel ill, I've got you lot around to help me." She smiled as she pulled into Ethan's flat complex.

"I'll come pick you up at 7:30, ok?"

"So 8 then?" Cal joked.

"I'm a stickler for time keeping Cal, 7:30 it will be." Sam raised his eyebrows at him, giving him a determined look.

"Wow, you two are so meant to be it's unreal." Cal laughed, as he climbed out of the car.

"I'll see you later." Ethan smiled at Sam, leaning over and giving her a kiss.

"See you later, and don't forget your pizza's, they're in the boot." Sam smiled.

Sam got home and had a long, hot shower, possibly slightly too hot as it made her feel a bit lightheaded, but she enjoyed it. She did secretly wish she could have a glass of wine while she was getting ready, but was determined not to, even if guidelines suggested one wouldn't hurt, she knew it wasn't necessary. She took out the small box that contained a pair of earrings for Robyn, still surprised that she had been able to buy them without Robyn noticing, and wrapped them ready for later. Then she cooked herself a quick pasta dish while still wondering about the flat in her towel. She turned on the radio, singing as she prepared her dinner. It was moments like these that she loved, and felt most relaxed.

The boys meanwhile were sitting at the table devouring their pizza's as if they hadn't eaten for a week, and both were making their way through a bottle of beer, Ethan more slowly than Cal, who seemed to be determined to go for it. Gracie had been safely handed over to her babysitter for the night, who had offered to have Gracie at her house with her little one, who Gracie would know from the crèche. Ethan wasn't sure this was the greatest idea, but Cal hadn't seemed to worry and neither had Gracie seemed fazed when she went off, if anything she seemed excited at the prospect of playing with her crèche buddy. Cal was soon finishing beer number 3 and about to open number 4 when they heard a beep from the grounds, and Ethan looked out and saw Sam pulling up.

"Come on, she's here." Ethan almost bounced out of the door, Cal giving him an odd look to see him seem excited about going out, and looked at his watch, then at his beer bottle. "And you can put that down, you're not taking it in my car." Ethan said sternly.

As they got to the external door of the flat Sam had stepped out of the car to greet Ethan properly.

"Wow, you look lovely." He smiled, leaning in to kiss her. Cal gave another grunt of disgust, though deep down he didn't think he really meant it, he jut had to keep up the show.

"Thank you." Sam smiled shyly, adjusting her kimono to try and hide her bump a little.

"Although aren't the shoes a bit-"

"Come on, time to go." Sam cut in before Ethan could pick apart her choice of footwear. "I'm not allowed to drink, so let me have a little bit of heel. Besides, they aren't as high as my normal ones. Cal can vouch for that." Sam said as they piled in the car.

When they arrived at the pub, Robyn was already there, excitedly chatting to Rita and Iain, who were standing by the bar. Lofty was coming back from the loo and Max was already outside enjoying his nicotine fix. Sam sneaked up behind Robyn and gave her a squeeze and Robyn turned around and pulled her into a huge hug.

"Ooh, you're in good form already." Sam laughed, "Happy birthday honey." She said handing over the small box.

"Aww, you shouldn't have, but thank you." Robyn smiled, tearing into the paper. She opened the box and squealed with delight at the earrings. "I love them so much, thank you Sam." She said hugging her again.

The group stood around talking and everyone was buying Robyn drinks and before long she was even more excited and even more tipsy, but everyone was having a great time. Even Sam was surprised how much she could enjoy herself with the right company being completely sober. She was stood at the bar having a quiet chat with Rita when Robyn came rushing over.

"They're setting up the karaoke, come on, lets get our names down!" Robyn said, rushing off again before either of them could answer. Rita and Sam looked at each other and laughed. But before long they were all up on stage, performing the best known karaoke hits that Robyn had chosen, but all laughing and having a good time. It was after a particularly funny rendition of Dolly Parton's '9 to 5' with Robyn and Sam taking the lead and Rita standing in between adding in lines along the way, that Sam finally got to catch up with Ethan.

"You look like you're having fun." He smiled, giving her a kiss.

"Yeah, I'm surprised how easy it is considering I'm completely sober. I think I'm sucking in the energy that Robyn is emitting."

"You look really great tonight, and its nice to see you looking more relaxed and happy." He said in her ear.

"Well, we've had a lot on haven't we?" She looked back at him. "Are you ok? I'm still concerned about you, you know. A good couple of shifts and handing in your reports don't make me believe you're truly back on track."

"I'm fine, things are looking up." He tried to reassure her, but although she would accept this for now, she didn't want to cause a row and ruin Robyn's night with an atmosphere, she wasn't at all convinced. "I'm sorry if I've been the cause of your stress." He finished.

"You haven't, you know how much we've all had dumped on us, I'm just worried about you, and I want you to talk to me if you need to. That's what I'm here for."

"I know darling, and I appreciate that." He smiled at her. Suddenly, Robyn was back, tugging her away again to go and dance while they selected their next songs. Before long Robyn and Sam were back up on stage doing a rendition of The Shirelles hit: 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow'. Sam caught Ethan's eye while she was on stage singing, and could see the look of love in his eyes as he stared at her, she smiled at him, feeling those butterflies in her stomach that she used to feel in the early days. She gave him a little wink as they finished their song then slipped down towards him. Without saying a word, she took him by the wrist and looking around to ensure no-one was looking, she led him outside and around the side of the pub where they wouldn't be seen. He went to speak but she silenced him by placing her fingers on his lips, and she stared intensely at him. Then still without saying a word, she leaned in and kissed him deeply on the lips, carefully parting his lips, she slipped her tongue in his mouth. His reaction to this told her she had won, and he was all hers now, that he was unable to think about anything else, and she smiled inside. She gently pushed him up against the wall and continued with the passionate kiss until it came to a natural stop when both needed some air. Ethan was blushing, a slight pinkness in his cheeks, but he looked happy, and Sam just wished she could get him home right then. She leaned in close to whisper in his ear, and as she did he could feel her breath on his earlobe and neck and he felt the excitement tingle all through his body. He still couldn't believe she could do this to him, it was like she turned him to jelly without even trying. As she spoke, whispering something suggestive in his ear, a small smile came to his lips. She pulled away and looked up at him from under her mascara laden eyelashes, and he bent his head forward and kissed her again, thinking to himself that he couldn't wait to get home now.


	160. Chapter 160

**Warning** "Oscar" Speech ahead...(!)

I can't believe I've completed 160 chapters which turns out to be nearly 300,000 words, and over 550 lovely reviews from all of you. They really truly are so appreciated, and really give me a boost to continue writing. Thanks to everyone who reads, follows, favourites and reviews my little story. And to my regular reviews, I really do love you guys - you are all so great on this site so to know you are enjoying my story really helps.

I will endeavour to write some new things soon too...but for now, I'm still enjoying this epic...

Anyway...back to what you came here for...the story!

Thank you all so much once more! :) xx

* * *

As Sam led Ethan back inside, they hoped their absence hadn't been noticed by anyone. They slinked up to the bar and Sam was getting herself and Ethan another drink when Cal strode over to them.

"Drink Cal?" Sam said easily, trying to get in before he could comment.

"You think you're so sneaky don't you." He grinned at them, now getting rather drunk.

"I don't know what you're implying." She said easily as she ordered him another pint against her better judgement.

"Yeah you do, you thought you slipped away unnoticed, but I saw you." He smiled victoriously, Ethan looked uncomfortable, but Sam just shrugged.

"Yeah, what of it? We went outside for some air." She smiled smugly back.

"Oh air, is that what you're calling it nowadays."

"Besides, we weren't gone long enough to do anything exciting Cal."

"Yeah but we all know with Ethan that it's done and dusted in 8 minutes!" Cal laughed loudly, and Ethan looked embarrassed as a couple of people nearby looked over, and he was sure Rita and Iain shared a giggle between them. Sam saw his shame and felt bad for him, she wished Cal would think sometimes before throwing those comments out in public. Banter was one thing, and Ethan could sometimes come back at him, but when others were around he could also go to pieces, and then he looked like a lost little boy, probably like the boy who was once bullied in school. Sam paid for the drinks, then turned to Cal as cool as anything and smiled.

"Trust me Cal, what Ethan and I do when we're alone takes a lot longer than 8 minutes, and I've never enjoyed it more." She said, passing Ethan his pint and taking his hand she pulled him away from the bar. Ethan looked sheepishly back towards Cal, who was staring open mouthed and Rita and Iain who were also staring, but allowed himself to be led away to the table.

"I'm sorry Ethan, I just don't like it when Cal runs you down in public like that. Banter behind closed doors is one thing, but I think he forgets himself sometimes when he's drunk."

"Its ok." Ethan shrugged quietly. Just then Robyn appeared again, rather more drunk this time.

"Sam! I was looking for you, we need to get up and do another one!"

"Robyn, are you ok? You're really drunk." Sam laughed, pulling Robyn down onto the chair next to her. "Maybe you should have a little bit of water?"

"Nah, I'm ok, come on, lets sing!" Robyn got up again, dragging Sam off with her. Sam turned back and shrugged at Ethan, pulling a funny face, making Ethan smile. She mouthed to him to get some water for Robyn, so he picked up his pint and headed back towards the bar.

"So, you've got your girlfriend fighting your battles again Nibbles." Cal laughed, having recovered from Sam's earlier comment. Ethan just rolled his eyes and shook his head, catching the bartenders eye and ordering some water for Robyn.

"Whatever Cal. I'm not rising to it." Ethan sighed.

"No, clearly you're not." Cal said looking down at him, laughing again.

"Grow up Cal." Ethan shook his head.

"Oh, come on Nibbles, you and I were supposed to be having a lads night, a few drinks with the boys."

"Well forgive me for not wanting to when all you do is make me feel small and insecure."

"Aw, its only lads banter, no harm meant." Cal said, throwing his arm around Ethan's shoulder, making Ethan stiffen awkwardly. Cal pushed Ethan's pint towards him. "Come on, you need some more of that, loosen you up a bit." Ethan knew the only way to get Cal off his back was to concede and do as he wanted, so he picked up the pint and drained half in one go. Cal raised his eyebrows in surprise, then challenged Ethan to down the rest, and against all better judgement, he did, purely to keep Cal quiet. Then next thing he knew, Cal had set tequila shots in front of them and Cal was holding his up ready. Ethan rolled his eyes but picked it up and knocked it back, feeling it burn all the way down.

"Right, that's enough now Cal. I need to get this water to Robyn." He said, turning with the glass of water back to where the girls were stepping off the stage. As he turned he could feel the effects of the alcohol he had consumed, he wasn't drunk, but he could feel the warm glow running through him, and he felt a bit off centre as he walked towards Sam and Robyn. He handed the water to Robyn, who took a sip then looked at him in disgust.

"What is this? Water?" She said.

"Drink up, you need it chick." Sam smiled. "If you want to make it into town in a minute, you need to pace yourself."

"Oh, but its my birthday." Robyn whined. Rita sidled up to them carrying her glass of wine.

"I know hon, but trust me, you wont enjoy or remember it if you carry on. Come on, lets sit, we can have a girlie gossip." Sam said, trying to capture her attention and get her to sit and calm down for a bit. The three girls sat down at the table and started gossiping.

"Ethan!" Cal suddenly yelled across the bar. Ethan turned around and Cal was holding up another shot. Ethan shook his head but excused himself from the girls, in some ways glad to get away from the prospect of them gossiping about goodness knows what he thought. He re-joined the boys at the bar but used an old trick of slipping the shot into another container, knowing he'd had enough.

"Cal, don't you think you should slow down a bit?" Ethan said.

"Nah! I'm fine." He shrugged. "Come on boys, are we headed off soon?" He said turning to Max, Lofty and Iain.

"We ought to wait for Robyn and the girls." Lofty said, "I think they're coming too, I'll go and ask." He said walking up to the table. "Girls, are we ready to head into town?"

"Lofty!" Robyn jumped up, nearly knocking over the drinks on the table. "Let's go!" She said, slipping her arm through his and heading towards the door without looking back. Lofty looked back and nodded to the boys. As they gathered outside organising a taxi to get them in, Sam and Ethan made their excuses and headed back to the car.

"There are going to be some sore heads tomorrow." Sam smiled.

"You don't need to be so righteous, you'd have been with them if you could." Ethan smirked as he climbed into the passenger seat of the car.

"True." Sam nodded, smiling at him as she climbed into the car. "I've had a good night though."

"Yeah, you looked like you were having fun. Its nice to see you really smiling again."

"I know another thing that will make me really smile." Sam said, looking across at Ethan. He looked up at her, a slight nervous, unsure look on his face, but any insecurity he felt soon disappeared when she kissed him deeply and lovingly. "Come on, lets get home." She said softly, smiling to herself as she started the car.

They got back to the flat, and Sam clutched Ethan's hand tightly as they walked up the stairs in silence. As Ethan opened the door and let Sam in, she turned and pulled him in for a kiss before he could speak. Shutting the door to the flat with her foot she then lent him up against it while still kissing him. He let out a small moan which drove her wild and she started undoing his shirt before he'd even got his jacket off. He pulled away and looked down at her.

"You are so beautiful." He smiled, his voice slightly shaky.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." He replied. She took his hand and led him through to the bedroom.

They were awoken a few hours later by Ethan's mobile ringing from the bedside table, the vibrating noise buzzing through the room. Ethan sleepily reached out for it, then realising it was Cal, he answered.

"What?" He groaned as he sat up slightly.

"Ethan, I'm outside, let me in." Cal slurred.

"Where are your keys?"

"I forgot them, you locked up."

"Be right there." Ethan sighed getting up. Sam looked over, wrinkling her brow, watching Ethan shuffle out to the hallway of the flat to buzz Cal in. He opened the door and Cal practically fell through it, chuckling to himself.

"Really Cal?" Ethan sighed.

"What?"

"You don't know when to stop do you?"

"I'm fine, I just had fun, nothing wrong with that."

"Cal." Ethan said, giving him 'that' look again.

"What, I'm ok." He started, then his face paled slightly. "Actually, hold that thought..." He said rushing towards the bathroom and throwing up into the toilet.

"Are you ok?" Ethan called through the bathroom door, shaking his head. He went to get some water and paracetamol and put them on Cal's bedside table, then he quickly tidied up his bed, pulling it back so Cal could just fall into bed once he'd stopping being sick. As Ethan headed back to the bathroom, Sam was up and outside the door.

"Is he ok?" She asked, looking worried.

"Yeah, he just drank too much." Ethan sighed. "Sorry, you go back to bed." he said apologetically.

"Its fine, you have work in the morning, you should get some sleep. I'll get him to bed safely."

"Don't you have work too?"

"Well, yes, but I can cope better than you with a disturbed night." Sam smiled cheekily. "Besides, now I'm up, I need a pee." they both looked towards the bathroom door. "I know, great timing!" She laughed. "Come on, back to bed." She said kissing him gently on the lips.

"Thanks." He smiled. "Don't be too long." He said as he went back to bed.

"Cal?" Sam said gently while knocking on the bathroom door. "Cal, are you ok?"

"Mmm." Came the muffled reply. Then she heard the toilet flush and the sound of Cal cleaning his teeth, then he emerged from the bathroom. "Cal, you look awful."

"Thanks, I feel it." He sighed.

"Come on, lets get you to bed." Sam said, guiding him out of the bathroom and into his bedroom.

"I even feel too terrible to joke about this right now." Cal said as Sam tucked him into bed.

"Ethan has put some water and pills there for you." Sam smiled, and as Cal took them she looked at him and asked gently; "Why did you do it Cal?"

"I don't know, I was just letting loose and having fun." Cal said quietly, shrugging.

"Oh Cal. What are you like. Come on, you need to sleep this off." Sam said standing up from the bed and turning off his light as he rested his head on the pillow. She crept back into Ethan's bed an cuddled up behind him.

"Damn." She said just as she got comfortable.

"What?" Ethan asked.

"I forgot to go to the loo." Sam said. "Oh, I don't want to move now." She mumbled into Ethan's shoulder.

"Don't then." Ethan said unhelpfully.

"I have to." She said throwing the duvet off herself again. When she finally returned, Ethan had drifted off to sleep again, so Sam tried to slip into bed without waking him. She lay down facing the opposite way and snuggled back down, then suddenly she felt Ethan turn around and cuddle in behind her, making Sam smile. He kissed her shoulder and snuggled in and let out a satisfied sigh, making Sam smile even more.

"I love you." She whispered through the dark.

"I love you." He whispered back. She knew she should let him sleep, but she couldn't help herself, she turned around to him and started kissing him and before long they were making love for the second time that night, with both falling into a blissful sleep in each others arms.


	161. Chapter 161

Connie called Ethan into her office first thing the following morning, he assumed it would be about the reports he had submitted as she hadn't had a chance to give her feedback.

"Dr Hardy, as you may be aware I am away at the Conference of Emergency Medicine in London for the next few days, and Dr Hanna is attending too, and Dylan is on leave, it's all been rather poor timing."

"What does this have to do with me?" Ethan asked naively, wondering where she was going with this.

"What it has to do with you Dr Hardy is that I want you to be in charge in our absence. We will be available via telephone periodically if you need us, but I want you to keep control of things. Is that ok?"

"Wow, um, me? Really?" Ethan asked, surprised.

"Yes Dr Hardy, you. You're a senior registrar, very near to completing your training rotation, I think you're more than capable, don't you?"

"Well, um, yes. I mean, yes of course."

"Good. Don't make me regret it."

"No, I won't Mrs Beauchamp." Ethan said, smiling as he turned to leave.

"Wait a minute Dr Hardy."

"Yes?" He turned back again.

"About your reports, they were both excellent, I want you to take your ideas forward and implement the plans, ok?"

"Really?"

"Absolutely, you have my blessing to set it up and monitor its success. I'm very impressed by your forward thinking."

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp. Ethan smiled again, feeling a glowing pride as he left the clinical leads office.

As Ethan left the office he was greeted by a sight that caught him by surprise. Sam was standing at the admin desk holding Gracie, and she looked stressed.

"Sam? What's Gracie doing here?" Ethan said approaching her.

"Oh Ethan, Claire who was looking after Gracie for Cal last night has just brought Gracie here, she can't get any answer from Cal and she needed to drop Gracie back, so she brought her here by chance in case he was here, or one of us."

"What? Why isn't he answering?"

"I don't know, I assume he's still sleeping it off, but I can't keep Gracie today, can you try and phone him please?"

"I'll do it now." Ethan said, as he walked away looking cross pulling his mobile out of his pocket. He rang Cal 3 times and got no answer, then sighed and turned back towards Sam shaking his head. "No answer." He sighed.

"What are we going to do Ethan? We're working, we can't keep her here."

"Can you just watch her for ten minutes while I try and sort something? I'll keep trying Cal."

Sam took Gracie towards Rita's office and knocked on the door, but unusually she entered without waiting for Rita to invite her in.

"Rita I- Oh sorry!" she stuttered, as Rita and Iain jumped apart. "I'm sorry Rita." Sam said again turning away to leave.

"It's ok, Sam come back. Iain was just leaving anyway."

"Yeah, see ya later." He grinned and winked at Rita as he walked past Sam, the smirk still visible on his face.

"Rita, I'm really sorry." Sam said again when Iain had gone.

"It's, fine, why do you have Gracie? Is she ok?" Rita asked, as she reapplied her lip gloss.

"Cal has kind of gone AWOL, well, he's not disappeared but he got so drunk last night, I'm guessing he's still sleeping it off this morning, and Claire who was babysitting Gracie for him last night had to go so she brought her here on the off chance one of us would be here."

"Right, so now you're stuck with Gracie for the day?" Rita asked raising her eyebrows.

"Well, Ethan is trying to sort something, but for the time being I'm stuck with her. I was sort of hoping you could keep her in with you for a bit, let her play in the corner if I get some of the kids toys?" Sam asked. "I'm sorry Rita, I know its cheeky."

"Why don't you take her home? I'll cover for you." Rita said kindly.

"Oh, no Rita, I couldn't. You have a management day; you've probably got lots to catch up on."

"Well, I can soon catch up. Patient's before paperwork."

"Well, let me see if Ethan can get hold of him before we do anything to drastic. Can you just watch her for 10 minutes?"

"Sure." Rita smiled, taking the little girl from Sam's arms.

"Thank you, thank you so much." Sam sighed as she hurried out of the door, searching for Ethan. She caught up with him just outside the ED still trying to phone Cal. "Any luck?" Sam mouthed to him as he continued pacing with the phone against his ear. He sighed and shook his head then hung up again.

"No. He can be so irresponsible at times, I can't believe he's been so stupid and selfish." Ethan started to rant.

"Getting cross isn't going to help though Ethan." Sam tried to calm him.

"Actually I can believe he's been this selfish, it's just typical of him." Ethan continued not listening to her, causing Sam to wince slightly, and he got angrier.

"But-"

"No, don't try to defend him." Ethan said, holding his hand up as he cut her off. "There is no good excuse for this." Sam stood open mouthed, about to speak but not sure what to say. "Where is Gracie?" He snapped at her suddenly.

"Rita has her in the office at the moment." Sam said quietly. "Maybe I should just go to the flat with her, see if he's ok?"

"Of course he's ok, he will just be sleeping off the hangover." Ethan said still angry.

"But what if something has happened?" Sam said softly, still aware Ethan was angry, but she was worried.

"Nothing will have…I'm sure." Ethan said, but Sam could hear the tiny shred of doubt creeping in now, as his voice faltered when he said 'sure'.

"Even so, Gracie shouldn't be here. I'll walk back to the flat with her and go and see if he's ok, I'll be back within the hour." Sam said, still trying not to make him angrier. He silently nodded, still annoyed but now also slightly concerned; Sam was right, something _could_ have happened; it probably hadn't, he had been snoring loudly when they left, but just in case, he conceded that she was right. And Gracie couldn't stay there.

Sam went back to Rita to explain the plan, and Rita was supportive and said she would cover Sam for as long as it took, then Sam headed off towards the flat with Gracie. It took her longer than she thought as she'd forgotten how heavy Gracie was getting, and along with her growing bump it was harder work to walk there. When she got to the flat she let herself in with Ethan's keys and headed straight to Cal's room. She was relieved that she could hear him snoring still as she approached the door, but she pushed her way through, knowing she had to wake him up.

"Cal, Cal wake up!" She said firmly, placing Gracie on the bed next to him and giving him a shake. He groaned as he came to, and winced at the brightness of the room against his pounding head.

"Oh, God!" He sighed. "What is it?"

"Cal, Claire dropped Gracie to the hospital, she couldn't get hold of you."

"Why? What happened?" Cal rushed out suddenly, sitting up and instantly regretting it as he clutched his head.

"Nothing, but she had to go to her Mum's so she needed to drop her back."

"Oh, ok." He groaned again.

"Cal, Ethan is really cross." Sam said, looking concerned at him.

"He would be." Cal shrugged, then his face went pale again.

"Cal? Are you ok?" Sam asked, her brow wrinkling in concern.

"I just, um, I need to-" He started as he darted off to the bathroom. Sam sighed to herself. She knew what was going to happen, and she picked up Gracie and went into the living room, pulling out her phone from her pocket.

"Rita? Its Sam. I'm sorry, can you do without me today? Cal's not well, he can't look after Gracie in this state, I'm going to have to take an annual leave day and look after her myself."

"Yeah, that's fine." Rita replied.

"I'm so sorry Rita." Sam sighed. "I hate letting you down like this."

"Don't worry, you haven't. We'll manage."

"Rita, will you let Ethan know I'm not coming back. He's sure to be cross, and I'm not sure I can deal with the tension right now."

"Sure, no problem." Rita's supportive voice came through and Sam felt even worse for letting her down.

"Thanks Rita." Sam said as she hung up. She knew she probably should just leave Gracie and make Cal man up and deal with it, but it was Gracie who would get the raw end of that deal, and that simply wasn't fair. Nor did Sam feel it was entirely safe to leave Gracie with Cal, who would probably fall asleep and not have his eye on her properly. "Right then Gracie, it's just you and me today by the looks of it."

"Da?" Gracie asked, pointing towards the bathroom where Cal was still retching.

"Daddy's poorly." Sam said. "You and me?" She smiled, pointing at Gracie and herself and Gracie laughed and reached out for a hug. Sam pulled the little girl into her arms and gave her a big hug. While Sam waited for Cal to re-surface, she rummaged through the kitchen for some snacks for Gracie, then packed up her change bag ready to go out. As Cal exited the bathroom, he stumbled towards the front room and slumped on the sofa.

"You look awful Cal." Sam said, looking at him.

"I feel it. I can normally get away with managing but I feel like death." He sighed.

"Well, you'll be pleased to know I've phoned Rita and told her I won't be back in today. I'm taking Gracie into town for the day. It'll give you chance to sleep this off properly." Sam looked at Cal with concern in her eyes, and he felt even worse, knowing he'd disappointed her and messed her day up. She, on the other hand, was worried about the reason behind his hangover.

"No, you should go back, I'll manage." Cal said, clearly knowing he couldn't.

"Cal." Sam raised her eyebrows giving him a look to rival one that Ethan would give him. "Cal, you can't look after Gracie like this. Go back to bed and we'll come back later." Sam said, pointing back towards his bedroom. He smiled shakily and nodded and shuffled back to bed, feeling grateful to her for clearing up after him. Sam got Gracie ready and headed into town, deciding if she was going to have to use a day of her leave then she would go and get some shopping and new clothes that she needed, and she would take Gracie out for lunch. Just as she was leaving the house, her phone beeped with a text from Ethan, expressing his anger at Cal and apologising that she drew the short straw, as he put it, and had to use a leave day to look after Gracie. She knew it was a waste of time but she replied saying she didn't mind and that she was heading off shopping to soften the blow.

By the time Sam returned in the afternoon, Cal was feeling a bit better, and was quite apologetic, so Sam took the opportunity to head back to the hospital, deciding to visit Ella. She was very surprised to see her sitting up in bed when she arrived, but couldn't hide her relief. She approached Ella's bedside and embraced her friend, feeling tears pricking her eyes.

"You're looking well." Sam smiled as she pulled away.

"Yeah, I'm getting there." Ella said, trying to shift her position somewhat awkwardly. Sam couldn't help but notice she had an arm being supported by a pillow. "Anyway, look at you, you're blooming." Ella smiled.

"It's coming on nicely isn't it?" Sam smiled back while resting a hand on her bump. "We had the scan the other day." Sam smiled.

"Ooh, where's the picture, show me." Ella said excited. Sam rummaged in her bag and pulled out the picture and Ella's eyes welled up. "Oh, look. Gosh I still can't believe it's you, and you're having a baby."

"And there's more." Sam said, trying to hide the smile as she lifted her hand to show Ella her ring.

"Oh my god! No!" Ella said louder than she meant to, causing the nurses to look over. Sam nodded still smiling and Ella grinned back. "Come here, give me another hug." She said, pulling Sam closer with her good arm.

"So, what's the update with you?" Sam asked as they pulled apart again, and Ella proceeded to explain what the doctors had been saying, and what she had been doing for her rehabilitation. Sam couldn't help but notice the slight tremor in Ella's hand as they chatted, and occasionally she lost her words or train of thought when they talked, but all in all, she was recovering much better than Sam could have dared hope for in the early stages. Sam stayed and chatted until Ella started to get tired and was struggling to maintain her concentration and conversation became more difficult. Then she wondered back downstairs to meet Ethan after his shift, so they could go back home together. When they got back to the flat, Gracie was already tucked up in bed and Cal was hiding out in his room, pretending to be resting and revising, but Sam knew deep down he was probably avoiding them, or more so Ethan, to avoid any awkward encounters that may have followed. Sam felt disappointed as she desperately wanted to fill him in on Ella's recovery, but she knew she could speak to him later. And she was determined to speak to him, she was worried about him.


	162. Chapter 162

"So how was work today?" Sam asked Ethan as they sat down. Ethan was still tense and Sam could tell he desperately wanted to tell Cal exactly what he thought of him.

"Yeah, same old." He sighed, glancing towards the hallway that led to the bedrooms. "I still can't believe you used a day of leave to-"

"Yes I know Ethan, lets not drag it up again," She started, placing her hand gently on his arm to try and soothe him. "Besides, I got some new clothes which I desperately needed and I bought Gracie a couple of gorgeous outfits." Sam said cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood.

"I hope you didn't spend too much."

"Ooh, keeping tabs on me and my spending already?" Sam smiled cheekily, winking at him, to make sure he knew she was joking.

"Well, knowing you, someone has to." He smiled back.

"So, you said you had some exciting news?"

"Well, I don't know about exciting, but Mrs Beauchamp called me into her office this morning."

"Uh-oh!" Sam laughed, teasing him.

"Yeah, well, so I thought. But she wanted to tell me that she and Zoe would be at a conference for the next few days, and Dylan is on leave."

"Right?" Sam said, unsure where he was going with this information.

"So she wants me to run things while they are away, you know, be in charge."

"Wow, that's great Ethan." Sam smiled supportively.

"Yeah, I think she's testing me to prove myself, but its nice that she seems to think I can do it."

"Well, of course you can do it, it's a fantastic opportunity to prove it though, to her and yourself." Sam said knowingly.

"Yeah, I guess. But what if something goes wrong?"

"It wont, and you'll have the team behind you, they all respect you Ethan, so they will support you. It's really amazing."

"Well, its nothing really, I guess I was the obvious choice as a senior registrar. But its still a nice vote of confidence. She could have cancelled Dylan's leave I suppose."

"You need to have more faith in yourself Ethan, you're an excellent clinician, and you will be a great team leader. You just need to realise it. I'm so proud of you.'" She smiled, squeezing his hand and giving him a kiss; Ethan felt another rush of pride. "Ooh, my boyfriend, the boss; that it so hot." Sam giggled, making Ethan laugh suddenly too.

"Hardly!" He said looking at her as if she was strange.

"Dr Hottie Hardy, are you gonna call me in your office and discipline me." Sam whispered seductively, fighting a smile as she saw Ethan's face.

"Oh, u-um." He stuttered out, then seeing Sam's face, he realised she was teasing him. "Stop it you."

"See, getting masterful already, this role was clearly made for you." She smiled, kissing him again.

Later, while Ethan was preparing some dinner, Sam slipped unnoticed into Cal's room, needing to speak to him. He looked up briefly as she approached the side of his bed and sat down carefully on it, ensuring she was quiet as Gracie was sleeping.

"What?" He whispered, pretending to be engrossed in his text book. As he looked up again, he realised Sam was holding out a piece of paper to him. He took it, looking confused as he looked at the number written on it. "Who is it?"

"Ella's new number. She has a new phone since hers was destroyed. She asked me to give it to you and to ask you to get in touch." Sam said in hushed tones, looking knowingly at Cal.

"Oh, ok." He said, looking away from Sam's gaze.

"Cal. You two need to sort this out. Why wont you talk to her? Tell her how you feel."

"I will, I mean I was going to, but..." He sighed, stopping, not really sure where he was going with the sentence.

"But what?"

"I don't know. I will." He nodded again, and Sam looked doubtfully at him.

"She misses you."

"I miss her too." he said quietly.

"Text her, then go and see her. Her mum has had to go back home for a bit."

"Ok, I will." He said eventually, looking at Sam carefully, feeling a knot in his stomach, seeing her supportive eyes. "Sam, I'm sorry about today."

"Hey, don't think any more about it." Sam said kindly. "Just don't do it again, you have someone more important to consider now." Sam said looking over at a sleeping Gracie in her cot. "And she's worth way more than some drunken night out. Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes." Sam added as she left. Cal looked down at the paper in his hand, taking a deep breath, he picked up his phone, and stared at it, hoping the inspiration would come.

He reluctantly strayed out of his room shortly after, knowing he had to face his brother at some point. He wondered if Ethan would have calmed down by now, but one look at Ethan's face as he walked into the front room told him it was still too soon. Cal considered what to do, it was too late to turn back, so he decided to play it cool.

"Hey, something smells good." He said, trying to be nice.

"Don't Cal, just don't." Ethan snapped, getting more wound up by Cal's carefree attitude.

"What?" Cal asked.

"You know what." Ethan spat out, looking exasperated at him.

"Oh Ethan, you need to get over it."

"Get over what, my irresponsible brother acting like he always does."

"Oh here we go!" Cal rolled his eyes, getting annoyed.

"No Cal! You were completely in the wrong, and as usual, you get away without consequences and everyone around you picks up the pieces!"

"What pieces? I don't recall anything falling apart."

"It could have Cal, this isn't just a one night stand to regret or apologies to make, you have Gracie to think about, someone depending on you. IT was completely selfish! But that's you all over isn't it? You only think of yourself!"

"Yeah well it gives you the chance to lord it over me, we all know you love that; being all self-righteous!" Cal spat.

"Well its about time you grew up and acted like the dad that Gracie needs you to be!" Ethan shouted back.

"Hey, Ethan, to be fair, Cal has-"

"No Sam! Stay out of this!" Ethan turned and snapped at her. Sam sat back down quietly, watching the scene unfold in front of her. "Cal has to learn that his irresponsible actions have a greater impact now, and its about time he grew up!"

"Christ, I only had a hangover. Its hardly the end of the world!"

"Only a hangover that meant you weren't able to be responsible for Gracie."

"I could have been but as usual, you interfered."

"You never learn do you? Where would you be if _we_ weren't here to clear up your mess all of the time?"

"I'd be fine! In fact, that's what I needed to tell you, I'm moving out, Gracie and I are moving out."

"Ha! I'll believe that when I see it!" Ethan spat out sarcastically.

"We're going. So you can have your perfect little life without us cramping your style."

"Well, its about time you stepped up and took some responsibility!"

"Well its about time you took a step back and kept the hell out of my life!"

"Well if that's what you want you might as well go now!"

"Fine, I'll pack tonight and we'll be gone tomorrow!" Cal said as he stormed back to his bedroom, cursing as he slammed the door and woke Gracie up.

Sam looked up at Ethan, completely speechless, and wishing she was far away from the flat right now. Ethan let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head and curling his fists into a ball, still clearly angry then also stormed off to the bedroom, slamming his door. Sam just sat in shock, absorbing the verbal exchange between the two brothers. Now she knew what Rita had meant when she had described their relationship as volatile. She cleaned up the remnants of dinner and tidied around, keeping out of the boys way, and allowing them both the time to sulk. She stayed up as long as she could manage, and then creeped into Ethan's bedroom later that night. He was sitting with his laptop on his lap, typing furiously, as she slipped into bed next to him.

"Ok?" She asked cautiously.

"Fine." He said curtly, barely looking up from his laptop.

"I've tidied up the kitchen."

"Thanks." He said slightly softer.

"I'm sorry Ethan, maybe I should have left, I did think about it." She said quietly, feeling awkward. Ethan sensed her tone and looked up.

"I'm sorry. I'm not cross with you, Cal just knows how to push my buttons."

"Yeah, I got that." She said, looking at her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers together awkwardly. Ethan saved his work and put his laptop down, then reached out and took her hand.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Its fine," she half smiled, although the smile didn't reach her eyes, and Ethan felt guilty. "I just hate seeing you both fight."

"Well, it's about time he saw how his behaviour affects others." Ethan said, tensing again.

"Ethan, lets not drag it all up again." Sam said, then she sighed and looked at him. "Are you sure you want him to move out."

"It was his decision." Ethan shrugged. "Besides, he would have had to soon enough."

"Yes, but this way feels so wrong."

"Like I said, he made the choice." Ethan said again, and Sam knew there was no point in trying to talk bout anything tonight. She lay down and turned to face the wall, feeling a horrible knot in her stomach, thinking of two of the most important people in her life fighting. She wished she could talk to Ella, but she knew she couldn't, Ella had more than enough to be coping with and Sam knew she needed to be there for her, not the other way round. As she lay there with these thoughts circling around her head, she felt Ethan lie down next to her, she waited for him to cuddle into her, but he didn't. He turned the other way and soon fell asleep, leaving Sam feeling like she was somehow being punished too.

* * *

At work the following morning, Ethan had put Cal and Lily together in cubicles, along with Charlie, Rita and Robyn, and He was in Resus with Sam and Lofty. He felt pleased that there was a good strong nursing team available to him, so he was hopeful that today would run smoothly, as long as he could avoid Cal as much as possible. They hit the ground running, as always, but Ethan seemed to be keeping a cool head and things were running well. The team in resus had just had a critical patient in from an RTC but had managed to keep him stable enough to get him to surgery, and they currently were also treating a very poorly elderly man with pneumonia, and Sam was keeping a close watch on him while they were waiting for a bed on the medical ward. She had left momentarily to grab some more equipment when she saw Lily looking annoyed and seemingly searching for something.

"Dr Chao? Is everything ok?" Sam asked, looking concerned. "Have you lost something?"

"I can't find Dr Knight. He was supposed to be looking over Cubicles four, six and nine, but they all still seem to be outstanding and nothing seems to have been done." Lily replied sounding cross.

"And he's not in with any of them?" Sam asked.

"No, I guess if he doesn't turn up soon, I'm going to have to take over and see them myself, but I've already got the others on the go. Honestly, sometimes I just don't know what he does." Lily sighed.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Sam offered kindly, being careful not to step on Lily's toes.

"No, no its fine." She sighed, walking away to continue looking for Cal. Sam headed off to put the equipment back into resus and decided she would try and look for Cal to give him a nudge that Lily was on the warpath. She sent a quick text to him in the hope he would see and reappear.

"Lofty, have you seen Cal?" Sam asked, a little louder than she meant to, as she walked back in through the doors of resus.

"No, not since first thing, why?" Lofty asked as Ethan's head shot up.

"What? Why?" He snapped out suddenly.

"Oh, no reason, I just needed to ask him something." Sam said, trying to sound detached, busying herself restocking the drawers.

"Um, Ethan, I think you should re-examine Mr King here, his sats are dropping and he's becoming more breathless." Lofty said, distracting both Ethan and Sam before any more could be said about Cal. They were busy trying to stabilize him, while Sam was on the phone demanding a bed for him on the ward, and Lofty was giving him some more antibiotics and fluids. Rita popped her head through the doors of Resus.

"Sorry guys, I don't suppose you've seen Cal? Lily is a bit busy and I need a patient reviewed."

"No, Sam was asking just now." Lofty shrugged and Rita looked across to Sam, who shrugged whilst still on the phone, flashing a nervous glance over at Ethan who had straightened up from listening to Mr King's chest.

"What is going on? Where is he?" Ethan asked while securing his stethoscope back around his neck.

"He must have just got caught up somewhere." Sam said, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Typical of you." Ethan muttered, then turned back to Rita. "Give me 5 minutes Rita and I'll co-"

"Wait a minute. What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked, feeling affronted by Ethan's comment.

"What it means is that you always stick up for _him,_ even when he's clearly in the wrong." Ethan said firmly. Rita and Lofty exchanged awkward glances.

"How do you know he's in the wrong? You're assuming he is because you're already angry with him, he might genuinely be with a patient."

"Or he might just be slacking off."

"But you have no proof Ethan. You can't accuse him simply because you're pissed off with him." Sam said getting annoyed by Ethan's manner.

"You have no proof he isn't." Ethan huffed.

"This is ridiculous, but may I suggest if you wish to continue this discussion we move to a more private area." Sam said, suddenly realising they were still in a patient area and one use of bad language in front of a patient was enough.

"We don't need to continue this conversation. Nothing will be resolved by it. I'm going to review Rita's patient." Ethan said turning on his heel and stalking out of Resus. Rita looked at Sam with raised eyebrows and shrugged and followed him.

"What's wrong with him?" Lofty asked.

"Nothing, he's just got a bit of friction with Cal at the moment, personally, and its straying into work." Sam said, not wanting to give too much away.

"Again?" Lofty said, shaking his head. "I never quite get those two, one minute they're fighting tooth and nail for each other, then their turning it all in on each other."

"I know, right." Sam sighed, walking back to take care of Mr King.


	163. Chapter 163

Ethan came back into Resus from reviewing Rita's patient to find Lofty on his own looking after Mr King.

"How is he?" Ethan asked, looking towards Mr King.

"He's stable, I'm just running the next bag of fluids, Sam says the bed should be ready in about 20 minutes."

"Where is Sam."

"She, um, I think she went to find-"

"I know, Cal right?"

"Um, no. I was going to say she went to find some forms for Robyn, for a training day."

"Oh, right." Ethan said slightly sheepishly.

"Ethan, do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really Lofty, no. There's nothing to talk about?"

"Ok. But if you do, I'm happy to listen." Lofty smiled as he turned back to Mr King.

"Thanks." Ethan nodded in acknowledgement. Just then, Sam came back in the room. She passed an awkward glance towards Ethan then headed over to Lofty.

"I've spoken to the ward, they are ready for Mr King now, if he's still stable we should get him transferred, Cubicles are full and people are piling up outside."

"Ok, I'll give Max a shout and we can take him up now."

"If you're ok I'm going to go and assist with some rapid assessment and treatments."

"Sure." Lofty nodded as he went to find Max.

"Has he turned up yet?" Ethan asked.

"If you mean Cal, I haven't looked for him." Sam shrugged, not really wanting to get involved in another argument with Ethan yet. "You're ok if I go and do some assessments aren't you? We need to catch up a bit."

"Sure, give me a shout if you need help."

"Will do." Sam said heading out to cubicles, not quite sure how to take Ethan's changing mood. She knew he wasn't really annoyed with her, but she felt really torn. Of course she was loyal to Ethan, but she wasn't sure that Cal had definitely done anything wrong today. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked it but there was no reply from Cal. She typed another quick message asking where he was.

"Oi! You! How much longer do I have to wait?" A gruff male voice shouter as he approached Sam. She quickly slipped her phone back in her pocket.

"I'm sorry sir, we are really busy today, someone will be with you shortly."

"That's not good enough. I want to be seen now, I've been here for nearly 3 hours waiting."

"Well, if you let me get on and find the next notes, it may well be you I'm calling through." Sam said, trying not to get annoyed.

"That's no use, I've seen one nurse already, I need to see a doctor."

"Well, then you need to take a seat and wait until one is available. If you are able to stand and yell at me then clearly there is nothing life threatening wrong with you, so you will be able to wait your turn while we treat those who are more unwell." Sam said, keeping her cool, but speaking firmly to show she wouldn't be messed about. The man sat back down, still annoyed and muttering to anyone who would listen. Sam continued to the nurses station to pull some notes for some patients she could see and treat quickly to clear some space. She managed to convert HDU, which was currently empty and managed to get 3 patients seen and assessed in there, prescribing the necessary medication and sending one for an ankle x-ray. She was just returning to call her next patient when she heard a commotion behind a cubicle, then Robyn came out looking upset and flustered.

"Robyn, what's going on?" Sam asked, concerned.

"Its him, he's so rude and obnoxious and just horrible." She said going from angry to tearful. Sam could see she was clearly tired and heading towards breaking point today, which was very unlike the usually strong and happy nurse they knew.

"I don't think I need to ask who the patient is, I've had a run in with someone in the waiting room already." Sam said quietly, guiding her away from the cubical. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Robyn nodded.

"Look, why don't you go and have a quick cuppa, I'll cover here for you." Sam smiled, squeezing her shoulder. Robyn smiled a small smile and nodded and headed gratefully off to the staff room. Sam sighed and looked at the notes Robyn had handed over before she left.

"Right, what seems to be the problem here?" She said coolly as she entered the cubical.

"Oh not you again? What is it with this place? I want to see a doctor and all I keep getting are incompetent nurses. I suppose all the doctors are too busy drinking tea or are still on the golf course!"

"I can assure you Sir that our doctors are not drinking tea, nor are they on the golf course! They are treating sick patients, and I can also assure you Sir that I am not incompetent, and neither are my team. They are hard working, dedicated nurses who are also busy today looking after people who are significantly more sick that you, and also having to put up with your attitude."

"Well you and your oh so brilliant nurses can't treat me. You can't tell me what's wrong."

"You'd be surprised."

"Well, you don't have a fancy medical degree do you?"

"No, I don't, but what I don't think you realise Sir is that I have actually spent most of my adult life studying and training for this role. I have not only done 3 years at university for my initial nursing degree, I then did further study modules in emergency medicine and have completed my masters degree in emergency medicine and have further advanced skills in trauma nursing and I have completed my prescribing modules, so I have a lot of experience in diagnostics and treatment and actually, if you were accepting of my help initially, then we could be well on the way to sorting your problem by now." Sam said, firmly but without losing her temper. She hadn't realised that Lily was standing outside the cubical, having heard the man's earlier sarcastic comments, with a small smile on her face.

"Well, you're still not a doctor, I want to see a doctor now!"

"Well, the doctor wont come until I've assessed you and asked them to, so you need to let me do that, then if I deem it necessary of their precious time, I will find one." Sam said, starting to feel more irritated.

"Are you calling me a time waster."

"Now you're putting words into my mouth Sir."

"I want to see a doctor."

"And I'd like a polite patient without the attitude problem, but we're neither getting what we want, are we?"

"You can't talk to me like that! I want to see the manager!"

"Unbelievable." Sam muttered to herself as she exited the cubical, nearly walking right into Lily.

"Oh, sorry Dr Chao. I didn't see you there." Sam said as she went to carry on, but Lily clutched her arm and pulled her back.

"Nurse Jones, are you ok?"

"Dr Chao, I've told you to call me Sam, really." Sam smiled at her. "I'm fine, just an obnoxious patient, I can handle him."

"I know, I heard." Lily let out the small smile again and Sam saw her colleague soften for the first time in a long time.

"Anyway, he's demanding to see a doctor and now he wants to see the manager. What does he think this is, a restaurant that has cooked his steak wrong? A man of that calibre probably has his steak so well done its practically cremated anyway!" Sam scoffed, causing Lily to stifle a small giggle.

"Do you want me to go in?"

"You can, but I would leave it a moment. Let him sweat, he's not critically ill. I'll find Rita for him." Sam smiled.

As she went in search of Rita to fill her in, she came across Ethan again, who was walking around, clutching a tablet and frowning.

"Have you seen him yet?" Ethan said.

"Who?"

"Cal."

"Oh, um, I think I saw him going into a cubical just now." Sam lied again, desperately trying not to aggravate Ethan even more.

"Well, I haven't seen him. Are you sure he's even here?" Ethan asked suspiciously. With that Cal came out of a cubical and into view.

"See, I said he went into a cubical." Sam breathed inwardly. "Why are you looking so stressed Ethan?"

"Patients are piling up, and we've got too many near breaches, we need to get some patients moved." He rushed out, causing Sam to smile. "What?" He asked.

"You, one morning in charge and you're worrying more about breaches and targets than I've ever known you to before."

"Well, I can't let Mrs Beauchamp down, she's relying on me."

"Don't worry." Sam said looking at the board on the wall. "I'm about to discharge these two with meds. If you'll look at this one's x-ray, hopefully there's no fracture, I suspect it's just a soft tissue injury, so I can strap it and give them analgesia and they can go. Then these are about to be moved to wards, I'll get Rita to chase up beds and get them moved. See it'll be fine captain, don't worry, your ship will not sink yet!" Sam said doing a mock salute.

"Ok." Ethan nodded, completely missing the humour. "I'll go look at the X-ray now." Sam shook her head, smiling to herself as he headed off.

Moments later the Iain was rushing through with a critical overdose patient. Sam hurried through to resus with him, grabbing Lofty back in, who was returning from taking Mr King upstairs. Iain explained that the patient had seemingly taken at least 30 paracetamol, possibly mixed with codeine and antidepressants, it was unclear how much had been taken, what was clear was the outcome did not look good. While Sam and Lofty helped the paramedics transfer the patient to the resus bed, they grabbed equipment and prepared to try and salvage things.

"Lofty, grab Cal, he's right there." Sam instructed, seeing Cal just outside, as she gathered the equipment so he could do an RSI. Then as Cal came through, she was placing a wide bore cannula, she explained to him what had happened as he quickly snapped into doing the primary survey. The three of them were working fast getting fluids and medication in and trying to stabilise the patient, when Ethan came through.

"What's going on?" He demanded.

"Overdose, paracetamol, codeine and antidepressants." Lofty said while still examining the monitor and scribbling notes.

"Why are you in here?" Ethan asked Cal suddenly sounding very sharp.

"They needed help, Lofty grabbed me." Cal said, barely looking up from where he had just intubated.

"Well, you should be seeing the pile of patients in cubicles."

"Someone had to be in here Ethan, I was just trying to help." Cal looked up, feeling affronted.

"Well, you'd be more help if you were out there doing the job you should be doing."

"What is your problem? I know you're annoyed with me about the other night, but come on, we're at work, lets get on with it."

"I'm trying to, you're the one causing trouble by not doing what I've asked you to do."

"One morning in charge and you think you're Mrs Beauchamp. Give me a break!"

"Right now we could do with both of you, we're losing this battle." Sam said firmly before they could descend into a full blown argument. The four worked hard, but there was nothing that could be done to save the overdose patient, and as Ethan declared time of death, Cal pulled off his gloves and walked out without a word.

"I'll get Noel to try and track down the next of kin." Sam said leaving the room too.

The day continued to spiral into chaos, with resus being filled with a multi vehicle RTC, and an elderly gentleman with severe pneumonia, and a lady with end stage metastatic bowel cancer in obstruction. Rita and Sam were busy trying to keep the rest of the department flowing and calm when a mass brawl broke out at a local cup final game, and cubicles were overflowing with drunk and aggressive men from opposing teams with a variety of injuries caused by the fight. Suddenly the paramedics were back bringing in a man with a possible spinal injury following a rugby match. Things were mad, but the team, as always pulled together. Sam had swapped with Robyn, so she was with Rita and Charlie and they were all getting through the walking wounded in cubicles, and Sam was busy prescribing for them and then referring the more difficult patients through Lily and Cal. It had been noted that she and Lily were actually working really well together, Lily finally seemed to understand Sam and her working style and was beginning to realise that she wasn't trying to be everything within the department; more that she was efficient and cared about the treatment her patients got.

Sam came across Ethan on the phone looking even more stressed that afternoon.

"What's wrong?" She asked as he hung up.

"I have a lady in HDU with obstruction but the surgeons are battling with oncology over who should take over her care and until someone reviews her I can't get her onto a ward." Ethan sighed. "We are still waiting for theatre space for 2 of the RTC patients and I still haven't had chance to see the orthopaedic reg about the rugby player's spinal injury. I'm failing completely today aren't I? I knew I wouldn't be able to do it."

"Relax Ethan, you're doing fine." Sam said kindly but firmly, placing her hands on both of Ethan's shoulders. "It's been a crazy day. Go and phone the orthopaedic reg now, Loft and Robyn are with the RTC patients, and theatre will get them in as soon as they can, I'm sure. Let me phone Oncology, I know the matron down there, I'll get something sorted. Cubicles is chaos, but we are on top of it all. Things will settle, don't panic."

"Right." He nodded, starting to walk away, then stopped. "But what if-"

"Ethan, just phone orthopaedics." Sam smiled.

By the end of the shift, the worst of it was over, the department was still busy but with the next shift coming on, things were gradually getting handed over. Ethan had cleared resus of his critical patients and he thanked Robyn and Lofty for their hard work in resus with him. Then Rita called together the nurses to thank them all for their hard work on a tough shift, and Cal and Lily were also stood by the nurses station and agreed that it had been a tough but good shift. As they dispersed to head off home, Sam leaned heavily on the side, rubbing her aching back, realising just how tired she felt suddenly. She didn't see him but Ethan came up behind her and put his hand on the small of her back, making her jump.

"Oh, Ethan, you frightened me." She sighed, turning around suddenly.

"Are you ok?" He asked, looking concerned.

"I'm fine, just tired and a bit achy." Sam admitted.

"I'm sorry, it was crazy today. Have you overdone it?"

"Not at all. Its just been a long day, I'm fine. I think a bath and bed is calling me though, are you nearly ready?"

"Um, no, I've got some things to tie up before tomorrow." Ethan said sheepishly, holding up a stack of paperwork.

"Shall I wait for you?"

"No, you go on home, I'll be back in an hour or two. Take the car." He smiled kindly at her.

"Are you sure?" She asked, and he nodded. "Thanks Ethan. You did really well today." She added, squeezing his arm before she turned to leave.

"Ethan." Came Lily's voice as he was walking away.

"Lily, thank you for your hard work today." He smiled.

"It was nothing, I just did my job." She shrugged. "I had good support from the nurses today which made all the difference."

"And did Cal pull his weight?"

"Well, as much as he ever does." Lily said. "I don't think his head was in it today, it was like he was in his own world. But I can't say he didn't do anything. Luckily Sam was on hand to see some of the simple cases. I wasn't sure about her prescribing at first, but after today I can see how it fits with the department and helps with patient flow."

"Yes, she is very good." He agreed.

"Your biased." She gave him a small smile.

"True, I am. But I respected her for her knowledge and skills before I fell in love with her." He admitted to Lily. She seemed quite take aback by his sudden admission, but smiled at him.

"And you do love her don't you?" She said softly.

"Yes Lily, I really do." He sighed, as he watched her leave the staff room, her arm slipped into Rita's as they walked out of the department chatting and laughing.

"I'm really happy for you Ethan." Lily said. "You deserve it."

"Thank you Lily." He said, looking a but surprised, and not sure what else to say.

"Anyway, I wanted to reassure you that as mad as today was, you did a good job running things. I know Mrs Beauchamp would be pleased."

"Um, thanks." Ethan said creasing his brow.

"You forget I know you Ethan, I know you'll be critically analysing everything that happened and blaming yourself for everything you think went wrong or that you could have done better."

"Well, um-"

"Ethan, it was fine, busy but everything was as good as it could be." Lily reassured her friend.

"Thank you Lily." He smiled. "You should get off home now. We have to do it all again tomorrow."

"Yes, and I can't wait." Lily smiled as she turned on her heel and left. Ethan chuckled to himself and went to the office to sort out the paperwork.


	164. Chapter 164

When Sam got back to the flat, Cal had already got home and got Gracie into bed with her bottle. Sam slumped onto the sofa just as he was shutting the door to his room and coming back out.

"Heavy day wasn't it?" He said sitting next to her.

"That's an understatement." Sam sighed.

"I'll make you a cuppa." Cal said getting up.

"Help me up first." Sam said holding her hands out. He pulled her upwards and smiled. "I'm knackered, and I ache. I tell you what, you make the cuppa, I'm gonna have a quick blast in the shower, then we'll sit and talk." Sam smiled at him, walking slowly towards the bathroom. When she came back from the shower, she sat back down on the sofa next to Cal with a sigh.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, just tired. How are you?"

"Fine." He shrugged. Sam knew this wasn't true, but he clearly wasn't ready to open up just yet. Sam picked up her tea and sipped it, enjoying the relaxing feeling that hit her with the comfort of the hot drink.

"So where did you disappear to today?" Sam asked, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. Cal looked at her, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry Cal, but you disappeared and never responded to my texts, you knew I'd ask."

"I thought you were checking up on me for Ethan."

"Well, it was initially because he was cross, and I wanted to give you the heads up that he was on the war path for you, but then I was worried about you."

"You don't need to."

"Cal. Look, I even _lied_ to Ethan saying I'd seen you in a cubical. Thankfully then you popped out of one, but I'm not trying to get you into trouble here, I want to help you."

"Maybe I don't need your help." He said sulkily.

"Fine, you don't need my help, but you could be honest." Sam looked at him earnestly.

"Fine, if you must know, I was sorting out somewhere to live."

"Oh Cal." Sam looked at him sadly. "Just talk to him, he doesn't want you to leave really."

"He made it pretty clear that he does." Cal said stiffly.

"Cal."

"No, its about time Gracie and I got our own space. Besides, it'll be easier for Ella to come and stay when she is better."

"Ella? Have you?"

"Yes, I went up to see her earlier, while I was trying to sort out a flat. We sort of talked about some things, and we're going to keep talking. I promised I'd support her through her recovery."

"Wow, Cal, I can't believe how mature you're being about all of this."

"See, even you think I'm immature and don't care about others. You're just like my brother."

"That's not fair Cal, you know that's not what I meant. I'm just impressed that you're taking it so well, when her recovery could still take some time."

"Well, she was really understanding about Gracie, and I really care about her. I need to give things a try, I _want_ to try."

"Well, I'm really pleased, and funnily, I'm proud of you Cal." She held out her arms and pulled him towards her into her own, embracing him tightly, hoping he would realise and accept that he wasn't alone, that both she and Ethan would always be there, even if currently things were frosty between the brothers.

As Ethan walked through the door of the flat a little while later, he heard Sam let out a small moan. He stopped for a moment and creased his brow, then he heard her laugh and let out another slightly louder moan. Confused as to what was happening he walked into he living room and stopped when he saw Sam and Cal on the sofa together laughing, as Cal was massaging Sam's feet.

"Don't mind me." He said as he put down his bag and removed his jacket.

"Oh, Ethan, you're home." Sam said in surprise. "Cal was just-"

"Yes, I saw." Ethan said walking away into the kitchen. Sam sat up more and looked at Cal with a concerned look on her face. He shrugged and sighed, leaning back on the sofa; then he got up and walked out of the room towards his bedroom, deciding he had to get out before he said something he would regret. Sam slowly got up and cautiously walked towards Ethan in the kitchen.

"Ok?" She asked tentatively.

"Fine." He said curtly. Inwardly she smiled, thinking how similar they could be, trying to shut out problems, but outwardly she was worried.

"Ethan, we were just talking, my feet were swollen and hurting so he was rubbing them for me. It was nothing."

"I don't care about that."

"Well, what is it then?"

"I knew it was all rubbish."

"What?"

"That he'd pack and be gone today."

"He's been at work all day."

"Has he? You couldn't tell." Ethan snapped.

"But in between all his patients he's been ringing around trying to find somewhere to live."

"Yeah, like I've said, I'll believe it when I see it."

"Ethan, you wouldn't have them with no where to go, him and Gracie?" Sam looked at him questioningly.

"No, of course not." He said quietly, looking at the floor.

"Talk to him Ethan, this is silly."

"No, not it's not. I'm sick of him making me feel like this. I'm sick of him only thinking of himself and expecting everyone to pick up the pieces. He needs to grow up, he needs to prove he can be a father, and if this is the way he needs to do it then that's what's going to happen." Ethan said, starting to get angry again. Sam knew she was still onto a loser, he was still too angry about it all.

"Shall I make us a drink, something to eat?" Sam said, awkwardly breaking the silence.

"No, you're tired, you go and sit down, I'll do it."

"You've had a hard day too, lets do it together." Sam smiled, lightly touching his arm, trying to win him around.

"I'm sorry, you know I'm not mad at you, I've just had enough."

"I know." Sam almost whispered, as she turned the kettle on.

* * *

Ethan went back to work the following morning, but Sam was on two nightshifts. The days passed with tension and awkwardness in the flat as Cal packed up his things, preparing to leave, and Ethan and Sam were prepared for their couple of days away. Ethan was planning on picking Sam up after her second nightshift and they were heading straight off. He had booked a room by the sea where they could get away and spend some relaxing time together.

He was ploughing through another busy day at work, co-ordinating the doctors and keeping an eye on admissions and discharges, it seems that even on his second shift in charge, he had a real flair for the co-ordinating part of the role. He just needed to not get flustered when things got a little hectic, but again, he had Rita by his side, reassuring him he was doing well and guiding him through the other aspects of managerial roles within the hospital. Lily was also a good team member to have on side, she kept cubicles running efficiently again.

Ethan was leaving resus when he saw Cal hurtling towards them with a child on a trolley.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"I've got this Ethan." Cal hissed.

"Suspected secondary drowning." Lofty said. The child's mother pushed past Lofty and flew towards her daughter lying on the trolley.

"Excuse me, you can't be in here." Ethan tried to remove the obviously distressed mother gently.

"I need to, she's my baby, my baby's dying!" The mother wailed. Ethan looked uncomfortably at Cal, Lofty and the little girl on the trolley, then back to the mother.

"Come on, we'll let you know what's happening, you shouldn't see this, it'll be more distressing." He said, guiding the sobbing mother towards the relatives room. He nodded at Rita to take the woman, then he turned back into resus.

"Cal, what's the situation?" He asked again, but before Cal could respond, the cardiac monitor alarmed, the little girl was arresting. Lofty began compressions, which always looked brutal at the best of times, but on a fragile little girl, even with the mild Lofty, looked even more brutal. Ethan jumped in to help, but despite all best efforts, they could not revive the girl, and she was pronounced dead a short while later. Cal looked visibly distressed and Lofty looked concerned towards him, then looked at Ethan hoping he would offer some words of comfort to his brother. When nothing was forthcoming, Lofty stepped forward.

"Cal, we did everything we could. You know the symptoms of secondary drowning are hard to pick up, and she was delayed in getting help. You fought to give her every chance."

"Maybe we should have kept going." Cal choked out. "Maybe if we-"

"No Cal, you know that there was nothing." Ethan jumped in. "She was down too long, even if we'd got her back, the irreversible damage would have been worse. Lofty is right, you gave her every chance."

"It wasn't enough though." Cal said, pulling his gloves off, throwing them on the floor and walking out. Lofty looked at Ethan, who shook his head.

"Leave him. You stay with the girl Lofty. I'll go and speak to the mother." Ethan sighed.

When he had broken the news to the distressed mother, and talked her through what had happened and tried to reassure her that it wasn't her fault, he left her in the relatives room, saying he would send a nurse in with a cup of tea and then when they were ready the nurse would take her through to see her daughter. Ethan left the relatives room and removed his glasses, giving them a wipe as he called an agency nurse over and explained the situation, advising she stayed with the distressed mother. He went back towards Lofty and asked him to make sure the little girl was ready as soon as possible for her mother to see her. Lofty nodded and continued with his work, and Ethan decided he needed to find Cal and check he was ok, as he had seemed really distressed by this case.

"Rita, have you seen Cal go past?" He asked.

"No Ethan, sorry." Rita said, rushing off after a wondering, confused patient. Ethan wondered around the department, checking the staffroom, asking on reception, he found Lily, she confirmed she hadn't seen him. Ethan tried to ring him, but it went straight to voice mail. He took a look outside, just in case Cal had gone for some air, but he couldn't find him anywhere. Ethan tried phoning once more, but still the call went straight to voicemail. He shrugged and headed back inside.

Before long he was busy, immersed in more complex cases, and was unable to find Cal in between. It was like he had disappeared again. He heard wailing coming from the small HDU room where the mother was seeing her daughter, and Ethan winced, the death of a child was never easy. He was signing off some blood results and checking a chest x-ray, but he headed towards HDU in case the mother had any more questions. However, he was intercepted on the way by Lofty who needed an urgent review of a patient. He nodded and dutifully followed him.

When he was exiting the cubical, his phone buzzed and he looked quickly in case it was Cal, but it was a message from Sam. He smiled, but still couldn't work out where Cal had disappeared. Rita was passing again, and he called out to ask her again.

"Rita, have you seen Cal anywhere yet, I haven't seen him since the girl died."

"No, not for a while Ethan, I saw him go upstairs about an hour ago."

"Upstairs?"

"Yeah." Rita nodded, continuing on her way, then she turned back. "Ethan, he's in the staff room."

"Thanks Rita." Ethan nodded, walking towards the staff room. He walked in, surveying Cal, who was leaning against the side cradling a cup of coffee. "Ok?" He asked simply.

"Yeah." Cal sighed.

"You know it was a non salvageable arrest, don't you?"

"I guess, that doesn't make it have less of an impact though."

"I know, if you could watch a child die without feeling anything then you're not human, and probably in the wrong job, but as long as you know you did everything possible, which you did Cal."

"I know Ethan, but she shouldn't have died. It was a normal day, she had a swimming lesson. She shouldn't have died."

"I know." He nodded.

"All I could think was: 'what if it was Gracie'; how selfish is that?"

"Its not selfish, its normal. She's your daughter."

"I love her so much Ethan, I know you don't believe me, but I do. Things like this, and when she was ill, make me realise just how much she means to me. After that girl died, I just wanted to go and hold her." Cal admitted, sniffing hard to stop the tears that were shining on his eyes from falling. Ethan smiled tightly at him and nodded.

"I know Cal, I love her too, she may not be my daughter, but she's my niece, and I know what you mean." Ethan agreed. Just then Ethan's phone started ringing, he looked apologetically at Cal and answered, then he rushed off. Cal sighed and drained the last of his coffee and left the staff room.

Ethan meanwhile was trying to sort out two disruptive brothers in the waiting room who were about to come to blows over a long standing family feud, while their mother lay unwell in a cubical.

"I will not have this behaviour in the department. You either both behave as expected of two grown men, and support your mother as she needs, or you both leave." He shouted as he and Max pulled them apart. As the brothers caught their breath, Ethan walked away, grabbing some notes and discharges to be signed off as he walked back towards resus.

"Lofty?" He called out to the nurse. "Has the girls mother gone? Did she not have any more questions?"

"I-I don't know. The agency nurse was with her, I think." Lofty replied. Ethan nodded and walked into resus.

"Ethan quick!" Came Rita's voice as she pushed through the doors of resus. "Outside!" She turned back and Ethan dropped what he was doing and followed her.

"Rita, what is it?" He breathed as he rushed to catch up with her.

"On the roof, the mother who just lost her daughter, she's threatening to jump!"

"Have security been called?"

"Yes, but she's getting closer to jumping."

"Right, ok." Ethan nodded again, stopping to consider his next move. "Right." He breathed, turning back into the hospital.

"Ethan?" Rita called after him, but he carried on walking quickly away. Minutes later she saw him appear on the roof behind the woman.

"Mrs Henderson, Mrs Henderson its Dr Hardy, can you turn around and look at me?"

"No, no go away!" She hurried out, sounding panicked. "Tell them all to go away, I'll do it, I'll jump if you don't tell them!"

"Rita?" Ethan called, not wanted to step nearer the edge than he had to. "Rita, are you there?"

"Yes?" Rita called up.

"Rita, clear everyone out of the way, Mrs Henderson says she'll jump if everyone doesn't move now."

"Ok, we're going." Rita said, starting to heard the crowds in, but ensuring that she remained nearby and out of sight, ready just in case.

"Mrs Henderson, look at me? I know you're upset, but you have to listen." Ethan said, trying to control his own breathing and his own panic. Mrs Henderson looked briefly over her shoulder. "Mrs Henderson, this wont solve anything. Please? Come back this way. We can talk, I'll explain everything, we will get you all the support you need."

"But you can't give me what I need, what I want. I want my baby back." Mrs Henderson sobbed, and Ethan felt his heart and his stomach wrench.

"I know, I know you do, but you're right, we can't. But this wont solve things. Come on, come to me." He said, working hard to remain calm, as he held his hand out to her. She looked as though she was going to come to him, then she moved nearer the edge.

"No. No I can't go on, not without her." she said as she stepped up onto the ledge.

"No, Mrs Henderson. Come back, come over to me. I can help you, I want to help you, please?" Ethan took a couple of tentative steps forward, taking shaky breaths as he tried not to look down.

"I can't do this. I can't." She sobbed.

"P-Please." Ethan stuttered slightly, now being closer to the edge than he would ever wish to be. Mrs Henderson turned again and looked into the kind eyes of the doctor, holding out his hand to her, calling gently to her, wanting to help her. She felt utter despair, but in that moment, she sensed another way out. She turned slightly and went to reach out to him, and saw him visibly breathe a sigh of relief as she moved towards him. Someone cared about her safety, someone didn't see her as the failure she saw herself to be. As she went to move towards his hand, her foot slipped and she wobbled nearer the edge. Ethan darted forward to try and catch her but he was too late and Mrs Henderson toppled over the edge of the roof, screaming before hitting the ground with a sickening crack. Ethan felt sick, but turned quickly without thinking and rushed back downstairs to the ED in time to meet the trolley she was being brought in on. One look at the faces surrounding her and the position of her told him what he already suspected, but they hurried her through to resus. Ethan checked her pulse, but it was clear, she had broken her neck and with suffering a significant head injury, she had died on impact. Rita looked at him, he looked white as a sheet, and looked like he was about to collapse himself. He didn't realise but she guided him down onto a chair and Lofty brought him in a cup of water.

"Ethan, can you hear me? Are you ok?" Rita asked the young doctor gently. "Shall I get Lily to certify the death?"

"No, no I'll do it. I-I should do it." He said shakily, placing the cup down on the side and standing up, although he still felt like his legs weren't his own. He carefully performed the necessary checks and declared her death.

"Ethan, go and take five minutes, have a cup of tea. Come on." Rita said kindly, guiding him towards the staff room. As she sat him in there, she looked at the time. Sam would be due in for her shift soon, and Rita wondered whether she should call her in early, Ethan was clearly shocked by this. Just then Cal came back in the staff room clearly having no idea what had just occurred.

"What's going on?" He asked nonchalantly, then noticing how Rita was crouched down beside him, her furrowed his brow. "Ethan? What's happened?"

"The mother of the young girl who died this morning has fallen off the roof." Rita said.

"Is she ok?" Cal asked carefully. Rita shook her head no. "Oh." Cal sighed.

"Ethan was on the roof with her when she fell." Rita finished.

"On the roof? You?" Cal looked at him. Ethan looked up, still pale faced.

"Where were you? She was your patient's mother, you should have been making sure she was supported?" Ethan said, finding his voice again.

"I was busy Ethan. You went to talk to her."

"Yes, initially, but you should have checked. Where have you been?"

"I, I was upstairs." Cal admitted.

"Doing what?" Ethan said, his anger rising again.

"It doesn't matter." Cal said getting defensive.

"Yes it does. You did the same yesterday, you kept disappearing. Where have you been that's more important that doing your job?" Ethan snapped, Rita looked shocked at him.

"You're not my boss Ethan."

"Yes I am! I'm in charge today, if I tell you to do something you do it; you don't assume I will cover for you just because you're my brother. If you had been here this might not have happened!" Ethan shouted.

"But it probably would have."

"Well we'll never know will we. It was your incompetence again that's got in this mess."

"My incompetence. Get over yourself Ethan, whether I was here or not this could have happened. Its nothing to do with me!"

"Come on-" Rita started but her pleas went unheard as Ethan stood up to face his brother.

"It has everything to do with you. You've been absent for ages, your head is never in the job. Its like you don't care any more. You don't care about anything but yourself. But I don't know why I'm so surprised. You've been the same your whole life!"

"Oh, here we go, Ethan doesn't get his own way so he throws a little tantrum. You never change either, it's always someone else fault, never yours!"

With that Ethan threw a punch right onto Cal's cheek, making Rita wince then spring into action as the brothers grabbed at each other each pushing and trying to get a fist on the other. Rita shouted and tried to pull them apart, but caught an elbow from one as she did and she fell backwards onto the staff room floor. Lofty and Max who heard the commotion also came running in and managed to pull the fighting brothers apart.

"Come on guys." Max said. "That's enough."

"Yes, come on, this is not the way to resolve anything." Lofty said as he helped Rita off the floor. "Rita, come with me, we need to get you checked over, I'll find Lily." Lofty said kindly as he led her out of the staff room. Cal looked at Ethan, who was wiping his bloody nose, then he turned and walked right out of the department.


	165. Chapter 165

"What on earth happened in there Rita?" Lofty asked as he was fixing steri-strips to the cut above Rita's eye.

"I don't know, one minute I was trying to offer support to Ethan, the next they were arguing and then throwing punches. We're going to have to write a report about the mother's death, and I think I'm going to have to write one about them, though if I can avoid it I will." She sighed.

"Why don't you speak to Charlie when he comes in?" Lofty said, "He always knows the right thing to do."

"Yeah, I think I will." Rita agreed.

"Ok, you're good to go boss. Take it steady, yeah?" Lofty smiled and Rita nodded as she hopped off the trolley.

Meanwhile, Ethan had made his way back onto the floor after stopping his bloody nose, and Cal had completely disappeared. Rita caught up with Ethan.

"Ethan, are you ok?" She asked, against her better judgement.

"I'm fine Rita, I'm really sorry you got caught in the middle of that." He said looking ashamed.

"It's fine." She shrugged.

"No, I'm sorry you got hurt, Rita, really I am. I think sometimes we forget where we are when the gloves come off."

"I'll let you off, just this once." She half smiled. "We need to write the clinical incident forms about the roof fall." Rita said, trying not to get dragged into the dispute.

"And what about the fight?" Ethan asked cautiously.

"Well, lets try and move on from that. But, whatever this is between you and Cal, you need to sort it. Because none of us can work like this." Rita said firmly but kindly, and Ethan nodded back at her, looking again like a small boy being scolded by his mum.

At that moment, Sam came through the doors of the ED, smiling and carrying some bags and boxes, filled with freshly made cookies and doughnuts.

"Hey you two." She smiled heading towards Rita and Ethan. "I bought treats! What on earth has happened?" She added, suddenly seeing Rita's eye and Ethan's nose.

"Well, um, I-"

"Oh, nothing." Rita smiled as Ethan stuttered to find a response.

"It doesn't look like nothing? Ethan?" Sam questioned.

"Cal and I, well, we had a bit of a disagreement." Ethan said feeling ashamed.

"Oh Ethan, not again?" Sam sighed, looking disappointed.

"There was a bit more to it than that." Rita added. "It's been a crazy shift, we lost a young girl to secondary drowning, and then her mum broke down and threatened to jump off the roof, but Ethan went up to help her, and as she was turning to come back down with him she slipped and fell." Rita explained. Sam's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped.

"Oh my god! Is she ok?"

"No, she died instantly on impact." Rita said quietly, shaking her head, concerned about upsetting Ethan again. In truth, Rita was still a little shaken up by seeing the woman fall to her death right in front of her, but she knew she needed to be strong for the team.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, are you both ok?" Sam asked, worried for her colleagues; both of whom kind of nodded at her but still looked somewhat shell shocked.

"We should go and write up the incident form Ethan while its still fresh in our minds what happened."

"I don't think that image will disappear any time soon." Ethan said.

"Look, you two go to your office Rita and I'll bring you in a cup of tea and some freshly baked cookies." Sam smiled. "Sugar is good for shock. Obviously I don't mean medically, not shock anyway, but the kind of shock you've had, well, you know what I mean." Sam started rambling causing Rita to chuckle.

"Thanks Sam" She smiled and she led Ethan off to her office as Sam walked toward the staff room.

As she walked through the doors, Cal was just turning from his locker, slinging his bag over his shoulder. As he turned Sam saw a red hue on his cheek, and slight swelling around his eye. Before she could open her mouth to speak he had seen her and was aiming to walk past.

"Don't, just don't." He barked as he walked straight out of the doors to collect Gracie. Sam stood staring after him in shock, knowing things must have gotten pretty bad. She shuddered, thinking the last time there had been a punch thrown between the boys was when Ethan punched Cal on Sam's behalf. And while things hadn't been perfect since then, they were really spiralling out of control now. She made the tea and headed to Rita's office where Ethan and Rita were sat at the desk. She placed the cups down and some cookies on a plate and looked at them.

"Do you want me to go out and cover you on the floor Rita?" Sam asked softly.

"But you don't start yet." Rita looked up at her. "Go get yourself a cuppa."

"No really, I don't mind. With you two having to sort this, we must be a bit short handed. I'm here, I might as well get started."

"Well, only if you're sure." Rita smiled gratefully. Sam nodded and looked at Ethan, who looked pale and shocked still. Her heart sank for him, she knew he was going to take this hard. As Rita and Ethan started discussing things again she went out to get started, and was determined that when they went away she would help him to switch off and relax, and really spoil him.

Cal was back in the flat with Gracie, hastily throwing things into bags and cases and piling the essentials up to load in his car. He had booked them into a local B&B for a couple of days, and the kind lady owner had even given him use of her granddaughters cot, so he didn't have to try and get Gracie's out of the flat yet. He struggled with everything down the stairs and loaded Gracie in her car seat and headed off, determined to be gone before Ethan came back.

As Ethan was preparing to leave the department he went to find Sam. He had tried to delay going home for as long as possible, not wanting to see Cal, so he had remained in Rita's office after she had gone, drafting an email to Connie, explaining everything that had happened. He felt terrible as he wrote it, somehow seeing it all written down brought home to him how much of a failure he had been over the past couple of days. Maybe he really wasn't cut out for this he thought to himself; maybe he shouldn't bother to take his consultancy exam again, what was the point when he clearly had no leadership skills?

"Are you looking for me?" Sam's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, um, yes. I was just going to say that I'm going home."

"Ok." Sam nodded. "Are you sure you're ok?" she added more softly.

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Just tired."

"Well, make sure you get a good nights sleep, ok?"

"It should be me saying that to you."

"No, I'm on a night shift." Sam laughed lightly.

"You know what I mean."

"I'm fine. Are we still set to go away?"

"Definitely, I can't wait." He smiled at her.

"Me either." She said, leaning in for a quick kiss. She wished him goodnight and he headed off home and she went back to her patients.

When Ethan got back to the flat, seeing it was in darkness, he was quite surprised. He went in and it was clear Cal wasn't home. He looked around for a note but there wasn't one, then he had a peek in Cal's bedroom, after listening at the door and hearing nothing, and realised that he had left already. Half of his things were gone, and Gracie's too. Ethan couldn't help but feel disappointed, and maybe a little shocked that he had actually gone. He sat in the quiet surroundings of his flat, and realised this wasn't what he wanted at all, only he had been too angry to see it, but now, with the flat feeling empty, and he felt somewhat empty too.

Due to their shifts, Sam did not actually see Ethan until after the following nightshift when he was picking her up for their break. She knew that Cal had moved out, but Ethan hadn't really said a lot about it, and she hadn't really pressed for too much information as Ethan had been busy and quite snappy when he was mentioned. And she hadn't seen Cal as he had been on his days off, and even the couple of texts that she had sent him had been ignored. She felt quite sad about this, as she had always considered them to have a close friendship after forming an instant close bond when she'd first started, but she knew what he was doing. He was shutting her out because he was hurt and angry, and her connection with Ethan meant she got the rough side of his anger too.

She was waiting for Ethan outside the doors of the ED, her case propped up beside her, sipping a coffee in a take away cup, and holding another for Ethan. Connie walked past her into the department with a small smile and nod on the way in, the Iain and Dixie pulled up with their first incoming of the day. As Iain jumped out of the front of the ambulance he called over to Sam.

"You finally had enough of us?" He grinned, nodding at the suitcase as he went round to open the back door of the ambulance.

"Yeah, there's this cocky paramedic who keeps bringing me work; he thinks he's God's gift!" Sam laughed back.

"Oh I'm so hurt." He said clutching his chest and grinning.

"Very funny Iain." Sam smiled as he wheeled the patient on the trolley towards the doors.

"Dirty mid-week break is it?" He winked.

"Something like that, you jealous?" She grinned.

"No, but I'll have a certain someone nagging me about taking her away now won't I?"

"So you'd better get looking then!" Sam called after him as he headed inside. Just then Ethan pulled up the car and jumped out. Sam went to grab her bag but Ethan snatched it up before she could.

"No, I'll do that, you get in." He smiled, making her break out into a grin. It was the sweet things like this that reminded her why she loved him. He was so thoughtful, a real gentleman, and she was still trying to adjust. She hauled her weary body into the car and let out a satisfied sigh as Ethan got back in. She handed him the coffee and gave him a kiss.

"How was your shift?" He asked as he pulled away and put his seatbelt back on.

"Busy, but ok." She smiled at him, wriggling to get comfortable while putting her seat belt on also. She leaned forwards and switched her heated seat on, then relaxing down as the seat quickly warmed up as Ethan pulled out of the hospital car park, she let out a satisfied sigh and Ethan smiled at her.

"I love this car." She grinned at him as the gentle heat eased her aching back.

"Me too." Ethan smiled back. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just tired and achy, it'll pass. Did you sleep well?" She asked letting out a yawn.

"Not bad, but I was up late studying."

"I hope you didn't over do it."

"No, but I don't have long until my exam."

"You'll be fine, I have every faith in you."

"Thanks, but I think you're the only one."

"Not true, Mrs Beauchamp believes in you."

"I'm not sure she will after this weekend."

"Ethan, it was fine, even with an incident you maintained control. You did everything you could, it was an accident and you reported it."

"I can still see her face, the flash of panic and fear in the split second before she fell."

"Ethan, I know its hard, but you have to let go."

"I know." He sighed. "But its easier said than done." Sam reached out for his hand, which was resting on the gear lever, and gave it a squeeze, linking her fingers with his lightly. HE cast a quick glance over at her and smiled slightly at her, seeing the care and love in her eyes.

"Have you heard from Cal?" She asked eventually, breaking the silence that had fallen. She saw him tense as he stared forwards at the road.

"No." He said, his voice firm and clipped.

"No, me either, its weird." Sam sighed, pulling out her phone from her bag. Seeing it was blank, she tossed it back down and turned the radio up slightly, then rested her head against the window.

"Oh, I brought you a pillow, its on the back seat." Ethan said suddenly. Sam looked behind and smiled.

"How sweet are you." She said reaching for it and resting her weary head on it.

"I knew you'd be tired, I thought it'd make sleeping a bit more comfortable. Or you can use is for your back."

"I had hoped to stay awake on the journey for you, but I'm knackered." Sam admitted.

"Don't worry, you go to sleep, you need to rest." He smiled. She closed her eyes and was gone within minutes. Ethan stole a glance at her and couldn't help but smile. He loved her so much, his heart ached for her at times when they were apart, and she still brought butterflies to his stomach, he couldn't believe how lucky he was. This made him feel sadder about Cal. He'd not considered how alone Cal must feel at times, especially since getting Gracie and Ella's accident. He'd been through so much in a few short months, and now Ethan had forced him out of his home. Tears sprung to Ethan's eyes, but he blinked them fiercely away as he continued on their journey.


	166. Chapter 166

Meanwhile, Cal was rushing around trying to get himself and Gracie ready to go. He was due at work and needed to get Gracie to the crèche first. He rushed around, slipping his jeans on, then his shoes. He grabbed his jacket and wrestled Gracie into her coat, although as he was doing this he heard the most unappealing noise from her bottom. Sighing heavily, he undressed her again and spent the next 15 minutes trying to clean her up and then having to get her dressed again as she rolled and kicked and tried to crawl away. Ordinarily, he might have found this funny, but he was already running late, and he hadn't slept well, so he was feeling tired and this added to his stress. Finally he got her in her coat and scooped her up in his arms, grabbing his bag, he ran out of the door of the B&B. Mrs Smith, the owner of the B&B called out to him and he hurried down the path.

"Doctor Knight, I've done you some snacks as you haven't got time for breakfast." She ran after him and put them on the seat of his car while he strapped Gracie into the seat.

"Thank you Mrs Smith." He forced a smile. "You didn't need to."

"It's my pleasure dear." She smiled, giving Gracie a little wave.

"Are you sure you're ok to pick her up for me?" Cal asked.

"Of course dear. I've got the password written down so I don't forget it."

"Thank you Mrs Smith. I'll get back as soon as I can." He smiled tightly.

"Don't you worry dear, and I've told you, Call me Jackie. Gracie and I will have fun, and my granddaughter will be here too, so they can play. "

"Thank you." He said, jumping in the car, and heading off to the hospital.

* * *

Ethan was driving along towards the hotel enjoying the peace and feeling more relaxed with each mile he drove further away. Though he realised that he would soon need to make an unscheduled bathroom stop, most likely due to the coffee Sam had provided earlier. He pulled into the next service station and parked up. As he switched off the engine, Sam woke up.

"Are we there?" She asked sleepily.

"No, sorry, I needed to stop." Ethan said, feeling bad for waking her. Sam stretched and looked around.

"Ooh, bathroom stop? Good call." She smiled, unclipping her belt and getting out of the car. As she did she let out a small gasp. "Oof." She breathed bending over.

"Are you ok?" Ethan sprung to action, hurrying around to her side of the car.

"I'm fine, just baby bouncing on my bladder. Honestly, now I know what people mean when they talk about babies using the bladder as a trampoline."

"Oh." Ethan breathed out laughing slightly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Sam smiled sheepishly, then headed to the bathroom. Before long they were on their way again, Sam sitting with one of Ethan's text books on her lap, testing him on various clinical scenarios for his upcoming exam. She couldn't resist adding her own spin to some of the background information and making up her own patient history and symptoms to try and catch him out, and before long they were in hysterics at the weird and wonderful conditions she was plucking out for the made up patients.

* * *

Cal, however, was not having such a good day. Mrs Beauchamp had already made her feelings known about his lateness and she had put him covering minors, leaving him with possibly the worst agency nurse he had ever worked with. He was tired and not on form, and it hadn't gone unnoticed to his regular colleagues, who now all knew about his and Ethan's disagreement. He went looking again for the agency nurse who was supposed to have done bloods and obs on a patient for him, but as yet, he couldn't see that it had been done. He was about to give in and do it himself when Robyn walked past.

"Robyn, can you do some obs and bloods on the patient in cubical 3 please?" He asked wearily.

"Oh, sure Cal, no problem." Robyn smiled, trying to be supportive. "Are you ok Cal? You look tired?"

"I'm fine." He smiled tightly. "I just can't find the agency nurse and she was supposed to have done this ages ago, and I need to review cubical 7's X-ray." Cal said already walking off. Robyn watched him leave and shook her head, walking into cubical 3.

His day didn't get any better after being thrown up on and having a patient complain about his 'bedside manner' and numerous rude patients and time wasters, he was ready to just get out of the hospital. But before he could even get changed, Mrs Beauchamp had called him back into her office and was hastily pointing out what a waste of space he had been today and how he needed to pick up his game or he would be out. She made it clear there was no room for weakness on her team. Cal simply didn't have the energy to fight back, or to point out the thought that ran through his mind; that if she had come out of her office and helped her 'team' today then it might not have been so bad. Sulkily he walked back towards his car to go back to the B&B. He put his music on loud to try and drown out his thoughts as he drove back.

"Evening dear, bad day?" Jackie asked kindly. "You look tired."

"Just busy." Cal said simply, picking Gracie up and giving her a cuddle.

"She's had a bath and she's all fed. Just needs cuddles with daddy." Jackie smiled.

"Thank you." Cal smiled. "You didn't have any trouble picking her up?"

"No, it was fine. I had a near miss when I dropped the paper with the password on it, but a kind young lady caught it before it blew away." Jackie shook her head laughing. "Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee?" She asked Cal.

"A coffee would be lovely Mrs Smi-"

"Jackie." She smiled at him as she cut him off.

"Thanks Jackie." Cal said as he sat down in the lounge area with Gracie. Jackie re-appeared with a coffee for him and a bottle for Gracie, which he took and popped into her mouth. Smiling down at his daughter, he cuddled her in close and enjoyed the feeling of being needed, even if it was hard work, these moments made it all worthwhile.

* * *

Ethan and Sam had made it to their hotel, and had been out for a gentle stroll along the coast in the afternoon sunshine. Deciding they would have an early dinner then relax together in their room for the evening, they were both beginning to unwind with being away from it all. They showered and changed and headed down to the dining room; Ethan feeling proud to have Sam on his arm, he thought she looked beautiful tonight, and he didn't hesitate in telling her. When they were shown to their table, Ethan held Sam's chair out for her, making her giggle awkwardly. They were browsing their menu's when Ethan suddenly looked up to realise Sam was just staring at him.

"What?" He asked, suddenly feeling self conscious.

"Nothing." Sam smiled to herself, looking back down at her menu.

"No, come on, what?"

"I was just watching you, I like watching you when you don't know I am."

"Why?" He chuckled shyly, blushing slightly.

"Because you look so cute; I love it when you're concentrating on something intently." Sam smiled at him as he blushed more. "And when you go all coy and shy like that, it makes me smile even more."

After they finished their dinner they were enjoying a drink, before going back to their room.

"You're doing it again." Ethan smiled as he sipped his drink.

"What?" Sam chuckled, knowing full well what he meant.

"Staring at me."

"I can't help it." She smiled, reaching out for his hand and giving it a squeeze. He, in turn, took her hand in his and looked at the ring on her finger. He ran his thumb over the stone and smiled at her.

"It looks lovely on you." He said softly. "I'm glad you have it."

"I'm glad you wanted to give it to me."

"I can't imagine anyone better to have it."

"Well, I have to be honest, there have been a few occasions since you gave it to me that I doubted whether I deserved it."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, its not been the best couple of months has it? I thought perhaps the honeymoon period was over and you were starting to realise I wasn't as great a package as you thought."

"You're crazy, if anything, I'm the one who's lucky to have found you. I'm lucky you were ever interested in me."

"I hate that you think so low of yourself. I'm going to make it my life mission; to make you realise how amazing and special you really are."

"And I'm going to make it my life mission to always take care of you, and our baby, and any more that come along." He smiled, letting out a nervous breathy laugh as he squeezed her hands. Sam looked away, out of the window, towards the coastal path they had been walking on earlier. She could feel the tears pricking in her eyes and she really didn't want to cry. But before she could stop it, a stray tear escaped, which Ethan spotted before she could snatch her hands back and wipe away.

"Sam, what's the matter?" Ethan asked, slightly nervously.

"Nothing." Sam sniffed. "You're just so perfect, and I don't know how I've been so lucky as to find you." She said as she wiped the tear carefully, trying not to smudge her mascara, but as she did, another tear fell in its place.

"Oh, Sweetheart." Ethan sighed, taking one of her hands back in his.

"You know, if you'd have told me 3 years ago that I'd have been in a happy, secure relationship, with the most amazing man in the world, engaged and expecting a baby, I'd never have believed you. In fact, I'm not sure I believe it now. I'm sure I'm going to wake up from this dream soon."

"Well, you'd better pinch yourself and realise it's real." He smiled lovingly at her.

"Seriously though Ethan, I don't feel like I deserve you; my old life, I've let it go, but sometimes I think back to the way I felt then, that I didn't deserve any better, that I wasn't worth being loved. And now here you are, more than making up for it and I just can't believe I'm do lucky to have a second chance."

"You more than deserve it. And I will never knowingly make you feel like you don't."

"I love you Ethan Hardy."

"I love you too, Samantha Jones."


	167. Chapter 167

Ethan and Sam spent the next couple of days relaxing and winding down; strolling by the sea, talking, eating and generally indulging in each others company. It was the medicine that their strained relationship needed, just the chance to have some time away to remember those good feelings they brought out in each other. Only once more had Sam tried to mention Cal, but it had only served to make Ethan clam up again, so she stayed away from the subject.

They had sat on the beach talking about their future as they watched other families having fun in the sunshine, making up stories of what their life might be like once they became a family of three. They shared stories about their holidays as children, and Sam confessed to only having one happy 'family holiday' story before her mother was killed and she went to live with her Gran as her Dad's health declined. She told him how she remembered a beautiful old carousel, with hand-painted horses, playing an old fairground tune, and she had ridden it every evening on their holiday, loving the way the breeze went through her hair, and the feeling of gliding through the air, not a care in the world, as she threw her head back laughing, and waving at her mum and dad. Tears formed in her eyes and Ethan held her tight as she smiled sadly at the memory.

Ethan had then tried to cheer her up with a story about Cal and him when they were smaller. Ethan recalled being about 4 and a half, and he had been running and trying to catch up with Cal in the park as his Mum sat on a bench reading a book in the sunshine. Cal had easily climbed to the top of the climbing frame and was happily swinging from the monkey bars taunting Ethan to catch him. Ethan excitedly hauled himself up the steps of the climbing frame and tried to catch up with his big brother, when suddenly the realisation hit him that he was stuck. He wasn't big enough to jump across the middle section and nor could he now get back the way he came; panic hit him and he froze and burst into tears. Cal looked across at his little brother, hearing him cry, and when he realised he wasn't actually hurt, he starting teasing him about being a cry-baby, as he swung away from him and ran off. Ethan's mum rushed over and rescued her youngest son, soothing him and taking him back to the bench to calm down. Later she bought him and ice cream, and Cal got a clip around the ear; Ethan chuckled as he recalled this bit, and Cal whinged all the way home and had to go to his room. It was at this point Sam could see he missed his brother, and tried to mention him, but it was no use, not yet, Ethan was still too hurt and angry.

* * *

They had decided on the way back home that they would finally go and do some baby shopping, and Sam felt like a kid in a sweet shop, she was jittery with excitement, making Ethan chuckle as he loaded her case in the car and they set off. Sam was animatedly explaining about the most gorgeous pram she had seen, which then went onto talk of cot-beds and car seats, and everything else she could cram in.

"So do you not care what you're buying, is it just any excuse to shop?" Ethan chuckled as she relayed her research on the pro's and cons of the 'travel system'.

"Hey, at least I've researched it. I thought it would be easier to convince you if I had the facts, rather than just the fact that I like it because its pretty." Sam smiled back.

"Darling, if you like it, then you can have it, as far as I'm concerned." He smiled at her.

"Does that include designer shoes?" Sam grinned.

"Well, if you're a really good girl." He chuckled, causing Sam to laugh too. Just then a text came through on her phone.

"Ooh, work drinks tonight, you in?" She asked Ethan as she read the text. He looked hesitant, and she knew why. "Come on, it'll be good to go, and even if he is there, you don't have to talk to him. Anyway, he'll have Gracie, so I doubt he will be there." At the mention of Gracie, both felt a sense of longing, it felt like an age since they had seen her, although in reality it had only been a few days.

"Ok." He sighed. "Let's do it." Sensing Sam really wanted to go.

"Yay." Sam said, looking happy, and he smiled, happy to do it for her sake. Besides, maybe Cal was ready to apologise now, Ethan thought to himself, actually who was he kidding? He knew Cal would rather cut off his own arm than ever admit he was wrong.

* * *

Cal was working, and with Gracie in the crèche, Jackie had offered to collect her again and give her some tea so he didn't feel the pressure to rush after work. He was grateful for her support over the past few days, she had been the stability he needed, even though she was a virtual stranger, he felt he could trust her, and he needed that.

He had been laughing outside with Iain and Max, typical lad banter, and he finally felt slightly more relaxed, when he got called back through on an emergency. He succeeded in impressing Mrs Beauchamp again by picking up a subtle issue on the scan, and he was finally working his way back into her good books. This in itself made for an easier atmosphere in work, and Charlie had been there, subtly lending a hand, recognising the young doctor had been struggling more of late.

Word spread of an after work drink at the pub, but Cal decided to duck out on this occasion, he was still tired and while he suspected that Jackie would gladly help him out, he didn't want to push his luck as she had been so good to him so far, so he reluctantly made his excuses.

* * *

Ethan and Sam had great fun baby shopping, although when Ethan was discussing all of the details of every car seat for safety and what would work in their car, Sam got a little distracted wondering around the clothes section, lusting after the gorgeous little outfits and Babygros. He caught up with her, staring at a little dress with matching booties.

"It might not be a girl you know."

"I know." She sighed, "but its so lovely isn't it?"

"It is." He smiled, looking at her. "It sort of makes it real doesn't it?" He said. "Standing here surrounded by all of this."

"I guess, though for me its been real for a long time." She said, placing her hand protectively on her bump. She let out a small squeal and grabbed Ethan's hand and placed it quickly on her bump. He got there just in time to feel a slight movement from the outside.

"Oh my..." He started. "Was that...?" Then he broke out into a huge grin.

"Probably a little foot. It'll be baby's way of telling me he's a little boy and to get away from girlie dresses as he wont be wearing them." Sam smiled. Ethan just stood holding her bump, smiling goofily, and as Sam looked at him, she fell in love with him more than ever.

They got back to the flat, and Ethan unloaded the car; he wouldn't hear of Sam carrying anything in, even though she insisted she was fine, so she went up and made them both a cup of tea, before they were on their way to see their workmates in the pub.

Ethan nervously scanned the pub when they arrived but could see no sign of Cal, so he went to the bar to get them a drink as Sam was called over to where everyone was sitting. Sam was chatting to Robyn and Rita, filling them in on their little break, and the girls were admiring Sam's growing bump, and her ring, like they hadn't seen them before.

"So, when is the wedding?" Robyn asked excitedly, causing Sam to chuckle.

"Well, its a bit late for a quickie to hide our sin isn't it?" She grinning pointing at her obvious growing bump.

"I think it was a quickie that got you in trouble in the first place." Max laughed, causing an eruption of laughter from everyone, even Ethan, who managed not to blush too much.

"I wouldn't call it a quickie, Max." Sam winked. "Anyway, we haven't made any plans yet." Sam continued before Ethan could get embarrassed.

"Oh, but you must know what kind of wedding you want." Robyn said, always being the romantic. "I've been planning mine since I was 5!"

"Well, to be honest Robyn, not really."

"Really?" She looked surprised.

"Well, I don't have any family, so I've never imagined a big, fancy wedding. Its not really my style anyway."

"They aren't all they're cracked up to be anyway." Rita nodded, remembering her wedding.

"I guess if I was being truly honest, you guys are the only people I would invite, and Ella. That's all I have. Seems pointless to hire out something big doesn't it?"

"Well, we're all you need anyway." Robyn smiled, squeezing Sam's hand. "And imagine the hen do, it'll be immense!" She laughed.

"Oh, I'm sure if you have anything to do with it, then it will be!" Sam laughed.

"Does that mean we get to take Ethan out and ruin him for once?" Max grinned, remember the few lads nights he had been out on, he'd always remained the sensible one.

"As long as you return him in one piece." Sam smiled before Ethan could politely decline the offer.

"So anyway, hen do aside, you don't want a big fancy wedding, fine, but you _must_ have some ideas? The dress?"

"Robyn!" Sam said, looking slightly embarrassed at her insistence. Sam felt odd discussing it in front of Ethan, but Robyn was determined to get some information. "Ok, so I guess a small, simple ceremony with close friends; classic music, a couple of readings maybe. Traditional vows. Maybe a few drinks somewhere after, with a bit of music so we can have a dance. Simple fun with some special people who mean the most to us. Nothing over the top." Sam caught Ethan's eye, and saw him smile. She wasn't sure if he would agree, they hadn't discussed it, but as he gave her a small nod she knew that he agreed.

"And of course there will be a bouncy castle!" Sam laughed at the end.

"A bouncy castle?" Robyn asked laughing, and Rita giggled too.

"Yeah, imagine how much fun that would be!" Sam laughed.

Before they could continue, the doors to the pub burst open and Cal practically fell through them, looking stressed and red faced where tears had been streaming down his face.

"Cal?" Sam jumped up and headed towards him, and Ethan stood in shock at the state of his brother. Everyone fell into silence, waiting to see why Cal looked so terrible.

"Cal, what's happened?" Sam rushed to grab him as he looked like he was going to collapse.

"It's Gracie. She's gone." He breathed out as Sam pulled a chair to him and sat him down. Ethan rushed over too.

"What do you mean gone?" He hurried out.

"Gone. She's been taken. From the crèche." He said before starting to breathe heavily again as more tears poured down his face.


	168. Chapter 168

The mood in the pub suddenly became that of panic and shock. Max got Cal a stiff drink to calm his nerves, Sam threw her arms around him, holding him as the tears continued to fall. All he time Cal sat there, hearing everyone talking but not taking anything in and Ethan stood shell shocked. Gracie was gone, but how? Why? He needed to know, he wanted all the details, but they were getting nothing out of Cal.

When the initial shock had died down, and the group had left Cal, Ethan and Sam alone, Cal sat in between them, Ethan tried to question him again.

"Cal, what happened?" He asked, his voice quivering.

"I don't know." He breathed quietly. "I went back to the B&B after work, expecting that Jackie would have Gracie, but she seemed surprised when I came back without her."

"Who's Jackie?" Sam asked uncertainly.

"The owner of the B&B."

"Right, then what happened?" Ethan encouraged him to go on.

"When I asked where she was, Jackie said she thought I had her, because the crèche had told her Gracie had already been picked up when she got there. She assumed I had finished early and taken her out or something."

"And do the police know?" Ethan asked, ever the sensible one.

"Of course they do!" Cal's voice raised. "That's where I've been. I raced straight to the crèche, they confirmed Gracie had been picked up. I went mad, but they said she knew the password and everything. They called the police, and they're searching, they have dogs out and everything. Oh God, what if she's, what if-"

"No Cal, you can't do this." Sam said, hugging him tight, fighting back her own tears. "They will find her. Did the crèche not know who it was?"

"No." Cal shook his head, "but it's my fault, because I relied on so many people to help out picking her up, this person knew the password, they assumed it was another colleague or someone."

"Its not your fault Cal, everyone uses others from time to time, you have a difficult job, with difficult shifts, anyone in your situation would need help, and we were all happy to help." Sam tried to reassure him.

"No, Ethan was right, he's always right." Cal said, knocking back his second double whiskey. "I'm not responsible enough, if I was this wouldn't have happened."

"No Cal, no." Ethan said firmly. "This is not what I meant. And I was wrong. This isn't your fault. If I hadn't been so harsh and judgemental then you wouldn't have left and Gracie wouldn't have...well she'd still be with us. This is all my fault."

"None of that matters, what matters is that the police are searching for her." Sam said, her voice shaking too. "And they will find her, they _have_ to find her."

Cal buried his head in his hands and sobbed again, and Sam looked at Ethan with a concerned look on her face as she squeezed her arm tighter around his shoulders.

"We should go and search for her." Ethan said, getting up.

"What good will that do?" Sam said. "She's not wondering the streets, she's been taken." She finished without really thinking as Cal sobbed even harder.

"I know that, I just feel so damned helpless sitting here doing nothing. We should be doing _something."_ Ethan said getting louder with frustration.

"Come on Cal, we need to get you home. The police can contact you easier then, and you need to be with us, so we can support you." Sam said, trying to get him up.

"I have to go to the station and give a formal statement." Cal sniffed. "They have a toy of Gracie's that was in the car, but they want some of her things, like clothes and photo's. They gave me a list."

"Come on then, lets get you sorted." Sam said gently guiding him up. She looked over to their colleagues who were looking over with concern. She nodded at them as the three of them left together, none of them able to believe that what had started like a fairly normal day had ended like this.

As both Cal and Ethan had had a drink, Sam drove them to the B&B where Cal had been staying so he could collect Gracie's things. She had been surprised at how easy it was to convince Cal not to drive his car. As they pulled up near the B&B they weren't surprised to see 2 police cars at the scene, what did shock them was that Jackie was being led out into one of the waiting police cars and scenes of crime officers were busy sealing off the scene so they couldn't get in. Cal jumped out the car and ran to the officer stood at the cordon.

"What's going on?" He said loudly as he ran closer.

"I'm sorry Sir, you can't go any further." The officer said, stopping him.

"Its my daughter you're looking for! What's going on?" Cal said getting angrier at being kept in the dark. By this point Ethan had rushed up by Cal's side and Sam was just catching them up.

"Let me call out the Sergeant to come and talk to you." The officer said, speaking into his radio. Moments later the Sergeant was heading towards them.

"Doctor Knight, we were about to get our family liaison officer to contact you."

"What's happening?" Cal hurried out, worrying more by the minute that something had happened to Gracie.

"We have a team inside collecting samples and evidence to aid in our investigation."

"What do you think has happened? You wouldn't be doing this if you didn't suspect something? You've arrested Jackie? What has she done?" Cal said, getting more and more stressed and upset by the minute. Sam slipped her arm around him and clutched his hand. The Sergeant glanced at her and Ethan and then back to Cal, also taking in Sam's bump.

"We haven't arrested her, she is assisting us with our enquiries. As I said, our Scene's of Crime Officers are inside and they will need to collect a routine sample from you to exclude your DNA as that of an imposter."

"Imposter? DNA? This is all too much." Cal breathed out.

"Sergeant, please what do you think has happened?" Sam urged, pleading with him to give them some clue. The Sergeant looked at her again, she clutched Cal tighter as his breathing got quicker and more shallow.

"Can I ask who you are?" The Sergeant said, knowing it was an awkward question, he tried to say it as kindly as he could.

"I'm Cal's sister in law." Sam said, glancing at Ethan, hoping he wouldn't mind her more simple explanation, she had hoped by sounding like family, the Sergeant would be more willing to be honest with them. "This is his brother." She nodded at a very worried looking Ethan.

"Ok, well we aren't ruling anything out. We have no reason to suspect that Gracie isn't still alive and well, but we know these cases are time critical and we are doing everything we can to ensure her safe return." He tried to reassure them, but all three couldn't help but feel these words had been spoken many times before. Unable to get any more information from the Sergeant, and unable to get any of Cal's things, Sam guided the brothers away from the scene shortly afterwards; an arm around each of them. The Sergeant promised to be in touch as soon as they had any information. Sam drove the three of them back to the flat, the silence in the car feeling suffocating, the air around them felt thick and dead.

Cal fell onto the sofa once back inside, looking around everything reminded him of Gracie, even though the front room was now tidy and all traces of Gracie were gone, the memories were there, and somehow the room being devoid of her things intensified the feelings of loss. Ethan quickly busied himself moving some of the items they had bought earlier out of the way so as not to upset Cal and Sam headed into the kitchen to make a drink, not knowing what to do or say. When she placed a cup of tea down in front of Cal he barely looked up. She handed a cup to Ethan, which he took gratefully, offering her a small smile, and then she returned back to the kitchen. Ethan carefully took a seat on the sofa near Cal, but he didn't know what to say. He knew there were no words of comfort to offer that were worthwhile, he knew questions would anger and upset his brother more, he felt helpless, there was nothing he could do or say. He sat awkwardly clutching his cup of tea, being wholly consumed by the silence.


	169. Chapter 169

"Cal, I'm sorry." Ethan broke the silence eventually. Cal didn't respond, he sat staring at the same spot on the coffee table that he had been staring at since he sat down. "Cal? You know this isn't your fault?"

"Not my fault?" Cal repeated quietly. "Not my fault?" He said again somewhat louder. "How can it _not_ be my fault? She's my daughter, I should have been there, I should have protected her at all costs."

"No Cal, you didn't ask for this, you couldn't have known."

"I want her home with me." Cal said, his head dropping again.

"We all do." Ethan said quietly. Silence fell again between the pair. Ethan knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't get the words out.

Sam meanwhile was still in the kitchen, she wanted to give the boys space, but also, she didn't know what to say for the best; how could you say anything in this situation? Instead, she unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned down all the kitchen surfaces twice and when she was half way through emptying the fridge and cleaning it out, Ethan appeared beside her. She looked up at him, sadness in both of their eyes.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly, crouching down next to her.

"Cleaning." She whispered back, returning to wiping the fridge door, and placing the items back inside.

"I can see that. Why?" He said, his voice still soft and concerned.

"I don't know what else to do." Sam said as she sat back on her heels, tears falling from her eyes again. She carefully wiped them with her forearm, ensuring she didn't get kitchen cleaner in them. Ethan sat beside her and pulled her into a hug. "He looks so broken, and I hate that there's nothing I can say or do to help."

"I know. Me too. But we just have to try and support him, in any way we can." Ethan sighed.

"God, Ethan, what he must be going through." Sam said, looking up at him, feeling so grateful to have him with her.

"I know." Ethan whispered, nodding in agreement. Just then, they heard the front door bang and both looked up. Exchanging a worried glance, Ethan shot up towards the front door, while Sam slowly pulled herself up to her feet. By the time she was standing and heading towards the front room, Ethan was rushing towards the window. He watched as Cal walked down the path away from the flats, torn whether to run after him or not.

"What are you waiting for? Go after him." Sam said from behind him, sensing his internal dilemma.

"I can't-I don't-"

"Ethan, go." Sam said, giving him a look. He nodded, grabbed his keys from the side table and rushed out of the door. Sam watched out of the window as he headed in the direction Cal had gone and disappeared out of sight.

Ethan raced down the path and stopped at the end of the road; he looked around to see if he could spot Cal, but he was no where to be seen. Ethan tried to gather his thoughts as he caught his breath again, but all he could think was a pub, and trawling around every pub into town didn't seem very appealing, or a good use of time. He pulled out his phone and dialled Cal's number. As he half expected, it rang and then went to answerphone. He tried again, but this time he was cut off quicker, and when he tried a third time, it went straight to answerphone; Cal had clearly switched it off. Slamming his fist against the wall he let out an angry yell. Then he hurried off further down the road.

Sam, meanwhile, paced around the flat. She had finished re-packing the fridge and was short of getting the vacuum out and tidying around the already tidy flat. She stood looking out of the window, wringing her hands together, feeling sick with nerves. Letting out a deep breath, she grabbed her phone from her bag and typed a text.

Cal put his phone back in his pocket after switching it off. He carried on walking quickly down the street, he didn't want to speak to Ethan, he didn't want to speak to anyone, he just wanted his daughter back. As he turned the next corner, realisation hit him that the police may try to contact him on his mobile, so he pulled it out again and switched it back on, hoping that Ethan had got the idea by now. Then it hit him, where he needed to be. He hurried off again, a steely determined look on his face.

Ethan was feeling defeated, he was no where near finding Cal, he had no idea where to continue looking, he was now just wondering around aimlessly. He let out a sigh as his shoulders dropped, he looked in both directions and gave up, pulling out his phone he called Sam.

"Have you found him?" She hurried out, answering his call on the first ring and shocking him.

"N-No. No I haven't." He sighed. "I don't know where to go. I'm running out of places to look, I just can't think straight."

"Where are you?" Sam asked softly, sensing his distress building again.

"Um," Ethan said looking around for inspiration. "I'm down by the industrial park."

"Right, wait there, I'll come and pick you up."

"No, you need to stay in case Cal comes back."

"Ethan, it'll take me ten minutes. Wait there, I'm coming." Sam said, hanging up before Ethan could start to protest again.

Later that night, Ethan was back at the flat with Sam, still tense and unsettled. Sam was still feeling sick with worry, but also really tired.

"Come on Ethan, you should get to bed." Sam said gently, pulling herself up off the couch and heading towards him. He continued staring out of the window and said nothing. "Ethan?"

"How can I? What if he comes back? He wont have a key." Ethan replied tightly.

"We'll let him in, neither of us will sleep heavily, we will hear him." Sam said soothingly.

"I can't. But you should go, you need to rest." Ethan ended gently, realising she must be tired.

"Not without you." Sam insisted, slipping her arm gently around his waist.

"I really can't, but please, I want you to." He said, looking at her with his concerned eyes. She noticed how tired he looked, but she also recognised the determination, this was something he needed to do. He wanted to make everything better for his brother, and it was hurting him not being able to do so. He guided Sam towards their bedroom and helped her into bed, sitting gently on the edge of the bed next to her holding her hand.

"Ethan, I know you're scared, I'm scared too." Sam whispered.

"I know." He nodded, fighting back the tears.

"I'm here for you, both of you, you know that don't you?" Sam said, her voice wobbling. Ethan nodded unable to answer for fear of the tears spilling. "And you know this isn't your fault, don't you? I know you're blaming yourself deep down, but I need you to stop that. Its not anyone's fault."

"Ok." He whispered.

"Ethan," Sam started, then changed her mind about what she was going to say about things not looking good. "Ethan I love you so much." She said quietly. He squeezed her hand and bent forward to kiss her then silently left the room. She watched him go sadly, felling dreadful that she couldn't take the worry and pain away. Ethan left the bedroom and shut the door quietly, then heading back into the front room, he sat down on the sofa and silently broke down.

Cal laid his head down on the somewhat soft pillow, the mattress wasn't as comfortable as his at home; home he thought sadly, he didn't have a home anymore. He let out a sigh and felt the arm around him tighten. He kept his eyes closed, afraid if he opened them more tears would fall, and he didn't know if he had any left, or where they all came from. The warmth from the body next to him offered some comfort, comfort that he desperately needed, but he knew it couldn't make things better. Before he knew it, his body was shaking with fighting the sobs again, and another arm curled around his waist, pulling him in closer, muttering soothing noises into his ear as the exhaustion finally took over and he drifted off.


	170. Chapter 170

Sam tossed and turned for the next 20 minutes, trying to switch off but she couldn't. Every time she closed her eyes everything just hit her harder. Eventually she gave up, tossed back the covers and decided she would go and make a cup of tea. As she headed towards the kitchen she heard him and her heart sank. The distinct sound of Ethan sobbing could be heard as she got nearer. She peered around the corner and saw him, almost curled up into a ball on the sofa, crying. She hurried over and in one swift move, scooped him into her arms. He tensed at first, trying to resist her, embarrassed at being caught in this situation, but soon he realised he needed her, and he relaxed into her arms.

"Oh Ethan, why didn't you come to me?" Sam asked softly as his sobs subsided. He shook his head, unable to answer as he curled into her chest like a small boy. She cradled him, whispering soothing sounds into his ear as she rocked him gently, the pain inside her feeling more intense now than ever before. She had never seen him like this, she hated seeing him hurting like this, but she knew there was nothing she could say to help the pain go away. Instead, she held him, continuing to rock him gently found herself softly singing to him:

 _"When you're weary, feeling small,_

 _When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all,_

 _I'm on your side, when times get rough,_

 _And friends just can't be found._

 _Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down."_

She felt him relax a little more, so she carried on:

 _"When you're down and out,_

 _When you're on the street,_

 _When evening falls so hard,_

 _I will comfort you, I'll take your part,_

 _When darkness comes,_

 _And pain is all around,_

 _Like a bridge over troubled water_

 _I will lay me down."_

She looked down on him, he had stopped crying, having fallen into an exhausted sleep in her arms, she hoped it meant he felt safe there. Gently she bent forward and kissed him and whispered: "I'll always be here for you Ethan."

* * *

The following morning, Cal opened his eyes, feeling like he'd not had any sleep. As his sight adjusted to the harsh light, he sat up suddenly, forgetting where he had fallen asleep. When realisation hit him, he looked across at the sleeping figure next to him in the bed and felt comforted. Ella was stirring too, having been woken up by Cal's sudden movement. She looked up at him as she slowly shifted position.

"Morning." She smiled shyly.

"Morning." Cal replied, wanting to smile, but still feeling too hurt.

"Ah, the sleeping couple are awake." A third voice came from the doorway of the room.

"Fletch." Cal said, looking up at his old colleague. "Thanks for not kicking me out." Cal finished sheepishly.

"Its fine mate, but if anyone asks, you weren't here all night, right?"

"Sure." Cal nodded.

"They may be desperate for extra hands on the rehab ward, but they'll never let me cover if they think I'm letting randoms in to spend the night." Fletch laughed, turning away again.

"Thanks for last night." Cal said, turning back to Ella. "I really appreciate it, I needed someone."

"Someone?" Ella raised her eyebrow slightly.

"I needed you." Cal admitted quietly.

"I've told you before Cal, I'm here for you. Well, as much as I can be when I'm learning to walk again." She half laughed.

"It looks to me like you're doing better every time I see you."

"The physios are pleased." Ella shrugged.

"So am I."

"I should be getting discharged soon."

"But you don't look happy about that?"

"Well, I have to go home, back to my parents. I need more physio and rehab. I just want to go back to normality." She sighed. Cal looked at her sadly. "Anyway, she continued, its not about me right now, come here." She said patting the bed space beside her. He lay back down next to her and they held each other, silence falling back over them.

* * *

Ethan and Sam were making their way into work, a painful silence in the car, both lost in their own thoughts, both too afraid to say what they were really thinking. As Ethan pulled up in the car park, Sam broke the silence.

"Ethan, are you sure you should be here today? You've hardly slept?"

"I'll be fine." He muttered quietly. Sam got out of the car.

"Ethan?" She questioned.

"What?" He snapped slightly at her, making her flinch. "What?" He said again, slightly softer, realising his earlier harsh tone.

"I'm just worried Ethan, you're tired, you're going to go in there and try and function normally, and you're going to punish yourself when you can't. I know you Ethan."

"I'll be fine. Stop worrying." He said, still very clearly on the edge.

"At least explain to Mrs Beauchamp?" She suggested.

"I don't need to." He walked off into the department, while Sam stood watching him, biting her lip and fighting the tears. If she was honest with herself, she was tired too, but she wasn't going to let Ethan suffer through this alone, she could see he was heading for a fall, even if he couldn't see it himself.

* * *

"Knock-knock sleepyheads." Came the familiar cheeky cockney twang of Fletch from the doorway of Ella's side room. "I'm about to finish my shift, which probably means you should have been downstairs to start yours just now." Fletch said to Cal, holding out a take away coffee to him as he stirred where he had drifted off again. "Don't tempt the fate of the wrath of Mrs B, we all know what that's like!" Fletch laughed.

"Don't worry, I'll boot him out now, before you charge him rent." Ella smiled.

"Thanks Fletch." Cal muttered as he jumped up and grabbed his jacket and the coffee gratefully. Fletch smiled and headed back out.

"Cal, I'm here ok? Whenever you need me. Just come to me, ring me, text me, what ever you need. Ok?" Ella reached out and grabbed his empty hand. He turned back and looked into her eyes, he nodded and let out a slight smile whilst biting his lip.

"Thank you." He whispered, then headed down to get ready for his shift. As he headed onto the floor, Rita stopped him.

"Cal? What are you doing here?" She asked, surprised to see him.

"Working." He said as he threw his stethoscope around his neck.

"But surely you should be at home?"

"Home? I don't even- What good would that do?"

"Cal, you shouldn't be here, what if the police-?"

"They can find me here. I need to be here." Cal said, walking off. Rita watched him go, feeling concerned for him. As he disappeared from sight, Ethan came around the corner, also looking pale and tired. He grabbed some notes from the side, sending another set flying onto the floor. Rita rushed over to help him pick them up.

"Ethan? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." He replied tightly.

"Are you sure, you look-"

"I'm fine Rita." He said gruffly and walked off with his notes. This was not shaping up to be the best day, Rita thought to herself. She stood considering her options, and the glaringly obvious option was having a word with Mrs Beauchamp, although she wasn't convinced it was the _best_ option. It was then that she noticed Sam walking out of the staffroom. Rita hurried over to her and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her into the privacy of her office.

"Sam, what is going on?" Rita asked as they sat down. Sam was clutching a much needed cup of coffee, she needed the caffeine hit, even though she knew she should probably avoid it.

"I don't know Rita. We still haven't heard anything. Ethan has barely slept, he shouldn't be here but he wont listen to me, I don't know what to do for the best."

"Cal doesn't look much better either, but I guess that's to be expected." Rita said. At the mention of Cal's name, Sam's head snapped up.

"What? You've seen him?"

"Well, yes, he's here. I assumed he came in with you?"

"No, he walked out last night, we haven't heard from him?" Sam said half concerned, but half relieved. "Where is he, I need to find him?" Sam said jumping up and rushing out before Rita could answer. As Rita hurried to follow her out of the office she bumped right into Charlie.

"Oh, Charlie, thank goodness, I need help. Cal's daughter was taken from the crèche yesterday, and both he and Ethan are here for their shifts, and neither look like they should be. I don't want to have to tell Connie, but I'm going to have to. Can you try and find them, talk some sense into them or something?"

"Sure." He nodded, walking towards the nurses station.

"Rita, I need your help over here." Lofty called her, and she hurried over in time to slide a vomit bowl out to Lofty's patient to avoid a puddle on the floor kind of situation.

Sam hurried as best she could to try and find Cal, short of looking behind every drawn set of curtains, she looked where she could. She stopped Robyn and asked Noel if he had seen Cal, but it seemed no one had. She looked in the staff room, in Resus, through triage and outside, but it seemed like she was banging her head against a brick wall. She hurried back inside, feeling the tears pooling in her eyes in frustration and she ran right into Ethan.

"Woah, what's the rush?" He asked as he grabbed her shoulders to steady her. "What's wrong?" He suddenly looked concerned.

"Cal's here, he's here, but I can't find him." Sam breathed.

"He's here?" Ethan said, looking confused as to why he also hadn't seen his brother.

"Yes, Rita saw him." Sam said, trying to catch her breath.

"Right." Ethan said, turning around and hurrying off too.

"Dr Hardy can you-" Robyn started, then stared after him as he disappeared without looking back. She looked at Sam who shook her head.

"Robyn, can you find Zoe or Dylan? I need to find Cal and Ethan, and get Connie to send them home." Sam sighed. She squeezed Robyn's arm so the nurse knew she hadn't done anything wrong. Robyn went off to find Zoe and Sam headed towards Mrs Beauchamp's office, knowing she was the only one who was going to have the power to make the boys see sense, or listen to reason.

Charlie meanwhile had caught hold of Ethan and pulled him aside into the HDU cubical, which was currently empty.

"Ethan? You look terrible. Should you be here?"

"I didn't get much sleep, nothing a coffee or two won't fix." Ethan tried to falsely reassure Charlie.

"Ethan, you forget I've been around the block a few times, and I know what's happened to Cal. I think you should go home. We can manage here. You both need to go home."

"I don't even know where Cal is, have you seen him?" Ethan said, his cool exterior buckling under the gaze of the older man.

"We'll find him and send him home too. Go on."

"I can't Charlie. I can't just sit there waiting, thinking. Its too much."

"I know. But you need to be on your game here, we can't risk you making mistakes because you're tired."

"I'm fine Charlie."

"Ethan?" Charlie gave him that look.

"Really, I'm Fi-"

"Ethan, you may think you're fine, but give it a few hours, you'll have seen more patients that you can remember and have more again waiting to see you, and you need to be on top of everything to know you're making the right decisions. Go home, get some rest, support Cal, he needs you."

"He doesn't want to talk to me." Ethan sighed.

"He doesn't know how to." Charlie corrected. "Neither of you are very good at admitting your true feelings, and even less so to each other, but right now you need each other; and you can't help each other if you're both here trying to work and pushing the other away."

"I know. I've failed him Charlie. I've been a terrible brother haven't I?" Ethan looked at Charlie sadly.

"No. No you haven't. But you need to make him see that he can talk to you, that you wont get angry or judge him for his mistakes, he'll be punishing himself enough without you doing it too."

"So what do I do now?"

"Get him home and let him talk, get it all out." Charlie advised, giving Ethan's shoulder a squeeze as he smiled supportively at the younger man. Ethan nodded and took a deep breath, walking towards the staff room, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

* * *

Cal stood in shock as he shut the door to the on-call room. He couldn't believe what he was faced with. Shocked and angry didn't cut it.

"What the he-What are you playing at?" He hissed angrily, feeling himself shaking. He didn't know if it was the shock or the anger making him shake. He rushed and took Gracie from Taylor's arms, careful to avoid hurting the little girl but ensuring that he successfully wrenched her from Taylor's grasp.

"Cal, I-I don't know what to say." Taylor said, looking at him with those eyes, the ones that bewitched him in the first place. Cal looked at Gracie, checking her for signs of harm or distress, but she seemed ok, quite pleased to see her daddy again by the looks of things.

"Well you'd better start thinking of something to say, and how about making it the truth this time?"

"Cal, I miss you." Taylor said, moving towards him.

"No, I said the truth." He spat out at her.

"It is the truth. We need you Cal, I need you."

"No Taylor, no! This is ridiculous. You can't dump Gracie on me, leave her with me for months and then just take her again when it suits you."

"Its not like that."

"Well what is it like then?" He started getting louder. Taylor tried to hush him, not wanting to get caught.

"Cal, I'll tell you everything, everything you want to know. But we need to get away." She said in hushed tones, looking fearful.

"No Taylor, you aren't dragging me into your lies again."

"I'm not, it's not-"

"This is what you do Taylor, you lie!" Cal said, running his hand through his hair and moving Gracie onto his other hip. Just then his mobile started ringing. He wrestled to get it out of his pocket and saw Ethan's name on the display. He rapidly rejected the call and shoved his mobile back in his pocket.

"Cal please, we need to get away, its not safe here, but Gracie clearly loves you, she's been asking for daddy since I got her back."

"You took her, I have the police looking for her, they took Jackie in for questioning, I've been questioned when I gave my statement. I've been through hell, and now you expect me to run away with you. You've got some nerve."

"I know, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I really do love you Cal, you're the best man I've ever known, and Gracie loves you. We could do this, we could go away, start again, be a proper family. It's all I've ever wanted." Taylor said, moving nearer to him. He looked at her, those blue eyes piercing his heart, Gracie in his arms, giggling and happy at the sight of both of her parents in the same room for the first time. He could see the recognition and the sparkle in her eyes, and he wanted so much to make his little girl happy. He kissed Gracie's head and held her close, and sat down on the bed. Ethan called again and once more he rejected the call. Cal sat in silence, still clutching Gracie, deep in thought. Taylor carefully sat next to him. She reached out to take his hand, but he moved it away.

"I don't know Taylor, I have everything here, I can't just leave."

"We can do it, we can make our own home, our own life?" Taylor urged, looking at him with wide, pleading eyes. Cal looked from Taylor, to Gracie and then drifted off into his thoughts again.


	171. Chapter 171

**A/N: Sorry, first I meant to have credited the song lyrics I used in the last chapter, I'm sure it was obvious, but I felt bad 'borrowing' them and not saying they were from 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon and Garfunkel.**

 **Secondly, this chapter may seem a bit confusing, I was trying to create a 'cut-scene' type of feel, and as I know what's coming and what I'm imagining, so it was ok, but I don't know if it worked or not. If its too confusing I'm sorry. And don't worry, the story wont follow on like this, it was just this one off.**

 **Thirdly, thank you so much for the follows/favourites and reviews I'm still getting, you're all fantastic, and you keep me going. I look forward to reading what you think and suspect, it always makes me smile. Though you all guessed that Cal had sneaked off to Ella and that Taylor might be involved in Gracie's disappearance. I'm clearly getting far too predictable!**

 **Thank you all again :) xx**

* * *

Just then there was a hammering on the door.

"Cal! Cal I know you're in there!" Ethan shouted. "Big Mac said he saw you heading in here!"

"I'm just resting Ethan, I'll be down in a minute." Cal called back to him.

"Cal I know you're lying, Big Mac also told me who is in there with you." Ethan called through the locked door. "Is Gracie there Cal? Is she ok?"

Cal looked at Taylor who looked like a deer caught in headlights. She shook her head, not wanting him to let Ethan in. Cal looked torn.

"Don't Cal." She whispered urgently. "If Ethan knows, he'll never let us leave."

"If he keeps hammering on the door like that he'll draw attention to us though, and the police are already looking for Gracie."

"Cal, they _can't_ know I'm here."

"Why not? What trouble are you in Taylor?"

"Not now." She shook her head as Ethan started banging on the door again.

"Cal, let me in now!" Ethan yelled more determined than ever. Suddenly the door opened and Cal's arm reached out and pulled him in by his shirt collar. He was caught by surprise, but when he straightened up and caught his breath, he came face to face with someone who he never thought he'd see again, and even after all this time, he felt the anger rising.

Sam felt like she was losing the plot, not only could she not find Cal, now she had informed Mrs Beauchamp about what was going on, she couldn't find Ethan either. She gave up and headed for Rita's office, knocking on the door, and when Rita called her through, she broke down in tears.

"What is this?" Ethan hissed angrily, glaring at Taylor, but directing his question at Cal.

"It's nothing Ethan, you need to forget it." Cal said.

"No Cal, I can't forget it. She's here, causing trouble again, that's all she ever does."

"No Ethan, you don't understand-" Taylor started, trying to appeal to him.

"Don't tell me I don't understand!" Ethan said, his anger tipping over. "I understand completely the chaos and distress you cause my brother every time you appear and then disappear again. I understand how you've thrown his life off course each and every time you've entered it. I understand that you abandoned your child and left her in a vulnerable position to be found and taken in by us, and I understand you've now clearly decided you want something again so you're back. I also understand you disappeared with my money, which I have not nor will I ever likely see again." Ethan finished, taking a few deep breaths. Cal and Taylor stood in shocked silence.

"Oh, Sam, what's the matter, what's happened?" Rita asked, her voice oozing concern.

"Oh Rita, I can't do this. I can't..." Sam sobbed onto her shoulder as Rita whispered soothing noises into her ear, waiting for the sobs to subside. "I'm so tired, exhausted. I know its pathetic." Sam sniffed.

"No, no it's not. You've had a lot on, did you get any sleep last night?"

"Not a lot, no." Sam admitted quietly.

"See, how can anyone be expected to function when you're trying to be everything to everyone."

"But they need me." Sam said rubbing her temples having pulled away from Rita's arms.

"Are you ok?" Rita asked, wrinkling her brow looking at her colleague and friend.

"I'm just tired, tired and stressed." Sam admitted.

Gracie broke the silence letting out a shriek and reaching out for Ethan, despite his outburst, she was pleased to see her uncle again. He couldn't help but smile and as she launched herself out of Cal's arms towards him, he reached out and grabbed her, pulling her in for a cuddle. Absentmindedly he kissed the top of her head and breathed in her familiar scent, only now it was tainted by Taylor's perfume, which added a bitter edge to Ethan's memory of his niece. He looked towards the door, wondering if for a fleeting moment, he could make a run for it, but that would put him in the same vein as Taylor, and the less he was associated with her, the better.

"Ethan, we need to call off the police search for Gracie."

"What?"

"Ethan, please, I'm doing this for Gracie." Cal said.

"Why can't you see it Cal, what can't you see her for what she is?" Ethan shook his head, he couldn't believe his brother was getting sucked back in again, he couldn't let that happen.

"Sam, are you ok? You don't look well?" Rita said, placing a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Let me check your blood pressure." Rita said, reaching into her drawer and pulling out her handheld sphyg.

"No, Rita really, there's no need." Sam tried to reassure her, but Rita was already reaching for her arm, remembering what Ethan had told her about Sam's high blood pressure some weeks ago.

"Come on, it wont take me long, and it'll reassure me that baby is ok, and it's just you I need to worry about."

"Fine." Sam sighed, giving in and holding out her arm. Rita took a couple of readings, a frown appearing in her face. She was about to take a third reading when Sam spoke again. "What is it Rita? Why are you frowning? Is it still high?"

"Still high? You mean you knew?" Rita said, playing slightly dumb.

"Yes, I've um, well I've been on medication now for a couple of weeks." Sam admitted.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" Rita asked, surprised that Ethan hadn't mentioned it.

"I didn't want anyone fussing." Sam said quietly. "Is it high Rita?"

"Yes, 200/120. Sam you need to do something about this. Clearly the medication isn't working."

"I missed my last midwife appointment too, well I had to cancel it, but I told her I'd been monitoring my BP at work, but I hadn't."

"Sam, how could you. You know how dangerous it is." Rita said, in complete shock. "What did Ethan say?"

"He...he doesn't know." Sam said looking away, unable to look Rita in the eye and see her disapproving look.

"Sam, I can't believe you haven't told him. I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"I'm sorry Rita, I-I don't know, I've just been trying to manage everything, and I've failed haven't I?"

"No, no you haven't failed, but you need to get help, this could be serious and you know that. Right, I'm going to go and find Zoe, she can refer you up to obs and gynae, stay right there, this needs sorting."

"Rita, I can't, what about Cal and Ethan, they are missing and Connie wants to speak to them."

"I'll sort it, don't worry. Just stay there." Rita said, hurrying out to find Zoe.

"She's Gracie's Mum Ethan, that's it. But I have to do what's right for Gracie, she's my daughter. She needs me." Cal said, almost pleading with his brother to understand.

"So do what's right, call the police and bring Gracie home." Ethan said firmly.

"I can't Ethan." Cal said, looking hurt, glancing between his brother, Taylor and Gracie.

"I can." Ethan scoffed, standing up and handing Gracie back to Cal.

"No Ethan!" Taylor shrieked jumping up, then she doubled over in pain. Ethan looked shocked but then stiffened, doubting her honesty. Cal placed Gracie down and looked at Taylor with doubt in his eyes, but when she didn't seem to recover, Ethan and Cal exchanged a glance and their doctor's instincts kicked in.

"Taylor, what's wrong?" Cal asked.

"It's nothing." she breathed, carefully sitting down clutching her stomach. "Just some bruising."

"Let me see." Cal ordered. Taylor slowly lifted up her blouse to reveal extensive bruising across her abdomen. Taylor, what the hell happened?" Cal breathed out, his tough exterior falling.

"I-Its nothing." Taylor shook her head secretively.

"Is this the trouble you're in?" Cal asked; Taylor looked away.

"Cal, she needs a scan, she could be bleeding internally with damage like that." Ethan whispered, concerned.

"I know, but I can't do one here Ethan."

"I'm not going downstairs, I can't be seen down there." Taylor said, panicked.

"Taylor, if you're bleeding internally then you could collapse and you could die. You need to be assessed." Ethan said.

"Ethan, you could go and get the FAST scanner from Resus. We could borrow it for a moment." Cal suggested, looking pleadingly at Ethan.

"No Cal, no I can't."

"Ethan, please?" Cal looked at him again, Ethan let out a sigh, looking at his brother, then to Taylor and finally Gracie. He let out another heavier sigh and turned towards the door.

"Sam, you really shouldn't have left this so long, you know that. I've paged the on call obstetrics consultant to come and assess you asap." Zoe said, looking at the monitor displaying her blood pressure. "Rita, can we run some screening bloods while we wait?" Zoe smiled, handing some paperwork to Rita. "In the meantime, you do not move from that trolley Sam, do you hear me?" Zoe finished, firmly but kindly as she lef the cubical.

"Rita, have you found them yet?" Sam asked once they were alone.

"Not yet, don't worry, I have Charlie looking for them. Sam, you need to avoid any stress right now, it's really important."

"How can I Rita? I've never felt more stressed in my life. Apart from when Ethan was in his accident maybe."

"I know Sam, but you have to be selfish, you have to think of your baby. Cal and Ethan are grown ups, they can get through this."

"Do me a favour, don't tell Ethan about this yet?" Sam pleaded.

"Sam, don't ask me to lie to him."

"I'm not, just don't tell him yet, he doesn't need this now Rita, please?"

"Ok, fine." Rita let out a sigh and went to send the bloods to the lab.

Ethan skulked around the corner and sneaked into Resus, which he was grateful to find empty for a change. He looked over his shoulder as he headed towards where the FAST scanner was kept. As he was creeping towards the drawer he knocked into a trolley, sending a load of dressings and vomit bowls flying to the floor. He cursed himself and quickly set about picking them up and putting them back on the trolley. Just as he was putting the last of the bowls back he heard a voice behind him, making him jump again.

"Dr Hardy? What are you doing here?" Came the cool voice of Mrs Beauchamp.

"Oh, u-um, I erm..." Ethan stuttered, standing up and knocking a few bowls over again.

"Dr Hardy?" Connie raised her eyebrows at him and folded her arms across her chest.

"I'm um, just getting this." He said, reaching out for the first thing he could grab.

"A blood gas syringe?" Connie almost smirked.

"Y-yes." Ethan nodded.

"And you couldn't find one anywhere else?" She said. "Anyway, that's not what I meant. I meant why are you in work today?"

"In work? I'm on the rota." Ethan looked confused.

"Yes I know Dr Hardy, but I also know what happened to you and your brother yesterday, and I know that you cannot possibly have your mind on the job, I can only assume that it why you are so jittery. And you know I need my staff on form at all times; so I suggest you find your brother and you both go home, understand?"

"Oh-Ok Mrs Beauchamp." Ethan nodded, loitering in the hope she would leave first and he could still take the scanner.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go." She said, ushering him out of the door. Ethan left, he couldn't go back, she was watching him, the only thing he could do was head to the staff room and pretend to be going home. When he got there he pulled his mobile out of his pocket.

"We're going to have to keep you in, monitor your blood pressure, and make sure you are getting complete rest." Mr Thompson explained to Sam. "We will check your blood results when they come back, we might have to do a scan, but if you're feeling lots of movements, then chances are things are ok, but things could decline if we don't get on top of the blood pressure. You understand what I mean don't you?"

"Yes." Sam said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Sam, we need to find Ethan for you, he needs to know." Rita said kindly. Sam just stared ahead, eventually she nodded slightly, knowing she couldn't keep this from him any longer, but terrified that it could be the thing that pushed him over the edge.

"Where is he?" Cal cursed his brother for taking so long, pacing the room, waiting for him to return.

"It's fine. We should go, while we can." Taylor suggested again.

"No, Taylor, I can't just leave."

"Please Cal. Gracie and I are going, we want you to come with us. Please?" She looked up at him through her long eyelashes, and he felt like someone punched him in the stomach. He felt so torn. Just then, his phone went off again. He assumed it would be Ethan, so he snatched it our of his pocket, and what he saw snapped him back into focus.

"No Taylor. I can't let you do this again. I've moved on. I've got a new life, a better life."

"So Gracie and I don't matter?"

"Gracie will always matter, she's my daughter. But I've moved on."

"Well then; we should get going." Taylor said, moving to pick up Gracie.

Suddenly there was another bang on the door.


	172. Chapter 172

"Ethan, there you are." Came Charlie's voice from behind him, making Ethan jump again.

"Oh, Charlie, you frightened me." Ethan said, feeling a little embarrassed as he put his phone back in his pocket.

"Where is your brother? Connie is looking for you both."

"Oh, she's just seen me. Cal is um, well he's resting, in the on-call room. He didn't get much sleep last night."

"I've heard Ethan, I'm really sorry, I hope they find her soon. I hope Connie has told you both to go home."

"Yes, yes she has, I'm getting our things then I'm going to find Cal."

"Good. And if there's anything any of us can do, you know we're all here." Charlie smiled supportively. Ethan nodded and smiled back at Charlie. Ethan looked around as Charlie left the room, wondering if Mrs Beauchamp had left Resus and he might be able to sneak back in. He turned back to his locker and just stood for a moment trying to gather his thoughts. Maybe if he went back upstairs without the scanner, he could convince Taylor she needed to come down here for treatment and then, well, the rest would take care of itself, and he and Cal could take Gracie home, where she belonged. His thoughts were broken as Rita came rushing into the room calling his name urgently. He couldn't help himself but he let out a small sigh.

"Ethan, we need you." Rita said in her firm tone.

"Sorry Rita, I'm going home, Mrs Beauchamp ordered it."

"I know that, but its not work, its Sam, we're sending her up to the antenatal ward, she-"

"What?! What's happened now?" He cut in, walking right towards her with haste.

"Its her blood pressure, its up at 200/120 and it won't come down, she's been reviewed by Mr Thompson, but he wants to keep her in. She's ok, and the baby is ok, but she needs complete rest." Rita said, squeezing his arm gently. He nodded, in shock at what she had explained. How could this have happened, he wasn't there, he knew it was sure to be caused by the stress of everything going on.

"I need to be with her Rita, where is she?"

"Come on, I'll take you to her. She's quite upset though, she didn't want you to know."

"What do you mean?" He looked up at Rita.

"She didn't want to add to your worries, what with everything going on." Rita explained.

"Add to my worries, I love her, of course I'm going to worry about her. I should have been there."

"Come on." Rita smiled kindly at him, guiding him to where Sam was in the cubical, then leaving them to it.

"Sam?" He said gently as he appeared behind the curtain. He hurried to her side, clutching her hand, and she glanced at him. He could see where the tears had stained her cheeks, the stress and worry in her eyes, and he felt his heart sink. He had caused this, it was his fault, he hadn't supported her as she'd needed, he'd given her more stress than she should have had to cope with.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, barely able to talk.

"Hey, hey, shh, you don't need to apologise." Ethan said soothingly.

"I do, Ethan, this is all my fault. You don't need this." Sam said shakily, finding her voice again.

"No, shh, it's not your fault. I should have supported you better, been there for you."

"No, you don't understand."

"Don't understand what?"

"You can't support me if I don't give you the whole picture."

"W-What do you mean?" Ethan's voice had turned shaky now.

"Ethan, the blood pressure, it's not a new problem."

"I know, the midwife mentioned it weeks ago."

"Yes, but you know I've had it checked a few times since."

"Yes, you said it was ok." He looked intently at her.

"It was, but only because they made me go on medication." Sam admitted quietly.

"Medi-Medication?" Ethan repeated, clearly shocked. "They put you on- a-and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"That's not the point." Ethan breathed out, still in shock. "You should have told me, I should have known."

"I'm sorry."

"No Sam, it's my baby too, you shouldn't have hidden it from me." Ethan said, getting angrier.

"I know." She whispered, looking at her hands in her lap.

"So if you know, why did you?" He asked, his tone still angry. "Why did you hide it from me? It could have been dangerous. I _should_ have known." Sam shook her head, unable to give an answer. "I can't do this." Ethan said, turning around and walking out of the cubical. Sam sat in shock, unable to speak, unable to cry, she just stared into space as the machine she was attached to started to alarm again as her most recent BP reading increased and her heart rate increased with it. Rita rushed behind the curtain, not expecting her to be alone; she took one look at the monitor and peered out of the curtains.

"Max, get Zoe, now!" She shouted and went back to Sam, who was clutching her chest. "Sam, Sam it's ok, calm down for me. Take some deep breaths." Rita tried to calm her.

"I...can't...breathe..." Sam gasped.

"I know, I know darling. Just shh, breathe with me, in...and out...in...and out. Good girl." Rita eased.

"Its...It's all...my fault!" Sam gasped in between breaths.

"Shh, don't talk, just breathe." Rita soothed.

"Rita, what's happening?" Zoe said, rushing in and looking over the readings on the monitor.

"Probable anxiety attack." Rita said quietly.

"I can...hear...you Rita." Sam gasped.

"Right, well lets get an ECG to be safe, have the bloods come back from the lab yet?"

"No, I'll check again after we've got the ECG." Rita said to Zoe. "Where did Ethan go? Shall I find him again?"

"No." Sam gasped out. "No, he doesn't...want...to be here."

"Oh, I see." Rita said, glancing at Zoe, who nodded, then slipped out of the cubical. "Sam? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Sam said, her breathing still erratic. "Rita, I feel dizzy, and sick." Sam breathed.

"You need to calm your breathing, its the panic making you feel like this. Come on. We will sort everything out, it will all be fine."

"It wont."

"It will, I promise. Whatever happened, Ethan loves you." Rita said. Sam shook her head, but before she could speak Rita continued. "He does. He just told me. When I found him to tell him you were being admitted, he was so worried, and he felt guilty not being there for you when you were struggling, he said he should have been there and he loves you that's why he worries."

"I've messed it all up by lying to him. I just wanted to protect him. He had so much going on, he was under such stress, I thought I could protect him from it. I thought it would all be ok. But it isn't, it isn't! I messed everything up again, I'm such a screw up Rita." Sam rushed out, tears sliding down her cheeks again. Rita pulled her in for a hug and let her cry on her shoulder.

Ethan had hurried outside, despite the summer thunderstorm that seemed to have settled over Holby, he pulled his hoody around him and slumped onto the wet bench, not caring about the rain. In moments his glasses were covered in rain so he slipped them into his pocket and looked up to the sky, taking a deep breath in and slowly blowing it out. He couldn't believe this was all happening. When would his life stop this dizzying spiral he was currently experiencing? He wasn't sure he could take any more. It all felt too overwhelming, Sam, the baby, Cal...then he realised, in his worry about Sam and the baby, he'd forgotten about Cal inside with Taylor and Gracie, waiting for him to come back with the scanner. He jumped up and ran back inside.

Looking over his shoulder to make sure no one had seen him, he knocked on the door of the on-call room. He waited, but no one answered. He looked around again and knocked louder, listening against the door.

"Cal? Cal?" He said through the door in a loud whisper, then listened again. Hearing nothing, he carefully opened the door, peering inside, shocked by what he saw. The room was empty, Cal, Taylor and Gracie were gone.


	173. Chapter 173

Panic started to rise in Ethan's throat, he felt his chest tighten, fear gripping him as he looked around the empty room. He had been foolish to leave them alone, stupid in thinking that they would still be there when he got back. Taylor was clever, well, cunning, she had talked him around and got her own way, _again,_ and now they were both gone. Did that make Cal as guilty as she was, Ethan thought? Would it be perverting the course of justice or harbouring a criminal? Would he go to prison too? That was his career down the pan, all because Ethan had been stupid enough to leave him alone with _her._ How could he do that to his brother.

He turned to run, he didn't know where but he had to act, to do something, anything to sort this mess out before Cal got into trouble. In his haste he didn't realise that one of the cleaners had left a trolley in the corridor outside and as he turned to run he fell over it, luckily just managing to hold himself upright. He hurried off along the corridor, still feeling panicked, trying to work out where to look and what to do. As he scurried around the corner, scrabbling in his pocket to retrieve his phone, he bumped right into Zoe, who was carrying some files which went cascading to the floor. Through mumbled apologies Ethan helped Zoe pick up the files, and before he could hurry off again, she took hold of his arm and pulled him aside.

"Ethan, what is going on?" She asked, kindly but firmly.

"Dr Hanna, I um, I'm just looking for Cal."

"Why aren't you with Sam? She's not well." Zoe said, Ethan stiffened at the mention of her.

"She, well, I..."

"Ethan, she needs you, you might not realise it but she does."

"No she doesn't, or she wouldn't withhold important information from me."

"Ethan, when you left, she put herself at further risk with a full blown panic attack, which sent her BP and heart rate higher."

"What? Is she ok?" He asked worried.

"She's fine, but she really does need you. Don't let a silly fight get in the way of something special." Zoe said, with regret behind her own eyes. "You're not fooling anyone pretending you don't care. Don't let anger or stubbornness get in the way."

"But Cal..."

"Ethan, Cal will be fine, you do-"

"No, no you don't understand Zoe."

"What don't I understand?" Zoe asked, looking at Ethan as his breathing increased. "Ethan?"

"It's just, he's gone missing...and she-she." He breathed heavily then hit the ground with a thud.

"What is going on here today?" Zoe sighed to herself as she called for help and dropped to Ethan's side to try and bring him around.

Rita pulled back from Sam and looked at her. Her breathing had slowed down and she was calmer, although she looked terrible.

"Sam, is there anyone else I can get for you? You shouldn't be alone."

"No, there's no one." Sam shrugged.

"Well, I'll come and sit with you then."

"No, Rita, no." Sam looked worried. "If I'm taken out of the numbers, you can't take yourself out too. Its not fair on the team, they need you Rita."

"But you need someone too."

"No, I'll be fine, I don't need anyone."

"Do you want me to find Ethan, talk to him?"

"No, honestly, it's fine. We will sort it I'm sure." Sam said, sounding anything but sure. Suddenly they were aware of Zoe's voice coming from another cubical.

 _"Ethan, can you hear me? It's Zoe."_

 _"What happened?" Ethan said somewhat groggily as he came around._

 _"Its ok, you just fainted."_

 _"Oh, sorry." He mumbled, trying to get off the trolley._

 _"No, stay right there." Zoe instructed firmly, as Ethan realised he was attached to the bp monitor._

"Rita?" Sam asked. "Was that Zoe talking to Ethan?"

"I think it was." Rita said looking confused. "Let me go and check it out." She said, squeezing Sam's hand and slipping out of the cubical.

"Knock knock." Rita said cheerfully as she peered around the curtain. "Do you need a hand Zoe?" Rita smiled.

"Thanks." Zoe nodded.

"Ethan? What are you doing? Don't you think we have enough work without you playing the patient as well?"

"He's ok, he just had a little fainting episode just now." Zoe smiled.

"I'm sorry-I need to go and-" Ethan started, trying to get up again.

"No, you need to sit and have a drink and calm down." Zoe said guiding him back down on the trolley.

"Let me go and get you a cup of tea and some biscuits." Rita smiled slipping back out. She popped back later carrying a mug of tea and some biscuits for him.

"Ethan, what is going on?" Rita asked kindly as she placed the mug down on the side.

"Nothing." Ethan replied tightly.

"Look, Ethan, I'm not fishing for gossip here, but I'm worried about you, and about Sam. She was in a mess. What ever is happening between both of you, you need to sort it."

"What I need is for people to just keep out of my business." Ethan said getting angry again.

"Ethan, calm down; its ok. All I'm suggesting is that you talk to her properly. She's going to the ward shortly." Rita said. Ethan said nothing and looked ahead, so Rita gave up and left him to think and slipped back into Sam.

"He's fine Sam, apparently he fainted. He probably got a bit stressed."

"Oh?"

"But don't worry, he's ok."

"I want to see him Rita."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. You need to rest, and he's still, well, I'm not sure he's open for talking yet."

"But its all my fault, I need to explain." Sam said pleadingly.

"Just give him some time to calm down and think." Rita said. "You can talk later." Just then Zoe popped her head around the curtain.

"The ward are ready for you now Sam. Rita will you arrange a transfer?"

"Sure." Rita smiled. "I'll take her up myself."

Rita helped Sam into a wheelchair and was wheeling her along the corridor towards the ward when she saw a familiar face.

"Caroline?" Sam called out to Ella's mum.

"Sam? Are you ok dear? What's happened?"

"Oh nothing, just some issues with blood pressure, the consultants are a bit worried I've been too stressed." Sam mockingly rolled her eyes, trying to pretend it was nothing.

"Ah, I see. Yes I had that with my Francis." Caroline smiled knowingly.

"How is Ella?"

"She's fine. Doing much better. She's a determined girl, I'll give her that. We are hoping to get her home soon."

"That's fantastic." Sam smiled. "Will you tell her I wont be able to visit for a day or so, so if she's discharged, send me a text so I know."

"Of course I will, now you go and rest; let that lovely young man of yours look after you for a bit." Caroline smiled heading off again, not realising what she had said. Sam sat stony faced in the chair as Rita continued pushing her to the ward. Once Sam was settled and attached to the maternity monitors, she get out her phone and sent a message to Ethan.

 _'Ethan, I'm so sorry I let you down. I didn't mean to lie to you, I just didn't want to worry you. You've been under so much pressure, I couldn't add to that. You have to understand that? Please? I love you so much, and it kills me that I've hurt you...'_

She put her phone down beside her and waited, hoping he would reply.

Zoe went to look in on Ethan about half an hour later, and realised he wasn't in the cubical where she left him.

"Rita? Did you let Ethan go?" Zoe called across to the nurse.

"No, I thought he was still resting?" Rita looked up confused.

"No, he's gone. Do you think he could be in the staff room?"

"I'll look." Rita said hurrying off.

"Max?" Zoe called to the porter who was passing by pushing an oxygen tank. "Max, have you seen Ethan?"

"No, sorry." He shrugged.

"Can you have a look around for him?"

"Sure." He said wheeling the tank aside and hurrying off too. Zoe picked up the phone and called the antenatal ward to see if he had headed up to see Sam, but they confirmed she was still alone on the monitor, and had had no vistiors yet. Zoe hung up, suddenly feeling worried. She was sure he would be ok, and he had probably gone to sit somewhere quiet, or maybe even gone home, but he had been acting strange today, and she wanted to be sure he was ok.


	174. Chapter 174

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out - I've struggled writing it, then when I had a few bits that I was finally happy(ish) with, I lost it all, despite knowing I had it saved, it was bizarre! Anyway, I wrote and re-wrote this, and stressed over it so it probably doesn't flow all that well. And also - thanks to me stressing over this chapter, I'm behind in my reading too. I blame the sinusitis that seems to have flared up again! *Excuses, excuses!* :)**

* * *

Zoe headed back through the department, looking around for Ethan, and as she walked past Connie's office she noticed a police officer in there with the clinical lead. She shrugged and carried on to catch up with Rita.

"Rita, have you found him?"

"No, he's no where inside, Max went to search outside."

"I'm sure he's ok, but he was acting strange."

"He had a fight with Sam." Rita said in a hushed tone.

"Ah, right." Zoe nodded. "Even so, I wish he'd told us he was leaving. I haven't really got the time to waste chasing around after him."

"Maybe he went to see Sam on the ward?" Rita said hopefully, but Zoe shook her head.

"I just phoned them. What about Cal? Maybe he'll know where his brother is."

"He's no where to be seen either." Rita sighed. "This is so bizarre."

"Ethan said he'd gone missing before he passed out. I just thought he meant he couldn't find him, but maybe there is more to this that I first thought?" Zoe wondered out loud. "I was berating him for not being with Sam when she needed him."

"I wonder if Connie knows anything?" Rita said.

"She's in the office talking to..." Suddenly Zoe looked back towards the office.

"Talking to who?" Rita asked urgently.

"Talking to a police officer. You don't think it's related to this?"

"Well, Gracie is missing, and now Cal and Ethan have disappeared, its all very suspicious." Just then Max reappeared.

"Max? Anything?" Zoe asked, looking up and seeing him.

"Nothing." He shrugged. "It's like he's vanished into thin air."

"Right, well, lets all keep an eye out. I'll go and speak to Connie." Zoe said, heading back off towards office.

Meanwhile Sam was on the bed with the monitor strapped to her bump, monitoring the baby's heart rate as well as being attached to the machine taking regular blood pressure readings from her. She picked up her phone for the hundredth time in about 15 minutes, but there was still no reply from Ethan, of course, she didn't know he had now gone missing, and nor did she know about Cal and what had happened with him, Taylor and Gracie. She started to type another message to Ethan but gave up and deleted it. Then her finger hovered over Cal's name, considering whether or not to ring him. As she was about to dial him, she sighed and tossed her phone back down beside her, deciding he didn't need to be bothered by this. Moments later she picked up her phone again and typed out another message and hastily pressed send before she could change her mind.

Zoe knocked on the door to Connie's office, seeing the police officer had now gone, and Connie waved her in.

"Sorry Connie, I just wanted to speak to you, there's something strange going on here." Zoe started.

"Strange how?" Connie furrowed her brow and Zoe sat down.

"Well, Ethan fainted just now, he's fine, and Sam has been admitted to the antenatal ward with worryingly high blood pressure, and Cal has gone missing. I left Ethan recovering in a cubical and now he's gone missing. It's just all a bit odd." Zoe explained.

"Ah, I see." Connie nodded. "Well, there has been a significant development in the search for little Gracie."

"Oh God! No!" Zoe said, her hand flying to her mouth.

"No, nothing like that." Connie reassured her. "But I overheard Mac telling Ethan about Cal being seen with his ex and Gracie, and I knew of some history there, the police had asked me before about when Gracie was left with Cal, so I confirmed the story then called the police myself. We all know Gracie is missing and if she was here then I wanted to make sure all was ok."

"I see. So Gracie was with her mother all along."

"I'm not certain, but I do know that if she was then that would be the problem; Cal's ex absconded from prison you see, she was in for fraud. That's why she left Gracie with Cal, but I assume she wanted her back."

"Wow, I didn't know that." Zoe said, shocked.

"Well, I know I don't need to tell you that it isn't common knowledge, nor does it need to be." Connie smiled knowingly.

"Well Well, Connie Beauchamp, it's not like you to listen to idle office gossip." Zoe chuckled.

"I don't, but one needs to keep ahead of her staff, and if it's going to affect the department then I like to know what's happening."

"I guess, especially if it spills over into work." Zoe agreed.

"Yes, and with those two, let's be honest, it often does."

"And that's just one reason I'm glad not to be clinical lead any more." Zoe smiled knowingly at Connie who returned the smile.

Ethan climbed the last flight of stairs, looking back over his shoulder to ensure no one had seen him come this way. He pushed open the door that led to the roof outside and stepped out into the damp air. The rain had stopped for a moment, but as he dodged the puddles, carefully making his way towards a raised ridge in the middle of the roof. He wanted to be alone, and away from the department, and he knew up here he could be alone, but that didn't mean he wanted to be anywhere near the edge. He swallowed hard as his memories went back to what had happened the last time he was up here. But he knew he couldn't dwell on that today, if only for the fact that he was worried about where Cal had got to, what he was up to with _her._

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, clicking the battery back into place which had become dislodged when he'd dropped it earlier; he took a deep breath as he switched it back on, watching it flash into life, grateful it hadn't broken. He held his breath as it settled on the home screen, desperately hoping for something to come through from Cal. Suddenly, with a few beeps his phone lit up with 2 text messages and a voicemail. Hurriedly, he dialled his voicemail to see if it was Cal, hoping he was ok.

'Hi Ethan, it's Zoe. We're worried about you, just let us know you're ok, yeah?' Came Zoe's kind voice down the phone. Ethan let out his breath and sighed, disappointed that it wasn't a message from Cal. He deleted the message and then looked to open the texts. The first he noticed was a simple 'Where are you' message from Max, but the one that came through next made him catch his breath in his throat, feeling as though someone had punched him in the stomach.

 _'Ethan, I'm so sorry I let you down. I didn't mean to lie to you, I just didn't want to worry you. You've been under so much pressure, I couldn't add to that. You have to understand that? Please? I love you so much, and it kills me that I've hurt you...'_

Ethan's eyes pricked with tears as he read the message. His breathing got more hasty as he read the message again and by the third time of reading it through, a single tear slid it's way down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away. Despite being alone, he didn't want to cry, he didn't want to feel so weak. He couldn't believe he'd made such a mess of everything. He was the sensible one, the one who was normally so in control, so held together, and here he was with everything in his life slowly unravelling around him. He couldn't control it, he didn't know what to do, he felt completely useless. He looked once more at Sam's message; she did it to protect him. Was that really what people thought? That he was so weak he needed protecting. It wasn't the first time someone had said that to him, in fact it wasn't the first time Sam had said that to him. It was the wrong way around, he should be protecting her, not Sam trying to protect him. And look at where that had got them anyway, she was in hospital with high blood pressure, at risk of harming the baby if she didn't stop getting stressed, and what did he do? He walked away, when she needed him the most, he'd yelled at her and walked away, what kind of man was he? Not the kind his Mother would ever want to see him become, that's for sure. Suddenly he looked back towards the door; he knew where he had to be.

Sam was staring blankly at the monitor on her bump, when she suddenly realised there was someone in the doorway. Expecting it to be a midwife, she looked up but was pleasantly surprised to see Ella sat in a wheelchair being pushed by Caroline.

"Els?" Sam gave a small smile, though Ella saw it didn't reach her eyes.

"It's me, I'm here." Ella said softly, motioning for her mum to push her further into the room.

"Sorry Sam darling, when I said I'd seen you she insisted on coming." Caroline sighed.

"I had to see for myself that my Sammy was ok. Mummy, go get yourself a coffee, leave Sam and I to talk for a while." Ella instructed.

"I can tell you're feeling better, as bossy as ever dear aren't you?" Caroline smiled as she left Ella beside Sam. "I'll be back in twenty minutes." She said as she walked out of the room.

"Oh Chicky, what's going on?" Ella asked again.

"You haven't called me that for ages." Sam smiled sadly. "In fact, at one point I never thought I'd hear you say it again." Sam said, her voice wobbling again.

"Hey now, come on; we're not having any of that. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, remember?"

"You remember that?" Sam said surprised, thinking back to the last conversation they had, the night before her accident. Ella nodded.

"Don't get too excited, it's not all there, but I'll never forget you, and everything we've been through together, everything you've done for me. Now help me do the same for you. Talk to me."

"It's all falling apart Ella, I don't know, I'm just messing everything up." Sam muttered sadly.

"I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"It is Ella, it really is. Ethan doesn't want to know me, I've put the baby in a dangerous situation, not looking after it or myself. Gracie has been taken and Cal is at breaking point. Now tell me it isn't all falling apart and I haven't messed it all up." Sam said, fighting off a sob.

"Well as far as I can see, Gracie and Cal are nothing that you've done wrong. Yes you could have been more sensible looking after yourself, but these things happen, and sometimes you can do everything and it'll still work out the same. But why do you think Ethan doesn't want to know you?"

"We had a fight Ella, he was angry with me because I didn't tell him I was on medication for my blood pressure, I was hiding the truth to protect him because he's been so stressed and...wait a minute, why aren't you more surprised about Cal and Gracie?" Sam said suddenly, looking confused.

"Because I already knew about it." Ella said quietly.

"But how?"

"Cal came to me last night. He was devastated and he showed up on the ward late, Fletch let him in and he stayed with me, so he told me all about it." Ella confessed.

"So he was with you?" Sam said, suddenly realising. Ella nodded. "We didn't know where he'd gone, we were so worried."

"I'm sorry, I'd have let you know if I'd known." Ella said guiltily. Sam smiled slightly at her.

"I know you would. We were so worried about him. He just walked out, and Ethan was so upset, neither of us really got any sleep."

"Oh Sam. Come here." Ella said, trying to pull her into a hug, somewhat awkwardly. They soon gave up as it was impossible with Sam attached to the monitor and Ella not able to easily get out of the chair, but the sat with each other, clutching their hands together.

"So, how do we sort you and Ethan out. You'll get through this, I know you will, you love each other." Ella said breaking the silence.

"Do we? I'm just not so sure anymore." Sam sighed sadly.

"What?" Ella snapped out. "Of course you do, I've never known two people more right for each other. Things have just got tough, you'll work through it, for the baby if for nothing else. You both know you love each other. You're perfect together."

"I do love him Els, I love him so much, but I just keep letting him down." Sam said. They suddenly heard a small cough from the doorway, and Ethan appeared, hovering awkwardly.

"Hi Ethan." Ella smiled, trying to break some of the awkwardness and tension that had suddenly descended on the room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here." Ethan said quietly. "I just thought maybe we should talk." He said towards Sam, sounding unsure.

"I think you're right." She said quietly.

"Well, push me out into the corridor and I'll be out of your way." Ella smiled.

"No, no I don't want to be rude. I can wait." Ethan said turning around and heading back out.

"Ethan, come back." Ella called. "It's fine, really. I just wanted to check Sam was ok, and I've seen she's, well as alright as she will be until you two sort this out. My driver will be back shortly anyway, please, take me outside, I'll be fine."

"Ethan, she means it, she wont give up until you do." Sam said.

"No I wont." Ella smiled broadly, giving Sam a wink. "I'll catch you later chick. Text me ok?"

"Thanks Els." Sam smiled slightly, still too hurt to put everything into her smile. As if perfectly timed, Caroline reappeared to take Ella back to the rehab ward and when Ethan and Sam were finally alone, he remained standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed, silence falling around them, both too afraid to speak. Eventually Sam broke the silence.

"You can sit down Ethan." She said simply.

"Oh, right, yes." He said, perching stiffly in the chair beside her bed. He felt grateful she was in a side room so he didn't have to do this in a bay of patients and their families. "Um, h-how are you?" He asked, silently cursing himself for not being able to get out what he wanted to.

"Well, what do you think?" Sam said somewhat stiffly, inwardly cursing herself for not helping the situation and being kinder. Ethan was struggling just as much as her, if not more. She knew she needed to allow him to open up. "Ethan, I heard you fainted earlier? Are you ok?" She asked, softening her voice as much as she could.

"I'm fine, it just all got a bit too much." He admitted. "How are things looking?" He asked, nodding towards the monitors."

"Pretty much as it was." Sam said simply, then she took a deep breath. "Ethan, please let me explain. I know I should have told you, I just knew you'd worry, and you were stressed at work and under pressure with running things and doing the reports for Mrs Beauchamp and studying, and with everything with Cal and Gracie, I just couldn't find a good time to tell you. Besides, I assumed the medication would help. It _should_ have helped, so I thought not telling you wouldn't matter; but I can see now that I was wrong, and I'm so sorry." Sam explained.

"I think I can see that now, I just felt so afraid, and then angry that you kept it from me. Why do you feel you have to protect me? Don't you think I can cope?"

"Ordinarily yes, but you have to admit, you've been under an enormous amount of pressure and I didn't want to add to that."

"I'm sorry you felt you couldn't share it with me, it might have helped you know?"

"I know, you're right." Sam looked at him sadly, desperately wanting to reach out to him, but being too afraid.

"But I was wrong to react how I did. I was just stressed about Cal and it all came at the wrong time."

"I'm sorry." Sam said, looking sadly at him. "Can you forgive me?"

"If you can forgive me?" He asked back.

"Of course I can. And you'll forgive me?"

"I already have. I can't lose you, not over this. I love you, _both_ of you."

"I love you too." Sam sighed, relief flooding out of her voice. She held out her hand and he took it, then she pulled him closer. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms carefully, enveloping her into a hug; a hug that they both desperately needed.


	175. Chapter 175

Iain wheeled the limp figure through on a trolley, calling Zoe and Charlie across urgently.

"Guys, I've got Cal here, I found him outside, he was almost unconscious slumped against the wall, empty bottle beside him. He's clearly been vomiting, airway currently clear, he's grunting to pain stimulus and I got a slight reaction to voice, but it's getting less. I've not done a full set of obs yet, as he was outside I thought it best to just get him inside. But it doesn't take a genius to work out we're looking at alcohol poisoning." Iain said, looking worried at his friend and colleague.

"Oh Cal, what have you done?" Sighed Zoe as they lifted him onto the resus trolley. "Thanks Iain." Zoe nodded as she started the primary survey.

"Keep us posted yeah?" Iain said as he left, taking one last look at Cal, then walked out, trying to hide his concern.

"And to think I thought today would be just another day." Zoe shook her head as she put her stethoscope back around her neck. "Charlie, how are the obs?"

"BP, heart rate and resps all very low, BM is only 2.6. He's clearly at risk, it's not looking good." Charlie said grimly.

"Get Connie." Zoe sighed at Charlie, giving him a look as she slid a cannula into a vein in Cal's arm, taking urgent bloods and wanting to get fluids into him quickly. She was just about to hang the fluid replacement when Connie came in looking stern but with a hint of concern behind her eyes.

"What's going on?" She said to Zoe.

"It looks like Cal's downed a large amount of alcohol in a short space of time, he's in a stupor, it's not looking good Connie, we need to stabilise him, I'm thinking we should intubate to protect his airway, his responisiveness has dropped and he's only just about responsive to pain, and sometimes not even that."

"Right, Charlie, let's set up for an RSI." Connie ordered firmly. "Let's play it safe. Hold off on the fluid, we'll use the cannula for the sedation." She nodded at Zoe, who nodded back in agreement.

"I'll send these bloods off urgently." Zoe said, heading out and giving them to Max to rush to the lab while Connie intubated Cal with Charlie's help.

* * *

Ethan pulled away from their hug and looked seriously at Sam.

"There's more I need to tell you about, but I don't want to make you more stressed. But you need to know, if I don't tell you then I'd be being a hypocrite."

"What are you talking about Ethan?" Sam asked, a slight quiver in her voice.

"It's about Cal." Ethan breathed out, holding her gaze.

"What about him?" Sam looked worried.

"He's gone missing. I mean I found him earlier, he was in the on-call room. Taylor turned up, she was the one who took Gracie. She wanted Cal to leave with them, at least I guess that's what she was trying to do."

"Oh my-"

"That's not all. It seems she's got herself into trouble again, I can only assume the type of people she mixes with aren't good, but she doubled over in pain, she had extensive bruising over her abdomen, I'd gone down to find the FAST scanner so we could assess if there was any internal bleeding, but that's when Mrs Beauchamp saw me and tried to send me home, and then Rita told me that you- well about you and I rushed to be with you, and then, well after I left you I remembered that Cal was still waiting for me but when I got back to the on-call room they were gone." Ethan took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh.

"Gone? Gone where?"

"Well if I knew that I'd be dragging him back wouldn't I?" Ethan looked exasperated.

"Sorry." Sam said shaking her head, realising the stupidity of her question.

"It's fine," Ethan half smiled. "It's a normal reaction to ask such questions; like when someone is hurt and you ask if they are ok."

"Ethan, you're going off topic. So what happened next?"

"Sorry. Well that's just the thing, nothing, I mean I don't know. All three have gone and I don't know where. I can't get through to Cal. I just don't know what to do." Ethan rushed out sounding more panicked again. Sam took his hand and squeezed it, looking at him with concern. She could see how stressed and worried he was by all of this, no wonder he hadn't dealt with things with her very well earlier.

"Ethan, I'm so sorry you've been dealing with all of this. I had no idea."

"Well why would you; but what am I going to do now?" He asked, looking wide eyed with worry. "What if he gets into trouble, he could lose his job, everything he worked for, gone because of one stupid decision."

"Do you really think he would go with her?"

"You didn't see how he looked at her, well not so much her, but Gracie. He would do anything to make Gracie happy."

"And Gracie is ok?" Sam asked.

"She seems fine." Ethan nodded.

"Well, I'm relieved about that. But did he really look like he would do that? Throw everything away for Gracie." Sam asked, realising even as she said it that it was a stupid question, of course Cal would do what he had to do for Gracie, she was his daughter, he loved her. But did he still love his ex, after all of this?

"You haven't seen what Taylor does to him, the power she seems to have over him. It's like witchcraft, she appears and he's like a man in a trance, following without thinking. One bat of her eyelashes and he's eating out of her hand." Ethan stressed, trying to make Sam realise that Cal just didn't ever act sensible when it came to Taylor.

"Wow, I'm a little jealous, I've never had that sort of power over a man." Sam muttered.

"No, you're better than that, you don't need tricks to overpower a man, you earn their respect simply for being you." Ethan said sincerely. Sam couldn't help but smile, he had kind of missed her point but actually ended up paying her a lovely compliment anyway.

"Whatever happens, we will sort it, together. I'm here ok?" She pulled him back towards her into her arms and whispered again in his ear. "I'm here now."

* * *

Just as Connie got Cal intubated, Rita rushed through the doors.

"Iain just told me, is there anything I can do?" She said concerned, rushing towards them.

"Can you prepare a second IV line for the fluid replacement, I want to keep this one available." Connie instructed. Rita had just got the line in while Charlie was recording the next set of obs and Connie listened to Cal's chest. Zoe was phoning the lab for the first few blood results when suddenly Cal started fitting.

"It's probably the low sugar levels, get a bag of 5% Dextrose up now Rita." Connie said firmly, holding Cal still with Charlie and Zoe, who had rushed over to help. Rita pushed the fluids though quickly as the others held Cal safely while his seizure came to an end. The four looked gravely around at each other.

"We should try and find Ethan again." Rita said.

"Let's get him into a more stable condition first. We will only add to his worries by making him watch this." Connie said, and everyone agreed.

"Any news on the bloods Zoe?" Connie asked.

"Only the full blood count and nothing untoward there, we need his biochemistry results back, and they could be another hour yet. I've asked the lab to rush them through and phone us straight away." Zoe said. "In the meantime we keep him sedated, push fluids to rehydrate and correct the likely electrolyte imbalance and try to ensure he doesn't aspirate." Zoe said.

"Rita, perhaps you could ensure someone is with him at all times until his condition significantly improves." Connie said as she headed back out of Resus.

"Of course." Rita nodded gravely. "Zoe, he will be ok wont he?" Rita said looking sadly at him.

"I'm sure he'll be fine Rita, he'll regret this when he comes around, but we'll soon have our old Caleb Knight back with us, driving us mad as always!" She smiled.

...

 _"Open up, police!" Came a firm voice through the locked door. Taylor looked panic stricken, grabbing Gracie back from Cal._

 _"Taylor, we can't do this." Cal whispered firmly. "There's no way out, you have to give yourself up. For Gracie." He urged._

 _"Cal, I want to be with you and Gracie, together, a proper family. We can't do that if they find me."_

 _"There's nothing I can do." Cal sighed._

 _"Get rid of them, please Cal. I can't go back there." Taylor pulled at his arm desperately._

 _"I wont put myself at risk for you, not anymore." Cal said firmly._

 _"I'll say again, open the door or we'll break it down." The police officer shouted firmly through the door._

 _"Please?" Taylor said. "Cal, think of Gracie, having the family she deserves."_

 _"She had that with me anyway." He spat out angrily at her, making his way towards the door._

 _"Cal! No!" Taylor shouted as Cal's hand reached for the lock._

 _"We can hear you in there, you have one more chance to open the door or we will be forced to take action." The police officer called._

 _"I'm opening it now." Cal said, taking one last look back at Taylor, before sliding back the lock. The police forced their way in and two officers pounced on Taylor, removing Gracie from her and cuffing her quickly. Taylor didn't really put up a fight, she just stared sadly at Cal, reminded of the last time when he actually tried to get to her. This time there was no such fight._

 _..._

"Zoe, he seems to be reacting." Rita said; Zoe now having returned with the updated blood results. "He looks pained, or anxious." She looked at his face, his eyes slightly screwed up, frown line in between his brows, his finger flexing slightly.

"He's had some fluids, his BM is better, but these blood results aren't great. I'd want more fluids in before we look at seeing if he can maintain his own airway."

"What about some pain relief?"

"No, I think his body has enough to cope with getting the alcohol out of his system, we can't risk adding more to the mix. Just continue with the fluids and monitor him closely, ok?"

"Sure." Rita nodded, looking back at Cal's pale, tired looking face.


	176. Chapter 176

Ethan and Sam sat on Sam's bed embracing each other in silence, each taking in the feeling of being safe in each others arms. Suddenly they were aware of someone coming through the doorway, and Ethan jumped guiltily away, looking embarrassed.

"Don't mind me." The midwife smiled, "I'm just here to see how the numbers are all looking." She said nodding towards the monitors.

"Oh, right." Ethan said straightening up. "Much better I hope."

"You must be Dad?" The midwife smiled again, to which Ethan nodded. "Good job or that would have been embarrassing for me. Don't worry Dad; Mum and Baby are in safe hands, and in the right place."

"I'm sure they are." He returned her smile, then looked at Sam.

"Ethan, sit down for goodness sake, you're making the place look untidy." Sam said rolling her eyes.

"See, even on her sick bed, she's the boss." Ethan chuckled awkwardly, taking a seat while watching the midwife scribbling on Sam's chart. Just then Sam's mobile bleeped with a text, she glanced down at it, but couldn't read it properly.

"We can probably take you off the monitors for a while, but you still need to rest, and we will monitor your blood pressure regularly. Ok?" The midwife smiled again, unclipping the parts of the monitor. "There, now you're off the monitor do you think you could do us a little sample?" She placed a pot on the table.

"Sure thing." Sam smiled as the midwife left the room. She picked up her phone to read her text, then started to tap a reply. Ethan watched with interest.

"You're concentrating hard there." He said, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"Yeah, sorry, its just Ella, checking I'm ok. She was worried I might be upset again."

"Why would she be?"

"Well, I told her you were mad with me."

"Oh great, so now she thinks I'm the bad guy."

"Not at all, don't get like that Ethan." Sam said gently. "I just explained how I tried to do right and ended up messing up worse. She said it wouldn't matter because she thinks we're so perfect together that nothing could break us." Sam smiled sheepishly.

"Well, don't you agree?" Ethan asked nervously.

"I do actually." Sam said, standing up, grabbing her pot and heading towards the bathroom, stopping to kiss him gently on the way.

* * *

Rita called Charlie into Resus where she was still monitoring Cal closely.

"Charlie, can you take over in here for a while?"

"Sure, how is he looking?" Charlie looked down at Cal with the concerned eyes of a father figure.

"His obs are improving, I was going to speak to Zoe about repeating bloods and maybe extubating soon, see how he goes. He's on his 3rd bag of fluids, his colour is looking a little better." Rita said, gently placing a hand on Cal's arm, looking at him with sad eyes. "What pushed him to this Charlie?" She sighed.

"We don't know, but he will need support not judgement when he comes around." Charlie said, giving a supportive look to Rita.

"I need to find Ethan, he needs to know."

"Did he go home?"

"I don't know, I'll try ringing him again." Rita said as she left the room. Charlie watched her leave then turned his attention back to Cal.

"You know you've got a lot of people worried Cal. Whatever this is, you have a team that cares, a brother that cares, lots of people that care; it doesn't need to come to this. You need to learn to talk about your feelings, not lock them away or try to block them out with alcohol. What ever this is, we'll deal with it, because you have a family, and it's here, with us." Charlie said kindly, giving Cal's shoulder a squeeze. He picked up the clipboard with Cal's obs chart on, having a quick look at previous readings, he wrote the current set down and then re-check his blood sugars, which he was glad to see had improved. Then he looked up as Zoe came in.

"How's is he?" She asked softly.

"He's looking a little better." Charlie nodded, smiling. "I think our Doctor Knight will come through to fight another day."

"Thank goodness." Zoe breathed. "For a while there, I was worried, I have to be honest."

"We all were."

"I know he can be a right pain in the backside sometimes, but he's _our_ pain in the backside right?" Zoe smiled at Charlie, who let out a laugh and nodded.

"I know exactly what you mean."

"He's a good doctor, when he applies himself. He's made for emergency medicine, he's good at the snap decision, you can tell he thrives off the adrenaline rush, and deep down he does really care. I think its just a slight confidence thing that stops him giving his all and showing his hand." Zoe smiled, looking down at him again.

"I've never had Caleb Knight down for lacking in confidence, but actually, I think I get what you mean."

"His bravado is all a cover, when he acts like he doesn't care, like he doesn't need to try, I wonder if it's fear of always being second best to Ethan that makes him that way. Ethan is naturally gifted and intelligent, sure he works hard for it, but Cal has to prove in some ways that he wont always be in the shadow of his little brother, but his fear of failing makes him put on the act that he doesn't care."

"Who knew you were so tuned into the psychology of those two." Charlie smiled.

"Or psychology at all?" Zoe laughed. "I don't know where that came from."

"Well, for what it's worth, I think you've hit the nail firmly on the head." Charlie laughed back.

"Yes, now I just need to hit these two on the head to sort things out." Zoe smiled as she left Charlie alone with Cal in Resus again.

* * *

Sam was just settling back on the bed after visiting the bathroom, and Ethan was trying to help her in.

"Ethan, I'm fine, I'm not an invalid, I can get myself into bed." Sam chuckled.

"Sorry, I was just-"

"Trying to help, I know, it's sweet." Sam smiled. "But remember you're a doctor, not a nurse."

"Hey, if I said something like that to you, you'd batter me into next week." Ethan laughed back.

"Said what?"

"That you're not a doctor, you're a nurse."

"That's because you know I could wipe the floor with you in diagnostics." Sam laughed back.

"Well, you're probably right." Ethan smiled at her.

"No, you're the amazing Doctor Hardy, a few too many breaches for Mrs Beauchamp's liking, but meticulous to the letter, and you really care about your patients. That's not to be sniffed at." Sam smiled proudly.

"Wow, um, ok."

"Ethan, learn to accept a compliment."

"Well, learn to give one without sandwiching a criticism in the middle then."

"Sorry." Sam smiled at him. "We're going to be ok, aren't we?" She said suddenly.

"Of course we are." He looked at her, caught slightly by surprise.

"Well, why do I still feel like I need to explain everything, that when while we're laughing here, we're really just covering over the cracks?"

"We're fine, and you don't have to explain anything, I guess I'm still feeling uptight about Cal, I just hate not knowing where he is, or what's happening." Ethan said, looking at his phone again.

"I know." Sam said softly, "why don't you just try calling him again? I know it's a long shot, but you never know." She urged. Ethan nodded and dialled Cal's number, hanging up quickly and shaking his head when it went straight through to his voicemail again. "Come here." She whispered, patting the bed beside her. Ethan perched on the edge of the bed awkwardly, but Sam pulled him towards her and they lay down next to each other, holding each other close.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by Ethan's phone ringing. He jumped up and pulled it back out of his pocket, looking at the 'unknown number' on the display, he answered it quickly, giving a worried look to Sam, who looked back at him with a frown.

"Hello?" He answered shakily.

"Ethan? It's Rita."

"Oh Rita, you had me worried then." He breathed, and Sam let out a relieved sigh too, seeing him relax. "Are you after an update on Sam?"

"Well, actually no. I'm ringing about Cal."

"Cal? What about him? Have you seen him?" Ethan rushed out, tensing up again. Sam's head shot back up, also looking worried.

"Yes, he's here with us-"

"Well tell him I've been trying to get hold of him, what is he playing at?" Ethan cut in.

"Ethan, listen to me. He's with us in Resus. He has alcohol poisoning, we've currently got him stable, but he's intubated to protect his airway."

"Oh my god, Rita, really? Is he going to be ok?" Ethan stood up suddenly off the bed, looking really worried. Sam jumped up too, trying to work out what was happening. She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Really Ethan. He should be fine, but maybe you should come and see him for yourself?"

"Ethan what's happening?" Sam whispered, desperate to know, feeling the stress rising again. Ethan waved her away, trying to listen to Rita.

"Ok Rita, I'll be right there." Ethan said, handing up and turning back to face Sam.

"What is it Ethan? Tell me?" Sam urged.

"C-Cal, he's in the ED. He has alcohol poisoning."

"Oh my god!" Sam gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. "Is he?"

"He's ok apparently, but they've had to intubate to protect his airway, I-I should go and see him." Ethan said, ending his words rather shakily again.

"Ethan, you've gone really pale again, just sit down for a minute." Sam urged, looking at him with a worried expression.

"No, no there's no time-" He breathed out, feeling rather shaky.

"Ethan? Ethan!" Sam said, reaching out for him just in time to guide him into the chair before he fell to the floor.


	177. Chapter 177

"Ethan, are you ok?" Sam said as she got him safely sat down in the chair before he could pass out. She handed him the glass of water she had for her on the table. He shakily took a sip and nodded at her.

"Sorry, yes I-I'm fine. It was just the shock."

"You looked awfully pale, you nearly fainted again, is there anything else wrong?" Sam looked at him with concerned eyes.

"No, I'm just tired, I haven't eaten yet, but I should go, I'm sorry, but I need to get to him."

"I'm coming too." Sam said, reaching for her shoes.

"No, you need to stay here and rest."

"Ethan, I'm not letting you go alone, besides, I need to see him for myself, I need to know he's ok."

"Sam, you need to rest, I'll phone you from the ED and update you." Ethan said, and as Sam opened her mouth to argue he added, "The midwives wont let you come." Sam considered this point, then closed her mouth in defeat; she knew he was right. Letting out a sigh she said,

"Ok, but you have to promise to phone me straight away. It'll only make me worry more if you don't."

"I promise." He said sincerely, giving her a quick kiss then guiding her back towards the bed. "Please sweetheart, stay and rest, I'll phone you shortly."

"Ok." She replied quietly, nodding, looking at him with wide, concerned eyes.

"He'll be ok." Ethan nodded. "He'll be ok." He muttered again to himself as he left the room. Sam sat quietly, holding her phone, ready to hear from him, realising that Ella had replied to her. She read the messge but couldn't reply yet. She didn't want to tell Ella about Cal, there was a lot she needed to find out before involving her friend, especially if she stood to get hurt from this, and Sam couldn't pretend everything was ok, so she thought it was best to say nothing.

Ethan walked back down the stairs into the ED, where he almost instantly bumped into Rita.

"What's happening Rita?" He asked, worry etched in the lines on his face. Rita took this in, noticing how tired and stressed he looked, her heart sank for him.

"He's stable. Iain found him outside, slumped against the wall, an empty bottle beside him. He'd vomited and was almost completely unresponsive. Connie had to intubate him to protect his airway, he also had a fit, probably because of the electrolyte imbalance, and low blood sugar. But he is stable, and things are correcting with the fluids. He was lucky Iain found him when he did, or he might have, well I don't need to tell you that do I?" She said looking at Ethan, who was looking paler by the second, as they walked towards Resus. Ethan stalled slightly as the room came into view. "Do you want me to come in with you?" Rita asked gently. Ethan shook his head.

"No, it's fine. I'll be fine." He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Charlie is with him." Rita said, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. Ethan stepped slowly towards the door, placing his hand on it, forcing himself to push it open. It felt heavier than normal. Charlie looked up from where he was writing the next set of obs down, giving Ethan a small smile and a nod. Ethan shakily walked towards Cal, feeling like his legs were made of lead.

"He's doing ok." Charlie said simply, trying to reassure the young medic in front of him. Ethan let out a shaky breath but couldn't speak. He just stared at his brother in shock, he looked so small, so fragile, this wasn't a way Ethan was used to seeing his big brother. "You know how this works. In a few hours he'll be back with us, and you can issue the lecture then, though I'd recommend going easy on him."

"Why would he do it Charlie?" Ethan whispered, not taking his eyes off of Cal.

"Who knows." Charlie shrugged. "Hopefully he will explain when he wakes. One thing I'm sure of though, something must have pushed him to this. We know Cal likes a drink, but not like this. He was here trying to work a matter of hours ago, then to be found slumped against a wall outside, this looks like a desperate cry for help to me." Charlie said gently.

"He's had a lot to deal with lately." Ethan said sadly. "Maybe I should have helped him more."

"No, Ethan, this isn't your fault. But I think he will need support when he wakes, not accusations and lectures." Charlie said knowingly.

"But it was a stupid thing to do." Ethan said a little firmer.

"Yes, but don't we all do stupid things from time to time?"

"Cal more than most it seems."

"Well, it's a good job he's always got you to be there for him then." Charlie raised his eyebrows and smiled slightly, placing the clipboard back on the trolley and checking the IV line. "There's 20 minutes left on this bag, I'll leave you here for a bit and I'll find Zoe to see what the plan is."

"Ok." Ethan nodded.

"If you need to go, let me know; he shouldn't be left alone." Charlie said placing a chair next to Cal's trolley before he retreated from the room. Ethan remained standing next to Cal, looking at him from top to toe. It was the quietest he thought he'd ever seen Cal, and as much as he'd hoped many times in the past that Cal would shut up, right now he desperately wanted to hear his brother's voice, anything, he'd gladly take the sarcasm and relentless teasing over nothing. He noticed Cal's fingers flex slightly, and his eyes flickering under his closed lids, then his leg twitched slightly, Ethan assumed it was due to the electrolyte imbalance that would no doubt have occurred due to the alcohol, and he continued to watch him sadly.

...

 _Cal was sitting in the police station, waiting in the interview room. He felt sad, angry and confused. He didn't know if he'd done the right thing, and right now he was feeling he'd got this all wrong. What if Taylor was innocent, what if...no, what was he thinking, Taylor was never innocent, there was always some scheme, something she wanted to get out of the situation, no matter the cost to someone else, as long as it benefitted her. He curled his fists into a ball and slammed them angrily on the table. Just then he looked up as the Police Sergeant who was fronting the search for Gracie came in._

 _"Come on Son, we don't want to add a charge for criminal damage to all of this." He smiled at the young man in front of him._

 _"Sorry." Cal mumbled. "What's going on?"_

 _"Well, Miss Ashbie is being held pending return to prison, and Gracie is being checked over by our medic, but she looks to be ok. However, there is something on that subject I need to discuss with you." The Police Sergeant ended hesitantly._

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"Well, we're satisfied that you knew nothing of Miss Ashbie's escape, or where she has been for the past couple of months." The Sergeant started, and Cal breathed out a sigh of relief. "However, our search has thrown up a few unanswered questions regarding the child."_

 _"Such as?" Cal looked worried._

 _"You said in a previous statement that she was left for you in the grounds of the hospital by Miss Ashbie with a note claiming you to be the father, is that correct?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"And there were never any questions or doubts about parentage?"_

 _"No, well yes, but_ _we had been together at the time that conception would have occurred, and we weren't always, well you know, safe." Cal muttered._

 _"Right."_

 _"Look, what are you trying to say here?" Cal asked, getting irritated._

 _"Well, it's just that the DNA sample we took from Gracie's things and the ones we took to exclude you, well they don't match."_

 _"Well, of course they don't match, she's only half of me."_

 _"I mean there isn't a close enough match for it to be possible."_

 _"You mean...?"_

 _"Yes, I'm afraid you're not Gracie's father."_

...

Cal's leg twitched again as Ethan watched, he'd sat on the chair now and was just pulling out his phone to ring Sam.

"How is he?" Sam answered the call with an urgent tone.

"He's stable." Ethan sighed. "He's still not conscious, they are giving him fluids, and hope he should start to come around soon." Ethan said simply. "In other words, we don't know any more that we knew just now."

"Right." Sam said, clearly processing things in her mind.

"I just hope there's no lasting damage."

"Do they know how much he drank?"

"It looks like one bottle of whiskey, but I guess it was also the speed in which it happened. He must have downed it fairly quickly. It was such a stupid thing to do. He looks so frail."

"He must have been desperate." Sam responded sadly.

"That's what Charlie said."

"Ethan, what about Gracie? You said she had been found, but if Cal is there, where is she?"

"I don't know." Ethan said, suddenly becoming more worried. "Maybe that's what pushed him to it, maybe Taylor has gone and taken Gracie with her." Ethan said, his voice breaking with emotion at the thought of not seeing his niece again.

"I hope she's ok. Do you think you should contact the police?"

"Right now I don't know what to do for the best." Ethan sighed. "I need Cal to wake up, I need to know what went on this morning. I need my brother back." He ended sadly.

"Oh Ethan, I wish I was there with you. I'm so near yet it might as well be the other side of the world." Sam sighed sadly, feeling dreadful for not being able to support him.

"It's fine. Are you ok if I stay down here for a bit?"

"Ethan, I'm fine, you do what you have to do for Cal, ok?"

"Ok." He said quietly.

"I love you." Sam said to him.

"I love you too." He replied.


	178. Chapter 178

Ethan sat in silence, just staring at his brother for what felt like hours, but in reality was only 20 minutes. He knew it was 20 minutes because Cal's bag of fluids came to an end, and as they did Zoe returned to resus with Charlie in tow.

"Ethan, are you ok?" She asked kindly. Ethan nodded, unable to speak. "He's going to be ok you know, I'm sure, he'll feel rough for a day or so, but he'll soon be back annoying us as always."

"I'm just going to take some repeat bloods." Charlie said, gathering the equipment.

"How's Sam?" Zoe asked, trying to get anything out of Ethan, who was worryingly silent.

"She's fine, the baby is fine." He said quietly.

"I'm glad to hear that." Zoe smiled at him.

"So are we." Came Sam's voice from behind them. Ethan's head shot around in shock and Zoe and Charlie looked up at her in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" Ethan asked, hurrying towards her.

"You needed me. Cal needs _us."_ She said, remembering him saying he needed his brother back and the way it had tugged at her heart, she knew he needed her and nothing was going to stop her being there. She put her arm around his waist and walked back towards Cal with him.

"How did you get out?" He asked, making Sam chuckle.

"I'm not under house arrest Ethan. I explained to the midwife what was going on and she said that I could have half an hour. I'm under orders to be back in bed by then. I can be very persuasive you know." She smiled at him supportively.

"Thank you." He whispered, placing his arm around her waist too.

Just then the four of them became aware of movement and muffled moaning behind them, Cal was stirring. His hand suddenly grasped the side of the trolley and he let out a funny sounding grunt. Ethan and Sam rushed towards him, and Zoe was already trying to calm him.

"Cal, it's ok, its Zoe here, you're in the ED with us, just try to stay calm. You were brought in unconscious, we had to intubate you to protect your airway, but Charlie and I will remove it now, if you just stay calm and take some steady breaths, ok?" Cal made another grunt, and reached out. Ethan took his hand.

"Cal, I'm here, just stay calm, you're going to be ok." Relief flooded through Ethan as he gripped his brother's hand. Sam took Cal's hand on the other side and his eyes flicked over towards her, the relief flooded through his eyes when he saw his brother and Sam both at his side, hearing their soothing words. He needed them.

"Shh, Cal, just stay calm now, you'll be able to talk to us soon. We're here and we're staying right here." Sam said gently as Zoe and Charlie prepared to extubate. Once the tube was out and Cal was calmer, they raised his head slightly so he could see better. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes again, while Charlie put another litre of saline running slowly through his cannula.

"How are you feeling Cal?" Sam spoke quietly.

"Like I've been trampled by a heard of elephants." Cal croaked.

"Why did you do it Cal?" Ethan said firmly, unable to wait. Sam shot him a look, but he ignored it.

"I'll explain, but not now Ethan." Cal whispered hoarsely closing his eyes again. "It hurts."

"Well, you do deserve the hangover, and it would have been much worse were it not for all the fluids you've had." Sam said.

"I know Mum, stop nagging." Cal whispered.

"Ok, but you know when you feel better you're in for the worst telling off of your life." Sam lectured with a hint of humour and warning mixed in.

"I know." He sighed, drifting back off to sleep.

"Cal, you should probably try to stay awake for a bit." Charlie said as he wrote the most up to date obs down.

"We'll try and keep him awake Charlie." Sam smiled and Charlie nodded and left them to it for a bit.

"Cal, what happened? I mean when I left you?" Ethan asked. Cal opened his eyes again and looked sadly at his brother.

"I let you down Ethan." He whispered.

"Why? What did you do?" Ethan's stress was coming back and his patience was wearing thin. He was trying to hold in his frustration and his desperate need to know exactly what happened, but his tone was still quite harsh.

"I was weak." He said simply. "My throat hurts."

"Here," Sam said handing him a small cup of water, he took a sip to moisten his lips and throat but couldn't take much as his stomach felt dreadful. "Just take it easy, your body has been through a lot in the past few hours."

"Taylor, where is she?" Ethan asked, still pressing for information.

"She's on her way back to prison." Cal's voice was still weak and hoarse.

"And Gracie?" Ethan looked worried and Sam watched, also concerned.

"S-She, she's not. I don't know." He said turning his head away. Ethan and Sam glanced at each other anxiously. What did he mean?

"Cal?" Sam asked, wanting him to carry on. "She's ok, right?" Cal nodded sadly at her.

"But?" Ethan pressed him for more information.

"Not now. Please, I will explain, but not now." He said sadly, unable to look at them. Sam, who had moved back around to be next to Ethan, placed her hand in his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. He looked at her with a small sad smile. He wanted so much to be able to reassure her and be strong for her, but he was feeling anything but strong right now. He was more confused than anything. But then here Sam was, supporting him, being strong for both of them, and for Cal, as she always was. He didn't know how she did it; she was truly amazing he thought.

"I suppose I should get back upstairs, before I'm in trouble for missing my curfew." Sam said, standing up slowly.

"Thank you for coming down, it meant a lot." Ethan said, and Cal looked around confused. "Go and get some rest and I'll pop back up to see you in a bit, ok?"

"What do you mean?" Cal croaked, looking at the pair, unsure if it was his mind being fogged with alcohol that was confusing him.

"It's nothing Cal, you just get better ok, and prepare for my lecture." She said giving him a kiss on the cheek and shooting him a playful warning look. She bent down and kissed Ethan, whispering: "Go easy on him," before pushing her way through the doors of resus and leaving the brothers to it, knowing they needed time together, just the two of them.

Rita was just finishing her shift as Sam left Resus, and she intercepted her on the way back up to the antenatal ward. Rita decided she would walk back up to the ward with Sam and sit with her while she was waiting for Iain to finish his shift, and if Sam was honest, she was really grateful for the company.

Meanwhile, Ethan sat with Cal, as Cal drifited in and out of sleep. each time Ethan called his name to wake him again.

"Cal, wake up, come on, you need to try and stay awake."

"I'm tired." He mumbled.

"I know, but you need to give your body time to process everything."

"It hurts so much."

"Well, it's self inflicted. Surely you knew when you were doing it how stupid it was?" Ethan said, his voice rising.

"I didn't care." Cal said, his eyes closing again.

"Cal, open your eyes!"

"They're open." He said, keeping them firmly closed.

"Surely you can see your actions were completely selfish."

"Selfish, that's just who I am, you must know that by now." Cal whispered sadly, he didn't have the energy to fight Ethan.

"No, you're not, you just act it when you don't think about your actions. I know you had a tough morning but even so."

"You don't know the half of it." Cal said, looking back at Ethan, the hurt and pain clear in his eyes.

"So tell me then! Help me to understand why you so nearly killed yourself with alcohol over _her."_ Ethan snapped.

"She broke me Ethan." Cal said closing his eyes again, a slight quiver on his lips.

"Broke you?"

"She gave me everything, then she took it away." Ethan opened his mouth to speak but Cal continued. "I don't know what to do." Cal breathed out, a tear sliding down his cheek.

"Oh Cal." Ethan let out a breathy sigh at his brother's emotional admission. "You're not alone, let me in, let me help you." Ethan pleaded with his brother.


	179. Chapter 179

**A/N - A little shout out to _sweet-as-honey_ for the inspiration for a little part of this from one of her reviews, hope it doesn't disappoint you who is saying it or how!**

 **Sorry - this chapter is a bit rubbish but I need to move it on or I will lose momentum!**

* * *

"Thanks for coming to sit with me Rita." Sam smiled gratefully.

"That's ok. I've been worried about you. I'm still confused why you didn't tell me any of this was going on? As your manager I should have been there to support you, and as a friend even more so."

"Because I didn't want any preferential treatment, I didn't want you going easy on me because I'm pregnant. I wanted to prove that I'm still good at my job."

"But you are, pregnancy hasn't changed that, its just your current health issues mean you might need some more support, or for us to be mindful that you shouldn't overdo it."

"I know Rita, you know I know. But I just didn't want to be a burden on the team. Only now I've made it worse haven't I?" She rolled her eyes.

"Well, maybe, but we'll manage, we always do." Rita smiled, giving her hand a squeeze. "So anyway, have you and Ethan sorted things out yet?"

"Kind of."

"Kind of?" Rita wrinkled her brow in confusion.

"Well, we had a little chat, but then you'd told him about Cal and he rushed to be with him. I just can't help but feel it's not over."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I explained why I hid it from him, and he explained why he got cross and we both apologised, but it just doesn't really feel resolved, you know?"

"Well, maybe when things have settled a bit you can talk some more?" Rita advised softly.

"Maybe, I just can't help but feel we're papering over the cracks a bit?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that things are broken, but we're just covering it up to avoid dealing with the real issue."

"Well, sometimes that's all that's needed. Take our job for example, sometimes a patient comes with a laceration, sometimes it needs sutures, sometimes we glue the wound and sometimes steri-strips and a dressing are enough. You don't want to over kill a small cut with sutures when a steri-strip will do the job just the same." Rita smiled.

"What?" Sam half laughed at Rita's analogy.

"Ok, think of it this way; mending a broken bone. We paper over the crack by putting on a cast and setting the bone in place so it heals, which is inevitably does. All we've done is 'paper over it' to protect it during healing until the bone mends itself. You're more careful for a while but soon you're back out climbing trees, and just because you've broken a bone, once its fixed you're no more likely to break it again." Rita smiled even more, then as she caught Sam's eye, both started laughing.

"You know Rita, strangely that makes sense." Sam said, wiping a tear away as she stopped laughing.

"And if you want to take it further, not all breaks require surgery, or result in amputation, and..."

"Alright Rita, no need to take it further, I get what you're saying." Sam chuckled. "You're saying that just because we've had a rough patch, doesn't mean it's over, or unable to be repaired, and just because we need to repair it, it doesn't mean its more or less likely to happen again and that we can't move on and live a normal life post repair."

"Exactly." Rita smiled knowingly.

"You're good at this talking rubbish to make me feel better lark aren't you?" Sam smiled back, grateful for Rita's methods of distraction and humour.

"You know, I think I am!" She laughed, causing Sam to laugh too.

* * *

Iain was passing through the ED with his last patient before he was due to finish his shift, he was looking for Rita to say he wouldn't be long, but unable to find her he popped into Resus to check on Cal.

"Ethan, how is he doing?" Iain said softly as he entered.

"He'll be ok." Ethan said. "Thank you for finding him and getting him in when you did."

"Hey, no trouble." Iain shrugged. "He's a mate, we'd all do the same thing."

"Well, I'm grateful anyway."

"Tell him when he wakes up he can clean my boots though, getting them covered in vomit like that."

"He can hear you." Cal grumbled. "I'm sorry mate."

"Well, I'll leave them here for you to polish and buff up. Remember I was in the army, we like clean shiny boots."

"Yeah, yeah." Cal sighed as Iain left again. If Cal could have come back with a sarcastic comment he would have, most likely claiming Iain was only so good at cleaning boots because he was always having to do it as punishment, but he didn't have it in him.

"Cal?" Ethan questioned when they were alone again.

"What?" Cal said, opening his eyes briefly, then closing them again when he realised the lights of Resus still hurt his head.

"Cal, what did you mean when you said she gave you everything then she took it away again?" Ethan said, curiosity eating him up from the inside.

"Ethan, I don't want to do this now." Cal said, almost through gritted teeth.

"But what's the point in waiting?"

"I can't deal with it, why do you think I did this in the first place?"

"Because you're an idiot?"

"Because I wanted to forget, I wanted to hide from everything." Cal said, his anger biting after Ethan's remark.

"But what are you trying to forget, what are you hiding from? I don't understand." Ethan said, his frustration rising too.

"No you couldn't possibly understand, because you've got it all haven't you? The perfect life, and what do I have? What have I ever done right? Perfect Ethan, always gets what he wants, always making mum and dad proud, and there's stupid Cal, getting it all wrong, making stupid mistakes, always the screw-up." Cal said, his anger rising.

"Don't take it out on me Cal because you make stupid choices." Ethan scoffed.

"How could I ever compare to you?" Cal spat back.

"You're impossible when you're like this." Ethan stood up to leave.

"Oh look, is perfect Ethan going to walk away? Surely not, then he'd be too much like his brother, a let-down, no a total failure."

"Hey, what's all this?" Charlie said, as he entered the room again.

"Grow-up Cal." Ethan spat, losing the last shred of sympathy he was holding onto for Cal, as he walked out of the room.

"What was all that about?" Charlie asked again, shocked by the boys behaviour.

"Nothing Charlie, forget it." Cal huffed to himself, rubbing his sore temples as he closed his eyes again.

"You know you really-"

"Charlie not now." Cal interrupted, not up for another lecture. "Acutally, could you pass me a bowl I think I'm going to-" As he said this he promptly was sick, luckily Charlie deftly got there just in time with a vomit bowl and quickly replaced the used one for a new one. "Thanks." Cal said softly as he stopped retching.

"Ok?" Charlie looked at the younger man.

"Mm-hm." Cal mumbled, too afraid to open his mouth again.

"Why don't you talk to him Cal, he was-he is worried about you, he only wants to help."

"But no one can help Charlie. No one can give me what I need to make this better."

"But none of us know what's going on?"

"She's not mine Charlie, Gracie, she's...not-" He faltered at the end of his sentence, saying it out loud really hit home the truth in the fact and how much it hurt him. He thought the other events in his life had hurt, and they had at the time, but this cut was deep, too deep to know what to do with. Charlie stood in silence, knowing there was nothing he could say to make this better. He knew that sometimes silence had it's place, and if it gave Cal room to talk, and think, then he would roll with the silence for now. He placed his hand on Cal's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as Cal allowed the tears to fall, not caring what Charlie might think of him. When his breathing settled and his tears stopped falling so freely, Charlie spoke softly.

"Why don't you tell Ethan, explain to him what you're feeling instead of attacking him?"

"Because I can't stand that look he gives me Charlie. That 'I'm disappointed in you' look. Knowing I've let him down." Cal sniffed.

"I think you underestimate him. He really cares about you, he just wants to help, but you need to let him in, give him the chance to support you."

"I want to Charlie, but when the time comes, somehow we both get snappy and then it always seems to erupt into a row."

"Well, you need to work hard to get past that. You need to try. Both of you want it, neither of you seem to allow yourselves to get there. Give it a try, it could bring a whole new dimension to your relationship." Charlie said wisely, Cal looked up at him, seeing before him the father figure he never had but so desperately needed.

* * *

Ethan was angry as he stormed through the hospital corridors. How could Cal say those things, all he had tried to do his whole life was support his brother, all he ever seemed to do was clear up after him, and this was the thanks he got. Not that he expected thanks, Cal was too selfish for that, but maybe that was the problem, Ethan had made things so easy for him that Cal came to expect Ethan to always be there, perhaps it was time he followed through and left him to sort his own life out, and he had threatened so many times before.

He arrived at Sam's bedside without even really knowing he was walking there, and fell down into the chair, suddenly feeling exhausted by the days events; a busy shift in the ED would have been a breeze in comparison.

"What's wrong? How's Cal?" Sam said, looking at him in confusion.

"He's clearly feeling better, he's just thrown some insults my way." Ethan sighed, squaring up his glasses as he looked across at Sam. "How are you? Do you need me to get anything for you?"

"No, I'm fine Ethan. What I need is for you to go home and get some food and rest."

"No I'm fi-"

"Ethan, I'm not arguing about this, you need food and you need rest. I'm ok, I'm safe here. I'm being monitored." She said pointing at the BP cuff which was now firmly reattached to her arm.

"I am tired." He confessed quietly.

"You've had a rough 48 hours." Sam said. "All that good work of our break has been undone hasn't it?" She finished, rolling her eyes. "The thought was there though."

"Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"No, really I'm fine. I'm just going to take the opportunity to get some rest. I'll even make do with a hospital gown." She smiled. "All I want now is a kiss from you and a promise that you'll go home and rest."

"I promise." He said, leaning over to kiss her.

"And eat, don't forget to eat." She nagged him.

"I won't." He smiled. "I'll send you a picture of dinner and me resting."

"Actually, that's a good idea." She giggled lightly. "I love you."

"I love you too." He said, kissing her lightly again and heading out. Sam watched him leave, unable to stop the growing feelings of concern for him. She hoped he would go straight home and rest, then whatever had happened with Cal would have time to allow the dust to settle and they could sort it out, together.

* * *

"Cal, your bloods are still a little out of range, which to be honest, I'm hardly surprised at. As it stands, I'd like to keep you in overnight, just to correct the electrolyte balance and monitor you, then you should be fine to go first thing tomorrow. Charlie has sorted you a bed on the acute medical ward, and Max will be along to take you up there in a minute." Zoe said, looking over his charts and blood results.

"Fine." Cal said a little sulkily, knowing there was no point in arguing, and it was his own fault anyway. He considered self discharging against medical advice, but actually, he didn't have anywhere to go right now, and at least this way he might get some rest before having to go and grovel to his brother; and he would have time to think about what he was going to say. He reached in his pocket for his phone, grateful it was still in one piece, and typed a text message to Ella, he needed to speak to her, she would understand, she would support him. He simply asked if he could visit her tomorrow and felt contented when she instantly replied that she would love a visit. He decided that Ethan wasn't the only one who needed to hear the full story, and as much as it hurt him to admit the truth, there were more people than him that needed to hear it.

* * *

Sam's phone beeped later that evening with two photos and a message from Ethan; a picture of his dinner and his feet resting on the sofa and a message that simply said: _'Full and resting now. Hope this makes you happy. Get some rest too - I'll see you tomorrow, love and miss you xxx'_ Sam smiled, though she missed him too, she was glad he was finally taking some time for himself, he really needed it. She replied a good night message to him and then switched her phone off to save the battery as she wriggled to get comfortable to try and get some rest too.


	180. Chapter 180

When Cal was discharged the following morning, he headed straight up to Ella's bedside. She was just returning from the bathroom, and he watched her slowly walking back with a small smile on his face.

"What?" She asked, a smile breaking out on her face on seeing him.

"Just seeing you walking, its such a relief."

"Even though I need Zara's help?" Ella grinned.

"Zara?"

"The Zimmer." Ella laughed, nodding towards her walking aid. "Thankfully my wrist is getting better so I can use her now."

"You're weird."

"I know, but that's why you...like me." She stopped herself before the other 'L' word slipped out. Even though she would have only said it in jest, it could have made things unnecessarily awkward. She swiftly moved the conversation on. "You're another one getting over the fear that I might have never walked again then?"

"Or worse." Cal admitted quietly.

"You're as bad as Sam." Ella smiled, carefully sitting back on the bed. "I keep telling you all, you're stuck with me."

"I hope so." He smiled slightly back, holding her gaze. She looked more carefully at him.

"You look rough, heavy night was it?" Ella gave him a knowing look, not realising what had occurred since he left her the previous morning.

"Yeah, something like that." He mumbled.

"Am I allowed to get serious and ask if there is any news?" Ella said, her voice now softening.

"She's safe." Cal nodded, still quite closed and quiet.

"Safe?" Ella looked at him in confusion, hoping he would give some more information, but he simply nodded and avoided making eye contact. "Cal? Is there something you need to talk about?" She said, reading him easily. Keeping his head down he glanced up at her with only his eyes, making himself look even more vulnerable. Ella felt her heart sink, she wanted to be able to make whatever it was better for him.

"Its Gr-" He stopped, taking a breath before his emotions spilled out again. "Gracie." He tried again, working hard to keep the emotion out of his voice, but completely failing. Ella reached out and clutched his hand in hers. He needed comfort and support, she could see that. She wasn't sure what he was about to disclose, but it was obvious it wasn't good. Whatever it was had upset him. He took another shaky breath, looking at her again, seeing her supportive face, those kind eyes, it made him want to cry even more. He swallowed, he had to get this out. "Gracie isn't mine." He said simply. The words hung between them in the air for a while, as neither spoke. Ella looked at him, she could tell he was fighting the tears, she could see why he looked so tired, so drained, so emotional, and her heart ached for him.

"Oh Cal." She whispered, giving his arm a gentle tug from the hand she was holding, and pulling him towards her. She guided him onto her bed and pulled him in for a hug as best as she could. She knew it wouldn't solve the problem, but she could also see how this was tearing him apart, and she knew he needed to know he had someone on his side. Eventually she asked: "Do you want to talk about it?" Cal stayed in her arms and shook his head no, then changed his mind and nodded. Ella couldn't help but let out a small smile, he was like a lost little boy, vulnerable, and not a way she would have expected the Caleb Knight that everyone knew to be.

"Before I explain, I should say, a lot happened after I left you yesterday, a _lot._ But I need you to hear me out completely ok?" He said quietly.

"Cal, I promise I will let you tell me the whole story before I attempt to say anything, ok? This is about you now." Ella said. They sat next to each other on Ella's bed, their hands loosely interlocked in Cal's lap, as he began to explain everything that happened yesterday, from Taylor turning up with Gracie, to the police arrival and her subsequent arrest. He explained how he was told of the DNA test, and how he stumbled back to the hospital in shock, intending to go back to his shift, but the lure of the drink called him on the way, and he remembered taking a slug of whiskey and the next thing he remembered he was waking up attached to a drip in the ED. Ella was obviously shocked through most of the story, but true to her words, she refrained from comment until he had come to a stop.

"Oh, Cal." She sighed softly. "I can't believe it. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too." He looked sadly at her.

"What for?" She looked up at him, confusion in her eyes.

"Well, for everything I've put you through." He said guiltily.

"Don't be silly, this isn't about me." She reassured him.

"But I almost lost you over all of this, and-"

"Cal, shh, that doesn't matter now, you're here, I'm here and like I said, this is about you now."

"Thank you." He whispered quietly and she held him close again.

"So have you told Ethan yet?"

"No. we just keep butting heads. I snapped at him again yesterday, he was trying to support me and I got defensive and attacked him."

"Verbally you mean?"

"Yes." Cal gave her an odd look.

"I was just checking. So Ethan doesn't know why you did it, maybe he'd have more sympathy if he knew the whole picture. Besides, you know you have to tell him, he still thinks Gracie is his niece, and he loved that girl just as much as you did."

"I know." Cal said quietly.

"And Sam, she needs to know too. She's worried about you, she really cares about you, and you know she'd support you. Maybe you should sit them both down together and tell them. Sam would make Ethan listen without you both falling into another argument."

"I guess you're right. And at least if I tell them together I only have to say it all again once."

"True." She looked at him sadly.

"It hurts so much." He said, fighting the tears again.

"Oh Cal. It's ok, I'm here." Ella said, pulling him close again and holding him as the tears he'd been desperately trying to hold off started to fall.

* * *

Ethan made it in just in time for his shift the following day. As he was rushing out into the department, securing his stethoscope around his neck as he always did, he was stopped by Rita.

"Ethan, how are you?" She smiled.

"I'm ok thank you Rita."

"You look a little better today." Rita agreed.

"I have to admit, I had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner last night and an early night, and I think it helped. It also helped knowing that Sam was being well looked after."

"Well, that's good Ethan. How is Sam?"

"I think she's ok. Hopefully she should be allowed home today."

"That's good. Keep me updated." Rita smiled, rushing off to where Lofty was calling her. Ethan carried on but then was stopped by Zoe who also wanted to know if Sam was ok, and before he could call his first patient through he was summoned to Mrs Beauchamp's office.

"Good Morning Dr Hardy." Mrs Beauchamp smiled. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine thank you Mrs Beauchamp." Ethan returned the smile.

"You look a little more rested than yesterday, are you sure you are in the right frame of mind for your shift today?"

"Of course. Besides, we are down on numbers with Cal having been admitted, I can't let you down too. And honestly, I had a good night sleep and I will be back on form today."

"I'm glad to hear it." She smiled. "Why don't you and I take Resus together, then I can keep my eye on you."

"Oh, if you like." Ethan agreed, unable to hide his slight disappointment.

"Not because I'm doubting your ability you understand? Because I doubt that you will ask for help if you need it, and this way I can intervene if needed."

"Right." He nodded.

"You're a good doctor, I need to make sure you're looked after Ethan, do you understand?"

"Thank you." He nodded, giving her a small smile.

"Very well, carry on." She said, re-adopting her usual air of indifference as Ethan turned to leave the office.

* * *

As it was, Ethan had a good shift, and even impressed Connie with an unusual diagnosis and excellent management of patient flow and care; he had shown her in one shift that he had come on a long way since she started in the ED, and she could see exactly what Zoe had been talking about in their previous conversations. When he had completed his shift he headed straight up to Sam who was still on bedrest and having another period on the monitor to ensure the baby was still ok.

"Hey." He smiled as he entered the room, leaning over the bed and giving her a kiss. "Hope you haven't been too bored."

"No, I'm being good and resting." She smiled at him. "You look a bit better too."

"Yes, I had a better sleep and a good shift, every little helps doesn't it?"

"I'm glad." Sam smiled at him.

"So, is everything ok?" Ethan asked, nodding towards the monitor.

"Everything is looking good. They've increased the medication, my blood pressure is coming down with rest. Baby seems quite happy in there, and if all goes well on this last spell of monitoring, which I can't see why it won't, then I can go home."

"That's great news." Ethan said, looking genuinely pleased.

"Do you know, I had a dream last night," Sam suddenly announced out of the blue. Ethan looked at her with slight concern building. "I dreamt about us getting together."

"I wondered where you were heading with that, I thought you were having a Martin Luther King Junior moment." Ethan joked, to ease his tension.

"Very funny Ethan," Sam rolled her eyes, "But it got me thinking about how I agonised about whether you felt the same, how we nearly didn't get to make a future together; then I thought that decisions got taken out of our hands about our future, how it all just happened so fast."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the baby and everything; we never actually decided that's where we were headed, or that was what we wanted."

"Are you saying you don't, because it might be a bit late now?" Ethan half joked, still obviously a bit anxious.

"Of course not. But I mean we never got to sit down and plan to have a baby. We never made the conscious choice. And then we got engaged, and I was so excited, I got swept away with everything, but after my dream I stopped to consider that you might have just got caught up without realising."

"No. I mean you're right, we didn't plan it but I love you, both of you, and I'm so looking forward to our life together. I'm excited, _terrified,_ but excited." Ethan said, worried that she was doubting his love and commitment to her.

"I know you love me Ethan, and I love you too." Sam said simply, just looking at him. "But is that enough?"

"Sam, I know this much; that if someone had told me a year ago that I would be about to meet the most perfect girl, perfect _woman,_ and that we would soon be engaged and expecting a baby together I would never have believed them. And yes, maybe if the decision hadn't have been taken out of out hands we might have waited a bit longer, but that doesn't mean I want it any less. So in answer to your question, yes, I think it is enough. You're the only person I've ever loved like this, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I don't want my life without you in it." He stared intently in her eyes, trying to steady his breathing and stop himself from shaking. She reached for his hand and pulled him closer and kissed him deeply; and as the both relaxed into the kiss, they could feel the rush of love through both of them, and they each knew that everything would be ok, that whatever happened, they were meant to be together. As they broke apart, Ethan spoke again.

"Sam, move in with me properly." He rushed out.

"What?"

"Move into my flat. give up yours and move into mine. It makes sense."

"Well, I guess it does make sense, but are you sure?"

"We've talked about it, but now I want you to know that I want you there, all of the time. I hate waking up and you're not there. We talked about moving in together to raise the baby together, we're going to get married, it all makes sense. There's no point in paying 2 rents between us when we can just pay one."

"Ok." Sam smiled. "I will move in on one condition."

"Which is?"

"That you make amends with Cal and get him to come home too." Sam looked at him and Ethan let out a sigh.

"But-"

"Ethan, he really needs us at the moment, together we can stop him really going off the rails. He needs to know his home is with us and that we want him there. Its my condition remember, I'll get rid of my flat and move in with you if you convince Cal to come home."

"Ok. I'll talk to him."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good, now come here and give me another kiss before this bp monitor goes off again." She smiled. Ethan leaned in and kissed her again, so happy that things seemed to be getting back on track.

Moments later they jumped apart as they heard someone loudly clear their throat in the doorway. The both looked up to see Cal stood there looking sheepishly towards them.

"Sorry to interrupt." He said quietly.

"Cal, come in." Sam smiled. "Sit down." She nodded at the vacant chair next to her bed. Cal sat own cautiously. "I'm glad to see you up and about now. You had us worried." Sam smiled at him.

"Yeah, about that; I need to explain properly, about why I did what I did."

"So why did you?" Ethan said a little more firmly that perhaps he meant to. Sam nudged him and shot him a look. "Sorry." He mumbled at Cal.

"No, it's me that should be saying sorry. I'm sorry I put you both through that yesterday, I'm sorry I let you down, but I need you to know why I did it, and what happened." Cal said, looking between the two of them, desperate to get everything out before he lost the nerve. He explained the story, just as he had done to Ella, and even managed to get through it without either of them interrupting or getting angry.

"So that's why you did it." Ethan muttered in shock at the end. "And there's no mistake?" He looked sadly at his brother.

"No, no mistake. The Sergeant showed me the documentation, it was all there in black and white."

"I can't believe it Cal. I'm so sorry." Sam said sadly. He bit his lip and nodded at her sadly.

"It was still a stupid thing to do Cal." Ethan said, but more out of hurt than anger.

"I know Ethan, I know, but at the time I didn't care."

"But surely you can see why that's selfish?" Ethan breathed.

"No, as far as I saw it, I had no one, no reason to be here."

"Oh Cal, now you know that's not true." Sam gasped.

"Do I? Its been just Gracie and I recently, and now she's not even mine, how do I know what to think?"

"And that's my fault I suppose." Ethan said.

"Ethan." Sam warned. "So where is she now?"

"I had to leave her there, they would have got social service involved I guess." Cal shrugged.

"Cal, you're acting like you don't care?" Ethan said shocked.

"No, Ethan. It's not that I don't care, this hurts so much I can't stand to think about it properly. In my mind she's still my daughter, but she's not and I'm never going to see her again." Cal said, burying his head in his hands, his voice wobbling.

"Oh Cal." Sam said again, as reality hit home to the three of them that they wouldn't see little Gracie again. Sam looked at Ethan, giving him a discreet nudge in the ribs, nodding at him to speak to Cal.

"Cal, you need to come home." Ethan said simply, and Cal's head shot up looking at his brother.

"Really?" He said, somewhat unsure.

"Really Cal, you should be at home, with us, with your family. We want you to come home." Ethan said, his voice softening. Cal looked at him with tears coming to his eyes.

"Do you mean it?" He asked.

"Of course, you're my brother, you know I'd do anything for you. You should be with us, we're here for you. Just please, promise me you'll talk to us before doing anything stupid again?"

"I promise." Cal said, looking gratefully at his brother. "Thank you."


	181. Chapter 181

Cal moved back into the flat that night, and Sam went home with Ethan too and over the next few days she organised getting her things over to his flat and giving up her current flat. It felt strange but an exciting step to take as she entered the next stage of their relationship. She couldn't believe how much her life had changed.

She was with Cal in the flat that afternoon while Ethan was working, and they were chilling out on the sofa having a chat. Sam was slouched with her feet resting on a cushion on Cal's lap and they were laughing and teasing each other.

"Look at you Lady Muck!" Cal laughed, poking Sam's feet to make his point.

"What? I'm supposed to be resting; Ethan would like to know you're looking after me." She giggled.

"That's his job." Cal grinned back.

"And he does it well, when I let him." Sam ginned back, acknowledging that she could be an awkward patient.

"So are you coming to the pub tonight?" Cal asked. "The usual gang are going."

"Yeah, I think I might. Someone has to keep an eye on you."

"Hey, I'm good, I'm not even going to drink much."

"I'll believe that when I see it." Sam gave him a knowing look.

"Really, I still don't think I quite have the stomach for it."

"How are you really Cal?" Sam asked, suddenly turning the tone more serious.

"I'm ok." He nodded.

"Really?" She looked at him.

"Really. It still hurts like hell, but I've got to move on. I've got to find other things to look forward to."

"Like Ella being discharged?" Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Like Ella being discharged." He laughed. "We've just gone back in time about 9 months to when you were trying to set us up!"

"Well, call me crazy but I knew, even back then." Sam smiled.

"You're crazy!" He laughed.

"Hey!"

"You said to call you crazy."

"You know speaking of 9 months ago, do you know, 12 months ago today I met this guy, who is so special to me, who I really love and who I want to be happy."

"Really? You met Ethan 12 months ago?"

"No, I didn't meet him until a couple of weeks later on my first shift. This guy I met when we locked eyes over a lady with a broken hip." Sam smiled.

"Oh." Cal laughed as the penny dropped. "Really, that was 12 months ago? Wow, so much has changed." He sighed reflectively.

"Hasn't it just." Sam agreed. For a moment they both sat in silent reflection, then Sam looked up. "Though it could have been very different if I'd made a move on the original brother I had eyes for." Sam smiled. Cal looked at her in shock.

"You...what?"

"You heard. Things might have been very different if I'd made a move on you originally."

"You're kidding?" Cal eyed her suspiciously, but her face was serious.

"Why would I be kidding?"

"Because that's what you do."

"So you're telling me if I'd have offered it to you, you would have turned me down?"

"Well, no, but, wait what?" Cal said, losing all sense of normality.

"I fancied you like mad when I first saw you." Sam said, putting her feet down and scooching along the couch to be nearer to Cal. "Although your flirty lines were a bit, well expected, I thought you had beautiful eyes, and very kissable lips." She said locking her eyes with his. Cal shifted in his seat slightly and swallowed as he tried to think of what to say.

"Oh, well um, I thought you were pretty good looking too." He said, finding his mouth a little drier than normal.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we'd slept together?" Sam asked. Cal was still uncomfortably waiting for the punchline but it didn't seem to be coming.

"Well, I um, I-I don't know."

"Come on Cal, don't tell me you never imagined the chemistry we would have had between the sheets, it would have been intense." Sam said, in a hushed sensual tone.

"Well, I guess it would yes." Cal responded nervously, still unsure where Sam was headed with this conversation.

"Maybe we should put it to the test?" She said, looking up at him with an intense stare. Cal swallowed again, but the words wouldn't come. Suddenly Sam burst out laughing. "Oh Cal, your face." She said in between giggles.

"You..." He started, giving her a glare.

"I've never seen you look so uncomfortable around a woman. Clearly you and your brother are more alike than you care to imagine." She giggled.

"You are so unbelievable." Cal said, fighting a smile. "Besides, I was only uncomfortable because it's you and you're my brother's girlfriend."

"From what I hear, 10 years ago that would have stopped you." Sam said raising her eyebrows.

"Well, maybe I've grown up a bit in 10 years." Cal said sulkily.

"Maybe a little." Sam smiled, nudging him playfully.

"Thanks." He said sarcastically.

"Aw, don't sulk Cal, I was just playing. Besides, I think you have grown up a lot lately."

"Yeah, 12 months ago I'd have kissed you before you even finished your first sentence." He grinned.

"I did fancy you, you know, I just knew that the easy friendship we fell into was worth more that a night of fun." Sam admitted.

"And once again you're right aren't you? Besides, you fancied me, but you fell for my brother." He smiled at her.

"True, I did. And I don't regret it one bit." Sam smiled, looking all dreamy eyed again, until she felt a cushion hit her head. "Hey! What was that for?"

"You're being all sappy. Stop it!" Cal laughed. Sam picked up the cushion and hit him back.

"Just because you're jealous!" She chuckled.

Later that evening the group were in the pub. Sam was catching up with the girls as usual and the boys were indulging in their usual banter. Cal was laughing but understandably a little quiet for him.

"Yeah, we met online." Robyn smiled. "His name is Andy, he's 31, we've been chatting for a couple of weeks and we're going to meet up." She said getting more excited.

"Oh Robyn, that's great." Rita smiled. "But you will be careful won't you?"

"Of course." Robyn beamed, not really taking on the full meaning of Rita's warning.

"Seriously Robyn, we're happy for you, but please be careful. At least meet him here or somewhere near where you can get to us if you need to." Sam said, memories of her own near miss coming back. Robyn's eyes flashed with recognition of what Sam meant and she nodded.

"At least just tell us when and where you're meeting, not so we can spy, but so we can make sure you're safe." Rita said.

"I will, I promise." Robyn smiled at them, grateful for their concern.

"So anyway, speaking of happy couples, how are things with you Rita?" Sam smiled.

"Yeah, it's ok." She nodded but slightly lacking enthusiasm. Sam and Robyn passed a concerned glance between each other.

"Uh-oh. I sense trouble in paradise." Robyn said.

"Do you want to talk about it Reets?" Sam said softly. Rita looked across at Iain, who was laughing with Max, Noel and Big Mac, then looked back to the girls.

"I can't really say much here." She said quietly. "I just think we might be wanting different things?"

"How so?" Sam said, furrowing her brow.

"Well, I think I might want something more serious than he does." Rita admitted sadly.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Sam asked.

"Well, any time I try and steer the conversation that way, he closes off, and I just don't know."

"But that doesn't mean he doesn't want it." Robyn said kindly.

"No, he might just not know how to discuss it. He is a bit of a 'lad' isn't he. Maybe he's not used to talking feelings." Sam added.

"I guess not. And I'm not expecting him to have a heartfelt conversation. Just to know if this is just a friends with benefits deal or if it is more."

"I always thought it was more." Sam said and Robyn nodded in agreement.

"But maybe that's because you got the details from me, and deep down that what I was hoping. But we have been more like friends with benefits than anything more serious."

"Does he make you happy Rita?" Sam asked.

"Yes, I mean I think he could."

"Then you need to talk to him. Tell him. Lay it on the line, how you feel, where you'd like to go. You can't live in limbo forever." Sam said.

"Yeah but, I don't want to frighten him off." Rita said.

"You won't. Make sure he knows you're not expecting full on commitment now, but that you'd like to know you're heading in the right direction." Sam said.

"I guess you're right." Rita sighed, the girls looked over to the boys, watching them all burst out laughing again and Robyn leaned over and gave Rita's hand a comforting squeeze. Rita then put her smile back on and said she was getting the next round in. Robyn went to help her and Sam made her way over towards Cal, who was nursing the same pint that he had started with.

"Not going down well?" She smiled, sitting next to him.

"Not really." He smiled sadly.

"What's wrong Cal?"

"Nothing, I'm just a bit tired." He replied, Sam gave him a look. "Really, I'm just tired."

"Why don't you get an early night then? No one would think anything of it."

"Yeah, maybe." He sighed.

"You've got tomorrow off as well haven't you?" Sam asked suddenly.

"Yes, why what are you planning?" He looked at her, a sense of dread creeping over him.

"Why do you assume I'm planning?" She smiled.

"I can hear the cogs turning in your head. They clearly haven't been used for a while, they are creaking like they need a good oiling!" He grinned.

"Oi! Cheeky!" She said slapping his arm. "I'm taking Ella to her parents house to save her mum driving down again as she's only just gone back up. Why don't you come up with us? Ella would like it."

"Oh, I don't know." Cal said, a little unsure.

"Why not? Road trip with your girls, what could be better? We could stop for lunch somewhere nice?"

"But I'd have to deal with your inane girls chatter, and music, ugh!" Cal groaned.

"We'll keep it to a minimum, and I'll buy you lunch." Sam smiled, looking pleadingly at him, and he looked unsure still. "What is it Cal?"

"Well, if you're taking her to her parents, then, well they will be there." He said quietly. "I'm not sure I'm ready to meet the parents."

"But you've met Caroline, and Charles probably won't be there, and besides, he's a dear anyway."

"Yeah to you, not to the man who nearly got his daughter killed."

"Cal, I've told you so many times, it's not your fault."

"But you know what Dad's are like with their daughters."

"Actually Cal, I don't, not really."

"Sorry." Cal said quickly, not having thought about it.

"It doesn't matter."

"Really I didn't think."

"It's fine. And I didn't think you might feel awkward about going to El's parents house, I was just thinking it'd be nice for you two to have some time together. Don't worry."

"Do you know, you're right. I will come. Besides, you'll need someone to carry her bag won't you?" He smiled.

"Really?" Sam beamed back at him. "I'd love you to, it wont be such a lonely drive back for me then either."

"Sure, count me in. Just don't embarrass me in front of El's family."

"I promise. Thanks Cal. Ella will be so pleased too."

"Did Ethan not want to go?"

"He's got his exam tomorrow hasn't he."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Don't tell him!" Cal said, feeling bad.

"I won't." She smiled. "I'd better get back to the girls."

"Not Ethan then?"

"No, he's talking shop with Lily; I'm happy to leave them to it." Sam smiled, standing up and walking back over to the girls. Cal smiled and sipped his pint, looking around and taking in everyone chatting and laughing. He realised he really did work with a great team of people, and that really made all the difference. He may have lost Gracie, but he still had so much to live for, and a great bunch of people to help him through, and looking around now, he felt like it would be possible, and everything would be ok.


	182. Chapter 182

**_A/N: So sorry for the lack of writing - I've been really unwell, and still not great. This chapter has taken a while, and it's really not much, I will get my flow back soon (I hope!)_**

 ** _Anyway - apologies for the major stereotyping in this chapter - I couldn't resist!_**

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The next morning Sam dropped Ethan at the hospital ready for his exam, stepping out to kiss him and wish him good luck. She could tell he was a little nervous and couldn't resist the need to try and put him at ease.

"Go for it sweetie, you'll be fab." Sam smiled, resting her hand on his arm.

"Thanks." He nodded nervously.

"Seriously, go and knock 'em dead!"

"Um, I'm not sure that's the point, I think you're supposed to try and diagnose and save the patients, not kill them." Ethan replied dryly.

"You're so funny Ethan." Sam chuckled. "Seriously though, go and smash it."

"Right, well as intrigued as I am about which expression of encouragement you will come out with next, I'd better go inside." He said giving her another quick kiss on the cheek and walking towards the entrance.

"Go Ethan, you're the man!" Sam shouted after him, laughing again. He turned back momentarily, shooting her a look of near exasperation, but he let out a small chuckle and waved her off, shaking his head to himself as he headed inside.

Meanwhile, Cal had headed up to the rehab ward that had been Ella's home since the accident. She was dressed and waiting with her bag packed, her new crutches resting against her chair. Cal smiled as he headed in, a smile which she quickly returned.

"Ready?" He asked, his smile growing.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She smiled back, though she looked a little nervous.

"Are you ok?" He asked her gently.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Just a little nervous maybe."

"Why are you nervous?"

"Well, as much as I'm desperate to get out of here, it's a bit scary leaving the safety of the ward you know? Now I know how my patients feel."

"You'll be fine, you're ready, and you have lots of people who care and want to support you."

"Thanks Cal, that helps." She smiled gratefully.

"So, you ready?"

"Yep, got my drugs, my discharge letter, my crutches, now it's time to get my life back!" She said determinedly.

"Come on then, Sam's waiting in the car." He said, helping her up onto her crutches and grabbing her bags. They walked slowly and steadily towards the car, where Sam was leaning on the bonnet in the sunshine, smiling at her friend as she finally was able to leave the hospital. Sam pulled her into an awkward hug, Ella understandably being more focussed on remaining upright than returning the hug, but the sentiment was there, and Cal helped her into the car, as Sam wiped a small tear from her eye.

"You're not blubbing again Sammy?" Ella smiled, trying to cover her own emotion.

"No, just a bit of dust in the old eye." Sam smiled.

"Women!" Cal simply tutted to himself, rolling his eyes, then remarked: "I hope you aren't going to be like this all day and make me regret coming."

"Uh-oh, did I bring grumpy Cal along this morning?" Sam chuckled as she started the car and pulled out of the hospital.

"Oh I hope not, I was looking forward to spending time with amusing Cal." Ella said, winking at him.

They stopped in a country pub, and despite the girlie chatter, Cal couldn't deny he was having a good time. Aside from the fact that Ethan wasn't there, it was almost like the day they spent together at the beach before the accident. Cal and Ella were getting even more at ease with each other, helped along by the continuous teasing between all three of them, though it didn't go unnoticed to Sam that Ella wasn't quite her old self, but she brushed this aside and continued to act as though nothing had happened, trying to restore some normality to Ella's life.

They enjoyed their late lunch, then piled back in the car to make the final part of the journey to Ella's parents house. Cal started to get a little nervous as they got closer and as Ella and Sam talked more of funny anecdotes involving Ella's family.

"Daddy is a pussycat really, he is just a bit out of touch with reality. He acts like he still lives in 1945." Ella smiled.

"He is lovely." Sam smiled.

"He's always had a soft spot for you."

"Well, who can blame him." Sam laughed.

"He's older than Mummy, by 15 years, and he was an older dad when they had us, he was nearly 45 when Charlie was born." Ella explained to Cal. "But he was a really loving father, really wanted the best for us, he gave us everything."

"Oh Els, do you remember that summer break when we came back from Uni and he had installed a fire pit and he threw a load of petrol on it and threw a match and all we heard was a massive bang and then your Dad laughing hysterically?"

"Or the time when he was trying to work out how to set up his answerphone? You know it still has the argument between Mummy and him on the end."

"Does it really?" Sam laughed.

"And then there was the Christmas lunch incident." Ella said and both girls erupted into fits of giggles.

"Christmas lunch incident? Dare I ask?" Cal interjected.

"Probably best not to." Ella breathed in between giggles.

"Your poor Mum, how she has put up with him all these years I'll never know."

"It's probably a good job he is often working, and the house is so big." Ella chuckled.

They arrived at Ella's house shortly afterwards, and Cal couldn't stop the nervous butterflies as Sam pulled the car up the long gravel drive. As emotional reunions were done and introductions made, they all settled in the lounge with a drink, where Caroline turned her tv programme back on.

"I don't know why you watch this rubbish, Caroline." Charles said, as he poured himself a drink and took a seat in his armchair.

"I like to see what people do to their houses, it gives me ideas on how to keep up with the modern trends. Not everyone likes antiques as much as you." Caroline replied, rolling her eyes at her husband, who was often the butt of the family jokes for being stuck in his ways.

"I'd hardly call you an antique, old girl." Charles chuckled.

"Leave her Dad, she's not doing any harm." Ella piped up. "She might get some ideas on modernising your properties."

"They don't need modernising, they are perfectly suited to the area, and the types of client I want them to appeal to." Charles snorted, a wry smile on his face.

"No youthful miscreants, right?" Ella grinned.

"Indeed. Anyway, I've told you Fanella, it really is time you got your portfolio sorted." Charles said, taking a sip of his drink, and looking over his specs at her. "I can get you a great deal on some starter properties."

"Daddy, don't start about portfolio's and investments now." Ella sighed.

"Do you have a portfolio Caleb?" Charles asked, looking at him. Cal felt himself stiffen, as if that were possible, he was already sitting fairly upright and stiffly on the sofa next to Ella, ensuring to leave a sizable gap between them.

"Um, well, no, not yet."

"Ah, but you're looking, trying to find the right leg up onto the ladder?" Charles said more animatedly.

"Daddy, no business chat tonight, please?" Ella sighed, trying to get her dad off of the talk of properties and investment that would usually keep him happily 'talking' or as Ella preferred to think of it 'lecturing' for what felt like hours.

"You'll have to excuse my husband, Cal. He has trouble switching off his business head." Caroline smiled at him. He returned the smiled somewhat awkwardly and nodded.

"Daddy, Cal is a doctor, he works in the ED with Sam."

"A doctor eh? So you must be looking for somewhere to invest-"

"Daddy!" Ella barked, looking apologetically at Cal, who again smiled awkwardly.

"Perhaps we can discuss this another day when the ladies aren't around." Cal said, trying to win him over.

"Quite." Charles nodded at him knowingly, as Cal inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, how is my lovely Samantha then?" Charles said smiling at her. He was always fond of Sam. "In the family way I see."

"Yes, Charles." Sam chuckled. "I'm really good, and yes, well and truly in the family way."

"I hope your young man is looking after you?" Charles said.

"He is." Sam smiled. "He really is."

"Ethan is lovely Daddy, he's perfect for Sam." Ella smiled at her friend. "He's actually Cal's brother."

"Does he like to shoot? You should bring him up?" Charles said enthusiastically. "Most shoots are starting, although pheasant shoots don't start for a couple of weeks."

"I don't think it would be Ethan's sort of thing, but thank you Charles." Sam smiled, probably thinking the same as Cal, that even if he could bring himself to pick up the gun, he would probably end up shooting himself in the foot or something that he shouldn't; or even worse, killing something and getting upset. Cal inwardly smiled to himself at the image of Ethan trying to shoot.

"How about you Caleb? Is shooting your thing, or are you city boys all the same?"

"I could be persuaded to give it a try sometime, I'm sure." Cal said, causing Charles to beam enthusiastically at him.

"Then you must come up when the boys from the club are here for a shoot." He smiled, then finished his drink, getting up to help himself to another. He held the decanter up towards Cal; "Top-up my boy?"

"No thank you, I've still got this one." Cal smiled, holding up the fine single malt that Charles had given him just now.

"So Cal, what kind of punishment is this?" Caroline smiled at him. Cal looked up guiltily. "Spending the day in a car with these two girls, I mean."

"Oh, well we all get on well, and it means Sam has some company on the way home."

"Ah, so you're the chaperone are you? Keeping an eye on your brother's girl, making sure she doesn't stray. Very sensible knowing our Sam." Charles winked. "Although I guess there's not much chance of that now. This brother of yours sure he's the father is he?" Charles chuckled.

"Daddy!"

"Charles, stop it!" Caroline scolded at the same time as Ella squealed. Sam looked slightly embarrassed, but then laughed it off with Charles.

"I don' know what you're implying Charles." Sam laughed.

"I've heard the stories, remember!" He laughed again.

"These sound like some anecdotes I really should get to hear." Cal smiled too.

"No Charles!" Caroline almost barked as Charles opened his mouth to speak. "This is not the time or the place."

"Looks like another one to save for when the ladies are gone, eh lad?" Charles winked at Cal. With that, Sam's mobile rang and she excused herself into the hall to answer it.

"Hey Sweetie, how did it go?" She asked straight away as she answered the phone.

"Um, well I'm not sure, better than last time hopefully." Ethan said.

"I'm sure you did brilliantly. I have every faith in you."

"Well, I've had a lot on my mind recently, so study time has been limited."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Sam replied sadly, feeling a little crestfallen.

"No, no! Not you. I mean with Cal, and Gracie, and everything."

"Yes, but our little friction wouldn't have helped. I hope I haven't ruined this for you."

"I can assure you, even if I do fail, it won't be down to you."

"Oh, honey, don't talk like that. You're sure to pass, you're more intelligent than you give yourself credit for."

"Anyway, when do you think you'll be home?" Ethan asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, well, we stopped for a late lunch, I promised Cal lunch if he came; what time is it now?"

"Six thirty."

"Is it? Well, we should be back by nine, I guess. I'll text when we're leaving."

"Ok, just go steady on the way back."

"I will Ethan, I promise. I'm fine."

"Ok, I'll see you soon."

"You will. I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled as he hung up the phone and made his way down the road towards the flat. Sam went back into the lounge and sat back next to Ella.

"Ok sweetie?" Sam smiled at her friend. "You look tired?"

"Yeah, I guess I am a bit. This is probably the most I've done in one day in weeks. That's pathetic isn't it?"

"No, of course it'll take it out of you. You have to take it one step at a time."

"But I'm sick of it, I just want to be back to normal." Ella said somewhat sharply.

"And you will El, but you have to give it time." Sam said, squeezing her friends hand supportively.

"But how much time? Its been weeks!"

"Yes, but look how well you're doing." Sam said, looking at the others for support.

"Let's face it, I can't even storm out of the room to make a point how angry I am." Ella said, her voice wobbling.

"This is just because you're tired. Get a good nights sleep, take a few more weeks recuperating and you'll be back with us then." Sam said.

"Come on darling, you need to realise how much you've had happen to you and just how far you've already come." Caroline added.

"No, all I can see is what I still can't do and how far I've got to go." Ella said sadly.

"Come on Els, don't do this, please." Sam sighed sadly, gripping her friend tighter. "It's going to make it harder for me to leave you in a minute."

"It's fine, you need to go." Ella shrugged.

"Come on, I'll help you upstairs darling and I'll bring you some supper up. You have a good sleep and you'll feel better in the morning."

"And I'll come and see you on my next day off, we can go out for lunch or something?" Sam smiled.

"Ok." Ella nodded quietly, forcing a tight smile.

Shortly after, Sam and Cal said their goodbyes and were back in the car on the way home.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?" Cal asked.

"You've had a drink Cal." Sam smiled slightly. "I'm not that stupid."

"It was only a small one, but you are right." He admitted. "I just feel bad that you might be tired."

"No, I'm ok, I'm just worried about Ella. She seemed really down in the end, and I hate it. I hate that there's nothing I can do to help."

"You're there for her, and while she might be angry about everything, that's what she needs, for you to be there, for us to be there."

"She's not usually like that, she can usually see the good in everything, so it hurts to see her so angry and frustrated."

"I know, but you're doing everything you can." Cal said, looking sadly towards Sam. "You can't take it all on yourself."

"But someone has to help lift her out of this slump."

"I know, I'll do what I can too." Cal tried to reassure her. As they drove further on, Cal was fiddling with the radio, looking for some music to lift the mood.

"Oh, stop, I love this song." Sam said suddenly, causing Cal to roll his eyes at her as she started singing along. As the song came to an end he looked at her smiling.

"So, it seems younger Sam is more like me than she cares to admit." Cal grinned.

"I don't know what you mean." Sam smiled back cheekily.

"Well, it seems I can get some decent stories and secrets out of Ella's dad."

"Yes, he probably knows more about young Sam than he should; Ella didn't know the meaning of discretion back then."

"So were you really bad?"

"No! I just knew how to have fun." Sam winked.

"Oh yeah, I bet. At least you can't look down on me anymore."

"I never looked down on you."

"Well, you know what I mean."

"Cal, I've stood up for you on more than one occasion when Ethan was despairing of your antics."

"My antics?" Cal started being affronted, then as he thought about it, he realised he didn't really have a leg to stand on. "Yeah, ok, I get what you mean."

"Let's face it, neither of us is as clean as a whistle." Sam grinned. "But there's no need to disclose that to Ethan is there, he thinks I'm wonderful." Sam chuckled, making Cal laugh.

"I doubt a few stories will change his mind, he'll just lose any confidence he's built up when he realises you're more experienced and adventurous than he thought."

"Exactly, so lets not ruin that. We're both reformed characters anyway, aren't we?"

"You know, I think we are." Cal smiled knowingly at Sam as they continued on their journey home.


	183. Chapter 183

_A/N: Thank you all for your kind reviews and well wishes - I didn't mention my illness for sympathy, but it was very much appreciated! :) You guys are so sweet! xx_

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When Cal and Sam arrived back at the flat it was nearly half past nine, owing to a necessary loo break in a service station on the way home; which then lead to a coffee stop as Sam recovered from the fright that Cal gave her in waiting right outside the toilet door in the dark. He obviously wanted to make sure she was safe, she didn't realise he had followed her and when he suddenly appeared from the dark and spoke, she jumped about 6 foot in the air, clutching her chest in panic. Thankfully it followed with sympathy coffee and lots of laughter, although Cal did nag her that she clearly wasn't prepared enough for a situation, and should think about self-defence classes, again causing more hilarity as they joked about a heavily pregnant Sam protecting herself against a toilet lingering attacker.

Ethan was sitting on the sofa doing some last minute prep for the next part of his exams the following day, he looked up and smiled as they entered the flat. Sam waved a quick hello but rushed off to use the bathroom again, the coffee now playing havoc with her bladder, along with the baby who thought the coffee made her bladder a fun trampoline, and was probably also enjoying the caffeine hit!

"How did it go?" Cal asked Ethan as he sat down next to him.

"Yeah, ok I think, could have been better but I think it went better than last time." Ethan said, slightly smiling.

"I'm sure you'll have done fine." Cal smiled supportively.

"Are you ok?" Ethan asked, looking concerned at his brother. He could tell something was on his mind.

"I've been thinking." Cal started; Ethan placed his book on the table and sat up to face his brother.

"What about?" He responded, his voice soft and quiet.

"I'm going to speak to Mrs Beauchamp, I'm going to ask her to put me in for the exam again too." Cal said with a determined look; Ethan felt himself breathe a sigh of relief, he had been worried it was something bad.

"That's great Cal." Ethan smiled supportively back at his brother. "You could easily do it, you should. I think it's the right thing for you to do. It'll give you something to focus on." Ethan said, hitting the nail on the head without realising.

"Exactly what I thought. I need to focus. I need to grow up."

"But you have grown up Cal, you must see that?"

"Yes, but I need something for me. Something to keep me on the right path. I want to make something of myself, I want to make you proud." Cal admitted quietly.

"You don't have to prove anything to me Cal." Ethan breathed in shock, worried that he might had inadvertently put pressure on his brother, especially after all he had recently been through. Ethan was just about to mention this when Sam came back in and sat down.

"Looks serious in here boys." She smiled innocently, not realising she had interrupted something. A moment of silence soon told her different though, and Ethan's sudden response confirmed this suspicion.

"Oh, Sam, hello." He said somewhat awkwardly. Sam looked strangely at him, then at Cal and then back to Ethan.

"Ok, right, well I've obviously walked in on something here." She said getting up again.

"No, no, not at all." Ethan tried to reassure her.

"It's fine. I'm pretty tired anyway, I'm going to head to bed. Goodnight sweet." She said leaning over to kiss Ethan, smiling at him. "Goodnight Cal, thanks for coming with me." She said as she headed off towards the bedroom, hoping that she hadn't completely thrown whatever it was they were discussing off track.

"I should probably go to bed too." Cal said, about to stand up when Ethan put his hand on Cal's arm to stop him.

"Wait, Cal. Why do you feel the need to prove yourself to me?"

"Well, because you're the one who's perfect, you've got everything sorted, you're the good brother, I'm just the let down." Cal admitted sadly.

"Caleb, you're not a let down, you don't have to prove anything to me. I know you're a good doctor, the only one who needs to believe it is you."

"Well, this time I'm going to do it, I'm going to take it seriously and- and I'm going to, well I'm going to speak to Mrs Beauchamp first thing tomorrow." Cal said determinedly, getting up and walking to his bedroom. Ethan just stared open mouthed in shock after him. It wasn't that he didn't think Cal could do it, not at all, more that he hoped he was ready for it. It was still so soon after Gracie, and the last thing Cal needed was more stress and worry, and something else to feel he'd failed at. No, if Cal was going to do this, then Ethan knew he needed to get right behind him and make sure he got through it. He knew Cal had a natural gift, Ethan just needed to keep him organised and on track to succeed. And if that's what it took, then that's what he would do.

* * *

The following morning Cal went straight to Mrs Beauchamp's office before he got stuck into treating his patients. He was determined to make her see that he was serious about his career and his participation in the next FCEM sitting was fundamental to this. He had slept on it after his brief discussion with Ethan, but this had made him even more determined. He wanted to move forward with his career, he had been treading water for too long now, and his last attempt at proving he was ready to move forward had been taken off course, but not this time, this time he was serious.

"Dr Knight, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Connie responded, calling him in.

"Mrs Beauchamp. I wanted to talk to you about my career." Cal said, squaring up to his boss hoping to prove his determination.

"Oh really?" She raised an eyebrow,

"Yes, I know I got a little off track before, but I'm back now and ready to focus properly, and if you let me go back in for the FCEM, you'll get nothing but hard work and determination from me. I promise, I'll show you just what I can do."

"I do seem to recall a conversation similar to this before."

"Yes, but this time there are no distractions. No excuses."

"Cal, what has brought this sudden change of direction, this sudden bought of determination I mean?"

"Well, I need to find a new focus since, well since you know." Cal started, his voice suddenly sounding less determined. Connie looked at him with slight sympathy.

"Cal, are you sure the timing is right? I mean are you doing this for the right reasons?"

"Of course. I mean its perfect timing, I have no distractions now. I want to prove to you that I can be a great doctor."

"I can only hope that is true Cal, but maybe you should give it a bit longer?"

"No, I want to do this now. I need to prove to myself, to everyone. I want to be the best doctor I can be, and I need you to support me in that." Cal said, finding his determination again. Connie looked straight at him in silence for a moment, as if to read him. Then she smiled slightly.

"Very well, I will put you forward again, I will support you, but you have to work at it Cal, it wont fall into your lap. You need to work hard, study hard, and put maximum effort in."

"I will Mrs Beauchamp. I promise, you wont be disappointed." He smiled, almost sounding like an excited schoolboy. She smiled as he left the office, hoping this time he really would make something of himself and not get distracted.

As he left the office he went to find Sam in cubicles.

"Hey you, are you ready for it today?" He asked her, feeling and sounding positive.

"Um, yes." Sam said, looking slightly confused. "You mean ready for the shift right?"

"Yes, you and me, the dream team, Holmes and Watson, Mulder and Scully." Cal smiled.

"Lois Lane and Superman?" Sam grinned.

"You've got it!" Cal laughed.

"Although at work wasn't he Clark Kent?"

"Yeah but that's boring, I'm not that boring."

"I always preferred Clark Kent." Sam smiled to herself.

"You would!" Cal rolled his eyes at her. "Anyway, we're going to have a good one. Come on, who's the first victim." He said swiping a card from Sam's hand.

"Victim? I think you mean patient Cal." Sam chuckled. "Anyway, why are you in such a cheerful mood this early? Have you had IV caffeine or been in the drugs cupboard?"

"No, I've made a life plan, and it feels good. I can finally see what Ethan has been harping on about all these years." Cal laughed, walking off with the card; Sam shook her head and followed him. She was pleased to see him looking so positive, especially so soon after Gracie, but she couldn't help but worry that it all seemed too forced and too soon. Was he burying his head in the sand again, not facing up to his feelings. It was one thing to look for and focus on the positives, it was quite another to ignore your feelings until they bubbled to the surface in an explosion of emotions, Sam knew that from personal experience, and she knew that she needed to keep a discreet eye on him.

Later that day, with Cubicles overflowing, Resus overstacked and the waiting room full and beyond, the whole team were flat out. Rita had called in reinforcements, Sam and Cal had set up an extra triage area where they were aiming to get through rapid assessments and treatments, trying to treat and street as many patients as possible. Dylan, Lily Charlie and Lofty were keeping cubicles flowing as much as possible and Connie was stalking around barking orders into her mobile, and demanding Hanssen get onto the ward consultants to discharge any patients possible while Zoe, Ethan Rita and Robyn were trying to maintain the really unstable patients they had in Resus. Rita was also using her stance to try and force the wards to accept patients where possible, but things were chaotic. Radiology was well and truly backed up, and as much as the team always pulled together, today the department was nearly at breaking point.

"Cal, another 2 to sign off and I can let them go." Sam said quickly, rushing over to get Cal's scrawl on discharge papers.

"There. But you need to dress that man's leg wound." Cal replied.

"I'm on it." Sam said, already walking away.

"Ethan, sats are dropping here and GCS is reduced to 9." Robyn called.

"Increase oxygen and set up for an RSI." Ethan said briskly, quickly looking over the CT scan again.

"Rita, I need another 10 of morphine here and lets get him to CT straight away." Zoe instructed.

"Then can you write up some morphine and anti-emetics here too?" Rita asked in return.

"Lofty, I need a hand here. Get a sick bowl." Lily called out.

"I'm fine here, they need you next door, she is deteriorating." Lofty said, taking over quickly with the vomiting patient.

"Charlie, we need to get her through to resus now, they'll have to make room." Lily said.

"We'll squeeze her into HDU." Charlie said as they wheeled the trolley together.

"Ben, can you get urgent bloods and give him some pain relief." Dylan asked.

"Right away Doctor Keogh." Lofty replied, dumping the full vomit bowls.

"Cal, have you written up the meds for my lady?" Sam asked.

"Yes, but I'm waiting on you to take bloods here." Cal replied.

"I'm just getting there, I also need to get fluids up on the gentleman there and he needs to get into a cubical." Sam said.

"I'll see what Charlie has got. Here's that drug chart." Cal stuck his head around the door looking for Charlie.

"Ethan, ECG monitor is showing some odd waves, she's peri-arrest." Robyn said looking worried.

"Get the adrenaline on standby, and get the pads on her ready." Ethan said while intubating. Just as Robyn got the pads on her, she arrested and Robyn, Ethan and Rita all jumped to attention with the resus attempt while Zoe looked over the scans from her patient after Ethan had said they were fine.

"Lily, I've set up for your chest drain in HDU." Charlie said, rushing back into the vomiting patient in time to catch the next wave.

"Lofty, I need you to assist with the drain." Lily said as Lofty was heading past having sent the urgent bloods.

"Time of death, 14:57." Ethan said, as Rita went back to the other patients and Robyn disconnect the machine and covered the patient over with a sheet. She waved Max through to arrange for the patient to be quickly moved so they could continue treating other patients.

"Ben, did you send those bloods off? What were his obs?"

"Bloods have gone, obs were fine, nothing untoward. Can I have some more anti-emetics for this patient." Lofty said to Dylan handing him the drug chart. Dylan scribbled on the chart and Lofty went back to give the patient the medication to try and stop the constant vomiting.

"Robyn, this patient can go to the cardiac ward now, and then this one needs to go to CT." Rita said.

"Max, come and help me take this patient upstairs." Robyn called.

"Rita, can we get some more fluids here too." Zoe said.

"No, Hanssen, this really isn't acceptable. My staff are doing a difficult job in even more difficult circumstances and I don't care if you have to get every on-call consultant in the hospital to discharge and move patients, you do it now." Connie said firmly into the phone.

The day continued like this and finally, the day shift handed over to the night shift and Connie called the team together in a rare moment to thank them for their hard work and constant professionalism in very difficult circumstances. She even went as far as to say she was proud of them for their work and not letting standards slip and that she would be having stern words with the management team about the conditions and the dangers of working in this way. As the team dispersed, Rita also made a point of individually thanking her nurses for their hard work. The team were all exhausted, even too exhausted to head to the pub for a post shift drink.

Sam was just coming out of the staff room with her bag as Ethan and Cal were heading in to collect their things.

"I thought you were finishing earlier today?" Ethan asked, looking concerned.

"I should have finished a while ago." Sam admitted, "but I couldn't abandon ship on a day like today, could I?"

"You know you do need to be careful." Ethan warned.

"I know, I really do, but you know there was no way anyone was getting out of here on time tonight."

"I guess you're right, just promise you'll be careful."

"I promise, now get your stuff so we can get out of here and get to bed."

"As if you've got the energy for that after today!" Cal smirked.

"Caleb Knight, get in the car!" Sam laughed, swiping his arm with the back of her hand and giving him a playful shove. "And in future, do me a favour. Next time you want a good shift, keep your mouth shut." She laughed. "The take away is on you tonight. You can order it in the car, I'm starving." Sam laughed as the three of them walked to Ethan's car to get back to the flat.


	184. Chapter 184

"I'm knackered." Sam sighed as she fell onto the sofa.

"Me too." Sighed Cal, flopping down next to her while Ethan remained his tidy self and hung up his coat and bag and made his way back over to them.

"Sorry Ethan, I never even got to ask you how this morning went?" Sam said apologetically.

"It's ok, I could see how crazy it was by the time I got back. Beside I was pulled straight in." Ethan replied, perching next to her on the arm of the sofa.

"So, how was it?"

"I don't know, I've never been good at the interview situation, I feel like I'm under fire and easily go to pieces."

"Oh, I bet you're not as bad as you think you are. You're just super critical of yourself." Sam said, giving his knee a supportive squeeze. "Why don't you come and sit down properly, I think we all need it tonight."

"I know I need it." Cal grinned suggestively.

"Cal! Really? Even after today?" Sam said, shocked.

"Especially after today, it'd be the perfect way to relax." Cal replied, laughing slightly.

"You're...well I think I'm actually lost for words." Sam smiled at him.

"Its a miracle!" He laughed and dodged out of the way of her hand as she swiped for him.

"Right now all I can think about is eating then dragging my tired ass to bed."

"Bad luck Ethan, looks like none of us are getting any tonight." Cal grinned again.

"Your mind is in the gutter Cal." Ethan sighed. "Who wants a drink?"

"Tea please." Sam smiled.

"Beer for me." Cal added.

"My feet are throbbing. You worked me too hard today Dr Knight."

"I think you were the slave driver."

"Well you shouldn't have said we were the dream team heading for a good shift. It's all your fault." She laughed. "Oh my god, look! I have cankles!" She whined, pointing at her swollen ankles.

"They aren't...actually, they are pretty swollen." Cal said, looking at her feet. "Maybe you should elevate them a bit." He got up and indicated she should move to the corner of the sofa so she could put her feet up. Ethan returned with the drinks just as he was putting a cushion under her feet.

"What are you doing?" Ethan laughed at him.

"Sam's feet are hurting and her ankles are swollen, I thought it was best that she put her feet up for a bit." Cal said sheepishly, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"Oh, right. Yes, good idea. Are you ok sweetheart?" He said, handing her the cup of tea and perching next to her.

"I'm fine, I'm just tired. I need to eat and then go to bed." Sam smiled at him.

"Then that's what we'll do. The food shouldn't be long." He smiled back, sitting back properly and carefully putting an arm around her. Cal, who was now sat at the other end of the sofa, shook his head at the loved up couple and took a swig of beer. Then he pulled his phone out and started typing a text. He'd just sent the message as there was a buzz from the main door.

"I'll get it." Cal said, jumping up. He returned with the food and the three of them tucked in hungrily.

"Do you two ever get off your phones?" Ethan said to both Cal and Sam as he cleared away the plates, as they had both been texting throughout their meal.

"I'm trying to catch up with Robyn about her new man." Sam said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "A girl has to keep up with the gossip." She smiled.

"So is that your excuse as well, Cal? You need to keep up with the gossip?" Ethan quipped.

"No, I'm keeping up with Ella, making sure she's ok." Cal said simply, not even looking up from his phone. Sam looked up at him suddenly, a small smile on her face as she watched his eyes light up as he read the reply from Ella.

"Right boys, that's me done, I'm going to bed." Sam said, getting up and picking up her bag.

"I wont be long." Ethan smiled at her.

"Night." Cal said absentmindedly, barely looking up from his phone. Ethan joined her a short while later, leaving Cal still texting on his phone. He climbed into bed, letting out a tired sigh as he snuggled up behind Sam, placing his arms around her and cradling her growing bump. She couldn't help but smile as he did this and linked her finger with his as they both drifted off to sleep.

Ethan woke a few hours later and realised Sam was no longer in bed, feeling only a cold space where she had been. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, reaching out and putting his glasses on to stop him needing to squint in the dark. Flicking on the bedside light he could see he was definitely alone. He pulled on his dressing gown and crept out into the hall where he could see a light coming from the kitchen.

"Are you ok?" He whispered, making Sam jump slightly.

"Ethan, you scared me." She whispered back, taking another swig of her glass of milk.

"What's the matter? Can't you sleep?" He asked.

"Indigestion. It's killer." She sighed, drinking some more milk. "My fault, I shouldn't have eaten and gone straight to bed."

"Oh, I see. Have you looked in the medicine cabinet? There should be something in there."

"No. I had hoped it would pass." Sam shrugged. Ethan went to the bathroom and came back, placing a small box next to her.

"There you go." He smiled.

"Thanks." She smiled, taking the box gratefully. "You should go back to bed. I'm going to sit up for a while, see if it settles."

"Then let me sit with you."

They sat together in the dimly lit living room while Sam waited for the last of her heartburn to die down, Ethan with his arm around Sam while she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"It's going to be ok, isn't it Ethan?" Sam said breaking the silence.

"What do you mean?"

"You and me, the baby, all of us?"

"Of course it is. What's brought this on?" He asked gently, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"I'm worried about Cal."

"Cal? Why?"

"Well, he's had a lot to deal with, everything has pretty much come crashing down around him, and yet he's trying to pretend he doesn't care and everything is normal."

"Cal is fine, he always lands on his feet." Ethan tried to reassure her, though he had similar concerns himself.

"That's the impression he's giving, but I'm not convinced."

"Honestly, he'll be fine, he'll bounce back very quickly. Cal is very good at diverting his feelings and distracting himself."

"See Ethan, I don't think you see him the way I do. I see a much more vulnerable Cal than you seem to believe exists."

"That's not exactly true."

"But you are brushing my concerns aside?"

"No, well, not completely. I happen to be a little concerned too, but I don't want you to worry, and I thought that if I reassured you that he would be fine then you wouldn't have to worry, and thereby not risking your blood pressure or any added unnecessary stress." Ethan admitted; Sam looked at him.

"That's sweet, but Cal is my friend, and I am worried about him."

"Ok, I get that, but try not to worry too much. We're both here to keep an eye on him, to make sure he doesn't fall too hard."

"Ok, just promise me if he does, that you wont be too hard on him?"

"Me?"

"Yes, I think he'll take it even harder if he thinks he's disappointed you."

"He hasn't disappointed me. I just don't understand how quickly he's blocked her out."

"It's easier that way."

"That's the problem, he takes the easy option every time."

"Ethan." Sam said quietly. "You're doing it again. You need to support him, not judge him."

"I'm trying, but well, he must miss her, why can't he just say that? I mean sure, I miss Gracie. I miss her a lot. But Cal just isn't facing up to it."

"He's dealing with it in his own way, and we may think it's the wrong way, but we need to support him, especially when it does come to the surface."

"Don't get me wrong, if this is the thing that finally pushes him into taking his career even more seriously, then great. But I'm concerned that when he realises it wont fix the hole then he'll give up again, and he could make it all worse."

"I know." Sam sighed. "Then I guess we need to help him fix the hole, and his career, without him realising that's what we're doing."

"You're amazing." He smiled, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

"I know." She grinned, pulling him down for a proper kiss. "Let's go back to bed."

"Has your pain settled?"

"I'm not even thinking about it right now." Sam smiled.

"Ok that's good." Ethan smiled, completely missing her point.

"Come on." Sam said, leading him back to bed.


	185. Chapter 185

The next day, Sam found herself as the senior nurse on shift, so she was glad to have 'her boys' by her side. She smiled to herself as she watched them walking out of the staff room together, sharing a joke and laughing. She thought about how grateful she was to have them both in her life, and how she wouldn't change them for the world. In fact, if she had to make the choice between them, while Ethan would obviously be the one, she didn't think she could easily say she could do without Cal. He was like her left arm, with Ethan being her (dominant) right arm. She watched as they walked in her direction, Cal obviously teasing Ethan and laughing, but Ethan's smile lit up his face as he laughed with Cal at himself. Then Ethan caught Sam's eye and smiled sweetly at her, and Sam found a slight blush creeping around her cheeks as she remembered what they had been doing last night. He could still make her stomach flip and turn her to jelly with one simple look or smile. Trying to hide her blush, she picked up some notes and turned around quickly, bumping right into Robyn.

"Ooh, sorry Robyn." Sam said.

"That's ok," Robyn smiled. "Are you ok? You look flushed."

"I'm fine. So tonight's the night. How are you feeling?"

"A little nervous." Robyn admitted.

"You'll be fine, just don't get too drunk and be your normal lovely self." Sam smiled supportively at the younger nurse.

"Thanks." Robyn smiled as she went off to call her patient through. Sam watched her, feeling a sense of excitement for her, and hoping it wasn't going to be a let down. Suddenly she heard the sound of heels clicking past, as she turned again she saw Zoe, who was reading some notes, and she looked up and smiled at Sam.

"Morning." Zoe said.

"Morning." Sam smiled back. "Zoe, are those new shoes? They are gorgeous."

"These? Oh yes, I got them the other day. Little present to myself."

"Those are the best kind of presents." Sam grinned. "Shoes always cheer me up."

"Well, they can fill a void to some degree, but they can't fill every empty space." Zoe said, a hint of sadness behind her eyes.

"Well, no, but they are a great temporary happiness fix. Better than any Prozac!"

"That's true." Zoe laughed slightly as she headed off. Sam watched her walk away, and noticed her glance towards Max, who was chatting to a girl in the waiting room. Sam had heard all about their history from Robyn, and had known that there had been a few secret nights together since their wedding, but neither were able to give in and admit to the fact that even after all this time they still weren't over each other; they needed to admit they still loved each other.

"Come on dreamy, work to do, patients to see." Cal grinned, slipping his arm through hers and dragging her towards resus.

"Is it you and me in here today?" Sam asked, a look of mock horror on her face.

"Yep." He grinned cheekily.

"What have I done to deserve that!"

"Hey! You love working with me." He pouted.

"Aw, of course I do." She said as if she were talking to a 5 year old. "And it looks like we have our first incoming."

"Good morning guys!" Iain grinned as he wheeled their first patient in on the ambulance trolley.

"What do we have Iain." Cal started heading towards them, and then the smell filled his nostrils and he recoiled slightly.

"Ah, yes! You've noticed." Iain laughed, seeing Cal's reaction. "This is John, of no fixed abode. Found collapsed in the street, likely high level of alcohol consumption, slurred speech and reduced mobility, query head injury, voided his bladder in the ambo, GCS currently 12, BM 4.1, BP 100/70, pulse 85, Sats 97%, Resps 24 Temp 36.5 and he is all yours." Iain finished with a cheery voice, as they transferred him over to an ED trolley.

"Thanks Iain." Sam smiled at him.

"Watch him, he might get a bit 'handsy' as he comes around." Iain winked.

"Go and clean your urine soaked truck Iain." Cal called after him, reminding him of the unpleasantness that awaited him.

"The usual then Cal?" Sam asked, smiling as she hooked on the monitors and made sure to breathe through her mouth. She prepared to cannulate and take bloods while Cal did a somewhat fast primary survey, much to Sam's amusement.

"Ok, all seems fine there, equal bilateral air entry, cap refil is fine. He appears slightly jaundiced, lets get bloods for U&E, LFT, FBC, Clotting, Gamma GT, and get fluids going."

"Sure thing boss." Sam said cheekily. "Although I was wondering if you were going to do a primary survey?"

"I did." He looked at her confused.

"Oh, I must have blinked and missed it!" She grinned as she went to cannulate John.

"Well, it was super speedy, but he's fine. He just needs a good scrub, and _that_ is a nurse's job!" Cal raised his eyebrows at her.

"And _that_ is why I'm glad I'm in charge and can delegate that task." Sam raised her eyebrows back. She sent the bloods off, hooked him up to fluids and wrote down his next lot of observations. Before long the department was bustling as always, but Cal and Sam were in good spirits and working well together. Suddenly Dixie burst through the doors carrying a 2 year old, looking really concerned.

"Cal, Sam, this is Molly. She's 2 years old, been unwell with a flu like illness, now becoming more unresponsive, shallow breathing, photophobia, no obvious rash, but my concerns are we could be looking at meningitis." Dixie finished quietly as the distraught mother followed her though. Sam nodded to Lofty who managed to escort the mother out and into the relatives room while Cal and Sam quickly set to work on young Molly.

"We're going to need to do an urgent Lumbar puncture as well as the regular bloods." Cal said, as he was doing an assessment. They worked quickly and efficiently but the little girl was in a bad way, and as Cal was on the phone requesting the paediatric consultant come down now, Sam urgently called to him.

"Cal, quick! The rash, look!" She called.

"We need to get her intubated, but lets get a stat dose of ceftriaxone 100mg/kg in now." Cal ordered. Sam hurried to prepare the drug, and got it in as quick as she could, noting the exact time it was administered. They then worked together to intubate the girl, who was barely responsive. One they had her anaesthetised and intubated, they were able to prepare to do a CT and lumbar puncture. It was at this point, as Sam was doing up Cal's gown for him that it hit home and she had a bit of an emotional wobble. She looked across at the little girl, lying motionless on the trolley, and her eyes pricked with tears. Although the girls mother couldn't see her, Sam could only imagine how she must be feeling. She knew only too well the pain that the loss of a child could cause and her loss was a child she never was able to take home, so having a home filled with memories of a beautiful child must be the worst pain in the world. It was right at this point that her baby decided to give her a good kick, as if to reassure her that it was still ok. She protectively clutched her bump.

"Sam? Sam." Cal was calling, bringing her back to the room. "Are you with us?" He asked, part concerned, but also urgently needing to get on.

"Sorry, yes." Sam said, shaking her head and joining him to support the girl. Together they performed the lumbar puncture and once they had her as stable as possible and the paediatric consultant had reviewed her, Cal went to speak to the mother. Sam prepared Molly to be moved to the paediatric intensive care unit. As Molly was being taken out, Ethan came rushing through the doors.

"Are you ok?" He asked, looking concerned.

"Yes, why?" She asked a little confused as she placed her gown, gloves and mask in the bin.

"I heard about the girl with suspected Meningitis."

"Oh, yes, she's just gone to PICU." Sam nodded.

"But are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She smiled slightly at his concern. "It wasn't nice to see, but it's not my first and won't be my last."

"And you weren't, you know, put at risk?"

"At risk? No Ethan, I was careful. I wore a mask and everything." Sam replied, as Ethan let out a breath and nodded, pulling her into a hug. "Besides, I've had all my jabs, and she was too unresponsive to cough and sneeze all over me. Come on, you know the risk is low."

"I know, but it doesn't stop me worry about you, and our baby." He said as he pulled back from the hug and looked at her.

"Don't worry, baby Hardy is safe, he even gave me a good kick just now to let me know." She smiled.

"He?" Ethan questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"Well, I can't refer to the baby as 'it' can I?" She chuckled. "It sounds so impersonal."

"I guess." He smiled back. "I just thought you might know something I didn't."

"No, I promise I don't. 'He' just seems to naturally slip out."

"Ok, well as long as you're ok, I should probably-"

"Wait! Here." Sam said, grabbing his hand and placing it on her bump in time for him to feel a good couple of firm kicks. He started laughing, an intense feeling of love and happiness running through him, and she smiled lovingly at him. He looked up at her and held her gaze, as they leaned towards each other, about to kiss when they heard a cough from behind them. They jumped around to see Cal and Robyn standing in the doorway. Both Sam and Ethan shifted and looked sheepish. Ethan followed Robyn back to their patients in cubicles, while Cal came back in to talk to Sam.

"You two just can't stop can you?" He grinned.

"Well, he'd just felt the baby kick and-"

"Don't think I didn't hear what you were doing last night." Cal winked.

"You didn't! Caleb!" Sam said, half outraged, half embarrassed as her cheeks turned pink.

"Ah! Got you, I didn't hear anything but you just gave it away." He laughed as she gave him a playful shove.

"You're wicked!" She said, half laughing back, gutted that he caught her out so easily.

"Come on, we need to check the bloods of our fragrant vagrant over there." He whispered, looking over at John.

"Cal, that's unprofessional." Sam scolded.

"He can't hear me, and you're just annoyed because I called you out on your carnal activities." He grinned playfully at her.

"So, we're expecting to see liver damage?" Sam said, avoiding his comment altogether.

"I do believe you're blushing Sam."

"No I'm not, its just warm in here. Do you want me to phone the lab?"

"No need." He said, waving the printed out results under her nose. "I have the answers we need right here." He showed her the results and together they discussed the plan, and Sam headed off to try and secure the patient a bed. She left Cal to it for a bit while she checked on the nursing team, making sure everyone was ok, and getting their breaks.

"Hope that ambulance is sparkling now." Sam grinned at Iain, who had dropped a patient off and was sharing a bit of banter with the lads.

"Yeah, you could eat your dinner off it now." He grinned.

"Um, yeah, I'll take your word for it Iain." Sam chuckled, grimacing at the thought.

"You coming for a drink tonight?" He asked Sam.

"Yeah, yeah that'd be fun." Sam nodded, deciding a bit of time with the team would be good, especially as the last time she was at the pub with them, things had been quickly interrupted with Cal and Gracie. Sam turned away and let out a small sigh as she thought of Gracie. She still felt sad that she never got to say goodbye, and she really missed her; and she knew that if she missed her then Cal and Ethan must feel it even more deeply. She was still worried about Cal, he seemed almost too happy too quickly, if that was possible. She felt bad thinking someone could be too happy, but she was concerned he wasn't facing things properly again. But she thought to herself, maybe it was better this way than his previous coping methods. She was broken from her thoughts when Iain called across to Cal.

"Hey Cal mate, drinks tonight?"

"Yeah, definitely mate, it's about time we let loose again."

"I'm not sure I like the sound of that." Sam smiled. "I'd better make sure I'm there to chaperone this session."

"Aw, that'd be like taking your mother along." Cal pretended to whine, earning himself another shove from Sam.

"Oi, just you watch it Caleb Knight, I've got your cards marked, remember." Sam smiled, walking away again.


	186. Chapter 186

While Sam was waiting for Ethan to finish tying up the lose ends he felt he couldn't leave to the next shift, she was sitting in the staff room. Cal had already headed over to the pub with the gang. She got out her phone and called Ella.

"Hey Els." She said cheerily down the receiver when Ella answered. "How are you?"

"I'm ok." Ella said, although she still sounded a little down.

"How is the physio going?"

"Yeah, he says I'm making good progress still. I'm just still frustrated."

"Of course you will be, but give it time hon, please. You'll soon be back here with me, I promise."

"Yeah, I know." Ella tried to sound cheerful.

"How are your parents?"

"Mummy's been fussing over me, which is nice, but also annoying."

"Ah, but it must be nice to be looked after."

"Yeah, I guess so. No washing or cooking, I guess it is pretty good." She smiled, and Sam could hear the smile in her voice. "So what are you up to?"

"I'm just waiting for Ethan to finish work, then we are off for a quick drink."

"I miss you Sam." Ella sighed.

"Aw, Els, I miss you too. How about I come up on my day off and we'll go out? We can do lunch?"

"Do lunch?" Ella laughed. "Yeah, that would be amazing. If you're sure its not too much trouble?"

"Of course not, nothing would be too much for you, you're my best girl."

"You're the best Sam." Ella smiled.

* * *

Ethan and Sam headed over to the pub together and soon got involved in the group banter. They boys were sitting around a table, surrounded by pints of beer having a laugh and ribbing each other. Sam was pleased to see Rita had come as well, and sat next to her colleague for a much needed catch up. Robyn was nervously waiting at the bar for Andy to arrive; she was going to meet him here for a quick drink so she knew, and Rita and Sam knew, she was safe, then they were going to go somewhere else.

"So, have you spoken to Iain yet?" Sam asked quietly.

"No, not yet. I still don't know quite where I stand. One minute it feels like it might be getting serious then the next, without even trying he makes me feel like I'm nothing to him."

"Oh Reets, I'm sure he doesn't mean to." Sam said, looking at her sadly.

"Don't. Don't look at me like that. We can't all get a happy ever after." Rita sighed, taking a big gulp of her drink. Sam stole a glance across at Iain as he burst out laughing at something Cal said and he gave him a slap across the back. He was a lad's lad, but he made Rita happy, and Sam was sure the Rita made him happy, though maybe he just didn't realise it. Or maybe it was just her being a hopeless romantic after all. She looked back at Rita.

"So, you're gonna talk to him right?"

"I guess I will, but in my own time." Rita said firmly, giving Sa that look that said don't jump the gun and interfere.

"Message received boss." Sam smiled, giving Rita's arm a squeeze. "I'm heading to the loo." Sam finished, slipping off around the group. Ethan looked up as she went and gave her a smile which she returned. Rita looked up as Sam disappeared to see Robyn greeting a good looking man who had just walked into the bar; this must be Andy she thought to herself as she discreetly watched over her glass. He seemed alright, quite good looking, well built, he clearly worked out. He instantly struck up a conversation with Robyn and was soon making her laugh. They both got a drink and were heading over to a quiet corner of the pub as Sam came out of the loo, pulling her phone out of her bag to read the text that had just come though, and she froze. She felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck, and a cold chill ran through her body. Her breath caught in her throat and it felt tight and in her panic she couldn't move. She hid behind the wall that lead to the toilets, leaning heavily on it trying to catch her breath, but in her haste to gather herself she felt her breathing getting faster and shallower as she couldn't breathe in or out fully. She started to feel light-headed as panic gripped her more. She had to get out of there, and fast. She managed to catch her breath enough to peek around the corner again and realising the coast was clear she ran for the door and bolted out of the pub.

"Hey Reets, why you sitting on your own?" Iain called looking around. "Come here." He said, nodding at an empty space around the lads table.

"I'm waiting for Sam to come back from the loo." She nodded in the direction Sam had headed earlier. Iain slipped over to the empty chair that Sam had earlier vacated.

"You ok? You've been quiet lately?" He asked. Rita smiled and nodded at him.

"I'm fine."

"Really?"

"Really Iain. No need to worry about me."

"But I do." He looked at her with soft eyes and she tried not to melt into them but she couldn't help it. "You can talk to me Rita."

"Just some work stuff getting me down, it'll be ok."

"Is that what you've been talking to Sam about?"

"Yeah." She nodded, avoiding the truth.

"Well, if you need to talk you can you know."

"Thanks, but I wouldn't worry. I seem to be bringing everyone down at the moment, it's like I bring out the worst in people."

"Not me."

"Yeah? Give me time." She smiled slightly. He held her gaze for a moment, then got up and went back to the boys and within moments was back involved in the raucous laughter coming from their table. Rita looked back towards the toilet wondering where Sam had got to. She looked back over towards Robyn but couldn't really see her now she had gone to sit down with Andy. She gave it a few more minutes then decided to head to the loo to make sure that Sam was ok.

"Sam? Sam, are you ok?" Rita called as she entered the ladies. She pushed on all of the cubical doors but they were all empty. Rita looked around confused then made her way back out to the bar, again looking around confused.

"What's wrong Rita? You look worried?" Cal asked looking up.

"Um, well, this is going to sound strange, but Sam has disappeared." Rita said, still looking around, her brow furrowed with a mix of confusion and worry.

"Disappeared?" Cal said, adopting a similar look, also looking around.

"She went to the toilet about 5 or 10 minutes ago, and when she didn't come back I went to check on her but she's not in there."

"That's odd. Is she outside getting some fresh air?"

"She must be." Rita nodded. "Yeah, you must be right, I'll go and see." Rita headed out of the door, as Cal looked on. He sat back down, pretending to be listening to the boys banter, but really waiting to see Rita and Sam walk back through the door. He didn't want Ethan to worry, he was sure she would have just slipped outside. Maybe she got a phone call and it was too noisy in the pub to hear. There would be some obvious explanation, and Ethan would worry for no need. Cal looked back at the boys, hearing the end of Max's joke and started laughing.

Rita came back inside a few minutes later and Cal couldn't help but notice she was alone. He slipped out of his seat and headed towards her.

"Did you find her?" He asked, slightly fearing the answer, seeing as she wasn't with Rita, but still hoping for an obvious explanation.

"No. No, I can't see her at all. She's definitely not in here is she?" Rita asked, scrambling for her phone.

"No. Did you look around?"

"Yeah, I ran around the corner, looked across the car park. Could she have gone back to work for any reason?" Rita asked hopefully.

"I doubt it." Cal shrugged as Rita was trying to phone Sam. She called 3 times but each time it rang through to voicemail.

"Let me try." Cal said, calling twice and also getting no answer.

"What do we do?" Rita said, now looking really worried. "Shall I check the ED?"

"I guess we should. I don't want Ethan to worry until he has to. There has to be an obvious explanation. It's not like Sam to just walk away. Was she ok in the pub? Did she say anything was wrong?"

"No Cal, we were just talking girl talk. She seemed fine. Did anything happen at work today?"

"Not really, there was the young girl with meningitis, that was a bit upsetting but nothing out of the ordinary. She seemed fine when we finished the shift."

Just then Rita's phone beeped with a text.

'Sorry Rita. Suddenly not feeling well, needed to get home to bed. Don't worry. I'm fine. Sorry x'

"It's from Sam. She says she went home because she didn't feel well. But why didn't she say?"

"Well, at least we know where she is and that she's ok. But yeah, you think she'd have come back to at least tell Ethan she was going home. He would have gone with her."

"Maybe she wanted to be on her own?" Rita shrugged as she typed a reply.

"Come on, we should get back inside before the others wonder where we are." Cal said as they headed back in the pub, Rita still watching her phone to see if Sam text back. As they sat down, Ethan looked over to Rita.

"Where's Sam?" He asked quietly.

"She went home Ethan, she wasn't feeling great."

"Why didn't she say?" Ethan looked worried.

"I think she just wanted to lie down quietly." Rita said, slightly covering for her friend. "She probably thought you were having fun here and didn't want to ruin your night." Rita said, forcing a smile at him and hoping it was convincing.

Sam meanwhile was curled up in bed, she could smell Ethan's scent which usually made her feel safe, but right now she felt far from it. Her face was red, tearstained streaks running down her cheeks. Suddenly her phone went off again and she jumped, reaching out for it with a shaking hand and seeing a message from Ethan.

'Are you ok sweetheart? Rita said you'd gone home unwell. Do you want me to come home? I don't mind...xxx'

'I'm fine, just really tired and need to sleep. You stay out with Cal, have a boys night xxx'

She switched her phone onto silent and curled up again under the duvet and tried not to think about things, but she couldn't help it. The tears continued to fall, and she desperately tried to sleep but she couldn't. It felt like hours passed, and the tears had stopped when she heard the boys coming through the door, Cal clearly quite tipsy as Ethan guided him to his bedroom shushing him so as not to wake Sam. She heard Cal say that he'd had a good night with Ethan and they should do it more often. Then Ethan said goodnight and shut Cal's bedroom door. Then she heard him creep into their bedroom as quietly as he could, he undressed and slipped into bed next to her. She was facing the other way and just pretended to be asleep as Ethan snuggled down beside her soon falling into a deep sleep. As she heard his breathing become more settled and rhythmic, she couldn't help it as the tears started to fall again.


	187. Chapter 187

Sam must have fallen asleep at some point during the night because the next thing she knew she was sat bolt upright in the dark, sobbing and breathing hysterically with Ethan sat up next to her rubbing her back and whispering soothing noises to her.

"It's ok darling. I'm here, you're with me. I'm here." Ethan was muttering to her softly.

"I don't-I can't, I-I" Sam stuttered in between raspy breaths.

"Shh, it's ok. Just breathe." Ethan continued to soothe her. When her breathing settled a bit more he questioned her gently. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Just-Just a bad dream." Sam shrugged quietly, still catching her breath. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey, don't be sorry, it's fine. Are you ok?"

"I guess." She nodded, unable to meet his eye.

"How are you feeling? You're not feverish or anything?"

"No, it was just a bad dream Ethan."

"But I mean you left the pub earlier? You said you weren't well?"

"Oh, that, I just felt really tired and a bit sick, I just needed to get to bed and rest." Sam said noncommittally.

"Ok." Ethan nodded, feeling unsure but knowing he wasn't going to get anything out of her. He sat looking towards her in the darkness as she lay back down, turning away from him, pretending to go back to sleep. He watched her for a moment, sadness filling him as he felt an intense desire to help take her pain away, but he wasn't even sure there was pain. She'd had bad dreams before, and she'd been fine after, it was probably pregnancy hormones playing with her mind. But he wished she'd let him in more, talk to him; maybe he needed to push her more to speak, but that wasn't his style, if she needed to she would talk to him he thought to himself. He let out a small sigh and lay back down himself, knowing he had to be up for work in a couple of hours. Sam heard him sigh, and felt him lie down again. It felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach, and for once it wasn't the baby, it was that sinking feeling that she had let him down again, knowing that she hadn't yet been honest with him about her swift departure from the pub tonight. She lay awake, thinking, worrying and feeling wretched until finally exhaustion took over and she drifted off again.

When Ethan's alarm went off for work, he let out a groan as he reached across to turn it off. He rubbed his eyes and put on his glasses looking across to Sam, who was also stirring.

"Oh, is it morning already?" She grumbled sleepily. "I feel like I only fell asleep 5 minutes ago."

"I'm afraid so. Are you in this morning?" He asked as he climbed out of the warm bed.

"No, I'm on a study day today." She sighed, rubbing her eyes as she sat up.

"Oh, sorry, you stay here, have a lie in. I'll make you a cup of tea." He smiled, wrapping his dressing gown around him and leaving the room. Sam picked up her phone and stared at it. She was just checking her emails when Ethan brought her back a cup of tea.

"Thanks." She smiled at him. "Good news, my old landlord has emailed to say he's going to transfer my deposit back."

"Oh great." Ethan smiled. "Other than tired, how are you feeling this morning."

"I'm fine Ethan." Sam said a little stiffly, but she looked up and forced a smile. He nodded and headed back to the bathroom to get ready for work as Sam sat up in bed sipping her tea, deep in thought. When Ethan had gone, Sam lay back down and closed her eyes, she so desperately wanted to sleep but her brain just wouldn't switch off, her mind felt like it was buzzing, but no coherent thoughts were coming out.

Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep and was waking up a couple of hours later. She looked at her phone, 9:38am; she'd missed the start of her study day, but she didn't much feel like going in anyway, she would tell Rita she was sick. It wasn't like her to do that, but right now she didn't feel like herself. She got up to go to the bathroom, and on the way, seeing Cal's door ajar she peeked in. His bed covers were thrown back in a messy pile, and old clothes were on the floor but it was obvious from the silence in the flat that he had also gone into work. She was alone for the day. After having a long, hot shower and a cup of tea she felt fidgety and restless, she needed to get out of here. She picked up her phone and sent a message, then headed to her room to pack an overnight bag and grabbed the spare car keys, she scribbled a quick note to Ethan to say she was heading to Ella's parents house as Ella needed her and that she would be back tomorrow. Then she thought again and put the car keys back, she couldn't take the car without asking Ethan, that wasn't fair, and she didn't want to have him asking questions before she was gone. She picked up her phone and called for a taxi to take her to the train station.

At the hospital, Ethan and Cal were busy treating patients. Rita had been in her office working, but as she came out onto the floor she called Ethan over.

"Ethan, how is Sam?"

"She's ok, she had a restless night, so she's tired, but I think she's ok. She's on a study day today isn't she?"

"Yes, then she's off tomorrow, maybe a couple of days away from here will do her good." Rita said, smiling at Ethan as she headed off.

"Doctor Hardy, do you have a moment?" Connie asked, as she walked past.

"Sure." Ethan said, following her into the office.

"Uh-Oh, is he in trouble?" Iain asked Cal, giving him a nudge and nodding towards where Ethan had just gone into the office.

"What? Golden boy? No chance! If it were me being called in there you could guarantee it, but Ethan is probably winning some award or another." Cal laughed.

"An award? That's going a bit far isn't it? Connie Beauchamp doesn't give out awards surely?" Iain laughed back.

"Depends how much sucking up you do, and my brother is excellent at that!" Cal chuckled.

"You're in good spirits this morning, shouldn't you have a sore head?"

"Nah, I didn't drink that much." Cal grinned. "I'm used to rolling in after much heavier nights."

"Well, maybe we need to fix up a heavier night soon." Iain suggested.

"Definitely mate, just try and stop me." He smiled, slapping his hand on Iain's back as he headed back to his patient's and Iain wheeled his trolley back out the the ambulance.

"Doctor Hardy, I wanted to speak to you about your career plan." Connie said as she sat down at her desk.

"My career plan?"

"Yes, I assume you have one?" Connie gave him a look.

"Well, um, I guess yes. I mean I've obviously been working towards becoming a consultant.

"Yes, and that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"Yes, well obviously I know you haven't had the results of your recent exams yet, but I'm hoping that the issues in your personal life wont have affected you this time, and after your very successful resit back along, well you certainly show a lot of promise. You're a gifted medic, I'm not sure you always see it, but you are, and if we could ignite a bit of fire and fight then I'm confident you could be one of the best."

"Oh, um, thanks." Ethan said, a little shocked at Connie's compliment.

"I know you have your training post secured here until completion, but I would very much like for you to consider your future in Holby. Obviously I can't guarantee you a consultancy position straight away, we would have to wait for something to become available, or for us to secure more funding. However, on the back of your recent research piece that you did, I think we could put together a business case that could secure funding for additional posts, and I would very much like for you to be first in line for that." She let a small smile slip from her lips as Ethan just stared open mouthed at her. "I take it from your silence that you will consider this?"

"C-Consider it? I'd be so grateful Mrs Beauchamp. I mean, yes, I'd really like it." He said, still clearly in shock.

"Obviously this will depend on the successful completion of your training rotation, and we will have to go through the formalities, but I am keen to keep you on the team if at all possible."

"Wow, well thank you so much Mrs Beauchamp." Ethan smiled.

"Well, you have Dr Hanna to thank as well. She is always singing your praises and thinks very highly of you too."

"Well, thanks." He smiled again, not knowing what else to say.

"Well, just make sure you continue to work hard so we don't have to go back on our agreement. It'd be a shame to fall at the final hurdle now."

"I will. Thank you Mrs Beauchamp." Ethan said standing up and leaving the office, unable to hide the smile. He wished Sam was at work so he could tell her straight away, but before he could even phone her he was pulled into some difficult cases and never got a chance to, so he decided he would have to tell her as soon as he got home tonight.

Sam was sitting on the train, she kept closing her eyes, but she couldn't relax. She kept looking around to make sure there was no one on the train who knew her. She had hurried through the station to make sure she wasn't spotted and had tucked herself away in a quiet carriage, and she was due at her stop shortly. All she could think was that she couldn't wait to get to her friend. Ella had texted her back excited at the prospect of seeing her and of course welcomed her staying overnight. As the train pulled in at the station, she felt a little better knowing she was away from Holby, away from everything there that she didn't want to be near. She grabbed her bag and jumped into a taxi and before long she was being greeted by Caroline, and ushered into her house towards the open arms of her waiting friend.


	188. Chapter 188

Ethan hurried through the door of the flat later that day after he had finished his shift. Cal was on a double shift and would be at work until later, and Ethan was excited about sharing his news with Sam, but also anxious to see her and check she was ok as he hadn't heard from her today. He noticed the flat was quiet when he entered, he assumed she was maybe having a bath or resting in bed, he wouldn't blame her after her restless night. He hurried through the flat but soon realised she wasn't there; confused he walked back towards the kitchen, and noticed the note left on the side.

"Dear Ethan,

I've gone to Ella's parents for the night as she needs me. She's still quite down and frustrated, and I was going to see her tomorrow anyway, but I thought a girlie night together would do us both good.

I hope you don't mind; it was a kind of spur of the moment decision.

At least you will get a better sleep without my silly nightmares.

Love you lots,

Sam xx"

Ethan looked at the familiar cursive writing on the paper and couldn't help but feel a little sad. Of course she wanted to be there for her friend, that was just the sort of person she was, and he would never resent that; but he had been looking forward to sharing his news with her and spending the evening together. He placed the note back down and turned the kettle on and opened the fridge, hoping to find some inspiration but seeing nothing he shut it again with a sigh, making himself a cup of tea he went and sat down on the sofa, picked up his phone and dialled Sam's number.

"Hello?" Came the voice on the other end.

"Ella?"

"How are you Ethan?"

"Oh, I'm fine thank you. How are you?"

"I'm ok, better now I have my girl for the night. I hope you don't mind me borrowing her?"

"Um, no, not at all. I just wanted to check she got there ok and that she was alright?"

"She's ok, she's just in the bathroom." Ella said. "Shall I get her to ring you later?"

"No, I don't want to interrupt, unless she wants to speak to me. I'll leave you both to it."

"Ok Ethan, I'll tell her you phoned."

"Thank you, have a good evening, and...look after her for me." Ethan added at the end.

"I will Ethan." Ella replied, though it was a good job he couldn't see the confused look on her face.

"Bye."

"Bye." She said as she hung up the phone. "Right, now tell me what's going on." Ella said looking firmly at her friend, who was sitting at the other end of Ella's bed.

"Nothing." Sam shrugged.

"Don't lie to me." Ella said giving Sam a knowing look. "You suddenly say you want to get out of Holby for the night and come up, which don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for. But then you're avoiding talking to your fiancé, getting me to speak to him so he won't worry and keep phoning. He sounds down and worried about you anyway. What is going on, I wasn't born yesterday you know."

"I don't even know where to start Ella. It's, it's so awful. I never thought this would happen, I mean I used to worry about it all the time but it's been so long, and I've moved on and changed my life, but it's all coming back to haunt me. I thought I was safe, I mean I was finally feeling safe, and I was happy. But it's not just about me now."

"Sam, what are you talking about?" Ella looked confused.

"It's him. He's there."

"Who? Ethan?"

"No, not Ethan. Andy."

"Andy as in?"

"Yes, my ex." Sam said simply, swallowing hard to try to get rid of the lump that had formed in her throat.

"But _where_ is he?" Ella asked, still confused.

"Holby."

"You've seen him?" Ella looked shocked.

"Robyn went on a date with him last night. It's all so strange." Sam said, desperately trying to control her breathing.

"How did she meet him?"

"Apparently they met online? But what is he doing down here?"

"Have you told Robyn? What happened? I mean does she know what he did to you?" Ella asked, getting swept up in the stress and heightened emotions of the situation.

"She knows what my ex did to me, but she doesn't know she just went on a date with him. I'm hoping it didn't go well, but if he's got an ulterior motive, he'll use any situation to his advantage."

"You need to tell her, quickly, before she gets involved."

"I know Ella, but I can't just casually walk up to her and say by the way Robyn, the guy you've been messaging for weeks online isn't who you think he is. He's my abusive ex, don't get involved. I just don't understand El, what _is_ he doing here? I mean why _here."_ Sam said, starting to find her breathing was now getting quicker and less controlled.

"I don't know. It's a bit strange." Ella sat considering Sam's question, then she took Sam's hand and calmly said: "Tell me what happened." Sam started to explain.

"...So then I was coming out of the bathroom, and your message came through, so I'd got my phone out of my bag to read it and as I looked up I saw him walking to the table, and my blood ran cold. At first I thought I was imagining it, but it was definitely him." Sam finished off. "But I don't understand why he has suddenly pitched up here, where I live. I can't help but feel it's too contrived."

"But I did, and that was pure coincidence." Ella reminded her. "Anyway, I thought he went to prison?"

"No, he got a suspended sentence, no prior record."

"But you have a restraining order?"

"Well, the conditions of his order were to stay away, but that was a long time ago."

"And you think he's back to find you?"

"I don't know El, I don't know why he's there, but I can't help but feel its contrived to get back at me, and even if it isn't, I can't live there knowing that he's nearby, knowing that I could bump into him in the shop, or at work, or..."

"Sam, calm down. You don't even know he lives there." Ella said soothingly as Sam's speech started getting quicker and more hyper. "You said he met Robyn online? Well, he could have travelled, he might have been speaking to her to just set up a one-night thing? Lots of men use internet dating for that."

"But Robyn gave the impression it was more than that."

"But Robyn is a romantic, she might have seen a guy being nice to her and showing an interest, and not read between the lines? I'm not saying she's stupid, or naïve, but just that it's easy to get swept away in fantasy when you desperately want to be loved."

"Oh god, Els, she can't get involved with him. I have to tell her."

"Just wait, before you go barging in with stories of him coming back to seek revenge, it may not have gone that well. And you may be able to get more information about his motives and where he is currently living if you question Robyn properly about the date."

"I don't think I can. I just feel physically sick when I think about him being there. Sitting in the same pub I was sitting in. What if he had seen me? What would have happened?"

"But he didn't, so don't worry about that yet." Ella soothed. "Why didn't you tell Ethan?"

"I couldn't. I didn't want him to worry."

"But he cares about you."

"But I couldn't face the questions, the answers he would want."

"He loves you, he'd just want to support you."

"But he's so practical. He'd want to have a plan, he'd want to process everything, and I don't even know what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling yet, everything is so confusing. When you're surrounded by emotions you can't think straight."

"I know Sam, but he's your fiancé, he deserves to know."

"And I will tell him, when I know what I'm thinking." Sam said, a flash of determination showing through the fear in her eyes. Ella looked at her friend, she could tell Sam was panicked, scared, but she didn't yet know how to help.

"So what are you thinking?" Ella asked after a moment of silence.

"Honestly?" Sam looked earnestly at her friend. Ella nodded. "That I want to leave, get as far away from Holby as I can. Never go back, never look back."

Ethan was working on his laptop when Cal came home from work. He tossed his keys down on the table with a clatter, causing Ethan to look at him with an annoyed look.

"Sorry." He whispered, exaggeratedly. "What's up?"

"I'm just working Cal." Ethan said, looking back down at his laptop.

"I can see that." He said rolling his eyes, and slumping down on the sofa next to his brother. "Sam in bed already is she?"

"She's staying at Ella's house tonight." Ethan said.

"Oh, right, I didn't realise." Cal said. Ethan didn't respond. "So, I saw you getting called into the office earlier." Ethan looked up at him.

"Yeah, Mrs Beauchamp had a proposal of sorts." Ethan said, closing down his laptop.

"A proposal? Steady on, you know the black widow spider is known to eat the male after she gets what she wants from him." Cal grinned.

"You know I don't mean a proposal of that nature."

"Well, stranger things have happened you know. Though Connie would eat you alive, so the black widow situation fits."

"Cal." Ethan gave him an exasperated look.

"Sorry, so she had a proposal." Cal said, toning it down, seeing that Ethan wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"Yes, she wants me to consider my future at Holby."

"What do you mean?" Cal cut in, not quite understanding what he was getting at and thinking Connie was perhaps trying to get rid of him.

"I mean when I've finished my training she wants me to take on the next consultancy post that might come up, and along with my research, she is hoping to be able to secure extra funding to implement some new posts."

"Well, that's great news." Cal smiled at his brother. "The amazing Doctor Hardy strikes again."

"Well, that's not to say there isn't a future here for you too." Ethan said looking at Cal, and worrying that he might be thinking Mrs Beauchamp didn't want him to stay.

"Oh, well, we'll see." Cal smiled. "It's not about me right now, it's about you. I still need to re-sit my last exam and get back on track, so I'm a bit behind anyway. I'm really pleased for you Ethan, really."

"Thanks Cal."

"One question though; if you've had this great news today, why are you sitting here like you've just been told you have to work nightshifts every weekend on your own for the rest of the year."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"Are we really doing this?" Cal raised his eyebrows at Ethan knowingly.

"Well, I had hoped to come home and tell Sam. I hoped that she would be excited, that we could really start to cement a future here, now she has her job and good prospects and it looks like I will be able to stay permanently. We could start setting roots."

"Ah." Cal nodded, understanding why he was looking so down. "But she wasn't here."

"No, she had already left for Ella's house. Not that I mind, but it just felt a bit, well like an anti-climax." Ethan shrugged. Cal had to bite his tongue to not throw out the obvious joke there.

"No, you can celebrate another time. Just because it didn't happen when you thought it would, doesn't mean she won't be excited when you tell her. She still doesn't know so it will still be a happy surprise."

"I suppose you're right." Ethan sighed. "I know I'm being silly. I was just excited, and I wanted to share it with her."

"I know you did mate. Sharing it with your brother isn't the same is it?" Cal smiled.

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Ethan hurried out.

"I know." Cal grinned. "I'm not going to leap into your arms and kiss you like Sam will."

"I hope not." Ethan smiled back. "I'm sorry Cal."

"Don't be, there's no need. She's your fiancée. That still sounds strange to say."

"It's strange to hear." Ethan smiled back, though he did like hearing it.

"Anyway, I'm really pleased for you. You've worked hard and you deserve it. You're a great doctor, and if I could be half the man and half the doctor you are, I'd be very happy."

"Cal you're more than half of both of those."

"Well, in some ways I'm more than half the man you are." He chuckled.

"No seriously Cal. You've really grown up and proved yourself over the last 12 months. I'm proud of you."

"There's nothing to be proud of. I haven't achieved anything."

"You have."

"What? I have nothing to show for the last 12 months, just hidden battle scars."

"Yes, but the way you earned those battle scars is exactly why I'm proud of you." Ethan looked sincerely at his brother. Cal didn't respond, but his eyes were clouded with sadness. "I miss Gracie too you know." Ethan said suddenly.

"Yeah." He shrugged tightly. "Well, there's nothing we can do."

"Cal, you're going to have to talk about it at some point."

"No. No I'm not. There's nothing to say. It's over. Time to move on." Cal said, getting up quickly and making his way to the bathroom. Ethan watched him walk away, and as he heard the shower turn on he let out a sigh, put his laptop down and headed to his room.

Cal stood under the shower, letting the water pour down over his face, hoping to hide the tears that were falling. Not that anyone could see him in the shower, it was more for himself, he was still trying to convince himself he didn't care, that it didn't hurt. But deep down it did. He really missed Gracie, he had loved her, cared for her, in his mind she was his daughter, and while it was only for a few months, she had meant the world to him, and he would have given everything for her. But it wasn't what he thought, she wasn't his, and that truth hurt more than anything ever could.


	189. Chapter 189

**A/N: There is an emotive piece within this chapter surrounding domestic abuse and infant loss, if this is likely to upset you then please do skip it, I will try to ensure skipping it won't mean you don't understand the story. The emotive piece is in italics.**

 **Sorry - this is a bit of a filler chapter!**

* * *

"You know that's not an option, don't you?" Ella said carefully, not knowing quite how Sam would react.

"Why? It could be." Sam looked up hopefully, though she knew it wasn't.

"Sam." Ella gave her a look.

"I know." Sam sighed. "And you know I know."

"So, realistically, and you know I have to ask this; how 'at-risk' is Robyn? Do we need to be worried?"

"I don't know. I mean I'm going by what I went through, but maybe he's changed, maybe it was just me-"

"No Sam, no! Don't go there. He's an abusive idiot, he never changed when he was with you, who's to say he's different now."

"But we're different, we've changed. What I'm saying is, he might have got help with his anger issues."

"Even so, we need to find out what is going on. You need to talk to Robyn, find out about her date. Wouldn't she be expecting you to ask anyway?"

"Yes, I guess she would."

"Right." Ella said determinedly, picking up Sam's phone from where she had put it on the bed earlier.

"What are you going to say El?" Sam looked worried.

"Nothing unusual, we don't want to arouse suspicion."

Together, Ella and Sam drafted a text to Robyn, casually asking how the other night had gone, and they awaited a response.

…

A Moment of Clarity:

He was so charming to begin with, a perfect gentleman. He would hold my hand walking down the street, buy me flowers, chocolates, take me out to dinner, to the theatre; he liked to show me off to his friends. I was young, I felt flattered, he made me feel beautiful. I didn't know any better, I thought he was being romantic, my real life prince charming. But soon things changed, but not so that you would realise; they slowly transformed so it felt like a normal progression of a relationship. The flowers and chocolates stopped, compliments turned to criticisms, the dinner dates turned to me cooking for him at home, there was no time for the theatre, he would walk beside me down the street, or hold my arm to hurry me along, or to warn others that I was his. He would get jealous and moody if his friends (or anyone else) noticed me. He soon started criticising my clothes, this turned into 'suggesting' what I wore. It was because he cared I told myself, he loved me. Before long came the explosive rages, the intimidation, the complete isolation; I was there, I lived in fear, fear of the person I thought loved me.

When I think back, the emotional aspect was far worse than the physical. The physical hurt for sure, and sometimes I thought I would rather curl up and die than take another blow, but the constant emotional onslaught and tirade against me was what ground me down to accept it. I brought it on, I was bad, I antagonised him, I wasn't worth anything, no one else would love me, he was sorry, he wouldn't do it again, all regular declarations I heard. I'm an intelligent girl, sensible in many respects, but common sense and intelligence didn't help me here; I couldn't see the wood for the trees. I was in hell, but I didn't always know it.

In fact, it wasn't until I was in too deep that I realised I feared for my safety, and by that time, the safety of my unborn child. But again I was surrounded by the promises of love and change. I don't know if I believed it, or I hoped for it, or I just didn't feel I had anyone else to turn to, no one to help me; but I stayed. I made the fatal error of going back time after time, and the last time was the worst. The last time ended in loss, a pain I felt so deep it hurt more than everything else put together. He knew I was trying to leave, he knew and he made sure I wasn't ever going to try and 'pull a stunt' like that again. I can still hear his words echoing around in my head, I can hear the crunch of my ankle as I went down the stairs, I can feel the searing pain shooting through my leg, and finally around my bump as I fell, unable to stop myself, such was the force he threw me with. A lay in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, more out of shock than anything, soon being wrenched upwards by a firm grip on my wrist. I screamed, I know I did, the pain was too much. He found his own unique way to 'shut me up' again. Then he realised he'd broken my ankle and before I knew it I found myself in the back of a taxi being told how I had felt faint and fallen down the stairs and it was ok, because he was there and I'd be ok, that we'd be ok. Shell-shocked, in pain and terrified, I just agreed, went along with the lie.

But then I found a way out, and I'll never forget the kindness of the nurse who connected with me, helped me. But there was one thing she couldn't do for me. One thing I couldn't do for myself. I couldn't turn back the clock. I couldn't bring you back. I could try to rebuild my life, I could learn to love myself, find myself, realise my self-worth; but nothing would ever return you to my life. My darling Zachary, my little boy. I'm so sorry. Mummy is so sorry. I will never stop loving you. I will never forget you. And I will never forgive myself for losing you.

…..

Ethan sat on his bed holding his phone in his hands, just staring at the blank screen. He had heard Cal get out of the shower and head straight for bed. Ethan hadn't meant to upset him, but he so desperately wanted his brother to talk about it. He knew Cal must be hurting, it was impossible that he wasn't, but he just wouldn't open up. And now he was feeling like Sam was avoiding him. The more he thought about everything that had happened since she left the pub, the stranger he thought it was. Sure, she may have felt unwell, but it wasn't like her to not say anything, even if she hadn't wanted him to leave the pub, she could have told him. And then suddenly going to Ella's today without even a text or phone call. Again, she left a note, but that almost seemed like she was running away, not giving him the heads up before she had reached a safe distance away. Ethan knew deep down he was being silly, but it did leave him feeling uneasy, wondering what was going on. He opened their messages and started to type. After typing, deleting and re-typing numerous times, eventually he sent a simple message to her. Then he put his phone down beside him and waited. He only lasted about 20 seconds before he picked it up again and checked it had been delivered, placing it back down beside him. Then he picked it up again, convincing himself he just wanted to check his emails. Once he'd deleted the junk emails, he put his phone down again with a sigh. He was about to pick it up again when it flashed to life with a message from Sam and he nervously opened it, relieved to see that she actually sounded fairly normal, or as normal as you could sound via text.

'Hey sweet, I'm ok. Not a bad journey up, will be heading to bed soon. El and I are going out for lunch tomorrow. Hope you're ok. Missing you. Be home tomorrow around 6pm xx'

Ethan smiled reading the message. He replied with a goodnight/missing you message and plugged his phone in to charge. Before he changed for bed he looked towards the door, wondering if he should go into Cal's room to check he was ok. Ethan listened, it sounded quiet, maybe he was already asleep. He hesitated, then decided not to invade his space, having learnt his lesson the hard way on more than one occasion after bursting into Cal's bedroom.

"Do you think Ethan is upset with me?" Sam asked suddenly.

"No, he's probably just worried about you." Ella replied kindly, putting her arm around Sam's shoulder and pulling her nearer for a hug. The girls carefully lay side by side on Ella's bed, talking.

"I went about this the wrong way again didn't I?"

"Well, there probably were better ways, but you wouldn't be my Sam if you didn't act on impulse Chick." Ella smiled at her.

"Ella, I'm scared."

"Scared? Don't let him do this to you." Ella said, sounding upset for her friend.

"I can't help it. All I keep thinking is, what happens when he finds me, what will he say, what will he do?"

"You don't even know that you will see him. You're jumping ahead of things, let's wait to get more details from Robyn." Ella said, not sure how to reassure Sam that it would be ok. It would be impossible; how do you tell someone who had such awful things done to them that everything would be ok, when chances are it might not. Suddenly Ella's phone started ringing, making both girls jump. Ella looked at the display then looked back at Sam and put her phone down again.

"Who is it?" Sam asked.

"It's ok, it's Cal." Ella said. "I'll phone him back later."

"No, answer it now. It's ok." Sam smiled.

"No I'll-"

"Ella, answer it." Sam urged again.

"Really, I'll phone him back later." Ella was protesting again as Sam picked up her phone and answered.

"Hey Cal, it's Sam. How are you?"

"Oh, Sam, sorry. I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm ok. El's is just here, hang on." Sam said, holding the phone out to her friend.

"Hey Cal." Ella smiled, feeling guilty but also pleased to hear his voice. Sam picked up her own phone and looked at it. She read Ethan's message again, feeling a huge sense of longing for him, more so as she listened to Ella laughing at whatever Cal was saying, and hearing her flirt back. Suddenly another message came through.

'I love you so much xx' Ethan had text again, and Sam smiled as tears sprung to her eyes. It was like he knew, he knew she needed to hear from him and he came through for her again. She replied saying she loved him too and couldn't wait to get home tomorrow evening for a cuddle, a message which was reassuring to Ethan that he hadn't done anything wrong.

Back in his bed, Ethan could hear the muffled sound of Cal talking on his phone, as he got into bed and settled down for the night, missing Sam but pleased that things seemed to be ok.


	190. Chapter 190

Sam had been feeling more positive as she boarded the train back to Holby the following evening. She had been out for a long, indulgent lunch with Ella, Caroline had dropped them into town as she was meeting her friends too. Ella and Sam laughed and shared stories as if none of the stress of the past few months had happened, and Sam felt relieved for herself to be able to forget, but also to see Ella seemingly back to normal and laughing again. They even managed to pop into a couple of shops so Sam could indulge in a bit of retail therapy before she went home, adding to her clothes that would fit her ever growing bump. Ella wasn't able to shop with Sam, but she sat by the changing rooms waiting to see what Sam was trying and giving her opinions. Caroline had offered to take Sam back to the station but she insisted she would be fine in a taxi, thanking Caroline for having her stay. Of course Caroline insisted she not be a stranger and that she was welcome anytime, hinting that having Sam to stay had done Ella more good than the physio so far.

So now she found herself on the train again, her smile from a good day making way for a more serious expression, the nervous, sick feeling growing as she went through the last few stations before her stop.

Ethan parked the car, and after getting a ticket he headed into the station, looking up at the arrivals board, searching to see if Sam's train was still on time. He felt a sense of nervous excitement to see her, although they had only been physically apart for 36 hours, it felt like it could have been 36 days, weeks even. Ok, so now he was over-dramatising his feelings but he had missed her. He listened patiently to the announcements of delays and arrivals, then wondered if he should have got some flowers to greet her with, but he probably would have felt a little silly standing with a bunch of flowers, well more that he would have attracted unwanted attention while people waited to see who was on the receiving end of them. He was staring into space when suddenly he heard her voice, he turned and smiled as he saw her. She still took his breath away.

"Ethan?" Sam asked, not realising he was coming to pick her up. She hurried over to him, looking around to make sure there was no one else there she recognised, and threw her arms around him, abandoning her small case on the floor by their feet. He returned the hug, holding onto her tight. It now looked as though they had been parted for months and not hours, and as they looked at each other, Sam pulled him in for a much needed kiss.

"I missed you." Ethan confessed as they pulled apart.

"I missed you too." Sam said. "Come on, let's go home." She said quickly, reaching to pick up her case again, but Ethan took it before she could. The car journey was filled with talk of her time with Ella, making sure she convinced Ethan that all was fine and she'd had a good time. She didn't want to arouse any suspicion. She couldn't tell him until she knew more. She looked at her phone, the message she'd had back from Robyn said that it went well, that he was very funny and easy to get on with and incredibly charming. There it was, that one word sent chills down her spine. Charming. After she'd read that she didn't probe more, she knew when she was back at work Robyn would soon fill her in. And that was the other thing, why Robyn? Of all the people he could meet. He found a colleague, a friend of hers. It still didn't sit right.

They got back to the flat, Sam looking around nervously as Ethan parked the car, and got her case out of the boot. But she had no need to be nervous, she couldn't see anyone there. She hurried Ethan inside, making him look confused by her eagerness.

"What's the rush?" He chuckled as she practically rugby tackled him through the outside door.

"I just want to get in and relax." Sam replied, looking behind them before climbing the stairs. She couldn't believe how paranoid she was already. Once safely back inside the flat she began to relax a little more. Ethan made them both a drink and they sat down in the living room together.

"So, you've had a good time then?" Ethan smiled at her, glad to have her home.

"Yes, I think it did both Ella and I good, a bit of girlie time. I'm sorry I just went though. It was typical of me, decide I want to do something and just do it without thinking." She said somewhat sheepishly.

"It's ok, I just wish you'd given me the heads up, you know I wouldn't have stopped you."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, there's nothing to be sorry for. Although I did have something I wanted to tell you yesterday."

"Oh?" Sam questioned nervously.

"Yes, don't look so worried. It's good news. At least I think it's good news."

"Really? What?" Sam said, a small smile appearing on her face.

"Well, Mrs Beauchamp called me into her office yesterday, and she said that she wanted to secure my post in Holby after I've completed my training. She said if I continue to work hard and perform as I am then she would like me to apply for the first available consultancy post when I complete my training rotation."

"Oh my god! Ethan that's brilliant!" Sam practically squealed, launching herself into his arms.

"And she also thinks that on the back of my recent research and report that she can put together a business case for further funding and secure some more posts, and so hopefully I would be front line for one of those. Of course I have to go through the proper channels, but it all seems really positive." Ethan smiled at her.

"Oh Ethan! I'm so pleased for you. Really, I can't believe how happy I am!" Sam said, still brimming with excitement. Ethan couldn't help but let out a small laugh, this was why he had wanted her here yesterday, this is what he had wanted last night. She embraced him tightly.

"So we can really start to lay down roots in Holby now, make it our home." Ethan said as they hugged. Sam froze slightly in panic. Set up home in Holby. Last week it would have been perfect, now she wasn't so sure. But she couldn't let Ethan know that. She hugged him tightly, to avoid any chance he would notice her reaction and then brushed aside her initial panic.

"Ethan, I'm so proud of you." She said as she pulled away looking at him. "You are amazing, you work hard, and you really deserve it." Sam finished, gazing at him with love. She pulled him in for a kiss. Surely with Ethan at her side, nothing could go wrong, could it?

* * *

Sam was back on a run of nights and on shift with Cal, much to her relief. Somehow she felt safer being in the ED knowing that he was there. Robyn wasn't on shift and she hadn't yet had chance to see her and catch up. They were having a strangely quiet night, and Sam and Cal were taking the opportunity to have a chat, both sitting together on the sofa in the staff room.

"So Ella is doing ok then?" Cal asked taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yes, she's ok. Not that she sees it that way, but I think me going up there made her feel a bit better."

"Good." He smiled.

"You should go and see her too." Sam suggested.

"It had already crossed my mind." Cal agreed. "When I've next got some time off."

"Isn't it a bizarre shift tonight? Really, well, you know." Sam said, not wanting to say the 'Q' word.

"I know. It makes a nice change though."

"I can't believe it's only just gone 1am though. I wish it was nearer 7am. I want my bed."

"Ethan's bed." Cal smirked.

"Hey, it's ours now." Sam replied, Cal just raised his eyebrows at her. "Well it is."

"I'm not sure what Ethan would say if he knew you and I were joint owners of his bed." Cal grinned.

"Oh, ha-ha! Very funny." Sam replied sarcastically.

"You walked into it." Cal laughed, giving her a gentle nudge.

"Cheeky git." Sam grinned then suddenly clutched her stomach. "Ooh, I think someone disagrees with me being mean to their Uncle Cal."

"Rightly so." Cal looked up, smiling. "You love your silly Uncle Cal don't you?" Cal said to Sam's bump. "You don't think Mummy should be so mean. Just remember, it's me and you against the world kid. I'm always gonna be here for you. When Mummy and Daddy say no, which believe me they will, you come see your Uncle Cal." Sam watched him as he said this, feeling a sadness rush over her.

"Cal." Sam said softly.

"I know; I can't promise to do things when you say no." He said. Sam reached out and took his hand gently, catching him by surprise.

"Cal. I know you must still be hurting. Have you even talked about it yet?" Sam urged gently. Cal stiffened.

"There's nothing to talk about." He tried to brush her comment aside, but Sam wasn't going to give in.

"Cal, you can't pretend it didn't happen."

"It's over. That's all that matters." Cal shrugged, dropping Sam's hand and completely closing up again.

"You need to talk about it, we're all hurt, we all miss her, but you must feel it so badly. Please, you can talk to me, I won't judge you, I'll just listen."

"Sam, I don't need to talk about it. I just need to move on." Cal said through gritted teeth. Why was everyone trying to get him to talk? Sam just looked at him, that earnest look that pierced right through him, penetrated his deepest thoughts, fears, emotions. Silence filled the air between them, but still she didn't talk, she just looked at him and waited. "Don't. Don't look at me like that. I'm fine." He continued to insist. Sam knew without trying too hard she was slowly breaking through. She just had to hope they weren't interrupted before she cracked him. She smiled slightly, tilting her head to one side. "Really, I'm moving on. So Gracie wasn't mine. I've been given my life back. I can go out again, do what I like…Ok, so I miss her, I miss her so much sometimes it hurts, I physically ache for her, but it'll pass. I know it will. It has to, because…because she's not coming back." He said, his voice breaking slightly at the end with the emotion. Sam took hold of his hand again, and he didn't push her away.

"You know you really impressed me." Sam said quietly. He looked up at her, his eyes shining with tears.

"What do you mean?" He almost whispered.

"How you came through for that little girl. She may not have been your daughter, but you were her dad, in every way you needed to be." That was it, the first tear slipped down his cheek and she gave his hand a slight squeeze.

"I should have listened to you at the beginning. I should have just got a paternity test done right away, that would have saved all the heartache."

"What's done is done Cal. But you know something? You gave Gracie all the love she needed; look how happy she was with you. You could have given her the best months of her life so far. We don't know what her life was like before that. Anyone could see the way she looked at you, she felt safe, and loved, and you should be really proud of that. I know I am."

"And yet all I can think is how stupid I was for getting dragged into the mess in the first place."

"Cal, we all do stupid things when we follow our heart. Love makes fools of everyone, suddenly everything that is sensible goes out of the window, and any rules we set for ourselves are broken."

"You don't make mistakes."

"Don't I?" Sam gave him a look.

"Not like me." Cal said sadly.

"We're more alike than you think." Sam said simply.

"But you wouldn't have rushed into this headfirst would you?"

"I don't know what I would have done. All I know is that's one of the parts of you that I love. Reckless, fearless, I don't know what you'd call it. But the guy who doesn't think but simply does. Act first think later."

"And get into big trouble." Cal half laughed and half sniffed.

"Well, sometimes maybe." Sam smiled lovingly at him. "But it gives me a rare chance to have the upper hand doesn't it?"

"I'm glad I serve a purpose in your life." He gave a sad smile back.

"You know, the more I look at us, the more I'm convinced you're my brother from another mother. We're more like siblings than you and Ethan sometimes."

"You're better looking than he is, so yeah, in that respect we are."

"Cal!"

"What?" He smiled again. "You are."

"Well, don't tell him that though will you?" She chuckled cheekily.

"Oh! Now the truth comes out!" He laughed.

"I'm kidding; you know I think your brother is lush. He's so cute, he's got lovely eyes and when he does his little award smile when he's a bit embarrassed, I go all gooey."

"Ok, stop there. I don't need to hear any more." Cal said, moving to get up. "I can't hear all the ways you fancy my brother."

"Jealous are we? Because I fancy him and not you?" Sam laughed, standing up too.

"Oh yes, I'm dying inside, so upset am I that you don't fancy me." Cal smirked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Life is tough isn't it. Come on, we should get back to work." Sam smiled, slipped her arm through his as they walked back out into the department. Sam knew she hadn't quite cracked it, but at least she had got a little more from him than he was 'fine', and that was a start.


	191. Chapter 191

As Sam and Cal walked around the corner still chatting and laughing, Sam saw something she wasn't expecting and she froze. It was Robyn, and she had blood down the side of her face from a head wound. Sam hurried towards her.

"Oh my god, Robyn, what on earth happened?" Sam asked, fearing the answer.

"Oh, I'm so clumsy, I was going to make a late night snack after we got in from the pub and as I was reaching for a pan I knocked the iron down on my head. I told Lofty not to put it up there." Robyn said, looking embarrassed, as Sam and Cal walked her through to an empty cubical.

"Yeah and I've spent the last hour convincing her that it needs gluing, but would she listen?" Came Lofty's voice from behind them.

"Oh Robyn, what are you like." Sam said, her voice filled with relief as she let out the breath she had been holding.

"Never mind that, we're missing the obvious point here. Lofty _irons_!" Cal laughed.

"Just because you have no idea where the iron is kept or how it works Cal doesn't mean all men are the same. Besides Lofty is a lovely, great guy, of course he irons."

"Actually, Max and I had been using it to iron transfers on to some t-shirts for one of his mate's bands." Lofty admitted, making Cal give Sam a smug look as he put some gloves on to examine Robyn's head. Sam left them to it, carrying on with the rest of her patients, reflecting on how worried she had felt, she needed to speak to Robyn, so once Cal was happy the wound was a simple one, Sam went back to glue it for her.

"So," Sam started, trying to ensure she sounded carefree, "how did it go?" She smiled, pretending she was just looking for a girlie gossip.

"Oh it was great." Robyn broke out into a huge grin. "He was really lovely, we just laughed the whole time."

"That's great Robyn." Sam smiled, trying not to let her true feelings show. "So, tell me about him."

"He's 31, he's just moved nearby, well about 10 miles outside of Holby, he's got a job in St James'," Robyn started, continuing with a little more information about him, but Sam stopped taking it in, still trying to recover from the shock that he was actually living fairly nearby, well nearer than Sam would ever want, and not only that but he was working in their neighbouring hospital. It was too much. Sam could feel the knot in her stomach, she felt sick, but she drew her attention back to her young colleague and the wound she was closing.

"So, are you going to see him again?" Sam asked tentatively, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, we're supposed to be meeting up tomorrow night, but I can't go now can I?" Robyn sighed.

"Why not?" Sam asked suddenly, not realising.

"Well, this!" Robyn said, pointing at her head.

"Well, that shouldn't stop you, but yeah, maybe it's not such a good idea." Sam responded, seeing her chance at delaying the inevitable second meeting.

"I can't let a head lac put him off me this early can I?" Robyn laughed, but to her surprise Sam didn't join in, she just stood in a trance. "Sam?"

"Hmm, oh sorry." Sam said, "I was just thinking."

"About."

"Well, if a simple head lac puts him off he's not much of a man is he?" Sam covered quickly. Robyn considered this.

"I guess you're right. If he likes me, he won't care. Maybe I could still go." Robyn smiled, and Sam felt horrified, that wasn't what she meant to achieve.

"But maybe you should leave it, you might have a nasty headache following such a bump, and you shouldn't be drinking or doing anything too strenuous." Sam tried to make it sound like she was giving sensible medical advice. Again Robyn considered what she was saying.

"Yeah, you're right. And it is quite sore now." Robyn admitted.

"Right, well, it's all glued up. You know how to care for it so I won't insult you by explaining." Sam smiled. "Make sure Lofty looks after you, you shouldn't be on your own."

"He will, he's a good mate." Robyn smiled. "Except when he leaves the iron on high shelves."

"Yes." Sam let out a small chuckle. "I'll tell Rita when she comes in tomorrow morning what's happened."

"Thanks Sam." Robyn said, hopping off the trolley and picking up her bag.

Sam was putting the used linen in the skip wishing it wasn't just gone 3am because she wanted to ring Ella and tell her what she had found out. She was feeling more nervous again, finding herself looking over her shoulder again, knowing that he had moved nearby had knocked her confidence. Suddenly she was transported back to when she first left him, and she was almost too scared to leave the house in case he found her. Time had helped her get over this fear and reclaim her life back, but now she was feeling those old anxieties coming back, and it upset her. She felt angry that he could still do this to her. She had gone into the stock cupboard to get some supplies to top up the trolley when she suddenly heard a voice behind her.

"So this is where you're hiding." Came the voice, making Sam jump and let out a small shriek. "Woah, what was that for." Cal chuckled.

"Sorry Cal, you frightened me." Sam said, breathing heavily while she recovered from her shock.

"Why so jumpy?"

"I was just in a world of my own, I wasn't expecting you to sneak up behind me."

"It wasn't exactly sneaking. Besides I need your help." He said, taking some of the supplies she was clutching and beckoning her out.

* * *

Ethan woke early that morning, rolling over in bed and reaching out, then realising Sam wasn't there, for a moment, in a bleary sleepy haze of confusion he couldn't work out why she wasn't, then he remembered she was on nights. He reached out and put his glasses on, checking the time on his clock, 6:30am. This was typical of him, 6:30am on his day off and he was awake. He lay for a minute contemplating what to do, then determinedly he got up, showered and dressed and hurried out to the car, parking up in the hospital carpark at 7:28am. He walked into the doorway of the ED and saw Sam heading into Rita's office.

"Good morning Doctor Hardy." Came Noel's cheery greeting. "Are you going to loiter and treat your patients in the doorway today?"

"Oh, um, no Noel. I'm not actually working today."

"Well, I hate to point out the obvious, but I'm guessing you've come to the wrong place then seeing as though you are actually at work."

"Yes. Well I thought I'd pick up Sam after her night shift." Ethan said, wondering on past.

"Nibbles!" Cal called out. "I thought it was your day off?"

"It is. I'm here to pick up Sam. I thought I might take her out for breakfast."

"Oh, that's nice. You never take me out for breakfast." He said with a mock upset face.

"Well, it's not as appealing to sit across the breakfast table from you."

"You mean you can't make gooey eyes over your eggs with me."

"Not while you shovel bacon in the way you would."

"Not quite the point, surely you wouldn't want to make gooey eyes at me anyway." Cal laughed.

"Well obviously not." Ethan scoffed back, but his face softened as he saw the object of his affections come back out of Rita's office and hurry into the staff room.

"You're like a lovesick teenager." Cal chuckled as he walked off. "Under the thumb!" He called back walking further away laughing. Ethan shook his head and walked towards the staff room, checking no one else was in there he quietly walked behind Sam, slipping his hands over her eyes without her knowing he was there.

"Guess who?" He whispered softly in her ear, making her jump much more than he thought he would.

"Shi-! Ethan you frightened me." Sam said as she turned and saw him.

"Sorry, I didn't think." He said apologetically.

"It's ok, I'm obviously just a bit jumpy. I wasn't expecting to see you here. What _are_ you doing here?" She asked confused.

"I thought I'd surprise you and take you out for breakfast." He smiled at her.

"Oh, right." Sam said, lacking the enthusiasm he thought she might have.

"Is everything ok?" He asked.

"Fine, um, I'm just a bit tired." Sam said, not up for explaining the real reason she didn't fancy going out for breakfast. "Sorry, Ethan, it's a lovely idea, but honestly, I just want to go home and crawl into bed."

"Oh right." He said, looking a little crestfallen.

"Ethan, there's a reason I was looking forward to bed."

"Yes, you're tired, of course you are." He said, cursing himself as he should have known.

"No, because I wanted to be there with you." Sam smiled at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him in for a kiss.

"Oh, right." He whispered as she pulled away again, looking into her eyes.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but all night I've been thinking of you at home, in bed, and all I wanted was to be there with you. I've got an idea." She smiled at him again. "How about we go home and make some pancakes and then go back to bed together."

"I think that sounds like a great idea." Ethan smiled back as they moved in for another kiss.

"Ugh, don't you two ever stop." Cal said as he came in the door way.

"No actually, we don't Cal." Sam smiled as she picked up her bag. "Come on lover, let's go, I've got something interesting I need to share with you." She said playfully puling Ethan by the hand out of the door, making Cal smirk to himself.


	192. Chapter 192

The next few shifts passed uneventfully; Sam buried her head in her work, and things just went on as normal, she was able to avoid talking about what had happened at the pub. Robyn was back on shift today, and Cal and Ethan were both on a double shift. Sam had a check-up with the midwife in the morning and was starting her shift after that.

"Sam, you're here finally," Cal called as he saw her coming out into the department ready to start her shift. "I've got a patient for you."

"Already? I've just this second got here." Sam giggled.

"Yes, but he's specifically requested to see you. Says he knows you." Cal winked at her. Sam felt a chill run down her spine. He couldn't be here could he? Surely not. "Don't look so horrified." Cal laughed.

"S-sorry." Sam stuttered slightly, shaking her head. "W-why does he want to see me?"

"I don't know, but I'd guess it would have something to do with the attentive service you gave him last time." Cal grinned.

"Right, ok." Sam nodded, still looking confused. She followed Cal to the cubical, sticking close by him, and couldn't help but hide her relief when it wasn't Andy behind there, but young Jack who had made Ethan jealous when he was flirting with her when he was in with his football injury a while back.

"Jack, you're back." Sam smiled at the young lad. "What have you done now?"

"Oh, I just had a bit of a funny turn, then fell and hit my head. He said you weren't here today." Jack said nodding towards Cal.

"I've only just come on shift."

"Do all the fellas in here protect you?" He grinned.

"No, only the ones who have a vested interest." Sam smiled back.

"He the dad then is he?" Jack asked nodding towards Sam's bump.

"No, he's the sperm donor, this little one is having two mums." Sam grinned wickedly. There was a flash of shock in Jack's eyes and his mouth dropped open.

"No way!"

"That's right Jack, no way. But it'll teach you to nose into other people's private lives." She smiled, having gotten her point across.

"Fair play." He held his hands up, laughing slightly. "You got me. I was disappointed for mankind then."

"Jack." Sam tutted.

"So, are you with the father."

"Jack!" Sam chuckled. "That's inappropriate. I'm clearly unavailable"

"I just can't help myself around you." He winked at her. Cal watched the exchange with some amusement, but even he was finding this was going too far now.

"Right, well in that case, I'll leave you to it, before you're blaming me for your high blood pressure." Sam smiled turning to leave.

"So can I go now then?" Jack asked Cal as Sam slipped away. She took a deep breath as she walked away. She needed to talk to someone about this, she needed to stop thinking she was going to turn around every corner and see Andy, and she needed to make sure Robyn didn't get hurt.

It turned into another busy shift, a milk tanker crashed into the side of a shop, leaving 5 critical patients and many 'walking wounded' with embedded glass and lacerations to suture. Sam was in cubicles ploughing through the walking wounded with Lofty and Rita, covered by Dylan and Lily. Both Cal and Ethan were in Resus with Robyn and Charlie, busy on the critical patients. In between her patients, Sam popped back in to check on Jack, who had been kept in under observation.

"Jack?" She called, realising he was still asleep, as he was when she checked on him 45 minutes ago. "Jack." She reached out and shook him slightly, and slowly he woke up, but as he tried to speak, his words wouldn't co-ordinate and his speech was slurred. Sam pulled the emergency buzzer and called out her location and within seconds Lily and Lofty had both appeared.

"It's Jack. He had a slight bang to the head earlier, he's been under obs and fine but was asleep when I checked on him earlier and now he's got slurred speech and difficult to rouse. He's sure to have a bleed." Sam said, obviously worried and upset.

"Right, let's get him through to HDU and I'll reassess him there. We will need an urgent scan, Sam can you arrange that and then we'll call the neurosurgeons." Lily ordered, swiftly taking control of the situation. They took Jack through to HDU and Sam did as Lily had asked while Lily and Lofty reassessed him, and when Sam gave the nod they took him through to the scanner. Sam just stood and watched as Jack disappeared through the door on the trolley. Lily was in control, with Lofty by her side Sam thought, so she headed determinedly back to cubicles to continue with her patients, throwing herself full force into everything to try and ease her guilt. She avoided Lofty and Lily, not wanting to hear the outcome of Jack.

Suddenly Ethan passed through looking worriedly at a scan and bumped right into Sam who was exiting from behind the curtains of a cubical.

"Ooh, sorry." Sam said as Ethan apologised at the same time.

"Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you ok?" He asked looking concerned suddenly.

"I'm fine, just busy, we all are." Sam replied shortly. Ethan flinched slightly. "Sorry, are you ok? You look worried."

"I've just reviewed this scan for Lily, her patient needs urgent surgery, look at this bleed." Ethan said holding out the scan. Against her better judgement, Sam couldn't help but look. "I think she had called the surgeons, but I'm just looking for her."

"Oh, right." Sam nodded, feeling sick seeing the obvious bleed on the scan. "Do you think he'll be ok?"

"I don't know. We'll have to wait and see what the surgeons say but- wait how did you know it was a he?"

"Because I was monitoring him in cubicles. It's my fault Ethan, I didn't catch it quick enough." Sam held in a sob.

"No, no I'm sure it's not." Ethan tried unsuccessfully to reassure her.

"I think Lily is in HDU with the patient." Sam said quietly. "You'd better hurry." She said, turning away again.

"Have you had a break today? You look tired." Ethan called out to her.

"I'm fine Ethan, I'm sorry but I really need to get on." Sam said, hurrying off in the other direction. Ethan felt a little put out, but he didn't really have time to dwell on it as he carried on.

When thy were finally reaching the end of their shift, Rita caught up with Sam.

"What a day." Rita sighed

"Tell me about it." Sam responded. "I so wish I could go and get very drunk right now."

"Well, you can't get drunk but we could always go across the road for one?" Rita asked. Sam considered it, she wasn't sure she wanted to go into the pub, but maybe this would be her chance to talk to Rita about her concerns. "Go on. It'll do us good."

"Ok, you twisted my arm." Sam smiled slightly.

"I'll round up the troops after shift." Rita grinned walking away. Sam felt a little disappointed; this would make talking to Rita more difficult, but at least then she could switch off, surrounded by her colleagues. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.

As the group sat down with their drinks, Sam started to relax a little more.

She sat listening to the chat of her colleagues and laughed when Iain was telling a story about one of his more interesting patients of the day. She glanced at Rita who was unashamedly eyeing him up, and Sam could tell what she was thinking, and how she would relieve her stresses of the day. Then she noticed Lily sitting quietly in the background, slightly apart from the group with a small glass of wine. Sam smiled at her and hesitated, then picked up her drink and went and sat next to her.

"Lily, I'm so sorry about today." Sam started as she sat down.

"What for?" Lily asked, slightly confused.

"About Jack, and missing the bleed."

"It wasn't your fault." Lily said matter-of-factly. "It could have happened to anyone. We were busy and he was ok. You couldn't sit with him just in case could you?"

"Well, no. But I can't help but feel if I'd gone back sooner, or tried to wake him the first time, then it might have been caught sooner."

"Well, maybe, but not by much, and the symptoms might not have been so obvious at the point. It was a slow bleed, it wasn't obvious." Lily shrugged.

"I always feel like I always mess up when you're around."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, every time I try and prove to you that I'm not incompetent, I do something to make it seem otherwise." Sam half laughed at the irony.

"I know you're not incompetent." Lily said quietly.

"What?" Sam said confused.

"You're a good nurse. I never gave you a chance to start with, but I've seen it. I've seen what everyone else sees."

"Oh." Sam said, not sure how to feel. If Lily had been the sort of person to joke with her she might have thought that was what this was but it wasn't. She felt a slight flush on her cheeks, and she looked up to catch Ethan's eye as he was looking over at them.

"I think I was a little jealous at first at how easily you fit in to the team and how everyone liked you, and maybe I felt a bit threatened. I don't have many friends around here, I'm not at work to make friends, but you even seemed to take away the one person who understood me."

"Ethan?" Sam said gently.

"Yes, Ethan. He always got me, but when you came, well it felt like he'd forgotten me. But I realised that was childish."

"Lily, I'm sorry, I didn't realise. Maybe we can put it all behind us?"

"Maybe we can." Lily smiled slightly.

"I still believe you and I will make a brilliant team you know. Two intelligent women, we could show them how things should be run." Sam smiled at her.

"Yes, I'm sure we could." Lily smiled a little more, as she looked up at Ethan who was still glancing at the pair, and she smiled at him. True to form, he smiled awkwardly and nodded and looked away into his pint quickly.

Later, Ethan, Sam and Rita were standing at the bar chatting and Cal was still laughing with Iain, while Max and Zoe were outside smoking.

"Sam, Rita, Ethan." Robyn called out to them as she approached. "Meet Andy, we're just off for another drink but we thought we'd pop in and say hi." Robyn gushed.

"Hi Andy." Rita smiled nicely, giving a slight wink to Robyn. Ethan smiled politely and Sam froze in complete panic. There he was, after all this time, standing in front of her. She nodded and tried to fake a small smile, but it took all of her composure not to vomit on the spot.

"Nice to meet you all." He smiled coolly, glancing down at Sam before Robyn dragged him quickly off again.

"He seems nice doesn't he?" Rita said to Sam and Ethan as they disappeared again.

"Yes, and Robyn seems excited." Ethan agreed, they both looked to Sam for her opinion but she just stood staring into space.

"Sam?" Rita asked.

"Oh, um, yes. Nice." Sam said, putting down her glass and rushing off to the toilets. Ethan and Rita passed a confused glance between each other.

"Don't worry, I'll go." Rita smiled, giving his arm a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"Thanks." He nodded.


	193. Chapter 193

"Sam?" Rita called out as she went into the toilets after her. "Sam?" Rita pushed on all of the cubical doors when she didn't get an answer, narrowing down the one that was locked. "Sam, are you ok? You rushed out pretty quickly?" Rita asked, her voice full of concern. Sam was sitting on the toilet staring at her phone. She had it open on Ella's number ready to call her, but she couldn't now Rita was in the bathroom too.

"I'm fine." Sam called as she cleared her throat, to ensure her voice didn't sound as shaky as she felt.

"Ok." Rita nodded, but continued to wait. Sam waited for the sound of the door swinging shut as Rita left but it didn't come. She started to panic slightly, looking from her phone to the door, but she realised she was going to have to pretend she was actually peeing, so she pulled the flush and waited. Then as she walked out of the door she plastered on a smile and spoke before Rita could ask any more questions.

"Rita, have you spoken to Iain yet or am I going to have to do it for you?"

"I'm going to do it."

"Good, I thought I was going to have to play mother and sit you down together, or bang your heads together." Sam said, breathing a sigh of relief as she realised she had probably gotten away with it for now.

"Anyway, what was all that about?" Rita asked, swiftly changing the subject. Sam looked at her in shock.

"W-What do you mean?" She said quickly trying to recover, heading over to the sink to wash her hands.

"You? You went all spaced out then hurried off."

"Did I? No, I just needed a wee. Baby bouncing on the bladder and all." Sam rolled her eyes. Rita just looked at her, trying to read her.

"Sam?"

"What?" She looked up as she grabbed a paper towel to dry her hands.

"You're not fooling me." Rita said. Sam just looked at her. "Come on, what is it."

"Rita, really, it's nothing." Sam tried to reassure her. "Come on, we should get back out before we're missed." Sam said as she tossed the paper towel into the bin and headed out. Rita followed her, even more determined to get to the bottom of things. Ethan looked up hopefully as Rita and Sam exited the bathroom. Sam flashed him a big smile, and walked up to him. She whispered something in his ear and he gave a small smile and finished his pint, then before Rita could question her further, Sam was carefully leading Ethan back outside and across the carpark to make their way home. Sam was determined to keep him distracted, if only to prevent him trying to ask questions too, so the minute they were through the front door, she leaned in and kissed him tenderly. He went to pull away to say something but Sam backed him up against the wall and continued to kiss him, causing him to lose his train of thought, and before he knew it they were together in the bedroom kissing with Sam swiftly undressing him and pulling him down into bed with her.

When Ethan had fallen into a deep sleep, Sam crept quietly out of bed and went into the living room. She needed to think. People were picking up on her odd behaviour, and it wouldn't be long before Rita was on her case again. Robyn seemed smitten with her new love interest, could she really interfere when she had no proof that he was anything like he used to be. But then if anything happened to Robyn and she knew about it, she would never forgive herself. But would Robyn understand her concern, or would she think Sam was just trying to ruin her new relationship. Sam didn't want to risk her relationship with Robyn, but she didn't want any harm to come to her either. She sat considering whether it would have been a good idea to tell Rita earlier; she may have known what to do, she had known Robyn for longer and she was good at reading people and situations. If only Sam hadn't panicked, and had just opened up for once. Rita knew some of her history about Andy, would it really hurt to open up and disclose some more. It wasn't just about her anymore was it? She sat in the dark for a while longer, thinking over everything, trying to decide on the best course of action. It was just gone 2am when she dragged herself back to bed to try and get some more sleep before her shift the following day.

As Ethan's alarm went off the next morning he rolled over and turned it off, picking up his glasses and looking across at Sam who was slowly stirring.

"Oh, it's so early." Sam mumbled.

"But sick people don't wait for anyone." Ethan smiled, causing Sam to glare at him for being annoyingly cheerful first thing in the morning. Of course it wasn't really just Ethan being cheerful, it didn't help that she had only been asleep for a couple of hours.

"I might just ignore them today; they can look after themselves." Sam replied.

"Come on, I'll be right there with you." Ethan smiled again.

"Ok, since you put it so nicely. But I do need coffee this morning." Sam said, looking at him.

"Ok, I can take a hint." He said pulling back the covers and heading to the kitchen.

They made it in for their shift, Sam was covering in cubicles, which were already full. She tried to find her enthusiasm and energy, but it was all somewhat lacking this morning. Rita was busy in Resus, so Sam didn't have the chance to talk to her before starting.

True to form, the ED was filled with self-inflicted illness and injury among those with genuine need; unfortunately, Sam was in no mood to entertain those who perhaps were less needing of their services today. More than a few patients' got the short side of Sam's bad mood and it didn't go unnoticed to some of her colleagues that she wasn't exactly herself. She was currently on the phone trying to chase some TTO drugs which were delayed from pharmacy.

"Well, I have a patient waiting for discharge, how can I discharge her without her drugs?" Sam said quite firmly, clearly frustrated. After a pause she continued: "Well we've been waiting for well over 2 hours, it's unacceptable, we have now breached and I will be reporting this as the cause." Sam snapped. As she slammed down the phone receiver, Lofty looked up in shock and Ethan, who had been walking past, stopped and stared.

"Sam?" He questioned. "Are you ok?"

"I'd be fine if people around here would just do their jobs." Sam hissed as she grabbed up her notes walked away. Ethan looked across at Lofty who just shrugged and scurried off to his patients.

Noel was next to catch the sharp side of Sam's tongue when he couldn't get hold of some notes for a patient and was slow in getting a GP to fax a complex medical record and medication history to them. Then she snapped at the domestic who had left wet area on the floor which she nearly slipped on. Ethan caught up with her again shortly after this, he came carrying a cup of tea for her as a peace offering, handing it to her before attempting to talk to her.

"I'm worried about you, are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine Ethan, just tired. I didn't sleep well again."

"I'm sorry, is it because we?"

"No, nothing to do with that Ethan," Sam half smiled. "Besides, I was in control of that."

"Yes you were, very much so." He smiled at the memory. "Anyway, I couldn't help but notice you've been more, well snappy today. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"I'm ok. Thanks Ethan." Sam nodded, trying to soften her voice. "And thanks for the tea." She said as she looked back down to the notes she was writing in. Ethan wanted to talk to her more, he didn't believe she was ok, but he was called away to another poorly patient.

Later, she was treating a teenage boy who was throwing out a lot of attitude, which Sam really didn't have the patience for, and as she was on the phone to the elderly care ward trying to get them to take one of her patients. Just as she was hanging up the phone she saw the elderly patient unstably wondering through cubicles. She rushed over but unable to make it in time before she fell.

"Mrs Kirby, no! Max grab a blanket for me! Oh Mrs Kirby what were you doing out of bed?" Sam said as she knelt down beside the woman who was now lying on the floor.

"Alice? Is it you Alice?" Mrs Kirby said, reaching out for Sam's face, then her own face contorted in pain as she moved.

"Oh Mrs Kirby, where does it hurt?" Sam asked as Max rushed over with a blanket.

"We need to go Alice; they are waiting Alice." Mrs Kirby continued talking in her confused state. Carefully they got her back onto a trolley and Dylan came in to reassess her, suspecting she now had fractured her neck of femur and would now require surgery. When they got her stabilised Sam left her with Lofty caring for her and went off in search of the agency HCA who she had left with Mrs Kirby earlier. She found her just walking back from having a break.

"Where have you been?" Sam snapped accusingly.

"I was on my break." The young girl shrugged her shoulders.

"I asked you to stay with Mrs Kirby, she was acutely confused and at risk." Sam stated, her voice rising in annoyance.

"I was due my break." The girl shrugged again.

"That is no excuse. You should have ensured someone else took over or alerted me to it."

"I put the bedrails up so she couldn't get out."

"That is no excuse. And besides that it is absolutely not what they are to be used for. If anything the policy states that bedrails should not be used for confused patients. They are at higher risk of trying to climb over them and falling. And guess what, she got out of bed and fell and now has a likely fractured hip." Sam shouted. The girl just stood staring during her outburst.

"Well, it's not my fault."

"Actually, I think you'll find you are partly responsible. You were instructed to remain with her and you abandoned her and now she is injured. It was completely unprofessional. You've let her down, and I will be reporting back to your line manager as well as having to put a formal incident report in to the Trust."

"Sam? What's going on?" Rita asked firmly, appearing in the middle of her last rant having been alerted to the set-to occurring in cubicles.

"I asked her to stay and watch Mrs Kirby because she was confused and she left her and Mrs Kirby fell and now has a fractured hip."

"Right, Sam my office now." Rita sighed. "You'd better go and wait in the staff room for me." Rita said to the HCA.

"What on earth was all that about?" Rita asked as she shut the door, obviously shocked and annoyed. Sam practically fell into the chair as Rita sat the other side of her desk.

"She left her Rita. I _told_ her to stay with Mrs Kirby at all times. She was confused and at risk, and I was right, she left her alone and now Mrs Kirby has broken her hip."

"Right, but you should have come to me, not shouted at her in the middle of resus. You know better than that."

"I know Rita, but it just feels like everywhere I look today I'm faced by complete incompetence." Sam said, still clearly angry.

"Woah, now come on. Isn't that a bit much? I think it's more likely that you're getting more easily irritated by the small things that happen, and today they feel a lot bigger. That doesn't mean that everyone else is incompetent." Sam considered this and then looked at Rita apologetically.

"I'm sorry Rita." She sighed. "I completely over-stepped the mark didn't I?" Sam lent on the desk with her head in her hands and Rita looked at her concerned.

"You did a bit, but I'll do some damage control, don't worry."

"She still shouldn't have left Mrs Kirby alone though." Sam glanced up but kept her head in her hands leaning on the desk.

"No, but you also shouldn't have shouted at her in the way you did."

"I know; I guess I should apologise."

"Just leave it for now eh, let me talk to her first." Rita smiled, and Sam just nodded. "Now, are you going to tell me what this is really about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm not the only one to notice you being like this today. Others have expressed their concerns about you."

"Let me guess, Ethan?"

"No, actually, he's about the only one who hasn't." Rita defended him.

"Well, I'm fine." Sam snapped again. Rita just gave her a look that said she didn't believe her. "I'm just tired Rita, I'm not sleeping well."

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Rita said as she continued to look at her. Sam glanced up at Rita, she knew she needed to get it off her chest but she didn't know how to start, but looking into Rita's eyes now, she soon found her voice.

"Rita, I need to tell you something, I need to tell someone, I don't know what to do. I'm so confused, so stressed. I need help." Sam rushed out. She explained how she had seen Andy in the pub the first night, and that's why she had bolted. Then she explained about panicking that she would bump into him, that he had some sick, twisted reason to come here to get at her, that seeing Robyn hurt the other day had made her panic, that she was too afraid to sleep because every time she closed her eyes she could see him, feel him, smell him even. And then she confessed about the chilling feeling of coming face to face with him the previous night. She explained further that she was concerned about Robyn, but that she didn't know how to tell her, or if she should because he could have changed, she poured all of her anxieties and stresses out to Rita, who listened, shocked and confused by it all too. Then when Sam had come to a natural end, Rita took her into her arms for a hug, and Sam gratefully accepted and threw her arms back around her. When they pulled apart, Rita finally spoke.

"Well, it's quite a situation isn't it."

"What do I do Rita?"

"Well, I think you do need to talk to Robyn, I think she needs to know about his past. But I also think we have to trust her to some degree to make up her mind if he's changed or what she can establish about his history. Maybe we could give him the benefit of the doubt that him turning up here was an accident, it's unusual but not impossible. And he may have disclosed about his past, or knowing you. Although I think if he had, Robyn would have probably said something. No, you definitely need to talk to her, just put it carefully."

"It feels so strange. I feel so out of control. Without him even trying he's shredding me of my freedom again, and I hate it. It makes me so angry."

"And everyone here is getting a dose of that anger." Rita raised her eyebrows at Sam.

"I'm so sorry Rita."

"Don't be. At least now I know why you've been acting odd. But you know the other thing you need to do don't you?"

"What?" Sam looked up with dread in her eyes.

"You need to talk to Ethan." Rita said kindly, and Sam looked at her and sighed.

"I know. I just wanted to protect him from it. I wanted him kept out of it."

"But think of it from his point. Isn't it going to be worse if suddenly we are drinking in the pub and Robyn brings him in and he says something about his past with you and Ethan hasn't got a clue. It will make Ethan feel pretty silly and small won't it?"

"When you put it like that, I guess you're right. Thought really I hope it never comes to that, him being in the pub with us I mean."

"Well, I'm afraid that's not exactly your call at the moment is it?"

"I guess not. I hope he has changed Rita, for Robyn's sake. I'd hate to see her get hurt."

"I know, we all would. We just have to support her to make the right choice, and she can't do that if she doesn't know all of the facts can she?"

"I guess not." Sam sighed again. "There you go, being my voice of reason again; Rita Freeman, what would I do without you?"

"You'd still be tearing yourself apart, and the rest of the team, over this." Rita smiled, pulling her in for another hug.


	194. Chapter 194

Following their chat, Rita insisted Sam went home. She didn't have much longer until the end of her shift and Rita could see that she was struggling, so despite Sam trying to protest, she found herself being told to go home for the day. Rita had called the HCA into her office and Sam went into the staff room to get changed. Once she picked up her bag she went off to find Ethan, knowing she didn't ought to just disappear, and found him alone in Resus, having just moved on the last patient.

"Ethan." Sam said and he looked up from where he was leaning on the side quickly scribbling in some notes.

"Oh, hi." He said glancing up and carrying on writing, then he looked up again, realising she wasn't in her uniform. "Is everything ok?" He asked, suddenly a bit more concerned.

"I've just come to let you know I'm off home, Rita said I should get off early, she realised I was struggling a bit."

"Oh, well that's good. I mean it's not good that you're struggling of course, but good that Rita is letting you go." Ethan corrected himself quickly causing Sam to smile.

"Yes, well, I am pretty tired." Sam confessed.

"Of course you are, you need a good rest. Go home and take it easy." He said softly while gently placing his hand supportively on her arm.

"Thanks Ethan." Sam smiled, giving him a quick kiss. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze as he smiled at her.

"I'll see you soon, ok?" He said and Sam nodded at him as she turned to leave, slowly dropping the grip on his hand. He watched her walk away from Resus, feeling guilty that she seemed to be struggling so much, she was really tired, but also not sleeping well and he wished there was something he could do to help her.

Sam walked out of the main doors of the ED, walking across the ambulance bay and away from the hospital. She was just searching in her bag for her phone, when she felt a tight grip on her arm and she found herself being pulled around the side of the building. Shocked she looked up and felt the panic rise as she came face to face with _him_. He was there breathing down on her and suddenly she was transported back to another time, a scary time when all she knew was fear and shame, and she felt sick.

"So our paths cross again." Andy said, somewhat menacingly, seemingly enjoying having the upper hand. "I see you've obviously ensnared some other poor unsuspecting man into your pathetic life." He added, nodding at her bump. Sam, still in shock, was lost for words. "Well, say something." He hissed, pulling her arm roughly and giving her a shake.

"What are you doing here Andy?" She said trying hard to keep control of her voice.

"I don't see that _that_ is any of your business, do you?"

"But Robyn is my friend, so that is my business. I need to know she is safe."

"Safe?" He spat loudly, then realised he didn't want to draw any unwanted attention. "She's safer not being friends with someone who is as mentally screwed up as you."

"I think you're mistaken Andy, the only one here who is screwed up is you." Sam spat back, finding a little bit of courage from somewhere, determined she wouldn't be 'that girl' again. Andy just laughed at her.

"You're so delusional it's pathetic. Do you know how easy it was to track you down again? You don't hide yourself very well do you?"

"W-what do you mean?" Sam said, unable now to hide the uncertainty in her voice.

"Not so sure of yourself now are you?"

"I-I don't understand?"

"I-I don't understand." Andy mimicked her. "Thanks to the internet, it was easy to work out what you'd been up to in my absence. It seems while you tried to ruin my life, you've been happily carving out a new one for yourself.

"I'd hardly say happily." Sam said quietly, having lost the small shred of confidence she summoned earlier.

"Well, you're clearly very happy now, and I don't think you deserve it after trying to ruin everything for me, do you?" He spat, grabbing her arm roughly again and pushing her against the wall. Sam let out a small gasp in shock at being knocked back against the wall.

"Just leave me alone Andy, I have nothing to say to you."

"I think you have plenty to say, starting with sorry." He hissed in her face.

"I think if anyone should apologise, it's you."

"No Sam, no. You don't get to play the victim here. You know what really happened. I don't know why you insisted on these vicious lies."

"They aren't lies, you were a violent bully and you, you…"

"I what?"

"Nothing. Just go away Andy; away from me, and keep away from Robyn."

"I don't think that's your choice, do you? She's dead keen." He smiled menacingly.

"She's a lovely girl and she doesn't deserve to be mixed up in whatever sick game you're playing."

"You'd know all about sick games. I'm not leaving until you've paid for what you did."

"What did I ever do to you?"

"YOU KNOW." He shouted, making Sam flinch. "You know." He hissed, throwing down her arm to release his grip and turned and stalked away, laughing to himself again. Sam remained leaning against the wall in shock, trying to absorb what had just happened and work out what he was talking about. She could feel herself shaking, but she couldn't co-ordinate her body to move. Suddenly she felt the sob rising and she slumped awkwardly in an undignified heap on the floor just as the tears started to flow.

* * *

Robyn was just escorting a patient out and showing them the way to the pharmacy when she saw him. He was standing in the doorway holding a massive bunch of flowers. As she left her patient to go on, she turned back and hurried over to him excitedly.

"Andy? What are you doing here?" She smiled broadly.

"I came to surprise you." He smiled easily, holding out the flowers. "For you."

"Wow, thank you so much. What are they for?"

"Just to say I was thinking of you, and that I can't wait until we go out again."

"Oh, aren't you sweet." She smiled. "I just-"

"Robyn, haven't you got patients to see?" Rita asked, as she came out of her office and saw the nurse standing with Andy by the door holding flowers.

"Oh, yes but Andy just brought these in for me, how lovely is that?" Robyn gushed. Rita felt slightly uncomfortable but did well to hide it.

"Very. I'm sorry Robyn, but we're really busy." She smiled and walked away, but not far enough away so she couldn't see her. Rita knew she couldn't insist Robyn didn't liaise with him on hospital premises, well she could, but she would be being hypocritical as most people's partners had visited them at some point in the ED, and she knew how many times she'd sneaked off to see Iain in the middle of a shift.

"I'm sorry Andy, we'll catch up later ok? But thanks for these, they are beautiful."

"No problem." He smiled and walked back outside. Robyn hurried to the staffroom to put her flowers in some water in the sink and hurried back to her patients before Rita could get cross.

"Rita?" Ethan called from across reception.

"Hi Ethan." Rita smiled. "Are you ok?"

"Fine Rita, I just wanted to say thanks for looking out for Sam. She hasn't really been herself lately, I'm guessing because she's tired, she really isn't sleeping well. Anyway, you're very kind and I know she appreciates it; and so do I."

"That's ok." She smiled, knowing he didn't know the main reason that Sam hadn't been herself. "I've got to look out for my team, and Sam is a friend. She's only got a couple of months to go, and she will start to struggle more and more from now on. It will get harder, even if she won't admit it, so I'll have to keep my eye on her."

"Well, I feel happier knowing that's the case, because it's difficult doing it myself as she can be so stubborn, she doesn't listen when I tell her she's overdoing it."

"Don't take it personally. She's a very determined and independent young woman, she doesn't like to be told by anyone; she needs to prove herself."

"I know, just sometimes I wish she would think of herself a little more and just admit that she needs to take it easy and not see it as a weakness."

"Don't worry Ethan, we'll keep an eye on her together." Rita smiled supportively.

"Thanks." Ethan nodded and went back to his work.

* * *

Sam sat on the ground until her sobs subsided, thankfully she was away from where she could be seen by anyone. She was still shaking with shock, and while part of her was dreading trying to haul herself off of the ground physically, the other part was dreading walking back out into the open in case he was still around. She hated herself for allowing him to have this power over her, even after all this time; but now it felt like there was more at stake to lose, more people who could be dragged into her mess and hurt by this. They were innocent and they didn't deserve this. She needed to protect them from it, stop them from getting involved, but how could she. If Andy decided he was going to lay everything out in the open then they would all be dragged in. But why would he? Would it benefit him more to keep it quiet? Sam didn't know. But if he did let it out then Ethan would feel more hurt that she didn't tell him, and probably Cal too she thought. But she really didn't want them to get involved, and they would get involved if she told them, she didn't want to risk them getting hurt. Maybe she could deal with this on her own, make him go away. She felt so angry, but this was marred by the feeling of fear and anxiety that he seemed to be well and truly intent on getting back in and ruining her life again, and she just didn't know why.


	195. Chapter 195

Cal was sitting on the sofa relaxing and enjoying his quiet time for a change; he had the television on quietly, but wasn't really watching it, he was busily researching on his laptop. He suddenly noticed the flat had gone quite dark and as he looked up he noticed the sky had turned really black and then came a flash of lightning and a rumble of thunder. He looked out of the window and as expected, the rain began to pour. He watched for the next flash of lightning and then turned his attention back to his work. He was trying to make a career plan, get his study organised and take inspiration from his brother, whose career was progressing well, and Cal wanted to get back on track again. He had spoken to Connie about retaking his exams and getting back onto his training programme, and he had promised her he would work hard and take his study seriously if she would support him, and he wouldn't let her down this time, and he wouldn't let Ethan down. More importantly, he thought, he wouldn't let himself down.

He was reading an article about advances in roadside care and looking into volunteering with BASICS again as he had done previously and had not had much chance to be active lately. He had been on the phone to Ella earlier in the afternoon and they had been talking about his new focus on his career and she had been really supportive of him and really encouraged him to get back involved with them. He found he was finally able to feel a little excited about something again, although it felt to soon to be happy about anything after losing Gracie, he did feel a sense of excitement with this. He was busily typing an email to the co-ordinator of BASICS with his experience and details when suddenly the front door opened and in walked Sam, soaked through from the rain.

"Look at you." Cal said jumping up and heading off to grab a towel as Sam stood shivering in the doorway. "Here." He said as he handed it to her and she dried off her face and dripping wet hair.

"Thanks." She said quietly, still shivering from the cold.

"You need to get out of those clothes and into the shower quickly. Go on." He smiled at her.

Sam slipped her shoes off and went straight to the bathroom. She was wet, cold and tired, and that made her feel grumpy, without the added stress of her recent altercation with Andy to add to it. She climbed wearily into the shower and stood under the warm water to try and warm up. Cal, meanwhile, had put the heating on and was ready to make a hot cup of tea when she came out.

Sam was relieved that the rain had come, it had meant that her tears were well hidden under the rain-soaked look she came home with and it had also meant she didn't face any awkward questions from Cal that she didn't yet know how she was going to answer. As she slipped into some warm, comfortable clothes, she walked quietly back into the front room. Cal was just bringing in the tea, having heard the shower switch off, and they sat down on the sofa. Before she even had chance to speak, he had pulled the throw blanket over and was holding it out to her. She smiled at him and took it gratefully.

"Thanks Cal." Sam said, forcing a small smile out at his kindness. She cradled her tea, using the cup to warm her hands.

"Why were you out in the rain?" Cal asked, concerned.

"I had to get home from work didn't I?" Sam replied quietly.

"But why didn't you get a taxi home?" Cal asked.

"It wasn't raining when I left." She shrugged.

"I thought you'd be coming home with Ethan."

"I left before he was due to finish. I was really tired, Rita let me go early."

"Are you ok?" Cal furrowed his brow in concern. He could tell Sam wasn't herself at all.

"I'm just knackered, I've not been sleeping well." Sam said, her voice wobbling slightly.

"Oh Sam, come here." He said, seeing how fragile she was and reaching out and pulling her into his arms. Sam was reluctant at first, but soon realised she needed it, she needed the hug, the safe feeling of being in someone's arms that she trusted, and before she knew it, the tears she had been fighting since she got home, started to fall. "Hey, what's all this about?" Cal asked softly, looking down on her.

"I'm just exhausted Cal, physically, emotionally. I think everything is catching up with me." Sam said through the tears. Cal pulled her into his arms again and just let her cry while he whispered soothing words of comfort into her hair. He couldn't deny, part of him felt bad, he knew that everything with Gracie had added to her stress, and that was his fault.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked gently as her tears dried up.

"No, really Cal. I'm just shattered. My body isn't coping with flitting between days and nights and working long shifts."

"Well, maybe you should speak to Rita, see if you can sort your shift patterns?"

"Oh no, I don't want special treatment."

"It's not about special treatment. It's about you being pregnant and your body is telling you to slow down."

"I don't want to be a failure though Cal." Sam said, looking worried.

"My god, when will you realise. You're not a failure, your body naturally slows you down to prepare for the baby. Remember you're carrying extra weight around, and before you get huffy and female about it, you know what I mean."

"I know but-"

"No, just hear what I'm saying, and I'm only saying this because I care about you. You're doing great, but you need to look after yourself, you need to slow down and you need to let us take care of you for a change. Everyone at work cares about you, they would all want to help you and support you if they just knew how much you were struggling."

"I know they would. It's just difficult. I've been self-sufficient all my life, it's hard to break the habits of a lifetime."

"I know it is." He smiled at her. "Come on, drink your tea, I'll make some dinner for when Ethan gets home too."

"Thanks Cal." Sam smiled back at him. "So, anyway, what are you doing there?" Sam continued, nodding at the laptop, changing the subject away from herself.

"Oh, nothing really." Cal said, closing it up.

"Oh, Cal, don't be embarrassed. I won't judge. Is it porn?" She grinned.

"No! No, it isn't. It was an email to the BASICS team, I'm hoping to get involved with them again, build up my contacts and experience."

"That's great Cal!" Sam smiled. "I'm proud of you, getting back on track again, good for you."

"Yeah, Ella was really supportive too."

"Oh, have you spoken to her today? I haven't had chance." Sam said guiltily.

"Yeah, she's doing ok. Working hard on her physio, still getting quite tired, and then you notice she still loses her words sometimes, but she is sounding better."

"I'm so pleased, really, I count my lucky stars to still have her."

"Me too." Cal smiled, raising his eyebrows knowingly at her.

"So, BASICS, that's exciting. I can imagine you're really good at that, you do have a natural flair in an emergency."

"Well, I would hope so, seeing as I work in an emergency department." Cal laughed.

"Oh, very funny!" Sam said dryly. "You know what I mean. Of course you're good in an emergency, but you have a way with staying calm and thriving in a tricky situation, you are perfect for the initial response in a trauma or disaster."

"That's probably because I'm used to causing disasters." He laughed again, making Sam smile too. Cal looked at her more closely when she didn't join in with his laughter as she normally would. "You do look tired." He said, suddenly more serious again. "In fact, you look quite pale, have you had your blood tested recently to check for anaemia? How has your blood pressure been?"

"Cal, you're my future brother in law, not my doctor. Stop fussing."

"Ok, so let me fuss as a future brother in law."

"It's fine, the midwife took my blood the other day, I haven't heard anything yet."

"And the blood pressure?"

"Stabilised now I'm on the higher dose of meds."

"You just need an early night then?"

"Definitely."

"Well, it's a good job you're with Ethan then, you'll get one with him. Me on the other hand, I'd be keeping you awake all night." Cal winked.

"Cal, what are you like!" Sam laughed. "Except you wouldn't because I'm so tired I think I'd fall asleep as soon as I was in bed."

"Wouldn't stop me." He shrugged nonchalantly, then breaking out into a cheeky smile.

"Caleb!" Sam said, slapping his arm.

"Now, that's more like it," He smiled. "There's my Sam."

"She's still here, she's just been a bit stressed lately." Sam said, thinking again of Andy, and starting to feel tight chested again.

"Referring to oneself in the third person now are we?"

"I'm so tired, I'm losing my touch, I can't even think of a witty response." Sam admitted, taking a long gulp of her tea.

"Here," Cal said, handing her the remote as he stood up. "You stick on some girlie rubbish and I'll go and find something for dinner."

"Thanks Cal." Sam said, leaning back on the sofa and resting her aching back and feet.

Dinner was almost ready as Ethan made his way through the front door; Sam was just placing the cutlery on the table and Cal was busy in the kitchen.

"Something smells good." Ethan said in surprise as he walked in. "I hope you haven't been overdoing it?"

"No, it's all Cal." Sam smiled, her heart felt a little lighter for seeing him.

"Well, you've got him well trained then, better than I could ever do."

"Well, that's the difference of a woman's look, we can easily manipulate a man." Sam smiled as Ethan leaned in to kiss her.

"Don't we just know it." Quipped Cal from behind them.

When dinner was eaten and cleared up, Cal and Ethan retired to the living room, while Sam headed to the bedroom to rest on the bed. She was feeling even more tired and achy, and just wanted to lay down in peace. She had tried to find the nerve to tell them what had happened while they were having dinner but she couldn't find the right words or moment, and it hadn't gone unnoticed that she was quite quiet.

"Did Sam say anything when she got home?" Ethan asked quietly when she was out of the room.

"Not, really, I think she's just exhausted and struggling, but too proud to admit it." Cal replied, lounging back on the sofa and putting his foot on the coffee table as he opened up his laptop again. Ethan nodded quietly, clearly mulling things over. Suddenly, Sam's phone, which was still on the coffee tabled beeped with a message. Ethan looked up, but it wasn't until it went off again a couple of minutes later that he picked it up to take in to Sam, thinking someone clearly wanted to get hold of her. He didn't see what was on it or who the messages were from due to it being closed in its case. He knocked lightly on the door before quietly creeping into the bedroom in case she was asleep, but she wasn't, she was lying on the bed quietly reading.

"Hey." She looked up and smiled lightly at him.

"I brought this in, it's just gone off twice." Ethan said handing her over her phone and sitting beside her on the edge of the bed. "Are you ok?" He asked, looking at her with concern on his face.

"I'm ok, I'm just having some quiet time to wind down." Sam smiled, giving his hand a squeeze to try and reassure him, though he noticed her smile didn't reach her eyes. She opened her phone and immediately her brow furrowed. She could feel her heart begin to race as she opened the messages from an unknown number. She knew who they were from. She tried to hold in any reaction, but it was clear she was concerned by the messages and Ethan wasn't stupid, he could see she was affected by what she had read.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Nothing, I-I don't know." She shook her head, confused and trying to fight off the tears of worry that sprung to her eyes. This was the time, she needed help. She held out her phone to Ethan and he took it, looking down at the screen, not sure what to expect.

"What does this mean? Who is it?" Ethan asked, looking back up at her. Although the number wasn't in Sam's phone, it was clear from her reaction that she either knew who it was, or this wasn't the first message like this she had received.

"It's all a mess Ethan, I don't know what to do." Sam said, her voice wobbling as she started visibly shaking from fear and panic. Her breathing hastened and she started to feel lightheaded.

"What's a mess, what's going on Sam?" Ethan said slightly more firmly, concern filling him with dread.

"My ex, he's back, he knows I'm here."

"He what? What has he done?" Ethan looked shocked then angry.

"Robyn…Oh God. Ethan, he's Robyn's boyfriend, the one she met online."

"Robyn's…? How? Well does she know? Has he done anything?"

"No, well, not exactly. But he knows, he said…he said I ruined his life and he wouldn't leave until I've paid for what I did." Sam wobbled out as a couple of tears silently dropped from her eyes onto her cheeks and she started shaking more violently from the shock. Saying it out loud didn't make it any easier, she was terrified, as much as she wanted to be brave, it wasn't happening. Ethan could see this and his heart ached for her, he needed to protect her; he moved closer and pulled her into his arms, feeling the physical pain in his chest as she clung tightly to him sobbing. He wished he could take it all away, but he knew it wasn't going to be that simple. He had lots of thoughts, worries and actions going through his mind; what they should do, what he felt and how much he wanted to make her feel safe again. No wonder she had run off in the pub the other night he thought, but he wished she'd just told him, although he didn't know what he could have done. He knew she needed to go to the police, but he also knew it wasn't going to be that easy to convince her of this. He needed Cal, he needed his brother's help, but for now, Sam needed him to be right here, and that's what he had to do. The anger he could feel rising would have to stay inside for now, the questions flying around his head would have to wait to be answered, and as much as it pained him, he needed to wait until Sam was ready to explain everything before they could work out what was best to do.


	196. Chapter 196

By the time Ethan was able to calm Sam down enough to leave her, it was too late to speak to Cal, besides, he knew he would need more information before he could involve his brother in this. Cal would jump straight in on the defensive to protect Sam, and Ethan knew he needed to be in possession of more facts before he could allow this to happen, especially when dealing with someone with an aggressive streak like Sam's ex. He was concerned for Robyn too, what if she got dragged into something dark and unnecessary, she needed to be protected and the only way to achieve this was to tell her, and soon. As Ethan was brushing his teeth he decided that this was the first thing he needed to talk to Sam about and work on; after all, if he did by some miracle convince her to go to the police, Robyn would be hurt if Sam didn't tell her about it first.

As he returned to the bedroom, Sam had now got under the covers and was lying down facing the opposite wall, so Ethan couldn't tell if she was upset again or not. He knew she wasn't asleep yet as her breathing was still not settled enough. He slipped into bed beside her and moved closer, lying right beside her and gently placing his arm protectively around her waist, pleased that she didn't seem to flinch away from him. Sam slipped her hand over the top of Ethan's and lightly took hold of it.

"Thank you for being you." She whispered quietly.

"What do you mean?" He asked just as softly.

"Well, for being so understanding."

"Well of course I would be, what did you expect?"

"I wanted to keep you out of it, I was hoping he would just disappear, or leave me alone, but it doesn't seem like he's going to."

"Keep me out of it? But we're engaged, we're having a _baby_ ; we're supposed to be together in everything, good and bad, I'm here for you Sam. I wish you could see it."

"I do Ethan, I really do." Sam said as she turned to face him. "I just didn't want you to get involved, I'm scared you'll end up hurt." She placed her hand gently on his cheek and stroked it lovingly with her thumb.

"And I'm concerned you will." He looked back at her earnestly.

"I must admit; I feel a little better now I've told you, but I'm still scared."

"Well, don't worry, we will sort it." He said reassuringly, although he wasn't sure how yet. "But we do need to make sure Robyn is aware, you know that don't you?"

"Yes." Sam whispered, her voice barely above a whisper as she considered this. She knew Ethan was right, Rita had said the same, but she also was worried how it would come across. Although she knew needed to make sure Robyn was safe. Ethan sensed her worry and pulled her closer into him, and she looked up at him, feeling grateful for his physical attention. He could see her bloodshot and tired looking eyes, and he still ached to take the pain away from her. He kissed her head and held her close until she drifted off to sleep in his arms all the while trying to work out what was best to do.

When his alarm went off the following morning, He carefully crept out of bed, trying not to wake Sam. He slipped quietly into the shower, trying to wake himself up under the blast of the water. He climbed out, drying himself and slipping his dressing gown on, walking out of the bathroom rubbing his hair dry as he headed to the kitchen to make a much needed coffee.

"Morning." Sam smiled as he walked in, causing Ethan to jump.

"What are you doing up?" He asked, throwing the towel into the washing machine.

"I'm making you a coffee." Sam said simply. "I'm having tea."

"But you should have stayed in bed." Ethan said heading towards her.

"I couldn't, the baby has shifted positon and is digging into my ribs and it was too uncomfortable."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Ethan looked apologetically at her.

"What are you apologising for?" Sam chuckled.

"I don't know," Ethan confessed. "I just felt bad."

"What are you like." She smiled. "Come here." She held out her arms and Ethan joined her for a hug. He pulled her tightly into his arms and as he did the baby shifted position again and pushed a foot out and Ethan even felt it in his side. Sam let out a gasp and they both looked down at her bump which had obviously moved, and they smiled at each other. "I think someone didn't like Daddy getting so close to Mummy." Sam smiled, making Ethan let out a laugh.

"Hey, just you remember who loved mummy first." Ethan chuckled, pretending to scold their child. Sam laughed and pulled him closer again.

"I love you too Ethan." Sam sighed as she held him close.

Ethan headed off for his early shift and Sam went back to bed with another cup of tea. She had another appointment with the midwife to check her blood pressure before her late shift. She must have dozed back off because the next thing she knew it was just after 9 and she could hear Cal stumbling around the flat. She hauled herself out of bed, her body feeling heavy and slow.

"Hey Cal, you ok?" She asked, yawning as she walked into the living room.

"Yeah, I've just lost my keys." He said, picking up the cushions off of the sofa and flinging them back down again. He pulled the curtain back to see if he'd slung them on the windowsill. Sam walked into the kitchen and reappeared twisting his keys around her finger. "Where were they?" He asked sheepishly.

"Next to the biscuit barrel." Sam smiled.

"Thanks." Cal said taking the keys. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm ok, got a midwife check in a bit then work." Sam said as she re-arranged the cushions.

"That's good, not what I meant, but good." Cal said, looking at her knowingly.

"I'm fine Cal."

"I knew you'd say that."

"Well, I am, really. I'm even thinking of going back up for a few days with Ella if I can get some days off together."

"Yeah? That'll be good." He nodded.

"Why don't you do the same? You seemed to be a hit with her parents." Sam smiled at him.

"Well, I don't know about a hit, but it would be nice to get up and see her again. Do you think she'd want me to?"

"What? Of course she would." Sam said, shocked he even had to ask.

"Maybe I'll suggest it." Cal said thoughtfully, staring off into space. Sam watched him, smiling to herself.

"Anyway, I'd better go and get ready."

"Me too, I'm due on shift in 45 minutes." Cal said as he rushed back to his room.

Later that day, Sam couldn't help but hesitate as she walked through the doors of the ED. The shift was clearly in full swing, people were milling around, a line of people formed at the reception desk. Sam looked around and let out a sigh as she walked wearily towards the staff room to put her bag in her locker.

"You don't look too great." Rita said as she saw her walking in while she was sat eating her lunch.

"No, I'm anaemic apparently, have to take iron tablets now as well as the blood pressure ones. I'm going to be rattling more than our patients soon." Sam sighed as she shoved her bag into the space in her locker, knocking out her cup as she did. "Damn it." She cursed herself and she bent down awkwardly to pick up the broken pieces, huffing breathlessly as she did. Rita abandoned her lunch and rushed across to help her.

"Here, let me help." She said as she crouched down next to Sam.

"Sorry Rita, I've just got things on my mind." Sam sighed.

"Are you ok to be here?" Rita asked.

"I have to be."

"Well, no, I'm sure we can manage-"

"I want to be here. Rita, I can't be home alone. I feel safer here, with all of you." Sam rushed out.

"Oh Sam. You need to tell Ethan, and soon."

"I have. I told him last night." Sam said quietly, looking over her shoulder. "I need to tell Robyn, but I don't even know where to start."

"Well, just tread carefully, don't go in guns blazing." Rita said softly. "And just be honest."

"I'll try." Sam nodded, pulling herself up against the lockers. "I'd better get on." She said and turned and walked out of the room, as Rita looked on.

"Hey slacker! How was the midwife?" Cal called as she walked towards him.

"Good." Sam nodded. "I'm anaemic with high blood pressure, so yeah really good." She rolled her eyes mockingly.

"Oh no, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Cal; it's just typical isn't it?" She smiled. "I swear; I'm never doing this again."

"What?"

"Having a baby, this is the last time."

"Oh, right." He smiled back. "Well, we'll see."

"No, really. It's more trouble than it's worth."

"I'd like to know what Ethan says about this."

"Well, it's not just up to him is it, it's my body the baby is wrecking."

"I reckon you'll change your mind soon and realise it's all been worth it." Cal smiled knowingly.

"I'm sure it's just men who say that." Sam huffed slightly, trying to fight a smile.

"You know you don't mean it, you're just cross, I'm assuming they've put you on iron supplements?"

"Yes, more tablets." She sighed. Just then Ethan appeared.

"Hi sweetheart. How was the midwife?"

"Probably best not to ask." Cal chuckled as he walked away. Ethan looked at him the worriedly at Sam.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, I'm just on iron tablets now as well as blood pressure meds."

"Anaemic?"

"Mm-hm." Sam nodded.

"Oh darling, you really should start taking it easy."

"I know, I know." Sam nodded again.

"I'm not telling you just to tell you, I'm worried about you."

"I know you are, it's very sweet, and I _promise_ to take it on board." She smiled as she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed off to see to her first patients of the day.

The team had had yet another busy day, and it wasn't until much later in the shift that Sam was even able to say hello to Robyn, never mind talk about anything meaningful with her. They were both stood at the admin desk discussing a complex patient history and a suitable plan of care when Rita approached. She was trying to work out if Robyn and Sam were having the serious discussion that was needed, but she was convinced that they couldn't be talking about that in such a public place. She busied herself sorting some notes as she discreetly listened, but soon realised it was all work talk. Then she bit the bullet.

"Girls, how about we pop out for a quick drink after work. Nothing big, just a catch up?" Rita suggested.

"Yeah, sounds like a plan." Robyn nodded.

"Sam you in?" Rita looked at her. Sam could read Rita like a book.

"Sure, why not." She smiled tightly, feeling a nervous flutter as she thought about not only what she needed to tell Robyn, but also the risk that _he_ might show up. But surely he wouldn't tonight, would he?

When the girls finished their shift, they headed across to the pub, Sam was obviously a little more subdued than the others. Robyn was excitedly talking and as they were about to get their second round in, Rita's mobile went off. She turned away and answered it, and a couple of minutes later she was vaguely giving her apologies to Robyn and Sam and rushing off. Sam knew then that she had been set up, and she cursed herself for not seeing it. She knew she would have to tell Robyn now, as she would never forgive her for sitting together in the pub alone for so long and not telling her when everything did eventually come out. Robyn had just been talking about her previous date when Sam got her opportunity.

"Robyn, you seem pretty smitten, but do you actually know him?" Sam asked, and Robyn stiffened and looked at her.

"What do you mean? We've been talking for a while."

"But do you _really_ know him?" Sam said, looking worried.

"Of course I do." Robyn looked sceptically at her, wondering what was making Sam question her like this.

"Right." Sam nodded quietly, staring down at her drink. Silence fell between them as they got momentarily lost in their own thoughts. Then Sam took a deep breath and looked up at Robyn.

"Robyn, I know him." Sam admitted quietly.

"What?" Robyn's head snapped up.

"I know him. And I don't think he is who he says he is." Sam steadied her gaze on Robyn, who looked confused then her brow creased.

"What? How? Why?" Robyn managed to get out. She held Sam's gaze, desperately trying to read her face.

"Just trust me Robyn, I'm not convinced he is what he's trying to pretend he is, and I'm worried you'll get hurt."

"That's ridiculous. He's lovely, he's been really lovely to me."

"But, Robyn-"

"No. No I don't know why you're saying this." Robyn said, getting angry and a little upset.

"Because I care about you Robyn."

"No, no you don't. If you cared about me you'd be happy that I'm finally happy."

"I would be happy if I thought he would make you happy but-"

"No, he does make me happy. What's your problem? I thought you were better than this." Robyn said as she stood up. "I thought we were friends." She spat out at the end as she turned and walked out of the pub. Sam could only sit and stare as Robyn flounced out of the door. That hadn't gone well at all, Sam cursed herself. She sat on her own, lost in her thoughts for a few minutes. Then she heard a man shout which jolted her out of her thoughts. She looked up to see a man throw a punch into the face of another, and suddenly there were a group of men all trying to pull the two who were fighting apart. Sam suddenly felt vulnerable. She carefully slipped out of the pub and hurried off towards the flat, constantly looking over her shoulder, the fear and paranoia gripping her again.


	197. Chapter 197

Just as Sam was entering the complex where their flat was, her phone alerted her to a text message. She pulled it out expecting it to be Ethan but her blood ran cold when she realised it was from Andy. She decided he must have got her number from Robyn's phone, which just made her feel even worse, as Robyn wouldn't have given it up to him without being suspicious of why, so he must have secretly gone through her phone. She remembered all of the times when her phone had caused friction between them, and how many times he had lost his temper thinking she was hiding something and going through her messages. One time she had deleted everything to avoid the worry of him getting jealous, and he had been worse and threw her phone at her in a rage, believing she had deleted everything to hide incriminating evidence. She felt the force of the phone hitting her in the face even now and she couldn't believe she ever thought it was her fault, but she did; he had managed to convince her that she made it look worse and that's what made him angry. She read the message, a typical display of anger from him. Clearly Robyn had spoken to him since leaving the pub. She hurried towards the safety of the front door and by the time she was at the top of the stairs she was fumbling for her keys and trying to catch her breath, leaning on the door when Ethan opened it causing her to nearly fall through.

"Woah." Sam said as she tried to catch herself, and Ethan put out his arms to steady her.

"Ok?" Ethan asked as he caught her in his arms.

"Sorry." She said, still puffing to catch her breath.

"Are you ok, you were hurrying across the courtyard then?"

"Yes, fine." She forced a smile, walking past him into the flat. Cal was sitting on the sofa nursing a bottle of beer, and smiled at her as she came in. Ethan made his way to the kitchen to make her a cup of tea.

"What was the outcome with Mr Sharpe earlier Cal?" Sam asked as she slumped down next to him just as her phone beeped again. She tossed it on the table and looked to Cal for his answer.

"Oh, he picked up after the antibiotics and fluids, but his renal function was deteriorating compared to his baseline, so we referred him to the renal team and they were going to check for a blockage, and maybe look at putting in a stent if necessary."

"Ok, I did wonder, I saw he was moved on fairly rapidly."

"Well, he was already known to the renal consultant so he was willing to take him straight up to the ward and get his management plan sorted. So all in all, an easy case for me."

"Sounds like he was lucky." Sam nodded. Her phone went off again but she tried to ignore it.

"Aren't you going to check that." Cal said, nodding towards her phone.

"Nah, it won't be important." Sam shrugged. Cal leaned across to pick it up, assuming she just didn't want to move because she was comfortable, and was surprised when she quickly tried to snatch it up before him, but he was able to move quicker than she was. Ethan came back in with a cup of tea for her at that point and Cal looked suspiciously from Ethan to Sam and down at her phone as he handed it to her.

"What?" Ethan asked looking confused by the way Cal looked at him.

"Nothing." Cal shrugged. Sam looked at the two messages, both from Andy. Why wouldn't he just leave her alone? She couldn't help but wonder; what was he getting out of this sick game? What did he want to achieve?

"Sam?" Ethan asked as he perched on the arm of the sofa next to her. "Sam?"

"Hmm?" She looked up, not realising he had spoken.

"Is everything ok?" Ethan probed.

"Oh, yes fine." She nodded, but still looked shocked.

"Are you sure?" He questioned, looking concerned with his brow furrowed. Sam looked up at him then held up her phone to show him tonight's messages. He carefully read them, a look of shock and horror appearing on his face; then read them again and he could feel the anger rising. How dare this, for want of a better word, _man_ speak to Sam and intimidate her like this. It was completely unacceptable.

"What is it? What's going on?" Cal asked, seeing Sam's worried look and Ethan's now angry one. Sam opened her mouth to speak, and try to reassure Cal it was nothing, but Ethan spoke first.

"Just a bit of trouble with someone who clearly can't let the past go." Ethan said. Cal looked at Sam, who just sat with her head in her hands, unable to make eye contact with either of them.

"What? Who?" Cal asked, confused still.

"It doesn't matter." Ethan sighed, then turned to Sam. "We need to sort this out, we need to go to the police, before someone gets hurt."

"I can't Ethan, I have no proof he's done anything and it'll only make things worse, and what about Robyn."

"Wait? What? The Police? Robyn?" Cal interjected, but Sam and Ethan carried on talking between themselves.

"You need to tell her."

"I tried, don't you see? This is why he's sent these messages. I tried to warn her in the pub tonight, but she wouldn't listen. She thought I was trying to ruin things for her."

"What is going on?" Cal said louder, making sure he was heard.

"It's my ex Cal. My ex is back on the scene, and he's Robyn's, well the guy Robyn met online."

"You mean…?" Cal started, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Yes, _him_." Sam said with a tone of distaste.

* * *

Sam had gone to bed shortly afterwards, partly because she needed to be alone and partly because she was exhausted, and feeling heavy and achy. She popped a couple of paracetamol and curled up in bed and miraculously soon fell fast asleep.

Ethan sat with Cal in the front room after she had gone and filled him in with everything that he knew. Cal was understandably shocked and angry, and promised to do what he could to help. They were both concerned about Andy's violent streak, and although it seemed no one had seen any evidence of any current violence, it was clear that Sam was struggling with him being nearby again. Cal had even pointed this out to Ethan, noting it was strange that after all this time he had appeared in the same area as Sam, despite her having relocated away from where they had been living and then relocated again to Holby. Something didn't sit right with Cal, it all seemed to calculated, but why? He sat musing this over after Ethan had gone to bed, sipping slowly on his beer as he was lost in his thoughts. If it hadn't been so late, he would have rung Ella for her opinion, Sam must have confided in her, especially after they were up there together. He assumed that was the likely reason she had disappeared so suddenly, needing to get away and seek solace in her friend. He decided he would ring her tomorrow and find out as much as he could to be prepared. He finished his beer and made his way to his room, pausing to stare at the spot where Gracie's cot used to sit. He missed her so much, even though she wasn't his to miss, he just wished he knew if she was ok, and happy; that's all he wanted.


	198. Chapter 198

When their alarm went off the following morning, Ethan hit the snooze button for Sam and then crept quietly out of bed while she was still sleeping. He went and had a shower then went back into the bedroom to get dressed for work. As he walked in he could hear the alarm going off again, but Sam was still in bed. He switched it off and walked around to her side of the bed, carefully sitting on the edge and placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Sam? Sam sweetheart, it's time to get up for work?" He said softly, giving her a gentle shake. Slowly her eyes fluttered open and she let out a groan.

"What time is it?" She mumbled.

"Six fifteen." Ethan said softly.

"Oh, I feel terrible." She groaned again.

"What's wrong?" Ethan asked gently, concern in his voice as he reached out to feel her forehead.

"I think I've got a virus, I feel achy, sweaty but cold and I just feel awful." Sam croaked.

"Oh darling, let me get you a drink and some paracetamol. You do feel feverish." He said, looking apprehensively at her.

"It must have been when I got caught in the storm the other day." Sam mumbled, rubbing her aching head. Ethan hurried off to the kitchen and returned with a glass of juice and paracetamol. Sam sat up slightly and took them gratefully. Ethan quickly pulled his clothes on then walked back around to Sam's side of the bed as he buttoned up his shirt.

"You should stay here, get some rest." Ethan said as he sat back down next to Sam.

"I'm not even going to argue. I don't think I could get up if I tried." Sam said, flopping her head back down onto the pillow. Ethan stroked her cheek gently.

"Shall I tell Rita for you so you can go back to sleep?" Ethan asked, and Sam just nodded silently, closing her eyes again as her head continued to thump, the headache building up. "Oh sweetheart. Get some rest and I'll see you when I'm done, I'll do my best to leave on time to get back to you ok?" He said softly, then bent forward and kissed her head and left her in peace. He called out to Cal to tell him to hurry up if he wanted a lift in to work as he picked up his bag, pushing some more paperwork inside and putting on his jacket. Cal came rushing out of his bedroom, tugging on a jumper and grabbing his jacket and bag as he raced towards the door to catch up with Ethan and they made their way into work.

"Coffee, I need coffee." Cal groaned as they walked into the ED reception, looking around and seeing it looked as though it was steadily filling up despite it only being 6:45am.

"Well, you officially have 15 minutes before we start, so fill your boots." Ethan said all too cheerfully, mainly just because he knew it would annoy Cal and not because he felt particularly cheerful. He headed off towards the staff room and Cal sighed and followed on behind.

"I don't know why you insist on arriving so early." He grumbled, and Ethan just smiled and shook his head. Cal had never understood Ethan's penchant for time keeping. Ethan made his way out to find Rita while Cal slumped on the sofa with his much needed coffee, staring at the clock, desperately hoping the next 11 minutes would go slow. After a few sips of coffee and as he was beginning to accept his fate of having to work today, he began to pull himself together. He took out his phone and typed a text to Ella. He knew it was early, but he had to take the opportunity to text her while he could, and he really wanted to speak to her today, but he was caught by surprise when his phone instantly sprung into life and his lips curled into a smile seeing her name on his caller ID.

"Morning." He smiled as he answered.

"Hey you." She smiled back, he could hear the smile in her voice, and it made him happier. "Are you ok?"

"I'm ok, just having a coffee before my shift."

"I thought it was early for you." Ella giggled.

"Hey, I can do early, you _know_ that for the right reasons I'll wake up;" he grinned at the memories, "but not for Ethan's need to get to work _hours_ early!" Cal whined.

"Hours?" Ella questioned, still giggling.

"Well, it might as well be."

"Think of it this way, it gives you time for coffee _and_ time to talk to me. Bonus, right?"

"Well, when you put it like that." He smiled, conceding to her way of thinking.

"Anyway, what made you text so early?"

"I need to talk to you, about Sam." Cal started quietly, looking around to make sure he was alone.

"Sam? Why? What's wrong?"

"Well, when she came up with you recently, did she tell you about her ex being back on the scene?"

"Sort of." Ella said, unsure what details he was looking for.

"Well, it looks like he's hooked up with one of our team, and he's threatening Sam and we're obviously really worried about her, well both of them, and I just wanted to talk it through with you because you know more about her history and you understand her, and I just don't know what to do for the best." Cal rushed out.

"Ok, right." Ella said slowly, considering everything he had said. "Well, I'll help, of course I'll help. But perhaps you can ring me when you've got more time and we'll go through it all. Don't worry Cal. I'll do what I can, ok?"

"Thanks." Cal said softly.

"Cal, is Sam ok? I mean, he hasn't hurt her or anything has he?"

"No, nothing like that, not yet anyway. Rest assured if he had I wouldn't be sitting here phoning you, I'd be out searching for him." Cal growled angrily at the thought.

"Cal, please, don't do anything stupid."

"I won't, but if he touches her, I won't be responsible for-"

"Cal, please?" Ella urged. "Just be safe; he's unstable, you can't trust him. Someone that is willing to hit a woman, well then he wouldn't think twice of battering a man would he?" Ella said, sounding worried.

"He won't batter me, don't worry."

"Cal." Ella said, her tone tugging at his heart.

"I promise." He replied sincerely.

"I really care about you, I don't want you to get hurt, and I don't want to see Sam get hurt."

"I know." Cal said softly, "I don't want her to get hurt either."

"Ring me later, ok?" Ella said.

"I will." He said softly, then taking a breath he added: "I miss you."

"I miss you too." She smiled sadly as they said their goodbyes and hung up. Cal drained the rest of his coffee, picked up his stethoscope and headed out to the carnage that would be today's shift.

Ethan meanwhile had explained to Rita that Sam was unwell and would be off work for at least the next few shifts while she recovered. Rita had wondered if she was pretending to be ill to avoid facing the situation with Robyn and Andy, but Ethan had seemed so earnest in his description of her symptoms and his concern, that she couldn't doubt his honesty. She said she would phone her later to see how she was and then they both continued on with their shift.

Sam woke up a few hours after Ethan had left her, the silence in the flat marred by the thumping in her head which made her feel like she'd been at an all-night rave. She felt achy and weak, but she needed a drink, so slowly and carefully she pulled herself up to a sitting position, and once she had acclimatised to the upright position she carefully stepped out of bed and walked unsteadily into the kitchen. She had to lean heavily on the kitchen counter while she poured a glass of juice, downing half of the glass before refilling it and carefully making her way back to bed, any ounce of energy she had now depleted from the small walk. She fell back into bed and drifted back off to sleep, still feeling dreadful.

Ethan had just exited the doors of Resus, having called time on the third cardiac arrest of the shift and working for a solid 8 hours without stopping, but he knew he needed just 5 minutes away right now. He wearily made his way to the coffee bar to buy a flat white, and while waiting for his order his mind suddenly went back to when he used to spend more time here watching Honey while she tended to everyone's coffee needs. It was a life that seemed so long ago now, so much had happened, it was almost as if he was a different person to the one he had been then. He was brought back to earth when the paper cup was popped down in front of him and he took hold of it gratefully and turned to leave.

"Ethan." Rita called him over. "I've tried to ring Sam a few times but she's not answering, have you spoken to her? I don't want to keep trying if she's still sleeping."

"No, I haven't had chance." Ethan admitted feeling guilty. "Do you think she's ok?" He looked concerned.

"I'm sure she will just be sleeping it off."

"I'll try and ring her in a minute and tell her to ring you shall I?"

"No, don't worry, just when you get home just get her to let me know how she is and tell her not to come back until she feels well enough."

"Ok Rita, will do." Ethan sighed, taking another gulp of his coffee, despite it still being too hot to consume, he was desperate. He walked back towards the admin desk, and sat down at the computer with his notes to write up. He was scribbling away when Cal slid across on a wheelie office chair beside him.

"Nibbles!" He said cheerfully as his chair came to a stop as he knocked into Ethan. "Have you heard? Boys night for Iain's birthday this weekend, you in?" Ethan sighed and rolled his eyes, crossing through the mistake he just made in the notes.

"I've just written birthday now instead of breathing, thank you Cal." Ethan snapped.

"Ooh, touchy." Cal grinned, annoying Ethan even more. "So, you in? Come on, boys night, proper big style." He grinned. Ethan put down his pen with some force and looked at his brother as he picked up his coffee again.

"I guess I have no good reason to get out of it."

"Why would you want to? We've got it all covered, I'm talking shots, strippers, dancing on tables till your feet bleed. It'll be great." He enthused.

"Well, when you put it like that!" Ethan replied sarcastically.

"What's wrong with you this afternoon? This morning you were positively chirpy at being here, now you look like you want to murder someone."

"I'm just busy Cal, I'm trying to get my notes done while having my first break of the day, I don't need to be talking about so called big style boys nights."

"But you're not completely averse to the idea, right?" Cal looked at him hopefully.

"I'll see." He sighed, if only to placate his brother to get some peace. Before he could think about it anymore, he was called back through to resus to one of his deteriorating patients and the next thing he knew, he was 45 minutes past his shift finish time, and feeling like there was still no end in sight. He snuck outside for 2 minutes to try to call Sam.

"Hello?" Came the croaky voice on the other end.

"Sam, you sound awful still." Ethan said sadly, feeling bad for her.

"Yeah, I feel it." She said sounding as pathetic as she felt. "What time is it?" She asked wearily.

"Quarter to 6."

"Are you still at work?"

"I'm afraid so, I'm sorry. I'll try and get out of here as quick as possible."

"Don't worry, I'm still in bed anyway."

"Did Rita get hold of you."

"I rang her a little while ago."

"Ok, good, I'm guessing she told you not to rush back?"

"Yes."

"Right, I'd better go sweet, I'll hopefully be home soon ok? Is there anything you need?"

"No, only you." Sam said sadly.

"Well, I won't be long." He assured her, hanging up the phone and determinedly walking in to ensure he got away as quickly as he could. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he was being watched from across the car park.


	199. Chapter 199

_**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating, I had an assignment due this week and have been away for the weekend without any time to write. I have another assignment due at the end of the month and lots of other coursework but I am hoping to find more time to get some writing done. Thank you for baring with me in this mammoth fic, but don't worry, I do have an ending in sight (hoorah you all cry!) Anyway, thank you all for continuing to read and comment - I know I always say it but it makes a massive difference.**_

 _ **When I've got this done and dusted I'll concentrate on inspiration to do some shorter fics...maybe...unless after this you are all fed up with me(!)**_

* * *

Ethan went back through reception, making his way towards the admin desk where he knew he had at least 8 sets of notes to write in. He let out a large sigh and pulled his pen out of his pocket and began to scrawl in the notes as fast as he could.

"Ethan, we need you now!" Rita called urgently. He didn't even question or complain that he was past his finish time, he just obediently got up quickly and hurried off towards Rita and her patient in Resus who was arresting. By the time he was changed and ready to leave he was 2 and a half hours late, and feeling really guilty about not getting home to look after Sam.

"Still here Nibbles?" Cal questioned as he walked past carrying some notes.

"Finished now." Ethan sighed wearily.

"Bit late aren't you?" Cal frowned at him.

"Just a bit." Ethan nodded.

"You may as well stay and finish the double with me." Cal shrugged.

"No, I need to get home to check on Sam."

"I'm sure she's fine and just sleeping it off, don't worry." Cal smiled as he walked away again. Ethan made his way out to the carpark, pausing to check he had picked up his keys and then trying to make sure he had remembered to do everything he needed to before he left. It was dark out now and there was a light sprinkling of rain as he made his way through the car park.

"Hey!" A male voice yelled behind him causing Ethan to startle. "How do we get to A&E!" The man finished.

"Oh, back down that way, the entrance is just around that corner." Ethan replied.

"Thanks mate." The man said, limping off. Ethan carried on towards his car, clutching tightly onto his keys. He climbed into the car and after placing his bag on the front seat and strapping himself in, he pulled out of the car park and headed back to the flat. By the time he walked back through the front door it was approaching 8pm.

"Sam?" He called out into the dark, empty looking flat. "Sam?" He looked around, everything looked as it was this morning, surely she hadn't gone to Ella's again? No, she had been here a couple of hours ago still feeling unwell, there was only one place she could be, it was obvious he thought to himself as he switched the hall light on and made his way to the bedroom. He creeped around the door and his heart sank when he saw her. She was fast asleep, clearly still not feeling well, and he had promised he'd get back to look after her and yet here he was, just getting in 3 hours late. He carefully sat down beside her on the bed and just looked at her, then he reached out and moved some hair off of her face and she stirred and jolted awake.

"Sorry." He whispered.

"What time is it?" Sam mumbled.

"8. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty grotty, and tired."

"Have you eaten anything?"

"Oh no, I couldn't." Sam grimaced. "I think I've pretty much slept the day away."

"Well, you obviously needed it. Shall I get you some more juice?" He asked, picking up her glass.

"I should get up and spend some time with you." Sam said, moving to shift into a slightly more upright position, then regretting it.

"No, stay there, it's fine. I won't be long." Ethan said walking towards the door. He brought back some juice and paracetamol, and he sat back next to her as he handed them over, Sam took them gratefully.

"I'm so sorry Ethan." She croaked. "I don't mean to be so pathetic, I just feel terrible."

"It's ok, you need to rest." He smiled at her.

"How has your day been?"

"Busy."

"I couldn't have guessed that. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising." He half laughed. "It's not your fault."

"I just feel bad that I wasn't there."

"It's fine, I'm just glad to be home with you now." He said softly.

"I'm glad you're home too." She smiled at him.

"I'm just going to grab something quick to eat, and then I'll be in ok? You rest." He smiled kindly. True to his word, 45 minutes later he had eaten, showered and was climbing into bed with Sam.

"You probably shouldn't get to close." Sam sighed as he cuddled into her.

"Nonsense. I've been waiting all day for this." He said as he cuddled her close. He rested his hand on her bump, letting the love he felt surround them both. They lay in silence just holding each other, feeling content to just be in each other's company, when suddenly the baby gave a hefty couple of kicks as it moved and Sam let out a breath.

"This is clearly just for you." Sam said as she caught her breath again. "I've had nothing much happening this evening."

"Well, as much as I feel bad for you, it's quite nice for me to experience." Ethan couldn't help but smile. He cuddled her in closer again and they drifted off to sleep together, both out of it by the time Cal made it home from his shift.

When he got in, Cal realised that both must have been in bed, as the flat was in silence. He grabbed himself a quick snack and a drink and sat on the sofa, re-reading his texts from Ella. He had briefly spoken to her about Sam and her ex and the situation, but hadn't been able to talk as long as he'd hoped, but he had a little more insight. He had also arranged to go up and see her the following day on his day off, and he couldn't deny, he was excited to see her again. He finished his snack and also headed off to bed, determined to be up at a reasonable time to get up to see her. As he walked to his room he sent a text to say goodnight and that he was thinking of her and just as he climbed into bed his phone lit up with the response he was hoping for, a confession that she was thinking of him too and looking forward to him coming up the next day. He switched off the light and settled down, unable to stop the smile spreading on his face.

The following morning when Ethan had left for work, Sam had stayed in bed, having taken another day off and Cal was up and about getting ready to leave. Sam wearily walked into the front room.

"Ooh, that's not a good look." Cal grinned at her.

"I don't care." Sam's voice was hoarse and croaky.

"You don't sound good at all." Cal said more concerned.

"It's only a cold." Sam tried to shrug, but she couldn't deny, she felt awful. "At least my blood pressure should be ok as I've done nothing but rest."

"Maybe you should be resting your voice before you lose it?"

"Yeah, what will I do if I lose my voice." Sam half smiled.

"Well, it would make my day." Cal laughed.

"Hey." Sam croaked. Cal reached out and put his arm around her.

"Why don't you go and have a shower and I'll make you a cup of tea before I go."

"Are you off to work?"

"No, I'm driving up to see Ella." Cal admitted, suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Oh, I didn't realise. Is she ok?" Sam suddenly looked worried.

"Yes. She's fine." Cal nodded. "Go on, shower you." He smiled, guiding her towards the bathroom. By the time she came back, dressed in some comfy clothes, Cal had made her a cup of tea and then he had headed off, and Sam allowed herself to smile watching him with a little skip in his step.

Ethan's day was going ok, he was ploughing through his patient's and felt like things were going well, when suddenly he was brought in a patient who was very unwell. He led them on the trolley straight through to resus, listening to the report from the paramedics, who were reporting a possible stroke, though the woman was only 42, it wasn't unheard of, so until Ethan could find any evidence to the contrary, he would accept their initial suspicions. She was showing many signs of a stroke, slurred speech, confusion, muscle weakness, although this was the first thing he noticed, it was general muscle weakness and not one sided as you might expect with a stroke. She'd also complained of headaches earlier and had vomited, but the paramedics had established there had been no head injury. They carefully transferred her to the trolley in resus and Ethan did his primary survey, they ran the normal bloods but something still didn't sit right with Ethan, he wasn't convinced this was a stroke; and her blood pressure was very low. Even so he sent her off for an urgent CT scan to assess if they might be looking at a stroke and if so of what cause so he could begin the right treatment. He was pleased that they had got her in the scanner within 30 minutes of her being admitted, and was chasing up her first blood results and ensuring the lab ran the rest urgently. As he was phoning them he had a little spark of inspiration, and added some extra bloods onto what he had already requested and hoped he was right, or he might be in trouble for unnecessary test requests, but he was willing to take the punt on this one, something inside him told him it was more medically complex than a stroke. He was looking back over her notes, and Noel had brought through a fax from her GP surgery with recent records and a current medication list when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He smiled as he read the message from Sam:

'Feeling marginally better, but very sore throat. Looking forward to seeing you later, text when you leave, I'm preparing dinner. Xx'

'Glad you're feeling a little better. Don't worry about doing dinner, I can sort myself when I get home, I don't want you to go to any trouble when you should be resting. I'll do my best to be home on time. Xx'

He slipped his phone back in his pocket as Rita walked towards him holding out the tablet with the scan pictures as they brought the lady back into resus from the scanner and Ethan hastily scrolled through the images, satisfied that there were no signs of a stroke. He instructed Rita to run through some urgent fluids, assuming she was very dehydrated with the low blood pressure, and an electrolyte imbalance could have been causing the confusion.

Sam smiled to herself as she saw his reply. She thought it was typical of him to not want her to worry with dinner, but a few more paracetamol and a further sleep at lunch time and she was feeling like she could and would tackle some dinner, especially as they would be alone. And this response showed why he deserved it, he was so thoughtful, working hard and still trying to look after her. She had been so self-consumed again in her dramas and he had been so good to her that she wanted to devote some time to him and make him feel special. She luckily managed to find everything she needed in the flat so she didn't have to go out, she wasn't sure she felt quite ready to be out alone yet, she shuddered as her mind flashed back to Andy, but then determinedly carried on sorting things for their special dinner.

Ethan checked the blood results for his lady with a slight smile on his face, then he felt guilty for celebrating the good feeling of being right when he was about to explain to his patient why she had been feeling so terrible for months and why just a few hours ago she was brought in so unwell. He had suspected and been proven right that she did in fact have Addison's Disease and was in the middle of an adrenal crisis when she was brought in. Thankfully the fluids had begun to correct some of her underlying dehydration and electrolyte imbalance and he had also given her a shot of hydrocortisone which had really made her begin to feel better. This was when he felt more certain of the cause and now getting the blood results of her initial cortisol and hormone levels and also her thyroid function, he was sure of the diagnosis. He explained this to the lady and told her that she would be referred to an endocrinologist who would probably run some further, more specialist blood tests to confirm the diagnosis, but he was able to discharge her with some oral corticosteroids and thyroxine which should make her feel better until she was seen by a specialist. The lady, who by now was feeling much improved, was very grateful to Ethan for sorting her out and making her feel better as she had been feeling generally unwell for months and had convinced herself she was dying but no one was taking her seriously. Ethan felt very sorry for her and promised her that her GP would be fully informed and could take control form there with monitoring her thyroid hormone levels to find the right dose of medication. As the lady was preparing to leave she suddenly reached out and gave Ethan a tight hug, and he stood awkwardly with his hands by his side, not really knowing what to do. Rita, who was nearby, couldn't help but stifle a giggle as the lady left the department and Ethan stood still on the spot blushing at her show of affection.

"You really made a difference there." Rita smiled at him as he walked back over to the admin desk, his cheeks finally a lesser shade of red.

"I was just doing my job." He shrugged.

"No, you saw the bigger picture, you didn't assume the obvious, you went against it and you were right, that showed real guts Ethan. I'm impressed."

"Well, um, thanks Rita; but really, I _was_ just doing my job."

"Well, I'm just saying you did it well." She smiled as she went back to her other patients. Ethan couldn't help the small smile appearing on his face again just as Connie walked past.

"Dr Hardy, if you have time to stand smiling then you aren't working hard enough." She smiled inwardly to herself as she carried on walking past and Ethan instantly turned around, picking up some more notes and hurrying off like an obedient schoolboy.

Soon enough, Ethan was finished and changed to leave, walking out of the staff room with his jacket on and bag in hand, and Connie stopped him again.

"Dr Hardy, I heard about your Addison's diagnosis today, a good spot." She smiled at him.

"Oh, thanks." He said, trying to be cool about it but she could tell he was a little proud.

"Well, it was good work, you did well to not be blindsided by the potential that it was a stroke."

"It was a lucky spot really."

"Give yourself more credit, you had a theory and you ran with it and it paid off. Well done." She smiled.

"Oh, well thank you." He smiled back.

"Good night." She smiled as she continued to make her way to her office. Ethan watched her leave then walked out of the doors and into the carpark. It was just turning dusky, still just about light but the winter evenings were drawing in. He fumbled for his car keys in his bag and as he did he felt someone stood behind him. He turned quickly but there was no one there. He half laughed to himself for being so silly, but when he stood up he came face to face with someone he half recognised. It took a moment and then he knew. It was Andy. And he was standing right there in front of Ethan, and suddenly he didn't seem like the friendly man who was taking Robyn on a date, he looked bigger and taller and more threatening. Ethan swallowed hard and looked up at him, trying to convince himself that he was still the friendly man who he had seen before, but suddenly his legs felt like jelly.

"C-can I help you?" He said, finding his voice and wishing he had sounded more sure of himself.

"As a matter of fact, I think you can." Andy smiled menacingly, and Ethan just looked at him, wondering what was going to happen next.

"I'm sorry, I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Doctor Hardy." Ethan said, holding out his free hand, trying to play for time and hoping if he was polite and non-threatening that Andy wouldn't lose his temper. Andy looked half shocked for a moment, then chuckled.

"Doctor. I should have guessed."

"What do you mean?"

"That Sam would have climbed the ladder from a lowly physio to a doctor, she always had a way of getting what she wanted."

"Again, I'm not sure I follow."

"Oh dear, for a doctor you seem to be a bit simple don't you? She's done a right number on you hasn't she? What is it, money? A fancy car? A big house with a swimming pool?"

"No, we don't have any of those things, well we have a car, but I wouldn't call it fancy, more reliable than anything-"

"She's using you, don't you see?" Andy snapped, cutting Ethan off.

"Using me?" He felt like someone had punched him in the stomach hearing those words. Surely she wasn't, was she? He looked hurt and confused for a moment.

"Yes, I've seen her, gone and got herself pregnant, trapped you, it's what she does, makes you think you love her then she uses you and moves onto the next guy. I'm telling you, she did it to me and now she's doing it to you."

"No, no you've got it all wrong." Ethan said more firmly.

"I don't think so mate."

"I'm not your mate." Ethan snapped, starting to feel his temper rising.

"I'm just trying to warn you."

"Warn me? Like I don't know her?"

"She's mental, honestly, she's very good at making you believe things and twisting things, she gets under your skin and before you know it you've lost everything."

"No. You're wrong, she's not like that. We're in love."

"Of course you think that; but she's probably had 3 men on the go. Are you sure the baby is even yours?" Andy half smiled.

"Of course it's mine. We live together, we work together and we're in love. I don't know why you think she's like that, it's certainly not the girl I know and love. She was probably only like that because you made her like that." Ethan said getting more cross.

"I didn't do anything, she lies, makes it all up somewhere in that sick, twisted head of hers." Andy glared at Ethan, both of them with their eyes locked on the other, trying to read each other's thoughts.

"So you're not a violent bully then?" Ethan spat at him.

"Is that what she told you." He laughed again. Ethan felt a shudder run through his spine, there was something off about the laugh. "See, she's a nutcase."

"She is not. I love her, a-and she loves me. And if you don't leave us alone, we will be going to the police and reporting you for harassment." Ethan said, turning to walk away.

"Well, just don't say I didn't warn you mate. When you go home and find all of her things gone and she's left you for someone else without a word, you'll remember I tried to warn you." Andy called after him as Ethan continued walking, his breathing increasing as the realisation hit him that Andy knew who he was and where they worked. He was just considering this when Andy threw a final parting shot at him:

"I could probably win her back tomorrow over someone like you anyway." Andy laughed as he turned and walked out of the car park. Ethan quickly walked to his car and locked himself inside as soon as he got in. He knew it was stupid to be scared, and he wasn't sure he was 'scared' but he was unnerved by Andy's confrontation, and he feared for Sam's safety and sanity, and with that, the safety of their unborn child.


	200. Chapter 200

Sam had laid the table ready, putting the candles out for a more romantic atmosphere, and she had showered again and got dressed and quickly run her straighteners through her hair. She opened a bottle of red wine to breathe so Ethan could enjoy a glass and stopped to look at her handy work; the flat was tidy and warm and looked inviting and she felt pleased. She expected him home very soon, though he hadn't yet text to say he was leaving, but she didn't expect he would as he didn't know she had still gone ahead and prepared the surprise for him.

Ethan was driving home and feeling confused. He knew he couldn't trust everything that Andy had said, but it had still got him thinking. But he just couldn't believe that Sam was the person that Andy was making out. After all, he had sat with her and wiped the tears that she had cried and held her when she was scared and upset; he had listened to her explaining about her life with Andy, what had happened before she met him and felt every ounce of pain and anguish in her words, surely no one could be that good at faking those feelings, could they? He parked the car and sat for a moment, taking a deep breath in as he tried to free his mind of the negativity that was currently occupying it. Then he snatched up his bag from the front seat and headed inside. As his key turned in the lock he could feel his stomach churning, but he didn't know why, he didn't like that Andy had affected him like this with just a few words. He opened the door and was instantly met by a warm, inviting feeling and a lovely smell of food circling around the apartment. He headed further into the flat and Sam appeared, walking towards him smiling. She didn't look any different, she was still the same girl he loved, but he couldn't shake the slight uneasy feeling. She pulled him into a hug and he returned it, starting to relax a little more again.

"Hey you, I wanted to surprise you." Sam said softly, her voice still somewhat hoarse.

"It is a surprise." He half smiled as they pulled apart. "You should have been resting."

"I have been, but I wanted to cook you a nice dinner to say thank you for being so amazing again, looking after me and working and supporting me with, well you know. I'm not going to ruin the evening by bringing it all up again." Sam said pulling him into the front room and putting his bag down for him. She slipped his jacket off and placed it carefully on the back of the chair and brought back a glass of red wine for him, which he accepted gratefully.

"Wow, thanks. I don't know what I've done to deserve this but it's nice."

"I've said, it's to show you how grateful I am and how much I love you." She smiled sitting down next to him. He stiffened slightly at this, Andy's words echoing again, was she just doing all of this for show, he looked up at her, gazing deep into her eyes. No he couldn't believe him, this was real, he loved her and she loved him, the last 12 months had proven that, there had been so many chances for things to go wrong and they were still here. He smiled at her, and reached to brush some hair away from her face and as he did she leaned in and kissed him, and he felt it, he felt the love, and it helped him to relax a little more.

"Sorry, I shouldn't kiss you with my germs." Sam smiled bashfully as she pulled away quickly. "I just got caught up in the moment."

"It's ok, I can think of worse ways of catching germs." He smiled back.

"How was work?" Sam asked, gently resting her hand on Ethan's knee.

"It was good, I had a lady who the paramedics thought might be having a stroke but it turns out she was having an adrenal crisis from undiagnosed Addison's disease."

"Oh gosh, was she ok?"

"Yes, we quickly gave her hydrocortisone and fluids and she picked up nicely. Luckily it wasn't the worst example I've seen and she seemed pleased that she finally had some answers as to why she'd been feeling so awful." Ethan explained. Sam just looked at him with such admiration.

"You really are amazing aren't you? I'm so proud of you." Sam said, leaning in and kissing him again.

"Well, I didn't do it alone." He said as they broke apart again.

"Stop it." Sam said as she stood up. "You don't give yourself enough credit." She echoed Connie's earlier words and Ethan smiled. "Come on, time for dinner."

They sat together and enjoyed their dinner and it wasn't until half way through when Ethan suddenly realised that Cal was absent, leading Sam to explain that he had gone to visit Ella.

"So that's why I thought I'd treat you and we'd have a nice evening to ourselves." Sam whispered, her throat now hurting more as she tried desperately to make her voice hold out for the conversation with Ethan.

"Well it is lovely, I really do appreciate it." Ethan smiled lovingly at her. He hesitated slightly, wanting to tell her what Andy had said today, but knowing he couldn't, she would only worry and get upset and he didn't want to upset her, not when she'd gone to the effort of making a special evening for them. After dinner, they cleared up together and went and sat on the sofa together, Ethan with his wine and Sam with a cup of tea and they put some soft music on in the background and just sat quietly together.

"Was Robyn in today?" Sam asked, breaking the silence.

"No, she wasn't." Ethan replied simply, and Sam just nodded.

"I still haven't spoken to her since she got cross with me in the pub." Sam said sadly.

"Well, don't worry, I'm sure you'll sort it out." Ethan tried to reassure her. He looked down at her sad face and felt bad, she had only been trying to look out for Robyn after all, but it was difficult when Robyn didn't really know the full story. He reached for his bag and pulled out some paperwork.

"What that? Ethan you're not going to start working now are you?" She asked.

"No, I thought this might cheer you up a bit." He smiled at her as he held out the glossy printed pictures.

"What is it?"

"The plans and pictures from some new build houses they are building on the outskirts of town. I sent off for some information, they have a small road of 3 and 4 bedroom houses going up and I thought maybe we could take a look if you liked the look of this." He said.

"Really?" She said, a huge grin spreading on her face as she looked at him. "Oh wow, Ethan, that's amazing. Oh my gosh, look at them, they look incredible, look at the huge garden!"

"I know, I thought they would be perfect with my career hopefully settling here and yours too and it'll be a lovely area to bring up a family." He admitted shyly as Sam's smile grew bigger and she launched herself at him and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Oh God, I love you so much Ethan, I can't even tell you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I don't deserve you."

"I love you too sweetheart." He sighed as he held her, and he knew he really did.

* * *

Cal was sat opposite Ella at a table of a nice restaurant, he had researched nice places to go near her and had driven her so she could easily get out for the evening. He could hardly believe they were sitting there together laughing and enjoying each other's company when so many times over the past months it looked as though he was going to lose her.

"I'm so glad you came up." Ella said as she wiped a tear away from her eye when she had recovered laughing from Cal's anecdote. "It's really cheered me up." She smiled at him.

"It's my pleasure," he smiled coolly back. "It's great to see you."

"You could be seeing more of me soon." She smiled,

"What do you mean?" Cal looked confused.

"I should be able to come home soon. The physios are pleased with my progress and I've spoken to my matron and she is happy for me to come back to work on a phased return, starting with office based work."

"Really?" Cal half laughed in disbelief.

"Really!" She beamed back. "I'm coming home Cal, and I can't wait. I need to start getting my life back."

"That's great." He smiled at her, nodding slightly.

"I can't wait." She sighed. "I mean, being at home with Mummy has been great, I appreciate all she's done, but it'll be great to get some independence back."

"I'm sure it will. Really Ella, I'm so pleased."

"And maybe it'll be good for us too?" Ella said softly, looking at him.

"You mean?" Cal asked, hardly daring to believe.

"Yes, we can really work on picking up where we left off. If you want to that is?"

"I'd love to." He smiled, leaning forward and cupping her face in his hands, giving her a soft and gentle kiss.

* * *

"I've booked us a meeting with the agents tomorrow and we can have a viewing of the show home, but if you're not feeling up to it I'm sure we can reschedule."

"No, I'd love to go. I'm feeling a bit better already, it's just the sore throat." Sam tried to reassure him.

"Ok, well if you're sure, I just don't want you to overdo it." Ethan smiled. Sam looked up at him, just staring for a moment.

"Ethan, you know I love you right?" She asked, looking right into his eyes. For a moment he worried that he was giving away the doubts he had earlier.

"W-what do you mean?" He asked, unsure.

"Well, just that I do, I sometimes feel like I don't remind you enough just how perfect you are."

"Oh…w-well that's nice." Ethan said, failing to find anything more inspired to say. Sam let out a giggle followed by a coughing fit. When she calmed Ethan was holding her tea for her to sip.

"Thanks." She said catching her breath then taking a sip. "Sorry."

"About the coughing or the comment?" He asked, a little unsure.

"I meant the coughing, but if you want me to apologise for the comment too…" Sam started then tailed off.

"No, sorry, I just wasn't sure." Ethan corrected himself quickly. "This conversation is going rapidly downhill, let's go back to talking about the house." Ethan finished, hoping to avoid causing an argument.

"I love the house." Sam said quietly, a small smile creeping on her face again.

"You haven't seen it yet." Ethan half laughed.

"I've seen the pictures, and the plans. The 4 bed even has a separate dining room; I've always wanted a separate dining room." Sam sighed.

"So you're thinking 4 bed then?" Ethan said.

"Oh, no. I don't mean like that." Sam rushed out. "Just that, well I guess I've always dreamed of what my own house would be like. I've been saving as much as I can ever since I left, well since I started again, hoping that one day I'd get enough to put down a good deposit and find somewhere to make my own." Sam sighed, the she looked at him. "I know that's silly isn't it." She looked embarrassed.

"Not at all." He said sincerely, holding her gaze again. Sam placed her hand gently under his chin and pulled him in for an affectionate kiss and as they kissed he felt himself fully relax for the first time since he got home.

* * *

Cal took Ella back to her house, intending to drive home after he had dropped her back safely. He parked up his car on the gravel driveway and walked her to the front door, loitering awkwardly as Ella unlocked the door. She carefully stepped in the doorway and turned to realise that Cal wasn't following.

"Aren't you coming in?" She asked, looking confused.

"Well, um, I thought I should probably go back home." He said, shifting on the spot.

"Oh, ok. I thought you might like to stay?" Ella said, looking up at him from under her lashes, making his stomach flip.

"I just didn't want to assume I'd stay."

"Well if you want to you can; it is quite late."

"Ok." He said, stepping inside. "And you're sure your parents won't mind?"

"No, we've got the guest rooms, they are usually made up ready."

"Oh, ok." Now it was Cal's turn to look a little disappointed.

"I'm kidding." She smiled at him.

"No, perhaps you're right. I don't want to give your parents the wrong impression, perhaps I should stay in a guest room." Cal agreed, thinking back to Ella's dad's enthusiasm for shooting.

"Cal!" Ella half laughed, as if reading his mind. "They won't care; they probably won't even notice."

"Ok." Cal nodded, turning back to lock his car and then shutting the front door. He followed Ella to her bedroom and they climbed into her bed, each laying on their side, facing each other as they lay talking, unable to really believe they were back here; the last time being when Cal had sneaked into the rehab ward when Gracie was missing.

"Why are you so far away?" Ella asked him suddenly.

"I didn't realise I was." Cal tried to sound casual, but even he could feel the gap between them felt huge.

"Why are you being so awkward Cal, this isn't like you." Ella asked, concerned.

"I just, I don't want you to think I'm assuming anything." Cal said honestly.

"Don't be crazy Cal, I asked you to stay remember? I wouldn't do that if I didn't want you here." She looked at him and softly added: "Now come here." She held out her arm and Cal slid across the bed and carefully placed his arm around her. He couldn't deny it felt nice to be back in her arms again; well better than nice, it felt amazing. He didn't know what it was about Ella but she just made him feel like a more worthwhile human being, like someone cared about him and that he wasn't a complete screw up.

"Ella." He said suddenly, breaking the silence that had fallen upon them. "I know we talked about it earlier, but what _really_ happened with Sam and this Andy guy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I guess I just don't understand why, after all this time, he would come back. I mean what has he got to gain from it?"

"Cal, all you need to know about Andy is that he's a nasty piece of work. He's manipulative and he plays mind games and he's got a violent temper."

"Then I guess I just don't get why someone as intelligent as Sam got involved, I mean she must have seen it she must have known. I guess I mean she's not your normal type of victim."

"You need to understand Cal; she was younger then. Sam's always had amazing professional confidence, when she's wearing her uniform she's on top of the world, but the minute she strips down to just being Sam she loses that energy, that self-belief and she becomes a shadow of herself. I can see this has got better as she's got older, and picked herself up again, but she's very good at putting on a show and keeping her internal struggles locked away. She prefers to help people and not let them really see her."

"But I thought she and I were close." Cal looked a bit wounded.

"You are, don't you see, you know more about her that most people who have entered her life. She does love you Cal."

"I love her too." He sighed. "That's why I want to help her and stop this guy from hurting her anymore, and with that my brother too. They deserve to be happy and I don't want someone like him ruining it." Cal practically growled at the end, and Ella hugged him tighter.

"He won't, we won't let him. But Cal please remember what I said before, he has a violent temper and I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt."

"He has a way of getting in your head. I heard some of the things he used to tell Sam, making her believe she made him that way and it was all her fault. Sam as a professional would never believe it, but he stripped her of everything, every shred of confidence, pride, power that she had, all gone because of what he said and did." Ella's voice cracked as she talked painfully remembered the after effects of this relationship. She remembered flying back down to London when she heard about what had finally happened, and that first look at a pale, thin and fragile Sam had cut her deeply. She felt dreadful for not being there, she would never forgive herself for not being there, and she was determined it wouldn't happen again. Perhaps this was another motivation to get back to Holby as quickly as possible. Cal lay in silence, just holding Ella close to him, things going through his mind that he wanted to say and do to Sam's terrible ex.


	201. Chapter 201

The following morning Cal woke up with a smile on his face having Ella in his arms. He watched her sleeping and couldn't help but think how beautiful she was. As if sensing that he was watching her, her eyes flickered open and she smiled shyly at him. Before he could speak she planted her lips on his and pulled him in with a sultry good morning kiss. Cal returned the kiss with a sense of urgency, he needed her, he needed that closeness that he had been craving for so long, and it felt like she was the only one who could give it to him. Ella let out a soft moan that drove him even wilder and he found he could have taken her there and then, but he had to stop himself; he wasn't sure that she was quite recovered enough yet and he didn't want to set back her rehabilitation. He tried to calm his mind down by thinking of mundane things like books and broccoli and…'oh god' he thought as she kissed him deeper. Then Ella's tongue found her way further into his mouth and brought him back to one thought only, and when he felt her hand run down his side and along his thigh he let out a moan of his own, now completely lost in thinking one thing and one thing only, how much he needed her. How much he wanted her.

…

Sam woke up early coughing, quickly slipping out of bed to get a drink and hoping to not wake Ethan, but when she returned he was leaning on his elbow waiting for her.

"Sorry." She whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's ok. Are you alright?" He asked concerned.

"I'm fine." She said slipping back into bed next to him. "I'm excited about today."

"Me too." He smiled at her. "Come here." He said pulling her towards him as they lay down in bed again. Sam rested her head on his shoulder and he had his arm around her and they lay watching her bump move, Ethan lovingly cradling it as he watched the subtle movements made by their child.

"Scary isn't it?" Sam said suddenly.

"What the movements?"

"No, the whole thing. Any time over the next few weeks we could be meeting our baby, we're looking at buying a house, getting married. It all feels so grown up. I never thought I'd grow up."

"I think I was born grown up." Ethan confessed and Sam looked up at him.

"And I love you for it." She smiled at him. "We can talk finances over breakfast before we go. I've got more than you possibly realise squirreled away for a rainy day."

"Well, we can worry about that later." He said.

"You're right, there's something else I need to show you first." Sam smiled, shifting awkwardly around to face him.

"What's that?" Ethan creased his brow looking at her.

"This." She smiled, pulling him down for a kiss. When he went to pull away she held onto him, kissing him deeper, making her intentions clear, and despite her carrying the weight of the baby and not feeling 100% she very much took control in showing Ethan how much she loved him.

…

When Ethan and Sam were returning home from the meeting with the agents both could hardly contain their excitement. They had put their deposit down for the larger 4-bedroom corner plot which was slightly tucked away and the contracts were signed and everything was falling into place. Only once did Ethan have a slight internal wobble, those words from Andy creeping back in his mind, but he pushed them down and refused to let them get to him. It wasn't entirely like him to make the decision after one meeting, but Sam had been so excited, and he had done some previous research into the company and the terms so he wasn't entirely uncomfortable with signing the contracts that morning, and making Sam that happy had made him happy. Just then Sam's phone rang, and seeing a withheld number she looked at Ethan and nervously answered it.

"Hello?" She said, a slight quiver in her voice hidden only by the slight hoarseness still present.

"Sam, it's Rita. How are you?"

"Oh Rita, I'm ok." Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "Feeling a little better thanks."

"I'm glad to hear it." Rita smiled down the phone. "I'm only ringing to see if you and Ethan are coming to the pub tonight, it's Iain's birthday and we're heading there after shift before some of us go into town, but I noticed you, Ethan and Cal aren't in today."

"Oh, I'd forgotten that was tonight. Of course we'll be there Rita." Sam smiled.

"Are you sure you feel up to it?"

"Definitely. And I'll be back in for my night shifts this weekend." Sam said.

"Really? You still sound a bit-"

"Rita, I'm ok, just a bit of a hoarse voice. I will be fine." She said firmly.

"Ok, well, if you're sure, we'll see you tonight, and remind Cal will you?"

"Sure thing. See you later." Sam said as she hung up.

"Iain's birthday drinks at the pub tonight." Sam said to Ethan as she texted Cal.

"Oh yeah, I remember." Ethan said, shuddering at the memory of the boys night that Cal had planned.

"You want to go don't you?" Sam looked up, hearing his lack of enthusiasm.

"Oh, yes I'm happy to go for a pint or two, but I'm not sure about the plans for later." Ethan said.

"Ah, I see." Sam smiled, knowing the type of night the lads probably had planned, especially if any of his old army mates were going to make an appearance.

"But it will be good, I need to pop into work and speak to Mrs Beauchamp anyway, so I can go in before we head to the pub."

"Sure. I might try and have a nap this afternoon before we go though." Sam said yawning.

"Sounds like a plan." Ethan smiled at her.

"Ethan! You bad boy!" Sam pretended to be horrified but couldn't hide the smile. "Wasn't this morning enough?"

"Oh, no I didn't mean-" Ethan started but Sam was already laughing. "You." He shook his head, smiling too. "One day I will see your sarcasm and humour before I get pulled in."

"Of course you will darling." Sam grinned at him as they pulled into the carpark of the flats.

…

Cal pulled his phone out of his pocket as it beeped, seeing he had a text from Sam. He and Ella were sitting outside in the garden, it was dry but cold but nice to be out in the fresh air, and they were drinking tea and eating her mum's homemade scones with homemade jam and lots of cream. Cal had just been thinking he could get used to this treatment, and Caroline had seemed to really take a shine to him. He read the message and looked at his watch, having forgotten that tonight was Iain's drinks.

"Everything ok?" Ella asked.

"Oh, fine. It's um, well I'd forgotten it's Iain's birthday night out tonight, Sam just text to remind me."

"That's ok, you can make it back in time can't you?"

"Well, I guess. But you don't mind?"

"Mind? Of course not, he's your friend and it's his birthday. You have to go." Ella smiled at him and he looked at her wondering what the catch was.

"Really?"

"Really Cal. You can't put your life on hold any more for me, you've already stayed up longer than you were going to. Besides, I'll be back soon."

"I can't wait." He smiled at her.

"Me too."

"Although we will have to come up for your mum's baking again." Cal said, taking another bite of his scone. "These are so good."

"Table manners Caleb!" Ella laughed as he spoke the last part through his mouthful. She scooped up a bit of cream and wiped it on his cheek, causing him to give her a look, but she just leaned in and kissed it off again.

"You drive me so wild." He whispered as she seductively removed the cream.

"I know." She whispered in his ear. "I got that impression this morning." She smiled wickedly at him as he tried his best to control his breathing.

"I can't believe what you do to me. I thought I had a way over women; but you, just a couple of words or a simple look and I go to pieces."

"That's good to know." She winked at him then leaned in and kissed him properly.

…

Ethan parked the car up in the carpark and he and Sam headed into the hospital. Sam was going to wait for Rita and the others while they finished and Ethan was going to see Mrs Beauchamp. Sam felt a little nervous as Robyn was going to be there and she hoped she could explain things to her better than last time, she desperately wanted to sort things out but didn't want to create an atmosphere. Sam got her chance as she was sitting on the sofa in the staff room, idly flicking through a discarded magazine, when Robyn came in, changed ready to go to the pub. Sam looked up and half smiled awkwardly as they made eye contact. Sam saw that Robyn still looked hurt and it was probably because she hadn't made the attempt to contact her since it had happened. Robyn nodded and then turned to her locker, putting some things in there slowly, thinking of what to say.

"Robyn? Robyn come and sit down." Sam said softly to the younger nurse. Robyn looked up and hesitated, but went to sit beside Sam. "Robyn, I want to apologise. I didn't set out to hurt you, if anything it was quite the opposite, honestly. I just didn't express myself very well."

"I probably shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I was just angry, I thought you were trying to, well I don't really know what I thought. But I've talked to Lofty about it and he made me realise that you're not the type to deliberately hurt me."

"Of course not, Robyn, you're my friend, I care about you, I'd never want to hurt you, or see you get hurt. You have to see; this is why I wanted to talk to you."

"But I still don't understand."

"Then let me tell you." Sam said, looking sincerely at her while taking a deep breath. "I know him, Andy. We have history. And it's not a good history." Sam started, she looked at Robyn, whose eyes had gone wide, making her look even more innocent. Sam hated herself for having to do this to her. "Robyn, you remember me telling you about my abusive past, right? Well, he is it." Sam stopped, letting Robyn absorb it.

"He's…What?" Robyn breathed, clearly shocked. "I-I can't believe it." Sam looked at her and could see her eyes flickering as she thought back through their meetings and trying to work out if she'd seen anything that would give that impression.

"I'm sorry Robyn, but it's true. Now that's not to say he's still the same person, but, well, he's been aggressive to me since he reappeared. I don't care about that, what I'm scared about is you, I don't want to see you dragged into anything like that."

"Right." Robyn breathed out and nodded, still shocked and wide eyed. She looked down to her hands on her lap and then back up at Sam. "And I brought him here, to the pub and well, here where he could find you. Oh my god, I'm so sorry." She looked mortified.

"Robyn it's fine, it's not your fault, you didn't know. But you have to understand, I can't help but worry about why he's suddenly appeared here and I'm scared for your safety if he hasn't changed." Sam reached out for Robyn's hand and was somewhat surprised when Robyn didn't push her away. Instead Robyn looked up, a look of determination came to her face as she seemly made a snap decision.

"No, I don't care if he has changed. Anyone that can do _that_ is not someone I can stand to be associated with, especially not to a colleague and someone I consider to be a good friend."

"Robyn-" Sam started but Robyn was already jumping to her feet and making her way out of the room.

"I'll see you over the road in a minute." Robyn said, swinging her bag onto her shoulder and walking out of sight. Sam pulled herself up off the sofa but Robyn was already gone, and before she could follow her, Charlie had come in and was making conversation. Sam couldn't help but feel slightly relieved when he was called back out before he could make his cup of tea, but unfortunately she was then intercepted by Zoe who was on the hunt for Dylan but then also stopped to chat to Sam, and by the time she managed to get outside, Robyn was nowhere to be seen. Sam stood by the doors of the ED looking out into the darkness of the carpark, but she couldn't see anyone. She could have guessed that Robyn was headed over to the pub, but it didn't seem like she was that desperate for a drink that she couldn't wait for the others. No, Sam was convinced she was going to talk to Andy, that was what it had seemed like, but where? Sam pulled out her phone and tried to call Robyn but it went straight to answerphone. Frustrated, she threw it back in her bag and walked further out into the car park, but there was no sign of her. She turned to go back inside but before she got through the doors she felt a hand tighten on her forearm as fear gripped her and she couldn't move.


	202. Chapter 202

Ethan was sitting opposite Mrs Beauchamp, having just been organising taking his paternity leave, giving her their estimated due date but obviously confirming that he would be able to take his leave as and when nature should take its course. Then suddenly Connie handed him over a large brown padded envelope. He took it from her looking confused.

"Well, aren't you going to open it?" She enthused.

"What is it?" Ethan asked.

"Open it and you'll see." She half smiled. Ethan's hand trembled slightly as he fingered the envelope flap and slipped out all of the paperwork that was inside. On the top page he could see his exam results and the breakdown of the various sections and work-based assessments and an overall examination of his performance. He tried to read it methodically but his eyes skipped around the page and he couldn't really take in what it said. He flipped the page and saw a letter from the hospital board addressed to him underneath.

 _'Dear Dr Ethan Hardy,_

 _We are pleased to see that you have passed your recent examination. While this brings your training period with us to a close…we would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your continued hard work and service over the past few years._

 _However, with your high standards of work-based assessments and continuous comments on attention to detail, focus and determination, you are clearly a highly competent doctor and talking to your Consultant colleagues has supported this view point; they all speak very highly of you._

 _With this in mind, we are pleased to invite you to interview for the upcoming post of Consultant in Emergency Medicine in our very own highly regarded Emergency Department._

 _Please confirm in writing whether you would be interested in this opportunity and we will be in touch with further details._

 _Many Congratulations on such wonderful results._

 _Yours Sincerely_

 _Mr Henrik Hanssen_

 _CEO Holby City Hospital._

Once again, Ethan could hardly focus on what he was reading, and he was also aware of Mrs Beauchamp's eyes boring into him as he skimmed through the letter from Mr Hanssen. AS he flicked through the rest of the paperwork to see what it was all about, it was all starting to hit home. He had passed his exams, he was being invited to apply for a consultancy post, it was all really happening and he could hardly believe it.

"Well?" Connie urged. "What do you think?"

"I'm a bit shocked to be honest." Ethan confessed. Even though he had had a discussion with Mrs Beauchamp back along about just this, it was still strange to see it in front of him in black and white. It all felt more real, and somehow scarier, but exciting.

"Well, we did discuss it."

"I know, but I'm just so overwhelmed, truly it's amazing to be asked by the board to apply. You must have pulled some strings." He said looking up at his boss sincerely.

"Well, maybe. But really, your work did the talking, I merely suggested your name." Connie said. "But you are going to apply aren't you?"

"Well, yes, of course, I mean I'd be stupid not to, and I want to be here."

"Good." Connie nodded at him. "There's something else." She said holding him out a smaller envelope. Ethan reached out and took it from her, pulling out the card inside.

"The consultant's ball?" Ethan looked at it.

"Yes, the board want to honour you at the ball for your recent work in service improvement."

"Wow, thank you. I didn't really do anything though."

"Oh Ethan, don't start this again, be proud of your hard work. You've helped cut the budget use and improved patient flow in the department with putting your research into place, of course the board are going to think it's fantastic."

"But they don't need to honour me for it."

"Well, if you don't want to go?" Connie raised her eyebrows knowingly at him.

"Ok, of course I'll go." He said, but he wasn't sure he wanted to get up in front of everyone to be 'honoured' that just made it sound mortifying. "Thank you Mrs Beauchamp." He nodded, getting up to leave.

"I'm proud of you Dr Hardy, you did well." She smiled as he was about to head out of the door. He turned back and saw the soft smile on Connie's face.

"Thank you." He smiled back at her and then left the office, clutching the paperwork. He stood for a moment just taking in what had happened. He needed to find Sam and tell her, she would be so excited he thought happily. He walked towards the staffroom but noticed she wasn't in there. It was only Charlie having a quiet cup of tea.

"Hi Charlie, have you seen Sam?"

"She was here about 20 minutes ago, but I don't know where she went." Charlie shrugged apologetically.

"Thanks." Ethan nodded as he turned back around to find her. He assumed she had gone to the pub with the girls, but just then Rita hurried past. Ethan headed towards the front of the ED but was intercepted by Lily on the way out.

…

Sam felt herself being pulled away from the safety of the doors to the ED, she didn't want to look up, she didn't need to. She knew who it was. She was pulled around the corner and came face to face with Andy, who once again pushed her forcefully up against the wall and held onto her so she couldn't get away. Sam tried to be brave but her legs were shaking beneath her.

"What do you think you're playing at? Not content with ruining my life once you had to interfere again?" Andy hissed in her face angrily, tightening the grip on her arm causing her to wince.

"I-I don't know what you mean." Sam said quietly, unable to make eye contact with him.

"Yes you do. You had to open that big mouth of yours again didn't you?"

"I haven't done anything." Sam said, before realisation hit her through the panic. Of course, Robyn had obviously contacted him, probably told him they had talked, but where was she? Sam hoped he hadn't done anything to her.

"Don't lie." He hissed, wrenching her arm back as Sam let out a squeal.

"Where is she? Where is Robyn?" Sam said, worried about her friend.

"Oh you don't need to worry about her. You should be more worried for yourself."

"Why are you doing this Andy." Sam said, tears filling her eyes which she fought hard to not let fall. She finally looked up at him. She could smell he had been drinking.

"Why?" He hissed, then looking at her face, he softened very slightly. "Why? I've told you before, this is what you do to me. You do these things and make me angry, but it's only because I love you."

"What? You don't treat someone you love like this." Sam said shocked.

"You must see it, he's not right for you. You shouldn't be with _him_."

"You mean someone that actually loves me, someone who treats me with respect, like a human being."

"He doesn't love you though. He's only with you because you're pregnant."

"No, we were together before, he _loves_ me." Sam stressed, but Andy picked up on a tiny shred of doubt in her voice.

"He feels sorry for you more like." Andy half laughed.

"No, you don't know anything about us."

"I know more than you think, especially after I had a little chat with him the other night."

"What? When?" Sam challenged him, but she was obviously shocked.

"Oh, he didn't tell you then? And you thought he loved you." Andy smiled. Sam stood in silence, not knowing what to think. "Come on babe, come back to me. You know we were always good together." Andy leaned right into her face and she could smell the alcohol on his breath and she tried to shrink back, but she couldn't. She shook her head but couldn't find the words she wanted. "I can make you happy in ways he can't."

"No, no you can't. I'm happier now than I've ever been." Sam insisted. Andy's face hardened again and he pushed her firmly against the wall again, slightly winding her. As she caught her breath again he launched into a verbal attack against Ethan.

"You're kidding me! You're telling me that that speccy brains of a doctor makes you happy, truly happy. Surely he can't satisfy you in the ways that I can."

"Yes he does make me happy."

"But we're meant to be together. You and me against the world babe."

"Firstly, don't call me that." Sam hissed, finding her inner strength again and shoving him away from her. "Secondly, I can't believe I was ever with you; and thirdly, why would I choose someone like you over him?"

"Like me?" He spat looking down at her.

"Yes, an arrogant violent bully. Why would I choose that when I have the most perfect, loving, caring man in the world? Who in their right mind would choose someone like _you_ over that?" At Sam's comment, Andy lost his cool and swung his arm around landing his hand on Sam's face with an almighty stinging slap which seemed to echo around the car park. Sam stood in shock as her hand flew to her cheek and a tear slipped down her other cheek, but Andy just grabbed her again, shoving her firmly back against the wall, leaning all his weight on her so she couldn't get away.

"How dare you, you bitch. You made me who I am, it's all you. And how can you talk about being in your right mind, you're insane, completely and utterly messed up in the head." Andy yelled as Sam winced.

"If I'm so messed up, why are you so desperate to convince me to come back?"

"Because you're mine, you always were and I don't give up my _things_ to anyone, especially not someone like _him_."

"Like him? What perfect, kind, thoughtful, loving? He's everything you should have been but you never could be, because you're not worthy of being called a man!" Sam bit out, unable to stop herself. Before she could catch her breath Andy had smacked her face again, but this time she didn't care, she wasn't letting him get the upper hand. This time he wouldn't win. "He's everything you're not, and I love him with all my heart and soul, and nothing you can do will change that. He's more of a man than you'll _ever_ be!" With that Andy lost it, he grabbed her by the arms and shoved her hard against the wall, causing her to knock the back of her head which left her dazed for a moment, then he raised his fist in the air, and it was all Sam could do to close her eyes, wince and wait for the inevitable blow, but it didn't come, at least not when she expected it to.

…

Ethan had finally sidestepped Lily, deciding Sam must have headed to the pub. He checked his phone again but there was no message, it wasn't like Sam to disappear without a word; or was it, he thought. She did up and leave to Ella's back along without telling him, and Andy had insinuated that…no, no he wouldn't let him do this. Sam had probably just gone to wait outside or in the pub. He took one last look back at the staffroom to check she hadn't popped back there while he was talking to Lily, but seeing it still only containing Charlie, he stepped outside.

Sam waited with her eyes closed, knowing the blow was about to come. Andy still had her pressed against the wall, she tried to wriggle but she couldn't move under his grip. Her head throbbed from the bang to the back of it, but experience told her worse was to come; for some reason though she couldn't find the strength to fight back.

Ethan walked out of the doors, holding onto his phone and looked around, but Sam wasn't out there. He tried to dial her number as he walked out into the cold night air, deciding she must have gone to the pub already. Her phone rang but no answer came.

Sam held her breath, then suddenly a noise came that startled her. Her phone started ringing. She opened her eyes briefly looking down towards where her bag had landed on the floor earlier, then looked up towards Andy who glared at her.

"Don't even think about it." He said gruffly. But that was all Sam needed to remember the reasons she had to fight this time. She knew it would be Ethan ringing her and she knew he'd be looking for her, and she had to fight for him, for him and their baby. She kicked Andy in the shin and tried to shove him off of her as hard as she could and although he was too strong to get away from, it put him off his stride and the blow she had been inevitably waiting for didn't come. However, his temper rose even more and he grabbed her and shoved her against the wall again, and this time instead of going for a hit, he put his hand around her neck and held her tightly against the wall. She knew she'd pushed it too far, but she had to do it, she had to fight. She tried to scream out but she could hardly draw breath, and instead made a strangled sound as Andy held her tight.

"Not so feisty now are you? You pathetic bitch." He spat out at her. Sam just continued trying to catch her breath. Luckily Andy loosened his grip on her before she felt she would pass out, she breathed heavily trying to get control of her breathing and before Andy could do anything more she shouted out.

"Help! Someone help me-" She managed to get out before Andy hit her again and put his hand over her mouth, once again forcing the back of her head heavily against the wall.

…

Ethan was just putting his phone back in his pocket and setting out to walk across to the pub. He had made it half way across the carpark when he heard a woman call out for help, someone who sounded terrified, someone who sounded a bit like…it couldn't be could it he thought to himself. He turned back, looking behind him but couldn't see where it had come from, but instinctively he broke out into a half fast walk half run towards where the sound had come from.

"Hello?" Ethan called out as he headed further. "Hello? Can you hear me? Is everything ok?"

"He never leaves you does he?" Andy said looking up. "Pathetic." He spat. "Well, he's going to regret coming after you this time."

"No." Sam tried to shout out from behind his hand, but it just came out muffled. Andy let her go, shoving her aside as he saw Ethan go past and reached out and grabbed him instead catching him by surprise and instantly punching him hard in the face, stunning Ethan which Andy then followed with a swift blow to the abdomen and while Ethan was doubled over in shock and pain he kicked him to the floor. Sam rushed at him as quickly as she could, although she was wary of her bump, her protective instincts told her Ethan needed her more and when she got around the corner and saw Ethan in a heap on the floor she screamed again and launched herself towards Andy to try and drag him off. Andy easily dealt with her by giving her a good hard shove, causing her to overbalance and fall backwards, such was the force he shoved her with. He turned his attention back to Ethan, delivering blow after blow, kicking and not caring where he kicked him and what damage he did. Ethan by now was curled in the foetal position on the floor, unable to move, he never stood a chance to even defend himself or Sam. Luckily, Iain and Rita were just making their way out of the ED doors as an older lady came in shouting for help, and that someone was getting beaten up outside, and as they rushed out and saw Ethan on the floor being beaten, and Sam on the floor behind they both ran over. Rita instinctively hurried to help Sam up as Iain dived onto Andy, wrestling him to the floor as 2 security guards rushed over to help, radioing in to get the police to the hospital. Before long Zoe and Charlie were hurrying over to Ethan along with a porter and an HCA with a trolley, and Rita had pulled a hysterical Sam into a sitting position, but was preventing her from getting too close to Ethan, so Charlie and Zoe could assess the damage. They got him onto the trolley and whisked him quickly inside, but Rita could see he didn't look good.

* * *

 _A/N: I do know that Ethan is too young to have completed his training and to be offered a Consultant's post but for the nature of this story I wanted that to happen, so could we just employ a little 'suspension of disbelief' here to allow this? And also that Connie wouldn't have given him his results in this way but again, I just needed it to work for my story. Thanks ever so…_ _J_


	203. Chapter 203

_Today should have been so different, today should have been wonderful. We should have been on top of the world. We've got our house, our baby on the way, a wedding to plan, and a future to build, together, forever. But not now. One fateful encounter and it's all ruined. All gone in an instant. If I could change it, I would. I'd do it all differently, if only I could have that time back. Rewind. Start over again. After all, it only takes a moment to change a life. I'd found that on more than one occasion and here it was again. Again I'm regretting my actions, regretting my choices, regretting it all and wishing I could go back and choose a different path, with a better outcome, but I can't can I?_

 _So, this is it. This is how it ends. With me here, watching, waiting, hoping, praying, anything. Desperate to hear that you're going to be ok. But I'm not sure you are. I'm not sure of anything anymore. And it hurts so much to know that I've done this to you._

"Sam?" Came Rita's soft voice bringing her out of her trance. "Sam, come on we need to get you inside." She gently guided Sam by the arm towards the doors of the ED, just as Robyn came rushing over.

"What's happened, why are the police arresting Andy?" She said looking across to where he had just been bundled into the arriving police vehicle, while catching her breath.

"I'll explain later Robyn." Rita shook her head, trying to let Robyn know that now wasn't a good time, also not realising that Robyn was already involved. Robyn looked confused and worried.

"Has he hurt you Sam? Is it my fault?"

"No, it's not your fault Robyn, just help me get Sam inside, ok?" Rita said, looking worried at Sam who was still staring at the spot on the floor where Ethan had been lying before he was hurriedly taken inside. Iain was talking to the second police officer and saying he would come down to the station to give his statement after he had checked on his colleagues. He looked up and gave Rita a smile and a nod as she and Robyn each gently took one of Sam's arms and guided her slowly inside.

"Sam, your head is bleeding." Robyn said wide eyed. "I'm so sorry, this is all down to me isn't it?" She finished sadly. Sam still couldn't speak. They guided her onto a trolley but no sooner had she sat down she stood up again, still staring ahead she mumbled something about having to get on with treating her patients.

"Sam, you're not working darling." Rita said softly. "You've had a bit of a bang to the head, come on, sit down and we'll get someone to look at you."

"A bang to my head?" She asked softly, not sounding like herself at all.

"Sam?" Robyn said, looking concerned at Rita. Rita shrugged and mouthed for her to go and find someone.

"Sam darling, you sit down." Rita said gently again, surprised when Sam did as she asked. Suddenly Sam jumped up again.

"I have to see him." She said as if suddenly realising. Rita grabbed her firmly, causing her to gasp.

"No, Sam, you can't." Rita hurried out, not wanting Sam to witness the scene currently going on in Resus. "You need to stay here; you need to be checked over."

"No! I need to get to Ethan." Sam shouted more firmly. "I need to…Oh God!" She wailed, the emotion starting to rise to the surface again. "I can't lose him Rita. It's all my fault. I need him." Sam said, her breathing starting to become more erratic.

Iain came back through the doors looking for Rita but he saw Robyn wondering around looking worried.

"Robyn, have you seen Rita?" He asked, his northern tones sounding softer.

"She's in the cubicle with Sam." Robyn pointed, still looking shocked. "Iain, tell me what happened." She pleaded. Iain looked at her with concern, he didn't know the full story so could only tell her what he saw and couldn't put it into the correct context as Rita hadn't explained all of the links to him.

"I don't really know. Rita and I were leaving to go to the pub and we saw some guy getting badly beaten outside, as we ran nearer we saw it was Sam and Ethan. I jumped on the guy beating on Ethan and pinned him down while security came and helped me restrain him until the police arrived. I don't know why he was doing it; all I know is Ethan didn't look in a good way."

"It's all my fault Iain." Robyn admitted tearfully.

"Hey, what do you mean? You weren't even there." Iain said, putting his hand on Robyn's shoulder to try and offer some comfort but feeling a little out of his depth. He was used to reassuring people, but not those he was close with, he was better at the practical than the emotional.

"I told Andy I didn't want to see him ever again. When Sam told me about their history I stormed over to the pub, I knew he was waiting there for me; and I told him I never wanted to see him again and that he was a sick person who deserved to rot in hell for the things he'd done. Then I walked away. I'm the reason he was so mad, and he probably blamed Sam and then took his anger out on Ethan. It's all my fault." Robyn rushed out, as tears slipped down her cheek. Iain had no choice but to offer physical comfort now as he pulled her into a slightly awkward hug, whilst trying to absorb what he had just been told. He wished Rita was here, she was much better at comfort and advice than he was. She was better at a lot of things he thought to himself.

"I'm sure it wasn't your fault." Iain tried to say but Robyn just cried harder. "Hey, come on, let's go and sit you down."

"No, I need to find someone to check Sam over." Robyn sniffed.

"Well, look, I'll do that and then we'll get you a cup of tea, come on, go and sit down." He said guiding her towards the staff room then heading off to find Rita.

"Reets." He said popping his head behind the curtain and nodding to beckon her out. "I've put Robyn in the staff room, she's really upset, she says it's her fault because she told Andy she didn't want to be with him or something?" He said looking confused.

"Oh God." Rita sighed. "Look, I need to find someone to look at Sam's head, can you just make sure she doesn't leave the cubicle?"

"Oh, but I-" Iain started.

"Please Iain?" Rita looked at him with her big eyes and he couldn't resist.

"Ok." He said popping in behind the curtains as Rita disappeared.

"Um, Sam, how are you?" Iain asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Fine." Sam whispered, her voice barely audible.

"So, Rita has just gone to find someone look check you over." Iain said, still loitering uncomfortably.

"Rita." Sam nodded, then she looked up at him. "She's really fond of you, you know." Sam said softly.

"Well, um, I like her too."

"I think you two are great together." Sam said, but her voice was still weak and devoid of real emotion.

"Yes, well, we're having fun." Iain smiled. Sam looked up at him and Iain could see now how broken she looked, almost like she wasn't Sam at all.

"I think she'd like more than that, and I think you do too."

"Maybe." Iain shrugged quietly.

"Tell her Iain, tell her how you feel, before it's too late."

"I don't know, I'm not good at things like that."

"Do it." Sam urged, but still with a sad tone to her voice.

"I don't know."

"If you don't then one day you'll wake up and realise you've wasted your time and she'll have found someone who will tell her and you'll be left sad and alone wondering where it all went wrong." Sam said, holding his eye contact. Iain just looked at her, even in all the stress and anguish of the situation she was thinking about her friend's feelings. Suddenly Sam reached for a bowl and was promptly sick. Luckily for Iain Rita came back with Dylan in tow and they stepped in and he was able to slip back outside the cubicle. He sat down in the waiting room on an empty seat and zoned out. Some birthday night this had turned out to be, he hadn't even had a drink yet. Suddenly he got a text that brought him back down to earth. It was from Cal.

Dylan had assessed Sam's wounds and due to the vomiting and confused/strange behaviour she had displayed since the accident he had decided they ought to send her for a head CT just to be safe that there wasn't an underlying head injury such as a bleed or contusion on her brain. He thought it unlikely but as Sam had described a few blows to the head he wanted to play it safe. However, he also knew that the team were desperately trying to stabilise Ethan in resus and he would be a priority for the scanner as soon as they were able to get him in it. He wrote up some pain killers for Rita to give Sam and went to order the scan. Although Rita was technically off duty now, she wouldn't hear of anyone else treating Sam and gave her the pain relief then put on gloves and an apron and started cleaning Sam's head wound and covered it in a temporary dressing to help stem the bleeding.

Suddenly they were both aware of a commotion outside the cubicle. Rita felt Sam jump and stiffen as the voice cut through the silence.

"Let me see my brother." Cal was heard to shout as Louise tried unsuccessfully to calm him and keep him away from Resus. "I need to see Ethan." He said as his voice wobbled slightly as he said his brother's name. He couldn't believe this was the third time in 2 years that he had been in this position, surely this was enough now. Sam looked up at Rita with a terrified, hurt look on her face. Cal would never forgive her for this.

"Cal mate, come on. You know the drill, let them stabilise and assess him and then you can see him." Iain tried to soothe the angry and upset medic.

"Who did this? What happened?" Cal turned accusingly on Iain. "And where is Sam?"

"He got into a fight outside."

"A fight? Ethan?" Cal cut in, even in his shock he couldn't believe that.

"Well, no night a fight, but he was being beaten by a guy when Rita and I were leaving for the pub and I jumped on the guy but the damage was done." Iain said, cringing at his own choice of words.

"Damage? What have they done? Who is it? And where is Sam?" He repeated again.

"Sam is in cubicles getting treatment for a head injury."

"What the hell happened out there?" Cal said, sinking down onto a chair and burying his head in his hands. "My brother, my little brother. Is he going to- He can't. He can't." Cal said, keeping his head down and fighting off the tears that wanted to come. He suddenly felt weak and tired. He looked back up towards resus, but couldn't see anything. He was too scared to go nearer, besides, he wouldn't be allowed in and he would need to make sure they were doing everything. Suddenly he had a terrible thought, what if they weren't? What if they were going to give up on Ethan? He couldn't let them, they had to fight, and Ethan needed to know he needed to fight. Cal suddenly jumped up and ran towards the glass doors of resus and Iain quickly followed him.

"Rita, I feel sick." Sam said suddenly. Rita handed her a bowl and sat on the edge of the trolley beside her with her arm around her.

"It's ok, it's just the shock."

"Cal is going to blame me for this. But then it is my fault. All I've done is cause grief for Ethan, and now Andy might have, he won't will he?"

"He won't what?" Rita urged softly.

"He won't die will he?"

"You know Connie, Zoe and Lily are all in there with Charlie, they will do everything they can, you know they will."

"Lily? Surely she's too close."

"Yes, but who better than to have fighting his corner, she may be a bit of an ice princess wannabe, but she's an excellent doctor and good with the practical and keeping emotions locked away."

"I guess. And she won't give up on him will she?"

"No, none of them will." Rita tried to reassure her.

"I can't lose him Rita; Cal will never forgive me for this."

"Don't worry about that now." Rita said pulling her into a hug. Rita knew she couldn't promise that he would be ok. She knew it was serious from the looks on Zoe and Charlie's face initially, and the fact that Ethan was motionless on the floor. But she needed to help Sam get through this.


	204. Chapter 204

A/N: Just a short update because I couldn't bare to leave you all hanging on to get an little update on Ethan...

Thank you all so much for the kind comments on the last few chapters - I'm amazed at your staying power! It really means a lot to me that you all continue to comment on this. Thank you so SO much. :)

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In Resus, Connie was taking control but with Zoe and Charlie there, she didn't really need to tell them what to do, but all well controlled trauma cases needed a team leader, and this was her team, and the patient was her team member too. Lily was also assisting as was David, it was a lot of people, but the more hands ready to do what was needed the better, and this was one fight Connie was _not_ going to lose.

"Right, Zoe, have you got that second line in? Let's get the O neg through the rapid infuser, we're sure to have internal bleeding. Lily have you got the FAST scanner, let's check his abdomen for signs of a bleed. As soon as he's stable I want him in the scanner. Charlie, get hold of the anaesthetists, I want them down here now and call Keller and get them to clear urgent theatre space." Connie instructed authoritatively. They had already intubated Ethan and had placed a chest drain for the haemothorax. The chest x-ray had also shown multiple fractured ribs, which was hardly any surprise, but what they were currently concerned about was an abdominal bleed. Connie was just listening to chest again to reassess his breathing and as she listened to his heart she frowned. Charlie saw and looked on with concern. She looked up at him and shook her head.

"Never mind the abdominal bleed, I'm more concerned about a tamponade, we could be looking at a tear in the myocardium or worse."

"A myocardial rupture?" Charlie said looking worried.

"He needs surgery now. Get me a wide bore cannula, 50ml syringe and a 3-way tap." She said to Charlie. "Zoe, we need to ECHO machine, I'm going to do a pericardiocentesis. Lily, call Keller and tell them we'll need a CT _consultant_ surgeon in theatre too, and then call Darwin and inform them, it might be better if we get him into Darwin's theatre, it'll be more equipped if he has got a rupture." Lily looked up in horror. Normally this would excite her but not today, not on her friend. She got on the phone as instructed by Mrs Beauchamp and tried to block out the sounds coming from behind her as the alarms went off on Ethan's monitors as his condition deteriorated.

Just as Connie was about to start the pericardiocentesis, Cal appeared in the doorway and her concentration was momentarily distracted.

"Charlie, get him away for now, he can't watch this." Connie said, barely looking away from where she was about to start the procedure. Charlie headed towards the doors where Cal was looking like he might burst in at any moment.

"Cal, come on, you don't need to see this." Charlie said, matter of factly but with a voice filled with sympathy for the young medic as he guided him away from the doors. Strangely, Cal allowed himself to be led away, though most likely because he just didn't have the facility of thought to object.

"Ch-Charlie. What's happening?" Cal breathed as they got out of sight of resus.

"Cal, we're still in the assessment phase, we don't know the full picture yet. Maybe you should wait until we have answers."

"Don't Charlie. Don't give me the usual family spiel." Cal spat out, not meaning to sound harsh to Charlie but he didn't want to hear the usual lines. "Just tell me what we are looking at. I know how it works, you have some ideas."

"Ok, sit down Cal." Charlie said guiding him onto a nearby chair and taking a seat next to him. Cal looked at him nervously. "Ok, so we know he has a haemothorax, probably caused by the multiple rib fractures." Charlie started. Cal took a deep breath, horrific images coming into his head. "He's got urgent blood running as we suspect he will have internal injuries; Lily was just about to run a FAST scan. He's already intubated because of reduced GCS and the potential for head injury, besides, he is definitely going to need surgery, and we were trying to stabilise him to get him into the scanner." Charlie paused before breaking the bad news. He wasn't sure if Cal was ready to hear this but perhaps he needed to hear it.

"What do you mean you _were_ trying to stabilise him?" Cal asked, running his hands through his hair and grabbing his neck, almost as if he was trying to brace himself for the upcoming blow.

"Well, Connie was assessing his breathing and as she listened to his heart she heard muffled heart sounds and suspected a tamponade."

"Oh god, not again." Cal sighed, closing his eyes.

"That's not all Cal." Charlie said placing his hand on Cal's shoulder. Cal looked up at him. "She suspects the tamponade may have occurred due to a tear in the myocardium. She's doing a pericardiocentesis right now, and we're getting him up to Darwin theatre asap for surgery." Charlie finished as Cal gasped, unable to actually form any words. He buried his head in his hands and couldn't contain the sobs. Charlie supportively squeezed Cal's shoulder, knowing it would bring no real comfort but that he needed it.

"H-How did it happen Charlie?" Cal breathed. "Did you see?"

"No, I didn't get outside until after." Charlie admitted, looking sadly at Cal.

"I should have been there; I should have protected him. He's my little brother." Cal sobbed again.

"You can't always follow him around. He's a grown man."

"But he's still my brother."

"I know." Charlie smiled sadly at him.

"Who would do this? W-why?"

"I don't know."

"I need to know." He said determinedly, standing up suddenly. "Sam, I need to see her." He walked away quickly, wiping the tears off his cheeks. He charged through to cubicles, heading towards where Sam was.

"I'm tired Rita." Sam mumbled as she pulled away from the hug. Rita looked at her with concern.

"You can't go to sleep yet Sam." Rita said.

"But I'm tired." Sam said quietly, almost sounding like a little girl. "I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep."

"Yes, but not until we've sorted that head wound."

"Well do it now then." Sam snapped suddenly, immediately looking shocked at herself. "Sorry." She mumbled again, looking down at the floor. Rita just looked at her sadly.

"Shall I go and see if I can find anything out?" Rita asked softly. Sam shook her head.

"I need my phone." Sam announced suddenly. Rita handed Sam her bag, looking confused. Sam pulled her phone out of her bag, tears forming in her eyes as she saw the missed call from Ethan. She unlocked it and dialled the number. As expected it went straight to voicemail.

 _"Hello, it's Ethan here. I can't take your call right now but if you leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Ok? Thank you."_

Sam removed the phone from her ear and dialled again, and again listened to Ethan's voicemail greeting. If she hadn't been so upset she'd have laughed at his dorky message, especially the typically polite way of ending it. It was so Ethan. She hung up and dialled it again, and this time as the phone beeped for her to leave her message she just whispered: 'I love you. I'm sorry.' And then she broke down into sobs, dropping her phone to the ground. Rita looked at her in horror and pulled her back into a hug. Just then Cal came flying into the cubicle.


	205. Chapter 205

Cal rushed behind the curtain, not really knowing what he was going to say, or what he was going to find, but he had to do it. He'd always considered Ethan as the one who wanted answers, to be practical and have a plan. But now this was his time, he needed answers. But as he came to a stop in front of them, Rita holding tightly onto Sam as she sobbed uncontrollably in her arms. Rita looked up at Cal, giving him a look of a mixture of concern and warning and Cal looked visibly shocked; though on reflection he would probably question why he was so shocked, he knew how much Sam cared about Ethan, and chances are she saw the assault happen. His eyes quickly flicked to the floor where he saw her discarded mobile phone and he wondered if she had heard something else to make her even more distressed. He looked back up to them and suddenly felt tight across his chest as his determination for answers became superseded by an overwhelming urge to offer comfort and support to someone who was as scared and upset as he was, someone who he loved. He caught Rita's eye again and from the desperate look in her eyes, he knew that Sam must be completely broken. Cal slowly reached out and gently placed his hand on her arm and feeling his touch, Sam finally looked up at him. A split second of eye contact was all that was needed before Sam found herself releasing her grip on Rita and pulling Cal into a tight embrace, which he returned without hesitation.

"Come on, come on." Connie muttered to herself, in her mind coaxing out the blood to appear in the syringe as she performed the procedure on Ethan. "Yes, there we go." She smiled to herself, relieved but hiding it well within her cool exterior. She listened to Ethan's heart sounds again and was satisfied that for now things had settled. She looked up as Charlie came back into resus.

"How is Cal?" She asked quietly.

"As expected really." Charlie sighed. "And Ethan?"

"Same." She nodded. "Any news on getting him into surgery?" Connie asked Lily, whose back was still turned away from them. She jumped around at her boss' voice, but still too afraid to look properly at Ethan.

"They are just prepping, but we can get him up as soon as he's stable enough."

"Right." Connie nodded at her then turned back to Zoe and Charlie. "I'm thinking we don't wait to get him into the CT scanner, I think we should just get him upstairs."

"Agreed." Zoe nodded at Connie and Charlie also agreed. Together the three of them piled the monitors onto the trolley with Ethan and prepared to whisk him into theatre. Jac Naylor was waiting outside Darwin's theatre to greet Connie and she had Mo Effanga prepping in theatre ready to receive Ethan. Everyone was determined that Ethan was going to have the best surgeons and they were not going to lose him tonight. Zoe and Charlie loitered outside the theatre while they prepped Ethan, but reluctantly had to head back downstairs, however, Connie remained in her old hunting ground and observed the initial part of surgery, much to Jac's disdain, but she knew should wouldn't win this argument against her old clinical lead and mentor. Jac, along with Mo, worked quickly and deftly to open up Ethan's chest and locate and repair the tear in the myocardium, which Connie had correctly guessed was the cause of the tamponade, but Ethan's vital signs still weren't improving as much as they would like. Thankfully, it was just a tear and not a rupture which would have almost certainly led to a bad outcome. Despite rapidly transfusing more blood, his pressure was still low and Jac knew there had to be a further bleed somewhere. They paged Ric Griffin to join them in theatre as a consultant general surgeon and he could open the abdomen if needed. Just as the page went out and Mo was about to close Ethan's chest, the alarms alerted them to Ethan's heart going into VF.

Cal and Sam were by now alone in the cubicle, and after initially holding on to each other as their tears fell, they finally were both exhausted and they lay together on the trolley, somewhat awkwardly due to lack of space, but Cal was laid back with Sam leaning on him in his arms, neither daring to speak their fears, consumed by the silence within the cubicle but with the distant buzzing of the department around them.

Rita had left them to it and as she left the cubicle, she had bumped into Iain sitting in the waiting room still.

"Some birthday night out eh?" She half smiled half sighed.

"Tell me about it. I'm not disappointed for losing the night out, I just wish we could change the way it ended up."

"Absolutely." Rita agreed. "Is there any news?"

"I saw them taking Ethan up in the lift. I assume to theatre, but I don't know." Iain said sadly, turning to face Rita.

"Right." She whispered, nodding slowly. She leant forward, resting her elbows on her knees and resting her head in her hands. Iain watched and felt his heart wrench at her obvious distress. He wanted so much to help her, take the pain and stress away, but he knew he couldn't. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words he wanted wouldn't come.

"How's Sam?" He said instead of what he wanted to say.

"Devastated, terrified." Rita sighed, looking up at him again.

"I guess she would be. I just don't understand what happened, I mean why would anyone do that to Ethan? He's not the sort to get involved in anything like that."

"Not directly no." Rita said and Iain gave her a look.

"What do you know?" He asked.

"Well, I know it was Sam's ex who did it. He'd somehow met Robyn online, and re-appeared and had been causing trouble for Sam; but I don't know what happened to set off this latest attack, I assume Ethan tried to defend her, but it still doesn't completely make sense in my head."

"Reets, you know you're going to need to tell the police what you know." He said seriously.

"I know." She said softly while nodding again.

"I need to go down and give my statement, I can take you down there if you like, I'll wait with you."

"Really? I'd really appreciate that Iain." Rita smiled, holding his gaze.

"Perhaps we should see if Robyn wants to come with us; she probably has relevant information too." Iain said, still trying to be practical. Rita's smile dropped slightly then suddenly she realised.

"Where is Robyn?"

"Staff Room, I made her a cuppa but I didn't really know what to say."

"I'd better go and check on her." Rita said, getting up and heading towards the staff room.

"Internal paddles." Jac instructed. "Charge to 10. Stand clear…shocking." She said, looking up at the monitor as Mo looked on concerned. Jac shook her head when it didn't work and instructed to charge again. The second shock at 10 Joules also failed. Connie found herself feeling the need to sit on her hands to stop the urge to dive in and take over.

Sam shifted position slightly, finding she was getting uncomfortable, and Cal, who had dozed off in her arms, jolted awake suddenly.

"Sorry Cal." Sam said apologetically.

"It's ok, I shouldn't have fallen asleep." He replied sadly.

"You must be exhausted though." Sam looked at him, seeing the stress in his eyes.

"Sam, I need to know what happened?" He asked suddenly. Sam looked guilty. "I need to know." He pleaded softly.

"It was him again." Sam said, her voice barely above a whisper, and cracking slightly with emotion. Cal didn't say anything, but continued looking at her. "Ever since he's been back he's been taunting me, provoking me, I didn't tell Ethan but he even got physical with me the other day."

"What? When?" Cal snapped.

"The day when I told you Rita had let me leave work early, when I got caught in the storm. He pounced on me as I left work."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Cal looked hurt.

"I hadn't even told Ethan at that point." Sam admitted. "I was trying to deal with it alone, and hoping it would be ok."

"But why?"

"Well, I didn't want to drag you both into it. He's unstable, his violent tempers are terrifying, I wanted to avoid you both getting involved." Sam looked across at him and he looked back sadly. "I know, look how it turned out." Sam said, another tear escaping down her already stained cheeks.

"So, what happened tonight?" Cal said shakily.

"Well, we had come out for Iain's birthday drinks, but Ethan needed to speak to Mrs Beauchamp first." Sam started, taking a deep breath ready to continue. "I'd been in the staff room talking to Robyn; you see we'd fallen out when I tried to warn her about Andy the other day. Then when I explained the situation she rushed off, but I got intercepted and couldn't find her. By the time I got outside she was nowhere to be seen, and then he grabbed me. He got aggressive again and he said, he said some awful things." Sam said, taking another deep breath as she tried hard to control her emotions. "Anyway, Ethan phoned me, he obviously had looked for me and couldn't find me, and hearing my phone and knowing it would be him made me find the strength to fight and eventually I was able to call out for help. Well, Ethan walked past where we were and Andy just jumped on him a-and started hitting him. I tried to pull him off but he knocked me backwards and the next thing I knew Rita and Iain were there and Iain had pinned him down. It was so awful Cal, h-he was just lying there, motionless. It wasn't his fault." Sam said sobbing again. Cal pulled her tightly into his arms. As much as he hated hearing it, he needed to, and as angry as he was, he knew Sam would already be blaming herself, she didn't need his anger as well.

In theatre, Connie looked seriously at Jac.

"Increase to 20 Joules." Connie instructed.

"Thank you Connie, I do know." Jac snapped. "Charge to 20." She instructed and placed the paddles on Ethan's heart ready to shock. Connie found herself flinching as she shocked, but one glance at the monitor and she felt that feeling of doom.

"Still in VF." Connie said seriously. "Come on Ethan, you can do this. Come back to us."

"Charge to 20 again." Jac said, a slight perspiration appearing on her forehead, very unusual for the normally cool and calm Jac Naylor.


	206. Chapter 206

Robyn was sitting with her head in her hands on the sofa in the staff room. Her tea was cold and sitting untouched on the table. Rita carefully stepped towards her.

"Robyn?" She questioned quietly. Robyn looked up at her sadly, and Rita's heart broke again. "Robyn, I'm sorry." Rita said sitting next to her.

"It's all my fault isn't it?" Robyn sniffed.

"No, not at all." Rita hurried out.

"Yes it is. Me and my big mouth. Me and my desperate fight to find someone. It can all be traced back to me."

"No, Robyn, you're wrong."

"Am I though?" Robyn breathed heavily.

"Yes!" Rita stressed, desperately trying to make Robyn see sense. "Of course you are! It's not your fault, it's just one of those things."

"It was me who brought him here, me who made him angry tonight by telling him I didn't want anything to do with him when I found out. It's all my fault." Robyn cried again and Rita pulled her into her arms, whispering soothing noises to try and calm her. Just then Iain came into the room. He immediately went to turn around and leave again but Rita nodded him over. He loitered awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, then made his way over to the sofa. Robyn felt him sit down and looked up suddenly, wiping the tears from her face.

"When you're both ready, I'll drive you to the station." He said softly.

"What?" Robyn looked at him in shock.

"Well, we need to tell the police what we know about tonight, they need to know." Rita said softly too. Robyn considered this and then her fierce protectiveness came out; she knew Rita was right, the police needed to know all of the facts. She nodded and the three of them headed out of the staff room, ready to go to the police station. Rita took a slight detour, wanting to check in on Sam before she left in case she needed her.

Cal was still holding Sam in his arms when they heard a small cough from the cubicle. They both looked up suddenly to see Charlie standing there looking sombre and both of them felt their stomach fall. Instantly they looked back at each other and the fear was evident in both of their eyes as they gripped each other tighter, preparing for what was to come.

"Sam, they are ready for you in the scanner." Charlie said softly.

"The scanner?" Sam looked confused.

"Yes, Dylan said he wanted you to have a scan to rule out any significant head injury because you were slightly confused when you were admitted. He thought CT but they can squeeze you in for a MRI."

"I don't need a scan Charlie, I'm fine, I was just in shock." Sam said, looked worried at Cal. "I don't want a scan Charlie, not unless I really need one, please?"

"Well," Charlie started, looking closely at her. "I suppose we could put it off and continue to monitor you."

"Oh, thank you Charlie, I'm sorry but I don't want to do it if I really don't need to. Besides, I've got more important things to worry about."

"Right, but if you get any symptoms, anything unusual at all then you must say straight away ok?"

"I promise."

"I'll tell Dylan for you." Charlie said, turning towards the curtain.

"Charlie wait." Sam called. "What about Ethan?" She gripped Cal's hand tighter.

"He's in surgery still, we haven't heard anything yet. Connie has stayed up there to oversee it." Charlie said. "As soon as we hear anything we'll let you know, I promise." He nodded at them and left to find Dylan. On the way through reception he was called over by the relief receptionist who indicated that the police were there and wanted a word.

"Can I help?" Charlie asked the officer who was waiting nearby.

"I need to get some information about the incident that happened here earlier." The policeman said.

"Well, our clinical lead is in surgery at the moment with the victim whose condition is very serious."

"Can you tell us anything that happened?" The Policeman said, almost brushing aside Charlie's comment about Ethan's condition. Charlie felt cross but had to remember, he was personally involved and so felt more of an emotional tie to the case; the policeman didn't know Ethan and probably spent most of his working life dealing with crimes like this.

"No, I arrived after the attacker had been tackled and pulled away." Charlie explained.

"Was there anyone here who was there?"

"Well, two of our staff members are the two who were attacked, but as I've said, one is in surgery and the other is currently receiving treatment and is very distressed."

"Right, well we will need to talk to them at some point; can I ask their names?" The Policeman asked, and Charlie looked slightly uncomfortable, but he had to do the right thing.

"Ok, well, Dr Ethan Hardy is the patient currently in surgery, his condition is as I've said, very serious. Samantha Jones is one of our highly regarded nurses and she has a head injury and minor cuts and bruises, she was very lucky seeing as she's nearly 8 months pregnant." Charlie said, feeling his anger rising again he reflected on the sick act that took place outside.

"Right." The policeman nodded, noting the details down. "Would I be able to speak to Ms Jones soon?"

"I'll see if she's up to it. She is very distressed." Charlie said walking back towards the cubicle.

"Sam?" Rita called from outside the cubicle curtains. "Sam are you ok?"

"Come in Rita." Sam said quietly, and Rita slipped behind the curtains. Cal was still holding Sam in his arms, and Rita could help but let out a small smile at the sight of them.

"How are you?" Rita asked, knowing it was a stupid question but needing to open the conversation.

"Ok." Sam nodded shakily, still clearly emotional.

"Look, we were about to head down to the police station to give our statements, but I wanted to check you were ok before we went."

"I'm fine, Cal is here." Sam nodded appreciatively at Rita, but unable to smile at her.

"Ok, well I'll come back after we're done and we've got Robyn home ok?"

"Oh, Rita, you need to get some rest, don't worry about me."

"But I am worried about you. Keep me updated if you hear anything ok?" Rita said kindly and Sam nodded and rested her head on Cal's chest wearily. Rita smiled slightly and nodded at Cal and then slipped back out of the cubicle to meet Iain and Robyn and the three of them headed off.

Moments later Charlie popped back into the cubicle, both Sam and Cal looked up anxiously again and Charlie noticed, feeling guilty that every time he came in they assumed he had news.

"No news yet." He said quickly. "Sam, the police are outside and would like a word, I've said I'm not sure you're up to it but I would check."

"Oh, ok." Sam said quietly.

"Sam, no, they can wait." Cal said, looking concerned.

"But I need to do it while its fresh in my mind and while they've still got him. I need to do this for Ethan."

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked, and Sam nodded.

"Well, then I'm staying with you." Cal said determinedly. Charlie showed the policeman into the cubicle.

"What's happening?" Came a steely determined but cool voice behind Jac in theatre. It was Ric Griffin, having arrived following the page to call him urgently to theatre.

"This is Dr Hardy, he was attacked outside the ED, Jac has repaired a tear in the myocardium but we are concerned he is still bleeding from somewhere else. He was badly beaten. He had a splenectomy about 6 months ago following a car accident. But he has just arrested on the table." Connie explained seriously, barely removing her eyes from where Jac was just preparing to shock Ethan's heart once more.

"Right, stand clear." Jac called out as she checked everyone was clear and she shocked Ethan's heart again. Everyone held their breath as they watched the monitors, hoping and praying that they could win this one. "We've got him back." Jac announced as an audible sigh spread around the room. "Right, let's close the chest and Ric can step in." Jac said as Mo stepped back in to close up. Jac moved towards Connie to speak to her.

"And that's definitely all you can remember right now?" The policeman asked Sam.

"Yes, at the moment." Sam nodded. "I'm sorry, I'm still quite shocked, I'm sure more will come back to me, he's been giving me trouble for weeks. If that's given you enough to hold him or charge him for this I can come to the station and go through our history, although contacting the met police should give you access to our history." Sam explained.

"Right, that's great, you've been very helpful Miss Jones. We will be in touch." The policeman nodded and exited the cubicle. Sam sighed and looked at Cal.

"I'm sorry you had to hear all of that." She said sadly.

"It is what it is." Cal shook his head, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry you had to go through it."

"Oh Cal, it's all my fault. What have I done?"

"Hey, come on." Cal said, pulling a tearful Sam back into his arms. "Shh, come on." He soothed though feeling the pain within him too. He swallowed hard to fight his own tears.

"Cal, I just wish I knew what was going on upstairs. I just want to know he's ok."

"I know, me too." He sighed, tightening his grip on her. "Me too." He rocked her gently in his arms until her breathing settled. "I'll go and see if Charlie can find us some answers, ok?" He said as he shifted her position so he could stand. Sam watched him leave sadly, feeling dreadfully guilty about all of this.


	207. Chapter 207

Cal went off through the department, heading out of the doors; he would find Charlie but first he just needed five minutes to himself, five minutes of fresh air to breathe and collect his thoughts. It had been tough hearing Sam describe the events to the policeman, _really_ tough, and for him to be unable to protect his little brother really tore Cal up inside. _What has Ethan ever done to deserve that?_ He thought to himself, both sadly and angrily. He knew it wasn't Sam's fault, he kept repeating that in his mind as she explained everything, but he couldn't help his anger towards _him_ , and knowing it happened because he was Sam's ex and because Ethan was now with Sam, it hurt Cal and it angered him. Cal ran his hands through his hair and massaged his aching temples. What he wouldn't give for a strong drink right now, though he knew it really wouldn't help. Suddenly a hand rested on his shoulder, making Cal jump.

"Are you ok?" Charlie asked him softly.

"Oh Charlie, sorry, I didn't see you there." Cal said. "Is there any news?" Cal said more urgently, looking desperate.

"I'm just going to see if I can find Connie and find out what's going on." Charlie said. "I was about to head back upstairs when I saw you come out here."

"Well, in that case, I'm coming up with you." Cal said determinedly turning towards the doors.

"Cal, I'm not sure that's a good idea." Charlie said, looking concerned.

"Why?" Cal shot back.

"You shouldn't see him like that." Charlie said simply.

"I've seen him in worse states, surely." Cal said, trying to reason with the older man.

"Surgery is different Cal, it's not something that should be witnessed by family."

"I've seen it before Charlie, I'm not naïve."

"Yes but that's your brother, it's different." Charlie tried to get Cal to see sense, but he knew he was losing.

"Charlie, I want to know, I _need_ to know." Cal said.

"Right, but you stay outside and if I tell you to leave, you listen, ok?"

"Fine Charlie." Cal said as the two men walked side by side upstairs towards Darwin's theatres. As they approached the area, Cal's steps faltered slightly, and Charlie sensed his apprehension.

"Cal, why don't you wait here while I find Connie." Charlie said, guiding him to a chair outside. Cal allowed himself to fall into the chair and could only watch as Charlie disappeared through the doors which swung shut behind him. Cal leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands and took some deep breaths. _Ethan is just through there, through some more doors lies my little brother, desperately fighting for life, a life that he deserves to live. A life that could be cruelly taken away from him._ Cal found himself balling up his fists, holding them to his face, almost praying to anyone that might listen to help his little brother, he wanted to know that he'd be ok, he _needed_ him to be ok. He was no one without Ethan.

Sam couldn't settle, not while she was sitting on her own in the cubicle. She sat up carefully, still somewhat sore from earlier, and moved carefully to slide off of the trolley. She peeked around the corner of the curtain and saw the bustle of the ED continuing around her. She carefully slipped out and headed towards Rita's office. She needed to make a phone call, and she knew Rita wouldn't mind if she used her office for some privacy. Sam pulled her phone out of her pocket and found the number she needed.

"Hello?" Came the comforting voice on the other end of the phone.

"Oh Ella, it's so good to hear your voice." Sam sighed, her voice wobbling slightly.

"Sam, what's wrong?" Ella said, suddenly growing worried.

"It's all gone wrong Els, Ethan is in surgery, and it's all my fault." Sam manged to get out before the tears started falling again.

"Surgery? What do you mean?" Ella asked, both worried and confused.

"He got attacked. It was awful." Sam sobbed down the phone to her friend.

"Oh my god! By who? What happened?" Ella said, clearly shocked.

"It was Andy, it's been a nightmare, and now he's done this, and I don't know what's happening. I'm terrified Els, I could lose him, and it's all my fault."

"Is Cal there?" Ella asked, suddenly even more concerned on hearing it was Andy.

"Yes, he made it here just after Ethan got brought into the ED. He's trying to find out what's going on."

"Oh Sam chick, how awful. Are you ok otherwise? He didn't hurt you?"

"Only a little, nothing in comparison to Ethan, Els it was appalling. He just lost it and he just kept kicking and kicking him." Sam said as the tears flowed and the images came vividly back.

"Oh god." Ella sighed. "Do you need me to get there, I can see if Mummy will drive me."

"No, no Els, you don't need to, I just needed to hear your voice."

"Is the baby ok?" Ella asked.

"Yes, all seemed ok when they checked me out," Sam could hear the concern in her voice and tried to reassure her. "I just have a slight bang to the head and just a few cuts and bruises. But Ethan is in a right state."

"Oh, my poor darling, I wish I could get in the car and get to you." Ella said, sounding frustrated.

"No, no that's not why I phoned. I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel bad. I'm just going out of my mind with worry, I just wanted to hear your voice." Sam admitted. "I miss you so much Els."

"I miss you too Chick." Ella said softly. "So where is Andy now?"

"They arrested him, I've given a statement to the Police, and Rita, Iain and Robyn have gone to give theirs. It's all such a mess, and it's all my fault. I wish I'd never met him. I can't believe after all this time he's _still_ ruining my life."

"Well, maybe this time the police can do something properly about it instead of the nonsense like last time."

"Els, what if I lose him. I don't think I could go on."

"Sam, you can't talk like that. You have to try and keep positive."

"I can't. I just can't stand to think of him not being with me."

"You know they will do everything they can for him. But you have to stay strong, you have to believe he will get through this." Ella urged as Sam sobbed even more. Ella desperately wished she could hold her friend and Sam desperately wished she had her friend by her side.

"I need him Ella, I really need him. I can't do this on my own. I can't."

"You won't have to. Whatever happens you've always got me."

"I love him so much, so much it hurts." Sam said sadly. "He's my life, I don't want my life if he's not in it." Sam admitted quietly. It hurt Ella to hear her friend so devastated, so defeated. She cursed herself for not being able to help. "I feel so alone."

"Sam, you need to find Cal, you need each other, and as soon as I can I will get down to you, ok?"

"Ok." Sam sniffed.

"I promise; I will get to you. But until then you have to keep me updated, ok?"

"I will."

"And Sam, please don't let Cal do anything stupid? I've warned him already about how unstable Andy can be, we don't need both of them falling foul of him." Ella said, sounding really worried.

"I'll do my best." Sam sniffed again. "I'm sorry to bother you with this Els."

"Don't be silly, it's what friends are for. You know if I could I'd have already jumped in my car."

"I know, don't worry. I'd better try and find Cal. Thanks." Sam said quietly.

"I love you Chick." Ella said sadly.

"Love you too." Sam said as she hung up. She put her phone back in her pocked and as she left the office she wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

Cal stared at the doors, willing them to open and for Charlie to come back out with good news. They remained still, almost as still as he felt he was. It was eerily quiet, like the whole world stood still, waiting to hear news, just as he was. Every breath he took seemed to feel heavy, like it took a great effort, he could hear his heart pounding, thumping in a rhythm, a rhythm of fear. How long did it take to find out everything was ok, because it _had_ to be ok? Cal couldn't think of anything else, he would fight for Ethan; in fact, that's what he needed to do, he had to go and make sure they were fighting for Ethan, just like he would. He stood up suddenly, and pushed through the double doors leading towards the scrub room where Charlie had entered moments earlier. When he saw them his stomach dropped and he felt his heart plummet. Charlie had his back towards where Cal had just walked and he was talking to Connie in a low voice. Cal couldn't hear what they were saying, but he didn't need to; Connie's face said it all. She looked sombre, her mouth turned slightly downwards and her forehead creased into a frown as she shook her head sadly at Charlie. She looked defeated, not at all like the Mrs Beauchamp that was renowned around the hospital; not at all like the Mrs Beauchamp they all feared. At that moment, he felt his world come to a halt, everything stopped.


	208. Chapter 208

_**A/N - Again I'm so sorry for the massive delay, I'm really struggling with writers block at the mo, and with another assignment deadline looming (next week) and being crazy busy at work I'm struggling to fit it all in. Here is a little update and I will get back to my other story soon too! Sorry all, I promise I haven't forgotten you! :) xx**_

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As Cal came to a halt in front of them, Mrs Beauchamp's head snapped up and Charlie turned around. Both looked at Cal with great concern.

"Dr Knight, what are you doing here?" Connie said, with an air of authority laced with concern.

"I-I um. I-" Cal stuttered, unable to string cohesive thoughts or words together.

"Cal, you should have waited outside. I told you, you shouldn't see this." Charlie said, but he needn't have worried, Cal couldn't see Ethan through the theatre doors. Cal took a deep breath to try and gather his thoughts.

"I need to know." Cal whispered, clearly terrified.

"I would have updated you." Connie said gently.

"I needed to make sure you were fighting for him, like I would. But I know it's too late." He said softly, his voice succumbing to emotion at the end.

"Too late for what?" Charlie asked.

"Too late to save him. It's written all over your faces. I know; I've seen it so many times before." Cal said, the emotion making his voice rise.

"Cal, I'm not going to deny it, things are very serious, we nearly lost him just now, but as of only moments ago your brother was still fighting on, and he has the best team in there fighting with him." Connie said seriously, trying to reassure him without giving him false hope. As much as the false hope would keep him going, it was cruel she thought. In that moment, Charlie noticed Cal's breathing had hastened and he reached out to grab him, deftly sliding him onto a nearby seat before he hit the ground.

"Steady Cal," Charlie said, holding onto his shoulder looking worried. "Cal?" He questioned as Cal just stared into space, his breathing still erratic, and Charlie looked to Connie apprehensively.

"Cal? Cal, you need to try and calm down." Connie said, also looking concerned. While she often didn't let her guard down, it was clear that before her sat someone who was struggling, and someone that actually mattered to her. Yes, Caleb Knight could be a royal pain in the backside at times, but he always came through when needed and had proved himself to her on more than one occasion, and in a funny way, she cared about him, she certainly didn't like to see him suffer like this.

"Just try to take some deep breaths Cal, slow, deep breaths." Charlie urged, keeping his hand supportively on Cal's shoulder so he knew he wasn't alone.

"I can't, I-" Cal said before he took some more shallow fast breaths.

"Cal, it's ok. We know you're worried, it's ok that you're scared. But you need to try and get control of your breathing. Perhaps we should take you back downstairs." Connie urged.

"What's happening?" Cal breathed out.

"Your panic is getting the better of you." Connie started to explain.

"No, I mean Ethan." Cal shot out suddenly, cutting Connie off and shocking everyone, even himself.

"Are you ready to hear?" Connie asked, a little concerned he would be pushed over the edge. Cal couldn't speak, he just nodded. "He had a tear in the myocardium." Connie started and Cal's head shot up in alarm. Connie continued: "But Ms Naylor was able to repair it, however, he was still clearly losing blood internally from somewhere else, he wasn't recovering and his blood pressure was still dropping, but before they could locate the source of the bleed I'm afraid he arrested." Cal's head dropped into his hands and he had to stop himself from covering his ears, he needed to know. "Again, Ms Naylor got him back and as I came out to speak to Charlie, Ric Griffin was working on locating and repairing the other source of internal bleeding. It seems it was a significant laceration on his liver, possibly a grade III." Connie said, stopping to allow Cal to take in this news. He just sat with his head in his hands, desperately trying to fight the tears that had formed over his eyes. He really didn't want to cry in front of Mrs Beauchamp, but it was looking likely that he wouldn't be able to fight it. Connie and Charlie shared another concerned look and Connie tried to indicate that Charlie should get Cal back downstairs.

"Cal, perhaps we should…" Charlie started.

"No." Cal said suddenly. "So what are we looking at?" Cal asked Connie, daring to look her in the eye again. Connie hid her own fears and concerns well, but she couldn't help but feel for Cal at this moment; his world was visibly slipping away from him, he was losing control, trying to be strong but she could see right through the façade. She took a deep breath while she considered sugar coating the truth, but she knew that wasn't what Cal needed. He wouldn't appreciate that; for patient's relatives, erring on the side of caution was fine, but Cal needed to hear the truth.

"Cal, things are very serious. We've been here before and Ethan has defied the odds before, but we have to be realistic. If he survives the surgery, he will be very weak, his body could give up at any time. I hope he will pull through, but I have to be honest with you. It's a tough fight, I just _hope_ he has it in him." Connie said gravely, maintaining eye contact sadly with Cal. She hated doing this to him, but she could see no alternative; deep down she knew that Cal already knew, and he had declared he wanted the truth.

"Sam mustn't know." Cal said suddenly, looking Connie and Charlie both square in the eyes again.

"Cal, we can't lie to her." Charlie said, slightly shocked.

"She's not his next of kin." Cal said suddenly. "I am."

"We know Cal, but she is his fiancée, the mother of his child. It matters and she needs to know." Charlie urged. Cal thought about it.

"Not yet she doesn't. Please?" Cal almost begged. "Not every detail; of course she needs to know his condition is serious, but not all of the details. She doesn't need to know." Charlie and Connie looked at him, understanding what he meant, it wasn't about keeping it from Sam because he didn't want her to know, it was about protecting her when she was already vulnerable. They softened towards him again, even in all of his stress, he was still trying to protect those he cared about.

Sam headed back towards the cubicle she was allocated; she hated being stuck in the ED alone, everything reminded her painfully of Ethan. It didn't help that the cubicle she was in was the one that Cal had caught them kissing in on Christmas day last year. She smiled sadly as she remembered that moment. She then remembered that it was that evening that they had first slept together, a moment she had been longing for, a moment that was etched on her memory as perfect, just as she hoped it would be. She thought about the early days, the fleeting glances, watching Ethan's meticulous mind at work, falling more and more for him as the days passed. Her heart ached for him, she needed to see him, she wished he would walk past the cubicle and pop his head in right now, to check on her as he had done in the past. As she sat staring into space alone, thinking, a tear slipped sadly down her cheek. Suddenly she was jolted from her thoughts by a tight feeling in her abdomen. She instinctively reached down and clutched her bump, looking down at it with worry. She tried to relax but under current circumstances it was difficult. A few minutes later it happened again and Sam felt more panicked and more alone than ever. She waited for it to pass and then peeked her head around the curtain hoping to see Cal coming back but he was nowhere in sight. As she stepped the other side of the curtain and into the department, she felt another tightening and she stopped and clutched her bump again and took a deep breath.

"Sam, are you ok?" Zoe said suddenly as she happened to be hurrying past.

"Oh, I'm fine Zoe." Sam said, catching her breath. "I was just looking for Cal; he was going to get news on Ethan." Sam said. Her voice wobbled as she said his name.

"You're not fine, come on, back on the bed, let's have a look at you." Zoe said authoritatively. Sam reluctantly did as she was told, and as Zoe kindly helped her back onto the bed, she asked again.

"Zoe, what's happening with Ethan?"

"I don't know; I've not had an update since we sent him up to theatre." Zoe said looking sadly at Sam. "I'm sorry, I know you want to know, but it could be a while until we hear anything yet."

"Ok." Sam nodded and clutched her bump again as another tightening came.

"Why are you alone? You should have someone with you."

"Cal went to find out what was happening." Sam breathed heavily as the tight feeling eased off again.

"Sam, are you having contractions?" Zoe looked at her seriously.

"I think I might be." She whispered. "But it's too early. I can't." She finished, looking worried.

"How many weeks are you?"

"34+6"

"Right, and how long have you been having contractions?"

"I've only had a few." Sam said, still in a state of shock.

"Honestly?" Zoe looked at her, and Sam nodded. "And you've had no other signs of labour?"

"No, no it's too early Zoe, I can't have the baby now, I need Ethan." Sam said, desperately trying to keep control of her voice.

"It's ok, it might not be. We need to get you checked out. Maternity's assessment unit will be closed now, I'll find out if someone can come down and see you." Zoe smiled, leaving her alone again in the cubicle. Sam looked around, feeling more panicked. Ethan was in surgery, Cal had disappeared, Rita and Robyn were at the police station and there was no way Ella could get down. She was all alone, and she really didn't want to be. She was scared and she needed someone.


	209. Chapter 209

Sam was pulled from her worries when she heard Zoe's shoes clicking back towards her cubicle. She was accompanied by another nurse, who Sam assumed must have come down from Maternity.

"Hello Sam, I'm Duffy, well Lisa, but everyone calls me Duffy." The kind looking nurse smiled. "Dr Hanna tells me you've been having some contractions?" She looked down at a frightened looking Sam with a kind smile. Sam could only nod. "Are they regular?"

"I don't think so." Sam whispered. "I don't know."

"Have you had any other signs of labour? A show? Waters leaking?" Duffy asked her softly.

"No." Sam shook her head.

"And you're 34 weeks?" Duffy said, glancing at Sam's notes.

"35 weeks tomorrow." Sam nodded again. "Please, it's too early, this can't be happening, I'm not ready." Sam hurried out sounding desperate.

"I'm afraid babies come when they want to whether we're ready or not." Duffy smiled kindly. "But don't worry, this might not be your time yet. I'm just going to have a look if that's ok?" She asked, looking towards Zoe who nodded and left them to it. Duffy had a feel of Sam's bump, checking the baby's position and also performed an internal examination. "Have baby's movement's been normal in the past 24 hours?" Duffy asked suddenly, as she took off her gloves and threw them away.

"I-I don't know." Sam confessed. "It's been a bit of a trying day; I can't really recall."

"Ok, well, it doesn't look like you're in labour at the moment. I would say from what I can tell its Braxton Hicks, probably pre-labour, your body is just preparing itself, which is perfectly normal. Ok?" Duffy smiled at Sam, giving her arm a supportive squeeze. Sam still looked scared but nodded with some relief. "I'm going to get the Doppler and have a little listen to baby if that's ok?" Duffy asked and then headed off. Sam leaned her head back on the trolley and let out a sigh. She was relieved it looked like she wasn't in labour, but it was a stark warning that their baby was on the way and she was nowhere near ready.

Upstairs Charlie looked at Cal, he could see the young medic practically breaking down before him and Charlie was worried.

"Come on Cal, let's go back downstairs, we'll get news as soon as there is any." He said giving Cal's should another squeeze.

"No." Cal snapped suddenly, then softened. "No, I can't. I can't leave my brother Charlie. He needs me."

"But you can't do anything for him here." Charlie said.

"But what if- what if it goes wrong? What if-"

"Cal, come on, you can't do this." Charlie said, looking at Connie for help.

"Cal, you need to go back down, get a drink, some fresh air. It's all been a terrible shock. Ethan is still in surgery, he won't be in recovery for a while and even then you won't be allowed to see him. Come on, let Charlie take you down and I promise, as soon as I hear _anything_ , you will be the first to know."

"There's a good strong heartbeat, it seems baby is quite happy at the moment." Duffy smiled at Sam. "But I think I'd like to put you on the monitor for a while, in view of the fall and the contractions, just to get a full picture; is that ok?"

"Fine." Sam nodded, trying to offer a small smile to Duffy as she headed off to fetch another piece of equipment. The nurse was being so kind, but Sam just didn't have it in her to smile tonight. Not when Ethan was fighting for his life upstairs, when he could be- No she couldn't think of that right now.

"Knock, knock." Came Charlie's voice from the other side of the curtains.

"Come in Charlie, it's just me in here." Sam said, making sure she was decent.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Ok, they are just getting me checked out by a midwife. How is Ethan?"

"He's in surgery, he's stable at the moment." Charlie nodded, remembering what Cal had said about not stressing her out with the full picture, and as Charlie looked at the young, fragile nurse in front of him, he could see what Cal meant and he agreed, she needed all of the strength possible at the moment, he couldn't break that.

"Did they say what was going on."

"Only that they are locating and repairing the bleed, I guess until they are in there, they don't really know what they will find." Charlie said noncommittally.

"Right." Sam nodded, looking down at the blanket on her knees.

"And everything is ok with you and the baby right?" Charlie looked concerned.

"I think so; they are just going to put me on the monitor. There were some concerns that I might be in labour but thankfully not. Wouldn't that have been poor timing." Sam tried to smile again.

"Yes, it really would have been." Charlie smiled.

"Charlie, where is Cal?" Sam looked worried.

"I've just sent him outside with a coffee. He needed to calm down."

"Calm down? Why what happened?" Sam instinctively looked worried.

"It's fine, he just got emotional and panicked as everything hit home. It's fine, he just needed some time." Charlie tried to reassure her. At that moment, Duffy came back in with the foetal monitor and Charlie was startled to see her before him. She was shocked, but not as surprised as Charlie.

"Duffy?" Charlie gasped.

"Charlie." She smiled warmly back at him, her eyes softening even more. "You look well."

"I can't believe it's you."

"You look better than the last time I saw you."

"What are you doing here?" Charlie continued to look shocked.

"Never mind that, come here." She said, pulling her old friend into a hug. Sam watched the exchange with interest.

"Sorry." Duffy said to Sam as they broke apart from their embrace. "Charlie and I go way back."

"It's ok." Sam smiled at the pair. Duffy started to attach the monitor to Sam and Charlie stood there, still stunned that his dear friend would reappear again.

"Now, looking at your notes Sam, I can see you've had a couple of admissions during your pregnancy, and you've had hypertension, and you're on medication for this?" Duffy asked.

"Yes, I've been faithfully taking it, and my readings have been better lately, I'm also on iron supplements for anaemia. Clearly my body doesn't like pregnancy."

"And otherwise, how have you been feeling? Have you been taking things easy?"

"Well, actually, things have been pretty busy and quite stressful." Sam admitted, glancing at Charlie.

"Well, really in the next few weeks you should be trying to relax and take it easy. Do you have a partner to help you?"

"I-I um." Sam stuttered as her eyes pricked with tears again. She tried desperately to find some words, but she couldn't. She looked at Charlie for help, and he looked to Duffy.

"Sam is a colleague, her partner is one of our doctors, he's currently having emergency surgery, unfortunately he was attacked earlier." Charlie explained quietly as Sam looked down at her hands in her lap again.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Duffy said sadly. "I didn't realise."

"It's fine." Sam shrugged quietly.

"Well, I just need you to try and rest for a bit while I get some readings here and make sure everything is ok." Duffy said, smiling and heading out of the cubicle followed by Charlie.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I didn't know." Duffy said regretfully.

"It's fine, Sam will understand. Her partner is usually very supportive, but obviously we are all very worried about him."

"What happened?"

"He was attacked outside, badly beaten, multiple fractured ribs, myocardial tear, liver laceration, and whatever else they may find while they are trying to fix him up. He arrested a short while ago but they were able to get him back, but things are very touch and go."

"Oh that poor girl. All on her own and soon to be a new mum." Duffy sighed. Just then Cal approached them.

"What's going on Charlie? What's happened?" Cal asked shakily.

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked.

"Why is Sam going to be on her own? You said you'd tell me." Cal's eyes flashed with anger.

"Cal, nothing has-" Charlie started, but Cal was already heading off towards the staircase. "Cal, come back!" Charlie called, then both he and Duffy followed him upstairs. As they reached the entrance to Darwin's theatre where Ethan was, all they could see was the door swinging heavily shut. Charlie rushed through, again followed by Duffy, though she wasn't entirely sure why she followed, but something about the distress signals that were flying about made her need to try and help.

"Cal wait." Charlie called before he could push through the further doors towards the theatre. "Cal!"

"What?" Cal turned around, with anger and fear in his eyes and tears on his cheeks

"Cal nothing has happened to Ethan." Charlie said as Duffy looked on.

"But she said-" Cal pointed at Duffy then stopped. "She said Sam was going to be on her own."

"No, not like you were thinking Cal. Duffy meant right now Sam is all alone and she needs support."

"I'm sorry if you misunderstood." Duffy interjected. Cal looked at her then back at Charlie suspiciously.

"Cal really, everything is as it was before we went downstairs." Charlie urged. At that moment, Connie came back out of theatre.

"What is going on?" She asked firmly, but still with a softer tone than normal.

"Nothing, Cal just overheard a conversation and misunderstood. He's obviously under so much pressure he isn't thinking straight." Charlie said.

"Cal, I know this is really tough for you, but you cannot go barging into restricted access areas just because you work here. Every time you come barging in, you distract the surgeons and put added risk into the situation. Really, you need to go downstairs and wait. I know it's hard, but it's the truth, you can't stay here." Connie sighed.

"S-Sorry." Cal said quietly, wiping the stray tear on his cheek. "I just feel so helpless, like I should be able to do something for him, but I can't."

"Cal, he will need you over the coming weeks as he recovers. He needs you to be strong for him." Charlie said and Duffy nodded in agreement. Cal looked at them.

"I'm supposed to be his brother, his big brother, I'm supposed to protect him." Cal said, a hint of anger coming to his voice again.

"And he's going to need you to be his big brother more than ever now, and how can you do that if you're constantly beating yourself up and feeling guilty for not being in the right place at the right time." Charlie said.

"What Charlie means is, we know it's tough as a medic to step back and not want to make those you care about better, but the best way to support your brother is to be there for him now, and maybe you could do that by supporting that poor scared girl downstairs. Get through this together?" Duffy urged softly. Cal looked from one to the other, both with kind supportive faces and Cal felt himself crumble. The tears escaped and he slumped to the ground and sobbed. Duffy crouched next to him, placing her arm around his shoulders and letting him cry. Connie looked uncomfortably at Charlie and slipped back in towards the theatre, leaving Charlie and Duffy to escort a distraught Cal back downstairs.

As Cal stood outside of Sam's cubicle, wiping the last of the tears from his face, Duffy slipped back inside to check on the monitor.

"Sorry I've been so long, another emergency upstairs." She said noncommittally.

"That's ok." Sam said quietly. "I know what it's like."

"How are you feeling? Any more contractions?"

"Only a couple, they aren't regular at all." Sam said.

"Ok, good. And everything here looks good too." Duffy smiled. "Looks like you have a happy, healthy baby in there. Now how can we make Mum feel better? Shall we see if we can get you a cup of tea?"

"Oh, I don't need fussing over. I know you're busy." Sam said.

"It's fine." Duffy smiled as she disconnected the monitor and left. She nodded at Cal and he took a shaky step towards the cubicle and slipped behind the curtain. Charlie and Duffy smiled at each other and walked off, leaving them to it. Sam looked up to see Cal stood in front of her. Her stomach plummeted seeing his tearstained face and she instantly feared the worst. He stood awkwardly not knowing what to say or do. Sam held out her hand and as he took hold of it, she pulled him towards her and into her arms, tears now falling down her own cheeks as she waited to hear the news.


	210. Chapter 210

_**A/N - I am so SO sorry I've been MIA! Things have got so hectic with deadlines and workloads that I've just had no spare time and if I'd been reading and writing on here I would have felt so guilty. So I am behind on reading everyone's fab stories which makes me sad. I will catch up soon but for now, a little update for you all and sorry to keep you hanging for so long! I miss you guys on here but time is very tight at the moment! Sorry - I haven't forgotten you! :) xx**_

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"I'm so sorry Sam." Cal said eventually, as they slowly pulled apart. Sam shakily wiped the tears from her face, before more soon took their place. "I should have been there."

"This is all my fault." Sam croaked hoarsely, trying to hold back the tears but failing. Cal pulled her in tightly again. "What am I going to do without him Cal, I need him."

"I know, but you have me, I'll always be here for you."

"I just can't believe it." Sam said, bursting into heart-wrenching sobs again, clutching Cal tightly.

"I know it's hard but we have to try and be positive; we have to hope for the best." He said trying to soothe her and hoping he sounded like he believed himself.

"The best?" Sam sniffed through her sobs.

"Yes we have to hope he fights and he pulls through."

"You mean he's not…?"

"Not what? No!" Cal said suddenly realising what Sam had been thinking. "No, it's serious, I'm not going to lie, but he's still fighting, and they are still fighting for him."

"Oh God, I thought…I thought." Sam said, getting tearful again.

"Come here." Cal said, squeezing her tight again and just holding her, knowing he felt the same, the fear that they were about to lose Ethan was still so real, the emotions displayed so raw. They held each other for what felt like hours, neither daring to speak, when suddenly Connie appeared around the curtains looking serious and straight-faced.

"Cal, Sam. I've come down from theatre to update you." Connie started. Cal and Sam stared intently at her, and Connie felt under pressure to deliver the news as sensitively as possible. As a Consultant and a Surgeon she had a lot of experience delivering bad news to families, but this felt so much harder. Here sat two members of her team, terrified they had lost someone they loved, someone they needed and she couldn't stand to break their hearts. "They have managed to locate and stop the bleeding and have surgically fixed the worst of the broken ribs which we think were weakened by his previous surgery and thoracotomy. He is in a critical condition but he is currently stable and they will shortly be moving him to ITU." Cal and Sam both let out a huge sigh. They knew it wasn't over, but he had made it through this stage by some miracle, they needed to try and keep positive he would recover.

"When can we see him?" Cal asked what they were both thinking.

"It won't be for a while yet. They need to finish up in theatre, and get him settled on ITU. Realistically I don't think you'll be able to see him until tomorrow morning." Connie said softly but seriously.

"Right." Cal said, looking a little disappointed.

"Why don't you both go home, get some rest. He's being well looked after. You can come back tomorrow and see him then when you've had time to rest. He's going to need lots of support during recovery, he's going to need you both." Connie said gravely.

"Is Sam allowed to leave now? She's been on monitoring."

"I'll check for you." Connie smiled, then she added: "And I'll make sure you both get special leave so you can be there for Ethan when he wakes up." Connie turned and left them to absorb the news. Sam looked up at Cal, still in shock and with tears still in her eyes.

"I can't believe it." She whispered. "I really thought we were going to lose him." Cal felt instantly guilty, knowing what he knew about the earlier episode in theatre.

"Let me go and see if I can take you home." Cal said, jumping up guiltily and heading out of the cubicle.

Sam sat alone on the bed, thinking of Ethan upstairs. She couldn't believe he had come through the surgery, she genuinely believed they had lost him. But she had to remind herself that he most definitely wasn't out of the woods yet. Just then Duffy popped her head around the curtain again.

"Hey lovely, how are you doing?" She smiled at Sam.

"I'm ok, just tired." Sam nodded. Duffy looked across at the untouched cup of tea that had long gone cold on the side and looked at the tear stained face of the younger nurse; who looked extremely fragile.

"Well, I'm happy for you to go home, but you must ring your midwife or the ward if you have any more problems, ok?"

"I will." Sam tried to smile at the kind nurse. "Thank you." Duffy smiled again and slipped back out and Sam sat staring into the space where she had been stood. She felt a tear slip down her cheek, which she quickly brushed away. She didn't know where all of the tears were coming from but they just kept on coming. Her heart ached for Ethan, and she just wished she was allowed to see him. She slipped herself off the bed and grabbed her bag and wondered out into the department to find Cal.

"Sam?" Rita called out as she, Iain and Robyn were walking back inside.

"Rita?" Sam looked up with surprise, not expecting them to have returned.

"Is there any news?" Rita rushed towards her.

"He's nearly out of surgery, things are critical, but he's fighting so far." Sam said quietly.

"I'm so relieved." Rita sighed. "And the police have taken our statements and they have arrested Andy are holding him at the station, so at least you can rest easy on that front." Rita smiled, but Sam couldn't return it.

"But it's far from over." Sam looked sad as Robyn and Iain also approached. "He nearly killed him, he would have done if you guys hadn't come, and I couldn't stop it." Sam said, emotions threatening to spill again. "And there will be criminal charges and court cases and I'll have to drag up my history, and I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to manage it all." Sam said as she turned and walked away, embarrassed to be feeling like she was showing such weakness. Robyn and Rita exchanged a worried glance as Cal approached Sam in time to catch her before she collapsed to the ground, overcome with fatigue and emotion. Cal had his arm around her and was whispering soothing words in her ear as he caught Rita's eye. She nodded at him and smiled as he led her outside to get her home.

When they arrived back at the flat, Cal and Sam collapsed on the sofa in complete exhaustion. Cal held Sam close in his arms and she leaned on his chest, needing to be close to feel the comfort she craved. The sat in silence for a while until Sam finally broke it.

"Cal, I'm so sorry."

"What for?" He looked confused.

"For everything. All the trouble I've caused you both. It's been a turbulent year to say the least, and I'm responsible for most of it."

"Hey, don't talk like that. Yes, there has been a lot of bad, but there is so much good to remember as well, don't let the bad eclipse that. You need the bad times to really appreciate the good."

"Oh Cal." Sam gasped, holding on to the sob that was trying to escape. "We came so close to losing him, and I just couldn't cope if we did. He is my everything, and I don't want to bring our baby into the world without him there."

"And you won't have to." He soothed, another guilty pang hitting him for concealing the whole truth, but he convinced himself again that it was the right thing, and Sam didn't need the stress of knowing everything at the moment. He cradled her close and rocked her in his arms as they both reflected on the nights' events.

"Cal?" Sam questioned suddenly and Cal looked down at her.

"What?" He replied softly.

"Can I sleep with you in your bed tonight? I don't want to be in ours, it will smell like Ethan and I just don't think I can be in there alone. I know it's stupid, but would you mind?" Sam asked.

"Of course you can, come on." He replied softly, moving them so they could go to bed. They both desperately needed the rest. They headed to Cal's room and climbed into bed and Cal held out his arms and pulled her into a hug and both felt content. They needed each other, and this kind of comforting gesture didn't feel at all unnatural to them. Sam curled up next to Cal and he held her until she drifted off and then he could allow himself to do the same.


	211. Chapter 211

**_I'm so so sorry again, neglecting you all and my writing. It's the same excuses as before, and writers block. Soon I will be back reading all your wonderful stories again, I promise!_ **

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Sam awoke early the next morning and slipped carefully out of Cal's bed, trying not to wake him. She didn't know how she managed to get as much sleep as she did, though she knew she could really do with more. She showered and crept into hers and Ethan's room to get dressed. Sadly, she looked around, everything in here was Ethan, and she felt a tightness in her chest and an ache as she thought of him. She grabbed some clothes and hurried out, not wanting to dwell on everything, she just wanted to get to the hospital to see him as soon as she could. She was wearily making a cup of tea in the kitchen when she pulled a cup out of the cupboard and knocked another one out onto the floor, only able to watch as it smashed by her feet.

"Damn it!" She cursed loudly as she tried to bend down to clear up the mess, not an easy task at this point in her pregnancy. She was huffing trying to collect all of the pieces as Cal came around the corner.

"Are you ok?" He asked sleepily as he crouched to help her.

"Yes, sorry, I just smashed the cup."

"I can see that." Cal tried to joke but the humour was lost. Both were too tired and emotional. He helped her up again and placed the pieces in the bin, turning back to look at her as he poured the water from the now boiled kettle. "Did you get some sleep?" He asked softly, looking worried.

"Yes, some." She nodded, trying to smile. "And you?"

"I'm fine." He nodded back, smiling slightly. "So, I'm guessing you want to head straight back to the hospital?"

"Definitely." Sam nodded, "I wouldn't have left if I'd have thought they would have let me stay with him."

"You needed to get some rest though." Cal said, looking worried at her.

"I know." She smiled slightly at him, appreciative of his concern. "But I just can't wait to get to him now."

"Right, well I'll go and get dressed and we can head back off then." Cal said.

Before long they were pulling up in the hospital car park and as Cal locked the car and headed towards the entrance, he noticed Sam was no longer beside him. Turning back, he saw her standing still, staring up at the hospital.

"Are you ok?" He called, heading back towards her.

"Mm-hmm." She nodded tightly, unable to move.

"Sam, it's ok, I'm here, ok?" He said gently, slipping his arm supportively around her waist.

"I can't do it Cal, I can't-" She breathed, starting to panic.

"You can, I'm here." He urged, looking intensely at her. She looked up and caught his gaze, feeling unsteady but something in his eyes made her gather the tiny bit of strength she felt she had left. She took a deep breath and found a new bit of resolve and took a step towards the hospital. Cal smiled down at her and slipped his hand in hers as they walked together towards the hospital and steadily made their way up to ITU. They were greeted by a smiley receptionist, and Sam couldn't help but think she probably wore a little too much lipstick for work. Of course the thought was only evidence that she was trying to avoid thinking about the real reason they were standing in front of her in the first place. The receptionist hurried off to find a nurse for them and Sam stood impatiently waiting, feeling every moment that her world was slipping further away. She didn't dare look up from where she was staring at the desk, and deliberately blocked out the sounds of the ward. Cal absentmindedly jiggled his keys around his finger while waiting for the nurse to be freed up to come and speak to them about Ethan, when suddenly he felt them being snatched from his hand. He looked up in shock.

"Don't." Sam said simply.

"What? Why?" He asked, looking confused.

"Just don't, it's annoying." Sam snapped slightly. Cal looked annoyed, then knowing why she was snappy, he swallowed his anger down and silently took his keys back and put them in his pocket. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't come. Thankfully then a nurse approached them.

"You're here to see Ethan Hardy, is that right?" The nurse smiled kindly.

"Yes." Cal smiled back as Sam nodded. "How is he?" Cal added.

"He's stable. He is still sedated, but things have been stable overnight. He's still in a very serious condition, but it seems he was very lucky to get the quick help he did." The nurse said looking at them both. "He's in room 3." She smiled and pointed to the room.

"Thanks." Cal nodded as again he found himself needing to take control and guide Sam down towards the room. She took a deep breath and noticed that even Cal seemed a little shaky as he opened the door into Ethan's room. She squeezed his hand to let him know she was there for him too and together they stepped in. Sam audibly gasped when she saw him and tears sprang to both of their eyes, seeing the one person they both loved looking so pale under the bruising and swelling, so fragile, almost as if he was lying dead in front of them. Sam was the first of them to walk closer and slide into a chair beside him. She reached out to touch his arm lightly, almost needing to convince herself that it really was him and that he really was still there. Cal just stood staring, subconsciously he had balled his fists and was clenching them tightly making his knuckles crack loudly. Sam looked over to him and motioned to another chair in the room. Neither dared speak, they just both sat staring at the sight in front of them. Cal became aware that his breathing was feeling more difficult the more he looked sadly at his little brother, looking so small and frail. Then the anger began to rise again; why wasn't he there to protect him was the only things Cal could think. Suddenly Cal's mobile sprang into life making both of them jump. He fled from the room, pulling it from his pocket mumbling an apology and glad of the excuse to get out of the room which had, only moments ago felt so stifling, like it was sucking the life out of him. Looking down at his phone as he stood in the stairwell, he felt a sense of relief flooding through him as he answered the call.

"El?" He breathed.

"Cal? Cal what's happening?" She burst out, sounding worried.

"Oh El, so much has happened since I left you yesterday." Cal started.

"Cal, I know about Ethan, how is he? I can't get hold of Sam, what's happening?"

"He's in ITU, he made it through surgery, but it's all still, well he's stable, but I don't really know." Cal choked out.

"Where are you?" Ella asked.

"I'm just outside ITU, Sam is in with him now."

"Oh Cal, I'm so sorry." Ella sighed suddenly.

"Why?"

"Well, if I hadn't kept you up with me, then you'd have been there."

"Hey, it's not your fault." He replied quickly. "I just, I feel so angry Ella, I just want to kill him." Cal admitted.

"Cal, I've told you my feelings about that." Ella said, sounding worried.

"Are you ok? You sound out of breath." Cal asked, slightly concerned.

"I've got you on hands free, I'm walking on my crutches." She breathed heavily.

"Your signal is dropping out a bit, where are you?" He asked. With that the phone cut out completely. "Ella? El?" Cal said, taking the phone away from his ear, realising they'd been cut off. He tried to dial back out but the call went straight to her voicemail. He silently cursed and turned to the window overlooking the hospital grounds, holding himself steady on the railing around the wall of the stairwell, he closed his eyes and took some deep breaths to prepare himself to go back inside.

"Cal?" The soft voice came from behind him. He looked up in disbelief and turned to see Ella standing behind him, catching her breath. She smiled softly at him as he continued to stare at her.

"El? I-I can't believe it. What are you doing here?"

"You need me. Sam needs me." Ella said simply as Cal hurried towards her, enveloping her in a slightly awkward hug as Ella wrestled her crutches, in the end she threw one to the floor to allow her to throw an arm around Cal.

"I'm so glad you're here." He sighed, breathing in her familiar scent. As he released her from the hug and handed her discarded crutch back to her, he looked at her again, still scarcely able to believe she was there. "How did you get here?" He asked.

"I was up early this morning, I insisted Mummy drive me down here; she wasn't keen but I can be quite persuasive, and I'd had a fretful night worrying, I knew I needed to be here."

"Is she waiting for you?"

"No, I'm going to spend a few days at my flat."

"Isn't it too soon? I mean will you be ok?" He looked worried.

"You sound like Mummy, I'll be fine. I _need_ to be here."

"Well, I'm really glad you are." Cal admitted quietly, glancing at her. She smiled at him and reached out and gave his hand a squeeze, accidently hitting his shin with her crutch.

"Sorry, I'm still finding them a little awkward." she giggled as he smiled slightly. "Shall we?" Ella smiled again, pointing towards the doors to ITU.


	212. Chapter 212

Sam was still sitting by Ethan's bedside, the nurse had been back in doing his obs and noting things down; Sam didn't dare look or ask what was happening, she just wanted to block it all out. She had always thought she was good a coping with things, but the more time went on the more she realised she was terrible at it. Coping with other people's disasters was much easier she thought. Maybe it was because she had never loved anyone enough to be this terrified of losing them; and over the course of a few months it had been Ethan and the baby in the car crash, then Ella and now Ethan again. She looked at his face; the grazes and dried blood and bruises were evident, but beyond them was her Ethan, the man she loved, and he was still fighting, so she had to too. She stroked his arm gently, and whispered to him.

"Ethan, it's me. I'm here darling. I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. I'm so sorry, so sorry about all of this, it's all my fault." She said as her voice cracked and a sob slightly escaped, but she swallowed hard and held onto the tears, her throat felt tight as she forced herself not to cry.

"Of course it's not your fault." Said a soft voice behind her, filled with sadness. Sam startled and turned quickly, unable to believe it. Ella was standing in the doorway with Cal. Sam jumped up and rushed to her friend, pulling her into a tight hug, now completely unable to hold onto her tears, letting them flow freely as Ella whispered soothing sounds into her friend's ear.

"I'm so glad you're here." Sam sighed as she finally felt able to let Ella go.

"I'm glad too, it's clear you need me. I couldn't be anywhere else could I?" Ella smiled as Sam looked at her, a small sad smile on her face. She bit her lip to stop it wobbling.

"I'm so grateful El." She whispered, her voice slightly strained still. The girls sat down next to Ethan and Sam filled Ella in briefly as Cal went to get them all some coffee as they prepared for what would no doubt be a long beside vigil.

Soon, the consultant was back around to update them on Ethan's surgery and condition.

"At the moment, things are as we would expect. His body endured a lot, both before and during the surgery, but once we have him weaned off the ventilator and he regains consciousness, there is no reason you shouldn't soon have him back in a recognisable form. We have no evidence to suspect any brain injury, and no reason that he shouldn't be able to return to normal fairly soon, but it is still very much a waiting game I'm afraid. Just be reassured that all things look as positive as they can at present."

"Thank you doctor." Sam nodded, looking across at Cal who looked unbelievably tense. "So do you know when you might be starting the weaning?"

"Very soon. We have corrected the blood loss with transfusions and fluids; we believe it was the hypovolaemia from the exsanguination that put increased pressure on the heart which caused the cardiac arrest but we don't see-"

"I'm sorry, what?" Sam snapped her head up, looking shocked and Cal felt a rush of panic run through him. He hadn't told her that part yet and was hoping she might not find out until Ethan's condition had improved more.

"During surgery, he arrested, but it was only very briefly and as I've said, there is no evidence of any lasting damage."

"I didn't know, no one told me that." Sam said getting angrier.

"I'm very sorry, obviously maintaining his stability has been our priority. I am more than happy to talk you through everything, but I thought you were aware of that, especially as I understand some of your colleagues were present. I apologise for breaking it to you in that way." The doctor replied sincerely, looking guiltily at them. Cal remained quiet.

"I'm sorry." Sam shook her head, realising she was being unreasonable. "It just caught me by surprise. You were saying about weaning him?"

"Yes, um, well we hope we can begin the process later today or possibly tomorrow depending on how his blood results improve and how his observations are looking."

"Thank you doctor." Sam nodded as Ella squeezed her hand.

"Thanks." Cal muttered from behind them.

"If you have any questions, please come and find me." The doctor nodded and left them to it.

"Are you ok?" Ella looked at Sam.

"Fine." Sam said somewhat tightly. Ella gave her a look and then looked over at Cal, but he looked away quickly. "He said they knew." Sam muttered.

"Who?" Ella asked frowning.

"He said some of our colleagues were there, but if they were, why didn't they tell me? I was there, I was downstairs while he was in surgery, why didn't they say? Zoe promised me an update, and Mrs Beauchamp spoke to me before I left, why didn't they tell me the truth?" Sam said, sounding stressed again.

"Maybe they didn't want to worry you?" Cal added.

"I asked them, they promised." Sam said firmly. "They shouldn't have hidden it from me."

"But you weren't exactly in a good place yourself, they were probably worried more stress might not be good for you or the baby." Cal said.

"It doesn't matter; I could have lost him. They _should_ have told me." Sam said, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Look, it wouldn't have changed anything, and you know now. If they knew and didn't say, it would have only been because they were thinking of you and your health, and the baby. What's important it that Ethan is still here, and we all need to pull together for him." Ella said to them both, before tensions could build further.

"Ella is right." Cal agreed, looking at Sam, hoping the subject would drop before he had to admit that he knew and it was him who told the others not to tell her.

"Of course I am." Ella smiled, trying to ease the mood in the room slightly. Sam just sat in silence, having turned back to Ethan.

"I need some air." Cal said suddenly, turning around and walking out of the room, and Ella could only stare after him. Sam looked away from Ethan and sighed, watching as Cal disappeared from the room.

"It's guilt. I know it is." Sam said.

"But why?"

"Because he wasn't here. And now he feels helpless just watching his brother like this, and he can't do anything."

"Maybe I should go after him?" Ella said, reaching for her crutches.

"No, you stay here, I'll go." Sam said softly, slowly getting up from the seat. "Don't leave him Els." Sam said sadly, looking at Ethan before she turned and left. Ella knew Sam meant stay with Ethan, but it almost felt like there was a double meaning to that last line before her swift exit. Cal needed her, he needed her more than he probably realised, and she knew this was where she had to be. She looked at Ethan and felt sad for Cal and Sam. She knew herself what a kind hearted person Ethan was, and while no one deserved this, Ethan deserved it even less. She wasn't particularly religious but she found herself saying a silent prayer for his recovery.

Meanwhile, Sam caught up with Cal as he was heading outside. She called after him and reluctantly he stopped and waited for her to catch up.

"Cal, are you ok?" Sam asked looking worriedly at him.

"I'm fine, it's just too much in there." He admitted.

"I know, it's hard to see your brother like that, but you know there was nothing you could do? I mean it wouldn't have changed it if you were here."

"It could have; he might not have been walking there right then, I might have been with him, I could have stopped it-" He said before breaking off as Sam rested her hand gently on his arm to stop him.

"Cal, no. It wouldn't. He was on his way back from seeing Mrs Beauchamp. He was walking to find me. If anyone should have stopped it then it's me. I tried to get Andy off of him, but he just knocked me back out of the way. I've seen that look in his eye before, it's like he's possessed, like he doesn't have a conscious thought and he's just reacting to his anger and nothing else matters. I admit it Cal, I fell apart, I went to pieces; so you must see, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine."

"No, not it's not, it's _his_." Cal said, scornfully spitting out the word 'his' as if he had a foul taste in his mouth.

"Oh Cal, I hate seeing him like that, and I know you do too. I'm so glad Ella is here."

"Me too." He sighed sadly. "But I am worried about her."

"Why?"

"Well, she's planning on spending a couple of nights in her flat and I'm worried about her being there alone."

"Well, ask her to stay with you then." Sam looked at him seriously. "You know she will if she thinks you want her there for you and you're not doing it for her sake."

"I guess." Cal shrugged, also wondering if he should admit to Sam that knew about Ethan, but he kept quiet.

"Seriously, she's more stubborn than me."

"No one is _more_ stubborn than you." Cal half smiled and Sam gave him a light nudge.

"He will get through this won't he Cal?" Sam asked suddenly, looking scared again.

"Of course he will." Cal said, putting his arm around her shoulder and giving her a squeeze while trying to sound sure. "He has to; he has this little one to meet soon." Cal tried to smile.

"Yes." Sam nodded, still looking unsure as she looked down at her bump. "Anyway, I guess I should get back up there. Are you staying here or coming back up?"

"I'll come back." Cal nodded, taking a last deep breath before turning back inside to walk with her. Ella looked up with a small smile as they came back in Ethan's room.

"Everything is exactly as it was when you left." She smiled slightly. "I'd forgotten what a good listener Ethan was."

"Isn't he just." Sam smiled back sadly and then sunk into a chair as Ella caught Cal's eye.

"Ella, I was thinking." Cal started, sounding a little nervous and very unlike him. "How about you come and stay at mine, I mean, I'd really like you to, if you want to. For the company. I-I don't really want to be alone." He added quietly at the end. Ella flashed a glance to Sam but if she had heard what Cal had said she hadn't reacted to it and was still gently stroking Ethan's arm.

"Oh, ok Cal, if that's what you want, I mean if it would help." She smiled at him.

"It would." He nodded and she carefully stood up and held out her arms to him and he pulled her into a tight hug, breathing in her scent and feeling safe.

The three remained by Ethan's bedside together for the rest of the day, watching and hoping for any signs of improvement, and although they did not come, they tried to keep each other positive. When it came to 6pm, Cal took Ella back to the flat but Sam decided to remain, not wanting to leave Ethan, and the nurse had arranged for her to have a bed beside Ethan so she too would be able to get some rest. When Cal and Ella got back to the flat, both felt completely drained. Cal made the both a cup of tea and grabbed some snacks and they both headed for the comfort of Cal's bed and lay in each other's arms; Ella offering Cal the comfort he needed and also gaining the feeling of getting some control of her life again.

Sam meanwhile, settled down in the small camp bed, shifting to try and get more comfortable, but also ensuring that she could still look over towards Ethan and watch the gentle rise and fall of his chest being aided by the ventilator, she was doing just this as the nurse came back in.

"Here, I found you a couple more pillows, that should make it a little more comfortable for you." The nurse said softly to Sam."

"Thank you." Sam smiled.

"I'm just going to suction his tube before the night staff come on and then they will come in after handover and set up a feed through his NG tube."

"Thanks, I feel like I should be offering to do it, but I also know why I can't." Sam smiled, feeling helpless.

"Don't be silly, you're here as family, not as staff. I'll let the night staff know you're staying and we'll try not to disturb you."

"Oh don't worry about me, you do what you need to for Ethan."

"We will, don't worry." The nurse smile supportively, then set about suctioning Ethan's ventilator tube. Sam got some broken sleep that night but mostly she lay watching the nurses taking care of Ethan, constantly monitoring him and ensuring everything remained as stable as possible. The nurses brought Sam in cups of tea and tried to keep her positive too, and Sam couldn't be more grateful for their kindness, it was helping her through.


	213. Chapter 213

Cal was awoken the next morning by the sound of the phone trilling through the flat. Before he could drag himself from his bleary sleepy mind, the phone clicked to the answerphone and the caller left a message.

Sam woke with a start, and looked across at Ethan's ventilator alarm which had been set off. The nurse who had left them the previous evening was at Ethan's side within moments and was hastily suctioning his tube. Sam looked concerned, but she knew the pressure had probably been affected by a blockage of secretions, and as the nurse confirmed this, she felt herself slightly relax again. The nurse carefully, and she hoped discreetly, collected a sample to send to the lab. She waited until Ethan's oxygen levels and heart rate stabilised again and then reduced the oxygen flow and left them to it. Sam by now had pulled herself out of bed and had folded the bedding up tidily and was sitting bedside Ethan holding his hand. The nurse returned shortly after with a cup of tea and a piece of toast for Sam, smiling as she placed it beside her.

"Did you manage to get some rest?"

"A little." Sam nodded. "Is he ok?"

"Things seem stable. I'm just going to take his obs and send off some more bloods and the doctors will be around to see him a little later."

"Ok." Sam nodded, looking back over at Ethan, lying still in the bed. She wished so much that he would open his eyes, that he would wake up and talk to her. She squeezed his hand slightly and the nurse slipped out of the room.

Cal stumbled towards the kitchen; Ella was still in bed snoozing but he needed coffee, his mind was buzzing, he was exhausted but he couldn't stop all of the thoughts and emotions swimming in his mind. He pulled out his phone to text Sam to see how Ethan's night was and to say he would be in shortly and then he remembered the landline going off shortly before. He poured the water into the mugs and headed to the phone and listened to the message.

"Hello, this is DS Ridgely here, I was hoping to speak to Samantha Jones about her statement. If she could give me a call back at the station as soon as possible it would be much appreciated. Thank you."

Cal placed the phone back down and frowned. _'_ _What did that mean?'_ He thought to himself. _'_ _Had they released Andy? Did they not believe Sam's story? What if he was walking the streets again?'_ Cal stood staring into space as he imagined what he would do if he got hold of Andy himself, again he subconsciously balled his fists and deep frown lines creased into his face as he felt his anger growing again.

"Cal?" Ella called to him. "Cal, what's wrong?" Ella looked worried as she hobbled towards him.

"Nothing, I was just thinking." Cal answered, dragging himself back from his thoughts.

"I thought you'd heard some bad news." Ella sighed, almost relieved.

"No, but Sam needs to contact the police sergeant for some reason." Cal said, frowning again.

"They probably just need some more details." Ella nodded. "Come on, let's go and sit down before we head back to the hospital."

"I made us a coffee, I'll go get them." Cal said before joining her on the sofa. They sat in silence, sipping coffee, both lost in their thoughts.

Later that day, Cal and Ella had returned to Ethan's bedside and Cal had let Sam know about the phone call from the police Sergeant. Sam slipped outside and nervously phoned him.

"Hello, um, this is Samantha Jones, I had a call from Sergeant Ridgely, he wanted to speak to me." Sam said, her voice laced with fear and concern.

"I'll just see if he's available Ms Jones." The voice said kindly. Sam waited for what felt like an eternity before she heard the voice of the police Sergeant.

"Miss Jones, thank you for returning my call."

"How can I help Sergeant?" Sam asked.

"I wanted to let you know that we are holding your ex in custody until tomorrow morning when he is due in court to face charges of assault and GBH with intent."

"Right." Sam nodded seriously, but could still feel herself shaking.

"We do not believe he will be granted bail, owing to the violent nature of the charges, however, we wondered if it would be possible for you to attend court so that if they were to consider granting bail we could ask you to give a brief statement as to your history with him and the affect he has had on you and your life and the harassment faced by you and your partner. I know it is a lot to ask, and we could read a written statement, however, I think it would serve a better purpose if you were there. Besides, if he attempts to plead not guilty you would need to give evidence at a trial anyway."

"Right. O-Ok. If you think it would help?" Sam stuttered nervously.

"Obviously we can't force you, I know this is difficult, but it really could help to keep him off the streets."

"Of course." Sam said softly.

"He is due to appear at Holby crown court tomorrow at 09:30. But if you could be there at 9am then I can brief you."

"I'll be there Sergeant." Sam said, still shaking.

"Thank you Miss Jones."

"No problem." Sam said. She took a deep, shaky breath as she ended the call and really took in what she had agreed to. She walked slowly back upstairs towards Ethan's room and as she entered, both Cal and Ella looked at her in concern.

"Sam? What's happened?" Ella asked.

"N-nothing." Sam shook her head.

"You look really pale and shocked. What is it?" Ella pressed.

"Sam, talk to us?" Cal urged as Sam struggled to find her voice.

"Andy's been charged with GBH, they are holding him in custody until his court appearance tomorrow." Sam started.

"Good." Cal spat out.

"But they want me to go to court in case they try to grant him bail, the police want me to give a statement, I guess like a victim impact statement or something."

"And you're going right?" Ella asked, worried that Sam might have said no. Sam just nodded. "Right well, I'll come with you." Ella said determinedly.

"And me." Cal added, walking towards Sam.

"No, you should be here with Ethan." Sam said looking worried.

"Besides, I'm not sure you should face Andy in court, you're still angry Cal, it might not be wise." Ella added.

"Ethan will be fine for an hour. I'm going with you both, you aren't facing _him_ alone."

"We won't be alone Cal; we'll be in court." Ella said.

"Even so, I'm coming." Cal said sharply. Sam moved towards him and pulled him into a hug, whispering ' _thanks'_ in his ear. He hugged her back, realising once again how much she needed him.

Sam reluctantly left Ethan that night and went back to the flat with Cal and Ella. She didn't want to, but if she had to be at court in the morning, she knew she needed a shower and definitely needed a change of clothes, so she realised it was the only option, or it was the sensible option anyway, but it tore her up when it came to leaving him. Even though he was still sedated and ventilated, she hated the thought of him being 'alone'.

That night, Ethan wasn't so settled. The nurse noticed he appeared to be struggling to breathe more, even whilst under ventilation his body seemed to be under more strain and not coping and he wasn't maintaining his oxygen levels. She increased the flow slightly and re-checked his obs, also noticing that his temperature had spiked. She quickly ran off some blood cultures and infection markers and called the doctor through for an urgent review. The doctor arranged for an urgent chest x-ray and they sent off another sputum sample then commenced him on a course of IV antibiotics, hoping to catch what they feared might be happening early before it caused more problems, they knew this kind of infection could vastly increase the risk of mortality.


	214. Chapter 214

Cal, Sam and Ella were outside the courts before 9am the following morning; Cal cradling a cup of coffee as the light rain drizzled on them. They headed inside to look for Sergeant Ridgely, Sam could feel herself shaking again and her stomach was in knots knowing that in the next half an hour she would come face to face with Andy again. The Sergeant approached them and thanked them for being there then guided Sam off to speak to her in privacy to run her through what might happen. Sam briefed him on what she thought she would say if asked to speak and Sergeant Ridgely approved and said he would be right there, and Andy wouldn't be able to get near her as he would be in the docks with 2 guards. At the mention of his name, Sam visibly crumbled and rested her head in her hands as they sat at the table. She took a deep breath to try and gather her thoughts and calm herself.

"I'm not sure I can do this, not again." Sam sighed.

"I understand, but it really will be ok, and you may not even need to speak."

"It didn't help last time, he basically got away with it back then with a slap on the wrist and was told to leave me alone."

"Yes, but laws have changed since then, and he didn't leave you alone did he?"

"And this time he nearly killed my fiancé." Sam said, her voice wobbling.

"Exactly, that's who needs you to do this, think of him."

"That's what I am doing. He's all I can think of."

"I need to brief my officer, but I'll see you in there, ok?"

"Thanks Sergeant." Sam nodded quietly, standing up and heading back out to find Cal and Ella, her legs still wobbling underneath her.

"You ok chick?" Ella asked, looking concerned as her friend approached them. Sam nodded silently, swallowing hard to try and calm herself. Ella looked to Cal who nodded slightly and stood to pull Sam into a much needed hug.

"It's ok, we're here, we're with you." Cal said soothingly in her ear.

"I don't think I can face seeing him." Sam admitted shakily.

"You won't be alone; we will be right beside you." Cal reassured her again but also feeling unsure how he would feel coming face to face with the monster that hurt his brother.

"I know. And I know I need to do this for Ethan." Sam said, taking another deep breath and blowing out slowly. "I think I need the bathroom quickly." Sam added, pulling away from Cal and heading towards the restrooms. She sat on the loo, dabbing her face with a tissue as a few nervous tears escaped. She looked at the picture on her phone of her and Ethan. They had taken it on the day they went for a picnic before the 20-week scan, only a few weeks prior but it felt like a life time ago. They looked so much happier, even though they had had a few tensions even back then. She sniffed hard, switched her phone off and threw away the tissue. As she flushed the toilet, she grabbed some more tissue to shove in her bag and then headed out to wash her hands. As she was stood at the sink, someone came in behind her. Sam looked up in the mirror and felt her heart jump, her throat went tight and her stomach churned. It was a face she had not seen for a very long time.

"Well, well. Fancy seeing you here. I should have known where Andy was in trouble _you_ would be involved."

"I don't want any trouble Amy, I'm here at the police's request."

"But you can't resist a chance to get your own back on my brother, you think he should have gone to prison before and you didn't get it so you're trying again now."

"He should have gone to prison for what he did to me. Only I was too scared to fight for it back then. But not anymore, I'll go right through the trial if I have to, he'll pay for what he's done this time." Sam spat out, finding an inner strength coming back from somewhere. She turned and stalked past Amy and headed quickly to find Cal and Ella. "Come on, let's go in." Sam said, with a firm jaw and a steely determination. Cal and Ella exchanged a confused glance at this new courage and quickly followed her in to find a seat. Ella and Cal sat themselves so Sam was in between them, and Ella clutched her best friends hand and before long Andy was being led into the dock flanked by 2 officers as the Sergeant had said he would. Cal glanced at him and anger and hatred filled his body. He clenched his fists and once again his knuckles cracked loudly. He glared at Andy, wishing he had the power to kill him on the spot. Sam stared straight ahead knowing somewhere his sister would be sitting among them and she didn't want to catch her eye. Suddenly she heard a noise escape from behind her and across the gallery a voice sobbed: ' _my boy'_ and a chill went down her spine. She knew that was sure to be Andy's mother, who had likely attended with his sister. She didn't dare look, she just concentrated on her breathing and before long they were being called to stand as the Judge entered.

The nurse looked anxiously at Ethan, noting his obs and, growing more concerned, she called the doctor back through.

"His oxygen levels still aren't holding, and he just seems much less comfortable. His temperatures keep spiking despite paracetamol and I'm just not happy. What did his bloods show?" The nurse asked the doctor.

"As expected, raised white cell count and CRP." The doctor confirmed. "We've started empiric antibiotic therapy, all we can really do is keep going with the broad spectrum until cultures from blood and sputum come back and hope they identify a specific bacterium, and we just have to hope he is strong enough to pull through. But we know this is a major setback."

"Do we need to prepare his family for the worst?"

"I don't know." The doctor sighed. "We obviously need to inform them of the developments, but let's give it another 24 hours of antibiotics and chase the cultures and see what we're dealing with."

"You know Julie sent off sputum cultures yesterday morning too? She noticed a change and sent them, then his temperature spiked about 12 hours later."

"Right, well I'll chase the lab and see if anything might have been found on them, though it is likely to still be too early, but perhaps they can ring us as soon as they know. In the meantime, we'll get another chest x-ray and increase his o2 flow and keep him on half hourly obs until things settle again." The nurse nodded and the doctor left to chase up the earlier cultures.

The Judge asked for Andy to confirm his name and address and as he spoke Sam could feel the hairs on her neck stand on end. She felt like she was shaking and she must have been as she felt Ella grip her hand tighter and Cal gave her other hand a gentle squeeze, but would not allow himself to look at Andy again for fear that he may not hold onto his own temper. Then the Judge read out the charges and confirmed that the main charge of GBH with intent in this case was considered an indictable offence and asked Andy if he had considered his plea. Andy, who was still standing between the two officers in the dock, looked right at Sam as he coolly replied to the judge.

"Your Honour, I have taken advice from my council and I am entering a plea of not guilty." Andy said, not breaking eye contact with Sam. Ella squeezed Sam's hand again and without thinking Sam squeezed back, but she held his glare with a steely determination not to be intimidated. Andy's lawyer then stood and addressed the Judge.

"Your Honour, we would like to ask the court to grant my client bail while awaiting trial. He has agreed that he will surrender his passport and give an address while on bail. I have it on authority that his mother will take him in as surety in his bail conditions."

"In considering bail for your client, there is much to consider in this case." The Judge began. "Firstly, the seriousness and nature of the crime along with any evidence that may already be available. I must also consider character and prior criminal record. I understand the defendant has a prior record for violence and in particular against the same woman involved in this case. Sergeant Ridgely, do you have confirmation of this?" The Judge turned directly to the Sergeant and he stood to address the Judge.

"Your Honour, if you'll refer to page 6 of the document, you'll see that he has a prior relationship with the victim's fiancée, who was also assaulted during this altercation, and the relationship ended in violence and although it never reached trial, there was sufficient evidence to require a restraining order against the defendant

"As much as I take this into account, he has no official charge of violence against him as the charges were dropped were they not?" The Judge asked after scanning the document in front of him.

"Yes, they were Your Honour." The Sergeant reluctantly agreed. "Perhaps hearing from the victim's fiancée would be of help? She is the one who dropped those charges, perhaps you could enquire as to her reasons."

"Hmm, not an entirely normal proceeding, but I suppose we often use victim impact statements. Is she willing to talk to me?"

"Yes Your Honour." The Sergeant said, then looked across to Sam who shakily stood up. She could hear those around her turn to look at her but she kept looking forwards, holding eye contact only with the Judge.

"Miss…Jones?" The Judge asked, looking again down at the document.

"Yes Your Honour." Sam answered, then found she needed to clear her throat, which suddenly felt dry. She stole a look at Andy, who was still staring at her, his dark eyes boring right through her.

"Miss Jones, can you briefly explain your prior connection with the defendant?"

"He is my ex-partner."

"And how did the relationship come to end?"

"He, um, well I-I was admitted to hospital after he assaulted me. It was a violent, abusive relationship, which I was only able to leave with the help of a nurse at the hospital discovering the truth and helping me find a refuge."

"And how long did you endure the abuse?"

"About 3 years." Sam stated, hearing a few gasps and muttering around her.

"Silence." The Judge ordered. "And Miss Jones, why did you drop the charges."

"I was young, and I was afraid. I was scared he would come after me, scared he would find me. I've just begun rebuilding my life over the past 12 months and he reappeared and we are back to square one. If it wasn't for my good friends I would have fallen apart again." Sam started, but was interrupted.

"You liar! You always lie!" Amy shouted and the Judge banged his gavel and tried to restore order to the court. "You tried to ruin his life once before and failed and now you're trying again!"

"Any more outbursts and I will have you removed from the court room." The Judge said sternly then nodded at Sam to continue.

"Your Honour, I would ask that you consider that if he were to be released pending trial, that I would fear for my safety and the safety of those around me. As you know, my fiancé is already fighting for his life in hospital; he is still sedated and on a ventilator, he's had major surgery and nearly lost his life all because of what the defendant did when he lost his temper." Sam said looking Andy right in the eye, albeit briefly. "I have made no attempt to contact him since I left, and yet he turned up here, and I made no attempt to antagonise him and yet he pursued both myself and my fiancé on numerous occasions, threatening violence and showing his anger and now this dreadful event has come about which nearly resulted in me losing the man I love and the father of my child." Sam paused and took a breath, trying to keep control of the emotion in her voice. "I do not believe that if you were to release him that he would keep away from us. It is on this basis that I beg you to consider that he is placed on remand until the case reaches trial."

"Thank you Miss Jones, please be seated." The Judge nodded. The court room sat in silence as the Judge read through the documents again. Ella took hold of Sam's hand again and Cal slipped his hand supportively on the small of her back and whispered _'well done'_ into her ear. Then the Judge continued: "Considering the seriousness of the case and the severity of the injuries sustained, and also the fact that the victim has not yet regained consciousness; along with the fact that although the prior allegations never made it to court, there is enough cause to make me doubt the safety of those affected in this case; I am recommending that the defendant be held on remand pending a trial date, which, owing to the nature of the case, I shall recommend is dealt with in the Crown Court." The Judge finished, causing Andy's mum to let out a loud sob and Amy could be heard muttering her displeasure. Sam let out a huge breath and Ella pulled her into a hug. Cal felt like he could cry and finally allowed himself again to look at the man who had harmed his little brother in such a way that they nearly lost him. Then he could feel the anger building, but he knew he had to hold onto it. They were one step closer to justice, although there was still a long road to go.


	215. Chapter 215

As they left the court room, Cal was guiding Ella down the steps and Sam was rummaging in her bag for her phone.

"I hope you're happy." A voice spat out from behind her. Sam turned quickly and Cal and Ella stopped and turned too.

"Happy? Amy how could I be happy? My fiancé may never wake up! My baby may never meet their daddy, all because of your brother."

"You did it, you pushed him to it. You always did. He told me-"

"Whatever he told you, it wasn't true, he always told me it was my fault, when he broke my arm, my ankle, every punch, every kick, even when he…he killed our baby."

"What?" Amy gasped.

"That's right Amy, it was his fault. He pushed me down the stairs that day when I lost…" Sam swallowed to stop a sob.

"No. No I can't believe it. I won't." Amy huffed.

"Believe whatever you want. I don't care anymore." Sam said, turning back to walk away.

"I'll never forgive you." Amy shouted after her. Sam continued walking catching up with Cal and Ella.

"She doesn't need your forgiveness anyway. Crawl back in your hole and leave her alone." Ella shouted as the three of them headed back to the car and Amy stood staring, waiting for her mother to leave the court.

When they arrived back on the ward, the doctor stopped them in reception and beckoned them into the family room.

"What is it? What's happening?" Cal asked, looking stressed and panicked at the same time.

"Sit down." The doctor said, motioning to the empty chair. Cal practically fell on it.

"What's going on?" He stressed again.

"I'm afraid it appears that Ethan has developed VAP, ventilator associated pneumonia."

"Oh my god." Sam gasped, and Ella too let out an audible gasp.

"How, when?" Cal spluttered at the same time.

"He was obviously at greater risk owing to the blunt chest trauma and it's possible the recent splenectomy may not have helped. We have him on a strong course of IV antibiotics and we're waiting for cultures, but I'm afraid this has been a bit of a setback. It means we are playing even more of a waiting game now."

"But what are his chances? I mean, how bad is it?" Cal asked.

"I'm afraid we can't answer that. There was a worsening of the consolidation on the second x-ray taken this morning."

"And what other clinical signs are there?" Cal asked.

"His white cell count is raised, and his CRP is now over 200, yesterday it was 75. His temperature is spiking and he is struggling to maintain his oxygen levels."

"I can't believe it." Sam gasped, tears filling up in her eyes. Ella reached out and clutched Sam's hand.

"We are doing everything we can to help him, but this means weaning him off the ventilator will take longer. We need him to recover from the infection first."

"But the antibiotics will help?" Sam added quietly.

"Like I've said, we will do everything we can, but we just have to wait and see. In the meantime, he's going to need you more than ever." The doctor said. The three of them sat in silence, stunned by what they had just been told. Suddenly Sam stood up.

"I-I need to get to him, now." She muttered and pushed her way out of the door, rushing towards his room. She pushed open the door, half afraid of what she might see, but he didn't appear to look drastically different than when she had left him last night. She moved closer to him and the nurse who was observing him stepped back. Sam reached for his hand and leaned in closer.

"Oh Ethan, how could I not spot this? I should have known you were ill, I should have got help sooner."

"You couldn't have known, it's fairly common for ventilated patients to get an infection like this. Especially someone with his history and level of trauma." The nurse tried to reassure her.

"But I was ill myself only a few days ago, and he looked after me. I should have thought about the exposure risk and the fact that he would now be unable to shift the bug."

"Was it a respiratory infection?" The nurse asked.

"Yes." Sam nodded.

"Well, he's on a good broad spectrum antibiotic now, we will do everything we can to get him through this, but for now you have to stop blaming yourself, and just be there for him." The nurse smiled slightly at her. "I'll give you a few minutes. Call me if you need me." Sam nodded at the nurse as she left the room then Sam looked back down at Ethan.

"I just can't believe it. Ethan, when are things going to get better for us. I really need you here, I need you back with me. Our baby needs its Daddy, please? I can't do this without you, you have to come back to me; to _us_. Please keep fighting darling. Please?" Sam urged, squeezing his hand as a tear rolled down her cheek. Cal stepped towards her from the doorway where he and Ella were standing. He wiped a tear from his own cheek and put his arm gently around her waist. She turned and looked at him, seeing the tears in his eyes hurt her even more and the sobs escaped. She threw her arms around him and he pulled her in close and they both sobbed in each other's arms. Ella could only watch this painful display of emotion from the doorway, knowing there was nothing she could say or do to help.

Sam insisted on remaining by Ethan's side again that night and as much as Ella tried to convince her that she should go home and get a good night's sleep, Sam was having none of it. Cal was going to back to the flat with Ella, but first went down to the ED to see who was about, as he knew they would be eager for an update on Ethan. He was quickly overwhelmed by their colleagues swarming around him to see how Ethan was doing and he struggled to get any words out. Seeing he was struggling, Charlie skilfully extracted him towards Connie's office where she was working through her pile of admin. She looked up as Charlie knocked on the door and beckoned them in.

"Cal, are you ok? Come and sit down." Connie said, seeing the pale and tired looking medic, and feeling concerned about the reason behind his sudden appearance.

"Thanks." Cal breathed as he fell into the chair.

"Do you need to talk? Is it Ethan?"

"He, he um…" Cal started then took a deep breath and ran has hands through his hair. Connie waited patiently, although she was anxious to know, she knew Cal needed time to get it out and interrupting and pressing him for details would tell her what she needed to know any quicker. "He's taken a turn for the worse, hes-he's got pneumonia." Cal said quietly, leaning on Connie's desk and resting his head in his hands.

"Oh Cal." Connie said and Charlie rested a hand on his shoulder.

"He's really not doing great. It's just a waiting game, and I hate it, I hate not knowing. I hate going home and coming back and not knowing whether he'll be awake or whether he'll have deteriorated or worse. I'm so angry and-and I just hate it all." Cal said, banging his fist down on the desk. Connie looked at Charlie and he shrugged.

"I know it's hard Cal, but you just have to ride it out. Ethan will fight, you know he will. He has so much to fight for. He won't give up that easily. He can be as stubborn as you can." Connie said, almost smiling at the end, but knowing the time wasn't right.

"I feel like I can't hold onto this anger for much longer. I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't know how I've managed to get this far without hitting someone or lashing out." Cal said, looking up ashamed.

"Cal, it's normal to feel angry. Perhaps you should arrange a session or two with Ben? He's great, he could talk you through everything. I could call him for you?" Connie suggested helpfully. Cal looked unsure.

"Ben has been there for most of us over the years Cal, we've all leaned on him and used his expertise from time to time, even me." Charlie added. Cal looked shocked at the thought that Charlie might need psychological support, but then realised that everyone had things happen that sometimes were difficult to cope with or process, and it didn't make anyone less of a person. It seemed now it was his time. He nodded, and Connie smiled.

"I'll arrange a session for you and let you know ok?" Connie said softly, and Cal nodded again.

"And I guess I should come back to work, I've missed a couple of shifts already-"

"No Cal." Connie cut in. "You're not ready."

"But-"

"No, as your clinical lead, I'm putting my foot down. You will have at least one session with Ben, and I won't hear of you returning until Ethan has woken up again."

"Really, I can't be off work that long, I can't."

"Cal, I'll sign you off on full pay. You don't need to worry." Connie said softly, as if reading his mind. "You won't be in the right frame of mind just yet anyway. I'm better to get a locum in for a couple of weeks. By then Ethan should have recovered more, and will probably be fed up with you, and we can ease you back in gently."

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp." Cal said quietly. "I really appreciate it."

"No problem." She smiled kindly at him. "Now get yourself home and rest. Ethan is in the best possible place and will be well cared for, I promise I'll make sure of it."

"Thank you." Cal said again, shakily standing up. As he headed to the door, he turned back to face them both. "Can you do me a favour, and fill in the team, I don't think I'm ready to face them yet."

"Of course." Charlie smiled, and Cal turned and headed out of the office and managed to slip away from the department unnoticed, meeting Ella back at the car and heading back to the flat where both of them fell exhausted into bed.


	216. Chapter 216

Cal woke early the next morning and as he turned in bed, he really wanted to smile knowing that Ella was there with him, but he just couldn't. He felt so anxious about Ethan and worried about what was happening at the hospital. He lay there, staring at the ceiling, trying to control his thoughts and think logically and not let his imagination run wild, but it was difficult. He knew himself that clinically, Ethan was not in a good place, and if the antibiotics didn't get hold of the infection quickly then the chances that he would wake up were slipping further away. His heart had already been put under great pressure with the blood loss and surgery and subsequent cardiac arrest, now he was fighting a significant infection, and Cal wasn't sure how much more his little brother's body would be able to withstand. Before he realised it, tears were silently slipping along his cheeks and running onto the pillow. He lifted his hand quickly to try and wipe them away, but more kept falling. He sniffed and wiped his face again just as Ella stirred and turned to face him, realising he was upset, she instinctively pulled him towards her and held him close.

"Sorry." He sniffed, feeling embarrassed.

"Cal, it's ok. It's just you and me here, you can let it all out."

"No, it's ok. I'm ok." He said, pulling away and wiping his face once more. Ella looked at him with concern.

"Cal?" She said softly, moving to sit up slightly. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. "Cal, please, you can tell me anything. You don't have to put on a front for me."

"I can't. I can't say it."

"Say what?" She urged, and he glanced over at her, seeing her supportive eyes and feeling his resolve buckle.

"Els, I'm scared. Terrified." He admitted.

"Of?" Ella pressed when he seemed to stop.

"Losing him. I just don't know what I'd do if…if-" Cal stopped, unable to continue. He couldn't bring himself to say 'if Ethan doesn't pull through'.

"Oh Cal." Ella said softly, pulling him back in for a hug. He clung tightly to her and she just allowed him the time to be near and to let his emotions come nearer the surface. He hadn't quite got it off his chest, but he was starting to open up a little.

They made it to the hospital later that morning and were ushered into the family room again to wait while the doctors were reviewing Ethan. Cal was pacing the room like a caged animal, wondering why he hadn't been allowed in to see his brother, he knew it must be bad news, and he wondered where Sam was.

"Cal, sit down hun, you're working yourself up more with the pacing." Ella said. Cal didn't reply, he just walked towards the window and leant on the wall, running his hands through his hair. Ella just looked at him.

"What's going on? Why can't we go in. Why won't they tell us anything?" He said suddenly.

"Cal, I don't know, maybe they are just checking him over and discussing management plans, you know how it works. Family can sometimes get in the way when we are discussing possibilities."

"No, this is more than that, do you think they are going to give up on him? Where is Sam? It doesn't make sense?" Cal stressed.

"No, of course they aren't going to give up on him. They will come and talk to us in a minute, I'm sure."

"And what about Sam?"

"I don't know." Ella sighed, looking worried. She took out her phone, just in case Sam had been in touch but there was nothing there. She sent a quick text to Sam asking where she was. Just then the door opened and the consultant in charge entered the room alongside his junior doctor. Cal instantly feared the worst, and Ella wasn't so sure the news would be good either. She glanced at her phone in the hope that Sam would reply.

"Thank you for your patience." The consultant started. "We were just reviewing your brother's case."

"What's happening?" Cal almost pleaded.

"Well, as you know, we have been treating him for pneumonia, and we have been monitoring him carefully in the past 36 hours, but I'm afraid he doesn't really seem to be responding to treatment.

"Oh God, I knew it." Cal breathed out anxiously, the emotions rising in his voice as he slumped into the chair. Ella instinctively moved to be near to him.

"Right now we don't know how this is going to go. We have changed the antibiotics we are using in the hope he will respond better to this lot, but I don't need to tell you, things are serious."

"Realistically, what are his chances?" Cal asked cautiously. The consultant eyed him slightly suspiciously, trying to read the situation and deciding how much to reveal and how honest to be. Ella reached for Cal's hand and he squeezed hers back, and she too looked at the consultant earnestly. The consultant took a deep breath before he began talking again.

"As you know, it is difficult to estimate these things, you never know how it will go. But giving the lack of response to the first course of antibiotics, if he does not pick up in the next 24 to 48 hours then it may well reduce his chances of survival. As you are aware I'm sure, with this kind of infection, his chances were already reduced to about 50%." On hearing this, Ella took a sharp breath in and the last traces of colour drained from Cal's face. "But we are remaining hopeful, rest assured we are doing everything we can to give your brother the best chance."

"Thank you." Cal nodded quietly, not really knowing what else to say. When the consultant and his junior left, Ella pulled out her phone again but there was no reply, now she was even more concerned about where Sam was.

"Cal?" She questioned, realising he was just staring into space. "Cal?"

"Hmm?" He looked up suddenly, broken from his thoughts.

"Cal, we have to keep positive."

"That's easier said than done." Cal muttered.

"I know, believe me. But we've both been on both sides of this. We've both delivered devastating news to families and we've both seen positive outcomes where things looked bleak. And we've both been in the position of fear of losing loved ones. Ethan is strong, he will fight it. We have to believe it. I have to believe it for you." Ella added, the end line sounding less sure of herself.

"Ok." Cal said quietly, looking up and trying to give her a half smile to show his appreciation.

"Cal, I really do care for you, a lot; and I hate to see you going through this, but I mean it when I say I'm here. I'm here to stay and I'm not going anywhere, ok?"

"Thanks." He whispered back as they fell into a tight embrace. They left the family room to go and sit with Ethan. They had been there for about 15 minutes when Sam rushed in through the door, out of breath and clutching her bump.

"What is it? What's happened?" She breathed heavily as she desperately tried to control her breathing again.

"Sam, are you ok?" Ella said in alarm and Cal was also looking at her in shock.

"Yes. I've just rushed here from my appointment. What happened?" Sam repeated, still breathless. Cal and Ella were both relieved that she wasn't in labour as they had both first feared, and Cal guided her into a chair to allow her to catch her breath again.

"We were just worried that you weren't here when we arrived." Cal said, before Ella could reveal everything. "We expected you to be sitting here so we wondered where you were." He finished. Ella looked up at him and he shot her a warning look.

"I had a midwife appointment. I got you text after and I rushed up here, I thought something had happened." Sam said, relief flooding through her. "I'd have never forgiven myself if I'd left him and something happened." She admitted guiltily. Ella looked at her hands in her lap, glad that Sam directed her speech to Cal.

"Ethan would never forgive you if you didn't go to your check-ups because of him." Cal added softly.

"How is everything with the baby?" Ella said, changing the subject.

"Baby seems fine, comfortable and happy in there. Unsurprisingly, my blood pressure is creeping up again. I kept trying to say its probably the stress, but I guess they have to do their jobs for a reason. I've negotiated that I'll pop down to the ward each day to have my bp taken and take a urine sample in so they can monitor it until it settles again."

"Well, make sure you do that." Cal said, feeling he should play advocate for Ethan not being able to say anything.

"I will Cal, I promise. How is he anyway? Have you had an update?"

"They have changed his antibiotics, we've just got to wait for them to do their thing now."

"So they isolated the bacteria from the samples then?" Sam asked, looking hopeful.

"I guess so." Cal shrugged. "They didn't specifically say, and it wasn't on my mind to ask, but we can assume so." He caught Ella's eye and she looked away towards Ethan, and a flash of guilt went through Cal, but he couldn't break Sam down, she had to stay strong, she had to believe he would get through this. Sam took hold of Ethan's hand and began to talk to him, updating him on the size and position of the baby and telling him that baby Hardy was holding on in there until Daddy was awake to meet them. Suddenly Ella let out a gasp.

"What?" Sam and Cal said in unison.

"Ethan's eyes just flickered a bit." Ella said, and all three silently stared at Ethan hoping it would happen again. "Sam, talk to him again, tell him about the baby." Ella urged. Sam looked back to Ethan and giving his hand a squeeze she talked about what they would do when the baby arrived and how she needed to sort things out because they weren't anywhere near ready. All the while as she spoke, they all waited for a reaction, but nothing came. They couldn't help but feel disappointed even though they knew what they were dealing with, and Ella was apologetic for getting their hopes up.

The next couple of days passed by in the same way; Cal and Ella came in and out of the hospital and Sam remained by Ethan's side, unable to leave him, except when she had to leave for a midwife check-up. She had also been trying to co-ordinate things with solicitors and estate agents in finalising contracts with the new house, which was proving difficult with Ethan being unable to talk to them too. Cal had proven to be a great help to her in this case and she truly appreciated his support.

Connie had made a brief appearance to get an update 'for the team' and Rita had also been up to see Sam. Robyn had been desperate to see her too, but Rita had suggested she wait a while as Sam really wasn't up to talking. Rita had also arranged that Sam would be put on leave until her maternity leave started; which ordinarily Sam would have insisted didn't happen, but she just wasn't in the right frame of mind, she was emotional, tired and she knew she couldn't do it, so didn't attempt to argue. On reflection, she would have been sad not to have a 'final shift' with her team, but this showed her current frame of mind as she didn't even consider this. Robyn was sad not to be able to throw her the baby shower she had been planning, but instead continued to collect for a secret gift basket for when baby Hardy finally made its arrival, compiling gifts for both baby and Sam and Ethan to celebrate and enjoy their new family, a fleeting thought crossed her mind that he might not make it home to celebrate his new family, then she got cross at herself for having that thought and pushed it firmly out of her mind and focused on making this the best 'welcome' basket ever.


	217. Chapter 217

"Are you sure you don't want to come back with us tonight Sam?" Ella asked tentatively.

"I'm sure." Sam said tightly, sitting firmly next to Ethan, gently stroking his bare forearm.

"But maybe you should-"

"Ella, I've said I'm fine." Sam said looking Ella straight in the eye with determination. Ella knew she was fighting a losing battle and Cal turned from his position looking out of the window to look back towards the girls, hearing Sam's sharpness in her tone.

"Ok, well maybe I can at least take you to the canteen to get some hot food inside you."

"I'm ok, I'll get something later." Sam said, looking back to Ethan. Ella watched her with concern. She knew Sam felt she needed to be with Ethan, but Ella also knew she wasn't thinking of her own wellbeing enough. Ella looked to Cal for help, but he just shrugged and looked back towards the window; he knew this was an argument that they wouldn't win, nor was it one that he wanted to get dragged in to. Ella sighed gently and walked carefully towards Cal, slipping her arm around his waist and leaning into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He, in turn, put his arm around her and they stood together looking out of the window over the car park of the hospital. Sam stole a sideways glance at them and felt a sinking feeling. She was happy they were reunited, but in their togetherness, somehow she felt even more alone. She knew they were both there for her, and she loved them for it, but right now there was only one person she wanted, one person she wanted to talk to, to hold in her arms, and she couldn't and it tore her up inside.

"I'm really worried about her." Ella confessed to Cal as he helped her into the car that evening.

"I know, but we both know there's no way we are going to convince her to leave him." Cal responded as he fastened his seatbelt.

"She needs a proper rest, and a meal; I doubt she's eaten properly for days."

"Well, hopefully Ethan will start to show some improvement and then maybe we can convince her."

"I'm sorry Cal, I know I should be worrying about you too, and I am, but I've just not seen her like this before."

"I know, it's worrying." Cal half smiled to show he wasn't offended. "And you don't need to worry about me."

"Of course I do; I'll always worry about you."

"You don't need to, I'm a big boy." He half laughed. Ella shot him a sideways glance, giving him a knowing look.

"I know." She grinned, causing Cal to laugh again.

"Why does it feel so wrong?" Cal asked suddenly, abruptly stopping laughing. Ella looked seriously at him.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Laughing. It's natural, yet it feels so wrong, like I'm a bad person for being able to laugh with you right now."

"Cal, you're not a bad person, it's natural to feel that way, to feel guilty that Ethan is, well that he's so unwell and you have a moment where you feel lighter and able to laugh about something. It's normal to feel guilt, but you really don't need to. Ethan wouldn't want you to be miserable all of the time."

"I think you underestimate Ethan. He would like me to be more serious."

"Serious about some things, yes." Ella smiled. "But he wouldn't want you to be so upset all of the time. He'd want you to get on with things. He's still want you to smile. And he'd want us to make Sam smile again." She added sadly.

"I know. I just don't know what to say to her right now." Cal sighed.

"I guess we don't have to have words, just being there, and catching her when she falls, that's all we can do, while we all hope for the best." Ella said as she squeezed Cal's hand which was resting on the gear lever ready to drive off. "Come on, we need to get home to bed."

"I thought you'd never ask." He smiled again, a slight pang of guilt hitting him again, but he tried to ignore it.

When they were next together at Ethan's bedside and doctor next came to check on him, he was clutching a tablet showing Ethan's x-ray imaging.

"I have a little bit of good news for a change." He smiled, holding the tablet out to Cal, who took it quickly. "You can see the infection has vastly reduced and responded well to this second course of antibiotics. It doesn't mean he is completely out of the woods, but things are as good as we could hope for, it seems Ethan is still fighting for you all."

"What does this mean?" Sam asked, as she and Ella too looked at the images.

"It means we are going to start weaning down his dependence on the ventilator. The quicker we get him off of it now, the better. But I do need you to understand, it is a process, and for someone like Ethan, who has suffered such a set-back, it can sometimes take 2 or 3 attempts of going up and down the scale before we get him off."

"Right." Cal nodded, handing back the tablet. "So his bloods have improved too?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, I should have mentioned, his CRP is coming back down and yesterday was 125, today's result is not quite back, but looking at the imaging, I'm hopeful it's lower."

"That's great." Ella smiled, seeming genuinely relieved. Sam clutched Ethan's hand tighter, smiling down at him. As the consultant left the room she brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

"Oh Ethan, sweetheart, you're doing it, you're fighting hard for us, and you have to keep fighting, we're all here, Cal and Ella, we're here waiting for you, and we'll be here when you wake up." Sam said. Cal looked at Ella and smiled and she smiled back, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it. For the first time they dared to hope that something might be going in the right direction, that something positive could come out of this.

"How was your reading this morning Sam?" Ella asked gently as she sat beside her friend.

"Reading?" Sam asked absentmindedly.

"Yes, your blood pressure?" Ella said, frowning at Sam.

"Oh, right, um, yes fine." Sam muttered. Ella flashed Cal a worried glance.

"Well, what did they say?" Ella urged.

"Oh, just that they'll keep an eye." Sam said, not looking away from Ethan.

"Sam, you did go didn't you?" Ella asked cautiously.

"What? Of course I did." Sam said, looking up and looking hurt which made Ella feel terrible.

"I'm sorry, I was just checking you hadn't forgotten." Ella said quietly.

"Els, I know how important it is for me to be monitored."

"I know you do but-"

"So I'm not going to do anything to jeopardise the baby's health am I?"

"I know Sam, I was just checking, you've not exactly been looking after yourself lately have you?"

"Well, I've had more important things on my mind." Sam answered sharply.

"I know."

"Well, you'll forgive me if I've not been going home to eat and sleep, I need to be here. Ethan needs me."

"Yes he does. But he needs you to take care of yourself, because he's going to need you even more when he comes out the other end." Ella said softly, resting her hand on Sam's arm. Sam looked into the eyes of her friend and her icy glare softened and she felt guilty for being so sharp.

"Els, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so defensive and take it out on you, it's just. I've been so scared, and so sure I was going to lose him and I feel so alone."

"Alone? But you have us." Ella jumped in.

"I know, and you've been great. But I've never felt more alone in my life, well maybe once, but this time I have so much more to lose and I'm terrified."

"I know; I do get it. I remember being here with Francis. But you need to be careful just how much you're stressing yourself out. You know I'm only saying it because I care."

"I know and believe me, I _really_ appreciate it." Sam smiled slightly, squeezing Ella's hand. Cal smiled to himself, listening to the girls talking.

"Why don't you both go out for dinner tonight?" He chipped in suddenly.

"What?" Sam and Ella both said, looking up.

"Well, both of you could do with some down time, why don't you go out for dinner. I'll stay here with Ethan while you're gone, so he won't be alone and then you'll get some time together." Cal said. Ella looked hopefully at Sam.

"Oh, I don't know Cal I-"

"Sam, you need this. I can sit with Ethan; I promise I won't leave him." Cal assured her. Sam looked at him and then looked towards Ella who was still looking hopeful and nodded.

"Ok. I guess it will be nice." She smiled slightly. "But you have to promise to alert me to any changes or-"

"I will." Cal cut her off before she could reel off a longer list of instructions. "If you promise you'll go and enjoy yourselves and relax for a bit."

"We promise." Ella smiled, before Sam could object. "In fact, why don't we pop home in a bit and get showered and changed?"

"Oh I don't know, I-" Sam started.

"Sam, you haven't been home in days. I mean this in the nicest possible way, if I'm taking you out for dinner, you're going to go and shower and change." Ella smiled as Sam looked down at her wrinkled blouse and jeans with a coffee stain on.

"Yeah, I guess I do look a mess don't I?" Sam smiled again.

"Well, I must say, I've seen you looking better." Cal chuckled.

"Oi." Sam flashed a wicked look, and a part of a grin appeared on her face. She looked almost like her old self for a split second, and Cal knew it was the relief that Ethan had turned a corner.


	218. Chapter 218

As the girls left a little while later, with Cal promising to ring straight away if there were any changes or developments in Ethan's condition, Cal found himself in familiar yet strange territory. He had been here before, though this time he had not yet been alone with his little brother, and therefore it had been easier to block things out and pretend things weren't as serious as they were. But now, sitting next to his brother, alone, the silence filling the room with a suffocating humidity, the only sounds breaking through were the monitors and ventilator keeping Ethan's body functioning. Suddenly they seemed a whole lot louder, and sounded much more urgent in their insistence of monitoring his little brother. Cal looked down at him, lying motionless in the bed, he _almost_ looked like he was simply sleeping, aside from that awful looking tube secured and maintaining his airway, but Cal knew why it was necessary, and years of inserting them helped him to look past it to some degree. However, as Cal dared to look closer at him he could see more of the story behind how they got here. He could see the graze on his cheek, the cut above his eye which had been neatly sutured and the bruising around his eye. Cal allowed his gaze to venture further down his brothers body, looking at his shoulders, his clavicle, his sternum, which all thankfully seemed to be intact. Then he reached his hand out to the sheet covering Ethan's chest and abdomen. He wanted to look, but as his fingers traced the edge of the sheet he faltered slightly. He took a deep breath and gently pulled the edge of the sheet down so he could see Ethan's chest. The bruising was evident, and although now beginning to settle down, the various shades of bruising showed the level of trauma. He looked at the dressing on Ethan's chest wall from the surgery, and slowly reached a finger towards it, but pulled it back before it could make contact. His eyes still stared sadly down at his little brother, who with every passing minute seemed to be getting smaller. Cal sniffed and pulled the sheet back up again, unable to look at the effects any longer. Subconsciously, once more he balled his fists up and his knuckles cracked, the sounds echoing around the room, making him realising what he was doing. He stood up and walked back towards the window, standing with his back to Ethan, and looked out over the car park of the hospital. He leaned his hand flat on the wall for support as he forced himself to take some deep steady breaths, trying to control his anger and his worry. As he stared off into the distance he saw a Mother with two young boys; the taller of the two young boys suddenly rushed off ahead causing the younger boy to shout and tear off after him. The mother rushed off too, shouting at them to stop. As the older boy got to the doors of the hospital he turned and clearly was teasing his younger brother, causing the smaller boy to throw himself on the floor and sulk as he too reached the doors closely followed by their mother who proceeded to give them a good telling off. Cal watched the scene unfold with interest, looking down on the family that could have been pulled from the history books, from his history, with his mum and his brother. There were many scenes similar to this; his mum coming to the hospital, dragging along her sons to wait while their Dad finished his shift in the ED, sometimes he came home with them, sometimes he sent them away as he was too busy, and occasionally he would let them sit in his office or watch what went on in the department. Cal smiled slightly as he remembered Ethan always wanting to stay with his Dad, wanting to watch the goings on in the busy department, wanting to help too. Cal had been more pre-occupied with the attention from the nursing staff, who cooed over the sons of their lead consultant. Cal's smile dropped as he remembered a particular nurse, a young pretty blonde, with piercing blue eyes, the one that had finally turned his Dad's head enough to leave. Not that Cal cared, he had his Mum, it was no secret he never held a huge amount of love or respect for his Dad, which had all but completely diminished by the time his father walked out on them. He was drawn back to the scene unfolding outside as a muffled squeal made its way through. He looked down and the smaller boy was now being dragged up to a standing position by his stressed looking mum while the older boy laughed and taunted him more. Cal was reminded again of his little brother, who would often lose his temper when Cal would push him too far. Ethan's trick, Cal remembered, was to hold his breath until he would nearly pass out, but it had been known for him to throw himself on the floor from time to time. Unfortunately, Ethan had always been the apple of their Mother's eye, her surprise baby, probably a last ditched attempt at saving her marriage Cal thought, a way of trying to make their Dad realise he loved his family. Unfortunately, Cal was old enough to remember that he became more and more distant and as the boys grew up, he grew further apart from the family until he finally left. Anyway, baby Ethan usually succeeded in getting his own way, and more often than not, Cal got into trouble for some reason or other. He used to pretend he hated his little brother, and sometimes he convinced himself he did, usually when he had been grounded or banned from the little computer time that he was allowed. But deep down he knew he loved his little brother more than anything, and he knew, even back then, that he would do anything for him, _anything_.

He turned back towards his brother now, looking at him lying there, and that feeling was there, as strong as ever, possibly stronger, he would do anything for his brother. Taking another deep breath, he walked back across to Ethan's bed and took a seat next to him again. He looked sadly at his brother, wishing he would just open his eyes and talk to him.

"Hey little brother." Cal almost whispered, then he forced himself to clear his throat. "So, here we are again, just you and me. Haven't you done enough to realise how many people care about you? You have to keep scaring us." Cal stopped, almost as if he was waiting for Ethan to answer. "Why Ethan, I don't understand why you would do it? You've never been much of a fighter. Why did you think you could go up against such a bully? It's not the first time when I've been truly terrified I was going to lose you, only this time I came so close, too close Ethan, and I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of the sight of you, arresting on the operating table in front of me. Ethan I really thought that was it this time. And when Mrs Beauchamp came down, I was convinced she was coming to confirm it, that-that we'd lost you. And if we had Ethan…well I-I just don't think I could have coped. I don't think you realise just how much you mean to me; just how important you are. Ethan I'm nothing without you. You keep me grounded, you keep me stable, I know that's hard to believe, but so many times I'd have gone completely off the rails if you hadn't been there puling me back from the precipice. I need you Ethan, I really need you. You're my little brother, but you're so much bigger than me in so many ways. And if I can be half the man you are, well then I'll consider that I've done ok." Cal stopped to breathe, once he had started talking, everything had just tumbled out without him thinking about it. He wasn't even sure if he was making sense anymore. He just kept talking, filling the silence, and wishing that Ethan could answer him back. He was looking at Ethan lying still on the bed when the nurse came in to re-check Ethan's obs. Cal shifted awkwardly in his chair and got out his phone, scrolling through to try and distract himself while the nurse quietly busied herself filling in Ethan's charts. When she disappeared Cal couldn't help himself and he picked up the file and flicked through quickly, even though he knew he shouldn't, he was just curious. Then he saw it, a comment from the doctor scrawled in the notes: 'discuss the potential need for DNR order with family'. Cal felt the air being sucked from his lungs, he kept staring at the letters on the page, DNR, he tried to read more but couldn't, then suddenly he heard someone coming so he quickly shut the folder and put it back in its holder. Two nurses came in and explained to Cal that they were just going to change Ethan's position and perform some personal care, so Cal excused himself to go and get a coffee and something to eat. He headed to the canteen, even though he knew it wasn't the nicest of food, he was quite hungry and would take whatever he could get. He sat at a table in the corner, quietly picking at his food and staring into space when his phone beeped with a text message. He pulled it out of his pocket, smiling slightly to see that it was from Ella saying she and Sam were having a good chat and it was proving good for them both and that she was grateful Cal had suggested it. She added that she hoped Cal was ok. He sent a quick reply that all was ok and he was just having something to eat too. Then he got himself a large coffee to take back to Ethan's room and headed back down. Sitting himself back next to Ethan, who had now been sorted by the nurses for the night, he wondered how long they would have to wait until he started to come around. Cal instinctively reached out to touch Ethan's arm, almost needing to feel it to believe it really was him lying there. He felt his eyes fill with tears, but he angrily blinked them away. He couldn't forget the thought that the doctors had been considering a DNR on Ethan. It really hurt him. Of course if he'd put his clinical head on he would have known that this was one of the obvious conversations that would have been needed when Ethan was looking like he wouldn't respond to the antibiotics, but surely now he was improving they wouldn't need that conversation. Cal wasn't able to put his clinical head on though, he was far too close in this case, he couldn't just shut off and consider the clinical justification of requiring a DNR, all he could think was that if his little brother's heart had given up once more then they may well have not been able to bring him back to them. And that thought was all Cal needed to release the tears that had earlier threatened to fall. He wiped them hastily away but more quickly fell in their place, and before long a loud sob escaped, which he tried to muffle. He rested his head down on his arm next to Ethan and clutched Ethan's hand, not caring who might see him. He needed to be close to his brother, he needed his brother to know he was there for him and he always would be.

"Ethan." He sniffed, when his tears stopped. "Ethan, it's me, Cal, Caleb. I'm here buddy, I'm right here. Now I need you to listen to me ok? I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, and I know I haven't always been the responsible big brother that I should have been. But I need you to listen to me now. You need to fight this, you've got over the worst of the infection, you need to fight to wake up now and then you'll be able to quickly recover from your injuries. The worst of it will be done you just need to focus on opening your eyes and coming back to us. We are all here and we need you ok? Sam is desperately hanging onto your baby, hoping that you'll be awake before it is born, but you have to hurry, she's in her final weeks. I'm sure there's never been a woman at this point in her pregnancy who is hoping for it to last longer, but she is, and we all are. But you've got to do your bit buddy, you've got to wake up. I need you to wake up Ethan, please?" Cal pleaded to his little brother as he clutched his hand, when suddenly he thought he felt a slight squeeze back. He looked down at their hands clutched together but Ethan's still seemed fairly limp. Cal squeezed again and pleaded with him to wake up and to squeeze his hand back but nothing happened. Cal felt sad, unable to work out if it had really happened or if he was just desperately hoping for it so much that he had imagined it. He felt weary, leaning his head onto the bed beside Ethan again and closed his eyes. The next thing he knew he was being woken up by the sound and feeling of his phone buzzing in his pocket, and he jumped up with a start, realising he was still clutching Ethan's hand.

"Hello?" He answered as he shook himself awake.

"Cal, it's me. Are you still at the hospital?" Ella said softly.

"Oh, um, yes." Cal said as he came to a little more.

"I thought you'd be home by now." Ella said.

"Oh, I thought I should stay in case Sam came back."

"Sam is here, I've just put her to bed, she was exhausted."

"Oh, well I guess I'd better stay here."

"Cal, it's not too late, come home?" Ella asked lightly.

"But Ethan? I promised Sam I wouldn't leave him."

"I know, but he's in safe hands?" Ella said.

"I can't El, he needs me here, he needs to know someone is here for him."

"Ok Cal, if you're sure?"

"I'm sure El, he needs me to be his big brother, I'm not going to let him down for once."

"I'm proud of you Cal." Ella smiled. "I'll miss you though."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Ella." Cal said softly as they hung up. "I love you." He whispered at the phone knowing she had safely gone and wouldn't hear his confession. He still felt too scared to let his guard right down.

As Ella put down her phone and crawled into Cal's bed, she lay her head on the pillow, then clutched hold of Cal's pillow and snuggled down into it, taking a deep breath, smelling his scent. As she closed her eyes she whispered: 'I love you" into the pillow, letting out a sigh, knowing she couldn't yet confess her true feelings to him for fear he would think it was too soon and he had too much going on with Ethan, she didn't want to overwhelm him with this; she needed to support him and not pressurise him.


	219. Chapter 219

Sam woke up with a start early the next morning, she knew she had been dreaming. She remembered she was walking through a hedged maze, and it had been snowing so everything was white and looked the same. She was hurrying around, calling Ethan's name, but she hadn't been able to find him. She had found Cal who had stopped her and told her Ethan had passed by earlier and he seemed happy, and that he too had been looking for someone. She continued on, bumping into various people from work and then as she rushed around a corner she came face to face with Andy, who had told her with a satisfied sneer that Ethan had returned to be with his ex because she had made him happier than Sam ever did and he wanted to be carefree with her rather than tied down with the stress that Sam brought him. Sam remembered screaming that she didn't believe him, that it couldn't be true, and as he laughed she woke up and pushed herself to a sitting position, feeling a sheen of sweat lining her forehead and trying to catch her breath. She looked around the bedroom, which was exactly as it had been left, but it still felt strange without Ethan. As she sat there gathering herself, Ella came crashing in, flinging her crutch aside as she flumped onto Sam's bed.

"What is it sweetie? I heard you shout?" Ella panted as she went to sit on the bed next to her.

"Nothing, I um, it was just a bad dream. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine. I was worried." Ella said, looking across at Sam with concern. "Want to talk about it?" Ella asked, trying to sound casual.

"No. No it's fine." Sam breathed, but spoked firmly, looking away from her friend, feeling slightly silly to still be affected by such dreams. "What time is it? I should get back to Ethan."

"Well, don't you have to have your blood pressure taken first?"

"Of course, that goes without saying." Sam urged. "But I do really need to get back, are you coming?"

"Yes, I need to check on Cal. He didn't come home last night, he wanted to be with Ethan."

"Oh." Sam nodded, feeling guilty. Guilty that she wasn't with Ethan, but also guilty that she hadn't really thought to give Cal time alone with his brother. It was selfish of her, she knew that, but she just needed to be with Ethan, she needed to know he'd be ok. And in the past, Cal hadn't dealt with these things so well.

Cal woke with a start, instinctively wiping his face and rubbing his eyes as he came to, wondering initially where he was. He looked at Ethan, still sedated and sleeping and he felt that depth of despair in the pit of his stomach. How he wished Ethan would wake up now. He stood up slowly, stretching out his limbs which were stiff after spending the night in the chair next to his brother. He walked to the sink and splashed some cold water on his face, trying to wake himself up a bit. One of the nurses entered and smiled at him.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up." She said, her smile spreading. "The doctor will be in soon, it sounds like they plan to extubate and make the final push to wake him up today."

"Really?" Cal said, almost too shocked to believe it.

"Yes." She nodded. "But before the doctor comes in there is someone else that wishes to see him, can I let her in?" The nurse asked. Cal nodded without thinking, assuming she meant Ella was back. They would have recognised Sam but they might not have realised who Ella was.

Ella decided that she would accompany Sam to the antenatal ward before they went up to Ethan's bedside. Sam knew she was just checking up on her and making sure she went, but instead of allowing herself to get annoyed, she reminded herself that Ella was only doing it because she cared, and Sam appreciated just how much she had done since she returned to Holby and just how much she needed her best friend right now.

As Cal looked up he was surprised to see Lily walking into the room, her usual air of cool detachment oozing out of her, but Cal could see through her, this was forced. She was determined to keep control of her emotions, but it hurt her to see her friend in this way. Cal saw Lily swallow hard before finding the words.

"Cal, I-I needed to come. I've heard the updates, but I needed to see him."

"It's fine Lily, come in."

"I can't stay, I have to work, but I didn't want you to think I didn't care."

"When have you worried about what I think?" Cal half smiled.

"Well, I guess never, but you know what I mean." Lily replied curtly, while looking down at Ethan. "What have they said?"

"He's doing better, the infection is clearing up, it sounds like they are hoping to extubate later."

"That's excellent news." Lily smiled slightly, her eyes softening as she did. Cal couldn't help but notice they looked a little bit glassy, but she blinked hard. "I'd um, I'd better get back."

"Thanks Lily, I'll make sure he knows you came up."

"I um, I'm thinking of you." Lily said more softly, passing a small smile to Cal. "Ethan has always been a good friend to me." She nodded, turning back towards the door to make her exit.

"Thanks Lily." Cal repeated.

"Keep us updated." Lily said as she disappeared. Cal knew she wasn't being rude, he could tell that seeing Ethan that way hurt her. As much as she had created conflict in their lives, he knew Lily cared about Ethan, and as much as she tried to hold things together and appear professional and detached, he could see right through that. He was one of the few people who had seen the vulnerable side of Lily in the early days, he knew she would never show it now she was a Registrar, and looking to prove herself, but when she had been an F2 he had seen it.

Shortly after Lily's departure, Sam and Ella arrived. Cal was sitting back next to Ethan, jut staring at him and deep in thought.

"Penny for them." Ella smiled lovingly looking at him. Cal looked up and couldn't hide the smile creeping on his lips.

"You. It's always you." Cal grinned, then he looked guiltily towards Sam, but she was smiling too.

"Oh, get a room you two." She smiled as she bent over to kiss Ethan's forehead. "Morning sweetheart." She said easily as if Ethan would just open his eyes and reply. "Baby Hardy is still ok, they've scheduled an extra scan to check on the fluid, and they have taken some bloods this morning but they aren't too worried. Don't worry, I'm making sure baby is hanging on in there for Daddy, but Daddy has to wake up for us now, ok?" Sam continued. Cal just watched her.

"How do you do that?" He asked eventually.

"What?" Sam asked gently, looking across at him, fairly sure she knew what he meant.

"Talk to him so easily, when you know he can't answer back I mean?"

"I don't know, it wasn't as easy to start with, but he needs to hear us, to know we're here. And I guess it's part of my job, I'm used to explaining procedures and talking to frightened patients, as well as performing last offices. You just get used to talking to patients who may not answer back, but you learn to do it to humanise those processes." Sam explained. Cal looked at her with a new sense of admiration.

"I don't think I could do that. Clean up a dead body I mean." Cal said, almost shuddering, thinking of some of the messed up sights he had seen in his medical career.

"I find it a privilege; it's strange, but calming, preparing them so the family doesn't have to see the worst of it. It's like the last bit of respect and dignity you can offer them, to be clean and comfortable, and I know they can't feel it, but they matter to someone, and for those people that memory will last."

"You're amazing." Cal breathed, smiling at her. "All of you."

"Well, just you remember that next time you're barking orders at me, and leaving us to clean up the mess. For you the case ends when you've certified the death, for us there's lots more work to do." Sam smiled.

"Hey, if anyone is barking orders at anyone out of us, then it's you!" Cal half laughed. Sam gave him a playful glare. "Anyway, you look better for a good night away from here and having a good rest." Cal smiled, trying to be kind, but Sam instantly looked guilty and turned back towards Ethan. Just then the doctor came in with the ward sister and they explained that they had completed the weaning process and were happy that he was breathing and maintain his oxygen levels himself, and they hopeful that he should wake very soon. Ella clutched Cal's hand and gave it a squeeze and he gazed lovingly at her. Sam held onto Ethan's hand, unable to believe they were finally here. After the doctor had left, Cal excused himself to go and get some air. He made his way downstairs and found himself instinctively walking towards the ED. As he approached the doors he found Charlie standing outside alone.

"Ok Charlie?" Cal asked as he approached.

"Fine thanks, how's things?" He asked tentatively.

"As good as they can be. They've weaned Ethan off the ventilator and hopefully he should soon wake up. They just need to extubate."

"That's great news." Charlie smiled. "Really, I'm so pleased."

"Me too Charlie. We came so close to losing him again."

"I know. I think you've all had your share of drama. Let's hope this Christmas will finally bring some happiness."

"Charlie, I hadn't even considered that Christmas was coming."

"Well, you've got some weeks yet." Charlie smiled. Cal looked at his phone.

"It's Ethan's birthday next week, then Sam's after. Some birthday eh?"

"They will just be glad to be together for it I'm sure."

"Yeah." Cal sighed, leaning against the wall. They stood in silence as the dark clouds that threatened rain finally came through and started pouring.

"I should get back inside before the madness gets out of control." Charlie said looking at the dark sky.

"Is it terrible?" Cal asked, looking guilty.

"No more than the usual." Charlie smiled, a glint in his eye.

"I should probably see Mrs Beauchamp and tell her I'll come back."

"No Cal, she had said you take as long as you need. Just wait until Ethan is awake, it won't be long."

"I guess you're right. I just feel bad that we've dropped you in it."

"No, you know this place, it goes on and we always get through. Besides, Connie had drafted in some decent help; although I'm stuck using agency nurses who don't quite compare to Sam."

"No, I don't think anyone will. Although if Connie has got decent help, maybe I should hurry back before she decides to replace me."

"I think you're ok." Charlie smiled. "She's had plenty of reason and opportunity but she hasn't yet."

"She came close." Cal said, remembering the time after the inspection when she had asked for his resignation.

"But you proved yourself again, as you always do."

"I've walked the fine line a few times though."

"Well, you wouldn't be our Cal if you didn't." Charlie smiled fondly and Cal returned the smile.

"Thanks Charlie." Cal said and Charlie nodded and slipped back inside, hearing Robyn shouting for him. Cal stood outside for a while longer, just watching the rain fall and thinking. He hadn't realised just how much Holby had become home, and his work colleagues had become more like family. This place had definitely got under his skin, and he didn't want to lose it.

The rain continued to pour down heavily that afternoon, and an eerie darkness fell around the hospital, making the forced bright artificial lights seem harsher. The three continued their bedside vigil next to Ethan, talking to him to coax him around. Cal had returned with a large coffee for himself and brought hot chocolate for the girls, much to their pleasure.

"I saw Charlie earlier." Cal said.

"Really? How is he?"

"He's ok, worried about us, but he was pleased to hear how things were going."

"I should go and see him." Sam sighed.

"It's ok, he knows why you haven't been in. He says your replacements have quite been up to scratch." Cal smiled.

"That's because Charlie knows how fab I am." Sam grinned.

"You don't realise how true that is." Cal smiled back. Suddenly the heard a muffled grunting sound and all three jumped and turned to stare at Ethan who was suddenly looking less peaceful.

"He's in pain, get someone now." Sam said urgently.

"Relax Sam, he's just coming around, it's ok."

"No, he must be in pain."

"They will sort it when he wakes, they can't keep topping him up, we need him to come around." Cal said, trying to reassure her. Ethan let out another groan, and his hand twitched. Sam clutched hold f him and tried to reassure him.

"Ethan, baby, it's ok. We're here, you're safe, you're in hospital. Just stay calm, it's all ok." Sam soothed. Ella, who was sitting next to her, gave her shoulder a squeeze. Cal moved nearer and sat on the other side of Ethan. When the hand near him tensed and tried to reach out, Cal instinctively clutched it and squeezed it so Ethan would know someone was there.

"Come on Ethan buddy, open your eyes. We're here." Cal breathed to him. Ella smiled at him but he stared intently at his brother. Ethan grunted in response to his brother's voice and screwed his eyes tight. He was clearly coming around as his body tensed and he strained to fight out of his sedated state that had held his body in its recovery since the attack. Sam, seeing his torment spoke softly to him again.

"Ethan, it's ok, just relax, we're here, you're ok, all you need to do it relax and open your eyes."

Suddenly Ethan's eyes did just that, they fluttered open and closed again fairly rapidly, but this was enough to fill the others with relief.

"That's it Ethan, keep fighting, open those eyes for us." Sam urged, looking up at Cal, a flush running through her cheeks as she waited for the moment to come that she had feared for so long wouldn't happen. Moments later, he did just that, his body tensed again and his eyes shot open. He went to try and talk but realised he couldn't. His throat felt tight and dry. His hand instinctively reached towards his mouth and throat. Sam reached out to stop him trying to pull out his tube but Ethan tried to fight her, unable to work out what was happening but knowing he needed to try and sort out whatever was blocking his throat. He weakly tried to fight Sam who tried to soothe him, looking to Cal for help.

"Ethan, mate, stop fighting. You need to leave the tube there and just breathe for us." Cal said. Ethan turned his head towards the voice, and relaxed slightly, hearing the familiar sound of his big brother. He let out another throaty grunt and stopped fighting, mainly because his body was weak and it felt strange, and he could feel pain. He tried to tell Cal it hurt, but he couldn't form the words, and instead another grunt came out. He tried to point to his ribs and chest but it hurt even more. Sam, as if knowing what he was trying to say, spoke again.

"Ethan, is it the pain? Don't worry, we'll get you something." Sam said and Ethan turned towards her. He relaxed again seeing her sitting by his side, it was as if he knew he was safe with his brother and fiancée by his side. They called the nurse in who gave him a small dose of IV morphine and Ethan closed his eyes and drifted off again.


	220. Chapter 220

Following careful monitoring, the doctor decided that they would attempt to extubate him, although he warned Cal and Sam of the potential failures of this; however, he remained confident that Ethan should be fine and was in a good position of health to be able to withstand it. Sam sat with Ethan to keep him calm while the doctor performed the procedure and before long, the tube was gone. Once they were happy Ethan was stable and settled, they left him to quietly come around and kept him on close monitoring for a while, asking him to remain nil-by-mouth to avoid the risks of aspiration, until they could be more sure things had settled. Cal, who had not been present for the procedure, taking the opportunity to go and see Connie and fill her in, returned and took a seat next to Ethan who had been dozing again.

"How did it go?" He asked Sam anxiously.

"Really well." She replied softly, smiling reassuringly. "He coped very well, but with the pain relief, he drifted back off to sleep. His breathing has been fine since though."

"That's great." Cal breathed out.

"What did Mrs Beauchamp have to say?" Sam asked.

"That she was relieved to hear he was doing better and she would come up to see him herself in the next couple of days; she said she was trying to give us space, but had been kept fully aware of the situation. I can't help but feel I owe her so much." Cal admitted.

"I agree, we do. She, and the others, they all fought for Ethan, and it's thanks to them we still have him."

"I hear you." Cal breathed, looking back down at his brother who squirmed slightly. He sat looking at his brother for a few minutes, watching as his body relaxed again and his breathing settled into a slower rhythm. Then as he looked up he noticed Sam, she had her hand in the small of her back and she looked uncomfortable. "Are you ok?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

"I'm fine." She breathed.

"You're not; what's wrong?" He asked more concerned, he sat up straighter in his chair as if ready to pounce.

"It's fine, the baby has just moved, just got a shooting pain, it's fine now." She said concentrating on her breathing.

"Are you sure, you look a little flushed?" Cal looked really concerned. "Shall I get someone?"

"Cal, we're on ITU, they have more pressing concerns than a little back pain." Sam said.

"But-"

"Cal, it's fine, it's normal. The baby is running out of space, it probably just caught a nerve or something wrong, that's all. It's fine now." Sam tried to smile at him to reassure him. Cal eyed her suspiciously. Her breathing had settled again, perhaps she was telling the truth.

"Ok, but you will tell me if anything changes won't you?" Cal said, still looking worried.

"Of course." She smiled. Suddenly they heard a grunt from Ethan and their focus went back to him.

"C-Cal." Came Ethan's hoarse voice.

It's me Ethan, I'm here. So is Sam." Cal said, almost disbelieving he was hearing his brother finally.

"S-Sah-mm" He struggled to catch his breath and get his sounds out.

"Shh, it's ok Ethan, you're ok baby. We're both here." Sam reassured him.

"B-B-Ba-By." He breathed out, his throat still very dry and sore.

"We're here Ethan." Cal said urgently, exchanging a confused look with Sam.

"B-Ba-B" Ethan tried again growing slightly frustrated.

"The baby is fine Ethan." Sam smiled. Even after everything he had been through, one of the first things he asked about was the baby, and she felt a burst of love for him. "We need to focus on you for a bit, ok?" Sam finished. Ethan turned his head slowly to look towards her voice, his focus blurry from fatigue, medication and the fact that he didn't have his glasses on.

"Born?" He managed to whisper.

"No," Sam let out a breathy laugh. "No, baby is still waiting until you're ready." Sam said, looking up to Cal, tears in her eyes.

"How you feeling buddy?" Cal asked him softly.

"P-pain." Ethan whispered hoarsely.

"I-I'll get someone." Sam said, jumping up and letting go of his hand as she scurried out of the room.

"It's alright Ethan, I'm still here." Cal soothed. "You gave us quite a fright you know. Everyone has been worried."

"S-Sor-ry" Ethan stammered out.

"Hey, you just keep quiet and rest, you're starting to sound like you're getting your stammer back." Cal tried to laugh.

"D-don't…b-be me-mean." Ethan forced out hoarsely.

"Hey, if I wasn't mean you'd be worried something was really wrong." Cal said, smiling sadly at his brother. Just then Sam re-entered with a nurse.

"It's ok Ethan, I've brought you some more pain relief." The nurse smiled. "It's nice to finally see those eyes open." She smiled to him as she administered the syringe of pain relief. "Is there anything else I can get you?" She asked looking around them all, Sam and Cal shook their heads and the nurse left them to it.

"Dr-Drink?" Ethan croaked.

"You can't sweetheart, you need to be nil by mouth for a little longer, until we know it's safe and you won't aspirate." Sam said, Ethan looked upset. His throat felt so dry, it felt awful. Sam looked up to Cal, feeling guilty. "I'll see if I can get some mouth care swabs to help." She said, heading back out of the room. Ethan tried to move, but his body felt weak, and it hurt. He winced in pain, a pain which Cal felt too, watching him.

"Easy Ethan, it's ok. What can I do?" He said jumping up.

"What happened?" He whispered slowly.

"I was kind of hoping you could tell me that." Cal said, looking earnestly down at his brother. "Do you not remember?"

"No." Ethan whispered.

"Do you remember you were heading to the pub for Iain's birthday drinks? Sam and you, but Sam says you'd gone to see Mrs Beauchamp first. You were walking across the car park and you walked past where Andy had Sam and he was threatening her. I guess you went to step in and he attacked you." Cal said, his voice becoming shaky as he re-told the tale to Ethan. Tears pricked in his eyes as the memories flooded through him, he stopped to take a breath.

"I…remember." Ethan whispered slowly.

"Well, you were in quite a mess Ethan, but what's important is that you're here now." Cal tried to remain positive. He didn't want to upset Ethan by going through all of the details, he didn't need them yet.

"Sam?"

"She's fine, you stepped in just in time to rescue her. See and you thought you couldn't do daring Knightly rescues." Cal laughed. "You really were her Knight in shining armour. How's the pain?"

"Mmm." Ethan mumbled, still feeling hazy.

"You've been through a lot Nibbles, you just need to rest, ok?"

"Home?"

"We'll get you home as soon as we're able to ok? Speaking of, I've been with Sam to see the new place, it's looking good. I've been helping her sort things, so we can make everything as easy as possible for you for when you get home." Cal explained. Sam came back in carrying a cup of water and some mouth swabs.

"Here, it will feel odd Ethan, but let me do this." Sam said gently, sitting back beside him and setting the cup on the table. She pulled her chair up close and dipped a lollypop shaped sponge swab in the water and squeezed the excess fluid out against the side of the glass. "Open up for me." Sam smiled, and Ethan, somewhat reluctantly, did as he was told and opened his mouth slightly. Sam gently moistened his lips and mouth with the water. "I know this must feel odd; don't feel embarrassed, it will make you feel better." When she finished, she asked softly: 'How does that feel?"

"Better." Ethan said a little easier, although his throat was still very hoarse.

"And the pain?"

"Settling." He said. Then he looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"What for?" Sam looked shocked. "Ethan, you have nothing to be sorry for, if anyone should be sorry it's me for putting you in that position, it's all my fault Ethan." Sam said, her voice wobbling as she fought to keep control of it.

"There will be plenty of time for you both to keep apologising to each other, let's not get into that now." Cal said, stepping in. Sam looked up at Cal and she felt the guilt coursing through her again. She looked back down to Ethan, whose eyes were drifting closed again. She couldn't believe they were finally here, that he was awake, and seemingly without too many after effects, just his body to strengthen and bones to heal. But she also couldn't believe that she had put him there and how close they had been to losing him. That their baby may never have met his or her Daddy, and that she and Cal may never have seen the most important person in their lives again. How different things could have been should one tiny thing change. One kick or punch in the wrong place; the team not getting to him as quick; Jac not being successful in surgery; or the infection taking hold and the antibiotics not working. Each one of those moments only needed one thing to be different and the outcome may not have been so positive, and for this she would be eternally grateful, though she wasn't sure she would ever get rid of this guilt.


	221. Chapter 221

Over the coming days, Ethan's strength slowly returned and he was stable enough to be moved to a ward, which meant that Sam and Cal were restricted by stricter visiting times. Cal decided he would see Mrs Beauchamp about returning to work, which she was glad to accept as long as he was ready, and Cal wondered what he had done for her to be so nice to him, and a fleeting thought crossed his mind that it was almost worth the anguish to get on the softer side of Connie Beauchamp, even for a short while, for he knew it wouldn't be long until he was firmly back in the firing line of her more authoritative side.

Sam on the other hand was struggling more. She felt frustrated when she was stuck at home but she was feeling the effects of being in the final weeks of her pregnancy, and with daily trips in and out of the hospital to visit Ethan and packing up and organising the move which was imminent, she was feeling more and more fatigued. Not that she would let on to anyone that she was struggling; she needed to remain strong. The way she saw it, she had had her time to be weaker and have an emotional wobble when Ethan was at his worst; now he was improving (albeit slowly) each day, she needed to 'buck up' and get on with it.

She headed into the hospital early that day, deciding she needed a mood boost, and the way to get that was to see her colleagues. She'd really missed them, more so than she had perhaps realised, and as she walked into the bustling department, she was aware of a safe feeling washing over her, a feeling that she was home. It reminded her of the first time she had walked in, on her interview day, and how she had instantly felt a connection with the place, a warmth in the manner of the staff and a happy feel, despite it being busy; and that's exactly how she felt today, only more amplified now she was part of it too. She looked around and saw Noel on the reception desk, phone clamped to his ear with his shoulder while hastily rummaging through papers, with a queue at his desk. She watched as Robyn walked through to cubicles with a patient, who looked worried and Robyn was her usual supportive self, offering reassurance and a smile, gently placing an arm on the lady's back and guiding her through. She saw Connie stalking through carrying a folder and heading upstairs, no doubt off the another management meeting to face down the board explaining their breeches or overspending of the budget, and fighting her teams corner behind the scenes. Sam wondered how she did it, she was really in awe of Mrs Beauchamp, cool and calm, but stern and not easily crossed, but she doubted many of her team knew what lengths she would go to to fight for them. And the shoes, Sam would always envy the shoes! Then suddenly she heard a voice behind her, startling her slightly, but Sam broke into a smile.

"Hello stranger." Came the soft voice.

"Charlie." Sam smiled, turning to see him, and catching him by surprise, she enveloped him in a tight hug, which he happily returned. "Oh Charlie, I'm so pleased to see you."

"I'm pleased to see you. Tell me you've come in to help out today?" He laughed.

"Why, do you need me to?" Sam asked earnestly. "I haven't got my uniform but-"

"I was kidding Sam." Charlie smiled at her.

"Oh." Sam looked a little crestfallen.

"Don't get me wrong, we do miss you, but we're getting by. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I just thought I'd come in and see you all before visiting Ethan."

"How is he?"

"He's doing better Charlie, thanks." Sam smiled. "And I need to thank you for what you did that night; you and Mrs Beauchamp, and Zoe, and even your friend Duffy, she was fantastic."

"Yeah, Duffy is pretty special." Charlie smiled. "Besides, he's one of ours, we'd fight tooth and nail for him, and anyone, and we'd do it again if we had to."

"Well, hopefully you won't have to." Sam breathed, laughing awkwardly.

"Anyway, why don't you come through to the office for a cuppa, Rita is in there, she'd love to see you."

"I'd love to see her too; I've missed you all so much Charlie, I'm sorry I haven't been in, I couldn't face it."

"Hey, we understand." Charlie soothed, placing his hand in the small of her back and guiding her through to the office. As they walked in the door, Rita looked up, shocked at first then a huge smile broke out on her face.

"Hey you." She smiled. "How are you."

"I'm ok Rita." Sam smiled, a slight wobble in her voice at seeing her friend and colleague. Charlie sensed this and slipped out unnoticed, bringing back two cups of tea and then slipping away again while the girls continued their conversation. "I'm so sorry Rita." Sam continued.

"What for?" Rita half laughed at the sudden declaration.

"For not seeing you before now."

"Hey, what are you like. You've had much more pressing things to deal with. I do understand you know." She smiled warmly at Sam, who had tears starting in her eyes. Rita jumped up and pulled her into a hug, and this shattered Sam's resolve, the tears sliding freely down her cheeks, everything she'd needed to release now coming out under Rita's supportive gaze.

"I know; it's just coming back here today has made me realise just how much I need you. I should have kept in better contact." Sam sniffed as her sobs subsided.

"I was here if you needed me, you know that, but you needed to cope in your own way, and I respected that. I never saw it as you pushing me away if that's what you're worried about."

"Thank you Rita." Sam sniffed, gaining control again as Rita handed her the mug of tea.

"So, I hear our wounded soldier is improving."

"Yes, he's on the ward now, getting a little better each day. I can't tell you how grateful I am that he came through this. I really thought I'd lost him."

"I think we all know how close it was." Rita sighed. "Anyway, we don't need to dwell on that now. Onwards and upwards right?"

"Right." Sam smiled shakily at her. Changing the subject, she continued: "So, what's the gossip here then?"

"Oh, same old, you know. Overworked, underpaid but we all keep fighting and smiling." Rita said.

"And dare I ask; how's the love life?" Sam asked tentatively, relieved to see Rita smiling still.

"Yeah, well we had that talk, we've agreed that it's more than just friends with benefits, but we're taking things steady still. No big commitments, but at least we know we're on the same page, so I feel much happier."

"Oh Rita." Sam sighed, smiling again. "I'm so pleased for you; you _really_ deserve it."

"Thanks." Rita flushed slightly. Just then there was a knock on the door. "Come in." Rita called out.

"Rita, you wanted to see me?" The man said, then glancing over at Sam he added: "Oh, sorry I didn't realise-"

"It's ok Jacob, this is Sam, this is who you're covering for." Rita smiled. "Sam this is Jacob, he's your mat leave cover, or he will be once we've crossed the I's and dotted the T's."

"Nice to meet you." Sam smiled stiffly.

"Yeah, you too." Jacob's smile was wider. "Rita, Lofty said you needed to see me?"

"Yeah, just contracts. I'll catch you when we're done, ok?" Rita smiled.

"No problem boss." Jacob grinned, slipping out of the door again.

"He seems…nice?" Sam said, somewhat reluctantly.

"He is. Sure he can be a bit confident and cocky, but he's smart and he's got good instincts." Rita said. Sam stared at the doorway where Jacob had just exited. "Don't worry, he'll never be able to replace you." Rita said easily, as if reading Sam's thoughts.

"No, I-I wasn't thinking, I mean-" Sam stuttered, getting flustered.

"It's fine." Rita chuckled. "I was teasing." She finished, but she could read Sam like a book.

"Well I guess it's good to know I haven't dropped you in it. How did you find him at such short notice?"

"Well, he kind of just appeared. He brought a patient in a few days ago, and he made such an impression while he was here, then Connie mentioned we might be looking for someone to fill a gap and he seemed to fit. I mean he has lots of experience, and he was able to get started straight away. Good timing all around I guess."

"Yeah, it seems like it." Sam forced a smile.

"Anyway, how's that delicious baby of yours doing?" Rita said, changing the subject.

"All seems ok." Sam nodded, smiling again. "Blood pressure went a little rocky again, but that's understandable right?"

"I guess." Rita frowned, unsure.

"Don't worry, they've been keeping an eye on me, it's stable." Sam gave Rita a knowing look.

"I didn't say anything." Rita half laughed at Sam's accusing tone.

"You didn't have to." Sam shot her another playful look and both girls laughed.

"Just make sure you take it easy from now on." Rita warned.

"That's great Rita; just one question: how?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Ethan will be coming home soon and he'll need looking after, we're in the middle of moving house and the baby could arrive at any point soon. I really don't think I'm going to get much chance to take it easy." Sam raised her eyebrows knowingly at Rita, who just nodded. "Besides, I've still got lots to sort for the baby's arrival; I haven't even got a pushchair yet!"

"No? But you must have decided on one you like?"

"Well…" Sam started, a small smile creeping on her face again. "There is one I've fallen in love with, but I haven't spoken to Ethan about it yet."

"Aw, show me?" Rita asked. Sam pulled out her phone and brought up the pictures of the pram she had been lusting after. "Oh, that it so cute." Rita smiled.

"I know, but I sort of imagined Ethan and I going to pick it together, and well I guess we've run out of time now." Sam sighed.

"You still might be able to?"

"I reckon it'll have to wait until after the baby arrives now."

"But you've got the other basics?"

"I haven't got a cot, but we've got a Moses basket, and the baby will be in with us for a while, so a cot isn't too urgent. I thought I'd wait until we're properly in the new house and I can just get it delivered there. It will be easier. Other than that, some clothes, nappies, the usual." Sam shrugged.

"So when do you move?" Rita smiled.

"In theory, in 3-4 weeks, but it could be a little longer, I don't have a definite date yet." Sam said.

"Are you ok?" Rita asked, noticing Sam was wincing slightly and rubbing her back.

"I'm fine." Sam smiled. "Just getting more uncomfortable now."

"Ok, just promise me you will please think of yourself and the baby. And remember we're all here, we will help you."

"That's kind of you Rita, thanks." Sam smiled appreciating the sentiment. She said her goodbyes to Rita and told her she would pop down to catch Robyn later as she was still busy with patients, and Sam was eager to get to Ethan.


	222. Chapter 222

_Hope the notification came through that I also uploaded ch221 yesterday morning too._

 _As ever, I really appreciate the ongoing support, and promise I am working on wrapping this up... :)_

* * *

Cal returned to work, though Mrs Beauchamp insisted he remained in cubicles for the time being, just until things settled down for him again. Although he knew that move was coming, he was still slightly frustrated, feeling that giving him some interesting cases to get his teeth into would help him get back in the swing rather than treating many of the 'time wasters' in cubicles. If he was being fair, a lot of their patient's weren't actually time wasters, but the few that were always stood out and annoyed him, especially when he was already annoyed with being kept away from where the real action was.

"Charlie said you needed a hand mate?" Came a voice from behind Cal. He spun around and came face to face with a nurse he didn't recognise. His face must have said this as the nurse responded. "Jacob Masters, senior staff nurse." Jacob finished, extending his hand to Cal.

"Good to meet you." Cal smiled, nodding at him and accepting the firm handshake.

"So, how can I help?"

"Oh, um, the man in cubicle 4 needs a catheter inserting, can you?"

"Sure thing my man." Jacob said, heading off to gather supplies with a swagger. Cal watched him leave then turned his attention back to his notes.

"Dr Knight, how are things?" Connie asked as she came through. "Managing ok?"

"I'm fine Mrs Beauchamp." Cal nodded.

"And how is Ethan doing?" She asked more softly. "Ok?"

"He's getting stronger by the day. We should be able to send some work his way soon." Cal smiled.

"Well, I'm sure I can find a little project or two to keep him busy while he rests. Only if he gets really bored of course." She smiled, allowing a flash of humour to escape behind her eyes before making her way past him.

"Dr Knight, I have Mr Pritchard's granddaughter at reception, she'd like to speak to someone." Louise sighed, looking irritated.

"Mr Who?"

"Mr Pritchard, cubicle 4?" Louise gave him an exasperated look.

"Oh right." Cal nodded, following her back to reception. Louise picked up the ringing telephone and nodded towards a pretty lady standing aside from reception. Cal looked at her, a wave of recognition rushing through him. He knew her, he just didn't know where from. He swallowed, stepped towards her and caught her eye, realising suddenly where he knew her from. It was the woman he had been with the night Ethan had been in the car crash, the night he had got really drunk and nearly messed up his relationship with Ella. He was surprised he could remember her he had been so drunk that night, but he knew he was right as the flash of recognition in her eyes said the same.

"Um, hello, I'm Dr Knight." Cal said, trying to play it cool. "You're asking after your granddad?"

"Yes, um, he gets very confused, he's got dementia you see. It's fairly mild still but he gets muddled and strange places upset him. Is he ok, can I see him?" The girl rushed out, looking anxious with a hint of embarrassment. Cal guided her towards the cubicle as he started talking. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"He's ok, we think he was in retention and one of our nurses is just placing a catheter, I'll just check if they are nearly done." Cal smiled, slipping behind the curtain to the cubicle. "How's it going Jacob?"

"All went well, Ivor here is much more comfortable now aren't you?"

"Yes, thank you Denzil." The older man replied, smiling widely.

"Denzil?" Cal asked quietly, looking strangely at Jacob.

"Don't ask." Jacob whispered, smiling at him.

"I've got your granddaughter outside Ivor, can we show her in?"

"Oh, my Julia, yes." Ivor smiled. Cal ushered the granddaughter inside and Ivor began gushing about 'his Julia' and the girl went along with it, looking slightly upset. Jacob excused himself to clear up and Cal turned to the girl.

"So, Julia?" He started, realising he hadn't dared ask for her name in case she launched a full scale weird attack that he should remember.

"No that's my Mum's name… _was_ my Mum's name." She finished sadly. "She died. I told you, he gets confused."

"I'm sorry." Cal said, making eye contact with her properly for the first time.

"It doesn't matter, it happened about 9 months ago. I had a strange few months and did some things that were…well quite out of character for me. Anyway, you were going to tell me about grandad?"

"He seems more comfortable now, but I'd like to keep an eye on him for a bit longer, but I'm hopeful it was just an infection causing this in which case he should be able to go home with a course of antibiotics and we'll leave the catheter insitu and get the district nurses to review it."

"Thank you Doctor Knight." The girl smiled sadly, turning back to her grandad and taking his hand. Cal slipped out of the cubicle, relieved she didn't seem like a crazy girl who wanted answers or to re-live their failed night. As if bang on cue, a message came through on his mobile from Ella, who had returned home for a couple of days for her own check-ups.

'Hey gorgeous, hope all is ok? Keep me up to date. I should be back tomorrow morning xx'

Cal smiled as he read the message. He started to type a reply when he heard raised voices behind the curtain. He darted back behind to see Ivor raise his hand to his granddaughter, ready to strike, but Cal intervened and blocked the hit and deftly moved her out of the firing line. He called for help and Rita came in and managed to calm Ivor down as Cal removed the granddaughter who was shaken and very upset.

"Hey, hey, it's ok. It's alright." He soothed, as he held the girl steady.

"I'm sorry, I-I…h-he doesn't normally do that." She said, still shaky.

"Has he been formally assessed with regards to his dementia?" Cal asked.

"Well, we started the process but then he got annoyed and defensive about it and stopped going to his appointments. I couldn't make him, and after Mum died, well I wasn't really in the right frame of mind. I know that's no excuse, but I just felt lost, and I didn't know how to cope with it all. I still don't really. Is that bad?" She asked, looking up at him.

"No. Not it's not bad. You need support, you can't do this alone. But you're in the right place now. We'll keep him in and start the ball rolling. Do you think he's getting worse?"

"Definitely."

"And over what sort of time frame?"

"I'd say he's gone downhill over the last 6 months. He doesn't take care of himself anymore, I can't trust him to cook, once I went over and he'd left the gas on, thank goodness I arrived when I did or I dread to think what could have happened." The girl said, her distress levels rising.

"Ok, don't worry, we'll get him the right assessments and get you the help you both need." Cal tried to reassure her. He left her with Rita as he went away to make some calls, and order an urgent head CT. He then remembered he was in the middle of sending a message to Ella, so he quickly retrieved his phone and finished typing. Just as he was putting his phone back in his pocket it sprang into life, ringing loudly. Cal jumped and looked at the screen, expecting it to be Ella, but he felt a sense of dread when he saw Sam's name on the screen.

"Sam?" he answered already sounding worried.

"Cal, Cal I need help!" Sam said, sounding stressed and strange. Cal straightened up and looked around as if expecting to see her.

"Sam, what is it? What's wrong?" Cal rushed out, his concern quickly deepening.

"Pain, it's getting worse." Sam breathed deep, and Cal felt the panic rising.

"Are you with Ethan?"

"No, I'm still at home. The headache was there when I woke up, and I was sick, I struggled to get up." Sam said, sounding more panicked.

…

Connie made her way upstairs to the ward, it wasn't visiting hours but that wouldn't stop her from popping in on a member of staff. As she entered the bay where Ethan was, she saw him talking to the physio. She waited and watched as Ethan carefully got back into bed and the physio picked up Ethan's notes and left him, then Connie took a seat by his bedside.

"Dr Hardy, it's great to see you up and about." She smiled at him.

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp." He smiled slightly nervously. "Am I in trouble or something?"

"No, not at all. I just wanted to come and see how you were doing. To see if you remembered much about the conversation we had before the incident?"

"Oh, well, I'm ok thank you. And I kind of remember talking with you, but to be honest, it feels like I've been in a dream land so I couldn't be sure if any of it actually happened. Does that sound crazy?"

"No, not at all." She smiled slightly at the young medic, who suddenly seemed even younger.

"Perhaps you could remind me so I don't run the risk of embarrassing myself." Ethan suggested.

…

"Cal, I need you, I don't know what to do. I can't focus properly." Sam

"What do you mean you can't focus? Are you having the baby?"

"No, I don't know. I have a blinding headache, I feel sick, and I'm in pain."

"Sam you need to get here."

"I can't, I don't know." Sam said, sounding panicked.

"Sam, calm down, breathe, you need to get to the hospital." Cal was saying, trying to calm her but feeling anything but calm himself. As he was saying this, Dixie was heading past and stopped, seeing Cal look worried and having heard what he said.

"Cal, I'm scared, something isn't right." Sam admitted.

"Sam, get to the ED, I'm here, I'm waiting."

"How?"

"Any way you can, call an ambulance?" Cal said, starting to sound more frantic.

"We'll get her; I'll call it in to control." Dixie cut in. "Tell her to hang on, we're on the way." Dixie said, grabbing her radio and calling control.

"Sam, hang tight, Dixie is coming. And so am I!" He said. "Dixie, wait, I'm coming too."

"Cal, where are you going?" Lofty asked as he passed by.

"Tell Connie it's an emergency, I'll be right back." Cal shouted, running out of the department after Dixie.

…

"So, you've got 7 days to get back on your feet properly, and get yourself to the consultant's ball, right?" Connie smiled. Ethan looked a little unsure of himself, but nodded. "And then preparation for your interview."

"In-interview?" Ethan furrowed his brow.

"Yes, as per our discussion; we want you to apply for the upcoming consultancy position. Of course, we are still finalising funding arrangements so you have time, don't worry. But I think you have a promising future Dr Hardy and I want to secure you for the department."

"Right, ok." He nodded, pushing his glasses back up his nose. He had his spare frames on, and they were a little looser than his actual glasses, but they had not survived the incident.

"I'll leave you to that thought then." Connie said, standing up and giving him a half smile and a nod.

…

Cal burst through the front door of the flat.

"Sam? Sam where are you?" Cal called, rushing through. "Sam?"

"H-here." Sam called weakly from the bathroom.

"Can I come in?" Cal asked cautiously, not sure what state she was in. Dixie and Iain had now entered the flat, looking at Cal with concern.

"Yes." Sam whispered. Cal carefully peeked around the door and saw Sam hunched on the floor, leaning on the toilet. "I didn't think this would end the way it started." Sam said weakly.

"What's going on?" Cal said crouching down beside her.

"It's just this blinding headache, my vision is all strange, and the nausea."

"And pain?" Cal asked.

"Only here." Sam said, indicating her upper abdomen, below her ribs. "It might be from the retching. The head pain is the worst."

"Right, and what did the midwife say?" Cal asked. Sam shrugged and leaned her head back on her arms.

"I just want the pain to stop."

"Can I get Dixie in? We can assess you?" Cal asked, and Sam nodded. Cal jumped up again and peered back into the living room. "Dix, can I borrow you? Bring your kit." Cal and Dixie set to work, getting Sam back into the bedroom on the bad and taking Sam's obs and doing an initial assessment. Then they went back into the front room whispering.

"I'm not happy with her blood pressure, that with the headache-" Cal started.

"You're thinking pre-eclampsia?" Dixie finished, and Cal nodded.

"The swelling too, her ankles and feet."

"And her hands are a little puffy. We need to get her into maternity, quickly." Dixie said, and Cal nodded again.

"I'll go tell her." He sighed as Dixie turned to explain to Iain.


	223. Chapter 223

Sorry for the delay in getting this out, it's been ready since yesterday but my internet has been playing up big time!

* * *

Cal carefully approached Sam, who was still sitting on the bed clutching her head.

"Sam, we need to take you in for assessment, don't panic, I just want to make sure everything's OK." Cal said trying to reassure her.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, worried.

"You're not well, I just want to get you checked out." He tried again to be calming, but the worry was evident in his voice. "Where is your hospital bag?"

"My hospital-I don't need…I'm not staying."

"Sam listen to me, you're not well, I'm telling you as a friend and a _doctor_ , we need to get you assessed. I'm concerned about you, and I'm concerned about the baby. I'm worried if we don't get help now something might go wrong. Do you understand?" Cal said, being firm but still supportive.

"O-Ok." Sam nodded, looking terrified. Meanwhile, Dixie was on the phone to maternity informing them of their impending arrival. When she got off the phone she headed back towards the bedroom, where she looked at Sam with concern.

"Sam darlin' are you ready to go?" Dixie asked.

"I don't know, I-I, I need Ethan."

"It's OK, we'll sort that when we get there." Dixie said soothingly to her, giving Cal a concerned look.

"Come on Sam, let's get you down to the ambulance. Do you think you can walk?" Cal said, taking her arm gently and guiding her up to a standing position. Cal and Dixie walked her down and Iain had a bag of things that Sam had started to gather ready for the birth of the baby.

"I can't have the baby; I'm not having the baby." Sam was muttering as she followed them shakily down the stairs and Dixie helped her into the back of the ambulance. Cal sat in the back with them debating whether or not he should ring Ethan. He decided against it at the moment. Ethan couldn't do anything until they got to the hospital anyway, and he would be worried sick if he knew this was happening, and Cal didn't want him to worry yet so he was convinced it was the right thing to do to delay telling him until they were at the hospital, or maybe until they had some answers. Cal would do the worrying for them all for the moment.

When they arrived at the hospital, Dixie carefully helped Sam out of the back of the ambulance and inside. Cal grabbed her bag and followed on behind still looking worried. Dixie had given Sam some IV some paracetamol help ease the pain, and this seemed to have had some effect, but she was still in some discomfort and definitely not right. They reported to the reception desk, and the receptionist called over a student midwife who took Sam into the assessment area. Dixie had to return to Iain to carry on with the rest of her shift, so had to leave them to it. The student midwife took Sam's obs again and tried to reassure both of them; she could be forgiven for thinking that Cal was the baby's father, the two of them looking very much as if they were together, with Cal trying to comfort Sam by holding her close.

"Right, I'm just going to go and get someone to review you, ok?" The young looking student said, not able to hide her concern. "I won't be a moment." Sam sat holding her head still and Cal looked up and nodded, now looking very pale himself. Suddenly they heard a screech of trainers racing around the corner and Cal looked up to see Rita rushing towards them.

"What is it, what's happening?" She asked, immediately crouching down by Sam.

"Oh Rita." Sam said, looking up, feeling reassured to see her friend.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know." Sam shrugged quietly. "But something isn't right."

"What have they said?" Rita asked, looking at Cal.

"Nothing yet, they've just gone to find someone to assess her." Cal answered, but his eyes told Rita a different story. At that moment the midwife arrived and wanted to get Sam on the CTG machine; Rita and Cal stepped aside while she got Sam changed into a gown and set up.

"Does Ethan know?" Rita asked in a whisper.

"No, I haven't got to him yet, we've only just got here, I wanted to make sure Sam was settled first." Cal replied.

"Do you want me to stay while you go to him?"

"I had wanted to get an idea of what was happening."

"Cal, isn't it clear what's happening?" Rita looked at him with great worry in her eyes.

"We don't know for sure yet." Cal said, looking more stressed.

"No we don't, but one thing I do know is that Ethan should be here, or at least know. He is the father."

"But he's still weak."

"Weak, but getting better. No matter, he's the dad, he's Sam's fiancé." Rita said, looking earnestly at Cal. He couldn't hide from the fact; he knew Rita was right.

"Ok, I'll go and tell him now." Cal said, starting to walk away, then he turned back. "Will you…?"

"Yes, I'll tell her where you've gone and stay until you're back." Rita smiled at him. "Now go." Rita went back to Sam as the midwife was drawing back the curtains and Sam was settled on the bed.

"I'll be back to check on you in a moment, ok?" The midwife said softly as she disappeared. Rita pulled a chair up next to Sam.

"Where is Cal?" Sam asked, rubbing her head. Rita stood back up and switched off the overhead light, leaving the area slightly dimmed. "Thanks." Sam tried to smile but showed more of a grimace.

"Cal has gone to see Ethan." Rita said softly. "Now don't worry, you just need to relax, I'm staying until they get back."

"Oh Rita, what if it all goes wrong?" Sam said, finally voicing her fear.

"You have no reason to think that do you? Look at all you've come through so far. It will all be ok." Rita tried to reassure her. She knew she shouldn't say it would be ok, but she was here in her capacity as a friend and not as a nurse, so she would tell Sam whatever she needed to hear to keep her calm.

"But what if it isn't-" Sam started but Rita shushed her gently.

"Just try to remain calm, you won't do either of you any good if you get stressed out." Rita soothed. "Sam, you did go for your check-ups didn't you?" Rita asked carefully.

"Of course I did." Sam responded, looking offended.

"Really?" Rita questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, most of them, I missed this morning, and I had another appointment the other day so I didn't come in then. But everything has been ok."

"Has it?" Rita eyed her suspiciously again.

"Yes, my blood pressure was raised, but there was no protein in my urine and my bloods came back ok last week." Sam said, her voice becoming more strained. "Rita, I feel-" Sam started before she promptly vomited all down her front. "Oh god." She sighed as Rita handed her a bowl as a second wave of sickness hit. "I'm so sorry." She apologised as it settled.

"I'll go get some clean linen." Rita smiled. She headed out to the reception area and the student showed her where she could get some spare linen and together they went back to help clean up. The student unhooked Sam from the monitors and took away the soiled linen while Rita changed the bed and Sam got changed.

"Rita, I'm so sorry." Sam said again.

"Hey, it's ok." Rita soothed her again.

"I need Ethan." Sam said sadly.

"Cal has gone to speak to him."

"He's going to worry; he doesn't need the stress."

"He would want to be with you." Rita said softly, looking at Sam. "Just lie down and rest for a bit."

"Yeah, I think I will." Sam said wearily. She rested her head on the cool pillow and closed her eyes. Rita gently stroked her forehead, trying to help her relax. Just as Sam's breathing settled again, the midwife returned to put Sam back on the monitor. She also took some bloods and put up some IV fluids. Sam just lay as still as possible, trying to forget about the headache and nausea. Suddenly they were aware of a commotion in the corridor and Ethan appeared, slightly out of breath and clutching his ribs, closely followed by Cal.

"Sam? Sam!" Ethan called out. "Are you ok? They didn't want me to come, but I had to come." Ethan breathed quickly, still in pain from his broken ribs, and weak from his ordeal.

"He wouldn't even wait for me to find a wheelchair." Cal rolled his eyes.

"I didn't need one, I needed to be here." Ethan said, as Rita guided him carefully into the chair and Ethan and Sam clutched hands. "What's happening, what is it?"

"I don't know Ethan, I've just got a blinding headache, and I've been sick. My blood pressure is high but nothing else seems to be wrong." Sam explained weakly.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm here now." Ethan soothed. "It's ok, I'm here."

"Yeah, well be careful or the ward sister will hang me up by my you know what's." Cal said. "Especially if you end up ill too." He finished, rolling his eyes again, if only to hide his concern. Rita, however, chuckled at the thought, remembering how many times she had wanted to do that to him.

"Sam, I'm going to go back downstairs, ok? But if you need anything, let me know ok?" Rita said, giving Sam's free hand a squeeze.

"Thanks Rita." Sam smiled weakly, unable to hide her stress and worry, as much as she wanted to.

"Keep me posted." Rita whispered to Cal as she left. "I'll explain to Connie where you are and what's happened." She said and Cal nodded his gratitude as she left.

"I'm so sorry to do this to you." Sam was saying.

"It's ok, it's not your fault." Ethan said, wincing slightly as he shifted position.

"No, it's the last thing you needed." Sam looked at him with worry.

"All I need is to know you and our baby are ok." Ethan reassured her. "I love you both so much."

"I love you too Ethan, I was so worried I'd never get to tell you again."

"This is probably what has caused it, all that stress and worry you've had." Ethan looked regretfully at her.

"No, no Ethan, this isn't your fault." Sam said sadly. "Ethan I don't want to think about it all, talk to me about something else." Sam said, desperate to change the subject as her headache worked its way up a notch.

"Um, like what?" Ethan looked to Cal for inspiration.

"Anything, make something up, I don't care." Sam said, closing her eyes again, instantly opening them when she realised she was going to be sick again. She grabbed out for a bowl which Rita had left nearby and vomited again. Ethan looked even more worried and Cal went off in search of someone to give them some answers. Ethan was gently rubbing Sam's back trying to calm her as she cried.

"What's wrong with me Ethan, why do I feel so lousy?"

"Maybe you've just picked up a bug?" He answered carefully, glancing up at the monitor which displayed Sam's current blood pressure and pulse readings, which he noted were through the roof. He couldn't leave her though. _'Where is Cal? Why hasn't he come back with someone yet?'_ Ethan thought angrily to himself as he continued to try to calm and reassure Sam.

Meanwhile, Rita had explained the situation to Connie who had immediately turned around and headed upstairs to maternity. As soon as she got in, she saw Cal striding down the corridor looking worried.

"Cal?" She called out, not bothering with the formal address she so often fell back to.

"Mrs Beauchamp?" Cal said in shock.

"Cal, are you ok? What's going on?"

"Well, it's Sam, we've had to bring her in urgently, something isn't right, she's got signs of pre-eclampsia, or worse, and she keeps being sick, and I can't find anyone to review her or get us some answers." Cal rushed out, getting more and more panicked.

"It's ok, we'll find someone." Connie said, striding over to the receptionist. "Excuse me, I'm Mrs Beauchamp, clinical lead from the ED. Who is the on-call consultant today?"

"Mr Thompson is covering emergency cases; would you like me to bleep him?"

"Yes, fast bleep him please, this is an emergency." Connie said seriously. The receptionist immediately picked up the phone to bleep Mr Thompson and Connie looked at Cal. "Where is she?"

"Side room 4." Cal said pointing for further effect. Connie nodded at him.

"Go back and check on her and as soon as Mr Thompson arrives, I'll get him in to you." She smiled supportively at him. Cal did as he was told, and Mrs Beauchamp turned her attention back to the receptionist. "Let me speak to him." Connie commanded and the receptionist handed over the phone. "Mr Thompson, Connie Beauchamp here, I have an emergency. One of my staff members had been brought in very unwell, she is known to you, and has had some complications during this pregnancy. She is now displaying signs of pre-eclampsia and I want you to review her for me now please?" Connie said firmly but respectfully. She handed the phone back to the receptionist at the end of the call and awaited his arrival back onto the ward.


	224. Chapter 224

Cal headed back into the room still looking concerned, he caught Ethan's eye and it was clear what both of them feared. Ethan was trying his best to stay calm, and keep Sam calm at the same time, but this was proving difficult. Sam was now lying with her eyes closed with Ethan stroking her forehead to try and keep her relaxed while the machines monitored both her and the baby.

"Did you find someone?" Ethan asked in a hushed tone.

"Actually I did," Cal replied equally as quietly. "Mrs Beauchamp came onto the ward just as I was walking down the corridor."

"Mrs Beauchamp?" Ethan looked surprised.

"Yes, she'd come up to see what was happening." Cal replied, glancing over at Sam then looking back at Ethan with concern in his eyes. He still looked pale and weak.

"Are you ok? Please take it easy Ethan." Cal said, worrying about the physical state of his brother as well as his obvious emotional one.

"Take it easy? Take it easy? Cal are you serious?" Ethan said, his voice rising slightly and becoming more strained as Cal cringed. He knew what he meant but Ethan had taken it too literally.

"I can still hear you know." Sam said gently, opening her eyes again, causing both Ethan and Cal to look at her.

"Shh, just rest." Ethan tried to soothe her.

"It'd be easier to rest if I wasn't worrying about you two falling out over all of this."

"We aren't falling out." Cal interjected.

"Both of you need to be there for each other. If this all goes wrong, you need each other." Sam said ominously, her voice sounding weaker.

"Shh, this isn't going to go wrong, you're in the right place now, it's all going to be ok." Ethan said, his voice shaking, unable to hide his fear. He passed a panicked look to Cal who looked equally as fearful. He put his hand in his pocket and gripped his phone. He needed to call Ella, but he didn't want to worry her, but she needed to know, and Sam clearly needed her if she was thinking something was going to go wrong. Not only that, Cal needed her. But Ethan needed him now, and he couldn't make that call in front of Sam, he didn't want to worry her any more. Cal felt torn, but he knew Ethan was his priority right now. Just then, Mr T came through with a senior midwife and Connie behind.

"Sam, you're back? What's happening?" Mr T asked, heading towards her bedside, glancing at the monitors quickly. The midwife was holding Sam's notes and she examined the monitor readings more closely.

"I don't know, just this blinding headache and nausea." Sam said, sitting herself up again slightly, and instantly regretting it as the headache intensified.

"And the abdo pain." Cal urged her to continue. Mr T looked at him and Cal just nodded.

"Abdo pain?" He asked Sam.

"Yes, a little, more discomfort than pain. I have got a nearly full term baby in there you know." She tried to brush it off. "Anyway, it's nothing compared to the head pain."

"She complained of Right Upper Quadrant pain." Cal said to Mr T, determined that he get the full picture, even if Sam got annoyed at him.

"Right." Mr T nodded seriously. "Cathy, have we got the blood results back?"

"Here." Cathy said, passing the notes to Mr T. He looked at them and frowned, then looked back to the monitor. "Cathy, can you fetch the ultrasound machine. I want to do a scan." Ethan and Cal passed a panicked glance again, assuming the worst.

"How long have you had this headache?"

"I-I don't know." Sam looked confused.

"Sam tell him." Ethan urged, looking more panic-stricken by the second.

"I guess a few days or so, I mean not like this. It's only been this intense today, but I guess I've had headaches on and off for a week or so, maybe longer."

"Why didn't you tell someone?" Cal said, feeling guilty that he hadn't known or done anything about it.

"Don't get cross with me." Sam looked upset. "I just thought it was the stress of everything."

"I'm not cross, just worried. Why didn't you tell me?" Cal said, looking guiltily at Ethan.

"I said, I just thought I was stressed and tired. You've had a lot on too. I can't keep coming to you with my worries, you've done so much for me over the past couple of weeks. Anyway, I called you today." Sam said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"I think we should stop this, perhaps I could have a chat with Sam alone for a few minutes?" Mr T interrupted.

"I want to stay." Ethan said firmly, holding onto Sam's hand.

"Ethan, maybe we should just step outside for a minute." Cal said, recognising why Mr T was recommending this. The line of questioning was upsetting Sam more and putting both her and the baby at risk.

"No, I'm staying. Sam needs me." Ethan responded equally as firmly. "Don't you?" He looked at Sam and she opened her mouth to speak but no words came. "Sam?" Ethan's resolve faltered.

"Of course I need you." Sam said, seeing his concern. "But-" She started gently, looking terrified she might upset him.

"Perhaps it is best to give Mr Thompson some time to assess Sam properly?" Connie interjected from the corner of the room. Ethan looked at her and then back to Sam, she looked so fragile, he really didn't want to leave her, but he finally gave in.

"I'll be right outside; I won't go anywhere." He said giving Sam's hand a squeeze. He carefully got up and followed Connie and Cal out of the room.

"It's for the best Ethan, you know how hard it can be to assess a patient properly with family around. I know it's hard to think of her as a patient, she's your fiancée, but she is a patient, and she needs Mr Thompson's help right now. And we need to give him the space to help her. Ok?" Connie said gently. Cal dragged a chair over for Ethan to sit in outside while he waited. Ethan allowed Cal to guide him into the chair as he nodded at Connie. "I'm going to go back down stairs while Sam is assessed. I'll check up on you later, ok? Cal I'm assuming I don't need to reassure you that your shift is complete for today at least. I hadn't accounted on you being back yet anyway so it doesn't matter in the numbers." Cal nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Thanks." He said quietly as she retreated towards the stairs. He tried to think of something to say to Ethan, but aside from the normal reassurance that he didn't feel would be of any use, he couldn't think of anything of value to say. Silence descended on the pair as each drifted into their own thoughts, both consumed by the fear and worry of their current situation.

In the side room, Mr. T was performing a scan as Sam lay silently in the bed. He tried to offer her a look of reassurance, but she would not maintain his eye contact. Instead she looked towards the window staring outside desperately trying to imagine she was anywhere else but there. Mr. T concentrated on the scan carefully checking that everything was OK with the baby.

Outside of the room, Ethan would have been pacing had he been able to, but the pain in his ribs was becoming more obvious at his medication wore off. Suddenly he broke the silence.

"Cal, what if something's wrong?" He whispered, unable to hide the tremble in his voice. Cal looked up at him sadly, the guilt threatening to tear him apart.

"You can't think like that." Cal said placing his hand gently on Ethan's shoulder.

"But it might not be." Ethan looked at Cal earnestly.

"Even so, we have to keep positive."

"I can't, so much has happened, I just can't believe this will end well."

"Ethan, please."

"Cal, listen to me. I'm terrified, I-I can't do this."

"You can. I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

"But Cal what if something happens-"

"It won't." Cal said firmly, stopping Ethan before he could go any further. He gave his little brother's shoulder a gentle squeeze and looked at him right in the eye. Ethan's lip wobbled slightly as he nodded at his brother, grateful for his support.

Back in the side room, Mr T was gently wiping the gel off of Sam's abdomen.

"So the baby is ok?" She said, looking at him with relief.

"Yes, the baby seems ok at the moment." He nodded. "I'm still not happy with you though. Your bloods aren't hugely alarming, but things just aren't settling. I want to keep you in to observe you, and get on top of this pain."

"But the baby is fine?" Sam repeated.

"Yes." He smiled. "But you understand you aren't out of the woods yet?"

"Right." She nodded, but seeming as though she wasn't listening. "So it could just be stress, maybe I overdid it a bit?"

"Maybe, but I'm not taking any chances, ok?"

"Ok." Sam nodded. "Thank you."

"Well keep you on the fluids for now, and if the vomiting doesn't settle we can look at an anti-emetic. But for now, I just want you to rest, ok, and no getting upset. I'll send the others back in shall i?" Mr T smiled supportively again and Sam nodded at him.

"Thanks." She whispered as he left the room.

Ethan jumped up, though instantly regretted moving so quick, as Mr T exited the room. Cal also tensed as the consultant came back outside.

"How is she, what's going on?" Ethan rushed out.

"She's ok. The bloods don't look too bad at the moment, but she needs rest, I want to keep her in and observe her."

"And the baby?" Ethan nervously questioned.

"The baby seems ok at the moment too. I'm not saying in any way they are out of danger. But so far, there is no need for urgent action."

"Right, thank you." Ethan nodded, breathing a sigh of relief and clutching his side as he did so, the pain catching him again.

"Ok?" Mr Thompson questioned him.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just worried." Ethan breathed. "Can we go back in?"

"Of course." Mr T nodded and walked towards the midwife's office. Cal stopped Ethan before he could go back in.

"Are you ok Ethan?" He asked.

"I think so." He nodded. "Just in shock I think."

"I meant what I said, I'm right here ok. If you need to go back to the ward for a while, I can stay. You heard Mrs Beauchamp, I'm not expected back at work."

"No, I'm staying." Ethan said firmly, then he softened. "But thank you Cal, I really appreciate it."

"Ok, but if the pain gets worse, promise me you'll go back up and get your medication."

"I promise." Ethan nodded and turned back towards Sam's room. Cal sat down on Ethan's chair, deciding they probably needed a few minutes alone. He breathed a heavy breath out and sat with his head in his hands. Then he knew what he had to do. He stood up and told the receptionist he was just stepping outside and would be back in a moment, then headed out into the stairwell and pulled out his phone.


	225. Chapter 225

_Wow – I can't believe I've hit 900 reviews/comments for this. I never imagined when I first posted it just over a year ago that it would still be going in its mammoth form and having people still reading it! In fact, when I first starting writing it just before that I never imagined I'd have the courage to post it! Thank you all so much for your positivity and encouragement! It really does mean so much I can't even express it!_

 _I'm so_ _ **SO**_ _sorry once again I've left you all hanging for so long, I'm drowning in coursework and deadlines and it really does have to be my priority, but I've not forgotten both of my ongoing stories and hope to bang out a few more chapters over the coming weeks in among the rest of my coursework._

 _Also found it strange I posted the last update on the exact year anniversary of posting the first chapter and didn't realise until later! Shame it wasn't the last chapter – that would have been a nice time frame to start and end on!_

Ethan was sitting beside Sam smiling down at her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently.

"I should be asking you that." She replied.

"I'm ok. I was just worried about you." He said soothingly.

"I know, I'm sorry. You should be resting too and I've caused all this trouble again."

"Don't be silly, I'm just relieved you're ok, both of you."

"I was scared Ethan, I really thought that was it." Sam admitted quietly.

"I guessed you must have been scared if you phoned Cal for help." He said, giving her a knowing look.

"I'm sorry, but you know I couldn't phone you."

"I know. I'm glad you phoned Cal." He smiled lovingly at her.

"I'm glad I have you too though." She smiled back, her eyes getting heavy again.

"I promised you I'd always be here, that you'd never be doing this alone." Ethan said softly, looking lovingly at her. "Come on, lie down and rest." He added gently. Sam moved and lay her head gently down on the pillow. Then she patted the space beside her.

"There's room for one more." She smiled.

"Oh, I don't know." Ethan looked unsure. "It's a tight squeeze."

"But baby has missed their Daddy, we want a cuddle." Sam said, looking longingly at him.

"Well, how can I refuse that." He let out a breathy laugh, and instantly winced as a sharp pain caught him. He carefully climbed next to her, trying to limit his pain and ensure he didn't catch Sam's IV line. They held each other close and both closed their eyes, enjoying the feeling of being back in each other's arms.

"I've missed this; I love you so much Ethan." Sam sighed, keeping her eyes closed but taking in his familiar scent and the familiar safety of being in his arms.

"I love you too." He breathed back, scarcely able to believe she was finally back in his arms, even if it was in a hospital bed. Silence fell between them but it was the most comfortable of silences, each indulging in the special feeling of being back together. "I've got some good news if you want to hear it?" Ethan said suddenly.

"What? Of course I do." Sam said, opening her eyes and looking at him in confusion at his sudden announcement.

"Mrs Beauchamp wants me to interview for a Consultant's post, she's currently applying for further funding."

"Really?" Sam lifted her head off the pillow, but promptly had to lay back down again as the pain intensified.

"Yes, really." Ethan smiled, opening his eyes and peering back at her.

"Is this pending exam results?" Sam asked, having not yet heard.

"No, I got them too. I passed the last of them. I just have to work out the final part of my placement and I've done it. I can apply for a consultant post."

"Oh my god, Ethan." Sam said, getting a little more excited, but unable to fully express it. "That is amazing, I'm so proud of you." She smiled at him. "You really deserve it."

"I was on my way to tell you this on that night." He said sadly. "It didn't quite turn out as I'd planned. I never imagined telling you like this."

"I'm so sorry. But it's still special, don't let that night ruin it, don't let _him_ ruin it."

"I won't." He replied.

"I'm so proud of you." She said again. "I knew you could do it." She leaned forward and kissed him gently, and he returned the kiss. Suddenly they heard a cough in the doorway.

"You do realise you're in hospital and not at home? This isn't the kind of behaviour expected of staff at the hospital you know." Cal smirked.

"Yeah, yeah, always the joker Caleb. Besides, we're patients at the hospital right now." Sam sighed, closing her eyes again, feeling weary again.

"You wouldn't know it the way you're acting, like bloody teenagers, I don't know!" Cal smirked, pretending to be outraged.

"Very funny Cal." Ethan muttered, shaking his head.

"How are you Sam?" Cal asked, almost tenderly.

"I'm ok, just exhausted." Sam replied honestly. "And my head is still pounding."

"Well, you can take this opportunity to rest. You know Ethan is safe upstairs and you're safe here; which hopefully means I can rest easy." Cal half smiled.

"Oh Cal, you've been through so much lately, we really owe you don't we?" Sam looked sad.

"Well, maybe," he smiled. "But you can pay me back by resting, _both_ of you. Ethan, it's about time you went back upstairs before they send out a search party. You must need your pain killers by now."

Well, I suppose I could do with some pain relief." Ethan admitted sheepishly.

"Oh Ethan, why didn't you say?" Sam lifted herself up and looked at him. "Come on, I'm fine, baby is fine, we all just need a good night sleep. Go back." Sam ordered, finding her assertive nurse side again.

"Someone must be feeling better." Cal grinned. "She's back to bossing you around Nibbles."

"Someone has to look after him." Sam said.

"Someone has to look after you too." Cal replied.

"Fair point." She smiled at Cal, then looked to Ethan. "Come on you, back to your ward. I'm staying right here and I promise to do as I'm told if you do too."

"I'll miss you." Ethan said quietly.

"Me too." Sam smiled, softening again and planting a soft kiss on his lips. "Perhaps I'll be allowed home tomorrow and I'll be back up to see you, ok?" Ethan nodded at her and carefully got back off the bed and walked slowly towards the door where Cal was waiting to escort him back to the ward. He turned back and looked at her and smiled lovingly, nodding, and Sam knew what he was thinking and he knew she was thinking it too.

Once Cal had delivered Ethan safely back to the ward, and ensured he was given his much needed pain relief, along with explaining to the ward sister what was happening to explain Ethan's current state of mind, he headed back downstairs to grab his things and head home. He was feeling really weary after such a trying day. He was just locking his locker, having retrieved his bag, when Rita came bounding into the staff room.

"Cal, how is she? What's happening?" Rita blurted out, rushing towards him.

"She seems a little more settled, but they really don't know yet. Obviosuly they're keeping her in."

"Oh Cal." Rita sighed. "We've been so worried about her, even Connie looked concerned when she came back downstairs." Just then Cal's mobile started ringing; panicked he pulled it out of his pocket, but relaxed when he saw it was Ella calling.

"I know, it's worrying." Cal replied, half distracted as he answered his phone. "Hello?" Rita smiled and retreated, looking around the department, trying to decide if she could disappear for a few minutes.

"Lofty," Rita called. "Keep an eye on things, I'm just going to nip up to maternity." Rita said.

"Sure." Lofty nodded.

"Are you going up to see Sam?" Robyn chipped in, having overheard.

"Yes, I thought I'd just see how she is now." Rita said.

"I'm coming too. I need to know." Robyn said firmly, and Rita didn't want to argue, she knew Robyn cared, and this would reassure her. Together they headed up to the ward, and Rita nodded at the student midwife she had seen earlier, indicating they'd only be a few minutes and promised not to excite Sam.

"Knock, knock." Rita said in hushed tones as she gently pushed open the door, closely followed by a worried looking Robyn. Sam looked up from where she was lying quietly on the bed and couldn't stop the smile at seeing her two friends. "How's the patient?" Rita smiled.

"Oh don't." Sam said, continuing to smile. "I'm feeling a little better, the pain is easing and now I just feel stupid."

"Don't feel stupid, it was concerning." Rita said.

"We've been so worried about you." Robyn added as she took a seat in the chair and Rita perched on the side of the bed.

"Aw, you don't need to worry, I'm fine."

"You always say that." Robyn smiled at her, and giving Rita a knowing look. Sam smiled back, they knew her too well.

"I am, although it hitting me just how soon this all is going to happen." Sam said, holding her bump. Just then the baby gave a swift kick which was visible. Rita and Robyn both reached out and cooed while Sam, who was taken a little by surprise, caught her breath again.

"Aw, that was baby Hardy's way of saying everything will be fine." Robyn gushed.

"Yeah, they are telling mummy not to worry." Rita added, giving Sam a playfully stern look.

"You guys." Sam smiled, tears forming in her eyes. "Sorry, I'm a bit emotional again." She said half chuckling, half forcing the tears away.

"Really, you're going to be an amazing Mum." Robyn smiled warmly at her.

"Thanks, but I just don't feel prepared. I thought I'd be much more organised, but I guess life just got in the way." Sam sighed, looking worried again.

"Why don't you feel prepared?" Robyn asked.

"Well, I'm in the middle of trying to organise everything for the move, finalising the mortgage, dealing with estate agents, bills and contracts, all while Ethan has been recovering, I've barely had time to think of the baby."

"What do you need to think about?" Robyn asked.

"Well I don't have everything I need for the baby's arrival. I'm just so disorganised."

"I think you have a good reason." Robyn said kindly, trying to make her feel better.

"Well don't worry. You don't need as much as everyone makes out. It doesn't all have to be there and set up when baby arrives. And besides, you have us, we'll help any way you need us to." Rita said.

"Of course we will." Robyn smiled warmly at her.

"Oh girls, you're going to make me cry again." Sam said as Rita pulled her in for a hug. Robyn, not wanting to miss out, joined in too. "You girls are so special." Sam sighed. "What would I do without you."

"Yeah, you'd be pretty lost." Robyn quipped and the three of them chuckled.


	226. Chapter 226

Rita and Robyn left Sam to rest and made their way back to the ED. Lofty was waiting to find out how Sam was, and as they walked towards him, Charlie and Zoe also looked across. Rita gave them a smile and a nod as if to indicate that Sam was ok for now.

"How is she?" Lofty asked, concerned for a colleague whom he considered a friend.

"She's ok, she just needs to rest. She's a little emotional and completely exhausted." Rita said.

"But everything is ok medically? And the baby is ok?" He asked, looking slightly relieved but needed the confirmation.

"Yes, at the moment they aren't rushing into anything." Rita added and Lofty let out a huge sigh of relief. Just then Charlie called Rita over and she left Robyn and Lofty talking.

"Are you ok Robyn?" Lofty asked. "You've been quiet."

"I'm ok." Robyn nodded, but Lofty gave her a look that made her need to open up. "I just feel so guilt Lofty, I can't help it."

"What about?" Lofty prompted gently, though he had a good idea.

"Everything. I can't help but feel it's all my fault."

"What's your fault?" Lofty prompted, again knowing what she was probably going to say, but knowing she needed to let it out.

"Everything that's happened to Sam, and Ethan; it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't met _him_." Robyn admitted sadly.

"That's not exactly true is it?" Lofty said gently, placing his arm around her and guiding her to the privacy of the staff room and sitting her down.

"It is. If I hadn't brought him back into their lives, Ethan wouldn't have been beaten up so badly he nearly died, and then he would have been there for Sam and she wouldn't have had all this stress and the baby would be ok and they'd be at home getting ready for its arrival instead of both being in hospital and unwell." Robyn rushed out, her emotions coming flooding out with it. Lofty pulled her into a comforting hug.

"But you know it's not your fault. He may have found them anyway." Lofty tried to reassure her. "Don't you think it's slightly suspicious he ended up here? I mean of all the places he could go, he ended up nearby, and meeting someone who worked in the exact same place as Sam? It all seems far too coincidental to me." Lofty mused.

"But what if Sam blames me?" Robyn said, her voice wobbling.

"Hey, she won't." Lofty said, squeezing her tighter. "You know she won't."

"But what if-"

"Robyn, this is Sam, she knows you, and she knows you would never do anything to hurt anyone. She won't blame you, I promise."

"But-"

"Look, you've just been up there, did she say or do anything to give you the impression she was blaming you in any way?"

"Well, no, I guess not." Robyn sniffed.

"You see. Honestly Robyn, I think you're blaming yourself for something you couldn't control. You didn't know he was going to do this did you? You didn't know they had a history. If you did you would never have done it."

"No, I wouldn't, of course I wouldn't."

"You see, you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't know. And once you did find out what did you do?" Lofty asked. Robyn looked up at him with a wide eyed look of confused innocence on her face.

"What?"

"You sided with your friend, you went to the police and told them everything you knew. You supported Sam and she couldn't ask for any more than that could she?"

"I guess." Robyn shrugged, still feeling low.

"Come on, you can't let this break you Robyn, we can't let him win can we? All of us, we have to rally together and move on and show these people that they can't break us."

"I guess you're right." Robyn nodded slightly.

"And I promise you, Sam will love you as much now as she ever did, if not more for sticking by her over a man." Lofty smiled.

"Thank you Lofty." Robyn smiled a small smile back at him as he pulled her in for another much needed hug.

Upstairs, Sam was lying quietly watching the movement of her bump, cradling it gently with her hands. Down the corridor she could hear the sound of newborn babies crying, while new mothers tried to console them and midwives supported them in doing so. The ward felt safe and secure, and she started to relax a little more. She closed her eyes and drifted off into a much needed sleep.

On his ward, Ethan began to settle too, having now been topped up with pain relief and this time gratefully accepting some extra just to get on top of the pain again. He lay thinking of Sam and his child, so near yet feeling so far from him right now. He wished he could be with them, but at least he knew they were safe. He couldn't regret going to them, they needed him, but he was feeling the effects of rushing down there. He lay back and closed his eyes as the fuzzy feeling that the strong pain relief caused washed over him, making his body feel light and his head feel fluffy and he drifted off to sleep.

Cal finally got home and into bed. He felt exhausted, more so than he had realised. So much had happened over the past couple of weeks that he had scarcely had time to breathe. He lay in bed reflecting on everything that had happened and how he hoped things would begin to settle down now. He felt for the first time since that night, that he might be able to sleep easy tonight, with Ethan now on the road to recovery and things not looking so grave with Sam and both of them safely in hospital being made to get the rest they needed and Cal realised he needed the same. He was just closing his eyes when his phone started ringing. He jumped up, worried that something else had happened and quickly answered it.

"Hello?" He questioned, sounding concerned having answered quickly without taking in who it was, fatigue messing with his mind.

"Cal, are you ok?" The worried voice of Ella came though and Cal let out a heavy breath.

"Ella, yes, sorry, I thought something had happened." Cal said, relaxing back onto the pillow.

"I'm sorry, I was just after an update, I've been sitting here worried and cursing myself for not being able to get in the car and get back to you all."

"It's ok. Sam is being kept in overnight as I said, and I saw her again after we spoke and she looks a little better."

"I'm so relieved. And the baby is definitely ok?"

"As far as we know, yes."

"Thank God." Ella sighed out.

"I know."

"Cal, I'm coming back tomorrow, I'm getting the train down, I _need_ to be there."

"The train?"

"Yes, I have to get down quickly."

"But will you be ok on the train?" Cal asked.

"Of course." Ella chuckled. "Why do you think I can't manage the train?"

"Well, no, I just meant, well with your crutches and your things and, you know?" Cal half stuttered.

"I'll be fine Cal, I have to get back for you all, don't you see? Sam needs me."

"I do too." Cal admitted quietly. Ella couldn't stop a smile from spreading as her heart skipped a beat at his admission.

"You?" She almost whispered in reply.

"You know I need you." Cal said softly.

"Actually I didn't, but I think I like hearing it." Ella replied equally as softly. Silence fell between them. "Cal, I-" Ella started.

"Ella I-" Cal said at the same time, causing both to stop and apologise to the other. "Go on." Cal urged.

"It's ok, it doesn't matter, what were you going to say?" Ella said, brushing it off.

"Just, um, well that I'm looking forward to seeing you again." Cal said, feeling slightly deflated.

"Me too." Ella sighed. They chatted for a little while longer, Cal insisting that he would collect her from the station and they wished each good night and Cal turned over to go to sleep. He let out a deep sigh looking at the empty side of his bed, wishing that Ella was there, not the empty space that before now he had enjoyed claiming as his own.

Sam awoke in the early hours of the morning, her body felt heavy and she felt weak and the pain in her head had returned. She tried to get up out of bed but the pain intensified so she gave up and lay back down, a wave of nausea flooding through. She managed to reach out for a vomit bowl in time to catch it before she was sick over herself again. She had no choice, she hit her call bell, she knew she needed help. The midwife came in and looked concerned. She reassured Sam and gave her a fresh bowl, then re-checked her obs and went off to get the on-call doctor. When the midwife returned with the doctor, Sam had vomited again and the doctor decided she should have some more IV paracetamol and an anti-emetic to try and settle the symptoms. They ran some more bloods and the midwife was asked to keep Sam on half-hourly obs and to run CTG monitoring to check that the baby was ok. After being given the medication, Sam tried to get back to sleep, but she was too worried about what might be happening.


	227. Chapter 227

Sam eventually fell asleep, and was woken up a couple of hours later when the midwife had to check her obs again.

"I'm sorry to wake you, your obs were looking ok, so I spoke to the doctor and he agreed we could leave you to sleep, but I do just need to check you over again." The midwife said apologetically. "How is the pain?"

"It's ok." Sam smiled slightly, shifting her position so the midwife could take her blood pressure.

"And the nausea?"

"Yeah, settled thank you." Sam nodded. The midwife scribbled down the obs and looked back at Sam.

"Any other problems?" She asked kindly.

"No, I just feel really tired." Sam said.

"Ok, well, this is still stable, so I'll leave you to sleep for a while longer." The midwife said, turning the light out and leaving Sam alone again. Sam lay down, trying to get back to sleep; she just wanted to get home again, and couldn't wait for the doctors to come around and say she could leave.

As Cal pulled his car up into the train station and rushed towards the external doors, he saw Ella standing and waiting for him. Hurrying over, he rushed out his apologies.

"Ella, I'm so sorry I'm late, I slept in." Cal said apologetically.

"It's fine." She smiled reassuringly. "I know you've had a lot on." Cal picked up her bags and together they walked back to his car. "So how are they both?"

"Ethan is doing better, Sam, I'm not so sure about." Cal admitted, and Ella flinched slightly.

"And how about you?" Ella looked at him cautiously.

"I'm ok, just tired." Cal admitted.

"I should have been here." Ella sighed regretfully.

"No, it's not your fault. You had your follow up appointments. You're still recovering yourself."

"I've been discharged from physio." She smiled at him.

"Really? That's great." Cal smiled widely, his eyes lighting up.

"Obviously I need to keep up with the exercises to strengthen up but they are pleased with me. I have my outpatients follow up with neuro this week, I'm hoping that will go well too then I can get back to work."

"This is so great Ella, it's great to get some good news for a change." Cal continued smiling at her. "Just make sure you don't rush it."

"I won't, don't worry." Ella said softly, appreciating his concern. They got into the car and drove towards Ella's flat to drop her things off then made their way straight back to the hospital. Cal was on a late shift and Ella was keep to get to see her friend and find out the truth of what was going on. As she left Cal at the doors of the ED she turned to him.

"Thank you for picking me up. I'll catch up with you soon, yeah?" She said softly.

"Definitely." He smiled. "I wish you could stay tonight."

"I know, but you're working late, and you need your rest. I'll see you soon, I promise."

"Tomorrow?" Cal raised his eyebrows hopefully.

"Tomorrow. I'll make it up to you then." She grinned wickedly at the end.

"I'll look forward to it." He grinned back as he turned and headed into the department. Ella carefully made her way towards maternity to find Sam.

"Knock, knock." She smiled as she stood in the doorway of Sam's room. Sam looked up sleepily but managed a smile when she saw her friend.

"What are you doing here?" She replied looking slightly confused, mostly through fatigue it seemed.

"I had to come and see what all the fuss was about didn't I?" Ella smiled, walking towards Sam's bed. "I had to persuade them to let me in to see you too."

"I'm glad to see you." Sam said as Ella pulled her into a hug.

"What's been going on then? Cal phoned me in a panic yesterday saying that he'd had to bring you in because you had a severe headache and vomiting."

"Yeah, but I'm feeling a little better today, just tired." Sam replied, slurring the end of her sentence slightly.

"You sound tired. I won't stay for long but I just had to check on you, and make sure you were resting." Ella said softly, looking concerned at her friend.

"Don't go." Sam said suddenly. "I don't want to be alone." She grabbed Ella's arm, looking panicked.

"Sam, what's wrong?" Ella asked her, looking even more worried.

"I'm just scared; I've got this awful feeling something bad is going to happen."

"Shh, I'm here, nothing bad is going to happen; you're safe, I promise." Ella said soothingly, pulling Sam into a hug and feeling worried for her friend.

"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you." Ethan's voice came from the doorway. Both girls looked up.

"Ethan, come in, you aren't disturbing anything." Ella said easily. Sam looked slightly more panicked, but then tried to cover it up, not wanting to worry Ethan. "How are you? It's good to see you up and about."

"I'm ok. Just waiting for everything to heal, but rib fractures take time."

"Well you were quite injured; it will take time." Ella replied.

"How are you?" Sam asked, worried.

"I'm ok, the pain killers are working." Ethan smiled, sitting on the chair next to the bed carefully. "Besides, I need to get better for the consultant's dinner at the weekend." Ethan said, rolling his eyes.

"What's this?" Ella smiled.

"Oh, just some gathering the board organise, an awards dinner and dance. I'm supposed to go because I'm getting recognition for my recent work on cutting down on treatment wait times and ambulance handovers."

"Ethan, that's great!" Sam smiled proudly.

"That really is amazing Ethan, well done." Ella smiled.

"You didn't tell me that yesterday." Sam added.

"Well, no, I didn't want you to feel under pressure to get better so you could come with me. I mean, they are expecting you, you're invited I mean, but obviously they would understand-"

"What? Of course I'm coming." Sam said, slightly outraged that he would think she wouldn't be there."

"Well, obviously if the baby has other ideas." Ethan gave her a look.

"No, the baby is staying put for now. We will be there to celebrate how amazing you are."

"Well, it was just a well-timed idea." Ethan shrugged, a little embarrassed by Sam's declaration of his brilliance in front of Ella.

"I think I'm going to go and get a coffee, maybe pop up to cardiology." Ella said, standing up slowly.

"Come back though El, won't you?" Sam said, looking worried again.

"Of course." Ella smiled, giving Sam's hand a squeeze. "See you in a bit." She said as she left the room. Ethan looked at Sam with concern.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm ok, I'm hoping they'll let me go home today." Sam said, trying to be positive, but hiding the return of her headache and vomiting in the early hours, not wanting to further worry him.

"And everything is ok with the baby?" Ethan still looked concerned.

"It's fine, Ethan." Sam let out a small smile, trying to offer reassurance.

"So they don't know what caused it?"

"They haven't said." Sam shrugged.

"But you're feeling better?" Ethan looked questioningly at her.

"Come here." Sam said, beckoning Ethan nearer. "Here." She said gently taking his hand and pulling down the blankets, placing his hand on the thin material of her hospital gown in time to feel a limb poking out as the baby struggled for room. Ethan couldn't help himself, letting out a breathy laugh and a smile, still shocked by the love that feeling those movements could bring out in him. "Baby Hardy knows that Daddy is here, they've been quiet until now. See, trying to let you know they're fine." Sam smiled, linking her fingers in Ethan's and giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Later that day, Ethan had reluctantly left Sam to sleep and gone back to rest himself, and Ella had been to see her colleagues on her ward and sneaked off with Cal to have lunch, keeping him slightly longer than he perhaps should have been gone, but he seemed to get away with it somehow. She was smiling to herself as she made her way back up to Sam's room, a smile that soon dropped as she heard the shouting. She quickened her pace as much as she could, but she was still fairly slow. She peeked through the door and saw Sam shouting and looking distressed while a midwife tried to comfort and calm her and the doctor stood in front of her looked concerned. Sam was trying to force her way out of bed but being prevented by the midwife. Ella couldn't wait to be called in, she opened the door and called out to Sam.

"Hey, what's going on?" She asked, looking worried as she made her way over to her friend.

"They-they won't, they are-" Sam started to try and explain, but her breathing quickened and she couldn't get her words out. Ella looked between the doctor and the midwife for answers whilst trying to soothe Sam.

"What's happened?" Ella said, eyeing the doctor suspiciously.

"We need to keep her in again, I'm not happy to let her go home when her symptoms haven't completely resolved."

"What are you worried about?" Ella asked forthrightly, still holding tight onto Sam.

"Well, um." The doctor looked uncomfortable, glancing at Sam.

"Have you even told her why you need to keep her in or have you just told her she's staying?" Ella cut in, sounding impatient.

"Well, I was trying to explain but she wouldn't listen, she just started shouting and getting hysterical." The doctor started. This was all Ella could listen to.

"Right, someone needs to find the consultant, I was to speak to him now." Ella demanded looking towards the midwife, who nodded at her. "We need some proper answers and I'm sorry but you're not filling us with confidence." Both the doctor and midwife left the room and Ella continued to hold Sam.

"What is it chick, what did they say?" She asked her distressed friend.

"They didn't, they just said I couldn't go home; but I want to go home." Sam sniffed.

"I know you do darling, but you know if they are at all worried about you or the baby then the best place to be is here don't you?" Ella said softly and Sam nodded.

"Do you honestly feel better?"

"I'm just tired, so tired." Sam said, closing her eyes as she leaned on Ella's shoulder.

"I know." Ella whispered, gently placing her hand on the back of Sam's head and holding her tight, suddenly she stopped and pulled away, looking down at Sam, a look of confusion and concern on her face as realisation hit her. "Why don't I see if I can go and find your consultant? You lay down and rest for a bit, ok?" Ella said, easing Sam down onto the bed. "I'll be back soon, ok?" she said softly, and Sam nodded, closing her eyes. Ella walked out of the room calmly, but as soon as she closed the door she felt her resolve slip. She grabbed her phone and hurried as quick as she was able to towards the doors, dialling as she went, and breathing a sigh of relief as the call connected.

"Hello beautiful." Came the breezy tones of Cal.

"Cal, I need your advice." Ella blurted out suddenly, and Cal felt himself stiffen.

"What is it?" He asked urgently.

"The night when Ethan was attacked, Sam was admitted to the ED too wasn't she?"

"Yes, why?"

"For what reason?"

"Well, um, well she was pretty shocked and she, she um-she had a bang to the head, that's right." Cal said, trying to recall everything clearly. "Why, what's wrong?" He asked again in an urgent tone.

"Did they say anything about a head injury?"

"Well, no but…hang on, wait, Dylan wanted her to have a scan but she refused, why? What is happening El?"

"I'm wondering if the headaches and vomiting is a possible head injury. Has she reported any other symptoms?"

"I don't know, I mean, I can't remember?" Cal said starting to panic a little more.

"Try and think Cal, when you brought her in, was there anything else? Confusion, disorientation, blurred vision?"

"Yes, she said she couldn't see very well." Cal jumped in. "Her headache made her vision funny, and maybe she was a bit disorientation, but I thought, I thought maybe it was the panic, the anxiety. Oh god, did I miss something?"

"No Cal. God, no, that's not why I'm asking. You weren't treating her as a doctor, you were there as support. But if it is a head injury, delayed presentation, then we need to find out what is going on."

"You're right. I'm coming up now." Cal said, hanging up the phone and looking around the department, trying to work out if he could risk escaping again. He had walked out on so many shifts lately, he wasn't sure he could risk disappearing again. He decided he would head straight to Mrs Beauchamp and be honest with her.


	228. Chapter 228

I'm so SO sorry for abandoning you all for 2 months. Things have been crazy with work and coursework. I haven't been on here to read let alone write anything. I'm hoping to soon get some more time to catch up with your wonderful stories and also to complete mine (if anyone remembers and is still interested!) This small part has been written since I posted the last update but I wanted to make it longer, but I need to find the inspiration again!

Sorry xx

* * *

"I understand Cal, but this isn't your fault." Mrs Beauchamp tried to reassure him. She was growing more concerned as time passed, he seemed to be having more and more to cope with and managing things less and less; as would be expected.

"But what if-"

"No, you weren't there as a doctor, this is exactly why we have rules about treating family, you can't be objective. You can't always see the bigger picture."

"But if she's got a haemorrhage, or, or-"

"Cal, stop." Mrs Beauchamp said firmly, looking him square in the eye. "Cal, I will call Sam's consultant myself and if we have concerns, I can get Guy Self down to assess her. What's the point in having the contacts if we don't use them as we need?" She smiled, trying to offer some reassurance. "In the meantime, I think it's best that you take some more time off, you're clearly not ready to be back, you still have a lot going on. Ethan will be discharged soon I'm sure, and it won't be long until the baby arrives, and both he and Sam will need support, and to be completely honest; I think you need some rest."

"But Mrs Beauchamp, I can't, I mean I can cope, I'm fine-"

"This isn't open for discussion; I still have the locum in, and I'm concerned if we push you Cal, you are going to make mistakes, and I can't afford for those kind of mistakes, and neither can you." She said, giving him the hard sell to push him into realising that refusal wasn't an option. "Besides, look at it as extra study time, hmm?" She half smiled at him, raising her eyebrow.

Ella slipped back into Sam's room, noticing she seemed to be sleeping. Although Ella knew this wasn't ideal with a potential head injury, she also knew it was the best way to ensure she stayed calm. She quietly slipped into the chair beside Sam and watched her, feeling wretched at not being able to take this pain away from her friend. As she watched Sam sleep, she noticed her brow furrow and her arm twitch. Sam let out a small sound and her brow furrowed further, her hand followed this by balling into a fist and she let out another whimper. Ella instinctively reached out for her hand and as she grabbed it Sam jolted awake and looked panicked.

"Shh, Sam it's ok, it's me, I'm here." Ella said squeezing her hand as Sam came around.

"He's here." Sam said looking at the door.

"It's ok, you're safe. I'm here." Ella said moving nearer.

"He's coming to get me El, I know he is." Sam said, still staring at the door, sounding scared.

"Who Andy?" Ella asked, causing Sam to flinch at the mention of his name. "He's not, he's on remand, he can't get to you."

"He can, and he will."

"No, he-"

"No, you don't understand, he did it before, he can do it again!"

"Sam, come on, you can't do this. You need to calm down."

"No! You need to listen!" Sam said, getting louder and pushing Ella away. "He's going to find me. I need to get away from here." Sam pulled back the blankets and tore the blood pressure cuff and oximeter off and tried to step out of bed.

"Sam, no, you need to stay in bed." Ella said, trying to restrain her.

"Get off me!" Sam said, pushing Ella back again. Ella looked startled by her sudden strength. She did the only thing she could do, she grabbed the emergency call bell and pulled the knob away from the wall, sending an alarm bell through the ward. Moments later there were 2 midwives, a senior midwife and a doctor at the doorway.

"Calm down Sam, come on, back into bed." The senior midwife was saying calmly, trying to guide her back.

"How could you. Get out!" Sam looked accusingly at Ella, who had moved away nearer the door. One of the midwives guided her outside and sat her down by the reception.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do, she just turned." Ella said, looking a little shocked.

"It's ok. They will calm her. You stay there, I'll get you a cup of tea." The midwife smiled, giving Ella's arm a slight squeeze in comfort. Ella took some deep breaths. She had never seen Sam go for her like that, it was almost as if it wasn't Sam there at all. She could hear her shouting in the room, but then it went quiet, and Ella wasn't sure if she preferred the silence or the shouting. Her heart ached for her friend, she wanted to take this all away, then anger surged through her thinking of the man that caused it all. She found herself balling up her own fists angrily, then suddenly she realised there was something warm there, looking up she realised the midwife was back and pushing a cup of tea into her hand.

"Thanks." Ella whispered. "Can you, um, can you find out if she's ok for me? She's had a tough time lately; she doesn't mean it. This really isn't her."

"Of course," the midwife smiled. "You stay here." The midwife moved away and headed back to Sam's room.

"Now Sam, we don't want to have to do anything drastic, why don't you just tell us what's going on and let us help you?" The senior midwife, who was called Jane, said softly.

"He's going to get me; I don't think you understand. He found me once, he'll do it again."

"Sam, who is going to get you? There's no one here?" Jane looked confused.

"He might not be here now, but he will be. He'll find a way." Sam looked at Jane, fear in her eyes.

"Who?" Jane urged.

"My ex. He'll be so mad."

"He's not here, and I promise you, while you're here with us you're safe. We'll make sure you're safe."

"But he's there, he will-" Sam started to get stressed again.

"Do you want us to get your partner for you? Or bring your friend back in?"

"No, I um, I don't want to worry him." Sam said, calming slightly and looking worried. "Is Ella here?"

"She's right outside. She's worried about you." The other midwife said.

"I don't understand. What's wrong with me?" Sam said, becoming tearful. "I feel so confused."

"It's ok, you've had a lot going on, you just need to rest." Jane soothed as the other midwife went to fetch Ella back.

"Sam?" Ella said nervously, appearing in the doorway. The midwife appeared with Ella's tea and a cup for Sam and put them down on the side, then silently slipped away again.

"She's ok, she just got a little panicked." Jane smiled. "Perhaps you can help her realise she's safe." Jane gave Sam a smile and a nod and then motioned to the doctor the leave the two of them alone, hoping Sam would remain calm.

"Sam, I'm sorry, I just panicked. I mean seeing you like that."

"I'm sorry El, I panicked too, but I could feel him on me, I could smell him, it was like he was coming for me, I was sure he was."

"But he can't, he's in prison."

"But he could get out. He found me before."

"He won't get away with it this time." Ella shook her head determinedly.

"I don't think I can live with this anymore Ella, I hate it."

"You can, we'll get our day in court and they'll see what a monster he is."

"But what if-"

"No. No Sam, no 'what if's'. You've got Ethan, and your baby. That's what you need to focus on now, ok?" Ella looked at her, and Sam looked back and nodded, biting her lip nervously.

"I know you're right," Sam whispered. "But it's so hard."

"I know it is chick." Ella said, scooping her up into her arms in a comforting hug.


	229. Chapter 229

Suddenly the girls were aware of Mr T entering the room.

"Sam, how are you feeling?" He asked tentatively, having been updated of her recent outburst and the potential head injury diagnosis.

"I'm ok." Sam said softly, and Ella looked at her concerned.

"Really?" Mr T questioned.

"I'm much the same to be honest." Sam admitted.

"Still having headaches? Nausea? Vomiting?"

"A bit yes."

"Any visual disturbances?"

"Not really, I mean no. Not like the other day."

"But…" Mr T prompted.

"Well, I guess I get a little dizzy at times, but that's to be expected."

"Ok." Mr T Nodded too, picking up her obs charts and flicking through some notes. "Right. I'm just not happy, I think I might ask for a second opinion, things just aren't settling as they should."

"What do you mean?" Sam looked instantly concerned. "It's the baby, isn't it?" She finished, clutching her stomach.

"No, no. Not at all. It's you I'm concerned about."

"Me? But the baby is ok? You promise?"

"The baby is as well as can be right now." Mr T nodded and smiled kindly. Ella squeezed Sam's shoulder. "You on the other hand, well I'm concerned if we don't sort you out then we are putting the baby at further unnecessary risk. Don't worry, I'll be back shortly." He said swiftly exiting the room.

"Ella what's going on? I don't understand?" Sam said, looking frightened.

"Well, I can tell you one thing, I'll remember this when I'm back on the ward."

"What do you mean?" Sam furrowed her brow.

"Well, leaving the patient after saying something like that and not fully explaining." Ella said, shaking her head. "Sam, I'm concerned that you might have a delayed presentation of a head injury after the assault. There might be a small bleed that had clotted and is causing pressure on your brain and causing these symptoms. It would fit." Ella explained softly, squeezing Sam's hand comfortingly.

"No, it can't be, I-I.."

"Sam, I know you don't want to think about that night, but what happened? I mean, did he hurt you? Hit you?"

"I don't know, I'm trying to forget it."

"I know, I'm sorry to ask you, but I'm really worried about you? The vomiting, dizziness, mood swings? It's all strange."

"You're right. He did, I mean he slammed me into the wall, maybe a couple of times."

"Oh Sam." Ella sighed, tears prinking in her own eyes as she looked at her vulnerable friend.

"But it's nothing to what he did to Ethan." Sam added sadly.

"I know, but this is causing you symptoms. We need to sort it."

"But-"

"Look, put your emergency nurse head on, what would you tell your patient in this situation." Ella said, looking directly at Sam.

"That…that we should do a scan to rule out any injury that might require further treatment." Sam admitted.

"Right, so why should it be any different for you?"

"You're right, but the baby?"

"The baby will be fine. We need to look after you." Ella said, gripping her shoulders.

"Dylan wanted to." Sam said, looking away towards the window.

"What?" Ella looked confused.

"That night, Dylan wanted to do a scan, but I refused. I promised Charlie if I got symptoms then I would but I convinced him I didn't need one."

"Sam." Ella gave her a look, then decided to change her angle. "Well, then you owe it to Charlie to keep your promise." Sam looked back to Ella and could see how much her friend cared for her and tears pricked in her eyes.

"Ok, I will." Sam nodded lightly. Suddenly they heard Cal clearing his throat behind them.

"Sorry to interrupt." He smiled, "how's the patient?"

"Don't Cal, I still can't accept that I'm the patient." Sam smiled lightly. "Besides, you're not going to have a job much longer if you keep leaving to come up here."

"Don't worry, it's fine, it's sorted." He shrugged, walking towards them. Ella held out her hand and took his.

"You look tired, you need some rest." She said softly.

"I'm fine, don't worry." He replied, not wanting to let his resolve slip.

"How's Ethan?" Sam asked, suddenly concerned there was something wrong.

"He's fine." Cal smiled. "He's nagging me from his bedside, so really nothing has changed."

Just then Mr T came back with both Connie and Guy Self in tow. Ella and Cal left the room to allow Guy to examine Sam, and they both headed outside together.

"I'm worried about you." Ella said, looking earnestly at Cal. "You really do look exhausted."

"I'm ok. Mrs Beauchamp has granted me some time off, she thinks I need it, but I'll be fine."

"I think she's right. You've had so much to deal with, you need a break before it breaks you."

"I've got you back now, that's all I need." Cal confessed and Ella leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"And I'm going to make sure you get some rest. Starting with tonight. I'll cook for you."

"Really?" Cal smiled. "That's nice."

"Then we can have an early night." Ella smiled.

"I thought you were encouraging me to rest here." Cal grinned wickedly.

"Caleb Knight." Ella chuckled. "What can I say, I've missed you."

"Me too." He smiled sincerely, pulling her back in for another kiss.

Later that day, Sam had been for an urgent scan of her head and Guy had returned to her room to go through what they had found. The midwife was with Sam

"So there is evidence of a small bleed, but it does seem it is already starting to re-absorb, and as your symptoms have settled a little more, I'm not in a rush to do surgery."

"Surgery?"

"Yes, it would only be a simple burr hole procedure if we need to."

"Simple? It's still surgery that involves you drilling into my head!" Sam said, horrified.

"I'm fairly confident that as you're young and otherwise healthy, that your body should deal with this over the coming weeks and that surgery won't be necessary."

" _Fairly_ confident?"

"Well, yes. You know I can't be certain, but I'm not feeling any rush to get you into surgery now."

"I can't believe this." Sam shook her head gently.

"Really, it's not as bad as it sounds, don't worry." Guy dismissed her shock.

"I'm sure you've seen worse Mr Self, but please understand, to me this is a big thing. I'm weeks away from giving birth, my fiancé is currently recovering from major surgery after an assault and I'm facing a _pretty_ substantial court case and now you're telling me I have had a bleed caused by the same incident that nearly killed Ethan. I think I'm entitled to be a bit shocked and upset by this."

"Right, yes. Of course." Guy replied, standing to leave. "Well, you make sure you get plenty of rest, and I'm sure you'll be just fine." He added as he left. Sam shook her head. Clearly, he hadn't heard what she'd said. Why didn't people understand that rest wasn't going to be an option for the foreseeable future. Sam lay down and considered what he had told her. He thought she was recovering already, things were improving, so in her mind that meant she should soon be home and getting things ready for Ethan and the baby. He heart felt heavy thinking of Ethan, she hoped he was ok. She hoped no one would tell him about this little set back, she certainly didn't intend to. She considered the best way to ensure Ethan didn't have any further stress or worry was not to tell anyone about what Guy had told her. There was no reason any of them would find out so she should get away with it. Yes, she would make sure no one found out. She allowed herself to close her eyes and drift off to sleep again.

…

Cal walked behind Ella up the stairs to the flat, unable to fight the slight smile at getting her back with him, and knowing they would be alone together was the icing on the cake.

"Sorry, it's a bit of a mess." Cal said, quickly grabbing a few bits to clear some space.

"It's fine Cal, I'm sure cleaning hasn't been high on the agenda lately."

"Ethan would probably say it never is." Cal admitted.

"He just probably has unrealistic expectations." Ella smiled cheekily.

"See that's why I lo- I mean that's why you're perfect for me." Cal stopped himself before he said something he might regret.

"Because I see you're appealing points over your ability to tidy up?" Ella raised her eyebrows.

"And because you get that my brother is over-bearing."

"Not over-bearing, just has ridiculous standards. Life is for living, not cleaning."

"Exactly!" Cal laughed.

"Besides, I once lived with a friend who was similar."

"Maybe you should introduce them, they'd get on like a house on fire." Cal chuckled.

"They already do." Ella smiled knowingly.

"Really?" Cal looked confused.

"Yes, Sam. She can be just the same. Those two couldn't be more perfect for each other."

"You're right there." Cal smiled. "Anyway, enough about them. I want to enjoy having you back." Cal said, greedily scooping her into a firm hug. Gently he kissed her lips then as the kiss grew more passionate, he let out a satisfied sigh and started to trail kisses down her neck.

"Cal, later. I need to feed you first." Ella sighed. "I'm supposed to be looking after you."

"I have more needs than just food you know." He muttered, kissing her again.

"I know." She breathed as he moved back to her lips. Before she knew what was happening he was guiding her into his bedroom, skilfully swiping away some clothes he'd left on the bed and laying her down on the bed, barely pausing for breath in between kisses.

"Cal, are you sure?" Ella asked, suddenly feeling unsure.

"Of course I'm sure, I need you El, I've needed you for so long."

"You need rest too."

"This will help me rest. Just shut up and kiss me." Cal commanded. Ella reached up with her arms around him and kissed him deeper, melting into his arms. She needed him too.

…

As Sam slowly opened her eyes, she felt exhausted still, but as her focus sharpened she realised there was someone sitting in the chair looking at her. She jumped and then realised with was Ethan.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He said softly.

"You didn't, I mean I just wasn't expecting you to be sitting and staring at me." Sam admitted as she shifted her position. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, moving around easier now." Ethan said. "How are you?"

"I'm ok. It's been a better day today, I'm just still tired."

"Well, you make sure you rest while you're in here." Ethan smiled at her.

"I will. Shouldn't you be resting too?"

"No, I need to get moving, the physios said as much. I'm allowed home tomorrow."

"Really? That's fantastic Ethan." Sam smiled.

"I know, I can't wait."

"I just wish I was there to welcome you home, spoil you a bit. But I still could be." Sam said trying to be positive.

"I don't need welcoming home. I just need you to focus on feeling better and then we can move on from this, together."

"We will Ethan. We will."

"I know." He reached out and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sorry Ethan, I really am."

"Hey, shh. You need to stop apologising. There's nothing to apologise for."

"I know, but I feel like I still need to, it's all my fault-"

"No, we will never move on if you keep apologising."

"I know." Sam nodded, then looked down sadly at their hands.

"I love you Sam, remember, it's all about you, me and our baby now." He said softly as he let go of her hand and lifted her chin to make eye contact with her again. She looked into his eyes and nodded. She felt her heart flip at the love in his eyes. She knew how lucky she was. She knew how much she loved him, and she knew in that moment that she would do anything for him.


	230. Chapter 230

Much to her disappointment, Sam was kept in hospital under observation for the next couple of days, particularly after her headache flared up again the day after the scan. The doctors were keen that she got complete rest, and even restricted her visitors down to a couple of hours in the evenings.

Ethan had now been discharged and had gone back to the flat to continue his recovery. He was alone the following afternoon, Ella and Cal had gone to do some shopping, another thing Cal had neglected over the past few weeks. Ethan was sitting on the sofa with a documentary on the tv, but he wasn't really paying attention. He let out a laboured sigh, then regretted the action as a sharp pain encompassed his ribcage. The flat buzzer went off and Ethan looked surprised, wondering who is could be. He cursed as he thought it had to be Cal who had probably forgotten his keys or just couldn't be bothered to get them out. He winced as he lifted himself off the couch and went to the door buzzer.

"Cal, I'm going to staple your keys to your head one day." Ethan said before attempting to press the buzzer for his brother.

"It's not Cal." Came the female voice from outside.

"Lily?" Ethan questioned, though it was obvious it was her.

"Yes, it's me. I was on my way home and thought I'd pop in and see if you needed anything."

"Sure, um, come up Lily." Ethan smiled, buzzing open the door for her and heading towards his own front door to greet her.

"It's nice to see you up and about." Lily smiled as she climbed the stairs.

"I'm trying." Ethan smiled back as he ushered her inside. "Sit down, do you want a coffee?"

"No, I'm fine, you should be resting." Lily said, patting the empty space on the sofa next to her.

"I have been, if I rest any more I'm going to go insane." Ethan smiled as he carefully sat down.

"Well, if you're feeling up to it soon you can help me with my clinical audit."

"Oh, what are you looking at?"

"If we can get better outcomes in stroke by admitting direct to the stroke ward for emergency treatment instead of coming through the ED."

"But what about urgent scans?"

"Well, if we can adapt the ward to allow 3 or 4 emergency assessment beds, we could get the paramedics to alert people in and straight to the scanner and up to the ward for review and treatment."

"Interesting…yes I could see that working for some." Ethan said thoughtfully. "Excellent work Lily." He finished, smiling proudly at his friend.

"Thank you." Lily said seriously. "Anyway, how are you?"

"I'm ok, getting there, thanks." Ethan nodded.

"I'm so relieved, I don't know what I'd have done without you."

"You'd have been fine." Ethan shrugged off her comment awkwardly.

"No, you're my friend. I sometimes feel like you're my only friend." Lily admitted, holding his eye contact until Ethan looked away slightly uncomfortably. Just then Cal and Ella burst in through the door laughing about something, but stopped when they realised Ethan wasn't alone. Ethan and Lily both jumped at the sudden intrusion, making themselves look even more guilty.

"Sorry, we didn't know you'd have company Ethan." Ella said, picking up the lighter of the shopping bags and pulling Cal into the kitchen area. As she placed the bags on the side, Cal came up behind her, pinning her to the counter and reaching his arms around her.

"I really love having you back. You're even hot when you're doing boring household stuff." Cal smirked.

"Cal." Ella chuckled as Cal kissed her neck. "Cal, do you think Lily and Ethan were up to something, they looked guilty?" Ella asked, turning herself around to face him. He looked up seriously then gave her an odd look.

"What? Don't be crazy. Like what?"

"I don't know, I mean, didn't you see the looks on their faces when we came in. They looked guilty."

"What do you think they were doing? Getting down on the sofa? As if!" Cal laughed and Ella shushed him.

"No, but it just looked, I don't know, weird."

"You're making something out of nothing." Cal smiled down at her, Ella thought about it for a moment.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Ella shrugged, shaking her head. "Sorry, I don't know where that came from."

In the living room, Lily had changed the subject.

"So, have you got your speech ready?"

"Speech?" Ethan looked confused.

"For the dinner? Your award."

"It's not really an award." Ethan shrugged, trying not to make too much of a deal about it.

"It is, I heard Mrs Beauchamp telling someone the other day how proud she was to have you on the team and that you were set to be the most junior doctor being awarded this honour in Holby."

"Well, I don't even know if I'm able to go."

"What? Why?"

"Well, Sam is still in hospital, I can't drive and I don't really want to sit on my own all night."

"Come on Ethan. Sam wouldn't want you to miss out on this. You've worked hard, you deserve it. We can easily get you there and you wouldn't _have_ to be on your own."

"You mean Cal? I think I'd rather miss it." Ethan said raising his eyebrows as the sound of Cal and Ella laughing in the kitchen came through.

"No, I was thinking maybe I could go with you, as a friend, I mean. To thank you for everything you've done for me, and to celebrate how wonderful you are." Lily smiled.

"Oh Lily, that's nice of you, but I wouldn't want to put you through that."

"I'd like to. Besides, it'd be a good chance to network." Lily said, not missing the chance to further her own career.

"Well, I guess it would be nice to have a friend by my side. Thank you, Lily."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at 7 shall I?"

"Yes. That will be lovely." Ethan smiled.

"Right, I'd better let you get some more rest." Lily said standing. Ethan moved to see her out but Lily stopped him. "No, you stay here, don't get up." She smiled and nodded, then turned and left the flat. Ethan let out a small controlled breath, so as not to hurt his ribs, and carefully leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes.

"What was that?" Ella jumped around, pulling away from Cal's kisses.

"Nothing, come here." He tried pulling her back.

"Was it Ethan?" Ella said, moving away towards the front room carefully. Her mobility, although better was still a little shaky at times. She looked across at Ethan who was leaning back on the sofa alone. She realised it must have been Lily leaving. She turned back to Cal. "He looks tired. Perhaps we should leave the cake?"

"No, come on, then we can give him his present."

"Ok." Ella smiled, thinking of the surprise they had planned for him. Cal went in and sat next to Ethan on the sofa and he opened his eyes.

"How you doing Ethan?" Cal asked softly.

"I'm ok." Ethan replied. "It was nice to see Lily. I feel like I'm going insane here on my own."

"Well, since you missed your birthday, Ella and I planned a little something for you." Cal smiled.

"Oh Cal, I don't know." Ethan looked unsure, wondering what his brother had been planning. With that, Ella came through with a lit birthday cake, and both sang 'happy birthday' making Ethan chuckle slightly. He carefully blew out his candles and thanked them.

"Wait, that isn't all." Ella said as Cal pulled out a phone, displaying an image of Sam on videocall.

"Happy belated birthday darling." Sam smiled from her hospital bed. "Sorry I can't be there but we will celebrate soon." Ethan reached out and took the phone from Cal.

"I miss you." He said, looking at her as though he hadn't seen her for ages.

"I miss you, but I'm celebrating with you, look." Sam said, holding up a small cupcake that Ella had delivered to her earlier that day. "And now you have a phone again we can communicate easier again, right?"

"A phone, no I haven't made it into town to sort it out yet." Ethan said.

"No need." Cal smiled, nodding at the phone he was holding while talking to Sam. "Happy birthday. Ella and I wanted to treat you."

"Really?" Ethan looked surprised. "I-I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, well, maybe thank you." Ella chuckled. "You needed a new phone, we thought we'd sort you with the newest model. The contract is of course still in your name. I'm nice but I'm not nice enough to pay for all your lovesick phone calls to Sam." Ella laughed.

"Thank guys, this means a lot. Thank you." Ethan looked at his brother sincerely.

"We'll um, leave you two alone for a minute." Ella said, giving him a quick wink as she pulled Cal up from the sofa and they crept into the kitchen to finishing preparing dinner.

"How are you feeling?" Ethan asked hurriedly, having been concerned about her.

"I'm ok, just under strict rest orders. Hopefully they'll let me home in the next few days." Sam said.

"And they didn't say why this is happening?" Ethan asked.

"No, it's just one of those things, too much stress, taking on too much and not looking after myself I guess." Sam said, avoiding part of the truth.

"Well you just make sure you're getting the rest you need. I've been worried about you."

"Aw, you don't need to, you're the one who we needed to worry about. I'm so glad you're home, I just wish I was there to take care of you. That's what I'm supposed to do."

"Don't you worry about that." Ethan smiled. "I'll be taking care of you when you come home. And besides, I have Ella here making sure Cal makes a fuss of me, so I'm ok."

"Cal may not say it, but he really cares about you, you know." Sam said seriously.

"I know." Ethan almost whispered in return.

"Oh, Ethan, the midwife is here to do my obs, I'm going to have to go."

"Ok darling. Sleep well."

"You too. See you very soon."

"I love you Sam."

"I love you too Ethan."

Cal came back in and took a seat next to Ethan.

"So, Lily came over earlier huh?"

"Yeah." Ethan wrinkled his brow, not sure where his brother was going with this conversation. "She just wanted to see if I was ok and if I needed anything."

"Ok." Cal shrugged. "So, is Sam going with you tomorrow?"

"No, I don't think so." Ethan sighed. "She hasn't mentioned it anyway, and I didn't want to upset her by mentioning it to her. She can't really go if she's still under strict bedrest."

"I guess not." Cal sighed. "But you're still going, right?"

"I wasn't going to-"

"But you have to!" Cal interrupted.

"Let me finish Cal." Ethan rolled his eyes. "I wasn't going to, but Lily has suggested she would take me, so I'm not on my own."

"That's very…thoughtful of her." Cal said, choosing his words carefully.

"I thought so too." Ethan smiled. "She's a good friend." He added firmly.

"Well, at least you'll have a pretty girl on your arm, though it wouldn't hurt if she smiled more." Cal mused.

"Cal. Lily is fine as she is. Besides, she smiled when she's with me." Ethan said, trying to stick up for his friend.

"Yes, I'm sure she does." Cal grinned back.

"Oh Cal, I'm too tired for this. Let's not go there."

"Ok, I'm sorry." Cal said seriously.

"Lily and I are friends, we always have been."

"And she's there supporting you as a friend, which is nice. And it saves any awkwardness of me having to take you. I can have a night in with Ella. Perfect." He smiled. Ethan rolled his eyes at his brother again.

"You haven't changed a bit, have you?"

"I have. I'm a one-woman kinda guy now." Cal smiled proudly. Ethan shook his head and smiled at his brother.


	231. Chapter 231

_Just want to give a little mention to **sweet-as-honey** who prompted me on my return and helped spark an idea for the ending of this chapter and what will follow. Thank you for continuing to support this story and for feeding me with ideas! :) _

_Thank you also to everyone who has dropped me a comment on my return - they are always appreciated! :)_

* * *

Ella was awoken the following morning by her phone ringing in her ear. Stretching as she sleepily reached out for her phone, she suddenly became more awake seeing Sam's name on the screen.

"Hello?" She answered as she moved to get up, making her way to the door carefully. Cal stirred and rolled over, letting out a small moan. "Sam, what's up?" Ella whispered as she left the room, sounding worried.

"Nothing, I just have something important to do and I need your help." Sam said urgently. Ella quietly headed to the bathroom, locking the door behind her and taking a seat on the toilet to try to ensure she didn't wake either of the boys up.

"What is it?" Ella questioned, furrowing her brows.

"Well, you know it's the consultant's dinner and dance tonight, and Ethan is getting his recognition award?" Sam said, sounding excited.

"Ye-es?" Ella said slowly.

"Well, I've twisted the doctor's arm and they are going to let me home on weekend leave so I can go, as long as I don't overdo it." Sam said, her words speeding up as she got more excited.

"Right, are you sure that's wise?" Ella asked, slightly concerned.

"Of course! I need to be there for Ethan. Only that leads me to the next part. I want to surprise him. He deserves a nice surprise."

"And that involves me doing what exactly?" Ella asked, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Well, I need a new dress, I've ordered one but I need you to pick it up for me, and then take me to yours and help me get ready, all without letting on to the boys." Sam said sweetly, hoping to get her friend on side.

"You Samantha, are just-"

"That absolute best friend you've ever had, and the person you love most in all the world so you'll do anything for me?" Sam finished, making the two of them laugh.

"Of course I'll help you." Ella smiled. They sorted the details and Ella crept back into Cal's bedroom.

"Who was on the phone." He asked sleepily without opening his eyes.

"Just Mummy, wanting to make sure I was ok." Ella lied, smiling down at him, relieved he hadn't yet opened his eyes to see her guilt-ridden expression. She perched on his side of the bed and looked down at him. He peeked open one eye, then the other followed as Ella ran her hand gently through his hair. "You're so hot when you're sleepy." She smiled.

"You're so hot all the time." He grinned back, pulling her down for a kiss.

"Down boy. I've got things to do today." Ella smiled.

"Aw, like what?" Cal whined.

"I need to go into town and run a couple of errands, my landlord is sending a gas man around to check the boiler and I need to do some Christmas shopping." She winked.

"Aw, I was hoping you'd spend the day with me here." Cal pouted.

"Well, as appealing as the thought is of spending the whole day right here with you, I've got places to go, people to see. We'll have to pick up where we left off later, I promise." She smiled, kissing him then gathering her clothes to get dressed.

"Don't got ditching me for the gas man." Cal smiled as she headed towards the door.

"As if." She smiled at him, blowing him a kiss from the doorway before heading back to the bathroom.

Later that day, Ella and Sam had got back to Ella's flat and Sam was soaking in the bath. Ella had seen and sorted the gas man for the boiler check, and was currently pulling Sam's new dress out of the bag and hanging it out for her. She was relieved that aside from lying about the phone call, she hadn't really lied to Cal, and this was all for a surprise for Ethan, so it didn't really count she told herself. She gathered her make up case and hair tongs ready to help make Sam look amazing for Ethan tonight. Sam emerged from the bathroom looking much more relaxed, and Ella handed her a 'mocktail' she had made.

"Here chicky, it's not the real thing but it might help you feel 'in the mood'." Ella smiled, taking a sip from her own.

"Thanks." Sam smiled, also taking a sip from her glass.

"The dress is gorgeous. I know you'll look stunning in it. In fact, I have the perfect necklace and earrings set that will go with this." Ella said pulling out a box to show Sam.

"Oh El, they're gorgeous." Sam breathed.

"They were my great-grandmothers. Proper vintage, but it'll really bring everything out." Ella smiled.

"Els! I can't wear these, they are probably worth more than my yearly salary, maybe ten years' salary!" Sam exclaimed.

"Please, I want you to. They will be safe with you." Ella smiled, pushing the box into Sam's hand.

"Thanks El, I really appreciate this." Sam smiled, fingering the jewels in the box lightly.

"Come on, let's get some music on and bring that beautiful Sam out to play and make Ethan fall in love with you all over again." Ella giggled.

Back at the boys flat, Ethan had his best suit on and he was waiting patiently for Lily to arrive. He sat on the sofa next to Cal twiddling his thumbs. Cal was sipping a beer and pretending to read something on his phone.

"Will you stop that." He muttered.

"What?" Ethan almost hissed back.

"Twiddling your thumbs. It's annoying."

"I'm not doing you any harm, just ignore it." Ethan huffed.

"Anyone would think you were nervous." Cal smirked.

"No, well maybe. You know I'm not good in these situations."

"What Lily giving you the come on." Cal chuckled.

"No, you know that's not what I mean. I mean the attention."

"You'll be fine. The night isn't all about you, just a small part, so don't worry; just enjoy a lavish meal and fine champagne in elegant surroundings."

"I guess you're right." Ethan breathed steadily. "Anyway, what are you doing?"

"Ella should be coming back over. In fact, I don't know what's taking her so long." Cal glanced at his watch. "I thought she'd be back by now."

"I'm sure she won't be long."

"Well, time for me to have another beer, you want one?" Cal asked, getting up.

"No. I'm fine. Lily will be here soon." Ethan replied. With that, a car pulled up outside and Lily rang the buzzer. Ethan carefully made his way outside and when he saw Lily he stopped and smiled.

"You look lovely Lily." He said, his smile spreading.

"Thanks. You look good too." She smiled back, holding the car door open for him.

"Shouldn't this be the other way around?" He chuckled awkwardly, motioning towards her holding open the door.

"Not on this occasion, don't worry you can make it up to me." She said, climbing into the car, causing the taxi driver to smile. A moment of awkward silence fell over them as the car pulled out of the block of flats and headed towards the hotel.

"Sam, you look stunning. Ethan's jaw is going to hit the floor when he sees you." Ella gushed. Sam slipped her heels on carefully and swept her hair over her shoulder, surveying herself in Ella's full length mirror.

"Yeah, I've not made this much of an effort for a long time. And this jewellery set is making me feel extra special."

"It goes so well with the midnight blue gown, then the silver sparkle. Well, you look amazing." Ella breathed.

"I feel a bit like a princess." Sam chuckled. "A heavily pregnant princess, but a princess nonetheless."

"I mean it, Ethan is going to have a fit." Ella squealed.

"I hope not literally." Sam chuckled. "Right, is that the car?" Sam said, looking out of the window.

"No, not yet." Ella sighed. "I wonder where they are."

"I'm already a little late for the welcome drinks." Sam said wringing her hands slightly with nerves.

"Don't worry. You'll make it." Ella said, looking out the window again. "Here they are." Ella said pointing at the taxi, then picking up her own bag. "Come on."

The girls piled into the cab, Ella was going to get dropped off at Cal's on the way. She squeezed Sam's hand and grinned at her before she hopped out of the taxi.

"Have a fantastic night, you deserve it too Chick." Ella smiled.

"Thanks for everything El, I'll look after the family jewels, I promise." Sam smiled back causing Ella to chuckle and roll her eyes.

Sam sat nervously alone on the way to the hotel. Reflecting on it, she thought she felt more nervous now than on their first date. She thought back fondly to that time over a year ago, meeting Ethan in town, having dinner and going to the cinema. The date that neither had dared to call a date, but both had been hoping as much.

Suddenly the taxi pulled up and she paid and made her way into the lobby of the hotel. The maître d' recovered from his initial shock giving her a large smile and found her name on the guest list, checked her off and showed her through to the grand ball room which had been converted for the evening's festivities. Sam looked around, suddenly feeling shy, when she spotted Ethan across the room talking to some older men she didn't recognise. She loitered, watching him smile slightly, nodding at what the men were saying, but not really getting involved in the conversation as he nursed his glass of champagne. Now she was here, Sam wasn't sure of the best way of making her presence known. She had wanted to surprise him, but there was something to be said of the difference between a good surprise and a bad surprise.

She took a couple of steps towards him and then faltered when she saw someone she wasn't expecting. 'Lily?' She muttered to herself as Lily approached Ethan and slipped her arm carefully in his, excusing him gracefully from the conversation and pulling him across to introduce him to someone else. Sam felt her chest tighten, feeling like her breath had caught in her throat. The room began to spin and she felt really hot as tears sprung to her eyes. She hastily turned to leave and spun around right into a waiter carrying a try of champagne and knocked it right out of his hands. Luckily the cascading glasses fell away from her, but the flustered young waiter was full of apologies as he and a couple of others fussed around her and the debris. Of course, the crash and commotion caused everyone in the room to look in her direction, including Ethan, who looked shocked and surprised to see her. She looked across and realised she had been seen but turned and hurried back out into the lobby as Ethan walked as quickly as he could towards her, leaving Lily to turn back to the man they had been talking to.

"Sam? Sam wait!" Ethan called after her in the lobby. "Sam." He repeated as he finally caught up with her, catching hold of her arm. Sam, for once, silently cursed being off balance in her heels which slowed her down, along with her bump, which stopped her from getting outside before Ethan could catch her. Her cheeks flushed red as she looked back to him.

"Leave me alone Ethan, I want to go." Sam said, shrugging him off, trying to stop the emotion showing on her face and in her voice.

"No, wait. What are you doing here?" Ethan asked, feeling confused.

"It doesn't matter, I need to go." Sam said turning away again. Ethan watched her walking away a lump forming in his throat. He swallowed hard and called out once more, desperately hoping for the best.


	232. Chapter 232

Reluctantly Sam stopped, she took a deep breath and turned around to face him. She knew she couldn't just walk out, not on Ethan. Perhaps what she had seen was innocent, perhaps it was all just bad timing. She felt the sting as she saw the look of concern on his face. She felt her resolve slip, just slightly.

"Sam?" Ethan said once more, much more softly this time, a slight quiver in his voice, the uncertainty rang through. "I-I didn't know you were coming."

"Evidently." Sam replied, a hint of irritation coming through in her tone, her protective walls firmly back in place.

"What?" Ethan look confused, but also began to get annoyed. "What is this about Sam?"

"It doesn't matter." Sam huffed.

"It does matter; why are you being like this?" Ethan said, his irritation rising.

"Like what?" Sam spat back.

"This isn't like you! I can't-I can't deal with this!" Ethan shook his head, giving in and starting to turn away.

"I-I wanted to surprise you." Sam said quietly, backing down as Ethan's tone changed.

"Well you did that. But I don't understand why you tried to run?"

"Because- Because I saw you with h-her." Sam said, tears springing to her eyes again.

"Who?" Ethan furrowed his brow.

"Lily. Again. It's always Lily." Sam said, voice full of emotion, mixed with disappointment and anger.

"Lily? What has she got to do with it? She's my friend." Ethan said, almost exasperated.

"But she clearly wants more, she was there, her arm in yours. You don't see it Ethan, you don't see how she looks at you." Sam said, her voice rising again. People milling in the bar stopped to watch the dramatic scene unfold. Ethan looked around, uncomfortable at being the spectacle, but also annoyed.

"You're being ridiculous!" He scoffed.

"What so she didn't get herself an invite to be near you?"

"She offered to come with me as a friend, to support me."

"You came together?!" Sam said in shock and disbelief. "I thought- I thought-never mind." Sam said, turning away again.

"No." Ethan said, grabbing her arm. "You thought what?"

"I thought she was just here, I didn't think you actually brought her. What did you do, invite me but hope I couldn't come?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Ethan said again. "I thought you were still in hospital, I didn't think you needed the added pressure of me telling you how much I wanted you here. You needed to rest."

"Yeah, it really looks like you wanted me here." Sam scoffed.

"Of course I wanted you here! I wasn't even going to come but Lily said I should and that it's what you would have wanted."

"Oh, I'll bet she did." Sam said viscously. "She couldn't wait to get you alone with me out of the picture. I bet she was waiting for the day I'd be stuck at home with the baby and she could swoop in all glamorous and loving and make you realise what you're missing out on." Sam finished her rant. Ethan looked at her, anger on his face disguised the hurt in his eyes.

"I can't- I can't do this." Ethan said turning and starting to walk away. Then he looked back. "I can't believe you think that I would do this. If you can't trust me, then I can't do this anymore. I can't live with having to prove myself to you just because you've been treated badly in the past. If you can't trust me knowing who I am then I don't want this." Ethan spat out, walking away. Sam stood rooted to the spot for a few moments, feeling the heat rising from her stomach, her face burning. She looked around and realised people were staring, so she took a deep breath and headed for the exit. Once outside, the cold winter air hit her, as did the realisation of what just occurred. She felt the panic rising as she leaned against the doorway of the hotel feeling dizzy and sick.

Ethan, meanwhile, was originally heading back to the ballroom but diverted to the bathroom first. He needed to calm down before he faced what was waiting for him. He still couldn't believe Sam would think that of him. He knew he and Lily were just friends, that's all it had ever been and he had done nothing to show otherwise. He leaned heavily on the sink and took some deep breaths. He felt light headed and he was sure it couldn't be the champagne, he had only sipped a small amount. He thought back over his closing remarks to Sam, slightly regretting them now. Yes, he was angry, but Sam was upset too, and he considered that maybe he had gone a bit far with his words; but she needed to know, she must know how he had felt about her, then he stopped himself. 'Had felt' he thought, thinking in the past tense already, was this a sign?

"Are you ok Miss?" Came a calm and kind voice behind Sam. She looked up, her gaze unsteady, as a strong pair of arms caught hold of her. "Come on, let's get you inside and sat down."

"No, I can't-I'm, I'm fine." Sam breathed, but found herself being guided inside to a quiet corner of the bar.

"Please Miss, you don't look well." The maître d' smiled kindly at her but looked concerned.

"Really, I-I just need to go home." Sam insisted, trying to stand.

"Well, at least let me call you a cab." The man smiled, heading towards the bar.

Ethan slowly raised his hands to push open the bathroom door. Taking one last deep breath he headed back into the ballroom, hoping to slip in unnoticed.

"Ah Dr Hardy, just the person." Came Mrs Beauchamp's voice. "I want to introduce you to someone."

"Oh, u-um, ok." Ethan nodded, relieved that she seemed not to have noticed the earlier commotion. She guided him towards two older men who were on the board and made the introductions. "Gentlemen, this is my bright young star in the ED, Dr Hardy." Connie started, taking Ethan by surprise at her compliment. He smiled awkwardly, greeting the men and shaking their hands, continuing with the polite conversation.

Meanwhile, Cal and Ella were snuggled up on the sofa in the boys flat, tv turned on but neither were really watching it. Ella cradled her glass of wine and looked up at Cal.

"I can't believe we're here." She smiled.

"What do you mean?" Cal let out a small laugh, then took a gulp of beer.

"Well, after everything, you know, everything that has happened between us, yet here we are, sitting here, having a drink, with each other." Ella smiled, then laughed. "Sorry, I don't know where that came from, must be the sentimental rubbish on the tv."

"Well, you chose the programme." Cal chuckled, then he looked down at her seriously. "I feel the same, by the way." He said softly, leaning down and giving her a gentle kiss. As he pulled away, they locked eyes, and Ella reached up with her free hand and pulled him back down to her. Just as their kiss grew deeper they were halted by the sound of Ella's mobile ringing, and Cal pulled away again.

"Don't. Just ignore it." Ella said, pulling him back. But when the phone started ringing again, Cal pulled away again.

"Someone really wants to speak to you." Cal sighed, and Ella leaned across to the side table and looked at her phone, growing instantly concerned as she answered it.

"Sam? What's wrong?" Ella answered and Cal straightened up as Ella listened to Sam on the other end. "Ok, ok, calm down for me." Ella said and Cal mouthed 'What's wrong' at her. Ella shrugged and the frown on her head grew deeper. "He was with…what? Lily?" Ella almost shrieked. Cal looked confused. "But why?...He said what?" Oh Sam, calm down honey," Ella soothed. "I'm with Cal, but he's been drinking, and I can't drive yet….wait there, I'll get in a taxi." Ella said, getting up and looking around the front room. "No Sam, just stay there, I'm coming." Ella said, hanging up.

"What's going on?" Cal looked worried.

"Sam and Ethan have had a fight." Ella shook her head.

"A fight? But Ethan is at the dinner?" Cal looked confused.

"Yeah. I know, so is Sam." Ella said, forgetting Cal didn't know.

"But I thought she was still in hospital."

"No, they let her home so she could go and surprise Ethan."

"But, But he went with-"

"Lily, yes I know that now." Ella rolled her eyes. "Bloody idiot." She muttered.

"Who." Cal looked wounded.

"Ethan."

"Hey, he didn't know Sam was going." Cal defended his brother.

"No, but he just told Sam he didn't want to be with her anymore." Ella huffed as she pulled her shoes on.

"What? What the hell has happened?" Cal looked even more confused, but also started to pull on his shoes.

"What are you doing?" Ella looked questioningly at him.

"I'm coming with you." Cal said, grabbing his keys and dialling out for a taxi on his mobile whilst simultaneously stuffing his wallet in his jeans pocket and grabbing his jacket.

"Miss, you look very distressed, can I get you anything to help you calm down a bit?" The maître d' said. "I got called away but shall I order you a taxi now?"

"No, no my friend is coming. Would it be ok if I waited here?" Sam said quietly.

"Of course." As he turned to walk away he noticed Sam grimace slightly. "Are you ok? Are you in pain?"

"No, I'm fine." Sam breathed, forcing a smile. "I'm fine." She muttered to herself as he disappeared out of sight. Sam rubbed her aching bump, and wished right now she was miles away from here. She considered her next steps. If Ethan didn't want to be with her anymore then there was no need for her to stick around. She was free, she could get away from Holby, start again, where no one could find her, she and her baby, they didn't need anyone.


	233. Chapter 233

"So, why emergency medicine then? Surely you could specialise in something more… _glamorous_ , if you are as bright a young star as Connie makes out." The man asked Ethan.

"Well, I um, I guess I've tried a few things, but the team in the ED just felt right. I'm still able to do some research while I'm working."

"Research eh? I meant something thrilling, like Cardiothoracic surgery, get in the heat of the moment, precision, skill, right Connie?"

"Well, we all know my heart is there," Connie smiled, "but Dr Hardy is right, there is something about the team aspect of the ED. And something thrilling about being the first line of care, using the skills you've gained over your career to save lives and make a difference." Connie continued the conversation. Ethan listened but his heart wasn't in it. He wished right now he was at home. He felt drained; drained and confused.

"Miss, can I get you some help? Do you need to go to hospital?" The barman called over to Sam as she clutched her bump, which felt increasingly uncomfortable and tight. She knew what was happening, but she was in denial, she wasn't yet ready. She had been having irregular tightening's all afternoon, they had started when she was in the bath at Ella's place, but she had felt sure they were so irregular that it could still be Braxton Hicks. But there was no denying that as she approached the hotel in the taxi that the contractions were not only more regular but were getting slowly stronger too. She hoped she could hold out to manage to get through the dinner for Ethan, but there was no denying that baby Hardy was trying to make their entrance tonight.

"I-I um, I'm fine." Sam breathed through the contraction. "My friend is on the way."

"Are you sure?" The barman looked concerned but Sam just nodded, still holding her bump.

"Actually, could I get some water?" Sam asked, looking at him. The barman hurried over with a glass of cold water and set it down beside her, looking helplessly at her. "Thanks." She breathed again after taking a sip. The barman backed away, looking around, relieved to see the bar area was quite quiet as most of tonight's guests were situated in the ballroom.

Back in the ballroom, the first course was being served. Ethan noticed it looked wonderful, but he had no appetite. His stomach still felt tied in knots after his fight with Sam, he needed to call her, tell her he was sorry, that he didn't mean what he had said. But he couldn't just get up and leave…could he?

"Ethan, you're very quiet." Lily observed from the seat next to him. She had of course seen the scene that Sam had caused earlier, and had been able to deduce that after Ethan had followed Sam outside and come back in later alone, and looking angry, that things hadn't gone well between them.

"Oh, sorry." Ethan sighed, forced a tight smile as he nodded towards the food. "It looks good doesn't it?"

"What happened Ethan?" Lily asked.

"Nothing." He shook his head.

"You can talk to me you know. I am your friend." Lily touched his hand lightly, but noticed that he flinched slightly.

"I know," he said, carefully moving his hand to pick up his fork. "Just not here, not now." He said, taking a mouthful to ensure he couldn't speak. Conversation continued around the table, normally Ethan might have involved himself in some of the professional talk, but tonight he wasn't up to it. He slowly and silently ate his way through his starter plate, nodding and smiling where necessary, but mostly keeping his eyes down to his plate.

"Um, could someone help out please?" The maître d' called into the room. "I'm sorry to disturb but there is a heavily pregnant woman in need of some assistance." He felt bad for interrupting, but he knew they party was filled with medical staff, and he felt sure that someone would help, and know what to do more so than himself. Ethan's head shot up and Connie caught his eye. They both immediately knew it was sure to be Sam, Connie excused herself and rushed forward, closely followed by Ethan and a retired obstetric consultant.

"What's wrong, what is it?" Ethan asked looked concerned. "Where is she?"

"She's in the bar, she won't let us help her. But she looks to be in some… _difficulty_." The maître d' replied, motioning towards the bar. As they made their way to the bar, the maître d' stopped and looked confused. "She's…not here." He looked around, wondering where she had disappeared in the short space of time he had been gone. He passed a worried glance at the three doctors in front of him.

"Where is she?" Ethan looked both concerned and cross, spinning around to look in the lobby area.

"I-I don't know."

"Well, find her." Ethan snapped, causing the others to glance at him and the maître d' hurried off. "I knew something would go wrong." Ethan muttered.

"It's ok, we'll find her and we'll get her to hospital, it will be fine." Connie smiled supportively. She looked to the barman and mouthed in hushed tones: 'Call an ambulance' then looked back to Ethan. "People have babies every day, it will be fine."

"But what if it's not, she's not been well." Ethan looked worried, having almost completely forgotten their fight in amongst the concern he felt for her and his baby. Just then they heard someone shout from the ladies bathroom.

"Can I get some help, someone, please?" A lady called. Ethan's head shot up and they rushed towards the woman.

"What is it?" Connie asked, knowing what she was going to hear.

"There's a woman in labour in there." The lady looked concerned.

"It's ok, I'll go in and assess her." Connie said, stopping Ethan before he could rush through. "Just hang on a moment."

"Hang on?" Ethan muttered to himself, turning around and leaning heavily on the wall.

"Are you ok son?" The retired obstetrics consultant asked Ethan.

"It's my fiancée, my baby." Ethan breathed, the reality hitting him.

"Sam? Sam, it's ok, I'm here." Connie said reassuringly but assertively, placing a hand on Sam's shoulder as she crouched next to her in the bathroom. "Tell me what's happening."

"I'm- The baby, it's coming." Sam breathed heavily again, grimacing as the pain gripped her.

"Ok, just focus on breathing calmly, and slowly." Connie soothed, encouraging her to slow her breathing. "How regular are the contractions?"

"About this regular." Sam said through gritted teeth as another short and strong contraction came on. She tried to shift her position, feeling even more uncomfortable. "I think I need-" Sam started to speak as she tried to stand and suddenly she felt a pop and a small gush of fluid pooled at her feet. Sam held her breath and looked at Connie in shock. "Well, I guess we know what that means." Sam raised her eyebrows at Connie, managing a small moment before the next contraction gripped her, forcing a little more fluid out as she leaned against the wall and tried to focus on her breathing. Just then two women came into the bathroom, one of them letting out a squeal when she saw Sam and her waters going. Sam looked embarrassed, but the contraction gripped her heavily and she let out a slight groan as she clutched her bump.

"Ladies, would you mind giving us a minute." Connie said firmly, and the ladies exited. Connie looked back to Sam. "Ok, you're doing well, but I think it's time we got you in to the hospital, ok?"

"I'm sorry Mrs Beauchamp, _you_ of all people were never supposed to see me like this." Sam said as she came through the end of her most recent contraction.

"It doesn't matter." Connie said with a slight smile on her lips. "You've got a worried man outside waiting to hear that you're ok and I think it's time we moved you to where baby can make a safe arrival, ok?"

"Ethan!" Ella called as she walked through the lobby with Cal at her side. "Where is she? What have you done?" Ella looked at him accusingly. Sensing there were too many people here, the retired obstetric consultant slipped away.

"I haven't done anything. Mrs Beauchamp is in there. She's, she's assessing her-" Ethan tailed off at the end, once again feeling slightly overwhelmed with emotion. Ella's resolve slipped, anger changing into concern.

"What do you mean assessing her? It is her head injury?" Ella looked worried.

"No the ba- wait what?" Ethan said, his head snapping up.

"What's wrong with the baby?" Ella said, looking towards the toilet, hearing a low moaning sound coming from there. "Is she-?" Ella started but didn't wait for a response and headed through the doors. "Sam? Sam, I'm here." She said quickly approaching her friend for support.

"Oh El, I'm so glad to see you." Sam sighed. "I think the baby's coming."

"You _think_?" Ella raised her eyebrows. "I hardly believe ' _think'_ is the correct term."

"You know what I mean." Sam gave her a look.

"When did it start?" Ella asked.

"Oh, well, you know." Sam shrugged.

"Sam?" Ella gave her a stern look, but Sam felt another contraction coming. She grabbed Ella hand and took some deep breaths, trying to breathe through the pain that was quickly becoming more intense.

"Why has it come on so fast?" said through gritted teeth, dropping Ella's hand and grasping her bump.

"We need to get you into hospital." Ella said shaking out her fingers and looking towards Connie for support.

"Yes, come on, let's try and get you outside before the next one comes."

"But I don't want people to see me, I'm a mess; it's so embarrassing." Sam confessed.

"No one is worried about that." Ella said, trying to help her upright.

"So, what's going on Ethan?" Cal asked, furrowing his brow.

"I don't know. One minute I'm here with Lily, then Sam is walking in, then she tried to run away and we had a fight and now she's gone into labour in the toilets." Ethan said, recapping the main points for his brother. Cal looked at his younger brother and shook his head.

"I don't know, always a drama with you two isn't there?" He chuckled slightly.

"It's hardly funny Caleb." Ethan almost hissed at his brother, making Cal flinch.

"Sorry." Cal shrugged. Just then they heard Sam let out a slight groan and both winced, Ethan looking more concerned.

"I need to go in there." Ethan said straightening up.

"No, just wait. Ella and Mrs Beauchamp are in there. She'll be ok, I'm sure they'll be out soon." Cal tried to offer some comfort to his brother. "Has anyone called for an ambulance?"

"The bar staff did." Ethan shrugged quietly, then after a pause he sadly added: "I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore."

"What?" Cal looked at his brother, waiting for him to look up. Ethan, as if knowing this was what Cal was waiting for, looked up slowly, making eye contact with his brother.

"I said I couldn't deal with her insecurities and live with proving myself to her because of her past and said that I didn't want to be with her anymore." Ethan admitted quietly, holding his brothers eye contact. Cal flinched and sucked his breath in through his teeth.

"Oh, I see." He nodded slowly. "Well, I'm sure we can sort all of that out. You were both probably hurt, and-"

"What did Ella mean about a head injury?" Ethan asked suddenly.

"What?" Cal said again, playing for time.

"When she arrived, Ella assumed Mrs Beauchamp was assessing Sam because of a head injury?"

"Yeah, well um, they thought she had a head injury, but it was ok." Cal said, somewhat vaguely, causing Ethan to look at him questioningly. Once again they heard Sam let out a groan, making them wince again.

"I need to get to her." Ethan said, starting to look desperate. He paced in front of the bathroom door, his mind flooded with thoughts and fears. "I _need_ to be there for her, she needs to _know_ I'm here." He looked both worried and pleadingly towards his brother.

"We can't go in there." Cal looked horrified at the thought. He'd delivered babies before, he knew what went on, and he wasn't sure he wanted to see that of Sam.

"Wait, I still don't understand." Ethan started and Cal looked confused.

"Mate, I hate to tell you, but if you don't understand what's going on in there, then there's no hope." Cal smiled slightly.

"This is not the time for jokes Cal. A head injury, I just don't understand."

"Ok, look, the night when everything happened, and you were, well in surgery. Sam was in the ED and it seems she'd taken a knock or two to the head, but she refused a scan. With her symptoms over the past week, Ella had concerns that it could be a delayed presentation of a head injury, but she was assessed by neuro and they weren't concerned. So no need to worry you."

"No need to worry me- someone should have told me." Ethan said starting to get angry again.

"Calm down Ethan, we were trying to protect you from stressing about nothing." Cal said, trying to calm him.

"No, you always use that excuse, and it never makes it any better." Ethan said firmly, subconsciously balling up his fists. "I just-" He started but again became aware of Sam groaning in the bathroom. "Cal, I need to get to her." He looked pleadingly at his brother. At that moment the door opened and Connie appeared, closely followed by Sam and Ella. "Sam!" Ethan called, slight relief to see her in a better condition than he expected.

"Ethan?" Sam gasped in shock. Of course, she knew he was around, but she wasn't expecting him to be pacing in front of the bathroom door.

"Sam, I've been so worried, are you ok? I'm here now." He said, rushing at her and taking her arm gently.

"I'm fine, I-I mean apart from the obvious." Sam said as another contraction started to build. "Oh God, another already?" She said through gritted teeth as she leaned over and tried to breathe through it. Ethan was right there, hand rubbing the small of her back, muttering words of support in her ear. "I thought-I thought we were over Ethan?" Sam said while catching her breath again as the contraction subsided.

"No, about that, I-I didn't mean it, I said some cruel things because I was hurt."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I got jealous and insecure, I don't know what came over me."

"It's ok, none of it matters now." He looked sadly at her.

"This wasn't how this was supposed to happen."

"What do you mean?"

"Tonight was supposed to be so different. You were supposed to be surprised to see me, and pull me into a tight hug and tell me how beautiful I looked, that you could fall in love with me all over again. We were supposed to dance together and laugh together, and celebrate you and how wonderful you are. Instead I just made you hate me even more and ended up breaking us up."

"No, no I don't hate you. Sam I love you so much, I mean it when I say you and the baby are what matter most to me." Sam carefully looked up at him and his eyes looked pained, but she could see the love there. She could see her Ethan again.


	234. Chapter 234

As another contraction gripped Sam and she leaned heavily on the wall, her palm flat on it as she breathed deeply, the sounds of everyone fussing around her muffled into the background as she tried to ignore what was currently happening in a very public place. Deep down she knew if she were the nurse, she'd be reassuring the patient that all was ok and to focus on herself and not the others around her, but now it was her in this position, she knew it was causing a scene and one she quickly wanted to get away from. Ethan looked at her, desperately wishing he could stop the pain for her, but also grateful that she wasn't making a scene by screaming the place down as some women seemed to. He almost shuddered at the thought. Suddenly through the muffled sounds Sam heard his voice ring through.

"Where is that ambulance? We need some pain relief." Ethan said, sounding more like the assertive ED doctor again.

"Speak for yourself." Sam breathed, looking up at him with a glint in her eye again for a moment. "This may be easier for you with drugs, but what about what I need."

"You're right, of course you're right." Ethan nodded. "Wouldn't you feel more comfortable with…"

"Ethan, I don't need you to be a doctor here, I need you with me, ok?" Sam said, reaching out for his hand. Cal and Ella passed a look between them and Mrs Beauchamp smiled and nodded, then headed towards the main door of the hotel to look for the ambulance.

"Sam what can we do to make you comfortable?" Ella asked, looking concerned for her friend.

"Get this baby out of me?" Sam said half laughing, half grimacing.

"I think it's doing a good job on it's own." Ella smiled. "Cal, please tell me you aren't heading to the bar to buy a drink?" Ella said sharply, stopping Cal in his tracks as he was skulking off to the bar.

"What? No!" Cal said defensively. "I thought Sam might want something."

"What like a gin and tonic?" Ella asked, her voice raising.

"Geez, what is it with you lot. Maybe a glass of iced water." Cal said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Actually, a glass of water would be lovely Cal." Sam smiled at him, and he looked pleased and continued towards the bar. "Ella, why don't you go with him, make sure he doesn't down 6 measures of whiskey while he's there." Sam said, ushering her off whilst trying to relax between her contractions.

"Are you ok?" Ethan asked, looking worried still.

"I'm sorry Ethan, really I am." Sam said as soon as Ella and Cal were out of earshot.

"What for?"

"For acting like a jealous idiot." Sam admitted shamefacedly.

"Hey, don't worry about that now. It was a silly fight, it meant nothing." Ethan tried to brush it off. "Besides I'm not exactly innocent, I said some terrible things too, and I'm sorry for that."

"No, really, I don't know what came over me. I just saw you with her and I imagined the worst. I thought you didn't want an oversized heifer for a girlfriend anymore, not when you could have someone beautiful and elegant like Lily."

"I don't know why you can't see, you're the only one I care about. You're the only one I want; the one I love."

"Oh Ethan." Sam sighed, emotions taking over again. "I love you so much, that the thought of losing you literally cuts me up inside."

"Figuratively."

"What?"

"Figuratively. Literally would mean it's _actually_ happening, figuratively is when the meaning is symbolic of metaphoric like…What?" He looked at her as she glared at him.

"Are you really correcting me when I'm pouring my heart out to you… _figuratively_."

"No, I um…"

"And while our baby is currently forcing its way out of me… _literally_." Sam half smiled.

"Well, I um, I just meant…sorry." Ethan said, looking apologetic.

"Ethan Hardy, promise me something?" Sam said softly as Ella and Cal came back.

"What?" He whispered.

"Never change." Sam smiled softly, before the next contraction started up and she leaned over holding her bump again. Ethan stood with a goofy smile on his face until Ella snapped him out of it.

"Hey, Daddy, earth to Daddy. We kind of need your help over here." Ella said clicking her fingers in front of Ethan's face, bringing him back to the room. He put his arm around Sam, gently rubbing her lower back as Cal leaned in to Ella to speak.

"Daddy?"

"Well he is!"

"Don't say that." Cal shook his head. "It's creepy." He chuckled, planting a light kiss on her cheek, wincing as Sam let out another low groan.

"Oh, God, I think I need to push, but it's too early, surely." Sam said, her voice strained as she grimaced through the contraction. Cal, Ella and Ethan all exchanged concerned glances.

"I guess there's only one way to find out. Ethan?" Cal said looking at his brother. Ethan looked lost for a moment then startled as he realised what Cal was saying.

"I can't Cal, I-I…"

"Well, _I'm_ not going to…" Cal interjected, again looking horrified at the thought.

"3006 to control, go ahead?" Iain answered on his radio.

"An ambulance has been requested for a woman in labour at the Grand Hotel in Holby City Centre. Doctor on scene."

"Great." Iain started sarcastically. "We're nearby and mobile, en route to scene." Iain confirmed, jumping in the passenger side of the cab next to Dixie.

"Come on faceache, it's not that bad."

"Matern-a-taxi? Really?" Iain looked less than enthralled as Dixie started the ambulance and drove off towards the hotel.

"We might get cuddles with a cute newborn." Dixie smiled.

"Covered in blood and mucus…no thanks." Iain crossed his arms sulkily.

"Alright 'Action Man', just coz it's not a gunshot wound to the chest in a war torn country." Dixie started.

"It's not that." Iain continued sulking. "It's just…never mind." He stared out of the window, watching Holby pass by.

"Come on, what is it?" Dixie looked at him worried.

"I just thought it'd be different you know?"

"What?"

"Coming back, after Jeff and everything." He saw Dixie stiffen next to him at the mention of Jeff but she tried to hide it. He knew she wasn't over it yet, so he changed his angle slightly. "I thought being a paramedic would give me the excitement, the thrill of the fast-paced decision making but without the active service of the force, y'know." Iain sighed.

"It does, we get our share of action, you just have to take the rough with the smooth, or in this case the action with the less than thrilling cases. They are still important, and the decisions you make when treating someone who's been stabbed, or someone who's collapsed, or fallen or been in a high-speed car crash, they all matter to the patients and their families." Dixie said.

"I know, I guess I didn't think I'd feel so settled, and _boring,_ so quickly."

"This is more than getting a maternity job, isn't it?" Dixie glanced sideways at him.

"Maybe." He shrugged. "Never mind, we're here, and isn't that…Mrs Beauchamp?" He said furrowing his brow and pointing at the doorway. Dixie pulled the ambulance up near the doorway and Iain jumped out of the cab, closely followed by Dixie.

"What's up?" Iain asked as he rushed towards Connie.

"Glad to see you Iain, it's Sam, she's in labour and contractions are coming on fast, I was beginning to wonder if she would make it to the hospital or whether the baby would be born here." Connie said coolly, but softer than she normally appeared in the ED. Iain couldn't help but notice how glamorous she looked, dressed up for a grand night.

"Where is she?" Dixie asked, looking past Connie and through the doors. With that they heard Sam shout.

"Do you honestly think I'm causing a scene deliberately, do you think if I had the choice I'd be in the lobby of the hotel about to give birth with spectators."

"No madam, I just wondered if you might be more comfortable somewhere more private. I was merely thinking of you." The maître d' stumbled over his words, a little embarrassed at being shouted at in the middle of the lobby.

"Thinking of your customers and their discomfort more like." Sam snapped.

"Sam, calm down." Ethan said, risking facing a shouting down too. "He was trying to help."

"Yeah, trying to help his profits. Anyway, you should be on my side." Sam said bitingly at Ethan.

"Madam I assure you-"

"Enough, I need to get out of here." Sam snapped again, cutting off the maître d' mid-sentence.

"Sam darlin' the cavalry are here." Dixie smiled.

"Oh Dixie, I'm glad it's you. Get me out of here." Sam looked pleadingly, but before she could move she was gripped by another long and intense contraction.

"Iain, grab the trolley mate, it might be quicker to get her out on it." Dixie said. "Alright Sam, we're here."

Minutes later, Iain returned with the ambulance trolley and carefully between them they helped Sam onto it. Just as they were about to wheel her to the ambulance, Sam suddenly called out.

"Wait, my bag, I've lost my bag?"

"Your hospital bag? It's at the flat, isn't it?" Ethan answered, furrowing his brow.

"No, my clutch bag!" Sam said, as if Ethan was being extra dense. "I don't know where it is." Sam looked around expecting to see it on the floor. Ethan looked at Cal and Ella who both shrugged.

"I'll try the bathroom." Said Ella dashing off.

"I'll look in the bar." Said Cal, doing the same. Ethan turned back to Sam.

"Could you have left it in the room?" He pointed towards the ballroom.

"I don't know." Sam sighed, rubbing her head.

"Why don't you go and look mate while we get Sam in the ambulance." Iain said.

"O-Ok." Ethan nodded, scurrying off.

"Come on Sam, let's get you out of here. We've got Entonox in the ambo if you want some." Dixie smiled kindly at her.

"Thanks Dix." Sam smiled back. Then she looked to Connie, who had followed the paramedics back inside earlier. "Thank you for your support Mrs Beauchamp. I'm sorry you saw me in this state."

"Don't think any more of it." Connie smiled softly, adding a "Good luck," as the two paramedics wheeled Sam outside on the ambulance trolley.

"Ethan, what's going on?" Lily asked, suddenly seeing him appear in the doorway looking pale and shocked. He looked up and saw she had been standing with an older man that he didn't recognise.

"Sam, she's- she's lost her bag." Ethan breathed out.

"That's it?" Lily crinkled her nose slightly, expecting something more than that.

"I'm sorry Lily, I-I have to go." Ethan said, glancing around the room.

"That's fine." Lily half shrugged. "I'm sure Mr Grayling here will keep me company."

"Please, Archie." He insisted to Lily, smiling strangely at her.

"Right. Good." Ethan nodded, still distracted.

"Ethan, are you sure you're ok?" Lily asked again, this time paying slightly more attention to her friend.

"I'm fine Lily, I just-I have to go." He said, starting to turn around.

"Ethan, I've got it, come on, let's go." Ella called suddenly from the doorway. Ethan hurried towards her trying to catch his breath which seemed to have become tighter since he entered the ballroom again. "Are you ok Ethan?" Ella asked as she gently took his arm, guiding him towards the exit of the hotel where the ambulance was waiting for them.

"I'm-I'm ok, just…" Ethan tailed off.

"What?" Ella stopped him and looked at him earnestly.

"I'm terrified." Ethan confessed. "Just please don't tell me brother." Ella felt herself melt, he sounded so young and vulnerable.

"Ethan, it will all be ok. Cal and I are here for you both. Soon it will all be over and you'll have a beautiful baby to love and cherish."

"Yeah, that's what I'm scared of." Ethan said quietly.

"Ethan look at me." Ella commanded, but still with a kind tone. "You and Sam, you're _so_ right for each other, and you're in this together, so everything is going to be fine. It won't be perfect all of the time, but you have each other and that's all you need." Ella smiled at him. "Now come on, let's get you to the hospital and get that baby born." Ella started to guide him out but Ethan stopped again.

"Ella, thank you." He said softly. "That helped."

"Come on." She smiled back, slipping her arm into his as Cal beckoned them from the doorway.

"You two can go in the back with Dixie and I'll go up front with Iain, ok?" Cal said.

"I know what you're up to Mr!" Ella chuckled. "Put us in with the action and you sit up front safely!"

"Damn right." Cal smiled, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead before climbing into the passenger side of the ambulance cab.

"Come on kid." Ella said, getting into the back where Dixie had secured the trolley and Sam was sucking on some Entonox as a contraction came and went.

"You took your time." She said as she came through the end of it, with a slight twinkle in her eye.

"Well, someone left her bag in a toilet cubicle." Ella rolled her eyes as Ethan took the seat near Sam's head and she sat on the side.

"Ready to roll? Next stop Holby." Iain called from the front.


	235. Chapter 235

"3006 to control." Iain radioed through.

"This is control, go ahead 3006."

"Request to alert patient to Holby maternity. Baby's arrival imminent. Mother known to Holby maternity team. Name: Samantha Jones."

"We will contact them for you."

"Thanks." Iain finished as he sped off towards Holby.

"You're doing really well Sam." Ella smiled reassuringly as Sam's contraction eased off.

"Really? It doesn't feel like it. I always thought I'd be good during this labour, you know focused and driven like at work, but I'm pretty rubbish, aren't I?" Sam said, slurring slightly as she finished sucking on the gas and air.

"I've seen much worse, trust me." Dixie smiled.

"You're amazing." Ethan gushed at her, trying to be supportive too. "I'm so in awe of you right now."

"Dix, I think Ethan has been at your Entonox." Sam chuckled. "You just feel guilty." Sam said, taking another quick suck on the mouthpiece. Ethan stiffened slightly, not sure of what to say. He didn't want the details of their fight spilled out in the back of the ambulance. Then Sam added: "After all, it's your fault I'm in this _situation_." She giggled again and Ethan blushed, hearing Iain and Cal stifle a laugh between them in the front.

"Sam! I think you'll find it takes two, chick!" Ella laughed back. "And I can speak from experience knowing that your appetite is insatiable!"

"Fenella!" Sam feigned outrage and then laughed, using her friends hated full name to make a point. "Besides, I can speak from experience that you're just as bad. That's obviously why you and Cal get on." She laughed again.

"Samantha!" Ella echoed her friend, both bursting out into giggles.

"Well, I think we know what nights out with these two were like back in the day." Dixie grinned.

"Why do we waste our money on alcohol, this is just as fun, and quicker. I feel like I could take on the world."

"Well, perhaps just try having a baby first." Ella smiled mischievously. While Sam was more comfortable, she slipped her phone out of her bag and tapped out a text.

Just then Iain's radio crackled with a message:

"Control to 3006. Urgent message."

"3006 to control, go ahead."

"Holby maternity requesting transfer to St James', they are at capacity with more waiting. They can't receive the patient."

"What? But we're almost at Holby, St James' would be another 20 to 25-minute journey depending on traffic." Iain said.

"I'm sorry, that's what they've advised."

"Iain, she needs to be at Holby, they know her history." Cal said quietly as his phone beeped to signal a text.

"Control, can you tell them this patient has had a high-risk pregnancy and has had all care at Holby and really should be a priority to be received there." Iain tried again.

"We'll relay the information but I don't think it will help. They sounded pretty certain." Control advised. Cal gave Iain a look, hoping for the best as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and read the text, a smile spreading on his face and his eyebrow raised slightly. Iain, luckily was concentrating on the road as Cal took a deep breath and started to reply. As he pressed send and heard Ella's phone go off he glanced back over his shoulder and caught her eye, a knowing look passed between them. A wicked smile spread on her face as she read his reply, then slipped her phone away as she was brought back to the real-world hearing Sam breathing her way through another contraction.

…

"I'm sorry to announce, but due to mitigating circumstances, Dr Hardy is unable to accept this accolade himself tonight." Connie said, standing at the front of the room with the heads of the board.

"Sounds like you're covering up for him Connie." The older man who had been talking to Connie and Ethan earlier called out, now slightly drunk. "He was here earlier this evening."

"Actually, his fiancée is in the advancing stages of labour and he has gone to be with her." Connie said in a clipped tone, but keeping her air of elegance about her. "But I would just like to say that he thoroughly deserves this recognition, not only for this recent incentive, but for being conscientious, hard-working and his excellent skills as a clinician. He gives above and beyond every day, and I am proud to have him as a member of the team. He shows great promise and I sincerely believe he is one of the best young doctors I have seen for a long time and the board should invest in ensuring his future here at Holby." The room applauds and Connie heads back to her seat, a proud look on her face, as the chairman continued to talk of the future of Holby City Hospital.

…

"Oh God, Dixie, please tell me we're nearly there. I need to get off this trolley." Sam said through gritted teeth as another contraction took hold.

"Yeah, not long now kid." Dixie looked anxiously to the front of the ambulance.

"I really don't think I can hold out much longer." Sam said even more strained as she fought not to push. "Honestly, it feels like the baby is right there."

"Right, I'm going to have to have a look, ok?" Dixie said assertively. Previously Sam had declined, saying all would be ok until she got to the hospital, but as it was looking likely they were going to be diverted back to St James', Dixie wanted to know how imminent this baby's arrival was, though she had a pretty good idea.

"No…it's fine Dix…you said…you said we're nearly there…I'll just…I'll cross my legs." Sam breathed.

"Sam, perhaps you should..." Ethan started, but never got much further as another contraction started almost right on top of the other. Ethan looked at Dixie with worry in his eyes, and Dixie passed a look to Ella and nodded.

"Right Sam, let me help." Ella said gently but with a level of assertion as she carefully stood up in the moving ambulance and edged towards Sam. She carefully and discreetly slipped off Sam's underwear, and surprisingly Sam didn't put up much of a fight. Just then Iain hit a hump in the road and Ella nearly lost her footing, Ethan reached out to grab and steady her, letting out a yelp in the process as he over stretched and put pressure on his recovering ribs. Cal looked back with a flash of worry.

"Woah." Ella said. "Thanks Ethan, are you ok?" She looked at him concerned. Sam turned to look at him.

"Yeah, fine, just the ribs." He said, clutching his side.

"Sorry Ethan." Ella apologised.

"It's fine, really, I just wanted to make sure you didn't fall."

"Is everyone ok back there?" Cal asked.

"We're fine Cal, don't worry."

"Excuse me! Surely, I'm the one who should answer that, and we're not all fine." Sam declared loudly.

"Sorry Sam, but Ethan tried to catch me and hurt his-"

"Is a baby currently forcing its way out of him?" Sam asked, her voice rising again.

"Well no but-"

"Then he doesn't get to complain." Sam finished, causing Cal to stifle a laugh, which in turn made Iain chuckle.

"Right, let's have a look Sam." Dixie said, moving to examine her. Suddenly the radio came back online, and Dixie tried to listen in.

"Control to 3006."

"Go ahead Control." Iain said, glancing at Cal.

"Holby maternity say that can't receive the patient but they will get her records faxed to St James' maternity."

"That's no-good Iain, this baby is coming now." Dixie called.

"No good, control. We're basically here and so is the baby. We won't make it to St James' now."

"I suggest you divert to the ED then." Control replied apologetically.

"Right." Iain sighed, pulling in to the hospital towards the ED.

"We should try and warn them, I'll run in while you're unloading." Cal said.

"Thanks mate, sorry about this." Iain replied and both winced as Sam let out a louder groan.

"Oh God, when will this be over." Sam said after taking a deep breath on the Entonox.

"Soon darling, you're doing _so_ well." Ethan said, running his hand through her hair, pulling a strand carefully away from her face.

"Right, come on then, let's get you in and get this baby born." Dixie smiled, getting ready to take Sam in. Ella hopped out of the ambulance carefully, followed by Ethan as Iain came around to help Dixie.

"Well this has a nice sense of completeness, doesn't it?" Ella smiled at Ethan.

"What?" He looked confused.

"Well, the place where you met and fell in love looks like the place where the next generation of Hardy's is going to meet the world. It's kind of romantic really."

"You women." Ethan let out a breathy laugh and shook his head.

"Ethan, I need you." Sam gasped, and he reached out and clutched her hand, walking alongside her as they wheeled her into the ED, with Ella walking steadily behind. Cal beckoned them down the corridor.

"Zoe said take Sam into HDU where she can get some privacy and she'll be right in." Cal said, ushering them through. "Noel is booking her in."

"Ok Sam, we can get you more comfortable now." Dixie smiled as they entered the privacy of the smaller resus room.

"I need to stand up." Sam declared as Dixie and Ella helped her off the ambulance trolley. "Oh God, it's getting worse, I don't know what to do." Sam said, starting to pace then leaning over the bed and gripping her bump. Ethan was instantly at her side, rubbing her back and resting his hand on hers.

"Where's Zoe, we need to call an anaesthetist, see about an epidural." Ethan called, desperately wanting to stop the pain for Sam.

"No, no Ethan, I don't want one, it's too late anyway." Sam breathed.

"I hate to say but I think she's right." Dixie added.

"We should be on our way Dix." Iain said, growing increasingly uncomfortable at being in the room.

"Good luck kid." Dixie smiled at Sam as they wheeled their trolley back out. Rita came rushing up to Iain.

"Where is she?"

"Well hello to you too." Iain half smiled.

"Sam? Where is she?" Rita rushed out again.

"Small Resus." Iain said as Rita made off. Suddenly she stopped and turned back, grabbing Iain and giving him a huge kiss then wordlessly ran towards where Sam was. Dixie chuckled.

"Nothing boring and routine there surely." She said and Iain shook his head as they headed back to the ambulance, Iain unable to hide the smile on his face.


	236. Chapter 236

Rita hurried into the room breathing rapidly as she came to a standstill.

"Sam? Are you ok? Noel told me you'd been brought in."

"Rita." Sam said, looking up at her. "Rita, it's happening."

"I can see that." Rita smiled. "Perhaps we should clear the room for a few minutes while we get you settled. Do you want to get on the bed?"

"I don't think I can yet." Sam said. "I just need-I need…" Same tailed off as she was gripped by another contraction.

"I think we'll head out for a few minutes." Cal said, grabbing Ella's hand and pulling her towards the door.

"Sam, will you be ok?" Ella looked worried about the thought of leaving her friend.

"She'll be fine, Ethan is here." Cal said quickly. "They need to get her assessed. It looks like it won't be long until things get messy."

"Cal!" Ethan shot out, looking cross.

"What? Like none of us know what happens next." Cal said.

"But you didn't have to announce it." Ethan shot back.

"It's fine…he's right. Go Ella, I'll be fine." Sam said slightly breathlessly.

"Well, I've got my phone, call me if you need me back." Ella said, taking one last look over her shoulder as Cal pulled her outside. Once they got out of sight of Resus, Cal stopped and took a deep breath.

"Are you ok Cal?" Ella asked, squeezing his hand that was holding hers.

"I'm fine, I just, well it's all real, isn't it?" Cal said, clearly in a slight state of shock.

"Of course it's real!" Ella chuckled.

"You know what I mean." Cal glared at her playfully.

"Oh, come on, you've seen plenty of babies being born I'm sure, and plenty worse than that too."

"I know, but this is different. This is someone I care about. I don't like to see Sam in pain and not be able to do anything about it. And I don't want to be there to see anything get even more real."

"I know. But if she needs me…"

"She has Ethan."

"I know, but if she does-"

"Then you can go back, but in the mean time we should give them some space."

"And just wait around?"

"Well, there are other things we can do." Cal gave her a meaningful look.

"Caleb Knight, what are you implying?!" Ella pretended to be shocked.

"Like you don't know." He bent down and kissed her.

"Doctor Knight, don't you have better things to be doing." Zoe said, chuckling as she stalked past, her heels clicking on the floor. Cal smiled, shaking his head.

"Not really, I think this is the only thing I want to do." He said to Ella as Zoe had already disappeared.

"Oh Cal." Ella sighed, as he leaned in and kissed her again.

"You know, the sound of Zoe's heels aren't nearly as scary as Mrs Beauchamp's." Cal grinned.

"Just what a girl wants to hear while kissing her man." Ella smiled.

"What?"

"Well, we were kissing and you were obviously thinking about your superior's heels." Ella chuckled. "How special do I feel?"

"I know how to make you feel special." He grinned, taking her hand again and pulling her gently around the corner.

"Where are we going?"

"Shh." Cal smiled as he led her to the on-call room.

"Cal, we can't." Ella giggled as Cal listened at the door, his smile widening when he realised it was empty. He pulled her inside and locked the door behind them. "Cal, we'll get in trouble." She giggled again.

"I don't care." He smiled.

"Neither do I." She smiled back, pulling him in for a kiss. It was then he remembered the last time he had been in this room was when Taylor had reappeared with Gracie. He felt a lump form in his throat and tried to push the thoughts away and focus on kissing Ella, but he felt like he could smell Gracie in the room. He knew that was ridiculous, but his memory was as strong as if it were yesterday. However, as Ella seductively kissed him, trailing small kisses down his neck, he felt his conscious thoughts melt away, his carnal needs taking over. He let out a low moan as Ella unbuttoned the top couple of buttons on his shirt, moving her kisses along his collarbone, then moved back up to his lips, running her hands through his hair at the nape of his neck.

"Oh God, I want you." He breathed then kissed her more firmly, and she returned his kiss, until she pulled away and looked up at him seductively, and he in turn looked at her with eyes full of lust and desire, then he guided her down onto the small single bed that was housed in the room, kissing her passionately again.

…

"Right, so we've fast bleeped the obstetric reg on call, but obviously they are quite busy, so I think we'll have to manage as much as possible down here, ok?" Zoe said kindly to Sam, and nodding at Ethan reassuringly. "But I've asked Rita to keep everyone away for the time being so you have complete privacy, ok?"

"Zoe, you're a professional, you may be a colleague, but I don't care…just get this baby out of me-Oh God!" Sam finished off screwing her face up in pain as she leant over the bed. Ethan reached for her hand and she gripped him tightly.

"You're ok darling, nearly there." He tried to soothe her, looking at Zoe with a worried expression. "Can we do something Zoe?" He asked, as Sam groaned slightly beside him. Zoe handed the Entonox mouthpiece to Sam, which she gratefully accepted, taking a deep breath in as the contraction continued.

"Right, when this one is done Sam, we need to think about getting you laid down to examine you properly.

"Mm-hm." Sam managed through the pain.

"I'm guessing we're too late to consider diamorphine now, it could cause more issues with baby's breathing after birth." Zoe said.

"I'm fine with this." Sam said as she caught her breath again, holding up the Entonox mouthpiece. "I think I need to push Zoe." She said with more urgency.

"Ok, can you get up onto the bed for me and we'll have a look." Zoe smiled kindly. Ethan helped Sam up onto the bed and clutched her hand, kissing it gently.

"I can't believe you're going to see me like this, but right now I don't care." Sam said, as she tried to move into a comfortable position which would mean Zoe could see how far along she was. Zoe pulled on some clean gloves and smiled at Sam.

"I'm a professional remember." She chuckled, echoing Sam's earlier words. "Don't worry, Rita will keep everyone away as we asked. You might want to have the Entonox ready." Zoe advised as she prepared to examine Sam.

"Ethan talk to me." Sam rushed out before taking a long, deep breath on the mouthpiece.

"About what?" Ethan looked startled.

"Anything." Sam said at the end of her breath.

"Well, um…"

"Come on Ethan, baby names, school choices, career choices, paint options for the living room, anything." Zoe said smiling as she started.

"Ethan!" Sam said in a sharper tone as she tensed from the pain.

"Sorry, right. Well, I was thinking the other day, I was watching tv and there was this little family on holiday, and they were having fun together, and I found myself thinking about us, and all the things I'd like to do with you and show our baby."

"Like what?" Sam said, whilst holding her breath due to the pain.

"Try and breathe darling," Ethan soothed. "Well, like how I'd like to be able to walk with them through a garden and teach them the names of the plants and flowers."

"Including the Latin I suppose." Sam tried to laugh, but it was more of a grimace.

"Yes, I guess." Ethan chuckled. "But also, how I'd like to talk to them about the weather, about nature, wildlife, about science, and everything that is a wonder out there."

"Basically, you're turning our child into a geek before they are born." Sam smiled at him as Zoe finished and discarded her gloves.

"Surely everyone knows that Bellis Perennis is Latin for Daisy." Ethan said dryly.

"What?" Sam looked at him.

"Yes, Bellis means 'pretty' and Perennis is 'everlasting'." Ethan said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh God, our child has no hope, does it?" Sam said, pretending to be horrified.

"Probably not." Ethan shrugged.

"Ethan, this baby is so lucky to have you as a father."

"Well, it's even luckier to have you as a mother." Ethan smiled lovingly, clutching Sam's hand tight.

"I hate to break this loving moment," Zoe smiled softly, "but we're nearly ready to have this baby. You're doing really well. I'll be back in a moment, I need to get a delivery pack." Zoe finished, heading out of the room.

"Ethan, I'm scared." Sam admitted quietly.

"Why? You're doing fantastic." Ethan tried to support her.

"No, not of giving birth, of the next bit, being a mum. It just doesn't feel real, I don't think I can do it."

"Darling, you can. I mean it when I say you're going to be the best mum. I'm so proud of you. You're a great nurse and an amazing person and all of those attributes will cross over, and to top it all off, you'll have this little baby that you love more than _anything_ in the world, and your natural instinct to love and protect it will come out. You'll do anything to stop the baby from getting hurt and make sure it gets all the love and care it needs. And I promise I'll be there every step of the way, for both of you, but you really won't need me because more than anything I believe you'll be amazing." Ethan said earnestly, looking into Sam's eyes. Hers brimmed with tears, and wordlessly she pulled him down into a passionate kiss. As they broke apart, Ethan looked lovingly at her.

"I never got to tell you how beautiful you looked tonight." Ethan said softly.

"Yeah but look at me now." Sam gave him a look.

"You still look beautiful to me." He said sincerely.

"Do you love me even though I've changed?" Sam asked seriously.

"What do you mean?" Ethan looked unsure of himself

"I'm not the same person I was when I came to Holby, when I first met you."

"You don't need to be, I know you better now."

"But I mean I'm not as confident, not as strong and way more annoying now." She added with a tearful chuckle.

"Sam, I was intrigued by you from the first moment I met you, but I didn't think I stood a chance. I always thought you were more into Cal." Both chuckled awkwardly. "But the more I got to know you, the more I learnt how wonderful you are and how much I love you. This past year we've been through so much, and you've dealt with so much alone too; it's enough to break anyone, but you're still here and you're still fighting and still loving me. That is someone perfect to me, because that's what you are: Perfect. And I love you more than anything." Sam's eyes filled with tears and she pulled him close, only able to whisper to him:

"I love you more than anything too."

…

"I can't believe with what's currently going on downstairs, that you wanted to do that." Ella sighed as she turned onto her side and lay her head on Cal's bare chest.

"I'm glad you didn't say that before we did it or I might not have." Cal shuddered at the thought. "Do you think it's over yet?"

"I doubt it Cal, first babies can take hours, I mean she's clearly nearly at the second stage, but we could still be a while."

"Really?" Cal gave her an exasperated look.

"Don't pout like a child Cal." Ella gave him a look, with a hint of a smile.

"I thought you liked it when I pouted." He smiled back.

"Shut up and kiss me." Ella smiled, leaning up to kiss him. "Come on, we should get out before someone catches us."

"I thought you liked the thrill of getting caught."

"Hmm, maybe. But not when we could lose our jobs."

"But we're not on shift."

"No, but we're still abusing the on-call room."

"Yes, but you're so beautiful, I can't help myself."

"Oh Cal." Ella sighed, pulling him back in for another tender kiss.

…

"I can't believe this is all happening." Rita said, looking up at Iain, who had just brought another patient in and was standing by the reception desk with his empty trolley while Dixie was talking to the patient's relative.

"I know. Scary ain't it? A Baby."

"It's exciting."

"Yeah only coz it's not us." Iain chuckled, and Rita looked hurt for a second.

"Wouldn't you ever want to?" She asked tentatively.

"Well, I don't know, I guess I haven't thought about it. I mean, maybe one day, I don't know. Don't do this now Reets, I'll end up saying the wrong thing, I always do."

"Sorry Iain, I'm not trying to be all heavy, it just came out, but I guess us girls think about these things." Rita looked at him, her eyes wide and vulnerable looking. Iain looked at her, feeling a stab of pain in his chest thinking that he might have hurt her. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly as he considered his next words.

"Well, put it this way, I'm not completely adverse to the idea, but I'm not ready yet." He gave her a cheeky flash of his smile to try and dissolve the tension and Rita looked intensely at him.

"Iain Dean, what am I going to do with you?" She grinned.

"Well, I can think of a few things later." He winked, grinning even more as Rita giggled and kissed him.

"Rita, I need some help." Robyn called.

"Sorry, duty calls." She smiled, and hurried off, Iain watching her walk away, still smiling.

"Someone looks happier." Dixie chipped in as she approached him.

"Yeah, I guess I'm realising how lucky I am, and that it's the little things that matter ain't it?"

"You got that right kid." Dixie smiled. "Come on, let's see if we can grab a coffee at the station before we head back out."

…

Rita reached Robyn, and realised Lofty was with her too.

"What is it?" Rita asked, furrowing her brow, looking confused when she saw the empty cubicle.

"Do you think we have enough for Sam's gift basket?" Robyn said, placing it from the floor onto the trolley.

"Robyn, I thought you needed help with a patient." Rita sighed as Robyn rummaged through the variety of gifts in the basket.

"I just can't concentrate properly. I mean knowing Sam and Ethan's baby could be born any minute, I'm desperate to go and see."

"No Robyn, we need to respect their privacy." Rita said firmly, but kindly, after all she understood the desire to know what was going on.

"That's what I've been telling her." Lofty agreed.

"Aww, look at these." Rita smiled, picking up some small baby gro's. "And where did this come from?" She said picking up a small soft comforter blanket toy. "It's gorgeous."

"Mrs Beauchamp donated that one." Robyn said, giving a look as Rita looked surprised.

"Really? Connie? I'm shocked." Rita spluttered.

"She's scary, but she's got a heart in there somewhere." Lofty said, as usual, seeing the best in people.

"Yeah, surrounded by ice." Rita half joked as Robyn chuckled too.

"I just want Sam to know we care." Robyn said, rearranging things so they looked presentable.

"She knows." Rita smiled. "Come on, there are still plenty of patients to see. Put this back in the staff room."

"But what if Ethan goes in there, or Cal and Ella?" Robyn looked worried.

"Well put it in my office then. Go on you two, now." She smiled, shaking her head as she walked back out.

…

"You're doing brilliant Sam, we're so close to finding out whether this is a little boy or girl." Zoe smiled. "Keep giving me those pushes and baby will be here soon."

"Did someone call for some help?" Came a voice from the doorway. The three of them looked up and saw Duffy smiling her comforting smile.

"Duffy, am I glad to see you." Smiled Zoe. "It's good to have an experience nurse and midwife to assist."

"But it looks like things are going beautifully." Duffy smiled, as she pulled on some gloves.

"Duffy." Sam smiled woozily as she removed the Entonox mouthpiece. "Duffy, it's good to see you again."

"How are you doing?" She asked Sam gently.

"I'm ok, this stuff is good." Sam giggled, waving the mouthpiece and nearly hitting Ethan with it.

"Don't mind what she says Duffy, it seems to give her a loose tongue." Ethan smiled.

"He's just worried that I'll spill some of our darkest secrets." Sam giggled, taking another suck on the mouthpiece as Ethan looked slightly horrified at what might come out.

"Sam, you're only supposed to use that when you feel a contraction coming on."

"Are you telling me when I can and cannot use this Ethan?" Sam accused, crossly, but with a playful undertone.

"No, I um-" Ethan started.

"Shh, don't start apologising in that awkward British way!" Sam laughed then looked at Duffy, "seriously, people think he's shy, but when we're alone, just the two of us, he's very different, he's passionate-" Sam started before Ethan was saved by her needed to push again.

"I'm sure he is." Duffy smiled in response to her comments about Ethan. "He's a caring and intelligent young man. You'd be hard pressed to find better, and it's my experience that when you find that, you need to hang on for all it's worth and never let go."

"Oh God, how much longer." Sam wailed slightly at the end of the contraction.

"You're doing amazing sweetheart, perhaps if you concentrate on pushing, it won't take as long." Ethan said gently, earning him a glare from Sam _. 'And maybe it'll stop you saying anything more embarrassing'_ He thought to himself.

"Right Sam, we're nearly there, I need you to listen to my instructions ok?" Duffy said.

….

Cal and Ella were dressed again and sneaking back out of the on-call room to head back downstairs. They were going to go to the staff room to make a coffee and prepare to wait for the impending arrival. Just then, both of their phones beeped. Instinctively they looked at each other, both scrambling to reach for their phones.

"Oh my god!" Ella squealed and Cal's smile spread wide on his face. They hurried as quick as they could back downstairs.

…

Rita had slipped off to the ambulance station to try and catch Iain, she had thought back to her impulsive comment earlier and was worried that he might be reading too much into it and she wanted to reassure him. Just as she made it inside, catching Iain's eye, her phone went off. She walked towards Iain, pulling her phone out of her pocket to take a quick glance when she stopped and stared open mouthed, then a smile broke out.

"What is it?" Iain asked as he made it to her.

"The baby!" Rita said, slightly higher pitched than normal. "The baby is here. Come on!" She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him. "Dixie, come on, the baby!" Rita yelled as she dragged Iain behind her heading back towards the ED. She burst through the doors, catching Iain's arm as the door swung back, but she didn't stop until she reached Robyn and Lofty in cubicles.

"Guys, it's here, the baby is here!" Rita shrieked.

"Oh my god!" Robyn squealed back and Lofty smiled widely, putting his arm around Robyn's shoulder and squeezing her tightly in excitement.


	237. Chapter 237

There was an air of calm in the small resus, Duffy had swiftly and discreetly tidied up after Zoe had been called away, and now Sam was in a clean bed with Ethan sitting beside her, his arm around her as they cradled their new baby who was sleeping peacefully.

"Oh Ethan, she's just beautiful, isn't she?" Sam gushed, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I know." He said almost as quietly, staring down at his little daughter, gently placing his hand around her too, his thumb gently caressing her cheek with a featherlight touch. Duffy stood at the side watching the faces of the new parents as they looked at their baby daughter. It was a moment she often saw, and never tired of seeing. She silently slipped out of the doors to give them some time alone.

"I can't believe that after everything, she is finally here." Sam sighed.

"I'm so proud of you." Ethan said, looking across at her. Sam looked up to meet his eye.

"I couldn't have done it without you."

"Yes, you could."

"Ok, but I wouldn't have wanted to."

"I know." He nodded, looking back down at his sleeping child. "She's perfect." He said, unable to believe how 'in love' he felt.

"She takes after her mother." Sam smiled, gently nudging Ethan with her shoulder.

"You just had to break the moment, didn't you?" Ethan smiled back.

"You know me." She smiled at him and he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. Just then Duffy popped her head back in.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but there are some excited people out here, I'm trying to fight them off but they are all desperate to see you." Duffy smiled. Sam returned the smile and looked at Ethan.

"Are you ready?" He asked gently.

"Yes." She nodded at him. "But Duffy, Cal and Ella should come in alone first." Sam said and Duffy nodded and disappeared again. Moments later, Ella was coming in with a huge smile on her face, closely followed by Cal, who was relieved to see no traces of the previous events.

"Oh my god, you two." Ella smiled, emotion dripping in her voice. "I can't believe it." She made her way over to peer at the sleeping infant. "Oh Cal, look." Ella said, beckoning him closer.

"Congratulations." Cal smiled, though there was a hint of sadness behind his eyes, as he thought of Gracie for the second time this evening.

"So, Duffy wouldn't tell us, boy or girl?" Ella asked, still excited.

"Can't you tell?" Sam said, pretending to look horrified, but with a playful glint in her eye.

"Sam," Ella shot her a look. "Don't even go there. Babies are babies, I can never tell!"

"It's a little girl." Ethan smiled, a soppy look on his face as he finished with: "We have a daughter."

"Aww, lush!" Ella said, gently touching the baby's head. Cal was still smiling, but also quietly reflective. He didn't think this would hurt quite so much. He knew he had a lot to be thankful for himself, but seeing Ethan and Sam so happy with their baby girl, realising this could have been him, it pained him.

"Cal you're very quiet." Sam said, giving him a look, as if able to see right through him.

"No, I'm just in awe, she's beautiful." He smiled. "Good job she seems to take after you rather than Ethan." He tried to joke.

"I don't know, look." Sam smiled as she whipped Ethan's glasses off and held them over the baby's face, causing everyone to chuckle. "See, just like her daddy." Sam smiled, handing the glasses back and securing her hand back under her new sleeping baby carefully. "Do you want to hold her?" Sam looked at Cal.

"I think Ella is itching to more than me." Cal smiled slightly. Sam carefully handed the infant over to Ella who sat down on a chair carefully next to them, looking down at the little girl who stirred then settled back down to sleep. Cal moved to perch on the arm of the chair next to Ella, giving her shoulder a squeeze. Sam looked at Ethan, but he was too busy staring lovingly at his daughter, so she reached out for Cal's hand and took it gently in hers, giving it a small squeeze. He looked up at her and nodded, forcing another smile, but she could see the sadness there. Sam looked towards Ella and realised she was gently crying too.

"Els? What's wrong?" Sam looked worried.

"Nothing." Ella shook her head, a choked laugh coming out. "I'm just being silly. I didn't realise I'd be so emotional meeting my Sam's baby for the first time. I'm so proud of you Chick."

"Oh Ella, you soppy thing." Sam smiled as she watched Cal carefully wipe away the tears that had fallen onto Ella's cheeks, then hug her tighter. Ethan pulled Sam in closer for a hug, letting out a large sigh of content as Sam leaned onto his chest and closed her eyes, fatigue starting to take over.

"Oh Cal, how is it possible to meet a baby for a matter of minutes and feel like you're totally smitten." Ella said softly.

"I don't know, but it clearly is." He smiled, knowing exactly what she meant. He focused his attention back onto Ella, who was staring adoringly at the little girl in her arms, and Cal felt sad for her too, knowing that it was something she wanted, but potentially could never have. He squeezed her tighter and kissed the top of her head, taking in her scent as he did so. She looked up at him, holding his gaze, searching his face, his eyes, looking for the answer she desperately sought. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. Then she took a deep breath, never breaking eye contact.

"Cal?" She whispered gently.

"Yes." He breathed, more in a way of a statement than as a response to her question.

"What?"

"I feel the same." He breathed, feeling lightheaded as emotions swam through him.

"Cal, I love you." Ella said gently, tears pricking her eyes again.

"I love you too." He smiled back shakily exhaling, glad to have finally told her and knowing that she felt the same. Sam opened her eyes and looked up at Ethan, an overwhelming sense of love and admiration along with the heightened emotions of this moment, and a single solitary tear slipped down her cheek. Ethan reached out and brushed it away with his thumb, kissing her forehead gently. She pulled him down to her lips, ending the moment with a tender kiss.

"Knock, knock." Came a gentle voice from the doorway. Sam broke away from the kiss and looked across to Rita, with Robyn, Lofty, Charlie and Duffy behind her. "We're sorry but we really couldn't wait any longer. We're desperate to see you and meet the baby."

"Come in guys." Sam smiled, beckoning them all over. Then she realised Iain and Dixie were also there, and Zoe was making her way back in. Suddenly the room was filled with excitement, hugs and gentle chatter as the group met the newest addition to the 'Holby Clan', an arrival greatly anticipated for a long time.

"So, come on, details." Robyn gushed, looking at the little infant.

"Baby girl, born at 02:38 weighing 6lb 8oz after lots of gas and air and a few choice words." Ethan smiled, giving Sam a sly look, at which she giggled, snuggling back into him.

"Oh, she's beautiful guys, I'm so happy for you." Robyn smiled.

"And does 'baby girl' Hardy have a name?" Rita asked, cooing over the infant.

"She does." Ethan smiled, looking at Sam, who looked up at him and nodded.

"Tell them." She prompted him.

"Matilda Rose Hardy." Ethan smiled proudly, and squeezed Sam's hand. Cal looked across at him, giving a small smile and a nod, knowing that the little girls first name was as a nod to their Mother, and unbeknown to anyone else, Ella smiled at Sam, knowing the little girls middle name was given in honour of her grandmother.

"Beautiful." Robyn declared. "Simply Beautiful."

"It's perfect." Rita nodded at the proud looking parents.


	238. Chapter 238

…4 weeks later…

"Ethan, are these the last of the boxes to go in the van?" Sam called, as she paced up and down the empty front room of the flat with Matilda on her shoulder trying to soothe the crying infant.

"Yes." He said, coming through and popping the last box on the pile. "It is now."

"Right." She nodded as she continued to try and calm Matilda.

"Here," Ethan smiled softly, taking his daughter into his arms. "What is it little girl." He said to his daughter softly, rocking her carefully and whispering soothing sounds to her, causing her to calm down and stare intently at him.

"She's such a Daddy's girl already." Sam smiled, as Ethan put his arm around her and she leaned on his shoulder.

"Is this the last of the stuff?" Iain's northern drawl came from the doorway.

"Yes, thanks Iain." Sam said.

"Has Cal arrived and opened up for you?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, he sent a text just now to say Ella had already set up the kettle." Iain winked, as he started to cart the final boxes downstairs.

"That's such an Ella thing." Sam smiled. "She always made sure to have the kettle separate with drink supplies on any moving day, just so she could get it set up first. And to give her credit, it's such a handy idea."

"Yeah, it is." Ethan smiled before placing a soft kiss on his now sleeping daughters head.

"Did you manage to talk to Cal last night?" Sam asked softly, looking up at Ethan.

"Yes, for us it was quite successful." Ethan smiled.

"Fatherhood has obviously mellowed you."

"What does that mean."

"That you probably gave the poor boy chance to talk before judging him."

" _Poor_ _boy_? He's my big brother, not that you'd know sometimes."

"See, 'Judgey McJudge-Pants' is back." Sam grinned.

"Judgey McJudge-Pants?" Ethan gave her an exasperated look. "I'd forgotten how alike you two can be." He rolled his eyes.

"So, he definitely didn't want to stay on here then after we leave?"

"No, he says he's made other plans." Ethan smiled knowingly.

"What? What is it? What do you know?" She grinned at him, probing for information.

"Nothing, I don't know anything." He said. Just then Iain came to collect the final box.

"Right, Rita and I will make our way over in the van, and we'll meet you there ok?"

"Thanks for your help Iain." Sam smiled.

"No problem." He grinned back. "The take-away is on you later."

"It sure is." She smiled, waving him off then turning back to Ethan. "I can't believe this is it?"

"I know, tonight we'll be in our new home, just the three of us." Ethan said.

"And you're sure Cal will be ok?"

"Sam, he'll be fine."

…

(The previous evening)

"So, how's parenthood?" Cal asked as he set two pints on the table, taking a sip from his.

"Tiring. But Rewarding." Ethan smiled, also taking a long sip.

"This your night off?" Cal raised his eyebrows.

"Something like that." He chuckled. "Though in all honesty, I think Sam is the one who needs a night off, not that she'd take one yet, I'm sure."

"Yeah?"

"Well, Matilda is up every couple of hours for a feed, and the other night she wouldn't go back down, I think Sam was up most of the night with her."

"You think?"

"Yeah, I kind of fell back to sleep." Ethan admitted sheepishly.

"Uh-oh. And then she punished you for the whole of the next day, right?"

"No, she made me breakfast in bed and then let me lie in."

"No way!"

"I know, I'm so lucky."

"You sure are." Cal laughed, shaking his head.

"So, how are you anyway?" Ethan asked, taking the conversation back to where it needed to be. He had been concerned about Cal over the past few weeks, but had not had chance to talk properly due to Cal working and Ethan and Sam settling into life as parents.

"Yeah, I'm ok, work is busy as always, bed pressures, targets and it's just getting busier all the time. We can't wait for you to come back." Cal said.

"Yes, I should be allowed back soon, albeit on restricted duties and shorter hours probably." Ethan said, but he eyeballed his brother. "Although that's not what I mean."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we've noticed how distant you've been Cal. I know you aren't yourself, your hiding something."

"What? No, I've just been busy." Cal squirmed slightly uncomfortably.

"Cal. I know you." Ethan said simply, not breaking eye contacted until Cal looked down at his pint, "What is it?" Ethan pressed. "Come on, you're my brother, I can tell something is bothering you, and it has been for weeks."

"No, it's fine, really?"

"Cal, is it something I've done? Not spending enough time with you or something?" Ethan looked worried.

"God, no! Nothing like that." Cal tried to reassure his brother.

"Well what then?" Ethan looked at him, and Cal held his eye contact for a little longer, wondering if he could disclose his feelings without hurting his brother. "Come on Cal, you're hardly home any more, don't shut me out completely."

"It's just- It's…I can't Ethan, it will sound terrible."

"No, no it won't. Please?"

"Well, I just can't be there, I feel like I'm in the way."

"No Cal, you're not."

"No, listen Ethan. You and Sam, you have your life, you're parents now, you need your space to be a family. I was able to kid myself for a while that we could live in the flat together, but you're moving tomorrow, and it's time for me to grow up. So, I've made other arrangements."

"You're moving too?" Ethan looked surprised.

"Yes, I need a clean break."

"A clean break?" Ethan echoed in shock. "Cal, you're not moving away?"

"No, not away, just into a new flat." Cal said, feeling slightly comforted at the horrified look on his brother's face at the thought of him moving away. There was a time when Ethan would have wished Cal on the other side of the world, and still that might have been too close, but not anymore. "Truth is Ethan, it's somewhere slightly more trendy, you know, in keeping with my credibility." Cal grinned, breaking the serious mood, as Ethan gave him a look.

"Yeah, yeah." He said.

"Yeah, I guess I didn't really know how to say it but I assumed you'd know."

"And that's all that it is?" Ethan looked sceptical. "Really?"

"Yes." Cal said unconvincingly.

"Cal?" Ethan looked at him again.

"Ok, look, I'll be completely honest with you, but I need for you to understand, and not to get angry, ok?"

"O-k." Ethan said, furrowing his brow, worried about what Cal was going to say.

"Ok, Ethan, you know I love Matilda, I mean she's my niece, she's special. But, well, sometimes it's hard, you know?"

"Hard?" Ethan questioned quietly.

"Yes. When I first met her, all I could think of was Gracie, and what we should have had, how I really believed she was mine, and how-how I had it all taken away from me." Cal said, his voice cracking, filled with emotion. Ethan looked intensely at him, a sinking feeling coming in his stomach. "And it's getting easier, but there are times when it's been _really_ hard, and then I look at Ella and wonder what she's thinking, I mean she's a natural with Matilda, as she was with Gracie that night, but I'm too scared to say anything, because that was what nearly made me lose her in the first place. That night when she was hit by the car, it was after I'd said she was a natural and would make a fantastic mum, because you know she can't right?"

"I know." Ethan whispered, nodding slightly.

"I guess it sometimes just hits a sore spot, and the emotions are hard to deal with you know? I'm not good at this anyway, and I can't tell Ella in case she thinks I want children and she can't have them, and it sets everything off again, so I've been trying to ignore it but it's eating me up. Sometimes I feel like I'm a terrible uncle because I look at Matilda, and as much as I love her, I feel a sense of longing for Gracie, and I wonder if she's ok, and what she's doing." Cal stopped, taking a deep breath followed by a long gulp of his drink. Ethan just sat looking at him sadly.

"Cal, I-I'm sorry. I had no idea, I mean I just didn't think." Ethan breathed out.

"No, really, there's nothing to be sorry for. I love Matilda so much. She brings such joy to all of us, I mean except when she's screaming, boy that girl can scream." Cal let out a breathy laugh, as did Ethan at the thought of Matilda screaming at the top of her lungs. "It's just hard sometimes, and I guess I felt I had no one to talk to about it, so I couldn't really deal with how I was feeling, which made it harder, you know?"

"Cal, I'm so sorry. Really" Ethan said again.

"No, please Ethan, don't apologise."

"Cal, you can always talk to me. I mean it when I say you're not on your own. I mean yes we're moving on with our own lives, but you'll always be my brother, I'll always be here for you, no matter what, ok?" Ethan said, emotions flooding out in his voice. Cal looked at him, his eyes shone, glassy with tears. He clapped his hand on Ethan's shoulder and gave it a squeeze, at which point Ethan took him by surprise by launching himself towards his big brother and enveloping him in a slightly awkward hug. Cal in return threw his arms around his brother as they hugged it out once again.

"I love you Cal." Ethan whispered in his brother's ear.

"I love you too." Cal sighed, a tear escaping, much as he tried to avoid it.

…

As the last of the boxes were in and the main things unpacked and sorted, Sam and Ethan surveyed their new home, filled with their friends, who had all taken time out to pitch in and help. Sam couldn't believe how lucky she was as they all sat around, enjoyed a take away and a few bottles of wine to celebrate, she would never have thought her life would settle in such a way.

"It's such lovely house Sam, I'm very jealous." Rita smiled, taking a sip of wine.

"I know, I'm very lucky." Sam grinned back.

"Well, we know where we're coming for dinner parties from now on." Robyn smiled, while cuddling Matilda, who clearly wanted to be part of the group as she wouldn't settle unless being cuddled.

"You're welcome anytime, especially if you can keep her asleep so I can eat a hot meal." Sam smiled, devouring her food as if she hadn't eaten for months.

"You know you've got loads of willing babysitters here." Rita gushed. "She's so gorgeous."

"Rain in the enthusiasm Rita." Iain chuckled. "One step at a time eh?"

"I know." She gave him a look. "Besides, our next step is exciting enough." She smiled.

"I know, ball and chain." Iain winked.

"What's this?" Sam asked, her interest peaking.

"Iain and I, we had a long talk the other night, we've decided to move in together." Rita couldn't hide her smile as she said it, as the gang erupted into cheers, the boys giving Iain a slight ribbing, whilst the girls chatted excitably. "We haven't worked out the details of whether we'll move into one of our places or look for somewhere else together, but it is where we're headed."

"Oh Rita, I'm so happy for you." Sam smiled.

"Well, it seems a day for announcements." Ella smiled, clutching Cal's hand, giving him a look.

"Oh my god!" Sam blurted out. "What?"

"No, calm down Sam, no announcement like that." Ella chuckled.

"Well what is it then?" Sam said, a tone of urgency in her voice.

"Well, Cal and I have also decided to move in together, seeing as you two have this place, we thought it made sense for Cal to move into mine with me."

"Really?" Sam smiled, looking ecstatic.

"Really, we talked about it and we were looking for places for him to move into but by the time we were both spending out on bills, well it makes financial sense to move in together and spend the spare cash on amazing holidays of course." Ella laughed.

"Yeah, rub it in." Sam sighed.

"Aw, don't." Ella said guiltily. "Besides, you have something worth much more."

"I know, you're right." Sam smiled, looking across at Ethan. "And really, I'm so happy for you both. Well, all of you."

"To us. For coming together through everything." Lofty announced suddenly, holding his glass in the air, causing everyone to toast.

"To good friends." Sam added. "Without whom, we wouldn't be here now."

"To good friends." Everyone echoed, toasting and drinking again.

"And with that in mind, I feel I should let you know that I heard from the police the other day, Andy changed his plea to guilty, so there is no need for a trial. He's being sentenced in a couple of weeks, but the police are confident with the statements and evidence, that he will go down for a long time." Sam said, a slight quiver in her voice, but mostly flooded with relief. Everyone chorused in with comments of 'Good' and 'It's what he deserved' as Sam gave Ethan a loving smile.

"I'm just glad it's all over. And we can move on, and look forward to our lives." Sam sighed.

…

Later that night, after everyone had gone home, and Sam and Ethan were left in their new house, they were snuggled on the sofa, lying exhausted in the glow of a lamp, some quiet soothing music playing on low in the background. Ethan had put Matilda down to sleep in her moses basket in their bedroom and he had convinced Sam that she would be fine in there for an hour or so while they had some time alone together. He was stroking Sam's arm as she lay in his arms, almost dozing until they heard Matilda cry, and Sam sprang to attention.

"Shh, I'll get her." Ethan said, heading to the bedroom. He came back carrying her against his chest, her big eyes peering over his shoulder as Sam moved to them, resting her hand on Matilda's back, looking at her as she looked around her new surroundings. Ethan pulled Sam into his free arm, looking out of the patio doors into the darkness, content as he held onto the two most important girls in his life. Matilda settled in her Daddy's arms, comforted by the familiar smell and strong arms, and Sam felt the same as she sighed and rested her head-on Ethan's chest, with her hand still resting on Matilda's back. They stood in contented silence, filled with hopes and dreams for the future, feeling amazed at how true it was that _it only takes a moment to change a life_.

* * *

Wow! I may have finally done it. What a journey this has been. I just wanted to say a **HUGE** thank you to everyone who has not only stuck with this all the way through, but to all of those who have commented and written messages of support and given me hints and ideas throughout. It has meant so much, and reading your comments are part of what has kept me going throughout this epic adventure. I finally felt I was at a point where I could leave this. However, I have loved creating this and I'm not sure I'm quite ready to put this completely to bed, so I may revisit the characters with some short chapters of what may occur in the future, maybe we'll see the Hardy-Jones wedding if it's wanted, along with some family/work adventures. Who knows. A massive thanks you to all once again. Lots of Love to my fellow Casualty Loving Friends! xx


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